#im trying to combine other peoples ideas with my own style

[myfairkatiecat]

as an actual person getting a degree in criticism of english literature, i'd like to say that you are completely entitled to your opinion and i am entirely thrilled to see discussion of literary theory in the kotlc fandom!!!! it's fantastic and i wish everyone engaged with the work like you are!!!

that being said, I do have some questions? problems? smth idk. for you. This is not an attack or anything like that, pure academic camaraderie and engagement. Literary theory shifts entirely based on who, how, and why people engage with it.

You stated in one post that when an author writes their story one way, you as the reader can't really argue against that at all, as you are choosing to engage with the work. For instance, if you hate Sokeefe and it turns you off from reading the series, you can't say that the author was wrong without basing it in some real criticism. My response to this would be, what would that criticism look like? Do you have a good argument for why Sokeefe wouldn't be a good route for the author to take? I am an AVID Sokeefe shipper, and I can think of at least three. But I digress. My main thought here is that an author, at least in my opinion, can be completely wrong in their execution of anything. Just because something is written in a story doesn't necessarily mean that's how it has to be, or how it would best be written!

I genuinely think millions of writers have begun writing things simply because they saw a poorly executed story.

Writing, for me, at least, always seems to be utterly entwined with itself. Story, wording, execution, pacing, it's all combined into the whole it becomes. This is why Twilight is so bad, why KOTLC has isn't classics material, and why, say, Jane Eyre is! It's all combined together into a beautiful flashing collective, and it is when you get excellence across the board that a work of fiction really shines.

However, I don't think one can take the author as the prime example of perfectly executing their own story.

I would write so much of KOTLC completely differently if it were my writing, and I would argue that all of that would make it worlds better, even if some of my choices are primarily based on personal taste, not supported criticism, because I think that I know how to write just as well, if not better than the author does.

It is based in this very same idea, that even if I were operating solely out of personal taste that I could do it better, that I find myself disagreeing with your claim.

I genuinely believe an author can make terrible decisions with their story, and be wrong about how it's carried out, even if it's in the material and published.

Do you have any thoughts on this? Sorry, I know this is kind of long.

Anyways! Thank you so much for bringing up theoretical stuff!!!! I literally LOVE to see it!!!! :D Have a great day!!!

I love this stuff too OMG im going to college next year and I’m majoring in English

Anyway yes!! Most of what you said is actually about the execution of the story, which I totally agree can be objectively better or worse! I like to put all those things like style, pacing, and execution in the family of “writing” and things like plot and scenes and what is actually happening in the universe as “content.”

I think the “writing,” as I loosely defined it above, can be thoroughly criticized at any point, and ABSOLUTELY SHOULD BE! That’s how readers and writers alike learn and grow from other media and nurture their own talent! I can definitely think of some things about Shannon’s writing in kotlc that I would have executed differently, but with kotlc, I mostly try to ignore it since it’s………kotlc 😭 but no you’re absolutely right!

I bristle a little bit at criticism of “content” as I defined it above. I know it’s wrapped up in the writing, but I think things that are actually happening in the universe—such as decisions characters make or big events that affect the plot and characters—are things that are totally up to the author, and therefore can’t be objectively wrong. For example, Sophie deciding to date Keefe is something happening in the universe. Therefore, it can’t be the “wrong” thing, because it’s Shannon’s universe in the first place.

Now, there could be other pathways the story could have taken. The story might be more enjoyable to some people if other pathways were taken. But Shannon isn’t… “incorrect” about her own characters, which is a take I’ve seen implied (and even outright stated somewhere, I’ll have to find that again) since she created them and what she decides to have them do is a part of the story she’s deciding to tell. From an objective standpoint, we can discuss her writing methods and the execution of the story she is telling, but at the end of the day, if someone’s problem isn’t with the execution but with the story itself, their criticism ceases to really be helpful. That’s basically like saying, “I like Harry Potter, but J. K. Rowling really messed up when she made Voldemort a half-blood.” (Which might be a bad example because it was actually a genius narrative choice.) In that statement, you aren’t criticizing Rowling of her execution of the story, you’re criticizing the very story she decided to tell, which is her right as an author.

I think an author can make choices that don’t move their story in a direction that would lend it more literary merit or have more of an impact. But if those decisions are related to the “content” rather than the “writing” (according to the groups I defined above) then I don’t think anyone can objectively say the decision is wrong. That’s the other thing—the use of the word “objective” in situations it has no business being in.

In short, writers can execute things well or poorly, and they can make narrative decisions that don’t lead the work down a road that gives it more meaning, but when coming up with the actual plot of a story, authors can’t be wrong about what should happen in a story that is of their own design! If they think that their character would do X, Y and Z, then they’re right, because they created the character. Even if we, the readers, haven’t been exposed to a single thing about that character that would make them make those decisions, the author is still right about their own character. Now, in that scenario, the writing can be criticized, because a character who would do X, Y and Z should probably show signs of it earlier in the work so that it doesn’t give the readers whiplash and better develops the character, but the author can’t be wrong in their own universe by virtue of having created the universe.

Thanks for stopping by!! I love chatting about this stuff, feel free to reblog and keep it going

[prettyboykatsuki]

may i pick ur brain wrt something? you write such a large variety of characters and i think you have great skill in following through with a character's characterization (lol) to their sexual life. i was wondering what do you choose to focus on or how you approach figuring out a character's sexual style (?) when you write? im pretty new to writing smut (i write in general but i usually just fade to black) and im having trouble translating a character's neurosis into sexual acts, particularly when you move beyond the vanilla missionary etc sex (which im not particularly interested in writing even tho i think it can be emotionally poignant in its own right).

what i have most trouble with is like figuring out if a certain act fits character a or character b in my ensemble, say, and then moving through with that. i've been trying to approach it like fighting styles bc of the character's physicality, but there are certain temperamental and moral tensions informing fighting in particular (as a deliverance of violence, i mean) that make it hard for me to pinpoint how to translate that to sex without it feeling shoehorned. for example (and this is just for reference), i have a character who's like a gunslinger and whose style is very explosive and wild and a little bit cocky, but when u look at it under the microscope, his approach is polished and precise and meticulous. and THEN his internality is of a young man with a lot of anger and stunted growth, who really just wants acceptance and affection deep down, and who is so very tired. now i can translate each of those things and its combinations a hundred thousand ways, but which is correct? or faithful to him? at one point it all seems unfathomable to me. and then bc i can't make up my mind i fear everything i write ends up being too plain, or ill-fitting, and because my cast is large, it also all ends up feeling too same-y. has this ever been an issue for you?

first of all - i want to say thank you for entrusting and believing in my writing abilities enough to want to pick my brain about this. i'm not entirely sure what the appeal of my writing is to other people (not in a negative way but more in that its my own stuff so im always critical of it) but i put forth a lot of thought in characterization and translating that into sex as i am primarily a smut writer so while im not the most confident u should come to me for advice, im deeply flattered and will do my best anyway

i'll be real though, the best advice is genuinely just not to overthink it and go with your gut. have some faith in your own writing voice and ideas etc. but anyway

there are a lot of layers to this question and i'll do my best to go through it bit-by-bit. and i don't know if this will really help you since it might come off vague

if i can offer you any advice on characterizing well in a smut scene, it's to not view the smut as a separate entity to your work but as an integral part of it's infrastructure. do not treat the smut scene as part of the work, but as a pillar of it.

the other thing is understanding what is personally compelling to u or arousing about this characters storyline or personality. and not arousing as in physical lust, but what concepts tickle you and make you want to write.

the truth is there's no objectively correct way to characterize a character especially if they're nuanced and complex. which is why all writing is subjective in a sense.

ultimately, it's your job as the author to choose what characterization you like best and convince the audience it's the correct one.

for example, the character you're describing is multifaceted. there are several ways you can take the direction of the story

their outward persona is being a cocky gunslinger who is inwardly polished, meticulous, sensitive and tired. all of these traits can be expanded upon into sexual acts based on your will as the writer - so you have to ask yourself, what aspect of this character is the most arousing to you as a writer or what is this sex scene intending to display about a character. what trait of theirs are you hoping to highlight through sex?

to translate these things into sex gets really tricky and is honestly something you have to experiment with until you feel it click.

for me - if i were attempting to write this character, the breakdown process would look something like this.

this character has a personality gap of being a cocky gunslinger but is actually polished and meticulous

this means they they are likely concerned with appearances.

something in their past must've brought them to that conclusion. if they are continuing to outwardly project themselves as a reckless gunslinger - it is is likely not their "true" self.

what would make a character with this many defense show their true selves, or what other characters cause this character to demonstrate to their true selves?

the translation process of eroticism can go in a hundred different languages. if i personally were writing this character, i might pair them with an older mentor type of character, or a nonchalant rival. i might put them in a situation that requires a different kind of vulnerability and forces them to expose some of their nature for the sake of their ideals

as an author, im aroused by the idea of them showing their submission and affectionate side. trying to subconsciously appeal to authority figures might be interesting if i'm trying to demonstrate their lack of validation. the opposite can also be true, that a character like this might resent mentor / authority figures that impede their own ideas and trying to highlight their anger. writing this gunslinger lashing out at a fellow gunslinger they respect can easily be turned into erotica.

you could pair this character with a nonchalant rival type. a direct opposite that challenges a characters morals ideological belief or perhaps - understands them through their differences. this rival character pays enough attention to the gunslinger to know that they are polished and special. while they are rivals, there's something legitmate in their dynamic to this sensitive, tired character who puts up a facade and wants to be understood.

your own arousal as an author comes in here and where you have to make choices.

lets say then, i go with the latter. i would then structure the story or chapter around this idea through by demonstrating the push and pull of their relationship. i would subvert this characters personality through the framework of submission and a desire for acceptance. i'd write the erotica about the slow crescendo to sex with their rival who seems to accept them fully. i'd write about their different meetings, choosing small things to represent larger themes. maybe their rival praises their technique or offers them a listening ear. i use those small moments to build up to the intimacy and weave the erotic stuff into the story itself so when the sex comes it feels gratifying and releases tension (lol)

for the actual sex stuff you just have to go with your gut and distinguish things based on what traits you're showing. maybe this characters need for affection and rest makes them a whiny bottom. as a writer, i'd monopolize that. i'd point out their eagerness to please through desperation like kissing or nuzzle, and i'd have their words contradict their actions to display their personality gap etc

for me being structured around erotica means going through that kind of mental process and and building a story framework from the ground up and aiming for a proper sex scene. the erotica process is weaved into the plot mechanisms, the metaphors, the stories ideology. the smut is the point, and every action is central to emphasizing what is going to end up happening. my better examples of this lately are probably uncle sukuna rip

ive been writing smut for long enough now that i do not struggle with it and it's easy for me to come up with a unique character voice and do all the above sort of automatically in my mind. and i know it can feel intimidating.

the best advice i can give you though again is don't overthink it which ik seems contradictory to all of the above advice. but sometimes you just have to let yourself go with the flow and believe in your own abilities. trust your gut and just shoot straight ahead.

i hope this was bale to help u some!!

[amysubmits]

Hi Amy! I just found your blog and really wanted to talk to you if you've got time but I got nervous so here's an anon. So I'm in my very early twenties and in the last few years have been really interested and taken by the idea of d/s dynamics. I don't have a boyfriend and am not really comfortable signing up to any sites so that's not really the issue. But as I'm going on dates and stuff I do find myself looking for that character that would resemble a dominant guy. I didn't realize it but I am attracted to that energy. What I'm concerned about though is the reason...for that attraction. So I'm in drama school but we can't really afford it so I have 2 part time jobs rn. One is this modeling agency that sometimes gets me by. It doest do much in my country but once a month a few hundred if im lucky, do come in handy. The issue is that the people I'm around and the environment is very toxic. Not just in a photoshoot but mainly. I've had to shut my mouth and smile and "submit" to guys just to remain part of the project. I don't feel comfortable doing more provocative stuff so that's been an issue and my manager keeps pressuring me about it at every opportunity. The relationship w him is weird he's a nice guy in general but sometimes he's too pushy. I also had a bf in the past (the only one) we were together briefly but he ordered me around a lot, and we never talked ab any of this but he was very strict with what I wore ect. What I'm trying to say is, I've had very traumatic experiences w all these people and am really worried whether the dynamic between us pushed me to want it? Like if my desires are somehow influenced by my trauma? Have you had similar concerns? How did you realize this is what you wanted and that it is not a response to something? I hope you're comfortable answering, but if not thank you for what you're doing your page has been really informative and I've learnt a lot xxxxx

Hi there!

I would be happy for you to message me if you decide you feel comfortable at any point, but anons are okay too! It's a big part of why I leave them on, for people who feel comfortable sending asks but not asking questions or whatever on DM. :)

This worry you're sharing about wondering if your desire to be a sub or be submissive comes from your trauma is something that I think a ton of subs have considered or worried about at some point. You'll definitely get a different answer to these questions if you ask other people. In my view, this is one of those areas where the 'right' answer can vary from person to person. So, this is just my take of course.

I am trying to avoid writing an extremely long post, so if you want or need me to elaborate feel free to follow up. But in a nutshell...I think most people have "little t trauma" from childhood that caused them to adapt to try to find connection and feel safe (physically or emotionally) and loved from a SUPER young age, to the point where it's challenging to know what it even would mean for a lot of us to say X is me, but Y is my trauma. Like 50% of the population has an insecure attachment style, and that primarily develops in the first year of our lives. So then we're still babies but we're already trying to change our own behavior to feel connected to our mother or our primary care giver. When that's the case...I think it's really, really tough to know who or what you would have been without the trauma as it's baked into your personality and coping methods SO early that we can't remember anything else. And so...I guess my goal has been to try to do a combination of accepting myself while also looking as honestly as I can at who/how I am now and look to change anything that I want to change or think needs improved. And with that in mind...I couldn't begin to tell you if I'd be a sub sexually or personality wise if I didn't have trauma. I just think that's an impossible question to try to figure out. Instead, I try to look at whether what I crave is healthy. If what I want to do is healthy for me, then it's okay if it IS based in trauma. I mean, plenty of things can be caused by trauma but still be really good things. For example, I feel pretty confident that the reason I seek healthy, safe feeling communication with my partner is because I grew up with lots of yelling and conflict and meanness. But I think that desire to have healthy, loving, safe communication is a good thing so I don't feel the need to reject that desire I have, as it's good, regardless of the cause being 'negative' or sad. I've come to the conclusion that D/s and BDSM can be healthy things for me. That isn't to say that I think I could do anything I wanted and call it D/s or BDSM and have it be healthy. But I think that a lot of what I desire sexually and within my relationship is healthy, and I embrace those things. And when I find myself craving something that is less healthy, I try to avoid embracing those ideas, or avoid acting out those fantasies, or resist those behaviors. For me, one thing I have to fight against is the instinct to be extremely passive. Passive feels safe to me because of my trauma, and I can sometimes incorrectly convince myself that I am being a good sub by being passive. That isn't always true, so I have to really keep an eye on any passivity and make sure that I am truly submitting from a place of desire and choice, and not from a place of it 'feeling good' because my brain is telling me that inactivity to appease others is safe and familiar. We try to regularly re-look at the things we do and ask ourselves again if all the details of how we're managing our D/s and BDSM are healthy for both of us. We try to ask if we're reinforcing healthy ideas or unhealthy ideas. Sometimes it changes over time and we have to adjust.

With you being new and young, I'd also suggest that you try to be extremely careful with what you learn about D/s and BDSM, and triple check that it's healthy. Some people will claim that literally anything done in the name of kink is healthy as long as it's consensual. I think that is a really wild viewpoint, personally. I think consent is really the absolute bare minimum, but a lot of people will consent to things that are harmful to them emotionally, and I think that is unhealthy. Of course, what is unhealthy is extremely opinion based, and I think it also can vary a lot from person to person...something could be unhealthy for me to consent to but perfectly healthy for you to consent to if we have different life experiences, different traumas, etc. At a really basic level I'd suggest looking really closely at whether D/s and BDSM make you feel good in terms of things like...confident, loved, empowered, authentic, loved, safe, secure, etc - or if it feels outright bad, or 'good' but only in the sense that feeling bad feels somewhat good to you (this is true for some with trauma), or if it makes you feel small, inferior, used, scared, insecure, etc. And then also if/when you get into a D/s relationship look at whether the things you try seem to be inspiring positive changes and growth, or negative patterns. Maybe at first you happily agree to let your dom decide whether or when to cut your hair, but over time you realize that you feel less 'yourself' when you can't control your own hairstyle fully. If that becomes the case, then in my opinion, it would be healthier to go back to deciding your own hair.

Sorry this is so long. I hope it's helpful in some way. Good luck to you, please continue to look out for yourself! It can be a scary world out there for young subs. It sounds like you're doing a good job of trying to look out for yourself though...even in wanting to figure out what your answer to the questions you sent in this ask are. So, good work. :)

[kozykricket]

yknow what why dont i just put out my terraria build ideas that i havent quite gotten to (or some that ive gotten to a bit) out there?

so. ofc theres gonna be new furniture sets in 1.4.5, and i def wanna get building around those. those seem fun (fallen star set, aetherium set, etc) but theres also like. the lihzahrd furniture set exists and ... yknow, i think building an underground temple of my own for a jungle pylon seems quite fun. maybe it'd make the witch doctor feel a lil at home. could have an alchemy kinda area um, also i think it'd be awesome to make an iceberg with a home inside of it. like. im reminded of a certain iceberg you can swim inside of in subnautica below zero... has a cool interior. twists and turns, then u surface and . its like a cave ! i'd love to live in an iceberg heh i think a ghost pirate ship with the shimmered pirate would be a cool build ! could use lotsa fog machines and ofc gravestones for the graveyard biome i think meteor and sunplate furniture could really go together well if painted right, they both feel like. really unique "high tech yet in a fun way" vibes though speaking of high tech i think it'd be cool to build an abandoned overgrown laboratory in the jungle, for housing your planter boxes. if only i knew how to build metal stuff and make it look nice..

in terms of shimmer theres lotsa stuff i think u could do. ofc theres crystally hallow kinda place.. or clouds are also cool. but i think just making shimmer into more of like, a secret hotspring area would be cool. make it into like, pools that cascade down into each other.. maybe its even like some cave aquifer that opens up from a big ol tunnel in the ocean, and the further down into the oceans abyss you get, the more shimmery and ethereal (aethereal?) the vibes get

okay heres a real fun one: shimmer can change how NPCs look. so. have a seecret nightclub looking uh. neon... well. ig a fashion club of sorts with the clothier and stylist. tbh shimmered steampunker is very fashionable too. and just have like, a very Pool looking pool of shimmer in there. could store lots of vanity items there! call it the uhh Shimmer Salon or something. a ... mirage club. maybe the entrance to it is on the surface but only appears at night time bc . echo coating stuff. or something. disco balls ! and most recently, im thinking "yknow, granite caves look cool in the jungle. could contrast the jungle really interestingly with a granite elemental themed house, or a manmade detailed granite biome of sorts"

but also you could apply that to like... a mushroom surface build? have it be some weird granite-shroom grotto? you CAN paint glowing mushroom grass and do some funky stuff...

oh, and also you could do a yin yang kinda vibe for an underground base made of half marble and half granite. cus theyre like, opposites

in terms of places in games i think would be cool inspirations? area zero from pokemon SV, as well as any stage from the risk of rain series. and ... maybe some certain lategame areas in slime rancher. if you're bold, a rain world outskirts style place would be cool i think the best places to take from risk of rain could be a combination of both of the games' snowy places.. as well as ror1s temple of the elders and ror2s sky meadow. sundered grove is also very pretty but i think it'd be hard to really nail the vibes of oh and. minecraft ancient city? mayb..e...

...and now you see how i overwhelm myself ! lots of ideas! i think ill try and just focus on granite or maybe a hallowed crystal themed area (oh , and i have an unfinished TOTK sky island build. actually 2 of them. different takes on the idea. i think zonai stuff could be cool...)

FINALLY: what i want to do for my next world where i spawn inbetween 2 hills, is fill in the area between them with lotsa dirt and make a burrow like. rabbit burrow kinda vibe area. or a Mound . an anthill. a.. yea i think a Burrow like moles or rabbits make would be cool. just a big one. for people to live in. cool mega-spawnbase idea !

[indigosfindings]

tiff thoughts part 2

seeds was like. fine i guess? idk, it had some pretty composition & good scenery shots, and the style emulation of tiktok/IG was flawless (& i wish it had been leaned into more past the first act lol), but it overall parsed as kind of simplistic, directionless, punch-pulling, & budget-constrained. for as much of a thriller as it's trying to be, there's little sense of threat or escalation. some of the humour was pretty funny, esp when it (very intermittently) leans into internet-style jokes, but a lot of it was also reeeally dry

sharp corner was really, really good. an extremely tight character study. im obsessed with the sort of inversion of "defending the homestead" it presents. astonishingly realistic depiction of Main Character Syndrome with an unwaveringly meticulous & attentive rendition of the pursuant thought processes. the decisions wrt the rural scenery and the cast demography (eg the protagonist inviting himself to a black man's funeral as part of his entitled absorption of suffering) reaffirm my belief that the neuroses in question are best taken as, like, an extension--a really creative one!--of white supremacy & colonial fantasies of atomized self-sufficiency

ick was solid. the central theming (monster/infection as (in joseph kahn's own words) longstanding & festering in an embodiment of the modern culture of crisis (& also, like, stagnancy/alienation)) is surprisingly meaty but held back imo by the noncommittal tone. im 100% able to fuck with an insincere movie, but i think one is kinda kidding oneself to suggest that a film in the key of, like, 'scary movie' is meaningfully bringing light to any loftier ambition. the political satire is present but barebones, and the bothsidesy have-your-cakey insistence on attempting to skewer both the right and the left (plenty of Conspiracy Nut type jokes, and plenty of "Woke Soyboy" type jokes), while admittedly demonstrating a rare-among-filmmakers degree of awareness of The Moment (albeit putting that to little use), when combined with the solipsistic tone, ultimately gives 'south park' more than anything. i will concede tho that it does have some really funny moments ("im calling the president"), and i think it's worth a watch purely for the insanely idiosyncratic visual style--i cant overstate how much it aesthetically parses like a feature-length music video (feat. plenty of needledrop-as-punchline moments too!). it's 90 minutes but feels a LOT longer (and not even in a bad way!)

the assessment was fucking WILD, i absolutely loved it. insane performance from alicia vikander. clashing incentives make extremely compelling drama, & textual richness is mined from the high concept--im enamoured with the idea of two people, assured in the security of their own social position, running aground of an abusive state apparatus, and the pull-no-punches approach to painting the scenario in shades of perversion & violence only enriches it further... it's as if the movie begs the viewer to remember times & places & ways that they & others have been dehumanized, deanonymized, stripped down & humiliated as part of some system's function. the biggest weakness is prpbably that the setting--an overtly eugenicist dystopia--is BEGGING to cast a dozen more shades of gray over the narrative concerns wrt reproduction & reproductive futurism, but the screenplay doesnt seem to have been written with any interest in that. i was initially wary about the (VERY) detailed epilogue, but ive settled on feeling that it recontextualizes earlier suspicions in a way that is more to the film's benefit than not. also i was thrown off by the extent to which elizabeth olsen looks and sounds like caitlin reilly lmao

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

You know what? I think for the first time…honestly maybe in my entire life…I am happy. Like, genuinely happy, content, satisfied.

I am not where I want to be, but I know I am making tangible progress towards it. Mentally, physically, financially.

My therapy sessions lately have gone from this jumbled mess of chaos and anxiety and tears to validating my own choices and feelings. I noticed it three sessions ago and she said she noticed it as well. She said I started the session out kind of asking for permission/validation for recent choices and that I just kept backing my own self up. I have not had this kind of confidence in myself since 2012.

I see several career/financial paths I could do. I am really enjoying doing Rover and still am hoping I gain repeat clientele. In the future, I can get my own pet sitting insurance and cut out the middle man of Rover. It’s exciting to think of this possibility because it’s joining my passion of dogs (that I forgot I had?!) with my independent work style. I make my own schedule, no one’s telling me what to do (other than owner instructions of course) and I’m getting to work with the best pups! I’d really like to market a little more towards basic training as well and include it as an add on.

I have an upcoming husky client who is a jumper. He gets really excited, jumps and jumps, and open mouth “bites.” The owner said he’s trained him from a puppy, but jumping is a pretty frustrating habit for visitors. I let him know I could work on the jumping while I’m there and I’m excited about that. I know a handful of ways to decrease it and just saw another method that I think I’m going to try on this husky since he’s super treat motivated.

Rover is also getting me moving around a lot more. Social work tends to be a pretty sedentary job, but I’m constantly moving when I have high energy dogs. So, I’ve also been losing weight and I feel good. Im outside a lot more and I have the benefit of walking with a dog. How fun!

Im not quite at the point where this could be a long term thing, I need to get more clients and especially dog walking clients. Im mainly doing overnight sits.

Another path I see is joining my masters degree and love of dogs together. This would be a super far out goal, but I could specialize in pet therapy. This was one of my initial goals in college. My academic advisor even suggested that I do some type of therapy work around animals. There was a vet hospital that took on interns in their pet bereavement department, but it was masters level only. So, it was literally grief therapy for pet owners that combined pet therapy (which by the way is human therapy using pets. Not therapy for the pets haha. I get weird looks when I say this sometimes).

There’s still the career paths I’ve been pursuing, but I’d only Been pursuing them because I just don’t know what else I’d do. I do like social work case management, but it’s an even lousier path in Florida than it was up north. I do like the idea of therapy, but it seems so boring to sit in an office all day talking to people.

There have been many times in my life where I was focused on animals, but it seemed too silly of a career thought to ever pursue. I didn’t want to be a vet and I didn’t want to put more money into school to be a vet tech when I was so close to my BSW (but I really did almost leave social work to pursue being a vet tech! But then my school said I could graduate in two more semesters so I let the idea go)

I was a dog walker short term between graduation and my first social work job. I didn’t promote myself anywhere tho or put any stock in it. I was training the family dog at home and helping my friend with training her dog. I began thinking about becoming a trainer. I’ve applied so many times to petsmart/petco for the dog trainer position but ultimately never pursued it and would lean harder into the social work jobs.

I do still feel a little silly being so optimistic about the pet sitting stuff because it’s not a typical route, but im seeing so many people thrive with it now. So many small businesses for pet care. I think I could do that. I think I’d love doing it.

I think i burned out from social work years ago. Maybe from the whole field. I think that part of me is tired. Which is hard to admit. Despite my best self care efforts, I’ve carried the burdens of my clients for the last 10 years. I still think about my first clients from 2014, wonder how they are, if they’re okay, if they’re still alive. Ive spent too many nights crying about my clients because I didn’t have a magic wand to make life easier for them. I’ve given my entire heart to the social work jobs I’ve had and the clients I’ve worked with. I’m tired. Empathy is such a gift And I know it’s my biggest strength, but maybe, at least for now until my heart heals, I can Channel my empathy towards animals again.

We’re finally putting money into savings despite Rover being a huge pay cut. It won’t be sustainable job once we move out, so I have from now until then to make something of it. M is so supportive of this and its helped me to believe in myself again 💚

Some of my recent furry friends. Also M and I celebrated one year of marriage with a training walk with Mel and a night out on the town 🥰

[apparently-artless]

oh my god WAAAAAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH ART!!!! the gifset is SO so so beautiful you have no idea!!!!!!!!! i cannot stop watching it over and over again. the colours are absolutely perfect, and the gif transitions are so smooth!!!!!! i'm so so happy aaaaa i can't believe something so beautiful was made for my request 😭😭😭 i really appreciate it, thank you soo much!!!! the bokuyaba fandom is truly lucky to have you in it, your edits are always so spectacular and i always enjoy looking at them. im so glad you had fun making it too!!!! thanks a million and i hope you have a wonderful day, week, month and year <333 !!!!!!!! 💛💛💛

hi, willow!! thank you so much for sending me another message to let me know of your thoughts!! this message really made me happy. ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

i also noticed that you pinned my post on your blog, i was practically blushing when i saw the label on top. (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)

in all honesty, i was very aware of the scene that you were referring to when i saw your request. i was also thinking of making a set for that scene but it got buried in all the current series i am watching. the scene itself was already beautiful and to be honest i am not good at scenes with sunset gradient. and i guess that's another reason why i didn't made this set until you requested it. and so i took it both as a challenge and an opportunity. who knows, i might end up gif-baiting other people to watch it?? lol

and yes!! i did have fun making the set. i had to combine some gradients with different blending modes and i had to manipulate the level adjustment layer a lot for each gif. i was very concerned that i might end up ruining an already beautiful scene so i tried not to deviate too much from the original colors but at the same time still incorporate my own coloring style.

i hope you don't mind me putting the comparison of the original vs my coloring. this is just to show you how much i had fun making this edit. i am also very satisfied with the result if i do say so myself. hehehe. ^^

anyways, it doesn't matter if other people don't appreciate it as long as the person who requested the set liked it, is what i thought. so i'm very happy when i saw your message and your tags in the post when you reblogged it.

bokuyaba is a dark horse anime series for me. it's something i watched simply because i wanted to explore different genre every season. i was thinking of dropping it after 1-2 episodes but i'm glad that i didn't. i am not an avid fan of romance, especially if the main characters are young but this series has something special to offer. it's one of my favourite romance anime now with school setting.

SO TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DROPPED THIS ANIME, GIVE IT A TRY AGAIN. AND THEN SCREAM AT ME IN MY INBOX FOR WASTING YOUR TIME IF YOU STILL WOULD NOT LIKE IT AFTER WATCHING AT LEAST THE FIRST SEASON. XD

[waterloggedsoliloquy]

18 & 20 for the ask game. i need to hear how this hypothetical drama would unfold

you picked the GOODIES

18.) what aspect of the story would get you #canceled on twitter?

this is a toughie is the thing. while im not one of those creators thats terrified of being offensive or problematic, i also dont pay that much attention to elements of work that might offend. im more interested in being genuine and trusting my message rather than relishing in having #problematique content.

that being said i think a lot of people would not like that sicely isnt a g*ld st*r lesbian or that lucerne doesnt use labels, bc twitter is really hung up on what characters "really" are or what stories "really" mean.

i think theyd also do that thing where theyd be like ugh look at these children currently in abusive situations why are they not acting 100% perfectly, the author clearly has no idea what theyre doing with portraying abuse, this is just torture porn and fetishizing ptsd/osddid. bc theres no way that the things that happen in CW could ever happen to people, bc abuse happens to other people and never in anything i might have to interact with.

20.) your ocverse just got a movie trilogy a la hunger games style. how have they horribly mangled your message/theme so that the movies are now a showcase of what the original was condemning?

This ones also a toughie actually bc a large part in why the hunger games movies contributed to showcasing what the original work condemned is because the media circus and bloodsports as vapid entertainment were directly being condemned in the original and #Media isnt really a huge part of carousel waltz. i think in order to really turn carousel waltz on its head youd have to be simultaneously very victim-blamey to the children but also prop up the adults as the ones who must "save them", bc children cant do anything on their own and cant be trusted to have legitimate grievances with the adults in their lives. flattening midas into either a villain who never cared about the people he abused or apologizing for him as a well-meaning patriarch who was just led astray and by proxy flattening the abuse into depictions more palatable to the wider consumer audience would do it i think.

but i dont know if it being a movie trilogy would necessarily cause those changes to occur-- movies are visual and sequential like comics but usually have to be 2 hours or less and are overwhelmingly held hostage at the whims of distributors, executive boards, investors, etc. so the influences it would have over carousel waltz would be along those lines. i think that with the time crunch it'd probably be really easy to make the story less subtle, and to have to hammer home points. certain characters necessarily would not have as much screentime and focus in a movie trilogy, which i think WOULD contribute to being an example of what im trying to condemn, and a movie might inadvertently say that some abused children are just collateral damage and we can move past them, some abused children dont have interiority or anything to draw attention to them, some abused children are more important or worth rescuing more. its also very important to me that most of the carousel waltz kids r not white, and that the grownups are, but casting would probably whitewash them or try to make the story colorblind instead of keeping in how midas' abuse takes advantage of his identity of whiteness over them. combine this w the idea that there needs to be adults to save these kids and u get a white savior araceli. if this concept makes you want to gnaw your leg off at the ankle to get the shackle off, that just means youre still human! try to hold onto that feeling.

since magical girl isnt a big genre in the west theyd try to reflavor it as some other thing like superheroes or a dnd party or something. or theyd want to age up the kids so the bad things happen to a more acceptable age group bc the idea that kids might have bad things happen to them is a scary thought so theyd completely miss the point abt it being a story abt child abuse and now its a buncha late teens-early 20s bullshit.

im actually debating how much swearing i want in carousel waltz (it was really hard writing guardians dilemma without zizi swearing) but executives would only let me have one fuck and would not let anthea call anyone a cocksucker :(

[hwsforeignrelations]

As a hobby sketchbooker, its a favorite pasttime to go chronologically through old sketchbooks and note improvement. Im gonna supplement the rant below with old art, cuz its relevant and i think they're neat

I accidentally deleted my old tumblr like five months ago which held a similar sentiment (*SOB* but no use crying over split milk)

I see a lot of fan artists getting burnt out. I see a lot of Hetalia artists stay for a bit, then leave for other fandoms (higher pastures, if u will). I use to not understand. How did people become bored so fast?!?!

Ive never been one to switch interests quickly. I was solidly leg deep in my superhero phase 5-8th grade. I started reading exclusively usuk fanfics in 8th grade, and have hardly ventured beyond usuk.

I'm trying to branch out more.

Hetalia is unique in its ability to teach crash course history and have enemy soldiers devouring each others cocks in the same paragraph. Double win!! The concept of international relations translated to human ones, of a nations pain having physical embodiment, of fantastically diverse headcanons dissecting the intrigues of Nation biology... Its all very yummy thinking food

Ive never read the manga, ive hardly watched the show. Im fandom built thru and thru!

Like the pic above, I use usuk as experiments to run all my ideas thru. Mix media,

World building, swatching, expressions and unfamiliar subjects. Theyre my go-to! since I started taking art seriously in 2021 and those events were mainly usuk themed

my styles always changing, and I'm usually using America and England to do it

Combined with writing and a poor conceptual understanding of base material (aka CANON) i have trouble knowing WHO alfred and england are, in my style. They're constantly changing designs make it hard for my writing to capture their characters consistently.

I get so fixated on solving my own inconsistent characterization writing. Its stupid! Im going to college across the country in ten days, for Christ's sake!

Its no use getting worked up over an inconsistent style- this IS the period of constant change, of constant growth and its great fun processing new interests through art, through two characters i am familiar with (even if i somehow don't know them at all)

Ive been reading stories about the royal navy: so i practice some made up naval uniform on england! That's just an example - i really do process new information through them, finding fun in research

Once i couldn't stop thinking about the scene below, about the intrigue of gore (a genre id never taken an interest to). And i was cringing about doing it to myself (about how ouchi it would be), but like all my creative ideas j filter them through characters - it feels safer that way. Then drawing myself in there. Yuck.

So i practice the idea in Alfred. "Oh ouch yup- looks just as gross and painful and I'd imagined. Perfect!!" Now ive got an Alfred doing this gross thing, now i have a headcanon about nations cleaning their tongues witn razors.

Now i wanna write about it. Haha its all a very self-feeding pattern.

Not sure if this rant makes much sense, but basically i STRUGGLE to establish characters. Partially because i play so much with them in my doodles with anything and everything i find interesting - perhaps it makes too many factors for one character.

[keefwho]

April 10 - 2024 Wednesday

10:53pm

3/10

This morning I shaved my legs. I made more breakfast stir fry for breakfast because it's good. I planned not to stream today because I wasn't in the mood to be watched, especially with how much feedback I was going to get. I tried going to a public VRchat world while I worked but all I found was nazi furries so I got off. I joined BR and her friend in her server VC but she had to leave soon. I stayed with her friend but we hardly talked. I warmed up with alligator sketches today and did all my commission work. I have to finish that commission tomorrow for it to be worth it but I'm not sure I'll be able to.

For lunch I made stew out of the frozen stew veggies I got, it was good. Probably too much food though, breakfast was big because I was supposed to workout today but I took too long with work. In the afternoon, the request winner hadn't gotten back to me yet and the other thing I was supposed to work on was my own ideas. All the ones I have written down are NSFW and I wasn't in the mood for that so I just didn't do anything. I watched a Mario Kart stream and twitch gambled. TK hit me up and asked what I was doing, she said she was getting in VR soon. That sounded great for me so I hopped on and we checked out that Probability Labs world I haven't seen yet. It was just Lab Experiment from Roblox and it was pretty fun but we played in a public lobby where people were using flying avatars which defeat the purpose. Then I took everyone to a bathhouse world where we just talked. We talked about our siblings and religious fanatics. Also some about death. When TK got off, her friend was still there and she stayed talking to me for some time. We talked about what it takes for people to grow mainly. I got off to start dinner.

I asked DS if we'd have our usual hangout time but she was just gonna go to bed instead. I continued watching the Mario stream from earlier and booted up Cities Skylines. DS and I chatted a little bit.

~~~

Today was shit, I've mostly been angry about a lot of things. I don't like that I am, but I am. I'm angry at having to accept this shit reality we live in. I'm angry at my past self for being shit. Im angry at everyone who's ever done me wrong. Today was supposed to be about acceptance and I've been trying my best. I combined that with Costar which said "people want you around." I was trying to accept everyone's role in my life and how I really am wanted to some degree by all of them.

Before I started writing I was especially angry, or maybe moreso a fed-up style of motivated. I feel in touch with what I want and fuck anyone who's going to get in the way of that. I keep becoming aware of things that just aren't working which are things I have to change. When I'm down on myself, doing that can be hard. But in a mood like this, I'm better able to stay focused on what's actually good for me.

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

AHH!! MINE WAS A LIL BIT OF A MESS (had a rly bad storm and another tornado watch :(. shelter in place at work 🙃. BUT WE GOT THROUGH IT! SO ITS GOOD NOW!!)

omg. THATS LOW KEY WHAT I THOUGHT TOO!! I FEEL LIKE ITS SUCH A COMBINATION OF SLING AND IMMUNITY. the percussion reminds me of something on immunity yet the vocals feel soft and soothing like on sling!! its the BEST. i absolutely adore it.

if the entire album is similar i will be in absolute love because woah. the style feels very her and the entire sound of it, i really like it. the album era is going to be amazing. i can feel it!!

i love the descriptive imagery with lyrics like that- BUT also i swear i feel like this song is like a selfcare vibe (like sling!!!! how she was learning to take care of herself + the immunity undertone!!!)

omg dont even get me started on billie's new album bc im OBSESSED. its literally so good and my friends probably are so annoyed by how much i keep talking about lunch 😭 /lh.

one of the reasons i couldnt get back to you abt sling and my thoughts on it. kept jumping between them both. (i had to sit with sling for a bit to let things sink in because i was listening to it but i wasnt processing it fully.)

anyway im in love with billies new album and i swear its her best work to date. she just keeps getting better with each album. i love that with how this album was, each track feels like very unique and yet cohesive in their own right. its meant to be listened to as a whole (but can be separated). i loveeeee album cohesiveness and song transitions that blend so into one another.

i listened to the apple music interview she did with zane lowe(?) and her brother about the album. hearing her perspective on the whole writing process being WAY different from the past and claiming happier than ever was almost like an identity crisis lengthwise with the 16 tracks. - aparently she doesn't like it much that way EVEN though i and others think its so beautiful. yes i do see the identity crisis however, but she was very much thrusted into fame with when we all fall and so she was trying to recreate a version of herself that would please others and herself because she was a kid in an adult world. i hate how mean people were abt her body :(.

anyway it was very experimental, even still!! a risk. billie had said that hit me hard and soft was like happier than ever but like it HAD an identity. it feels as experimental and fun as when we all fall... come to find out too how much of billie is IN THE album WITH HER ideas. her brother stepping back to let her experiment. its a risk but i think she did utterly fantastic. mature in hindsight with her outlook (SKINNY) and reflecting so much on the experiences.

arguably i think what she went through between when we fall verses happier than ever allowed her to innovate her sound/style but i still dont think she at all deserved such harshness.

i think the challenge allowed for realistic reflection. kind of how between 1989 and reputation taylor swift disappeared due to the critics abt her making a pop record. sometimes artists need to go through harsh things for that reflection in order to make a body of work that utterly fucking BLOWS all expectations out of the water!!! (she still didn't deserve the comments and i hate that she did but i hope that makes sense? i think the criticism allowed for reflection in a way to reinvent herself - which is somewhat of the identity crisis billie touched on with 16 songs.)

with how hit me hard and soft is, i definitely feel like its just such an improvement. an impressive one at that because 10 songs but all being so unique? incredible.

sorry ahh i can go SO on and will tell u my thoughts on sling more later but i feel like this is a REALLY long reply so ill leave it here. im just REALLY proud of her.

my favs r lunch, the greatest, birds of a feather (has been growing on me), blue, the diner, chihiro- okay the whole album. the only one i really skip is wildflower (the buildup is a BIT slow but its really good too. jst OW lyrics </3.)

what r ur favs?????? im literally so obsessed.

hi friend!!!! i hope your day is well!!

thoughts on clairo's new single??? :D

HELLO FRIEND!!! THANK YOU IT IS I HOPE YOURS IS TOO!!!

eeekeeekekekeekekek. okay so i woke up this morning listened to it in bed and instantly. I loved it because.

FIRST OF ALL THE INSTRUMENTALS ARE SO NICE AND WARM. and also the sound in general is sooo good because it’s like the perfect mix of immunity and sling. it is sling enough that it might be able to fit on the album but not really because it has that immunity undertone you know.

SECOND OF ALL the beat. is so good. and i really love her voice in this and how she sort of morphed it into a long autotuney sound at the end of the verses because I love love love stuff like that in songs (like in billie’s new album which I am In Love with)!!!!!!

THIRD OF ALL THE LYRICS. they are soooooooooooooooooooooo. yes. mostly mentioning this just because of this line:

because I am a sucker for words like honey and sugar 🍯 also I really love the lyrics because I kind of very really resonate with them because. yes and also I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THE ALLITERATION IN THE TITLE WITH LIKE SEXY TO SOMEOJEI LOVE WHEN SONG TITLES SOUND LIKE. YEAH

[cozy-possum]

Love Death and Robots ‘Season’ 3

Overall thoughts (spoiler free) and per episode (spoilers) below the cut

Overall:

Much preferred the varied visuals to the second season, it felt like there was so much obvious cgi/3d stuff in the second one many blended together. Each of the stories were interesting and captivating in their own way. I enjoyed bringing back the robots from series one. The soundtrack for all the shorts was really good

Trigger warnings: 

Three robots (dead bodies, dried blood, doomsday prepers)

Bad Travelling: Blood, gore, dead bodies, mutilation, murder, vomit

The Very pulse of the machine: Gore, dead body, blood, hallucinations, unreality, space

Night of the mini dead: sex, blood, zombies, death, war, nuclear threat

Kill team Kill: nuditiy, war, guns/weapons, blood, dead bodies

Swarm: Aliens, bugs (bug like aliens mostly beetle-esque) trypophobia, sex, body horror, blood, gore, vomit

Mason’s rats: Rats, guns, war, blood, dead bodies (rats) flashing lights (lasers) alcohol

In Vaulted Halls Entombed: war, guns/weapons, fighting, spider/bugs, gore, blood, body horror

Jibaro: Unreality, blood, violence, drowning, screaming/distorted sounds, reching/gagging, death, assault, gore

Three Robots: Exit Strategies: I enjoyed the tour around the various survival attempts of humans in the post-apocalyptic world. The humor and little digs at humans was cute and clever, a few of them could have been left off. Love how that one robot kept switching his hat. I also enjoyed how Elena clearly wasn’t as aware enough to know they were other robots. ‘Democratic cannibalism’ that’s an interesting concept, did they have reports on who was doing the best/worst? would it have gone farther than the secretary of Agriculture? Why is this US based, would love to see them going to other parts of the world at some point

Bad Travelling: Very visibly dark, made it hard to focus on the short. Enjoyed that the ‘monster’ was a big crab, it makes sense for it being in the ocean, can all of them speak like the one on the ship? I really liked the animation for this one. While very obvious cgi/3d it felt similar to the Secret wars from season one. Okay the little baby thanopods were cute. Did enjoy the twists of everyone voting x and Torrin blowing up the ship at the end really interesting.

The Very pulse of the machine: Not a huge fan of the people animation it looked like someone was trying to go for the ‘comic book’ angle but the lines felt too thin combined with the 3d made it look bulbous, the backgrounds and the elctromagnetic/hallucinations are beautiful. So they’re on Io one of Jupiter’s moons, it looks pretty cool. I do enjoy Martha casually arguing with Burton to start the ‘hallucination’ part. Relly enjoyed the ending and the surreal visuals they added.

Night of the mini dead: okay hands down fav episode, I have a weakness for minatures IS THIS A MODEL RAILWAY/TOWN IM GONNA DIE HAPPY NOW, the hockey scene made me cry laughing, in fact this whole short did, the little high pitched helium voices got me THE POPEMOBILE!!!!! the garbage truck zombie killer, ahh toxic waste zombies niceeeee; not the penguins 😭

Kill team Kill: Like the animation style, enjoyed the idea of the terminator grizzly bear, maars-bot is great it’s like stabby on steroids, it was an okay action short, the animation style is what saved it for me, not very interesting otherwise

Swarm:  Ooo centuar aliens they look soft, like a peach. The animation is that hyper realiztic 3d/cgi which I’m not a fan of for humans. I do love a good swarm/hivemind concept, and i’m digging the various alien species seen so far, also hell yeah space fungi!! Not surprised that the swarm took over a human, similar to the thanopod from Bad Travelling, fun horror concept; “intelligence is not a winning survival trait” thats a raw ass quote my dude

Mason’s rats: If Chicken Run and the Rats of NIMH were squashed together but Scottish and with a slightly ‘happier’ ending than i was expecting (well i saw the twist but nice to know it happened) really enjoyable and cute premise and ending

In Vaulted Halls Entombed: more hyper realistic cgi/3d, still not my fav for humans; feeling very generic war/action scene with like ‘spooky elder god’ to mix things up; digging the little spider things, the little faces they had was a cool touch, didn’t really care for the whole “elder god brings vision of end of world thing”

Jibaro: Visually chaotic, there’s a lot going on, cgi and sharp movements and shaky cam all gave me a headache, the cgi of the people got a little too distorted (although I suppose thats the point) the fashion was cool though, although I felt it could have been far shorter, i liked the twist of him gaining his hearing back as a punishment of sorts for what he’d done

[beesmygod]

The hive works thing makes sense as it seems every comic artist affiliated with them has either become openly miserable and burnt out or pivoted towards ig style content creation ideology. Since they used to be so respected it’s sad but expected almost

Excited for your self publishing adventures though!

thank you for the well wishes! to be honest i am not sure what other peoples experience with the company is as it is difficult ask around for that sort of thing and to be honest i was not close or grew close enough to any new artists to be able to ask them that. i think your experience varies greatly based on your comic's performance.

ofc its going to be hard to talk about much of this without sounding like a little sour grapes bitch, but i think thats the price of trying to talk abt it at all. as far as im aware the operations of hive are pretty obfuscated to nearly everyone not immediately involved, so a little light on why it didnt work for me can at least shed a little insight from an uncommon source. but remember: i can only speculate to a reasonable degree based on my own experiences and because i have a uhhhh caustic writing style, i want to be sure to try to reign in my impulse for hyperbole. reader beware!!! you're in for boring dry answers.

well. sort of. one of the last things that blew me away was being told that laughing at the dork ass losers who use auto-tracing techniques on free clip studio assets caused them to pull some of their pitches from consideration. okay? how the fuck was i supposed to feel about this info?? some people who cant draw by admission and refuse to learn on purpose did you a favor by removing themselves from consideration. the mere idea of even being considered equitable to that gaggle of morons is too much lol. my newly and grossly inflated self-image cannot take this. thats too far lol. deeply insulting shit. that combined with the years and years of repeatedly being put on the backburner and having to nag myself hoarse to get anything done made it clear that respect, if it was ever involved in the first place, had narrowed to a one way street

a close friend of mine gave me some advice when i was asking around, but admitted they were having a hard time staying objective bc they were embittered by the change in hiveworks from what they perceived as an artist collective to a Brand(c). i hadnt even considered this view and was even more shocked to hear that multiple long time webcomic readers found out about hive through me. my perception of it from the inside was very odd and warped, i had a hard time coming to terms with realizing i was not getting what i was hoping for from the experience (comradery, support).

[all-about-seggs]

Sultry Blues-

Rating: ❌18+, Explicit❌

Pairing : Gojo Satoru x Insecure! Fem Reader

Word count: 2.5 k

Warnings: Trigger warning for insecurities (not specified), Body Worshipping, a bit of food play, cunnilingus, Semi-public sex.

The faint sounds of ringing bells from the shrine was still in the air as you made your way to the inner structure of the prestigious Jujutsu academy. The path to the meeting room was straight and lined with stone carvings which gave the entire place an ancient look. You had a lunchtime date with your boyfriend, who would, hopefully be on time so you could be on your way.

This place always made you uneasy, not because of the dangerous connotations it brought in everyone’s lives but it was the people who freaked you out the most. To you, each one of the teachers as well as the students looked like some characters straight from a book, elegant, strong and perfectly capable of doing things normal people like you could only read about. Not having enough confidence on yourself physically or mentally worsened every time it dawned on you that you were dating the most perfect being of them all.

Perplexing wouldn’t even began to describe your state of mind when Satoru first took interest in you, sure looks or status didn’t meant anything to him but even in terms of personality you never thought the two of you would get along, so much so that you would become such an irreplaceable part of each other. But you knew his feelings for you did nothing to stop the ache in your heart when you saw him getting ganged up on by a bunch of women. Women attractive than you, smarter than you and definitely stronger than you.

This was exactly the place where all those kind of women lived making you feel even more of an outsider in his world. Not wanting to cause Satoru any worries you tried to psyche yourself up by picking up your pace only to be met with a hard shoulder to your cheek.

“I’m sorry! I wasn’t looking”, you looked up at the stranger, she was tall, her sturdy figure seemed like she was also a sorcerer but her ID pass was tucked on the breast pocket of her coat along with her youthful face indicated she was a student, you squinted to see that her name was Lisa and as you were about to apologise when you saw her sneer at you.

“ Ugh… outsiders. Don’t you know how to walk properly? Or did you not learn that in your no name school?”, her condescending tone took you aback.

You knew you didn’t exactly belong here but she wasn’t cutting you any slack for being a civilian either. You wanted to ask her why was she being so rude but your queries were cut off as by the girl.

“ No need to explain yourself I already know who you are, I’ve seen you following Gojo- San like a lost puppy a lot of times, seriously it’s like you don’t even have a presence without him.”, with a pause you finally thought her pointless berating would come to a stop but she went on.

“ He has a reputation to uphold here so don’t go around embarrassing him with your airheaded and average looking face”, now with THAT she crossed the line but as much as you wanted to give her a comeback all you anger turned into self loathing in a matter of seconds and you stood there dumbly not being able to defend yourself from the onslaught of verbal attacks that even you partially agreed with.

Not even bothering to look at her when she passed you thought about her mean words that were half untrue. You knew dating a popular guy would include more that just a little bit harmless envy of girls. At this point you’d be lucky if you didn’t get attacked by one of your boyfriend’s fangirl. But, It wasn’t about Satoru anymore, you thought. It was about how you were letting the jealousy of his superficial admirers who didn’t even knew only knew his name and face. Before you could delve more into your darkening thoughts you heard a cheery voice call out to you.

Bag at hand, which probably contained some sort of dessert you saw Satoru gleefully making his way towards you. It took you a few seconds to plaster a believable smile to your face so you could greet him normally.

“ Wow I can’t believe IM the one who had to wait around this time”, placing a tiny kiss on your nose he pulled you in for a hug, his warmth seeping into you put your mind at ease and help you distract yourself from the horrible encounter before.

“ The meeting was pointless and even the snacks turned out to be lame”, whining a little he waved the bag in front of you. A convenient store vanilla sponge cake with a packet of strawberry sauce was right in front of you and honestly if it were you, you’d probably eat it without question but knowing his love for quality sweets it was understandable why he’d complain.

“ Well actually, with the right toppings and modifications even convenient store packed cakes can taste top class!”, thinking about all the ways you’ve experimented watching diy food videos you started thinking up of ways to serve it to him.

“I see, that’s a good idea and I think it’ll give us some headstart for our date wouldn’t it?”, saying that he gestured you towards one of the buildings that lead to the back exit.

Walking hand in hand Satoru came to a stop which seemed like a closed off gate that was not in use anymore.

“ Why are we here? I thought the back exit was the other way around?”, confusion painted over you face you turned to face your mischievous partner.

“ you said you’d help me eat them, and I think it’s a pretty good place, don’t you?”, stepping closer he urged you to take a look around. The area didn’t have any benches, buildings or even people around and the only sound you could hear was the birds and the small artificial streams of river that flowed a few steps away from the closed off exit.

If Satoru was insinuating something you started to get the hang of it and you soon felt you face get hotter. The afternoon sun did nothing to help you cool down as you struggled to make sense of the situation. His hands were all over your body, caressing, pinching and feeling you up.

“ What’s wrong? Not up for it in semi public style?”, his breathy voice got lost in the crook of you neck where he inhaled your scent, “ you know nobody’s gonna come” with a slight push, he pinned you againt the vine-covered gate, “Except for you”.

“what the- WAIT! It’s still so bright out here not to mention we’re in PUBLIC Satoru!”, wide eyed you try to grab at his hand that was halfway done unbuttoning the top of your blouse.

“Do you want me to blindfold you?”, throwing these words nonchalantly he started licking every bit of exposed skin he could find from your ears to chest.

His mouth made contact with your covered breasts and without bothering to remove the piece of clothing he latched his mouth onto your hardened nipple to give it a gentle bite. Holding back your own moans you placed you hands on his broad shoulders, a feeble attempt at stopping him.

“How would THAT resolve anything?!” already half naked, your retorts seemed like pathetic excuses even to your own ears. It wasn’t until you heard a sharp rip that you realised your underwear was no longer on your body anymore. With a horrified look you saw your unusable underwear in Satoru’s hand.

“ I don’t think you’ll be needing these anymore my sweetness because I want to see ALL of you”, dangling the fabric from his long fingers he made a show of tucking it in his pocket. Hiking your skirt up with one hand he caressed the soft flesh with his thumbs.

“I knew you had no sense of danger but this could even get us arrested”, your reasoning seemed to fell on deaf ears as your boyfriend, already half way down on the ground, pulled his blindfold down with ease. Looking at up at you with his ethereal turquoise eyes that lied beneath strips of heavy white eyelashes, this part of his face was something you couldn’t see all the time.

“You’re beautiful……”, the genuine nature of his words felt unreal when compared to his everyday frivolous self, “at least I’ve always thought so”.

All the voices in the place except for his, got drowned out by the throbbing of your heart in your chest when he kneeled right in front of your crotch. The warm smile on his lips contradicted with his tantalizing actions but he enjoyed it precisely because of that.

“Open your legs a bit more y/n, I need more space to eat”, with his haughty smirk back he exposed more of your pussy with his fingers and dribbled the strawberry sauce over it until it started trickling down to the ground underneath it.

“This looks like a good dessert, waaay better than the one I was offered before”, making one last smartass comment he threw the now empty packet away and your sugar coated pussy was soon met with Satoru’s soft, warm tongue as he buries his face in it. His tongue worked it’s way beneath the layer of your pussy hair and down to the soft flabby skin underneath. Your natural slick combined with the dressing sauce tasted even sweeter in his mouth, the pleasant hums falling uncontrollably from his mouth made you wetter.

All the blemishes, scars and your self imposed flaws started melting into something more complete and unbreakable in its nature when you felt Satoru touching you, feeling you and tasting you from the inside and out.

His warm hands firmly gripped your thighs to lap at the soft peak in between. All the sensations his tongue was providing you made your vision turn black and your body heated up to the point of burning. The broad daylight and your exposed form added to the fear of being found out but your trust in your boyfriend outweighed everything so you let him have his way.

“ Hmmm, yeah y/n…”, the exaggeratingly loud slurping of his mouth came to a stop as he looked up at you, his pink lips glistening even more when he spoke, “Even this cheap stuff tastes better when I eat it directly from you”.

You were a panting mess, already having lost the ability to make coherent words you kept you eyes on Satoru as rose to his feet.

“ Let’s move on to the next part shall we?”, after smoothening out your skirt of you he held out his hand and your need for release took over all rhyme and reason so you put one of your shaking hand in his. The next few moments were confusing as a white light enveloped both of your forms and by the time your vision returned you found yourself in an unknown room.

The place itself was nothing out of the ordinary, some books, a cupboard and a vanity. The single bed near the curtained window was properly made. It was clearly not Satoru’s room but the neatness of the place also suggested that it wasn’t an unused room either.

“ Hey we’re are we?”, you question the white haired male when he casually made his way to switch on the lights.

“Don’t worry we’re still in the academy premises, you wanted to finish this right? And I didn’t wanted to go another second with hearing your pretty voice, so you can scream now,” his voice dangerously low, he held your arms in both of his hands and guided you to the single bed in the corner.

“ and I didn’t meant that as a request”, flat on your back you had no time for further questioning as your exposed cunt got filled to the brim in a single thrust. The stretch made you cry out and remembering Satoru’s previous warning you didn’t bother covering your mouth. The light in the room was enough for him to see all of you, even if he had all of you memorized at the back of since the first time.

Your twisted face that you’d consider ugly was nothing if not arousing to him from the kneeling position of his at the edge of the bed, endearing even at how the side of your eyes well up everytime he fucked you so hard, the creaking of the bed acted as a proof of his brutal pace that threatened to break the furniture.

Each powerful thrust of his made your entire body lurch from its position, your juices flowed endlessly down your thighs, on Satoru’s cock and down to the sheets. Your voice ricocheted off the walls and gave life to the entire building.

Having your orgasm cut off before, the anticipation that had build up made your upcoming release feel even ore intense. Your walls started clenching around his shaft, already feeling waves of ecstasy you waited for it to reach its peak.

“ Y/n...Come for me”, in between his grunts he placed on of his hand on the side of your head, lowering himself till your noses touched. Breaths intermingling, you came with a loud cry of his name. Euphoria spreaded through both of your bodies making a gush of liquid come out of your pussy when Satoru pulled out, both of your mess soiled the sheet.

Few minutes of silence passed by as a fully clothed Satoru sat beside you, stroking your head until you calmed down.

“ Hey y/n?”, abruptly his cheeky tone filled the room and you looked up at him questioningly,

“ Wanna take a pic? ya'know, as a momento”, the odd question made you come to an obvious conclusion, which now seemed obvious considering your boyfriend’s not so secret rebellious nature and with how much of a brat he can be it was nothing short of hilarious.

“ It’s Lisa’s room isn’t it?”, barely controlling your laughter you tried to pry an answer out of him, the soothing motion of his hands never coming to a stop he took out his phone with another.

“ Yeah, it is, I’d say it’s an excellent way of showing her our ‘bond’ dontcha think?”, his cringey answer made you burst into laughter. The first real smile he’d seen on your face since you got here was something Satoru wanted to be a constant thing, always there when he wanted to see it just like a still photograph.

Bending his face down his lips softly met your forehead and before you could open your eyes back up you heard the click of the camera go off.

“ Heh, so how is it?”, propping yourself up on your elbows you tried to peak at the screen but it was pulled out of sight just as quickly.

“ It’s perfect”, with a warm smile that reached all the way to his eyes Satoru put his phone down before peering into your eyes, “and it’s mine”.

[1101001]

MAYBE, JUST MAYBE _

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‘ when high school ended, your relationship with oikawa did too. years later, something you didn’t want to call fate led you to each other on the sandy shores of a beach in brazil ’

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character .. oikawa tooru 

word count .. 1.3k

tags .. exes (but not rlly 'to lovers’) , no pronouns used , possible timeskip spoilers? but nothing explicitly stated , uhh fluff-ish , written for @itskoushi​ <3

You choked on your drink, turning your head to the side in futile hopes that it would hide your face. Why of all places and all times was he here, at a beach in Rio de Janeiro? Maybe it wasn’t him though, maybe it was just your eyes playing tricks on you.

You peered carefully over your friend’s head for another look. It definitely was him.

“Y/n, are you okay?” 

You nodded hastily, ignoring the suspicious look your friend was giving you. 

“Right, do you wanna come down to the beach with me?” she asked, pointing to the mob of people in bikinis and trunks walking around under the bright hot Brazilian sun. “Seems someone caught your eye too.”

There was a glint in her eye and before she could drag you with her, you shook your head, “No, I think I’ll stay here…”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

She got up and muttered a ‘boring’ before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

Not two seconds after she left, the very person you were hoping to avoid appeared right behind you.

“Look who we have here.” His voice was sweet like honey, and you had to steel yourself against it before turning around and facing him.

“Hello to you too Oikawa.”

Oikawa Tooru, a boy (now man) who caused you massive amounts of internal conflict. Did you miss him and his chocolate brown eyes and perfectly tousled hair and seemingly carefree exterior? 

Maybe you did, but before you could fall into the trap that is Oikawa’s charm, you reminded yourself that you've already been down that path.

“Thought it was you,” he said, lips curving into a slight smirk. He leaned one arm against the bar table and you suddenly noticed how much muscle he’s built since you last saw him. “So what brings you to this lovely beach?”

You took a long sip from your drink, trying to look everywhere but him for fear of accidentally staring too long. “It was a business trip but now I’m just relaxing.”

From the background, a couple of people were starting to shout for Oikawa. He turned towards them and yelled, “GIMME A SEC,” before turning back to you and asking, “Hey uh are you up for some beach volleyball?”

You raised an eyebrow.

“There’s this small tournament and I’m the only one without a partner.”

It was a very sudden offer and you were hesitant to accept. Volleyball? At the beach? With your ex no less.

It didn’t seem like the best idea.

“Cmon I know you’re good,” Oikawa pleaded.

You were still hesitant, but the thought of playing volleyball again made your hands and arms itch. It seems you missed it more than you thought. 

“Fine,” you said taking one last sip of your drink before grabbing your things and hopping out of your seat. The two of you made your way over to the nets set up on the sand and Oikawa led you to a table to register.

“Have you ever played beach volleyball?” Oikawa asked as he grabbed a ball and tossed it to you.

You lightly set it back to him. “No, and I haven’t played normal volleyball for quite a while either.”

“That’s fine,” Oikawa replied, once again tossing the ball back to you. “It’s a just-for-fun competition anyway.”

And that just-for-fun competition was a lot more intense than you expected. Beach volleyball, you quickly learned, is very different from normal volleyball. Running around on the sand wasn’t exactly easy and being on the same side of the net as Oikawa, although you tried to ignore it, was giving you weird and very annoying butterflies. 

Instead of it being a terrible experience like it should’ve been though, you found yourself relishing the adrenaline that came with the feel of the ball on your hands. 

You and Oikawa made for a great team too. The two of you barely exchanges words but knew what the other meant every time. That combined with each of your own individual talent and skill made you a deadly combo and easily a favorite for the win.

And you might’ve won too, had you been able to continue playing.

You gritted your teeth as you struggled to stand up after an unsuccessful dive. Suddenly, Oikawa was there by your side, extending a hand and helping you up. 

“You ok there?” 

Honestly, no. Your ankle hurt like hell from how you dived into the sand just moments ago. The unevenness of the ground really wasn’t something to underestimate. 

“Uh my ankle hurts a bit,” you muttered. 

“By a bit you mean it hurts enough you can’t play anymore right?”

You looked away and nodded lamely. You’d like to think you changed since high school but it seems he still knew you too well.

“Ok, let's get you to a clinic then.”

By then, the referee and a few other people had gathered around. Oikawa quickly announced your withdrawal from the tournament and led you off the court.

“Can you walk?” he asked, extending a hand to steady you as you got up. 

“I think so,” you replied before taking one step and immediately realizing this was going to be a slow and painful walk to the clinic. 

But you gritted your teeth through the pain and, with Oikawa next to you, hobbled off. You eventually found a way to angle your feet against the sand to minimize pain so it wasn’t too bad.

Although this way was much more bearable pain-wise, it was slow, so slow that Oikawa suggested he just carry you to the clinic.

“No thanks,” you said, gritting your teeth as you forced your legs to move faster.

“Y/n please. You’re slower than a snail.”

You stopped and sighed, a sign he took as you agreeing apparently because he immediately grabbed your legs and lifted you bridal style almost effortlessly.

You were about to protest but the words died away as he looked down at you with a smile.

That smile.

Suddenly, you were a teenager at Aoba Johsai again, walking through its crowded hallways, passing Oikawa and a few of his fangirls trailing behind him. He flashed that same smile at you he had now and your heart skipped a beat. 

“Let’s just hope your ankle isn’t messed up too badly yeah?” His voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you responded with a simple ‘yeah’.

Your mind, at the moment, was focusing on other things. Not the way he carried you without a hint of tiredness on his face. Not the way your arms were intertwined around his neck. Not the way his hair bounced with every step he took, or the way his eyes glittered in the sunlight, or the way you could feel his heartbeat against you.

No, your mind was racing because even though this was hardly your most intimate moment, you felt ‘the feeling’.

Maybe you were caught up in it all. That was a very plausible and realistic explanation for why you were feeling what you were feeling right now. But as you two approached the clinic and he urged the nurses to care for you, your mind wandered.

Maybe he was just being a decent human being. Yes, of course, that was what he’s doing - being nice. The way he held your hand through it all made it seem like he was being more than just nice.

Maybe there was something more. When he looked at you, sheepish grin and concerned eyes, you couldn’t help but feel it.

You were getting carried away. It definitely seemed like you were. But you couldn’t think of anything wrong with the flutters in your chest. Sure the breakup wasn’t the smoothest but that was when you were young and going separate paths.

He might not even be feeling all that you were right now, but you gave yourself a sliver of hope because maybe he was.

And maybe, just maybe, a second try would be worth the while.

. . .

note .. NINI HI IM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE BUT HAPPY FVKING belated BIRTHDAY !!! i know how much you love this trope and how much you love oiks soooo *holds this out to you like cake on a platter* ... not much slowburn tho sorry (i would but by the time i finish it’ll be ur next birthday sdkjghs) right anyway,,, hope you like it and again,, happy belated birthday <33

[shock]

i really like that i can see development in my art style with collages more than i can see it in any other art i do...

1. started by mimicking what i was familiar with, covers of magazines, as i'd worked on them before and was really interested in making fake covers 2. i realized i could make them more abstract in imagery, use multiple mediums like stamps/ink/paint, and create more direct commentary 3. i fully went the direction of creating poetry by cutting multiple articles up to massively change the context and create my own meaning, i got really obsessed with this

4. when i would get tired of making collages with poetry on them i would pick a theme to "highlight", like hands, comic book words, or plants, specific animals, and compile a collection of that thing - these took longer than others and gave my brain a chance to zone out 5. i started tailoring them to people in my life, combining imagery and poetry to give a message for one person specifically who would understand it 6. i move on from just people i know to ask others for ideas/themes/expressions that i otherwise wouldn't think of, which helped me try different formats/shapes/set-ups to make different scenes

7. i start playing more with sensations (ie burning pieces off paper and layering them, collages that had moving parts, different textures) 8. i really want to start stepping away from using larger chunks of other works and make something more transformative, so i come up with roughly most of the poetry in my head to have a thread while i look for small clips that could fit where i want them to, using more than just words to make poetry, choosing types of fonts specifically to convey different tones

9. i start trying to make my own poetry from letters alone, combining the same things i've been practicing (in this case spamming extra letters, burning edges, and multiple layers) 10. now im learning how much writing is too much and how long it takes to make something like this and how i can combine it with other things i've learned to make more fun stuff, possibly more moving parts :)