#im too susceptible to being lied to for fun

[shaunashpmn]

i just know if i was trapped in the wilderness id fall for lotties hypnotherapy witchcraft bs so fast you wouldnt even notice like the nat/tai/shaunas are playing chess with their sanity and i am playing checkers.

[transmasc-wizard]

I have a STS question to offer hello yes,,,

Out of the cast of GFS (or any other WIP if you want to answer for other characters),,,, which TMA fears do you think, for lack of a better term, match best with each character?

Or if that one doesn't work, pls tell me a little about your character creation process b/c I am Intrigued!! (Also not sire if I've asked that before JAJDJF)

HIHIHIHI IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND AN EXCUSE TO WRITE THIS OUT LIKE FOREVER AND EVER THANK YOU FOR THIS QUESTION

im going to list what theyre most likely to become avatars of. so, like, fears they're susceptible to and have, but also.... and YET.... can't help holding on to/feeling like they Need.

Angel: the End. they're a necromancer, after all. Angel's relationship with death is something that their arc is heavily tied to, in more ways than one.

Bea: the Lonely or the Buried. Bea is so, so afraid of being lonely, and yet she can't manage to bring herself to actually trust people and form lasting, strong relationships. Bea is also being crushed by all the pressures and debts and responsibilities being forced onto her, and she does not know how to escape--not to mention, feels like she isn't allowed to.

Hope: the Vast, in the more metaphorical sense--not the "help fuck i'm falling" way, but the "i am insignificant. I am nothing. i leave no impact on the uncaring universe" way. Hope wants desperately to be able to make a mark on the world, but feels they will never be able to do so.

Corey: I almost said the Web, Vast, or Lonely, and they'd be fair enough choices, but. no, actually. The Eye. He does not want to be watched, he does not want to be known, and at the same time, he MUST know. he's desperate to know, to have all his questions answered, even if it destroys him.

Rowan: this is another one where she could be split equally between two. Before the second half of book 2, it's definitely the Slaughter; she is forced into a life of relentless violence, but fears it all the same. After that, though, the Web (with Slaughter still in there). She must be in charge. She must be in control. She never, ever wants to be used or manipulated ever again. Ever.

Tasya: the Spiral, specifically the fear of the world being wrong, of deception and lies, and illusion. This was always kind of there as a fear of hers, but after literally everything with Rowan, it gets worse.

bonus side characters: Vanya's is the Stranger. He's deeply afraid and mistrusting of things that do not feel quite right, that are almost human but not close enough. Lucian's is the Desolation. It fears the constant pain and loss that haunts it, that it cannot seem to escape. Anya's (ooh!! villain i don't talk about!!) is the Corruption. She fears decay, disgust, unhealthy love. Dwyn's (another villain I don't talk about!!) is the Hunt. Pretty standard hunt stuff, too. Fearing being chased, being the prey instead of the predator.

i would also talk abt character creation but this got too long sdkjfhdsf. anyway this was fun!! and also i will now be obsessively thinking about all my other OCs' TMA fears

[jasondean]

i'm sending you the first thing i thought of when i tried to think of an ask to send you. so. here's this cursed thing. heathersstuck.

ohhh my god okay first of all im gonna preemptively apologize for how long this is about to be. 

another disclaimer that this is all gonna be based on my knowledge of the alternia that we see in homestuck itself because i havent gotten super into hiveswap yet. and, as we all know, any good homestuck au is one where the contending canon is thrust into the homestuck universe as opposed to the other way around. so im gonna spare everyone the painful ideation of plucking a small handful from the VAST homestuck cast just to put them into the plot of heathers

im ALSO gonna preface that im thinking about the heathers film while writing this, not the musical. and im not gonna go into anything regarding martha, betty, kurt, or ram because i think focusing on the main cast is enough for right now lol. 

anyway, potential positions in the blood caste system as well as god tier assignments under the cut!  

so ive definitely thought about this on several occasions and ive seen some heatherstuck content where the heathers are trolls right. the thing is, the color symbolism from both media dont line up. and the heathers being drawn to keep their original colors just doesnt work out with the hemospectrum. like no way is heather chandler a red blood or mutant blood (imo itd make sense for jd to have mutant blood). the heathers being red, yellow, and green blooded would just make them a group of lowbloods and that doesnt fit with the power structure depicted in either canon. 

heather chandler would absolutely have fuchsia blood! i couldnt imagine it any other way. duke could maybe get away with being jade blooded because thatd put her in the midblood range but also what does that leave for mcnamara? i dont really have a good answer for that right now but - 

the heathers themselves aside, veronica would actually be pretty well suited for being some kind of blueblood (teal or cerulean maybe?) veronica being blue blooded would put her in a position of enough privilege to be taken under chandlers wing but also not privileged enough to naturally be at the top. 

jd would probably be rust or mutant blooded. but its also fun to consider: purple blood? since those in that blood class are more susceptible to becoming more ..unhinged. however, i personally favor rust or mutant blooded since i am partial to reds and it would help play into his hatred of society.

trolls or not though theyd all be destined for something right? so im gonna move onto potential god tiers. 

now this is where my laptop cut out so most of the classpect analyses themselves come with help fom http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com

im imagining veronica as a rogue of space. first of all, space players are CRUCIAL to a session as one of the cardinal aspects (space & time making up the fabric of paradox space). its been said by calliope that space can be a passive aspect that holds great power, “hosting the stage before suddenly in some way ‘showing who the master truly is’” and then collapsing in on itself. space players are essential to sessions because it falls on them to light the forge which is necessary for the process of ultimate alchemy (creating the next universe) - and that aside, the idea of veronica collecting and breeding frogs is incredibly cute to me. 

“Those bound to the aspect of Space are, as the name suggests, concerned with the big picture. They are patient, masters of the art of ‘wait-and-see’, and are inclined to take things as they come. That isn’t to say that they’re pushovers or willing to let injustice lie-they just choose their battles wisely, understanding that sometimes you have to let something burn to the ground in order to build it back better and stronger than before. To this effect, they tend to be innovators, concerned with creation and redemption. Catch them recycling the old to make the new, the fresh, and the beautiful. For the Space-bound, the journey is as, if not more, important than the destination; how they do something is as important as what they do. At their best, they are steady, impartial, and creative. At their worst, they can be detached, apathetic, and vague.”    – this description of space players comes from the extended zodiac quiz itself 

rogues invite theft through their aspect or theft of their aspect. they have problems coping with their aspect or their supposed lack of it, they think that they cant handle it which causes them to give it up too easily. the challenge rogues face is to come to terms with their aspect and own it. 

heres a bit on rogues of space specifically: “They might have a tendency to quickly change the subject into others things or cover their interests up to distract from what they perceive to be their failed creations. They may feel uncomfortable with the thought that everything is random and meaningless in the universe, or that it is what you make of it, because they often think they don’t know what to make of it. They may feel lonely at times and feel like they have too much Space to themselves, wanting to fill it up with other people and things. They might lower their standards to the point that they give up their personal Space to someone not worthy enough, just so they won’t feel alone.On the flip side they might feel like they have too much stuff, maybe because they invite others to use up their Space, giving it away too readily, lamenting their lack of impatience with others, or the ability to say no to people. […] a Rogue’s challenge is to learn to be comfortable with their Aspect, and allow the healthy parts of it to enter their lives. They must learn to be okay with what they have right now, that they have it within themselves to change things and make them better. They don’t have to give up so easily.”

jd seems like hed obviously be a prince of doom and this feels self explanatory but. princes are described as being stubborn and pessimistic and they actively destroy using their class / destroy through their class. a princes challenge is to not end up destroying themselves along the way. doom aspect because not only does it pretty much encompass chaos, but the symbol (and the aspect itself has been speculated to be) pretty clearly draws from The Tumor which is. a giant fucking bomb essentially. another fun tidbit about doom players is that they are DEATH MAGNETS they die a LOT and its theorized that for this reason sburb has a sort of game mechanic in place to help balance that out by granting doom players multiple dream selves. i just think itd be really fun to see a sburb session where jd (maybe) cant be kept down by dying. doom is also associated with judgement and sacrifice, and have been said to be “fates chosen sufferers.” “doom players are wise, kind, and non judgmental at their best and bitter, resentful, and fatalistic at their worst.” 

and while i definitely think the doom class is fitting for jd im stuck between prince and bard? bards are the embodiment of the “wild card”. they allow destruction through their aspect / invite destruction through their aspect and their challenge is to not be ruled by the whims of their aspect. and im just now thinking that while this does make sense in its own way, princes and bards are active / passive opposites and i cant really imagine jd being the more laid back of the two. hes just too extra, lol. although i love the idea of jd being in that ridiculous bard getup 

heres some insight to princes of doom: “A Prince of Doom unapologetically pushes people way past their own limits. They are truly passionate, even almost crazy activists. They hate being told no or that they can’t do something, but are more likely to simply destroy or kill the person who said no then prove them otherwise. Depending on what kind of situation or session they find themselves in, and whether or not what they do is really needed at the moment, they can be heaven sent saviors, freeing people from what binds them, or terrifying dictators, ruling over people and enforcing their will wherever they want, letting nothing and no one limit what they do. […] They likely use Bombs and Fire as their main weapons. They have a lot of potential to go down a very destructive or even evil path if they use their powers irresponsibly, but not every Prince of Doom is automatically evil or will Doom their session.“

heather chandler i can definitely see being a witch of rage. witches manipulate using their aspect or manipulate their aspect directly and their challenge is to use their rule breaking powers in a morally conscious way. 

heres some info about witches of rage: “You don’t tell a Witch of Rage anything, they tell you. Anything you have to say they can Reject with Doubt, Negativity and Skepticism and be like ‘No you’re wrong, it’s actually this way.’ They manipulate fear, mistrust and anger, either lowering it or making you believe it’s not all that bad, even if it is. Or they can amplify it, making you paranoid and afraid of even mundane things. […] They can be ‘loose cannons’ and this can be good or bad, depending on how good you are on getting them on your side and keeping them there. Their entire moral challenge lies in the choice between using their powers on their allies or their enemies, like most witches.”  

heather duke would likely be a maid of mind. a maid creates with their aspect / creates their aspect, and a maids challenge is to rely on themself for their aspect. this absolutely isnt to say that duke cannot think for herself at the beginning of the story by any means.

here’s a bit about maids of mind: “At first they tend to defer to the decisions of the group rather than be a part of them and are more focused on watching and waiting and seeing how other people make decisions. […] When a Maid of Mind starts rising to their challenge, they start deciding for themselves what roles they need to play and when. […] They may just have an apathetic and indifferent personality in general. They start letting their thoughts and decision be known and have an effect instead of just referring to others and blending in.” 

and finally heather mcnamara would probably be a page of heart. (i had a hard time coming up with a god tier for her since, if im being honest, shes not a character i pay much attention to.) pages invite exploitation of their aspect / invite exploitation through their aspect. they start with a deficit in their aspect that they overcome through (obvious) overcompensation. their challenge is to keep at things, even if they fail or the journey is slow, to become stronger in the end. 

bit about pages of heart: “They can be very over dramatic in their emotional displays, blowing up every little thing completely out of proportion and giving disproportionate emotional responses to almost everything. […] They can be easily exploited through all of this by other people who either take advantage of the Page’s emotions and empathy, or take advantage of the Page’s obsessions and desires, using it against them. […] When they rise up to their challenge, they start learning to be more balanced and sincere with their emotions, their affections, and with themselves. They learn how to be passionate, sincere and truly honest with themselves and others.”

and all of this is just SOME of the possibilities of what could happen in a homestuck heathers au. would they all be in the same session? would they all be trolls? would the heathers & veronica be in their own session and jd be in his own session that ends up intertwining together? theres literally SO MANY possibilities when it comes to homestuck aus and i love that shit. 

now that ive spent so much time speculating all this its time to deposit myself directly into the dumpster 

[hrmssngr]

 character questionnaire // arjo

tw: drugs tw, kleptomania tw, fuckboy vibes tw 

[also still a wip and subject to changes im just impatient and wanna post this]

BASICS

full name: andres jose de leon // andres, spanish variant of andrew, meaning brave or manly; jose, spanish variant of joseph (biblical connotations), meaning may god bless or god shall add // he was named after two famous filipino heroes which... y’know. doesn’t get more patriotic than that

nicknames: arjo, aj, hermes

age: 29 (turning 30 this year)

pronouns: he/they

birthday/zodiac sign: june 1st 1988, wednesday / gemini

height: 5′10

tattoos/piercings: surprisingly... none just yet. he has thought about getting a full sleeve one, but he’s also wary of tarnishing his beautiful body. i mean... that golden skin with some ink? maybe. he has thought of getting one with apollo before but then, you know, you never do know if you’re gonna end up getting someone arrested so it’s probably best not to get a tattoo with anyone at this point.

FAVORITES

sound: the hustle and bustle of the city. hermes counts it as that very intimate act of pressing your ear on someone’s chest and hearing their heartbeat, and though he doesn’t buy into the whole overhyping of new york in the media, he loves living here nevertheless (he’d love living in any other city with this much people and just as many activities, tbh). the beauty of being in such a crowded city is that the whole “everybody knows everybody” cliche doesn’t stand true, there’s a new, fascinating stranger that hermes can connect with everyday, and he lives by having as many exciting adventures as he could possibly have with a life so limited. hermes also carries a childlike fascination with any form of transportation: boats, planes, but most especially trains - he loves the sounds that they make, with the railroads and the whistles, enough that it’s even the message tone on his phone.

color: gold and blues in all its shades, but especially the color of the sky, there’s just something comforting about it.

person: himself. straight up. it isn’t so much narcissism as it is a very strong sense of independence and isolation. as sociable and charismatic as he is, at the end of the day, his trust lies solely on what he is capable of and what he is willing to do in the name of self preservation. which, given what he has already done, is a lot. since his parents left, family is something that he doesn’t have in new york and other states - there are relatives, sure, but none familiar to  him - and what little semblance of that he does still have lies with the filipino community that he remains connected with. apollo is his best friend... or was... something about getting someone arrested tends to muddle relationships up, who knew? his favorite people would have to be the people who fall for his charms. it doesn’t help that he’s incredibly persuasive to anyone who doesn’t know him well enough to know that he’s that much of an ass at times.

memory: uh... i’ll get back to you on this one.

place: smack dab in the most crowded place in new york city - times square. or any place that has throngs of lively, chatty, exciting people, hermes almost thrives off of their energy, uses it to fuel his own, gets a high off of it. he’s not someone who particularly loves being by himself, although he is prone to doing it every now and then, especially in his apartment which is pretty much a bachelor pad. hermes does absolutely, irrevocably, deeply loves traveling, and if zeus and hera didn’t outright tell him that they needed him to stick around new york and do his job, hermes would just as likely be jetsetting off to god knows where, having adventures, soaking up the sun, seeing how far he can go with just the clothes off his back, his innocent face and his impish smile. he does favor sunny places more than cold ones, but he would definitely love to visit every country at least once.

vice: hermes genuinely love, love, loves fucking with people. he loves pushing them close to the edge, annoying them with his antics or simply flashing them with his shit eating grin, all the things that would alleviate his boredom which is the last thing that he wants to ever feel. even if it comes at the expense of himself or the people around him, making people laugh is an addiction that he can’t get enough of. even in the most serious of circumstances, hermes has the tendency to stick his foot in his mouth willingly and mess the whole interaction up. another vice of his is this... well, small tendency towards kleptomania. and i say small for the present, in the past, in his youth, he did run with some not-so-decent people and committed some petty larceny, but he’s... somewhat matured from that and only now steals the occasional small trinket or two, out of habit than any serious need to. if he hadn’t gotten into old olympus, into something with a steady-ish paycheck, then hermes likely would have been more susceptible to letting his habit get the best of him. he does offer this talent of his to the gang every now and then, if they need it, and his position as transportation means that he’s... unlocked a car that’s not his every now and then. perhaps if he wasn’t so unreliable, he would have a different position in the gang that suits this talent of his better, but for now, transpo is very much up his alley.

HAVE THEY EVER…

been in love: not really? maybe? possibly? it’s hard to tell since they tend to get into relationships fast and loose, with many notches on his bedpost. arjo loves being in the company of people and being the center of attention, but most of these relationships stem mainly from his enjoyment of getting away with it. when people say “you’re just in it for the chase”, it’s probably because they’ve met arjo before. he’s disingenuous at best and a straight up manipulator at his worse, though it has never stepped into the realm of being too much - if it stops being fun and starts being too much work, then he’ll give up and move on. so he likes to portray a different image of himself every now and then, so he shows people what they like and let them fall for that false version of himself, it’s harmless, it’s fun, all because he’s always made it clear that he’s not looking for anything serious.

done drugs: sure, why not? yolo, right? not the hard ones, mind you, he’s dabbled here and there, but it’s never gone into becoming an addiction or a regularity. if he’s at a party or if someone offers, who is he to say no? he’d never say this himself because it’s a fucking cliche and also the cheesiest goddamn thing, but he likes to get high on life!!! there are way better things to get your high from than drugs.

killed someone: no, it’s never come to that and he’s hoping it never does. becoming part of old olympus was... well, it was a reckless decision done simply because he honestly thought “well... what the heck” and his position as transportation reflects the fact that he isn’t really looking to do anything wildly unlawful. he likes to play with the lines of the law without entirely crossing or breaking them.

betrayed someone’s trust: hey apollo how’s it hangin buddy? the notion of trust for hermes is very........ complicated. on the one hand, i understand if not a lot of people trust him, he gives off this vibe of not taking anything seriously or not even having the capability to take anything seriously (he acts like an idiot and he is, in some regard, but he’s actually very, very cunning and the act itself is part of it), but at the end of the day... yeah, i would say, be careful around him. he doesn’t intentionally mean to betray people, he just doesn’t see the point in putting someone else before or above himself. is that selfish? maaaybe, but it’s not foolish and he’d rather selfish than be that.

had their heart broken: eh. he’ll have to have allowed his heart to form any serious attachment for it to be broken, and he’s never done that. he thinks he’s too smart for that, too smart to ever let the risks outweigh the facts, so if we’re counting successes by way of how many times he’s had his heart broken then hermes is a winner, definitely. but he’s never truly been with someone either, whatever relationships he has had before have always been with him having one foot out the door, perhaps even an entire half of his body out the door, and it gets lonely at times, sure, but if he doesn’t think about it then it’s not an issue.

lost someone: nope. hermes has lived his life relatively loss-free, and i think that does manifest itself in his personality and his devil-may-care viewing of life.

DO THEY…

have any pets: a cherry head red footed tortoise named torta, five years old. he isn’t nearly responsible enough to have a dog on his own, though he does love dogs and is kind of a dog himself. he’s thinking of getting a pet rabbit just so he can race torta and the rabbit against each other, or maybe even a pet snake just cause snakes are cool, but neither have come to fruition yet.

have a family they still talk to: hermes actually still pretty regularly chats with his family, but it’s never something that he instigates or pointedly makes time for in his schedule. it’s more a force of habit than anything that actually calls on him as a need, but he does recognize the efforts that his parents made to give him a good life, sometimes he just can’t help but wish that it had been better.

have a best friend: a-a... apo....... apollo.................?

want to get married and/or have kids: neither. the prospect of them having a child causes them to empty the entire contents of their stomach, it’s that dreadful. not that they have an aversion to children, but more often than not, if they have to spend more than fifteen minutes with a child, hermes ends up picking fights and being more childish than them. the playfulness that is inherent in hermes’ being makes them great with kids, but the responsibility? the hard work? the seriousness? it doesn’t exist.

want to leave: the going’s still good, so why ruin that? though there is no deep rooted loyalty in him to old olympus or to zeus, for that matter, and he may have made that pretty evident by the way that he pushed apollo to take the fall for him. being part of the gang is something that he just happened to get into, it’s not something that he’s passionate or serious about, and everyone knows that which is why he understands that progression isn’t something in store for him in this profession. not that he cares or wants to, but for now, as long as he’s having fun, he gets to walk the wild side of life, then yeah, he’ll play with the big boiiis.

THIS OR THAT?

phone call or text: text. for the emojis. but if it’s an option, he does do a fair amount of video calls because it saves from the tendency to misunderstanding and vagueness that other communication styles have. seeing someone’s face, hearing their response as soon as they come up with it, and then there’s the added bonus of the other person seeing his beautiful face, what’s not to like?

wealth or loyalty: loyalty to himself, wealth if it comes easily. considering what he’s done recently re: apollo and that whole fiasco, it is easy to assume that hermes functions under a zero sense of loyalty to anyone, but in truth, his loyalty just happens to be that much stronger to his whims, and sometimes that takes over his affection for other people. on some level, he does still carry loyalty for apollo, for anyone who is his friend and has done nothing wrong against him, it just so happens that he understands how hard it is to trust anyone nowadays and he likes playing around with people. for now, he stands in line with old olympus and zeus, but he is as easily swayable as a feather under a steady breeze, and just as liable to fly to the next offer if it fits his desires.

love or lust: there’s a big difference? caerus whom the fuc no, he knows that there is, but hermes likes to pretend that there isn’t. truthfully, he does have romantic notions now and then, but he’s always been successful in quelling them, just because he operates under this view that romance is weakness, romance makes someone boring and stale, romance is death to fun. he’s only in his late twenties, he has no desire to settle down... or at least that’s what he tells himself. inwardly, i do think that hermes is a one person kinda dude. has he had his fair share of flings? sure, and most people who know him chalk it off as this insatiable lust or his being some kind of casanova, but when i say he’s in it for the thrill of the chase, i mean that as just that. what comes after isn’t as interesting to him, sex is a game and if he has to, he can just as easily live without it.

5 friends or 100 acquaintances: 100 acquaintances. at least one of them is bound to be rich and willing to share their blessings with others, especially those with strong jaws and handsome features. and with 100 acquaintances, some of them are also bound to be fun and can keep up with his lifestyle, as opposed to five friends who are very liable to letting him down and disappointing him. in all honesty, hermes just isn’t someone that can hold down a handful of friends, both for lack of trying and interest. if people manage to stay in his company, that’s nothing to him but an added bonus. though he would love to have more genuine friends, he knows that he’s something of an acquired taste and not a lot of people do get him.

summer or winter: summer. tank tops, beach bod, ibiza, vodka, tijuana, tequila. the only thing fun about winter is that he gets to pelt people with snow then run away, knowing that they can’t chase after him because it’s cold and slippery.

OTHERS:

wanted plots/connections: shiiiiiit if i know but i would love if there were people that he’s maybe been with, people he’s friends with, people he’s fucked with and they maybe want revenge of his petty ass, something!!! i thought of maybe a flatmate but i’m not so sure, he does like his personal space, but then... it could be fun... idk i’ll think about it

pinterest board: khrysopos

[iesharael-blog]

1/5/19 Happy New Year

ok im gonna be honest... I dont remember the past 5 days other than i’m sick and can barely breath and i mad the mistake of going to the movies with some friends. i wanted to see mary poppins again so me and 4 friends were gonna go, well after we already planned that, one made me really uncomfortable when he was drunk messaging me and not accepting that i did not want a relationship with him. even going so far as to say he hates my ex simply cause he got me first. so im gonna call these friends A B C (as well as D and E to explain backstory) and explain who they are with a little key so i can give the story without being revealing of identities and what not.

Me - [fem] myself. I’ve know them for a little over 20 years and they tend to be a complete child and was treated as the child of friends back in high school and cared for as such. highly susceptible to emotional manipulation especially from people they trust

A - [fem] my best friend since 5th grade who i fondly refer to as my mama bear. my amazing protector of both physical and emotional battle grounds. the very person who’s house i ran to when i needed time away from my parents to figure things out before asking for therapy.

B - [male] twat i met my junior year who i started calling dad at some point and has since become completely unstable. very egotistical and leaves arguments if he isn’t winning constantly playing the victim card.

C - [male] guy who i was randomly introduced to through his younger brother adding him to a discord server i run as an attempt to shut down my ex for daring to call the unholy texts that are The Harry Potter Series “mediocre” (i also have his phone number randomly cause i used to know his twin) and has been friends with B for a while even going so far as to have a running joke of them being in a relationship even tho they are both straight.

D - [fem] B’s ex who i refer to as step mama and who tends to be fairly motherly towards me

E - [male] dude i was friends with in highschool and who was good friends with B

My Ex - [male] still on very good terms and he is very caring towards me. he tries to make sure im doing whats best for me and not letting anyone manipulate or harm me

ok that was bigger than i expected but im sick im not thinking straight so this gonna be a bit weird and long... ok heres the story:

so im all like “hey i wanna see Mary Poppins again!” and B and C are like yeah lets go! with B immediately stating how he had planned to see it with B before they broke up, already putting a slight damper on the thing but we got past it. a day or two after i end up with me and B agreeing (timestamp 9:30) to message on discord between 11-12 as well as set up a server for us and his little sis to play on. (the wait was for him watching doctor who with his family) so i shower and puzzle and finally with no word by 11:42 i message him asking for when he thinks he will be on to which i get the message “I don’t know I’m really drunk it’s gonna be a blast “... and now a transcript of what followed next copied word for word (well privacy edits) time stamps (and spelling errors) included:

ME Last Sunday at 11:44 PM

but i guess mary poppins day discusion will wait for tomorow

me and your sister agreed on doing ftb sky adventers

B Last Sunday at 11:45 PM

Ok

Btw

Hehe

I shouldn’t say it

ME Last Sunday at 11:45 PM

say it

cant say btw then not say it

dick

B Last Sunday at 11:46 PM

Well

Uhm

ME Last Sunday at 11:46 PM

yes?

B  Last Sunday at 11:46 PM

I’m unhappy with [MY EX]

Because I was maybe going to ask you out

I can say this because I’m drunk

ME Last Sunday at 11:47 PM

omg lol (in the this is a funniy situation way, not laughing at you)

thought you were repulesed by me? yeesh [B] keep your story straight

after all i did like you a bit before i met [MY EX], but hes always nice and youre... drunk nice

so eta for server mister cassanova?

B Last Sunday at 11:51 PM

No I want to be nice to you sober too but for some reason I get scared so I hide behind lies

Idk a while

Tonight

ME Last Sunday at 11:51 PM

you dont have to be scared, im just shocking

B Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

Well if we go to Mary poppins

Even with [C], who I’d like to be there

Maybe a mini date?

ME Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

no.

B Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

Aqwww

ME Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

sorry but i cant date again not yet

B Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

I’m gonna be sad

ME Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

i told you why me and [MY EX] broke up

B Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

But when I’m sober I’m going to regret most of this

ME Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

its not good for me to be in a relationship rn

B Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

I know

Well

Actually

ME Last Sunday at 11:54 PM

look if things dont work out with [MY EX] once my brain is on the path to fixed then we will see, until then dont wait up for me

B Last Sunday at 11:54 PM

I think you do need to be with at least someone because when you are depressed and thrown out of it you need someone to relate to and talk and make you feel comforted and loved

Time alone isn’t the answer

ME Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

except i have friends for that hon

B Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

Yeah

You dooo

ME Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

you dont need a relationship relationship

i have a [A]

B Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

Well

Is she helping

Are you loved

ME Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

i talk to her about everything mental

i talk to [IRRELEVANT MALE FRIEND] about physical questions

creepy right? well this kept going with me getting more and more uncomfortable and refusing to accept that i dont want a relationship (a quote from B in reference to my ex: “ He might be your daddy, but I’m your daddy” tf? and yes he bolded) to the point that i was just sticking around so hed put a server up for the pack. then a bit before 2 o’clock i say that im gonna get off at 2 cause that when i had planned to, to which he (im not sure if intentionally) manipulated me into staying on till 3 o’clock because he would tell me about a personal thing i was curious about. finally 3 o’clock comes around, we call and i hear the story and once the server is up he tells me hes gonna go play league with some people (note random online people not irl people he supposedly likes) and will be back in 20 mins. i figure what the hay ill wait. 40 mins later he says hes not getting back on... obviously im furious. (screen shot of convo i sent to someone day of to explain without having to retype - im red)

next day comes and im uncomfortable and C ends up buying minecraft so he can play with me on the server, we get in call with a now sober B when he gets on and i confront him about the messages even sharing screens for proof (i learned its best not to 1v1 argue him cause im easy to manipulate) and he claims to not remember it but whenever C is away during the call he says things that sound slightly suggestive. at this point id like to note that i have a full recording of me scrolling through the messages as an unlisted video on my youtube channel and have sent it to people who with no prior suggestion have described it as “rapey” and warned me against him. my ex in particular warned me that i am very susceptible to an abusive relationship rn due to my mental state and that he seemed very unstable. at this i decided to invite A to go to mary poppins too since she would be a good protector of me should anything happen and to have a more familiar presence there. 

now here is the juicy part. so D was talking to C where C was complaining how clingy B was becoming and how creepy he was being towards me so she quickly messages me on snap warning me that he is a ‘manipulative possessive jerk who will see me as nothing but an object to conquer and get mad when you are unhappy’ after hearing this i rembered B’s story about D cheating on him with E before D and E got together and started to wonder how true that was. me and D had a lovely conversation following that about my singular past relationship and her current one and blah blah blah.

MOVIE DAY: (C canceled the night before so now it is just me B and A going) we get picked up by A and all seems well with everyone being friendly and B seeming kinda cautious. i think hes regretting the convo so i decide to be nice. the movie was great and we decide to hang in the mall after (i made a build a bear). so while we were hanging at one point he scared me when after he provoked me into my light face wacks (cat play pretty much, wouldnt damage the most fragile ice) he grabs my hand to stop me and me thinking “oooo game fun!” i start to dig my nail into his hand to get let go of but instead of him reacting how i expected (letting go so i can escape) he looks at me with the scariest most serious face ive ever seen and (this part still scares me) says “you dont want to go down this path” he finally lets go and i go sit by the hot topic earing displays while A and B look at buttons then when B sits next to me while A waits to pay he basically called my claw abuse. (like what? you grab my hand hard enough that it hurt when i was doing the same playful banter weve done for years and apparently im the abuser cause i do my standard get away strategy of hurting the hand thats holding me? what did you expect me to do? just comply and calmly stand there with my hand held above y head in yours?) after we leave hottopic we are in the car and somehow we get to the topic of the drunk conversation.

so im talking and trying to explain how uncomfortable he made me( and how i was afraid to be alone around him and how i had been scared remembering that he not only knows where i live but where the spare key is!!!!) and i dare use the word “rapey” ... lets see if i can get a definition for yall but first ill say how i use that word - “rapey. an adjective to describe a situation in which one party becomes uncomfortable and afraid to the point that they feel if this continues they could be raped or otherwise hurt/abused in the future” - and now the second definition from urban dictionary:  “Rapey A guy who's creepy, and hugs or kisses inappropriately. He has a rapist lure. You don't think he would do it but definitely gives off that vibe. i.e. creepy hugger at the office.” - now i apparently  made a huge error in daring to use that word to describe the conversation where he would not accept me saying no to a relationship (and at one point asked me my ex’s dick size - which i did not give) and continously stated how using words liek that could end up getting him in jail. A and i look at eachother incredulously and try to argue with him a bit but ultimately decide to just get back to the point and bring it back to how uncomfortable i was and how he needs to change his attitude and appologize but he keeps bringing it back to that word. fianlly im close to tears and mutely hugging my yoshi in the front seat and the whole car goes silent. A offers that i sleep over tonight which i decline knowing im sick and need my bed and we talk a bit about my ex and goign out for ramen with him sometime. once i was home i removed B from discord snap and steam and will remove him next time im on league as well. he was removed from my server and i left any i had in common with him. i am done trying to forgive him.

on a brighter note i got sims 4 cause C bought it for me since i couldn't refund his ticket i prepaid for and im learning how to get better from this stupid dry throat. hopefully ill be better by Tuesday so i can go back to work at the library!

thanks for reading! <3 

i know this was a long one and probably makes half sense cause of the code letters and the fact that i am writing this while very light headed <3

[winterywitch]

For the ask thing: Dogma, Josipher, and Jerolin

o shit!!!

dogma

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: he’s so understanding and open-minded for what he is like he kinda made the concept of religious leaders in fiction safe again, like they dont have to ALL be evil fuckers in my work. like he made that concept Exist again for me and im so grateful for that, as a Sinful Sex-Having Gay x333 [fucking gag me] he’s very much a healing character for meworst quality: none of them but like why does he never smile :ship them with: kantera and tabasa, either separately or polyamorously all w/ each otherbrotp them with: russell!! dogma was the character i spent the festival with on my first playthrough of end roll so he’s a nice adult male rolemodel for russell and he cares for russell a lot even if in a purely platonic vaguely kuudere wayneeds to stay away from: dust, smoke and pollen, bitch [highfives him as i am a fellow asthma-haver] and like also. burning things. things that are burning. the burning bush is just never quite the same for him is itmisc. thoughts: his design is so nice i just really really love it

josipher

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type (im pretty sure anyway?) | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: his sheer, tender-heartedness and adoration for humans that drives the core of his being, he was susceptible to his sister’s lies and manipulation because he’s a kind person who assumes the best in peopleworst quality: the man really needs to learn how to communicate clearly, and also his snootily belligerent personality following the betrayal of his sister and whatnot makes it really easy to think he’s just an asshole. he also pushes people away who genuinely want to help him because he assumes all people are just assholes nowship them with: vulcan, also not a ship but sniper made out with him once in a joke dialogue tree. Romantically.brotp them with: i, do want him and escule to get along someday its just gonna take workneeds to stay away from: people with nasty ulterior motives, people who would manipulate him to any negative endmisc. thoughts: i just remembered at one point his voiceclaim was alan rickman??? idk if it still is but like, that’s fun i guess. he’s the god of structure and he represents summer and autumn and we love him

jerolin

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | blease he’s a minor and a incest+csa survivor suffering from his repressed memories of trauma at that leave him olone | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff | two options chosen bc im kinda torn between the two? he could be either with equal probabilitybest quality: he’s a guy who’s following his own fairly unique path in life, he’s a very brave kid who’s willing to Do That when no one else is - his moral compass is strong and true, he’s very much a hero.worst quality: none you abswolute fool /no im kidding UHH he... has a dangerous tendency to get wrapped up in things much, much bigger than he is, and like a fish in the deep ocean, he doesn’t notice those teeth surrounding him until it’s too late bc he was so dazzled by that angler fish’s glowing antenna thingyship them with: papagena, rigveda, N [from pokemon], jocelyn once he’s a year or two older ( @dreamy‘s old oc ), uhh... who knows WHOSE OC WANTS TO DATE THIS KIDbrotp them with: a friendship between him and zack ( @nocturnenebula‘s oc ) sounds kinda fun actually, it’d be really cute bc zack seems a lot more like, Loud in his responses to things than jerolin is, it’s like an comparatively-immature college-aged guy being friends with a kid that’s more mature than he isneeds to stay away from: old men, particularly those with an eye to take advantage of those “interests” of his - but we know he won’t actually heed this advicemisc. thoughts: i REALLY am liking his involvement in noct’s mnemoria webcomic/setting it feels very, homey and it feels like a setting he very much belongs in, and ive been meaning to have some kind of regular non-pokemon universe for him so its nice to have one to think about! obv hes not a canon character in the comic LOL but just like, in oc talks between noct and i