#im too sentimental to like remaking lmao

[riwrite-a]

so confession ive been feeling really stuck with this blog tbh. it just feels so messy and cluttered here and im really struggling to feel like im able to, with a few exceptions, have any meaningful interactions (which is solely on me, yall are lovely <3). the logical thing i think is to remake but i hate remaking and need to think a little more on that. but ive had incredibly high muse for especially my prsk kids and i just. dont know what to do with it bc of this feeling

[neelahind]

with the lockers post going around i officially have nothing to lose so here's a brief list of assorted kinda cringe facts about me

i still get twinges of the "i was born in the wrong generation" sentiment even tho im pretty sure it's really just that i wish that i hadn't been a shut-in for my whole teenage life stage and that social media didn't ruin the internet before i was allowed to venture further than like, neopets

i sing along to my music alone in my room very loudly, sometimes singing the lower harmony because of my alto-in-high-school-chorus curse but if anyone points it out i stop immediately and die of embarrassment ts4-style

i often scroll thru strangers' blogs on my phone (...like their art and stuff, not just random personal posts LMAO) but at some point i convinced myself that interacting in any way even by following them is too forward and i think this comes from the fact that this blog was originally a hiding place lol. so i am always very careful when scrolling to make sure im placing my thumbs in just the right spot to make sure i NEVER accidentally like anything and if i accidentally double tap i quickly unlike and then go hide in a hole. i need to get over this one for real

i almost feel like i need to remake again to shake off the "this blog is a hiding place" thing but i can't just remake i just got this url

here's a (shitpost-y) drawing of some of my unironic among us ocs i still care about wholeheartedly no matter how much this game gets memed on:

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

do u have any blairnessa headcanons? if so, I would love to read them!

hmm, i feel like i have already said a lot about them? still, might be good to put it all in one place. so this is all dynamic stuff, it got hella long but im going to give you misc Not Heavy headcanons too - which in retrospect, after writing out this wholeass esssay... is maybe what you actually asked for. give me a minute. 

until then! blairnessa dynamic rambling under the cut!!

to be really honest, most of my dair sentiments carry into blairnessa too? by which i mean - everything i like about dan and blair i can envision with blair and vanessa? blair & dan are very opinionated and have unsolicited advice on literally everything, and i feel like vanessa is like this, too? and like i’ve said before, the fact that b&v had a plausible deniability kind of moment as early as 1x12... they had the perfect energy for a really invigorating dynamic and romance. much like d&b, it would begin with mutual dislike and gradually evolve to grudging friendship - i think over mutual love for nate, tbh, which is why im forever pissed that we got d&b teaming up to save serena but NOT b&v teaming up to save nate?? anyway.

also it always felt strange to me - strange isn’t the right word but like, it felt off that blair & dan bonded over films of all things, when blair canonically regarded vanessa with such contempt? like.. budding filmmaker vanessa?? i feel like any film literacy dan has is likely because of his friendship with vanessa so that part of the dair arc always makes me feel this soft and sad nostalgia for vanessa. 

that entire thing of the dair arc, like the museums and the art galleries and the films and the opinions and the banter and the pretentiousness and the intellectualism and EVERYTHING, all of that transposes so well into b/v? 

also, there are things about blair and vanessa that dan and blair don’t have. the thing i’ve spoken about is mostly just that i feel both b&v would hold each other accountable for things (vanessa holding blair accountable for her bigotry, etc, blair wanting to do better - i’ll say more on this in a few paras i guess) but alsooo. i feel they would have a solidarity that d&b wouldn’t exactly have. you know that whole speech blair gives beatrice when she’s sloshed? the whole “you and i are the same, overbearing mothers and absent fathers and the weight of a thousand expectations’ thing?? i mean... so much of that applies to vanessa? idk about her dad being absent, but her overbearing mom + the expectations thing is literally canon for her. 

then there is - i said this in the tags of a reblog, but ‘the dair dynamic minus the melancholy, that’s blairnessa.’ like... so i feel in a lot of ways dan & vanessa are very very similar characters, which is to me part of why they work so well as best friends and so badly as romantic partners - they are like almost exactly the same person!! this is like those jokes i have seen floating around about nate & serena basically being genderswapped versions of each other. but of course they are not exactly the same, and the biggest difference between d&v (i can talk about serenate later, LMAO) is that vanessa is a lot more outgoing and extroverted than dan is.

there’s a lot to be said about this, i guess, like how many times dan has tried to make friends and have that metaphorical door slammed in his face (that bit on the bus in the pilot! my poor son) or whatever, but like, as characters - dan broods, dan sulks. dan makes a home in his sadness and just lies down there. vanessa... does not do that. vanessa literally perseveres. vanessa keeps on going on. vanessa is unfazed. vanessa gives no fucks. vanessa is punk rock, and dan is soft emo. or something! 

i just feel like, given that, blair and vanessa’s dynamic would be different, would be charged with something different, like a different energy. i had more thoughts about this but i don’t remember - mostly just like, vanessa would probably actively encourage blair to step out of her comfort zone in more extreme ways than dan. like, take blair to some hepburn remakes and insist that she tries out for the leading role, or she would be like, what if we make a porno (and maybe they would! idk) or like, sending blair’s writing to various fashion mags and helping her get a column somewhere other than just W- random, creative, miscellaneous, potentially out of blair’s comfort zone kind of things, and blair waldorf never backs down from a challenge, but also: unlike w/ chuck, vanessa is aware of like, what are blair’s hard noes and will never push her past those? 

which brings me down to like, the whole privilege thing and all that. i actually do not like blair’s bigotry, and i don’t really think it’s a fun thing about her. i love it when she is able to grow past that - and i know a lot of people in this fandom don’t really think of blair like that, which, whatever - i feel like, vanessa would prod at it a lot. and blair would have mixed feelings about it (we’re going the slow burn way, so by the time this prodding is happening, blair already likes vanessa’s company + respects her, albeit grudgingly/ with some denial of course) - blair would not really take it well, but i also feel like ultimately she would like her best friend vanessa enough to find some way to acknowledge these issues. i feel like it’d turn into some sort of blair being like, “i can prove that i am a good ally!” and at first it’d be blair being blair, doing a performance and being the best of the best at it, going to protests and marches and reading all the things, but i feel when it comes to social action/ social justice, after a point immersed in it you can’t really close your eyes to it? and i mean, blair is smart and sensitive and loves the people she loves with all her heart. the moment it’d sink in for her that like, there are forms of racist violence that vanessa can never really shut her eyes to, and blair can, blair can afford to look away - i feel like once she realises THAT, they’d actually, uh. what is the right word - that hurdle in their relationship would be overcome, sure, but also, blair as an individual would grow so much from it?? 

what would vanessa get from blair. uhhh, i feel like d&v both have this ‘outsider’ thing going where they’re actively like, trying not to admit to themselves that maybe they would like to be popular - dan more than vanessa, canonically, but i wouldn’t be surprised if vanessa has this sort of thing going as well. i think blair would make vanessa feel like it doesn’t matter. like whether you cling to being an outsider or to being the queen b, you’re still clinging to something, and are we - popular mean girl and outcast who uses snark as a defence mechanism - are we really that different? on rewatch especially all these little moments of blair’s kindness, blair’s gentleness, how MUCH blair loves the people she loves (’you’re serena van der woodsen, you deserve a guy who would move mountains for you’, etc etc) all of those stood out to me, and i feel like blair’s moments of kindness would be cherished by v in a different way because of like, how much blair and vanessa, contrary to literally ALL belief, understand each other perfectly??

[ptchu]

i think im gonna remake after all and get a fresh start, except a couple side blogs ill just transfer as is

my likes are kinda broken anyway and i dont feel like asking for help from tumblr lmao

im too sentimental to delete this stuff tho so im just gonna change it to oldptchu or somethin, maybe ill change it back to pinkspyro lol

[kishibe]

Tagged by: @psychohelmet thank you aidah!!

Rules: Answer the new questions given by the previous person, write 11 new questions & tag 11 people

what’s a song that means a lot to you?

not really a song, but there’s a sound heard from the ships as they set sail... not ALL ships make the same sound, and there’s this specific sound few ships make that makes me feel really nostalgic. i can’t really describe it but it’s a sound different from the common howl, it’s kind of like a melody and i’ve heard it a handful of times in my hometown. that’s the only place where i’ve heard it and i’m not even sure if it’s the same ship or two or three. but yeah, there’s that.

what’s a trend you don’t understand?

show off selfies. though i wouldn’t say i don’t “understand” it since it pretty much is driven by the necessity of validation on various social media, it’s a sentiment more akin to distaste, i guess? i don’t really like the whole thing about taking selfies in dangerous places for the sake of appealing to people you don’t even know or just to one up against another person.

if you could punch an anime character, who would you punch and why?

joseph joestar, definitely.

which ability would you rather have: the ability to dance well, the ability to sing well or the ability to draw well?

the ability to draw well. im not especially interested in singing or dancing so...

what’s your favourite au? be it in fan art or fan ficition

now that i think about it, there isn’t any au i prefer.... i’d say i lean more towards specific tropes than an au in particular. as for the tropes i enjoy reading, there’s mutual pining where one half of the pairing is completely oblivious that their feelings are returned lmao. i also like comedy as an atmosphere to the story, im not that fond of tragedy in fanfiction.

what inspires you?

usually, being alone. no matter where, just being on my own without interacting with anyone or being put into a situation where i have to socialize, because that way my attention is completely focused on my own thoughts and i can play around with ideas and pull the strings for a new story. if it’s writing inspiration, that is. i don’t really require inspiration for anything else besides creative writing, i suppose? 

recommend good manga reads

jojo’s bizarre adventure of course!!!, hunter x hunter, berserk, katekyo hitman reborn, mob psycho 100, one punch man (both the original and yusuke murata’s remake), deadman wonderland, gekkan shojo nozaki-kun, gintama, d.gray man, fullmetal alchemist, dorohedoro, death note, oyasumi punpun (though i dont recommend you read it when you’re having emotional problems bc it’s rly messed up), i can’t think of anything more, these are the ones that come to my mind

confess something embarrassing

god, i am really clumsy and useless when im not at work and i have really bad luck. a lot of shit always happens to me but recently the sole of my shoes wore out while i was on an uber ride to meet with friends and all the while i was crying inside and when i got off the car i tripped then i hid behind a car in the parking lot so no one saw me change shoes and then i went to the restaurant i was supposed to meet with my pals but it was the wrong place and the dude was like “miss... we’re literally under construction, dont u see the men working” and i just XDDD. man, it was so embarrassing im still not over it.

what was your favourite game as a child? be it video games, computer games or games you played at the playground etc

as a child, i really enjoyed playing on the beach with my sister. we would run from one side to the other and jump and do backflips without fear because the sand was a soft landing. we didn’t hold back in any way. it was sort of liberating, in a way. for a child, any kind of place where you don’t have to worry about getting hurt or having your mom telling you to not be too hasty is a treasure on its own, so when looking back, these are the moments and games i enjoyed the most.

if you could see anyone live in concert, who would it be?

i don’t like concerts, really. crowds make me really sick and i can’t handle it so there’s really no one i’d like to see in a concert. i do enjoy watching the concerts on the screen though, so i’d say the performances i like the most are all from My Chemical Romance lol

do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

yeah. it’s all related to the fact that i do believe in fate and it was part of my teachings as a kid from my mother and grandmother. it’s hard not to believe when it’s so engraved into your character tbh

Questions:

is there any place you remember the most or think of it in a fondly way?

what was your favorite color as a child? is it the same?

what’s your most recurrent dream?

any favorite book?

what’s what you look for in a movie or what convinces you to watch it?

do you believe in reincarnation?

what’s the best manga you’ve read?

are you a picky person when it comes to food?

how do you like your coffee or tea?

are you the type of person who takes organized notes or do you leave them as your wrote them during lecture?

any favorite tropes in fanfiction? it can be something you like to read or write.

Tagging: @neruas @tokyun @tsukis @kurorolucilfer @cieled @allenswalkers @erwiins @aomiins @kalopsiar you don’t have to if you dont want to do it though!

[riwrite-a]

weird how redoing/making some new graphics and things kicks up muse huh