#im tired of the misunderstandings the disbelief the awe the weird fascination and the desire to obtain inspiration from me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

caffeinatedopossum · 2 years ago

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Like idk it's probably obvious to everyone else that mental illnesses have varying severities but some part of me just really wanted to believe I could relate to everyone. Which is stupid and presumptuous of me of course but you know. I think I just didn't want to feel isolated. Of course I don't need to relate to *everyone* I'm friends with but it would be nice to have a few yknow

I'm starting to think that maybe there is a difference between simply having mental illness and being disabled by your mental illness

#im glad people didnt go through what i did but its also really hard to interact with them #like how are they so okay? im scared ill like break them if im around them too much or something #i didnt even realize the extent of my problems at all until recently and now I'm just so empty #i dont know what to do with it #i dont want to sound like im complaining or trying to get attention or something but i just genuinely want to be able to share #my experiences freely #i want to talk about my life and have people accept it. i want people to accept *me*#i dont want 'wow i cant imagine' or 'theres no way thats true you would have died' or #'youre so strong' or more and more misunderstanding #im tired of the misunderstandings the disbelief the awe the weird fascination and the desire to obtain inspiration from me #i just want to be a person #im tired of feeling like people are looking at me like im a zoo animal #like yes my dad was a rapist. my mom was a murderer. i escaped what was probably a cult #ive moved across the country like 4 times now qnd lived in 6 different states. i have depression and severe anxiety #the amount of neglect from my parents left me permanently under developed because i never got enough to eat #i literally have a hole in my jaw bone from when my cavities became so severe that the pressure of the abscesses #made a hole in my bone. i wasnt really taught to brush my teeth or how to do it correctly #i lived in a shed with electricity via an extension cord. there was a perfectly good house a property but i was made #to sleep and live in this shed with no insulation no plumbing no independent electricity and no heat or cooling #my mom wouldnt even bother doing anything when i was so cold i couldn't be woken up in the mornings #i nearly died of hyothermia more times than i can count #i also went through having anorexia or being underfed for the entirety of my life up until now #i didnt even know what eating enough felt like until just this year #i have chronic physical illnesses that went undetected because shocker my parents also wouldnt let me go to hospitals #i have autism DID severe anxiety and insomnia. possibly ocd. d #i genuinely don't think i know what not being depressed feels like #i look fine to most people. none of this is visible i just look a bit younger than i am and anxious at most #but i am so tired. im so tired of not being able to state facts without drawing everyones attention #i just want to exist with an acceptance of myself and my past. i just want to exist #i dont want to not acknowledge how bad it was and is and will be anymore

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