#im tired of eating like shit
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#im so tired of truck stop bathrooms#im so tired of ~~maybe~~ getting paid this week we'll see#im tired of eating like shit#im finding ways to sleep better but damn im tired of a moving bunk#im tired of moving#im tired#i felt so good this morning after a decent nights sleep but i am running out of steam before my day is over#i have to find something#i cant keep doing this#<- she will keep doing this#i cri
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I CARE SO MUCH
#girlhood#this is what makes us girls#eating disoder trigger warning#ed#girls icons#icons#lana del rey#lizzy grant#clothes#stylist#fashion#coquette#skins uk#im cryin#girlblog aesthetic#girly shit#giselle#girl problems#girl interrupted#cinnamon girl#coquette girl#gorgeous#being a girl#girl blog#girl boss gaslight gatekeep#i hate calories#im tired of feeling like im fucking crazy#disordered eating cw#im so tired#im weird
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Consider:
Binghe wishes to no longer be half Heavenly Demon… only the wish ends with him becoming a heavenly being and immediately ascending to the heavens, where he is tasked with fulfilling the duties his fallen ancestor abandoned.
Binghe wants to return to the mortal realm (to be with Shizun), but isn’t allowed to do so. The only way he can return is if he follows the example of his ancestor… and becomes a full Heavenly Demon.
Now ordinarily there would have been the possibility of Shen Qingqiu cultivating enough to ascend himself, meaning Binghe could just wait for him, but since Shen Qingqiu is plagued by Without-a-Cure the chances of him ascending have gone from ‘unlikely’ to ‘impossible’.
(And of course the only way for him to be cured of without a cure is dual cultivation with a Heavenly Demon).
Ah, the angst!
can you imagine how shen qingqiu would react to finding out the news?
he’d hear whispers of some new ascended god on his travels.
whispers become curiousity, become rumours, become praise, become prayers. ascended after death, recognised by heaven after being felled by demons in the worst attack the human realm has seen in a long time.
in the eyes of the people, luo binghe becomes the god of fortune, of overcoming adversity, of overturning fate, of rising from the ashes.
they come to learn of his dilligence in his studies, his adoration for his shizun, his terrible childhood. of course, it all reaches qing jing peak.
now, shen qingqiu must grapple with the fact that he had raised binghe to be better than his book counterpart, but that in doing so had lost him in a, somehow, much more harrowing way. he had expected to be hated, scorned and killed. he did not expect that he would be left behind.
he waves off the congratulations of the people around him, the praise of having raised such a capable, powerful disciple. what would he even say? how thick of a face would he have to have in order to take credit for what binghe had done in spite of his treacherous shizun? and what’s his deal, being so bitter about the whole thing? clearly, he needs to let this go. it’s unbecoming.
and he is happy for binghe.
it’s just unexpectedly lonely, to know that he would never see him again.
(he will.)
#svsss#svsss au#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#bingqiu#oh god this is such a good fucking idea holy SHIT anon#what do you EAT to have a brain so humongous#absolute UNIT of a brain#god#obligatory im too tired to make sense but i trust that you will understand and feel exactly what i intend you to#im going to sleep now but Please Know: i will be playing this scenario in my head like it’s a feature length film#.q
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more of Soda n Dallas being a conniving duo I think
#i do not see enough soda n dally content#i just KNOW soda saw dallas for the first time n was like oh my god#hes the coolest fucking dude ever#n then hung out with him n was like ohhhhhh#now i see#hes a loser#pony still thinks dallas is the coolest sometimes#n soda is always like DALLAS???#WINSTON???#dallas is like sodas deliquent cousin#darrys blood pressure HITS the roof when they are both unaccounted for#they are UP to something#they get the most vile sinster shit eating grins when they get up to no good#they have one hundred percent said the phrase “are u thinking what im thinking?”#“oh ho ho yes i am”#before#steve is so fucking jealous#but they are a powerhouse duo#if sodas not getting picked up by the cops with steve u can BET its with dally#darry is so tired of them#the outsiders#ponyboy curtis#sodapop curtis#darry curtis#dallas winston#the outsiders 1983#steve randle
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"Angry robin" "violent robin" "misbehaving robin" shut up and accept my alternative; spunky Robin. Determined and head strong, can out-stubborn the Batman, has a strong moral-backbone and does what he thinks is right regardless of what anybody else says, Robin. Jason who was sassy and quippy and made crude jokes with a smile on his face. Jason who hid in Bruce's cape and whispered gossip to him. Jason who, if Bruce refused him something, could keep bothering endlessly until Bruce caved. And also dramatic Jason. If Bruce tells him no, it becomes a whole theatrical show; a monologue, a narration, embellishments, and falling onto the floor in his grief upon the fact his cruel father has denied him once again.
(Jason who has suffered through abuse and homelessness and poverty and starvation, who is the Fight out of Fight or Flight, who's built up defenses and walls and when pushed and triggered responds with the thing that's always protected him; anger. He's sweet and kind and funny, and when he sees a pimp hitting a prostitute he gets furious and responds with violence.)
#my dc posting#dc#jason todd#jaybin#im having so many thoughts abt jaybin and he is so important to me#in one fic he went on a hunger strike bc alfred didnt eat w them and did it for so long they had to compromise#i love a jaybin 100% willing to menace and bother batman until the man folds. as is his right#the thing abt jason's backstory is that it shows him unwilling to suffer for a home#ma gunn's is bad; he gets beat up and she tries to get him to help rob a place. so he leaves! and rats the whole thing out to batman#and shows up himself cus he didnt think he had been believed#and lets not forget the fact he hit batman with a tire iron and called him a 'big boob'!#the boy's got moxie!! let jaybin be crass and angry and sassy and flawed and traumatized without reducing him to 2d caricature of a 'troubl#d kid'#i dont like a jason who did nothing but use excessive violence and disobey orders and be cocky and all that shit#i like a jason who was. oh yknow. a complex person!! a child/teen who has been fucking abused!!!#you shouldnt erase the fact that jason's reaction/response to stressful situations and triggers IS anger#it's not an indication that he was always gonna become a criminal/red hood or whatever. get outta here w that shit#but like. let us not go so far in the other direction we forget to have him react and be affected by the abuse he's suffered#anyway. if anyone should be a drama-queen it should be jaybin. once he becomes truly comfortable w bruce he should dial it up to 11#a lot of red hood's appeal (to me&many others) is that he is an 'imperfect' victim. meaning he is angry and flawed and doesnt suffer quietl#but is loud and obvious abt it#so when i see jaybin written as the opposite its like. man whats that about#anyway. jaybin is good and cares and wants to help and protect people. and by god if i ever see anybody writing#him having arguments with bruce about the no kill rule WHILE robin again im gonna throw hands istg-#my tags are like a hidden treasure box. most of what i say is in here lmao
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“they had something” and it’s gihun and frontman ?? im sick
#THEY HAD WHAT? CUS ITS CERTAINLY NOT ENEMIES TO LOVERS#people would ship two brain - eating amoebaes if they were somehow male#and that’s exactly what’s in their fucking heads. it’s the same way fyozai makes no sense to me#a ship doesn’t need to be good for it to work and characters esp ENEMIES should always have some kind of chemistry and understanding of#each other. because that’s what makes it good WITHOUT#ROMANCE. but what i’m tired of it opening any platform and seeing every male relationship (non romantic meaning) boiled down#old man yaoi ….. you’re sick. you’re actually sick like ?!!!!:£:73!:/&/83&&:£: HELLOOOOOOO#HELLOOOOOOOOO#idc it doesn’t make sense to me like call me a hater but im like ??? y’all could have shipped him with jungbae. but you won’t bcs he’s not#attractive to you …. like i’ll say it once and shout it again im sick#it’s the same fucking thing with alien stage man like it was created by two lesbians and has to women front and centre to kick it all off#and the main character is a woman and yet its a BL? KYS#i’m tired. like i don’t hate shipping but im tired of predicting that people will yaoi-ify anything#two ants are looking at each other rn over a crumb of bread and someone would say they’re star crossed#that ant will give up the crumb for his love bcs he needs it more or some shit#yawn. anyway rant over but tldr shit makes no sense to me anymore and it i see one more gihun and frontman edit im propelling myself#into traffic. in front of the person who made it#like some people just can’t let things be non romantic and it’s ??????? sometimes it’s better when it’s not#like not romantic i mean. sometimes things are better when they aren’t trying to fuck each other#the amount of typos can u tell im irritated HDJSJSJSJS#i try not to let this shit bother me but atp it’s all i see. i don’t want jayvik or gihunfrontman smut on my timelines grandpa im tired
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it's so damn sad that i have 500+ of you and no one gives a shit that i am curled up on the floor crying holding my old stuffed cat because it's the only thing that hasn't left me and trying not to have a full on break down and jump out a window, but you will just at the chances to correct my shitty behaviors the moment i even momentarily fuck up. suck my dick/not a threat. jesus christ
i am tired. take what i say tonight with a grain of salt. i can't type due to the fact every ounce of liquid in my body is pouring out through my eyes while i try to convince myself life is worth living.
#kairying in here#im so tired#im so exhausted#i feel like im gonna pass out but my body keeps shaking#i feel like everything i do gets criticized and im so sick of it#let me be a person. let me say shit and regret it on my own god damn terms#do not point it out yes i know what i said what fucked up but i do not care#i am angry. i am tired. i am hurt. and if i hurt you well then maybe you deserve it#because you probably hurt me#you people hurt me so damn much#not all of you#but the ones who know who they are know who they are#of course they're all pussys and have me blocked#dumb fucks#deciding to ghost me and leave me for dead after multiple exhausted work nights telling them how much they matter#bullshit. absolute bullshit. you can't care about anyone without them giving you the finger and leaving you#why do i always need to be left behind?#why am i so undesirable that everyone fucking leaves me?#fuck you. fuck all of this shit#fuck this fuck you tumblr#i give up#im done#i quit. i give up. you win. i am a bad person#i am egotistical and rude and i do not take accountability for my actions#are for you fucking happy?#are you glad that ill be dead by tomorrow? that you'll never need to see my fucking face again?#you win. congrats. you get the honor of seeing me bitch for no one to hear#im sick of this. of all of it#my friends are gone. im “too negative”. fuck that#fuck that and fuck you. go eat shit
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Bedrotting and being on Tumblr and twt all the time iz my favorite hobby :3
#bed rotting#mental illness#actually mentally ill#mentally fucked#mentally exhausted#mentally unstable#mentally tired#self mutalition#cvutting#cvtblr#s3lf mutilation#tw s3lf harm#sh cvt#disordered eating mention#cvtt!ng#eating disoder trigger warning#ed but not ed sheeran#idk how to tag this#spam tags#attention wh0r3#im going insane#actually crazy#mmmmmm#shitpost#depressing shit#tw depressing thoughts#depressiv#tasty#i like trains#trauma
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#ughhh i need to get my stupid eating back in order im sooo fucked up i feel like shit and i cannot sotp thinking about food day and night#i feel like im some vampire thats starving and is about to suck dry the first person it sees ughhherfjvrbng#im crazy broooooooo#i googled it and apparently this can be a sign of illlness or something but ive been struggling with the whole disordered eating things for#years and years and years#im wondering if i dont just have atypical depression tho cause that would. explain some stuff#and the whole eating thing too ig idk its so hard to think about regulating my diet in any way and not swing right into one of the extremes#literally unable to not just eat everything in sight or starve goddam#uhhhh sowwy for the rant vent thing but im just really tired of the situation... -.-
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every day im reminded that though my parents may have wanted a dog they clearly did not want to take care of a dog
#and i KNEW this which was why i insisted on not getting dogs though they keep trying to gaslight me#into thinking that i agreed on the dogs. i didnt and i wish id railed against it harder#because ill be honest i knew i didnt want to take care of a dog i wasnt in the headspace#but i also knew that if they got the dog that the actual caring duties would be foisted off to me#and the things that They would have to do ie go to the vet nd pay the bills etc theyd complain about and avoid#and thats one thjng. but oh my fucking god. my dad specifically#its like hes trying to get these dogs to die. we have several plants in the backyard#bad for dogs. i point them out. i have pointed them out Several times.#theyre his plants the gardens his thats none of my things. he just goes oh they wont get into them#THEYRE DOGS. but he doesnt want to move his fucking plants#one of the dogs is on medicine but has a habit of not eating his food in the morning#which means if u leave his medicine in hjs bowl the other dog might eat it#one solution is to give him the tablet straight. because hes good about eating it#he doesnt want to because 'thats gross'. Are you five fucking years old#the dog doesnt like the texture of dry food so another solution is to wet it#dad wont do that either because 'hes too spoiled' and 'it takes time' ONE MINUTE?????????#like i have to assume this is some kind of ploy to make me do it instead when i dont wake up that early#because if its not then hes truly just incompetent or doesnt care about the dogs#which brings me back to WHY DID YOU GET THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.#im sick of having to worry about them when he just does shit like this its wasting my time and its wasting money#but ohhhh we dont want to give the dogs away theyre part of the family 🥺#CLEARLY. because apparently u wanted kids but didnt want to take care of them either!!#im pissed off!!! im tired!!!!!!!!#i need to know im not going batshit here for being pissed off!!!!!#the dogs are getting back to back problems and at least some of it would have been mitigated by oh.#i dont know. the bare minimum?????#at least if the plants had been taken care of i wouldnt have to wonder if theyd just gotten into them#or if its an actual problem like a mass or bite. but no now i dont know#and at this rate were going to waste money going to the vet every fucking week
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#IM TIRED OF FEELING LIKE SHIT#ITS BEEN FIVE DAYS. I HAVEN'T SLEPT MORE THAN TWO HOURS AT A TIME#I'VE TAKEN SO MANY PAIN MEDS THAT LITERALLY EVERYTHING MAKES ME NAUSEOUS NOW#CAN'T TAKE THE STRONG MEDS BECAUSE THEY'LL MAKE ME THROW UP AND I'LL RIP MY STITCHES#CAN BARELY EAT ANYTHING. IN PAIN CONSTANTLY#AND NOTHINGS EVEN FUCKING WRONG. THE SURGEON SAID I'M HEALING NORMALLY#I'm going to lose my fucking mind#my dad says I'm getting better but I gotta be honest I do not feel it
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continuing my daily tired doodle tired posting streak (i dont know if this will be daily but so far it is... tf2mblr has been kind to me so you get my art)
i got my hands on $2 and immediately started crafting the worst loadouts known to man . my scout and demoman are furries now, spy is too depending how you wanna slice it (but hes more of like a monster to me)
i might draw my pyro later because hes quite cute :) i tried doodling my scout but i couldnt really get it right, so ill have him under the cut if youre curious about him
blehhh i cant draw birds ell oh ell
#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 spy#tf2 medic#my artstyle changing for literally every post this past like 3 days im un tears oh my god pick a stlye bro#im just not gonna address the flutterkrieg btw#youre just gonna have to ponder on that#anywyas im tired cuz i was up talking to people on a mc idle server for like#6 hours straiht... 12 am to 6 am#thats the most ive encountered of the regular tf2 community#they were actually pretty chill for the most part#like i was really surprised?#im probably gonna eat breakfast and than like honk shoo#so like gn guys lol#edit oh ym god this is my 5000th lost holy shit#everyday draws
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there r a lot of things about the myth of psyche and eros that makes me a little insane but one of them has always been the tasks from aphrodite and the unfairness of it. they're not intended to be possible. they're so obviously not meant to be possible, and psyche isn't fucking hercules, you know, she's not a demigod or whatever, she's mortal and these aren't mortal tasks!! it's why psyche has to be helped with each one, fucking by like ants and river gods and shit. and so like. idk. i know ppl see psyche and eros as like a story about love and shit which obviously it is but as a kid psyche and eros always felt like a story about being able to accept help
#in my theoretical adaptation of psyche and eros i'll never write i emphasize this theme#by changing psyche from a princess and youngest daughter to a poorer girl and eldest daughter who is very like. sophie hatter esque#also tbh when i first started thinking about my theoretical adaptation of psyche and eros i was reading hmc LMAO#also also ALSO. as a kid i always felt like the story was soooo deeply about regret and atonement and forgiveness#like YES the story is about love but not about easy love. love is difficult and requires work and sometimes u hurt each other !!!!!#it always struck me as a kid how psyche just. accepts the tasks.#i always read it as like. psyche KNOWS these tasks are unfair and i dont even think she expects to achieve them#but she accepts them anyways because she so deeply regrets what she did to eros and has no idea what else she can do.#am i verbalizing this well or have the worms eating my brain reached an irreversible point#also tbf im pretty sure the version i read as a kid didnt include the multiple times psyche tries to kill herself LMAO.#but we're ignoring that because i love the idea that shes just. so aimless and resigned to the tasks#ALSO on eros' side of things#i dont have like proper analysis about it but as a kid i saw eros hiding his face as like. fear?#like. fear that the person he loves will think he's a monster if he reveals his true self. or somethin. which also. i think is very queer#also very beauty and the beast. for obvious reasons since it was based on psyche and eros lmao#oh also. i already mentioned it but psyche and hercules r so similar.#did something unforgivable to a loved one --> given multiple impossible tasks to atone for it etc etc#i dont have any real analysis abt it i dont remember a lot abt hercules tbh but. yah#ALSO. okay i think retellings of hades and persephone where theyre totally in love and stuff r kinda tired.#BUT. in the theoretical adaptation i always imagined a scene where psyche does the last task where she goes to the underworld#and shes tired shes soso tired#and she goes to persephone and persephone is gentle and motherly which aphrodite has Not been to psyche#and i think if persephone is unkidnapped and truly in love w hades#then i think there could be a fun parallel between persephone and psyche in which like. theyre both in love w ppl#who are seen as monsters. and shit. or whatever#anyways. idk what made me think abt this again. ACTUALLY i do know i might write a twine for the neotwiny game jam#and it might be inspired by psyche and eros#anyways. lmao#jc.txt
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Ohhh I'm sorry, did the video game maintain sincerity throughout its entire plot and not even allow you an option to edgelord your way through it? Did it demand you choose between two options where neither was "kill everyone" and then force you to face the consequences of your actions? Did it have unavoidable moments of gentle humour and joy and love despite the horrors on the horizon? Did its style and writing differ from a totally unrelated game you played before that just happened to share some thematic elements? Did you want to play it the entire way through by murdering everything in sight and completely ignoring the "RP" in "RPG"? Did it hurt your feelings that you had to look at pronouns. Should we tell Andrew Tate
#im so tired of ppl condescendingly comparing bg3 to da:v as if theyre remotely comparable in......almost any way at all#'um ok youre eating an apple when pizza exists??' yes motherfucker i have a varied diet why do you feel the need to trash that#especially when we just had to go through people shitting themselves about how queer bg3 is.#and it seems like its the same thing over again except theyve decided they like bg3 now? unpog#i love bg3 i just wish i could be in the fandom spaces i was before where every other post didnt devolve to taking the piss out of -#- an unrelated game that i also happen to love. blease just go play the game you like and shut up
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ap chem midterm today😔
#urgg.. tbh im past caring atp#i feel like. genuine shit.#i would stay home but i cant. bc if i dont show up for the test its a 0.#my head hurts and my eyes hurt and my legs hurt. but we endure.#soo tired ln that i went to bed at like 6 pm w/o eating dinner.#just have to make it to saturday. amen.
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oh im going to fail this class badly.
#november has wrung me out like a wet towel and im just so tired#everything feels like a monumental effort. i'm so sad because I havent made any art in months. i'm pissed off @ myself for not taking my-#- studies seriously enough. i'm frustrated that even the smallest social event seems to drain my mental batteries for the whole day. the-#- world is going to shit and there is nothing i can do about it. i've neglected all my good habits and i have nothing to show for it.#it feels like when i eat it creates twice as many dirty dishes as usual and i cant wash them all. somewhere children are starving to death.
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