#im thinking abt ur health!!!
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you tagging that as capitano…..do you hate me and want me dead be honest
once again i look to modern!capitano who honestly is a bit upset if u meet him at the door when he comes home instead of finding you lazing about in bed or napping on the couch w a book in your lap and the tv playing mindlessly in front of you......... it's impossible not to think of you as a well-indulged cat when you stir and half-wake to stretch and yawn and greet him, lazily throwing arms over his shoulders so he can lift you and carry you wherever he intended to go in the first place............
#ask.🌧#saintshigaraki#i think he will carry u around on his hip and u dont even realize he does it until its far too late to kick up a fuss#n e way i cant possibly hate u bc i didnt even mention mihawk or croc#im thinking abt ur health!!!
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I feel like in the past the mix of this site being used for both activism and fandom helped contribute to a lot of unhinged politicized fandom discourse where yeah ofc there's a political tie to media but ppl used it as... a form of activism where it was given disproportionate importance compared to other activism discussions? Whereas now we're swinging to the opposite site of How Dare You Care About Meaningless TV Shows When Politics.
Like... we can have a mix of realizing there's more important stuff to focus on than shipping discourse in the world at large without also minimizing the insane doxxing and death threats behavior going on in fandom that people in fandom have to take into consideration to be able to do their hobby, esp given how those attitudes stem from irl political climates at times in ways that are telling to study. Hobbies are kinda how we prevent activism burnout also. Crazey how that works.
#Txt#I am also not immune to overly politicizing fandom#But also I use the site in the curated fashion one would use fandom dedicated forums in#So of course that's my focus here and ofc i process a lot here specifically thru a fandom lens#Ofc other people do too if you look at it in that way#So it's probably bizarre for ppl who do come here primarily for activism to see posts abt#fandom drama btwn posts abt the world being on fire#Ofc that contrast makes fandom stuff all look totally meaningless#when... every community has these discussions esp within curated spaces#It's not stupid to care about fandom bs that impacts me in fandom#And it is in fact weird to assume my posts here are a reflection of my understanding of the world and#a performance of everything I'm doing or not doing to help a cause#Just like someone who uses this site for activism probably has an irl club they're in#for a less stressful hobby. Or at least I hope they do#The difference is that's not under surveillance bc it's offline lol#And im sure clubs or whatever have their insane drama too that needs attention sometimes#Maybe I'm overly sensitive to these things as a person w health issues that make#my options for socializing fairly limited - so the specific brand of unhinged social shit#that happens in online fandoms does weigh more heavily for me and the tons of other ppl#like me who hang out here bc we don't have anywhere irl#But idk I don't think it needs to be an extreme case for there to be some basic understanding#of why fandom is like... important to people... and that other people on a site#where you can so easily curate ur experience are gonna be talking abt stuff#relevant to the way they've curated their experience#Barging into the crocheting subreddit like why aren't you talking about pothole maintenance in New Jersey#Ik tumblr is more mixed up but that's what this feels like sometimes#Specific spaces for specific things. What a concept.
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anyway. not to do a 180 here, but it's gotta be so complicated for mitch marner, who loves to just be around people and in the center of his guys... to have his controversial dad come on these trips. like i'm sure everyone is An Adult and cordial about it, but there's no way it's a tension-free environment given paul's whole...... personality, lol. makes me sad to think about how the dads trip is not something mitch gets to look forward to as much as some of the others whose dads are so much chiller and just happy to be there and see the leafs and behind the scenes.
#like. mitch loves his dad but what a fucking stressful situation#to have to Do ur Job.#to know the man u purposely dont discuss ur job with is in the crowd and#to also probably feel a sense of guilt bc he is the one that pushed u to get this far but. also. like.#this doesnt get to be some relaxing wholesome experience for u..... eveyrone else gets to jsut. Enjoy#but theres a tightrope to walk when ur parent is Like That#and probably not the most enjoyable person to be around for the otehr dads either like. god#idk maybe everythings fine and dandy and ive had too much time to think abt the clip from eysterday but !#knowing mitch doesnt wanna listen to his dads criticism abt his hockey.#having seen ppl say that toronto hockey circles are small and everyone knows what Pauls like..... its just#SIGH ! sigh#happy he did so well tonight tho. im so proud of him#anyway. love letter to mitch marner. i am always thinking of u#the delicate balance.... the way hes such a big advocate for mental health... ah yes
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lonely sad and so so poorly so think I'm gonna work on requests until I get sleepy :)
#🧚🏽♀️ — luxe chit chat#ive had such a sore tummy all day :(((#and im a lil down bc i saw something i wish i hadn't but#im trying not to let it get to me too much#i don't rly have anyone to talk to though so that's a lil upsetting!#contacting a mental health service tho bc i don't want to spiral abt it#ive had a lil cry!! i managed to hold it together for a while but i started thinking too hard and had a lil weep#but im not crying rn and i just wanna be proactive abt it so i dont end up feeling worse#but yeah since i got no one to talk to rn i have some time to write so i thought i'd try and get through some requests!!#sorry ive been so sucky with them#i love u all very much and sorry im not as active these days#thank u all who still support me and reach out tho ily all a whooooooooole lot :3#i hope ur all having lovely days and nights mwah mwah
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midlife crisis giles gets soooo much more real the older i get and i keep thinking abt that one tweet thats like since its impossible to know which part of my life is the middle ive decided to have an ongoing crisis
#im like 6 months away from 30 and i feel like thats probably the middle for me. like given my health i think 60 is optimistic#thats not even like me being all doom and gloom abt it i will be happy w whatever amount of life i am given on this earth#im simply being so real w myself here#anyways. giles ur valid <3#buffy brainrot tag
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untagged triggering mental health vent blogs on this site are the bane of my existence
#esp when they put them into cutesy meme format so even blocking out words won't catch it#plus it's hard to block the right tags bc i don't necessarily wanna filter all mental health posts#(tho anything like 'actuallydisorder' is a p good option to block and never look back imo)#i just feel like there's so many posts like 'im a worthless loser and there's no good in the world everything is hopeless'#but it's formatted like a jokey relatable shitpost so people just rb it#but that shit is triggering!!!!!!#genuinely listening to other people's depressive spirals in great detail can be. tough.#when ur constantly fighting those thoughts yourself listening to someone say all of it like they're so sure it's reality#just makes that even more challenging y'know#anyway this isn't to say i think people shouldn't have vent blogs god knows we all need to do that sometimes#but i wish they'd tag it better and use tags that like indicate it isn't just a normal post abt mental health#like tag it 'vent' or 'toxicity' or something lmao#bri babbles
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also, hello padisarah nonnie !! it's good to see you again :>
i decided to not answer your ask regarding the wholeeee stuff.. because i don't really care what they want to do anymore. i've done my part of speaking up about their behaviours and calling them out - which made a lot of people open their eyes for once instead of ignoring the warnings they got from me or other people. and i think that's all i want to do.
THIS WILL FORMALLY BE THE LAST POST ABOUT THEM. I will not answer any asks regarding it anymore, so if you want to make your own posts regarding those users, please use your own platforms, thank you.
as much as i encourage speaking up, i also don't want to give a flying duck about them anymore. y'know, like, i spoke up because i couldn't tolerate them and their behaviours anymore - couldn't just keep quiet when my mutuals are knowingly or unknowingly talking to shitty people like that. if they started a new blog, just let them. i don't really care anymore 😭 all i hope is that my mutuals and those that see this are more aware of internet safety and who you surround yourself with. it was already exhausting trying to warn others about them and not being listened to until i made this shit public — i'm not going to start becoming a blog that runs on discourse just so some can finally realise that this person was shitty and that person was the devil.
thanks for also caring abt me and informing me of their new url, i appreciate that a lot! it's on my blocklist now + the mutuals they've tagged on that post too 💀 if, however, i blocked you without a good reason why, or if i blocked you before you knew of this and had already cut ties with them, feel free to send me a message or ask on a different blog! i took precautionary blocks when it comes to having those kind of people as mutuals so .. yeah.
#visitors from teyvat : padisarah anon#thea answers#the post was made because i just couldn't stand the audacity of certain people still claiming to be the victim.#imagine claiming yourself as the victim when your story wasn't even straight.#venting in public but you can't even pick a plot. were you banned or did you leave willingly first without being punished?#then proceeded to say you were wrongly banned when you were literally guilttripping the mods . what did you think-#was gonna happen when you come back? did you think our arms were open then?#you left first . to avoid consequences . now that the consequences are staring right at you#you chicken out? you curse at the effects of your actions? YOUR actions? what about the people you've affected .#you say you aren't the same person you are a year ago but you only left a few months ago and you still affect the mental health of many .#our server wasn't even a mental health server. it's a positivity server. you're supposed to use it to get serotonin boosts#or boost other people. not a place for us to be your therapists and fix your problems.#i still can't get over the fact that neither of them can get their stories straight. wdym a year ago lmao. it was literally 4-5 months ago.#and you still act the same as ever. venting about how you wanted to kys or break down when a damn post unrelated to you talks-#-abt ur fav character in a scenario where they don't love you.#do you realize that the artists and writers' works you consume are for the general and not just you. what is your logic .#and i know you see this . you vague about us all the time. did you think i didn't notice.#the only mercy i've granted you was the peace for 4 months. you tell me i was dogpiling on you but you didn't change at all . so entitled t#-your ways of thinking and what you think is right.#in the first few weeks of u in that server i was the only one who thought better of u. funny how that turned out.#cuz u didn't change then and you wouldn't change now.#idk how many times i hv to repeat this but i blocked each n every ONE of them. including their moots.#and including anyone who interacted with them. im not sorry. if you were wrongly blocked then u can shoot a dm.#otherwise stay blocked and stay mad loser L.
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3am i wanted to make more chocolate strawbebbies but found out someone ate all my fuckign . bebbies. war and hate on planet earf
#anyway completely unrelated to the post im also workin on the start of murrs route#i thought it would be really funny if i gave him a sprite where hes like leaning forward/close to the screen and just kinda staring#and then goes back to normal and is like yeah im desperate enough i can swing that. so when did u wanna go to the funfair#also i think when you arrive there with him jerrys like. no offense [player name] but i think u need to pick someone else for ur own health#on another note im playing slime rancher 2 and i think outis would scream cry throw up abt the angler slime he would love them so much#dialogue
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God I wish I had the ability to do anything. Literally anything
#personal#i think something that's super cruel abt healthcare in this country is that it's not at all holistic#so while my doctor is monitoring my knee and is happy with its progress im like#well my mental health is fucking swirling so what do u recommend for that lol#turns out sitting in one place rotting for a month does unbelievable damage to ur psyche. god forbid ur doctors give a shit tho#anyways. whatever
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watching tters post abt being neurodivergent and nuerospicy knowing theyr just talking abt asd n adhd like grrrr just fucking say audhd!!!!! please!!!!! neurodivergent is SO broad!!!! u can just say the disorders name!!!
#neurodiversity#i hate tiktok#in saying that i do use the term neurodivengence when talking abt myself#but thats bc i genuinely mean it. like autism n schitzophrenia n ocd n shit!!! im not just talking audhd#ugh whatever i hate the way mental health and neurodivergence is treated on tt bc i gen cant talk abt it w my friends wo#'omg im so delulu too its okay!!' GIRL. im hearing voices and unable to tell whats a dream and whats not. ur just thinking abt a girl u like#omlllll i hate it
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im so sick of the shit food at home
#im really fucking sick of this gross mix of flavors my mom cobbles together WITHOUT TASTING#in the name of health#i think its not worth it if i go out to sneak food anyway#bc i just want to have a good normal meal that doesnt make me fucking sick of being alive#all of u out there with moms more normal abt food and health#be fucking thankful#all of u out there who can talk to ur moms abt food be thankful#holy FUCK#cant even fucking talk to mine abt being normal abt food bc if she gets stressed she really might die#once upon a time i really liked my moms food but now oh my god#what if i just ate out everyday
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does anyone have recs on how to get yourself to start working out 🧍🏽♀️
#cryptic ramblings#weight#weight loss#im tagging that for filtering purposes bc yeah i would love recs but i dont wanna trigger anyone who may be have this kinda trigger#also#body dysmorphia#just in case#ANYWAYS i really wanna work out and lose weight (i wanna feel better abt myself n in MY case i do think itd help my health a bit)#but i have such Low Energy Always and like. High Stress (from work and occasionally family) and i just dont know how i can push past tht n#like. just Work Out. ykwim??? i even tried getting like one of those small step machine things bc i thought i could use it while i watch w/e#but then its like. why do tht when i could be comfy in bed watching. (dont have a lot of space for more involved things or even like. chair)#like on days off and after work im pretty much just Sleeping bc im so sleepy. i might WANT to work out or go for a walk or smthn#but then my body goes '...nah naptime' n i sleep for an hr or more or smthn#(i had a daytime sleep study done n they had me trg to sleep every two hrs n they said i actually fell asleep Each Time.)#(which i THINK ur not supposed ro be able to do?? idk id assume if ur well-rested u wouldnt be able to fall asleep like tht. anyways.)#so like. how tf am i supposed to lose weight actually. anyone have tips
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it always feels super funny to me whenever i meet my psychiatrist after a super rough month and he'll be like "yeah it sounds like you're doing great :)"
like that could not be further from the truth but i do appreciate your optimism lol
#not that he'd have any reason to suspect otherwise since im very good at being optimistic#but it does make me wonder if it would also transfer over to acting skills lol#ill be here getting imposter syndrome for a month thinking everyone can see how much of a wreck i am#then I'll have a nice conversation with my psychiatrist where he thinks I'm doing great by the end lol#i used to hang out at my school therapist/counselor's office every day back in middle school when my mental health was at its worst#and it fely funny then too lol#idk just something abt feeling like ur getting away with something#mine#random
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I mean no disrespect of course but why would you tell her you had other better paying jobs lined up if you didn't want her to think it was alright to give your hours to someone else?
sorry this is long T_T those are the places that she knows i had applied to before i worked for her, and i wasnt saying i had jobs lined up but that there Was another job i was gonna try to get (after the 2 weeks that i proposed would have been up, i did specify that i needed the hours and the money). i told her multiple times in person that i was willing to work for her during the busy weeks, but i was only scheduled for 1-4 hours a week following the proposed 2 week period, which is another reason i wanted to leave bc i can’t live off $25-$100 a Week. on TOP of that her other worker had quit the same day (i had already planned to put in my 2 weeks before she quit but there really werent enough hours for the amnt of people she has hired rn) so i KNOW she needed the help (she told me no less than 10 times that she was stressed bc of how many hours those 2 weeks were, and she was like But after the busy weeks we’re completely dead (so i knew it wouldnt be a problem if i left either))
hilarious also she told me the day befroe that she got 35 applications in one day so i definitely knew that 2 weeks would have been adequate time to hire someone……… but she ended up fucking both of us over because she was upset 🤷♀️ oh also just remembered the person she mentions? jessica? i have never heard of her before so means she was NEW new. like untrained new. so there wasnt even supposed to be anyone to be able to give my hours to until the 2 weeks was up yk?
#she already.. ‘apologized’ for being an asshole even though the apology felt very hollow. so i kinda got confirmation she was jusy upset 😓#if u dont mind i want this to be the last ask abt it. it really sent me into a mental health spiral so im tryin to use these few days to no#think abt it as long as i can#< NOT UR ASK the spiral was caused by the. incident
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was abt to go out to the gym but the adhd referral service finally emailed me to say they need me to call them to book an appointment and it says in the email they don't make appts via email but I'm DEAF I Know they know that bc its on my fucking patient form UGHHHHH
#emailing back to ask if they can make an exception in these circumstances.. ive waited SEVEN MONTHS for them to contact me#im not falling at the first hurdle.#if that fails I'll have to rly nicely ask my flatmate to call them for me and I can sit there with her to pass on any information 🥹#but health services fucking hate it when someone else makes a call on ur behalf so they might not allow that either#why are these systems so inaccessible#I cant even go anywhere in perspn bc its completely online smhsmh#its fine. its fine im going to.the climbing gym and theyll probably reply to me tomorrow im not going to cry thinking abt it#AHHHHHHHHHHH im rly glad they did get back to me.tho i got rly scared when i saw theyd indefinitely stopped accepting applications#even tho i submitted mine ages ago.. i was worried it would take over a year to get through the queue at this rate#i rly rly rly hope its not too painful a process i just want a diagnosis so i can try medication for this shit man#and i hope the med waiting time isnt as long as they say it is bc. another seven months. 🥹🥹🥹🥹#uaaaaughh ok im out of here#.diaries
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awesome 👍
#me when i tell my very obv terrible irl friend happy bday and she replies back and we're havung a nice convo and. and#and dear god ur thinking ''ah maybe its not that bad anymore. maybe we can be friends again'' but then again this happens all the time#aaahahahah#I DONT THINK SHES A BAD PERSON. JUST NOT A GOOD FRIEND IDK MAN#or maybe IM not the good friend ?????#ah fucj#i hate that this stupid freshman drama still fucking affects me#everyone involved is apparently over it but not me ???????#im so fucking atupid#i literally love her SO much even tho. well i dont KNOW whether she still likes me as a friend but. augh#everyoen else always tells me that im over reacting and that she likes me just fine but.#i KNEW her man . . . we were BEST FRIENDS for 4yrs and well yk#but then she stopped talking to me as much. granted i didnt try the best i cld either considering my mental health so that goes both ways#BUT JUST. AUGH im so#she got a new ''best friend'' so easily#and they always hang out and do everytbing that we did and its so genuinely frustrating#but when i talk to her abt the other girl she tends to complain so im also just like ???? huh ??????#she doesnt make a good friend but im just so fucking attached#im soso annoying im sorry everyone#delete later#vent
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