#im the floating corpse

[holmesoldfellow]

Artwork for a poster advertising the "Sherlock Holmes 1854-1954 Centennial Exhibit" at the Los Angeles Public Library

[archiepelago]

More cat!seb but i shaved his anime hair

[qoldenskies]

Hey dude! Have you thought about making a kofi? A lot of people like your work and it cant hurt, especially if youre experiencing food insecurity.

that feels like a lot more comfortable of an idea, but i dont think id have anything to provide if i did? i mean i dont think its a requirement but i still really wouldnt want to attach anything fic-related to it, for one iirc its illegal and also i feel like it kind of goes against the spirit of fanfic as a medium haha

i might just be being a defeatist though. im not sure how i'd even plug it if i did bghdhghf but its certainly an idea to consider!

[coldflasher]

why did you delete your youtube channel? :3

Honestly there was a myriad of reasons, both personal and professional, so it's hard to put my finger on one specific factor

I hadn't been enjoying making videos for a long time before I privated everything (plus Youtube is a huuuge time suck so as soon as I started working full time that killed it for me almost instantly). Even so, I was happy to leave it all up to begin with but the issue with that was that I'd still get comments on my videos, but usually only on the more "popular" videos I'd done, and unfortunately in most cases the more views a video gets the more foul the comments are, which meant that the vast majority of the (albeit small number of) comments I was still getting were from horrible people who were both rude and annoying. And I'm very sensitive so every time I opened an email notifying me about a comment that was calling me a stupid bitch or telling me my make-up is shit or whatever it would kinda ruin my day honestly

And then on top of that, it seems like Youtube deliberately shows your videos to the people around you, because there had been a number of times in my life where people I knew had come up to me like "Oh I've seen your videos!" and I never liked that anyway, but as years went by I was becoming increasingly uneasy about the idea of coworkers stumbling across them. there generally wasn't anything hugely inappropriate in them, but I started making videos when I was 19 and so inevitably there would be things on there that no longer represent who I am as a person and even just general information about me that I wouldn't necessarily want people in my life that I don't know that well to be looking at, you know?

So I went back and forth on it for a while and I was going to maybe be selective and leave up some of the videos I was most proud of and just private the old stuff but there were over 200 videos on the channel and the thought of having to go through and private them individually was just so overwhelming and there was a big old button right there that would just private the whole lot and it was just the easiest thing to do tbh

[bingobongobonko]

2am raamblin. trying to leave the house more. i havent brushed my hair in a while and ive been not brushin my teeth either. feel bad abt it, need to get into habit again. tho i did hang out with friends today, we were looking at zillow homes and giggling at rich ppl houses. genuinely really insane shit. i havent been able to draw much, i just dont feel the spark. which is fine i dont mind, ig i just have nothing better to do. need to read books more, i oughta. unsure why im even tryna articulate before bed. i guess ive just been melancholic. more than usual. i should go to bed. i think my response should be anger, and it sometimes is, i guess ive just been soulsucked and depressed recently that all i do is sit and think. i know it dont do much, im tryna stop and all that. i always tell myself thats what ppl in power want, for me to feel helpless, and while thats very true, im starting to think im also just.... mental. i should stop getting so mad when i get helpless and understand that its a temporary mood drop im able to crawl back out from, and i will, but shit takes time. its just been long, this one

[angered-box]

[dee-writes-anime]

OK IMGINE IF READER SACRIFICES HERSELF FOR BAKUGO WHEN HE DIES?!?! SO INSTEAD OF HIM ITS HER BUT SHE SOMEHOW LIVES DUE TO HER OMNIPOTENCE QUIRK?!

And their dating too!

And how people dont realise that she’s able to heal herself while she was dead for a good 10 minutes while bakugo is crying over her ‘dead’ body???

WHAAAAA IM EXCITED TO SEE WHAT YOU COME UP WITH THIS ONE DEE!!!!

-monty , EAT SLEEP AND DRINK!

Ten Minutes

FEATURING Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

SUMMARY How dare you jump in front of him like that. What is he supposed to do without you?

CONTENT WARNINGS angst, descriptions of death, greif, and anger, talks of battlefield settings

AUTHORS NOTE I love writing pain, maybe that makes me a sadist, maybe not. We shall never know I suppose... hope you enjoy my loves! <3

The battlefield was a corpse.

Sky cracked open like ribs, scorched and splintered with the bones of broken cities. The fragments of land—suspended only by the last gasps of Monoma’s warped portals—floated like driftwood in a sea of ruin. Smoke choked the air. Blood slicked the ground. Every breath burned.

And Tomura Shigaraki—monstrous, half-formed, and pulsing with raw hatred—stood at the center, grinning with something feral behind bloodshot eyes.

Bakugo had never felt so close to the end.

He was fast—faster than ever, lungs rattling, arms trembling from the sheer heat surging through his veins—but not fast enough. The second Shigaraki’s body twisted and launched one of his barbed, sharpened tendrils straight toward him, Bakugo knew he wasn’t going to make it.

He didn’t have time to dodge. No time to think. Just instinct. Just the air being sliced apart like paper.

And then—

You were there.

You didn’t scream.

You didn’t hesitate.

You stepped in front of him and took the hit.

The spike impaled you clean through—back to chest. Your body jerked. The force of it knocked you off your feet and straight into him. He caught you with a grunt, stumbling back, arms instinctively curling around your body, but—

You weren’t moving.

He looked down.

And his world— Collapsed.

Blood. So much of it. Your uniform was already soaked through. The exit wound bubbled with gore, your skin torn and blackened around the edges from the heat. Your mouth opened. A gurgling sound came out. Blood slid from your lips. Your eyes—half-lidded—searched for his face, unfocused.

And then they stopped moving.

You went still.

“No,” Bakugo whispered. He shook his head, once. “No—no.”

He dropped to his knees.

The rest of the world dropped with him.

“Hey,” he rasped, voice cracking. He shook your shoulders lightly. “No. Wake up. Wake the hell up. You don’t get to do this.”

He pressed his forehead to yours, breathing hard. Shigaraki was still moving in the distance—he heard Jeanist shouting, felt a blast of heat from Endeavor's flames nearby—but it was nothing.

His whole universe had narrowed to you.

“You don’t get to leave me,” he whispered, lower now. Raw. “Not like this. Not without saying anything. Not for me.”

His hands were slick with your blood. He pressed down over the wound without thinking, not caring that his gloves were soaked. His palms trembled as he forced pressure over your chest, his vision blurring.

“You should’ve let it hit me,” he said, gritting his teeth, jaw clenched like it would break. “I should’ve been the one.”

His voice shook. “I’m the damn reason this whole war’s a mess. You were always the one who held us together—you were the light, you—fuck.”

The words choked out of him like smoke.

And still—you didn’t breathe.

Your head lolled in his arms. Your skin was already starting to cool. Your hair was matted with dust, blood, the scorched remnants of battle. His fingers curled in your collar as he bent over you, shoulders heaving in silence.

No sobs.

Just shaking.

Silent. Guttural. The kind of grief that doesn’t have sound because it lives in the marrow.

“I love you,” he whispered into your neck. “I never—I never said it enough. You knew, right? You had to know.”

Five minutes.

Six.

Time became a cruel thing.

And then—

It changed.

A shift.

Like gravity holding its breath.

He pulled back sharply. Your body glowed.

Softly. Weakly. But undeniably.

And then—

You gasped.

Your back arched violently in his arms as your chest heaved for air, blood surging like fire beneath your skin. Your mouth opened in a choked cry as your lungs dragged in oxygen. Energy shimmered along your veins—pale and gold, like stardust stitching your soul back together.

Your eyes opened.

White-hot. No pupils. No irises. Just pure power.

“…What the—what the fuck—” Bakugo's words snapped from his throat. He almost dropped you.

Your breath hitched. “Hurts,” you croaked. “Everything… hurts.”

He blinked, wide-eyed, as your wounds started closing. Not fully—your blood still ran, slow and thick—but he could see it, watch the skin knit itself back together. You were glowing. Flickering. Your Quirk—Omnipotence—was dragging you back from the edge of the grave.

“You’re—” he swallowed, voice failing. “You were gone. For ten goddamn minutes.”

“I know,” you whispered, coughing. “I counted.”

“You idiot.”

“You cryin’?”

“Shut the fuck up,” he snapped, voice catching.

And then he was pulling you in again—cradling you against his chest with every ounce of strength left in his body. His fingers tangled in your hair, his grip fierce but shaking.

“Don’t you ever do that again,” he muttered into your blood-soaked collar. “You hear me? Don’t you ever do that again.”

You were trembling, but your lips tilted upward just slightly. “Only if you don’t.”

He let out a broken, strangled laugh.

“Deal, you pain-in-the-ass goddess.”

He pulled back just enough to see your eyes—still glowing, but soft now. Human again. You were here. Still with him. Still breathing.

And Bakugo Katsuki, heart-wrecked and still trembling, pressed his forehead to yours again.

“I love you,” he said, voice low and hoarse. “I love you so much it fucking hurts.”

[mina-org]

what if john's wife wasnt so into poly?

tw: murder and kidnapping, bloody

"don't ya remember what I said last time lovie?" all you can do it stare at the man who haunts you, wandering down the halls he should no longer have access to. Your breathing turns rapid as you peek the liquid red ribbons that begin to trickle down the wall.

"We can't let ya go, can't be without our girl, boys have been missin' ya". His voice is devoid of anything trace of emotion, you wondered if this was a mission to him. Your wide eyes are glued to the corpse, his feet at the corner of the bed and as he lifts you up it reveals more and more, you had held hope he'd still survive but that fire is soon put out, your heart dropping and bile builds as you see the aftermath. red liquid piles on the now saturated rug, stained pink.

He stops, instead of tucking you away or covering your eyes, he lets you see it, a warning, letting you soak the scene in and when you pull your eyes away from it, a harsh tug to your hair doesn't let you. he wants you to take in every blood splatter and grey matter smeared against the wall, your lover looks like a rotten mushroom, flesh hanging lose around where bone structure should be.

"not lookin' aye? I reckon I found his brain, surprise enough its not in his ass." his boot kicks the body revealing more cruelty.

"you didn't have to do this." your voice cracks and rasp, desperate to keep the tears at bay but it doesnt do anything good, soon tears slide down your cheeks, you body shudders as it chokes on sobs.

The bun you wore to bed is gathered in his fist, hes able to yank and tug as though he was a puppet master. After you've studied the now concave head and the too many to count stab wounds. His grip soon vanishes and you float out the room, tucked in his arms.

you feel like a traitor as you find yourself seeking out comfort, nestling into the neck of the man who just came into your home and murdered your 2nd chance at love.

"your suppose to be with us, lovie." there it is, the gruff, this hurts me more than it hurts you. "can't let ya think you can do this shit to me, im your husband, til death 'n all that shite, you made a vow to me."

"just count yer self lucky I didnt let simon do this, he was eager to get ya back." your stomach twists at the thought, you'd have to face them, simon was as loyal as a dog to price, you can only dread how his teeth will come down on you and tear you apart.

[rcvcgers]

Rotten Apples ❦.ׂ

chapter fourteen: frankenstein's monster

masterlist , series masterlist , ao3 link

previous part | next part coming soon

oh yeah, i made a spotify playlist for this <3

18+ MINORS DNI

pairing: caleb x non!mc reader

synopsis: you and caleb are on the run. tensions run high between you two. you make a call for help.

word count: 10.2k words

warnings: please, please, PLEASE read the trigger warnings before proceeding. lightly proofread...it ain't perfect!

author's note: hi everyone! just wanted to swing by and say hi! i'm sorry if this chapter sucks! but also a quick note for my taglist: at least half of you are not interacting/liking/commenting/reblogging the past few chapters. kinda annoyed by this so if you want to stay on, make for sure you at least like the post so i know you're actively wanting to be on the taglist otherwise im gonna take you off and make room for the others who wish to join!

oh and remember...the narrative isn't completely objective!

trigger warning: death/murder, bodily harm, thoughts about death, light suicidal thoughts, caleb grabs reader's neck once (not choking), let me know if i missed anything

my rotten apples <3 : @militaryapple , @kebarney , @pinkismyfavcolor , @romils , @erisnxxi , @rik0shii , @reni502 , @spacehopper27 , @llamabois , @likesvader , @pandoras-rabbit , @princessfruit , @lukassafespace , @jexireads , @etsuniiru , @tinnyrabbit , @orianakira , @xiaorixx , @beomluvrr , @sanzy4 , @vickykazuya , @blcknebula , @sleepydang , @flamedancer13 , @gojosbedwarmer , @silmeria-lafleur , @ikiru-wa , @animecrazy76 , @fealy , @i-messed-up-big-time , @motheraiya55 , @vvonunie , @1uv4jiya , @yuuuumii , @okumurarinsbabe , @mcdepressed290 , @luleck , @sanzy4 , @lucifers-silhouette , @crazygirl3001 , @april-likes-smut , @kazbrkker , @l1ttlebabyapple , @writersandroses , @kookie-my-little-sunshine , @curryexpress , @earthykitsunesrain , @raining4food , @chaoticbardlady99 , @lemonwithstupidity

Caleb hated pressing the off button. He despised watching your body crumble in on itself, the way it surrendered to its momentum before succumbing to the ground. It took everything in him not to reverse his choice. The single flick of his finger to bring you back to life, to see your chest rise and fall again instead of it being suspended in limbo, frozen in time.

The Colonel uses his Evol to catch you. You float through the air and into his arms with practiced ease, the man releasing your body from his power, the full weight of your unconscious body now supported by his arms.

“I’m…” Caleb breathes the words out as if they are a respectable apology that will make up for this sin that he has committed, “I’m sorry for this.”

Caleb pushes through the metal doors of the compound. His purple eyes scan the immediate area, your hair flowing in the night desert wind. You’re much lighter than before. Underneath the Farspace Fleet uniform must be an undernourished body that the Professor forced you into. Caleb remembers his days with Ever, how most days he was fed through a tube or IV and the days that he was allowed to eat, it was scrap pieces of bread and leftovers from the scientist’ cafeteria.

Can you hear his words? Are you able to listen to his voice while you sleep? Caleb hopes you can hear his apology but if you can’t, well, he is not too mad about that either. He simply does not know what the right choice is in this moment, what choice will bring the two of you the least amount of pain or hurt. All he knows is that he is protecting you.

Every choice that he has made after pulling the trigger on Professor Lucius has been made with you and you alone in mind. What he is doing now is to protect you. All he can do is hope that you will understand as he walks you through a battlefield littered with the corpses of men who fought for nothing but a cold place in the grave. 

Caleb knows what death is like and you do too. You both know what that dark place is like. Although, you have visited it more often than he has. Death and you are friends now, or so it seems. Caleb does not know what goes through your head whenever you find yourself in its clutches.

He wonders about it, though. None of the files that the Professor had on you described the state that your mind goes into whenever you die or are turned off. The man hopes that it is like a gentle sleep, a way for you to finally find peace in rest.

He also knows that with you like this, body and mind disconnected from one another, that he can do whatever he wants with you. He knows that you will not be able to fight back against him if he decides to move you to a remote location in the world, to hide you away from the evil people who wish to bring you harm. He can take you wherever he wants, whenever, and you would be none the wiser…or so he thinks.

Fuck. Caleb feels dirty thinking about you this way, like you’re a toy that he can play with and can control at will and yet here he is, controlling you, putting you straight under his thumb, the one thing that you most likely hate the most.

Caleb adjusts you in his arms. It is eerie that you don’t flinch in your sleep. Twitch. Breathe. It’s one of the most unsettling things that he has ever encountered. Even with the corpses that line the taxiway, your inability to be a living being in his arms makes Caleb feel so unsettled.

He steps over the bodies of men from other countries, the men who laid their lies down for nothing. His foot hesitates when his eyes land on Liam. His adjutant remains face down, a pool of blood formed by his head, creating a sadistic looking halo. He gives him a gentle tap with his foot, one last attempt to see if the lifeless body will move.

It doesn’t. Caleb moves on.

There are a few options out of the desert. There is the obvious choice, the Farpspace Fleet aircraft that he flew here. The only problem that comes with it, though, is the fact that the Fleet can track his location and ultimately follow the path that leads them straight to you. Caleb can’t risk it.

He looks around, stopping at the Farspace Fleet aircraft, opening its doors and placing you into one of the chairs. You slump over, head hanging low, strands of hair covering your eyes. He shrugs off his Colonel jacket and drapes it over your body, protecting you from any stray specks of sand that slice through the air. He places his gun on your lap followed by the pad that controls your body and Toring Chip.

There’s not a soul around who can kill him or you. He can take the risk of leaving you alone for just a few seconds, right?

Caleb exits the plane and scans the area. There are a few cars to the side, old jeeps that still run on gas. They most likely come from the guerrilla troops that the Professor brought. They’d have to remind away from technology, away from the eyes of the country they fight against. He knows just how hard it will be to remain disguised. Technology is everywhere, after all, and the Colonel will try his damn best to get the two of you away from it.

The man heads to the jeep, a small smile flashing across his face. He drove one similar to this in high school. He bought it for a cheap price and drove it home with the shell taken off of the top, the warm summer wind touching against his skin and tousling his hair. He remembered the way the car vibrated and shook, its age prominent in every turn and press of the gas pedal. Caleb, with very finite resources as a teenager and with the help of your father (you weren’t aware of this fact), he was able to fix the engine and make it run smoother than ever before. Sure, the engine was basically new after he fixed it, but it was still the same old jeep he bought months prior.

Caleb grabs the gas cans that sit in the back of the jeep, collecting all of the leftover canisters that sit in nearby cars, piling them in the open trunk. The keys weren’t inside of the car but it only took a few minutes to find. The keys were pocketed in one of the dead solider’s jacket, just barely poking out onto the asphalt when Caleb spotted it. After a few minutes, Caleb begins to drive the car back to the Farspace Fleet aircraft.

He gets out, pocketing the keys as he moves, and turns to see you standing outside of the plane with his gun pointed at his head. Caleb pauses, his purple eyes trained onto yours, slightly narrowing at the sight.

You hold the gun with your right hand while the left fidgets with the Toring Chip pad. Your thumb swipes across the screen, making quick work while you try to remove Caleb’s retinal scan, not appreciative of the way he took away your bodily autonomy within seconds of gaining control.

“You’re awake,” Caleb speaks, trying to ease the tension. He holds his hands up, beginning to move closer to you. He only stops when your eyes snap back to him, arm stiffening as your aim returns back to his head. “Hey, hey, I’m on your side.”

“Are you?” you’re quick to counter, gaze sharpening onto his. “You did the one thing that I never wanted to experience again, Caleb,” you take a step forward, staring at his head from just above the crosshairs, “the one god damn thing, Caleb!”

“I know,” Caleb nods at you, his throat tightening, “I know and I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do.”

Caleb takes another step towards you. You pull the trigger, a blast of energy shooting past his head at lighting speeds. Caleb doesn’t flinch. He cements his feet into the ground knowing that you’ll kill him. He sucks in a breath, eyes flickering to the pad in your hand, anxiety beginning to form deep inside his muscles.

“How did you wake up?” Caleb asks, trying to move the conversation to something else — literally anything — to buy time. He doesn’t know just how trigger happy you are, wondering if that was the only warning shot you were going to give him before blowing his brains out.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” you murmur, eyes floating back to the transparent tablet.

Truth is, you don’t know what happened. Last thing you remember was stepping out of the bunker before things went black. You remembered the ice cold feeling that overtook your body as you slipped into the temporary coma before being pulled out, waking up inside of the Farspace Fleet’s plane. The tablet was on the ground besides Caleb’s gun and, well, here you are.

“Why is your retinal scan in here?” you ask, barely looking over at Caleb. You hesitate when he doesn’t immediately respond, turning to look at him. “Why haven’t you used your Evol on me?”

“I need you to trust me, pretty bird,” Caleb grunts.

“Yeah,” you let out a quiet chuckle, shaking your head, tilting your face back towards the transparent tablet, “look at where that’s gotten me.”

“You can…you can still trust me,” he continues. His eyes move between your face and the tablet, his curiosity slowly killing him. “What are you doing?”

“Deleting your retinal scan,” you murmur, holding the pad up to your face. A small red light flashes, capturing the details of your irises. Your hand lowers, the gun slightly faltering in its place, as you navigate through the Toring Chip’s options.

“We’re safe now,” Caleb comments. It brings you no relief, just dread of what is to come.

Will you live a life on the run? Are you forever destined to be on the road, always looking over your shoulder for the people who may never come?

It is not a life worth living. You are done of letting other people control your life, control your body and emotions. You are done playing the role of a pawn. The game’s master is now dead and, well, you wish to burn the board and everything that comes attached to it.

“They can track us,” you inform Caleb, glancing in his direction. A quiet ding comes from the tablet. You turn to him and force a fake, cheery smile on your face, waving the tablet in the air as an ‘I told you so’. “I guess they can only track you now.”

“Pretty bird,” Caleb lowers his hands and straightens his posture. He opens his mouth to say something and you lean forward, waiting for the response that never comes.

“What was your plan to escape, Caleb? Hm? You turned me off and thought, ‘Hey! Let me just pack up my things and unconscious girlfriend and get out of here!’? Is that what you thought was going to happen?” you can’t help but laugh at the situation you find yourselves in.

Caleb, the one person that your gut instinct told you you that you could trust, has obliterated any progress that he has made with you since your short-lived reunion. He did the one thing you never wanted to happen to you and now it feels like the man who stands before you is a stranger, calling you pretty nicknames, his voice soft and gentle…who knows what he had in plan for you.

When he continues to be silent, you scoff and lower the gun. Your gaze drifts up and down his body, shaking your head as you close your eyes, throwing your head back with a laugh. Caleb watches, unsure what is happening to you.

Is it a mental break? Has your mind finally had enough and is ready to plunge itself into compete and utter insanity? He wouldn’t blame you if you did. He would have done the same thing if he were in your shoes. Constantly dying and being experimented on is something he would never wish upon someone, especially you.

“What are you doing, Caleb? Truly. What are you hoping will happen?” you ask, opening your eyes to look at him.

He’s much closer now. You can see the orange in his eyes. The beads of sweat in his hair. The way he’s loosened the tie of his uniform, unbuttoning the top three buttons to combat the heat. You narrow your gaze at him, grip on the gun tightening.

“I was hoping to get us out of here,” he truthfully answers. “I need to get you to safety.”

“I needed that eight months ago, Colonel,” you push your shoulders pack, emulating the perfect posture to a man who you should consider to be your superior. Your knuckles turn white. Anger boils inside of you, red hot and ready to burst at any moment. “Hate to break it to you, but it’s a little too late.”

You go to turn away from him when your body freezes in place. Caleb’s Evol engulfs you. The blue and orange flicker of his power annoys you more than it should. You look to the side and watch as Caleb comes into view.

He slowly takes the place in front of you, his purple eyes now dark. Caleb lets out a quiet sigh. His long fingers attach themselves to your chin, moving it from within the dense gravity field that surrounds you, and tilts your face up to look at him. He licks his dry lips, his skin burning into yours. His gaze remains on your eyes, the way the moonlight reflects off of your eyes.

“I can keep you safe now,” Caleb’s voice is low and hoarse. It itches the back of your brain in just the right way, shutting you the hell up. “I won’t let anyone else hurt you.”

“I can take care of myself,” you mutter back. A smile flickers across his face.

“I thought you wanted a hero,” he tilts his head to the side. “I thought you wanted me to come save you. Well, here I am, pretty bird, and I’m not going anywhere.”

You don’t respond. You bask in the quiet sound of the desert wind, the beats of your heart echoing in your ears. Caleb leans in, his hand moving from your chin to your cheek. The pads of his fingers are tough against your skin, sending chills down your spine with one flick of the wrist. The tip of his nose presses against yours, the man nuzzling into your face. His forehead is hot from the heat of the night.

“We’ll never leave each other ever again,” Caleb whispers, his breath warm against your mouth. You remain silent. “Now get in the jeep,” his Evol releases you, your muscles no longer in suspended agony from the tension, and he pulls his face away from yours, his hand still on your cheek, “or I will make you get into it.”

Caleb slips the gun from your now weakened grasp. He turns on his heel and opens up the aircraft’s door with a wave, the hatch door dropping down with ease. You stand there and watch as Caleb casually picks up his Colonel’s jacket, laying it into the crook of his elbow, grabbing a few other items from inside the plane such as a flashlight, first aid kit (not like you need it anyways), and flares. He turns back around and looks down at you, flicking his hand to the jeep.

“Go,” he says.

The command alone sends chills down your spine. You slowly do as he says, your eyes remaining on his for as long as possible before your back is turned to him, your feet dragging across the ground as if his Evol were still chained to you. The car is about a meter or two from the aircraft. You instantly spot the gas cans, noting the way the driver’s seat as already been adjusted.

With the way Caleb has been acting ever since you woke up, you are certain that there is no way in hell that he’ll let you behind the wheel. If he wanted to, he could handcuff your hands together, condemning you to remain by his side until he decides he’s had enough of you.

Weird. You thought you had finally escaped from one crazy ass motherfucker but now? Now you’re trapped with a man who has been through a hellscape of a childhood and has emotional issues…you suppose it’ll be fine, though, since he claims to love you.

At least he did in the past.

Before you can open up the car door, Caleb is behind you, reaching around your body, his slender fingers connecting with the metal. He pulls it open with ease as you turn around and look up at him with a raised eyebrow. You slowly get inside of the car, the door closing behind you, watching Caleb from the corner of your eye. He tosses his jacket into the backseat along with the other things. You shrug off your own, placing it on top of your lap. Caleb gets into the car. The vehicle dips down under the weight. You turn your head away.

Whenever an animal is trapped, it will chew off its own leg to escape, no? Suddenly, you feel like one of those unfortunate animals.

The engine rumbles. You shift in your seat and Caleb rolls his sleeves up to his elbows. The gears shift into place and Caleb slowly reverses the car with one hand.

The sand dunes catch your attention. From the distance, the wind picks up the loose specks and carries them just a small gap above the main body of sand. It’s mesmerizing to watch as the car pulls away from the taxiway. You steal a quick glance of the side of his face.

Caleb’s jaw is clenched. He holds one hand on the top of the steering wheel while the other rests on the gear shift in front of the middle console. You cross one leg over the cover, earning a quick look from the man, and look at the side mirror.

Caleb’s eyes drop to your legs. In the past, his hand would have been welcomed there if you weren’t holding it. Was it a habit that formed between the two of you? Obviously. He knew that would be crossing the line, pushing far too many boundaries even though he was still considered to be your boyfriend. If you even considered him to be your boyfriend. He digresses, though. He presses on the gas pedal and the car lurches forward. He clears his throat, traversing over the top of the sand dune.

The tablet’s tucked into your pants. You feel the base of it press into you, dying to reach for it and figure out a way to get your body back. Heat remains in your face where Caleb touched you. It helps with pushing away the feeling to immediately try and fix yourself.

Is it pathetic to want to do so? You haven’t been yourself in so long. Time never moved while at Ever and your mind began to splinter from constantly dying and being put back together again. You can’t even bring yourself to look at the man who sits beside you, who has reminded you that you are his top priority. His words mean nothing yet they hold so much weight. To you, though, he is just a means to an end. A stepping stone before you can break free from the confines of the desert and find yourself in a new world with no more strings attached to you and your body.

Freedom. Independence. Free will.

It is all so close yet so far, not quite attainable just yet as you and Caleb drive through the never ending desert.

You close your eyes and relax into the seat. You shift away from Caleb, angling your body towards the open stretches of golden sand, the moon in one of it’s crescent phases, providing just enough light fro Caleb to drive over the hills. You cross your arms over your chest and slowly inhale. Your muscles begin to relax, slightly tingly as the tension from the day begins to leave your body.

It’s unfortunate how you are able to sleep in stressful situations. You do not even feel entirely safe and yet here you are getting comfortable in a jeep with a man who controlled your body not even an hour ago. A yawn leaves your lips. Caleb quietly chuckles beside you. You open up one eye to look at him, adjusting your body one last time with a quiet groan.

“What?” you ask.

“What?” Caleb repeats just as the car tilts over the top of a dune, leaning forward. Your body moves with the momentum, ready to slip forward, when Caleb reaches over, his hand splayed against your chest, keeping you pushed into the chair.

“What’s so…funny,” you ask, your heart slightly swelling from his touch.

“Oh, you know,” Caleb quietly huffs, removing his hand once the car reaches the bottom of the hill. “This isn’t exactly how I imagined taking you on a car ride.”

“You’ve taken me on plenty of car rides,” your mind slowly becomes awake again, the sleep slipping away form you. “You’ve driven me to work, back home, to all of those restaurants that I wanted to do to.”

“No…that’s not,” Caleb looks over at you, your gaze meeting his. You raise an eyebrow. He clears his throat, awkwardness settling into his body. He looks back to the front of the car, gaining up at the stars as it guides him to a nearby city, an oasis that barely made it onto the map. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” you tilt your head to the side, licking your dry lips.

Caleb doesn’t respond. You bask in the sound of the rumbling engine, the way the car vibrates whenever he pushes back down onto the gas pedal.

The side of his face is backlit by the moon. You try your best not to stare, not to give in to your temptations and urges. You’ve done it so well before in the past, what makes it so different now?

“Do you remember when I had that jeep back in school?” Caleb finally breaks the silence. He clears his throat and sits up in his seat, glancing at you.

“That old thing? I fucking hated it,” you can’t help but laugh, closing your eyes and shaking your head.

Caleb’s eyes shoot open. He fully turns his head towards you, both hands now clutching the steering wheel for good life. He always thought that hearing your laugh would cure all of the troubles that burden his soul, an instant remedy that would bring him the joy and happiness to get him through the rest of this shitty situation. He just never thought, though, that your laughter would be at the expense of him and his not-shitty jeep from almost ten years ago.

“What do you mean you hated it?” Caleb’s disbelief is written all over his face. “It was a great car!”

“Yeah, a car that woke me up at four in the morning,” you open your eyes and look at Caleb. “Every. Single. Day.”

“I had a busy schedule okay,” the man begins to defend himself, “I had to work out before basketball and practice was always in the morning because coach didn’t—” he stop himself before he can go any further. “It was a good car, pretty bird.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” you snort, turning away from him.

“I had always dreamed of taking you for a drive in that car,” Caleb’s voice softens. Your body tenses at the sound. You do not turn to look at him, instead focusing on the sand ahead. “I had a plan and everything before you, well, cut me off,” Caleb’s chuckle is bittersweet. “I was going to get you flowers. Make some food for a picnic. Drive us all the way to a faraway beach so it’d just be the two of us. No distractions…no people to interrupt us. I’d drive us back at night with the stars in the sky and our favorite song playing on the radio—”

“Our?” your question interrupts him. Caleb simply nods.

“I knew all of your favorite stuff back then. Your favorite song was my favorite song,” a heartfelt smile spreads across his face.

You don’t know whether you should feel loved, flattered, smothered, or pity for him. How could one person revolve their life entirely around another? Especially when that person wanted nothing to do with him. It’s a sad life to live in your opinion and yet you dedicated yourself to avoiding him, carving him out of your life, so you suppose you’ve lived a very sad life as well.

“At least we have the backdrop of stars you wanted,” you tilt your head up to look at the stars. “There’s the sand…not a beach but it’s close enough, right?”

“Driving at night,” Caleb nods, humming to himself, “escaped a doomsday bunker that our abuser brought us to.”

Your head snaps to look at Caleb. He stares back. You clear your throat, diverting your gaze away from his. A bitter taste forms over your tongue, swiping it over your teeth to try and get it to go away. Shifting uncomfortably in your seat, knee bouncing up and down from the sudden burst of adrenaline coursing through your body, Caleb places his hand on your knee. The pressure from his touch keeps your leg cemented to the ground, his thumb gently stroking the small area on the inside of your knee, hospital touch searing hot through the thick pants of the uniform.

“Caleb,” you breathe his name out and close your eyes, “what are you doing?”

“You liked this before,” he quietly responds, “it helped you during your bad nights.”

“Why are you doing it now?” you don’t know how you want him to respond.

A part of you wishes that he’ll say that he is simply doing it as a favor to you, that he no longer feels that romantic connection to you. That the two of you can get out of this situation and be free from each other. He can go back to his back up plan and run into her arms while you can pick up the pieces of your life and rebuild it all over again. Maybe you can pick up that job as a language teacher in a community college, the one place you didn’t want to end up.

The other half of you, the half that is still a lovesick girl who wants to be protected by the man she has constantly dreamed and thought about for the past ten years. That piece of you who has had the opportunity to love and be loved by Caleb Xia, to feel the warmth of his affection, to remain stuck in his arms the mornings he doesn’t want to get us early, the man who knows exactly how you like your eggs to be cooked in the morning. You wish for him to tell you that he still loves you, that he truly is not going anywhere, and the you will be safe in his arms and that you don’t have to constantly be in a state of fight or flight.

“You should get some sleep,” there is a hint of longing in his voice but you don’t call attention to it. “It’s a long drive before we reach the town. Rest up.”

Your face sours but you nod in return, unsure if his sudden change of conversation is a good thing or not. Caleb swallows the lump in his throat and begins to pull his hand away. You quickly grab it back, placing it on your thigh. He shudders, briefly closing his eyes as you reach into the backseat for his jacket. You drape it over your body, balling up your jacket and making it into a makeshift pillow, adjusting yourself in the passenger seat.

“I’ll wake you up when we get there?” Caleb asks, eyes flitting to you.

“Sure,” you sigh, closing your eyes, willingly surrendering yourself to sleep.

“Pretty bird,” Caleb coos, gently shaking your arm, “time to wake up.”

Your eyes shoot open, hand grabbing a fistful of Caleb’s shirt, yanking his face to be close to yours. Your breathing is sharp, eyes darting around. Caleb’s hand settle on the center console, the other planted on the side of the car. His purple eyes train on yours. Worry flashes across his face at the sight of your scared state, unsure what is happening.

“Bad dream?” Caleb whispers. You nod. A bead of sweat rolls down the side of your face. “It’s okay. I got you, you don’t need to be scared.”

You slowly release your grip on his shirt. Your eyes drop to his Adam’s apple, watching it slightly bob up and down, your palm flattening against his chest, slowly pushing him away from you. Caleb’s head blocks the sun, your cheeks hot from the morning heat. He looks down at you and tilts his head to the side, the sunlight breaking through the strands of his dark brown hair.

“Where are we?” you quietly ask, slowly sitting up in the passenger seat.

Behind Caleb is a casual yet busy scene. There aren’t as many people in the town as you thought there would be, definitely on the less populated side. Perhaps the town you find yourselves in will be a ghost town in the next couple of decades — years, even. The buildings are made out of plaster and dried mud, the color of red ochre prominent.

Caleb opens up the car door and offers his hand to you. You ignore it, slipping free from the vehicle, stepping away from the man. You rub your sweaty hands on your sides, your fingers grazing over the tablet.

There are a few people who walk by. There’s a child with their mother, holding hands as she swings her doll around in the air. A man carries a bag over his shoulder while another speaks into a nearby pay phone, a piece of paper hanging from his hand. They all wear smiles on their faces. Friendly and happy, everything that you are not.

In another life where you weren’t kidnapped and taken away, maybe you and Caleb would have taken a trip to a village just like this, a vacation for yourselves in a distant land where the Farspace Fleet and Ever aren’t watching.

Why dwell on fresh fruit that you will never be able to taste when your own rotten and decaying fruit is for you to take?

“What’s the plan?” you ask, shielding your eyes from the sun.

Caleb casually steps in front of you, blocking the bright light from your eyes as he looks around the nearby area. Your eyes move to his face, noticing the pink on his cheeks. Sunburnt, that’s for sure. His skin is slightly darkened but that’s from the kicked up dirt and sand from the car ride once he found the road that led him here.

“Find new clothes, for starters,” Caleb huffs out, tapping the loosened tie that hangs around your neck. “Make ourselves look invisible. After that…” he shrugs.

“Wonderful plan, Caleb,” you try your best to bite back the sarcastic comment and the irritation that begins to nip at the back of your brain. “How do you plan on getting us the clothes?”

“We can always steal and run,” he comments with a small smile. As soon as he sees your serious expression, though, his face immediately falls. “Okay, maybe not steal and run—”

“Do I need to do this for us?” your tone is sharp, arms crossing over your chest. “I can go talk to a storeowner and see about the clothes for us.”

“I can handle it,” he quietly groans, his own annoyance and anger flooding his body.

“Can you? I don’t mind—”

“No,” Caleb cuts you off, his voice sharp, angered. You raise an eyebrow at him. “Stay here. I’ll go get us clothes. Don’t worry about it, I have it all under control,” Caleb walks off without another word, leaving you hanging as you watch from the car.

You shake your head, rolling your eyes. Of course, he just had to leave you behind. It is probably one of those times where he thinks that playing the role as your savior and over protective knight in shining armor will win your affection. News flash: it won’t.

You know that Caleb definitely doesn’t know the language that the people here speak. Just by standing around with the village’s world passing you by, you have picked up on a few of their words. You know a similar language that shares a few of the same words. You could learn their language fairly quick if needed, already having picked up on what a few words mean when you watched a child point and yell.

Leaning to the side, you watch as Caleb struggles with conversing with someone. A small smile spreads across your face at the sight. Just complete and utter amusement as the older woman with a scarf over her head yells at Caleb in a tongue that he does not understand. Your feet carry you across the small distance, slipping inside of the small store where Caleb has his hands on his hips, looking down at the much smaller woman. You force a friendly smile on your face, placing your hand on Caleb’s back, sliding it up between his shoulder blades. Caleb tenses, eyes widening, ears turning a light pink color as he looks down at you.

“Please excuse him, he doesn’t know the language,” you smile at the woman, whose mood immediately improves once she hears your voice with her words. “Can I ask what the problem is?”

“He has no money,” the woman lets out a tired sigh, pointing at the clothes in Caleb’s arms.

“We don’t have money, but,” you look up at Caleb for a brief moment, slipping the tablet from your hand. You show it to her, watching as Caleb moves from your side to the space behind you, placing his hands on your waist. You don’t fight him away or push him off. “We can pay you back in time. I know that you have no reason to believe us and you have every right to tell us to go away, but we can give you money equivalent to this entire store if you help us out.”

The woman looks you up and down. She’s uneasy, of course, of the proposition of two strangers taking clothes with the hope that they might return. She knows that it is a risk that she isn’t willing to take at the moment but there is something about the desperation in your eyes, the way Caleb is so quick to protect you and shield you from the outside world while you speak with her. It reminds the woman of her own life, the past she once lived with a man who is now buried deep beneath the sand.

“Are you two in need of a place to rest? I can provide clothes, a home cooked meal, and a room to sleep in,” her words come at a surprise to you.

You glance at Caleb, who glares at a man who enters the store, and turn back to look at the woman. You nod and she smiles, waving her hand over her shoulder to the doorway that has a cloth acting like a door. You flick Caleb’s wrist and slip free from his hold, following the woman through the curtain. Caleb is quick to follow, listening to the sound of your voices. When you speak the language, it sounds so beautiful to him, like an angel sent from the heavens to grace his ears as the morning turns into the afternoon.

The three of you walk up the mosaic stairs, the inside of the woman’s home so much cooler than the dangerous heat outside. It is a breath of fresh air, honestly, and you can feel your body begin to thank you for getting away from the sun. The white collar of your shirt is drenched with sweat and the fabric sticks to your skin. You follow the woman inside of a mostly empty room.

A single bed with a wooden dresser to the side of it. There’s a window that overlooks the small oasis, the heart of the city where a group of people meet for the day’s tasks. It is small and yet you feel so safe in here knowing that Ever is no longer watching you. You can deal with the guard dog at a later time.

“Thank you so much,” you speak to the woman. Caleb places the clothes down onto the bed, closely inspecting the small and bare room. “Could I ask if you have a phone that I could use?”

The woman instantly nods. You follow her out of the room and wave a hand at Caleb for him to stay behind. The woman guides you into the share living space where a couch and very humble tv sit. Cords come out of the back, something that you have only ever seen in old movies and tv shows you have watched, and there’s a phone attached to the wall. It is like time has stood still here. You love it.

“It is right here. I have to go back down and run my store, but please, make yourself at home. I will be back when the sun begins to set. We can make supper together,” she smiles at you and it warms your heart. She gives your shoulder a pat as she walks away, disappearing down the stairs.

“Who are you going to call?” Caleb asks from behind.

You jump in your skin, goosebumps scattering across your body. You slowly turn around and watch as Caleb approaches you. He presses his hand against the wall right beside your head. You tilt your chin up to look at him, back pressed against the wall. Caleb cocks his head to the side, eyes darkened as he leans down.

“I’ve missed you,” he says. You hum in response. Confusion flickers across his face. “Can you not say it back?”

“What difference does it make?” Caleb’s breath hitches in his throat from your words. “I’m here now, aren’t I? There’s no need to miss something that is here.”

It feels like a trap. You are ready to grab a nearby knife and cut yourself free from the tension and angst that forms in your heart. You want to give into him. You want to push through the boundaries of your mind, the walls that the Professor has built so high.

The fortress that you placed yourself behind only five months into your time with Ever kept thoughts of Caleb out. You hid behind the fortified walls, seeking refuge in the darkness of isolation, knowing that only pain can come from the man with violet eyes. Whenever the Professor brought him up in your conversations with each other, you would try to avoid the conversation. He watched how your heartbeat spiked on the tablet — the same one that is tucked away on your body — and would always laugh at the sight of it.

He would make you pay for your thoughts about Caleb. The way your body reacted so viscerally to the mention of his name or status in the Farpsace Fleet. He would poison your food, beat you until you cried blood, leaving you a shell of yourself to hide behind a forming layer of hatred towards the man.

Whenever you look into Caleb’s eyes, all you feel is conflict. How can you love someone who you can only see as a means to hurt you? To bring you harm?

And yet he has done nothing but protect you — he even killed for you. His sweet words of promises and safety call for you, beckon you to join him in his arms, to run away from the pains and agony of life that you have had to endure for so long. Will you even feel normal in his arms? Will you even be able to open your heart to him all over again?

There are so many unanswered questions. Too many open ended possibilities and hypothetical endings to your story with Caleb. You wish to leave it unanswered, to leave it open to the interpretation of the world that surrounds you. You wish that death should have taken you a long time ago, that your time on this earth has come to an end.

At least he’d be happy, right? Happy with her instead of you, away from the drama and fractured mind that you now hold.

“Didn’t you miss me too, pretty bird?” Caleb coos into your ear, his lips grazing the outer shell, chills running down your spine. “Come on, tell me you missed me.”

Caleb plants his hands on your waist. His slender fingers wrap around your side, pulling your body close to his. Your arms move around his neck without thinking. His head dips down, lips now hovering over the skin of your neck. His breath is hot. It makes you feel alive, like the spark you once thought to be smothered is now back to life. He pulls you closer to him, bodies now connected, his hand moving to the back of your head to keep you in place.

“So quiet,” Caleb murmurs against your skin. He drags his nose against your neck. Your breath hitches. “What? Don’t have a response for me after I got you out of there?”

“Do you want a gold star?” you whisper, fingers sliding into his hair.

“I would like,” Caleb roughly pulls away from your neck. His hand moves up to your face, gripping it. Your chin rests in between his thumb and index finger, the tip of his index finger resting just below your eye. “—for my girlfriend to tell me that she’s missed me. That me killing those men was worth it to hear that she wants to be in my life as much as I want to be in hers.”

There’s something dark in his voice. Something dangerous and unbridled. It is both exciting and terrifying to see, to witness the switch between the mask that you know Caleb puts on every single day to the man who has the desperate need to control everything. It takes your breath away.

“Caleb,” your voice trembles, “I missed you.”

His purple eyes darken. It is quiet for a moment, the sounds of your breaths light on your ears. You hope that he believes your words even when you don’t believe too much in them. His eyes drop to your lips. They slowly move back up, his gaze as sharp as a razor.

“I don’t believe you,” Caleb whispers, a slight shake of his head. His eyes flicker to the phone behind you. A small chuckle leaves his lips, a flash of a smile striking his face, disappearing as soon as it came. He turns his attention back onto your face, slowly inhaling. “Who were you going to call, pretty bird? Hm?”

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters,” Caleb’s grip on your face slightly tightens. “Everything that has to do with you matters,” he lets out a soft sigh.

Can you not see what you are doing to him? This is pure agony for Caleb. A reunion he deluded himself into believing has been turned on its head, backfiring on him. He underestimated the Professor. He underestimated the older man’s ability to take you away from him. When he was a boy, he was able to save himself from the Professor’s clutches, to keep his fresh and young mind as far away from him as possible. He only wished that you were able to do the same.

Circumstances were different, though. Caleb knows this. He knows that what he went through as a child is nothing in comparison to you being subjected to the same cycle of death over and over again. Who knows what it has done to your mind, the way you think and see the world. No wonder you have been so, so cold with him. Distant. Using him. He knows this. He knows that you will never be able to look at him through the same lens as before.

Caleb will make you see through light. He will make you see that the only safe place for you in the world is a place at his side, one that will forever belong to you and the love that you once shared with him. Caleb will make you see that he is the only person in the world who can understand you is him and not some doctor that he knows you are bound to call. Caleb will show you that he will love you more than life itself.

It reminds him of a quote that he lighted in a novel in high school. He saw you reading it and checked the book out of the library the next day, finishing the book in one sitting. It is a quote that he has carried with him every single day, throughout the entire time he watched you from afar, the mornings that he saw your bedroom light flick on when he started his car right next door to you.

And if thou dost not love me, I love thee enough for both.

“Is that what you want?” Caleb quietly questions. Confusion flashes across your face. Caleb’s hand drops from your face to your neck. He keeps it there, not applying pressure but his hand does not hover either. His eyes burn into yours, your touch in his hair loosening. “You want someone who will be there to catch you when you fall. To take the brunt of the hit and tell you that it will be okay, that everything will be fine.”

“Caleb…what are you—”

“Fuck that. I can’t lose you again,” Caleb’s fingers flex on your neck. He quickly removes them and suddenly you are able to breathe again. He attaches his hand to your waist, fingers roughly digging into your skin. He takes a step forward, pushing you back up against the wall. He leans his head down, mouth hovering beside your ear. “I will protect you. I will keep you safe from danger. I will make for sure nothing will happen to you, even if it means locking you away from the rest of the world for only me to have access to.”

Well fuck.

You open your mouth to speak but Caleb shakes his head, cutting you off before you can even begin.

“You’ve lost that privilege, pretty bird. You’ve lost the privilege to call whoever you want, to go wherever you want…to be with whoever you want,” he breathes the words out like they are a part of his manifesto that he has written inside of his head, a manifesto entirely dedicated to you.

“You want to keep me in a cage?” you ask, hiding the tremble in your voice.

“I want to keep you with me,” Caleb pulls his face away from your neck and looks down at you, his stare even more intense than before.

“You know who you sound like?” you lean up, your face closing in on his. Caleb mimics your movement, meeting you halfway. You stop just before your lips meet. “You sound just like Lucius.”

Caleb pauses, eyes flying open. His eyes are met with a look of disdain on your face. The anger and annoyance that you feel.

“Do you want to help me, Caleb?” you whisper, placing your hand right above his heart. You can feel how it pounds on the inside of his chest. His eyes soften, the darkness from within beginning to dissipate but you’ve already seen it. You know the truth. You know what his motives are. “Then help me break free from the first cage I’m in before putting me into another one.”

You push him away from you, stepping towards the room the woman first led you to. Before Caleb can catch up, you snatch his clothes from the bed and throw them in his direction, the door immediately closing from behind you.

“Pretty bird,” Caleb groans. He leans his forehead against the door. He quietly knocks, listening to the sound of rustling clothes and your quiet, and very annoyed, breaths. “Open the door. I’m sorry. Let’s—”

“Let’s what?” you say as you swing the door wide open. Caleb’s body falls forward before he catches himself on the doorway. “Talk about our feelings and pass a talking stick? No thanks.”

You push past him, the new clothes significantly lighter on your skin. The fabric is a deep blue color, red accents and floral designs lined up at the cuffs of the sleeves, moving up towards your shoulders. The pants are just as flowy too, giving you so much more comfort than the suffocating Farspace Fleet uniform.

You enter the living room, feeling the weight of Caleb’s eyes on your shoulders. He’s quick to follow, grabbing your wrist and turning you around to look up at him. You narrow your eyes at him and suck in a breath, ready for the argument that is sure to come.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Caleb whispers.

“Doing what?” you play dumb.

“Torturing me by staying distant,” he honestly answers, “by being so…”

Caleb falls silent. Your eyes fill with tears but you refuse to let them fall, blinking them away. You slowly nod up at the man, seeing the pain and torment flicker from deep within his purple and orange irises.

“Go on,” you whisper, “say it. Say that I’ve changed. That I am not the same girl that you fell in love with all of those years ago. That I am a different person than the woman you reunited with in the Fleet. Go ahead and say that my change is torture to you.”

“No…that’s not what I meant,” Caleb shakes his head.

“You were going to say it though. I know you’re thinking it,” you reach out and tap the center of his forehead. “I know what you’re thinking, Caleb. Yes, I have changed. That is abundantly clear. I do not need to be reminded of it because I was fucking there,” tears fill your eyes once again, voice shaking. “I am well aware that I am what the Professor has made me to be.”

Caleb’s face softens. He reaches out for you but you take a step back, shaking your head at him, unable to deal with his hands on your body or the way he wants to keep you locked away just like how you were for the past eight months of your life.

“Do you know how long I waited for you?”

The question makes the room fall heavy. Caleb can barely keep his perfect posture, his shoulders slumping, hands desperate to reach out to you and make your pain go away. He knows that he can’t. He shouldn’t. It will only push you away more and that is the last thing that he needs right now.

“I waited for five months. Five months, Caleb. I thought of you every single day. I wondered where you were and how you were doing. Your face was the first and last thing I thought about every day. I knew that you were trying to find me. I remained patient and held onto that flicker of hope that you would come bursting through the doors of Ever and rescue me from my holding cell — which by the way, the Professor put me on full display for all of his other experiments to see,” you pause, your voice shaking. “The first day of the sixth month was when I gave up on you. The Professor used you as a weapon against me, Caleb. He used you and your image and your voice and your words…he turned them into poison. Now all I can see is the reason why I ended up there in the first place.”

“Pretty bird,” Caleb’s voice breaks.

“I believe that you are the reason I am like this. A freak of nature. I defy death at every single turn and all I can hope for is that the next time someone decides to put a bullet inside of my brain, that I never wake up! That I never escape from its clutches!”

You cross the small distance and get into his face, the tears now freely flowing down your face. You shove him away from you but he steps right back, your fists pounding against his chest.

If you could, you would show him all of the scars that your mind wears. If there were any remnants of the deaths that you have endured that you could show to Caleb, you would do it in a heartbeat. You would show him the way your skin has been burned, your blood boiling, eyeballs melting, limbs being cut off just to be reattached with a flimsy piece of string to hold it all together. You had become Frankenstein’s monster.

That is the fucked up situation about the matter. You feel like a monster that the scientists in the Ever lab could watch as if they were at a zoo. They laughed at your screams, giggled at the way you squirmed under the scalpel. You had become friends with lunacy to stay sane, as ironic as it may sound, and sound comfort in the way your mind fractured since your body simply wouldn’t.

“Do you know what they did to me, Caleb?”

“Yes, I read the—”

“No,” you interject, shaking your head. “Not in the fucking files. All of the shit they didn’t record. All of the times the Professor thought that one of his loyal soldiers and scientists could use me as a way to make their sick fantasies come to life.” A laugh flies from your mouth. “They burned me alive because one of them wondered what burnt flesh smells like. Another time, they thought it would be fun to see just how much my—”

“Stop,” Caleb’s voice trembles.

And you do. You do stop. You obey his soft demand like the loyal monster you are because, quite frankly, that is what you think is all that is left of you. A monster.

“Don’t put me in another cage, Caleb,” you whisper. “I will chew my fucking leg off to get away. Don’t worry, I’m used to the pain. I’m used to feeling my muscles stitch themselves back together, my bones sliding right back into place as if they were never broken before. I will not get used to being captive…never again.”

The room falls silent. You let the tears fall from your face. Caleb cries too. His eyes are red and irritated from your dark revelations. Has it infected him now too?

Has the apple tree of your relationship finally dead? Will you finally stop wishing for an ending that will never come?

“So yeah, Caleb. I’m fucking different,” you finish. “You may not see the scars on my body but I’ve changed. Deal with it. Go get changed,” you turn around and walk over to the phone.

You pick up the black machine, bringing it up to your ear, listening to the quiet dial tone, the machine ready to receive the number you’re about to put in. With one quick look over your shoulder, you watch as Caleb disappears inside of the bedroom, the door closing behind you. A sigh leaves your mouth. You suck in a slow breath, the anger and tension finally leaving your body, the tips of your fingers tingling from the sensation.

The clock hangs just a few feet away from you. The sun, the last you saw of it when you were outside, was hanging in the middle of the sky. You can assume that it is past noon, diving deeper into the afternoon. The person you wish to call leads a very busy life. They may be on a lunch break, though, so you could use this chance to call their personal phone instead of their work. No…that won’t work. You have to call the front desk. It is too risky to call their personal phone, anyways, just in case Ever is on the lookout for you and Caleb.

Your finger spins the dial, watching as the phone slowly collects the number. You lick your dry lips, tasting the saltiness from your tears. You wipe them away, listening to the quiet beeping of the other end of the phone.

“Akso Hospital. This is the cardiology department. My name is Yvonne, how may I help you?” a woman’s voice comes through the other end of the call.

“Hi,” you breathe into the receiver’s microphone, closing your eyes. “I was wondering if there is a Dr. Zayne Li available? I need to speak to him about something. It is…well, it’s urgent.”

“Uh huh,” the woman hums. You can hear the annoyance in her voice, the way you have clearly interrupted her day. Is it busy at the hospital? You can always try again later, right? And call his phone when you know he will be home. “Can it wait?”

“Uh,” your mind goes blank. You shake your head, unable to calm the anxiety that blossoms inside of your chest. “No. It can’t. I’m sorry. Can you tell him that it’s me?”

“Sure, honey, what’s your name?” the nurse asks. You give her your name, playing with the spiral cord that is attached to the phone. “Please hold. Dr. Li is walking by right now.”

“Alright, thank you,” you breath out, relief taking over your body.

From behind, you hear the door quietly open. You glance at Caleb from over your shoulder, watching as he closes the gap between the two of you, tossing his old and bloodied Farspace Fleet uniform onto the couch. You quickly turn away, focusing your eyes back onto the tan wall in front of you. His presence comes from behind you, his body heat enclosing yours beside the wall. He shifts on his feet and your body tenses once again.

You turn around and look up at Caleb, the phone still pressed onto your ear. Your eyes meet and he reaches out, gently fixing the strings at the top of your shirt. goosebumps raise on your chest and you become aware of your breathing, trying to remain as still as possible. On the other side of the phone, you hear the rustling of papers, a familiar voice that sounds all too worried before asking the call to be transferred to his office.

“Dr. Li will be with you soon. Thank you for holding,” the nurse says.

“Thank you for helping me out. I appreciate it,” you speak as calm as possible. Caleb’s eyes burn into yours, making you feel more nervous than you need to be.

“Who is it?” Caleb whispers. His eyes slightly darken and his jaw clenches when his mind wanders to the only possibility. “No. Pretty bird, we can do this on our—”

“Is it you?” Zayne’s voice cuts through the phone. It silences Caleb, the man able to hear the muffle of his vice through the phone’s tiny speaker. “Are you okay? Where have you been? You disappeared—”

“Zayne,” the name rolls off of your tongue not as smooth as Caleb’s does. “I don’t have much time. I need you.”

Caleb shoots a glare at the phone. He groans and takes a step away. You raise an eyebrow at him, listening to Zayne’s calculated breathing. Caleb’s eyes meet yours. He steps right back to your side, hands attaching themselves to your waist, pushing you up against the wall.

You may have changed, buy Caleb surely hasn’t.

“What is it?” Zayne asks after a moment of contemplation.

“I…” your voice falters, “I need you to perform surgery on Caleb and I. There’s so much I can’t say over the phone but…please. I need you.” Caleb’s grip on your waist tightens. He leans in, his ear trying to get as much volume he can.

“Alright. I’m assuming this needs to be somewhere…discreet?”

“Yes,” you nod. Caleb groans, hating absolutely every second of this conversation. “You need to find a way to dissolve Caleb’s Toring Chip. It may not be able to be removed surgically like mine.”

Zayne’s breath hitches at your words. You wish he didn’t do that, to remain the calm and never emotional man.

“I have a colleague who can help you,” Zayne breathes into the phone, “meet me in a week in the Arctic. I’ll pick you up from the station.”

please drop a like, reblog, & comment!! i love see what you all have to say <3

i <3 commenters

[kitsune-kira]

just thinking about how if like. welt Did leave corpses behind when he fucking dies

the girls just fucking tripping over welt's corpse while they're on the moon

someone just finds another welt corpse floating in the sea of quanta

maybe welt feels bad and decides to clean them up and buries himself

tesla holds a funeral for welt's common fucking sense perhaps

welt dying in star rail and they all mourn and grieve

then welt just comes back and is like "we can just bury me ^_^" and then gets yelled at because What the Actual Fuck Welt

im torn between whether they'd actually bury welt or if trailblazer says they'll do it. and later they just find out welt's corpse has become a decoration in trailblazer's room.

"it's mr yang i couldn't just throw it away"

"THAT'S SO GROSS TRAILBLAZER"

[valentine-cafe]

im drooling for some haoyu 9948v ANGST

maybe haoyu getting bored of reader and decides to just. (kill) get rid of them. he's like 'ok whatever not my problem' then sometime after it just SNAP! clicks.

he killed you and now hes not gonna find anyone like you again

˖⁺. ﹙ bloodthirsty phantom  x gn reader. ﹚ .𖹭 ݁

. . . dull eyes !! 🍒 :  phantom ˖ yandere ˖ vngeful spirit character﹙ verse 9948v hàoyǔ. ﹚

you always knew that someone like him would eventually be your demise. what happens when a being such as him gets bored of you ? | cw: reader death 

It had all been nice at first. Well, that’s how you remembered it.

The inafmous phantom of your world, hauntingly beautiful, yet dangerous, murderous. With all the intent to snap anyone’s neck that came in his way. Bathe in their blood.

You remember the first time his eyes landed upon you, the obssessive gazes and the suddeness of when he stole you away. Kept you in his abode for none to see or visit. His beautiful prize. Your soul most addictive to him.

He huffed you like you were a drug to get high on after every murdering spree.

It got to your head that he never once hurt you. No, he protected, kept you safe and sound. Sure, he was and is manipulative but. . . You could manage, you had him, right?

Why should you miss your old family and friends— You are his, and he is yours. He wouldn’t get bored of you.

Alas. As malicious and godlike as he is. His animalistic hunger convinced him otherwise. You weren’t much more than a toy. You weren’t his cerise, nor were you that interesting to begin with.

A past-time soul to take away the boredom.

And when you suddenly no longer took that boredom away — that’s when you noticed the signs, his nonchalance around you. The sudden threats to snap you in half, the agitation he suddenly displayed to you like it. The same he shows to everyone.

What was it you had done wrong? You never really figured it out. An impossible task to do so nontheless.

It was incomprehensible for your mortal brain to understand his.

You lay in bed now, sleeping soundly. Yet to know the fate coming for you.

Oh how the angels weep for it, whichever poor guardian that wards you, begs for you to awake. It is not possible to hear. Not with the barriers of the realms.

And your intuition has been shattered long ago.

The door creaks open. Heavy footsteps moving towards the side of the bed, alongside the strong smell of iron that reeks off of your beloved.

Blood covered fingers trail down your spine, while a freezing pair of lips press against the lobe of your ear. Breath sighed onto your warm skin.

“How unfortunate you cause me such boredom.” He whispers. Might as well take you out in your sleep. The screams may have been delightful. But why not let you dream instead. They say the dead can still hear a bit before their soul has gone away.

Doubtless he will have any use of that either way as well. Perhaps he should simply suffocate it when it floats aimlessly above you. Awaiting reaping.

No reaper comes into this household.

“Hàoyu.” You groggily call, as you rouse from your sleep. Eyes groggy and full of heavy sleep still.

Poor you, barely able to process the teeth that rip out your throat and the long talons that rip through your skin and bones like they are nothing.

What quick and painful death, the blood spraying everywhere. You don’t get to see it, as he so violently tears you apart. Like a feral animal. Laughing as though it is some funny joke to him.

And when it is all over, and he is holding your corpse in his arms. He strokes a thumb across your face and tuts. “Its nothing personal, hm?” A little chuckle rumbles through his chest as he drags you out to the yard, where the rest of his past loves lay beneath the earth.

Yet. As day by day pass by. And he returns from the long sprees with his cultists. He settles down in the lounge of his manor, and awaits your presence each and every time.

A strange feel arises in his chest. Is it sorrow?

No, surely not. . . He was bored, why would he suddenly begin missing? What had been that different about you in contrast to all of his other lovers?

And as a month, perhaps two? What does perception of time matter to him - passes by, it dawns upon him. He was missing you. He was grieving the loss of you of which he bore on his hands. The murder of you.

Waiting, you had been waiting for him to come join you that night. After all of the ruthless threats, ignoring and snapping he had been taking out on you.

Was it boredom? Or had it been the part of him that just thirsted for blood instead?

He no longer knew.

One thing was for sure, you weren’t coming back. Your soul left without a trace after your death. The violent and malicious magic that tore through you suffocated it completely. There is no afterlife for you. There is no you anymore—

And he can try as much as he wants to, to find you again. In every cultist, person he may randomly stumble into. Someone with your eyes, your smile, your laugh, your kindness. But he can’t. Because it isn’t you.

He wants you.

[no-stupid-questions-official]

is it physically impossible for some people to float?

ive (23) never been able to float in water. if i dont hold my breath, i just sink and flip over like im dead LOL. actually i kind of just do that no matter what anyways. ive always been told im doing something wrong, but it doesnt matter what i do, ive always flipped over, back-up and legs dangling, corpse-style. is this because i have almost no body fat? am i actually just not holding enough breath or flapping my hands hard enough? nobody else i know has to hold their breath or flap their hands/feet obsessively to float. it's not effortless for me at all, its very hard to do. does anybody else have this experience?

-

[dickgraysonsptsd]

okay and what about YOUR dickie suit opinions? im curious

OKAY YAYYYYY this is very long so do not click the expand button unless you want this thing unleashed on your dash!!

mulletwing + gliderwing. absolutely radiant. stunning. masculine in a deliriously gay manner. the gold feathers/plating look SOOOO good. the wing-like cape is elegant and cheesy in equal measure. he looks COOL and BEAUTIFUL and DISTINCTIVE and ICONIC and OF THE TIMES and LIKE MEN LUST FOR HIM

2. every robin suit with his legs fully out.

3. nightwing 1996 suit. my favorite post-disco suit! the V chevron looks so much sleeker and more beautiful without the bird head imo and it comes with the beloved fingerstripes <3 if i'm just rotating dickie in my mind it's nearly always in this suit <333

4. classic discowing. you look BEAUTIFUL babygirl!!!! special mention to the front of the suit being zippable.... why do you have a zipper there if not for men to use it to expose your chest mid-combat ?

5. riddle of the beast elseworlds corpse fit. this is such a great fantasy reimagining of mulletwing and also bruce keeps dick's corpse in it next to his throne after dick dies which rockets it up the list by sheer brudickosity. (his actual riddle of the beast outfit is so-so, i'd put it in the bottom quarter of his suits total)

6. agent 37. that chest harness is clearly designed for men to grab onto to yank him closer to them. and such a brave choice deserves respect.

7. white knight. for a comic that made me viscerally disgusted with its spineless centrism and sheer fumbling incompetence, dick looks good here! i love his jacket, and although the suit is a fairly generic variation on the rebirth suit as far as i can tell, it still looks sleek and stylish!

8. renegade. as an evil variant on his nw '96 suit, GREAT!!!!! i love that the renegade logo still looks vaguely birdlike but looks MORE like some kind of military plane or drone... very fitting :)

9. redondo suit. i don't care for redondo's art but this suit really has that "mecha pilot's suit getting shredded apart moments before sex" energy and that compels me

10. btas comic sugar glider. look at him. i want to snap him out of the air like a dog biting a floating soap bubble.

11. hipstripes suits. very kind of the artists to mark exactly where men are supposed to grab him

12. n52 suit. i like the chest logo design on this suit A LOT but it's ruined by not being blue T_T and also T_T by being n52 T_T

13. teen titans cartoon time travel episode. the bird logo is far too chunky. points deducted. i also don't care for the silver/metal belt and gauntlets, but they're appropriate for the overall design choices in tt cartoon so they can be forgiven...... THIS time.

14. young justice cartoon. you are nothing to me.

15. titans tv. i love this version of dick as a character (he's sooo pathetic he has such big wet brown eyes he's so pretty he is SO tormented) but the armor on this suit makes it look terrible imo. leaning into a more masculine armored Cool Super Hero vibe for dick is just not the play

16. gotham knights video game suit. the same "you tried too hard to make him masc" issue as above but without brenton thwaite's air of tragic bisexual melancholy

17. all robin costumes with pants. get his thighs out. what's wrong with you. are you jacking off to him with pants ON? what kind of freak pervert are you

18. batman. it makes me so unbelievably sad LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

and a link to strawbearri-frog's which is good and funny

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Apr 7th

~*~

1. Would have been Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian.

After the Sunshoot campaign and for some reason Wei Wuxian is in Cloud Recess and Lan Qiren discovers that they don’t have a core. But the lan clan had a technique to fix a lost core for others that had been attacked by others that could melt their core. @nikkiwhitecraft

I was the requester for #1.

I am sure that part of the story that Wei Wuxian and Lan Q had to travel, and that was when it was discovered that Wei Wuxian had no core, and Lan Q was annoyed he never said anything and the Lan Clan had a technique to restore a core that was lost/melted as the core melting clan was known.

Thats all I remeber

NOT FOUND Righteous at a Cost by thunderwear (G, 21k, wangxian, LQR & WWX, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, no one dies, LQR finds out about WWX’s core, WWX and LQR are friends??, In My Fic?, its more likely than you think, LWJ in the bg like whats happening?, Fluff, WWX goes to Gusu, Mutual Pining, Golden Core Reveal) Might be this? LQR discovers WWX lost his core, brings him back to CR & finds a way to restore it

~*~

2. Hey! Im looking for a fic where the jins got the tiger tally, and that they wanted to 'flood the world with vermillion light'. I remember that it was post-the first siege of the burial mounds, and WY was maybe dead? After which the other sects had to fight the Jins, and there was also something about the people wishing that WY was alive. Please help me find it! Thank you so much!

FOUND! I'm pretty sure this is the deleted "When the World Comes Crumbling Down, you Will Call my Name" by pft_a_Frog22. The archive link was https://archiveofourown.org/works/35867848.

the deleted fic for #2 can be found at the wayback machine here

~*~

3. Hi! I’m searching for a fiction on AO3 where Wei Wuxian is a Rogue cultivator, he founds Lan Wangji floating in a river/lake and saves him. Wangji don’t remember anything due to the trauma he has suffered and his core is damaged altogether. He had a severe injury on his back but when he recovers he starts to travel with Wei Wuxian, not knowing his brother is searching for him. Because of his poor health issues he breakdown with a fever in the middle of a hunt, far from everything, during this time Lan Wangji loses consciousness, Wei Ying is visited by a strange fox spirit, really creepy whom he made a pact with to save Lan Wangji life's. In the history, Wei Ying has an uncle that reach both of them to advise something, Lan Wangji discorver to be a really powerfull fox spirit, i think they call him Huxia or something like this, Wei Ying "dies" by the venom of a fierce corpse (most like become one of them) and is ressurected by the Jade Emperor himself, the Demon subdue palace is actually a palace and Wangji's mother was the previous Huxia.

I’m going crazy cuz I remember ALL the history, but not the name of the fiction.

I appreciate the help with all my little heart. ❤️ @myukisora

~*~

4. Hi, could you please help me find a wangxian fic? I apologize for the inconvenience, especially because i don’t remember much of the plot except select few parts of it and i dont remember if it was a thread on twitter or on ao3.

The scenes i do remember are as followed: Prior to this scene, wangxian might have had an argument or were avoiding each other because i dont think they had spoken to each other in a while. The scene i remember is WWX going to JYL’s place where everyone is gathered for a get together, wwx dotes over JL, going on about how he’s the favorite uncle. When he enters the living room, he sees LWJ on the couch, and sitting next to him is JZX half brother MXY talking to him. He thinks they are sitting a little too close and he gets a bit jealous but doesn’t say anything. I’m not sure if I remember it right, but i think people or mainly nhs kept saying how MXY resembles WWX, worsening the situation. Wangxian and their whole eye contact happens and everyone in the room is tense because of their interaction or lack their of. WWX suddenly goes to the bathroom, leaning into the sink…waiting and LWJ follows him in. They end up reconciling.

Thats all I remember, I know its not much, and i have been struggling as well because of it going through my bookmarks on ao3 and twitter. I’m hoping someone remembers this part as well and can mention the fic. Thank you!

Hi, the fic you mentioned is not the one :/ i am so sorry for the inconvenience. I can try adding more context. It’s the fic about WWX entering JYL’s party at her place and finding LWJ sitting on a couch with MXY. The scene is towards the very end so MXY’s presence is more of a cameo, he wasn’t present for the fic. WX might have a fwb situation that went wrong or it might be a lwj fucks fic. Lwj follows wwx to the br, its tense as wwx stares at him through the mirror but they both make up

NOT FOUND Talk Hard by DeviyudeThoolika (E, 161k, wangxian, LXC/JYL, JZX/WQ, JC/MM, Modern, College/University, Roommates/Housemates, rare pairs galore, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Separations, Getting Back Together, BAMF WWX, Drunk LWJ, Protective WWX, Good Parent YZY, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Cultivation Sect Politics, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending)

~*~

5. Hi,

I’m trying to find a fanfic where instead of Jin Zixuan dying to Wen Ning at the pass it was Wei wuxian who pushed him out of the way and died instead? I’ve been trying for ages and still can find it. Thank you!

neither of these are exactly what you described, but it might be

NOT FOUND! A Butterfly Flaps, A Sword Stabs by RadAceFriend (T, 37k, JZX/JYL, JZX & WWX, JZX & LWJ, JZX & JGY, JZX & JL, Major Characted Death, JZX Lives, WWX does not, background wangxian, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Sect Leader JZX, POV JZX, Canon Divergence, the horrifying experience of killing someone you didn't like much, and finding out that you're one of the only people you know upset about it, Wen Remnants Live, LSZ is a Wen, WangXian Get a Happy Ending)

NOT FOUND! in this place where we don’t have a prayer by Cerusee, Mikkeneko (T, 42k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, WWX dies at Qiongqi path, Demonic Cultivation)

FOUND! finding you always, all ways by BlueFrogs (T, 31k, WangXian, ChengQing, Reincarnation, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Romance, Memory Loss, technically there is character death, but he comes back lol, Age Difference, due to reincarnation)

~*~

6. Hi, hope you are having a great day! Could you, please, help find a fic, which, I think, had a wangxian arranged marriage due to growing Wen threat, but honestly cannot remember the exact premise. But there was a scene where wrh manages to get wq married to lwj as a second wife, and wwx felt like he failed the Jiang-Lan alliance. And there was a big confrontation between wq and wwx, where she tells him the reason for the marriage was to save her family. And lwj might have been ill or cursed and wearing a mask (not sure).

FOUND? The deleted "A Price to Pay" by wangxianist.

~*~

7. Looking for help finding the name of this fic on ao3 I’m have trouble hunting it back down. Burial mounds settlement days canon divergence.

Essentially the premise is that the people living in Yiling often see Wei Ying taking care of and teaching A-Yuan by the river and a woman one day who was also there to wash her clothes asked him to look after her son while she was busy. This snowballed into Wei Ying basically running a little informal school out of Yiling where he teaches and just looks after any child that is brought there, including orphans and prostitute’s children which is kinda illegal. Lan Zhan knows and regularly visits. If the children show aptitude for cultivation they usually get sent to the Lan or (later in the story) the Jiang. The rest of the Wens kinda accidentally become a part of the Yiling community so much so that they all move out of the burial mounds and into the town proper. Because they’ve all left the mounds and disconnected pretty hard from the cultivation community they don’t even realize that the Jin’s sent people to attack the mounds. They found no one and declared to the world that they had slayed the rest of the wen dogs alongside Wei Wuxian. Jiang Cheng only finds out his brother is alive because he’s been informed that a small school in the Jiang territory hasn’t been paying taxes and when he goes to investigate finds Wei Ying safe and sound. @coffeehousefanfics

FOUND? Just as the Snow Melts by draechaeli (T, 66k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, SL/XXC, Everybody Lives AU, Canon Divergence)

~*~

8. Hello, could you please help me find a fic where Lan Zhan finds a number to call Wei Ying which Help? to people at night and calls himself patriarch yilin afterwards They (wei Ying and lan Zhan) meet in the university library

FOUND? Maybe You’re the Reason by Clearpearls (E, 67k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Phone Sex, slight D/s, Secret Identity, Praise Kink, Phone Sex Operator WWX, he’s part-time though, slight internalized sexual repression, Fluff, Light Angst, Dirty Talk Orgasm Delay/Denial, Slow Burn, Sub LWJ, Bottom LWJ, Vibrators, Aftercare, Introspection)

~*~

9. There's an au where Wangxian are like murder husbands and it has very dark themes. It's a series but I remember one of the fics in it had a scene where a woman tries to get their attention so the other cuts off her body parts or something like that? Would you be able to help me find it?

FOUND? So Full Of Love (Wouldn't Know Where to Start) by witchupbitch (M, 63k, wangxian, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Possessive LWJ, Protective LWJ, Blood and Violence, Killing, Idiots in Love, Humor, Mafia AU, Modern, Flirting, shameless WWX, Confident WWX, Explicit Language, Swearing, Mutual Sexual Tension, dark LWJ, Dark WWX, They're both twisted, Exhibitionism, Sex, Possessive Behavior, Unhealthy Relationships, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings)

~*~

10. Hey!!! Love your work!

Do you know of a fic where jiang cheng's younger self sort of takes over his future self for some while before going back and this repeats for some time? I remember a young jiang cheng talking to older wwx. Older wwx doesn't believe that it's really the younger jc so he asks him to ask about why wwx dislikes dogs (i think). Young jc asks young wwx and it's because www had a pet dog named 'doggie' who had turned on him during the winter. Sorry that's all I can remember

~*~

11. Hi, I dunno if my ask got lost in the mail but i was looking for a fic that had a line "lan wangji was a musician, he know how to make his hands do different things" in reference to one hand jackin wwx off and the other up his ass. if this sounds familiar lemme know please

~*~

12. Hi! I really am looking for this story in AO3 and still can't find it. It was about Wei Wuxian who got married to Wen Chao but Lan Zhan couldn't take it so he plans to take Wei Wuxian back by claiming Wei Wuxian each time he got (even in the wedding night of WWX and WC) and destroying the company of the Wens. As they (LWJ & WWX) continued the deed, WWX ended up pregnant and LWJ is more than determined to take WWX back. I do hope you can help me find this story. Thank you in advance!😘

FOUND? 姻緣 | this marriage was always predestined by saccharinings (E, 43k, wangxian, Cheating, Infidelity, not between wangxian, WWX is married and LWJ persuades him to cheat on his husband with him, Dark LWJ, A/B/O, Feminizing Language, Exhibitionism, Size Difference, WagnXian Have a Breeding Kink, Stomach Bulge, Possessive LWJ, Manipulation, WWX Wears Lingerie, Rape/Non-con Elements, for one part, Hair-pulling Kink, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Mirror Sex, Vibrators, Phone Sex, Rimming, Edgeplay, slight choking kink, Light Bondage, Inappropriate Use of Gūsū Lán Forehead Ribbon, LJY's Big Fat Crush on Milfxian, Pregnant WWX, WangXian Endgame, Spanish Translation)

~*~

13. Hello! I've been trying to find a fic I lost on AO3 for a few days now so hopefully you can help 💚💚

It was canon-verse but an AU where lwj and wwx hadn't met and wwx was still the Yiling Patriarch. Someone has an idea to give wwx a "bride" and wwx picks lwj and he goes to live at the burial grounds with wwx and the wens. At some point lwj gets stabbed and almost dies and wwx reveals he picked lwj because he assumed lwj would be in on some kind of plan to spy on/hurt wwx and the wens but lwj wasnt a part of that at all. It had a happy ending but i cant remember exactly what it was. Pls help 🥺 i want it in my bookmarks soooo bad

FOUND? 💖🔒 love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, YLLZ WWX, Arranged Marriage, political scheming, Gratuitous Domesticity, Mutual Pining, EXTREME SLOWBURN, the inherent eroticism of the forehead ribbon, The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, neither wwx nor lwj want to be Perceived, but sorry kids! it's gonna happen!, rated E but the the NSFW stuff doesn't begin until chapter 19!, bottom LWJ in chapter 20 and 27)

~*~

14. For the next fox finder

Pls help me find this fic where wwx and lwj are night hunting and wwx gets hurt badly lwj makes a deal with a spirit/god but in exchange to save wwx he will lose his love/ emotions (he only acts on what’s needed not on the things he like or is want)

Wwx ofc suffers because of this but is able to re awake lwj love after 3 years while he’s playing wangxian (( he has already lost hope lwj would recover his emotions))

~*~

15. hi! im looking for a post canon fic where jc sends a letter to cloud recesses saying that gusu lan owes him a debt since wwx married into the lan. lwj responds very angrily. it wasnt jc friendly and at the end of the fic, wwx finds a bitter letter from jc who dies alone. wwx and lwj live longer and happier lives. id love it if you could find it, thank you!

FOUND! The Price of a Golden Core by AshayaTReldai (M, 9k, wangxian, LXC & WWX, WWX & JC, Major Character Death, Angst, Tension, Aggression, JC pays the price for his choices, demanding letters, JC is a Brat, Supportive Lan Brothers, WWX deserves the best, Life Debt, Sad Ending, Sad Ending for JC)

~*~

16. Hi! So, I’m looking for an AO3 fic, Lán Zhan/Wei Ying, that I read what feels like years ago and I can’t find it again. I remember it is a bit of a dark lan zhan or dark cloud recess fic, with Wei Ying being brought to this ‘hunt’ type thing with a group of people. I believe all the people brought are given Lán Zhans scent, so that he may track them. I also believe that it’s not expected that the participants will survive, and they’re being offered a reward if they do. Please help me find it! @diabolic17

FOUND? 🔒 Five Fifteen by 3neetee (M, 11k, wangxian, rape/non-con, modern, ABO, alpha LWJ, omega WWX, mating runs, graphic depictions of violence, dom/sub undertones, light bondage, rape/non-con elements, dark LWJ, betrayal)

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17. Hey mods! 💜

I’m pretty sure I found this fic on here but now I can’t seem to find it. I’m not sure if it was on a itmf or fic finder. But it’s the one where wwx takes a curse from some ghost in order for her to move on. It’s a curse where he can’t see or feel anyone that feels “strongly” about him. He assumes the juniors all either hate or fear him and I forgot what he assumed lwj. They say to break the curse he has to accept the others’ feelings. So he tried to accept the fact that jin ling hated him although jin ling did not mean what he said and was confused at how wwx reacted. I think lan jinyi was the one who figured out wwx couldn’t see them because he launched at him as if he was going to attack him and wwx didn’t flinch. In the end he starts seeing and feeling impressions of them until he can see them in full again. Please help? I’ve been through my history and bookmarks and all open tabs of ao3. No such luck.

Thanks for all that you do! @jikcf

FOUND! See Me, Feel Me (Listening to You) by Ghost_Honey (T, 29k, WangXian, POV WWX, WWX Needs a Hug, WWX’s Abyssmal Self-Esteem, Emotional Healing, Angst, The Juniors love their Senior Wei, Curses, WWX is an Unreliable Narrator, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling)

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18. Hi! I’m searching for a fic that I’m pretty sure was a threadfic on twitter... It was foxian and dragonji, and LWJ came across WWX while he was in heat in a cave and they mated. WWX went back to Lotus Pier not knowing who he’d been with only to find himself pregnant. He has hybrid babies and LWJ eventually tracks him down and he turns out to be a prince or something? WWX goes to visit Cloud Recesses, still unsure about LWJ. There was also a scene when one of the babies gets snatched by an eagle or some other bird and LWJ saves them? I think that’s as far as I got, as it was a WIP at the time and I lost track of it. Thank you!

FOUND? Twitter thread by cerbykerby (wangxian, cw: dubcon, mpreg, memory loss)

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19. Hello! Hope you're well! I've been looking for a fic like crazy and have not been able to find it, so hopefully you know it? It's a fic where instead of nie mingjue dying, nie huisang dies as a result of jgy and nmj attacks the cloud recesses because he blames Lan xichen in part due to him defending jgy. Please help me find this if you can. Thank you in advance!!! 🫶🙏🏼 @cherryblossom8

FOUND! Digging Graves by nirejseki (Not rated, 13k, NHS & NMJ, WWX & XY, wangxian, Revenge, Broken Moral System, Non-Graphic Violence, the masterless sabers)

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20. Pls there was this one fic in ao3 , I was so looking forward to it but I lost it 😭😭😭I don’t know much about it but the summary was smth like Wwx getting pregnant and being in an island?? Shizui grows up and smth please 😭

FOUND? The Winner Takes It All by YilingSani (M, 46k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single Parent WWX, Old Friends, One Night Stands, No Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Forgiveness, Second Chances, Inspired by Mamma Mia! (Movies) Teen Pregnancy, Mpreg, mention of miscarriage, Birth Trauma, amniotic fluid embolism)

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[ianthewife]

on my unemployed walk thinking about what a fucking cool location the Glottage Drowned is, both during the wild insanity of the Wither Tide and also in the aftermath of it, like can you picture a whole city just lying in ruin like a floating corpse, im literally daydreaming about it with the sweetest smile

[p1nkcomet]

the dehumanization of gojo

i am a tree. i am beautiful and lush and green. i stand tall and loom over people. my trunk is thick- if you were to cut it you could see the layers that have formed throughout the years. i am strong, my roots intertwine into the earth, feeding off its power. my branches reach up, each sprout being different choices in a parallel universe. maybe one where i didn’t meet you. you are the wind. you range from breeze to vexed typhoon. you circle my arms and attack my body with your invisible bullets. you pick up stones and launch them at my lean figure, but it’s fine because i am strong; you’re just testing my durability. you come to visit me, furious and angry, stripping me of my leaves, leaving my body naked and trembling. you chip away at my heart, leaving me without the only thing that people find beautiful about me, but it’s fine because i know you love me. you love me, just not enough to stay. and when you leave i don’t miss you, but i wish you came back. you like carving me, sculpting me, gouging me, to create your perfect version of me, even if i never saw anything wrong to begin with. when things dont go your way, you curl away leaving me to heal. my leaves grow back, and i am beautiful again. but you’re back. you slam my bones, and shake me dry, now not even the rain wants me. it’s strange, that while you’re the one undressing me, once i am finally nude, exposed for you, ready for your judgement, you cave further away. my green garments return, and this time they’re present for the sun’s visit. she smiles as she caresses me with a gentleness you could never possess. but why, if she treats me so well, do i still wish it was you? her grin falters, when you rejoin me because she knows she is unmatched, even in her luminous glory. im strong, but you’re stronger. this time you thrash and pull at my legs and pierce my arms. this time im not just naked, im mutilated. with one final punch you leave my back broken. my trunk, once so wise and full of time, is pointless. i am a tree, but im no longer beautiful and lush and green. the people i once stood over carry my corpse. my roots, once tangled with the soil are ripped out of the earth’s embrace. i’m no longer strong, you took that away. my branches sweep the ground. tonight was my last night with you. you don’t want me, but won’t leave me alone. you assist in my erasure; as my dead body is being burned, you fuel the fire that was made from my soul. the thick smoke is the only part of me that remains.  i am a product of your infatuation with yourself. you are so in love with yourself, you’ve chiseled a reflexion of you in me. the only way you could love anyone else, was if they resembled you.  as i float up, tall for one last time, i see you smile for the first time, satisfied with my final form.