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#im telling myself that it was just a fever dream
bd-wlf · 1 month
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My pookie five would never do this, he was a victim of bad writing I'm telling ya
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simmingonthelow · 1 year
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Get to Know ME?
I tagged myself lol .......cause why not?
What’s your favourite Sims death?
The vampire one....there's a vampire one right? (or this could be a mod, i dunno)
Alpha CC or Maxis Match?
Why not both, cause I can't decide so i take both.
Do you cheat your sims weight?
I do! but the crazy part is that I have to cheat the weight up, cause every time I make my sims and leave them as townies or whatever they always end up skinny (lowest on the slider) and i'm real mad because when did I say they could do that? stwwwww...anyways if someone knows how to fix this do tell cause I'm TIRED of that happening.
Do you use move objects?
Yup! don't we all!
Favourite Mod?
extre- *ehem* slice of life modules and anything else that adds autonomy.
First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?
(¬‿¬)
Do you pronounce live mode or aLIVE or LiVing?
Living 😞 (which one is it?)
Who’s your favourite sim that you’ve made?
I'm sorry i don't have just one but SHANA Starks🥺🔥 and MACHA Wording 😤😩. My babies, my children, my everything .......and all my other sims but those two are in first first place while the rest are in second first place 🙃.
Have you made a simself?
I have. Its my pfp rn (sporting the hairstyle I seriously want to be in at this moment 😖😔). It hasn't been updated in a while though.
Which is your favourite EA hair colour?
The light blue one ( I say this and I almost never use it)
Favourite EA hair?
I meaaaaannnn i don't really use many, but the ones with the baby hairs cause they all slap!
Favourite life stage?
Infants cause mine are soooo darn cute! Young adults is close second here.
Are you a builder or are you in it for gameplay?
Gameplay cause I can't build 😭.
Are you a CC creator?
Nah but i'd like to be!
Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?
Yes (i think?!)! @latte-trait, @shittyysimblr, @void-imp, @neriney, @lilypixels,@liliumsims, @morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy, @emzchaos,@seasonalbeauties,@salemssimblr,@coatedinhoney and many other (i'm not too sure about these or the rest cause [so i won't list them 😔] ..........(*/ω\*) it could all be para-social but if you see this, yes! I'm talking about you too!)
Do you have any sims merch?
no
How has your “Sims Style” changed throughout your years of playing?
I don't really considered the change drastic or anything for the most part. There were some subtle changes as time passed. BUT! My babies ate from the start to the finish, they just didn't all eat the same thing.
Whats your Origin ID?
uuuuuhhhh....shhhhhh its a secret (❁´◡`❁)
Who’s your favourite CC creator?
I'm a lover of cc so I think it be too much to list it all. What I can say is that i'm in love with them all 🥺!
How long have you had simblr?
uhhhhh 3 years? i dunno, i don't really keep track.
How do you edit your pictures?
With gimp
What expansion/ stuff pack is your favourite?
All occults cause i'm a sucker for my monster bbies 😩🥺😤
i’m tagging @crsentfairy, @cinamun, @coatedinhoney, @latte-trait, @shittyysimblr , @void-imp, @neriney, @lilypixels,@liliumsims, @morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy, @emzchaos, @seasonalbeauties, @salemssimblr, @coatedinhoney, and any other person that sees this and wants to do it!
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yawn-emoji · 2 years
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#who i was march 24 2022 and who i am now are completely different people. i remember crying in caffe reggio to zay sun and adiba because#my dad was in the hospital and we didnt know why and we werent even there to support him and my mom because we had travelled to nyc that#morning. and the whole trip was overshadowed by this sense of grief and fear and horror at what was unfolding back at home while i was#trying to pretend everything was okay and that i was fine. i never cry in public but i cried on the q train while visiting my coworker who#lives in manhattan and then i sobbed in a xi’an famous foods location in manhattan w my brothers because the cheapest and earliest train#home was that night and i had no idea what to do w myself#and when we got home finally we all knew what the diagnosis was but nobody wanted to say it not even the doctors. i dont think anyone used#the actual word cancer to us for months. they cloaked it in such technical terms so as to make it easier to swallow but it was still like.#an elephant in the room yk? nobody told us the stage either but it was a stage iv glioblastoma and i remember going on r/glioblastoma and#just crying reading all the posts abt how difficult this disease is. most projections were six months to a year and a half. a lot of people#even chose not to get treatment because of the high probability that it would make no difference to the prognosis. i have no idea whether we#made the right choice going w chemo or not honestly. only time will tell i guess. inshaAllah this will prove to have been the right choice#idk what im even trying to say now. i just dont reflect a lot on where i was when this started because it’s… almost too painful. i have#given up so much for my dad at this point and i still feel like it’s not enough but also i’ve been trapped by this sickness and i’ve given#up my life to it and idk how to rebuild myself from here. i need to move on w my life but what if these are the last moments w him and i#take those for granted by not staying home to take care of him and spend time w him. again idk what im trying to say here i just have no#idea how we got to this place. it still feels like some insane fever dream that i will suddenly awaken from#seeing pictures of my dad even from 2021 is the hardest thing. i have no idea what happened to that bright funny charismatic loving man. he#is literally a shell of himself at this point and i hate it. it actually turns my stomach sometimes because it all is so wrong#none of this was supposed to happen he was supposed to retire peacefully somewhere tropical in a couple years not get diagnosed w cancer#journal#illness tw
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dni.
#i don't know how people who do not have siblings live cause#whenever i feel the very intense and real urge to genuinely kms their faces pop up in my head#my sister laughing at my jokes after she had a bad day and saying with tears in her eyes that hey you know what i need you so much please#call me constantly when im abroad i don't know what I'd do without you#and my little brother not trusting my parents advice when he is sick because he thinks they're constantly telling him to do a hundred thing#anyway but listening to me when im giving the exact same advice asking me such innocent questions that seem so obvious#but he doesn't know because of his childlike innocence#like why are we not going to the doctor if i have fever how do our parents know how to cure it and how can i take dolo without a doctors#prescription and me laughing and explaining that it's okay it's normal it's paracetamol you don't have to worry you'll be okay in day or 2#or how he's excitedly telling me that these are the colleges i looked up are they good how do you know if they're good#he needs me so much even tho he'd never say it they've been even worse parents to him than to me he doesn't have anyone else#so then how could i be so selfish and hurt the two people who love and need me the most the two people on whom if i see tears#it feels like a stab directly to the heart?#but i can't help it. can't help fantasizing about dying#maybe myself but even better if by some terminal illness#i keep thinking me lying in a hospital bed and doctors saying there's a complicated procedure and it's very expensive and results aren't#even guaranteed so are you sure want to be treated#and me saying no please let me die my parents would protest at first they would feel it is their duty responsibility to keep me alive#but id say please i don't have anything to live for and i just CAN'T i can't do this i can't live this life it's too difficult im not#capable im already failing please just let me give up and then they'd agree#and then i would tell my father that im sorry i couldn't pay you back for all the money you spent on me my education my living expenses#but atleast now i won't ask for anymore money from you ever you'll probably get some money from the insurance policies#and i would tell my mom that sorry for being such a burden on you all these years but now you can finally be free with the 2 kids you#actually love and you never have to cook for me again or fold my clothes or feel bad that i won't attend your family functions#and i would tell my siblings that i know it's sad but please i know you guys are strong and bright and you're gonna be very happy and#successful and that's enough for me im sorry we couldn't have our dream raksha bandhan away from our parents but you can carry on without#me and ill always love you. and that would be it.#i know it's wrong to fantasize so much about dying and ive read somewhere that they may just seem like thoughts now but if left untreated#one day you're gonna have a bad day and you're gonna find the perfect opportunity and you were so sure you were never going to do it but#then you do. but i don't know how to stop
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hecksupremechips · 6 months
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Ooooooghhhhhhhhh stressed 🥺
#dont wanna see family tomorrow and im sleeping saur bad lately i couldnt sleep last night and then had a typical fever dream#which gave me a really cute idea for a movie so im gonna keep it in my pocket#but it was one of those things where its like it says a whole lot about me and my trauma and its stressful#um um um and also im juggling all these different things like im sewing im trying to finally write im trying to draw again#while feeling like im failing at it all and then like i still gotta find fuckinnnnn job i neeeeeed money#this time of year is always really hard for me i hate when its warm again i hate easter and i hate knowing that summer is coming#aaghhhh rn im ticking and stimming really bad and im having trouble breathing hnnghhh#and im very sweaty lol i always get so sweaty when i dont sleep good i dont get it#also i think im just horrible like the one person i wanna talk to probably is getting tired of my constant life crisis and how needy i am#and theyre probably off being better without me there and im just a burden and then my therapist idk about him#i dont feel like hes really giving me anything like when i talk about how stressed and unsafe i am hes like you gotta find a way to cope#and he doesnt really tell me how exactly i should do that like mate thats why im here i need the help you cant just listen to me panic and#go ‘wow you need to fix that’ ughhhh and i think hes mad at me because i dont think he believes me anymore when i say im in an abusive#situation and that ive been controlled my whole life by everyone and i have never felt safe#and its just like ughhh like i feel like no one believes me anymore and theyre all fed up with my bullshit incompetence and constant#bellyaching and im a horrible friend and a liar and probably just being dramatic as fuck making myself believe im being abused when in#reality im the abuser the ungrateful brat who treats his family like shit and cant trust them even though they seem so perfect to everyone#and im so stupid and toxic for trying to run away and for being scared to death here#thats how its feeling anyway idk everyone is just. weird and im losing my grip on reality and cant tell whats real anymore
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complaining on tumblr so i don’t annoy my friends in the gc
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mclqren · 6 months
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WINNER TAKES IT ALL ★ CS55
PAIRING ✦ carlos sainz x fem!singer!reader
SUMMARY ✦ you and your boyfriend both seem to be very lucky recently: you in opening for taylor swift, and him in winning the australian grand prix [ SMAU ]
WARNINGS ✦ cursing
REQUESTED ✦ here!
NOTES ✦ for the purpose of this fic, taylor has added an extra date in melbourne for the friday before the australian grand prix. as per request, the fc i've used is sabrina carpenter, but feel free to picture whoever you want! my requests are open so feel free to leave a request :)
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liked by carlossainz55, taylorswift, and 3,055,971 others
tagged taylorswift
yourusername and with that we have one show left: back to melbourne in a couple of weeks! thank you all so much for the support, love you all like crazy 🫶
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user1 you're such a disney princess i can't
user2 DON'T MESS W ME RN IM SO SAD UR NO LONGER OPENING.
user3 FR what will we do without all of her content???
user4 ☹️☹️
carlossainz55 so proud of you!!
yourusername im way prouder of you 💘
user5 PARENTS WOOHOO
taylorswift i'll miss you, my angel! ❤️
yourusername love you sm 😢💘💘
yourusername
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( caption one: just woke up and my boyfriend's got appendicitis hellooo?? wtf have i missed while i've been in singapore. | caption two: never mind guys all is well ❤️ ( i am a photographer and i took THIS photo ) )
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liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc, and 3,281,119 others
tagged carlossainz55
yourusername impromptu visit to jeddah after SOMEONE'S appendix was removed...thanks for giving me an excuse to see you carlos 😘💘💘
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user6 THE WAY HE STILL WENT TO SEE THE GP IS CRAZY ur boyfriend is hella strong
yourusername ur telling me 🤷‍♀️
user6 OMG YOU REPLIED??? I LOVE YOU
user7 nah carlos acc has to be some sort of super human because how THE FUCK did he walk after that surgery.
user8 literally convinced he is atp.
carlossainz55 the appendix wasn't my fault...
charles_leclerc or was it 🤷‍♂️
yourusername hmmm...
user9 i'm acc their biggest fan you don't understand
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liked by carlossainz55, taylorswift, and 3,331,354 others
tagged taylorswift
yourusername from the bottom of my heart, thank you thank you thank you for all of the love and support i've received over the past couple of weeks. they've honestly been such a fever dream for me: like you're telling me that i was opening for THE taylor swift?? twelve year old me would be screaming right about now, let me tell you that much. i've loved every minute of this experience, and i can't wait to see what era is next for me 🫶
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user13 i still remember watching you when you were eighteen, just releasing music on youtube 🥺
user14 she's come sooo far since then im so proud of her
taylorswift loved having you with me!! couldn't think of anyone else better to keep me company during these times ❤️
yourusername thank you sm tay, im going to miss youuu 💘💘
user15 why am i acc tearing up this is so sad
carlossainz55 now i have you all to myself ❤️
yourusername yeah well you have ur cars AND charles so i guess it's not just me is it.
charles_leclerc why am i being mentioned
yourusername ur just like collateral damage in this argument
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liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, and 989,911 others
carlossainz55 back from my surgery and into P2 👊 looking forward to the race!
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user16 SMOOTH OPERATOR IS BACKKK
user17 the surgery did NOT hold him back
user18 NO REAL THE GUY WAS FLYINGGG
user19 the extra weight is gone and now he's in first row THIS IS WHAT WE NEEDED
yourusername do you ever actually rest like. ur appendix was just taken out when i get colds i stay in bed longer.
carlossainz55 yeah i know from firsthand experience 😘
user20 SHE'S SO REAL FOR THIS THOUGH
yourusername either way i'm so proud of you! smash it tomorrow 💘
liked by carlossainz55
user21 the way y/n is literally so supportive of him is my fav thing
user22 all whilst telling him off for not resting enough 🤣🤣 she's too iconic for us, i fear
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liked by carlossainz55, fransisca.cgomes, and 3,215,984 others
tagged fransisca.cgomes
yourusername me and kika are truly THOSE BITCHES 😘
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user23 SPEAK ON ITTTT 🗣️🗣️🗣️
user24 my fav wags fr 🫶
fransisca.cgomes my girlll 😍😍
yourusername foreverrr 💘
fransisca.cgomes that second pic is soooo yum
yourusername leave pierre for me RIGHT NOW.
fransisca.cgomes gladlyyy! 😍
pierregasly HUH??
yourusername got ur girl tripod how does it feel 🤣
carlossainz55 ❤️❤️
yourusername love youuu!!
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liked by yourusername, landonorris, and 1,443,999 others
carlossainz55 P1 babyyy!! Onto Japan we go 🎢❤️
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user28 THE SMOOTHEST OPERATOR AROUND
user29 staying up until 2am to watch it was SOOO WORTH IT
user30 SO PROUD!!
yourusername YESSS I KNOW THAT'S RIGHTTT!!
liked by carlossainz55
yourusername MY FUCKING MANNN LET'S GOOO!! P1 BABY 💘💘
carlossainz55 ❤️
user31 the way she supports him will never not warm my heart
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liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc, and 3,331,354 others
tagged carlossainz55
yourusername he only went and did it!! after his appendix got removed and all. couldn't be fucking prouder 💘
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yourusername proud of @/charles_leclerc as well!! what a way to end the weekend 😘
charles_leclerc thank you y/n!! 😍
yourusername FORZA FERRARI 👊
user31 the way they support each other >>>
user32 actual power couple idc
user33 i need to find myself a y/n asap.
user34 WHY ARE YOU SO PERFECT
carlossainz55 te amo siempre ❤️
liked by yourusername
carlossainz55 it was the lack of an appendix that did it 🤣
yourusername @/charles_leclerc are you taking notes??
charles_leclerc already scheduling an appointment for the winter, don't worry 📝
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rowretro · 7 months
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꧁DRUGS & MONEY꧂
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✧warnings: Yandere themes, toxic themes, drugs, drug addict reader, abuse
♤synopsis: Nishimura Riki. One of the most well feared mafia sons, is filthy rich, He was never really interested in dating, hating the idea of putting all his trust, love, blood sweat and tears into one person. Then he laid his eyes on you, a broken, barely appreciated, drug addict. (Riki's "I love you 3000" cover was playing in my head non stop while writing this- I need him in my life frfr)
✧♤✧♤✧♤𝕯𝕽𝖀𝕲𝕾 & 𝕸𝕺𝕹𝕰𝖄♤✧♤✧♤✧
Get up, get ready, clean up, go to school, get high and arrive at her apartment late as fuck. That was Y/ns daily routine. She's high 90% of the time, filling the massive hole her parents stabbed in her heart, with weed, Whiskey and pills. She had nothing to lose. Her parents always hated her, the reason never clear. So she moved out at 16, and got her own small apartment, a very decent one. Now she's yet to turn 18 in a few weeks, yet she's making bad decisions back and forth
She had fallen in love many times, but she always ended up getting hurt, or being a burden. So she'd turn to her fellow, Jack Daniels and Marijuana for some company. No one ever visited her... so she was beyond surprised when she heard her doorbell ring. High out of her mind, she answered it, not thinking of the potential dangers that may be lurking behind the door.
"Fuck- you got a first aid kit?" He asked, shutting the door and barricading it. Y/n pouted as she started to think "Clearly you're high. I'll go find it myself." He said, as he walked through the clean, plain hallways. Of course he found a brand new, unused first aid kit, however, what he didn't find was any photos of your family or at least parents. No sign of a boyfriend, or anyone else who might live there.
The strong stench of Cannabis filling his nostrils as he groaned. The male treated his own wounds that were barely painful to him. He walked into the living room only to find the girl lying on the ground, high out of her mind. Y/n had fallen asleep on the cold, marble floor despite being so high and having a fever, but she was used to it and she was too lazy to move.
Riki however, found it cute. He found her cute. God she's too cute, so short, so clueless, and so stupid. He really wanted to know what you were like when you were sober, but when examining all the munchies you had randomly scattered in the kitchen, he realized that may be a challenge. So he decided to stay until you wake up.
Never would he have ever found himself cleaning up a girl's home, picking up a girl's underwear and putting it in the laundry basket, carrying a girl to her bed and tucking her in. But I'll tell you one thing. He fucking loved it. He loves taking care of this girl, he only just practically met her but... he really wants her. He's a mafia he can have whatever the fuck he wants.
That's how Y/n found herself in a massive, luxurious mansion. Guards here and there, all her artwork in a big room with all the art supplies an artist could dream for. A perfect yet psychotic man who seems to be on a murder rampage on the daily. It has been 1 month since the male kidnapped her saying that he's in love with her and will even marry her. However the place was missing something she lived her whole life on...
"I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT FUCK SAKE RIKI! GIVE ME MY WEED FOR FUCKSAKE!" She screamed, crying and kicking her bedsheets, yanking at her hair as she screamed. The male slapped her painfully hard, pulling her to himself "FUCKING PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER Y/N!" he yelled as the girl just cried in his embrace "Y-you don't understand ki... it's hard! it hurts, I need them I really do- I'm fucking weak I can't- sobriety is so fucking overrated! please- im begging you please!" She cried as the male just hugged her closely.
With drawl is extremely hard, and for a teenager to have to go through something like that, without her parents to support her is extremely hard. But someone really loves her, a man who'd kill for her and is even willing to die for her. So she will put through it. Fighting with every last bit of energy she has. Riki would keep an eye on her when she does have alcohol, making sure she stays within a limit. He let her buy a vape, just to help her lay off of the drugs.
He knew that all this was all worth it. because when the struggle is over, Y/n will realize that he truly loves her, and no matter what crazy shit he does, she will always run into his arms, and yearn for his touch. "I love you Ki... I'm glad you kidnapped me you know?... I've never been love like this before..." She admitted, her head pressed against his chest, as her body was shielded by his loving arms.
Y/n melted in his embrace, closing her eyes with a smile when she felt his perfect, plush lips on her forehead. Those lips, the only drug she's addicted to and will never let herself get over. "I love you too my darling..." he said with a smile, cradling her in his arms, his head rested against hers, theirs eyes closed as they sat before the fireplace, comforted by the relaxing sounds of their heartbeats.
✧♤✧♤✧♤𝕯𝕽𝖀𝕲𝕾 & 𝕸𝕺𝕹𝕰𝖄♤✧♤✧♤✧
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rush-the-stars · 4 months
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AFFECTION'S EDGE: PART III
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|| alpha!suguru getou x omega!afab reader || E/18+ || wc: 6.8k || ao3 || <- part ii || masterlist ||
minors and ageless blogs do not interact, 18+ only
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“You’ve got it all wrong,” he murmurs, “but what am I to expect from a stray like you? You’ve lived off scraps and abuse your whole life; of course you don’t know what to do now that I’ve given you food and shelter.” Suguru’s fingers ease up towards your neck as he continues, “a warm bed to lie in. Toys to play with. A collar—so you’ll never be lost again. No one’s ever given you this before, hm?”
***
Suguru tries to tame you.
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✧ SPRING FEVER collab ✧
cw: omegaverse, brat taming, mind games, toxic behavior, yandere suguru getou, yandere reader, biting, blood, marking, one slap from the reader to suguru and he sorta likes it, fainting, fainting from lack of food, reader refuses to eat because she doesn't want getou to feed her, getou does not let reader eat unless he feeds them; forced feeding. forced bathing, smut; masturbation, dirty talk, voyeurism, a blurring of boundaries, consent as punishment?
a/n: happy mother's day to alpha suguru getou <3 this is the third and final part of this lil series for @lorelune 's spring fever collab! pls mind the warnings, i added some! i will be honest this part feels like a fever dream to myself lol...,.not beta read..,.i barely read it back bc im terrified of my own smut JFDKLSK enjoy LMAO but on a real note, thank you to everyone who has reached out and been so kind ab this fic! i hope you enjoy this last part! let me know your thoughts <33
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When Suguru first offers you food from his own hand, you push it away. He cooked it for you and you refuse it, turn your nose up at him and shut your mouth resolutely, feel your lips cage your teeth like a muzzle
“I’ll do it myself.” You tell him firmly. 
But then he holds the food away from you. 
You go nearly a day and a half, feverish and woozy, without eating. 
You do not plan on conceding, but end up fainting not long after. Your body is under too much stress; you need sustenance. You need food and water. 
So he begins to feed you as your lashes flutter and you are too weak to deny him this time. 
It’s easier, when you can hardly keep your eyes open. His hands are impossibly gentle. You feel his fingers against your lips, careful, and loving. 
When you’re feeling better, you glower at him. 
He is rather pleased, though. 
The next time he tries to feed you by hand, you turn and bite his hand, sink your teeth into the meat of it. 
He laughs warmly, fondly. 
“Feel better to get that out of your system?” He asks, when you finally pull away. 
You don’t respond to him.
He grabs your face swiftly then, big hand fitting around your jaw and bearing down. This time, he holds you steady, and brings the slice of orange to your mouth. 
You squirm, but he says, “I will not have you fainting again.” 
“Let me feed myself then.” You manage to get out, but he holds you tighter, presses at your jaw to get it to unhinge. 
The orange pops into your mouth. 
“You’re insufferable.” You say around it, cheek puffed with the fruit. 
Unfortunately, it’s good. Sweet. A little cool. Refreshing. You do want more. 
“This doesn’t have to be so difficult.” He responds evenly, peeling away the next piece of the orange. It looks so small in his hands. 
You swallow the piece in your mouth. 
“You’re right,” you respond stubbornly, “it doesn’t.” You reach for the next piece but he holds it away from you. 
Frustration overcomes you, chokes you like thorny vines strangling out the softer plants around them. Heat hits your face again and you have to wonder if you’ll ever get over it all. If he’ll ever stop making you feel this way.
Tears prick your eyes again. 
You turn your face away from him. He sighs. 
“It isn’t so bad,” he says softly, “if you’d just give in.” 
You sniff. “I could say the same of you.” 
“I’m trying to take care of you,” he says, “and at every turn, you are still trying to refuse it.” 
“I don’t need—”
“But don’t you want it?” He asks gently, hand reaching out slowly, knuckles first, so they skim your cheek. “It’s okay to want.” 
Stubbornly, you remain silent. 
“You’ve been so alone, for so long, my little stray. It’s okay to be taken care of.” He consoles softly, voice just a rumble that warms to your ears. 
“I’ll not think you any less strong, if you let me feed you now.” He promises, “if you let me care for you this week.” 
You don’t know why, but a tear slips down your cheek. There’s a lump in your throat, hard and aching, and threatening your resolve. 
He catches your tear with a thumb. “Poor thing, so torn up.” 
You sniff hard, trying to hold everything in. It’s trembling and tender, though, your heart. The ache in your chest.
You don’t think you’ll win this one—
Your head is foggy and throbbing. You don’t even know what you’re winning or losing. Or what you’re fighting for, when he puts it that way. 
You feel silly for denying him.
Perhaps worse for agreeing.
Finally, in a voice smaller than intended? you ask, “can I have another piece?” 
Suguru studies you for a moment. 
He lifts the curved bend of the orange up to your lips, testing. Waiting. It's a half moon curve, ripe and tempting.
You give in and part your lips, accept the crescent into your mouth like holding the moon on your tongue for him. 
He presses it inside, on your tongue, and you accept the crescent like holding a soft, tangerine moon in your mouth for him. His fingers skim your teeth, placing a world there, on your tongue.
“Good girl,” he says, pleased and warm, when you close around the slice. 
And then you obediently swallow it down—worldeater that you are, hungry dog that you are. 
Another tear slips free as you chew it slowly. It’s tangy and sweet and lovely. You feel the well of emotions inside you open up, threatening to drag you down into its depths—you think if you start to cry now, you won’t ever stop.
Suguru dutifully peels off another piece of orange, making sure it’s free of rind or unwanted seeds. 
When he lifts it to your mouth, you open readily for it now. Close your lips around his fingers gently, around the sweet orange.
With tears in your eyes, you look up at him, through wet lashes. 
His scent has darkened, pungent and spicier. It lingers in the back of your mouth. It’s—it makes your head spin.
And there's a strange look in his eyes now. 
Almost hungry himself, if you didn’t know better. 
A cramp rolls through you, hips and lower back churning, and you whimper, reaching for him. 
He takes hold of you easily. 
“Hurts?” He muses softly.
You nod, tense and quick. 
“Breathe,” he urges, shifting between your knees from where you’re sitting perched on his counter. 
Instinctively, you cling to him.
You let yourself pull him closer, fit himself to you—
“Breathe,” he says again gently.
But you can feel him between your legs, you can feel his own desire, and it strikes you like a bolt of lightning. Like crashing to earth.
He’s hard and heat sweeps through you in a whirlwind, so fast it makes you feel dizzy. Your head spins as you sink your nails deep into him, bear down with your strength like a bad dog, like you could get him to stay. 
Distantly, you think he’s such a strange, awful man. 
Is he so turned on from feeding you? Or from the fight? 
“Suguru,” you mewl, clinging to him desperately. And he holds you, keeps you close, until your hips twitch. 
You seek friction and he denies you. 
Frustratingly, tears spring to your eyes again. 
“You’re so—“ you try to get out, “why are you also denying yourself?” 
“Because I made you a promise.” Suguru responds evenly. He pauses, eyes flickering over you, a lightning flash of violet, “and, perhaps,” he squeezes your waist, “to teach you a lesson.” 
A noise of frustration works its way out of you, a little growl or whine, somewhere in the back of your throat. 
“Won’t you do anything to help me?” You get out, pawing at his shoulders, his chest. 
“I’m feeding you,” he says, “I’m caring for you.” 
And then he draws away, back to the orange, and your fingers grip the edge of the counter until pain presses into them. You have to force air into your lungs, try and make your head stop spinning. 
The wooziness and the aching is perhaps the worst part. You feel out of your mind, wish you could crawl out of your body. 
When Suguru returns, he has another piece of orange between his fingers. 
You glare up at him with glassy eyes. 
“Open,” he says, warm and low.
Pleased.
Turned on. 
Your lips part and you accept the fruit and his fingers into your mouth. You let yourself close around them, feel his knuckles on the inside of your warm, wet cheek. 
You’re slow about it, or maybe he is. 
You hold his gaze furiously. 
Maybe it was time you taught him a lesson, too. You bite down hard into the orange. It bursts in your mouth. 
***
The third day is perhaps the worst.
You’re so hot and somehow both overstimulated and undertouched. Your skin crawls until Suguru touches you. You ache in a way that makes you fear for your own health; several times you start to cry—not just cry, but bawl—from the pain. From the frustration.
At one point, you beg Suguru to take you to the hospital. To help you. To save you. 
You babble that you’re going to split apart. You’re going to lose your mind.
Like a colicky baby, you can’t calm down. 
And this time, he can’t quite seem to soothe you, either.
You twist and turn and pull at your clothes and your hair. You dig your nails into your own skin and drag them down in vicious, curving marks. 
You press and scratch at inflamed, painful scent glands. 
Your jaw hurts strangely in the joints. 
(You realize you want something in your mouth. Maybe you want it between your teeth.) 
Suguru tries to hold your hands away from yourself, tries to keep you from tearing into your own skin, but it only worsens you. It only makes you fight harder and cry harder. You lash out more, using more force with yourself, with him. 
When he snaps finally, pinning you roughly and with a flash of his sharper, greater canines, something inside of you howls. 
All you can do is beg and plead and cry. Press up against him desperately. Sink your face into his throat and inhale and—
Bite.
Your teeth close around the skin of his throat and bear down harshly.
He inhales sharply, spine going rigid with the pain for a moment.
You taste his blood on your tongue and feel your eyes roll blissfully to the back of your head. Darkness as your lashes flutter shut. You whimper into his throat—
“Is that what you needed?” He hisses, slipping his hand behind you to cradle your head to him, to keep you at his throat, “you just needed to get your teeth into me?” 
As if in response, you twine yourself around him, hitching your legs around his waist. Your arms winding around his broad shoulders, as if you could absorb him into your very body, your very soul. 
“Too bad it won’t take, hm?” Suguru muses, unmoving, allowing himself to melt into your vice grip on him. 
You make a soft noise; one that would be embarrassing if you didn’t—if you weren’t so—
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? To Mark me properly?” He continues, voice bedroom soft, “you want to scar me with your own teeth?” 
As if in response, you try and fasten your mouth down harder, grinder your teeth into his flesh until he groans. The sound reverberates through you, rattles around inside your head until you’re mindless with it. 
When you finally manage to unlatch your teeth, he hisses and pulls away to grab your jaw. 
“What a little beast,” he sneers at you, “with my blood all over your mouth.” 
Something inside of you snaps. 
Unintentionally, you shudder into your cursed form—teeth elongating, nails sharpening. Strength rips through your otherwise feeble, heat-laddled body. In a sudden move of power, you shove him hard, and throw him off you. 
In an instant, you are back atop him. 
This time, when your teeth sink into the juncture of his other shoulder, they are far longer. 
He actually cries out in pain. 
The sound sparks beneath your skin, roars to life like a sudden fire and when he tries to grab your jaw and pry you off him, your claws sink into his wrist. 
You struggle with each other, using your cursed energy, using all the strength you have. 
Blood drips down his chest, dampening the collar of his shirt. 
He barks out a pained laugh, “you really are a curse.”
And then he is forcing you off of him, wrenching your teeth out of his skin in a brutal drag, shoving you away from him. 
You hiss, baring your dripping fangs at him and he growls back. The sound low and primal. Warning bells ping around your head, but you lunge for him again. 
This time, he isn’t so ill-prepared. 
He grapples with you on the bed, shoving you down into it with his forearm bearing down hard into your chest. 
You make a noise of pain but he doesn’t let up.
He’s panting and bleeding, his long hair slipping from its usual half-up appearance. 
Something inside of you is quite pleased at the image of him. 
Not so pristine. 
Perhaps unsure, for once in all the time you’ve known him. 
“Calm down.” He says low and soft. Part growl, part purr. “Your aggression is misguided.” 
Your teeth are bared in a snarl, “you are my tormentor.” 
“I am only respecting your wishes.” Suguru says and there is a horrible, smug lift to the corner of his lips. Maybe it’s more a threat of his teeth, which gleam in the lowlight. “I made you a promise and I’m keeping it.” 
“Let me up,” you snap. 
“Will you be good?” Suguru asks. 
Your fever spikes, tears pricking again at your eyes, and you finally lose your transformation. It melts from you, until you are fangless and drained once more. 
So drained, in fact, that your eyes gutter.
Suguru is off you in an instant. Air rushes into your lungs, the pressure from your chest lifting and he lets you heave for breath rough and hard. 
You don’t catch him move, but suddenly a glass of water is brought to your lips. When you can breathe, you drink. You let him guide it to your lips. And this time, when you try to pull away, he stops you. 
His hand cradles the back of your head, keeping your mouth to the glass.
“More,” he presses, “you’re weaker than you know.” 
And for once, you don’t fight him. 
You gulp down the rest of it, some of it slipping from your mouth, down your chin, rolling down your working throat. It’s cool but barely a balm to the oppressive heat inside of you. 
When you finish, Suguru pulls the glass away. He sets it down and studies you.
He tsks softly, “you’re a mess.” 
You take him in, though your eyes are growing heavy, all of that fighting took a lot out of you. It’s catching up with you quickly now. 
But your eyes land on the bite marks you’ve littered him with. The one, specifically, that is still ringed and bleeding, dripping down his chest. 
“So are you.” You reply, words slurring. 
You don’t catch what he says next, muffled, as you fade from consciousness. Darkness sweeps in to cradle you, much the way Suguru is now, and you fall into a restless sleep. 
***
Suguru wakes you at some point. 
It’s pitch black outside the window; there is very little light in the room at all, which adds to your confusion. Your head is throbbing. 
You whimper. 
“Sit up for me,” his voice is a hush, “can you do that?” 
“Let me sleep,” you reply, pushing weakly at him as he forces you up. Everything swims. Your head lolls like a doll and he catches it so you don’t give yourself whiplash. 
“You’re burning up,” he replies, “I need to get the fever down.” 
You don’t have the wherewithal to understand this. 
For a moment, you hope that he means—
“I’m going to give you a bath.” 
You make another noise, this one in disagreement. Fussy. 
He tuts softly at you, the way mothers do at bad children, and then he disappears, allowing you to fall back against the bed once more. 
You’re not sure for how long, but you doze off again, unable to keep your eyes open. You only awake when Suguru lifts you clear from the bed and into his arms. Again, you make a noise of protest, pushing weakly at him, but he pays you no mind. 
You open your eyes and wince against the bathroom light. 
The bath is running, filling with water. You frown and squirm in his hold, just as he gently sets you on the floor beside the tub. 
“Let’s get you out of these clothes,” he murmurs and you push his hands away.
“No,” you snap, “leave.” 
He sighs, “you can hardly sit up right now. I don’t trust you in the bath alone.” 
“I’m not a child,” you protest.
“No, but you’re experiencing a compounded Heat, after years of not having one and you don’t have a knot to soothe you.” Suguru’s voice is cool. His eyes are, too. 
You level him with the best glare you can manage, “and whose fault is that?” 
“I’m only keeping my promise.” He almost sings. 
You swat at him but he catches your wrist easily and pulls you up further as you begin to slouch further and further down against the edge of the tub. “Come,” he says, “don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” 
This time, when he reaches to remove your shirt, you only grumble in protest. He peels it from you carefully, revealing bare skin. Despite how hot you are, you shiver hard. 
You ache. 
This is the worst fever you’ve ever had. Perhaps, this is one of the worst you’ve felt ever. 
You can hardly move enough to allow Suguru to slip your bottoms off and you feel so miserable that you can’t even find it in yourself to be embarrassed or frustrated or angry. 
Tears bead at your eyes again but it’s purely because you are in so much pain. 
Suguru lifts you into the bath. 
It’s lukewarm. Tufts of bubbles smell like lavender. The water is milky and gentle. 
You don’t realize it, but you’ve started to cry again, reaching out for Suguru. You realize he’s cleaned and bandaged his bite mark. He also coos to you, rolling up his sleeves to reach you in the water, stroking at your throat, your cheek.
And then he takes a wash cloth in hand and begins to do the same. He bathes you with a strange gentleness. A gentleness you have not given him. Your tears continue, tracking down your face, which he dutifully washes, too. He wipes away your tears, any sweat and grime, until you feel shining and new.
Eventually, you rest your arms on the lip of the bathtub, folded, and lay your cheek against them. You’re exhausted and still hurting, but at least quiet for now. At least you are cleaned and—
Suguru strokes at your cheek, traces the curve and folds of your ear, gently strokes through your hair. 
“Poor thing,” Suguru murmurs, knuckles drawing across your jaw, down your throat. When he passes along your scent gland, you shiver, you wince a little. 
“Hurts,” you get out and he coos more to you.
Babying you.
And you don’t have the strength to deny him any longer, so you let yourself be babied. You whimper at him and let him try to soothe you, you let him quiet and pet you. 
You’re looking at each other rather frankly, through the haze of your Heat, through all the lust or aggression or fear. In a rare moment of peace, you gaze up at his face and he looks down into yours. 
“Do you hate me?” You ask and your voice is rather raw from all the crying, “is that why you’ve led me here?” 
A strangely fond smile touches his lips, “on the contrary,” Suguru replies, fingers careful along your cheek, “I adore you.” 
“You have such a strange way of showing it.” You tell him. 
“I’m only keeping my promise,” he says again and all you have in you is a deep, dejected sigh. 
“I’m going to make you pay for this, Suguru.” And though your tone is docile, even sleepy, it is a promise. 
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll try.” He agrees, touch growing stronger, bolder, as he pets down your throat, your shoulder. You lean into the touch like a cat, too exhausted to deny it. “And I’ll still be here after—your ire or punishment will not scare me away.” 
You look at him for a moment, long and hard, and only find the truth there. Something strangely raw.
After a moment, you say, “I know.” 
He hums softly, leaning forward to give your burning forehead a rare and gentle kiss, “do your worst, then.” 
You pick your head up barely, tilt your face to his and catch him in a sudden, burning kiss. 
You pull away as quickly as you’d done it. 
You can tell you’ve surprised him only momentarily, it passes over his features like a bird flickering through the sky, there and gone. 
And you say, “no,” soft, and against his lips, “I’ll do my best this time.” 
He pulls away, creating carefully controlled distance. “Come,” he says, urging you up and out of the bath, “let’s get you to bed.” 
“Carry me?” You ask as he bundles you into a soft towel. “Let me wear your shirt?” 
His eyes glint violet, dark and quick, but he says, “of course.” And indulges you.
He even holds you all night and lets you sleep in late. 
The fever only worsens. 
And you can’t tell if your resolve crumbles or strengthens; but either way, you’re born anew with the sun the next day. 
*** 
Suguru woke up before you. He let you sleep in. But now you're awake and waiting for him. When Suguru returns to wake you in the early afternoon, instead of sleeping, you are half-lidded and sun-warmed, laying in his sheets still. The fever has reached a pitch inside you. You’re sure it’s done irreparable damage to your mind and psyche because of how you find yourself.
Because of how Suguru finds you. 
The shirt of his you’d worn to bed is pushed up to your chin, revealing your bare chest, your stomach, flexing and twitching, with your legs spread. Your fingers between them, working messily against yourself, against where you’ve needed since your Heat began. 
For once, you have shocked Suguru. 
Enough that his lips part. 
Just a flash, a ripple of his features, before he smooths them out quickly. Effortlessly. But it is enough to spur you on regardless, to feel just slightly triumphant. 
You keen softly, arching your back, pushing your fingers gently through silken folds. 
“Suguru,” you mewl his name, all soft and broken, arching your hips into your own touch desperately. Beyond your desire for revenge, is simply your desire, the need to feel full, to feel pleasure like this. And you reasoned with yourself, all night, and all morning, that you’d win regardless; either you’d wrestle his tightly held control from his grasp, and get what you so desperately want from him, or you’d still get to touch yourself and find some brief moment of reprieve. 
Beyond either of those two things, you could not think. They ran around your mind like wild, starved dogs hunting down the possibility of a rabbit. 
(Or are you the rabbit? Running around and around your mind, trying to escape the bite? Or are you looking for it?) 
“What do you think you’re doing?” He asks and for a moment, he doesn’t dare step closer to you or the bed. 
You push a finger inside yourself, it goes in easy—so slick and easy—that the next pass, you add a second and gasp. 
What are you doing? You feel half out of your mind. 
“Can’t help it—” you get out, “it hurts so bad. It’s—I’m so—” 
You watch a muscle in his jaw feather and tick. His scent is—
It hits you like a blow to the chest, the way he smells. It’s dark and spiced with warmth; tobacco and the oud in his scent has become heavier. You can almost taste it in the air.
“Suguru—“ you mewl again, pleading and cloying. You tilt your hips up towards your hand, towards him. You’re trying to entice him. 
You can nearly hear the way his teeth grind together. 
“You’re a brat,” he hisses but you can sense the way his control has slipped and thinned. You can nearly feel it fraying in his voice alone.
You practically purr, fingers pushing desperately inside yourself. 
“I haven’t done anything wrong,” you simper, “I’ve been so good letting you feed me and bathe me—I’m wearing the shirt you put me in, too.” 
For a moment, you watch as his eyes slowly dip down the length of your body, to where your fingers are. You watch his expression flicker, the tilt of his eyebrows, the slight parting of his lips. You whimper, knowing he’s watching, and try to curl your fingers. 
But they don’t reach as deep as his might—not thick enough, either, and the ache inside you grows monstrously. 
Perhaps only soothed by the way, for once, you’ve rendered Suguru Getou rather speechless. You toss your head back and moan at the thought. 
“Suguru—won’t you help me? Even a little?” You arch off the bed and catch his gaze when his eyes fly back up to your face. 
“No,” he snaps quickly, “I promised you—“
“Then tell me what to do—talk to me.” You beg, “it hurts so bad, Suguru—“
The muscle in his jaw feathers again. But this time, he wades carefully into the room, stepping closer to the edge of the bed.
The moment he’s there, you adjust so he can see you better, move so your foot is just nearly touching his thigh at the end of the bed. And even that small potential for touch has you crying out again. 
“I’m not sure I should, after the way you’ve been acting.” He says and though he’s trying for casualness, you can sense the tension lurking underneath.
“Touch yourself then,” you breathe, your own eyes drifting down to his sweatpants—to the noticeable bulge—
In a bold move, you place your foot on his lower abdomen, looking up at him through your lashes as your fingers gently push in and out, walls fluttering desperately around them.
He catches your ankle before you can move another inch. The way he squeezes you makes a thrill run through you, race up your spine, pool somewhere low and hot in the depths of you. 
“Is this your way of trying to make me suffer?” He asks and despite everything, a hint of a smile flickers across your heated, panting face.
“Is it working?” You ask. 
All he does is hum, thumb stroking along the bone of your ankle.
Even that is enough for pleasure to skitter and flare beneath your skin. 
“Wanna see you,” you get out, breathy and soft, “wanna see what I’m missing.”
Suguru curses and you laugh, delirious and soft.
Pleasure blushes and surges beneath your skin. 
“No,” he says again but he has to grind the word out, pull it and wrestle it from his own mouth. “You won’t get the better of me here.” 
“Don’t you get tired of your tightly wound control?” You get out, twisting a little so that you might free your ankle from his grasp, but he holds firm.
“I should be asking the same of you—but clearly,” his eyes flicker again, “you do.” 
“Need you so bad—“ you get out, almost pouting. 
You can nearly hear his teeth grind together. He inhales sharply, as if to try and steady himself, but you can tell it only worsens him. Your scent must be thick in the air, sweetened and cloying.
Your fingers slip messily, desperately, over your clit, down inside of yourself and back out. You whine, a little frustrated, trying again and again to satiate the ache inside of you. But anything you do, isn’t enough. 
It almost feels as if it’s made it worse. 
“Poor thing,” Suguru finally says and you realize, he’s regained some of his composure, “look what you’ve done to yourself.” 
You curse this time. 
But you press on, unwilling to give up your win yet, “you’ve also done this—because you wanted the upper hand so bad.” You press inside yourself, hips lifting towards your fingers, “you didn’t have to take the suppressants.” 
His brow flickers up, “I did it for you.” 
“Did you?” You gasp, adding a second finger. 
He swallows, eyes falling to the apex of your thighs, watching, as you fitfully try to pleasure yourself. 
“You didn’t have to—you could’ve let me trigger your Rut. Then we both would’ve been like this—” your voice hitches, “then you would’ve gotten what you wanted sooner and you could’ve feigned innocence.” 
“You didn’t want that,” he says, watching you carefully, “who's to say you won’t come out of this Heat and resist me again?”  
“I won’t,” you breathe, “I did—” you mewl, hips arching and falling, trying so hard, working yourself up so horribly. 
You bite off a groan. 
Suguru clicks his tongue, makes a soft, disapproving noise. “And now look at you,” his hand slides along your calf, so large, and—
“Don’t even know how to properly touch yourself.” 
“Suguru—” 
Suddenly, he tugs you gently, so you’re down at the edge of the bed, your legs on either side of his thighs as he stands above you. 
He leans down slightly and you sit up, towards him, hoping, desperate—
“Such a terrible, little Omega. Do you need me to teach you this, too? Do you need me to help you?” 
You cry out, kitten soft, as needy and tender as a child. 
“Please,” you beg, “please, I need you—”
His hand traces up the outside of your calf, up to your thigh and you squirm, hope fluttering, heart racing—
“Don’t move,” he murmurs, “or I won’t help you.” 
“Suguru,” you growl in frustration. 
“Ah, ah, I thought you were being good?” 
Your head spins—you have no idea how he managed to flip it on you so sharply, but suddenly he has, and suddenly you're nearly underneath him, and he’s leaning over you and watching so intensely—so— 
You try to go still for him. Your chest is heaving. 
“That’s it,” he murmurs and his hand slowly arcs over the bend of your hip, and towards your stomach. Your hips twitch and he stills, “careful—” he warns. 
You force yourself to freeze, still panting. 
And then he lays the broadness of his hand on your lower stomach, his thumb just barely brushing your mound. 
“This is as far as I’ll go,” he says and with the way you almost fall into a frustrated groan, he seizes your chin with his other hand, “I’ll not touch you sexually. This is all I’ll give you—be grateful for even this.” 
You sneer at him and he takes his hand away. 
Instantly, you miss the warmth, the pressure, the—
“Be good, or I’ll leave the room now and let you suffer even worse than before—see what you’ve done to yourself? Worked yourself up so horribly, and all for what?”  Suguru’s voice is soft and smooth and so, horribly in control again. When did he get it back? When did he take it from you? 
“My attention? The hopes that I’d give in?” He asks. 
When you don’t respond, he squeezes your face, prompting you, “answer me, pet.” 
“Yes—I want your attention. I want—” the words break over you like a wave, the realization like a blow. You want. 
You desire. 
You want him. You want an Alpha and not just any Alpha but Suguru, despite everything, maybe because of everything. Maybe because you made him chase, and he did. Maybe because you have run your whole life from this—this attention and this desire and this intimacy—and you have finally found someone willing to hunt you down like a fox, and in the face of your gnashing teeth and growling and yipping, to treat you gently. Like you’re a beloved house pet and not a snarling, wild beast. 
“I want you,” you say honestly and his hold slackens on your cheeks to let you speak, “I hate you and I want you and—there’s no one but you—it’s only you and you’re awful but I am, too, and I need—” 
It cracks out of you, voice raw, a half-sob. 
Your tears make him smile. 
He hushes you gently, “oh, sweet girl,” he soothes, and his other hand slowly returns to its place on your trembling, lower stomach, “you’re so torn up about this. How much grief have you given yourself? Hm? Just for wanting?” 
You heave, unable to respond, suddenly reaching with your free hand for him, pulling on his shirt, closer to you. 
He gives in and goes, lets you claw at his back and bury your face in his shoulder. He finally lets go of your face, in favor of letting you fall to pieces beneath him. His knee dips on the mattress. But he holds himself above you still.
“I’ll guide you now,” he murmurs and his voice is by your ear. He turns his nose to nudge against your temple, inhaling slowly. 
You can feel the rumble of a groan through him that he holds back, a soft growl. 
And then, “look at me.” 
You sniffle and with a great deal of reluctance, you pull your face away from the safety of his shoulder to find his gaze. Midnight violet. Depthless. 
“Hate me all you want,” he says, “but I adore you—no matter how you are. Willing and pliant, or vicious and biting. I’ll always adore you. And I’ll always do what’s best for you.” 
Something inside of you cleaves open. Fractures in a way that is irreparable. 
You want to say something but you don’t know what, you have something so tremendous and terrifying inside of you, because of him—all you can get out is a soft cry. 
“Now,” he continues, eyes flickering over your body, and his thumb gently strokes over your lower stomach. “You feel empty, don’t you?” 
A whimper eeks out of you. You nod slowly. Empty and torn apart and open and aching. 
“Use three fingers, not two.” He commands gently, “you want something bigger, hm? I’m sure it hurts so badly—you’re so wet.” 
Without thinking, you obey him. 
You press three fingers carefully inside of you and it’s the first stretch you’ve gotten, the first spark of relief. 
You cry out, clinging to him. 
“That’s it,” he encourages, “in and out for me.” 
You tilt your hips up into his hand, towards your fingers, and he doesn’t scold you. The pressure on your lower stomach makes pleasure bloom and strengthen there. For a moment, it’s just the soft, slick noises of yourself, and it’s so—
Embarrassing. So horrible. 
You must look out of your depth, you must look lost or terrified, because he finally speaks again, “curl your fingers for me, darling.” 
You do just that and moan the moment you press deeper inside yourself. 
“Good girl,” he praises, “does that feel better? Answer me.” 
“Yes—yeah.” You get out, crooking your fingers inside yourself. “I still want—” 
“More?” He murmurs, pressing his hand gently against your lower stomach, “this time, you have to make do with just this.” 
You bite back your whine or complaint, head hazy—fingers moving desperately. But you don’t complain, you don’t fuss. 
He smiles when he realizes how you’ve caught yourself, “oh, look at that,” he purrs, “you can be tamed after all.” 
And before you can ruin it for yourself, Suguru sweeps his thumb just barely over your mound again, and says, “rock your hips now, gentle.” 
The moment you do, the friction against your palm makes you moan, head falling back, baring your throat. 
Perhaps without thinking, he dips forward, nose tracing over the cure of your neck, following instinct. You make another soft noise, and in your haze, wish desperately that he would just bite down—
All you get is the brief skim of his warm, soft lips. No teeth and you miss them, achingly. 
He presses his hand down just a little more and—
Pleasure bursts beneath your skin with enough force that your back bows off the bed, mouth parted. 
You sob. 
You feel your walls flutter uselessly around your fingers, feel your body desperate for something you can’t have this time, and fall apart.
Suguru is there to catch you. 
He coos to you, soft and easy, and even kisses at your damp, tear-struck cheeks. He lets you arch and twist and chase your pleasure, lets you be wanton and shameless and desperate. He lets you claw him and bite him and cry into his shoulder. 
And when you begin to quiet, he suddenly hitches your legs around his waist and lifts you clear from the bed. You lope your arms weakly around his neck and bury your face into his throat. 
You don’t protest or fight him, you are grateful and eager for all the places you touch, feeling incredibly fragile in his broad arms.  
You don’t bother to look where he’s taking you—can’t find it in yourself to care, if you can feel him against your center, feel where he’s hard and aching himself, even with the suppressants—
But between one breath and the next, you’re in the bathtub again, and the water from the shower blasts on from above. 
Ice cold water pours on you. 
You shriek and Suguru has the nerve to laugh, which makes you lunge for him, yanking him towards the spray of water. 
It soaks his shirt, his hair, as he holds himself over you, before stepping carefully into the tub to join you. 
He sits with you, beneath the cold water, and pushes his hair out of his face as you clamber into his lap. 
You pull at his wet shirt and he lets you take it off of him, throw it over the side of the tub in a heap. 
He reaches to do the same to you, ridding you of the only article of clothing you’d had on. 
You grit your teeth, “does it have to be so cold?” You ask, feeling the spray now rain against your back, your shoulders. You lean away from it, into his arms. 
“You needed this.” He says fondly. And then, as he strokes your wet hair, “I did, too.” 
“You’re an awful man,” you curse him, shivering.
“I know,” he agrees with a soft, fond smile. 
You look at him, hair inky and dark, lashes damp against his cheek, and the pleased way he smiles. Like an insufferable, giant cat. You’re aching and furious and freezing and so—so tender. 
“I hate you,” you tell him but it sounds more like a confession, soft around the edges. 
He kisses your temple, lingers there, and you can feel the curve of his smile. You can hear it color his voice;
“I know.” 
***
Something shifts between the two of you after that. And the following day, your Heat finally begins to wane slightly. 
You try to touch yourself again and Suguru forbids it this time. You fight and snarl with him, but you let him hold you and lull you to sleep. You let him feed you. And bathe you. You sleep bare against his naked chest and are soothed by it the way a fussy baby is calmed by the bare skin of their mother. 
You feel infinitely closer to him. 
You lounge with him in bed, in his living room, hanging off him all that you can. 
He indulges this behavior, encourages it, even. 
And on the eighth day, your Heat finally breaks. 
When you wake, still curled on his chest, with his hands stroking tenderly over your bare back, he asks, “how do you feel?” 
“Sane, I think.” You murmur it into his chest. 
“Your Heat broke in the night.” He says and touches your head, your forehead, like he’s taking your temperature. “You’re still a little warmer, but it’s over now, I think.” 
Slowly, you pick yourself up to look at him. To hover over him. 
He looks up at you, too, uncertain. Waiting. You’re sure he’s waiting to see if you’ll return to your usual self, if you’ll snap or snarl or chew him out—will you storm out? Or seethe? Will you fight him still, after everything, even as he holds you in his arms now? 
“Thank you for respecting my wishes,” you say instead and lean down to suddenly press your lips to his. 
You feel his surprise, the way his lips part, the way he freezes and you sink down into it. For a moment, you worry he won’t reciprocate again. 
But then, his hand comes up to cradle your face, and he nudges into the kiss. Hungry. Deep. 
You give into him, you encourage him, coaxing him with soft tongue and eager mouth. 
When you pull away, you grab his face this time, the way he always grabs yours, squeezing his lips into a little pout, “but if you ever make me suffer like that again through a Heat,” your nails dig into his cheek, “I’ll fucking kill you.” 
He laughs, canines flashing, and surges forward to kiss you again. Harder. Meaner. 
It’s all teeth and heat, a little vicious, the way you are. He wrestles you beneath him, kisses you into the mattress. And when he pulls away, he says;
“If you ever make me suffer like that again, you’ll wish you’d killed me first.” 
You feel your own smile against his neck, against one of the ridges of your own bite mark, and with all the satisfaction in the world, you sink your teeth down into it again. 
It’s like a key coming up against a lock, fitting snugly to their own indents, and finding their own, well-worn place. 
It’s like finally coming home. 
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skz-haneul · 5 months
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𖥟 ᭅᬻ LEARN THE ALPHABET WITH HANEUL
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A is for : *talking to stay on bubble* and i can’t believe i forgot i live with 3 smelly ratty gym bros, oh yeah and hyune (context because she can say the most wildest things sometimes: she came home to rest and saw the mess 3racha made with their shoes)
B is for : *pointing at bang chan* beep beep beep person who needs sleep detected beep beep tackle him with pillows (real)
C is for : *comparing butts with han* can’t relate, my bum is the size of jupiter (she got rich problems)
D is for : *on live cooking with lee know* did you just say 127, puku puku pow po- … i couldn’t help myself im sorry (same tbf)
E is for : *trying to convince felix to play games together after sneaking into the cuties dorm at 12* esteemed companion shall we partake in a rendezvous of ludic engagement within the realm of digital entertainment (why is she fancy all of a sudden)
F is for : *dancing to whip nae nae* forget break your legs, i just broke my back (sometimes she acts like she fought in ww1)
G is for : *telling a joke* guys, what did the chicken say when it saw something amazing, daebak-bak-bak (i laughed more at the silence than the joke)
H is for : *playing games with seungmin* hey there buster, no more mr nice guy (and now she’s an american bully???)
I is for : * listening to asap by stayc with her headphones on but everyone else can hear it* i will ‘asap 내 반쪽 아니 완전 copy’ till the day i die (i think she likes asap)
J is for : *caught by talker insulting changbin after he died in a 2 player obby on roblox* just kidding. i would never call anyone a worthless flop of a human, im too hot for that (dayum girl (you are hot tho))
K is for : *greeting staff as she walks in the room* konichiwa my despacito burrito (miss worldwide fr)
L is for : *during an interview talking about her biggest pet peeves* losing should have never been invented because i do not take it very well (i sadly relate to this a lil too much)
M is for : *in an interview* my whole life has felt like a fever dream tbh (icl I burst out laughing)
N is for : *after getting a really packed schedule* news flash: im bombing the jyp building (not without me)
O is for : *game of hide and seek* opps at the end of my block (yungneulta back at it again)
P is for : *during a game of dodgeball* please stop throwing the balls at my beautiful face (the way felix tried to aim harder)
Q is for : *out with hyunjin* questionable face you got on there but ok (context again: she went to the bathroom in a restaurant and then half her burger was gone)
R is for : *english school with skz* right, 77+33=100, stay with me now, because the government- (i don’t think they’re passing)
S is for : *trying on corsets* snyatched qween *throwing poses faster than lightning* (nothing but facts)
T is for : *seungmin launching a pillow at her head* that is not very slay queen, period bestie of you seungmin (what is up with her dictionary)
U is for : *boiling eggs…* umm, minho, yknow when you told me to boil eggs, i may have burnt the water… again (the only thing i have to say is how?)
V is for : *a seagull stole her chips she was eating* vile, disgusting, yucky seagulls are the disgrace of all birds that can fly, them absolute fatties (she was buggin for the rest of that skz-codeq)
W is for : *randomly, out of the blue*why is life not getting funky anymore? (my exact question)
X is for : *on live* x-(7+95)=y“ please, abeg, go find changbin (she loves maths)
Y is for : *english school with skz pt.2* yes so the climax of the quintessential elements of the rainbow create the lyrical description of the factitous colours (like i said before, they’re all failing)
Z is for : *on skz-talker* zero amount of people called me sexy today… im sooo frickin pissed (not the white chicks reference)
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𓍼 ⊹ ˚. ᝢ TAGLIST
@mynameisnotlaura ⤼ @alixnsuperstxr ⤼ @shaylaxo ⤼ @ziipzeepzop-eez
𓍼 ⊹ ˚. ᝢ NOTES
went to sleep at 4am
𓍼 ⊹ ˚. ᝢ GOD LOVES YOU 💕
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ralexsol · 3 months
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Finally saw the Doctor Who Beatles episode! Um. Will I be shot on sight if I say I was heavily disappointed?? Marketed as THE BEATLES EPISODE, you'd fucking think the Beatles would be in more than three short scenes?? Why does George Martin have more lines than Ringo AND George.
Why would you make the claim that "there's a reason why they look Wrong" and then never even have like Ruby go "why the FUCK do they look like that." Why was the chord to banish Maestro figured out by the Doctor and not the Beatles. I feel like music is something the Doctor would be trash at (other than 12 & the electric guitar). That would've been a fun character trait, right? The Doctor goes "I've lived every experience ever 😌" or whatever bs and then immediately fails. That would've been interesting and dramatic. No, he gets every note right and then the piano is thrust into the hallway where John happens to see it and then Paul appears from literally nowhere and then without saying a single line they just figure out the last note like. LIKEEEE.
You know what would've been better? Maybe having the Beatles actually be in the episode and them helping Ruby and the Doctor. And then at the end when they're ALL fighting Maestro and Doctor & Ruby are defeated, the four Beatles join forces and play "Please Please Me" or "Love Me Do" or "Twist and Shout" OR LITERALLY ANY SONG FROM THEIR FIRST ALBUM I SWEAR TO GOD. And because THEY'RE the geniuses - ALL FOUR TOGETHER BECAUSE APART THEY'D NEVER MEASURE UP TO THAT LEVEL - that is what beats Maestro off and they save the day.
Imagine that cool finale instead of the fever dream of whatever the FUCK the end of the episode was. I want to like 15 so much. I am finding it very difficult. I like 15 and I like Ruby, but the writing and plots of this new season so far have been absolutely subpar in my eyes. And then they had the audacity to just totally erase George and Ringo. Like I should've loved this episode!! Beatles and 60s and a fucking they/them villain like?? How did it go so wrong.
There is no sci-fi aspect anymore, it's just plain magic. "Space Babies was sci-fi" it was about babies. On a spaceship. And oh no there is a monster made of boogers. Am I going crazy? I think the last 5 minutes of The Devil's Chord broke me. I genuinely thought that 15 was going to be so good after 14 (I REALLY liked the one where they were on the spaceship at the edge of the universe, that one was SO scary and fucking cool and just WORKED SO GOOD). I don't know what to do with myself.
Someone explain to me what I'm missing. And please God tell me it gets better from here. The trailer for the next episode (Boom) looked really good so Im hoping, but if I have to sit through another nearly cringe episode I am Going to Explode. I want 13 back
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lunarleonardo · 2 days
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Someone might’ve already asked this but how do you come up with your fic ideas? A lot of them I’ve never seen before like Love Letter and Motive 5 while others do a unique spin on other things that are more common like Impermanent Attatchment and Fever Frost that make them stand out so much
HOW DO YOU MANAGE THIS
It's sort of a mix of a lot of things ^^" video games, books, shows, music, memes, art ... pretty much anything. For example, M5DP came to be because I replayed Your Turn To Die and got inspired.
I daydream a LOT, so whenever I have an idea, I slam it down into my notes and return to it later. I have a starting note for a lot of my fics actually! (I don't have any for blue eyes shadow of a dead bro though :{ )
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(name blurred out for privacy reasons but that is me)
Love Letter came from a huge burst of inspiration at my dads house. I remembered I was writing for myself alone so I just decided to be deranged xD I have a wheel of whump tropes so I gave that a few spins and oh! look! it's love letter
Danganronpa is my current hyperfixation, and Shuichi is my favorite character. So more often than not, no matter how nonsensical or far-removed from the DR plot it becomes, I will almost always insert him into whatever I'm doing. So whatever I'm doing at any moment will automatically become inspiration for an AU. I'm thinking so much all the time that it's kind of hard to just,, not come up with ideas QwQ I have so many ideas that happen in nondespair or post-killing game aus, so in all honesty ?? What I've posted isnt even brushing the tip of the iceberg of what I can come up with. Whether I'll find the courage to post those,, we'll see. i am constantly terrified of public opinion and anything i see as even mildly negative will Ruin my day. I'm a little sensitive lol (���@⁠_⁠@⁠;⁠)
anyways I also get inspiration from my dreams! When I dream, I often play as Shuichi, so I get put into the Scenarios. I feel like that alone should tell you how much I never stop thinking of this guy (⁠´⁠;⁠ω⁠;⁠`⁠)
Its midnight rn and i forgot what i was talking about so i'll finish it here (⁠─⁠.⁠─⁠|⁠|⁠) tl;dr inspiration comes from anywhere and everywhere. Don't be afraid to think and don't be afraid to be self indulgent. also i love danganronpa and its characters so of course im going to be insane over them. I remember my first time being trapped in a school forced to slaughter my classmates to get out (⁠ ⁠´⁠◡⁠‿◡⁠`⁠)
anyways im falling asleep sitting here sooo. goodnight! :p
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phightingconfessions · 6 months
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i once had a dream where I was suddenly isekai-ed to the phighting world and let me tell you that shit was like a fever dream
i spawned as this guy who was just made out of literal slime and my ability was being able to throw living slime blobs at people like im some kind of mario miniboss
anyways immediately after I spawned I saw the entirety of the SFOTH just sitting at those kinds of colorful plastic tables you'd see in kindergarten and they were sitting on the green frog chairs in animal crossing (examples in pictures)
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They immediately started out some kind of speech which I did not remember at all I think it was abt getting McDonald's for them??, after that I found myself in a phighting match with most of the phighters– the thing is that instead of their usual gear/weapons they were all using pool noodles and threw butter at eachother. After that phight Subspace immediately yelled out and said that he was going to marry Medkit. Medkit was not a big fan of that. Despite that they still had a wedding and the reason why they did was for tax benefits (i was the flower boy) a lot of wacky stuff happened blah blah which included Windforce putting Banhammer up for adoption because "he forgot bug type Pokémon were immune to dark type and made them lose the Pokémon battle" And then I proceeded to disintegrate slingshot by yelling "BEGONE CATBOY!"
I also remember exorcising Valk using a skibidi toilet plushie after "he ate too much peanut butter and peanut butter demon took over him"
a lot of stuff happened in that dream and the things I listed above were just some of the shit I found confusing or funny
IM GOING TO CHOKE ON MY LUNCHAB,ES HELP HASAGASHCX
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lilioopdf · 9 days
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im really hoping it's not pepe who's replaced :( like campos ik you're already deep in the trench with pepe, like you guys are together ever since in f4 😭 pls don't drop the lad like that 🥲 give him a second chance PLS @ campos racing
there are rumours that ollie might be stepping up to F2 and pepe and isack will both be replaced but idk…… F1 and F2 and F3 have all felt like a really bad fever dream recently i can’t handle anymore heartbreak ugshjdjdjd
like youre so right pepe is basically a campos child they can’t do this to him but also rbjt is so ruthless and they’ll probably be dropping him soon even though most of his bad results are just a result of bad luck
i think if its only arvid that’s stepping up to F2 with campos then its likely that isack is the one getting replaced buttt if anyone else is announced for campos next year then…
but for now ill just tell myself this is good because it means pepe and arvid content next year!!
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marvelmaniac715 · 17 days
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Are you still afraid of Jon Matteson because Im coming in like the spanish inquisition with this one if so:
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Venus Please!
that video is like a fever dream lol
I’m not sure if I’m still utterly terrified, because I’ve semi-convinced myself that he is harmless and nice, so I’ll just describe my initial response to these images and you can tell me what it says about my opinions regarding him. When I received this ask, I stared at the images for roughly ten seconds, then I stared at a wall and let out a really long exhale whilst gnawing on my lower lip, deadpan. Then I went back to listening to my music after a very brief wince and shudder.
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e17omm · 7 months
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So I finished act 1 of part 2...
The storytelling is really, really, really bad.
We dont explore the Dreamseekers hometown. We barely know the Dreamseeker at all. We are introduced to way too many character and we do not spend any time with them. What in the world does Vita and Lambda's scenes add? I am genuinely curious what purpose they have. What do they add to this story right now?
I still barely know Coralie or Helia. Sena I can pick apart more personality than those two, but at the same time I feel extremely disconnected from the Dreamseeker as a character.
Holy shit I can just imagine how theyre like for a new player. Those two are complete unknows at the end of act 1. What do we learn about them? That theyre A-rank Schicksal Valkyries? A new player has absolutely no idea what those mean. Outside of surface level stuff, I dont know them at all. I barely even know their personality or how they think about each other.
In terms of story, we just go in a circle, and I have no idea why any of this matters AT ALL. The fact that the story starts 3+ months AFTER Coralie and Helia land on Mars is THE WORST DECISION THEY COULD HAVE MADE.
WE JUST NEED THE CONTEXT FOR "what's normal" FOR THE REST TO INSTANTLY BE BETTER.
Litrerally if we started with just Coralie and Helia going to Mars and exploring it for a bit, I would have very few issues with the story so far.
Part 2 is like starting part 1.5 after Seele is already in the Sea of Quanta.
Part 2 is like starting part 1 after chapter 9.
Part 2 is like starting HSR after already going to Jarilo-VI.
Part 2 is like starting GI without the intro sequence.
Coralie and Helia going to Mars is that missing intro context.
Part 2 so far has been a fever dream.
It makes me really sad. Because if this was my first experience with HI3, I would have dropped it by now.
I want to hope this has potential. I'd hate to drop HI3, I'm too attached to it, but this has been a really bad start. It doesnt even have a hook! What should I care about when everything is strange and I don't know what to wonder about? I'm wondering about everything! I'm confused! I don't even have a baseline because nothing from part 1 carries over to part 2! They dont even have the benefit of having a part 1 to their story! And that's fine - if part 2 sets down a new baseline but they skip over that part because Ooh cool city andhokyn.,kbg nmcl sdklo THEY USED TO WRITE SUCH GOOD STORIES! IM CRYING PART 2 STARTE DIASO HDkjnkjhvgb
i really wanted this to be good. i really wanted to like this, i wanted a new story to invest myself in.
im actually breaking down. out of all the ways hi3 has made me cry, having a shitty start to part 2 is not the way i thought i was going to cry today
they didnt lay any groundwork at all. what the fuck?
part 1 lays down more groundwork in its intro cutscene than part 2 did in the whole of act 1. at least we had some idea as to whats going on back then. i can barely tell the personalities of all these new characters.
coralie and helia going to mars could have fixed so much. why didnt they just include that part?i dont get it. the rest isnt even that bad if we just had any groundwork at all. add coralie and helia going to mars and cut out the vita and lambda scenes because part 2 really does not need more new characters right away, and part 2 wouldve been a lot better already.
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