#im taking am i gay quizs again

[h2llish]

why do i do this to myself

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Canon Compliant Masterlist

4 Ways to Spice up your Sex Life (ao3) - Full_Moon_Lover

Summary: Phil thinks it's time for them to move out of their apartment and into a house of their own and what better way to surprise his boyfriend than to look at some property websites to try and narrow down their options for potential houses. If only Dan didn't stumble on one of these websites on Phil's laptop and come to a completely different conclusion.

Phil was tired of him and wants to move out. It was now up to Dan to get back Phil's interest in him and what better way to do that than to look on the internet for ways to spice up a relationship? Follow Dan's adventures as he follows the steps on a love article to try and spice up his and Phil's sex life. Nothing can go wrong....

again and again, even though we know love’s landscape (ao3) - JudeAraya

Summary: After a small fight, Dan finds Phil in bed with a migraine and spends the day taking care of him in many, many ways.

all men do is lie (ao3) - antiadvil

Summary: What they told us about Dan's eye hospital visit versus what happened.

As He Goes, So I Go (ao3) - cloej88

Summary: It’s November of 2015, and Dan and Phil have just finished their UK leg of The Amazing Tour Is Not on Fire. They’ve sworn off the romantic side of their relationship in order to protect the rest of this life they’ve built. However, with all of the close proximity of touring, their connection feels headier and more charged than ever. As soon as the UK tour ends, they fly to the US for a quick book-signing trip, but they become snowed in by a blizzard in Chicago. In the solitude of their shared hotel room, can they fumble their way back to one another?

Featuring: Pining, lots of fluff, the TATINOF UK afterparty in all its glory, an arcade bar in snowy Chicago, a NYTimes How to Fall in Love quiz, lots of introspective musing about how much these idiots adore one another, and some well-earned smut.

Basically I'm Gay (ao3) - ChainedKura

Summary: Dan is editing his coming out video when a deep sadness takes over his body. Lucky for him, he counts with a Phil Lester on his side that will do everything in his power to make his partner feel better.

black and blue (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: dan and phil lie in bed and trade stories of the various injuries they’ve sustained throughout their lives

Building a Wardrobe (To Hide From the World In) (ao3) - husbants

Summary: Based on the prank Phil pulls on Dan at the end of THE WARDROBE; fluffy boyfriending ensues because their love holds strongest when it's challenged.

buttons on a coat (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: dan meets up with his mum while he’s wearing phil’s coat

IKEA hot dog introspection (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: Dan is craving an IKEA hot dog.

or

the time I tweeted "I think I could romanticize ikea hot dogs" at 3:33 am and couldn't stop thinking about it until I wrote it.

japhan 3.0 (ao3) - danhoweiis

Summary: snapshots of the japhan trip 2023

laid bare (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: 2010 dnp get tested and bareback for the first time

lost in forever (ao3) - manchestereyes

Summary: Phil makes a very special video for his and Dan's future child.

Or, Safiya and Tyler's proposal video, but make it dnp.

memories for ourselves (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: quarantined dan and phil have a screen-free day

Nostalgia / Revival (ao3) - yonpote

Summary: Phil was just feeling nostalgic. He couldn't help it, it's been five years.

an introspection and a decision

one night stand (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Dan meets a stranger in a bar during after one of his shows on the We're All Doomed tour.

One Thousand Midnights or More (ao3) - JudeAraya

Summary: A decade of love told in moments.

Precious Baby Angel (ao3) - toadsappho

Summary: Phil shows Dan his new t-shirt, but that's not the only surprise he has for him.

sativa (i said im ready) (ao3) - catbearbunz (bunnieovadamoon)

Summary: it’s 2009, and phil really wishes dan would call. he does, but he comes greener than expected.

aka they get drunk and high and have esex.

Send Me A Picture (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Dan has posted a new picture onto Dailybooth. It manages to do a bit more than getting Phil just hot and bothered.

shining, just for you (ao3) - bunnyslipper

Summary: a little fic about sitting back and watching each other shine.

Slow Down (ao3) - intoapuddle

Summary: Phil knows that Dan can hear him. Phil knows that Dan thinks that two can play at this game. Phil knows that that absolutely isn’t true.

so easy to come back into you (ao3) - dvp_95

Summary: The story has some humour in it, Dan supposes, but Phil looking wide-eyed at the camera and saying, "and I was like, who's this giant man threatening to call my mum, I was freaking out," isn't something Dan will be able to laugh about anytime soon.

sometimes i really think it would be cool to rewind (ao3) - r1caner

Summary: I used to watch the pigeons and be so afraid that they would die. But they will, and maybe some of the ones I used to see outside already have. I will too – I know that, always have. And I love to live, to drink coffee, to kiss you, to look at a dog and think about having one. I love to live, but I can live with life ending.

And then I think about it having to happen to you and I can’t do it.

the art of not thinking about it (ao3) - sasiml (orphan_account)

Summary: dan and phil and the week where things had to fall apart before they could come together.

the dominoes cascaded in a line (ao3) - danandphilbeats

Summary: dan accidentally goes to a taylor swift themed cycling class, and hears a song that makes him think.

the hoodie bow incident (ao3) - antiadvil

Summary: they were kissing.

The Money Summits (ao3) - LetGladnessDwell

Summary: You might think you’re talking about numbers, but it’s always more than that, Kath had said.

(Or, what Dan and Phil talk about when they talk about money.)

the scariest part (is letting go) (ao3) - huphilpuffs

Summary: Dan's journey with sexuality continues long after he meets Phil.

they grew up so nicely, didn't they? (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Cornelia doesn’t just get a boyfriend when she starts dating Martyn, she gets a whole second family too. Kath and Nigel welcome her with open arms and she becomes a pseudo older sister to Phil.

She is there watching from the sidelines as a boy bolts right into Phil’s heart and sets up camp. She gets to watch as Dan and Phil build careers and an internet community and all the trials and tribulations, as well as the pride and happiness, it brings along.

we never change (ao3) - nivi_chip

Summary: different decade same laundry problems

when the train came it was so big and powerful (ao3) - r1caner

Summary: a dnp fic for the 15th 19th of october.

[bisexualmorpheus]

Im taking that gay quiz again i am not charlie day from a movie ive never seen. Im going to get a better result.

[therosevest]

btw yesterday i had work so early didnt even feel tired at first cause i was just so shocked to be awake had to do a set up in the most inconvenient way bc the elevators dont start working (going up anyway) until 8am and things aren't fucking there and so yk whatever got that going eventually got high to cope with it all had to take a phone call at one point where im pretty sure i didnt fully sound like a human being finally left got back home gathered various little snacks before passing out waking up deciding not to go to class slept a little more jerked it got up tried to make some sort of dinner as lydias getting home but then im also having a feelings moment and go in their room to lay down and sigh wearily and go tch.. whatever.. i wont go into detail cause it was stupid actually but im on fire live in paris also played a part in it and the fucking intro. um. so it was complex. almost set our apartment on fire and am still cleaning and soaking a pot i used for a little bit of water and pasta sides. you know how it is.. our windows r still open to air it out. lydia being so patient and kind hashtag it's nice to have a friend said um... what if we were bad... so i did my little quiz caught up on notes and then we went w our buddy john to the gay bar and it was trivia night... got some psychic damage when their 2010s decades songs were just emo shit. my soul left a little bit like my past haunts me everywhere i go and it's just panic at the disco. cig emoji. when we left there was this older lady w short hair outside and i made eye contact w her a few times so to not be awkward i was just like Hey lol have a good night and she stopped to ask us abt trivia and i was like Oh we didnt even officially play (cause they wanted us to download an app and then it was impossible to join anyway) and she was like I didnt get a single answer right what reason do i have to go on. i was like. LOL real but couldnt say that fortunately lydia stepped in like There's always next week! so. hope we see her again... also sorry lydia that me and john were kind of being submissive little freaks and letting u do all the ordering in my defense i was having a moment and he's a man so...

[fanfichubcircuit]

Bfore we get really into nsfw stuffs what kinda kinks are you cool with and what kinks are you

What kinks am I? I don’t know I’d have to take a quiz about that.

Lol, just kidding. I have a lot. I’ve read a bunch of fics with stuff I’m not into as well just out of curiosity. Here’s some stuff I’m into. This is all fiction based cause idk what I’m into in real life. This is everyone’s chance to turn away if you aren’t here for the spicy talk.

I talk mostly about men in this I am bi trans masc, but like due to society I feel weird talking about women? I get weirdly guilty and get weird about how they would view me gender wise-- so I'm just gonna be really gay about men here okay? Okay.

Kink List

-bondage

-breeding kink

-cum play

-sensory play

-bdsm

-pain play

-whatever making a very stressed man feel so good he cries is

-overstimulation

-dubious consent where the person is into it but they say no cause repression(I blame the Catholic upbringing for this one)

-body worship

-denial (for the other person only; denial for reader is an ick for me as someone with a vag a dude who denies you just feels like everything everyone ever warns you about)

-somnophilia (with permission it’s sweet or with dubcon it’s extra spicy)

-heat/mating season (I just love a man so horny and whiny and pathetic and/or knows exactly what he needs and will give you exactly what you need)

I don’t really judge anyone’s kinks but here’s some stuff im not wild about.

Not Chill List

Needle play: makes my skin feel prickly in a negative way and does nothing for me

Cannibalism: makes me scared and nauseous in any context. Please don't talk to me about this.

Whatever making a hole in someone else and fucking it is called: gives me the same reaction when a cis guy sees another guy get hit in the dick but worse.

Like the really dark stuff is not my jam. Or body fluids and solids that aren't cum and spit.

I just remembered this was a thing but if anyone tries to talk to me about incest that isn't "why does this show have this???" I'm blocking. Hard Stop. I hate that I have to say this, but I know the fandoms I interact with and I would like to forget this exists again.

[notevengrayson]

having an identity crisis again, but this time in not gonna cope with humour, im gonna tell people about it, people being you lot

so, for the past 2-3 ive identified as pansexual, and more recently, pangender, but that just doesnt feel right anymore. ive always known i liked men but for a while now i feel like ive been just lying to myself about liking women. and gender-wise, ive never been confident in it, in the past 3 years ive identified as a trans man, agender, demiboy, and pangender, and i just say im pangender even though thats not how i feel. i think i may be a gay trans man/masc but i just have no idea. i still find women attractive but i dont think i would ever be in a romantic relationship with a woman. its all just so goddamn confusing im about to take an am i gay quiz or something i swear

[07170]

i went on ur pronoun thing again bc I was gonna send u an ask and was like Let’s take another look :) and I got recommended the am I gay quiz. Anyways you’re making me miss my jorts I went “oh I should wear them” as if it isn’t 37 degrees Fahrenheit outside

HAHAHAH THIS IS VERY SILLY. You are gay. im the are you gay quiz the answer is yes. also im not actuslly wearing shorts it was a TRICK! im just rolling yp my pants… but if you wear jorts ill wear jorts

[paloma-ascends-into-hellfire]

might as well do this with heartstopper too. my live thoughts i texted my friend, spoilers beware. also, i’ve cut out their replies. they also follow me so if you’re seeing this, hi :)

Im reading on webtoons and I love Alice oseman’s captions lol

“stares angstily out window”

“I don’t think he’s straight” OH REALLY

NO WE HAD NO IDEA

“The bisexual struggle” real

Poor man

Wait Aled is in this??? Do they have the same name or is Charlie’s friend same guy from radio silence???

Miss Singh is a legend I love her

Oh shit not ben again boo

THE MLM WLW SOLIDARITY

Fun fact: when I see mlm I think multi level marketing lmao

IM SO SORRY I MUST BE BLOWING UP UR PHONE RN

**continues doing it**

Taras gf is an icon I don’t care if she had one line I love her

We stan Charlie sticking up for himself

They kissed already??? We’re literally 31 pages in chill my dudes

31 chapters*

Still percabeth is the ultimate slow burn and I stand by this

I guess it wouldn’t be called heartstopper and be a romance/coming of age if it was a slow burn tho haha

THE GAY NASA LOCKSCREEN IS GOALS FRFR

damn Charlie is one of the biggest people pleasers I’ve seen in a book

Hes so me

A PROPER FULL ON GAY CRISIS LMAOOO I LOVE HIM

Alice oseman is so British I love her

I read so much British stuff that I’m pretty sure my internal monologue is slowly become a ya British thriller

agggtm core

(they replied that they read swear words in nick nelson's voice and i thought that was hilarious)

THE SISTER CASUALLY SPYING ON THEM

Her ship has sailed

She is also so me

“Was that not obvious?” “I’m an idiot” yes u are he just made out with you and cried into your shoulder and had a full on gay panic because of you YES HE LIKES YOU OMG

I mean after what happened with ben I suppose it’s very very justified

They’re so clueless I love them

OH LOOK GUESS IM GAY NOW

THE BABY BROTHER OMG

This honestly has no reason to be this cavity inducing cute

“Why are you so great” he’s literally doing the bare minimum by not outing you you don’t have to thank him bestie

Get these boys some therapy

Why is tori always just appearing out of nowhere to ship them lol

Tao and Aled are delusional if they STILL think nick is straight

Fuck sai

He can die in a hole, disrespectfully

But also… redemption arc?

Manifesting sai and harry’s redemption arc

GAYYYYYY

Not harry- these last few pages

Awww tao and elle <3

Elle is so cute! she is hair goals

… I guess all illustrated characters are hair goals.

WHY IS TAO SO MAD IM SCARED

WAIT DOES HE LIKE NICK IS THIS A LOVE TRIANGLE NOOO

Oh wait

I overreacted :)

Nvm I love him again

AWWW STOP THIS IS SO SAD AND ALSO CUTE

This group is friendship goals tbh

Oh wait I guess it’s kind of my group a little bit? Wait who am I?

I will not take a which heartstopper character am I quiz I will not take a which heartstopper character am I quiz I will not take a which heartstopper character am I quiz

I took the quiz. two actually. i got darcy on the first and elle on the second. I literally know nothing about either one so let’s see if they are accurate!

The waiter lol

Also I love how everyone is just silently shipping them it is percabeth all over again but like fast moving

TINY TAO 😭

Not them kissing behind a menu

“Not because im dirty not because im clean! Not because I kissed a boy behind a magazine!” - Charlie and nick, probably

Craftybookworm25 feel so spoiled by the author. Author, you’re paying my dentist bills for all of the cavities you are giving me.

I love the comments section

Is Alice oseman actually writing down math for their homework? THE EFFORT I COULD NEVER

Oh darcy is taras gf that I liked earlier

Shes a trumpet player??? No sweetie don’t go to the dark side

my band teacher has a story about how he gets awful ear pains if he’s exposed to noises about a certain decibel because of a trumpet player blasting into his ear

“WHAT! WE’VE FOUND ANOTHER ONE!” Darcy recruits people for the gay agenda confirmed

“…why are straight people like this” I don’t know tara I ask myself that every day

Not Darcy being tara’s gay awakening

Omg tara is that one clarinet player who dates a trumpet player

[REDACTED] and [REDACTED] core

Adding actual spanish conjugation? Alice oseman doing god’s work here

“Why do think they call it a cram session, Pete, god!” -literally all their friends rn

Ok I have theories rn

I shall wait and see if im right (i was not)

“You kind of are a gay nerd” me fr

Oh ok sai is being less of an asshole

We love character growth… even if it happens off page

“Do you like musicals?” HES THE GUY WHO DIDNT LIKE MUSICALS DIDNT LIKE DIDNT LIKE DIDNT LIKE A LIKE EM

Harry being a dick as per usual, nothing new there

NICKS MOM IS ONTO HIM

Bro how do people just fall asleep I don’t understand

making out in a photo booth

So cringey and yet very adorable

IN A ROMANTIC WAY NOT JUST A FRIEND WAY

Love that he had to clarify

Like yes, you’ve been making out and being obnoxiously cute for months, but hey, he’s just a friend, lol, no homo

Who tf would make THAT mistake?

🎶everyone is dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb 🎶

HE CAME OUT TO HIS MOOOOM

“I wasn’t born in 1920” lmao

Oh my god my wall of text has become the Great Wall of china im so sorry

HOW LONG IS THIS

WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO

“hanky panky”

aw we love ally jocks

THEYRE SHIPPING THEM TOO?

Best platonic bros~

Actually what im calling my friends from now on

Oh shit the coach caught them

They’re not even trying to be subtle at this point

Oh she is an icon

I WORSHIP YOU COACH SINGH

If she was my teacher I might actually enjoy pe

SHE HAS A WIFE

This is so wholesome omg

Oh shit the brother

WHAT HAPPENED

Tara casually lounging on Darcy’s lap

She gives passenger princess vibes

why are you whispering and can I be involved — she’s so me

“Boys and girls may not share rooms!” sly gay smirking. laughing, even.

oh and nick’s brother is a piece of shit and i hate him

SKJHJADSHUDF ALED TOLD HIM ABOUT DANIEL

“Why can’t I see any fish?”

Tao is a night person i love him

Aw he’s so clueless

They all are

Harry redemption arc-

NOO TAO MY CHILD I LOVE YOU DONT FEEL BAD

I repeat: GET THESE BOYS THERAPY

Wait no

Charlie

:(

I’m gonna cry :(

“god i really want to just push you against a wall right now”

“twilight levels of pining” i’m not sure if anything could ever reach that extent

Not the arrows saying “did not think of that” at the “borrowing makeup from the girls” suggestion, I cackled

The teachers have a better love life than me

Where the hell are people finding these communication skills?

HARRY REDEMPTION ARC YESSS

“Why are we like this” count: 3

Or is it 4?

I don’t know

THE TEACHERS AKJKALDFSHL

NICK GOOGLING EATING DISORDERS

I LOVE HIM

Sahar is so cute I love her

Alice oseman is so pretty omg

She can 100% be my wifey

Oh Jesus I’ve read a thousand pages of this

JUST TODAY

I believe that if I pull an all-nighter I can finish this

"Why are we like this?" count: 5

at this point i stopped because i’m pretty sure they were asleep but i finished! it took six hours but that’s not bad for 1578 pages :)

i’m obsessed. literally take my money (i have approximately five cents in my bank account)

[ratbutmakeitfyodor]

I know how many of byler shippers are annoyed that will's crush and basicaly every conversation he had with mike (where he was kinda lying because he was talking abt himself) made mike and el got back together. Look i get it im annoyed too. But its not bc i think that will having crush on mike is a bad scenario choise or the way they made him handle the situation is bad. No i think that wills character is one of the best of them all. S4 made me fall in love with him.

Steves crush on nancy is forced and unrealistic as well as nancys idk supposed feelings for him? Guys its the biggest bullshit ive ever seen. Nancys and johnatans fight is also very random created only to give some place for stancy. Im sorry but i didnt care much about jopper this season this ship was kinda cute in s1 and s2 (a little) but later on it was just jeah they'll end up together at some point and i dont care its ok. I also dislike hopper a bit - his anger outbrusts are too much for me despite his huge heart and stuff. Dustin and susie - i dont care. Dustin is amazing suzie is a boring character used only whan theyre having trouble. Max and lucas - they are nice s4 made me like max more and this scene in hounted house was awesome and cute. But they are lacking the tension bc we know somewhere in back of our heads that they'll end up together and drama is needed to build up both of their characters and it works (not like this s3 painfull drama to teach mike a lesson about beeing posesive - i didint learn much abt max and lucas then)

I think that finally will's character is treated seriously in s4. In s1 and s2 he was just in danger and everyone tried to save him. In s3 he had some place to be annoyed and sad but again all of his problems vanished as soon as they found out about mind flayer. In s4 noah shnapp is doing AMAZING job making will constantly on werge of crying (and it somehow isnt too much which dropped my mouth on the floor. Dont underestimate that! Usually characters that cry everytime theyre having a convo with anyone are annoying and you just wish they shut up but not will)

If we look at all those small details and clues the show kept giving us about wills sexuality (like people bulling him and laughing at him in s1 calling him homophobic slurs, him looking at mike before dancing with a girl on a snow ball in s2, mike saying is not his fault that will doesnt like girls in s3, that weird ass feet flirt? (gross) and wills presentation about alan truing in s4 for example) it gives us a good amount of reasons that it isnt just a part of his character like it was with robin in s3. The coming out scene wasnt like a confirmation of some obvious clues or shit. Her character wasnt about beeing gay it was about beeing a person and beeing gay. Which is huge difference. As a fan of casual representation i was very satified with steves and robins thread in s3 because i already loved them before the coming out scene (and its also a reason why im disapointed with it in s4 because they threw away the importance of their friendship and focused on romance instead which has been done wery poorly) But will also isnt just gay. He's a very confused child focusing on figuring out who he is. Its more like a heartstopper kind of storyline but he has no one to talk about it no one to support him like openly without just guessing what he is going throught. He doesnt have 'am i gay quiz' or any kind of people like him he can talk to. Instead he has a crush on an absolute asshole (I will get to that soon) and mindset of puting others before him. So it shouldnt be a surprise that he does everything he can to support and help mike. And look at him HE CRIES ALMOST EVERY TIME the emotions inside are taking him over. The problem isnt the plot isnt the crush isnt will's character its mike

What in the fucks sake happend to him over the seasons? In s1 and 2 i belived that he is nice he is caring that he is a heart of a group. He was a GOOD FRIEND. But now show has to desperately remind us about all this stuff because he himself isnt. Since s3 he is just revolving around el. All the time no place for anyone else there. Well maybe they are buliding up like a sudden realisation scene where mike will realise what this relationship was doing with him or something. But guess what HE WON'T why? BECAUSE HE IS UNABLE TO FIGURE OUT HIS FLAWS HIMSELF or read basic signals from his friends that he's hurting them. So maybe in s5 someone (probably Will) will have to put some sences into that oblivious mind of his (i hope will will be yellig) and honestly that is the only rational reason i can see for watering down his character this much (rational where its not just a poor writing) i hope it will happen i would enjoy it i would forgive using wills feelings for ending mikes and els fight. But if nothing like this happens mileven is doing perfectly 'fine' as always will is coming out but it has no impact on anything than im throwing that show away other threads arent enough to make me invest in it as much as this one is (im not saying that i need byler to come true what i need is a logical explanation on why mike is such an asshole and REAL character development this time) Every time show is fucusing on mikes flaws (its always just one flaw - like mike beeing possesive or not caring about will at all) other characters confront him making him realise what he was doing wrong he apologises and everything is fine again exept its not. Because he fixes this one single flaw they were taking about every other out there is left untouched. He doesnt grow as a person (one good thing about him - he doesnt make same mistake twice) actually hes beeing even a bigger asshole. So theres no surprise for me that all he takes from wills advices are ways to make up with el bc thats all he is focusing on. He doesnt look at bigger picture of situation - at wills emotions at ways his voice sounds like at reasons why he took that painting for that trip or why he painted him in that contects in the first place.

I dont know what elese to write to clarify my point (i hope its somehow understandable) I am a huge byler shipper but as i said it doesnt even have to be canon for me because if it was with mike left the way he is it could be even more painfull for will. What im really hoping for in s5 is explainging mikes horrible begaviour and fixing it for real this time (this scenario in case they made him this bad on pourpose) or fixing his character generaly (in case it was accidental) and a satisfing wills coming out scene. I cant specify exactly what im expecting but im counting it will be as good as robins

[films-for-the-gays]

Heartstopper

Yes guys! I am back almost a whole year later to give you a review of Heartstopper!! wasnt gonna watch it but then i remembered this account and felt nostalgic.

ok so.... complete honesty at first i thought i wouldnt get through the first episode.. it was just so cringe i thought i would die im sorry. but a couple episodes in i was competely invested and could see past some of the weird writing and acting and stuff. SOO fluffy and gay, i knew it was gay but honestly its wayy more gay than i thought, a good surprise. very much reminicient of my baby gay years rip, also i am british and went to a same sex school so it was a bit TOO reminicient? even though alot of it was not the same. for example there were definitely more than 2 gay people out. but very cute and im sure its accurate for A LOT of people. loveee how theres a guy figuring out his bisexuality. u dont really see much of that in lgbt cinema (or at least not enough) and it was very fun and also im sorry but i laughed at the 'am i gay' quiz, but im allowed to cause i lived it. there is a trans girl character actually played by a trans girl! which sounds like the bare minimum but its ridiculously rare as your probably know. WHO thought tao's hair was acceptable???? maybe its realistic to the graphic novel or whatever but i dont care cause sometimes things dont translate well to screen and i literally cannot take him seriously at any time. cute and fun and if you want to be reminded of your young gay self i reccomend although i probably wont be watching again and literally the only thing i do is rewatch shows ive seen before so. 6.5/10 olivia colman is the best part

[lcnelyinthesky]

admiration - tsukishima kei

a/n: okay hi?? im ellie?? heres this??? i worked on it for like four? days?on and off? and its longer than any oneshot ive written but yk shes cute ig. pls be nice pls enjoy... but also my last piece got 2 notes and im really hopin in not shadowbanned here lmao

genre: fluff, angst, rivals to lovers!!

pairing: bisexual!female!reader x tsukishima kei (yes bi reader its a vibe)

warnings: a break up with a beautiful woman i made up myself, swearing

word count: 3.7k (ahhhh!!)

enjoy!! :D

Elementary second year. Your newly-assigned seat was next to a much taller, blond kid. He was smart and bright, rivaling the sun in terms of unbridled joy. Now, none of that can be seen by eight year old eyes, but looking back and comparing, it's easy to spot that he changed. 

Tsukishima Kei was an excitable kid, just as everyone was, but he was still snarky; his arrogance seemed to be something that just festered within his soul, no matter the trauma that brought it out. 

Childlike wonder is still alive and well at eight. 

The teacher you had back then was quite rude. She was pushy and angry, and she assigned way too much homework. Everything she uttered made you huff in disappointment, crossing your arms and hoping for some sort of reaction from someone. The kid next to you was named Koji--or, at least, that's what you called him. He was your best friend, spending every moment with you like you were siblings. You'd be able to crack a joke with the smallest glance and you’d talk constantly. As soon as your handwriting was legible to people of your age group, you'd pass notes back and forth and cackle at their contents. Until, of course,

“Tsukishima, will you switch seats with Kojikata today?” Your teacher sounded exhausted, huffing her sentence out on a sigh before going back to the multiplication tables on the board. Suddenly, your little world was interrupted.

“Y/N, right?” He didn’t look at you, placing his folders down on the desk and pushing his glasses back up as he sat. His words were hushed and quiet, but the class had moved into individual work--he wasn’t interrupting anyone.

“Yeah. Can I call you Tsukki?” You were angry, gripping your pencil tighter in your little hand as you wrote numbers down on white paper. One times one is one. Two times two is four. This is easy.

“No,” he was long doing the same thing, but writing quicker than you. That’s how it is, huh?

Three times two is six. Four times five is twenty. Six times three is eighteen. Five times six is thirty. This is easy-

“Miss, I’m done.” His voice was always so dry. Uninterested. 

Four times three is twelve. “Me too!” Your hand shot up with the paper in it, sending a death glare at the boy next to you.

That's how it is, huh?

This pattern continued for weeks. Tsukishima didn’t move from his seat next to you, as your teacher had made the realization that you worked far harder without friends around. Tsukishima lit a competitive fire under you; everything was now a race.

It started with handing in assignments. Who would go up to the front desk first to have their work checked over? Who would finish this quiz faster? Then it transferred into everything. 

Who would get to class faster? Who finished their lunch quicker? Who could read faster? Who scored higher on spelling tests? Who could run faster in gym class?

And then it was middle school.

Middle school brought in Yamaguchi Tadashi. 

It'd be an understatement to say he warmed to Yamaguchi quickly, but the basis behind that was strange. Tsukishima was never one for friends, even though everyone wanted to be friends with him. He was cool in the eyes of a handful of eleven year olds; letting everything roll off your back seemed to be an admirable trait. Yamaguchi worshipped him, and Tsukishima took him under his wing to teach him the ropes of being a cool kid.

At heart, though, Yamaguchi was kind and attentive. He could tell when things were going wrong, and supposedly it was him that changed the rest of your life.

The rivalry continued just as it had in elementary, just with higher stakes. You'd fight for answering questions first, working ahead of everyone else to just beat him. He’d never bat an eye at it, and sometimes you thought it was all over, but then

“Y/N.” Tsukishima Kei stood three steps behind you, looming over you with the height he was seemingly born with. The hallway was emptying by now, kids walking into their classrooms once again. The white floors rung with the quiet sounds of soft-bottomed shoes and a light above your head flickered calmly.

“Yeah?” You spun around to meet his gaze.

“What’d you get on that lit essay?”

“A 96. Why?”

“No reason,” he smirked and tilted his head up, looking down at you, “I got a 100.”

A huff and a stomp away gave him the answer he needed as he followed you into the classroom, sitting down behind you and next to Yamaguchi just as he did every day. The little shit.

Tsukishima was never better than you, technically speaking. On average and on paper, you were always both roughly the same. You'd fight for being top of the class, the position switching between both of you every day. You excelled in creative things while he excelled at sports, but both of you dabbled in the other. When people in your year began dating, everyone came to assume you two were. It was embarrassing, really, because Tsukishima Kei was a little shit know-it-all who will never beat me at anything ever and people need to stop thinking he will because he won’t I’m better than hi-

“Hey?” Oh right. Friends.

“Koji!” He never left, at least not yet. His nimble fingers tapping on your shoulder brought you back to reality, making you jump and turn around to face him, wrapping your arms around his body for a split second.

“You looked zoned” his face was riddled with concern that was easy to write off.

“Oh, whoops” a small blush heated your cheek as your hand migrated to rub your neck. “Did you want something?”

As you walked into the classroom a bit further, Koji sat on your right; he seemed to buckle down more when you had moved away from each other way back in the day, so there were less mid-class comedy shows. He grew up just as you had, and with the closeness of the two of you people began to think you were dating. At twelve, it was incredibly necessary to date someone--anyone. Theories bounced from everywhere and anywhere and with you it was either your best friend or your biggest rival. Your lack of attraction to either of them became the center of many late night crises. 

“Not particularly,” his gaze switched from you to the board again, beginning to write something down when he turned his head. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah! Of course I am,” you smiled at him, the kind of smile that made your eyes crinkle at the corners, and suddenly it was high school.

-

“Tsukishima is really cute! And he's smart, I heard that Kageyama wasn’t too bright somewhere.”

“But Kageyama’s so much hotter! His being a little dumb sometimes is endearing.”

“Are we not going to talk about that third year setter, Sugawara?”

“No, he’d never go for a first year. Besides, that Hinata kid is more of an enigma.”

“Have you even seen them play?” A howl of angry “yes”s fell over the crowd, trying to prove something. None of them had ever seen them play.

That asshole Tsukishima getting popular felt like a stab in the soul. None of them knew him or how much he sucked, but the amount of girls fawning over him was horrific.

-

There's something consistently poetic about young love, no matter where it comes from. Something extra sweet about holding pinkies in school corridors when no one is looking and seeing them every day, smiling loudly as the sun broke over the horizon all bright and early. The raging hormones and dumb, fake social hierarchies of fifteen make emotions run wild, and only the deeply immature end up helplessly infatuated. Others are more cautious, but there's only so many precautions one can take at fifteen. Sometimes some of us just want to be loved, no matter the sincerity of it.

Cared for, and whatnot. No harm in that, in the long run at least. 

“Y/N, right?” Her name was Mei. She was in your class; 1-4, just like Tsukishima. She was pretty. Long, black hair was preceded by two green streaks at the front. She’d always have those down, making her features look like a photo in a perfect frame. She had a collection of hair clips with small shapes on them that she’d have somewhere on her person at all times. Her more mid-sized body was paler than most, and she was covered in freckles and moles. Her eyes were an unusual shade of blue that looked deep enough to swim in. Her cheeks were always stained with a peachy blush that moved up her collarbones and into her ears, making her look like she was always smiling no matter what her face was doing. Karasuno’s school uniform did wonders for her curves, the skirt swaying up on occasion and making her look so damn perfect.

“Yeah! You’re…” a second of dumbfounded pause felt like years in your mind, coming to the conclusion that she was the most beautiful girl you had ever met. “Ojiro Mei?”

“Yep! I just wanted to tell you you looked really pretty today!” Her voice always had an upward inflection, and was higher than most. It was cute. Incredibly cute.

“Oh.” A moment of confidence fell over you like you weren’t in control of your actions, “you’re beautiful.”

“Thank you very much,” she bounced back on her toes and then rolled back to her heels, hands intertwined behind her back, “You’re too kind, Y/N.” Her sentences were always punctuated with an eye-crinkling smile.

Later that day, you found her on every social media account you could; she messaged you first.

When you don’t know you’re interested in women, it’s hard to notice that they’re flirting with you, but after a handful of supposed gay panic, you asked her on a date.

She was two inches shorter than you, and somehow that persisted no matter what shoes she was wearing. Every small outing with her felt like cloud nine--watching the sunset, small conversation over tea at a nearby cafe, cuddling in your bedroom with only a string of Christmas lights on. She always looked so wonderful in soft lighting, the potential cold of winter disappeared with pale beiges that made her freckles look like stars. Every action Mei ever did was soft and full of care. She could send every single emotion through her fingertips on your jaw, deepening a kiss you started moments before. She was like magic, until she wasn't anymore.

You supposed, when thinking back, that things fell out around month thirteen. The rose colored lenses everything was viewed through faded a bit, and it's easy to notice her pulling away. There were less late night phone calls and less recommended music and less hands running through your hair. Everything has a natural progression to the end, right?

“Do you still feel it?” It was raining. Large drops of water fell down to the floor, smacking the pavement at speeds you couldn’t even try to measure. She was wearing a bright yellow raincoat that looked almost dull in the four pm light. 

“Feel what?”

“Anything, baby.” All of her words ended with a huffed out sigh, like she was tired of something. Lying, maybe. 

You pondered the question, and it seemed like your hesitation gave her all the answer she needed. 

“Ya know, Y/N.” She looked down and grabbed your hands with hers, rubbing her thumbs on your palms as you grabbed around them. “This was fun. We had a good run.”

A solemn tear fell down your cheek at the ending, but there was no use in self pity or anger now. She was so sweet and kind, and it's truly unthinkable how she continued that kindness in the end.

“Yeah. A good run.” The pink in your cheeks grew as you choked out a laugh, pulling her in for one final hug under the dim fluorescent lights on the front door overhang of the school.

Fifteen came and went with love, and when sixteen rolled around you wondered if you’d ever be loved like that again.

-

A spirit can't be broken overnight, and if you’ve spent the last eight years of your life having a strong, consistent rivalry with someone, it won’t leave any time soon. Tsukishima and you were on similar playing fields for most of your life, but you had one thing he didn’t: relationship experience. In that way, you always counted yourself one point higher, like a boy scout badge. 

For a spell, however, your intensity changed. There was nothing more driving you than spite, and there was nothing you wanted more than to beat him. You were well into your second year of high school at this point, and--volleyball notwithstanding--you had wins over Tsukishima. You had seen him play volleyball, every match in his second year, and you deemed he was simply okay. You refused to count his success onto the list of wins for both of you.

June fifteenth. Tournaments were coming up around the corner when it happened, which explained every reason why he was there. You weren’t exactly prepared for the rain, so the best bet seemed to be sitting at the front entrance of Karasuno High School and wallowing in a little bit more self pity before you went home. You were just dumped after all, the tears weren’t done falling. 

The feeling between sadness and shame overflowed you, shades of yellowish green painting the world around you and churning your gut into oblivion. And the tears fell. It felt like a scene in a movie; in a few seconds, a strong, capable man would show up to your rescue.

“Y/N?” what the fuck?

He was sweaty. His face was matte from a light film of saltwater. He had a grey umbrella over his head, keeping himself dry from the still-pelting rain. His six-foot-two frame was covered with a black tracksuit, and he still had his sports goggles on.

Those fucking sports goggles.

“Tsukishima.” you deadpanned, trying to get him away as fast as possible. His words were snarky, as always, but this time laced with concern. Like he actually cared.

“What are you still doing here? It’s almost six,” he stood under the overhang with you, crouching to take a few feet off of his incredible height. 

“Sulking?”

“Ah,” he huffed and sat down next to you, “it’s not great for your posture, ya know.”

“Oh shut up, Tsukishima.”

“Remember when we were eight,” he looked up, studying the moths as they flew around the lights on the ceiling, “and you asked if you could call me Tsukki?”

“Vaguely, but we were eight.”

“Yeah, true” his head dramatically fell to his lap, staring at his knees as he chuckled, “but you can. Call me Tsukki, that is.”

An uncomfortable laugh fell from your lips, and he spoke for you, “this one kid, Koganegawa, the setter on Date Tech, calls me that too. It's not a Tadashi-only nickname anymore.”

“You say Tadashi-only like I wasn’t there first.”

“He never asked.”

“Would you have said no?”

“Probably” he hasn’t actually looked at you yet. 

“Should I not have asked?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Okay, Tsukki” you drew out the last letter, giggling at the situation before you had time to think about your emotions.

He noticed that you weren’t crying anymore and helped you stand, grabbing your hand and pulling you up. Tsukishima and you lived closer than you thought, walking the same direction and only splitting up seconds away from your home.

You walked in silence the whole time, but it was comfortable. While he was your rival, he was always a friend. There was nothing scary or intimidating about him, as is with most people when you’ve known them forever; it was almost like his facade just didn’t work on you. You were huddled close to him to stay out of the rain. 

The second you parted ways, you ran home. The rain was more of a drizzle now, but the temperature began a free fall--getting out of the cold as fast as possible was your first priority. Upon entering the front door and taking off your shoes and jacket, leaving everything to sit in the entryway, you took a shower. The rain didn’t do enough to wash away the pain of the day, and warm steam would let the rest evaporate. The expected unrelenting sadness wasn’t really present as much as was expected, though. Everything felt fine. Content. Okay.

-

And it continued that way. He sent you a snapchat asking if you had gotten home safely, which prompted a memory of you never giving each other your phone numbers. After a quick yes, tsukki. no need to worry ;), you sent him your number asking to play some game.

Whatever is meant to happen does, right? Any excuse for falling for him. You didn’t want to, of course, but things happen. Time changes. Thus, the excuses. Thus, the ignorance. Thus, the five stages of grief. 

It started with the denial, because no Y/N you can’t like Tsukishima Kei. He’s so competitive and mean and snarky and horrible and you hate him! Then, the anger, because Tsukishima sucks and he’s horrible and you’re going to punch him in his stupid cute face. Next, the bargaining, because please don’t let this be happening you’ll do anything to lose these feelings, even if it means letting him win at something. Going into the depression, because all you’ve ever wanted was to be free of this assclown and now you’re stuck thinking about him at three in the morning when you’re supposed to be dreaming about anything other than him. And finally, acceptance, when you scowl at him in the hallway because fuck, you like Tsukishima Kei.

The worst bit of acceptance is getting over it. Now you had to confront your feelings. Now you needed to tell him. 

It was roughly five months since he found you sulking on school grounds, and you regretted most days the way you let him text you every morning. It’d always be something stupid, like a joke about the novel you were reading in lit or sometimes he’d tell you, off hand, something dumb Hinata and Kageyama did at practice. Sometimes he’d text you, within the first twenty minutes of the school day, pointing out something little you did with your hair. They were never really compliments as much as comments; he’d say “your socks have a pink ring at the top” and give you nothing to work with from there. A simple yes would suffice, you always supposed, because “yes, tsukki. they do.”

He’d linger at his desk during the break between classes and would stay there if you didn’t leave, but would leave a few steps behind you if you did. He wouldn’t follow you, but he’d watch to know where you were going. Everything he did was concealed though--you'd only notice if you really wanted to know.

Yamaguchi was the only one to notice, even after a while of it. You’ll never know what he said to his friend, but the conversation you had with the aforementioned friend a day later gives some guesses.

“Y/N?” Tsukishima was never the shy type, and you knew him in the days where everyone was shy. He wasn’t loud, but he was bold. His words were always pointed and important. Everything he did always had purpose and intensity behind it.

“Tsukki?” You were sitting under a tree, enjoying the late spring weather of the beginning of your third year. Nothing became intense yet classwork wise, so there was ample time to chill on the school grounds. Overlooking the soccer field was a large oak tree. It was big enough to comfortably have multiple groups of people under its shade, but it was empty at the moment; save for you and the book you were reading.

“I was just wondering if you’d like to maybe go out sometime?” He somehow didn’t pause while talking, but his words came out more something akin to word vomit. You we’re more shocked than you should have been, if you had picked up on the signs. But you were feeling the same as he was, as far as you could tell.

“Sure, when?” You looked back down at your book for a second, placing the bookmark in it and folding the pages shut.

Tsukishima looked dumbfounded, standing there with his eyes bugged out and his mouth slightly agape. He started making unintelligible babbling noises, hoping to get something out that had any meaning at all. You took the reins instead, gaining confidence in his lack thereof.

“I was planning on getting coffee or something today after school. It gets really cold at night now, huh?”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“Would you like to join me?”

“There's a break before practice today so” he hesitated, letting the pink in his cheeks finally catch up to the beating in his chest. “Sure.”

You wouldn’t have ever pegged Tsukishima Kei as the flustered type.

-

There was never a drop in conversation, as there never really was between you two. A whole life together and you still had things to talk about, mentioning everything from your individual childhoods to recent developments. Turns out he never knew what genre of books were your favorite. Or what kind of music you listened to. Or what any of your hobbies were. 

Turns out you both had more in common than you thought, competitive spirits notwithstanding. Tsukishima Kei was a strange man in every sense of the word. He was arrogant and snarky and disinterested and bright and passionate and smart. He was your rival, smug look plastered on his smug face making your chest bubble in anger just as it had a million times before--or was that admiration this time? The world may never know. 

All that was real right now was the deck of cards on the table, being separated out into a card game both of you learned as kids. The small, round, cafe table shook with every slap of your hands, but the basis of your relationship would always be competition. It's just that now the anger behind that competition was gone. All that was left was admiration. 

[pocketramblr]

Poll Results

Alright, that’s it, i’m tired of trying to sort the answers so yall just get the big list of all the free response answers to that quiz about ofa. be aware some are less safe for work than others.

memorable ones: OfA Snickerdoodle, I’d Give It To A Cat, So You Know Vore Right?, I’m in Love With Nana, Slicey Blood Oath, and Homoerotic Sword Fight

(My answer above is how I think it did happen, not how I want it to happen.) I personally think something along the lines of a Bruce Banner Jennifer Walker blood transfusion where the OFA holder doesn’t realize they’ve passed it on until later.

a tender kiss. perhaps loving. perhaps they're dying, and i already knew that they loved me, either platonically or otherwise, and we always knew that i'd be next. perhaps they tried so hard to make sure it never happened, and perhaps that tender kiss as an apology as much as it is a gift. sure sucks to be gay i guess 

Peacefully? By doing the do and making it a wonderful moment of lovemaking and passing on the future.. If we're in the middle of battle you bet your freaking butt I want them to kiss me dramatically, tell me they love me, and then yeet me away as they turn back to the fight. Ow but relationship goals. 

If we're not romantic because I am obsessed with the Duo Holders ship currently, blood works fine. Ingest it or have them pressing a bloody palm into a wound of mine *shrugs* Gotta pass it along somehow

Personally, I'd rather drink blood instead of hair. It feels less gross. But I'd pass it on as hair just to fuck with my successor

Hair or blood eating, but no touchy-touchy or whatever thx.

Probably a vial of blood so it’s easy and over quick

kiss 👉👈

i would like it to be blood from an already opened wound just cause it would probably less weird, ..........but knowing my luck and because irl my sister has attempted to feed me her baby teeth by shoving it to my lips and saying "eat", thats actually how i would get ofa. ( >:/ i have almost eaten at least two teeth this way because i thought she was being nice and giving me candy )

Consider: doing one of those blood oath things where you swear to be BFFs for eternity except now you also get a quirk out of it. But lbr kissing is way more romantic and you’ve made First/Second my new OTP, so I’ll stick with that for them. <3 But also, maybe to make the kiss option more romantic First thought something more along the lines of wishing he could give ~everything he has/all of himself~ to Second which counted as including his quirk, rather than specifically about giving him the power to defeat his brother?

This is going to sound gross but all ways of transferring DNA is. Just work up a sweat and have the other party drink it. It would probably be the best tasting option which is kinda a weird thing to think about. Nvm sweat doesn't contain DNA looked it up but I don't want to delete all of this so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe a scraping of skin cells

Honestly the hair is probably the way I'd want to go. That or blood. Like just swallowing it.

Look, i know realistically it was probably some desparate on-the-brink-of-death "please defeat my brother" thing and oo, magic he gets the quirk. But consider. First's last fight with afo. Second is holding his bleeding body, crying. First gently cups Second's cheek and pulls him into a bloody kiss before dying. Second pulls himself together just long enough to flip off afo, barely resisting the urge to absolutely slaughter him, knowing he would lose. He finds his successor and trains him to the best of his ability, determined to not lose another person he cared for

I mean like dead skin cells probably dont work right? Except hair works so thats not true. So like you totally could lick someone to get OFA. Like could you imagine the whole holding your hand over someones mouth to shut them up but they lick you and they somehow wind up with your quirk, like crazy. What must have been the trial and error with this stuff cause they must have kept passing it inbetween each other to figure out its dna right. How long did it take for them to realize. Like you’re eating breakfast and theres a hair in your food like ew and why am i stronger now. Overall, comedic timing for getting a quirk would be hilarious.

My apprentice lays broken and bloody beneath me as I cradle them in my arms, crying on to an open wound on their face praying the power will be enough to save them

little bit of skin like a hang nail just like put it in a sandwich and dont thing about it

Put it in my coffee.

If I received it from Nana then I would love to have received it via eating her out~ though for passing it on to others I think I would just either spit into their mouths or shove a bleeding finger down their throat until they swallow and then run and get myself killed by AfO while taunting him with "I DON'T HAVE YOUR BROTHER'S QUIRK ANYMORE! SUCK MY NON-EXISTENT DICK YOU LOSER!"

knock me out and just inject the blood. if i have to actively think abt ingesting someone elses dna im gonna yeet myself into the ocean. to pass it on i'll just spit in a cup (or in their mouth) bc im not gonna make someone eat my hair nor is anyone getting my blood

who in their right mind would trust me with a power like ofa 💀afo just looks at me funny the quirk is his. im not a mc for a reason

Sexy battle where I’m the villain, and randomly the hero thinks “I wish I could save you”. Boom I punch them with bloody knuckles and the quirk passes to me. Now the hero has to teach me how to be good again. Also we fall in love.

You know, I always assumed I would head canon it as something romantic until canon proved me wrong But these options are so varied - I had to choose the most Dramatic (tm) one As for my actual answer: a gentle kiss with full consent from both parties

I will bite a holder as a sign of affection. There's probably some dead skin cells in the arm I can swallow by accident. They are used to this and sometimes we switch the quirk around for funsies.

You know, I spent like 10 minutes trying to think of something original here, but knowing my shit luck some bastard would spit in my drink or something and cast upon me the Curse of Bone Breaking and/or.... y’know..... AFO...........

okay this is gonna sound weird but. consider this i marry a very lovely women. we are in much love. we get attacked by evil people because she is a good hero but plot twist. i am secretly her nemisis. the attackers are my minions. i wanted her to protect me because i am very smol but. my comrades were too mean. she is nearly dead. "take this" she says. she kisses me and i am one for all. fuck, i say internally, but i dont tell her. she dies in my arms. i run and become vigilante and take down my once comrades. all is not well. i die unsatisfied. i eventually pass it onto a cat in an alleyway because they are the only one who is with me when i get hit with a back alley sniper

Blood or just like. skin. You could use nail clippers to take a bit off from a really fleshy area, like just under the nail. It's that easy

Spit in my food like an underpaid fast food worker.

i have long hair so that would not be ideal, but blood seems kinda...unsanitary, but i guess it would be better if i was 100% positive i wouldn't pass on some sort of disease. so if that could be ascertained then like a few drops of blood in a glass of water or something and then down the hatch, bam ofa passed on. i know other folks are probably typing some nsfw stuff but just. no. keep it in your pants y'all.

Blood transfusion First, pick a hospital Second, steal all their blood Third, have the previous user donate their blood to that hospital Fourth, get into a major accident and need a blood transfusion near the hospital you robbed Fifth, hope either OfA will only pass onto you bc your the intended recipient, or that no one else needs a blood transfusion Sixth, get the transfusion Seventh, steal all of the previous users blood back Eigth, return all the other stolen blood Ninth, get new identities, this crime leaves DNA everywhere Tenth, die of a blood clot due to incompatible blood types (optional)

okay realistically bleeding into a cut or a drop of blood into water and drinking it would be easiest but like... what if somehow dna could be baked into like a muffin or cookie or something... like i know when cooking with wines and stuff the alcohol cooks away and evaporates out but is that process the same for like blood? like if you baked your blood into a cookie would traces of your dna still be there? basically i want an ofa cookie (snickerdoodle preferably)

no i like my bones

drink a drop of blood. it'd go down easier than hair

no

Something dramatic and desperate in the heat of battle like blood or something

First of all, I think First passed OfA as he was dying entirely on accident, because Second was badly (though not critically) injured and they'd been sort of dancing around each other's feelings and doubting their own worth, so First, knowing he was dying and that his brother was a petty bitch who would probably kill Second anyway because he knows that First cared about him, kisses Second with blood on his lips and his last thoughts before dying are about how he wants Second to have the strength to survive if his brother comes after him.

If I was given the option of getting OfA, I wouldn't take it. I'm a coward and being given something like that is a death sentence.

If it was forced, probably ingesting the previous users blood, because blood is a lot easier to choke down than hair.

If I already had it and had to pass it on, I would want it to be something suitably dramatic like collapsing on the doorstep of a trusted loved one and explaining with my dying breath who killed me and why and then raising my blood covered hand to their face like I was going to caress their cheek only for them to taste blood. They cry and try to get me take it back and when I finally die they swear vengeance over my slowly cooling corpse.

Pass it on in a non-life threatening scenario where I decide I actually don’t like the weird bone breaking power a random person gave me as they were dying and wish I could pass it to someone else and through a weird set of circumstances end up accidentally cooking some of my own hair into brownies I was making because I shed like a dog and passing it to my new neighbor I came to welcome to the neighborhood.

Either drinking a glass of milk with their saliva (no icky hair taste), or an epic sharing of blood while clasping hands like knights in a noble brotherhood!

not by eating all mights long ass hair thats for sure, why did he give midoriya one of the longest ones he had, he has shorter hair right there on the back of his head. not to mention the fact of like how i would prefer to recieve it or give it away which would be just, fucking sharing a pop or something and swaping it through the backwash??? less nasty than hair and not as weird as the other options for spit which is like straight up spitting in a drink or the other persons mouth outside of kissing. if someone told me i had to eat their hair i would straight up say no thanks, cheers for the fitness glow up tho homie

I want nana 2 kiss me, on.,, the m,,,.."#*(@÷out.h pretty lady.,

Q-tip to the inside of the cheek

Those blood pacts where you slice your hands open and do a little handshake thing. Not very creative, but idk it just appeals to me

Via consumption of blood, babey

I would want it to be with a maybe maybe not homoerotic sword fight in a Wendy's parking lot, preferably while we are both being impaled on each other's swords. The sweet pain of almost dying is a very intense moment to share isn't it?

Sweet love

Hair

If it's someone cute, a kiss. Otherwise I'd probably just swallow a hair with some water.

i'd just like. spit in their water bottle. if thats not enough dna i guess licking a paper cut it is. hair is bad idwa bc it doesn't digest and can get wrapped up in things. and like. im too aroace for kissing and such

Last option, cause first is sexy as hell

okay you know what vore is, right. and you know how blood and organ transfusions work? well...

Not at all, like?? I enjoy being alive and not having my body destroyed thank you. Literally everyone with OfA died young-ish or has suffered debilitating injuries bc of it. Like Midoriya's bones are powder, and we don't even need to go into All Might's medical history. Like thanks but no thanks no freaky dna ingestion 4 me

Had a open cut from a can lid and ofa holder had an open cut. While lamenting about fins a successor.

Blood

Assuming we can bypass the rules of canon, it would be funny as fuck is OFA was passed on by intentional physical contact. So yes, a smooch for First and Second (and Second and Third) but also. Bitchslap of destiny. Nana giving her protege one last hug. All Might ruffles Mido’s hair like a dad to pass it on. I’m sure you get it

Bleeding over an open wound

lil bit of spit in a milkshake.

I hold their hand Platonically but it's summer and we're both sweaty and they're a little loopy and having weird thoughts due to dehydration and heat lmao, literally hanging around anyone for any extended period of time guarantees you accidentally ingest SOME of their dna. Dead skin cells are floating through the air ~constantly~ and if you have a friend I promise you've inhaled their dead skin cells before. Have fun with that knowledge!!

ok so like deffo a kiss, but in canon people get weird biological urges for using their quirks, like bby Toga drinking bird blood. First has had a LOT of "spit in their drink" intrusive thoughts over the years. immediately post first-kiss he is mystified that his intrusive thoughts have disappeared entirely, but then BAM it seems that second has the stockpile now, and with it, a preoccupation with vampire lore

drink from the same water bottle?

“EAT THIS!”

Pass it on by making them lick my arm because that would make them rly uncomfortable, passed to me by spiting in my 20oz Red Bull and then chugging it

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[mrskurono]

Three hi! how are you? Its me again 98Anon 😁❤️ I just thought i would update u a little about my journey.... ive been very happy lately,, ever since i finally accepted that i like women. I also want a gf like i've never been this desperate before it hurts lol 😭 the thing is, im still figuring out if im on the aro spectrum but for now i just label myself as queer and i know that i want to be with a girl!!! aaah i feel so much better now, my heads clearer and i even find myself daydreaming about doing cute stuff with my non existent gf 😖 im so much happier (grinning ear to ear happy) when i think about being in a relationship with a girl tbh... i cant even imagine myself with a guy anymore (aside from my anime crushes) bcs im uncomfy around them and they make me cringe.

you know what i just realized? i've always been attracted to girls and i was clueless throughout my whole life! 😭 when i was young i remembered paying more attention to women than men when a spicy scene comes on screen 😭😭😭 also when i was in hs a friend asked "whats the first thing you'll do if u become a guy?" and my answer was pursue girls and treat them right like... thats kinda fruity??? ooohh i also remember taking "am i bisexual quiz" when i was like 15 or sumthn 🤔 i was convinced im just a "great ally" my whole life!

sorry if it took sooooo long i have no one to talk about this aaah i got too excited i guess..? im sorry 😅 i hope ur healthy and doing well its a been a while ❤️❤️☺️

(last one i promise, theres a time where i cried when i saw videos of girls being inlove and the other one was when i was listening to a sapphic song... and i cant even explain why )

lots of love from 98ANON 🌹

That's so great to hear! And honestly you deserve all the love of a sweet girlfriend! I hope you are able to find your own lgbtq+ space and make friends and maybe even find someone special to you <3 I know that finally accepting yourself is almost like a breath of fresh air. As ridiculous as it sounds. It's like a light bulb going off and then just relief and almost contentedness.

I felt the same way when I finally realized there were fat lesbians/hairy lesbians/masculine looking lesbians that just so happened to look like that but were still super feminine and girly. For so long I felt like I "had" to be butch bc well, I like women, and I look like this. I couldn't be the petite, appealing, girly looking lesbian people thought of when they assumed someone was gay. I could be muscly, broad and hairy and still be just as important as the tiny little "pillow princesses" bc it didn't matter. I could just be me. So I totally get the relief of finding yourself out and how wonderful it is! And I'm so happy you found it too!

Here's to lots of queer encounters and love and friendships 💖🏳‍🌈

[meet-the-mini-merc]

Me and my friends tf2 oc’s as stuff we’ve said in our discord server

But first! Credits!! 

Ava, Jenny and Pitman belong to me! Chemist and Aofie belong to @tea0-0stache​!!

Castor belongs to J (they don’t have a tumblr... i think)

Pilot and Blacksmith belong to @sockheadstudios

All other characters belong to valve!!

this IS a post inspired by a tf2 post i saw once but i lost it in a sea of likes, i’d be grateful if someone gave me the name of the person who posted it so i could give them credit!!

=============================== Chemist : “You all are dough that i will simply bake in my godly oven so that when your time has passed, i will devour the bread that is your body”

Pitman : *rises from depths of hell* “Yo.” Chemist : “I can’t believe i looked up pussy in French to insult a Polish dude”  Chemist : “That’s a lie yes i can”

Ava : “Do you even eat?” Chemist : “No clue. Hand me the biscuits” Pitman : “Don’t tell me you’re gonna stab me again” Jenny : “Not in here, It will ruin the carpet” Pilot : “wh-” Pilot : “why do you have that image?” Chemist : “Don’t ask questions” Pilot : “b-but-?” Pilot : “how?” Chemist : “ 🔫 what i just fuckin’ say? ” Castor : “ I am going off on a departure to the land of non existing magic and creatures. I shall return in one moon cycle on a horse made of gay and joy, please wish me luck as this could be a tough journey. Many unknown monster lie within the land and they wish to cause chaos brought up upon memories. And let us all hope that the army of thy animals shall protect me from unwanted threat.” Castor : “Goodbye my dear friends, I shall see you all soon.” Pitman : “Oh you mean sleep?” Jenny : “Hon” Ava : “What” Jenny : “Yes” Ava : “W-What?” Pitman : “Did you just fuckin’ lick me?” Chemist : “Yes.” Pitman : “grO- WHY IS YOUR TOUNGUE VIBRATING- DON’T LICK ME AGAIN-!” Jenny : “I have no idea what i did” Castor : “Sold yr soul” Jenny : “Never had a soul to sell” Castor : “Sold yr sanity” Jenny : “Bold of you to assume i had any sanity to begin with” Medic: “Cant believe i turn into a sadist during a fight” Medic: “Thats a lie yes i can“ Scout: “My brain do a hurty” Spy: “Jeremy this will be my legacy” Scout: “I am so disappointed in you“

Chemist : “What starts with V and feels really good?” Chemist : “v i o l e n c e”

Blacksmith : “ oh no! does that mean you melt in the summertime?“ Jenny : “ it means i am inside you already as the water you consume“ Blacksmith : “I-” Blacksmith : “ yaaaaaaay?????????? “

Aofie : “Pit! Can we commit hate crimes on you?” Pit : “What?” BLU Spy head : “Hate crimes.” Pit : “uhhh... sure?” BLU Spy head : “Wonderful. Child, put a kitchen knife in my mouth”

Jenny, at Medic : “If you’re taking a ‘Top or Bottom’ quiz im divorcing you”

Pitman : “And you decided to fuck him?” Chemist : “Wrong: he decided to fuck me“

Pilot : “How’s your day so far?” Blacksmith : “Pancake” Pilot : “:0″ Pilot : “Incredible”

Pitman : “Castor, remind me how you’re helping?” Castor : “Hm?” Castor : “Oh im not” Castor : “When did i say i was?”

Castor : “Why?” Castor : “Why would you scream at a toaster?” Castor : “What did a toaster do to you?” Jenny : “KILL ME LIKE 10 FUCKING TIMES”

Chemist : “How the fuck do you cock a sword” Blacksmith : *sweats* Chemist : “Blacksmith”

Jenny : “MY NECK” Jenny : “MY BACK” Jenny : “MY INPENDING ANXIETY ATTACK-” 

Pitman : “YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GO TO SLEEP OR ARE YOU NOT HIGH???” Chemist : “Yes” Chemist/Jenny : “Met God once. Wasn’t impressed.” Chemist : “Medic help” Jenny : “There is no help” Castor : “Medic cannot save you now” Jenny : “ uhhh yall are so good if you say anything against it i will crawl under your bed for 30 minutes exactly and gently suckle your ankles while you sleep until you accept“

[ilguna]

i also have a list of shit my history teacher (this year) has said and done so I will share it with you:

warning: its really fucking long bc he would say/do shit MULTIPLE times a day

goes onto the next slide, “it’s a meme, get it?” proceeds to explain the meme (its the hey arnold meme with the first)

also goes onto another slide, with the twitter opinion meme. at the end of the paragraph it says “this class smacks, I’m lit”

“I’m going to beat up your brother. i am going to pummel him.”

On the 6th day of class he finally realized that there was a total of 6 guys and the rest were girls

student: “You should not put it in (as an assingment)”. teacher; “laugh out loud, im dead”

he was teaching us how to write a DBQ, the computer had a pop up saying that the battery was low, and then a spider shows up out of fucking nowhere, hanging from the ceiling. he CLAPS it, jokes about eating it, and then sets it on his desk (not in the trash can 2 feet away) so he can “deal with it later”

his endless military stories, specifically ORANGE DESERT

he wrote “if you would have had your thinking skull on” on my first DBQ

him saying “I hate this” after typing a word wrong multiple times while teaching us DBQ’s lmfao

“For the lols”

Threw a box of tissues across the room into the trash can

threw a box of tissues at a student

he had this obsession with throwing expo markers at his whiteboard, trying to make it land on the metal part so expect that a lot.

“Do you want me to drown him in a bathtub?” (which was about a student’s dog that had separation anxiety lmaoo)

Sang the rain drop, drop top song

The collars on his shirt turned up

“He’ll be beaten for that distraction” (after his son called him during his lesson and he willingly answered)

“Stay woke” 

“It was a hot boy summer for him”

expo marker landed on the metal thing for once thanks to a towel that was there

kyle (it must have been a story or something i dont remember)

He woah’d at some point

HAHA so there was a kid in my class that had got caught with a bong on the second week of school and he was suspended. when he came back to class, we were going over what the south grew in the U.S. very early on into colonization. and he used the bong kid as an example of a tobacco farmer

tried to eat a balled up paper

“important revolutionary war stuff”

“My bae, George Washington”

“They could’ve killed g-dubz, but they didn’t”

called george washington “g-dubz” frequiently

“Facts”

“Swagtastic”

he got excited over a military general (baron friedrich von steuben) for being a gay military general--”That was very well respected!”

“He had a ton of swagger”--referring to ben franklin

“His nickname was the swamp fox. You guys can call me that”

The snowball fight story--his brother was friends with a kid he hated next door. my teacher challenged the kid--Eric--to a snowball fight. In preparation, my teacher had froze snowballs, and so when he did have the fight, he LITERALLY knocked Eric out and left him on the front lawn unconscious (he was an elementary school kid)

one time he gave us the punishment quiz by accident, tried to make up for it by giving everyone the answer to #6. however, it turned out to be wrong so he just gave us all 100′s instead

another military story of the goat he bought from an old man with his buddies. unfortunately they had to kill the goat to eat, but the FACT that my teacher said this “a cute little goat--you know, baaa?” as if we didn’t know what a goat was 

He was the golf/hockey coach!! so not only would he talk about beating up the kids in the golf club

he would also do random golf swings all the goddamn time! with no gold club or ball, it was just air.

“You are about to get clowned, young lady”

pronounced pamphlet as pamplet fora good part of his teaching career (another story he told us)

“It’s definitely not the declaration of independence you mouth breather!”

George washington = bae on a powerpoint

“you tied me up real good”

“France also popped off”

Compares the Connecticut compromise to ppap (with the song and everything!)

Told someone to shut up after they suggested that Iowa was the least populated state (he’s from Iowa)

hick iowa, to be exact

Wrote 23 as 32, realized his mistake and said “oop im dyslexic”

“If it’s a purge, I’m killing everybody”

“Federalism, not onion!’

“Who’s the dumbass guy? Ducey!” (our state governor)

he got arrested once. his mugshot is on google images and everything

he got arrested bc some guy was destroying his house w a baseball bat at a party his friendw as throwing (but it was at my teachers house). my teacher respectfully punched him and brought him to the front lawn. called the cops when the guy wouldnt leave and ended up being arrested too. teacher thought his career was over and threatened the guy the entire way to the police station

“laugh out loud!”

“We beat the begeezus out of a bunch of british people”

pronounced wolf as woof

“Who was his daddy? Who’s his daddy?”

Called a swim cap a bonnet

“Kick!”--then proceeds to kick a tennis ball. before that he had just thrown it to get out of his way

“Jesus, you’re a big boy”

for like 2 weeks straight he used that same tennis ball to try and erase a whiteboard. and im not talking rubbing it on the board, he fucking threw it at the wall, getting it off little by little. he eventually gave up, though

“I’ll snot rocket into the trash can”

“Cause I realize most of you are morons”

was obsessed with the cowboy boogie

“Every time I cough, my tail bone hurts”

“Do i look normal?”

“I look like an old man”

“Shut up your faces”

“I see you back there, queen”

“Some of you girls need to learn from this article”--the article was old & about girls being submissive

“that would hurt some people’s feelings, but I’m not gonna show it hurt mine”

“He’s just--’meow’”--about his cat

he had a sweater that had his face on it, photoshopped over a boxer that a student gave him. he wore it during winter

flicked a tennis ball across the room with a hockey stick. hit the coffee thermo on his desk, stared for a couple of seconds, and THEN realized that it was open

First off, all you kids making memes about dodging the draft--we don’t want your dumbasses anyway” --continued to rant for a few minutes after that

he HATED the national anthem with a burning passion

“I’m old as shit”

also, his cat’s name IS meow cat

more expo marker throwing

“Hey there handsome”-- to the teacher next door

“Henry clay is going to haunt you until april” (unfortunately we didnt make it that far into the school year bc of covid. disappointed that i didnt get to be haunted)

Singing electric avenue

“but here’s the tea”

“Flagstaff is like--” *reaches as high as he can to put expo marker on the wall

“I’m adopting all of you, and we’re moving to saudi arabia”

teacher: “I’m gonna break bowers kneecaps in front of you. you still want to be on strike?” not bowers but a different kid: “no...?”

Cleaned the shades in the middle of him explaining something

“You know your pinky toe? this little roast beef?”

THE TURTLE SOUP STORY. when my teacher was still a kid, he found a turtle in the wild, and brought it to his grandparents house (they owned a farm). he took care of the turtle for a while, even after his grandfather found out. until one day he came home and saw blood everywhere, went to find the turtle to see it was gone. then found his grandfather chopping up the fucking turtle so they could have it for soup for dinner. his grandfather literally made him fatten up the turtle so they could eat it

“Did mr.*****--?” (referring to himself in 3rd person, also blocked out to protect privacy)

“i’m going to staple your nostrils closed. staple, staple. ‘I can’t breathe mr.*****!’ should’ve done your DBQ!!”

his pedo stache 

stood with a paper and smiled, thinking that a student was taking a picture of him when it was really the paper

doesn’t know who gaston is???

him: “I’m going to staple your noses together. One staple” Student: “*****’s piercing parlor!”

*singing* “beauty and the beast”

“I’m going to tackle you”

more random golf swinging

“What’s up (my name)?” me: hi *he then hits the bun on the top of my head on his way in the door*

And he did it again the next day

he literally made kids compete with pastries

which reminds me, he brought donuts in 2 days in a row like a week after that and make us (his first hour) take bites bc he realized he didn’t want to eat it. one of the girls was glad to take it from him, everyone else told him no

“Good morning (my name) how are you?” me: “I’m sick again... do you need help? (with the door)” him; “Actually, yes” (normally he can open the door even when his hands are full but there was a stack of pop tart boxes that were as tall as him so) i opened the door, he goes in and says, “thank you (my name), for not being rude”

the following quotes are for the Hot Seat

Student: “what do you do--?” him: “you’re in the hot seat!”

“Some people cry”

“La *****, luxurious”

“You sit here, and you stare (into the projector light)”

basically everyone in the class had to answer a question as a review. there was a stool in front of the smartboard, perfectly placed so that the projector light would LITERALLy be in your eyes. i actually got the question right on some miracle.

“2 points of weed?”

“Can I get some of that hot leaf?”

“They will make more drugs! You can’t do that much drug!”

“You guys bullied me and stole it”

“Whole rest of the nation sucked an egg”

“Whelp, let’s just kill myself”

“Do you guys know david chapel?” *sigh when everyone says no*

*some girls singing the national anthem* Him: “no! none of this, none of this!”

“Calibri’s for idiots” (the font)

“The only thing that was in--shit”

“and uncle sam--gettin lit”

“Their daddy--UH--”

“They’re going to blame the jews--my people” (he got a dna test done, he’s not actually jewish)

“Whatever you say, boomer”

“Use my words to plagiarize in college”

“I’m jewish, that’s offensive”

“Tell him he gave me instant cancer”

Me: “can i go to the bathroom?” him: “I’ll allow it”

him: “He’s antisemetic and it hurts my feelings” student: “what does that mean again?” him: “Hates jews :(”

“You guys can call me kingfish if you’d like”

~ after we said no to the nicknames, we tried to make one for him ~

student: “cornhusker!” him: “no, that’s offensive... and it’s also nebraska”

student: “corn picker!” him: “no--that sounds like a racist term or something”

“Unless corona really does take over--” (thank u, mr. for ruining the school year”

Student: “how old was she (his mom) when she had you?” him: “thirteen”

“My mom just turned 40 the other day...” (a joke)

him: “My brother got t-boned by a semi truck last night” Student: “Why are you laughing?” him: “Because he lived.”

“Yeah bc I would hide out in a public school with 300 new kids a year” (about him not living in iowa so he’s hiding out in az to get away from his “criminal record” (refer to the 1 time hes been arrested))

“Baby death?”

“Their family has more money than jesus”

*Standing outside the door yelling “CORONA” to students walking in”

“Hey I’m *****, f-word, blah, blah”

“We should fight our cats.”

“OH that’s a big chonk cat.”

“Mortal Kombat is pretty cool. I haven’t played in 25 years”

he told us in class once that we shouldnt open the front door if cops show up at a party. just to shut the blinds and be a little quieter bc the cops cant legally open the door

also one time he had a gun pointed to his face but he never finished that story bc he never liked it

during quarantine he set a DBQ as 1000 points (and i still didnt do it)

and “Here’s the tea, kiddos!”

honorable mentions: all the time he’s sent out emails bc theyre fucking hilarious