#im surrounded by people
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I am alone
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According to NBC here in the US, the missing titanic sub has been found. As debris. Off the bow of the Titanic wreckage.
And it looks like the sub suffered what we all suspected, and what was undoubtedly the more merciful of the two options: a catastrophic implosion from the pressure.
Also, more info has come to light about the fishing trawler with the hundreds of migrants that sank cataclysmically off the coast of Greece, indicating that the greek coast guard knew about the vessel AND how much trouble the vessel was in, and were towing it at a speed that made it capsize, at which point they unhooked the tow line and watched the trawler sink without helping the passengers to safety. Despite a bunch of other ships trying to help as well throughout the whole ordeal.
So a lot of people are dead, all because of regulations (and the lack thereof) regarding sea-faring vessels and rescue protocols. People shouldnt be allowed to make a business charging a ton of money for a ride on an uncertified, unsafe, un-seaworthy ship going deep into the ocean with no distress beacon or tether to the mothership. People also shouldnt be allowed to enact laws that criminalize the ferrying of refugees, which then force the refugees to hitch rides on fishing trawlers, and which also prevent people from helping those fishing trawlers full of refugees due to fear of legal consequences.
Hopefully BOTH of these events spark changes on an international scale in terms of what is legally allowed to be sailed, who is legally allowed to be the passengers, and what the rescue protocols are in the event of disaster for any seafaring vessel, illegal or not. It shouldnt be just the global 1% who get 24/7 search parties and remote-operated submersibles helping rescue them.
#the question of 'what do we owe to each other' can be answered simply with 'the dignity of retrieving our remains when we die'#another answer is 'the dignity of thinking about each other fellow humans with similar motivations and feelings'#also 'stopping someones potentially self-destructive behaviors just because theyre rich and want to feel special'#also i feel like humans have been sailing the seas long enough that it should be guaranteed that people will survive sea voyages#im very mad about specifically mediterranean maritime disasters because we have ancient writing saying they made it safe#sailing from Egypt to Greece was so old hat and safe that people legit took the ancient equivalent of cruises back and forth#cleopatra habitually sailed from alexandria to rome with a ton of ships and was fine#Nero tried to have his mother drowned at sea by orchestrating a dramatic shipwreck while she was our sailing AND SHE SURVIVED#and then swam to shore got back to rome and whooped his ass#fuckin pliny the elder tried to evacuate people from pompeii and the surrounding coast villages when vesuvius erupted#and he actually WAS able to rescue people#but he himself had an asthma attack from the fumes which led to a heart attack and he died on the beach#there is legit no excuse for that trawler of migrant refugees to have wrecked#negligence all around#anyway#oceangate
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something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.
not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.
you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.
but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.
you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.
but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.
you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.
you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?
you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.
you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!
you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"
#this is very obviously about my battle with#ptsd#but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery#i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness#and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different#here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed#learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly#and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest#and now it is flowering.#it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now...#... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy.#(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)
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bitch its so scary here im scared
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taco i’ll save you from the mischaracterizations on tumblr….
its funny how the episodes point is literally to show that she isn’t a heartless monster and actually feels remorse for her actions but people are like NO!!!! SHES MANIPULATING EVERYONE. EVERY SINGLE ACTION SHE COMMITS HAS MALICIOUS ULTERIOR MOTIVES BEHIND THEM! like… no…. did we watch the same episode… you guys are blinded by hatred of a fictional character so badly you cannot consume the media as intended. i’m not excusing her actions or saying she DIDN’T fuck up badly but oh my god. you lot are missing the point of how the her entire arc is headed (in point of giving taco redemption) SHE LITERALLY DIEEEDDDD BECAUSE OF THE SHEER INTENSITY OF HER EMOTIONS AND PEOPLE ARE SAYING SHE DIDNT CAAAREEEE
ALSO also THERES LITERALLY SYMBOLISM WITH THE CRACK SHE HAD!!!!! -hand gesture- you know. avoiding all of her problems and deflecting them. in terms of the events of leading up to the manner it got inflicted. her outer facade beginning to collapse. she kept on suffering from it which literally caused her to shatter. but after she got regenerated she doesn’t have it anymore. literally a metaphor for growth and healing!!! hear me out on this one
not gonna say anything drastic but it is funny how people love male characters for the same exact negative traits taco exhibits.. yet.. hm
#ii spoilers#ig#inanimate insanity#do people tag rants#i want to see if people actually agree with me or if im the only media literate person here#this is actually like insane#girl help im surrounded by media illiterate people
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tiny birthday boy doodle!!
#my art#haikyuu#bokuto#akaashi#bokuaka#doodle#i wasnt originally gonna draw a lot of birthday stuff bc theres too many characters id want to draw them of#but i needed to draw something for bokkun#didnt have time to draw something cool and epic so little squishy it is#also have been having some sort of mental adjustment period as my schedule's changed a lot so#that explains the absence of art#(1hqaday im so sorry)#anyways happy birthday bokuto#obligatory akaashi bc i didnt have energy to draw a lot of characters but i didnt want him to be lonely#if i could i would have drawn fukurodani and his other besties so hes surrounded by people on his birthday#just imagine theyre behind the camera
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Started off by drawing ShrimpyJackal's Swap au Hazel, then got distracted by Taco ii
#saw an au where Taco won instead of OJ and Ive been rotating it in my brain since#she feels compelled to use the money to start the hotel and she doesnt even know why#she never gets to unmask so if she wants to keep all her relationships she has to keep pretending to be someone shes not#She technically has everything she wants but neither her or OJ are happy.#maybe ill write something for it.. possibly... I want to but also keeping track of every ii character and their relationships is a nightmar#ii#ii taco#gjinka#ii gjinka#art#digital art#fanart#oj is briefly in season 3 so Im thinking maybe Taco joins season 3 and learns to unmask#/uses being surrounded by new people as an opportunity to drop her persona some
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Now Presenting: The Talbot Siblings
This is an excuse for me to draw Madelyn.
Her and Amanda are BFFs that's why both of them have dyed pink tips.
Amanda adopted Talbot
Tag list:
@sunsickcrab
@professionallyyappin
@themeridian
@ashertickler
@plaqying
@puffin-smoke
@pandoraroid
@infinitelovewiithoutfulfilmentt
@starlogician
@zimix-whispers
@aurorialwolf
@porters-fangs
@skunkox
#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted asmr#redacted asher#redacted Madelyn#amanda Madelyn and Marie#the people I am obsessed with#Madelyn and babe#the only squad ever#Asher how are you surrounded by baddies idk#maybe we should kiss#idk#maybe#I read this great fic that said Madelyn taught Asher how to do hair#so#im#adopting that hc#YOUR MOM IS ADOPTING THAT HC#sorry idk#lol#Lucid is Picasso#I'll let you in on a little secret#I Drew that Asher drawing yesterday and I was gonna do a completely different pose for them#but#Asher was giving me issues#so I was like fuck it YALL didn't see this Asher drawing anyway#Amanda adopted Talbot fr#redacted fanart#amanda has brown eyes Madelyn as blue and Asher has them both#only I could hit tag limit because I talk too much
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i once again forgot cis people exist
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Btw just want to be clear that Time and Time Again is set to, and will if I don't pause, conclude in May 2025!
Webtoon didn't want to renew or give me any extra episodes so I'm trying to work with what I have. I'm sorry it's ending sooner than I'd like, it's been difficult to come to terms with and challenging to condense my plans.
You deserve a solid conclusion, and I've spent months writing to try and reach that. If there's anything you'd really like to see before it ends, do let me know in case I can (and want to) fit it in.
I'd rather not work with them again, and I hope I won't have to! But coming off of years being overworked and underpaid does not make that easy, to say the least...
I'm doing my best, and I hope you like what I have coming up.
#years of being overworked. underpaid. and literally manipulated and gaslit lmfao#it does not feel good to beg to be treated equally. and then told to be satisfied with less than that#it has been repeatedly demoralizing and insulting#and im not doing it again#i would rather nanny again (most exhausting job ive ever had) than work with them again#but. i would rather not!#I'd rather continue to make comics#but to do it full time i would need like 500 patrons on the $5 tier minimum...#which is SO MANY PEOPLE and incomprehensible to me#ive already proven to myself i can live on 25k a year but obviously its tight (i live in socal)#this. is not what this post is about#it's so hard for me not to complain about them#i feel bad for my current patrons i only share stuff on discord as of right now#well i do the merch packages but like#it's mostly just my discord#just dont have the time or energy to manage my patreon#cause idk if yall know but patreons site is TERRIBLE from the creator side???#it takes like 5 minutes to upload a single post it's ridiculous#so i cant manage it rn. I've thought about hiring someone to help me with it but i cant afford any help#anyways ultimately this is informing people its gonna end#and is turning into a vent around all of the stress surrounding that#like i literally had to take a couple months to just be sad its gonna end and come to terms with that#its hard! it's hard feeling so tossed aside and having your stories controlled even in part by someone else#anyways yeah#i havent finished writing the last arc yet#so theres space for me to fit stuff if theres something people really want#so id like to get in what i could if i can!#text post#sorry i always turn any thoughts about comics into vents about webtoon#theyre so ass man..... it's fine. im gone in may...
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this whole show is just a scheme made up by Big Tennant to sell more David Tennant
#hazeliveblogs#14posting#dw spoilers#doctor who spoilers#im delirious with glee#how does this keep happening. david tennant is unkillable and will live forever#in 100 years from now theyll just have different actors play as him#literally as far from the last tennant regeneration as possible#not only surrounded by people but also turned into two people#you ever get so so scared of being so alone again that you regenerate into two guys
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this woman tugging the children out of the way/putting herself in front of them as the klingons walk past.. they're just going somewhere do u think they're gonna attack your kids unprovoked? it's such an interesting detail establishing how klingons are perceived by federation civilians but also worf's served on this ship almost a whole season do you shield your kids from him too? did you used to?
#ik i said I was just gonna watch this episode braindead but i can't help it#like youve got this setting where discrimination and bigotry among humans isnt sposed to exist anymore but then#you write these alien characters and have people treat them like That#and then there's the whole layer of racial coding and the abject Mess of that to consider...#and then at the end of the day im thinking about worf surrounded by people who treat him with apprehension just trying to do his job#tlhIngan#ghItlhpu'wIj#klingon ep liveblog
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no i am not over how one of the first things kris does of their own accord without our input is to lay down their life for this weird ipad kid they met five hours ago no i am not over "hell yeah i am here to humiliate you fucker" no i am not over "did you miss me? because i missed you!" no i am not over how much not only susie but also kris (and ralsei) genuinely care about their new adopted little cousin guy and the fact that he went from having no friends at all to 3 ride or die bffs who were willing to do what every adult in his life failed to do which is stand up for him i-
#im gonna fucking throw up lancer's relationship with all of the fun gang is literally so important to me#hes gone his whole life surrounded by people but so incredibly alone for a multitude of reasons NONE of which are his fault#every grown ass adult in that castle knew he was suffering but did NOTHING about it#so to see these teenagers (OTHER KIDS) not only take him under their wing and include him whenever possible#but also stand up and say 'NO. no you will NOT get away with that' when his shithead dad abuses him#going so far as to put their own asses on the line for him because they fucking care#and lancer loves them back!!! hes saved the fun gang's asses twice in as many chapters#the first instance being when he did something he's NEVER done before and took up hands against his dad#the affection in his dialogue when he talks about kris and susie and ralsei#calls them all funny nicknames and says that he misses them...#shaking and crying and throwing up and falling down thr stairs and astral projecting#im so so os so so normal about these characters i promise#deltarune
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I was gonna wait to post this until after he gets real (becomes a keychain (FOR MYSELF SORRY..)) but I really like this! (I am not very good at drawing in a chibi style but wow! I think it turned out pretty good! ^_^)
#maxie pokemon#magma leader maxie#maxie#art#my art#pokemon#pokemon art#pokemon fanart#for some reason im scared people are gonna surround my house with torches and pitchforks cause im not selling this#my brain i assure you that is not going to happen CALM DOWN
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#gonna wake up tn to some proshipper attacking me in my inbox#im really NOT sorry that i dont support that messed up shit#anti proship#fuck proshippers#anti proshitter#anti proshipper#tw proship mention#proshippers dni#consider this your warning#i also will not be engaging with you no matter what if you like proship#blocking you and not responding to you is my form of trying not to stress myself out abt a random stranger who#unfortunately likes to romanticize very real things that have happened to others#and also likes to justify the weirdest shit. you are very strange to me#and i dont surround myself with people like that especially as a minor#anyway!!#here is massiveladycat in her natural habitat (going extinct in the next decade)
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ill probably delete this in a minute but ive just been fuckin boggled by what ive seen across tumblr in the last few days in particular. its why i havent really been around. like holy fucking shit, its really like some of yall just dont want a chunk of the trans community to exist. like some of yall are thisclose to saying it verbatum. way too many already have. 'shut up sit down be quiet and smile for us' type shit, gee where have i heard that before. oh yeah my entire life cause i was forcefully gendered as someones daughter. shock horror i know. you might be surprised to remember and/or learn that very few trans folks know theyre trans before we're 5, or even 10, and that that gendered experience stays with all of us in both/either small or large ways. either bc we literally dont have a solid identity yet (bc we're very small children), dont have the words, we're repressing it out of fear from how others will treat us, we're actually enjoying or enjoyed being another gender in our childhood, or we just genuinely didnt fuckin know until shit lined up later in life. weird isnt it that transmascs dont pop out as 6'1 brick shithouse cis men when we're born so yall know for certain that we're confused lost girls/women oops i mean big dangerous scary men. its almost like we're transgender too. none of yall actually know what intersectionality is or means
#my t#transandrophobia#yeah ill tag it why tf not#i just dont understand why transmasculinity is scrutinized and dissected like this within the trans community#when its just not the case for other gendered trans folks amongst themselves more often than not these days#which is a good thing! a really really good thing! but why are we scapegoating transmascs#''we need more weird trans people!!'' yall cant even handle like. a pre-everything trans guy coming out for the first time#yall cant handle a pre-everything tguy wearing a tshirt without tearing him to shreds & calling him shit like afag/theyfab & ukelele boy#im tired of my identity being treated as a debate. i had enough of that in highschool as#very literally. **the only trans kid in my grade** surrounded by cis teachers & peers USING ME AND MY BODY AS A TALKING POINT#i was the only one who wasnt deeply closeted that is. and holy fuck do i still not blame anyone for being closeted in that school#why is it only okay to try to separate trans ppl from our gender when we're not fem/me#why is one celebrated and the other treated like radioactive waste **within our own community**#god i need to find an irl community fuckin badly online trans circles are hell on earth#ill be describing smth that happened to me as a clocky tguy and someone else will say TO MY FACE#that what happened to me wasnt bc i was a clocky guy but purely bc i was trans#like i. what. how. how does that make any kind of fucking sense#i wouldnt be clocky if i wasnt trying to look like my gender. like i. hello?#would u say that to any other trans person or am i just that special?
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