#im sure some of what i said could be proven wrong but eh what the heck

[absoluteinsanity-mdashton]

Some predictions for episode 6 before the actual premiere because I'm bored AF but Hyped as hell!!!

- Truce between Tessa, J and Doll and Uzi, N and V to stop the absolute solver

- More background info about Cabin Fever labs

- Who's controlling the Raptor Drones

- More info about Nori (like who really stabbed her)

- Maybe Cyn makes an appearance (or Thad)

Either way I'm hyped!!! See y'all tomorrow 👋

[afterthelastreset]

Rules Of One’s Soul Ch15 A Little Offer P5

(Mak belongs to @wasted-church )

The entirety of the cliffside home was oddly silent other than the furious sounds of scrubbing coming from the other side of the sheap. The outside had gotten slightly darker indicating it mustve been early night at least. The residents were sure feeling it. Seam especially as he relaxed back down into the old armchair, normally he hated water but after getting blasted by ashes he was happy to scrub it off. Took a while for his fur to dry though. Luckily no stitches came loose this time. As for Jevil and Rouxls-

The small gremlin was balancing on his tail watching the working worm with a crestfallen face. Seam could only shake his head and couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor fella. True his uh ....'help' had backfired but considering he was pretty rusty from being locked up for over one hundred years of his life, one couldn't judge him too harshly....Buuuut Rouxls wasn't one to let go easily. It had been proven before.

"Can I help,help?" Jevil gave a hopeful smile to the cleaning worm, who paused for a split second before harshly dunking the sponge he was using into a nearby bucket filled with sudsy water and continued as if he hadn't heard a thing. Making the foolishly hopeful smile from his face vanish a bit, but ever persistent, his tail leaned him forward to be closer to the worm's side where he tried seeing his face. "You shouldn't have to work, work so hard. Im sorry, sorry. So allow me to he-"

A quick snap of a heated glare from the duke silenced the jester into submission, his smile now silently small and he froze at the hatred radiating off him. It got smaller when Rouxls leaned onto his knees. Usually hed tower over Jevil but his current sitting position made for perfect eye level.

"Oh. THOU art sorry." A dry chuckle came from that angry being. "Good. For I amst sorry as well....Im sorry for ever letting mine guard down aground thee!"

Jevil flinched. Hard. And Seam continued to watch calmly from the comfort of the chair, but Kaard didnt care as he already turned his frustrations back to scrubbing the black blotches.

"Im sorry I ever met thee. Im sorry I canst be there for mine boy- He can't even sleep properly without a story let alone runneth an entire kingdom by himself. Imst stucketh cleaning homes likest some maid just to get decent food and all for what? For a smiling foolish worme to come crashing into thine-"

....He froze.....Something gently kneeding his shoulder...

"DON'T TOUCHE ME YOU PLAUGE ON MINE LIFE!!"

The tail that been holding up shot back the shocked body of the imp as a worm reared his full anger towards him for trying to put a hand on his shoulder.

"Why dont'st you doeth what thou doeseth best and playest games elsewhere?!"

With that the duke snapped back around to the floor ignoring any other sad look Jevil gave him. The jester slunk back even further from the duke- An ear perked at a soft chuckle he turned and found it came from the plush cat away from him.

"Your next play has been interesting to say the least. Are you ready to accept defeat old friend?" His smile widened as the small man pouted and promptly huffed at the audacity of the question.

"Absolutely not,not. I just-" Yellow orbs glanced back shakily to the worm for a split moment before back to the smiling cat. "...Need a new move,move to play."

He chuckled again. "Then may I offer some advice-"

"I can heareth everything thou art saying." Another annoyed glance was thrown over his shoulder.

A paw was held up in defence. "Now, now. I meant no harm but maybe its best Jevil leaves you alone right now."

The smaller man Took one last look to the worm before slowly starting towards the smiling cat. Seam ever so calm reached out and gave the sulking gremlin a pitty pat on the shoulder.

"I dont suppose you would like some tea to help ease the sting of rejection?"

A dark chuckle and smile. "The taste is bittersweet. But I would rather get sweet victory, victory.~"

Deep chuckles came from the cat as his one good eye watched the jester jump onto the couch next to himself, but somehow his forced frustrated grin still seemed to be sad there. It sorta made his cotton shiver with a pang of sorrow, but in a game it was best not to let his guard down too much. Jevil sat down on the couch next to Mak, who was fast asleep in a box filled with different things from gems to random jewelry they probably stole. Took forever to get them to calm down after finding their 'room' ransacked and cleaned out by Rouxls. The purple migit made his frustrated ways known with tapping fingers and strained grin directly towards him in question.

"I just...have a few set backs. Set backs."

"Oh yes. I remember how fondly old couples would chase each other with screams and try to bodily harm one another." He chuckled at the narrowed eyes Jevil have him. "Or maybe not. It's been at least a few hundred years. Hahaha."

"Funny,funny....What have you done, done to get expertise in other's romantical preference?," his voice asked in a low tone. A Jevil way of challenging his knowledge.

To which he shrugged. "I don't. But Id like to think I have enough know how to at least hold a decent conversation and get to know them more."

He could practically hear the gears working in the other's mind as Jevil slowly came to the realization that maybe, just maybe he had something up his sleeve. So when a more questioning look came over him, Seam couldn't help but chuckle.

"Really,really?...Would the Magnificent Seam be willing, willing to....discuss his tutorials? Tutorials.

"Haha. But then wouldn't that be cheating the game old friend?"

One of Jevil's eyelids twitched. Indicating held back annoyance at least. "Hmhm....Perhaps rules could be ...temporary bent,bent?"

It was more of a suggestion than question, but one that made Seam hum with interest anyways. His eye went back to the worm who was stretching his back out with a groan and popping noise from said worm's back. He looked about ready to get done and be one his way. Could it really hurt to exchange a few short insights of his? Jevil waited with hopeful patience as Seam rubbed his chin in thought before looking back to him with a smile.

"I suppose...haha. Two opponents of opposite sides could come to an agreement every so while still searching for victory."

A couple of giggles came his way as Jevil lit back up. "Do tell. Do tell."

"Well....I could but I think you already know he doesn't appreciate forceful attempts to get him to like someone...But how you're doing things I could be wrong."

"...And I could say, say the same about having to be forced to clean a mess,mess that's not his. ..His."

"Not if the person offered to help him in return and was happily offered to go as a ...guest for the holidays."

There it was. The straw that broke the hathys back. The jester became as still as a statue as soon as those few words tumbled out of the plush's mouth, it was honestly rather funny to see such a rare shock upon the normally cheerful face, unfortunately it didn't last long because rapid blinks followed shortly after and a forced pleasent chuckle escaped his throat.

"My dear friend, friend," Jevil said in a forced sweet voice. "It seems that my ears are not what they used to be, be. I thought for a moment you said-"

"That I will be accompanying the Duke to the this silly ball?" Jevils face dropping again made him chuckle and lean into the chair's cushions more. "I suppose it's not that big of a deal...But then again." Even if it seemed unreal, a smug look came over the cat. "You might not like my play on words, Old friend. Hahaha."

In that stuper the imp could only get out one word. "How...?"

"I offered to help take care of you. It seems you've outdone yourself with the romanticizing eh?"

He went from shocked to an angry little man complete with puffed cheeks and red eyes. If you didn't know Jevil personally it would be quite scary but to the laughing cat it was just like a small tired child. It was cuter when he suddenly stood up and stomped a foot onto the couch. Jarring the sleeping child awake and jingling the box they were sleeping in. Seam didnt even flinch when a claw was pointed at him .

"No far, no far! You cheated, cheated!"

"By nicely asking if I could go? Really Jevil. You're acting like a child who didn't get the cookie jar."

A growl. "You can't keep me away, away! "

"Who said I would? I only said I would try to help keep your wild self in check and I intend to do so. ...By giving you advice. " when Jevil didnt say anything he continued. "Try a less forceful approuch next time round. "

".....Next time?" It seemed he found his voice. Jevil could always rebound pretty fast. "My next turn will leave your head spinning, spinning!"

"Oh Im sure it will." Still with the smug grin.

"You'll see, you'll see!!"

With that he sprung himself off of the couch and with furious jingles made his way back to the back room. Oh this was surely was going to be worth watching. A slighy jingling of trinkets ditected his attention back towards the box where the child was looking at him.

"Breakfast time now?"

......................................................................................

Scrubbing sounds was the most of what he heard as he kept up the cleaning momentum. He wanted to get done, collect his earnings, and get out of that chaotic hell of a home. The set back had made him take a whole couple more hours to fix, it was already probably in the middle of the night by how slightly darker it was outside. But luckily he was nearly finished. Just a part of the ceiling left-

The mop was promptly dunked back into the bucket and pulled out a moment later before being thrusted back up against the ceiling and rubbed against the black ashes remaining stuck to it. The anger was still burning in his mind but he couldn't careless. ....Unfortunately it blinded him to what would've been the soft jingling of bells coming up to him until he felt a tug on his sleeves. The scrubbing stopped and looked down to the small mass that was Jevil. Giving him a small smile-

"What doth thou want?"

The harsh tone made him flinch slightly but that didn't deter his new set of confidence. "Ive come to apologize, apologize for everything that's happened."

An anoyed but slightly confused expression came over him as Rouxls rose a brow. His attention turning back to scrubbing. "Oh lucky me... And what doth I owest thy pleasure?"

He didnt see the inhale of breath Jevil took. "I want you to forgive, forgive me. Let us start over, over. Please. Let me make up, make up!"

That made the worm pause his movenents and look back down to the hopeful face of the imp who smiled wider at him. Rouxls blinked....And blinked again. .. Before another annoyed look came over him.

"Really? I amst supposed to forget everythinge that has happened?" Jevils ears drooped slightly as Rouxls huffed. "Likest I wouldst do that- EEK!"

The mop fell to the floor with a thump and water spilt onto the floor. Rouxls scrambled back from the sudden flashing of pink in front of his face, in his hast knocking over the mop bucket and almost falling over onto his rear. Jevil admittedly was pretty startled from sudden reaction as well and just stood there. A couple shiny pink heart attacks floating above him at Rouxls's eye level.

He blinked upwards at the heavy form of the Duke in front of him-

"ART THOU TRYING TO GIVETH MINESELF A SOUL ATTACK?!" He pointed at the hearts. "I will nay f-forgiveth thou for doing that! Now...g-getest rid of them!"

Jevil did. Immediately. "Im sorry, sorry-"

"Stoppeth it! Just stoppeth apologizing." The worm pushed himself up from the wall as gave Jevil another annoyed look. "If thou was really 'sorry' thoust wouldst try harder and use that head of yours."

Jevil said nothing as Rouxls turned around to look at the new mess with a disgusted look, but he did hum and make a thoughtful expression a moment later. He might have mumbled something like 'Try harder, harder?' but Rouxls wasn't paying much attention so he barely heard. But he did see him back out of the room from the corner of his eye. Good. Now he could get done

He looked back down at the spilt water, wondering how he would get that cleaned up-...Wait. A pair of rapid footsteps came towards him, along with a small...battle cry. He barely had time to turn around before a purple blur slammed hard into his chest. They went to the ground like a sack of gems wind knocked out.

"WHONST THY F*CKETH-"

"FORGIVE ME!" A pair of yellow eyes stared intensely from his chest.

"WHA-" The smaller body of the darkner squeezed around his form face pouting against his chest. Rouxls struggled but managed to sit back up with the imp digging into him. "Absolutely not!"

His hands grabbed onto him and pulled. Hard. But Jevils limbs dug harder around him resulting in a panic running up the worm's spine and pulling harder on him. The digits digging into his goopy body was starting to hurt.

"Im not letting go, go until you let me,me make it up to you! You!"

"Thou art bluffing!" By now he was disparately wanting to get this thing off of him! He couldn't stand the way his soul was thumping against his ribcage- "T-Thou cant do this!"

"I CAN DO ANYTHING!"

Of course. What answer would he expect? He sat there and stared dumbfounded at him but considering that he was still clinging to him tighter than Lancer, and that pouting face was.....kinda cute.....UGH!!

"Fine!Fine! Thou can getteth off me now!"

He narrowed his eyes. "You give me your word,word?"

"Y-Yes. Now please-"

After a few more moments of looking at him suspiciously but slowly let Rouxls go. The worm man shakily stood up onto his feet while remaining eye contact with Jevil who seemed alot more satisfied and happy he finally got his way.

"Splendid, splendid! Hehehehehe! Im so excited,excited to hear that! I promise, promise to make you happy, happy!"

"I doubt that..."

But Jevil didn't seem to hear Rouxls mumbling to himself as he proudly skittered to the exit to the shop front. There he stood proudly and pointed a claw at the ever so calm Seam.

"One step closer,closer to checkmate!"

[voidselfshipp]

The Copper wars

Chapter six

Warning: mention of suggestive stuff and scars.

Jerico sighed with a heavy chest, he had just got informed of their Next battle against grey manns army.

The attack would be in a week,and they would have to be prepared by then.

It was a monday morning when the news hit him like a truck, he sat on the edge of the bed,his thoughts running wild while he picked on the crook of his arms skin.

Before he could hurt himself, illa,his white cat, snuck under his hand that was picking on his skin,and got free scratches,until he finally came to his senses.

He took a deep breath,and hold his dogtags hard.

His cats tilted their heads,and though no expression could be seen,they were worried.

Maybe a cold shower would help.

So little by little,his cats grabbed his clothes, chosing something hed be comfortable.

A black turtleneck and a dark Olive green jumper, his black fingerless gloves, some black leather pants and his boots.

Jerico smiled, and grabbed his clothes,plus some towels.

Though seemed weird to his co-workers when they saw both cats rest curled up in one of the benches in the shower room.

Warm water ran on his body,softly combing the shampoo into his hair,to then wash it.

After the shower,he put his boxers and pants on.

Scout elbowed engie softly, Also catching the attention of medic spy and sniper, most of the team also needed a bath , to try and clear their minds from the news they had been given.

They noticed down his back, a stripe tad bit Darker than jericos skin tone,going all the way down to his Lower back,right were the two shoulderblades were, a huge sunflower like Mark was dividing said stripe.

Some scars on his back, and the tattoos that ran down his arms and the one that also ran down his left arm and left pectoral.

--Sick tattoos jerico, how come we havent seen them?--scout asked, trying to get a better view of the tattoos,coming closer to blacksmith.

Jeri just shrugged--I use foundation to cover them--he sounded a bit ashamed--they have some meanings I dont think im ready to talk about just yet

Jeremy quickly backed off from asking questions and nodded--Well if it make you feel any better, I think they are pretty cool--the bostonian boy pressed a kiss to his shoulder, and decided that his Next action would be to bolt out of there.

Jer could only chuckle under his breath as he finished changing.

Though as soon as he put on his black turtleneck,the men present, aside from pyro and heavy,wich couldnt give less of a fuck, had their eyes make a quick trip down jericos back.

--Damn boyo!--demos accent barked loudly as a joke as he wrapped an arm around jericos neck--Youve been workin out eh?

Jeri could only laugh and shrugged--Keeping the shape you know?

After the shower he took the day off, he sat on the Lounges room sofá,minding his bussines, scribbling out some doodles of whatever his mind would come up with.

--oi--he knew that voice very well.

Sniper sat besides jeri, awkwardly signaling Him to come closer,wich jer obliged and did.

What comes Next surprised him, the aussie had wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightl,his face sinking on his chest.

--Mick...is everything okay?--jerico knew that sniper isnt the cuddly type,unless its something that has been bothering him.

The Man just shook his head,and jeri nodded and layed on the sofá, with sniper cuddling on his chest,his hands made their way to micks hair, softly combing it.

And the sudden cuddles went rocketing from there, even heavy needed a quick hug.

Whatever this battle would be,it was sure to become a shitstorm,and all of his co-workers were very stressed.

Shit hit the fan when spy had snuck into jeris room for a quick cuddle session while he was drawing something to distract himself.

It finally dawned on jer that everyone was at their limit,and they just heard the notice of the war.

So, he put the gifts god had given him to work, while the rest was trying to cope with their feelings, jeri had started what he would consider,the biggest ammount of baked goods he had ever baked.

From normal pastries,to macaroons for spys refined taste, took four hours of baking, and the not so subtle smell of the Dough baking,And curious peeping toms going out of their way to steal a sample.

'Maybe this was too much'he thought to himself as he set the baked goods on the now decorated table, a nice tablecloth he had salvaged from his home, freshly brewed coffee and tea.

In less than five minutes,the team came rushing in like starving dogs.

--Ya did all of this because of Us --scout asked,his mouth watering.

--Yeah,i knew you guys are going through a lot, and back at my hometown, when I worked on the bakery, making this stuff was very therapeautic, so...its a win win, the maccaroons were a pain in the ass,but I wanted to make sure everyone had something to enjoy,oh and medic, I tried my best at pretzels,thats my ex bosses recipe,anyway,indulge boys

The team went and gave jeri a huge Group hug,and those who could stole a kiss or two, And they razed through everything they could get their hands on.

However,jerico Thought they all had Ate everything, but he was proven wrong when engie gave him a Cup of tea with honey,and Two of each pastrie he had baked before.

Needles to say it did wonders for the teams spirit, a bit of warm in these cold trying times if you Will.

From tuesday to thursday the team had a,albeit short, but very hard training,they had to be in tip top shape for the battle on monday.

Friday night brought along another moment of warmth, the team Ate togheter and watched a movie, jeri was curled up besides demo, who had a blanket wrapped around the two.

Scouts head rested on Jers lap, while sniper and spy sat near jer, with medic sitting on the floor with engie.

Pyro and heavy found the small scene of almost six men trying to cuddle anotherone rather cute.

The young arsonist would make sure to give jerico hell for it later.

On saturday,medic called jerico in to fix up some medical checkups before battle.

--Ill be honest vith jou--the german doctor took off his glasses and leaned on his desk--Zhis isnt how I originally zhought it vould zurn out,but given zhe circumstances I cant vait any longer....

Medic took jeris hand, pulling him in for a kiss, his hands cupping his cheeks.

Jers arms hugged his waist and a smile appeared on his lips while kissing--So thats why you were so nervous when I asked you if you were single

--Vell...zhat vasnt very subtle now...vas it?

--No...I dont think so

Both chuckled and kiss again,trying to forget for a bit their future.

[strawberryspeachy]

So when i watched death note in high school it made me curious about real japanese police work. I read about it alot and came to the conclusion that their justice system isnt too great.

Im currently upset that a coworker who i took as a friend - not only disliked me all along - but went as far as to lie about me to get me in trouble. That no one cared to hear my side. That i was fired on the spot. That people turned their back on me immediately. That no one cares.

Well. 17 year old me would have said. But of course. In Japan your guilty until proven innocent. That japanese put on a show but dont truely like most people. That they band together and will go out of their way to avoid any kind of conflict. That they care more about a pretty appearance than solving anything. 17 year old me that only heard and read about Japan knew these things. 17 year old me imagined this cool different country that works because theyre proud of this... performance way that they live. And i was amused by it. All i knew was america and european history. I was so hungry for something different. I was so interested in different people.

Then I went to Japan. I got here and it was too similar to manga. How silly, i thought, those a comics - i didnt actually expect the country to be like those comics. And ive never really been able to place what that made me feel but id grown past this bemusement of different “alien like” people. Theyre just people who live in another country i thought. I dont like america and our norms. I know nothing but america but i dont agree with any of our steriotypes. You cant describe me the way most would try to describe a typical american. So why would people from any other country be different. Im sure theres people like the sterotype - but certainly more not at all like that.

And i got here and i watched the smiles on service workers slowly fade when they thought no one was watching. I watched children put trash where it didnt belong thinking no one was watching. I was girls laugh loudly and run around and yell at their boyfriends. I watched drunk college kids hollar and reak havoc in the city. Not robot people, not obedient children, not, quiet and demure girls listening to the men, not studious students worried about their reputation. Just people. The same people i saw back home.

And so i thought. Its the same. Different history. Varrying values. Same old people - judgmental and watching everyone ready to scold them if they deem it necessary.

But that guilty until prooven innocent thing. The fact that the old way of caring about your reputation is still a solid work practice.

These things. Make me feel like... i guess.... to my dissapointment. Maybe america really is more free...

I dont want that to be true. The us is so full of itself. Just like healthcare. I want universal health care to be a good thing and at very least in japan its not really. Its better. Its more affordable. Maybe their problem is just how much they hate drugs and thats what stops real care.

But. Ive always been a cautious person - i just dont want to get in trouble. But ive never thought id be in a situation i couldnt talk my way out of - because i dont do anything super bad. Maybe sometimes ive pressed the limits - but never outside of... like i drank underage. I tried to get into bars i wasnt old enough for. Ive dodged paying for the train fare. Dumb things. Things that the worse that would happen is i gotta pay it somehow or id get scolded. Drinking under age is against us law but its almost never taken too seriously.

But its occurred to me. Yeah. In japan it is guilty until prooven innocent. I really could have gotten in legal trouble for baseless allegations.

And japan is as racist and people say. Theyre friendly and try to talk to you in english and say nice things. And it doesnt seem like racism to a person from the states. Out racist look at you with digust. They wont touch you. They wont talk to you. They dont want to know about you

But here... it takes the form of a racist parent who grew up in the 50s and knows that theyre not supposed to be racist but still is.

Theyre welcoming and friendly to your face but talk shit behind your back. They ask a bunch of questions like (in america “where are you really from”) they refuse to accept you might actually belong. They constantly want to assert how different you are so instesd of telling you that your different - they ask questions or explain what theyre doing. And if you say ‘yes we also do this’ they react with disbeleif - what? No! You couldnt possibly get this - this is our thing and you are not us! And they constantly ask if you miss your home. Assume that you’re uncomfortable because they are. Also also. Instred of not wanting to touch you here - theyre much more willing to push you out of the way

Theres many mixed race kids here now though. I assume theyll have to do the same thing that happened in America. I havent met any mixed race adults but ive met plenty of white dads.... all trying super hard to assimilate to the point that they walk around talking like robots. Swearing that everything japan is great and they dont miss their home cointries at all. Pretty similar to the immigrants of america from when my mom was a kid.

So i still think at least for japan. Theyre way more similar to the west than they think they are. But these restricting regulations that they live by... really does make the country seem not as free as id ignorantly beleived it was.

It surprised me because their rules are so much like the way my great grandmother talked about stuff. And while were supposed to care... we just dont in the states. Respect your employer? Sure we say we do to their face but talk shit with coworkers. Worry about your reputation? Eh think im a bitch i dont give a fuck whatcha gonna do about it? Nothing thats right. Dont like another person? No one cares. Like that person or dont - it doesnt change anyone elses relationship with them. Make a mistake? Well if your boss fires you - everyone already probably thinks their an asshole cause generally mistakes are just met with some form of dickwaving belittlement. Pretty sure most of us get mad everytime we hear a story about someone getting fired because they posted a picture of them in a bikiki or having fun - most of this generation agrees thats dumb and has to change.

I feel more like an american now than ever. Americans are reluctant to change im told. Yes. I suppose we are. We might not know the rest of the worlds history but we kinda know our own. And as much as ive alwags agreed with the sentiment that cultures are different and thats just the way they want to be.... we used to be these ways but decided it was restrictive and controlling and mentally abusive and fought it...

Ive been reading more about the work culture in japan to figure out how he fuck this went so wrong. Apparently when young japanese people enter the work force, they cant even have friends as distractions outside of work because their boss will move them away from home.

Ive already read that japanese think suffering is good and seniority and witness first hand their preoccupation of appearing busy over actually being productive. Its just this constant performance.

Perhaps i did stress him out to the point of physical pain. I remember having a massive meltdown where i shook and it felt like my brain was melting after i tried so hard to be a good nice person. I did whag people apparently like. I changed myself to just agree with people and be positive and assume the best in everyone. Then my “friend” told me that i was a bad friend because i asked them if they would people drive their friends home so i could to sleep at 4am. And the two things just didnt click. I didnt go to sleep that night. I sat at my desk shaking for the next 5 hours and having flashbacks.

Im talkative. I talk as much as i do here in real life. And i have alot of questions. I talked to him a lot. Made him look not busy. I know he liked talking to me. I know he did. Thats why i got confortable talking more. He was always surprised when i asked him questions about himself but once he started answering he kept talking. Yeah. Its nice to have someone ask you what your thoughts are on topics. What your experiences have been. Did you like those things or not. I know japan it a group think culture - i guess they get there by really draining out ANY idea of individualality. He told me hed never been asked what he likes about himself. In the us were asked that constantly from elementary school “what do you like about yourself. What do you like about your friend. What makes you different?”

It kinda baffles me... questions and thoughts like these are so common in anime.... and obviously anime is popular in japan. Obviously obviously. Im confused how theyre watching these programs often with such deep meanings.... and not taking anything away from them. In the states our tv programs are always being restricted and stuff because they might give us “bad ideas” but they aren’t restricted here and yet... it seems no one takes anything from them

When i visited japan in 2013 i saw a teenage girl in huge heels lose her balance and stomp on a middle aged womans foot. That woman had already been standing like her feet were in pain and she made a face of being in so much pain. The girl rudely didn’t apologize and the older woman said nothing. She smiled through her pain...

And i also complained to my coworker. Not full on complaining. The small ones you make at work when youre not sure of the extent you can go to. At first he held off like the other teachers. But. Then. He started complaining back. It got to me not needing to be the one say an annoyance first. Like i asked how his meeting was. Other people i worked with might leave it ah it was a bit slow but necessary. And he started that way. But instead he started responding to me a succession of statements the slowly crept more toward his real feelings. ‘It was good... we didnt do much... or anything, i just sat and listened and took notes. we dont learn anything, it takes up a lot of time but we have to go. I dont like those meetings. I dont know their pupose... but were told to go so we must’

Whatever. Im just gonna keep rambling and complaining about this cause it sucks and is awful. Contracted woth my company i wasnt allowed to publically critisize japan. I imagine thats why you dont often find many things on the internet complaining. You will literally be unemployable if your name is attached to critisisms of this country.

Where as everyone can come to the states and tell us to our faces how much we suck and how much cooler their countries are. And generally the younger general is just kinda like - ‘you right’ people write articles all the time shit talking the states and we just go ‘ya we deserve that’ we do. Im not saying dont do that... but like... maybe just maybe. Were doing the good thing where were like

Haha call us fat! We are fat. We love us some mcdonalds. Hm.... why though. Actually we need to fix that. Why are people eating so unhealthy? What is the underlying cause of this problem? Lets try to work on that - and then we fight amoungst ourselves.

I like that... i like thay thing we do

In the states you might not want to become a ‘whistleblower’ and in some industrys you might get black listed for something dumb. But at least we talk about it and agree its a problem. In japan no one wants to even admit they have problems.

Know what else i told him. I talked about how were overworked in the states. That our work culture has gotten too similar to japans and we hate it. No one working 80 hour weeks thinks that they should have to do that. Of course i didnt go about it that way. I told him that my friends back home work 80 hour weeks and its unhealthy. That i cant work that much and refuse to. He i imagine counted how many hours he works and laughed and i said - oh haha yea i guess you also work that much. And he looked so much like he wanted to cry about it in the same way my friends back home. But said its natural in japan and that hes gotten used to it. But he definitely didnt mean it as he said it. I told him my friends say that as well. That i think theyre workaholics and i personally cant do it. That when work calls them they always pick up the phone even when they dont want to. But i dont do that. When my job called me as a server id ignore it and call them back later when it was too late for me to be asked to come in and ask them what they wanted.

Maybe to him my stories felt like when i read about students in europe being allowed to not go to school without reprucussions. It made HAVING to go to school evem more annoying. Why cant we choose to take breaks? I heard that place doesnt have homework - meanwhile im given at least 6 hours work a night! Not everyone has to do this? Other places learn things for fun?? They dont have to keep up with standardized exams that dont account for different teachers and school districts?? A 50% in that country isnt a failing grade???

Those were already shitty things but to read about them not bein universal did make having to endure it more upsetting.

Doesnt change that im stoll upset with him for not saying anything to me. Doesnt change that im mad that he made stuff up.

Really me rambling on about this doesnt change my presepective on any of it. Im just bitching

[strawberryspeachy]

Its so hard to figure out which people are good and which ones arent

In college i really wanted to be friends with this one guy - he was in my friend group - ... he talked with me personally. We hung out one on one. He invited me to things. We joked around. But i always felt this wall between us. Like all signs pointed to us being friends but i coupd feel his deep rooted dislike for me. Of course its not like he ever hid it

Apparently my temples move when i chew... he asked me why they do that... i didnt know they did until then

He made fun of my clothes

He always told me i was doing stuff wrong or inappropriately

He told me i wasnt good at art and basically that im not smart

He outright told me no boy would ever like me because im ugly

Stuff like that

But when other people were jerks to me he stood up for me

Everyone else in our friend group would yell at him for the things he said to me... and they hurt everytime... but all the other things i mentioned. I convinced myself he was actually just being honest with me and calling me out? That we had a good relationship and i was just paranoid. After all he didnt even like people. I was one of the only people he talked to

But

I was friends with his ex. I became friends with her and then they started dating and she broke up with him and he never got over her. Turned out after 3 years he just talked to me to stay close to her. The moment he became interested in another girl - he stopped hanging out with me. And the second the ex stopped hanging out with me - he stopped talking to me

And any one of the mean things he had said yo me over the years should have clued me in to the fact that we werent actually friends. That the wall i felt was there

But then. Like i have this one friend. She super judgmental. She doesnt like a lot of the things i like and will go into tangents about why theyre bad. Shes a bit full of herself and things the stuff she likes is superior. She has a very black and white view of the world and shes not very sympathetic- mostly taking the “i told you so” route to most things.

But shes literally one of the only people in this world i could 100% trust and genuinely cares about me. Like shes proven this over and over again and shes probably the most selfless and generous person ive ever met

Its so hard for me.... to protect myself. ... i dont have a black and white view of the world but i do have it in regards to people around me. And its because i am INCAPABLE of liking a person without trusting them.

Once i get beyond aquaitance level with someone i cant help but be all or nothing.

Ask me how my day was - ill tell you everything

Ask me for help - ill drop most things and give you my all

Its not like i cant talk to aquaintances like a normal person. But the moment we start hanging out and texting or have a really good conversation where we lay out some serious thoughts - for me the floodgates are open

After that intial break through aquaintance i either like you or i dont. And honestly. Most of the time i like people. I don’t expect everyone to be the same and so long as you dont say a bunch of bigoted bs or act like an asshole (or a creep) - ill probably like you.

Lol i say that as though i dont dislike a lot of people. Idk thing issssss i dont even get to the regular talking with most people cause i kinda observe people before i even talk to them. Sounds weird. I dont like legit watch them. But i take notice. And i listen. Ill look at them when everyone else looks at them. And most times. I do decide - i dont wanna talk with them.

But when they talk to me or i dont dislike them while observing them. Then aquaitance talk.

So yea. Idk. I talk to jerky people who are a bit awkward and ill be like - eh. They dont mean to sound like an asshole. Their social skills are just a bit off

Or theyll start oversharif about intimate things and im like - theyre excited to talk to new people. Just an open person. Thats good ill know them better faster

They say some kinda jerky things about other people i just assume theyre going through a rough spot

What im saying. Is. I make excuses for people subconsciously once i decide i like them.

I cant tell what are red flags. And even when i can i just count it as them making a mistake. Especially if they apologize for it. I make mistakes all the time too- im sure they didnt mean it

Then maybe theyll do it more and ill take it as them feeling comfortable enough with me to know i wont judge them

I never end friendships. Other people end them with me.

Theres only one person in my entire life who i talked to but didnt want to and i tried to stop talking to her a couple times but she had a literal army of people obsessed with her who would come after you if you upset her at all

But yea otherwise... ive never ended a friendship with anyone...

Then after they stop talking to me im like

Hm. Well. There was that time they basically admitted to hating me. I really should have picked up on this outcome back then

And i think about all the times they hurt me and am like. Why did i put up with so much bs?

Because i hate being alone. Thats why. Idk i like people easily and i dont wanna go eat alone.