#im such a dumbass i literally could not get my brain to engage with the tasks

[nerdie-faerie]

Finished packing at half 7, took an hour nap and then only just made it to my coach with a couple of minutes to spare, I live on the edge. The edge of a panic attack

[shotorozu]

i feel like im annoying lol but here i am again 🥴

🥴 how do da boys react to a super bimbo mc like shes busty, sweet, innocent, helpful as much as she can be and doesnt really realize when people are hitting on her, she just thinks theyre being extra friendly. (Tamaki, izuku, shoto, denki, bakougo) or any of ur choice

Sorry if I’m being annoying ( •᷄ὤ•᷅)？ and tysm

bimbo s/o

character(s) : bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto, amajiki tamaki (bnha)

probably (?) part one // ?

legend : [Y/N = your name] female! s/o, quirk not specific

headcanon type : fluff, crack (x reader)

note(s) : sooo 🤩 it’s my birthday tomorrow, not excited about that?? not sure! but im definitely gonna post more tomorrow, just because

»»————-　♡　————-««

bakugou katsuki

you didn’t seem like his type tbh. you’re kinda an airhead, and you’re sweet and helpful to everyone

and awfully innocent,,

so, you seemed like the person that bakugou would try and stay away from, but nope!

not in this case. i’m not sure what conspired in this explosive blond’s head, but he had a oddly specific attraction to you

he used to hate being around you, but it’s also quite entertaining being around you but why, you may ask?

not only are you super nice, and helpful, but you’re very likable too! which caused you to get secret admirers, and fanboys

but you also so happen to be clueless as fuck, so katsuki would always stick around— obviously very amused, only to tell you what their true intentions are

“what do they mean, go out? like,, outside?”

“no, dumbo. they wanna date you.”

“..like the calendar?”

“hah?? are you dumb?” he actually hated how oblivious you were at first, but he just got used to it

but this clueless airhead trait of yours is what he also hates, because when he developed feelings for you— he’d have to tell you

and,, he’s not the best with being direct with romantic stuff. so— you can see how that went.

he ended up confessing you in the most direct way he could’ve said it, but you still. didn’t. understand.

“fuck sake, i want to be your significant other. your fucking lover, the bitch that’ll be with you until this dumbass brain of yours stops working.”

okay, he was a little too direct, but at least you know his feelings!

when you both finally get together, everyone is shocked. like,, you, the sweetheart that likes helping people— dating thee bakugou katsuki??

everyone thought you were threatened to date him, because you didn’t understand other people’s advances— but in reality, katsuki just told you what he felt

straight from the heart.

also, since you’re also quite busty, katsuki loves sleeping on them— he literally won’t sleep, until he has his head resting on those milkers of yours

“maybe this is all you’re good for, huh? a fuckin’ head rest. there might not be anything up there, but at least it gives me some good fuckin’ sleep.”

he,, doesn’t mean that. you’re useful in so many other ways, but he loves pretending that he thinks that way, because of your replies

“ah, yes! i’m fine with being your head rest, katsuki. rest well, love!”

you’re not hurt, because he makes it a point to tell you multiple times a day that you mean lots to him.

but he gets super mad when people tell you that you’re stupid. because he can only tell you that!!

todoroki shouto

you also didn’t seem like you’d be his type,, everyone thought he would’ve wanted someone that’s smart as momo, or something similar

but he’s very content with being with you, for reasons he can’t seem to figure out.

he has his habit of watching you help people from afar, and he couldn’t help but smile whenever he engages in conversations with you

yeah sure, you might be more of an airhead than most people— but you have a heart of gold! and that’s what gathered his attention

sometimes, he’s quite clueless to some social cues— but even he can connect the dots

which you can’t seem to do. but you’re in luck! shouto’s usually the one that tells you what they mean

it’s something he loves and hates, only because of how popular you are with people in general.

sometimes, shouto debates if he should even tell you what they mean— because well,, he likes you.

usually, shouto would interpret things to you like this

“,, they like you,, romantically.”

“shou, are you sure? they look like they wanna be my friend!” he lets you call him by his first name, just because of how content you look by calling him ‘shouto’

he ends up whispering something into your ear, and your eyes light up in realization. “oh! so how princess bubblegum likes marceline?”

“,, yeah.”

but being shouto todoroki has it’s advantages. he isn’t afraid of being as direct as he could possibly be.

“may i have the honor of being your lifelong partner?”

“..?”

“oh, romantically. i’d love to be your lover, Y/N.”

“..oh! that’s what you meant.”

the way he sees you stumble with your words, as you pace back in forth— completely flustered by his words

makes him smile

and it all ends well when his friends see that his wallpaper is literally him laying down on your chest

which is something he always wanted to do

“shouto,, did you finally confess?!”

“yes. they said yes.”

they’re not really surprised that you understood, courtesy to shouto’s bluntness.

he is your protector against all of the people that make you seem useless. man literally lashed out when his father asked him to date someone with ‘more intelligence’

“Y/N may not be the definition of being book smart, but Y/N’s not useless!”

in short— he’s the bimbo protector! he’ll always be patient around you, and he would never dare to dumb you down.

amajiki tamaki

oh lOrd, please help him

you’re so kind, sweet, and helpful. you’d help anyone— regardless of their personality. and that’s what made tamaki interested in you

but you’re also very popular. which he could see why— since you’re attractive in a unique and special way.

tamaki absolutely disliked the idea of your kindness being taken advantaged of. i mean,, the guts of some people!

but he also hated being the one to break the news to you good or bad

he’s not good with the blunt stuff either, and he might’ve been worried about being around you— because well,, you look like you wouldn’t even hurt a fly.

“tamaki, what do they mean by ‘coming home with them for a nice time’ do they.. want to play mario cart with me?”

he looks like he needs to pass out, but he ends up telling you anyway. he’s just lucky that you could hear him.

but he sighs in relief when you end up kindly declining

nejire and mirio are SO amused by this pairing. i mean, it’s an interesting dynamic! how could they not be invested?

yet, they refuse to even explain things to you, especially when tamaki’s around to do said explaining

because apparently, ‘it’ll help you socialize more, especially with Y/N!’

but remember when i said that tamaki wasn’t great with the blunt approach? yeah— he’d have a heart attack, just trying to explain his feelings

“i— uhm how do i say this,, would you like t-to go out for some dinner with m-me?”

“oh sure! i should go tell mirio and nejire” you’d say that with a smile, and it felt like he was going to pass away on the spot.

nejire and mirio were the ones the tell you that ‘no, tamaki doesn’t want to be friendly with you, because he wants to romantically date you.’

and it felt like forever when they were explaining how and why, while tamaki was sitting in the corner.

but thank GOD! because you like him too!

super hesitant on resting on your chest, i mean,, to him, it looked like the nicest pillow for the deepest sleep! but he wasn’t sure if that’d be okay

because no!! to!! taking!! advantage!! of!! Y/N’s!! kindness!!

speaking of that, despite the fact that he’s socially awkward— he will not hesitate on defending you from any haters!

like, when people say that “tamaki and Y/N are such an awkward couple. tamaki’s super awkward, it looks like there’s nothing in Y/N’s brain. maybe she’s brainless”

because how dare they. not everyone is book smart— but that doesn’t give people the right to call you stupid!

“Y/N’s not brainless! she’s kind, helpful, and the sweetest p-person i have ever met. i suggest you take that back!”

in short— it gives him heart palpitations just having to explain things to you, but at the end of the day, it’s all worth it, if he can be with you

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[1kook]

commercial break: twelve

this is part of my netflix & chill series a prelude to part 10 <3

SUMMARY Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee.  WARNING none !! we r safe MISC jk and doyeon mortal enemies, nearly everyone is mentioned, thank u namjoon, jk loves oc, the end <3 jimin makes his first appearance O_O WC 1.4k

NOTES we just having fun with it!!! jk’s friendship with everyone else <3

Doyeon says you have fat fingers, and Jungkook takes great offense at that. “Who cares about the size— __ has pretty hands, idiot,” he mutters, and almost wants to feel bad about being so childish in the middle of this jewelry store. But Kim Doyeon is a pest— a fly who just won’t stop buzzing by his ear with each ring they look at, and she has the audacity to look disgusted with him now. Jungkook very much regrets inviting her along. She exudes very similar energy to the popular girls he used to go to high school, the ones that would only talk to him because he was friends with Namjoon and wanted Jungkook to help them into his pants. Lo and behold, Kim Doyeon is very acquainted with whatever’s inside Namjoon’s pants. She hits the mark perfectly. 

“Oh, definitely get her a rock. Like, one of those obnoxiously bing and shiny rings, maybe?” And she never stops talking. 

Jungkook hasn’t had to spend this much time with her in months, the last time being Namjoon’s birthday when you had tasked the two of them to go pick up the cake together. Not only was Doyeon adamant on passenger-seat driving — “Turn here,” she says a moment too late, “no wait, here — but she had been an absolute heathen outside in the bakery parking lot. 

(“Okay, now take a picture of me by this wall,” she says, artfully holding up the box of cake in two hands, dark hair flipped over her shoulder. Jungkook doesn’t know how to tell her that there is no significant difference between this brick wall and the brick wall they just took a picture by two minutes before.)

Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee. It would be him and Namjoon, and maybe Namjoon’s blunt roommate Jimin if he was feeling down for it, but that was pretty much it. Even Taehyung, a very close and dearly cherished friend, had not made the cut. He was too lazy, didn’t offer much concrete advice other than the occasional, “that one looks cool” comment. 

The great thing about Namjoon is that he’s highly educated on just about every aspect of life; he knows the best hairstylists — “You can always ask Hobi,” Namjoon offers, “he’s married.” — and the best lawyers — “Oh, and Yoongi can help with your prenup.” — for no reason other than the fact he is Namjoon. 

The bad thing about Namjoon is that he’s dead set on including Doyeon. “Doyeon is ___’s best friend,” he says calmly one night after dinner. You’re at your friend’s house this weekend, something about a midnight revenge plot against a shitty ex-boyfriend. He isn’t too clear on the details. “You have to let her in on it.” It’s been decades since Jungkook last stomped his foot in annoyance, but the urge wells up strongly in him now. 

Jimin is on the couch. “Oooh, you don’t like her?” he asks, flipping his platinum hair away from his eyes. Jungkook doesn’t answer, only because it would be rude to confirm it in front of Namjoon. Jimin presses on. “Is she, like, an evil best friend?”

“Yes,” Jungkook says at the same time Namjoon says, “no.” Jimin’s got this highly intrigued smirk on his face, and Jungkook hates how similar it is to your own mischievous grins. He’s glad you haven’t met Jimin, mostly because he knows you have your mean moments and meeting Park Jimin would only exacerbate them. Namjoon frowns anyway. 

Jimin says, “oh, you guys should duel. Like, whoever knows __ the best gets to keep her.” 

Namjoon jumps to stop that thought. “No— they’re not gonna duel, Jimin. ___ isn’t an object to win,” he scolds, and Jungkook nods along agreeingly, pretends he hadn’t seriously considered Jimin’s idea for a solid ten seconds. 

Long story short, Doyeon has tagged along to this jeweler and the past two jewelers to make sure Jungkook doesn’t give you “an ugly ring,” as she claims. 

“Wait, what if you get her this one,” she says, on the other side of the store. Jungkook sighs, but hurries over anyway. Hey, he’s here to see some rings, okay? 

Doyeon is looking at the most ugly ring Jungkook has ever seen, a mix of a braid and a snake, that is just too… not you. “This is hideous,” he says, disregarding all and any notions of being polite because at this point, she had to be pulling his leg. “___ would hate this.” 

At his side, Doyeon huffs. “Oh, ‘cause you know ___ sooo well, don’t you?” she snarks. 

Jungkook levels her with a glare. “I do, actually,” he says, “that’s literally what made me want to marry her.” And because Kim Doyeon sparks a very immature flame within him, he feels the need to add, “I probably know ___ better than you,” to top it off. 

Doyeon scoffs. “No, you don’t— you will never know her like I do, you overgrown fungus,” she spits. “Me and ___ have exceeded any level of trust you could ever hope to have, a friendship forged on the grounds of love and equal values. A nerd like you can’t even begin to fathom the absolutely crazy shit we’ve shared with each other.” 

If he was eight years younger, Jungkook is certain he would have gone home and cried. Mid-twenties Jungkook, on the other hand, has had one too many rodeos with mean girls — he’s dating a retired high school cheerleader, for goodness sake, an apex predator if he’s ever seen one — and will not stand for it. Besides, Jungkook has received your blessing to check Doyeon into place if ever she crosses the line. 

(“Sometimes you just gotta knock her down, maybe call her a dumbass if necessary,” you had said one night after Doyeon had unceremoniously barged into your apartment to monopolize your evening plans with Jungkook. Now it’s nearing midnight and as much as Jungkook wants to spend time with you, he’s deathly tired. “Just tell her off.” 

Jungkook frowns, snuggles closer until he’s so tightly pressed against your body that he can’t tell whose heartbeat is whose. He likes it like that.

There’s just something about your annoying best friend that activates this feeling in Jungkook’s chest. If anything, Jungkook imagines it is similar to that of having a bratty little sister. But Doyeon as his sister? He rolls his eyes so far back he swears he sees his own brain. 

It’s childish and petty and unlike Jungkook — or at least, unlike the Jungkook he knows you think he is. Which is flattering, to be thought of so highly, but sometimes Jungkook wonders where on earth you got that idea from. Because whenever he’s around you, Jungkook becomes increasingly immature, grows so greedy and needy, desperate for anything you have to give him. 

And because he’s so immature, he settles on tattling to you instead, “she called me a sweaty meat bag,” to which you snort in amusement.) 

For now, he calls on the spirit of the most mature person he knows (Namjoon). Jungkook takes one last look at his millionth silver band of the day before turning to address the Wicked Witch of the West. “I might not know ___ like you do, but that’s fine,” he says calmly. “We’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together anyway.” 

In front of him, Doyeon’s eye twitches and Jungkook senses he has won. For now. See, the thing is, Jungkook knows that using Namjoon-level logic against her is foolproof. For one, Namjoon’s logic is always solid. But also, as much as Jungkook despises Kim Doyeon with nearly every fiber in his being… ultimately, they share a common interest: cherishing you. 

Had it not been for your existence in their lives, Jungkook doubts he would have ever spent his Saturday morning at a jeweler with the likes of Kim Doyeon, especially not after she had spent ten minutes in the Starbucks drive-thru ordering the most bizarrely complicated drink. But deep in his heart Jungkook knows that she loves you, though not as much as him, and he respects the fact she is willing to accompany him in the name of buying you a beautiful engagement ring. It’s a friendship solidarity he admires, and for that he stomps down his childish pride to answer in a way that would impress, well, you. 

(Even when you’re not here, Jungkook always wants to impress you.)

At his side, Doyeon huffs. “I should’ve never taken ___ to that party.”

Copyright © 2021, 1kook on tumblr

[wetalkinboutbooks]

The Bird King by G. Willow Wilson

Summary

The Bird King is a 2019 fantasy novel set in 1491, the novel takes place in the Emirate of Granada during the territory’s final days. The story concerns the flight of Fatima and Hassan, a concubine and mapmaker, respectively, from service to the Emirate’s last sultan. (Taken from Wikipedia)

We follow Fatima and Hassan on their search for the Bird King as they avoid soldiers of the Spanish inquisition, and meet a variety of characters along the way.

Our Ratings: 

 → Geena: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 → Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: The Bird King is an amazing book that manages to be complex yet light-hearted. It touches on subjects like faith, love, and friendship. The characters are engaging (and absolute drama queens) and the plot is fast-paced so there’s never a dull moment. The dynamic between the characters leads to the funniest situations that will have you dying. In summary, reasons to read this book if you haven’t already:

A- ONE SUPER FUNNY BOOK PLZ READ IT

B - THE DRAMAAA OF FATIMA AND HASAAN

C - Vikram 

D - Stupid

~ Spoiler-full discussion below ~

The Good: 

→ Hassan and Fatima’s Relationship

Geena: The best thing about the bird king (aside from the horse named Stupid) was Hassan and Fatima’s friendship. IMO it was so wholesome and they were so in love (PLATONICALLY!!!!). When Hassan said seeing Fatima walking around was like seeing his heart outside his body…… a BITCH DIED!!! Also, the fact they would take shots at each other constantly? Loved it. HOW COULD I FORGET… HASSAN CONSTANTLY BEING HORNY AND FATIMA BEING LIKE “CAN U CHILL!”  

Kae: OKAY MOOD LMAOOO. So boom. Geena covered it. We love this book! Hassan and Fatima are the definition of the 💯 emoji. But these bestie-bitches are DRAMATIC af. I’ve never seen two best friends who love each other as much as they do. They’re hugging and crying one moment, then the next they’re jealous that one of them is talking to someone else. DRAMATIC. I love it. Have we talked about Gwenny and Stupid yet?  

Geena: WE HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT THEM, the perfect accessories to the Hassan-Fatima duo. Gwen is the token white boi, there for Hassan to thirst over and Fatima to learn how to sail a ship. Stupid on the other hand…. God bless that horse all it did was drown and then LIVE!!!! The absolute legend.  BUT Kae HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE GWEN AND STUPID? HMMM

Gwen: I only love God

Also Gwen: *sleeps with Fatima on the deck of the ship while Hassan is 3 feet away* 

Kae: Well... Gwennec. Ol’ Gwenny Gwen Gwen. Gwen, the Monk who FUCKS. PAHAAHA. Gwen was a new Monk who was at first, totally against helping our favorite bestie-bitches. But Fatima was all “Don’t test me white boi I will kick ya ass.” And Gwen lowkey thought it was hot so he let them slide. He taught Fatima and Hassan how to sail while Hassan made googly eyes at him and definitely wanted to tap that. But, as previously stated, Fatima and Gwen got it ooonnn.  Hassan found out and as like “Fa, I can’t believe you slept with my husband who doesn’t know we’re married yet!”,  and that was basically that.. Then we have Stupid. The horse who was just as damn stupid as his name. The horse lived to spite the Grim Reaper just to prove it would breathe another day. We also haven’t mentioned our Jinn friend and their literal lifesaver/guardian angel, Vikram.  

Geena: VIKRAM, aka another dude/djinn/dog man that Hassan wanted to fuck but couldn’t :( Vikram was essentially the only one in the group that had a substantial amount of brain cells, and spent most of the time trying to make sure Fatima didn’t accidentally kill herself. The fact that he saw his death and it was in the arms of a “beautiful woman” should sum up his character really well. 

Kae: Geena is sooo right. Vikram was the only one with brain cells because Fatima and Hassan both shared two. Our loveable, dramatic, but also a little dimwitted faves wouldn’t have survived any of their adventure without Vikram. He lead them through a Jinn filled tunnel that Hassan made. Escorted them across the land with the Inquisition right on their asses, and fought off whoever tried to hurt them. Initially, he agreed to save them because of a debt he owed to Fatima’s Sultana. But in the end, Vikram helped them because he wanted to. He was a weirddog/man/Jinn who just wanted Fatima and Hassan to stop being dumbasses for five seconds. But they couldn’t so he was constantly annoyed and probs wanted to eat them to shut them up. BUT WE STAN THAT FURRY LEGEND BECAUSE WITHOUT HIM, OUR ESCAPEES WOULD BE DEAD-EEE. Also he was one suave, smooth talking mofo and I feel like if he walked up to you and said “You’re lovely, but you’re an idiot. It’s okay, because you’re pretty tho.” that compliment sandwich would go right over your head and you’d thank him.  

Geena: ok FIRST OFF I would be like “why do you have a tail” but god Kae you hit all the points. 

The Bad AND The Ugly

→ The Sultan and His Mom Being Pedos 

Geena: Ok so, Fatima is 17 and I’m assuming the Sultan was in his mid-thirties, because he has kids Fatima’s age 👀. So I am sure it was historically accurate, the fact that the old ass man had a 17 year old concubine, but that doesn’t make it any less gross!!!! What’s worse is that Fatima’s mom was originally a slave for the sultan, so when she was born the sultan’s mom raised her and had her instated as a concubine when she was 15!!!!!! Scuse me while I 🤮. 

Kae: Yea, Geena said it all. The Sultan was ewww. Fatima was his favorite and I guess he talked to her like she wasn’t a concubine? She was treated very well. For a concubine. Probably better than any concubine I’ve read about Like, she had rights and could talk shit without punishment. But still, DISGUSTEEENNNG. Our girl was groomed so we do NOT stan the Sultan. 

→ Luz

Kae: we also have our main villain, Luz. She arrived at their palace to play peaceful, but she had ulterior motives that involved her spreading the word of the LORDT and taking Hassan in to be tried for Witchcraft and all that magic shit. Because if we didn’t say it before, Hassan can draw anything on a map and make that place a reality. Luz has this little worm in her eye that basically makes her super weirdly strong and badass. But fuck Luz. When Fatima finds out that Hassan is to be tried for witchcraft, she goes to him so they can both escape. Fatima wants to be free and she doesn’t want to see her bestie die. So what do they do? They dip. And now our friends are on the run. 

Geena: UGH Yes, can I just say the moment that Fatima realized that Hassan would get canned she was like “fuck all these people” and peaced out with Hassan? Friendship goals… But yes LUZ!! I enjoyed reading her as a villain because she genuinely thinks she’s a good person and that her life’s mission is to “Save” people like Fatima from people like Hassan. You really end up liking her in the beginning, and then she turns around and murders a few people and you’re like…. Ah…… i see….. aND THEN it turns out she was being controlled by some brainworm that was also trying to get to the Bird King and you kind of wonder…. How much of what Luz did was her being a violent inquisitor and how much was the worm controlling her… you kno? She redeems herself by dying, so I guess she gets…. Like one (1) right. 

Kae: Damn girl! Well said!!! LITCHERALY that is a perfect summary of Luz’s character. I can’t say anything else because it’s been SAID.  Villains are always interesting when they don’t see themselves as the bad guy. They’re righteous and unforgiving because they believe they are doing the right thing. That’s what scary about them. 

Conclusion 

Kae: Okay, so in conclusion. This is an amazing book and in all honesty, I enjoyed the hell out of it. I was never bored reading it. Hassan, Fatima, and Vikram had quite the adventure and all the dramatics of made it that much more enjoyable. They left the palace in hopes of freedom. Hassan and Fatima got the idea of The Bird King from a story they liked to read, but never knew the ending. So they continued the story on their own, making it up along the way. In hopes of escaping their new fate to Luz and the Inquisition, Hassan drew up a map to the Bird King in hopes to find it. Their journey took them to meet Gwennec who sailed them to said island, where they discovered used to be inhabited long, long ago. Soon, others began to show up on the island. Hassan even got him a MANS. A DOCTOR. Whew. He’s got taste. The island is also forever changing and some of the remaining inhabitants are Jinn. 

Geena: Kae summarized the story really well!!! The journey to the end was an absolute trip, but G. Willow Wilson tied up the story neatly. We get to see Fatima become less dependent on Hassan (thanks to his doctor bf who told her to chill out) and Hassan finally find the happiness he deserves. Gwen, unfortunately, doesn’t make it to the end (press F to pay respect). Luz essentially sacrifices herself by taking the map Hassan drew, getting off the island, and ripping it up. Why does she do this? Because to make a place or passage Hassan drew disappear the map has to be ripped. And leaving the map to the island wasn’t an option because the Spanish inquisition never stops!!

Kae: And if they ripped the map on the island, the island would cease to exist! Upon arrival to the island, everyone had their ships wrecked. Luz got fucked up on the shipwreck and that worm thing got ripped out of her eyes and then it became a monster on the island that was NOT to be trifled with. Since Luz got all jacked up, she was gonna die anyway and no one wanted her to stay--

Geena: Everyone said “u cant sit with us” to luz. OKAY DISCUSSING THIS BOOK MADE ME REMEMBER HOW MUCH IT MADE ME LAUGH, GENUINELY ONE OF THE FUNNIEST BOOKS I’VE READ. 10/10 FOR ME!!

Kae: LMAOOO HONESTLY. XPECIALLY FATIMA NEVER HAVING WALKED SO FAR BEFORE AND BEING A BIG OL BABY. but she DIIIID have messed up shoes that blistered so I’ll give her that BUT YES HASSAN WAS A DRAMA QUEEN “waaah, I have red hair and im pale BUT I'M STILL HOT AND I LIKE TO F U C K” But yeah, Luz got voted off the island and voted herself off the island, ripped up the map, and then they were safe and lived happily ever after. Vikram even made his final appearance to say his goodbyes to Fatima, even though he hates goodbyes. I give this book a 10/10. It was funny, the characters were likeable and relatable, and it was just a good adventure read.

[ollies-outies]

PLEASE for the love of god broken collarbone storytime I've head you mention it beofre but I need to know the full details

WELL im always a slut for embarrassing myself and it IS the anniversary of this event on this fine ides of march, so here we go (wildly dumbass preteen antics under the cut)

back in middle school i had a crush on a guy named carl. i didnt know him, i had no classes with him, and id never talked to him, but he was cute and id seen him reading my favorite book series, so like, not to be dramatic, but this guy was my soul mate.so my dear friend @flurifan​, who had PE with him, decided it was her duty as my friend to watch carl like a hawk and report back to me with any Important Information. keep in mind this was middle school PE so like.. there wasn’t much to sayBUT! she did glean one very instrumental piece of intel: he liked legend of zelda. and, also extremely important, he knew how to do Link Rolls™and let me tell you my twelve year old brain nearly burst. he was now, without a doubt, the perfect man. i needed to get his attention. and now i knew how, because i had a surefire way to impress him.see, my dad is really into martial arts, and he’d been showing me how to do a Proper Roll since i was a toddler. this was my time to shine. i had quite literally been training for this my whole life

so it’s break. me and my friends are down on the field. carl is up at the lunch tables, and he has a clear line of sight for my performance. he’s not LOOKING at me, so it’s not ideal conditions, but it’s the best im gonna get without shouting at him to watch.it’s fuckin showtimei call to my friends to watch, because it’s kinda weird to just start doing Link Rolls™ out of the blue (and at that point i was kinda in denial that i wanted to impress him. i didn’t come to terms with that aspect of the story until well into high school). i got down on my knees, because that’s the easiest position to do a roll from, and fuckin went for ita perfect execution. flawlessbut nobody was looking. and carl didn’t come running down the hill to profess his newfound love for me so like? validation-wise, it was a failure on all endsfor a moment, i was confused. why wasn’t the plan working? then it hit me. what was the difference between what i did and what carl/link could do? a roll from a running start, of course! it’s trickier but id done it before, and at this point i was getting desperate. this was my only chance to impress carl, after allso i called to my friends to watch as i took a running start, and then dropped fluidly, gracefully into the most beautiful roll ever rolled on God’s Green Earth.and nobody! fucking! saw! my friends hadn’t stopped talking, and carl still wasn’t running down the hill with flowers and an engagement ring, and at this point i was getting pretty damn tired of everyone else ignoring my sick rolls!!!i decided to go one last time. third times a charm. i told all my friends to watch. they finally turned to look at me. i took one final glance at carl, and sent a prayer to the powers above that he glanced over just in time to witness this most sick of stunts i was about to pull.i took the running starti lowered down into the rolli put my arms in the right position…and then i landed wrong.there was a twinge in my neck, and a high-pitched ringing started up in my ears. if you’ve seen the hunger games movie, it was like a tamer version of the part where katniss blew up all the careers’ supplies. my friends were concerned, but it was only until break ended and i was in choir that it finally started to hurt (and fun fact i had toa. start crying andb. have the other girls gang up on my teacherin order to get out of that class to go see the nurse)SO ANYWAYS YEAH that’s the full story of how i broke my collarbone trying to impress a boy! merry ides of march and happy anniversary to my dumbest, least thought-out stunt i’ve ever gone through with!

[bucketofchum]

I legit just fell asleep for 20 minutes and had a hyper-realistic dream that I was starting a possible budding cute possibly romantic thing with Simone Biles.

I was in a study room with a couple people (an older middle aged white woman (55-60) who was REALLY invested in her son’s relationship status and was upset that he just lost his girl – showed all of us his texts with her and she dumped him cuz he legit had a lewd website and was advertising himself and it was 100% his fault, but this lady was REALLY upset about it; there were probably two black guys? and maybe like a white girl and some Asian people, and me - and I’m just trying to do my work) and we had somehow eventually solved the mystery that this lady was The Murderer and was running this sort of black widow (and black widower?) scheme where she was trying to hook herself up with people and get their money and also hook her son up with people and get their money. idk it was weird. 

Anyhow, earlier in this dream, Simone had given me a pack of enormous crayons as a gift and I was??? So surprised?? cuz like 1) who gives me things and 2) she knew who I was?? okk. She is also best friends with Malia Obama, who, in this dream!verse, is also a smol gymnast and not 6 foot 1 like she is in real life (and looked a lot more like Sasha in this dream but even smoller). Anyhow, this verse, they are besties and almost always together and I’m just?? dumfounded okay. But it was a really random thing cuz like the whole interaction was like 3 seconds. “Hey, I heard it’s your birthday and you like art right? So I got you these crayons.” She hands them to me, and as Im just stammering there holding them in my hands, she and Malia are gone. I’m just…”did that really just happen”

So anyway later, I’m back at the study room - or a study room - and I’m working on a science project with…these crayons. They are freaking huge - like a single crayon is almost the length of my forearm with and the girth is a little thicker than my forearm. And I strip off the paper on the crayon and it’s got all these intricately shaped things carved into it and it looks like it’s like…a built in inkjet printer just…crayon shaped…idk I’m trying to figure this out when Simone comes in and is like “Hey whatcha doin?” or like “Hey how’re you?” and I’m so alarmed I have the dumbest response like “Oh yeah uh today is going great! Someone gave me these crayons, and–”

and she’s just interjects like “Yeah I got those for you”

and I’m nervous as hell and like “HAHAHHA YEAH! YOU DID. Thank you!!”

And she goes to show me this cool thing that they can do and goes to put the big crayon in the thing I was working on and pushes the whole set up out the window - weird things happen - and it comes back in, and she takes the crayon out and seems disappointed that whatever she wanted to happen didn’t happen. I say, “Yeah I’m still trying to figure that out” and now she seems a bit let down and awkward and she goes “Okay I’m just gonna head out now”

As she turns to head out, her body brushes against all my binders and papers and everything kinda goes flying and I’m so fucking embarrassed. She seems a little flustered too and offers to help, but it’s clear she’s got somewhere to be, so I assure her I’ve got it so she can dip.

I’m really pretty stressed out about all my papers and clipping out of order (it was a really really big complicated project I was working on, so I’m trying to concentrate on this thing), but Simone is still around and she tells me about her competitions and whatnot (she’s retired now in this verse I think - but like. Very recently. Like she just had a competition like 2 days ago and is now retired?? because she started to get these seizures.) I want to pay attention to what she’s saying but I can’t really focus because - GAH the papers and everything is ahhhh…! I have a very hard time concentrating on anything cuz I’m trying to both engage in conversation with her but my mind and eyes are at my mess of work and my ears are on her so I kinda just get neither done (like I could have given her my full attention or my work but nothing really worked out).

Eventually, she heads off and I’m left to sort myself out and regain composure.

Some time must had passed because I’m back to full concentration on my work. But as I’m working, I am vaguely mulling over what she was saying to me while I couldn’t pay attention. Out of the corner of my eye (and literally around the corner) - also because I could hear, I realise that Simone is just in the adjacent room that doesn’t really have a door so okay it’s the same room but it’s an inverted L shape  and I’m on the bottom leg of the L and she’s at the top. She’s standing to the right of the table, talking happily with a friend (not Malia haha) who is at the table working on writing some stuff, and I just watch her talk for a bit.

I probably watch her talk for only like 2-3 seconds before something looks a little wrong. She’s leaning forward and her eyes are unblinking. It almost looks like time has frozen and I’m trying to figure out what’s going on. My mind is trying to decide if she is having a seizure? (Didn’t she mention she was dealing with seizures now?) or if she is trying really hard to express something and can’t figure out how to say it. If I run over right now I can catch her before she falls and possibly injures herself IF she is having a seizure. BUT if she is not having a seizure and I run over and scoop her up, I would literally just die of social embarrassment cuz honestly can you imagine you’re in the middle of talking just fine and then out of no where someone zooms in and grabs you - that’d be fucking weird.

So all of those thoughts occur in…less than 1 second of real time. And finally I decide not to zip in like a fucking dumbass and embarrass myself to death. But once I make that decision I look up again and see her topple over. I run over but JUST too late to catch her and she just…thunk - faceflat into the ground. 

FUCKKKKkkk I should have caught her. I should have known it was a seizure - FUCK she TOLD me she was having seizures fuckkk fuck fuck fuck. ugh fuckk fuck fuck okay. I know that when people are having seizures you need to turn them around – stop. Pause time. She wasn’t seizing up - she just fainted. She literally just froze and fell over. This wasn’t going through my head but I just kinda recognised it on the spot? but I didn’t have the words come to me on the spot - usually the causes of fainting is a loss of blood pressure and thus a decrease of blood in the brain – so first, I turn her over. God, she’s so limp like a dead body I’m so fucking scared. She folds like a doll with the consistency of dough and I’m horrified. Her face is pale - like WHITE, and I straighten her neck and cradle her head first to make sure her neck is stabilised (I’ve had first responder training okay so this is kind of muscle memory). She looks better once her head is stabilised. I lift up her legs slightly so that blood can go back to her brain, and then…it finally occurs to me that I should tell someone to get help. The girl who was at the table talking with her had jumped up and ran into the other room in shock, but I tell her to go get help and she runs off.

[In retrospect while writing this, I realise I should not have asked the girl to call 911 because seizures/epilepsy/fainting spells, especially for people who have told you they have those tendencies experience them often and can recover from them fine, and unless there is clear damage, 911 i not necessary. But also, when I flipped her over, in this horrifying dreamverse, her head had shrunk to like fetal size and was basically folded into her neck so like???!! I think Dreamverse me did a good call about the 911 request for emergency service cuz that looked really really fucking bad and I was freaking HORRIFIED.

Oh wait I fucking forgot to mention okay.. when she fell, she looked SLAUGHTERED okay. So her right arm dislocated HORRIBLY at her shoulder and also at the elbow. The entire right wrist and thumb on that hand were also dislocated and some other fingers. I managed to pop everything back into place (horrified while doing so), all except her pinky finger and shoulder. God, I tried with the shoulder. It was a horror show okay I was very scared. Nevermind i take it back - I’m GLAD I had someone call 911 cuz that seemed serious.]

Anyhow, she is now laying on her back (which is not recommended for seizure cases but recall she is just fainted and not having a seizure), and I am at her legs/feet, kneeling with her legs resting on top of mine and I’m kind of rocking a little to facilitate gravitational blood flow. My mind is kinda all jumbled but at the same time it has reached a calm point because I know right now it’s just…waiting. Waiting for either help to arrive or for confirmation that Simone is okay, so I’m just sitting there quietly rocking.

Eventually Simone comes to, and I profusely apologise for letting her fall and explain the whole situation (probably too much explaining cuz I also explained to her my dilemma that eventually led to her falling face first smack into hard linoleum tile), but she seems to have a good laugh about it (I don’t), and we’re kinda just chatting and laughing now, her lying on her back and my chillin at her feet (I’ve moved it now her legs are kinda bent at the knees and her feet are on my hips) and we’re kinda having a decent time about it now, despite the weird situation. 

She suddenly slides back and props herself up on her elbows. Her colour has returned back to her skin and she looks relatively normal and her head is no longer creepy white fetus doll looking, and she seems okay.

So anyhow, she gets up (we’re both standing now) and I remember her shoulder and finger and ask if she’s okay. Yeah she’s perfectly fine. She popped them back in with no problem. I need to check to make sure cuz I saw how bad it looked and it certainly did not look like no problem, and I inspect her all over. Her finger…s??? she has like 3 amputated fingers? I never noticed this and I don’t know how I didn’t notice it before. her middle and ring finger on the her right hand are amputated at the first and second knuckle and her ring finger on her left hand is just missing the tip. Huh. I don’t make a comment, but I also notice she’s got a lot of scars on the underside her arms (now that her colour has come back to and scars are more visible) that look almost like scars on a whale’s body. I also make no comment.

Anyhow I make sure she’s okay, still super dubious and she assures me she is. I ask a dumb question that I know people who dislocate their shoulders a lot get (does that happen a lot? :/ are you sure you’re okay?) and she seems okay with my dumb questions. “Okay…” I’m kind of really awkward now and I tuck my hands in my pockets. I shrug my shoulders, still kinda awkwardly talking with her and start slinking off. She didn’t appear anywhere near as awkward as I felt then, so I guess that was a good sign.

And then someone called me and I woke up from the longest 20 minute nap I’ve ever had.