#im still so shaken over that how the fuck are you gonna watch this show and then completely ignore everything about it

[aspiringxfires]

Watching weirdos on twitter miss the point of RGU so hard they actually start thinking BACKWARDS about it is so insane to me like did we watch the same fucking show how r u gonna sit there and say with your whole chest that ANTHY is the problem and that what happened to her and Utena wasn't assault and abuse how are you going to look me in my big gay eyes and say that Utena CONSENTED to everything Akio put her through? SHE'S A CHILD? THOSE ARE CHILDREN? How did you miss the entire point of the show how did you look at a show that gives you victims who act morally grey for their own survival due to their circumstances under the patriarchy that harbors a systemic cycle of abuse and go "actually THEY ARE THE BAD GUYS" instead of realizing that the entire point is that the cycle should be broken and everything that's been occurring to these characters was detrimental to their health and perception of healthy and prosperous relationships. How did you look at Akio fucking Ohtori and go "he was right and good actually" did you just have your eyes fucking closed for the last five episodes or something are you fucking stupid be honest

[ejoygvf]

Lost in Fleet

Your first time seeing the band at Wembley Arena, London and of course… you get lost backstage. What’s the worst that could happen?

My first ever fic, please be kind. This is a mini Sam three parter! Enjoy 🤍

Content Warnings: Sexy talk, alcohol, angst, fluff💕

Pairing: Sam Kiszka/Female Reader

Word Count: 4.5k

_______________________

The handle for the bathroom stall you were in started to turn, but before you could even process what was happening, the door had slammed back shut. Your eyes shot up, but you didn’t see anybody. “Ahh fuck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I am so fuckin’ sorry!” You froze, still sat on the toilet, tights and thong round your ankles with your dress bunched at the waist. You recognised that strong Michigan accent anywhere and your entire core felt like it had been set alight. “Oh, erm n-no worries. Im nearly done. Will be out in a sec.” I’ve gone from being lost at Wembley Arena, trying to re-locate my friend to now letting Sam Kiszka know that I’ve nearly finished pissing, great.

You tried to quickly sort yourself out with shaky hands and a now very rapid breath. Taking a gulp, you stared at yourself in the mirror of the bathroom cubicle you were in. Now terrified to step out of it, you took a deep breath, splashed some cold water over your hands and turned to get out and back to finding your friend. You felt like your hand was paralysed, not able to turn the handle, nervous for what or who was waiting on the other side. Pressing the door shut behind you and closing your eyes leaning back, head against the wood, you took the deepest breath in through your nose at what you’re pretty certain just occurred.

“Hey, are you okay? Are you supposed to be back here?” A kind voice came from the hallway behind you. Trying to collect yourself, you turned to see an absolutely beautiful woman wearing a pair of loose fit jeans and a black pleather crop top. You knew that smile, you’d seen it all over Twitter and Instagram, it was Jita. Was this real life? She could clearly see in your face that you were a bit shaken and certainly very confused. The main question being, how you ended up in the backstage area of the place you were supposed to be seeing one of your favourite bands, for the first time. You blinked back light tears and nodded at her “Yeah, I’m okay thanks. I’m lost to shit and have no idea where my friend is but she’s probably in the middle of pit by now and they’re about to play, so there’s not a chance in hell I’ll be able to get out there now and I’ve been wanting to see them play for so long and-“

You were talking a million miles an hour, not even taking a breath, the anxiety taking over your whole body. Jita so elegantly lifted her hands to your shoulders and held them firmly, looking up at you with the most perfectly lined, brown eyes. “Hey, hey, shhh, shhh. Take. A. Breath. Girlie! You’re okay, I’m here, I got you. You’re gonna be all good, you’re gonna watch the show and have a great time, alright?” Before you could even answer, she wrapped you up in a bear hug, so warm but still elegant and light as was every move she made.

“Where’s the rest of the team? And the family? Hannah, Karen, Kelly, Paige?” You knew who everyone was, of course you did. She turned to you, answering all the burning questions you’d been asking whilst hurriedly walking down the halls to side stage. Yes… SIDE FUCKING STAGE. Jita wasn’t going to let you go back through the crowd by yourself at this point, it would have been too dangerous. She managed to blag another backstage pass for you to hang round your neck. I mean, she could get away with it, she was pretty much the only long term and loyal girlfriend of any member. “Oh, well… Hannah and Sam broke up a while back and it’s just me on the European leg of tour. Apart from obviously the social media team, management and yadda yadda yadda…”

You didn’t want to pry when you heard about Hannah and Sam. You had had your suspicions and so had the entire fan community after the unfollowings on Instagram and removal of any couple pictures, but to actually hear it kind of made your tummy flutter. Especially at the fact, you’re almost certain about 20 minutes ago, he had seen you having a piss.

Jita grabbed your hand, dragging you up the stairs on the side of the stage. The boys were coming on from the other side and still had a little while to go, so you took this time to ask 101 more questions. You thought if you’d focus on just talking that you would manage to push through the sickening fact you were standing side stage of Wembley arena, about to be just feet away from Greta. Because in reality, you were absolutely shitting yourself, quite frankly.

“Sooo, does this happen often? Fans getting lost backstage. Let alone ending up side stage with you? Sorry, I know I’m probably pestering you and asking all the questions ever and for you this is just a standard Tuesday but-“ There it was again, word vomit. You weren’t hiding the nerves very well. “Erm honey… remember what I said about breathing?” She giggled and bumped your shoulder, making you relax a bit. She handed you a clear cup that smelt fruity and was dark pink in colour. “It’s some sort of fruity cider. You said you were old enough to drink, right? It’s like 18 and legal to drink in the UK? So just have a drink and it’ll calm your nerves. But you have no need to be nervous with me, I promise you’re in good hands.” She smiled. You took the cup, knocking back a gulp and actually, you almost instantly felt lighter.

You looked back up at her smiling and nodding before she carried on talking. “See? I told you it’d help. Anyway, to answer question 74 out of 200.” She chuckled to herself and lightly pushed your shoulder. Embarrassed you put your hand up to your eyes and mouthed a pathetic sorry to her. “I’m only teasing you, it’s actually really nice to have someone to talk to and you seem so chill. But to actually answer your question, no. No, this never happens and if the rest of the group was here, this wouldn’t flow. But hey, being the only girl on a tour with those four fucks can be slightly grating, so I’m allowing myself to adopt a friend and the guys will think you’re great too. I’ve met some really nice fans, don’t get me wrong. Then you get some that are absolutely batshit mental. But I dunno, there’s something about you y/n, you just seem different. Ya know? I wanna chill with you and dance lots tonight. I’ll introduce you properly after they’ve finished and if you want, we’re going for some drinks after… I think? Who knows, but either way… you’re coming with, so it’s not another sausage fest for me.” Now she was word vomiting and knocking back her cup of cider. But you didn’t mind, it was comforting to hear and the biggest compliment. What was so different about you?

You looked up to see where her eyes were focused. They were looking over to the other side of the stage and that’s when you saw them. All four of them. She was beaming, crinkles in the outter corners of her eyes forming from a smile plastered across her face, so big. The sight of her boyfriend, Jake who was goofily dancing around for her attention. She waved at them and they all waved back lovingly. You could see them all huddled before Sam pointed over at you and all eyes turned to check out what he was gesturing to. You wanted to die, you wanted the ground to swallow you entirely. “That’s who I saw pissing in the toilet backstage.” You just knew that’s what he must’ve been saying.

Danny waved at you first, dressed in a white, velvety tank and matching trousers with a gold stripe running down the sides of each leg. His hair perfectly tousled down the back of his neck, curled to an absolute art. His makeup was like always, almost Egyptian looking, totally stunning.

Josh, gave you a salute. His bare feet tiptoeing up and down on the floor to steady his nerves. He was wearing the gold jumpsuit with green vines and jewels that you had seen in so many photos and videos, but in person it was even more breathtaking. His smile took up almost his entire face and he just oozed a confidence, not cockiness, just confidence.

Jake, the moon. Still dancing like a goof with a guitar pick between his lips, shot you some gun fingers to keep in theme with his garish moves. Dressed in his usual two piece, black with the gold accents. Tummy poking through, not yet drenched with sweat like it normally is when you watch them on YouTube. You couldn’t be sure but it looked like he had a bit of eyeliner on too, which you weren’t complaining about.

Then, there he was. The fourth. The baby.

The now single Sammy. He was ethereal, god like, spilling pure sex appeal. You weren’t expecting to be so drawn to him. You’d always been in twin lane, mainly Josh’s. But seeing Sammy, casually lent up against the tallest amp on stage, a cocktail in hand, bare feet planted on the floor and his eyes laser focused on yours, you were driving your car straight out of that lane and right into his. He was fucking beautiful and he could not take his eyes off of you. No wave, no gesture, just the slightest curve of his lips on one side of his mouth. You were sure you looked like a deer in headlights and just to be sure, you turned around to check he wasn’t looking at someone behind you, but there was no one else. You looked back at him smiling slightly. He looked down to his feet, chuckling to himself. Embarrassed, you gulped another bit of your drink and tried to occupy your hands so you weren’t nervously picking at the skin around your nails. Sammy looked back up at you and winked, sending lightening bolts through your core. It wasn’t just a greeting wink, it felt like more than that and you knew it.

Neither you nor Jita interacted with the boys during the show. You had moved further down to get a better view of the stage. You’d text your friend and explained what had happened and she replied with “Go and shoot your shot. I’ve made some pals down here anyway! Love you xx” To be fair, she had only come along for moral support, she wasn’t a huge Greta fan, so deep down you didn’t feel to guilty. The show from start to finish was more than magical, it was everything you could have ever imagined and more. You felt physically electric. You danced, screamed, clapped, sung and jumped around with Jita. She made all of your worries and anxieties disappear. It felt totally natural, you two had really just gravitated towards each other, perfectly.

Just before the boys went off stage, Jita signalled for you to follow her. You threw your empty cup into a bin, mid run to keep up with her, punching the air when it lands. You can hear the screams slowly fading, the further backstage you get and you hear Josh’s last “sugaaaaaaar” of Highway Tune, which means you know the show is coming to an end. You’re led to a little green room backstage, near where the bathroom you were lost in earlier, was. Clothes scattered all over chairs, bottles of half full Fireball and Tequila on the table with a bowl of fruit, bags of nuts and a jar of honey. It smells like cedar wood, patchouli and sweet tobacco, mixed slightly with a hint of booze and sweat. “y/n, take a seat here and I’ll be back in a second. I’m just gonna pee and then find Jake and give him the run down of… this.” She signalled to you with her hands. She smiles widely at you and dramatically blows a kiss making a MWAH sound before running out the door and letting it slowly close behind her. Your mouth was left wide open, about to say something but it had all happened so quickly and she was gone before you’d even had the chance to produce sound.

You were facing away from the door, before you saw a full length mirror in the corner. You took this moment to go over, collect your thoughts and give yourself a pep talk. During the show your nerves had severely calmed and you were definitely more relaxed now after having three ciders. Jita did everything in her power to make you feel comfortable and you felt like old friends by the time you were flung into a green room.

You checked yourself over in the mirror, smoothing over the deep purple fabric of your mini dress. You adjusted it round your neck and trailed your hands down the long bit of chiffon that fell delicately down the side of it. Your hair was still perfectly in place, you bounced it up slightly. It had more volume to it since you had your fringe and layers cut in. Giving a Stevie Nicks 70s vibe to your style. Your lashes still long and eyeliner ever so slightly smudged, which you quickly cleaned up with your pinky. You reached into your bag, put on a bit of tinted lip balm and placed a tic tac in your mouth.

“You got this! You’re just backstage at Wembley Arena about to meet the entire band. It’s all good, just breathe…” As you turn to sit back down, your head quickly snaps back into the mirror “and DON’T say anything stupid!” A sweet smile crosses your face and you sit back down. You started to scroll through Instagram, your timeline filling up with pictures and videos of tonight’s show and it blows your mind to think you were just watching the same thing.

It felt like you were scrolling for a good 20 minutes and then you heard the door crash open behind you. Jumping up from your seat to catch your breath you hear “Ahh fuck, again?! I’m so sorry. I’m not doing so hot here, am I? Bursting through doors and scaring the living shit outta you.” You’re frozen into place. Yup, that’s Sam again. You’d bet your life on it. You slowly turn on your heels as the slow close door thuds shut behind him. A shy but warm smile creeps onto your face and you know that your eyes are lit up. Inside you’re internally screaming but you’re trying to appear as composed as possible.

“It is… you… right? The girl that I walked in on in the bathroom. Again… I’m so fuckin’ sorry about that. I’m erm- I’m Sam. Nice to meet you. Jita said something about a y/n. I’m assuming that’s you? You got lost or some shit and here you are?” You started to slowly nod and were about to speak before he started up again. “This isn’t some like crazy fan tactic to get backstage or anything? Jita is such a softie and will talk to anybody, but even this is a lot for her. We were all pretty pissed off when she told us that she met a lost fan backstage and decided to not only let her watch from side stage but invited her out to after show drinks.” It was at this point you stopped zoning out long enough to look at him and get a real good look. Bare foot, white cigarette style trousers, perfectly ironed to a pleat in the middle. They stopped mid hip with no belt. A little tuft of hair just under his belly button and on his chest too. He was glazed with sweat and his shoulders, chest and stomach were moving so animatedly with every breath he was taking. Clearly exhausted from the show. His hair, chocolatey brown slightly sticking to the sides of his face but mostly fallen behind his shoulders. A gold sword necklace hung between his collar bones and his eyes dark, warm brown were scanning over your entirety.

“So what is it then? Huh?” You must have looked ridiculous, mouth snapping back shut after your jaw had been hanging open. He was clicking in front of your face to knock you out of your daze. “Helllloooooo? y/n you there, precious?”

“Fuck, yeah… sorry. I-I didn’t mean t-, I never purposeful-, Jita found me after y-.” You sighed, feeling defeated and shrugged your hands up into your face. Walking yourself back to lean up against an empty space of the wall. “No. I don’t have any sort of tactics. I had no plan or intention of coming backstage, I’m totally out of my depth here.” You walked over to the booze scattered table, pouring yourself half a plastic cup of fireball and essentially inhaling the sweet spicy liquid. “I’m not a crazed, weird fan that’s trying to fuck you guys, if that’s what you’re thinking. This was supposed to be my first time seeing you guys live and then I got separated from my friend and ended up in a bathroom, where w- well, ya know what happened there. Jita could clearly see that I looked like a lost soul and helped me out, we watched the show and now, here I am… I guess?” You had at this point found yourself back up against the wall, your new comfort space which was a safe distance away from him. But you hadn’t even noticed that mid speech, Sammy had made his way over to you.

He was standing inches away from you. Your arms hanging beside you, palms flat against the wall. You could feel the heat radiating off of his body, you could smell the sweat mixed with cologne. A faint but sweet smell of whatever cocktail he’d been drinking on his breath. He smirked at you, clearly revelling in the fact that he was turning you into a quivering bag of nerves. Even though you were trying to play it as cool as you could, he saw right through you. He leaned forward with his hand flat against the wall, next to your head. His forearm was brushing against your hair and you could feel him as he inched his face closer to yours. His lips must have just been centimetres away from your own. You felt his honey brown eyes searching over all of your features. For what? You’re not sure, but he looked hungry.

“Hey precious, slow yourself down. I never said it would have been a bad thing now, did I?” He licked his lips and you swore you could have felt his tongue swipe across your bottom lip. “What wouldn’t have been a bad thing?” You breathily sighed out, eyes fluttering between his lips and eyes. “Wouldn’t have been a bad thing if your goal was to end up back here, just to fuck one of us.” What the actual hell was happening. The acidity of the fireball you’d shot back was sat at the base of your throat, your entire body felt as though it had been lit on fire. You darent move your palms from the wall behind you, knowing they’d be drenched in sweat.

Before you could utter a sound he used his spare hand to reach up and tuck your loose strands of hair behind your ear, keeping his fingers lingering at the hollowed out space below the side of your jaw and below your earlobe. He was eyeing you like a hawk, curious as to what your next move would be, if you were going to be ballsy or let him take the lead. His face lit up and he smiled at you, a very menacing smile, oozing sex and lust. “Never fucked a fan before, let alone fucked backstage.”

“Tha- that wasn’t my intention, Sammy.” You choked out, feeling your breath heavier with each passing second. Get yourself together. Your inside voice was screaming at you. Don’t. Pass. Up. This. Opportunity. Try and exude any sexual prowess you can conjure up. You were telling yourself over and over. Dutch courage overtook you and you decided to play him at his own game. You coughed slightly and pulled yourself up from the wall to straighten yourself out. Faces still so close. Lifting a hand and gently brushing his hair from the side of his face, sweeping it over his ear and letting your fingers pass down his shoulder and bicep before dropping it back to your side. He shuddered at your touch, you were gentle but somewhat needy with it.

You’d for sure taken him by surprise. He wasn’t expecting that type of bold move from you. He leant his forehead against yours, your bodies were closer now, as well as your faces. That’s when you felt it and your centre ignited. It was just brushing against your hip bone, he was taller than you by a good few inches, so that’s where it naturally fell whilst he stood near on flushed to you. He was hard, not just semi, but rock hard and l… ME, little old me, had got him into that state of mind?!

You started to feel the warmth between your thighs, yourself. Was this really happening right now? He ever so gently pressed his lips against yours and you welcomed it, kissing back lightly. His bottom lip slightly overlapping yours, so it was on your skin too. It was brief, soft, warm, only a little wet but my god was it full of want and lust.

The door opened behind Sammy and his hand dropped from beside your head, pulling himself back all together at the noise of someone entering the room. He whispered loud enough just so that only you could hear “I guess we’ll experiment with that not so bad idea a bit later on in the night, hey then, precious?” And he shot you a wink. Your insides were mush at this point and the wetness pooling in your underwear had become almost uncomfortable.

“Sammy, don’t be a dick and stop bullying y/n. Jitabug says she’s great. Oh wait, your name IS y/n, right? I’m shit at names.” Jake laughed gently. “Yeah, it’s y/n. Nice to meet you, you’re so lucky to have Jita. She’s so sweet and you guys were amazing, by the way!” You smiled through all of your words. He walked over with arms open extended out to you, “Imma a bit sweaty so forgive me but gotta hug any friends of Jitabugs, especially ones she insists hang out with us after a show. Sorry if Sam was being a little COCKSUCKER.” He turned his head aiming the last words towards his little brother. “He thinks he’s really hilarious, but nine times out of ten, he isn’t. Hey Sam… don’t change your day job to be a comedian, you’d fuckin succckkk!” Sam shot you a cheeky grin and winked at you, knowing that his brother had absolutely no clue what had just occurred. He played right into it. “Can’t help myself, Jake. I love bullying fresh meat. Especially if it’s a crazed fan that’s pretending to be lost, just to get into one of our pants.” He let out a belly laugh and held his stomach as if he was in physical pain from cracking a shit joke. You swore you could feel your face burning red. Jake rolled his eyes towards you and shook his head “Fuckin hell, sorry about him, honestly.” Turning his eyes back to Sammy and half scowling. “Sammy, seriously. Stop being a fucking asshole. Jitabug said she’s super cool and real chill. She’s coming for drinks with us, end of. So let your friendly alter ego come out… yeah? Not everyone understands your warped sense of humour..”

Sammy giggled and nodded along whilst making his way over to you. “You’re right, Jacob. Sorry for being a miserable bastard.” He turned to look directly at you… “you don’t seem too batshit crazy, I’m sure we’ll have a great night and hey, I’m glad you enjoyed your first Greta Van Fleet show. What a great way to celebrate it, huh?” He said all this with a genuine smile on his face, sex still showing through his eyes. He leaned in and gave you a hug, wrapping his arms around your head, in an almost child like way. He pressed his lips to your ear, subtly enough for Jake not to notice. “Sorry, that was a bit harsh, precious. I’m just hungry for you and want later to be now.”

You felt his cock twitch against your hip bone just briefly before he pulled back, keeping a hold of your shoulders. You took in a sharp breath and giggled at him, not knowing how else to respond.

Jita ran into the room basically bowling into Jake with open arms. He welcomed it, sloppily dousing her face with kisses. Giggles, lip smacking and pet names were echoing in the corner of the room. Danny came bounding in next, wiping sweat off of his forehead, closely followed by Josh who was smiling from ear to ear after the show they’d just put on, obviously (and rightly so) very proud of himself. “Y/n! It’s so good to meet you. Weird circumstances but any friend of Jitas is a friend of ours. Come ‘ere!” Danny pulled you in for a warm cuddle and you almost stuck to his sweaty chest. He radiates the most beautiful, Greek God like aura and smelt like eucalyptus and peppermint. “Absolutely, and what a joy it was to have you enjoy your first show side stage, magical energy as always for us in the UK. S’a pleasure to meet you, y/n.” Josh lent forward, bowing his head and taking your hand in his, before placing a firm kiss on the top of your hand. He was, as everyone says, a human sunshine. A ball of nothing but pure radiance and love. A constant beaming smile and glint in his eyes.

“It’s so, so good… and slightly weird to meet you all. Still feels strange but my god, what an awesome show. I’m so glad to have finally seen you live and now… we’re getting drunk? Life’s weird, huh?” You chuckled out loud and were followed by giggles from the rest of the group. “Hell yeah, we’re getting drunk… and y/n, we fucking love weird! Have you met us? Well no, you hadn’t until just fifteen minutes ago, so don’t answer that. But now you have so-“ Josh started stumbling over his words, his mouth to slow to keep up with his brain. “Okay Josh bud, I think she gets it.” Danny grinned, patting him on the back. Sam hadn’t taken his eyes off of you this whole time. He had sat on the sofa at this point, a pillow strategically placed over his crotch. Christ, when did this rockstar last get laid?

[clovers-garden-co]

𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐫𝐮𝐧 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲?

everything changed the night manjiro decided to show up at your window. you were still shaken up from past events but, the two of you were always there to comfort each other. that’s why you jumped slightly in your bed when you heard a knocking on the glass.

when you looked, there he was, peering into your window. “..Mikey?” you blinked. shuffling over to open your window. "Mikey why are you here?" 

"Just let me in, okay?" You sigh, but nod, stepping to the side so he can climb in. You watch as he sits down and takes in a deep breath. "Was there.. something you needed?" You ask. 

He shakes his head. "Not something I need, but something that I wanna say to you." A bead of sweat trails down your face nervously, and you nod, urging him to continue. 

"I wasn’t planning on telling you this, but I felt like it would be better if I did.. I’m sorry I couldn’t live up to my promise." he mumbles the last part. "..what do you mean promise?"

Mikey watches you. "I’m not gonna be here for long, y’know?" 

You pause, giving him a weird look. "and why not?" 

"I’m.. planning on running away."

This was news to you. You could understand that the weight of everything from Valhalla to the loss of his sister.. and every other thing that basically got fucked up could’ve been stressful, but you never guessed that he’d actually… run away. 

But you don’t judge him for it. "Why? What happened?" is all you ask. 

And he shrugs, shuffling in place awkwardly. "….you know." His voice starts to tremble when he speaks, and his eyes begin to gloss up (if that’s even a term.) "you might not get it.. but I really don’t want to hurt you guys.. especially you." 

You sit beside him on your bed, slightly leaning towards him, "do you want to talk about it?" eyes scanning over him as he thinks for a bit. "..I would, but I don’t know how you’d think of me after. it doesn’t really matter anyways.."

You shake your head, "we’ve really just.. got each other now y’know? I’ll happily listen to what you have to say."

he hesitates. 

"you sure?"

"positive."

Mikey nods, "..you remember what happened at bloody halloween, right?" you let out a sharp exhale, "vividly." 

"when I punched kazutora?" he says, and you hum. "Yeah, what about it?" 

"I have… no recollection of punching him. Only when it was over did I realize what I was doing." he sighs. 

you nod, sitting quietly for a few seconds to register what he was saying. "so you just tapped out?" 

"I guess..? But I’m scared if it’ll happen again.. to you guys especially."

"well.. what do you want me to do?" 

Mikey goes silent before shaking his head. "Nothing. I just wanted to tell you before I go. I don’t think… I don’t think you’ll ever really see me again." his gaze travels down to the floor. "And that’s my intention anyways." 

You begin to think. This, is definitely a serious problem. But he doesn’t seem to want or consider therapy because if he did, he would’ve been going already. There’s also a high probability of your life being put in grave danger. So you shrug, "I’ll go with you." But your proposition gets shut down with a firm no. 

"And why not? ..I could help you and.. I don’t want for you to just be going through whatever you’re dealing with alone!" 

" [name] I don’t want to potentially end up killing you." You go silent, so he chooses to continue with his reasoning. "you’re the least person who I want to hurt out there.. it’s dangerous.. I want to keep you safe no matter what because you’re the only one I have." He then stands up, walking back to your window with the intend to leave. 

"If anyone asks where I went, pretend you don’t know anything." 

"Can I just go with you?" you plead, hoping he’d change his mind. "You’re not even thinking about how I’d feel about this, you’re just leaving me!" your eyes begin to water. "I just.. don’t want you to leave." 

He wraps his arms around you, in some attempt to comfort your cries. "I know.. and im sorry for not telling you sooner." you wrap your arms around him tighter, feeling his warmth. "please.. please just let me go with you." you laugh dryly, "if I y’know.. end up dying, you could say I told you so."

" [name] .. you know I don’t wanna do that."

You wipe your tears away, shrugging. "So? why are so you sure that I’ll end up dying?.. if you don’t want to hurt me.. would you still do it?" 

"probably." He lets go of you, crossing his arms together. "I’m just warning you. If you come with me, your safety won’t be guaranteed." Your eyes widen, surprised that you were actually able to change his mind. 

"so you’ll let me go with you?" 

"do what you want.. but whatever happens to you won’t be my fault." He stares directly into your eyes this time. "Understand?"

nodding, you smile softly. "I do.. and I wouldn’t blame you for it either way."

[starbuckie]

𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠

pairing(s): college!peter parker x reader, dark!steve rogers x reader, dark!sam wilson x reader, dark!bucky barnes x reader

words: 8.1k words

warnings: DARK!FIC, SMUT 18+ (unprotected sex, foursome turned fivesome, gangbang, non-con/dub-con, daddy kink, oral M and F-receiving, spit kink, degredation kink, praise kink, creampie), age-gap (reader is in her early 20s), cheating, angst, there’s like zero fluff

summary: peter should’ve made it back to the tower for date night on time, or maybe just before he found his girlfriend being fucked by three other superheroes.

a/n: eee my first dark fic! im so so happy with the way this turned out, and even though it was a pain in my ass for nearly three months, im so hapy to share it with y’all. this idea was brought up by an anon from @mypoisonedvine’s saturday sleepover a few months back, but i switched up tony and sam bc i didn’t like the tony and peter stuff. hopefully my smut has improved from the first time i wrote it in january, and just a reminder that in no way, shape, or form do i condone rape of any kind. there’s a large difference from the page and the real world. i try to put all tw’s in the tags and warnings, but if there was something i missed please tell me. thank you to my lovely bestie @mermaidxatxheart for beta-reading(i have no fucking clue what i’d do without your help). feel free to leave a comment or two and reblog, but don’t repost anywhere or i will hunt down your ass. thank you again and please please enjoy <3

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Bucky wasn’t planning to fuck Y/N as soon as he saw her.

It started with a faint mention, something Tony had thrown around along the lines of, “Parker’s bringing his girl down here tomorrow, don’t be an asshole”. He didn’t give a damn what Tony said or how he acted around Peter’s girl. Years of being thrown between gruesome mind-wiping and being half-dead, asleep in a freezer would do that to a man.

So the next day when Peter brought his girlfriend in, he was scratching his ass like a fucking ape and downing a beer with a messy bun at the nape of his neck, until he actually saw her. Neat hair, even neater laces with a sweet smile but a body that could kill. Didn’t matter that she was bundled under Parker’s hoodie and a pair of jeans- he could always admire a pretty dame, but Bucky could see that she was beyond that. It was as if God had intentionally made the one being, the one ethereal creature beautiful and angelic enough to be a sin away from him, so that he couldn’t touch her. Because she was young, and in her twenties, and that shouldn’t have even been the first two things that popped up in his mind because she was also Peter’s girlfriend.

But then she had the audacity to stick her hand out, a shy grin and twinkle in her eyes as she gave her name. It sounded so pretty rolling off of her tongue, and he wondered what it would sound like while he groaned it into her cunt.

Y/N. 

So, yeah, maybe Bucky wasn’t planning to fuck her as soon as he met her, but it was pretty damn close after.

-

Steve Rogers was one of very few men who said they had the pleasure of banging nearly every woman on the north side of Manhattan. Bucky indulged in the fact that the man who had once been too shy to do so much as meet a gal’s gaze was now “a dollar whore”, but he was more than happy to keep that title if it meant he could continue to get off in the nearest woman’s mouth everyday. 

Every time he walked down the streets of New York with just a simple ball cap and jeans, he could feel stares on his back from what seemed like miles away, girls on every street corner just waiting for him to take her into the nearest public bathroom and fuck them dirty. CEOs, baristas, girls fresh out of getting master’s degrees with stars in their eyes and big dreams, until he shattered them by making them gag on his cock and scream his name into bedsheets. Or tile floors. He didn’t care as long as they were screaming. The girls of this century were just too delectable to turn down. He didn’t discriminate. His dick had been in women of every height, stature, hair color, and he had quite the variety throwing themselves at him as well.

And then Tony ruined it all and sat him down with a simple explanation that the image of Captain America was being tainted with disturbing stories of girls being fucked in the ass and thrown on their knees in dirty bathroom stalls. The blond was beyond pissed when the billionaire told him to stop dicking around, but he couldn’t do anything else if he wanted to keep his title and job. In a new century, even if he’d had a few years to adjust, he was still absolutely oblivious when it came to anything outside of aliens and sex. There was nothing left for him outside of being an Avenger, so reluctantly he agreed to keep his number of conquests to a minimum, and most definitely inside of the tower rather than out on the street.

However, inside of the tower seemed to be no problem at all when Peter brought his girlfriend over, all smiles and straight A’s, and that’s when Steve realized that he’d yet to fuck a bright, little college student. He could see himself stripping her from the innocence in her eyes, loosening up her pussy with his thick cock against the wall in his room.

Surely Tony couldn’t reprimand him for spending a little time trying to bond with Peter’s new girl, right?

-

Sam Wilson was a simple man. He had a job, a well-paid one at that, somewhere to live, a girlfriend, or a woman to keep him company, that’s for sure- but for once in his life he was seeking out something other than missions, something that would keep him busy when he was feeling bored, something like-

Pleasure, and he knew that he’d finally found what he was looking for the moment Peter brought his girlfriend through the elevator doors on the fifty-sixth level of the Avengers tower. She’d shaken his hand so daintily and spoke so politely that if he were to see her without any backstory, he’d think she was another innocent, dim-witted college student, breaking her bank account every Saturday morning and naively believing that her relationship would last longer than a few months. But by the things Parker had told him, she was much more than that.

Was it shitty of Peter to tell his teammates, the people he worked with, how Y/N was in bed? By the majority’s vote, probably, and by Sam’s strict conduct of his own morals, definitely, but when Peter’s girl looked like that and he was so incredibly bored with his routine? 

Well, fuck, Sam had never been happier that the Spider-kid had told everyone how his girl gave head.

Peter brought his girlfriend in daily after that, and every one of her visits, she grew less shy and more friendly, and the Falcon saw each of his friends gape at her growing comfortability with a wolfish demeanor. It started with the water incident with Steve in the kitchen, where he so clearly spilled water on her already thin, white camisole with intention. Sam couldn’t say he was upset though, after all Steve had offered him and the rest of the Avengers quite a show when he tried to clean up her shirt, taking his sweet, sweet time to fondle her tits as subtly as he could, his eyes staring at her pebbled nipples poking through the material. He could see Bucky hiding his boner under his cereal bowl on the couch that day. 

Then of course, he’d been no better than America’s sweetheart himself when he greeted Y/N with a hug that in hindsight, was a little too enthusiastic. His large hands squeezed into the pockets of her back pocket, and if the college student found anything weird with it, she didn’t say so, but Sam graciously palmed the round globes of her ass in his hands, feeling the muscle clench under his fingers. Oh, how he’d never hugged someone that tight ever before in his life. Maybe he would’ve gotten a bit further than squeezing her ass had it not been for his own girlfriend standing behind him, ready to introduce herself to Y/N.

Bucky, well, Sam could admit that Bucky had the most guts out of all of them. Though the super-soldier was normally well-reserved and polite, the dark glint in his eyes the day he met Y/N let him in on the secret that he had a much dirtier mind than most thought. It had been movie night that time, and he barely even tried to cover up how much he wanted the girl, his hands resting all over her as they watched Inception. Hardly a movie to get so riled up over, yet Bucky’s hand still inched its way up her thigh, his rough fingers gently carressing the flesh until they started to lightly trace the apex of her thighs. 

If she noticed anything then, she didn’t comment on it, doe-like eyes just marvelling at the screen in great intrigue. It was only when Peter’s arms wrapped around her a bit tighter did she scooch away from Bucky’s touch, with a small apology and shy grin. 

That only made his dick harder.

On the other side of Bucky, his super-soldier counterpart tapped his knee gently, forcing their blue eyes to meet each other. No words had to be said between the two, three men when they looked over to Sam, because they all recognized that look they saw in each other's eyes; predatory, dark, nearly voracious in the way they all wanted to be balls deep inside of Y/N.

And they would get there. No matter how long it took, they knew that the ultimate prize of tearing their prey apart would be more than worth the wait.

-

“Hey, babe, I’m gonna be a little late. Ned and I got stuck back in the lab, so we’re gonna need to stay until eight or nine. Can you make it to the tower by yourself alright?”

Peter’s concerned voice made Y/N smile gently as she trudged along the rainy streets of New York. He always loved to worry about her, especially when it was dark and gloomy out, but she could handle herself pretty okay. By pretty okay, of course meant she could kick ass like no other twenty-something year-old, but she wasn’t one to brag. Y/N readjusted the Kate Spade purse on her shoulder with her right hand, attempting to keep her umbrella over her head with the other. “I’ll be fine, Pete, just go finish up and get back to me. I’m gonna be waiting in your room at the tower before you go off on that mission this weekend.”

A small sigh came through the speaker, “Okay, I’ll try to get back to you soon. I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Pete.” 

“Oh,” she could hear the shy but no less mischievous smile that was taking over his face, “I left you a little present on the bed, make sure you open it before I get back.”

Y/N’s face heated at the implication. “Peter Parker, you dirty little-” He ended the call with a laugh, and she huffed out a small chuckle at his childish antics.

The walk to the Avengers tower would have been nice, had it not been for the downfall of rain, making everything mushy, socks being absolutely soaked through her sneakers by the time she arrived. The receptionist at the front desk, Jenny, if Y/N remembered correctly, stared at her a little oddly, probably not expecting to see the young college girl in such a state of disorder, but it didn’t affect her at all. She confidently strutted up to the elevator, pressing in the floor number where all the rooms were located. Y/N scrolled through her Twitter feed on her phone while classic rock blared through the elevator with the constant shuffling of people moving in and out. Seven minutes and thirty-two seconds later she was sprinting down the halls with soggy shoes and damp hair, her cold body screaming for warmth.

Peter’s room was the farthest down the hall, and the room was fairly empty. He rarely stayed at his room in the tower, preferring to stay with his Aunt May or keep Y/N company in Brooklyn. When she entered the room, she saw a plain white shirt and a pair of socks strewn upon the carpeted floor, but what really caught her eye was the red box wrapped in a pink bow on the bed. Deciding it would add more suspense if she opened it later, she quickly hopped in the shower, letting the hot water warm her freezing, rigid muscles under the spray. 

Peter didn’t have all the products she’d usually use before she knew they were going to have sex, so she had to make do with the half-used bar of Irish Spring and his small travel-sized bottles of shampoo and conditioner, promising the fresh, breezy smell of citrus and mint. It was a quick process; two squeezes of shampoo, shaving with the green soap as best as she could without cutting herself, one squeeze of conditioner. A fuzzy towel sat waiting for Y/N on the rack, with the Spiderman symbol as a prank gift from her to her lovely boyfriend, and without a second to let the heat leave her damp skin, she wrapped herself in it, quickly hopping out to the bedroom again.

The lingerie she set out on the bed was a deep set burgundy color, with lace decorating the delicate corset and the trim of the satin panties. The packaging really did not do it justice. Y/N grinned at the new set, one that she knew would happily be torn from her body later. A shiver ran through her as she let the cold air fall over her skin, carefully slipping the lingerie on. It was a damn shame, really; the set was quite nice, and she reminded herself to buy more of the nicely suiting color for their nights together. 

Click.

Y/N’s heart thumped with anticipation as she heard the door open and she took a quick moment to ready herself. Hair in perfect style, legs stretched along the length of the bed to make herself look as seductive as possible, a small smirk thrown on her pouty lips.

But in the darkened room, it wasn’t Peter’s shadow that appeared. Three men, three tall, bulkier men’s shadows appeared at the foot of the bed, and horror washed over her as she realized who they were. “Goddamn, dolly, I’ve imagined what you would’ve looked like under those sweaters, but this is much sweeter than I expected.”

The sinister face of Bucky Barnes came into her view, just a sliver of moonlight lighting up his pale skin. His eyes raked over Y/N’s uncovered skin, and goosebumps appeared as she tried to cover herself up under his predatory gaze.

“W-what are you doing here?” She whispered worriedly. Sam and Steve flanked the bed on either side of her, plastered sickly sweet smiles on their faces, providing her with a false sense of security that made her heart scream in fear. Though she wasn't making any noise, her lungs felt like they were going to give out, her throat closing up like an allergic reaction. 

Her head whipped every which way in robotic movement, her brain seeming to fail her as she scanned the room for an exit. Several moments of shortened breaths, cold air chilling her body, before she came out of her freezing shock to realization.

“Why are you here? Please, get out, just g-get out!”

A calloused hand pushed away Y/N’s left arm that covered her tits, and Steve groaned at the sight of her pebbled nipples. “God, baby, they’re as pretty as I thought they’d be. Been trying to feel them up all week, but you knew that, didn’t you?”

Saturday the week before at lunch when he’d spilled water over chest and tried to clean her up. Sam’s friendly hug that became a bit less friendly when his hands slipped into the back pockets of her jeans. The movie night on Monday when Bucky’s hand caressed her thigh a little too close to her core. All of their touches began to make more sense, and her eyes filled with tears at the realization. 

“Please,” she begged, tears blocking her vision, “I promise I won’t tell anyone, not even Pete, but please just go.”

“You just don’t get it, do you?” Steve asked. He grasped her chin roughly, his face close enough to hers so that she could feel his fiery breath on her lips. “We’re not leaving, sweetheart. You’re gonna let all three of us play with your pretty little body, and you’re gonna make the prettiest sounds for us, alright?”

Y/N shook her head violently, too afraid to make noise, but also bold enough to make one last attempt at freedom. The hand that held her chin quickly moved to slap her cheek, and she hated the way the sting made heat stir in her lower belly. She tried to shy away from their touch again, but Bucky’s face simply held the same smirk as he trailed his vibranium fingers up and down her leg. 

“Oh, come on, Y/N, don’t act all shy now. Peter has been telling us how good you’ve been to him and don’t think he hasn’t told us about your little childhood crush on little ol’ me. Been wanting to fuck you ever since.” Bucky’s hand quickly left her body, instead moving to palm over the bulge in his pants. “Fuck, sweetheart, got me real hard just thinking ‘bout your pussy swallowing my cock. Bet you’re gonna be a sweet, obedient girl for me, right?”

Fire started to course through Y/N’s veins, and with all the power she tried to dampen it down with, it seemed to push through her body that much more dangerously. She despised the fact that she could feel herself growing wet for the three older men, but God, she had never felt the need to be filled up as badly as she did in that moment.

“You’re a bit of a slut, don’t you think?” Sam mocked. He kneeled on her right, his eyes fixated on her panty-clad pussy, a wet patch already forming on the soft satin. It really didn’t help that three of her teen celebrity crushes were eyeing her nearly naked body like a piece of meat. “I mean, look at you, already growing wet and needy for three cocks. Is that what you want, honey? Parker not treating you good enough?”

She hesitated. Goosebumps rose across her skin at the sinister tone of his voice, like he already knew it was true. And it was true and she hated that Sam was right, but as amazing as Peter was a boyfriend, it was clear from the vibrator hiding in his apartment’s bathroom that he was not amazing in the sheets. Every time, she held hope that it would be better, that she would finally get to stop faking an orgasm before he rolled out of the bed with a filled up condom, but she knew deep down inside of her that it wasn’t happening anytime soon. Y/N forced herself to nod weakly at Sam’s questions, and Bucky chuckled. “Oh, you poor dolly, we’re gonna have so much fun with you. Treat you better than that little boy ever could.”

All it took was a whimper, a nearly audible, deadly silent whimper that managed to squeak its way past Y/N’s throat, and the three men took it as permission to ravage her body however they pleased.

Steve made quick work of his pants as Sam lifted her chin to kiss him, his tongue hot and heavy against her mouth, coaxing her lips open. The sound of belt buckles hitting the floor shamefully turned on Y/N even more. Panic coursed through her senses, her mind wanting to scream for them to stop, but her body knew her too well as she felt a wave of slick run down her thighs. Cold metal digits slipped under the waistband of her panties, moving to her wet folds, and she whimpered into Sam’s mouth at the touch. 

“You look so nice, baby, so pretty all laid out for us like this.” Bucky’s hands pulled down her panties as Steve pinched her peaked nipple through the lace, laying lavish, open-mouthed kisses down her torso. The cool air hit her pussy when Bucky’s hands pulled her legs wide open, fully exposed to the three men ready to use her against her will. “Knew you’d be so wet for us, sweetheart, just look at you. Dripping all for your daddies,” Steve murmured against her skin.

Hot breath fanned over her cunt before they rolled her over on her stomach, someone’s hands forcing her up onto her knees with her face smashed into the cotton pillows. She could feel two rough human hands pulling her ass cheeks apart, spreading her ever wider for their view. “Would you look at that, boys, look how fucking hot she is for us.”

Sam’s thick finger ran through her folds, the calloused pad of his finger just teasing her clit before landing a harsh smack to the inside of her thigh. Her moan was muffled through the mattress and she prayed they wouldn’t hear how being treated like whore made her wet like nothing else. 

Hot slick dripped down her thighs, a pool of it staining the pristine sheets by each knee. It was quite a sight, Steve, kneeled by the bed as his face hovered next to her ear, whispering filthy things into her ear as Bucky stroked his hard, leaking cock right next to him. Sam’s lips were making their way up the inside of her right thigh, cracked skin gliding across her sticky flesh. “Oh, baby,” he purred, “you smell so good. Bet you taste even better, don’t you, little girl?”

His tongue reached the apex of her thighs, finally licking a stipe up her center with no warning. Y/N sobbed into the comforter below her, mascara stained tears marking up her face. Two fingers edged their way between the bed and her face, forcing her head upwards and arching her back. Steve’s face was caught in a dirty smirk above hers, lip pulled taut between his teeth, until he saw the tears trailing down her face. “Oh, sweetheart, you look so desperate like this.” His fingers traced her smeared lip gloss around her lips, before opening her lips harshly. “Open up, you dumb baby.”

Y/N forced her jaw open wider, just enough to watch a string of Steve’s saliva drip into her mouth. The thick spit pooled on her tongue and she tried hard not to grimace in front of him, in hopes that he wouldn’t make her- 

“Swallow it, sweetheart.” He saw the hesitation in her eyes, how her lower lip trembled at his words, but he just laughed at her. “Now.”

The warm saliva slid down her tongue and more black tears ran down her face as she obliged his orders, finally gulping it and cringing at the taste. Steve loved the way her face screwed up in displeasure, how she still had the audacity to pretend she hated what they were doing though she was moaning and whimpering with Sam’s tongue attacking her entrance.

“What do you want, sweetheart? We might give it to you as long as you use your words.” Bucky taunted lightly.

Y/N stared up at the brunette, staring menacingly down at her with his cock in hand. “Please,” she whimpered.

The three found it woeful, the way she could barely get a full sentence out as Sam went to town with his skilled tongue, but even with that onslaught, a simple please wasn’t enough for them.

“Please what, honey,” Sam moaned from between her legs, “you gotta use your big words or we’ll never know what you want from us.”

Steve and Bucky nodded in fake-agreement even though they all knew exactly what she wanted and where. 

“I don’t-” her widened eyes glanced into Steve’s, blown-out and teary. “I don’t want anything, not from you.” She lied through her teeth harshly.

Sam removed his head from between her thighs and Y/N immediately whined at the loss of contact almost hilariously. “You don’t want anything, little girl?” 

The air felt static, every hair on her neck rising in the pressured silence. The angel and the devil clawed at her heart, each trying to show her what was right. And she wanted to sin, God knew that she would love nothing more than to let that little greedy part of her take over, but she’d already cheated on Peter and that damn good part of her conscience stole the wheels of her brain.

Slowly and shamefully, she shook her head, though the downright dirty monster inside of her wanted the men to ignore her words and keep assaulting her body. 

“That’s a shame, baby, I thought we were having fun.” Sam sighed. He met Bucky’s gaze on the side, and though they seemed to be in resignation with her wishes, their eyes twinkled devilishly. He positioned his body over Y/N’s kneeled over form, his bare chest glued to her sweating back as his hands ran up the sides of her ribcage and to her front, just barely grazing over her sensitive nipples. “You mean, you don’t want me to touch you here?”

He pinched the darkened buds and she had to use every ounce of self-restraint to not collapse at the sensation. His calloused hands moved back even further, tracing down to the stretch of skin just above her mound, swiping a finger across the skin delicately. “How about here? Or even,” he brought three fingers around her body, over her ass, and into her glistening cunt again, just rubbing along her entrance, not daring to go further in. Y/N couldn’t hold in her reaction to his prodding anymore, his teasing chipping away all of her dignity and pride in a few simple touches. 

“Yes, please, please, use your fingers,” she blurted against her will. Where shame should have washed over her, there was only lust, raging red and coursing through her body so forcefully that she felt braindead. “Put your fingers in me, daddy, please.”

The pet name rolled off of her tongue so easily and she was barely ashamed of how it made her feel. The name especially shocked the three men, who smiled even wider with their cocks harder than before at the little slip up. “That was all you had to say, dolly, gonna have your daddies make you feel real good,” Bucky laughed.

Sam finally plunged his thick fingers knuckle-deep into her cunt as Steve’s mouth captured hers, effectively swallowing her scream with ferocity. The long digits scissored and swirled inside of her, pressing against new unexplored areas that she’d never even gotten to with her own fingers. White dots danced along the front line of her vision as teeth clashed against hers and though it’d been mere minutes she already knew she was close and the men did as well.

“I can feel you clamping around my fingers, honey,” Sam taunted. His lips were moving sinfully around her ass, planting sloppy kisses and drooling all over her skin while he fingered her deep. “Are you gonna come soon, baby?”

“Yes, daddy, I’m so- fuck,” Y/N panted into Steve’s mouth, “m’ so c-close.” The blond bit her tongue hard enough for her to taste blood and she yelped as she heard Sam and Bucky laugh. 

“Watch your language, dolly,” Bucky sneered from the side of the bed. His hand was rapidly moving around his cock, corkscrew motions edging him towards the brink of pleasure. 

“Little girls like you don’t get to use big swear words,” Sam’s face was still buried between her legs, his soaked fingers pulling out of her cunt only to rub at her little pearl of nerves in circles. His tongue still lapped at her dripping entrance and he could feel her tight hole start to pulse as her breathing picked up. “Oh, baby, you’re getting close, aren’t you?”

Y/N was hesitant to answer at first, the sweat on her body seeming to cool immediately in fear of what would happen if she messed up. But after five seconds Steve stopped kissing her, gripping her chin and staring into her eyes deeply. He looked as debauched as she felt, with his rosy lips swollen with spit and cheeks tinged with pink. “Are you gonna answer daddy, sweetheart?”

That knocked her into shape real fast.

“Yes, daddy, I’m so close. P-please let me come,” she whimpered. The whine in her voice pleased the two men, and Steve went back to exploring her mouth before she felt something poking against her asshole.

“Gonna let daddy put his cock in you, little girl?” Sam asked gently. His words had panic coursing through her system, a chilling realization like water being poured on her head and she began to wiggle around, trying to free Sam’s hand from her hip. Her arms weakly pushed at Steve’s chest, trying to push him as far away as he could, but the men only laughed at her flailing limbs. Y/N wanted to scream no to them, and despite her contrasting love-hate relationship with Sam’s fingers inside her cunt she knew it was time to go. It was laughable how much she would continue to say that to herself for the rest of the night. 

But Sam managed to sense her panic, knowing exactly what the issue was before harshly spanking her and effectively stopping her struggle. “Don’t worry, baby, I won’t come inside of you. I’m not risking knocking up a whore with my kids, I’ve got more dignity than that.”

He led the leaking tip of his dick down her crack, rubbing it along her slick entrance before pushing in with a groan. “Oh my fucking God, that is so hot.” Bucky admonished from the side. “Gotta get in on that soon.”

Steve chuckled against Y/N’s lips, pulling away with a strand of saliva connecting them. He adjusted himself up so his dick was centimeters from her face, a knee propped up on the bed for balance. “Gotta wait your turn, Buck, we all want a piece of her.” He noticed the way Y/N’s eyes were transfixed on his cock, the red mushroom head smeared with precome along the slit, nearly purplish veins standing out prominently on his shaft. Yeah, he couldn’t even deny that he was big because he already knew how many girls had dropped down on their knees for him. “Go ahead, sweetheart, open up those pretty lips for me.”

Almost too excitedly, she dropped her jaw, allowing him to slide his cock into the silky warmth of her mouth. As his hips started to thrust into her mouth, Sam’s started to do the same into her cunt. Both men moaned in tandem with their movements as Y/N’s worries faded away to the back of her mind as they stuffed her to the brim.

“You can come now, baby,” Sam nearly ordered, “go and cream on daddy’s cock- fuck, I know you’ve been waiting.”

It was a harsh bump of his head against her G-spot that sent her over the edge, walls clamping down with ferocity and milking him for all she was worth. Y/N reeled in the sunlight infested warmth that coursed through her body as she finally let go, whining around Steve’s dick as he continued to abuse her throat with long, deep thrusts. 

Bucky was still holding his orgasm off, fondling with his tight, heavy sac while his dick remained a painfully hard mess, glistening with precome. “I’m so glad I got to see you come, dolly, look so fucking pretty when you do.”

She couldn’t deny the little skip of her heart at the praise, just a few simple words that made her feel like a good little girl. But no, God-fucking no, she wasn’t supposed to let them make her feel this way. Guilt washed away that warmth in her chest just as quickly, knowing that her boyfriend was just waiting to come back to see her, finishing up his studies so that they could live their lives out together after college while she was getting her pussy and mouth absolutely wrecked by his co-workers. 

As soon as Y/N got her brain thinking straight again, Sam started moving inside of her again and she garbled out a strangled cry. “If you thought we were done here, baby,” Sam laughed, “you’ve got a lot left ahead of you.”

“We’re not leaving until all of us have come, brat.” Steve’s palm gripped the back of her skull roughly, pushing her head so far down on his dick that her nose was squished against his abdomen. “Greedy little bitch.”

Both men started to thrust into her again, and just like that she was back to being absolutely lost in desire and lust like the bitch in heat she was until there was a sudden shift in the air. So much that the sweat on her body began to cool her skin, Sam’s hands still gripping her hips so tightly she knew they’d leave marks that she would have to hide when she wore her favorite low-cut shorts. 

Bucky’s eyes seemed to drift from her tits moving with each movement of her hips, checking behind the door as if there were something lurking there, but she was too afraid to see for herself. If she stopped she would get spanked, and they’d probably prolong her second orgasm even further, and her pussy couldn’t handle any more subtle teasing.  

“Hey there, Parker, why don’t come on out here?”

But that, that was what made the hairs on Y/N’s neck rose, dread filling her to the fullest as she realized the implications of Sam’s words.

Peter had seen everything. Peter, her boyfriend, had seen three of his co-workers, three men who she barely knew, fuck her deep into his mattress. Peter, her boyfriend, had watched her get fucked into his mattress, without trying to stop them whatsoever.

She couldn’t tell if it was the guilt of cheating on her boyfriend or the freezing realization that he hadn’t done anything to stop the three men that hurt more. 

Yet Peter still walked from behind the door, dressed in a NYU hoodie and a pair of khakis slung low on his hips, just drawing attention to the sizable bulge that stretched out his zipper. His umber eyes, normally full of so much joy and love, were possessed by the same lust and darkness as the three men, as much as he tried to hide it behind a shyer facade. 

His eyes were trained on the tightness of how Y/N’s pussy was gripping Sam, her lips glossed over with come and spit wrapped around Steve’s dick. The girl stopped in her movements, her eyes no longer full of tears for just being gagged, but as soon as her mouth came to a halt around the base of his cock, the blond slapped her across the face. A sharp crack echoed around the room and though she couldn’t see him, she heard Bucky’s feral growl of pleasure at the whorish treatment she was receiving. 

“Didn’t say you could fucking stop, sweetheart, keep working on daddy’s cock.” No more words needed to be said as Steve gripped her hair once more, forcing himself farther back into her throat to the point where she couldn’t breathe. Sam’s thrusts were quickening, closer and closer to release as the sounds of the girl struggling to breath made his balls tighten. 

“Fucking shit, baby, you feel yourself squeezing my dick? I bet you like teasing daddy like that, don’t you?” One of his hands were brought down on her ass in a quick smack that resonated with Bucky, who was staving off his orgasm for something much sweeter than his hand. She was moaning raucously around the dick stuffed in her mouth, the vibrations sending jolts of pleasure up every nerve in Steve’s body as he came with the tip of his dick nearly being swallowed by Y/N’s throat. There was barely any time for her to fully down the thick come in her mouth before Sam was threatening to orgasm. “I’m gonna come so soon but you better fucking not, little girl, you hear me? Gotta let your daddy come before you, you ungrateful little bitch- oh.”

It was a really fucking close call, Sam’s dick pulling out of her with one quick movement before spilling pearly ropes of come onto Y/N’s spine. A high whine escaped her mouth, clit throbbing as she was so, so close to coming, and she was too far into her crazed pleasure to realize that she was letting three older men, men who fought to defend the universe from evil, use her as an over-glorified fleshlight. 

She couldn’t really blame them for calling her a cockdrunk whore. 

Bucky sauntered over to the bed, eyes trained on the pool of come centered around the base of her spine before flipping her over onto her back with his large hands and shoving three vibranium fingers back into her hole. She gasped and held onto his forearm as he continued to fingerfuck her to her second orgasm, eyes screwed shut in a delirious haze of contentment for being filled with at least something again. 

“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, please-” Steve slapped her along the face, correcting her words immediately. “Daddy, daddy, please let me come.”

Bucky chuckled, tweaking one of her nipples with his flesh hand as he hovered over her face. “I don’t know, dolly, you’ve been a little naughty, callin’ me the wrong name, not listening to Stevie’s orders- don’t think you deserve to get what you want.”

A muffled whimper escaped her swollen lips, and he sighed in surrender. “Okay, dollface, go ahead and come on my fingers. Let me see how you wet ‘em up real good.”

Y/N’s hips bucked into his metal digits with finality, come leaking out of her cunt and soaking the sheets below her. Her sweat-glazed skin shone even against the darkening sky, and all Bucky could do was chuckle at how her chest rose quickly as she tried to catch her breath. He thought about teasing her clit again, just circling around the little bud of nerves to get a rise out of her, but he decided against it. Sam probably had better plans for her anyway. 

On the other hand, Y/N’s orgasm was starting to wear off as she noticed the hardened stare from the edge of the room. Her boyfriend.

“Peter, I…” Y/N made eye contact with him, suddenly noticing how mousy he looked in his own bedroom. 

“I nearly forgot you were here, Parker,” Sam smirked darkly. “Why don’t you come over here and fuck your little whore. I’m feeling a little generous today.”

Steve and Bucky nodded with the same infuriating smugness as Sam. The brunette boy opened his mouth to object to the degrading statement, but when he met his girlfriend’s eyes nothing needed to be said. There was no escaping this. Nothing he said mattered to the three older men, because really they had already gotten everything they wanted right in front of their disgusting, perverted eyes. 

He unbuckled his belt, letting the weight of it drop his khakis to the floor. Maybe if he’d known he would be forced into join a fivesome later that night he’d have picked any other boxers but the Ducktales one, but no one seemed to say a word about them, rather focusing on what they were failing to conceal. 

Peter’s cock had always been admirable to Y/N by its length and God, definitely its thickness. Curved upwards towards his abdomen with a vein running along the left side up to the bulbous head, it was definitely more than average. It was really just a shame he didn’t know how to use it well enough.

His shirt was pulled over his head just as quickly, and if Y/N knew any better she would say that he was excited to get to fuck her in front of the three men. He placed himself in between Y/N’s parted legs, standing in the same position as he had so many times before.

But when Y/N cried out in pain and pleasure as he slid into her, Peter knew that this time, it was different. This time three men, men that he used to trust with his life, stood on either side of him and his girlfriend and jerked their hands up and down their cocks as they watched her get fucked relentlessly. It wasn’t sweet, it wasn’t romantic, but he couldn’t really think when his thick cock was stuffed inside of her stimulated pussy, juices and come leaking out of her abused sex. 

“Go faster, Parker,” Steve instructed, his face contorted in pure pleasure. The pace of Peter’s thrusts sped up, and he threw Y/N’s ankles over his shoulders, hitting deeper inside of her, with the sound of her sobs only turning them all on more. “Oh, right there, shit, shit, shit-”

Steve came first, a low groan escaping his lips as streams of come landed on her tits, still bouncing with every movement of Peter’s hips. 

“Open up,” Sam gritted through his teeth, and Y/N obediently opened her mouth to let his bitter come coat the inside of her throat, some of it landing on her face and neck. The string of curses he let out made Peter thrust even faster into her, and he hated, absolutely despised the way it turned him on to see the three men use his girlfriend to their pleasure. But soon enough a hand pushed against his chest away from Y/N and he reluctantly pulled out.

“Move aside, kid,” Bucky instructed, “Wanna come inside of her.”

As he lined his gigantic cock up with her entrance, her eyes widened with fear. “No, please, I didn’t take my pills, I can’t- I won’t, please not inside-”

“Shut the fuck up, you slut.” Bucky’s fingers came to slap her clit harshly, and she cried out in pain. “You’re gonna be quiet and let me come wherever I damn want, right?”

He punctuated his last word as he thrust inside her, filling her up to the hilt with his girth. She was too drunk on the feeling of her cunt being filled up to argue again. It was painful, extremely so, even though two different cocks had been inside her overstimulated pussy already and Bucky stretched her out wide, his cock thicker with veins to hit every pleasure point. With her legs tossed around his tapered torso, he slid out until his very tip was left in her, then slammed back in with a small moan. The head of his cock relentlessly pounded into her cervix in a nearly soundless tempo and all Y/N could hear were her own gasps of pleasure, jaw-dropping moans that made drool slide back down her throat in her laid down position.

She turned her head to the side, and though her vision was bleary through the tears, she could see Sam and Steve watching Bucky fuck her while Peter, her boyfriend, her sweet, sweet boyfriend, was caught up fucking his hand to the sound of Bucky’s balls slapping against her ass. 

“Fuck, ‘m not gonna last much longer, dollface.” Bucky gasped. “You gonna come soon? You’re gonna come for daddy one more time. I think you’ve got a third one in you, you little fucking slut.”

“Shit, shit, daddy, please ‘m almost there,” Y/N wailed absentmindedly. A thumb came down to circle her clit quickly and she felt the coil in her stomach grow tighter and tighter, until she finally let out a high whine, finding her release as Bucky’s cock pulsed inside of her, ready to come just as easily as her. Her pussy clenched around his cock as she rode out her orgasm, fingers grasping at the sheets in order to find some sort of grounding. His come painted her walls white, and Bucky could’ve sworn there was no better feeling than feeling his blood warm in every vein as he finally let go. With stunted groans, his hips slowed its rhythm, lost in watching how his cock disappear into Y/N’s pussy, her slick juices coating his dick each time he pulled out. 

“Ah, fuck, dolly, you did so good for me. Pussy tight as a fuckin’ vice.” Bucky hugged her limp body close to his sweaty chest, letting his dick soften inside of her for a good few moments before pulling out. He tossed Y/N back onto the bed below him, barely even caring to clean the come dripping down her ribcage and out of her cunt before grabbing his boxers from the cabinet next to the bed. 

Steve was already buttoning his jeans up, checking the notifications on his phone before shoving it back into his pocket. The blond seemed to have better things to do so soon after, rushing his way to the door before pausing where Y/N laid to watch come drip out of her pussy. One more time he pushed Bucky’s come inside of her abused entrance, watching as it oozed out from behind his digits. “Look at you, fucking full of of his come. Such a goddamn whore,” he muttered under his breath.

Those were the last words he said to her before patting Bucky on the shoulder and leading him out of the opened door. 

Maybe Sam was a bit more kind, or affectionate at least. He was already dressed but visibly hard again beneath the thick denim of his pants, and he made sure Y/N knew it, taking her left hand and placing it over his dick. “You still got that effect on me, honey, even when you’re all fucked out like this.” He dragged his fingers through the thick ribbons of come that coated her chest, bringing them up to her mouth so she could taste. Even though she was more than exhausted, she wrapped her tongue around the two fingers that were pushed past her swollen lips, sucking them clean with a tired vengeance. Satisfied with her work, he kissed her chin one more time before leaving without so much as another word, slamming the door shut on his way out.

Click.

It ended exactly the way it started, the lock jostling into the doorknob just as easily as the high of Y/N’s final orgasm slipped away.

Stifling silence suffocated the room around them. Peter refused to meet her eyes, just as much as hers did his. She laid motionless on the bed with him standing at the foot, his dick soft and if she narrowed her bleary eyes just a bit, she could see how his knees were shaking. Neither of them were able to say anything, losing the ability to converse as soon as the three men left the room.

“Peter,” her voice was throaty after the rough fucking she took, “C-can you please get me a drink?”

The brown-haired boy looked down to meet her face, and she could finally see the reason that he had hid it from her. His eyes were red and bloodshot, snot running from his nose with tears running down his cheeks. She’d been so caught up in the after haze of the sex that she didn’t even notice how his bare chest was heaving so deeply, nearing hyperventalation. 

But still, he grabbed his boxers, pulling them over his weakened legs clumsily. “Y-yeah, what kind do you want, Mr. Stark has a ton-”

“I don’t care.” She cut him off firmly, a sharp tone in her voice as she rolled over on her side. Y/N tucked her knees to her chin, fingers running over the side of her neck which was marked with bruises and scratches. “I don’t fucking care.”

Without another word Peter slipped out of the room quietly, knowing better than to try to talk to her about what they had been forced to participate in. It wasn’t as if there was much to say anyways.

Rain pattered against the window. It was only six o’clock in the evening. Cars honked and beeped and Natasha’s Igor Stavinsky record played for its fiftieth round of the day, and to anyone else in the tower it was a normal night. Normal, just like the ones spent sitting on the couch with Bucky’s hand creeping up her leg or Sam’s hands groping her ass, but this time they’d made a move. 

The silence was far too much to handle, the unspoken truth of what she’d done with Bucky, Steve, Sam, and Peter finally hitting her, knocking the air out of her lungs as she suddenly struggled to breathe. Gripping her face, clawing at it like a goddamn wolf, Y/N began to cry. Silently at first, gradually growing into heartbroken sobs, she let her trodden pride carry her voice wherever it wanted to go. 

The men’s whispered words haunted her mere moments after they’d left the room, but most audibly she could hear a faint husk of a voice, Sam’s low moan in her ear looming in the dreadful silence of the room:

Thanks for sharing with us, baby.

[hoodiewithhorns]

━  using your safeword scenarios p.3 !★

genre : hurt/comfort smut.

characters : f! reader x sakusa, matsukawa, kenma

p.1  + p.2 + m.sterlist + requests  

(please read the rules before requesting ty.)

▼ cw : not proof read, use of safeword, neglect , unprotected sex, degradation , clit spanking ( 1 ), impact play ( sakusas part ), mentions of exe(s), caught masturbation (reader) , pillow humping, thigh riding, implied punishment, kinda crybaby reader, implied cockwarming, cheating (?), angst, established relationship, all characters are 18+, MDNI ▲

different safewords used this time <3

- ty to the anons and user @/please-take-me-to-the-moon for the scenarios <3 

sakusa 

word count : 1.4k

you knew better than to do this, humping your dearly beloved boyfriends pillow with just your cotton panties, a loose shirt with no bra under, like a bitch in heat, desperate for friction of any kind. You knew if he had caught you like this he would punish you that was guaranteed. however, in the literal heat of the moment you didn’t care. sakusa’s constant pattern of coming home the minute you were already fast asleep in your shared bed, never being able to fill the void of need in your little cunt. 

〜　☆

Considering he’d let this slide since its been a month since you’ve two have done anything sexual, these thoughts only making you hump his pillow even more desperate leaving a pool of your arousal staining his pillow, with the occasional soft whimpers of his name. losing yourself in your own lust, You didn’t hear the sound of the door clicking open.

Sakusa, leaving his practice early since his performance was unfavorable by the shitty mood he was in, lashing out on his teammates for the smallest things they’d do and so many more. in short, his team suggested he’d stay home t’ill he cooled down. 

“y/n? i’m home.”he walked around the empty apartment accompanied by the muffles of your soft moans, trying to find you as quickly as possible, obviously knowing it was you. he opened the bedroom door slowly and quietly. his eyes grew wide at the scene in front of him. 

still not noticing his presence in the door frame you continued humping his pillow feeling your high approach, but leave you since you needed him. 

“tch.” clicking his tongue at you in disapproval. you flinched letting go of his pillow to face him, feeling your heart race when you made eye contact with him, arms folded and a look of disgust planted on his pale face. Your eyes already filling up with tears knowing what comes next. “m’ y-yoomi! w-welcome home-”

“who the fuck gave you permission to touch yourself?” cutting you off, walking towards the bed, he pinned you down to the bed, arms on your sides, hovering over you with his dead, cold, heartless gaze cutting through you, as you tried to look away in shame only earning you a slap to the face to make you look at him. the sting causing you to choke out a sob. praying internally that he’d let you off the hook just this once. you were just needy for him.he has to understand that, right?

“answer me, right.now.”

“n-no one yoomi... i’m s-sorry please don’t wanna be punished!” you pleaded to him only making him more angrier. he grabbed your jaw making you whimper at the tight grip. scanning you top to bottom, eyeing at the wet patch on your underwear. 

“then why did you huh? couldn’t wait until i got home couldn’t you? needy fucking thing.” he tutted, letting go of your jaw harshly, tugging your panties down to your knees already feeling impatient himself by how his cock hardened through his shorts. despite wanting to punish you, he wanted you. needed you to be precise.

 the man hasn’t felt you in a whole month how could he not miss his girlfriends tight slutty cunt? removing his volleyball shorts letting his cock spring free, he strokes himself a few times before lining himself against your cunt, letting a small sigh when you felt his hard tip touch your soaked entrance. 

feeling slightly relief you were finally gonna feel him after so long. That feeling of relief however didn’t last long when he slammed his fat cock inside you without warning. you let out a yelp, hands immediately going to his chest hoping for him to not bruise your cervix from how deep he was already. he growled when he felt your palms try and stop him, so he slapped your hands away roughly marking them red. 

“b-but yoomi please it hurts..it h-hurts” 

you figured he didn’t hear you. but he was too focused on punishing you to care if it hurt or not. so you pleaded again for him to slow down. finally getting a response from him.

“shut up you disgusting whore.you brought this on yourself, touching yourself while your boyfriends away.”

“...dirtying up his fucking pillow while he’s gone. how fucking pathetic.”  he spits, slapping your clit harshly in attempt to get you to shut up. his degrading not having a hint of reassurance anywhere like it usually does when he fucks you. normally, he’d call you his “slut” or his whore but never ever calling you a disgusting one at most, what did this mean?..you asked yourself, mind going hazy with fear. feeling like your boyfriend finds you disgusting for your actions, and not a single trace of love or concern for you, not even noticing how you tried inching yourself away from his pace. 

sakusa was a mean dom yes, but he cared about you and your boundaries and right now it seemed like he didn’t care about any of those.

too focused on his own pleasure, not realizing you slowly started to breakdown in front of him, hands to your eyes shaken from how hard he hit them, as more tears fell to stain your cheeks.

“n-no not disgusting..i-i’m...so sorry..sakusa..just missed you.” you muttered no longer feeling the long needed pleasure of his cock, only feeling a painful discomfort in your chest as if your heart was gonna burst out of it at any minute. he was caught off-guard by you calling him by his last name, but that didn’t stop the brutal pace on your sloppy cunt. repositioning his hand to your hips digging his nails in your sides, bound to leave marks to be seen in the morning. 

“addressing me by my last name? what you think thats gonna make things better?”he muses, his pace speeding up making you whimper. you’ve just about had enough.

“germs! g-germs! no more, i don’t like this!! y-you’re hurting m-me sakusa... please s-stop..stop.” screaming your safeword, trying to get him off you, you pushed with the little strength in you with your fragile hands. it wasn’t enough but he got the message. blinking a few times to make sure he processed the current situation.

he sighed pulling his cock out watching you with wolf eyes as you softly cried to yourself, turning to your side. he didn’t say anything he just laid down beside you. sneaking an arm around your waist, face buried in your neck. he planted some soft kisses onto it trying to make you relax. if he was being brutally honest, he didn’t know what to do.

you never used your safeword and even if it didn’t show in his face, he was pretty frightened. watching you tense up and shake around him all because of him.

“ y-yoomi..im sorry-”

“don’t be.”

he rubs your hands with his thumb in slow but comforting circles, seeing its still red from being slapped away by him, along with him kissing your cheek to simmer down the sting from earlier. god he felt so bad, but was so scared at the same time, all he wanted to do was hold you close..

..and thats what he did, watching you curl up to his chest. The room was silent for a few minutes that felt like hours gone by. you looked up at him with the look you always gave him. Full of love and adoration even with puffy eyes and hurt in your chest you still loved him.

He looked down noticing the soft smile you gave him as if nothing happened. Titling his head in confusion he asks

“why are you smiling? aren’t you upset..at me?”

you shook your head at him, “no yoomi I’m not mad. My body kinda hurts yes, but I’m glad to have you home...i missed you so much I’m sorry i touched myself without permission...”

he lightly smiles at you kissing your lips softly.

“it’s okay. tomorrow we’ll have the day all to ourselves and we can do whatever you want my love. I’m sorry i was so mean... i was having a bad day and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

you paused leaning in closer to his chest as you mumbled.

“can we...take a bath together yoomi?”

“oh sure...here i’l carry you.”

needless to say, you forgave him and gave him one last kiss before going to bed.

kenma

word count : 886

kenmas work schedule was god awful since he was practically up to play games and just that leaving you feeling needy and neglected. you hated it. 

but tonight you were just, so needy and couldn’t stand this constant neglect.

No matter how many times you touched yourself of grind against something it couldn’t compare to the way kenma would stuff you with his cock.

he wasn’t a super harsh dom leaning towards a mix of soft and mean, but he still prioritized your needs before his. and tonight you were gonna get that version of kenma.

walking towards the couch he was playing his games at slowly, with nothing but his hoodie and knee highs. you bit your lip standing in front of him, fiddling your thumbs out of nervousness. He titled his head to remove you from his line of sight to see the tv screen better making your heart ache just a little, being so used to it already.

taking a deep breath you sat in between on of his thighs wrapping your arms around his neck making him let out a groan of annoyance to your needy antics.

he continued to play his game acting as if you weren’t there and nothing changed. it all came to a halt when he felt you grinding on his thigh, letting out small cries of his name.

“baby.... please” you mumbled facing his disinterested face not even sharing a glance at you as he continued to move his thumbs around his controllers joystick. He didn’t even pay mind to the fact you were borderline naked either.

“five minutes pretty girl.” he muttered still too absorbed in his game. You pouted shifting your legs to be wrapped around him now, wet cunt on top of his crotch rubbing against him lightly. Making him flinch at the sudden friction. giving you hope he’d give you what you want now. you smirked continuing to grind against him making him bite back a grunt. 

“ugh what are you doing?” he said clearly annoyed by your antics already.

your face became red while placing your hands on his shoulders slowly starting to grind against his growing bulge. “want your attention kenma please need you so bad.” you begged hoping he’d give you something anything really.

but being kenma, he went back to his video games. your pout returning once more. “but kenma, please i really really need you.” you continued with your antics and he paused his game, putting his controller on the coffee table. 

“fine you want me so fucking bad?” he grabs you by the hips making you yelp as he throws you down the couch. back hitting the cushions while he takes your legs and wraps them around his waist.

he pulls down his sweats pumping himself a few times as he rolls his head back, holding back his grunts. he slowly slides his cock into you, being easy to do considering how wet you were already for him. 

he groans as he bottoms out inside you starting steady, but slowly picking up the pace to be more..brutal.

“k-kenma..m’ feels good thank you thank you” you rambled out praises making him grab you by the throat to thrust into you faster. 

“god you’re so fucking annoying bothering me because you wanted to get your cunt stuffed like a little slut while i fucking work.” he scoffs making your eyes shoot open at him.

“such a fucking annoying little slut.” he continues his degradation thr grip on your throat not loosening. you felt you eyes grow teary as he continued to call you more vulgar names with the sprinkle of him calling you annoying. 

“ c-console...” you mumbled wrapping your hands on his wrists, making him let go of your throat. he froze getting closer to your face as he pulls out slowly.

“huh? Whats wrong does it hurt?” he asks rubbing away your tears with the pad of his thumb. 

your lip quivered as more tears started to form. “...i-im annoying...?” you looked him in his eyes as more broken sobs leave you.

“I just wanted some attention kenma...you’re always so busy sometimes I don’t even think you remember i exist..” you muttered feeling small under his cat like stare. 

he sighed kissing your cheek, falling to your. side feeling his breath hit your neck. “sorry baby i swear i didn’t mean it...you’re not annoying its my fault for not giving you attention.” he admits as you wrap around him. 

“y-you promise you didn’t mean it?” you ask once more. he sneaks a hand under your head to lift you up to his chest, patting your head softly. 

“ i promise. here why don’t you sit on my lap, we can do that thing you wanted to try last week...” he looks away embarrassed, you tilt your head in confusion but then realize what he was referring to. you nodded joyfully wrapping your arms around his neck, he adjusts himself for you to line up to take him. he  slowly puts you back down on his cock. hissing at the returning feeling.

He smiled kissing your forehead lightly as he hugged you tight. 

“better my love?”

“mhm mhm!” you said placing your head on his shoulder as you relax into him. slowly drifting away into sleep. its not much, but at-least it stuffs your very needy cunt.

matsukawa 

word count : 615

what lead to this? you two were just on a simple date together at a nearby mall shopping together, looking at upcoming movies, stopping by a few manga stores and bakeries to treat yourselves. overall, just enjoying the time shared together. 

that is t’ill the two of ran into your ex. issei watching the two of you talk to each other not realizing how uncomfortable you really were, hiding it with a friendly facade of course going unnoticed by him since he was practically death glaring your ex. 

he was basically third wheeling in your conversation with your ex. you would side eye issei hoping he’d pull you out of your situation but it was too late since his mind was cloudy with jealousy and rage.  

now, leading up to your current predicament. a heavy make-out now leading to a degradation fest.  

“aw whats wrong little slut can’t take me, fucking pathetic much?” he teases pounding you at a faster pace. “can’t believe my own fucking girlfriend was just there being all friendly to her ex..what don’t tell me you still want him?” he muses making you rapidly shake your head. 

“ no i don’t i swear issei..just wan’ you..”you muttered eyes growing puffy from how cruel he spoke to you as he continued to suggest away of how would get him back since it seemed like you missed him from how friendly you were acting.

growing quiet at his words trying to tune out his words. it’ll all be over soon anyways, you just had to hold on a bit you told yourself. of course you were an idiot for letting him keep going. 

“ maybe i should go ask how kimi’s doing act all friendly and nice towards her.” you tuned into what issei had said in horror at what he just said.

kimi, his much prettier ex who t’ill this day wasn’t over him and he knew this. throwing it in your face as he darkly chuckled at you. you removed your arms that were wrapped around his neck pulling him close. and cupped your face in your hands at the thought of your boyfriend going back to his ex. leaving you alone again.

he wouldn’t right? even though she was much prettier in every feature she had compared to you. he wouldn’t right..? right? 

“f-funeral...“you sniffled making him stop all his movements and lock eyes with you. your safeword ringing in his ears. 

“hey..hey no i didn’t mean it...” he quickly pulls you towards him, pulling you out of him and hugging you tight. he rocks you softly back and forth in his embrace letting all your bottle up feelings burst onto him.  he quick to comfort you and pepper a few kisses on your face.

“ issei..” you mumbled against his chest. he rubs your back looking down at you.

“yes baby..?” his voice shaken with worry hoping you weren’t too mad at him.

“ i-i don’t miss him.. i was only being nice..i was uncomfortable talking to him why didn't you..” he internally punches himself for being so blind and not being able to see by all your movements how uncomfortable you were just breathing the same air as your ex.

he was too blinded by his jealousy to realize his poor baby was scared. he mumbled a curse before apologizing.

“i’m sorry baby i didn’t realize he was making you uncomfortable i should've done something..” his eyes wander away from you.

“ i was just jealous..” he admits

“but issei.. you’re all i want.” you say kissing his cheek and he smiles gracefully. 

“am i-i all you want sei?”

“ duh pretty baby. everything  i want and need.”

matsukawas is so short i’m so sorry ahhhh but i hope u all enjoyed <3

[hangovercurse]

Crash Into Me

You’d been MGK’s assistant for years, but you never thought you had a chance at anything more with him until one stoplight changes everything.

Request: “ok im so sorry if this is 2 specific but ive had this idea for ages abt pining!colson x an insecure/clueless!reader who has been his assistant forever. she gets into a car accident and calls him hours later to tell him that a temp will be taking her place for a few weeks (bc of injuries) and he's like ?? why?? she explains nonchalantly, then kells kinda freaks out and shows up at the hospital all worried”

Colson Baker X Reader

Warnings: Cursing, car accident (descriptive)

A/N: This was cute 😊

Word Count: 3185

“Alright Kells, I’m out for the night. I’ll email those tracks to the board when I get home and I’ll let you know if I get any updates for tomorrow’s press.” You told the blond man who was sitting on the couch as you put your laptop into your bag. You tried not to yawn as you heaved it over your shoulder, “anything else?”

You glanced at the kitchen clock that read 2 am and let out a small sigh. You were used to late nights given your job as assistant to a rockstar, but most nights you were able to leave before 8 pm. Tonight you and Colson had gotten really invested in the tracks you were editing and lost track of time.

“Y/N,” he turned to look at you with puppy dog eyes. He wanted something that you really weren’t gonna want to give him. “Could you come over early tomorrow to help me pick out what to wear for the Vanity Fair interview?”

You chuckled, “you know they have their own wardrobe department?”

He sighed, “yeah but you know me so much better than all those stylists. I trust your opinion more.”

You rolled your eyes as he tilted his head, begging you. “Fine, but I’m buying us coffee with your credit card.”

He broke out into a smile, “thank you, love you!” He called as you walked towards his front door.

“Whatever, I’ll see you tomorrow.” You told him, taking your car keys into your hands, and stepping out into the LA night. There was a soft breeze that shook the trees slightly, making you smile. It felt nice outside for the first time in a while.

Because of this, you decided to drive home with your windows rolled down, letting the wind flow through your hair. The roads were pretty barren by LA standards, so traffic was pretty much non-existent. You were sitting at a red light, your fingers tapping against your steering wheel as one of Colson’s songs played through your speakers softly.

You reached to turn up the volume as the light turned green. You pressed the gas, your car moving forward into the intersection. Suddenly you heard a loud squeal of brakes, looking over to your passenger window to the sight of two headlights barreling towards you. You tried to speed up to get out of the way, but it was too late.

The truck rammed straight into the side of your small car, pushing your vehicle over into the car next to you. You put your left arm up to shield you from any flying debris, but it was futile. The infrastructure of your car fell apart at the force, the dashboard collapsing onto your right leg. Luckily, your left leg managed to avoid the destruction.

You could barely feel the force of the whiplash due to the pain in your abdomen at the deployment of the airbag. Glass from the car next to you fell into your car through your open window, cutting into your skin.

And then all of a sudden, everything stopped. The truck that had hit you had stopped moving, allowing you to fully assess the damage. Your car was totaled for sure, and your leg was definitely crushed. You cried out in pain, breathing heavy and trying to see straight. You could hear the sound of sirens in the distance, giving you some sense of relief.

When the paramedics got to the scene, you were the last passenger to be taken out of the crash due to your car being in the center. A firefighter had to break the glass of your windshield, which was already cracked, in order to pull you out. When you told him your leg was stuck under the dashboard, he sent a team of men to lift it from your foot and another to pull you out of the wreckage.

They were all amazed you were still conscious but got very worried when you told them you couldn’t feel the pain in your leg. You rode in an ambulance to the hospital, the EMTs helping pick the glass from your skin and assessing your injuries. You made jokes with them to calm yourself down, something that you did with Colson and Rook whenever they got into accidents while you were out with them.

You thought about giving them Colson’s name when they asked about your emergency contact but decided against it. You didn’t want to worry him until absolutely necessary. You figured you’d see what the doctor had to say and if you wouldn’t be able to come back to work, then you would tell him.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what the doctor said. In fact, you wouldn’t be able to leave the hospital for at least a week due to your shattered leg, bruised abdomen, and concussion.

The leg would require at least 2 if not more surgeries to repair and you would be on close watch for development of a more serious brain injury. After that you most likely wouldn’t be able to be back on your feet for another 8 to 12 weeks, which was kind of a requirement for your job.

It was almost 5am, so you weren’t necessarily thinking straight when you called Colson from your cracked phone. He answered, his voice conveying how tired he was. “Y/N? Everything okay?”

“Hey Kells, I’m not gonna be able to come in early tomorrow, or at all. I’m gonna start looking for a temporary replacement tomorrow if I’m feeling up to it. Oh! And I couldn’t send those tracks to the board, sorry.” You told him, only half registering the words you were saying.

The confusion was evident in his voice, “what? Why do you need to find a replacement?”

You realized you had forgotten to tell him what happened. “Oh, yeah! It’s kind of funny.” You started, chuckling but then realizing that laughing made your stomach hurt even more. “And by funny, I mean not funny at all. I got into a car accident. Some dude ran into my car in an intersection and now I’m in the hospital.”  

“Which hospital?” Colson asked, suddenly much more awake.

“Hollywood Presbyterian.” You told him, “why?”

He sounded like he was rushing around, which he was. “I’m coming to see you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, “why? I’m fine, you don’t need to do that. You have a big interview tomorrow, you should sleep.”

Colson sighed, “fuck the interview, I’ll be there in a few.”

“Colson you don’t-“ You started, but he hung up before you could tell him not to come.

Why was he rushing to see you in the hospital? Sure, you were friends, but he had much more important things to worry about right now. And besides, you were more casual work friends. He wouldn’t even know you existed if you didn’t work for him. Sure, you had a huge crush on him, but he was your boss, you were just someone he asked to do things he didn’t want to do.

 20 minutes later Colson ran into the hospital room, stopping when he saw you in the bed. Your face was red from chemical burn and a few cuts of glass. Your right leg was propped up with basic bandaging around it. His heart broke at the thought of how much pain you had probably been in.

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly, moving to sit in the chair on your left side.

You shrugged, “I’ve been better.”

“Why didn’t you call me sooner?” He asked, eyes full of pity.

“I didn’t want to bother you unless it was serious. Figured I’d find out if I would have to miss work before telling you.” You said, squeezing your eyes shut as a headache washed over you.

Colson’s mouth gaped open, “you didn’t want to bother me? You got in a car crash and you weren’t gonna call me unless you would have to miss work?”

You shrugged again, “yeah. If my laptop wasn’t completely crushed in the accident I would’ve just found and sent a temp in tomorrow, but obviously that’s impossible.”

“Y/N you’re kidding me, right?” He asked, exasperated. You furrowed your eyebrows in response, causing a sigh to fall from his lips. “Y/N I don’t give a shit about a temp; I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Oh, I’m fine. A little shaken and these headaches are killer, but they gave me a lot of pain medication so, I’m fine.” You smiled at him, your thoughts racing as you tried to figure out why he cared so much about how you were feeling.

He nodded, hand reaching out and landing on top of yours gently. “So, do they have to do surgery? What all did the doctors say?” He asked, worry in his eyes.

You nodded, “yeah, at least 2 surgeries. One around 11 am and then depending on how that one goes they’ll schedule the next. And they have to watch me to make sure my concussion doesn’t get worse.”

He pulled out his phone, typing away. “What are you doing?” You asked, suddenly feeling very tired.

“I just emailed the PR liaison for Vanity Fair and told them I wouldn’t be able to make it to the interview.” He responded.

“Why did you do that?” You asked through a yawn.

He looked at you like the answer was the most obvious thing in the world, “because I have to be with you right now.”

You were very confused as to why he thought he had to be here. “Colson, I’ll be fine. You should go to the interview. You don’t have to stay here.”

“I do have to be here. I want to be here.” He said, sternly.

“Why?” You asked, trying to keep your eyes open.

“Because I wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I’ll just call you after the surgery, it’s no big deal.” You responded lazily.

He shook his head, “I want to stay here with you, Y/N. Okay? I care about you.”

You were too tired to process what he was saying at this point, so you just let out a hum. “I need to make sure you’re okay. I need to see you being okay. When you called me, I swear I was gonna have a heart attack if I didn’t see you.” He continued.

You were barely awake at this point, letting out a simple, “I’m okay” before slipping into unconsciousness.

 Suddenly you were back in your car, “Bloody Valentine” playing from your speakers. The sky was dark green, almost like a painting. In front of you, the red light turned green. Like clockwork, you pressed the gas, moving into the intersection. Suddenly, the lights disappeared, and you heard the familiar chilling sound of breaks squealing. You looked over and saw those headlights coming towards you, getting closer and closer, brighter, and brighter.

You screamed at the sight, the familiar paralyzing fear coursing through your body again. “Y/N!” Your name played through the radio. That’s not in the song, you thought. “Y/N!” Colson’s voice rang out again before the truck made contact with your car.

You woke up in a cold sweat to Colson standing over you, hands shaking your shoulders lightly. “Y/N.” He said, relieved when your eyes began to open.

Your entire body was shaking like a poodle and your arms subconsciously reached for Colson, hanging onto his shirt for dear life. “It was just a dream.” He whispered as your eyes darted around the room. “You’re okay.” He reassured you.

“I’m sorry.” You muttered, hands leaving the fabric and moving to cover up your face. “I’m sorry.”

Colson sat on the bed next to you, legs hanging off the side as he stroked your face gently. “It’s okay, baby.” He turned to the nurse who opened the door, a worried expression on her face. He shook his head at her, “sorry, she just had a nightmare. She’s okay.” The nurse nodded but stayed in the room anyways, checking your vitals.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled again, the words seeming to be the only thing you could say.

Colson shook his head, “stop saying that, it’s okay.” You pouted at him, trying to scoot over so he would lay down next to you, but it was way too painful. “What are you doin?” He asked, a smile on his face.

You sighed, “wanted you to sit next to me but I can’t move because of this stupid leg.” You motioned to the leg in question.

Colson chuckled, “I can sit next to you in the chair.”

“That didn’t work last time.” You whined.

He looked at you with an expression that was both amused and confused. You were definitely still high on pain medication. “What didn’t work.”

“It didn’t stop the nightmare.” You frowned, hand reaching for his. He chuckled, standing up fully and looking at the nurse.

She flashed him an amused smile, “If you want, we can try to move her. I don’t know how much we can do without hurting her ribs, though.”

Colson nodded with a gracious smile, “hear that? We can’t move you because of your ribs.”

You glared at him, “I may be very high right now, but I’m not that high.” You said, making him giggle. “She said you could try.”

Colson let out an exasperated sigh, one arm going under your back and the other under your left leg. “Is this what it’s like taking care of me all the time?” He asked and you nodded your head firmly.

“Yep. Except I am much smaller than you, so you have less work to do with me.” You smiled as he lifted you off the bed, which quickly turned into a grimace. “Ow!” You yelped and Colson quickly set you down, slightly closer to the right side of the bed.

“Fuck, sorry princess. Are you okay?” He asked, voice soft.

You nodded, sucking in your bottom lip to block the whimpers of pain that threatened to escape your mouth. “You probably don’t remember, but one time you were so crossed that you called me to pick you up from a party. But you couldn’t make it out of the car, so I had to carry you into your house. And then you demanded to sleep in your own room, so you made me drag you up the stairs instead of passing out on the couch like normal.”

Colson let out a breathy chuckle, glad you weren’t hurt too much. He carefully sat onto the cot next to you, pulling up his right leg to sit on the bed. His arm wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you into him slightly. You shifted so that you were comfortable, left hand finding his own left hand and holding it. He brought his left leg up onto the bed so he was fully laying with you.

Your head rest on his chest, a soft smile on your face as his thumb rubbed circles on your hand. The nurse left, satisfied that you wouldn’t hurt yourself further. Colson pressed a small kiss to the top of your head, causing your eyebrows to furrow.

“What time is it?” You asked him, to which he responded by pulling out his phone and showing you the lock screen. 8:47am. You nodded, a frown on your face, “did you get any sleep?” You asked him softly.

“I’m fine, I was asleep for a few hours before you called me.”

You sighed, feeling guilty. “You should go home and get some sleep.”

You felt him shake his head from behind you, “I’m staying right here.”

Despite wanting to force him to go home, you couldn’t help the happiness you felt at his stubbornness to stay with you. “You know you don’t need to be here. I won’t be offended if you leave.”

He chuckled, “stop trying to get me to leave. I’m here. On my own accord, okay? I’m gonna take care of you.”

You paused, thinking about the word floating around your head. “Why?” you whispered.

Colson’s face scrunched in confusion, “what do you mean “why”? Because you’re my friend and I care about you.”

“I mean, yeah. But I’m not like a “drop everything” kind of friend, I’m just your assistant.” You muttered.

Colson made an “are-you-serious?” face and let out a snort. “Seriously? You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You mean the world to me, of course I’d drop everything for you.”

You couldn’t think of a response, his words making your heart race. “oh.” Was the best you could come up with.

“Y/N, seriously, you think way too low of yourself. You’re amazing.” He said, nose burying into your hair.

You shrugged, “you only say that because I take care of you when you’re drunk and help you do all the things you don’t want to do.”

Colson’s expression softened, a frown forming on his face. “I’m saying that because I think the world of you. You’re the kindest, funniest, coolest person I know. I meant it, when you told me you were in the hospital, my heart almost stopped. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about you being hurt.” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, “I wish you could see how much you mean to me.” He mumbled.

You were quiet for a little while, processing what he had said. “You’re only saying that because I’m in the hospital.” You muttered, a frown on your face. You were trying to keep your hopes low, knowing once you were out of here, he would regret saying any of this.

“Y/N, are you being serious right now? I’m saying this because I’ve been fucking in love with you for the past year and a half.” He said and you could feel your breath catch in your throat. “I can’t believe you don’t see it.”

You bit your lip, turning to look up to him. “I just- I didn’t want- you wouldn’t.” You stumbled over your words, taking a deep breath, and starting again. “I didn’t want to read too much into it or get my hopes up. I figured you’d never be into someone like me so I just told myself you were being nice. I thought you only treated me well because I worked for you.” You mumbled.

He frowned, holding you tighter to him, “I am so, so into you. You are the only woman in my life who has ever stuck by me through my worst shit. Like even when I was a total jackass you stayed with me. How could I not fall in love with you?”

You bit your lip, tears threatening to spill at his sweet sentiment. You’d never had anyone say something that kind about you. You’d always assumed people only kept you around because you did stuff for them, but here was the man you were in love with telling you that he cared about you for you.

“I love you too.” You whispered, leaning your head further into his chest.

[mirinda03]

@leaflinerambles asked me for an essay so i complied

Here’s why c!tommy deserves better

Tommy Danger Kraken Careful Innit deserves better.

(All of this is about the characters btw. Sometimes i don't put c! Because honestly its a lot of putting that so just know that unless it says cc! I mean character)

Now, I know that can be a bit of a controversial take for.. some reason??? People may say that actually, he deserves to face the consequences of his actions and deserves to be punished.

. What the fuck.

That's a sixteen year old. That a teenager. He doesn't deserve to be 1. Abused 2. Traumatized 3. Manipulated 4. Used and 5. Taught a ‘lesson’ that i'm sure he’s been taught far fat too many times.

Tommy is a complex character. As we all know, he's regarded as the ‘protagonist’ of the dream smp or the ‘main character’. Now, of course, being the main character is a very subjective term and that is a whole other fucking essay that im not gonna get into right now—

BUT.

I do think in a way Tommy has been involved in a lot of the more.. main plots. From season one to season three.

And of course, with being the ‘main character’ (again, a purely subjective term because it depends on the point of view you watch) come a lot of things and a lot of trouble. Mainly, from our main ‘villain’ of the series.

C!Dream, the fucking bitch.

As we all know, c!Dream has had a weird obsession with c!Tommy since.. probably the beginning?

He liked to antagonize Tommy, but that wasn't exactly special. The man liked to antagonize everyone! He seemed to just want the most chaotic option, which of course ended with him antagonizing others often for his own entertainment.

I think, in a way, Dream always saw the smp as a game. His own little puppet show, where he could move the strings. He wanted complete control

But Tommy was more stubborn than the others. Tommy actively went against Dream from the start, like we see in the disc war. Or L’manberg, or during manberg, or new lmanb—

You get the idea.

Tommy never gave in, and Dream’s obsession grew.

So.. exile happened.

And like, i'm not sure what exactly dream was planning but i'm assuming he wanted to like.. ‘break’ tommy?? Make him more ‘compliant’ to his twisted game?

C!Tommy was, to put it simply, abused. No sugar coating, that was straight up abuse and gaslighting and manipulation. The burning his armor? Making sure no one got an invite? Keeping Tommy at low health? EVERYTHING??

That was all clear manipulation. Tommy.. went through a LOT in exile. It still affects him as we know. ‘Plain biomes, small holes, logstedshire’ among other things have been added to his list of stuff that sets him off.

(And also the waking up drowning?????)

And i know, Dream almost had tommy in his grasp. He almost broke him.

But Tommy resisted. Tommy pulled back at the last second, in that dirt tower. He was strong enough to realize what dream was doing was wrong an he ran from a toxic environment and situation and honestly? Good👏 for 👏 him 👏.

But the trauma stayed, in many ways. And even during the raccoonit arc, tommy didn't really.. get a chance to heal?

During the techno and tommy arc, tommy seemed to direct his hurt into lashing out at others. He got angry, he lashed out, and he hurt people. Even if im a tommy apologist, i can acknowledge that during his time of poor mental health he hurt other people and he had to apologize (and he did!! But im getting to that)

Now. I am.. very conflicted when it comes to techno and tommy’s relationship. I do believe that, somewhere deep inside, they both cared about each other. However, bias and fanon influence can get in the way so i'm not touching on that.

The one thing i'm saying? It wasn't exactly a healthy dynamic. And again, not saying anything because bias could get in the way, but Tommy realizing the error of his ways and realizing he HURT PEOPLE is such a huge milestone??

He took responsibility by joining tubbo again. He said how his trauma did not excuse shit and he acknowledged it and he tried to CHANGE.

Even when faced with people who exiled him, who shunned him or who weren't there to visit during exile, he decided to be better and he once again took the role of the troop rallier even when he KNEW how impossible the task would be. He SAW Techno’s wither skull vault. He knew it was a losing battle.

But he stayed strong. And he fought for L’Manberg, for the last reminder he had of Wilbur (and oh, wilbur and tommy’s relationship in canon is a whole other can of worms god—)

Just for it to get destroyed.

By his abuser, and two people he had trusted. People he RELIED on.

Blown, to the ground.

And then dream.

Dream saying their story isn't over. Their story would NEVER be over.

. Bone chilling. Genuinely so.

And still. He faced Dream. He faced his abuser, the person who in his own words ‘ruined him’ and he refused to back down.

He refused to let Tubbo die. He refused to lose.

And in the end, Dream was sent to jail. Retribution was sent!

.. right?

Wrong.

Because even after that, Tommy continues to be haunted by dream or by the literal CULTISTS trying to kill him.

And to top it all off, he gets fucking trapped in prison with his abuser surrounded by a bunch of triggers in a small cell. And have we mentioned how he's canonically claustrophobic?

Yeah.. that was bad.

One week. Trapped with his abuser.

And still, he stayed strong. Still, he refused to give in and stayed himself,

And what did he get for that?

Death.

Beaten to death by his abuser of all things.

And he was trapped in the void for two months. Two. Months.

But in the human world? It had only been days.

And he was so so shaken by it. He couldn't even touch other people, he couldn't take any damage, he was treated as a ghost by people, he was called a ‘science experiment’ and the one thing he wanted? Normality? It was taken away from his forever.

Again, by his abuser.

Hes a traumatized child soldier whos done plenty of wrong in his life, but he's also a kid who needs to heal and learn to have healthy relationships because one way or the other every healthy mentor figure in his life turned against him or got corrupted and now he feels alone and he DIED and he needs fucking therapy come on.

And we KNOW the dream isn't done. Far from it. We know dream will never, ever be done. He's too obsessed with the game, with his favorite toy to let the game end. To let the people rest

C!tommy is so broken and jaded and traumatized. But still, he chooses compassion. Despite the trauma, he refused to hurt his best friend. Despite it all, he refused to blow up him home. He stays true to himself and he stays strong and even when the world tries to mold him he doesn't break.

And believe me, the world tries to break him and mold him so many times. He’s been manipulated or used before by others, but he still keeps his attachments and he still keeps himself and i think thats fucking admirable.

So yeah. I wholeheartedly believe tommy deserves better as do the other members of bench trio because honestly they're also children and they all deserve to heal come ON.

But yeah thats the essay

[maybebanks]

Hurting Part 2

LINK TO PART 1

@mavelfanatic @my-therapist-hates-me @rudypankowswife

⚠️: trigger warning, talks on abuse

JJ lead you to his car and took you back to the chateau. When you arrived, you were wet and cold from the ocean, but you couldn’t budge.

You never actually admitted what was done to you. Not to JJ, or anyone. There was still hope for you to convince him he was wrong.

When he parked, he stared back at you.

“How are you feeling?” JJ said softly.

You scoffed, “freezing. But fine.”

You had a towel wrapped around your legs and another draped over your shoulder.

“I should go home,” you shrugged.

“Sleep here,” JJ suggested, turning off the car and opening his door.

He got around and opened the door for you, “It’s up to John B,” you argued.

JJ chuckled, “you know John B would let you stay any day,”

You inhaled for a deep breath, but it was shaken and not smooth. This made JJ worried.

“Here let me help you out,” JJ said, guiding you with his hand on your lower back.

“Hey! I can get out of a car myself,” you interjected, slowly climbing out.

JJ put his hands up in defense, that little part of him intrigued by your stubborn side. It was like him.

You both walked inside and headed to the bathroom.

“Ooh damn it’s cold!” JJ yelped as he jumped in the shower and turned it on.

You smiled, “bet it’s freezing,”

This motivated JJ to be playful, he smirked and jumped out, then grabbed you gently and pulled you into the shower.

“Ah! No!” You screamed.

JJ laughed and let the water soak you, still with your bathing suit on.

You moved the hair out of your face and grabbed JJ by his cheeks, “You son of a-“

He cut you off by pressing his lips to yours. And once he knew you were comfortable, he moved them gently with yours.

Your hands fell to his neck and intertwined with the back of his hair.

He smiled under your kiss, and gently pushed you against the wall.

The water was getting warmer.

JJ started to unzip your wet suit top, so you pushed him back.

“Not right now, J,” you sighed.

“Oh but you’re sooo pretty,” he pleaded, one hand on the side of your face.

“Im...I’m sorry. I want to make you happy. But every time you touch me...” you paused, looking into his concerned eyes, “it’s stupid.” you sighed, looking away from him now. You moved to get around him but he stopped you.

“Hey, it’s not stupid. I’d never hurt you, Y/n,” JJ said.

“You’re just saying that,” you mumbled.

“I’m not. Do..uh do you see your step dad when I touch you?” JJ asked. Scared of the answer himself.

“No. JJ no. He’s not...I mean I’m like you. Okay? He doesn’t touch me like that, I swear.” You pleaded. If JJ was going to know about anything, he shouldn’t know about the sexual side. Those theories should be laid to rest.

“So how does he touch you?” JJ asked.

You didn’t want to talk about it, “J...um.. like I said. Like you,”

“He hits you? Do...uh you have bruises?”

“Are you asking for proof?” You asked, offended.

“No! Y/n, that’s not what I meant,” JJ tried but you already pushed past him and started grabbing stuff to leave.

“Y/n!-“

“Stay away from me JJ! You don’t have to worry about me anymore! You don’t have to care! I’m leaving!” You shouted, tears pouring down your face as you pushed away the one you loved.

“Where do you think your gonna go? Back there?” JJ suggested, trying to stop you.

“I’m- im not telling you.....I’m not telling you the worst thing about myself!” You said breathlessly.

JJs heart broke. He knew how you felt. But it was so extreme, he knew if you bottled it down you would feel worse.

“Come here,” JJ whispered, you looked at him, afraid.

Slowly, he got close and held her tight, as if she would fall through his arms.

She held him close, as if closing her eyes tight enough would make her forget about the world.

“It’s gonna get worse before it gets better. You’ve gotta talk to me. I’m not going to judge you, or blame you,” JJ assured.

You didn’t say a word, just hugged him. JJ was a good hugger.

“He just..he slapped me. That’s why there’s no bruises like you. He does it sometimes when we fight and my mom is out of town,” you admitted.

“But your mom is almost always out of town.” JJ sighed, knowing your hurting could happen a lot.

“I know. It’s bad. But like I said, you can handle it. So, I can too,” you argued.

“But...” JJ didn’t know how to phrase it, it was worse for you because you were a girl, and there was something sexual about it.

“...the bruises on your legs. And your ass,” JJ continued, his was seeking an explanation.

You sighed, “no, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Those are probobly just from sitting on rocks,” you lied.

JJ furrowed his brows, he hated the fact that you would lie to him. As a way of protecting him. He should be the one protecting you.

“Show me.” He demanded.

“W-what?” You stuttered, gripping tightly to the towel covering your body.

“Show me, please,” JJ added, he only wanted the truth. He didn’t want you to lie to him, or yourself.

“No. I’m sorry, but no.” You exclaimed, trying to get around him and away from this situation.

“Y/n. This is not a joke. Lift up your towel for me, baby. I’m not gonna hurt you,” JJ added, you couldn’t understand where he was coming from.

Why did he have to know?

You got lost in thought until you felt JJ steadily lifting the towel up gently. More of your thigh was visible and park of your butt cheek.

You were still in fear, watching JJ’s jaw clench.

“I’m gonna kill him,” he said softly, “I’m gonna fucking kill him,” he seethed.

You pushed his hands off, “you..you can’t.”

JJs eyes were wide, “what- well he should at least be punished Y/n! There is no way I’m letting him make a pass at you again,”

Your heart throbbed, “you don’t understand. This is why I never wanted to tell you,”

“You haven’t told me anything. And...and look...I get it. No one should have to go through what you’re going through, you’re so god damn strong. But, baby, staying quiet is not helping,” JJ explained.

Your throat felt as if it was closing, the thought of telling anyone haunted you, you shook your head, muttering no.

JJ pulled you in for another hug.

“I’m not going to rush you. But you’re not going back there, got it? You stay by my side, never leave,” JJ told you.

“She comes back tomorrow,” you sniffled.

Your mom.

“Y/n-“

“It’ll be fine. He’s usually nicer when she’s there,” you made an excuse.

“No way. Unless you’re gonna tell your mom, which I don’t think you’re ready for, your staying with me,” JJ said, closing the bedroom door that you were nothing in.

“Are you serious? What, so you’re my body guard now? JJ, don’t try to control me! You don’t even know anything!” You argued in frustration. Hating the feeling of being trapped.

“Because you don’t tell me!” He retaliated.

“Fine! I’m not telling anyone because he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to my mom! We’re basically fucking kooks now! It would break her heart. It would break us. And if he even has the slightest thought that we might tell, he’ll go to her first, and no one will believe me! No ones gonna believe me, over him.”

“I believe you. I’m here, Y/n/n. And you have proof, and you have me to back you up,”

“That’s not enough,” you sighed.

“Yes it is. I’ll show you. It’ll get better, I promise,”

You’ve never heard JJ say that. Ever. He never promises anything. Maybe once as a joke, but this was meaningful.

PART 3

Link to part one

-

as always, the topics discussed may be triggering. Please seek help if this is happening to you. Love you all so much. Have an amazing day.

[germvity]

rises the moon

leon s kennedy x reader // 3 // hell's comfort

"come sit down, jill. we'll explain." leon gestures to the cot as you rest your head on his bicep. "sure." jill shrugs, following the two of you in, and settling down on the other end of the makeshift bed. when leon sits with his back against the wall, you curl up into his side, still uncertain of jill's company as the blonde speaks to her about what he's gathered so far.

genre: angst with comfort, fluff <3

tags: leon being a sweetie/protective, he wants to help, jill still may be ooc im sorry :(, big bully david >:(, there will be bullying in this chap, the entity (tm), leon literally being a big puppy, cuddles!, biggie slow burn. the entity literally just vibing. handcuffs 🥵, fighting

warnings: bullying + violence, fighting, crying, angst

---

jill had left to think already, leaving the two of you alone. both she and leon wanted to help you, but you don't know how they could when it was you (and leon) against the world here. "c'mon, you must be hungry." leon smiles, offering you his hand when he gets up. "not really.." you mumble, avoiding his soft gaze. "really? you haven't eaten since... well i'm not sure but you haven't eaten yet! let's keep your strength up." leon says, taking your smaller hand in his and leading you in the direction of the campsite. "wait! i don't wanna go there..!" you cry, jerking backwards to your shack, pulling leon with you. "okay, okay." leon grabs your arms to give them soothing rubs as he hushes you incase anyone hears your panic. "you wait in the shack, and i'll go get us some food, yeah?" the officer smiles but you refuse to let him go so easily. "can't we wait a little longer..?" you pout and leon sighs. "no, i'm making it my duty to take care of you, and that includes making sure you eat." he says, letting go of you to take your hands. "i'll keep you safe. i promise." you can't help but give in, following leon towards the campsite reluctantly.

you tense at the sight of the others, but they didn't see you or leon, too busy wrapped up in conversations. "come on whilst they're unaware." leon whispers, leading you to the fake kitchen area the entity had set up. a pot of oatmeal bubbled, and you grimaced at the sight and smell of it. "hmm.. there has to be something around here..." leon hums to himself, letting go of you to search around. "leon.." you whine at the sound of footsteps, grabbing his arm to hide behind him. "what?" he whispers back, turning to the door where claudette stood.

leon's stomach sank as she stared at you. she opened her mouth to say something but leon cut her off. "please, don't tell the others. we're just getting some food and we'll leave." he raises his hand as if claudette was a feral animal, trying to show that neither of you were a threat. claudette hesitates, glancing over her shoulder at the campsite before looking back at the two of you. "david!" she called, and leon cursed under his breath. "i'm sorry..." she whispers before leaving. "what?!" the brit yells, his eyes darkening at the sight of you and leon. "well, well.. look who's in our camp." he spits, crossing his arms. your breathing picks up and you grasp leon's sleeve tightly. "david." leon straightens up his posture, pulling you fully behind him. "what ya got there, rookie?" david taunts, jumping to try and get to you but leon moves with him, hiding you affectively. "leave them alone, king." leon demands, voice harsh.

the fighter laughs loudly, and your stability crumbles at the sight of the whole camp staring at you. "leon.." you whisper, voice wavering. "where've you two been anyway? off fucking somewhere i presume." david sneers, trying to take another lunge at leon, but the officer is quicker, still trying to keep you away from your harasser. "leon..!" you whimper again but it falls on deaf ears as leon argues with david. "you're wrong actually. unlike you i actually care for the people around me. that's why i'm a much better person than you." leon shoots back, and david snaps, swinging for the blonde.

leon ducks, pushing you out the way as he tackles david. the fight escalates as the camp gathers round, some cheering on leon whilst the majority egged on david. "leon!" you yelp, shrinking back with cowardice despite your burning desire to help him. you gasp as arms tighten around your waist, pulling you away from the fight. "leon!" you wail again, catching the blonde's attention as he punches david. "y/n!" leon yells, going to scramble after you but is stopped by david grabbing his ankle and pulling him back for more.

twisting around, leon's boot found david face as he kicks the other man away, turning back around to scramble to get you, but you were already gone. "shit." leon hisses, not seeing how jill was running off in your direction. david's nose poured with blood as he groans, getting up to swing at leon. catching his wrist, the blonde quickly detains the fighter, handcuffing him before stumbling off into the tree line to try and find you.

you whimper as jake sets you down on a fallen tree, letting him ruffle your hair. "you alright?" he asks softly, and you shake your head no. "uhh..." jake glances back at the campsite through the trees. "hold it, asshole!" a female voice snaps, and jill emerges through the brush. "jill!" you yelp, getting up to latch onto your new friend. "cool, i was just leaving." jake shrugs, trudging back to the camp. "are you alright." jill asks as she glares at jake. "leon... where's leon?" you whimper as jill sits you back down. "don't worry about him, are you alright?" jill asks, cupping your face with her hands, wiping away any tears with her thumbs. "y/n! jill! thank god." leon gasps as he hurries to you. "are you alright?" leon asks desperately as he searches you for wounds. "they seem fine, just a bit shaken." jill answers for you. you cling to leon tightly, crying against his neck as he scoops you into his arms. "it's alright. i'm okay. i'm sorry that went down, i should of had you wait in your shack." leon sighs, holding you tight. "i'm gonna go check on everyone, try and keep the peace." jill stands, ruffling leon's hair before leaving. "thanks." leon calls after her and the woman only salutes over her shoulder as she walks away.

"leon.." you whisper, voice hoarse. "i'm here." the blonde assures you, pulling away to wipe your tears. "i'm sorry he did this to you.." you frown, cupping leon's bruised face as shakes his head. "don't apologise for that asshole." leon says sternly. "it wouldn't of happened if i wasn't there! i'm sorry." you whimper, pressing your forehead against leon's for comfort as he sighs. "none of this is your fault. i'm gonna fix all of this, alright?" leon whispers, pulling your head away from him as he looks at you. you look unsure, but nod. you trust him fully and he knows it. he also knows that you both have the same idea, and leon can't help but sneak a glance at your lips as you grow a little closer to him. "leon..?" you mumble, and he smiles, pulling you a closer and closer.

"my sincerest apologies for interrupting, but i have some news." a shadowy voice interrupts and the two of you jump, leon pulling you into his chest protectively. "who's there?" he demands, searching for the voice. "i'm here." the entity purrs, deep voice rumbling in your ears. "no one is in trouble. it was quite amusing to watch your performance but mr. kennedy..." the god trails off as leon looks up at the dark sky. "i'm sorry to say that your handcuffs are being confiscated until i know you wont do this again." it says, dangling leon's cuffs above his head with a sharp claw. "i won't. i was forced to." leon reminds the entity that he started nothing, and you can practically hear the entity thinking. "i suppose so, but it is still unacceptable." the entity says, voice ever so calm. "what, and bullying your teammates isn't?!" leon snaps, standing to try and snatch his handcuffs back. "mr. kennedy..." the voice warns as it raises his handcuffs higher. "you're a monster. an absolute joke. when i figure out how to kill you, i swear-"

"mr. kennedy." the entity silences him with a firm snap and leon falls into silence. you glance at him nervously as more claws descend, grasping leon out of your hold and hauling him up like he weighed nothing.. "might i remind you that nothing can kill me. i am a god. i am your god. your pathetic little threat won't go unnoticed but for now i'm feeling generous as you are new, and most newcomers feel the same way." the entity's voice sends chills down your spine as you stare at leon anxiously. "i will grant you your handcuffs after fifteen successful trials. then you shall receive them. until then, i shall bid you farewell." the entity suddenly drops the blonde who lands on his back with a pained grunt.

"asshole.." leon hisses as the entity takes it's leave. "leon! are you alright." you rush to pamper the blonde as he sits up. "i'm fine, don't worry." leon flushes red, getting up and offering you his hand. "come on, lets get some rest, hm?" he smiles, and you take his hand to follow him into the woods.

[thelittleboyfromloveactually]

Innocent hug

Dylan O’Brien x reader

Warnings: mentions of rape, sexual assault, cussing, mentions of smut, Dylan being sweet (this can be possibly triggering!!!!!!) angst

Promt: when Dylan finds you crying after an uncomfortable interview, the two of you find your selves admitting things you never thought you would say again (y’all i just, I don’t even know, I can’t write freaking descriptions hahaha)

Word count: 2712

Disclaimer: so basically the interview is for maze runner, just pretend that you play another character in the movie that was like Thomas’ best friend and newts love interest (also y’all pls send some requests)

Not my gif! Credits to @dyobrien! <3

“Hi I’m Dylan O’Brien!” Started Dylan trying to control himself from his laughter, before the cameras had begun rolling Dylan had cracked a joke that he was still trying to recover from.

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N” you said smiling

“I’m Thomas brodie sangster” Thomas said giving the camera a small wave

“And we’re the cast of maze runner” you said still smiling, also trying to control your laughter

“Or at least some of it” Dylan added on making everyone lose it again. Dylan practically fell out of his chair, Thomas giggled and you just kept laughing. Dylan had a habit of making you laugh, it was one of the many things you loved about him. You and Dylan had been best friends since you met on the set of teen wolf. You were a guest star who was quickly killed off. You and Dylan hit it off immediately, you two just got each other. You had the same sense of humor, same interests, and generally you two just felt normal around each other. The two of you stayed connected even after you left the show. Then you were lucky enough to land another part with Dylan in maze runner. Dylan played Thomas, and you played Y/C/N, Thomas’ best friend and Newts love interest. You had become extremely close with the cast, they were like your family. Since the release of the scorch trials you and Dylan had become quite the hit. Though you weren’t together in the movie, everyone shipped it. Two years after scorch trials, you and Dylan were in another movie together! American assassin, Dylan played Mitch Rapp and you of course played Y/C/N, Mitch’s love interest. Everyone wanted you two together, and it was not secret, the two of you were constantly teased on set for “flirting”.

You were doing this interview for the release of your latest movie, Maze Runner: The Death Cure. You were very sad that this series was coming to an end, you were definitely gonna miss it, everyone was.

“So my first question is for all of you actually, out of the three of you, who is the funniest?” The interview met asked

“Dylan and Y/N are both quite hilarious, especially when they are together, they are always cracking jokes and laughing” Thomas said looking at you and Dylan

“We do have fun” you agreed “honestly though I think we are all pretty funny, but Dylan I would say wins this one” you said looking to your right at Dylan

“What can I say? I’m a true born comedian” said Dylan

The questions continued, Dylan and Thomas were asked a lot about work and their new projects, whereas you seemed to be getting the clothes questions, the personal life questions. Things like, “where do you recommend buying clothes?” “How was your trip to Italy” “what are you wearing today”. Sadly that was fairly normal.

“Alright Y/N your up again, now the buzzing question everywhere right now is, are you single?” The interviewer asked

“Yes I am single” you smiled even though you were generally annoyed inside “Im that girl at the family reunions who gets introduced to the 3rd cousins, and who always gets told by the grandmas, “see honey this is why you are still single”” you said

Next to you Dylan weesed and began laughing hysterically. Thomas again just giggled his sweet laugh.

“Well do they know the men you work with? I mean your standards must be pretty high huh?” The interviewer pushed

“Yes yes I guess they are” you said, Dylan laughed next to you

“Why aren’t you with any of them Y/N?” He asked

Your eyebrows knitted together at this question, was he really asking this?

“Well blondie over here” you said gesturing to Thomas “is taken as you know, and taken by one of the nicest people I know, so”

“Well what about you Dylan, I mean the media definitely wants you two together, you two are like Tom hanks and Meg Ryan, and hey if I were you I would totally hit that” he said to Dylan

You froze at this, wtf was this guy doing? Dylan’s eyebrows shot up and his jaw clenched, and Thomas glared at the interviewer.

“Really man?” Dylan asked, you adjusted yourself in your seat, moving your arms to cover your body, you suddenly felt exposed and uncomfortable.

“I was just kidding with you guys” the interviewer said laughing it off

“Wasn't very funny” Dylan said

“Sorry man, didn’t mean any harm” he said putting his hands up in defense

You were shaking, you had a past. A past no one knew about, a past that would be easily triggered by a comment like that.

“Maybe think before you speak next time” Thomas added

“Ya, not cool man” Dylan said

The tension in the room was deadly. But still the interview continued on with only two questions left.

After the interview everyone was checking to make sure you were ok, Dylan kept saying that he’d beat his ass and Thomas just repeated that he is a dick. On the way back to the hotel you were all staying at, the consern eventually died down. Thomas and Dylan were planning on meeting up with ki Hong and kaya at a bar somewhere. They asked if you wanted to join but you kindly refused saying that you needed some me time. They were hesitant at first but then gave in and left you in your hotel room. Once the door closed you ran to the bathroom, looking at yourself in the gold rimmed mirror. Then suddenly you were crying.

“No!” You yelled at yourself “don’t cry, stop it Y/N!” You told yourself, but the tears just kept flowing and they wouldn’t stop.

Dylan’s POV

I swear I was gonna murder that man, who the fuck makes comments like that? I knew Y/N, I knew how this was going to go. I could talk she was shaken up and uncomfortable, but she would never admit that. She never let people in, she claimed she didn’t want to bother anyone with her personal problems. Leaving her alone in her hotel room felt wrong, I knew she wasn’t okay. I could see it in her face. As we walked away from her door, down to the lobby I felt the sudden urge to go back. To run back to her and take her in my arms, stroke her hair and tell her it was ok. Then I decided that that was exactly what I was going to do.

“Hey man I think imma go back, you know how she is, I don’t think she should be alone” I told Thomas, he looked back at me with understanding eyes

“Ofcourse mate” he said nodding, “I think that is a brilliant idea”

“Tell kaya and ki Hong I’m sorry I missed them” I said already waking back to Y/Ns room

“Will do!” He responded

Then I burst out into a run, running back down the hall and to the elevator. I clicked the 6th floor and the second the doors opened I was out, running to Y/Ns door.

Once I got there I took the liberty of unlocking it with the extra key she had given me. She said it was only for emergencies, but I thought I could make an exception. I walked quietly into the hotel room, I opened my mouth to yell for her but then shut it again. I heard muffled cry’s coming from the bedroom. Shit, I hope she’s watching some random soap opera, I hope that’s not her crying.

“Hey Y/N?” I said opening the door to the bedroom

Your POV

When you heard Dylan say your name you quickly sprang into action. Because you were still in the bathroom he wouldn’t be able to see u for at least a few more seconds. You wiped your eyes and tired to put yourself together before walking out to greet him.

“Hey Dylan” you said smiling, keeping up your act

Dylan studied you, he saw your smile, but he also saw your red rimmed eyes and your fidgeting hands, he heard the slight crack in your voice and the tiredness in it as well.

“Are you alright?” He asked stepping slowly toward you

“Ya ya I’m fine! What are you doing here?” You said, way to quickly

Dylan looked at you with sad eyes, it broke him to know that you were hiding from him. “I was worried, I wanted to make sure you were ok”

“We’ll hate to break it to ya, but um you came back for nothing, I am totally fine, faaaaaantastic!” you said smiling at him even more

“You can talk to me” he said stepping closer to you again

“There is nothing to talk about” you said

“Y/N, I know you, I know what you are doing, your not ok, and your hiding it, your shutting me out again”

“Dylan you need to calm down! I. Am. Fine!” You said, he was right though, and you both knew it “you should really go have fun!”

“Y/N-“ he started before being cut off again

“I insist Dylan, please, don’t worry about me, ok?” You said smiling sweetly

“That’s a lot easier said than done” he said looking down, then an idea came to him, it was horrible and he knew you would hate him, but he needed you to let him in “but if that’s what you want, then I’ll leave” he said

“Yes! Go have a good time!” You’d aid practically pushing him out of the bedroom

“See ya later!” You said closing the bedroom door behind him

Dylan walking over to the front door, opened it, and then closed it, still standing in your hotel room. Meanwhile you were listening to hear him leave, and when the door shut you began crying again. Then suddenly strong arms were tapped around your body, pulling you in close. You jumped.

“Hey hey, it’s just me” Dylan said stroking your hair

“But-but you left” you said looking up at him confused

“I didn’t, I’m sorry angel but I needed you to be honest with me” he said looking at you in your eyes. His heart breaking into a million pieces, he hated seeing you like this.

“I-I’m so sorry” you said beginning to cry even harder

“Don’t be sorry angel, it’s ok I’m here” he said hushing you and continuing to stroke you hair. He held you in his arms and never let you go. He held you as you cried, though he was also breaking inside.

After what seemed like forever, your tears ran out and you began to calm down. Dylan still holding you close.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked sweetly

“Not really” you said sniffling

“You know I will go back and kill That guy if you want me too right?” He said pulling away from you so he could see your face

You didn’t look at him in the eyes, though his tried to find yours

“No it’s ok, really. That guy was a Douche bag, it’s not his fault I have shit” because you had just been crying and weren’t thinking strait, those words just slipped through your mouth. Dylan’s eyes widened and he moved your chin to that you had to face him.

“What kind of shit?” He asked

“Nothing” you said

He widened his eyes saying “really?”

You nodded in response to his action.

“Come on Y/N I’m here, please just talk to me” he pleaded

You stood up and out of Dylan’s grasp. “Listen Dylan, there is a lot you don’t know about me, and it’s all for good reason, ok? I recommend leaving it alone” you said

“I have left it alone for long enough Y/N!” He said standing up as well

“Whatever Dylan” you said waving away his statement

“No! Do not shut me out!” He said walking over to you again grabbing you hands, you could tell he was getting mad, but when he grabbed you it scared you

“No stop! Please! I’m sorry!” You pleaded, Dylan let go of your hands. His heart broke. He looked at you with concerned eyes.

“I’m sorry” he said, he noticed you were shaking, he was so confused, your reaction wasn’t normal. “Please just talk to me, please?”

You sighed and sat down on the bed, putting your face in your hands. Dylan sighed, giving up he began walking away when suddenly you began talking.

“I was 20, it was the first week of my sophomore year of college, my best friend at the time was bugging me about going to some frat party for back to school, the guys she liked had asked her to come and bring a friend. I told her I had to study but she didn’t believe me because it was the first week of school. I wasn’t a party person but I gave in. We got there, and she was drunkenly talking to the guy. I only had one drink, that the guy, his name was Brandon gave me. I started to feel sick and I went to go lie down. I was not thinking strait and when Brandon offered to help me I accepted, he carried me to the bedroom and put me down on the bed. By that time I was confused but barely conscious. He um…” you hesitated, Dylan stared at u in disbelief “he rapped me, he fucking rapped me. I tried to tell my friend but she just accused me of being jealous and not happy for her, saying Brandon would never do that. She never spoke to me again. Then a year later my boyfriend, who I had only been dating for a month or so wanted to ya know do it and I told him I wasn’t ready, I lied telling him I was a virgin. He was fine with it and he said he would wait. He asked again a month later and I still said no, this time he was more angry. We fought and I told him what happened and he called me a slut. We didn’t technically break up but we didn’t really speak. I felt bad so one time I decided to surprise him in his dorm. He was there with another girl. He cheated on me. I never told anyone else about what Brandon did to me. Not my parents, not my friends, not the police.” You finished in tears again

Dylan’s heart was in a million pieces, his best friend was raped and he didn’t know about it. Ofc it was a few years before you met him but he still kicked himself for not protecting you. He loved you! He loved you so damn much. He walked and he wrapped you up in his arms.

“It’s okay angel” he spoke softly so he would scare you. He let his emotions take hold of him, he no longer had control of what he said, “I love you so much and I will never ever leave you or hurt you, I will always protect you.” He told you

You looked up, he just said that he loved you, “what?” You asked

Dylan then realized what he had said “oh um ha” he said scratching the back of his head, screw it he thought. “Ya I love you Y/N, I have loved you for a long time, and and I feel bad telling you now, I don’t wanna take advantage of you but I do. I love you and-“ he was cut off by your lips on his. They were soft, moved as if they were meant for each other.

“I love you too” you said as you smiled

Dylan let out a breath of relief and kissed you again. When Dylan met you, you were nervous about your new job next to big actors, Dylan hugged you trying to comfort you. You never forgot that hug.

You layed in his arms, and for once in a long time you felt light, happy, and safe. And it was all because of one innocent hug.

[peach-pops]

hello!!! I love ur blog so much ! Can I requests a hc with Oikawa and Kuroo dating a Hothead/easily angered girlfriend? Maybe she gets into a fight and how would the boys react?

This is spicy yes of course! Also I def relate to the reader cause I get mad at freaking everything. There is a lot of cussing and there is violence obviously so just a warning!

Also PSA: I know Mika ( Daisho’s gf)  is probably super nice in the manga but I had to make her uhhhhh unlikeable so yeah. 

Oikawa and Kuroo with a Hothead Girlfriend

-Oikawa-

There’s no need to sugarcoat it, Oikawa was intimidated by you because of your ‘ don’t fuck with me attitude’ but once you started dating, he realized it came in handy especially with his fans

He never had to worry about his fans ever messing with you because they’d be dumb to say anything to your face without you throwing hands back so Oikawa always thought things would be in his favor

UNTILLLL you showed up to one of Aoba Johsai’s games because of course, you wanted to support the team 

You watched the game from up on the stands and you could hear his fans whispering amongst each other about you but you wanted to stay focused on the game 

Whenever Oikawa served, he would make a quick glance at you to make sure that you saw it but even though your eyes were on him, you didn’t look thrilled

Oikawa put two and two together once he saw his little fanbase a few rows back laughing in your direction and his heart dropped. Sure, he was upset that they were saying things about you but he was even more worried that you were going to kill them 

The match was getting closer to the end but the girls were persistent in bashing you for every little thing and you did  your best to keep your temper under control 

“ What is she even wearing?” 

“ Shouldn’t she be wearing a jersey to support her boyfriend?”

“ Maybe Oikawa-San and her broke up!” 

“ Thank goodness, he can do so much better anyway. He is way out of her league.”

You clenched your fists against the bottom of your seat. You’d be damned if you were just gonna sit there and listen to them talk badly about you

You whipped your head around and gave them a deadly glare,” Just wait until this game ends and we’ll see if you’ll be able to keep talking shit.” 

They’re just shocked that you even turned around to confront them and while they’re a bit shooketh cause you’re  high key scary, they don’t take your threat seriously 

Oikawa can practically feel the tension in the air so once Aoba Johsai scores the last point and they take their bows, he looks up at you as if he’s pleading with you to just wait until he can get there

Cue that one tik tok: ‘ girl don’t do it, it’s not worth it…’ 

And you’re looking back at him like ‘ im not gonna do it girl...I was just thinking about it...im not gonna do it”

You and Oikawa both thought that the coast was clear and that you two can go about your day but then the main fangirl opened her mouth,” I told you guys she’s too scared to fight us. Who does this bitch think she is?”

It all happened so fast, one minute you were beaming down proudly at your boyfriend and the next, you’re jumping over the bleachers to launch yourself at the girl in the stands 

“ OH SHIT!” Oikawa raced out of the gym with Iwaizumi running after him because Iwaizumi knows Oikawa might need his help 

Oikawa had never seen you this mad before so he didn’t know what to expect as he raced up the stairs

His mouth dropped when he saw you on top of the girl and you were going at it 

like yassssssss reader beat her ass!!! Fuck her up!!!!🤪🤪🤪

There’s a crowd gathered around but Oikawa managed to squeeze his way through and shouted at you to stop. He knew how strong you were and frankly, the girl didn’t even stand a chance against you. 

Obviously, he is your number one fan but he didn’t want you to go to jail for murdering this girl in cold blood

He tried to pull you off of her but you have that gorilla grip and this boy was struggling to pry you off like damn where is all of this strength coming from???

Oikawa looked around for anyone to help him but the crowd was a bit too scared of you so he shouted for backup

“ IWA-CHAN HELP ME BEFORE SHE KILLS HER!” 

Iwaizumi pushed through everyone and he assessed the situation. He sees lil ol’ you swinging at the girl who’s sprawled out on the floor screaming but he’s more focused on the fact that you listened to his advice on how to throw punches

He stans necessary violence!

Iwa managed to loosen your grip on the girl which gave Oikawa enough time to wrap his arms around you and hold you back 

“ Who’s scared now ha!” You laughed evilly as Oikawa tried dragging you away from the crime scene and he’s visibly shaken because his girlfriend is psychotic but is it awful that he feels so proud?!?!?

Like in his head he’s thinking,” damn okay go off queen!” 🥰

He managed to carry you all the way down to the stairs and pulled you aside to make sure you’re okay 

“Are you hurt anywhere? How are you feeling? Do you need some water or some ice for your knuckles?”

You looked down at your knuckles and sure enough, they were bruised but surprisingly not bloody,” Oh, I fucked up my knuckles...I didn’t even notice, ” You said as Oikawa shook his head disapprovingly,” I wasn’t even hitting that hard!”

“ Iwa-chan, can you be a dear and get some ice? I’m gonna stay here with Y/N to make sure she doesn’t go back up there,” Oikawa said as you held up your knuckles to show Iwaizumi 

“ How do I look Zumi?”

“ Damn Y/N, those look badass!”

Iwa was practically beaming because he knew he had taught you well🤩🤩🤩

“ Iwa-chan don’t get encourage her! Go get the ice!” Oikawa shouted as you and Iwaizumi both laughed before Iwa turned to leave 

Oikawa lightly skimmed his thumb across your knuckles and pressed an even lighter kiss to your knuckles before sighing,” Was it worth ruining your pretty hands honey?”

You inhaled deeply before shrugging innocently at your boyfriend,” Toru, I really tried to keep my cool I promise! They were saying really mean things the whole time but I did my best to control myself but she had it coming...Are you mad at me?”

“ Of course I’m not mad,” Oikawa answered honestly as he pulled you closer to him,” If you lost than sure, I would be disappointed but you won so I’m more proud than anything! But I’m pretty sure you broke her nose.”

“ A wise boyfriend once said; If you’re gonna hit it, hit it until it breaks,” You said with a smirk as Oikawa leaned in to give you a victory kiss

-Kuroo-

Kuroo knew what he was getting himself into when the two of you started dating. You were always so sweet and thoughtful but whenever you were upset, you didn’t care who got in your way, all you wanted to do was unleash the beast!

Most of the time, Kuroo could calm you down before it ever escalated but on the rare account that he couldn’t, he just hoped you didn’t do too much damage to whoever was on the receiving end 

At the end of one of Nekoma’s matches, you were celebrating with the team in the hallway when Kuroo excused himself to go use the restroom

You thought nothing of it and continued to chat and congratulate the other Nekoma members but as minutes passed by without seeing Kuroo, you excused yourself and went to go find him

You turned the corner to see Kuroo with his back facing you as he was loudly talking to Daisho. You knew Kuroo disliked Daisho but you were taken aback when you saw a familiar face next to him, Mika Yamaka 

You and Mika had never gotten along, even way before Kuroo had his feud with the Nohebi captain. The last time you had saw her, things hadn’t gone so well so to see her in the flesh made you feel some type of way

You walked over to where Kuroo was standing as the conversation halted

“ What’s going on? Everything okay?” You asked as Kuroo wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you in closer

“ Nothing, everything is fine,” Kuroo smiled but you could tell that something was obviously going on

“ Wow Y/N-chan, I gotta say, you’ve changed a lot. I see you finally figured out how to style your hair,” Mika said ‘sweetly’ as she played with her boyfriend’s volleyball in her hand,” you finally look grown-up.  I was sure you’d always look like that little geek I met in middle school.” 

You felt him squeeze your hip tightly as if to say ‘ don’t let her get under your skin’ but you couldn’t help yourself to snap back

“Aw, Mika. I wish I could say the same for you but turns out you’re still a fucking snake who-”

“ Okay, let’s just calm down and take a breath,” Kuroo said as he leaned down to whisper into your ear,” don’t do anything stupid, okay? I got your back.”

You squeezed his hand as you kept your icy stare on Mika who looked unbothered

“ Your girl sure does have a temper doesn’t she?” Daisho laughed as Kuroo snapped his eyes over to him

“ What did you say snake?” 

OH SO NOW IT’S SUDDENLY OKAY TO SAY SNAKE

“ He’s not wrong. Y/N is kinda known to be a bit of a bitch,” Mika said as a matter of fact as you and Kuroo both tensed up,” little miss hothead is what they used to call you right?” 

As angry as you were, you knew that she was just trying to push your buttons and that she wasn’t worth the hassle. At this point, the rest of the Nekoma boys were watching from afar and even Kenma had looked up from his game to watch the heated interaction

“ Let’s just go, you guys are all bark and no bite. That’s why Nohebi loses everytime against Nekoma. You want some advice, how about you guys win before you start to talk shit,” You scoffed as you grabbed Kuroo’s hand and walked off in the opposite direction 

Micdrop lets get it Y/N

Kuroo smiled down at you as he pressed a kiss on your forehead,” Baby, I’m really proud of you. I know it’s hard to keep your cool and I’m sure you wanted to beat her ass, huh?”

“ God, I was this close Tetsuro. I swear, I-”

You felt something hard hit the back of your head and a second later, you could hear Mika’s annoying voice,” Who’s all bark and no bite now?”

You looked down at the ground to see the volleyball she had just chucked at your head and you felt smoke come out of your ears

You moved your eyes up and locked eyes with Kenma like ‘did this bitch really just do that😮’ and Kenma nodded ‘girl she really did👀’

Kuroo looked shocked. He didn’t even know what to say but he really didn’t want you to get into a fight 

“Baby-”

“ Hold my purse,” You snapped as you shoved your bag into his chest and walked over to where Mika was standing 

“ Aw, is Y/N-chan gonna cry-”

Kuroo and Daisho watched with open mouths as you practically launched yourself at her, causing the two of you to hit the floor. The Nekoma boys shouted words of encouragement and you could even hear Yaku shout “WORLDSTAR!”

“ You! 👏🏼Stupid! 👏🏼Bitch!” You yelled as you kept slamming your fists into Mika as she swung her fists back to try and get you off

Kuroo rushed over, unsure of what to do. 

A little backstory: You two had a hypothetical conversation a while back and you had explicitly told him that if you had gotten into a fight, he was not allowed to step in unless you were losing. By the looks of it, you were winning by a longshot

It wasn’t until Daisho tried grabbing you off of Mika that Kuroo suddenly became protective and stepped in

“ Don’t touch her, snake!” Kuroo yelled as he easily pushed Daisho to the side and ripped you away from Mika

You scrambled and struggled against your boyfriend’s grip as you continued to curse at Mika

“ Uh huh! That’s what I thought you raggedy-ass, fucking bitch! You’re awfully quiet now, huh!” 

“ Oh my god babe, please-”

“ Whatever!” Mika shouted as Daiso helped her up as she held her nose in pain,”That’s why your stupid boyfriend stepped in.”

“ He stepped in cause he knows I will kill you! Do you hear me, Mika? You’re lucky my boyfriend isn’t such a weak ass like you because if he wasn’t holding me back, you wouldn’t be able to get off the floor-”

“ Okokokokokok! She got the message baby, you’re scary and she’s a dumbass,” Kuroo was struggling to keep his grip on you so he readjusted himself and threw you over his shoulder as he walked past his teammates,” let’s head to the bus.”

The rest of the Nekoma teammates followed the two of you back to the buses as Kenma walked over beside you,” Do you want me to send you the video?”

“ You were recording?” You and Kuroo both asked as Kenma nodded approvingly

“ Hell yeah! Send it to me!”

On the bus ride back, it was relatively loud from all of the talk about you throwing hands with Mika but Kuroo had all of his attention on you 

“ I can’t believe she threw a volleyball at your head, what did she expect when you pounced on her?” Kuroo said as you leaned your head against his shoulder,” but damn, we were so close to leaving without a fight.”

“ I know, I’m sorry Tetsuro. You know I can’t stand her or her boyfriend,” You huffed as Kuroo sighed 

“ You know, have I ever told you how turned on I get seeing you mad?” 

“ Yes babe, several times.”

[sckyie]

song: streetcar by daniel caesar

word count: 2.6k

genre + warnings: angst to fluff; reminiscing in past heartbreak, breakdowns, timeskips, swearing, someone gets slapped

pronouns used: she/her

a/n: here's part 2 to driver's license,, i hope this was okay >~< i had to include a new song to the mix (its going into the playlist) soooo enjoy :) also my ratio for angst to fluff is TERRIBLE im sorry

Ever since you had confessed your feelings to your best friend, you had became so distant from everyone. Knowing you might've ruined one of the best friendships shook you. Lately you'd been driving around past curfew just to keep your mind off him. Passing all the street lights just felt like you were driving down memories. 

That flickering light at the corner where Oikawa had helped you after crashing your bike into a pole. Or that bright cool light by the park where you, Iwa, and Oikawa first started playing volleyball. Or that one littered with stickers where you told both the boys that they better remember you when they were famous. 

Apathy overcame your entire being. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, who knew heartbreak could have this effect on a person? It was hard going to school, avoiding Oikawa in every hall, dodging Iwaizumi on your way out, and even trying to ignore Kasumi was too much. It hurt like hell but you didn't want to know what Oikawa had to say. More so, you didn't want to hear what he was going to say, you knew what he'd tell you.

Two months until graduation.

It had been a over a month since that confession. The bright girl everyone used to know dulled out. No one knew why nor how it happened. It only stung between you and the boy you knew you could never love. Oikawa and Kasumi remained together despite the lingering thought of those words you said to him. 

"I- You- Ugh! Just go away, I don't want to see you!" The crack in your voice shook those hidden feelings within you.

"Why not!" Oikawa held onto your forearm, restricting you from running away.

"Because I fucking loved you idiot!" You screamed as hot tears rolled down your cheeks. Oikawa froze at your words, unable to process them.

"You...loved me?" He asked.

"I still fucking love you! God, I hate you- I just- Let go!" You shoved him away from you. "I'm leaving. If you try to stop me, I'm never speaking to you again."

Yet, you never spoke to him regardless. The sudden break between you two effected Iwaizumi as well. Although he had no part in the situation, he was torn who's side to take. He knew your secret but he couldn't betray both his best friends. Seeing you two spilt was like watching glass break. It's sudden, scattered, irreplaceable but if you tried to fix it, you could cut yourself or ruin the glass even more.

Oikawa took your last words as your goodbye. What was worse was that, he couldn't bring himself to find the right words to say to you. How could his best friend love him and never tell him? He never did end up telling Kasumi that he loved her. He began to question his feelings about her and well, you. 

One more month until graduation.

"Hey Y/n, are you going to the third year dance?" Hanamaki taps your shoulder as you doodle on your notes. You shook your head, knowing well enough how you'd have to see Oikawa and Kasumi together. "Come on, we're all going."

"No thanks," You smiled. A sudden ache in your chest hit you as you looked back at your notes. "I don't like dances."

"Liar," Matsukawa joins into the conversation. "What happened to you?"

"Hm?" You looked up, tilting your head at him.

"Just come along, we'll drive," He suggests. "You don't need a date. Just tag along with he boys and Kasumi."

"Again no thanks," You turned him down. "I'm not on good terms with Oikawa right now. I don't want to see him."

"Well, then let's all four go together then. Me, you, Mattsun, and Iwa," Makki says. "We lowkey miss having you around."

"Yeah, come on, we don't have to go with them," Matsukawa agreed.

"Promise we won't hang around them?" You ask solemnly. They nod at you, prompting you to let out a long sigh. "Fine. I don't have a dress, do you guys want to come with to find one?" 

Two weeks until graduation.

You stood in line with the three boys to get inside the ballroom for the dance. You carefully adjusted Matsukawa's corsage that matched your dress. Kasumi and Oikawa had came later, waiting farther back in line. He rests his hand on her waist as he examined the people in line when he spots you. This was the first time in forever since he could see you clearly. He had only caught glimpses of you through the halls, never seeing your face.

Was that the reason the guys didn't want to ride with him? For you? It hit a bit knowing they chose you over him but he knew how you haven't hung out with anyone lately. Always avoiding people, never trying to talk to anyone. 

Inside the ballroom, you and the boys sat together at your assigned table. The songs seemed redundant, leaving you four to occasionally get up to dance. It wasn't until a slow song that caught your attention. You had your head leaning against Iwaizumi's shoulder when you spotted Oikawa and Kasumi walking center stage.

"I'm gonna go outside for some fresh air," You say, standing up. You adjusted your dress before walking away to the outside patio. The muffled sound of the slow song was heard as you rested your arms on the railing. You closed your eyes, trying to focus on the sounds of the streets nearby. It was hard to drown out the feelings of Oikawa after seeing him with Kasumi. You feel the pain well up, trying your best to resist crying.

You open your eyes as you feel something being placed on your shoulders. "You'll get sick out here," Iwaizumi says, standing beside you. "You're thinking of him aren't you?"

"Can we not talk about him?" You breathed, tears slowly rolling down your face. "I just don't want to think about how bad I fucked up."

"Well," Iwaizumi looked down at the ground. "Will you dance with me?" You turned to see him holding out his hand for you. Taking his offer, Iwa holds you close as the music played. He let you cry in his arms, knowing well enough that you needed this. Having held all your pain behind driving, you couldn't show how much you were in pain. 

"Thank you Iwa," You sniffled into his chest. 

"I'm always here for you," He smiled. "You're like a little sister to me...It pains me to see you all dull and hurt...When Makki asked you to come out with us, I didn't expect you to agree but I'm glad you did." 

"Can I tell you something?" You panted for air through your tears.

Oikawa held Kasumi close, carefully swaying back and forth together. With her head resting on his chest, he was able to see through the patio window. He spots you and Iwaizumi dancing but for some reason it stung in his chest to see that. Why is he hurt? He's with Kasumi and he loves her, right?

Graduation day.

A group of cheers goes around the ceremony as your final day in high school is finally over. You greet your old classmates one more time, saving your close friends for last. For some reason, all the pain you previously carried had faded away. You approach the gate to meet with your friends for the last time before you go off your separate paths. Makki and Mattsun agreed to text you more to keep up with each other.

Iwaizumi had hugged you once last time, telling you to do your best. You smiled for the first time in a while. It was strange but Iwa was glad to see you starting to move on. You and him agreed to update each other on your mental healths and to hang out whenever you'd visit. Then it was the one you dreaded.

Saying goodbye to Oikawa, it'll be the last time you'll see him. You waited patiently for him as he was caught up by some fans and Kasumi. When he did manage to leave the underclassmen, he spotted you waiting. "Hey babe, can you go on ahead? I want to talk to Y/n," He says to his girlfriend. She nods happily, walking by you as she left. 

"Hey," He stops a few feet away from you, scared to step any closer.

"Hi," You said. "I have a few words for you." You let out a small chuckle, leading him to believe it was something good.

"Good or bad?" He laughed.

"Well," You started. "I just wanted to say goodbye for the last time...It was nice being your friend and I know how rough it turned out in the end...I'm sorry for not telling you before how I felt. I just thought I wasn't good enough for you and that you'd fall for someone else. Kasumi is a great girl and you two are amazing together...I really wish you guys the best...I know you'll do outstanding in volleyball like the king you are. You better not forget us when you're famous..Listen, I have to go before I'm late, so this is...it...Goodbye Tooru." You wiped a tear from your cheek, smiling at him. You quickly turned around, disappearing into the city. 

"Wait! Y/n!" He rushes after you, only to get lost in the crowd of third years saying their goodbyes. Oikawa felt tears well up in his eyes as he desperately looked around for you. "You didn't let me say..." He whispered to himself.

A week later, Oikawa and Iwaizumi join each other to lunch at your favorite restaurant. Iwa scrolls on his phone waiting for the food while Oikawa looked at the booth you two would always get. "Hey Iwa-chan?" He asks. "Do you know where Y/n decided to go after graduation?" Iwaizumi stopped scrolling to think back at the third year dance.

"Can I tell you something?" You panted for air through your tears.

"Anything," Iwa replied.

"I'm moving away from Miyagi immediately after graduation," You sniffled. "Remember when we were kids and we said we wanted to live in Tokyo or Kyoto?"

"Y-yeah," He was a little shaken up hearing that you'll be leaving so soon. 

"My uncle just moved to Kyoto and he offer me a room there...and I said yes," You started to trace circles on his back. "It's by that college I wanted to go to and they have good jobs there and-"

"You don't have to explain yourself. You'll do amazing out there," Iwa chuckled. "Just promise you'll visit sometime?" He knew how much you needed to be away from Miyagi. Although it pained him, he knew it was only for the best.

"No," Iwa lied. "I haven't seen her. She hasn't texted in a while.

Three months after graduation.

You got into a cab on your way to your new job at a café. You stared out the window, admiring the new city you live in. Learning to adjust and work around the city was tough. The feeling of calling Kyoto home was strange, knowing that it wasn't. 

Ever since you had said goodbye to Oikawa, things in his life changed. He believed losing you wasn't fair, not knowing where you'd gone always haunted him. He had broken up with Kasumi over the guilt held over his head. Always thinking about you when he was with her wasn't right. With you being gone, his only priority became volleyball. 

You however, had let go of those old feelings you held onto. That last goodbye satisfied you, letting you sleep at night and allowed you to love yourself more. You've grown so much from dull slump you were stuck in for weeks. Though living in a different environment made it feel like you weren't even there.

Oikawa roamed the streets slowly approaching different shops along the sidewalk. He had some free time before the practice match he had, so it wouldn't hurt to explore, right?

That's when it happened.

You closed the door to your cab, turning towards the café's direction. Your eyes lock onto a set of familiar pupils. Frozen in time, the two of you never exchanged a word yet, suddenly a rush of emotions filled you both.

Pain, anger, fear, regret, almost everything you felt in the past came back to you seeing him. Standing before you, the man you once loved. The man you might still love.

You snapped out of your thoughts, walking towards him, stopping a few feet away from him. "Y/n what-" You raised your hand, harshly impacting Oikawa's cheek. His hand flies up to his face, holding the spot you smacked.

"You seriously broke up with Kasumi for me?" You growled. "Y-you're an idiot y'know? She was good to you too! Also ignoring Iwa for volleyball? I told you not to-"

"You kept track of me?" He whispered, a slight smile creeping on his face.

"W-Well obviously! I ask Iwa about you from time to time," You muttered. You looked up to Oikawa and saw him grin down at you.

Before you could say anything else, Oikawa puts his two hands on the sides of your cheeks. He pulls your face close to his, crashing his lips against yours. You tense at the action, gripping his wrists. He doesn't pull away until you settle into the kiss.

Your hands melt away from his wrists and reach for his torso. Your lips moved together in sync, almost as if it were a familiar feeling. He pulls away from you, pressing his forehead against yours. "You never let me say my goodbye," Oikawa snickered. "You said goodbye to me then disappeared without a trace."

"Sorry," You blushed. His hands move to your waist, still holding you close to him.

"I wanted to tell you that..." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I love you too. I'm sorry I'm so late in telling you and I'm sorry for being caught up with Kasumi. I didn't know what I was doing and I couldn't talk to you...I fucked up for not seeing how much you- well how much I loved you...I know this is all late and you probably don't want to hear any of this but-"

You tiptoed and kissed his nose, making him stop. "How'd you find out you loved me?" You looked at him curiously.

"I was driving down your street and all the old streets we'd walk through," He started. "It reminded me of you and then I saw that white streetcar. The one that is always parked by the laundromat? It made me realize how much you meant to me."

"Seriously? That old junk car?" You laughed.

"Hey, it reminded me of you okay, just seeing it whenever we hungout and passed it," Oikawa squeezed your hip, making you chuckle at him. "Will you ever forgive me?"

Your laughter ceases as you look up at him. "I had to learn how to drive on the highway on my own, jerk," You brought up.

"Is that a yes?" He smirked.

"...No...Maybe," You squinted your eyes at him. "You owe me ramen."

"Wait how'd you know how I've been these last few months?" Oikawa pulls away from your hold.

"Oh Iwa was the first to know I was moving, I asked him to check on you every now and then. I just wanted to make sure your pretty face doesn't do anything stupid. You did by the way, you did some stupid shit," You grinned. "Hey are you hungry? I can get you something from the café for free." You turned away from him, heading to your job.

"Hey you can't just insult me then leave, come here," He runs after you stopping you a few steps away from work. Oikawa plants a rough kiss on your lips before looking down at you. "The only stupid thing I did was not tell you I loved you sooner."

taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @d0llpie @elianetsantana @joy-laufeyson @kac-chowsballs

[alitaimagines]

“you should let me love you. let me be the one too, give you everything you want and need. baby, good love and protection, make me your selection. show you the way love supposed to be. baby, you should let me love you.” 

character: keigo takami - MY HERO ACADEMIA 

note: sorry for all the Hawks! im just in a fluff mood for him. sooo, I might take requests after all. if any of you want to send something in particular, I’ll see if I can write it out! 

you had been together with Hawks for a few months now. 

was it hard? fuck yeah. did you regret ever telling him yes? absolutely not. being with Keigo was one of the best experiences of your life so far and you never wanted it to end. 

-

the two of you met after he saved your university from a villain. you were stuck as a hostage in a room with the villain itself. the class was filled with a bunch of students screaming, crying, or both but you were so paralyzed with fear that you weren’t able to say or do anything. 

once Hawks swooped in to save the class, he quickly defeated the villain before sending in the rest of the pro hero response team to grab everyone. 

you, being so struck by fear, didn’t move an inch. Hawks had seen this happen before and knew that the tears would be coming soon. your face was tucked in between your knees as he tapped you on the shoulder. 

“sweetheart, it’s fine, you can come with me.”

finally looking up, you seen the winged hero before slowly getting up. your hand trembled as you walked out of the university. a few of your friends instantly ran up to you as they wiped their tears to make sure you were okay. 

“lets get you to a medic,” one of your friends exclaimed as she slowly walked you to the paramedics. you still hadn’t uttered a word nor were you in the mood too. 

after your friends left you and the paramedic finally started checking you, they chalked up your frightened emotions as shock. they placed a weighted blanket on you before they noticed Hawks walking to them. 

he snapped his fingers as he told them to give you a few minutes alone, “I don’t think she’s in the right state of mind to be asked questions,” one of the paramedics said. he sighed, “I’m not asking her questions now leave,” he lectured as the paramedics finally listened and went to check on someone else. 

you were leaning up against the wall, your eyes still as hazy as they first were when he saved you. 

“you okay?” he asked as you didn’t respond. he sat next to you before sighing, “listen, I know what happened to you was traumatizing-,” Hawks didn’t even get through the first half of the sentence before hearing you bawl your eyes out. 

he watched as you hid your face between your blanket, “I could’ve died. my family could’ve had gotten a call that I was murdered. oh my god, how am I going to tell them?” you sobbed as you felt Hawks move you against him. 

“they’ve been notified,” he murmured as your eyes widened, “where’s my phone,” you yelled as you dug into your bag to see the 100+ messages from your family and friends. 

“call them in the morning, they know you’re okay but if you call them in the state you’re, it’s not going to help anyone here.” 

you knew he was right but you didn’t care. you immediately dialed your mom and heard her sobs racking through the phone as she asked you a million and one questions. 

“m-mom, it’s fine! i’m okay,” you managed to say as she tried to calm herself down, “c-can I c-call you tomorrow? I need to talk to the paramedics,” you lied as she agreed and hung up. 

Hawks saw you grip your phone as the tears kept flowing down, “thank you for saving me, I know you’re a very in demand hero and you probably need to get going but you saved me,” you admitted as he nodded. 

he had never seen anyone this shaken up before and truthfully, a part of him was disturbed. he saved hundreds of people before but for some reason, your reaction and you alone enraged him. 

Hawks never dealt with the aftermath of villains but he was going to make sure that the villain who did this actually served as many possible years as they could. 

“nah, I’ll stay behind and make sure you’re okay. don’t need you ruinnin’ off somewhere and getting hurt,” he replied as you shook your head, “it’s fine. I’m okay. I’ve received a few emails that I’m excused for classes for the rest of the week so I’m going to take the few days to recover,” you finally said without stuttering.

Hawks remained sitting as he watched you wrap the blanket around you, “do you have a car here?” you nodded as he finally thought of a way to keep an eye on you but make sure you weren’t going to noticed him, “I’ll walk you there,” he added on as you hesitantly agreed. 

you walked to your car in silence as Hawks held your backpack. your car was a bit on the beat up side but you were a college student, a brand new car probably wasn’t even in your financial means. 

you put your bag into the trunk before going to the drivers side and giving Hawks one final look, “thank you,” you whispered before getting into the car. 

he let you drive off for a few more minutes before deciding to fly and follow you to your house. he didn’t mean to be the creepiest person ever but he was just concerned about you getting home. 

your apartment didn’t look to be too far from your university but as soon as he watched you get into the complex, a sense of relief washed over him and finally decided to fly back to his agency.

-

it took Hawks a while for you to come around to the idea of you dating him. your fears were warranted though. you didn’t want to be so publicized in the media nor did you want any of his enemies coming after you.

you didn’t want to be in the hero field. far from it. so dating the number two hero was in the complete opposite side of the spectrum for you. 

there would be days where Hawks would just come by your house for a ‘glass of water’ in the middle of his patrol. you would be so adorably cute and make him not want to leave but he had people to save and villains to defeat. 

when you finally cracked down and accepted the idea of dating him, Hawks hadn’t felt so happy in so long. the idea of Hawks coming home to you and you greeting him with a hug and kiss basically projected him to cloud nine. 

that’s where you were now. it was a rare day off for him and you were cuddled up in his arms when he woke up in the morning. you were probably still dead asleep as you had a tendency to sleep without waking up to any commotion. 

you had your hair sprawled all over your face as he softly moved it away to get a good look at you. in a sense, you were like his own version of heaven. he didn’t even know if he believed in a God but if there was one, he felt like they placed you in his life on purpose.

Keigo didn’t really fall for the fake corny romantic bullshit but ever since becoming official with you, it was hard not too. you would greet him at your apartment when he stopped at your place after his shift and on the days where he asked you to go to his house an hour before his shift ended, you were there to greet him with a kiss. 

he truly never believed he would ever get the taste of such that life but here you were, in his arms peacefully asleep.

Keigo still hadn’t told you he loved you yet but he knew that would be coming sooner than later. he had no intention of letting you go now. you were stuck with the number two hero whether you liked it or not. 

it was already reaching ten when you started shuffling in place. he looked down at you as you opened your eyes and gave him the sleepiest smile you could have. 

“morning,” you muttered, “how long have you been up?”

he shrugged, “eight, maybe nine?” he estimated. your eyes widened, “that long? you haven’t gotten up to eat? would you want me to make you something?” you asked. 

“in a minute, I just want to hold you for a few moments,” he admitted. you gave him a kiss which he quickly deepened, “what has you so soft this morning? you’re usually teasing me by now,” you joked as he shrugged. 

“waking up to you this morning felt different,” he mentioned, “I’ve never waken up next to someone I love before.” 

your eyes widened as you grabbed his hand, “aw, Keigo, I’m honored. I know your life has been considerably harder in comparison to mine but you don’t have to feel like I’m going to leave you or something,” you responded as he nodded, “I love you too,” you said back making him smile. 

he immediately plopped you on top of him and kissed you again, “holding you this way is going to get addicting, you know that?” you giggled as you snuggled up to his chest, “really now?” you mocked as you got up, “well that sucks because I’m making you breakfast and you’re helping,” you told him as he chuckled lowly. 

you got off of him and grabbed his shirt before slipping it on and making your way to his bedroom bathroom. you and him brushed your teeth before he got into the shower. 

once he finished and put on a pair of grey sweatpants with a white shirt, he met you in his kitchen that went hardly touched. he maybe cooked once or twice in it? Keigo tended to order takeout and never did learn how to cook. 

you had headphones popped in as you took out a few things you bought yesterday and mixed them together before pouring milk. watching you do the most domestic thing ever made his heart flutter. it was like the two of you were married and in a way, he longed that this relationship would lead to that. 

“are you gonna help?” you exclaimed as he laughed, “coming love! you know you’re able to connect your phone to the stereo that’s in the wall, right?” 

he made his way over to you before giving you a kiss and helping you connect the music you had playing in your headphones to the speaker built into the wall. 

ALITA

[hansolmates]

jjk; angel’s trumpet [08]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, in this chapter–mentions of sex, a panic attack w.c; 4.5k a/n; can’t believe there’s one more chapter after this! (+the bonus chapter!) its such a bittersweet feeling to close this all up so i hope u all join me in my w2!jk sobbing party im making matcha cookies rn so i can wallow

[07] [08] [final] -> masterpost

Jungkook’s worried. 

After he left your apartment, he dove himself into his work and tried to get you out of his head. Somehow he ended up from his living room table to his bed, bleary and with a pen jabbing him in the cheek. He doesn’t know how he feels right now, and has micro analyzed every bit of your relationship in between breaks.

He fell fast, and loving you (as much as it scares himself to admit) was so easy it hurt. It’s why it’s so hard for him to accept that you would betray him like that. What could he have possibly done to deserve this? If you had just admitted your issues from day one, this crisis could have easily been averted and you would be with him right now. 

But that’s not why he’s worried. Jungkook wakes up the following day around 10AM, noting the dozens of messages and unanswered phone calls from Jimin and Taehyung. 

According to Taehyung, you’ve been missing for three days. Off-the-grid type of missing, to the point that Taehyung is debating on whether or not he should call the police. 

The first day you didn’t come home, Taehyung chalked it up as you spending the night at Jungkook’s. The second day however, he visits the library where your office hours are held only to find your usual table empty and your students upset over your lack of contact. 

“Here,” Doyeon had said, pointing to the vague email you sent. Taehyung skimmed through the barebones message, mentioning that you had to take an indefinite leave and that the students can email Professor Kim Namjoon if they still had lingering questions. 

Taehyung notes the sincere apology at the bottom, and how you tack on that “you are a wonderful group of students and I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.” 

Almost as if you aren’t planning to come back. 

He could hear Taehyung deflate on the line, knowing that Jungkook has no idea where you are either. 

“Did you…” Jungkook scratches his head, sitting at his kitchen table, “did you check her room for a yellow notebook?” 

“What?” Taehyung asks, “I checked her room yesterday. Y’know the weird thing is? Her room is clean, like clinically clean. There’s nothing on her desk, the sheets are washed, and her clothes are all folded and put away. Usually it’s like a whirlwind in here.” 

“Yeah,” Jungkook replies, remembering how your room is usually quite lived in, with warm sheets and a candle glowing. 

“Why aren’t you more stressed out, dude?” Taehyung says, and Jungkook instantly feels guilty. “Your girlfriend’s fucking missing, are you gonna get up and help or not?” 

“Y-yeah, I’m just a little shaken,” he manages to reply, thinking about how you tried to explain to him the other night. He pinches the bridge between his brows, regretting not letting you have your word when refusing to listen to you. Maybe if he heard it, things would have turned out differently.

Taehyung sighs, “Yeah, it’s a bit of a shock. She really isn’t like this normally, but I trust her. If you can, maybe contact Jung Hoseok? I already visited Kim Namjoon and he doesn’t know anything, but he’s the only friend I know that could have any idea.” 

Jung Hoseok. He remembers that name frequently in your notebook. Not as frequently as his, but enough to have a good idea he could be involved in your sudden departure. 

“Okay, I’ll visit him today.” 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

The tables that you usually occupy for study groups are painfully absent of your presence, noted by your stressed out students that are hoping you’ll show up unexpectedly. 

Thankfully, Hoseok is working today. Jungkook eyes him from the doorway of the playroom, seeing Hoseok carefully distribute plates of snacks as a movie plays on the flatscreen. He looks like a preschooler himself, decked out in a sunflower yellow bucket hat and denim suspenders. Jungkook tries to see if there’s anything strange emanating from Hoseok, like if he also has secrets to hide, but feels nothing of the sort.  

“You’re really creepy, Mister,” the door swings open to reveal a little girl, tugging impatiently at his cargos. 

Hoseok makes a face at Jungkook, rolling his eyes. “God, just come in. You’re scaring my children.” 

The little girl practically shoves him inside, forcing him to sit at the playtable on the very end. She then hands him a plate of cheddar Goldfish and strawberry fruit snacks, a toddler’s delicacy. Hoseok makes a show of telling the children to be quiet, focusing on the movie’s “historical elements” and “symbolic imagery” but they don’t understand any of that and just want Hoseok to move so they can watch Mulan. 

Jungkook feels like he’s being crushed in the too-small chair and Fisher-Price table, munching absentmindedly on his Goldfish. Hoseok is playing on his phone, not sparing him a glance as he texts someone. 

Jungkook swallows, wishing he had some milk to down the snack. “Uh, are you texting y/n?” 

“No,” Hoseok replies coolly. 

“Well, do you know where she is?” 

“I can tell you where she went,” Hoseok replies eerily, plucking a fruit snack from Jungkook’s place, “as to whether she’s still there or not, I’m not sure.” 

“I’m sorry, but are you mad at me?” he whisper-hisses, not wanting to disturb the children enamoured at the front of the room. He’s tired of the secrecy and blurry answers. 

“Yes, I am,” Hoseok snaps just as quietly, leaning in to get into his face, “I’m mad because I believed in you.” 

“Believed in me?” he gapes, “you don’t even know me!” 

“I may not, but I believed you’d trust y/n at least. She’s a victim too, y’know.” 

A victim? 

“Look,” Jungkook puts some space between them, afraid he would get too heated, “just tell me what’s going on so I can understand. I know I messed up, but I feel like I’ve been in the dark for God knows how long.”

Hoseok bites his lip, “It’s really not my story to tell. Y/n didn’t want to tell you right away because she wasn’t sure of the circumstances. She wasn’t sure even if she was supposed to tell you.” 

Jungkook watches the expressions morph on Hoseok’s face. He sees the faith in his gaze, as he holds his phone expectantly, as if he’s also waiting for a sign that you’re okay. Jungkook suppresses a sigh, looking at his own blank screen. Shaking his head, he manages to smile knowing that so many people believe in you.

So why can’t he? 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

You hate this. Three days ago you felt peachy keen, ready to transcend into your own universe and live your life to the fullest. 

Now three days later you’re sitting at the wine lady’s cottage, waiting for the past two days for her to show up. 

“How long does she need to go on this ‘spiritual retreat’?” you admonish, looking on angrily at the same waitress that has served you for the past two days. 

“I don’t know,” the waitress has grown tired of your presence, waiting all day in the little restaurant for the owner’s presence, “until she feels more spiritual, I guess?” 

It annoys you further that this waitress has the spitting image of Sehlyung. It’s weird to see her with natural pin straight black hair, always loving the pretty blond-white color and sacrificing her hair health for the bright hue. Every time she sees you still in the same spot, she makes it a point to roll her eyes and walk a little louder. This version of her is just as temperamental, unwilling to budge. 

You groan, shamelessly annoyed as you drop your head on your arm. “And are you sure there’s no angel’s wine in the bar? I’m willing to take the risk of switching lives with my third dimension-self at this rate.” 

The waitress eyes the one empty bottle of soju that decorate your side of the bar, chalking it up as a drunk episode. “No,” she says flatly, jerking her hand out. “Now, please pay and leave. We’re closing up, but I’ll give you a call if she decides to show up late. Since y’know, you’ve left your number here despite our protests.” 

“Can I stay until you’re at least done cleaning—” 

“No.” 

You narrow your eyes, snatching up your half-finished bottle of soju before tucking it in your purse and offering up your credit card in exchange. You know you’re not in the right mind, but you’re pulling at strings at this point and you don’t know what to do. 

After a couple paces of shaky walking and trying very hard not to appear tipsy in public, you plop yourself onto the beach, overlooking the shore. You place your backpack next to you, taking off your shoes and dipping your toes in the sand. 

You glare hard at the moon, despite the distance the big ball of extraterrestrial rock is bright and full. It reflects in the ocean and bathes you in it’s grace. 

Sighing at its beauty, you take a swig of your soju as your feet wade in the water. The touch of the ocean is glaringly cold, but your body feels warm and the contrast is appropriately jarring. You feel stuck between two worlds, your body in one while your heart is in the other, desperate to find the bridge to bring you home. 

What exactly was the goal in bringing you here? Did you need a break from your real life? Did fate want you to remedy your relationship with Jungkook? Were you supposed to rewrite the wrongs you committed in your other life? 

You snort, taking a long swig. It's easy to see how well that went. 

You miss your life back home. As much as you love the one your alternate self has made here, nothing compares to Sehlyung’s humor and dirty jokes. Nothing compares to the look on Beomgyu’s face after getting a sentence translation correct. Nothing compares to the way Jungkook looks for only you after a concert, desperate to give you a hug and an affirmation that he did well. 

Just as you are about to sing to the moon and beg for a reprieve, a body plops themselves next to you, snatching the bottle from your hands. 

“Y’know, normally when people run away, they leave a mysterious note.” 

You frown at Jungkook, who looks absolutely ethereal as he stares at the moon. He’s glittering in his denim jacket and black jeans, as if he’s part of an intimate moment in a slice-of-life film. You have half a mind to grab your phone and yell at Hoseok, but it’s far too late since your location has already been revealed. 

“What are you doing here?” you ask, trying not to snap when Jungkook pours the contents of your drink into the ocean. “Hey, I paid for that.” 

Ignoring you he says, “I’m here to take you home.” 

“I don’t have a home here,” you snap, and you mean it. 

Jungkook digs a hole for your bottle, letting the sea green grass sit in the sandhole. He turns to you, looking weary and worried. You try not to feel worried over the slump in his chest, or the way he looks like he ran a marathon to find you. 

“Then where is your home?” he asks gently, resting an arm over his knee and turning to face you. 

You curl up further into your body, hoping you’ll shrink if you press your legs close enough to your chest. “It’s not here,” you mumble into your knees. 

“Tell me where,” and you don’t shove him away when he puts his palm on your thigh, coaxing you out of your shell. “I’ll listen this time.” Deathly slow, you lift your head up, letting him catch your stray tears and spread your body with warmth. He scoots over to you, the rough sand making it difficult as he tries to wrap his arm around you. The both of you let out a breath, missing each other’s touch. “I’m sorry,” he says, the apologies melting into your temple, “I should’ve listened from the beginning, and been more patient. It’s my fault you’re all the way out here.” 

The oceans crash against both of your feet, the water eager to swallow you whole. 

“Two months ago I got into a fight with you, the other you,” you start, and Jungkook doesn’t budge, and you’re thankful he doesn’t attempt to bombard you with questions, “it wasn’t a stupid fight. It was something building for a long, long time. And I came home drunk. One second, I was two seconds away from being sideswept by an incoming truck, and the next second it’s daytime and it’s you that nearly runs me over.” 

He rubs small circles into your shoulder, and you almost hum at his touch. You miss Jungkook so much. 

“The Jungkook I’ve told you about isn’t dead,” you explain, “he’s—and I’m, we’re from another universe.” 

And between you, Jungkook, and the moon you profess your journey. Starting from the anxiety you felt from the first week, how you holed yourself in your apartment until Namjoon had to whisk you out, to your relief when Hoseok believed your crazy ideas. Halfway through you decide to piece your theories within the story, your last conversation with Jungkook, coupled with the angel’s wine and explaining how scary it was to see your matching tattoos and the meaning behind them. 

“But, I wasn’t trying to fall in love with you so I could go home,” you admit tearfully, feeling the weight of the night on your shoulders, “it, it just happened naturally. It made me believe that in another world, we would’ve worked out. Just like he said.”  

“I believe you,” he says firmly, exhaling. The whole explanation, understatedly, is a lot to take in. But he isn’t going to reject it, in fact as absurd as it is it makes far more sense than you planning out a Jungkook-inspired sci-fi novel or questioning your sanity. “I—I didn’t want to at first. It was easier to say you were crazy but, it doesn’t seem like the case. The way you saw me that morning we met, I could see how much you cared for me—him—us?” he scratches his head, unsure of how he should refer to himself in the situation.  

“I don’t blame you,” you shake your head, “Namjoon wanted me to see a doctor.” 

“It must’ve been hard,” he states, “seeing so much of him in me.” 

“You are him,” you retort, looking up so that your noses are touching. There’s pain in both your gazes, equally upset at the circumstances. “I’m sorry you got the short end of the stick. I wish you could’ve met me, the other me, under normal circumstances.” 

“Remember what I said before?” he asks, lifting a hand to brush your hair behind your ear. “I said that our meeting was fate. And now I believe it more than ever.” 

You laugh, leaning your head against his shoulder. “Y’know, Jungkook believes in fate too. He used to joke about hearing the bell when he found ‘the one’ like in Kimi No Na Wa.” 

Jungkook grins, “That guy of yours seems pretty cool,” he jokes, “let him know that in our case, the bell was my horn because I didn’t wanna run you over.” 

The whole situation is confusing, but you’re thankful that Jungkook seems to be at ease now that all your cards are laid out. 

“So does your Jungkook do film too?” 

“Uh,” you choke out a cough, “he’s actually a singer, dancer, producer, and films when he has the time. Mostly singer, the main one in a K-pop group. With Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Seokjin.” 

He gapes, “Kim Seokjin? The actor Seokjin? Damn he’s like, super fine—” 

“God this is so weird.” 

“So how many figures are they making a year? In the hundred-thousands, like six-figures?” 

“Er, more like eight,” you squeak, “and then some. But you put a lot of your money into donations.” 

“Damn babe, you downgraded,” Jungkook jokes, and you smack him playfully on the arm. “So that’s how you got the song, huh?” 

“Still With You? Yeah,” you say, running your hands through the soft sand, “it’s weird to live in a world without your music, byproduct of my job. It happens to be a big part of my life,” your eyes glaze over the ocean, “I missed hearing your voice.” 

“Y/n,” Jungkook threads his fingers through the sand to find your hands, “I’m really, really sorry I doubted you.” 

You disagree, “It’s a crazy situation. I don’t even know if I’m really sane at this moment,” you chuckle, “I mean, the time went by so fast. I would be paranoid because for you, it’s like being in a new relationship. I didn’t think it would be so easy to love you all over again like that.” 

“Neither did I.” Jungkook replies warmly, and he smiles when he sees you gaping. He leans over to press a kiss to your lips, a feeling long-missed. “And a little part of me knows he feels the same way, too.” 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

It’s almost 12AM before you return to your apartment, dripping wet because neither of you anticipated the sudden spring shower. You tumble in like wet noodles, giggling like children in hushed whispers as you struggle to find the lightswitch. 

The lights blare on for you, Taehyung’s fingers hanging by the toggle. His hair is wet from the shower, and he looks like he sees a Christmas miracle when he wraps you up in his arms, despite the protest of you being dirty with sand and salt. 

“You dummy, don’t ever scare me like that ever again!” he sobs into your shoulder, and you return the embrace as you pat his head comfortingly. 

“Sorry Tae,” you say, “had to do a little soul-searching.” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, more like world-searching if anyone were to ask his honest opinion. But Taehyung is looking past your body to mumble a teary ‘thank you’ to Jungkook, and he nods his head politely. 

“Well next time you soul search, you better call.” 

“Done and done.” 

Satisfied that you are going to stay the night and not budge, Taehyung returns to his room. He gives you a good scolding however, and he makes you promise that you’ll give him the full story over breakfast. 

After that bump, Jungkook and you can’t keep your hands off each other. You two shower the grime off your bodies, taking turns shampooing and scrubbing. Even after you’re clean and towel-dried, Jungkook’s fingers fail to untack from your skin, pushing you eagerly to your mattress as he presses kisses along your clothed body. He’s singing against your skin, waxing poetics about how beautiful you are and how much he loves you. 

“Jung—koo, Jungkook,” you say breathlessly, running your fingers through his damp locks, “Taehyung’s in the other room, we can’t be loud.” 

“Don’t,” kiss, “give,” kiss, “a fuck,” Jungkook pants, large hands trailing over your soft skin, memorizing every inch of you, He presses his length against your thigh, insistent, “if this is the last time, we’re going off with fireworks, baby.” 

And with that, you relent. It’s nothing short of electric, the way he takes great care but great power into your pleasure. He takes his time, as if it isn’t the first and last night, tracing every inch of your body because he doesn’t know what the future entails for the both of you. 

You’re equally stung like live-wire, wracking with pleasure as he seals his affirmation to you with sweet nothings, bodies pressed against each other feverently like they’ve always meant to be. Every bit of contact is purposeful, unbridled and overflowing with affection. 

When you’re done you’re both sweaty and almost painfully content, acceptant of the ambiguity of your futures. 

“Jungkook?” you ask, holding his hand tightly.

“Yes, pretty girl?” 

“Will you… fall in love with me again?” 

“Is that even a question?” he balks, leaning forward to peck your nose. He smiles at the way you scrunch your face. “Your office hours are 1-3PM, Mondays and Thursdays in the general library. If you’re not there, you’re teaching the History of Neuroscience in the ARC building on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10:20 to 12:10. I also know where you live, so.”  

You don’t care how sweaty you are, and tuck your head underneath his chin, needing to be closer. 

“I will find you,” he promises, “hopefully not under my bike the second time around, but I’ll take what I can get.” 

“You’ll have a lot of explaining to do, y’know,” you sigh into his chest, feeling it rumble as your hair dampens. Your hair has dried long ago from the shower, but you know Jungkook’s trying hard to be strong as he cries into your crown, “you should leave before I wake up, just in case.” 

“Hoseok and I will handle it,” Jungkook assures you, “we’re like the Power Rangers, defenders of space and time.” 

“Alright Red Ranger, make sure you’re at least clothed before I wake up, then.” 

He pulls away lightly, seeing your equally red-rimmed eyes and ruddy cheeks. Both of you bump arms as you try to wipe away each other’s tears. The moon continues its power over your bodies, the only source of light in the room. Despite its movement since your time at the beach, it continues to illuminate the room and make the moment glisten with the rhythm of time. 

“You really think this is the end for us, huh?” his voice cracks, his hands cradling your face. 

Stretching to reach him, you press a kiss on every available centimeter of skin on his face. His forehead, his cheeks, his chin, his lips. You take care to kiss the tears away, silently wishing nothing but the best for him. He immediately melts into your touch, and he gives you a teary smile. 

“It’s not the end,” you assure, “it’s our beginning. Thank you, for loving me.” 

Jungkook nods, pressing a long, sweet kiss to your lips. “I can’t wait to fall in love with you again.” 

The two of you sleep like that, not with a goodbye, but with a promise. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

W1. 

When you wake up, it’s loud. 

The transition is jarring, painfully so. Gone are your soft flannel comforter, replaced with dry, scratchy sheets that are a poor excuse for bedwear. Your hands are heavy, bounded by the fluids snaking into your bloodstream. Your eyes are crusty and bleary, taking in the plain white and wood room. The sharp sound of the monitor reverberates in your ears, a high-pitched reminder of your slow vitals. 

Everything is painful, confirming that in fact you did get hit by that truck. You give props to your alternate self for dealing with this for the past two months. 

Your eyes dart around the room, taking in the night sky and the full moon looming above you. The only other person in the room is your baby niece, who is just short of five years old. She has since ceased coloring at her little table, her little mouth gaping open like a pufferfish. You make eye contact with her, and she nearly spills over her 64-count Crayola pack as she throws herself off the chair, running over to reach for your hand. 

“Auntie!” she cheers, the biggest smile on her face, “you’re awake! Mama said you were hibernating like bears do, and that you would probably wake up by spring time. She was right!” 

Although it pains you to smile, you manage to squeeze her hand in return. You open your mouth, the inside feeling tacky and gross. “Ah-ah,” you grimace when no sound comes out, just rasps and ghosts of what once was your voice. 

Your niece’s face crumples, and she lets go of you. “Imma go get mama, she’ll bring help!” 

She leaves you alone to succumb to the beeps of your monitors and the pain in your bones. Your fingers grapple the paper-thin sheets, and your gaze drifts to the moon. You think of Jungkook, sleeping blissfully in bed, holding you with so much tenderness and care. In a matter of what felt like minutes since you fell asleep in his arms, disappears just like that. 

The doctors and your family find you hysterically crying, the monitors going crazy as you hyperventilate yourself into a stupor. You feel like you’re choking on air, whatever little tubes in your body restricting access to fully express how torn and conflicted you’re feeling all over again. The medical expertise does work to evacuate your family, chalking your reactions up as your trauma catching up to you and the shock of the past two months hitting you full force. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

It’s nearly 3AM when the music cuts out with no explanation, and Jungkook is annoyed. He just got that set down and he finally felt confident in adding facial expressions, but the manager killed the music and now his head is spinning. 

He’s heaving, hands on his head as he tries to get his body back to equilibrium. He watches intently as Namjoon immediately takes the call, not even bothering to leave the studio to answer it. The rest of the members watch as Namjoon’s expressions morph into happiness, combined with short “yes”es and “I understands.” 

Namjoon makes eye contact with Jungkook first and beams, “She’s awake!” 

What originally felt like a hot and stifling room, immediately dissipates into an air of relief. While not all the members may not know you personally, the thought of a fellow co-worker on the road to recovery is enough to ease their exhaustion. 

“What?” Jungkook doesn’t hide it, and collapses on the floor, thoroughly spent for today. “Is she okay?” 

“Well, she actually just passed out. But she’s conscious.” 

“What, why?” Jimin asks, rolling a water bottle over to Jungkook. 

“Doctors say she woke up in a panic, started freaking out when it sunk in that she’s been in a coma since winter.” Jungkook’s heart squeezes painfully of the thought of you scared and feeling trapped in that small hospital bed. 

“Well, can we go see her in the morning?” Jungkook says hopefully, biting his lip. 

“We can’t,” Namjoon confesses, looking down at his shoes in disappointment, “at least not right now. y/n was apparently terrified. The doctors think she’s suffering from some form of PTSD, because she can’t recall anything that happened after she got hit. Her guardians are sending her to a facility for her to process her trauma. It’s in the countryside, and she’s not allowed visitors until she’s fully recovered.” 

Just when Jungkook thinks he has you back, you’re already far from his reach. He should be happy, knowing that you are well on your way to get better. He’s thankful enough that you’re finally awake. But the small, selfish part of him wants to visit you, and comfort you. 

Whether you’ll let him or not is your choice, but this time, he decides he’s going to fight for you. 

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

The Black Widow Essay

one of em anw, lol

i'm just gonna start with the very beginning of the film, cause start to finish, they put so much detail in and you can tell everyone really cared to make natasha's story as full & vibrant as they possibly could.

them showing how early on she liked dying her hair or was used to it, even as a child?

as well as such innocent sweet things as this scene

all possibly subtly hinting these girls’ physical capabilities and their dark upbringing or who they really are as spies???

just, how seemingly normal child like things could be subtle hints toward something darker??

but it was STILL something innocent and sweet nevertheless whether they were able to do that cause of their training??

LOVED THAT.

the fact that NAT HAD FRIENDS??? WHEN SHE WAS A KID???

so important to me...

(cause they didn't really need to add that,... but they did)

how the whole operatives pretending as fake families made perfect sense cause they do it all the time in spy movies…

and how yeah, if there were child spies, then they could be used for spy families,

but this was the first movie that DARED to talk about the complexity of it all…

of a fake family being the only family that you had.

I bring this up because I just fucking love it and it reminds me of what they did in wandavision

rushed holidays and birthdays and normal family occasions all in one, because that was all they could get…

the idea of fake empty families in both bw and wv and jac schaeffer being involved with both of em??? gods im in love hahahah

in other spy movies, it’s just so plot focused…

they’re disguised as this to get to this and blablabla

they don’t dare to talk that they were more than their mission

that they have interests hobbies hopes dreams AND LIVES, beyond their work

(say what you will about captain marvel, but I will repeat, it was the first to show women had lives interests hobbies dreams beyond the work that they had...)

i just... the spy families thing is always so plot-centric, but this one, the infiltration aspect had an emotional side to it since it meant that they could all get a reprieve from their normal horrific lives

that's what i ADORE from this film, when they do something, they always hit for the most emotional, most moving, compelling way it can be told or shown

because, all this time we’ve been told, she’s a child assassin, she’s a child spy, she started when she was young dadadaaa

in other movies, they probably could’ve explored this by showing the violence

what was done to her, to show the meaning of what they did to her…

but you know what I absofuckingtutely die for??

they showed the meaning of the violence through this

that BECAUSE of what was done to her…

she could do that

SHE COULD PROTECT SOMEONE ELSE FROM SUFFERING THE SAME FATE AS SHE DID

all, in the first FIFTEEN 15 FUCKING MINUTES…

I just love how the never endless mention of the child assassin thing

the heaviest meaning of that was so beautifully shown like this…

like, YEAH

THIS.

THIS IS WHAT BEING A FUCKING CHILD ASSASSIN MEANS.

SHE’LL STEAL YOUR GUN, SHOOT TO KILL

ALL TO PROTECT HER INNOCENT, YOUNGER, SISTER

oh wait, I also just love the action of the plane scene

it had so much stakes, I was genuinely panicked and fearing for all of them..

melina was shot, nat was flying the plane, yelena was a terrified baby, alexei was even hanging from the freaking wing…

it wasn’t just weightless action, random kicks and punches on screen…

it was a family fleeing for their lives.

I just wanted to commend the incredible stakes the creatives made sure to put into the film’s first action scene is all.

they could have phoned this in and just have hopper punch some dudes

but they WANTED you to root for this family

they WANTED you to feel scared for them, care about them.

THEY CARED.

the first action scene nat ever did, was to protect her sister…

they could have shown her take down some men following after them…

but they DECIDED for nat to show her full capabilities… when it would matter most.

THEY CARED.

AND… NO ONE, NOT NEARLY ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT.

you know what I love about the budapest reveal??

they could have just kept it at the clarifying what actually happened thing

and all of us in the audience can revel in the fact that

shooting it out with the hungarian guard and blowing up a building

was in nat’s eyes

just like a literal alien invasion of floating monsters descending from a portal in the sky

just… bask & appreciate the comedy of this guys…

nat’s so funny, I cant…

no okay, they could have just kept it at that…

but they decided to add WHAT HUMANITY THEY COULD IN THAT BACKSTORY.

and they had nat & clint play tic tac toe in the air vents they were hiding out on…

they didn’t have to do that, but they did…

and not enough people appreciate it enough.

people are already talking about how excellent and wonderful it was, the conversations and commentaries on choice are and I’m only here to say YES MORE OF THAT SHARE IT TO EVERYFREAKING ONE GODDAMN IT

in most marvel movies, the female character & the hero usually just either butt heads or the female just helps out the hero in whatever they need to do, they’re the infallible support structure that keeps the hero up

I think… this is why the dynamic between yelena and nat, hits so goddamn hard…

your pain makes you stronger

so much of this film talks about how their pain made them stronger, the best example of this I believe, is the scene in cuba

what I said about the child assassin repetition all concluding to that “I will kill you all, DON’T TOUCH HER” scene…

her pain was LITERALLY what enabled her to do that.

but I bring back the film’s crux line, cause it’s what I think truly separates and makes yelena and nat’s dynamic so much richer more complex and beautiful to me…

the pain of their past.

nat’s insistence of their time together in america not being real, and her dismissing everything in her past as a widow of the red room as horrible and just something she needed to get away from…

it reminds me of a scene from a show my family watches,

new amsterdam. in it, a woman, escapes a house of neglect and abuse. but she also left behind her younger sister in that household, and naturally, feels deeply guilty about it.

but, her therapist said to her, “you saved the only person that you could.”

and, … I can’t think of anything better to fit nat’s situation.

her dismissal of everything in her past as horrible was a fucking coping mechanism…

it made leaving everything behind, easier…

“it wasn’t real, so there isn’t anything to hold onto” nat herself says

she saved the only person she could… herself.

sigh…

most marvel movies usually just have its theme as “be who you were meant to be”

tony, thor, quill, & rocket learned selflessness

peter parker learned to appreciate what HE had, and not focus on what he was escaping from and to

steve figured out who he was in a new world

t’challa reckoned with the sins of the past

(scott’s just a dad)

carol learned to own her power and who she truly was

but nat??

yeah, sure, she could also fall under that theme.

but I just… I honestly believe the abuse, the pain she endured… makes her arc so much more meaningful and poignant…

because it wasn’t just the hero struggling, then the female side character reassuring them & giving them the strength they needed to be who they needed to be

it was her reckoning with what she did…

it was her shutting off yelena who cared about her, because she didn’t want to think about what she left behind

it was her, keeping her heart… when her mother could not.

how despite melina felt she was a rat in a cage

what SHE taught nat, was what kept nat alive…

the pain nat escaped, still found its way to her, in that because of that pain, she caused pain to the little happiness that she had in her past

she caused pain to yelena, because it was all she could associate to her past, which she NEEDED to escape

pain was inflicted on her, and she inflicted pain too

she also just casually stated her mother throwing her out like garbage

was I the only one who was utterly shaken by her statement??

to only then after say, she thought of her everyday even if she didn’t admit it to herself

(don’t even get me started on this search & importance of her past to her being fucking hinted in the place she died, vormir, where she learned her father’s name.

how even after she defeated dreykov… she still didn’t know it, til then…)

I just…

the creatives put so much effort into making nat’s story so full of heart, humanity, and meaning…

the humanity of tic tac toe over hiding out from an army

playing in the yard and colorful dyed hair hinting the dark upbringing

reckoning with what one did to survive…

black widow, is such a heartfelt humanely painful and beautiful film…

it isn’t just another spy movie

it isn’t just another marvel movie

they talked about abuse in it, guys…

they acknowledged it, unflinchingly

the good, the bad, all of it, the entire truth of it…

that alexei wasn’t allowed a chance to be forgiven for what he did

that he can wash himself clean, and that they give him their forgiveness, for HIS benefit…

that it was the very pain inflicted on them, that enabled them to take their abusers down

You think I can’t take a punch?

it was literally her pain threshold & strength that enabled her to break free from dreykov's control

her capability of severing the nerve borne from the training she endured

her pain was literally what made her stronger

they made sure to show that oksana and antonia wouldn’t be forgotten

they let the other widows do their part

and the ones the family saved, came back for them and saved them too

even antonia, as taskmaster, had someone who cared about her. the young widow who told her to smile, went to her when she was no longer controlled.

it was fighting for control, it was looking & focusing on what WAS there

just like how nat learned to accept that not all of her past was horrible,

I want to show you how this movie shows that not all of how nat was treated in the mcu was horrible

the thank you for your cooperation scene, yes

but, one parallel that I haven’t seen anyone bring up yet is this one…

nat did her job, and it’s how they took down hydra

nat did her job, and that’s how they took down the red room

because of nat’s intelligence, due diligence, they had the intel they needed to take down hydra

and to find and save the other widows…

because that’s precisely why I would die for this film…

they. care.

they remembered that small, for most people forgettable, thing that she did- BUT WAS ACTUALLY THE KEY TO THE WHOLE THING

AND MADE DAMN SURE TO SHOW & HIGHLIGHT ITS IMPORTANCE IN HER FILM.

(her copying the data needed to SAVE THE OTHER WIDOWS IN THE WHOLE WORLD WAS GIVEN THE FOCUS & ENERGY NEEDED TO HIGHLIGHT THAT SCENE'S SIGNIFICANCE CAUSE W/O THAT DATA, THOSE WOMEN WOULD BE LOST)

they KNEW that HER COPYING THAT INFO in the lemurian star in tws IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE is HOW NICK FIGURED OUT HYDRA’S PLAN

AND DECIDED TO FUCKING PARALLEL THAT TOO IN HER FILM CAUSE THEY KNEW THAT DESPITE HOW SMALL THAT SCENE WAS, IT WAS ACTUALLY THE KEY TO THE ENTIRE THING

they know the significance that nat’s story has, how it’s about abuse, and what it does to people

it makes them want to run away & dismiss everything that happened as purely horrible

sometimes, it makes them betray people (like melina & even to some extent, nat…)

they did all this in a marvel movie

the importance of choice, control, autonomy, of women’s lives, every aspect of it

the mundane, their intelligence, their pain, their relationships, their humor & happiness & love…

this was a marvel movie, starring women, produced by women, written (jac schaeffer, wv creator too), directed (cate shortland), and edited (leigh folsom) by women.

this was an excellent beautiful painfully heartfelt luminescent movie, from start to finish.

so much care compassion complexity & love, woven into the story

they cared about what nat DID manage to do in the mcu, not that she was forced into the sidelines

(though, honestly, I think that line about nat never letting herself be alone long enough to figure out what her story is was such an interesting & cool way of acknowledging it…)

nat never spoke much in the films, and they went with it, she’s not the inspiring speech type, she herself says

behind the scenes, they were making nat look as cool as possible with those poses

but in this film, they made it HER character trait

that SHEEEE, WANTS TO POSE LIKE THAT.

I just think that’s so funny… a cute character trait of her wanting to pose all the time and denying/not acknowledging it??

I think it’s a sweet & funnily humanizing trait of hers :’’’))

they made her funny like that, heh…

most mcu movies, they have arcs, they have great interesting moving stories…

I just think this film is chockfull of love over natasha romanoff, a hero, an avenger’s story…

they put so much in to give her as full of a life as they could… a complex, heartbreaking, painful, happy, tragic, loving, human life…

most mcu movies… they’re so plot focused. find this, follow that.

for me, this film wasn’t.

it was women getting their control back.

behind the screen, and on screen, it was women getting their control back…

after a decade and more of getting bits of meaningful crumbs here and there, the creatives of this film gathered all those up, and built a full complex life and story from it…

it dealt with something so real and tragic but also beautiful and full of love.

I don’t think most mcu movies did this.

and it’s why I wrote all of this.

give credit where it’s due.

black widow is the most heartbreakingly painful and beautiful film marvel’s ever made…

it was a full and concise and finished and complete story, start to finish, about the hero who’s earned it, the goddamned most.

acknowledge what they did with this film.

it’s what they, nat & the creatives, deserve.

acknowledge it.

they didn’t work this hard to give nat such a meaningful loving & complex life and family and story, only for it to be called lesser

than films who tackle their themes in much shorter times

and with themes that aren’t as rooted in reality

acknowledge what they did.

acknowledge it.

I’m not really that knowledgeable over what framing and lighting really means…

but I think those details mean something

how their life at ohio, playing in the yard was flickered with sunlight, and fireflies

how it turned to night when they were forced to flee and return to russia

how it was night when they first entered the red room

but then there’d be more and more light as nat had progressed with their plan, with beams of light, flashing through the window behind her

and then once the dust had settled, the sun was rising on them, the survivors.

but… the most poignant & meaningful of all these lighting shots that I found…

was nat’s endings,

when she said goodbye to her family…

it was almost like, she was saying goodbye to us too…

with daylight, shining all around behind her, as she walked away and whistled her goodbye

this happening with her goodbye to her family

and with her official final shot of her, heading into the horizon, to her destiny

saving the universe, and saving her family

they cared so much to give her these beautifully poetically luminescent images of her, guys…

my heart breaks as I don’t see anyone else acknowledging this…

so please… acknowledge it.

acknowledge, what they did.

acknowledge it.

[littlebigafterdark]

patton's asthma attack and finally agreeing to try therapy

content warnings: hurt/comfort, detailed description of asthma attack, very brief mention of past eating disorder, crying (i always hav that tho)

i copy pasted this from mine and livs discord convo so thats why it might be formatted weird and i swear a lot also if you see "hhh yeah" then thats liv commenting hshshsh

patton has had a cough the past few days because BASICALY since priscilla (remys cat) visited hes been more breathless with his asthma but he didnt tell anyone bc he doesnt want to worry them or make it so vee never get to see priscilla again if she cant visit anymore

so his asthma is acting up but he ignores it - and hes had asthma cough for a couple days (which is a sign of an incoming asthma attack) but again hes ignoring it, hes so used to brushing off symptoms he doesnt click what it means and he diesn ttake his inhaler when he needs it

WAAAHH oh fuck oh my god oh god wait fuck i just realised

the moment patton gets his asthma attack its saturday afternoon, roman is little and playing with logan and vee isnt quite little yet but fae's on faer way there, fae is very giggly and playful and patton says "okay babygirl, lets go get you changed!"

and when he gets up from the couch he takes a moment to cough and just stand still a sec bc he got suddenly dizzy but he pushed through it to not worry vee, and he actually usually lifts her onto his hip straight away, but this time he very subtly is like "okay hold daddys hand while we walk to the stairs"

so they get to the stairs and patton of course lifts vee up, and theyre only a few steps up when pattons breathing gets really heavy. it makes vee frown and look at him and say "daddy am i heavy?"

and patton smiles and shakes his head, because hes too breathless to speak. but he pushes through and hurries up as fast as possible

once theyre at the top of the stairs, patton is wheezing. his chest is rattling and whistling and he suddenly loses his smile and quickly hurries away from the stairs to place vee gently on the hallway floor, and as soon as vee is safe patton wobbily sinks to his knees and leans his head against the wall. his eyes shut tight trying so so hard to breath but its realy whistly now

and vee of course panics. "dady? papa are you okay??" and whimpers when patton doesnt react and clutches at his chest

and it throws her out of her semi regression. she jumps up and hurries downstairs, a little wobbily but ultimately fine. and she speints to where logan and riman are and yells "daddys h havin a panic attack!" and instantly starts crying

logan and roman were in the middle of a game and smiling and laughing but as SOON as they hear that they jump into action. logan runs out of the room to go to patton and roman grows up and runs to vee and lifts her up to shush her cries and calm her down - they dont even share a single look before they do this, they both just instinctively know what to do

and logan of course finds patton and realises its an asthma attack not a panic attack - he goes into his emergency like emotionless mode where he just gets the job done. he asks clearly where patton keeps his inhaler and patton just shakes his head. so logan alarmed asks "you dont have a reliever inhaler??" and patton winces and shakes his head again.

logan sprints to his room into his bedside drawer to find tthe inhaler he keeps for emergencies double checking it hasnt expired

he sits with his legs around patton, patton leaned back agains his torso, and puffs pattons inhaler for him and times the attack and the puffs (knowing that if it isnt better after ten puffs and fifteen minutes they have to call an ambulance) and using his own deep breaths against pats back to help him recalibrate his breathing

luckily it only lasts 8 and a half minutes and 8 puffs - but logan is so so shaken about the fact that that was very close to requiring medical assistance, he had his ohone out ready to dial 911

once pattons attack is over he's finally breathing, short and deep at first gasping in the oxygen, but within a few more minutes of sitting against logan it slows down and is much calmer. hes very shaky because the reliever inhaler does that to you, and weak from the tax on his body, so logan helps him up into their nearest bedroom (pattons)

at first he calls roman to swap places with him and watch over patton hust so logan can change vee into a diaper since she regressed from fear as soon as roman picked her up and obv he cant change her diaper

so roman sits with patton while logan does that and roman is actually really quiet and awkward and nervous, just looking wide eyed at patton and hugging himself.

and patton feels bad abt that and whispers "its okay little prince, daddys not hurt. im sorry for scaring you, honey" and roman just chews his lip and nods and looks down and they dont talk again until logan is back and roman goes out to take care of vee and logan comes in to lie with patton and rub his chest soothingly

logan is distressed and frustrated and shaken at that point but he knows not to have their conversation until the next day bc patton will be emotionally and physically exhausted

but the next day they have a serious talk - logans pretty ANGRY that patton was so ignorant of his wellbeing that he didnt refill his inhaler, patton brushes it off but logan says its a good thing he secretly kept one for patton (bc he almost suspected this might happen)

it rly hits patton when logan tells him if he had needed anymore puffs than he took they wouldve had to phone an ambulance - like patton not wanting to worry his family by admitting his asthma was acting up backfired way more and has made them worry even more because he had a full attack that could have gone so much worse

the whole conversation is VERY stern and serious even at the start when patton smiles and chuckles and jokes and brushes it off logan just gets frustrated and upset. logan is SO angry literally he is glaring at patton when patton brushes it off and makes jokes abt it and he snaps.

logan actually very seriously tells patton this is self harm and patton goes WHAT nonono no its not i dont know why youre getting so worked up

and logan fucking SNAPS like "Youre not giving your body what it needs to survive because you dont think your worth that!! you're neglecting your basic needs to the point of needing urgent medical care, doesnt that sound familiar??? doesnt that sound like something we've both been through before???" clearly referencing his eating disorder

and pattons eyes go wide and he profusely apologises hes like im so sorry oh my gosh logan honey im sorry did i trigger you im sorry and logans just like STOP APOLOGISING this isnt about me its about you!

and he sso angry bc he thought they trusted each other but the fact that patton didnt tell him when he literally couldnt breathe is so scary to logan

but that is basically an argument bc logan was so fucking worried and devastated that patton has ignored his health to such an extent and vee gets nervous bc both her and roman can hear them yelling and she thinks the cgs will breakup bc they "had a fight"

but once theyre finished talking and vee shakily asks if theyre not gonna be a family anymore they'll of course comfort faer and talk abt it, its not a fight its a disagreement and mummys and daddys have those sometimes. theyre still a family and they still love each other very very much. they all soend their family day together as usual, though patton isnt as able to get up and play with roman understandably

also the fact this all comes around the same week patton and logan tell vee that janus wants to babysit, thats why patton has been absent from the blog recently i guess bc hes been keeping busy trying to work through his feelings of janus wanting to come in

hhh yeah... the way it lines up to patton's other insecurities abt janus coming into the family and it all just piles on too much all at once

so on monday morning logan goes with patton to get more inhalers and they actually stay out for while like they go to a forest or smth just to be alone and help patton recenter a little - he's always loved being in nature, it really brings him a lot of peace, being in nature is really the best way to keep patton grounded from his dissociation, thats why hes always gardening

and logan doesnt want to be angry at him and he knows patton needs support and comfort atm even is patton doesnt think he does so they have a calm day just being together and logan trying to remind patton that hes there for him

HHH stop bc they YEAH bc they kinda had a fight even though it did get 'resolved' but they needed to take time to reconnect their energies and like show each other (and specifically logan show patton) that their love is still secure and their friendship is still strong - just the quiet care of logan taking patton somewhere they can just be alone without responsibilities

secretly patton was rlly upset that logan got angry with him but he didnt show it but logan KNOWS him and he knows he needs to fix it with queality time (pats love lang) because pattons been alone a lot recently, its just been that he keeps busy and accidentaly distanced himself bc the others would all be busy and hanging out in some way and he fet a bit abandoned but yeah logan is dedicating the whole day to him

and patton does end up talking abt his inner turmoil a little but not until theyre like in the middle of the forest and hes a lot calmer and theres no one around, he just feels so much calmer and safer in nature to open up like that.

and this is when patton tells logan about his worries about janus becoming closer to vee, and how its lovely for them but what if it hurts vee, what if they dont get along, what if they DO get along and vee wants to move back with janus. Logan doesnt say anything to the worries, he knows patton just needs to blurt them out while he can, while it mixes with the sounds of nature.

then patton mentions quietly that dr picani phoned him a couple weeks ago and told him that he would like to offer patton a trial session of therapy - not with vee, just patton. logan very calmly asks if that sounds like sometnging that might be helpful for patton and patton just giggles nervously "um i dont know. Vee has therapy"

logan frowns. "yes she does. but that doesnt mean you cant have it too, if you would like it"

patton goes quiet and looks anxious, scratching at the moss on the log theyve sat down on. so logan takes his hand and looks very earnestly at him and says gently "i would like you to at least accept the trial session. It is your decision but... i think it might be worth a try"

patton nods a little, just looking at their intertwined fingers. and after a long silence where they can just hear the birds tweeting and the wind rustling the leaves and small animals scurrying along the grass, patton finally looks up at logan and breathes "i'll go to therapy"

and when patton says that out loud suddenly his eyes well up and he sees logan smile at him - a little sad and a lot proud - and feels his hand squeeze and the tears just dont stop coming and he hides his eyes but laughs nervously like haha dont know why im crying this is so silly! but logan doesnt say anything to it, he just pulls patton into his side and rests his head on pattons head...

and patton keeps trying to laugh and joke but its so choked and sad and nervous and wet and logan wraps his other arm around patton too and just grntly whispers "pumpkin, its okay if youre not happy right now."

and patton just starts sobbing into logans shoulder and logan holds him so tight as they sit on the log

patton cant cope with silence when its about him yknow, he couldnt handle logan not laughing or tutting at his jokes so he just kept joking until logan insisted its ok to be sad

so once they get home logan sits with pstton while he phones dr picani and books his first solo therapy session for friday morning