#im still shaking dhdhdh

[b-r-i-n-g-x]

At first i was sure that smg4 just went crazy from too much pressure but now im sure hes possesed by something-

[lotties-ashwagandha]

Hey I saw you were doing O8 requests!! Could I request a lou x reader hurt/comfort kinda thing? Mental health related maybe if that's okay with you, you don't have to if you're not comfortable though ofc 💙 been having a really shit time lately trying not to relapse and lous my favourite dhdhdh. I'd be so happy with whatever you write me 💙💙💙

HEAVEN WAS FOUND IN HER EMBRACE

pairing: lou miller x reader

word count: 1161

notes and warnings: angsty but with a happy ending! also! to the person who requested this, im sending u love, remember that you’re strong and that it’s all gonna work out in its own way! im here for u <3 also i am not a cook and ive never boiled chicken so plz dont come for me lol

summary: you’ve been holding it all in, but one day it becomes too much

You watched as the water boiled, as it became more dangerous to everything surrounding it – one wrong move would bring destruction. 

The fire that had been its influence was without any sense of partiality, ready to strike whatever it could, for fear overcomes much too quickly to discern one thing from another. 

You noticed a moment later than ideal that you needed to finish cooking, that you still had a schedule to attend to, that life still had a suffocating hold on you. 

You wished you could throw the water down the sink. All you desired was to go upstairs and will yourself to sleep, for it would be easier than keeping your eyes open for a second longer, than enduring the blinding sun that would not be put out. 

The chicken needed to be boiled. 

You needed to make some sort of side to go with it, and you cursed yourself for hardly remembering any of it, for your mind had overtaken you. 

Fire overcomes much too quickly for us to discern our surroundings. 

You looked at the clock – Lou would be home soon, and it was the only thing keeping you in the kitchen, the only reason, really, that you would eat tonight. She had been preparing for the heist every day, hardly taking any breaks, and you would only feel worse if you made her cook dinner too in her exhausted state. You were perfectly capable, or so you had convinced yourself. 

With shaking hands, you placed the chicken into the boiling water. The heat enveloped it, consuming it entirely, and there was no way to escape. 

There was no way to escape. 

Nothing could be fixed, for moments of peace seldom outweighed hours of turmoil, and not a single soul understood your brokenness. 

Not a single soul made room for the darkness. It was foreign to them in every way. 

You heard the front door swing open, and you knew that Lou was home. In a matter of moments, you would be tasked with putting on a show of contentment with the person you loved the most, the only person in the world that you trusted. 

How infuriating it was that you could not describe the fire, the everlasting darkness, to the one person you wished to share everything with. And since you could not describe it, you had decided not to let it reveal its presence, for finding validity in yourself was the most challenging of all. 

The door to the kitchen opened, and she was greeting you, and you were only half listening. You were asking her how her day was, but you could hardly hear your own words – the chicken was overboiling, it wasn’t boiled enough, should you start over? Nothing was right. Everything was bad, everything was wrong, nothing was complete, only lost in the fire. 

You heard your name. 

You met her eyes, you saw the worry hiding behind them. 

“Honey, are you okay?” she questioned, and you realized that she had placed a hand on your shoulder. 

Something in her eyes, in the way she looked at you, sent your soul flying in millions of different directions. 

You were so fucking angry. At everything, at the darkness and the fire. And you were so tired. Tired in every way imaginable. It wouldn’t leave, it was buried in your bones. 

Yet something in her eyes took it all away for the briefest of moments – it all came tumbling back, as you knew it would, but for a moment you felt a weight lifted from your shoulders. 

She knew. She always knew. You didn’t have to say anything. 

You let her pull you into her embrace, her touch engulfing you in nothing but peace. If heaven could be described, it was found in her arms, for you knew that in her presence harm would never find you. The darkness looked away from her, the fire could not touch her. 

“Tell me what’s wrong, darling,” she whispered, and her voice guided you back to the present, to her ever-enduring love. 

Suddenly you were crying, and you couldn’t stop it. “I don’t know,” you choked out. “Everything, and nothing… I feel suffocated by everything around me, and the heist is only making it worse. What will happen to us if it all goes wrong? What if we get caught–”

“We’re not going to get caught.” 

“But what if we do?” 

Lou rubbed your back gently, taking her time to form a response. “I can tell Debbie that I’m backing out.” 

“No, I don’t want you to, you’ve worked so hard…” 

“It doesn’t matter – if it’s bothering you so much, it’s not worth it,” her tone was sincere, and you knew that she was not angry with you in the slightest. Her love was too strong to let anger seep in. 

You had never felt so much love for anyone as you felt in that moment. 

Her peace enveloped everything. 

“Do the heist,” you assured her, pulling away to meet her eyes, “Please.” 

“Are you sure?” 

You nodded. “I don’t even know if it’s the heist that’s been bothering me, it’s just… nothing feels right anymore. Nothing but you. I feel so distant from everything.” 

You could tell that she understood, for she always understood, and even if she didn’t she made room for the darkness to rest. 

“I wish I could take it all away for you. If I could, I would bear the burden. I love you more than you’ll ever know… and I want you to remember that you can always tell me these things. I want to be able to help you through it. I want to be able to remind you that you’re strong enough to make it through anything… you mean everything to me.” 

And something in her eyes told you she meant every word. 

You kissed her, pulling her closer, relishing in the love that you perpetually shared. 

For she was your escape. 

Nothing could be fixed, and yet moments of peace always outweighed hours of turmoil, and she understood your brokenness, for she shared in it. 

She made room for the darkness. 

You knew in your bones that she was yours, that you were hers – nothing you went through would be yours alone to bear, for in suffering she was gladly by your side. Her love for you knew no bounds, and for you she would do anything. 

You spent the night letting Lou finish dinner. She joked that she was better at cooking than you anyway, and you could hardly disagree. She kept you by her side every moment you spent together. You were wrapped in her leopard print coat, and she had made you tea before sitting the two of you down to watch your favorite movie. 

She demonstrated her love in any way she knew how, for it was eternal and never left you. 

You had discovered heaven, and it was found in her embrace. 

-

-

-

taglist! @traumatisedfangirl @cordeliass @devriesgoode

if you’d like to be added or taken off, let me know <3