#im still alive still supporting the boys just not active on any social media :)

[kissyxcuddles]

👋

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.4

I swear folks once I get this and the last part up I’m gonna condense it all

But yeah couldn’t resist some <3

Zhang and Wu Chat

Wu Xie: Um. I’m all done with the shower if you want a turn.

Zhang Qiling: I’m alright without one.

Wu Xie: sooo are you pissed at me still?

Zhang Qiling: ? I have not been angry with you since the ladder incident.

Wu Xie: you’ve barely said anything since the necklace thingy

Zhang Qiling: I believe it is a long-running joke amongst my friend group that I do not, in fact, say much.

Wu Xie: okay but there are multiple gouges in the tea house walls that would suggest you had somewhat strong feelings today

and I kinda caused the events that sparked said feelings

so just checking in you know

Zhang Qiling: I was not angry so much as I was afraid. More afraid than I’ve been in a long time.

Wu Xie: ??? But it has worked out fine??? Everyone made it out alive and Uncle Erbai gets to feel morally superior to the Zhang family for a while so today was a win overall

Zhang Qiling: I heard you scream. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t get to you right away. Therefore, I was afraid.

Wu Xie: ohhhhh. oh, Xiao Ge. It’s alright now—hey the necklace was actually helping u look out for me:) It’s not like those ppl were actually trying to hurt me, really. Your family isn’t so bad, at least you don’t have any uncles you know of

today was just some big misunderstandings wrapped in some poor life choices. Tbh my memoir title

I feel kind of stupid for screaming but when a glowing necklace wraps itself around your neck it’s a little uhoh moment lol

I did like the design tho def my aesthetic.

Zhang Qiling: I am pleased that it was able to protect you when I was not.

Wu Xie: Uh no you are not allowed to get all emo abt this it’s only like 3pm

damn time flies when it’s flashing before your eyes lol

Are you on the roof? You’re def on the roof. I thought I heard the tiles moving over my head. Come down or I’m coming up.

Zhang Qiling: I will be down in a moment. Do not come outside, it’s cold and raining.

Wu Xie: you know, Zhang Rishan said he thinks the necklace might be linked to you, somehow

something from long ago, even though you wouldn’t remember it.

It’s lucky that it liked me, huh:)

Zhang Qiling: Yes. Quite lucky.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: AWW LOOK AT HIM NAPPING ON YOUR SHOULDER SO CUTE. BEBES HAD A BIG DAY. YOU TWO ARE PRECIOUS. BE GOOD AND POSE FOR THE PICTURE NOW.

Zhang Qiling: No. Also, I am considering what steps I should take with Zhang Rishan. Regardless of his concern for the Zhang family line, his actions were unacceptable.

Wang Pangzi: HES DROOLING A LITTLE ON YOU WHICH IS LESS CUTE BUT I CAN CROP THAT PART

LOOK I KNOW YOURE STILL PISSED. IM NOT EXACTLY CALM MYSELF, I JUST HAVE WAYS TO SKIRT AROUND TIANZHENS BULLSHIT FILTER THAT YOU LACK

GET ON MY LEVEL

WU ERBAI WILL HANDLE IT, THINGS HAVE SETTLED I THINK

BUT ABOUT THAT NECKLACE

SO INTERESTING HMMM

Zhang Qiling: I am the patriarch of my family. The necklace behaved as I would, apparently, to protect a vulnerable family member. Wu Xie’s bad cold last week activated it, and it responded to a perceived danger to him today. Simple enough.

Wang Pangzi: UH HUH

A FAMILY MEMBER

THE NECKLACE REALLY SAID LOVE WINS

TOLKIEN COULD NEVER

Zhang Qiling: It protected him on a technicality. But I will not allow him to bear the burdens of my family ever again. It has taken so much from him already.

Wang Pangzi: YEAH SURE BLAH BLAH DESTINY BLAH BLAH ANGST

“A TECHNICALITY” WOW WHO SAID ROMANCE WAS DEAD

ANYHOO IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR UR WEDDING RECEPTION SLIDESHOW

YA KNOW DURING MY SPEECH

Friends of Wu Xie Support Group Chat

Hei Yangjing: you’re welcome for everything today<3 I accept PayPal, although of course it is always my honor to assist my friends:)

Wang Pangzi: WE ARENT PAYING YOU SHIT

Zhang Qiling: You did absolutely nothing.

Hei Yangjing: whoa whoa maybe I wasn’t threatening family members or busting up load-bearing walls like some undying divas I could name but I totes helped

or at least I was there for moral support maybe?

Zhang Qiling: The only reason I knew you were there at all was that as I lowered my blade from Zhang Rishan’s neck, I heard the camera click and saw you were taking a selfie making a peace sign, angled to have the two of us in the background.

Xie Yuchen: I saw it on social media just now. The caption is “#greatdaycatchingupwiththelads #blessed”

Wang Pangzi: TBH KIND OF JEALOUS I DIDNT THINK TO DO THAT

Hei Hangjing: okay yeah you see Xiao Ge that is a modern kind of help I should’ve known you wouldn’t be aware

It’s called performance, you wouldn’t understand

it’s a ‘Gram thing

Also it means I’m a great person

Bc letting you handle the situation was my gift to you

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie mentioned there is something called “blocking ppl” that gets them out of my phone.

Hei Yangjing: nah

Can’t trust that Wu Xie, bae can’t tell a coffin from an urn amirite

it’s not a thing, blocking

Xie Yuchen: It is a thing. I’ll show you later, Zhang Qiling.

Wang Pangzi: YOU BOYS GO GET CLEANED UP AND COME BY AROUND 9 I SNAGGED SOME OF ZHANG RISHANS BOOZE ON THE WAY OUT

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Hei Yangjing: you looked pretty comfortable in those handcuffs earlier ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Go to sleep, idiot.

Hei Yangjing: You’d have to do something to tire me out ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Are you like this around Wu Xie? Not that I care, I’m just asking.

Hei Yangjing: uh that’s a big nope

First off all Idk when I’ll die but Id prefer it to be on my terms and not at the hands of those other two

Secondly there is a part of me that remembers how adorable he was when he was younger and that makes it weird

(No offense but u were not adorable. He was bebe luke skywalker, you were bebe princess leia I am obvs Han Solo 4lyfe)

Also I’m a little scared that if i flirted with him and he flirted back he’d be better at it.

Xie Yuchen: All valid concerns.

Hei Yangjing: as cute as he is I don’t really wanna tap that.

Xie Yuchen: I see.

Hei Yangjing: do you tho

Main Chat

Wu Xie: okay folks who wants cocoa to top the evening off? I picked some up today:D

Wang Pangzi: UH YOU SPENT YOUR DAY BEING KIDNAPPED AND PLACATING A SENTIENT NECKLACE WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO GET GROCERIES

FRANKLY THATS INTIMIDATING

Wu Xie: the tea house gift shop:)

Wang Pangzi: …YOU BOUGHT COCOA FROM YOUR KIDNAPPERS. FROM THEIR GIFT SHOP. DURING YOUR KIDNAPPING.

WU XIE

WU XIE WHY

Wu Xie: I mean we were there the whole day, it felt impolite not to buy anything.

Wang Pangzi: OH RIGHT GREAT POINT ID HATE TO BE RUDE TO THEM AFTER THEY WENT TO THE TROUBLE OF ABDUCTING US

LISTEN WHEN PPL STEAL YOU IT BECOMES FREE REIGN ON THEIR SHIT

UGH YOU PROBABLY GOT A RECEIPT AND EVERYTHING

WAS UR LITTLE SHOPPING TRIP BEFORE OR AFTER THEY STUCK U IN A DUNGEON TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU

WAIT NVM I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT

Wu Xie: look, let’s focus on the positives/ we are all okay, and we learned something new, that necklace is still active! It’s really quite nice-looking when it isn’t moving of its own volition.

Wang Pangzi: YOU AND YOUR RELENTLESS DUCKING OPTIMISM

ZHANG QILING ARE YOU SEEING THIS

Zhang Qiling: I would love some cocoa. I’ll come to the kitchen.

Wu Xie: I have special marshmallows for you!!

Wang Pangzi: I SEE

WE ARE SUBSCRIBING TO THE PRESTIGIOUS “FUCK IT WHY NOT” SCHOOL OF THOT TONIGHT

LOL SURE LETS GO COCOA IT UP

IVE GOT SOMETHING STRONG TO POP IN IT

Wu Xie: Still thinking about that design… I’d love another chance to examine that necklace under less Zhangy circumstances.

Kinda sad we couldn’t borrow it to use for illnesses and dangerous missions :/

ah well it’s for the best, a family heirloom should be treasured, preserved and protected<3

Zhang Qiling: I put it on your dresser.

Wu Xie: ???????

Wang Pangzi: AND THATS WHY YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS, XIAOGE <3

Wu Xie: I—

Zhang Qiling: Are those bunny-shaped marshmallows for me?

[autisticangus]

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

[mysmedrabbles]

RFA + V and Saeran Reacting to MC Being a Male Idol

requested: by anonymous

a/n: know that throughout writing this whole thing i was imagining mc as being Taehyun from txt ,,,, also im just gonna pretend like most of korea isn't blatantly homophobic and instead focus on the fluff

like kpop? want more kpop rfa crossovers? donate here to keep me alive and able to work!

warnings: n/a

-tbh not fit enough to be an idol mod alex

Jumin

-frankly he has no idea who you are, so its pretty much from square one with him

-for a while until the two of you get fully used to being together, he actively avoids looking up who you are,,, he wants to know you as you and nothing else

-eventually of course, curiosity gets the better of him and he does look you up on YouTube

-he can’t help but admit you’re extremely talented, the cinematography, of course excellent... but he cant stop focusing on the way you move, strong legs propelling you forward, baggy shirt failing to hide defined muscles, cocky smile as you rap your lines, hair sw- jumin no. jumin yes

-jumin han does gay

-your music style isn’t his favorite, preferring the smooth sound of bow grazing softly on violin strings as opposed to softcore rap, but the songs are catchy, he’ll give you that

-he supports you of course, and secretly buys all your merch

-jumins main issue was with how popular you were, not (only) out of a place of timid jealousy, but also because it made going places so much harder, and your manager was even worse, constantly yelling at you and demanding you practice more

-you always come home from practice exhausted, collapsing into your husbands arms as you curl up under his solid embrace, savoring the few minutes you had of complete and utter freedom.

-highly disgruntled when you have to go on tour

-tries his best to accompany you on tour, scheduling meetings with people he needed to have meetings with anyway nearby where you were performing just to get a few more hours with you

Jaehee

-supportive! she’ll never admit it, but she listens to your music on her way to work, it helps her wake up and feel cheery for the new day, getting her pumped and ready

-yes she owns all your albums

-loves you a l m o s t as much as she loves zen

-she visits you during practice, unable to stop herself from ogling at the way you move so gracefully, yet holding yourself with so much power as you dance

-she lets it slip that you’re not her bias, however if it makes you feel any better you are her bias wrecker

-yes she has a favourite photoshoot of yours and yes she does have a small folder in her gallery dedicated to photos that she deems make her want to cry

-she gets along really well with the rest of the members, and they always invite her with you guys to hang out after work, going together to get Bulgogi or Samgyeopsal

Yoosung

-in awe

-in love

-he’s not generally one for your style of music but seeing you and your group perform, he falls in love almost instantly, bingeing on all your videos, eyes focused on you in every MV, every interview,, he’s so proud of his boyfriend!!

-hes always singing your songs under his breath, albeit badly, but its funny to hear him mumbling incoherent melodies as he’s cooking, especially when you sneak up behind him and attack him in a hug, making is voice squeak out in surprise 

-constantly bragging to his friends that his boyfriend is an idol!! (assuming you’re in like,,, JinHit or something where you're,, allowed to openly date)

-he’s in the front row of every single show you go to! proudly wearing your merch and calling out your name like any other fanboy, so excited and proud of how far you’ve come

-he likes coming to the studio and watching you and the other members rehearse

-often times when you’re working late he’ll come with food in hand, refusing to leave until you eat and take a break. even then he doesnt leave, instead, determined, he waits for you to finish your work, but ultimately falling asleep on the couch behind you

Seven

- “STREAM (group name)’S NEW SINGLE  CROWN PIANO!!!!”

-wdym join the amino? seven Created your groups amino page

-he’s your number one fan, constantly applauding your work and keeping your spirits uplifted, often you’ll walk in on him watching dance tutorials of your choreography, messing around and trying to learn certain moves

-he grins so widely when you walk in, watching him goof off from the doorway, completely in love with the boy in front of you

-pulls you in the room, music still blasting on high as you dance spasmodically together, no a care in the world, just you, him and the 10 CCTV cameras

-while he’s working, muttering numbers and words foreign to you, you’re right there next to him muttering song lyrics and melodies, composing music and bits, guitar riffs and lyrics

-every once in a while when you want his opinion on something, you just unplug his headphones from his laptop and plug it into yours staring at him intently until he gives feedback

-10/10 will hack into your schedule (at JinHit) if you seem more exhausted than usual, giving you more days to rest and recover from any injuries you may have received the days before in practice

-he has attended every single one of your meet n greets, until at some point he became something of a cryptid on the internet, no one knowing who the man with the red hair and funky glasses is any why he’s always with you

-they're gay Steven

Zen

-P-O-W-E-R-C-O-U-P-L-E

-not only are you the hottest couple in Korea, but also undoubtedly the most committed to their work, and yet somehow both of you maintain a stable relationship

-it takes a lot of communication seeing as you both have hectic work lives, but both you and Zen have a schedule where both of you finish work around the same time, him generally finishing a bit earlier, then coming to your studio to pick you up and go home together, then spending the rest of your time together

- “mc please teach me the choreo to your new dance!!!!!”

-he purposefully fails, just as an excuse to make you touch him, readjust his arms, hold his hips as you show him the right way to do something

-having extensive skincare routines together and working out constantly, him putting emphasis on how you need to stay healthy and gorgeous

-casually dropping his name in interviews and everyone goes insane, best crossover of the century

V

-another power couple

-your instagram is filled with stunning photos of the two of you because of him, having the cutest photoshoots together

-such a supportive bean! he loves your dedication to your work, and how hard you’re always practicing

-he’s never really heard of your group, but he has a nice appreciation of your music, what really gets him is how expertly crafted your music videos are

-he’s not sure how to really react to your fame, but the steadily increasing amount of bodyguards around the two of you might be one way to cope

-since he’s a freelancer he can generally come with you wherever you go for tours and interviews, and because of this he’s had quite the increase of fame, getting new perspectives and ideas for new photographic series

-he gets v e r y clingy when you come home from practice late, this whole ass 5′10 man curling up next to you, burying his head in your chest, and with your arms having no where else to go except for go around him, you earn a small whimper from V, his hands clinging onto your shirt as you feel all the tension and stress leave his body

-please dont leave your husband alone for so long

-overall he’s just extraordinarily proud of you, because he knows how hard it is to stay relevant and survive in the any korean industry, but especially entertainment and music

Saeran

-hates when you go on tour

-cant help but admit he likes your music

-but hates tour 

-shy bean when he remembers he’s married to one of the top Kings of Kpop, and always wondering if he’s enough for you

-at one point he got so frustrated at the fact that it’d been exactly 46 days since he’d last seen you, and the constant string of thirst everyone showed for HIS husband on social media got to him so much that he shows up at the airport where hundreds of screaming fangirls await. your bodyguards recognize him immediately and let him through.

-he promptly takes your arm as he drags you back and away into the plane, pressing you up against the wall as he kisses you intensely, bottled up frustration exploding in passion, leaving the fans very confused as to why someone kidnapped you again

[sibyl-of-space]

no one asked but im fuckin emo about relationships and communities online in 2020 so im going to go on a rambling essay like only someone with unmedicated ADHD can

When I turned 13 I was allowed to have My Own Computer With Internet in my room. The first thing I did was find and join an online forum about video games (this was early 2000′s, forums were a thing). I made over 100 posts my first DAY because I was so excited to talk to other people who liked video games and stuff and could talk about how actually I learned in biology that one of the ocarina of time bosses being a giant single-celled amoeba is unscientific.

Like, before I was allowed to be On The Internet TM, I talked to friends at school about video games by forcing my 3 friends to play the games I wanted to talk about, and then we would talk about them. And even once I joined these online spaces, it was totally different because everyone got to kind of just pick their own name and their own image to represent them so it was like a totally different, separate life.

Growing up, having these online communities where I had a sort of anonymity but still could interact with and meet people and form really close relationships, in addition to niche IRL friendships, was really important. I didn’t really have a lot of drama in IRL friend groups but boy there was forum drama and I feel like I got a lot of exposure to social interactions and stuff that way. I feel like I got the Authentic Teen Experience TM more online than in person.

(My first relationship was an online relationship with someone I met on this forum. Not to entirely derail, but it started out as a ‘joke’ and we pretended to be dating, and I have like insanely long AIM chat logs of the whole event to prove it.)

Anyway, I think I would be having an easier time with this if the forum had just gone under 10 years ago like all the rest of them did, but it has kind of been on life support this whole time and is still alive, and I’m having a LOT of feelings about it.

I really don’t want to talk about details here, I kind of don’t even care about them anymore, it’s just sad that this forum more exists as an animated corpse of what once was that a lot of us old farts still log onto every now and then, but there’s no real effort or desire to re-invest into trying to keep it alive or fresh and live on as a space new people might want to come to. I’m a mod of one of the sub-forums because I was modded 10 years ago and there’s no one to replace me. And now we are at a place where a known racist asshole is possibly going to be banned and somehow that is a line some people are mad we might cross.

At this point, I am tempted to just log off and never log back on again. I would be legitimately interested if there was a desire to re-invest in this community and make it welcoming to people who might stumble across it seeking refuge from all the huge corporate viral social media sites; somewhere they could call home if they managed to come across it and want to make an account. I’d be willing to put in the work to help draft new community guidelines, assist with elections or appointments for new mods, whatever it might take to make it feel like the place belongs to anyone who wants to be there.

But as it stands now, the only mods are people who were modded 10 years ago, the newest new member joined 2 years ago, and almost no one wants to start any topics that touch anything serious because some dickwad is gonna come in and talk about how actually SJWs are ruining america or some shit.

I don’t like feeling like a part of this site that sort of just exists as a nod to some heyday from like 15+ years ago. I’m ready to let it go, but I would rather either pull the plug on it or try to make significant changes so it has a chance to be a refuge to someone else. As it is now, it just seems kind of sad.

I’m DOUBLE emo about it because I am really really frustrated by the fact that in 2020 it seems like there is NO way to engage with people that isn’t being filtered by corporate-owned social media platforms, and they are less interested in helping people form healthy relationships and more interested in what can go viral and make them more money.

I can’t imagine being a teen right now trying to form friendships in this landscape. I had hoped to make an effort to go back to this small forum this past year to kind of get that small niche interaction but.. well, you know, now This. I’m just frustrated all around.

I still have a few outlets. I live with my roommate of like 10 years, I have a girlfriend (who lives in texas RIP), I have made a lot of friends in the Tales of Symphonia speedrun community and a few from cosplay, I have a couple IRL friend circles. But... I don’t know; I am missing this kind of purely online, niche community. And maybe that’s fine and they just don’t exist anymore, but that was such a huge part of my social sphere growing up that I don’t really know how to make up for that now?

I miss doodling some amateurish fanart, posting it on DeviantArt as a host and then putting it on this forum where like 2-3 friends who were also amateurish artists would comment on how nice the shading was and post their own art in their own art threads. Now it feels like, okay I can put it on twitter or wherever but I’m competing with professionals who do this for a living.

I need to find new communities that are healthy for me, and I am trying to grapple with the fact that it definitely will look different from how it did in 2006, but that’s okay if I can still meet people and grow from it.

[EDIT: I did try the fandom discord server thing but wew... man any server with overlike 50 people in it just turns into the equivalent of a subreddit real fast. I dunno. If your sole engagement with these people is about how much you both like X thing, it stops being meaningful pretty fast I think? Maybe I’m just being old and grouchy. But I’ve left or muted virtually every fandom specific discord I’m in. The only ones I’m active on are the Tales Speedrun discord and uhhhh... hm that’s about it.]

[insession-io]

Having ‘The Talk’ with Your Teen

Is there a parent on the planet who doesn’t have at least a tiny bit of trepidation having “the talk” with their offspring about how they came to be and the importance of responsible engagement in sexual activity? Even the most sophisticated and sexually savvy person might question their ability to impart wise guidance on this essential topic, so sadly, many don’t.

In my therapy practice, the subject arises from time to time and I ask my clients what they were taught, by whom and whether it was an awkward or comfortable exchange. On extremely rare occasions, did they relate that they learned about the metaphorical “birds and bees” at an early age, explained in a way that they could comprehend. This is so across the board with both adult and adolescent clients.

What happens when healthy sex education is left lacking? Shame, misunderstanding, high-risk sexual behaviors, early experimentation, teen pregnancy and STD’s. There are some who would advise that education begin by kindergarten.

As a child of the 60’s, sex education in school took the form of boys in one room and girls in another as a gym teacher read from a book and showed a black and white film about biology and body parts, our periods, how to prevent pregnancy and what was then referred to as VD (Venereal Disease). I can’t vouch for what the boys heard, but that was the extent of our training on the topic.

I recall a commercial on television that sang, “I got it from Sandy, who got it from Paul. Paul got it from Ernestine who could’ve got it anywhere at all. And with my love, I gave it to you. Now that we’ve got it, what’re we gonna do? VD is for everybody.”

Nowhere in the mix was talk about feelings, how to recognize desire and what to do about it. Abstinence education simply didn’t work. Most of my peers experimented with sexual interactions in our teens. Even in my home where my mom (my dad was far too embarrassed to broach the subject with my sister and me), left the door open for conversation about sex, that aspect was not covered.

When I was 10, she handed me a book by the sanitary napkin company Modess, asked me to read it and come to her with any questions. I did and still felt like there was more that I could have asked but didn’t. I’m not sure how I learned, except to follow my own instincts about how to set boundaries with boyfriends throughout adolescence. I remember coming home from a date with a high school boyfriend with a lovely glowing bruise on the side of my neck and my mother’s response was, “I think P. is getting a bit too passionate.” Nothing more was said about it. When she walked in on me when I was in an about to be revealing and compromising position, with the young man I was seeing between high school and college, (fortunately the light was out in the room), she said, “It’s time for S. to go home now.” Again, no further conversation ensued. As I look back on those two incidents, I imagine she either felt she was in over her head, or she trusted that I would figure it out on my own. I wish she had the vocabulary, or ability to have that discussion. My desire for emotional intimacy gave way to physical intimacy that I didn’t understand and couldn’t always control. Clearly, I was not alone in my struggle.

When my son was young, and my husband was still alive, he had ‘the talk’ with Adam. He was around eight at the time and had begun inquiring. Although Michael was reluctant, I reminded him that if our child was asking, he wasn’t too young and if he didn’t talk about it, I would. He died when our son was 11, so I revisited the subject and told Adam that he could ask me anything he wanted to, and I would answer honestly, but that I couldn’t tell him what it was like to be a man. I chose a few trusted male friends as his guides since they shared my values about sex, relationships and women. One became his go-to guy for nearly everything and eventually, Phil was more than a mentor, but became a man that Adam considered a surrogate father.

When Adam was 14, we had what I refer to as, “the three-part sex talk”.

Respect yourself and your partner(s) Safer sex practices I’m too young to be a grandmother

It became a standard conversation over the years as he began new relationships. By the time he was in a relationship with a young woman who had a then 3-year-old little boy, he acknowledged the first two, but laughingly reminded me, “Mom, you’re not too young to be a grandmother anymore.”

I feel gratified that he has been respectful of the women in his life. I recall that when he was a tween, we had the “no means no” conversation. I reminded him that it applied to him as well. If a partner wanted to touch him and he didn’t want it, he had the right to decline, since boys are not often given that permission to maintain body boundaries.

Ideas for making the conversation easier:

Educate yourself first. There are numerous books for tweens and a range from childhood through adolescence.  

Practice conversations in the mirror, writing down a script if necessary. Remember what you were taught and determine that you will use what was helpful and discard anything that was detrimental.

Share information at an appropriate comprehension level for your child.

Although many young people are more sophisticated than previous generations, there is still confusion. Clarify any misunderstanding. Sometimes, to save face, a teen will claim to know more than they do. Children are sometimes exposed early on to on line pornography which can be damaging to their development.

Speak to them about the dangers of sexting, or posting anything compromising on social media.

Get past your embarrassment or at least admit to your child that you are experiencing it. That honesty is part of the intimacy of any relationship and models what you want him or her to have.

Speak about the idea that sex is about more than “get it on, get it up, get it in, get it off, get it out”.  Nor is it about just what goes on below the belly button. It is about people relating from the heart, head and body.

Encourage open communication between your child and potential partner(s) throughout their lives.

Speak to them about touch by consent. With the proliferation of #metoo stories from both men and women, it is essential. If they want to touch someone, ask first and receive a verbal yes, then touch is welcome. If, instead, the response is no, or uncertainty, then it is unwelcome. A wonderful video explains it well that relates tea with consent. Remind them that no one has the right to touch another without their explicit permission, regardless of level of desire, expectation or nature of the relationship.

Don’t make an assumption about your child’s sexual orientation. Even if it is uncomfortable and perhaps not in keeping with your expectations and/or religious orientation, be open to the idea that they have the inherent right to experience love with the partner of their choice, regardless of gender. PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is a valuable resource for education and support.

By Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW

Jennifer Josey LPC LMFT CSAT of Intuitive Pathways Recovery specializes in Sex Addiction Counseling Houston Texas, love addiction, recovery for couples from sex and love addiction, trauma resolution for partners of sex addicts and group therapy. Sexual addiction is a serious problem that affects people of all socioeconomic status, educational status, both males and females and even teenagers and preadolescent children.