#im staying overnight ughhh

[zelda-daily]

Ezlo my beloved

Day 23: Ezlo and Vaati

[liliverse-ish]

Bʀᴇᴀᴋ Mʏ Hᴇᴀʀᴛ 🌙

~тaeнyυng х reader

~ pt 33/35

~ i missed you

~ prev ||  next

4.5k words.. its a long one!

a/n: i didn’t think i would write tonight bc im kinda ughhh. depression sucks but guys i really love how this turned out. I hope its not confusing and you get it.

posts everyday at 9pm est

requests are open!

Your body felt tense and you couldn’t seem to relax. Seokjin always throws an end of the year party and its always the biggest party of the year. Which means double the sweaty college kids getting wasted, double the alcohol, and double the hype. Everyone had been talking about tonight for the last week since he announced when it’d be happening. If we’re being honest ever since your birthday you hadn’t partied on the weekends like you usually did. You assumed Taehyung still did but he had confirmed earlier today he was too focused on school.

Part of you was extremely proud of him for finally focusing on himself and taking care of the things he needed to. But the other part of you was still upset at him even if he was doing better. It was nice to know your best friend wasn’t going to fail his classes and he was able to pass. But it sucked to not know how the person who you had so many feelings for, had been for nearly a month. Secretly you hoped he was hurting, and that he was crying just like you had been the nights you missed him most. It may seem a bit dramatic to cry for him because you weren’t actually dating-- but he had your heart in his hands and he just smashed it to the ground without a care.

He was and still is a good guy. He always knew the right words to say to make you feel better and to let you know he cared. It was just- he was horrible in relationships, even before you guys were together. You knew he broke so many hearts, and he refused to really acknowledge that part of his little games; but you couldn’t help falling for him. He was beautiful, not just physically but mentally. His heart was so pure and it intrigued you that he wasn’t good with love. You always wondered why it was hard for him to fully fall in love and give all of himself to just one person. He seemed scared... but when he was with you those fears didn’t show up unlike the other times with different girls. Perhaps you were reading way too into it and it was just you assuming shit.

You shake your head trying to focus on the task at hand. A pile of necklaces tangled together lay on top of your kitchen island, you had no idea how they even got tangled in your jewelry box but you were trying to wear one of the necklaces involved in the mess. With every necklace you untangled you noticed one really thin, delicate necklace, it had been a gift Taehyung gave you the same year you met. The memory was so sweet and innocent, it was the day you realized you had feelings.

He had invited you out to the mall because to him you needed a break from the all stress school had brought you. At the mall you were walking around sharing a pretzel you had bought at the food court. There was stand in the middle of the mall pathways that was shining brighter than the others; it had bracelets, earrings, and beautiful necklaces. Ignoring whatever Tae had just said to you,  you walked right up to one of the glass cases and scanned it to see if anything caught your eye. In an instant this delicate white gold necklace with a tiny heart as a pendant caught your eye. The guy behind the counter asks you which one you like and you point to it, he takes it out and shows you the price tag. It wasn’t that expensive but it was more than what you had to spend for the month. Bills were to be paid that week and rent so you couldn’t spend more than $50.

You hadn’t noticed Taehyung standing next to you until he moved your hand so he could see the price tag too. He didn’t have much of a reaction and encouraged you to buy it without knowing your situation. You pout and tell him that you can’t afford it right now. Without even thinking about it he lets the guy know you’re getting it and asks to look at the mens necklaces. The guy pulled out a tray that held about ten necklaces, most weren’t worth looking at. Then one really caught both of your eyes, it was a lightweight, also white gold chain, without a pendant. He quickly pointed it out and asked if there were any pendants that he could choose from. The guy brought out the pendants and they were all so beautiful, and sparkly.

“‘I’ll get this one.” He says picking up a the first letter of your name.

“Yah, don’t!” You giggle thinking its joke.

He just smiles and lets the guy know that it’s all together. You hadn’t really put it together that he was buying you the necklace until you saw him pull his wallet out and you quickly stopped him.

He looked at you and smiled, “You give me so much let me return the favor.”

It was small gesture but his eyes lit up when you put it on right away and your heart warmed up. His smile made you melt inside and just want to turn into a puddle on the floor. From then on you kept the necklace and wore it every single day until one day Yoongi teased you about it saying you were probably falling in love with your best friend. From that day you’d only wear it time to time; Tae wore his necklace proudly even when the guys teased him he would said “So what?” He rarely took it off the first year of having it but then slowly he too stopped wearing his until you guys began “dating”.

You held out the necklace and looked at all its beauty. Wow you thought. It had been months since you last wore it. You put it back down gently and pick up the one you originally had in mind to wear. For some reason it didn’t seem to fit the outfit you wearing anymore and the white gold seemed to fit better. He won’t notice it anyways you think and put it on. Even with the hurt in your heart the necklace made you happy and filled you with love; you missed him. You didn’t want to. The guys were so good at keeping you from missing him because they were always around to distract you but it wasn’t enough sometimes. They were great and are your best friends too, but Taehyung held such a big part of your heart and it just didn’t feel the same to be with them than being with him.

Suddenly a knock comes from your front door and a ding from your phone. Without looking at the text you know it’s Jimin already here to pick you up for Seokjin’s party, and probably leaving a overnight bag so he can sleepover. The door swings open before you get the chance to make it all the way there and his bright smile appears.

“You should lock your door more often what if I was a thief, Y/n-ie,” He walks up to you and kisses your cheek.

“If you were you’d be on the floor crying already. I’m always prepared,” You say pulling out a can of pepper spray from a corner in the hallway.

“Always one step ahead baby girl.” He winks and walks past you to your living room.

As you assumed he had an overnight bag with him and placed it right on your couch along with a toy story towel.

“Jiminie,” you chuckle, “A Toy Story towel, really?”

“Toy Story is the best. If you don’t like it, I don’t like you.”

“Oh I love it! I have the VCR and DVD version so get on my level, bitch.”

“No thanks. I rather stay my height then get bullied worst for being your height, shorty.”

“Hey.. we’re shorties together baby!”

You cute little banter continues on for a while as he gets comfortable at your house. It was still a little early to head to Seokjin’s so you both go into your room and watch Toy Story as night falls. You were both commenting at your favorite scenes in the movie and laughing at the jokes that sounded a little dirtier than you remembered as a child. As the movie comes to an end, you grab your phone to check the time, 10:47 p.m. .

“Oh that’s cute you’re wearing it again,” Jimin says looking at your neck.

“The necklace?”

“Mhm”

“I just saw it in my jewelry box and I just couldn’t leave it behind,” you say holding the little heart on your fingers, “It was calling my name.”

Jimin and you chuckle at your choice of words.

“Taehyung always liked seeing you in it. He wouldn’t stop bragging about how much you loved it and how you must cherish it since you always wore it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He’s a big softie, you know that. He started wearing the one he got at the same time when you started… your… thing. And we teased him about it but he said he didn’t care because it was his favorite. He hasn’t taken it off.”

You look at Jimin and he smiles slightly, a little sympathetic smile. You return his small smile, only yours is more sad and you feel an overwhelming feeling of sadness come over you. Tears puddle at the edge of your eyes and cloud your vision. You blink and the tears fall freely on your cheek; Jimin wipes them away and kisses your forehead.

“I’m sorry, I made you cry. I didn’t mean to.”

“No no it’s okay Chims. I just miss him, honestly. I was sad that he hurt me before but now I just wish that nothing had happened so I could talk to him like we used to. Ugh I know it’s dumb because he played me”

His hands cup your face and he lifts it to face his eyes. His smile is sweeter this time.

“No it’s not. It’s not dumb. You love him, not just in the romantic way but as your best friend. He was the one you always went to when you needed a push or you needed some extra lovin’. He was the one who made you smile the brightest. Even though I know you love all of us extremely, it’s very obvious he has a special place in your heart that can never be replaced. So it’s okay to miss him like hell, and cry tears for him. It’s also okay to be mad at him at the same time because as a,  potential something more, he fucked up.”

Your tears seemed to stop as Jimin finished his little speech, “I want to see him.”

“I think he’s coming tonight. If you feel ready, talk to him and see what happens.”

“But what if in the moment, I’m so caught up I forgive him for everything and let it go.”

“You won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re not dumb,” he chuckles, “Y/n, you’ll probably both cry and then you’ll want to smack him after you’re done being sad.”

“I guess you’re right,” you say looking down at your hands, “He’ll probably let me smack him too.”

“Yes he would,” he gets out of your bed, “I love our heart to hearts but we got a party to get to. Everyone is probably already there but you know I love being fashionably late.”

“Okay let’s go!”

Seokjin’s place wasn’t far from yours, in fact none of you guys lived far from each other. You each somehow managed to lived within five to ten minutes from each other. The car ride was short and just a couple jokes were exchanged mainly coming from you, teasing Jimin’s sloppy moments when he’s drunk. He parks and you both walk up to the house. Already there are people on the porch and on the front yard making out. Walking through the front door a strong smell of vodka and tequila hit your nose, and you face Jimin. He just smiles and leads you to where he has already spotted your friends.

“Y/n-ie we’ve missed you!” Hobi engulfs you into a hug and kisses the top of your head.

You both pull away and you look around at your group. Taehyung was nowhere to be seen among them and you were a bit disappointed. After taking another glance you realize Jungkook isn’t there either so they must just be late as you and Jimin were. Your thoughts were confirmed when you felt arms wrap around your torso from behind and a chin lightly rested on your shoulder.

“You came!” Jungkook says pulling away.

You just nodded and let him greet his hyungs, that’s when you turned to your right and saw Taehyung standing there already looking at you with a shy smile. You return the smile and look down at the floor… he looked so… good. Jimin noticed your energy shift and nudged you, you lift your head up and see him smiling. His hand snakes down to grab yours and yoru finger intertwine.

“Let’s go dance!”

You eyes widened because the last time you “danced” with someone it was to make Taehyung jealous. You laugh and shake your head no.

“No no. I’m good I promise.” You whisper into his ear.

All the guys stood around in the circle by the dining room, talking about their plans for the summer. They were already planning for a vacation between the eight of you, to go to the beach or on a road trip. The whole time, you and Taehyung stole glances at each other, and every single time you’d catch each other. You guys ended up just having a mini staring contest but he ended up losing after you genuinely smiled at him and he returned it with a cute huge smile and he squinted his eyes closed.

“Ha! I won!” you say sticking your tongue out.

The guys all turned to look at the both of you, a bit surprised that you had actually said anything at all. Taehyung himself was a bit shocked you even looked at his direction so even those two words you spoke warmed his heart and his smile didn’t fade. Neither of you communicated after that, and the conversation between everyone ended up dying down. One by one they each went their separate ways, except Jimin, you, and of course Tae. You knew Jimin was only there because he knew you were still on edge about talking again to Taehyung and he didn’t want to abandon you to suffer alone.

“Go have fun. I’ll be fine. I think I’m ready.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to leave you without any support.” he says looking at Tae’s direction.

“Yes, now go! Go get high and drunk and all that destructive stuff you do all the time.”

He laughs at your words and leaves. If it weren’t for the music, you’d be standing there in complete silence; if it weren’t for the drunken students walking by, you’d both be alone; if it weren’t for the sweaty atmosphere, the awkward tension would be more obvious to the public. You just nod your head up and down trying to figure out how to have decent conversation.

“Do you want to go outside and we can just chill out without all this mess?” He says walking up to you.

“Okay.”

You signalled him to lead the way to wherever he wanted to go, and he went straight to the back deck. It was surprisingly empty and quiet, with only the bass being able to be heard through the walls. Seokjin had a small outdoor table and a couple chairs around it so you both decided to sit there. The moon was full tonight, the stars seemed a little brighter too; the atmosphere wasn’t as awkward as you imagined it would be if you took out all the party energy. It was quiet but not uncomfortable.

You felt calm though, maybe because you missed him, the anger wasn’t present tonight. You wanted to speak up and say something, something funny that would make you both laugh and smile. But nothing seemed to come to mind, you were more just wondering a lot and trying to stop yourself from asking any questions. He seemed to notice your sort of of behavior and looked up at the stars. He didn’t want to be the first one to speak in case it bothered you for any reason so he waited for you to say something. You finally look at him and really take a good look at him. He was wearing a very colorful patterned collared shirt, he had left three buttons unbuttoned so his chest and collarbones were out. Looking at his chest you see the letter of your first name shining brightly despite there being no other light besides the moonlight. The necklace lay so delicately around his neck, and accented it so beautifully. Your eyes scan down to view the rest of his outfit and of course he’s wearing trousers and dress shoes. At this point Taehyung was finally looking at you and as your eyes met his you saw tears in his eyes.

“You know I never wanted to hurt you the way that I did.” he says softly.

“Then why did you?” you reply just as soft.

“Because I’m an idiot. I knew your feelings, and I knew mine too, but they scared me. I was scared of getting into this,” he signals between the two of you, “and messing it up. But I did it anyways without it ever becoming more.”

“What scared you about your feelings?”

“Not being enough… You’re so amazing and kind and loving, I didn’t think I’d deserve to have a girlfriend like you. I was always out fucking random girls, and it’s not like I can lie about that because you saw it happen and it’s not the biggest secret on campus.”

He pauses for a second to reach for your hand.

“Throughout the years of being friends and spending so much time together, I knew you were different from all those other girls. You saw me date and be with girls all the time but you never once judged me for it or called me names,”

….

“I mean other than Taefucc,, but I know that was more endearing than making fun of me. And I’d have these moments with those girls but when I finished, I’d be thinking about what you were doing. If you were busy so I could come over or if you could come over. At first I assumed it was because you were my best friend and you were ten times more fun than they ever were. Then one night everything changed, I noticed you were distant because you knew I came after my little meetups and still you never said anything. I started to feel guilty about it the more I did it, and then I stopped fucking around as often and only did it once in a while.”

You listen to his every word wanting to know his side and what he had been feeling. It was what you always wanted, to know his real feelings and his fears about it all.

“Then you started hanging out more with hyung and getting drunk with him, being more touchy. I got jealous and I didn’t get it at first, I thought it was because you were my best friend and I didn’t want anyone to steal my spot. It wasn’t until you kissed him that I knew, I was,” he stopped and interlocked our fingers together, “I was, well still am, in love with you. And so I ignored you for those couple days and ignored you even more when it went further, until I couldn’t just sit there and watch it happen. So I made my move and it worked. I had you but I knew I wasn’t good for you.”

“Why do you say that? You always say ‘I’m not enough’ or ‘I’m no good for you’. But you don’t know what’s good for me and what isn’t. If you were no good i’d be in there finding someone else to spend my time with but instead I’m out here listening to you. You know why? Because you are enough to me. I know you have a good heart and that you can be a good ass boyfriend and that you can love without messing up so badly.”

“I don’t understand how you can think that after what I did.”

“Because you aren’t defined by one, or multiple, mistakes you’ve made. You’re much more than your errors, and I see the you behind all that. I see the real you. I’ve seen you cry over cute animal videos and over Moana even though it wasn’t that sad of a movie. I’ve seen you be supportive to those you care so deeply about, like me. You were always there for me no matter the issue and never hesitated to drop everything to make me happy.”

“But you did the same.”

“Well yeah you big dumbo, because I’m in love with you too.”

His tears were falling freely as you both spoke to each other and had a heart to heart. It felt nice, even though you were still hurt about what happened you understood his point of view. You understood where his head was at when he did everything. You weren’t forgiving him by listening, you were allowing yourself to hear him out and think about giving him a second chance.

“I know this isn’t the time and place for this, but I’ve had this sitting on my nightstand for the last month. I only brought it tonight because I knew I’d see you, even though we agreed to meet up tomorrow morning. I was hoping to talk tonight, like this.”

He reaches down his pocket to grab whatever he was talking about. A small velvet black box comes out and is placed on the table. He gently slides it over in front of you and looks at you then back at the box.

“For your birthday, I had told you I had a better surprise waiting for you and I didn’t want to give it in front of everyone because it was too precious for me. I also had a whole speech ready and was going to ask you to be my girlfriend… but as you saw and experienced that didn’t go as planned.”

You chuckle and reach out for the box, “What is it?”

“Open it and find out.”

Your hands gently open the box and a set of earrings in the shape of hearts lay inside, below it, there is a gold necklace just as thin as the one you were wearing. You pull the necklace out and see a small letter T hanging on it; the T had a small diamond on the center of it.

“T as in Troy?” you giggle, “Taehyungie how did you know?”

“Oh gosh, why didn’t I think that through..” he laughs at your HSM reference, “So do you like it?”

“Of course, Tae. They’re beautiful, I love it, you shouldn’t have spent so much money, baby.”

“I wanted to get something special for you that meant something more than a piece of clothing. I’m glad you love it princess.”

You place the necklace back in the box and close it.

“I see you have the old necklace I bought you. It’s cute but this one is better,” He says.

You chuckle at his comment but suddenly a wave of emotions hit you. Maybe this is what he thought would make you fully forgive him. This was his way of winning you over.

“I don’t want you to think this is me trying to win you over. I just wanted you to have it since it was supposed to be special.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it so much Tae.”

“Anything for you, princess.”

You look at your phone and see the time, it’s pretty late, later than you expected it to be. 2:23 a.m.. You both practically missed the entire party, but neither of you cared. This was better than spending two hours with drunk college students. The night was warm but the trees gave you a nice cool breeze which kept the humidity at a low. Now that you’ve both expressed your feeling it didn’t seem like there was much to talk about so you both look up to the sky and let the breeze brush up against your skin. You knew you wanted to give him another chance, he meant so much to you; and you believed in him, although your fears weren’t quite gone yet.

“I’ve said it so many times, it’s starting to lose it’s meaning but I’m sorry baby. I love you, I really do. Even if you can’t give me a second chance at us being together maybe we can try and be friends again. I would take anything, anything at all just to be with you.”

“Prove it.”

“What?”

“I’m not saying I don’t believe you, because I do. But show me, show me you love me. Show me you’re willing to be different and open about love and give me your heart the way I’m willing to give you mine. It’s not easy, I know that. But if you love me it won’t be difficult. I know it’s scary giving someone your all but maybe it’s worth it. Maybe I’m worth it. I know you also have been working on yourself which I’m proud of, but now, work on us.”

“What if I can’t?”

“You don’t know unless you give it a try. You tried to make us work without really putting all your feelings in and communicating, why not try to win me over by being able to communicate your feelings, your fears, your heart, with me. I want you to show me the real you, the man I love with all of my heart. I want to give that man a second chance.”

“I’m scared.”

“That’s okay. I am too.” you reach for his hand, “but that’s part of working things out. Not knowing where things will take us but heading there together.”

He presses your foreheads together and looks into your eyes, “I’ll show you princess. I’ll fight for us, I know you’re fighting for us already and  need to catch up.”

You close the gap between your lips and kiss him softly. He’s a bit surprised by your actions on expecting you to kiss him. But he returns the kiss and smiles as it comes to an end.

“I missed you.” he says.

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 90  (Life these days in general..Part 1)

Wow 90! So i don’t usually count every day and all. Usually count the days all over again when I sit to post. I felt like blogging today! nothing about the specific day but just life in general. me blabbering :) 

hmph so lets see what do i have to say.

Okay so um. well ever since Ramadan was over i never really got back to sleeping at night and all, usually stay up till fajr. i did sleep though for like um around 3 nights but anyways that didnt work out. now this went further to me staying up even after fajr um not willingly though but mostly cause i couldnt sleep. like i used to try but i couldnt. and then it was cause i used to work out after fajr. well then i kind of was able to fall asleep after fajr so yeah i mostly stay up till fajr but um till i ‘pray’ fajr i mean and after praying tahajjud i get really lazy and pray fajr a bit late. just a bit. Oh my gosh! i talk so much... all i wanted to say was i go to sleep after praying fajr nowadays Ughhh the end! but today i have to - i repeat - HAVE TO - stay up. its not an option but more like an obligation cause i didnt work out today but i have to or else that “roughly” losing 1 kg per week thing is going to get screwed! 

So yeah you can see. i am SO lazy. that even if i HAVE TO do something, i will delay it till the last moment - a perfect procrastinator :) 

Oh also today was so ()*$&Q%(&%)(*@()$)W($. I had an appointment in the morning so had to get up, turns out i have some mild UTI ._. but the doctor doesnt think that is the reason why my labs say bacterial infection. so now i have to see a hematologist. like UGH i really am sick and tired of going to docs -_- 

Oh what else about my days. Oh ya! So Idk I get really scared when i think of studies. Its kinda like i feel really useless and worthless. like i dont know anything, i dont remember anything and all that. SO theres this fear and for that i decided to revise everything this summer and well also i need to start doing it anyways cause of the international exams ill be having to give. Ill talk about those in another post some other time when its relevant but for now. its just that. im so worried ill be in a mess when uni starts, cause i dont remember anything i learned in med school. plus feeling low because of it and all. Like i really need to build up a LOT & LOT of confidence and the only way i can is by actually knowing my shit & that is by spending some time studying and all. it would really help me a lot - and by help i dont mean ‘help academically by nailing it when uni starts’ but i mean “mentally”; to boost my confidence and all and since its all in the hospital now, i really need to be confident and have a strong personality and believe in myself and all or else im dooomed. 

ok so yes i try to spend time studying. that makes working out and studying my priorities. working out is something i can not do overnight and that is why im kind of doing it better than the studying. Although im very very lazy about working out too though. What drives me to try my best doing both of these is that if i dont, it will eat me up! make me depressed and feel low and i dont want to knowingly do damage to myself considering the weekly mood swings and episodes of extreme darkness i experience anyways and its out of my hands to control that. 

so yessss, i work out and whenever i do, i make sure its THREE hours. like i said earlier, i prioritise time more than the speed of the treadmill but i try to increase it though a little but not much cause i always keep thinking of last summer when i got diagnose by rheumatoid after i used to do 4.5 hours of treadmill a day at a quite moderate speed, not so low. 

also i dont workout everyday duh, i try my best to do at least 3 days per week, 3 hours each day. and the other times, i study. i use ‘first aid for usmle 2017′ as the main source and ‘pathoma’. and yeah dr google :) 

Other than that, i go outside for shopping. i mean the past month weve been going for shopping a lot, sometimes even 2 or even 3 malls a day cause my brothers going to leave soon and theres so much to buy and all. well now almost have everything pretty much. so i dont go outside every single day since last week but before that id go every single day.

other times i spend with my mom, i mean shes working like 24 7 gosh so like i stand next to her or sit and stuff and just idk do nothing or talk sometimes, and laugh and blabla. 

oh i kind of like staying away from my phone. its peaceful. i mean not like i even so anything on my phone other than go through like 4 social media apps - insta, snapchat, tumblr and twitter. just randomly scroll scroll scroll switch app and repeat scrolling xD but then like when youre literally away from the phone, it feels good :) although idk whenever i sit to study i automatically take the phone, i mean scrolling through apps doing nothing is actually WAY more interesting than even attempting to read a line from the book ._. so i kind of need to turn off my phone sometimes, but mostly i end up scrolling :) :) :) :) 

Aha so thats pretty much what i do entire day. lol ? What is it that i do ? :3 nothing ik :) 

i am not currently really interested in watching any series all day. i only watch series while im on the treadmill! 

GOD I talk so much, i still have so much to write about but i gta go now! :) 

xox