#im sorry for the harry styles... i know hes like weird or something. (thats all i know) and maroon 5? ive got no explanation for that. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mydearesthrry · 1 year

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birthday wishes - h.s.

a/n: hi … this is long. it ends abruptly and im v sorry! apologies for my absence,,, enjoy :))

🎀 warnings/cw: nothing but fluff

🐇 pairing: 1dbandmember!reader x harry styles

💐 wc: n/a

summary: every year, Y/N posts something for harry’s birthday. every single year, no matter what.

a/n: pls keep in mind harrys relationship timeline or this wont make as much sense..? ok bye

2012

liked by niallhoran, zaynmalik, and 2,378,615 others

yourinstagram: Happy birthday goof!! Thanks for always tuning my guitars for me. I can’t believe you are 18!!!!!!!!!

view 79,058 comments

harrystyles: Thaaaaaanks. I love youuuu. <3 <3 <3

user1: SHE CALLS HIM GOOF UGGGGHHHHHH

user2: i cant believe that this picture is real

user3: THE HEARTS IN HARRYS COMMENT

niallhoran: no bday post for me?? D:

2013

liked by niallhoran, dakotajohnson, dontshakethepolaroid, and 3,008,263 others

yourinstagram: happy birthday h. u are 19. thats crazy. i owe my life to u thank you for being my best friend— thank you for you. i love u so so much bub :’)

comments on this post have been limited

niallhoran: h day!!! time to celebrattteeeeee!!!!!!

annetwist: love you sweetheart!

harrystyles: I love youuuuuu!!!! Thank you lovebug. <3

zaynmalik: time to get drunk!

2014

liked by niallhoran, zendaya, sabrinacarpenter, and 108,862 others

yourinstagram: its a national holiday!! happy birthday to my best friend, confidant, songwriting partner, and personal pillow. UR FUCKING 20. THATS INSANE. i love u so much pickle :’)

comments on this post have been limited

gemmastyles: old man!!!

harrystyles: Thank you Olive :) Love you tons.

niallhoran: a special lads birthday!

zaynmalik: 🍻

jamescorden: pickle and olive!

2015

liked by arianagrande, wherearetheavocados, and 6,826,728 others

yourinstagram: love you prince boy, happy birthday ❤️

view 198,726 other comments

harrystyles: My favorite person alive. Xx

niallhoran: legal in the states!!!!

user1: his comment is so casual but so cutw i cant 😭😭😭

user2: i am so unstable shes literally posted every time on his birthday for years

user3: NEW PHH CONTENT!!!!!

ynrryupdates: our suspicions were right! she posted again this year ❤️❤️❤️

2016

liked by tomholland2016, liampayne, annetwist, and 5,276,266 others

yourusername: hbd har <3 thank you for everything

view all 99,251 comments

user1: no special note… i think we’re losing them

user2: :( not the same this year

user3: i think she’s holding back now because he’s official with kendall?

harrystyles: Thank you, it was wonderful seeing you. H

user4: this is weird…. harry’s comment isnt sitting right with me…?

gemmastyles: missed your face!!!!!!!!!! love you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

2017

liked by harrystyles, selenagomez, marikoluv, and 4,726,629 others

yourinstagram: happy birthday pickle, miss you <3

view all 99,625 comments

annetwist: Missed seeing you! Come back and visit soon ❤️

harrystyles: Thank you Olive. Love you. Miss you more.

gemmastyles: missed my best friend ❤️❤️❤️

user1: are we… are we finally getting them back….

user2: slowly going back to normal………

user3: HES SO DRY 😭

user4: he said love you 😭😭😭😭😭 miss you more 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

2018

liked by harrystyles, taylorswift13, sabrinacarpenter, and 6,276,151 others

yourinstagram: tbt our frat days 🤓 miss you always my bug, happy birthday ❤️ i love love you

view all 71,620 comments

harrystyles: Be home soon, I miss you more than anything. Love you love you love you. Thank you. H x

gemmastyles: I NEED you to come over when you’re back in London!!!!!!!

annetwist: My baby! ❤️🎁🎉

user1: OH WE GOT THEM BACKKKKKK!!!!!!

user2: now that harrys a freeeeeee man we can get ynrry back like weve always dreamed of!

user3: HER bug… im unwell

2019

liked by harrystyles, billieeilish, liampayne, and 4,276,991 others

yourusername: our time now, silly boy. happy birthday to my soulmate, lover, best friend… and everything else in between. i admire everything you do and I feel like the luckiest person alive to have the privilege of knowing you, cherishing you, and caring for u. that being said, i love you i love you i love you so much it hurts. thank you for choosing me. happy birthday pickle ❤️

view all 89,715 comments

harrystyles: There’s no one in this world I love more than you. Thank you, baby. Very grateful for you, Olive. Xxx

jamescorden: FINALLY

billieeilish: thank GOD this has been the hardest secret to keep 😭😭😭😭

sabrinacarpenter: mom n dadddddd

annetwist: My babies ❤️🎂

user1: OH MY FUCKING GOD

user2: STOP I KNEW IT

user3: FINALLLYYYYYYYY

user4: IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ALL MY DAMN LIFE

2020

liked by harrystyles, arianagrande, gemmastyles, and 4,917,899 others

yourinstagram: havent missed a year so why start now? happy birthday h, i love you so much ❥ p.s. ur fiance era looks so good on u ;)

view all 105,918 comments

harrystyles: Thank you. And I agree; I’ve never looked better. ❤️

user1: WHATTTTTT THE FUCK

user2: THEYRE ENGAGED???!!!!!!!!!!

user3: remember in 2013 when they got asked a question on the this is us panel about how they dreamed of proposing/being proposed to and Y/N said in italy… he def proposed when they filmed golden

2021

liked by user1, harrystyles, billieeilish, and 6,818,809 others

yourinstagram: first outing as newlyweds,,, only right to be celebrating pickles birthday too. bug… i trust u implicitly and love you entirely. my husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy birthday harry ❤️

comments on this post have been limited

harrystyles: Soulmate. Thank you baby. H

sabrinacarpenter: cats out the bag… mom and dad are married !!!

annetwist: Official daughter ❤️❤️❤️

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry <3 #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x y/n #harry styles blurb #harry edward styles #harry styles social media #harry styles smau

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pr1ncessm00n · 3 years

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Update!!

Hi, everyone!! thank you so much for all the support and compassion. i'm sorry i've been kinda MIA for two days lol. that's kind of shitty of me to just not drop an update on Sunday and then disappear. but here's an in depth explanation as to wtf i've been doing and whats going to happen!! tw: heartbreak, depression, academic struggles

so obviously most of my chapter got deleted. i am actually almost done with rewriting it and i think it shaped out to be better than what i had previously written. i think by at least the end of the week it should be out, and it's VERY long just to make up for sunday's non update!! so i've been working a lot but thankfully my days off start tomorrow. i have a lot fo academic stress bc of some personal issues regarding my school quite literally fucking my schedule up and pushing my estimated graduation date back by oh... a few fucking months! great! literally hate that !! so ive been running around like a headless chicken trying to fix what wasn't my fault. sigh, i guess it should be resolved in a week or so, but as you can imagine i am so stressed about it. what makes me angrier is that it was not my own error. like to have to fix an issue that i did not cause?? i swear the staff at my school makes our experience harder not easier.

secondly, don't be fooled lol. i am writing this with tears down my face listening to harry styles and the aot season 3/4 theme song endings on repeat for almost 30 minutes because i had to end my 4 year relationship. that's a whole story for another day, but i don't think i will be okay mentally for a long time. he was my best friend and my first real love, so yeah. i might make our own love story into a fic or something just to cope but as for now thats another thing i have to deal with now!! my heart hurts a lot !! it's always the things you least expect. the worst part is it really isn't either of ours faults... or choice. i don't want to go into too much detail because even tho he's not on here and y'all don't know him, i want to respect his privacy. but the main reason is he has become very depressed, and even though i tried to help him as much as i could theres just some things you can't fix as a partner. i wish so much that i could take his pain away but i can't, i just can't.

sorry for that weird rant lol. it was a mutual decision, but it still hurts regardless lol. he was my bestfriend and lover in one, and i don't know how im going to continue my boring routine without him lol. but don't worry, i'll still be writing. if anything i'll probably write more. it distracts me, soothes me and is. great outlet. i don't plan on abandoning tumblr anytime soon lol.

thank you all so much for the support you guys are seriously the best group of people/fandom space i have witnessed in all my years as a fangirl. and i was around for 2014 tumblr so thats saying something. you guys have motivated me a lot to write more and improve, and i actually feel heard on this tiny blog (altho u have managed to make it not so tiny any more in the span of such a short few months?? im literally at 420 followers and i was at 300 a few weeks ago?? wow. im also about to hit 500 notes oh god.) you guys have literally given me so much inspiration and im so grateful for the friendships ive made already!! i have plenty of requests in my inbox to work on as well. im also creating a tag system so stay tuned!!

anyways, i feel so blessed to have such attentive followers and readers and you guys literally make me laugh everyday. its not just about notes or followers to me, but its so amazing how through tiny screens we can all share our love for some 2d characters and how for some reason my writing has struck a nerve with some of you. i love you all <3

emi

#pr1ncessm00npsas

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ohallows · 2 years

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how is our flag means death? I see everyone talking about it and it looks great but I'm a bit uncomfortable with RPF and I'm worried it will feel awkward since Stede Bonnet and Edward Teach were real people :/

so, as someone who is also wildly uncomfortable with RPF - its basically a similar level of 'rpf' as something like black sails or hamilton, you know? so if those made you wildly uncomfy for rpf-specific reasons as opposed to content (or fandom....) reasons, you might have the same reaction to ofmd. hamilton i think is a bit worse - it sticks pretty closely to the historical side of historical fiction, whereas black sails (based on my limited knowledge of piracy in the 1700s) and our flag means death definitely hew closer to the fictional side of historical fiction, if that makes sense. which is great for kinda.. tempering the issues i have with rpf.

genuinely, my main discomfort with stuff focusing on real people has to do with people who are alive now, or who were alive more recently. like, if there was a show in progress about [spins wheel] obama and [pulls a card] harry styles falling in love, i would be SO uncomfortable with it (and, i think, rightly so). but there's a certain level of disconnect with watching a show about a real person from the 1700s, where historical records can only do so much, that makes it feel MUCH less weird, and i was able to get through black sails and ofmd with zero discomfort whatsoever related to rpf stuff!

with ofmd as well, i think both ed and stede (and izzy, i suppose) are very much so... vague allusions to who they were in real life. based on what i do know about him, i dont think the irl stede bonnet was a dandy fancyboy who just wanted to be kind all the time and used a 'people positive management style' with his crew, and blackbeard was definitely not a polynesian jewish man w heart eyes who decided to give it all up for an aristocrat he met on the high seas who, frankly, sucked shit irl.

(israel hands may have been a horny little freak irl, but i don't want to know. thats his business.)

there's also a specific level of handwaving in ofmd that makes it feel more baked in fiction than anything real - the characters are able to row across entire oceans (i guess????) in fucking canoes, there seems to be fast travel implemented based on how quickly they move around, and it very much so is 'oh this is convenient for the plot but doesnt make sense at all? put it in' which i actually found really enjoyable. (genuinely, there's a scene in which stede sails IN A DINGHY on THE OPEN OCEAN to a remote island with ZERO knowledge as to where the island is OR why he should be going there. but he shows up in a day. the show truly said we dont care and i love that for them.)

also, when i was watching ofmd (and black sails, which i know you didn't ask about but i WILL plug anyway), it was very easy to sort of... forget that they were real people and just enjoy the characters and the story! i think david jenkins (+ the other writers) do a really good job of sort of. taking the people's names and making them into characters of their own.

sorry this got long im rambly. yes ofmd is basically rpf, but the show itself feels so removed from the real blackbeard and stede bonnet that it's very easy to ignore that stuff.

honestly, give it a try! the show is an absolute delight and might genuinely be one of my faves of the year (yes its only march i am still confident in this). the discomfort about rpf is incredibly valid and i'm in the same boat as you (pirates, boat, get it), but our flag means death didn't kick up any of that for me, and i've watched the show three times now bc i am mentally ill. i would really recommend you give it a chance, and then if it does feel uncomfortable, you can always stop watching or just enjoy the supporting cast, which are basically all ocs there to be gay and cause problems.

#our flag means death #anonymous #truly the show didnt twig any of my rpf discomfort #weirdly i prob wont read any fic about it (i also didnt for black sails although for slightly different reasons #and also wont for wwdits for slightly similar reasons)#but watching the show was like. i was fine the whole time. clearly because ive watched it three times haha #but you are also valid to be uncomfy with it!! i would just try it out first to see if its smth you can ejoy #bc its genuinely wonderful

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tomdiddlyumptious · 4 years

Note

Omg can you write a fic where tom x black!reader actress wins an oscar and then tom proposes?

ALSO HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAYYYYY I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHHHH

STOPPPPPPP I LOVE YOU TOOOOO GOD YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY SO MUCHHH THANK YOUUU IT MEANS SO MUCH TO MEEEE

T.H| IDK WHAT TO CALL THIS

Summary: your a crybaby...oh my goddd! Lets say coronavirus isnt here..okie dokey

Warnings: boogerz (ewwwww) jk.

“And the nominees for best actress are” Harry styles smiled, taking out the paper and accidentally dropping it, a panicked face while he picked it up making everyone laugh a bit.

He cleared his throat again, fixing his tie before repeating himself “And the nominees for best actress are....Scarlet Johansson for black widow 2”

The camera showed her, and she gently waved with a wide smile on her face. “Margot robbie for suicide squad 2”

She bit her lip in eagerness at the camera, her eyebrows raising as she shifted in her seat.

“Viola davis for, how to get away with murder”

She put on a thoughtful smile, looking at her husband.

“And y/n y/l/n!”

Your mouth went agape and tom squeezed your hand, your brother, his wife, and your shared mother dancing in their seats embarrassing you, hiding and going slump in your seat making everyone laugh.

“Also i just wanted to let everyone know” he lifted his finger “y/n is my celebrity crush, always has been. Sorry tom”

Everyone started to giggle again “its fine!” He yelled back making everyone cackle while you laughed yourself.

The drums started, worry and excitement fillong your viens as tom held your hand tight, your brother putting his hands on your shoulders and saying “youre gonna get this. Youve worked so hard and we are so proud of you” and murmering praises as tom gave you kisses on your temple.

“And the winner is.....” harry said, pulling out the other card very, very, slowly.

Hahaha

You thought is was gonna be easy?

I know your drenched in your own sweat

Is it raining on your face yet?

METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS

Oop

Hahahahahaha

Megatron-

Love ya niki-

“The winner is... y/n”

Oh god.

You and tom stood, he pressed his lips hard against yours “you deserve it, so much” you bit your lip and everyone slightly patted your back, your brother a little to hard but tom told you to get your prize, darling.

And zendaya got up to walk you, viola with a smile on her face as she wrapped her arm around yours, walking you down. “I love you so much, god im so proud of you” she smiled, giving you a hug, her face in your neck and you both rocked side to side.

Harry was a little to excited to see you, taking your hand when you let zendaya go and helping you up the steps muttering a playful call me making you giggle, then he handed you your award “one second!” He said in the mic, taking a tiara and placing it on your head. “There ya go”

Again some giggles, you stood infront of the mic, looking around and taking it all in. “Thank you all, so so much. I-uh never wouldve thought id get this today, to be able to hold this” you raised it a bit. “But i want to thank some people, my mom”

Of course she was crying.

“My brother”

He did a dance, a weird one.

“My acting coach, keanu reeves, and many of you in here, thank you for being who you are to make me who i wanted to be, to be who i am, thank you”

Abd like that it was over, everyone clapping and shouting your welcomes before tom stood, flattening his tuxedo before doing a light jog, now onto full on running “one-one second!” He shouted into the mic when he got there, harsh breathes leaving his lips.

“I have something to say, y/n youve made me so happy in these years that ive been with you, weve made it so far and i cant see myself without you...like at all”

Everyone shared a couple laughs.

“I know weve shared a couple moments, embarrassing ones. Like when i ripped my pants and bird poop landed in my hair so we had to run into the public restroom to rinse it out, then you burned me”

“It was an accident, i couldnt tell which one was hot and cold” you glared at him, everyone laughing again.

“But thats besides the point, what i wanna say is-“ he put the mic down, taking both of your hands and pulling you from infront of the stance, letting everyone see you both as he slowly got on his knees.

Harry grabbed the mic again, squating next to tom and putting the mic to his lips “you forgot mate” he muttered “will you marry me?” Tears fell down your face as you nodded your head, like the idiot he is he forgot to take out the ring but he did, a big shiny one.

Diamond specks everywhere, it was beautiful. Tears strolled down your cheeks as he slided the ring on, then standing up and lifting you from the ground, a salty kiss shared.

Harry stood and walked back to his spot, joining everyone clapping their hands after tom took the mic, still holding you he shouted “IM GETTING MARRIED!”

The crowd roared with claps, everyone standing and men shouting “WOO”, pumping their fists in the air. You both are so happy!!

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland x black!reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland au #tom holland blurb #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x actress!reader #AHHHHH #tom holland smut #tom holland fluff #tom holland x y/n

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organic-guacamole · 3 years

Text

showtime

episode 211 let's go

ok first of all, this is the second to last episode guys... I don't even wanna think about how much pain I'll be in after next week's episode

mr mazzara doing the recap-

this is so weird to me and I don't know why

WHY DIDN'T YALL JUST ASK BENJAMIN FOR HELP, THATS LITERALLY HIS THING

is Nini giving out the cards a callback to season 1 when Natalie Bagley said that Nini gave her a card or something on opening night of another musical?

STEPHY AS THE ENCHANTRESS OMG YES

Ricky in the crown gives me Harry styles in that photoshoot vibes

he's so pretty.

ok but why did we never see Ricky and Ashlyn interact before? it's been like 5 seconds and I already love how they bounce off each other and it's just so natural

OH THEY REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY UNDERSTUDIES-

well that explains a lot...

so Ricky fell on top of Ashlyn and all that broke for both of them was their wrist-

insert Jake Peralta *coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool no doubt no doubt no doubt*

of course howie was amazing as the beast, were we expecting anything less??

Ricky is so beautiful and I will not shut up about it....

let me enjoy this before the makeup crew slaps mud on his face.

Nini and Ricky talking to eachother? in a civil manner? wasn't she avoiding him just in the last episode? hm ok

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY CANT EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS JUST LIKE ME HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS, WHATS NEXT? THEY CUT EVERYONE OFF CUZ THEY CANT HANDLE EMOTIONS? ...ha

yes Kaden and Rico, my favourite east high boys 🥰

I mean....where's EJ?

THERE HE IS

EJ AND GINA IN THE BACKGROUND... doing something idek

KOURTNEY'S MOM IS BACK YAY

Howie is a shining star, ofc ofc

the smallest fOrk

can't wait to see the fork burst into song about how she deserves more than to be used to eat salad😌

the duster and the bluster.... ok😃

hi Gina!

hi- oh wow I didn't know Robbie Rotten was in this show!!!!!

the portwell look.

that my friends, is a married couple's look✋

GOSH EJ WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU

aww Gina's so excited for this

D word?

Die?

Delicious?

Dom Toretto?

"good, clean fun all alone with someone I dig...a lot"

sir that does not sound very clean to me

SEBLOS

Seb looks so cute standing there next to pope Carlos

DID THEYEY REALLY LIGHT ANTOINE ON FIRE-

I NEED TO SEE THAT

Seb's reading Carlos better than big red read the script in episode 102, this is great development after the "fight"

Kourtney really just made the best outfit for herself and let the rest of them suffer

the way Gina immediately goes to hold on to EJ after the announcement

"tonight we're going to put the U in UTAH"

...

"hey where are you from?"

"TAH"

SEB'S SINGULAR CLAP KILLED ME-

he's officially salt lake city's resident thanos

just wity clapping because for some reason I have a feeling he doesn't know how to snap his fingers...don't ask why

Ms Jenn do you mind encouraging your leads before the show? idk just an idea

pepto bismol product placement smhsmh

those flowers are bigger that big red himself-

*bops along to the opening theme*

that whistle at the end slaps everytime

WHY IS THE AUDIENCE SO MASSIVE

I guess they're all here to see Ms Jenn go on as a fork after Nini decides to *go her own way*

wow i am so funny

so they couldn't do many group scenes cuz of covid, but this 300 person crowd is cool? nice

OO THE VIOLIN GIRL FROM EPISODE 6 IS IN THE ORCHESTRA

HOWIEEEEEE

"Mr Caswell", he said, in the loudest voice possible while backstage at a show that's about to start.

Mazzara what are you trying to pull-

I usually like Benjamin but I don't like his tone

"iS yOuR wHoLe FaMiLy HeRe?" LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW THATS A SOFT SPOT FOR EJ

"we've had some good conversations these past few weeks"

right so what's going to happen after you graduate?

what does he think of you not going to Duke?

what did he say about you giving the sweatshirt that's been in the family for 3 generations to a girl you're not even dating?

good old Mr. M

therapist Mr. Mazzara, they all need it.

start with Ricky though.

"Michael Bowen"

dude why did you shave, now you look less like "hot lumberjack" and more "creep at the gas station"

OH-

does she not like Mike anymore?

why does it sound like jennzzara started dating and now they just sit back and talk smack about everyone in their freetime

break the fourth wall-

uhhhh im scared

why am I scared

he's scary

hehe flowers for Ricky, obviously for Ricky, ObViOuSLY

oh boy poor Michael

this man is in love, rip

why does Ms Jenn always look at people with her eyes open so wide

LILYYYY

I'm only excited because I really like the idea of lily and Ricky being friends, nothing more.

ha this guy's got jokes

a MOAT AROUND THE SCHOOL

wheeze

also he's very pretty.

"the wolves and very talented humans"

how dare he forget to mention the very talented wolves and normal humans, smh erasure

"being nice, what a concept" ted talk by Lily who still doesn't have a last name

did she just say lol out loud

same with the hug emoji last episode-

go touch some grass babes

the way he didn't say no, but said he didn't know how the east high kids would react-

not saying he does want to date her but that's an interesting thing to think about, also another thing to write an essay analysis on just to leave it in my drafts for a few months

awww lily genuinely trying to help him

sorry guys, I've been taken by the Lily charm (didn't know it existed until now but oh well)

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I'LL NEVER SHIP PORTWELL?

just look at me now

the Lily wink I can't she's so cute-

HELP ME I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY LIL-

David Attenborough?

oh nvm it's Benjamin narrating the show in a really weird British accent for some reason.

STEPHY GOT MORE LINES YAY GOOD FOR HER

also is this to show that Nini doesn't care about being the star of the show anymore? the way she's supporting everyone else even though she's a fork?

I would pay for a special of the full musical ngl

OOO THE TRANSFORMATION WAS SMOOTH

shockingly

yo where did the makeup come from

man I wish I was a theatre kid

THIS IS STEPHY'S EPISODE NOW IDC✋

my girl is starring

"needs an X-factor"

Simon Cowbell creeps in

"it's a yes from me"

and them boom, he takes Nini and mistreats her horribly and then she comes back to theatre after deciding music isn't for her👍

"I thought she just hog-tied him?"

don't ask sebby, it's better if you don't know.

imagine they spotlight the wrong person and this dude is just some random person that likes writing down stuff during shows.

Ms Jenn just let them do what they rehearsed (at some point we never saw) or else this is gonna end horribly wrong

"help"

same Carlos, same

I love how seb is just his translator rn

I thought he said "great displeasure" instead of "greatest pleasure"....help?

big red coming out from throwing up to see his girlfriend star is the cutest thing in this show.

Ash and Gina dancing is so fun

I'm imagining them practicing at night at their home, watching the movie for the 100th time and making sure their one dance together is perfect

KOURTNEY YES

HOWIE IS IN LOVE AHHHH

I LOVE HOWIE SO MUCH

SEBBY

THIS SCENE HAS SO MUCH GOING ON I CAN'T KEEP UP

THIS IS SO GOOD

HOW???

no because I'm actually crying

I'm dead serious.

we need this musical released as a special

big red is so proud and I love to see it

Natalie: "if you do not by at least 20 dollars in concessions, you do not support art"

rando in the audience: "but I pay for ad free Spotify"

Mr Mazzara clapping in the distance

Gigi, the guy you like is talking to you, complimenting you and hyping you up

YOU LUCKY LITTLE FEATHER DUSTER

aw EJ teasing her about the chocolates in a way that doesn't make her feel bad? take notes Richard

JORDAN FISHER

there is no rest of the show idc Jordan is it for me

THE WIG CAP ON RICKY OMG

they look like they're high and having "deep" conversations on the floor

THE MEAN GIRL WITH THE EYES-

@sunshine-julie-molina YOU HEAR THAT

Natalie really just be coming for them all

Howie what is happening rn

I'm scared

"did you enjoy it"

"very much"

dude wants a kiss so bad

ASHLYN OMG

NO DON'T DO IT BECAUSE OF LILY, PUT YOUR OWN TWIST ON IT

I want a Jordan autograph please

just keep swim- oh pushing...

Gina is literally a giant next to him and I live for it

am I about to cry for the 3rd time in this episode?

yes.

Ricky's leg kicks under the table makes me so happy aw

the portwell glances will kill me.

ah yes, mashed potato snow

Mr. M.... I'm not a theatre kid but even I know you can't have your phone on backstage.

Howie please just do it

CHIP'S BIG LINE I CANT

I LITERALLY HAD TO PAUSE IT AMD SCREAM INTO MY MASK FOR A SOLID 2 MINUTES (I'm not at home rn) HES SO CUTE

oh ok bye Jordan

oo tea

NOT HIM BEING STARSTRUCK BECAUSE HE'S MEETING HIS FUTURE BROTHER IN LAW-

"we're all just glad Gigi has a big brother figure in her life"

excuse me for a few thousand hours while I laugh hysterically

THE CAMERA ZOOM ON EJS FACE AND EVERYTHING-

STOP EJ LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA CRY BUT I CAN'T TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY WITH THE STAGE MAKE-UP

someone else said this already but I think it's hilarious that they had to bring in 2 guest characters to create some portwell angst

omg this really is Cici's episode, found family is their thing

elevator music lol

I'm gonna bet that big red took the harness for his surprise for Ashlyn without realising what it was

did Ms. Jenn just....tell her most mentally unstable student....to commit suicide....on a disney show...was that....I'm very....well....what the actual-

oh and there she goes running off instead of trying to make it right

oh wow Nini's the hero, she's gonna save the show 🤩

😐

the judge is doing a sudoku

honestly if I went to the hsm show as well, I'd come prepared for this one too

Lily why are you looking like that-

I WAS JUST STARTING TO LIKE YOU DON'T MESS THIS UP

wow ok, there goes that.

omg

what if Howie was acting weird because he knew what Lily did and wanted to tell Kourtbut Lily threatened him so he was scared to-

anyways see y'all clowns next week when we all simultaneously lose all motivation for the week without Fridays to look forward to.

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts spoilers #ej caswell #gina porter #ricky bowen #nini salazar roberts #seb mathew smith #carlos rodriguez #big red #ashlyn caswell #kourtney greene #howie my pizza king #lily hsmtmts

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fallingsunflower · 3 years

Text

BESTIES I'm so sorry - I hit my post limit waaaay earlier than expected! Some of y'all joined me on my backup account, (which I also hit the limit on lmao), but I'm back now.

I had over 400 asks to go through and I'll give you a warning that not all of them will appear (either because they were old or because they were topics we already answered). But here is a giant list of asks I compiled for you from when I wasn't allowed to post lol they don't really require my response but I found them entertaining to read. Hope you don't mind I've just put them all together in one post. It's also to save me from using up my 250 posts lol

"this is all so embarrassing like my god imagine when the promotion of the movie starts how horrible it will be for other people who made the movie too"

"SELL UR TICKETS TODAY WATCH THE MOVIE ILLEGALLY, next article we’ll be talking about these two assholes filing for bankruptcy. cheap harlots. don’t mess with your meal ticket."

"hate to say it but i defs think they‘ve got a sliver of the gp’s attention for five minutes"

"I am scanning through all these photos looking for just ONE where he looks like he's smiling and enjoying this. It's so crazy."

"I guess those are all the pics we’re getting right now. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they finish the Italy trip off with one more major Backgrid photo shoot."

"Olivia’s trending on Twitter but not Harry. Like it’s obvious who’s getting the PR gains here!"

"If they dont give us a 6 month or more break after this im gonna need them to pay for my therapy bills from now on bc of this damage no joke let me crawl back into my shit hole now 😑"

"The palce they at is referred to as “tuscanys best-kept secret”. Everyone point and laugh."

"she looks like she’s enjoying all of this. he looks like he wants to push her into the water."

"a few people said he’s keeping his shorts pulled up or covered in all the shots because of the Nike branding which they ask to not get photographed. What a setup."

"Man I knew the second those Tomdaya pics came out of them kissing and how they were trending so fast that HO were going to do something to 'top' them. Its pathetic /// FRRR. she probably hoped for the positive reactions that people gave tom & zendaya but unfortunately, miss girl got the opposite. when will they realize that nobody, but his fans, find them cute lmao can they just stop, it’s so embarrassing 😭😭😭"

"He really out here doing this with someone who almost old enough to be his mother, shiiiiiiiit. Sickening. Sick of these 2 for real now, i was fine with the good old blurry back content and whatnot but this? Crossing a line here nobody wanna see that shit and knowing how people feel goooooood damn."

"I aboslutely despise kendall for obvious reason but this one is actually worse than the hendall one bc you couldnt really see as much as now dis gos tang."

"She’s also wearing the cross necklace again. I feel like if that was so meaningful to her she wouldn’t risk loosing it in the ocean 🙄"

"guys have eyes on tmz. I Do not have tw now. they were so aggressive towards them"

"I'm sorry for Harry because you lost your damn mind bro"

"Now why the hendall pics are better ?? NO SHADE BUTT"

"I’m genuine confused like do they actually want dwd to flop or what? I just threw up in my mouth I sure as hell ain’t gonna watch their sorry ass movie. Is it supposed to flop? I’m so confused!"

"The match was not interesting enough so they cooked up something different especially since people were pointing out how they staged the PDA. And the page 6 article is out already!!!"

"Who the fuck thought this was a good idea"

"Is it just me or does harry's face looks really blank for someone out on a Romantic date with his alleged girlfriend.?"

"if thats it, harry hasn’t no game🤣🤣🤣🤣"

"so this is why the tabloids weren’t talking about the match pics! they didn’t have any value on their own. now with the yacht pics? my oh my they’re gonna get the clicks of their lives. her team was prob like “wait a sec we got something for y’all”"

"If they were models hired to act like a couple they wouldn't get the job......"

"Not them starring right at the camera in some of them help make it less obvious will you"

"HENDALL🤣🤣🤣is that uuuu"

"Harry’s ass crack thought it should make an appearance too."

"What a great day for team PR, happy Monday you guys! Let's pop the champagne 🍾🍾🍾🍾 P. S. They both need acting lessons, tbh"

"It’s quite interesting how everything that’s happened before I’ve seen predicted weeks/and in advance on blogs or fan accounts. Like his life has always been so predictable but damn"

"He was hiding the Nike check. That’s why his swim trucks are rolled up to an absurd degree even for him. He knew he was gonna get photographed."

"What I’m noticing is wether people like them together or not, everyone’s saying they’re aren’t a hot couple…there was more chemistry in the Kendall pics by far"

"i also find it weird that he’s not smiling in any of the pictures and it would be one thing if there were five pics from ten minutes of time but there are like 70 from an obvious extended period of time"

"It's interesting everyone involved is being Team Try Hard. Yet the universe says no. The last set of pics, Tom and Zendaya overshadowed. People even paid more attention to Angelina and the Weekend (even if business possibly). Fast forward to today and all this fakery only for Gwen/Blake to tie the knot. His team needs to get a clue. She needs to go. Harry needs to clean this up fast."

"Ok i looked at one hugging pic and one kidding pic and they could not look more stagged. It looks unatural ,strange and weird from all angles. You can clearly see from their body posture they are posing for a photographer from backgrid."

"Like I said in my ask a couple days ago the day we get kissing pics is the day that I believe this is all a stunt and I was right. They took a page out of hendall 2016 and it’s looks so forced and awkward. Hendall did it better cause at prater they had chemistry. They must be scared this movie is going to tank because they are pushing this way too hard"

"Real, PR, or whatever relationship it is, they’re fucking boring. You are on a yacht in Italy, can’t you have a little bit of fun? I can’t believe how boring they are, I just can’t. Even if it is just PR, can’t you make a fucking dumb joke so you can laugh or something? Do they have anything in common like to talk about or discuss or make fun of? I’d literally killed myself if I looked like that in a relationship. They are not communicating in any photos we’ve got. They are just walking, or sitting. Even when they hold hands or kiss or hug, they never communicate."

"okay but did ya’ll see the pic of her diving in?? i can’t stop laughing 😭😭😭😭"

"they look horrifically awkward i cannot believe what harry is doing"

"“HEY PAPS COME GET A PIC OF US KISSING TO MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP MORE BELIEVABLE!!!!!”"

"his ass is hanging out and her bra is almost off what in the hell"

"Hqs on a yacht like that? Mhmhmhm hmmmmm / I bloody well hope that’s not the extend of their acting. That’s dire! 🤦‍♀️"

"this is literally the most predictable “couple” to exist. first, people talked about them showing up the game, and they did. second, people were just talking about kissing pics... AND THEY JUST CAME OUT LMAOOOOOO"

"annnnnnnnnnnnnd there it is. YOU KNOW THEY KNEW THERE WAS A CAMERA."

"ok but where’s the pda or did that get made up? cause these have to be the most awkward pics i’ve ever seen which makes me feel better 😂 also i can feel the meme’s coming with the one of her diving off the boat"

"I call it how I see it they are both assholes and full of shit. Like do your fake kiss somewhere else I do not want to see it!"

"Can they at least act like they’re having a good time?"

"hahahaha I can't stop laughing with that photo of O it's literally her knowing she's being photographed and diving into a professional swimmer style😭"

"the pics are so organic that Olivia is looking straight at the pap before kissing Harry."

"he looked a lot happier with kendall in their yacht pics compared to today’s. i know that was PR too, but he was very smiley and seemed talkative. with this girl it’s like the complete opposite lmao."

#this is also good visual proof for how many people are on team PR lol

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loverofallthingssmart · 3 years

Note

hii bestie <333 can i have bookrecs maybe my tbr is ??? going empty ??? wh how??? but yeah mwah<333

omg hiiiiiii bestie <33 and KABVAGSJEB valid okay okay here we go !! i’ll rec 5 and disclaimer: most of these are going to also be on my tbr LMAO whoops bc i haven’t read in so long so 😭

1. the empress of salt and fortune

this is just??? so good??? like first off they/them protagonist !! and it’s so !!!! like the first two chapters make you go huh? but once it get through that it becomes so interesting !!! it feels like you’re being told a story bc you are!!! and it’s so <333 like wowwwwww it’s just. great like the story is everything even though there’s no technical ‘plot’ like you think. also this one scene in the book with her seer…like uh. empress?? you got something you want to tell us?? 👁👁

overall id rate it 4/5 points taken off purely bc the writing style is everything i love it !! but it’s not quite memorable like certain lines don’t just stick to you after you read it like how six of crows did… yk?

2. and then there were none

i. i uh. haven’t read this yet ADSHFSHSVSHD but everyone’s telling me it’s wonderful and amazing and also mysteries are just like?? so fun especially with agatha christie writing it and it’s just. very wild i can just feel it can’t wait to read it !!!

3. the ghost bride

another one i haven’t read but isa loved it and i trust isa so yeah <3 basically this post should cover why it’s amazing and so i’m also very excited to start this next month

4. i’ll be the one

listen this is. it’s a fun cute little read if you’re bored bc this was so nice i had to pause to squeal a bit a LOT like the mc is so !!!!! she’s fat and she’s not like insecure about it like she has her moments thats so normal but she’s confident and it’s just !!! she’s basically trying to be an idol and addresses the fat phobia in the kpop industry with a healthy smacking of white girl bashing (white girl obsessed with korean culture to be specific), asians gfs as background relationships, and complicated mother daughter relationships that aren’t just ‘omg i forgive you and then we love each other’ no the resolution between them is 100% realistic and i just :’) and then !!! and then bi4bi main couple!!! CANONLY!!!! THEYRE BOTH SAID THEYRE BI IN THE BOOK LIKE !!!! they’re both korean too like <3

it’s rated 3/5 bc the writing is juvenile at time (and ngl im fine with it!! the author has written children’s books with an asian protag so the whole YA thing is new to her and it’s rlly good for her foray into this genre honestly!!!!) and also the harry potter and bts references were -_- i know the bts was going to be a thing but the hp??? when the book was made in 2020??? like in this day and age??? no thank you keep that away. there are like uhh less than 10 so a blessing ig

sorry i talked too much about this one i just have many thoughts bc this was THE book that got me out of my slump and it’s nice !! best listened to with kpop playing on low in the background <3

5. finally, the lunar chronicles

this is a nice series !!!!!! the way all the male characters are side characters and each book surrounds the girl yeah <3 the third book is kind of :/ bc there’s a relationship with a 16 yr old and a 22-23? year old i think idk but basically she’s isolated and idolized him and he’s… idk it’s weird but if you just keep in mind that ajd try and ignore how that’s the driving factor for a lot of this it’s fine !!! the plot is nice !! but yeah the rest of them are <33333 and the plot is so !!!! each book is a sci-fi retelling of a fairytale and they all blend into each other seamlessly its just so !!!! the characters are everything as well i don’t care for like half of the men ensemble but the women. aaaaah beloveds 3/5 mainly bc it’s been SUCH a long time i don’t think i can accurately judge it so we’ll stick with a decent rating yk?

also! read heartless by the same author it’s like her retelling of how the queen of hearts became the queen of hearts it’s rlly good !!! cant for the love of me rmbr most of the plot nor can reread it bc it hurts but still. rlly good !!!! 4/5 definitely

ALSO FUCKING WAIT LAST ONE

read xiran ray zhao’s book i don’t remember what it’s called but it’s coming out september 21st and it’s gonna be so fucking good like. i just know it so yeah <3

okay that’s it have fun reading <3

#this was done entirely on my phone of theres something screwed that why #BESTIE BESTIE come back august for more i’ll have like 6 more books read by then to rec to u LMAO #i was gonna rec soc duology b4 i rmbred u alrwady read it LMAO #i miss reccing books wooo #anyway ily !!!!!!! and ty for coming to me omg :’)#abi tag #ask me anything #2 am ramblings #book rec

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horansqueen · 5 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 23

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.8k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- a bit longer and i do feel like its awk but thats how its meant to be. i mean the first part with Harry is supposed to be awk a bit and the second part is supposed to be slightly heartbreaking.

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 23 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

Harry drove me home in silence after I gave him my address. I thought he'd propose to go to his place but I remembered that Harry was used to move around and that he was sleeping on people's couches for a while a few years ago. It made me even more curious about him and I realized that Harry was a complex person and that he was special. It made me want to get to know him better.

When we got to my place, he parked and I unbuckled my seat belt before turning to look at him.

"I don't want to talk about it." I just let out low enough to be sure my voice wouldn't be shaking.

He turned his head my way and sent me a fond smile. I held my breath as his eyes roamed on my face and back in my eyes.

"I know."

His voice was soft, understanding, almost resigned. I reached for his hand on his thigh and squeezed his fingers. I was mad at Niall, hurt by his lie, and I wanted to think about something else, spend time with someone else.

"Do you... want to come in?" I asked, shrugging only one shoulder. "Spend the night, maybe?"

He looked surprised and then a bit taken aback but he finally raised his eyebrows at me, holding my hand tighter. His fingers were warm and I couldn't help but realize what I had just proposed but the truth was, I wanted it. I couldn't pretend it wasn't to take my mind off Niall but I didn't do it to spite him.

"Are you sure that it's what you want?" he breathed gently, bending down closer to me.

My eyes dropped to his lips as mine parted.

"Fuck yes I am." I whispered back, making him smirk and then chuckle. "I've been ready for a while."

The few times something sexual had happened between Harry and I, it was incredible. I couldn't lie, those orgasms were amazing and needed, and even when he was the one getting pleasure, I was getting something out of it. The satisfaction to know I was the one making him feel like that was almost as good as the orgasms he gave me.

"I'm pretty sure it's my turn to pay you back." I added as my lips curled.

He kept silent for a few seconds, a smile still on his lips, and I tilted my head, waiting for his reaction.

"Not tonight. Maybe next time." he pointed out, making my heart skip a beat. "Tonight I just..."

He brought two of his fingers on one of my shoulders and let them slide down on the front of my shirt, between my breasts, as his eyes dropped.

"Tonight I just want to feel myself inside you." he continued, looking up to stare in my eyes. "Only if you want to."

He took his fingers back and I suddenly realized I had stopped breathing. My whole body started throbbing and I just swallowed hard, licking my lips. I couldn't hide that I was nervous but I was even more excited and that feeling clearly won over the other. He had seen me naked already, which was probably what I had feared the most, and I couldn't hide that it still scared me. I tried to tell myself that if he hadn't liked what he had seen before, he wouldn't ask for more, right?

"You know I do."

We smiled at each other and he finally followed me inside. I was a bit ashamed of where I lived since I knew what kind of house Harry had while I lived in a 5 rooms apartment but when I opened the door, the familiar scent reached my nose and I sighed low. I didn't know if it was relief or well-being but either way, it felt good to be back. I hadn't stepped foot in my place for months and although I enjoyed spending time at Niall's, all my stuff was here and it made it my special place.

I let my purse fall next to the couch and turned around swiftly to face Harry. I didn't dare turning the lights on but I could see his face perfectly with the lights from outside.

"I had a good time, it was a nice date." I pointed out in a whisper as his hands reached for my waist.

I ran my tongue on my bottom lip before biting it gently. He took an other step closer and I could feel the warmth from his body emanating against mine as my whole body started throbbing again. I brought my hands to the bottom of my shirt but he shook his head slowly.

"No, please, let me."

I gave in and nodded, moving my arms up as he grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head. His hands reached to my skirt and he pulled on it as I stood in front of him, motionless. It took me a few seconds but I finally stepped out of my skirt, moving back and extending my hand to him. I was only in my underwear in front of him while he was still completely dressed but he reached for the back of his shirt to take it off, letting it fall next to mine on the floor. He took my hand and I walked back until my room. I knew this apartment by heart and I didn't hit anything even if i was walking backwards and in the dark. My room was even darker but I blinked a few times, trying to get used to the darkness. I searched for Harry's pants, fumbling to find his zipper with one hand as the other pressed against his cock.

I never thought I'd be surprised by a guy's dick but I had to admit that Harry's was bigger than any other man's I had been with. I knew it sounded weird but it made me even more nervous until I felt his parted lips press against mine. His fingers reached for the straps of my bra, moving them down gently. His fingertips brushed against my shoulder and it made me moan in his mouth.

"I feel like I haven't fucked in a decade." I whispered, feeling his lips curl at my words.

"Me too."

I knew that he had had opportunities and I was scared that he would be disappointed after having sex with me. Maybe he was going to regret not going out more during the tour to meet people. Maybe he was going to realize the wait wasn't worth it. I tried to push that thought away and unzipped his pants, trying to push them down quickly. One of his hands reached for mine and squeezed them gently.

"No rush, okay?"

His warm breath weirdly made me shiver as I nodded slowly. He pulled his pants down and I reached over his boxers to rub my hand gently against his cock, making him groan.

"I've been thinking about your hands on me constantly after that time in the woods."

I chuckled against his lips and closed my eyes as I pulled his boxers down. Knowing that Harry Styles had enjoyed the hand job I gave him to the point of thinking about it continuously was risible, almost absurd, but I knew he was sincere and it made my heart skip a beat.

His hand slipped in my panties and I held my breath as two of his fingers slid on my clit before slipping inside me, making me whimper despite myself. One of my hand grabbed his dick hard, pressing my fingers on it, while my other hand gripped his hair.

"I could get addicted to this." I admitted in a murmur.

I thought he'd smirk again or laugh but he only pushed his fingers deeper and I pushed on his head to kiss him more.

"Yea?" he breathed in-between kisses. "I hope you do."

Slowly, he took his hand away and bent down, bringing my panties with him. When he moved up again, his hands ran against my legs and up my waist and arms until he cupped my face. As I always do when I stand naked in front of someone, I started getting self-conscious but Harry just kissed me, brushing his lips on my jaw and down my neck.

"I love your body."

My first thought was that he was lying but when his arms slithered around me, I tried to only focus on the way his fingers unclasped my bra. It fell between us on the floor and both his hands reached for my breasts. His thumbs rubbed against my nipples and I felt them get hard suddenly at his touch.

"You wanna lay down?"

It took me half a second and I was laying on the bed, watching him pull his boxers all the way down. He moved locks of his hair behind his ears and I realized how gorgeous he was, standing naked in front of me, only illuminated by the lights from the street. I was excited, horny, and I wanted him, but I couldn't help but feel like something was not right, like I didn't belong here with him. I didn't want to think about Niall at this specific moment but I did and I had to swallow hard to make sure I wouldn't tear up.

As if on cue, I heard the sound of my cellphone coming from the living room, in my purse, and I knew it was Niall. Ironically, the ringtone I had picked for him was a mix of different parts of One Direction songs that he had solos and when Harry moved on top of me, I could hear Niall's voice sing the first part of 'Olivia'. I tried not to think about it but I heard it all and held my breath, unable to focus on Harry's touch.

"Remember the day we were giving up When you told me I didn't give you enough And all of your friends were saying I'd be leaving you She's lying in bed with my t-shirt on Just thinking how I went about it wrong This isn't the stain of a red wine, I'm bleeding love

Please believe me, don't you see The things you mean to me? Oh I love you, I love you I love, I love, I love Olivia."

My phone stopped ringing immediately after and I tried to remember if Niall was aware of my ringtone or not. He couldn't have done that on purpose, right?

"Liv, are you okay?"

I got out of my thoughts and my eyes roamed on Harry's face close to mine. I moved my knees up and my heart skipped a beat when I felt his now hard cock press between my legs.

"Please Harry, fuck me."

I knew it was wrong to ask him that right after thinking about my best friend but I couldn't help myself. I wanted Harry, there was no doubt about it, but if he could take my mind off of Niall for a while and fuck my pain away, it was simply a bonus.

"I thought you'd want.."

"No." I answered gently, shaking my head. "Just fuck me."

I didn't want to take my time. I didn't want to go slow and I didn't want to 'make love'. I wanted him inside me, I wanted a few orgasms, I wanted to hear him moan and feel his lips on my skin. He moved his hips closer to me and I spread my legs more, feeling the tip of his cock slip inside me. I dug my nails in the skin of his upper arms but his expression didn't even change. He simply moved closer again, his eyes roaming on my face as my lips parted and my eyes got bigger. It took half a minute to feel him completely inside me and the feeling was so amazing that I could feel myself throb around him.

"Oh my god." I breathed out before his lips reached mine again.

I knew I needed that but I had no idea just how bad until that moment. I loved how he seemed in total control of everything and he started moving in and out of me so slowly I started shaking beneath him. I squirmed a bit, trying to feel him deeper inside me and he finally gave in and started moving harder and quicker over me, his tongue slipping in my mouth as I moaned and panted. I knew I wouldn't last long and the way he stared at me as if he was waiting to watch me cum made me even hornier.

"Harry, i'm gonna cum."

I felt his lips reach for my neck, trailing small kisses on my skin and making a shiver cross my whole body as an orgasm reached me.

"Cum, I want to feel you."

I suddenly felt dizzy, my body quivering under his as he kept fucking me, going steadily and thrusting deep and hard inside me while still going slowly. I didn't know how he did it but I had never fucked that way before. My orgasm spread inside me and I moaned louder than intended, my eyes fluttering close. It was surprising that I came that hard, especially from the missionary, but I was not sure if it was due to my lack of orgasms recently or because of the way Harry made me feel. Either way, it was worth it and when I opened my eyes again, he was looking at me with a small smile but he had stopped moving.

We remained silent and I couldn't help but feel a bit awkward now that I came. I thought Harry would be more vocal, I thought he had a dirtier mouth, and it was surprising to find out the kind of person he was in bed. It was almost intimidating how in control he was and how much power he seemed to have both over me and himself. Last time, in the woods, he had cursed a few times and it made me wonder if he was holding everything in this time.

"I really want you to cum." I whispered, biting my bottom lip. "All over me."

He looked shock for half a second and I was happy to be able to destabilize him a bit. Without answering, he started fucking me again, this time quicker, and he moved his body up slightly, holding himself with his hands on each side of my face. I reached between us to brush a finger on my clit and breathed through my teeth at the sensation. I was still sensitive but I couldn't hide that the feeling was incredible.

"Please don't stop." I begged in a whisper, arching my back as he groaned.

Hearing him make a sound made me moan too and I rubbed my clit harder when he pulled out of me and stroked his cock hard before he reached an orgasm, his cum spurting all over my lower stomach.

"Holy fucking sh-"

I held my breath as I looked at him, his face twisting with pleasure and his eyes closed. It turned me on even more and I dipped my fingers in his cum, bringing it down to my pussy and rubbing my clit again. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and brought more of his cum between my legs and when my eyes opened again, I realized he was staring at my fingers. It made me hold my breath and I felt an other orgasm explode inside me, making me shaking and curse low, moaning his name a few times and touching myself until the feelings left my body completely.

"That was a sight." Harry let out with surprise, a chuckle leaving his lips.

I could feel my cheeks burn but just cleared my throat as he lied down next to me. After a while, we moved under the blankets and I stayed on my back, my eyes closed. I felt him move on the mattress and when I opened my eyes, I turned my head his way, realizing he was laying on his side, looking at me. His hand reached for my breasts and he ran the tip of his forefinger against my nipple, making me chuckle again.

"When did you get your nipples pierced."

"A long time ago, when I turned 18." I explained with a big smile. "Why?"

He shrugged, staring at my chest, and I licked my lips nervously.

"I don't know, I would never have guessed." he admitted. "And I didn't really have time to ask back at the lodge."

I didn't answer and he stopped touching me but moved a bit closer as I shut my eyes tight. It was not awkward anymore and although I was extremely tired, I wanted to spend some minutes to talk with him.

"It was different." I explained, opening my eyes as he sent me a frown. "Different than when we did things at the lodge. You didn't really talk or anything. You looked in control, almost indifferent."

His face changed and he sighed, bringing his hand to my cheek. I felt my heart melt at his touch but tried to hide how good the affection he was giving me made me feel.

"I was just trying to make things right." he confessed. "I wanted this to be perfect, you know. I wanted to focus on you."

I decided to keep quiet but I could feel something burn in my throat. I was convinced that sex was something that was meant to be shared with someone. I thought the point was to get pleasure but also give it. I didn't want him to focus only on me, I wanted him to feel just as good as I felt, I wanted this to be memorable for both of us.

"I'm sorry, I promise that next time-"

I didn't let him finish and crashed my lips against his. He seemed to relax and slipped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him and deepening the kiss, this time groaning in my mouth.

"I may wake you up in the middle of the night to do it again." he whispered, making me chuckle before kissing me harder.

"You definitely should."

---

I woke up and rolled in bed, feeling his warm skin against mine as I cuddled him. The sun was up, I saw it shine through the window and I groaned, hiding my face in his neck. He hadn't woken me up in the night to fuck again but his arm was still wrapped around me and I blinked a few times before opening my eyes. He looked so peaceful when he slept that I even held my breath to make sure I wouldn't wake him up.

As I stared at him, I started thinking about Niall and what had happened at the café the night before. I couldn't remember the last time I went to bed mad at my best friend and I started wondering if it ever happened before. I closed my eyes and swallowed, thinking it was extremely possible that Niall had done with Maya what I had done with Harry and the thought made me nauseous. I was being a hypocrite, I knew it, but all the contradictions in my head seemed to make sense, even if only for me.

Slowly, I got out of Harry's warm embrace and grabbed his shirt on the floor to put it on. I walked out of the room on my tiptoe, looking back a few times to look at him, and finally sat on my couch, bending down to grab my purse. The number of notifications i saw on my phone made me hold my breath. A few missed calls and exactly 14 text messages were waiting for me and when i realized they were all from Niall, I felt my heart twist in my chest.

'I'm sorry, please forgive me, i love you'

'You're my best friend and i don't want to lose you. I'm sorry I lied.'

'Come on Liv, I'm sorry, please answer me.'

'Don't ignore me please I hate this'

'Are you with him? Is that why you're not answering me?'

'Call me. Or come home. We really need to talk.'

I didn’t have time to read all of them and jumped slightly when I heard a voice in my back.

"It's him, isn't it? He called last night when we were..."

I turned to look at Harry who stood naked in front of me and sighed low before getting up. He looked incredible, as usual, and I tilted my head, enjoying the view for a few more seconds. Was I going to ruin what I had with him the way I was ruining what I have with Niall? By keeping them both around, was I going to lose both of them?

"Yea, he wants to talk."

Harry nodded, pushing his messy hair behind his shoulders and shrugging.

"You should go then."

I didn't know what came over me but I felt a wave of affection towards Harry and walked around the couch to throw myself in his arms. He held me close and kissed the top of my head, making me smile more. I had no idea why he was so understanding but I couldn't explain how much it meant to me. He smelled good and when I got out of his embrace, he bent down to kiss my lips so gently that I felt my heart melt in my chest.

"Do you want me to wait for you here?" he asked in a whisper, making my eyes flutter open.

I didn't know how it would go with Niall, but I had just taken a decision. I stared at Harry,s perfect face and swallowed hard, scared of what I was going to do but knowing it had to be done. I brought my hands up to cup his face and ran my thumbs on his cheeks gently.

"Yes, please." I whispered back. "Wait for me."

"I will."

The double meaning behind this short exchange made me feel guilty and I just moved up on my tiptoes to kiss him again. I grabbed his upper lip between mine and nibbled on it softly before moving back slightly.

"I owe you, remember?" I breathed out with a smirk. "I'm getting on my knees as soon as I'm back."

He chuckled against my lips, his eyes still closed, but didn't answer.

"Go." he just let out.

I rushed to my room to get dressed and grabbed my stuff, searching for my keys in my purse as I walked quickly to my car. The ride seemed long even if it technically was not and when I rang the doorbell, it felt extremely awkward. When was the last time I had been away from Niall for so long? It was clearly before tour and it seemed like forever ago.

The door open slowly and I noticed how sad he looked. Was it my fault? As soon as his eyes met mine they got bigger and I could read hope all over his face.

"Liv, hey, i'm so sorry for all the text messages."

I kept silent and licked my lips but he just stared at me, putting his hands in his pockets quickly as his eyes roamed on my face. How can you miss someone so much after only a few hours apart? It was pathetic. He breathed in and finally sighed in a relieved way before moving on the side to let me in. I took a step in and walked to the living room, sitting on his couch and looking in front of me. This is where we had danced only a few days ago, and on that day, I could swear something was happening between us.

I got out of my thoughts when Niall sat next to me and I turned to him raising my eyebrows. For some reason, I felt like he was the one who should say something and I waited.

"I'm sorry. I swear I didn't want to lie to you, I just didn't want to talk about it."

"That hurts, Niall. You never lied to me before." I pointed out. "I mean, not that I know of."

"I haven't! Jesus Christ, I wish I had told you that Maya and I..."

I glanced behind him as if I was expecting Maya to appear wearing only his shirt or something like that. That simple thought made me swallow hard.

"I'm sorry." he shook his head and rubbed his eyes and all I wanted to do was tell him he was forgiven and hug him but I just remained motionless.

How could I admit to Niall that the reason I was so mad was that all this time, I had been hurt by a lie. Knowing that he had had sex with Maya had been something that had haunted me and made me cry at night and now, I was finding out that it never happened and that I had been hurt by something that was not real. It was mostly my fault, not his, but I couldn't tell him that without admitting to him that I had feelings for him.

"Look, Niall, I need a break."

His face twisted into a shocked expression and he shook his head, moving his upper body back a bit. His lips parted and all I could think about was how bad I wanted to straddle him and kiss him, how bad I wanted him to whisper my name, how bad I wanted him to beg me to stay.

"A break of what? Why?"

"Us, Niall. A break of this intense and abnormal friendship." I explained more, hoping my voice wouldn't crack.

His face changed and I could swear I saw fear in his eyes. His hands reached for mine and I swallowed again, trying not to answer his gesture when he squeezed my fingers.

"Our friendship is not abnormal, it's special and unique alright, but we're not doing anything wrong. We're friends I mean, we've always been best friends. I don't want things to change."

I didn't want things to change either but I didn't tell him. I just licked my lips and shook my head.

"Is it me you want in your life, or is it just that you're so used to have me around that it would be weird if I wasn't there anymore?"

He frowned, clearly offended by my words, and moved his face closer to me. I felt myself tear up as I tried to memorize every tiny detail of his face. He was beautiful and the sight made butterflies hit the inside of my stomach. It was impossible for anyone else to be so handsome but Niall was there, right in front of me, and everything inside me was telling me to kiss him and tell him how much I loved him.

"It's you. Just you, Olivia."

The way my name sounded in his mouth was incredible and I suddenly felt dizzy.

"I would like to make sure of that. Perhaps a few weeks apart will help us see things more clearly."

"Weeks?"

I got up quickly, knowing I had to leave as quick as I could or I would change my mind. I didn't want to be away from Niall but I knew I had to. I also knew I would miss him more than humanly possible but It had to be done. I grabbed my purse again and turned around, walking back to his front door until I felt his warm hand on my arm, turning me around and pulling me close to him. This time, I didn't resist and wrapped my arms around his chest, pressing my cheek on his shirt and inhaling his scent like it was the very last time.

"Please, don't do that. I'm gonna miss you so fucking much."

I held my tears in and finally took a step back, sending him a sad smile.

"I'll call you."

I almost ran out and hopped in my car but it's only when I drove back in his driveway that I noticed he had ran out of his house too and was yelling my name. I ignored him and drove away, looking at him in my rear view mirror as he was standing motionless in the middle of the street. At that exact moment, the realization of what I had just done hit me and I started crying, letting out a few sobs despite myself.

I had no idea if I did the right thing anymore. I already missed him and being away from him was the last thing I wanted. Unfortunately, my love for him was getting stronger every day and I had to do something to stop it. They say 'out of sight out of mind', right? I just hoped they were right.

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles story #harry styles writing #my fanfics #amc #gah idk man

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spnife · 7 years

Text

91 question tag

Tagged by @vanillabeanniall and then @uswntinharmony

More below the cut bc that’s how I roll

the last –

1. drink: Arizona Tea

2. phone call: my mom

3. text message: my mom - she sent me two climbing videos. Or I sent them to me, from her phone

4. song i listened to: What a feeling, but I was asleep (i checked the music app just now), so the last song I remember hearing is Ray of Light by Madonna

5. time you cried: wednesday. First day of school was today so it was some stress

have you ever – 6. dated someone twice: yeah

7. been cheated on: yeah. I became friends with the guy though. Similar tastes I guess??? (( Actually I blocked him on snapchat last year bc he was talking some bs on his story but in eigth grade he wasn’t awful)) She lied abt it though and then talked to me two years later and still lied like okay

8. kissed someone and regretted it: no ragrets

9. lost someone special: not really

10. been depressed: fuck hell yep

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no. I had like a sip of beer on a trip but it was just to mess with a dude while he was in the porta potty

list 3 favorite colors – 12. light blue

13. orangish pink

14. dark purple

in the last year have you – 15. made new friends: heck yeah. I switched schools and found a really good group of people there already. It’s been alright

16. fallen out of love: not in the last year. gotta be in love first

17. laughed until you cried: probably but I don’t remember rn

18. found out someone was talking about you: I think? I found out parents were saying nice things about me. Mean wise maybe? I’m not really sure. Probably

19. met someone who changed you: at least one. a teacher last year

20. found out who your true friends were: i think?

more – 21. kissed someone on your facebook? alas, i do not have a facebook

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? see 21

23. do you have any pets? A super sweet black lab named FeeBee, a kitten named Mulder and a cat named Milo, and a hedgehog named Wembly

24. do you want to change your name? i like my name. My last name bothers me sometimes bc dad stuff but it’s gotten better

25. what did you do on your last birthday? I had a chill day at school, got a nice car, got a card from all of the kids on the climbing team. One of them said “Wow Coach Ella, you only have two more years til you can drink,” like i’m sorry kid I’m only 16

26. what time did you wake up? 7. first day of school

27. what were you doing at midnight? crying and putting school stuff in my backpack and watching VEEP

28. name something you can’t wait for: to keep getting better at climbing, the Harry Styles concert on oct 11, my birthday on oct 13 bc it should be fun and I hope I’ll get another card from the climbing team bc they’re all lovely

29. when was the last time you saw your mother? today

30. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life? i want to know that I’ll be able to be happy

31. what are you listening to right now? watching Raising Hope

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom? yep

33. something that is getting on your nerves? I keep getting anxiety while I’m at climbing practice and that’s one of my most comfortable places. it feels like im going downhill with climbing even though I know im getting better

34. most visited site: netflix

school – 35. elementary: i loved my elementary school. every teacher i had was amazing, small school in austin and a good community and i still talk to my friends from there. so when i moved to the new school in fifth grade and depression was already showing up, the differences made it literally hell. it was awful. i didnt like my teachers and i didnt know people

36. middle: 6th grade was hell, 7th grade was even fuckin worse, 8th was still pretty bad. All the worst years of my life so far, and tbh it’s gonna be hard to top them

37. high: better than middle school but thats a really fucking low bar. like incredibly low.

38. college: planning for ACC for two years to get base courses, dream school UT in an engineering major. I love the school and the program there, but I worry if I could barely get through middle school, how tf am I supposed to survive college. Also it didn’t feel great when I was talking to a friend and I was like “yeah ut is tbh my dream school, if I can get in” and she was like “oh that’s one my last choice colleges” like fucking okay love you thanks for telling me that makes me feel real good about my intelligence and how you view me

me – 39. hair color: brown

40. long or short hair? shoulder length

41. do you have a crush on someone? yep. according to a friend i am “so gone for this girl” but um. oka y what if she doesn’t like me? I feel good around her though and she likes being around me and we work well together I think. She’s lovely and I wouldn’t want to make things weird by asking her out if I don’t know she feels that way too.

42. what do you like about yourself? I am able to figure things out and I work with kids really well. I’ve also been getting better at climbing again so I’m proud of myself for that

43. piercings? just my ears

44. blood type: lol yeah like i know?

45. nickname: ellallalala is something I’m getting from people at the new school, and I’ve had some climbing nicknames over the years but Coachella is sticking. I coach and my name is Ella it’s great

46. relationship status: nope

47. zodiac sign: libra

48. pronouns: she/her

49. favorite tv show(s): always sunny, parks and rec, my name is earl, curious george

50. tattoos: soon

51. right, ambidextrous, or left-handed? right

first – 52. surgery: i had one on my pelvis in 2013? i was in preschool and it was for this weird group of veins on the side of my leg. We’d always called it a birthmark and after the surgery the scar looked like a sunset over water but the sun is purple (still looks like that it’s rad) and the first time someone showed me a birthmark i was like??? Um no thats just a little dark bit of skin?? my birthmark is purple what is this shit

53. piercing: ears

54. sport: rock climbing. found it early and still love it

55. vacation: no idea

56. pair of trainers: first i remember are a PAIR OF DORA LIGHT UP SHOES

current – 57. eating: nothing

58. drinking: arizona tea

59. i’m about to: finish my arizona tea

60. listening to: the episode ended so me typing and the clock my great grandmother gave is

future – 61. waiting for: me to feel alright

62. want: to like what i’m doing and to know i’m able to be happy doing it. I wish I could just skip to being married with kids and a dog and everything.

63. married: oh for sure

64. career: astronaut has always been my dream career but with this level of anxiety it’s probably a no go. I am not over it. I’m def gonna cry abt it in a couple of minutes bc thats how it goes, ya know. The last astronaut I talked to though said “the biggest disqualifier is not applying” so i’m still going to try my hardest. I also love engineering and physics and space and science and education and would love to be a librarian, so we’ll see

your type –   65. hugs or kisses? depends

66. lips or eyes? eyes, i guess. There’s more character there

67. shorter or taller? in my head i’m always like oh taller but really it doesn’t matter. as long as i can be little spoon im good to go

68. older or younger? doesn’t matter

69. nice arms or nice stomach? tummies are cute i guess.

70. sensitive or loud? i don’t know

71. hook-up or relationship? right now relationship and at some point relationship but ask me a couple months ago and it would have been different

72. troublemaker or hesitant? both. troublemaker with a lot of decisions but in fun ways, but hesitant when it comes to talking to new people that i want to be good friends with. and asking people out

73. kissed a stranger? yep. on a bet

74. drank hard liquor? had some jack daniels mixed with coffee and it tasted like cinnamon toast crunch

75. lost contact lenses/glasses? my glasses always turn up

76. turned someone down? yeah. accidentally on a few though lol. As i had a crush on someone i went out with for a little while last yeah legit three other people liked me and i guess im oblivious bc i had no fucking idea

77. sex on first date? depends

78. broken someone’s heart? i don’t think so

79. had your heart broken? yes but in a friendship way along with the relationship. it goes back to the you should kill yourself stuff

80. been arrested? nope

81. cried when someone died? no one i’ve known closely has died. My great-great grandmother died when i was fiveish but she was really old. There have been a few suicides at my old school (i switched 2 months before end of last year) and those hit hard, just knowing that there are so many people here dealing with that stuff and me relating to it. I didn’t know the people well but we’d spoken and I knew them some, but I had some friends who were much closer and really affected

82. fallen for a friend? yeah

do you believe in – 83. yourself? i try

84. miracles? shit happens, and sometimes it’s good

85. love at first sight? who am i to say tbh

86. santa claus? no

87. kiss on first date? if i like them

88. angels? no

other – 89. current best friend’s name: skip

90. eye color: hazel

91. favorite movie: i dont know im tired and want to cry sort of so maybe i shouldnt think about this stuff as much when im already stressed im going to go drink more tea and eat some soup

Anway

I’m tagging anyone who reads this far. gotcha

#about me #mine

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booksbookandmorebooks · 6 years

Text

Questions for any and all readers!

Hello my lovelies, i thought id bring you something a little different. while cruising through some book blogs i came across this collection of questions for readers and thought itd be a fun little post! ill credit the original source below, but have fun guys and hope youre all well!

What was your favourite childhood book?

The 12 Dancing princesses.

What are you reading now?

Nothing yet, but my next planned read is Harry potter and the prisoner of Azkaban.

What books do you currently have on loan from the library?

To be honest, i haven't been to library since i was about 15. I think its down to wanting to own the books i read and also i love comfort of reading in my own home. Although, saying that ive lately been considering taking a trip.

What are some of you bad bookish habits?

Okay so this will sound a bit over the top, im fully aware of that but...I have this weird obsession with the condition of my books when i buy them. Don’t get me wrong, i know most people wouldn't buy badly damaged/beat up books but im a little more intense about it... if i see a single scratch or scuff on a book i will refuse to buy it, even if its the only one available. Ill go as far as to travel to another book store to buy it...yeah im that kind of reader. Oh! i also have a weird thing about cracked spines, that’s a huge HUGE no no. i would rather bend the cover of my books to within an inch of their life rather than break the spines.

Do you have any kind of E reader?

No disrespect to E readers, but im very old school. I want the physical thing in my hand. i want the feeling and the sound of turning pages, i want that stuffy beautiful book smell. It just wouldn't be the same experience without it for me.

Whats your least favourite book of the year?

This is going to be a very very badly received answer and i almost dont want to answer it, but... the Tattooist of Auschwitz. I know i know its awful, its a very unpopular opinion but i much preferred The Choice by Edith Eger. If im honest, i preferred that by a mile! sorry guys.

What is your reading comfort zone?

I love Thrillers, YA and some fantasy books, not a ton though.

Do you often read outside of your comfort zone?

If im honest, no. My boyfriend is always trying to rectify that, but i am a stubborn old cat and like what i like. Although, credit where credit is due he has turned me on to some pretty amazing fantasy books.

Favourite book of the year?

Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine. Easiest pick, and a review is on its way soon! so stay tuned!

Where is your favourite place to read?

I love reading at home, on my side of the sofa with the lamp on low a hot drink in hand with my cats and boyfriend at my side. Its my happy place.

What is your policy on book lending?

Im sorry guys but its a big fat no. Yepp im that guy.

Do your write in your books? or the margins of your books?

Oh hell no, that’s sacrilege right there!

Do you break/crack the spines of your books?

Another straight up hell no. As i said above and anyone who knows me will tell you, that is my biggest biggest book no no.

What is it that would make you recommend a book?

Whenever i read a book i always tend to get a feel pretty quickly for its emotions and the bigger picture it tries to paint, and when that comes to mind my thought process kind of flows into who it would suit best out of the people i know. so far, my recommendations have been very well received.

Favourite reading snack?

I cant eat and read at the same time, not only due to the risk of grease on my books but the way i have to hold my books to avoid the spine cracking makes eating rather impossible.

How do you feel about giving negative reviews about books?

Realistically i dont think theres anything wrong with bad or negative reviews as long as they are purely critical of the books. I think they're just as important as the positive ones. people are individuals and will have a variety of different thoughts and experiences throughout their life that can really help bond them to a specific book, story or character, while other people will never feel that bond and will view it completely different and thats okay, reading is a very personal experience. you cant please everyone, thats just life.

Longest you've gone without reading?

I went a number of years without reading when i was growing up but luckily i re discovered my love of books a few years back and its been amazing.

Have you ever read a self help book?

Yes, i have read a few actually.

Did they work for you ?

If im honest, they did and they didn't. No self help book is a immediate fix. They're a guide on how best to change your life style, your actions and choices to better suit you whatever the type of help book you have chosen. They are a work in progress. sometimes you might forget to practice their teachings but as long as you try thats the best you can do and thats a success in my eyes.

What distracts you when you're reading?

My boyfriend. My boyfriend. My boyfriend and...Yepp, My boyfriend.

Most money ive spend in a book shop at once?

I had one crazy spending day and it totalled to around about £80. Mainly because i bought some bookish related goodies and didn't realise just how expensive they were until i reviewed the receipt on the trip home. That was a hard lesson. i lived on super noodles for like a month. So worth it though.

What would cause you to stop reading a book half way through/DNF a book?

Mainly bordem. If i feel bored with a book or feel like im having to force myself to push through it then i will always put the book down. ive come to conclusion there are so many amazing books i want to read i cant waste my time on mediocre reads.

Are there any books you've been avoiding reading?

Yes, so many. Mainly down to the sheer size of them. its sounds so silly, but i enjoy smaller or average sized books because i can read a lot of them in a month and it gives me this accomplished feeling, while reading one big book is not only intimidating but such a time investment and it just always puts me off. For example, i really want to try reading a Stephen King book and always get them recommended to me but whenever i see the size im always just left a little well, as i said intimidated.

______________________________

This was such a fun little post and i had a great time filling it out, i hope you enjoyed reading it and giving it ago yourself! I hope you all have a fab day and ill write to you all very soon!

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cupidcomplex · 7 years

Note

Can u literally do all of the questions for the fallout thing im so interested

fjkfd omg YES… also i already did the last ten tho so I’m gonna do up to 42, also this is gonna be rlly long so its going under a read more .

ok HERE goes:

Which Fallout game are they from?

New Vegas since its the only game in the series I’ve played

Which faction(s) did they join and which did they destroy? Why?

SHE JOINED THE KINGS… also she doesnt hate the ncr that much. they’re a bunch of normies tho.. she hates the legion a lot n she like. killed all of them. at nelson.

What is their S.P.E.C.I.A.L.?

i cannot remember for the life of me.

Give us a summary of their backstory.

She was born in freeside, her parents were really just fireside bums n so she never really had a strong sense of family. She sorta roamed around freeside as a kid and tried her best to stay out of trouble.. she still found trouble tho , but luckily she sort of had the skill to weasel her way out of it. Eventually when she got to be a teenager her ability to get out of sticky situations sorta came in handy n she decided to become a courier! n then she got the platinum chip n benny came along u know the rest

What’s their full name and does it have a meaning? Do they have any nicknames and how did they get em?

Her name is just nikki n the meaning is that its close to my own real name.. they don’t really have any nicknames but its ok

What’s their sexual, romantic, and gender orientation? Do they feel comfortable telling other people?

she’s a lëśbïâñ n idk i don’t think she cares much abt her gender as a whole its a post apocalyptic desert she’s just up for whatever. No-one ever really asks abt it but she doesnt care telling em if they ask

Do they have any mental illnesses? How do they cope?

Yea, she’s got som trauma related issues (which comes mainly from when she stumbled into nipton/nelsen. seeing innocent people suffering so much n treated so cruelly kinda #fucked her up.. she knew they did bad things but not.. like that) also she has adhd n she gets distracted a lot n takes a bunch of silly things around with her but its cool, she copes a lot by internalizing things n it doesnt rlly end up too good but she lives

Do they have any medical conditions? Is medicine/ treatment available for them?

she’s fully mute! everything she says in signed n then she found a way 2 work with the followers so that ED-E can translate it for he

How much do they care about their outer appearance? What’s their “beauty routine”? How often do they shower/ bathe?

she’s more into the function of her clothes than the looks, but also she takes a bunch of pre-war clothing n sometimes when its quiet or safe she n veronica hav like a dress up party together n its cute

What do they fear the most?

the legion

They’re biggest flaw? Do they recognize it as a flaw?

SHES USELESS WHEN IT COMES TO CRAFTING STUFF.. she cant repair anything. and she is painfully aware of it but its more of just a funny thing.

What are they most insecure about?

her abilities when it comes to helping people.. she gets upset when she doesnt have the skills to help a certain person/group of people

What Wasteland threat do they fear the most? (ex. Deathclaws, super mutants, raiders)

DEATHCLAWS THOSE THINGS ARE THE W O R S T .. also centaurs are creepy as hell really any of those weird fleshy monsters

What’s their zodiac sign or which one do you think they relate to the most?

she’s an aquarius bc thats what i am lol

What are their placements (if you know them)? (ex. Aries sun, Taurus moon, Aquarius Venus)

i have no idea man

What’s their Myers–Briggs Type? (ex. ENTP, ISFJ)

hm. idk? she’s an extrovert tho she likes to communicate

What Harry Potter house would they be in? (ex. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw)

ravenclaw

Which Pokemon Go team would they choose? (ex. Instinct, Valor, Mystic)

MYSTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Out of the nine forms of intelligence (rhythmic, spatial, linguistic, mathematical, kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic, andexistential) which one(s) are they really good at and which one(s) is(are) their weakest?

she’s good at linguistic and spacial stuff, not so good at mathematical

What natural alignment are they? (ex. Lawful Good, Chaotic Evil)

chaotic good

Do they have any hobbies? What are they?

She likes collecting things! especially NCR berets. she has like. a lot of em.. also she loves to go into places that have info on pre-war relics! ALSO SHE LOVES OUTER SPACE

Do they have a favorite holiday? How do they celebrate it?

she likes valentines day! she thinks its very cute n most often she spends the day just hanging in the desert n idk thinking abt love n also if she can find some she would kill a man for som chocolate

What’s their favorite season?

winter!

Do they have a temper or are they level headed?

very level headed, except for when it comes 2 the legion n then she just kinda goes ham

Do they express their emotions freely or hide their true feelings?

she’s good at hiding em .. but she doesnt love to

Are they a leader or a follower?

leader!

How do they come off to others? What first impression do they usually make?

her first impression is usually that she’s quiet and distant, but when people get to know her they really love her! she tries to be really helpful always!!!

Do they prefer to travel alone or with company? Who have they traveled with if any? Current companion if any?

COMPANY .. always.. she hates being alone. also she’s traveled w/ ED-E and veronica, also rex, and Arcade Gannon! she does wanna travel with every companion though!

Would you describe them as selfless or selfish? Does it depend on the situation?

its depends a lot on the situation! When it comes to pre war relics they are HERS but she does her best to try and share medical supplies etc.., for people in need

What do they find most attractive in others? Name at least one psychological and physical trait. (doesn’t have to be romantic attraction)

A good sense of humor! also, they have to be cute.. someone she can bond with over more than just being in love

Do they flirt often? How easily do they fall in love?

SHE FLIRTS AS MUCH AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE…… she’s a total romantic… its very cute.. also she falls in love like every other week its silly

What’s their love life like? Are they interested in anyone or in a relationship?

Its.. something all right fhjdsk… she flirts a lot (ESPECIALLY W/ VERONICA) but she would very much like to have an actual relationship at some point!!!!

Do they prefer to solve things diplomatically or using violence?

Diplomatically, if lives can be saved she will try her best to save them (also 100 speech babes)

What is their combat style? What range do they prefer? Do they sneak?

She kinda just goes in, no real style… i guess she does prefer ranged, though.. also she doesnt rlly sneak well unless she like. wants to

What weapon(s) do they always carry with them?

caravan shotgun, 10 mm submachine gun and UUUHH frag grenades and DYNAMITE…

Their most prized possession?

her NCR berets/ the tiny gifts that the kings give her in freeside!

Their thoughts on power armor?

she’s never tried it but it sure does look cool!

Favorite armor/ outfit?

THE KINGS OUTFIT.. ITS SO CUTE..

How’s their aim? Do their hands shake while pointing a gun?

she’s a good shot… she uses guns a lot but they r often too heavy for her lol

What are their thoughts on having to kill on a daily bases in order to survive?

she doesnt love it but she does view it as a necessary evil.. like she rlly hates killing the fiends n people who are naturally just living there but she doesnt mind killing the legionaries bc they suck ass

Does it take a toll on them? Or do they shake it off rather easily?

yea i say it does. especially in the NCR mission to go into the vault and choose whether to kill the trapped people or help the NCR.. she sometimes regrets her choices but she learns to move on

Thoughts on death if any? (ex. Fear it, accept it)

She finds death just to be a part of life.. its all a cycle and it just goes on.

Do they move around a lot or prefer to have a place to call home?

She moves around pretty regularly, however she still views freeside as her home!!! she has a permanent room at the atomic wrangler, too

ANYWAYS sorry this took so long!!!!!!!!! thank u for sending it to it was really really fun to answer!!!! :D

#egg answers #fallout #FHGDJSK THERES ALOT HERE U DONT HAV TO READ IT ALL IF U DONT WANT TO #rnangata

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vanchlo · 8 years

Text

the assistant / chapter eighteen, “down”

hey there!!!!! woah it’s been so long, i am so so sorry!!! it’s so good to be typing all this up and making this post haha and its kinda weird trying to get back into it too, i missed picking the gif and little sneak peeks out for the post on here lol. i hope you’ve all been well and had great holidays!! well i came back to this chapter that was sitting around for awhile and i wrapped up the end of it, and so i figured i would post it. hopefully it isn’t utter trash haha. i really don’t know when the next chapter will be up or if i’m back with this story just to be honest with you, but i thought i would give it another try and my bf like really wanted me to try again for awhile lol hes pretty great, so you have him to thank lmao. i really wanted to say a big thank you to those of you who have sent me lovely messages about the story (im sorry if some got lost :( or i never replied to) and who have been so patient, it means the world and im so excited to share this new one with you because of your continued love and support for this story, because i know youre all so excited. it still amazes me honestly, you guys are the best. but yes i hope you like this, plz plz let me know what you think! i enjoy!!!! :-)

p.s. - i can’t remember for the fricken life of me how i formatted their texts so be easy on me lol theres not a lot to work with or do, i hope theyre easy to understand :) ugh if only you could change the color of the font on here it would be so much easier sigh

old chapterzzzzzz!

i know that i probably shouldn’t, and honestly i really don’t know if harry would give a shit, but i thumb at the corner of the file by the label. the fact of being in his hall and not knowing if i should do this or not makes it a little worse.

i take a breath before i stop in front of his closed door. rapping my fist against the door, i wait like any other time. and after harry told me the other day to just come on in if he doesn’t answer by the second time, to just let myself in if it’s something important, i do just that ever so nervously. and with the suspicious as shit file weighing heavily in my arms, i wrap my fingers around the cold tingy metal and twist. the creepy neck feeling and the hot nervous one like i did something wrong floods back to me in a tsunamic like wave when i spot the graying man standing by harry’s desk.

with a gulp that becomes harder when his dark brown eyes cast over to me along with the weak dimples peeking out of his cheeks aged with lines, suddenly i feel not so great.

it feels like everybody’s eyes are on the back of my neck when i eventually walk out of the bathroom and back to my desk. when i turn around, there’s nobody watching or staring or prying. just my messed up conscious and paranoid mind, because that’s nice. i discreetly run a finger under my eyes as i pull out the wheely chair and sit back down, lifting the top of my macbook to open it up. holding down the power button, the white apple logo soon appears on my screen. with a sniffle, i pull at the tight waist of these black dress pants before typing my password in.

the plain mountain background loads quickly, and a second later a soft chime sounds. and then there’s another. dragging my eyes to the top right corner of the shiny screen, i see the name i dread maybe the most.

(H in italics and B in bold-italics :-))

12:05pm

please try to be nice with

the costume, pretty

please with a cherry on top?

12:10pm

you’re making me nervous,

becks.

and a new chime just as this message comes in, all fresh and new.

12:23pm

you there, love?

yeah sorry. got busy.

it’s ok.

instead of replying, i venture to chrome and open my email to find too much freaking shit. the third or fourth email is from him, time stamped from around eight am. he probably finished the list up and sent it from home last night, which isn’t too weird for him. sometimes it comes the night before, if he’s feeling generous or something like that.

12:29pm

what’s this file you want?

what?

on the list. it just says ‘find the

heartwood file for me asap and bring

it to me’. you need to learn to be more

specific you know, i thought we talked

about this.

12:30pm

oh yeah. that. sorryyyyyy, i

know we spoke about

it. yeah, i need the

criminal file on bertie

heartwood. it’s not on the

online database as a digital file, so

you’ll have to go down

to the basement where

they keep all of the real paper ones.

you’ve been down there

the one time right? it

wasn’t too bad, huh?

yeah it was a jolly old time, i loved the

creepy old geezer sitting in the door shoving his face with a twinkie who couldn’t help me for shit. i almost had

an asthma attack from all of the dust

and i don’t have asthma!

damn you’re hilarious,

becks.

shutup, i’m being serious.

don’t send me a fucking smiley face.

first i have to do all of that awful filing

and now i have to go down to the

basement to the papers room where who knows

how many rats live with the creepy old

guy staring at my bum and boobs. watch, i probably

will never even get back up here to

17 because the elevator will have

stopped working, or the weirdo shanked me and i bled out. and god, don’t even

get me fucking started on the

cobwebs down there.

language! and would you chill out? there

are no bloody rats in my

law firm

i heard something the last time i was

down there trying and failing to find

that witman file for you, and i turned

around and i swear to god i saw a

tail, harry.

stop it, you did not see

a bleeding rat down there.

and i keep my firm

blooming spotless, so hush.

you still need to find a new clerk guy

down there who isn’t a 80 year old

who probably has an arrest or two

having to do with pedophilia and porn.

i bet you fifty pounds if you had the

techies look at his computer you’d find pornhub.com in his web history.

bloody hell becks. he

does not. jerry’s background

is spotless. ya really think

i’d take a bet on somebody

like that?

well all he does is basically just guard

about fifty dusty shelves of files, so

yeah maybee.

fuck you, you little shit.

uh no, i only get to call you that.

sure you do.

shutup.

can i pleaseeeeee not go down there?

i was considering it, but

not after all that lousy stuff

you said about the papers

room and nice old jerry.

he is not nice, harry! he’s so rude.

doesn’t even help me when i have a

question, scouts honor.

no way, you were a girl scout?

ya sell all those yummy boxes

of biscuits, too?

shut up.

ya better be nice, or i just

might make you come to

that ball with me after all,

you little shit.

stop calling me that, that’s my line.

would you rather i come down

and give you another nice

tour? i don’t really want to,

because i’m supposed to be

doing this skype call with

somebody from ny, and

hell thats why i asked you

to do it.

god, don’t be too honest there.

i’m sorry, just not looking forward

to this skype call. and amber

won’t stop blowing up my phone,

she’s in a real mood today.

what’s new with that?

be nice, becks.

i’m just stating the truth, that’s all.

his reply is lagged, and i tap my fingers against my thigh as i wait for the word ‘read’ to show up under my message. and more so for the little bubble to show up. i don’t know if i’m thankful or what when the t-rex rings and i drag my hand over with a huff to pick it up.

“styles and lawson, this is becky,” i answer the most mock cheerfully that i can do on a monday.

“hi, i was wondering who i could talk to about how i could go about setting up a consultation with mr. styles?” a chipper voice replies.

“i’m mr. styles’ assistant, so i can gladly answer that question for you,” i reply.

ten unnecessary minutes later, i finally set the phone down. and when i turn to wake up my computer, there’s a red bubble stuck to my little messages icon. with a shake of my head, i click on it and find harry’s texts. but i hardly get a chance to read them, when his name pops up in the corner of my screen again, but this time he’s calling me.

sticking my hand into my drawer, i pull my buzzing phone out and swipe my thumb across the screen.

“god, what do you want now?” i reply fake annoyed.

“ya betta watch it, becks. actually ‘m surprised ya answered, ya weren’t replying t’ me texts.”

“i’m sorry, i had to explain to some old lady on the phone that just because you’re such a greaaaat lawyer, that you don’t take all cases that come at you, and she wasn’t that happy because of that and because she doesn’t really know how to work email to send me a consult. actually i don’t think she even has one.”

“oh, i see. well sorry i blew up yer mac, but was hopin’ ya’d go an’ get that file fer me soon. pleeeease, becks?” he says, apology heavy in his tone, before it switches to something sickeningly sweet. what a little shit.

“can’t like, you call down there and just have them send it up somehow?”

“this isn’ a bloody post office, becks. ’s jus’ one li’l file, tha’s actually real important. an’ i need it, i wouldn’ ask ya t’ go get it if i didn’ need it.”

“suuuuure,” i sigh, browsing through this week’s list quickly, but it’s not much use because this isn’t the final length. it’ll just keep getting added to as the week carries on. the usual.

“come on, becks. i won’ make ya go down there fer awhile afta this, ok?”

“weak proposition, mr. lawyer,” i reply sassily, pushing my hair behind my ear as i open another email reading a consult from a possible client.

“‘m not gonn’ bribe you.”

“why not?”

“you cheeky li’l thing you, jus’ go get tha bloody file before i come out there.”

“wow, you’re soooo scary,” i tease, hearing his fed up huff.

“jus’ go get tha damn file, you bloody li’l shit,” he chuckles softly. “now i really hafta go, tha bloke’s s’posed t’ be callin’ any mo’ now.”

“no, wait!”

“whaaaat?” he groans.

“i forgot where i look down there, because you know there’s like fifty shelves with boxes of files on them.”

“bloody hell, becks, just ask jerry.”

“i am not talking to that creeper ever again in my life,” i whisper, lowering my voice when somebody walks by. “and he is soooo a creeper, harry! the last time i was down there, i was looking through a box of files that was on the bottom shelf, and when i looked up the bloke’s eyes were glued to my cleavage!”

what comes next is a little explosion of giggles from his side, and i have to resist rolling my eyes because it’s not as good when he can’t see it. since we’re on the phone, even though he’s like . . well right over there.

“becks, yer too damn funny fer yer own good, darlin’,” he gets out in a long titter, and i deal him back a sigh. “ok don’ botha with jerry then, but ’s organized by tha alphabet if i rememba right from tha last time i was down there. but yeah ’s just by last name, so it shouldn’ be too hard t’ find, love.”

“wow, thanks for calling me dumb.”

“‘m not callin’ you dumb, becks!” he laughs, and when i hear the familiar ringing sound faintly i know it’s his skype. “hey sorry, that bastard’s ringin’ me, so i gott’ go. but if ya ‘ave any troubles, jus’ text me an’ ‘ll try t’ get back t’ ya fairly quick.”

“ok, don’t get too bored,” i joke, hearing his sweet giggle for only a second.

“thanks, babe, don’ die down there,” he replies, and i only get a scoff in before he says a quick goodbye.

with a dreaded touch and an exaggerated groan, i stab the lit up plastic button labeled ‘bmt’ and take a few steps and turn to lean against the back wall of the elevator i’m alone in. with a soft hum, the doors squeeze back together and it starts to move down as i stare ahead at my blurry reflection in the shiny doors.

12:50pm

this really fricken sucks,

like a lot.

i stab my thumb at the ‘send’ button and let out a huff after pressing the lock button waiting to arrive in the moldy scary basement. the red led number above the doors falls one by one, sticking at ‘9’ before it drops again.

buzz buzz.

12:54pm

hush, don’t start being a

whine baby on me now.

i told you i won’t make you

go down there for awhile

after this.

you better not.

oh stop being so dramatic.

i think i got that from you.

you’re just hilarious.

why thank you.

now get off your phone and

go get that file.

i’m on the elevator as we

speak, god chill!

you chill, and stop taking the

lord’s name.

since when do you care?

doesn’t matter, now i gotta go.

this bloke is almost back from

whatever the hell he had to do,

and i gotta pay attention, this call

is important.

ok, sorry for bothering you.

don’t, you’re not bothering me.

why do ya always think you’re a

bother becks? but

text me if you need me for any

help with finding the file, and i’ll

try my best, i just might take a

bit to reply.

thank you, harry. you know

you’re probably the best, right?

thanks, sweetheart :) you’re

pretty darn great yourself.

you’re welcome, and thanks :)

i wait for a quick witted reply, and after a little bit i think he should have replied by now with how quick his replies were coming. and so i stuff my phone away in my pocket, and look up to find the doors peeling apart. i take in a deep breath and step off the elevator, pulling my long gray sweater around me at the change of temperature. fuckkkkkk, i do not need this too.

with shivering shoulders and chattering teeth, i tiptoe down the hall - because well there’s not a fucking soul around and i feel like it’s too quiet and shit is going to echo - and soon spot the little sign that reads ‘file room’. but ever since i stepped my first foot into this form, it’s always been called ‘the papers room’ for a reason i don’t know, and that i should probably ask harry one day. or asher.

sure enough, wrinkly and graying and not to mention balding jerry whitter is sat at his black desk scrolling away on his silver desktop. probably looking at girl on girl action, or something really weird, i just have a weird feeling. it takes him too long to look up and when he does, i savor the look on his face because fuck i know he was looking at porn. that git.

with a forced smile stretching across his stubbly chubby cheeks, his thin lips you could hardly discern from his gray mustache part, “oh hullo, love. come down to find another file. ya need any help finding anything?” he says ever so cheerily, but i know it’s fake.

“uh no thanks, i think i got it,” i reply, trying a smile that he returns, but it’s last about a second. with a shiver and my arms pulled around myself, i walk past the wimpy coworker of mine dressed in a long sleeved gray button down and slacks. i don’t even want to think about those slacks and any other part of his body for that matter.

that thought gives me another shiver as i pass the tall gray metal shelves of cardboard box heavy with ancient files. all i know is that most of the files that harry and the other lawyers used and need these days are online digitally, and that somebody who’s not fucking jerry is in the process of scanning all of these to get them online. but i can imagine there’s a point where it’s just been enough, and what’s the point if you don’t need them? at least that’s what i think.

clearing my throat and trying to do the same with my mind, i bow my head and lift my hand to find the hot pink post it i scribbled down the info on, knowing i’ll most likely forget.

bertie heartwood

criminal files

1989

with a huff, i stuff it back away in the pocket of my sweater, pulling the front tighter across my chest. glancing a hasty look over my shoulder back at jerry, all i know is that i’m glad he’s not looking me up, and i don’t bother to see what he’s staring at on his computer. bad idea, becky, bad idea. and so i cross my arms over my chest, wincing at my annoying ass bra digging into my side as i look at the little sign on the very left of the shelf by the aisle. ‘a-f’ it reads. i try to hold back the groan as i walk down the long ass aisle, and turn to peek in the next one. like the other side, the very last shelf has another little sign reading ‘g-m’ and i drag my feet down to the beginning. first i go too far and i’m stuck in the g’s, and then when i veer to the right of the aisle i’m in the fucking j’s, because god. ughhhh.

i almost jump out of my fucking flats when my hip buzzes, and i look down to find the screen of my phone lit up. the smile is hard to push down at the sight of his words, and what they are.

12:55pm

it going alright? you get lost

down there, bub?

no, not yet. but apparently

finding the h’s in this aisle for

g-m is harder than it looks.

the screen goes dark as i stare at it waiting for his response, but it doesn’t come right away, and so i assume he’s caught up with his skype call. i don’t even know why he bothered anyways, especially since he joked somewhat about me leaving him alone. i turn my attention and eyes back to the boxes upon boxes of files waiting in front of me. after awhile, i finally get a little warmer and find the h’s. you’d think it wouldn’t be too hard to find ‘he-‘ especially when there shouldn’t be that big of a variety of files here, but yeah no. first there’s habergram. haberly. habittle. hack. hackney. hackman. like i’ve never seen so many ‘ha-’s in my entire life. what the fuck, harry?

my phone says it’s a few ticks away from quarter after one when i finally locate the ‘he-’s and then it’s not too bad then, considering ‘hea-‘ is right in the beginning, or so i hope. but after a minute or two, i finally finally the little label reading ‘heartwood, bertie’ and pull out the frayed dusty black file.

“ya find all that you need?” jerry questions when i walk up to his desk, much to my dismay.

“yep, thanks,” i answer, plucking a clicky pen from his coffee mug full of them. hmm so maybe the coffee mug of pens is a thing here, huh?

dreadfully so, i lean down and press the pen to the clipboard, but this time i remember to hold the file to my chest so the perv can’t look down my shirt. fucking gross. first i scribble down the date, time of 1:34pm, the name of the file as well as the handy dandy code on the lip of the file i have to locate first and then make it out and yada yada it’s too much work really, and finally i put down my autograph at the end.

jerry and i exchange small ‘thanks’ and he mutters a ‘bye’ i fully ignore, before i peel out of there and get back on the elevator afraid to be down there another minute more.

1:35pm

you still on the phone?

a dictionary sized ‘delivered’ pops up under my message after a moment, but no read receipt before i check my notifications and a few other things as the elevator brings me up. i’m happy when it sounds a long ding and the doors open, letting me breath again as i step out onto seventeen. the keys are clicking and the phones are a ringing as i walk back to my desk, veering for people in slacks and skirts rushing with their cups of tea and stacks of paper before i swing down harry’s hall. i know that i probably shouldn’t, and honestly i really don’t know if harry would give a shit, but i thumb at the corner of the file by the label. the fact of being in his hall and not knowing if i should do this or not makes it a little worse, so all i get is a glance of a wacky mugshot of a weird looking guy before i let it fall closed only a few steps away from harry’s door.

doing a once over for anybody busting me, even though i know it’s not going to happen or so i hope, i take a breath before i stop in front of his closed door. rapping my fist against the door, i wait like any other time. and after harry told me the other day to just come on in if he doesn’t answer by the second time, to just let myself in if it’s something important, i do just that ever so nervously. and with the suspicious as shit file weighing heavily in my arms, i wrap my fingers around the cold tingy metal and twist.

the creepy neck feeling and the hot nervous one like i did something wrong floods back to me in a tsunamic like wave when i spot the graying man standing by harry’s desk. with a gulp that becomes harder when his dark brown eyes cast over to me along with the weak dimples peeking out of his cheeks aged with lines, suddenly i feel not so great.

“u-uh can i help you with something, sir? i’m sorry, but nobody’s allowed in here without harry already-,” i begin, looking over his combed back thinning hair and broad-set frame.

“i got it, becks,” a voice says quickly, and when i turn my head, harry’s slipping into the room with his hard eyes set on the stranger standing in front of the both of us.

his emerald’s a different body of water from the man’s before us fall to me and i see something in his face that i don’t like. “are you sure?” i say quietly to him.

he nods his head and gives me a small smile, but i don’t know how much i believe it. “‘m sure, love, jus’ gimme a mo’ with him, alright?” he replies, patting my arm with his hand, and i don’t know why or how or what, but i catch his hand when it falls from me. it’s almost awkward and i don’t know what i’m doing or what my little half hatched plan is, but i hold it for a moment along with his gaze and last ditch murmur of his name. “’s fine, becks, promise. why dontcha go take yer break now, yeah?” he continues, giving me another reassuring smile that i don’t know if i can handle or accept, or whatever.

“ok,” i say, dropping his hand but not before i give it a little squeeze, one that he returns warmly. “let me know if you need anything.”

“will do,” he replies, before i turn away and head for the door, holding the image of his off smile and his whole off look in my mind. and the other thing sitting on his face that i don’t think i’ve ever seen before. nerves.

the door opens swiftly with a click, and as my back is to harry and the odd old guy, i hear the beginning of his brash voice. the voice of the other harry. “what, ya not know how t’ work a phone or sumthin’, can ya not gimme a quick ring befo’ ya jus’ swing by wheneva ya bloody like? i have a job ya know - people i represent an’ stuff i gott’ do, meetings i hafta go t’ an-“

“i bleedin’ built this place, ya not rememba that or sumthin’ . .” the stranger booms back in the same accent identical to harry’s, giving me a jump and making this whole thing even weirder. and with that, making me even more confused.

i blink hard before opening my eyes as the last bit of harry’s cold words spat at the stranger melt away from my ears with the distance i put between us, but i catch deep shouts and a raspy one in return. one i know all too well. and it hits me in the gut. because for some odd fucking reason, i want to spin around and stomp back over to his door and do i don’t know, something to get it to stop. to get the man to go away, a man i have a bad feeling about i know that already, and so i can wipe that scared nervous feeling from harry and make it all better.

but i know i shouldn’t and all of things, i know that i can’t. it’s not like that, and with a sad thought, i think it probably will never be like that. with another click, i step inside the break room and pop open the fridge, wishing the can of soda was something else. something still fizzy, but heavy to the taste and not sweet. something a happy medium like my favorite wine coolers, which only sends me into another dark thought about the man i just left. the man i care too fricken much about. fucking shit.

i knock the back of my middle knuckle against the screen of the kiosk, tapping hard at my numbers before pushing open the door to get back to work. i drop the black file i never actually put in harry’s hand on the last rack of the new little black file rack on my desk. i plop back down onto my chair, hearing a squeak i roll my eyes at. but my ass hardly hits the stiff chair when i hear shouting from far away and then a door slam, and when i think i recognize one of the voices, i fly out of that seat.

almost running, i bolt over to harry’s hallway in time to have the burly pissed old guy nearly charging past me. he gives me a dirty look that immediately reminds me too much of harry’s for some odd reason, before he rounds the corner and stomps away. with a gulp, my feet move again from being still and i carefully tread down to harry’s door. for what feels like the hundredth time, i hesitate when i reach my hand out to wrap around the door, but this time a feeling burns in my gut that i should and that i need to do this.

and with that, i turn the handle slowly even though an urgency pricks at my skin to turn it faster and harder, and everything else. i spot him almost instantaneously. back to me. shoulders taut and then shaking. little sad sounds carrying across the room from him.

i don’t know what to do. my body is rigid, every single fricken part of it. and so when i try to move my legs- hell just a muscle, i can’t. the fear immobilizes me. it restricts me as the pained sounds of what can only be his crying pricks at my ears, like the sharp end of little pins poking your skin, one by one, getting worse and worse. a breath is stuck in my lungs, not going anywhere along with the rest of me. and it only makes this worse, when i didn’t think that was an option.

all of a sudden the sniffles and the hoarse throaty sounds cease altogether, and i see his shoulders twitch. then a hand run through his impeccable curls that were messy for only a second, if that. all of a sudden he turns around and as if the sight of his red rimmed glassy eyes devoid of a care but riddled with emotion weren’t enough to send my mental self crashing to the ground, the look on his face when he sees me standing there with a foot out the door and the other in kills me altogether.

a syllable begins on his tongue i see. maybe my name. it pains me to even think it, but maybe another cry. or something possibly worse if that could happen: the beginning of a yell. the second one returns with a kick as i watch his eyes fill with tears again before he looks away with a knuckle to his eyes.

“i-i’m sorry, i don’t mean to barge in-,” i begin, but it all comes out wrong, and nothing right. it’s a mess, just like me. and well him, too. i don’t know what he’s thinking or doing, as his head is bent down looking at something on his desk, probably just finding something to do to occupy the embarrassment and the awkwardness that is all me. all fucking me. but i can’t blame him. because hell, i wouldn’t know what to do if he found me crying, well again. “harry,” is all that feels right and as i watch him poke his finger at a mini yellow legal pad with his gorgeous scrawling on it, a sob stutters in his throat. and i’m fucking gone.

within a blink or two, i’m standing in front of him. unsure of what to do. reach out, or go away. his adam’s apple bobs with a gulp before he lifts his chin slowly to look at me, and kill me with that defeated drowned look that makes me feel all sorts of horrible. for him. all for him. and because of what the fuck can i do?

but it’s more like what can’t i when i tug on his sleeve to bring him over to me until he’s close enough to wrap my arms around. that’s too late though, because his are already going around me and by the time i get mine around him, his face is bent into my neck with his hot tears melting into it. as he melts into me with throaty sobs leaving his lips.

i don’t know what to do, or what to say for that matter. i don’t even realize i’m doing it, or hell that i’m doing anything when i find my fingers lost in his hair combing through the end of his crazy curls, and drifting down to the long expanse of his back i rub in circles. through the easy silk of his shirt, i feel his taut strong back as it shakes with each hoarse cry and rises with a rattly breath that tickles against my now damp neck. we stand there for the next ten minutes, his head glued to my shoulder and my arms surrounding him and not moving an inch no matter how tired they get. but i hold onto him tight, my neck slick with tears and his breaths loud and hiccupy.

with every hiccupy cry that falls from his lips, my arms wrap around him a little tighter and my hands rub a little harder.

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