#im sorry every single song is about you
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get me out of here
get me out of here
get me out of hereeeee
#imogen heap#just for now#speak for yourself#lyric posting#im sorry every single song is about you#get me out of hereeeee
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today during mark listens to hozier and thinks about binghe hours i listened to i, carrion and just. thought of time traveler binghe allowing himself to fall into the abyss with a peaceful, helpless, understanding smile on his face. he never let shizun know that heās done this before, but he somehow uncovered the secrets shen qingqiu tried to keep from everyone, and now that he has to fall again. well. he does it gladly.
this isnāt really anything i just. really miss them
fuck it iām editing this and adding every single lyric i donāt care. i need this out of my brain
like. LOOK. look at this shit:
ON. THAT. DAY?????? SHUT UP. IM IN TATTERS ON THE FLOOR BROKEN. LEAVE ME ALONE. I CANT TAKE THIS.
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#im usually SOOOOO okay with angst. but love? sacrifice???? FUCK YOU#āit was you all the way downā#OUGH#āitās the world that falls away from meā#HNNGGGGGG#BABY#IF YOU NEED TO DARLING LEAN YOUR WEIGHT TO ME#ALSO#we need to talk about binghe protecting shizun more because he did it so many times fuck OFFFFFFF#ok im sorry. im sorry i just#i can and will make every single#hozier song bingqiy#bingqiu.#my brain isnt working but good god#fuck man :(#pleaseā¦ someone understandā¦ā¦..
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there are joeyterry cathedrals everywhere for those with the eyes to see. by which i mean my eyes cant stop seeing them please make it stop
#bitch im so annoying oh my god#(me holding joey and terry in my arms) IM SORRY. EVERY SINGLE SONG IS ABOUT YOU.#joeyterry#bistro huddy#velbi.txt
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in my mind people who think dan and phil are exes are the same people who are petekey deniers. like how does it feel to be wrong.
#phan#dnp#petekey#āouhhh yall say every song is about mikeyā WHY DO YOU THINK PETE SAID IM SORRY EVERY SINGLE SONG IS ABOUT YOU.#fall out boy songs are about (in order of frequency): 1. mikey 2. patrick 3. imaginary sexygirl#fall out boy#dan and phil
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WHAT IS HAPPENING ON TIKTOK?
they dont know....
#petekey is everywhere#fob#fall out boy#pete wentz is a menace#tiktok#im sorry#every single song is about you
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im having a moment rn a lot about fourth of july sorry for a personal ish post but they really wrote that song for my relationship with my ex best friend fr
#im just kidding but the lyrics do hit close to home i think of her a lot when i listen#less often these days but still#our whirlwind weird friendship was really like fireworks that went off too soon and that first summer we hung out every single day#and also i remember singing that song with her and stuff#and every time ive come in contact since we dont really talk the torture of small talk with someone you used to love is so real#i also think of her when i listen to favorite record too a little bit#abap the longing summer-themed album that u are :( <3#sorry for rambling im ok im mostly over it ive just been thinking about it a lot#i think i was always a little bit in love with her too
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God knew petekey would be too powerful and that's why he cursed them to fail
#larsposting#anyway im literally in my bed crying ablut pete wentz saying āim sorry every single song IS about youā#WHILE MIKEY WAS IN THE FUCKING CROWD#what do you meeeeeeeeeean
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i cooked with my kirjan playlist me thinks
#i go absolutely insane every time i think about pan by iva sativa in the context of kirjan#like. yeah. ŃŠ°Š·Š°ŃŠ²ŃŃŠµ ŃŠµŠ»Š° ŠæŠ°Š½Š° Š½Š° ŠŗŃŃŠŗŃ couldnt be closer to what kirjan dreams about every single day#love will tear is apart? absolutely scrumptious because that happens between him and nihka kind of#āand i return to a small world its corners fold into a bad paper boat where did it go? where did your life go?ā KIRJAN DO YOU HEAR ME#trees? ājust string up down by the trees just by my pants im such a freak a fucking fag that never seesā? yeah#dust bowl dance. just dust bowl dance. insane song for several of my ocs#sorry needed to get that out of the system#always ask me about songs i associate with my characters im perfectly normal about it š#krĆ”kĆ”nĆ#oc: kirjan
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An special interest ending feels like telling your wife of 6 years that youāre not in love with her anymore, and it is kind of like that.
#wahhhhh#waaaahh#im so so sorry Mr Toby Fox#Im in profound sadness#I used to know all of the baby is you and could play it in my head whenever I wanted :(#I used to know every detail from undertale and deltarune#I used to spend nights searching for information about old works of his#what do I do now?!?! my dream in life was to become great enough of an artist so that Toby fox would hire me to work on something he made#I prided myself of being probably the second most knowledgeable person about Toby fox#I have no set dream now!#I feel so lost without a dream#do I just wait for one now?!?!?#augh#waaaah#I feel so emptyyyy#whyyyyy#after so many years whyyyyy#what do i do nowww#Toby fox used to be my reason for living#and he still is kinda but itās not the sameeee#I used to be great#I used to know every single one of his songs#I used to be an expert#and only because there was one person I could never defeat#who am i now?#sorry Mr Toby Fox I think Sherlock Holmes is taking your place#Toby Fox#autism struggles#autism
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I feel like at least several times a month, I have a random insane revitalization of my love for The Smiths. Not that I ever stop loving them, but I'll listen to some song and then suddenly fall into this pit of just deep, intense love for their music again where I can't stop listening to their music on repeat and watching live performances and looking at pics like AAAAAHHHHHH WHY IS THEIR MUSIC SO GOOOD?????? WHY IS IT PERFECT?????? WHY WERE THEY SO GENDER???????
(songs I am feeling intense brainrot over rn in case you're curious: "I Want The One I Can't Have(live)", "Stretch Out and Wait(live)", "You Just Haven't Earned It Yet Baby", "Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others(demo)", "What She Said", "The Boy With The Thorn in His Side(live)"(p.s. I Want The One I Can't Have is Martian-coded to me, pls listen)(also it reminds me of that movie I watched yesterday)
#i want the one i cant have is playing on repeat in my brain rn and i watched a live performance and i was tearing up. why am i like this#the live versions of their songs are just incredibly good like at an insane level to me#i know the guitar is very complicated bcs my brother is equally obsessed w the smiths and rants to me abt how hard their music is to play#so the fact that their live performances are equal if not better than their studio versions is crazy#and i love the way he sings in live versions AAAAHHHH like just so over the top and dramatic#i absolutely love singing along to music and their songs are perfect bcs i can be as dramatic and loud as i want#and that hes singing perfectly and dramatizing it so much also while dancing along to it on stage??????#their music has an energy to it in every single aspect that no other band will ever be able to reach for me#i spent so much of today just dancing along to their music and singing over the top. i just felt so joyful š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹#GAAAHHHH sorry i just am really in it rn hahaha#its just crazy to me ig that ive listened to these songs so many times and they still fill me with such emotion#my mom sings and dance along w me tho shes like 'wow youre so energetic today did you hit your head or smth' ššš#also was losing my mind looking at their pictures today and gahhhhhhhhb such gender envy their gender is unmatched to me#but its so funny every time i get gender envy over smiths era morrissey +#because theres some pics of my dad from that same period of time when he was younger where he literally looks exactly like morrissey#SIR WHY DID I NOT INHERIT YOUR LEVEL OF GENDER???????(my dad was a icon sjdkkd we look alike tbh)#anyways: i feel very joyful and energetic about their music. they just make me so happy and i want to dance around again š„¹#i think this recent lapse into the pit was bcs i listened to the demos/live versions on The Queen is Dead deluxe edition#and im like ....how the fuck are they this fucking good??????#hehehe tho my passion has affected others š¤#my brother is learning some songs on guitar atm and waxes poetic abt their instrumentals#my dad always listens to their entire discography when he needs background music. and my mom sings and dances w me#sorry this is unhinged i just feel a lot of serotonin bcs their music and i need to infect other people LMAO#maybe i need to make another web weave#catie.rambling.txt
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the fourth of july?? you know thats not real right? they just made it up for a fall out boy song
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mao buyi hours once again
#seized with the urge to reblog every single mp3 of his songs on here like 50 times#sorry something about his voice im like holy shit#it pokes and prods (not ungently) at the softest parts of you#very good slightly sad slightly hopeful study music š also music to cry your eyes out but thats not what im doing#daily logs#č„ęē¼ē±#mao buyi#ęÆäøę
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STARCROSSED PT2 +ą©ā©ā§āĖ LOGAN HOWLETT.
logan and y/n ā where you are completely in love with a man older then youāre father by a good century or so.. whose completely in love with another.
- content warning age gap (is legal) drinking. explicit. swearing. dirty humour. comfort (an ounce). drugs. nsfw. sick. body issues. sh. angst.. maybe happy endings?! pairings: older!logan howlett x xaiver!reader. logan howlett x jean grey.
spoiler: insane yearning and angst iām sorry im too far gone ā¹ļø happy ? where.
note this is part two to starcrossed, prepare for even heavier angst!š«¶š» i didnāt realise how sad this was until i finished the chapter and realised holy shit this is long. part three is already in the works. i hope u enjoy it! make sure to read pt1. itās a bit diff from the first one but i hope u like it still. also if youāve seen the movie ten things i hate about u the mid bit of this might remind u of that one scene if u get me :) song: need you now by lady a cos i was listening to it and jeff buckley whilst reading this? also on the timeline im going for like xmen 2 time i think?
tags ā @faceache111 @malfoys-demigod @navs-bhat @dilfismz @thisbipuff-isaswiftie @twinky-wink @thewiselionessss @thecraziestcrayon @awhoreforalotofshows @emily-b @jae48 @cxptainbuck @444st4rg1rl š«¶š»
[i hope you like it!!]
youād absolutely love to believe that what you heard last night wasnāt what happened but as your mind goes over the previous night as you fought yourself to stay awake during your fathers little class your brain couldnāt forget the continuous moans and little yells that you heard from a few rooms across from your own at the mansion for a good hour or two last night. you canāt help but figure out that logan most certainly found jean and just thinking about it made you feel sick. scott being the main thing on your brain after you got over the fact logan most definitely fucked jean last night.
she was a cheater. what else could you expect? your thoughts swirling in your brain causing an indescribable amount of heart ache as you kept yourself completely quiet and withdrawn from whatever was going on in this lesson, rogue clearly being able to tell you were off as she glanced at bobby giving him a look you picked up on ā him shrugging his shoulders in return as you cursed your sadness for being so obvious.
just the thought of jean and logan staring at eachother hurt you but her touching him, his hands over her skin, her lips on his, his mind only on her in that moment and his gaze locked into hers as she let him take her yet again enraged you to another level it was a struggle not to jump into his mind and find out exactly what happened but you couldnāt, you wouldnāt. your brain fighting with your heart in every way as you felt sick with all those pictures of the scenario you were forming for yourself.
so from that knowledge as you sat in class you knew you needed to stop liking him for good. he didnāt like you, he was throwing it in your face. you heard it all and it hurt you too much to bare. you didnāt even wanna look at him ā that single thought of contact sending you crazy. you couldnāt even bring yourself to see him today. you didnāt want too, you couldnāt. seeing jean as you passed through the kitchen earlier was enough to make you nearly cry and immediately stop that tiny breakfast you had made.
you really couldnāt deal with this. one bit. you never did well with emotional pain ā physical was something you could endure, yet emotional was always something you couldnāt stomach ever since you were a little girl.
+ą©ā©ā§āĖ
you'd been avoiding him like the plague. literally. whenever you saw him at the end of the halls you'd turn the other away, force a little smile and act like you had somewhere to go if you were in conversation and it had been like that for two weeks. two weeks had passed since one of your normal conversations, the friendly chats you admired in your brain and made out to be more, the little touches he'd give you that you couldn't comprehend was only a friend thing to do, the way he'd hug you.. the deep conversations, the way he'd sometimes kiss your forehead before you left for bed, watching the rain together and just joking together all something you had put in the past. that had been gone for two weeks and to say it was breaking you would be an understatement.
you could tell others has noticed the practical borderline dissociation within you since you had been a little mute recently not that it was specially due to logan (it completely all was) but you didn't want it to be obvious, you hated that it could be perceived that way so you knew you had to do something about it. who knew heartache for one that didn't love you back could destroy you this badly from the inside out?
.. and today was no different on the logan front. you saw him once today in the halls ushering something to hank ā the two in bustling conversation and you made sure not to risk it by going to class, to upset over it all to deal with another short horrible conversation where you were nothing but cold to him as you tried to cut down any romantic feelings you had for him. every time you spoke now you could see the confusion and frustration in his eyes, the mental image to much to bare as you went on hiding in your room and pondering and thatās where you had been since ā buried in clothing choices as you tried to stomach down the anxiety that had been growing in you over the fact it was jeans birthday party today and you would have to make an appearance after you had been a hermit since youād got your heart broken by a guy that didnāt even know. rogue and bobby being the only two people you had really spoke too since the shut down yet their concern had been growing annoying as rogue clearly told bobby about the little crush she couldāve guessed, and got out of you when the two of you were high together a few months ago, you had on logan. bobby actually giving you little options of guys you could date to get over someone which was all you needed to hear when you realised rogue had told him as he literally mentioned hank who they knew you recently hiked with since he had been bothering you over your melancholy, yet you had left before it was a full fledge little argument.
just the thought of having to socialise with him and the others and step out of the hole youād built for yourself to hide in irritated you especially for jean of all peopleās party, your āsmidgeā of hatred for the woman who had really been rude to you since sheād known you not because of logan, because god on that front she wins and it feels like sheās married to him despite her ties to scott, but on the power front. she knew you had powers incomparable to hers that you hardly even showcased magneto being someone who taught you many things when you were younger, your own parents being raven and charles. of course you had powers which were indescribable.
and most of the time you wanted to use it on that bitch. you were lucky she couldnāt get into your twisted mind to find that fact out.
you let out a little sigh as you decided on the black mini skirt and sweater ā you finally having an excuse for the fall outfit and lack of dress because it was october which has always been your favourite season and best time of year yet this year that didnāt apply because you havenāt been hardly able to enjoy it because of isolation youād forced yourself into.
y/n had to swallow her own self pity down as she leaned over to her perfume bottle on the drawer next to her mirror as she took in the image of her body in the skirt. her shrinking body, a scoff leaving her lips as she wasnāt happy with what she saw in the reflection. she never could be. the aroma of the perfume not masking her feelings at all as she put on some dc martens paired with black tights. the perfect little outfit yet she was sure jean would be outshining her on that front. god she didnāt even wanna imagine loganās eyes being locked onto jean tonight, the heart ache already unbearable to comprehend as she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat. that aching feeling hadnāt gone away since the start of knowing logan the way she did, maybe that was a sign from the people above about how destined it was.. or how not it was.
these muddled thoughts led her too some early drinking as if she wouldnāt be getting shitfaced later. pregaming alone which is a bit self pity full as she swallowed the burning liquor down her throat, the whiskey hitting her softly and slowly enough to give her the confidence to leave her room twenty minutes later for this party.
+ą©ā©ā§āĖ
the decorations were perfect, the present corner was overflowing and the students and people were everywhere. jean being clearly the popular girl from the looks of this party, as if y/n already didnāt know that, as the blasting music just made her more aware of the scenario she was in as she fought the urge to look around the room for logan as she went straight over to the bar that had been made. the party was the perfect one a girl, woman, could ask for and y/n could feel the jealously bubbling already that she bit down as she forced a friendly smile to join her lips.
walking through the dancing groups of people, there hardly even being any spaces to walk unless you wanted to bump into a coked up or insanely drunk teenager or wade. who she was lucky to get past without having to talk to yet, no matter how much she did like and enjoy his company she couldnāt deal with his jokes right now which she could guess whoād theyād be centered around, she knew he knew to some extent she was just lucky he hadnāt out rightly said it. that would be too much pity for her to deal with, that coming from wade being another level of pathetic.
the second she leant against the bar she managed to grab the busy barmaids attention giving her a soft nod and polite smile as she didnāt notice the figure beside her as she asked for a coke and vodka.
āthank god youāre showing your face ā i thought i was going to have to clone you to get a good conversation.ā hank rolled out his tipsiness showing as he pulled y/n into a tight hug when he was sat down on the stool. y/n letting out a low chuckle as she hugged him back nicely, his presence being a little surprise she tried not to seem so bothered about.
āhiya hank.ā y/n said softly as the barmaid came over with her drink, placing it next to her. āthanks.ā y/n nodded out as hank placed his hand on the stool next to him as she immediately grabbed it and took a swig.
ācome! sit.ā he ushered in with a drunken smile on his face, a bright one as usual, as he patted the bar stool next to him inviting her to sit and before y/n could even speak up in reply as she slid down on the stool hank bit in.
āwhere the hell have you been?ā he abruptly said bluntly, putting a little look on his face off one thatās pissed off as y/n felt the guilt rush through her as she wrapped her fingers around the glass drowning her truth in the drink as she took a big sip off the liquor acting as if that didnāt taste appalling as she shrugged her shoulders at hanks obvious question which has an obvious answer to that sheād play off as a stupid claim if questioned about it.
āāiāve been busy! controlling powersā small missions, and that.ā y/n lied out.
hank furrowed his eyebrows at his words, giving her a knowing look before he shook his head swiftly at what she said. seeing right through her little lie he truly knew nothing much about what the truth was or not as he took a little sip of his beer.
āi know you but iām not pushing itā rather you bite of loganās heads rather then mine.ā hank said out lowly as y/nās eyebrows furrowed at his comment as a look of confusion spread over her face at the mention of him but before she could question hank on it she was met with two hands around her waist, pulling her tightly back purposely.
āhello pretty little liars, youāre aria?ā wade said loudly into her ear his drunkenness obvious as y/n scoffed, him clearly stating that because her outfit choice as he squeezed her even tighter y/nās eyes rolling as she elbowed him playfully back as his hands on her faltered as he playfully shoved her back.
āāelsa! you made it snow yet?ā y/n said back to him as she was met with the sound of his laughter as he pulled on the stool next to y/n, making the guy who was sat on it mutter a curse before wade sent him a glare and then went speed walking away clearly a boy as young as fourteen or thirteen who just got the shit scared out him for, wadeās harsh look as he sqt down on the stool as he met y/nās gaze.
āyou know i have honey.ā he nodded out with a smirk as hank leaned into the twos space.
āshots anyone?ā hank rolled out, fixing his glasses as wade enthusiastically said a quick yes, y/n adding to the fire. āāvery much needed.ā y/n drove out as wade sent her a little look of knowing yet he held back the urge to call her out on it. he was being a āgoodā friend in his eyes anyway, he didnāt wanna hear her say things about logan when he knew a few things himself on how the other party felt.
hank calling the barmaid over as wade pulled y/nās stool closer to his that knowing look still present on his face as he played with the knowledge he had a bit just in a little playful way.
āyou seen the birthday girl yet?..gave her a gift?ā wade said sarcastically knowing the two didnāt really see eye to eye on a LOT of things as y/n gave him a little glare, him having been present for many of their little disagreements.
āluckily i havenāt, as iāve brung nothing.ā y/n rumbled back as wade nudged her playfully with her words as hank grabbed the tray of shots from the barmaidā y/nās eyes widening once she saw how many shots he had ordered. āfifteen?ā y/n broke out with a raised eyebrow as hank chuckled as he took one, downing it straight away before grabbing another as wade spoke up cockily.
āwhoās pants are you trying to get into?ā wade rolled out, his voice sly as he grabbed two for himself as y/n leaned over and took one ready to get shitfaced, maybe thatād stop her mind from falling back onto logan every other second her longing heart internally hating this situation more and more as she yearned to see him but she bit back the urge to even look around for him. halting that urge by taking a shot.
āpreferably anyone with a pulse and no dick between their legs.ā hank said right as y/n took another shot, her nearly choking on the burning liquid which was a horrible mix of vodka and god knows what.
āi can tuck.ā wade said lowly as this made it worse, y/n nudging wade, shaking her head as she held back her laugh as she swallowed the shot she just took. ādisgusting!ā she rolled out as she took another, downing it before placing the shot down on the table.
āah! sweeties jealous.ā wade spoke up sarcastically with that all familiar cocky smile on his face with that teasing glint in his eyes as he handed another shot y/nās way as she took it gracefully as they all cheersed their glasses together. that being just one of the about eight times they did that within the next thirty to sixty minutes as y/n bit back her thoughts with copious amounts of shots and soon enough they had gone through a good four or so tray off shots and a few drinks each.
every passing minute y/n felt her mind get closer and closer to the edge as every time she felt that aching feeling grow sheād swallow it back with another sip of liquor or large shot ā wades jokes passing the time and hanks yapping and her own occasional drunken chime in making her mind a mess as hank got another row of shots.
the songs and wade and hankās voices becoming a blur in y/nās mind as she swallowed nothing but the truth with those shots. every sip feeling like more heartache she couldnāt stop having.
+ą©ā©ā§āĖ
y/n was practically stuck too the bar stool, her eyes scanning the crowd occasionally (by occasionally around five times if not more a minute) as she looked for him. her mind lingering on a certain someone as it always tended to do the liquor just amplifying those feelings as hank spoke up.
āyou knowā you look like your mum.ā
his words caused y/nās attention to snap over to hank as she raised an eyebrow, wade making a little āooā in the background even if he couldnāt help but agree with his comment as he sipped on the cocktail he had ordered a few drinks previously that had just been laying there on the side. the bartender making a fuck ton of profit from these three miserables.
āvery dead?ā y/n said sarcastically as hank gave her a little look ā clearly a little annoyed she didnāt take the comment seriously as he leaned a little closer to her.
ābeautiful you idiot.ā hank added out, his words making her eyebrows furrow a bit as she took in his drunken words as she gave him a little a smile ā swallowing the depreciating joke she was close to making as she took a sip of her drink.
āthank you hank.ā y/n nodded out calmly as wade butted in.
āāfucking hell, incoming for angry jacob twilight wannabe.ā wade cursed out as y/nās gaze moved over wade following his eyes to where he was looking, her heart feeling as if it was flipping and twisting in her chest as she watched logan walk into the bar games room as she furrowed her eyebrows at the sight of jean following him angrily. her looking perfect as ever.
yet before y/n could think another thought she locked eyes with logan from across the room ā their eyes meeting as she felt a weight lift immediately onto her as she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat at just the sight of him. it felt as if time has frozen just as they looked to each other , his eyes taking everything about her in as she did the same his way.
he practically immediately walked over, more like stomped over, as he seemed clearly agitated. more then usual as his eyes dawned onto wade and hank before resting back to y/n as he stopped in his tracks in front of the seated three.
āwho thought getting a teenager shitfaced was a good idea?ā logan nearly growled out, giving wade a glare as y/nās eyes lingered back on jean who saw who he was talking to and turned away her being even more pissed then him, y/n holding the urge to go into her mind and find out why as she brung her gaze onto logan after seeing jean walk off somewhere else in the room, her patience clearly wearing thin. her wanting to make a little childish comment about how she wasnāt when wade spoke up.
āgods probably.ā wade rolled out in reply as logan scoffed at what he said.
āy/n.ā logan said, her eyes meeting his own as she took in his appearance. her eyes lingering on the chain that was wrapped around his neck ā one he told her was something jean gave him when he first became an xmen, something he hasnāt worn in months, this fact only making her feel a number of horrible thoughts as she grabbed her drink and took a mean swig. swallowing her own building self pity as she forced a fake smile logan immediately knew to be fake.
āhi.ā she said swiftly after she put her drink back down on the table ā his eyebrow raising a little at her hostility as he looked to wade, hank the back to her.
āuhāā logan spoke up, trying to find the words to say as he looked at her a bit lost for words at how she was acting as he swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat ā feeling his frustration rise as he tried to control it, āwhere have you been?ā he said lowly, hank raising his eyebrow at how this little conversation seemed weirdly tension filled. wade knew why, he couldāve called her little feelings for him back when she first met the guy but now he couldnāt help see how serious it was because off the way she was looking at him and how it was affecting her.
he couldnāt even brung himself to but in as he buried himself in his drink. hank doing the same.
āiāve been busy. but iāve been aroundā i saw you two days ago.ā she said quickly, shifting in her seat a little as his eyes almost felt as if they burnt through her.
āyou didnāt stay,ā he said taking a pause as he looked at her, taking in just how intoxicated she seemed as he tried to analyse it, ālike you uh- normally, do.ā
his words touched a nerve on y/n as she felt that all familiar heart ache grow y/n trying to act as if the feeling inside her wasnāt killing her right now and ripping her to shreds as she kept her gaze on him, his eyes on her making her think and feel a number of things she hated.
āāhad somewhere to be.ā she replied quickly, his eyebrows raising at her bluntness to her reply as he knew something was off. he sensed it, the drunkness only adding to his worry as he went to step closer when he was cut off by a voice behind him.
y/n eyes dawned on the sight off jean, a tight silver dress on showcasing her curves as her red hair flowed down by her side as she looked at logan who hadnāt even brung himself to met her gaze yet. y/n immediately being hit with a truck load of insecurities just with a glance to the older women who had the only guy sheād ever loved wrapped around her finger.
y/nās heart feeling as if it was stepped on as she kept her gaze on him ā time feeling a little slow motion.
āloganānow.ā jean said harshly.
ālo- logan.ā she said again, y/n not leaving loganās gaze as he swallowed his own spit as he eventually brung his gaze over to jean.
āloganā he knows.ā she said harshly, her words a little quiet as they were clearly just meant for loganās ears yet y/n heard them. ānow! come on?ā she questioned out frustratedly, saying that to grip his attention as logan looked to jean then back to y/n, wade and hank watching like it was a drama.
the air felt thick with some sort of something as y/n swallows, her eyes on him as he bit down on the inside of his cheek.
ābe careful kid, remember to slow down.ā he rolled out before he turned away with jean going right to her side as y/n scoffed as he walked off turning her attention back to the barmaid ā not feeling loganās eyes burning back to her as he took a long glance her way before disappearing off with jean into the party to sort whatever was happening.
y/n rolled her eyes the second she turned her attention back over to the bar as she looked down at the bar table, swallowing her thoughts down with the rest of her vodka as she felt the others eyes on her. they sensed on the tension ā it was impossible not too.
āso theyāre fucking again.ā hank commented lowly and cluelessly. his words being like a gut punch to y/n as she bit down on her tongue as she called back over the barmaid, leaning over and ordering a couple shots as she sat back down in her seat.
āmm, most definitely.. hell for scott.ā wade ushered out lowly, feeling a sense of guilt as he saw the way y/nās eyes fell as y/n tried to mute out their conversation in the background as she welcomed the shots with open arms as she pulled the tray closer to her as she heard wade and hank whisper behind her as they leant over to gossip about the rumours of jean and scott being over as y/nās heart felt as if it was plummeting and beating as fast as it ever had with every shot she took. the information she was hearing just making her internal pain grow worse as she tried to drink it away every shot seemingly enhancing her hurt as the metal images she were getting hurt her brain as she felt the urge to do something about it.
her mind full of relentless unlimited thoughts that were screaming at her as she placed the last empty shot glass she had down ā the shots helping limit the voices to some extent as the barmaid came over and refilled them without another word most likely sensing her anguish as y/n nodded to her with as much of a smile she could muster up as she thought back to the conversation with logan.
āweāre going to danceā you coming?ā wade spoke to y/n as that brung her out her gaze with the bottom of the shot glass as she shook her head, ānoāthanks,ā she slurred out as hank gave her a small nod and pat on the shoulder before they disappeared of into the crowd leaving her alone after saying their be right backsā her lips immediately around another glass as she finished the rest of the drinks thay were laid out in front-of her.
y/n either needed fresh air and a sick bucket or the man she loved and craved, and she was going with the latter. her desires only heightened which was making just about everything worse due to the mess the alcohol had started to cause her brain and body.
her heart pounding as she stood up, everything going messy and spin like as she stumbled through the crowd. her mind on one thing and one thing only, one person, as she got pushed around a bit by the dancing people as she made her way out the bar room she was in. her eyes searching the place as she looked for him in every corner, in every face, every person, every laugh, every grunt and every noise. she was searching for him like she had been doing within her heart ever since sheād know the man.
yet what she didnāt expect to see when she turned the corner was him right there. logan right there in his bubble of perfection as she saw it. her eyes taking him in as she saw him in the hallway ā a smile joining her lips as she started to walk over to him planning what she was going to say in her brain. how she was going to do any of this? she didnāt even know what she had planned, she just wanted to speak to him. she needed to see his smile. she missed it. she wanted to make him laugh like usual, she wanted to kiss him, feel his touch. she needed it, it was destroying her to not have him. why was she ignoring him for the past two weeks? she should just tell him. nothing bad could hapā
āmine.ā she swore she could make out logan saying, her eyebrows furrowing in pure confusion as she took one little step closer to where he was as her eyes dawned on a certain red head with a killer smirk on her lips as she had a tight grip on his chain.
and with that every thought she just had was crushed within the space of five or so seconds as she heard jeanās light hearted chuckle next, her voice grating against y/nās mind as she swallowed her own spit back down as she made sure she couldnāt be seen by them. feeling the sick feeling rising in her as she watched loganās hands wrap around jeanās waist as she pulled him closer to her in a teasing action that broke y/nās heart in two.
she was frozen in her tracks, watching as the one she loved was with the one he loved.
āyouāre mine.ā ringing in her ears as she just made out what he had said to jean as his words sent a chill through y/nās body as she felt the tears start to boil in her eyes as she couldnāt tear her eyes away from the scene. her mouth fallen gap as she watched as he roughly had her against the door jeanās hand going down to the handle of said door as y/n watched as jean pulled him in the room with her roughly.
the door slamming behind them as she felt her beating out her chest, her breath shaky and hitched as she swallowed.
and when she heard a little squeal come from the room over the music a few seconds or minutes later, she couldnāt tell how long had passed, thatās when she knew she needed to go before she turned into a public laughing stock as she turned on her heel ā shakily making her way through the crowd again, unbeknownst to the tears dropping down her cheeks as she fought her way through the dancing crowd as she tried to get the hell out of here as she thought she was fighting back her emotions, yet she really wasnāt doing too good of a job with it.
āwatch it!ā someone yelled out over the music to y/n as she shuffled past them quickly, stumbling out and disappearing through the back door as she made her break for it. her heart feeling broken to an extreme it hadnāt felt before which was only amplified by the alcohol as she felt her brain chemistry formed for logan be destroyed within a matter of moments. seeing it in front of her own eyes being completely different from assuming it had happened.
the fact they were doing that right now she just couldnāt and didnāt want too comprehend it. it hurting her so much she felt as if she was going to be sick, she could feel it to the extremist point that when she managed her way to the end of the courtyard where her little spot was with her childhood swing set, where sheās surprised she even remembered the whereabouts off in this state, she couldnāt stop herself from leaning down into a bush shakily.
her mouth watering, her throat burning with liquid as y/n threw up into the bush her heart pounding ridiculously as she felt the tears burning against her cheek as she didnāt even notice the feeling off two strong hands holding her hair back. her body shaking as she kept being sick, feeling the acid burn her throat as she felt a strong hand round her hair pulling it into a ponytail and another hand around her fragile body to keep her up.
her body flinching a little at the touch as the person leaned a little closer as y/n was sick some more, āitās okayāā a low voice ushered out as y/n couldnāt help be sick again, leaning down closer into the bush nearly tripping into it as the person held her upright. their hand snacking onto her waist as y/n leaned back into their touch. basically tripping into it as she let out a shaky breath as she wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her top.
her eyes moving up onto an all familiar face and she instantly cursed in her brain as he managed to move her over to the swings, sitting her down in one of two seats as she clung to the chain of it leaning her body against it freely as she let out a little cry.
āyouāre good.ā scott said softly his voice low as he spoke into a comforting tone that didnāt completely soothe her as she felt the tears trail down her cheek as he kneeled down ā his hands stabilising the swing that was rocking a little as he looked up at her making sure she was okay on the swing. the cold air hitting the twos faces as the moon shone down on the courtyard, the faint sound of pop music from the mansion being completely distant to both of them.
āscott.ā she managed to say, him being able to tell how far gone she was by the way she slurred her words as if her crying and throwing up didnāt prove that enough. his eyes on her as he moved her hair out the way for her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as she held back a little sob which wasnāt held back that well as she let out a shaky whimper.
āw-whyā doesn-t he love me?ā she spoke out quickly, her breath shaky and her voice high pitched as she let out little sniffles in between words, the weight of those making a sad smile tug on scottās lips as he kept his hand on her face trying to keep her upright which was sort of impossible as he kept his comforting warm hand against her face. just trying to make her feel okay.
āāheāā scott cut himself off before he moved closer to her, trying to keep her calm, āhe does love you okay?ā
y/n shook her head at scottās words as she let out a muffled sob against her wrist, shaking her head as scott wiped the tears from her cheeks. ānot like i want him to.ā she rolled out in a slur, scott feeling his heart beat quicken at her little admission as if he didnāt know how she felt over him before as he moved his finger across her cheek in a soft circular motion, his hand cupping her jaw.
āhey- he does okay?ā scott said quickly as he moved her jaw down so she met his eyes again, his tone soft as he moved himself to the other swing next to her ā the second he was sat him moving his swing closer to her own. tangling the chains of his swing up a little in doing so.
āhe does.ā scott added out again, y/n not believing him at all as she swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat as she leaned herself again the hand that was cupping her face as she nearly tumbled off the swing.
her biting down on her tongue as she let out a little squeal as scott placed his hand on her back supporting and holding her up as a little chuckle left her lips as she leaned forward a little. scott not letting his hand move as worry was evident on his face as y/n turned to him a sad smile on her lips, tears still evident on her face.
āi wish.ā he heard her whisper as he swallowed, his own voice breaking a little, ācome on. okay? he doesnāt know what heās missing right now.ā he doesnt see you liking him.ā scott said softly, giving her a little playful nudge as y/n started to lose the energy to even speak off it as she felt another tear slip down her cheek.
his words were taking the weight off her shoulders as she moved in the swing a little, scottās comforting hand on her back which was now sort off around her waist making her sure she wasnāt going to fall as she moved a tiny bit closer to him on her swing. their swings touching a little.
āyou deserve better then jean-y bitch.ā she managed out lowly, scott not being able to help the chuckle that escaped his lips at how she put it as he looked out at the mansion in front of them. the moon present in his red tinted glasses.
āyeahā iām starting to realise that.ā he chuckled out as y/n gave him a drunken smile in return as she locked eyes with scott. someone sheād hardly noticed was this nice mostly due to the words logan remarked about him all the time as her smile couldnāt help but grow as she looked at him. the air softening between the two as y/n felt tiredness fall over her as she leant against the chains a little as she slowly moved her gaze over to the moon.
a few moments of silence passes before scott spoke up.
āy/n?ā scott managed out trying to grab her attention as he saw he eyes wondering a bit. his eyebrows furrowing when he heard no answer in return, her silence scaring him as he nudged her.
āy/n?ā he quickly said out once again, nudging her a little as he saw how limp her body was and noticed her closed eyes.
āfuckā y/n.ā he ushered out quickly as he stood from his seat and went right to her side as he kneeled down, tapping her face to try and catch her attention. y/n stirring a little at his action as he stood up, pulling her up with him as he placed his hand around her waist as he tried to shake her a little which did the job as her eyes fluttered open to meet his own.
a drunken smile joining on her lips as a tear dropped down her cheek that she didnāt even notice as she chuckled a little, leaning close to him as she swayed a little.
āscott.ā she said lowly as scott gave her a low chucke as she placed her arm around him drunk on, him wiping the tear of her cheek softly something heād done a number of times since being in her presence tonight.
āokay itās time to go sleepā im taking you to bed.ā he explained softly as y/n looked at him with a little furrowed brow as he started to walk, helping her walk alongside him her hardly even able to realise she was walking as she leaned against his touch.
āyouāre good.ā he said calmly to her as they walked through the dark courtyard, the illuminated by the moon field of grass between them and the bustling school /xmansion being the only light to guide them. his grip on her tightening softly when she nearly tripped over her own feet, a low chuckle escaping his lips as he realised just how long of a walk it was to the mansion. him sighing as he held her upright. ānearly there.ā he muffled out as y/n leaned to him.
āāām gonna be sick.ā she quickly flushed out before throwing her head over in the other direction as scott patted her back and stopped in his tracks at her words as she was sick again ā him holding the urge got to be sick too because the smell as he focused on helping her. his heart skipping a beat bit as he felt his anger growing over logan putting her in this situation where she was so drunk she was being sick or the fact that she was being sick just thinking about logan it made his blood boil as he felt his jaw clench ā his eyebrows twitching as he helped her get it all out, whispering little comforts as he soothed her back.
āgood girl. ā he said lowly as y/n brung her gaze into him once more him giving her a small sad smile as he placed his hand back around her waist to guide her, ācmon, bed.ā he whispered out to her as they started walking again. having to go through the party definitely going to be a difficult task as scott tightened his grip around her waist as they walked past a couple people hanging around the outside area of the building as the music met y/nās ears as once they got into the building scott called for people to move out the way as he made y/n stay close to him. her eyes wondering over everyone in her drunken haze as scott helped her over to the staircase which was through a couple wide, filled rooms.
her swearing she came across wade and hank in the corner with two twins and colossusās doing a certain something to wade, her eyebrows furrowing at what she believed to have just seen as she shook it off as she met scottās words.
āyou need to be carried or are you okay?ā scott asked as if he was babying her which sent a wave of comfort through her body as she let the question hang in her brain as she tried to form answer to it as she leaned herself against scott.
āāuāāi canāā
āscarlett?ā logan roughly called out in a raised voice towards scott as he came over out of nowhere. scott rolling his eyes as he quickly picked y/n up, y/n being in scottās arms as her eyes fluttered open to see logan to the side of them. scottās jaw immediately clenching as he continued up the stairs without cracking a word to logan as he rushed after the pair. his own anger frustratingly high as he tried to control himself and stop himself from doing anything stupid.
āscott?ā logan said harshly, his anger growing as he didnāt get an answer as he tried to get the man to look at him.
ālo-ā y/n slipped out, her voice muffled as she leaned into scottās arms more as he carried her bridal style up the stairs. her realising his presence, loganās eyes casting onto y/n and then back to scott. his eyes darkening.
āwhat have you done to her?!ā logan rushed out, his voice cracking with worry as scott ignored his words as he made it to the top of the stairs and continued on down to where heās pretty sure her room is.
āscott!ā logan shouted again trying to get his attention as scott opened the door with his back, giving logan a harsh glare as he walked right over to the bed where he placed y/n down carefully on it. her drunken self pouring the cover over her figure as she rolled over in bed. letting out a little muffled whimper as her head laid on the pillow.
the second scott having let go off y/n he immediately turned to logan scott not giving logan another chance to talk before he connected his fist with his jaw, logan been taken aback a little as he raised an eyebrow, scott looking right at him as logan pushed him back harshly.
āwhat the fuck did you do?ā logan cursed out quickly, scott scoffing as he held back taking his glasses off because of the fact it was a party, not loganās funeral even despite how much he wanted it to be.
āyou should ask yourself that, prick.ā scott said harshly. loganās eyebrows raising at his words as scott pushed himself past logan without another word.
logan immediately grabbing scottās arm harshly, his claws aching to come out as he met his gaze.
āwhat do you mean by that?ā logan said quickly, his eyes locked onto scottās as so many questions flowed his brain. his thoughts enlaced with y/n and the worry he had for the girl as scott harshly brung his hand back to his side after shaking loganās grip off ā giving logan a stern look as he looked him up and down judgementally, āgod, you are so stupid. youād think being born in the 19th century would make you slightly smarter then a twenty nine year old.ā scott scoffed out lowly, his words only angering logan more as he shoved scott against the wall.
his claws extending as he pressed them close to his throat ā his threat there as scott swallowed.
ātell me.ā he said harshly as scott couldnāt help a certain look cross his face. completely frustrated by logan, his heart aching for jean in this moment as he stared at what she had clearly picked over himself that enraging him yet also y/n and what she had just gone through herself. the heart ache something he could relate too and he wouldnāt wish that on anyone. yet right now he would logan however.
āshe saw you and jean you idiot. meaning i did too. meaningā fuck you.ā scott said quickly as he clicked his visor getting the right aim, logan jumping back as scott lazered his chest. his beam going right through as a loud grunt escaped his lips as logan in immediate retaliation clawed scott in the side, scott pushing back the whimper threatening to leave his lips as logan as he got ready to take another shot at the man.
logan raising his eyebrow as the two stared eachother down, āiāll heal,ā logan rolled out his words only angering scott worse as he went to raise his glasses again as logan roughly placed his hand on his chest to stop him, his claws retracted back in.
āi wish you wouldnāt.ā scott bit out harshly as logan scoffed at his words, keeping his anger limited as he rolled his eyes.
ājean only needed someone to talk tooāā
āyou mean fuck.ā scott said out harshly, jean crossing loganās mind as his jaw clenched his gaze darkening as he couldnāt bring himself to shake his head. not that he was thinking about scottās feelings ā right now his mind pondering on another.
scott saw how logan couldnāt even fight back with words ā tutting as he pushed him back. loganās hands falling to his side as the two didnāt break eye contact.
āyou know weāre engaged.ā scott spit out like venom, his words causing a look of surprise to wash over loganās face as his mouth fell open, āwell we were.ā he added out.
āyou wereā what?ā logan fumbled out, confusion written on his face as scott rolled his eyes at his reaction. not that he cared deep down, but it felt like he did right now.
āgreat.. she didnāt tell you. like she didnāt tell anyone,ā he said lowly, ānot that it makes it any better what youāve done,ā scott casted out as a few seconds finding passed as he tried to find the words which only come out anger filled, āsheās a caniving cheating bitch.ā scott cursed out, logan not bringing himself to react to the words scott ushered about jean as he looked at scott.
logan was about to say something to scott when the sound of y/nās soft little snores filled the room which made the tension even higher as scott and logan glared at eachother.
āmaybe just think next time before you fuck someone elseās girl, again.ā scott managed out as he pushed past logan to leave the room.
āi donāt think sheās your girl.ā logan called back out before he left as scottās jaw clenched at his words as he opened the door.
ānot anymore. you can have her.ā he said harshly as he paused as he knew he had to say something.
āājust think about how y/n feels, because i know hurts.ā scott spoke lowly as he left without another word clearly implying a certain fact.
logans heart skipped a beat at his words as the door shut behind scott, his mind feeling as if it was in a war as the tension built in the room immediately. the air feeling thick as he swallowed his own spit not bringing himself to call something back to him as his words couldnāt even bring themselves to form right in his brain yet alone out loud.
his eyes dawned back onto the sleeping girl y/n laying there. looking so soft and innocent, completely sound asleep and his heart couldnāt help twang a little as he bit down on the inside of his cheek ā many bustling thoughts cursing his brain as he wished he had never thought of them.
his mind lingering on the thought of jean and what just occurred within him and scott as he came down from the pain that was inflicted on him his chest rising rapidly to a more normal flow as he healed. as he focused his gaze on y/n as he furrowed his eyebrows over what scott had said, trying to wrap his brain around it.
loganās eyes dawning on y/n. guilt seeping through him as he felt his heart gain that aching feeling y/n had been riddled with since the day she first realised she was in love with the man as he sat on the foot of the bed. his mind feeling melted as he placed his hand on her own his big, gruff and rough feeling hand taking the soft touch of her hand into his own grip. her hand being half if not less of his size as he soothed her. her touch being another level of comfort he didnāt recall experiencing since he was a young boy that feeling sending memories flooding through his brain he couldnāt focus on now.
feeling all the emotions boiling up heād been fighting to push down as he looked down at her asleep body. what was all of this? she had been distant, almost rude and very cold and scottās words were making that why question he had on his mind for the past two weeks clearer.
the implication of scottās words hung in his mind as he looked at her. him eventually bringing himself over to the spare place next to her in the bed not wanting to leave her alone for the night too worried about how drunk she was and if anything could happen in the night.. or anyone else drunkily walking in. but he couldnāt help deep down in knowing that those were just excuses to stay within her presence. asleep or not.
carefully building a gap between the two of them as he laid down ā no matter how strong the urge to hug her and comfort her was ā as he let out a rough exhale as he closed his eyes.
only to open them three seconds later to look at her. his eyes not leaving her peacefully asleep body for the rest of the night.
#logan howlett x fem!reader#wolverine x reader#logan howlett x reader smut#logan howlett#james logan howlett#deadpool#angst#logan howlett x reader#deadpool and wolverine#logan howlett x you#x men movies#marvel xmen#x force#yearning hours#logan howlett imagine#deadpool 3#hugh jackman#marvel#marvel imagines#mcu#marvel mcu#scott summers#james marsden#x men
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geyser
series masterlist
pairing:Ā luke castellan x daughter of poseidon!reader
summary:Ā percy learns about the first girl luke castellan ever loved.
a/n:Ā this is a lil sad. sorry about that. but i really like it and it came out of nowhere in like 2 days so i hope you enjoy despite the sadness. title from the mitski song
wc:Ā 6.5k
warning(s):Ā major character death; not shown but hangs over the whole fic. angst made angstier by fluffy flashbacks.Ā mostly told through percyās pov but includes luke, annabeth, and reader povs
also if you saw this before on another account DONT WORRY... that account was also me. im just doing some stuff behind the scenes right now as i figure stuff out lol i promise no plagiarism is going on
Percy thought that his head might explode.Ā
He didnāt know how he was still walking, honestly. His mom died, he killed aā no,Ā theā Minotaur, all the Greek myths were real and his dad was one of them, and now he had to deal with that freak accident with Clarisse and the toilets.Ā
At least he would be ready next time she tried to beat him up. Percy had been the new kid enough to know there would be a next time.
All he could do was stare at the Minotaur horn in his hands, the only sign that what happened outside the border was real. The horn in his hands and the hole in his heart.Ā
Percy swallowed the lump in his throat. Heād been thrown into the deep end, and the only thing on his mind was when he would start to drown.Ā
āHey.ā Percy looked up to see the counselor heād met earlier with AnnabethāLuke. He tossed a ziploc bag at him and he caught it, taking a moment to look at what was in it.Ā
āI stole you some toiletries from the camp store,ā he explained. āThought it might make you feel more at home.āĀ
āā¦Thanks.ā He didnāt know if Luke was joking, but the damage had already been done. And itĀ wasĀ the nicest thing someone had done for him so far. He set it down next to his Minotaur shoebox. āIs this the best that it gets?āĀ
Lukeās lips quirked up in a slight smile. āFor now. Weāre a little crowded, if you couldnāt tell.āĀ
āJust a little bit.ā Percy stood up from his sleeping bag and worked out the knot in his shoulder. āWhereās your bed? Assuming you have one.āĀ
āI couldnāt wrangle all these cats without some back support,ā he said, and he pointed to a bed in the corner. It was the only one on its own without a bunk, and he had a fair amount of decorations. Counselor privileges, he figured. Percy walked over, Luke trailing behind him.Ā
āNice place,ā he said. Percy picked up the Yankeeās cap on his bedside table and nodded as he looked back at him. āNice taste.āĀ
āItās for Annabeth,ā Luke said. āShe wanted us to match.āĀ
Percy nodded again in approval. āGood taste for both of you.ā
Luke had various other things around ā an alarm clock knocked over next to the baseball cap, a huskie sticker on the wall half-scraped off, a poster for an album he didnāt recognize.Ā
But the thing that caught his eye was a polaroid hanging on the wall, surrounded by a smattering of others varying in size.Ā
The first one had to be an old pictureāLuke didnāt have his scar, and the biggest smile stretched across his face. He had a girl close with an arm slung around her waist, and she mightāve been smiling even more than Luke. A bright energy emanated around her, something that must have transferred through the picture, because Percy found himself feeling a little better just looking at her. He wondered if she was a camper.Ā
His eyes flicked to the next picture, which was another one of Luke and that girl. They were both laughing as she tried to put a blue hat on Lukeās head, and he protested with a hand on her wrist. They were in the forefront of a baseball game, Percy noticed.
There were other pictures, tooāLuke, a girl dressed all punk, and what looked like a young version of Annabeth, most notablyābut a majority of them were either Luke and that girl, or the girl all on her own. In every single one, she beamed brighter than the sun.Ā
Percy pointed at the picture of Luke and the girl at the baseball game, his curiosity getting the better of him. āWhoās that?ā
That seemed to catch Luke off-guard, his lips parting for a moment as if he wanted to say something. It barely took him any time to get back on track, but Percy found himself frowning.Ā
āThatāsā¦ā Luke cleared his throat, wet his lips, shook his head. āA friend. A very good friend.ā
āDoes she go here?ā Percy asked.Ā
āShe did.āĀ
He frowned. āWhere is she, then?āĀ
āPercyāā Lukeās voice was strained, but he didnāt really notice as he went on.Ā
āI didnāt see her around,ā he continued, āand you look pretty close.āĀ
Luke blinked a couple times, and Percy swore he could see the telltale glimmer of tears starting in his eyes. A muscle worked in his jaw, and suddenly Percy was worried that heād said something horribly wrong. He had a talent for that, it seemed.Ā
Fortunately, he was saved by the bellāconch shell?āand something like relief flooded through Lukeās expression. Tension still coiled in his body.Ā
āCome on,ā he said, that camp counselor smile coming back as he put his hand on Percyās shoulder and guided him away from the enclave. āThat means dinnerās about to start.ā
Percyās frown deepened as curiosity won out again. āWas she yourāā
āYou donāt wanna be late,ā Luke continued, ignoring his attempt. āI assume youāre pretty hungry after two days spent out?ā
Well, that only made him want to push harder. But Percy figured he wouldnāt get anything out of himāespecially not now.Ā
āā¦Yeah,ā Percy said. āStarving.ā
An odd look flickered across his face, but again, it only lasted for a second before he was back to normal. He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, āEleven! Fall in!āĀ
Percy was at the back of the line by virtue of him being the new kid, and he found himself looking back at that picture of Luke and the girl. He didnāt know why, but something drew him to her. Before Percy could think about it more, the line was moving and his growling stomach drew his attention away.Ā
He would have plenty of time to ask Luke about it later.Ā
Or rather, ask him and piss off the only person whoād tried to be his friend so far.Ā
ā¦Gods.Ā
Maybe he was going to drown sooner than he thought.Ā
-
āLukeāāĀ
āNo!āĀ
āLuke,Ā please!āĀ
āAnnabeth will kill me if she knowsāāĀ
āShe wonāt know!āĀ
āAlright, alrightā stay still, you two!āĀ
Your mother laughed from behind the camera as you and Luke fought with each other, you trying your damnedest to get your Red Sox cap on his head as he tried his damnedest to stop you. The frantic laughter on both sides made it a little difficult for either of you to succeed in your quest, but eventually, you got the rock up the hill and the hat on his head.Ā
āTake the picture, Mom!ā you exclaimed, pulling Luke even closer by his arms so he couldnāt get it off. āI need the proof!āĀ
āI knew this was a bad idea,ā Luke groaned, staring at the camera as you wrapped your arm around his side and leaned into him. He could already imagine your victorious smile, brighter than the sun beating down on them in the stadium, and just the thought of it made one of his own flit across his lips.Ā
āOh, shut up, Castellan,ā you said. āYou chose to come to this game. Everyoneās gonna know youāre a Red Sox fan now.ā
āYou said you wouldnāt tell her!ā Luke defended, wrenching his arms free of your control to take the hat off his head. āI donāt even care about baseball!āĀ
āYou care so much about it,ā you said cloyingly, āand youāre ride or die for the Boston Red Sox.āĀ
āIf you say a singleĀ wordāāĀ
āOkay, kids!ā Your mother pointed at the seats next to her. āThe gameās about to startāyou can keep arguing, but only if you sit down so I can see.āĀ
āSorry, Mom.ā You grinned at her as you pulled Luke over to your seatsāthey were a step up from nosebleeds, but they were the ones closest to the balcony so you could at least peer over the railing down to the diamond.
āItās alright, sweetheart.ā She glanced at Luke with a smile, and he could really see where you got it from. āWeāve gotta make him a fan somehow.āĀ
āIĀ guessĀ I can live with the brand.ā Luke set the cap back on your head once you were seated, purposefully pulling the brim a little over your eyes, and he smiled at you. āEven though it looks better on you, anyways.āĀ
āYou just donāt have what it takes to be a Red Sox fan in the heart of Yank territory,ā you mused, pushing the hat back up so you could see. āItās fine.āĀ
Luke rolled his eyes, but he could hardly bite back his smile.Ā
āI am glad you came, though,ā you said, glancing back at him. āIām glad you came with me in the first place. This is gonna be theĀ bestĀ semester.ā
āThanks for having me,ā Luke said. āItāsā¦ itās been a while since Iāve left camp.āĀ
āFingers crossed for no monster attacks, eh?ā You held up your hand. āAt least, not during the game. I could live with it happening any other time.āĀ
āDonāt speak it into existence,ā your mom said. āWeāre going to have a monster-free school year.āĀ
To humor her, you made a claw over your heart and pushed out. She hummed in satisfaction, and you looked over at Luke. āItās gonna be fine.āĀ
āYeah,ā he said. āBecause two kids like us arenāt gonna draw any attention.āĀ
āOh, I know we will,ā you said. āBut I know itāll be fine.āĀ
Luke frowned. āHow can you be so sure?āĀ
You shrugged with a smile. āIāve got you.ā
And in that moment, he was thankful for the freakish heat that honestly made no sense in the springāat least it covered up any sign of what your words did to him.Ā
Luke thought you were joking when you asked him if he wanted to come back home with you for the school year. He didnāt know whyĀ youĀ wanted to go back in the first place, being a Big Three kid that apparently had a death wish, but the thought of him leaving camp was almost inconceivable.Ā
Even after you assured him you werenāt joking, he still wasnāt sure. He was on the run with you for three years, thenā¦Ā
Well, he couldnāt think about it for too long. But Luke had been on the outskirts of regular society for so long, doing nothing but fighting for his life, that he didnāt know if he could actually function at a normal school.
But it felt right for you two to get someĀ normalĀ time together after you were separated for so long. It took him a semester to decide, but one day during your usual Iris message conversations, he told you heād love to spend the rest of the year in Boston with you. Luke still remembered the grin you wore, your disbelieving but victorious cheers, the apology you yelled back at your mother for your noise.Ā
Luke watched you as you talked with your mom, discussing Bostonās chances and player statistics and baseball jargon he didnāt think heād ever understand, and he knew he would sit through a thousand Red Sox games if it meant he would get to keep seeing your smile.
You must have felt his eyes on you, because you glanced over at him. āAre you okay?āĀ
Luke smiled. Gods, he was so glad you were here.Ā
āNever better.āĀ
-
āThat one nearly got me,ā Luke said.Ā
Percy huffed as he picked up his sword from the groundāhe was pretty sure he would officially lose his mind if Luke disarmed him with that stupid move one more time. One benefit to the Hermes cabin being too scared to associate with him after getting claimed was that he wasnāt making a fool out of himself in front of other people.Ā
āMaybe I can only beat you when I pour water on myself,ā he said.Ā
Luke chuckled as he took a bottle from the cooler on the side and held it up. āWanna try?āĀ
He shook his head. āI think my arms will fall off if I keep going with you.āĀ
He tipped his shoulder. āFair.āĀ
Percy stared at the ground as Luke gathered himself, trying to put the free range thoughts roaming around his head in order. It didnāt help that heād gained a million questions after Poseidon claimed him, and it didnāt help that thereās been a newest addition to his dream last night.Ā
He still felt strange asking Luke about it, but he had to know more about her. Percy didnāt know why it felt like his mission to find out who this mysterious girl was, or why he felt that strange connection to her. Maybe it was the way Luke acted whenever he brought her up, maybe it was that sheād popped up in his dream next to him at the very end, maybe it was just plain old curiosity.Ā
āIām not supposed to be alive,ā Percy said, breaking the silence. āI could die at any time in a bunch of different horrible ways. So will you tell me more about that girl on your wall?āĀ Ā
Again, Luke seemed to be caught off guard by it. Percy heard the crunch of plastic as his hand clenched ever so slightly around the bottle, and he tried to cover it up with an arched eyebrow. āWhy do you want to know so badly?āĀ
He shrugged. What was he supposed to say?Ā
āIām curious,ā he decided.Ā
Luke huffed a dry laugh before he took a sip of water, and he stared off into the distance for a while. He did a lot of staring whenever this girl was brought up. They looked like they were best friends in those pictures, but maybe whatever they had ended badly. And if she was a demigod tooā¦
Well, it would make sense why he didnāt want to talk about her.Ā
āYou know that phrase about curiosity?ā Luke asked.Ā
āAnd how it killed the cat?āĀ
He nodded, drinking some more. āIt goes double for demigods.āĀ
āEverything else wants to kill me,ā Percy said. āSo curiosityās gonna have to get in line.āĀ
Lukeās laugh was a little more genuine this time, and he shook his head. āI guess I can tell you a little about her. You actually probably have a right to know.āĀ
āIs she a half-blood?ā Percy asked immediately.Ā
He nodded. āYeah.āĀ
āWhoās her parent?āĀ
Luke capped his water bottle and looked at Percy for a good, long moment. His face glowed in the warm afternoon sun, his scar cast in a softer light than usual. The scar used to unnerve him, but heād gotten used to it after weeks staring at it during sword fighting.Ā
āShe was a child of Poseidon, Percy,ā he said. āJust like you.āĀ
Percy felt short of breath, like Luke had just knocked his sword out of his hand and shoved him to the ground. But he stood on his own two legs that somehow still worked, and Luke hadnāt moved.Ā
He had a sister?Ā
āI have a sister?āĀ
āā¦Had,ā Luke corrected. āSheā¦ she died a few years back.āĀ
A vice latched onto Percyās heart. He was still having a hard time breathing. No wonder Luke always used past tense when he was talking about her.Ā
He had a sister, he wasnāt alone, but he was because she was dead. And if Luke was one of her friends, that meant she died young.Ā
Gods.Ā
āWhat about their oath?ā Percy asked, trying to ignore the aching in his chest. āIām already on thin ice for my whole existing thing. How did Poseidon get away with two kids so close to each other?āĀ
Luke shrugged. āIāve never known why gods do things. Her mother was a great woman, thoughāI could see what drew Poseidon to her against the oath.āĀ
One half of Percy wanted to ask every question that kept popping into his head. The other side of him wanted to break down and cry.Ā
āHow did you meet her?āĀ
āWe ran into each other when we were both young,ā he said. āBoth child runaways, both demigods, both New Englandersāwe decided to rough it out on the road together. Couldnāt be any worse than doing it on our own.ā
Percy tried to imagine it. A young Luke and a younger version of that girlāmaybe Percyās ageāliving together in the wilderness and fighting monsters. Surviving off of nothing but their wit and skill, facing death each day before theyād even reached middle school.Ā
āItā¦ it didnāt happen then, did it?ā he asked hesitantly.Ā
Luke shook his head. āCouple years later. All we did was watch each otherās backs out there.āĀ
Percy couldnāt help himself. āWhat happened to her?āĀ Ā
āThe same thing that happens to everyone,ā Luke said flatly. āThereās a reason Iām the oldest one here.āĀ
āThat doesnāt make it better,ā Percy insisted. āItā it makes itĀ worse, Luke. You see that, right?āĀ Ā
Luke stared at his empty water bottle then tossed it back into the cooler. When his gaze met Percyās, he was shocked by howā¦ tired he looked. Beyond exhaustedābone-weary. Percy wanted to say more, but he didnāt get the chance.Ā
āThis isnāt good conversation,ā Luke said, āand itās getting late. You should hit the showers before dinner.āĀ
The sun still beat down on them, bright and angry in the sky, but Percy provided no argument. He had a lot to think about.Ā
Before they went their separate ways, Percy stopped and looked back at him. āIām sorry sheās gone, Luke.āĀ
Lukeās gaze went unfocused for a moment, his eyes growing glossy. āSo am I.āĀ
-
Percy sat on the floor of the Hermes cabin in the corner that used to be his, staring at his meager belongings. He had to decide what to take on his quest, which was made easier by the fact that he hardly had anything to his name. Things could always be worse, though. At least he would have a change of clothes.Ā
He shouldāve been doing this in his own cabin, but it felt too empty, too suffocating in its silence. Eleven was still more familiar. He heard the door open and saw Luke walk in, and his eyes lit up when he saw Percy.Ā
āHey,ā he said. āI wanted to see you before you left. Howāre you feeling pre-quest?āĀ
āLike the worldās about to end,ā he said.Ā
Lukeās lips twitched into a smile as he sat on the bed across from Percy. āUnderstandable. It kinda is.āĀ
āItās just overwhelming.ā Percy shoved the unfolded clothes into his backpack. āI have to clear mine and my dadās names and get Zeusās bolt back, or else war will start. No pressure at all.āĀ
āYou were chosen for a reason,ā Luke said. āYou may not see it, Percy, but youāve improved a lot since you got here. If anyone can do this, I think itās you.āĀ
Percy looked up at him, and he was reminded of the way their last conversation went. He was asking before he could really stop himself.Ā
āI could die on this quest and never see you again,ā Percy said. āSo could you tell me more about my sister before I go?āĀ Ā
Luke smiled wistfully and sighed. āYou really wonāt let this go, will you?āĀ
āItās not really something you just let go,ā he said. āBesides, Iā¦ I saw her in my dream last night.āĀ
Lukeās smile faded. āYou did?āĀ Ā
Percy nodded. āFor a split second, but I know it was her. I felt the same way I did whenever I looked at her pictures. Andā¦ itās the second time sheās shown up.āĀ
He let out a long sigh and shook his head, his gaze trailing off to the wall. He always looked so much older when he talked about this girl, like he was a war veteran reminiscing on his lost love. And from what heād gathered, it might not have been too far off.Ā
āI told you we ran together when we were young,ā he said, and Percy nodded. āWe were both nine, and it shouldāve been terrible, but she had a way of making everything better. Always found the bright side of things, was always able to make me laugh.āĀ
āShe was from Massachusettsāright in the middle of Boston.ā Luke chuckled as he looked at Percy. āHuge Red Sox fan.āĀ
Percy grimaced. āWe all make mistakes.āĀ
Luke smiled, though it faded a bit. āWe got separated for a while, but we found each other again when I got to camp. Things were more peaceful than they are now, so sheād been claimed at camp pretty quickly. I figure Poseidon wanted her to have the protection of him openly standing behind her after what happened.āĀ
He frowned. āWhat do you mean, āwhat happenedā?āĀ
Luke shook his head. āThat would be an awful story to send you off on.āĀ
Percy wanted to protest, but he didnāt. Luke was probably rightāPercy didnāt want to make him relive it and then have to go on aĀ death quest right after.
āA happier part, then,ā he suggested.
āShe ran away from home as a kid to protect her mom, but now that she had an idea of what she was doing, she started going back to school. She invited me to stay with her during the school year one year, and I accepted. Thatāā Lukeās throat bobbed, and the other hand clenched into a fistā āthat was when she died.āĀ
In his stunned silence, Luke got up and went over to his alcove. He pulled the drawer open on his bedside table and pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper. It mustāve been folded and crumpled a million other times in messier ways by all the creases he could see, but when Luke opened it, he could see handwriting all over the front.Ā
A letter.Ā
āWe Iris messaged each other constantly while she was at school,ā he said, āand we wrote back and forth when we couldnāt. This was the last letter she sent me.āĀ
Percyās first instinct was to say he wouldnāt be able to read it, but he realized that he didnāt really care. These were words that his sister wroteāhe would sit here the rest of the day forcing sentences to make sense if that was what it took.Ā
So he took the letter when Luke offered it.Ā
To the one and only Luke Castellan,Ā
My mom said yes! After a very long interrogation (she now knows basically everything about you) and a million promises that you would be as careful as possible and that you were good enough at sword fighting to take down anything that could come after us, she said you can spend the year here. We spent a couple hours every day making my momās study into a guest room, so you have a place to stay.
Iām an idiot that didnāt bring enough drachmas so thatās why I have to send this letterāhopefully it gets to you soon enough, because weāre gonna come get you a week before my winter break is over. Mom is letting me drive down because she says I have to get my permit soon. It makes sense that my first big test is getting to you. If we donāt make it, itās because we died in a fiery crash.Ā
Just kidding. Iām a great driver. But tell me some of your favorite songs when you reply and Iāll burn a CD for the rideāI figured out how to use LimeWire. Oh, and throw in a couple drachmas with the envelope so I can Iris message you next time. I miss your face and your voice, and my hand is cramping up writing all of this.Ā
But this is so exciting! I canāt wait to introduce you to all my friends at school, and show you my favorite places in the city, and make you into a Red Sox fan. And you can come to my soccer gamesā Iām the greatest forward there is.Ā
Jokes aside, Iām going to make sure you have the best time. Weāll spend every second together, Luke. Weāre gonna make up for the time we lost.Ā
I canāt wait to see you again.
Your hurricane.Ā Ā
It took Percy a long time to get through it with the words swimming all over, and it didnāt help that his vision had grown blurry.Ā
Tears, he realized as he blinked, and he did it again to make sure they wouldnāt fall. He couldnāt cry in front of Luke, not over a girl he didnāt even knowāeven if she was his sister. But maybe he was grieving thatāthe fact that he would never get to know her.Ā
āGod, man. Iā Iām sorry.ā Percy couldnāt think of anything else to say. āShe sounds like she was great.āĀ
Luke couldnāt even manage a smile this time as he stared at the wall. Percy was surprised he could even talk to him about it.Ā
āShe was,ā he murmured. āYou wouldāve liked her. And gods,ā this time, a bit of a smile broke through despite it all, āshe would have loved a little brother.āĀ
āIām gonna make her proud on this quest,ā Percy vowed. āIām gonna clear our dadās name for her.ā
Something in Lukeās gaze had changedāsadness, almost regret. āYouāre a good kid, Percy. I hope your quest doesnāt change that.āĀ
I hope I come back alive, he wanted to say. But given the topic matter, he didnāt. Percy carefully folded the letter back up and handed it to Luke.Ā
āThank you for telling me about her, man,ā Percy said. āIā¦ I know it canāt be easy.ā
Luke let out a shuddering breath as he stared at the closed letterāPercy wondered how many times he must have sat in this same position, reading her words. āNo better way to honor her memory than helping her brother.ā He glanced at Percy. āI see a lot of her in you.āĀ
Heād been wondering if he had anything in common with her. Percy felt a sudden flare of anger shoot through himāit wasnāt fair that she was dead. Poseidon was a god, and she was a teenager. He should have saved her.Ā
Percyās mouth was drier than a desert. A part of him wanted to curl up in a ball and sob over the sister he never got the chance to know, but the other part of him knewāfrom what little Luke had told him about herāthat she wouldnāt want him to.Ā
āI should get going,ā Percy said, standing up from the floor. āWe have to leave for the quest soon, and Annabeth and Grover are probably wondering where I am, andā¦āĀ
Percy trailed off, and Luke nodded in understanding. He turned around and took one of the photos off the wallāone of you alone in the middle of a park, wearing a bucket hat and absolutely beaming.Ā
āYou deserve to have a part of her with you,ā he said. āFor good luck.āĀ
He felt himself choking up, and he pushed it down as he accepted the photo. āThanks, man. It means a lot.ā
āGood luck, Percy,ā Luke said. āYouāve got a lot of people rooting for you.ā
Percy found himself studying the picture of you once he made it outside, trying to memorize your face. With your wide, infectious smile that emanated pure sunlight, he could have mistaken you for an Apollo kid. But when he looked at you, he got that same warmth that he felt every time he imagined his father.Ā
āI wonāt let you down,ā he murmured. āI promise.āĀ
-
After sleeping in his train seat for half the day, Percy vowed to never complain about his bed in Cabin Three again. He was gonna be going down to the Underworld with permanent cricks in his neck.Ā
Grover was still sound asleepāPercy envied him for how easily it came to him in the worst conditionsābut thankfully, Annabeth wasnāt. Her gaze was focused on the view as their train chugged along.Ā
Percy cleared his throat in a flawless attempt at getting her attention, and it worked.Ā
āYouāre awake,ā she said.Ā
āUnfortunately.ā Percy sighed. āHow much longer do you think itāll be?āĀ
āAnother day, at least,ā she said. āAnd weāve got a layover in St. Louis.āĀ
āSt. Louis,ā he hummed. āNice.āĀ
They sat in silence for a whileāthere wasnāt much to talk about when they were coming off of twoā or was it three, now?ānear-death experiences. But eventually, Annabeth cleared her throat, taking a page from his book, and it worked again.Ā
āThereā thereās probably something you should know,ā Annabeth said, and that worked even better than clearing her throat. āYouāre not the only Big Three kid to come through Camp Half-blood lately.āĀ
āI know,ā he said. āGrover and Luke explained it.āĀ
Her eyes widened slightly and she leaned forward in her seat. āLuke did?āĀ
āā¦Yeah. You all already told me about Thalia.ā Percy glanced away, suddenly feeling a chill in the train car. āLuke told me about my sister.āĀ
Annabeth went silent.Ā
āItās okay,ā he said. āI kind of annoyed Luke until he told me. Doesnāt really seem like a subject people at camp like to talk about.āĀ
āIām just surprised he did,ā she murmured. āThey wereā¦ they were close, Percy. Her death destroyed himāThalia and your sister. All of itās complicated.āĀ Ā
āYeah,ā he sighed, āI got some of that.āĀ
āI only knew her for a year at camp, but everyone loved her,ā she said. āShe was nice. Popular. Always helped when she could, always had the biggest, most infectious smile on her face.ā Annabeth looked down at her hands. āShe didnāt deserve the fate she got.āĀ
Percy didnāt think heād ever grieved so much for someone he never knew. āBut her and Lukeāwere theyā¦?āĀ
āYeah,ā Annabeth said, āthey were a thing, later on.āĀ
That seemed to be all she wanted to say on the matter. Percy decided not to push.Ā
āHow did you meet her?ā he asked.Ā
Annabethās lips pressed into a thin line. āI met her on the day I thought I would die.ā
-
For the first time in her life, Annabeth Chase couldnāt think.Ā
It had all happened so fast. One second she was running with Luke and Thalia and Grover, praying to her mother and any other gods that would listen to make the horde of monsters let up even a centimeter.
The next, sheād collapsed on the ground, never so grateful to have grass and dirt and dust in her face. But she could hear Luke yelling, barely able to make it out in her delirious stateāshe didnāt know when sheād last had a sip of water, and theyād been running for at least three milesābut he sounded hysterical.Ā
She remembered her last clear thought: they werenāt going to make it.Ā
But they had. They had, so why was Luke losing his mind?Ā
Annabeth pulled herself up from the groundāhow long had she been bleeding out of those slashes on her arm?āand looked for the rest of her friends. Luke wasnāt yelling anymore, instead arguing with someone she didnāt recognize in a bright orange shirt. Groverās furry legs trembled as he stared down the hill theyād just gotten up, completely silent, and ThaliaāĀ
Where was Thalia?Ā
Annabeth tried to get up but her legs gave out almost immediately, and steady arms caught her before she could fall to the ground again. Kind eyes served to ease some of her panicāshe was older than Annabeth, maybe around Luke or Thaliaās age.Ā
ThaliaāĀ
āHey, youāre okay,ā the voice said, and Annabethās attention was drawn back to you. āIāve got you.āĀ
āWhereās Thalia?ā she blurted out, because now she couldnāt think of anything else.Ā
Your brows creased and you glanced back down the hillāAnnabeth did too, and she saw Grover and Luke arguing with each other. Or rather, Luke was yelling at him as Grover anxiously hooked his hands through his hair.Ā
āI donāt know,ā you said, ābut right now, I need to make sure youāre okay. Are you hurt?āĀ
Annabeth absentmindedly held up her arm, but she was only focused on her friends. Why wasnāt Thalia with them? Why was Luke so upset?
You cursed under your breath in Ancient Greek as you cradled her arm, and you looked back down the hill. Annabeth could see at least half a dozen other kids.Ā
āWeāve got two half-bloods and a satyr, one injured!ā you yelled back. āGet Molly and Brayden!āĀ
āThree,ā Annabeth found herself saying. āThereāsĀ threeĀ half-bloodsāāĀ
āAnnabeth!āĀ
Her head shot up at the sound of Luke calling her name as he bounded over, and her eyes widened at the blood steadily spidering across the fabric of his shirt.Ā
āLuke, youāre hurtāāĀ
āIām fine,ā he insisted. āItās fine.āĀ
āWe have Apollo kids coming,ā you said, looking up at him, still cradling Annabethās arm. āWeāll get yāāĀ
Your sentence stuck in your throat, and Annabeth could see tears welling in your eyes as your brows furrowed. She thought Lukeās eyes might burst out of his skull as he stared at you, his lips parted but nothing coming out. Neither of you were able to form words.Ā
When he finally did get something out, it was a single name. One Annabeth knew by heart, one that heād mourned for years.Ā
āLuke?ā you whispered.Ā
Before he had the chance to do anything, two teenagers got over the hill and called out your name, the same one Luke used. He always said you were dead, but you clearlyĀ werenātĀ dead, because you were here and you had her arm in your grasp and while your hands were cold, they werenāt cold enough to beĀ deadāĀ
āMollyās gonna take care of you,ā you said, looking back at Annabeth and cutting off her inner dialogue. āSheāll get you to the infirmary and heal you up, okay?āĀ
āMy friendsāāĀ
āTheyāre gonna be okay too,ā you said. āI promise.āĀ
Annabeth looked up at Luke, and he nodded. āWeāll be with you soon, Annabeth. Weā we have to talk about some things.āĀ
So she went with Molly down the hill, and Annabeth put pressure on her bleeding wound when she told her toāit had started to sting like hell now that her adrenaline was fading.Ā
She looked back just in time to see you and Luke share the tightest hug ever.Ā
The hug of two people who realized they werenāt seeing ghosts, Annabeth thought.Ā
-
You bolted up in bed, eyes wide and your chest heaving as you rapidly sucked in air. Your fingers found purchase in your bedsheets, desperate for something familiarāit took a second for you to recognize your surroundings, that you werenāt in an endless void, but your childhood bedroom offered little comfort.Ā Ā
You ran a hand over your forehead, damp with sweat, as you tried to calm down. Your breathing slowed, but you couldnāt shake that awful feeling that hung over you in your sleep.Ā
Your nightmares were getting worse, you knew that much. That raspy, demented voice used to be a rarity, and now it appeared every night. You could usually deal with your nightmares, but the sense of absoluteĀ dreadĀ that voice and the pit fostered in you was too much. You hadnāt managed to sleep through the night once since you came home for the school year.
You could deal with the monstersāto you, this was the worst part of your godly blood.
A knock rattled on the door out of nowhere, and you nearly jumped out of your skin. The only thing that calmed you down was the thought that monsters didnāt knock.Ā
āCome in,ā you croaked, your throat drier than a desert.Ā
Thankfully, a monster hadnāt come to make your night even more miserable. Luke stood in the doorway, his eyebrows creased in concern, messy curls hanging just above his eyes. He wore the Red Sox t-shirt youād bought for him at the game you dragged him to, and in your addled state, you didnāt even think to tease him about it.Ā
āAre you okay?ā He shouldāve been as disoriented as you, but his alerted eyes told a different story.Ā
You could only think of one thing. āHow did you know?āĀ
Lukeās lips parted for a moment, as if he hadnāt even considered it. āI could just feel it.ā
You managed a smile despite every atom in your body screaming at you. āI think that means you can come in.āĀ
He closed the door behind him, and you shifted over in your bed to make room for him. There wasnāt much in a twin, but you made it work. Lukeās weight pressed into the mattress, making you adjust your position, and it was more comforting than any amount of blankets.Ā
āYouāre so cold,ā he murmured, laying the back of his hand against your arm. āHow do you live like that?āĀ
āBlame my dad,ā you said. āIāve got water in my blood.āĀ
āI think thatās probably a bad thing,ā Luke said, and you knocked your shoulder into his with a huff.Ā
āYou know what I mean.āĀ
Luke let his hand fall back in his lap, and as you brought your knees up to your chest, you pulled the covers with them.Ā
āSo,ā Luke said, glancing at you, āwhatās got you awake at the witching hour?āĀ
āThe usual,ā you mumbled.Ā
āNightmares that might be prophetic?ā he asked.Ā
You made a lazy gesture with your hand. āBingo.āĀ
āThe worst sense of dread imaginable?āĀ
āBullseye.āĀ
āIām sorry,ā he said.Ā
You shrugged. āItās nothing I canāt deal with.āĀ
āYou donāt always have to put on a front, yāknow,ā Luke said. You felt his eyes on you. āYou donāt always have to be strong.āĀ
āIām naturally strong,ā you said with mock austerity. āComes with the god for a dad.āĀ
Luke chuckled and shook his head. āYou know what I mean.āĀ
āYeah,ā you murmured.Ā
You leaned into his side, fitting your head into the crook of his neck. Luke wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer, and you let out a contented sigh.Ā
That voice in your nightmares seemed so small when you had Luke.Ā
āCan you stay?ā you asked softly.Ā
He didnāt hesitate. āOf course.āĀ
āJust like old times,ā you whispered.Ā
āJust like old times,ā he agreed.Ā
Luke ran hot, and youād never been more thankful for it as you fully settled into his side. Icy blood ran through your veins, and you let out a shaky sigh. You could hear his steady breathing, feel his heartbeat through his chest, and the anxiety from earlier began to steadily fade. You never felt safer than when you were with Luke.Ā
There was something between youāyou werenāt that stupidābut you hadnāt talked about it. With you and Luke, it was justā¦ you and Luke. You didnāt have to put a label to it.Ā
How could you put a label to your relationship, when youād spent your first few years together fighting for each day, and then the next few thinking the other was dead?Ā
Maybe someday, you would talk about it. But for now, this was more than enough.Ā
āDonāt worry,ā Luke murmured in your ear as your eyes began to droop. āIām not gonna let anything happen to you.āĀ
And by the gods, you believed him.Ā
#reader is the mara of she ra the mikey berzatto of the bear the nellie crain of hill house DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan fic#luke castellan angst#percy jackson and the olympians x reader#pjo x reader#x reader#daughter of poseidon#child of poseidon#sadie writes
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Trust who? || Rafe Cameron x fem!reader love island au
A/n: during this I was thinking of that one kordell and Serena edit with this song and the beat drop is literally when reader sees the clip of Rafe and the casa amor girl during movie night!!!!!!!! ALSO im so sorry for this to take so long to be posted :/ PART ONE IS HERE
Warnings: just angst
Word count: 2,937
MASTERLIST (love island au masterlist)
The night was heavy with unspoken tension. Movie night, usually a time for lighthearted fun or harmless drama, was anticipated by everyone in the villa. You sat stiffly on one of the large outdoor sofas, flanked by a couple of the girls who were clearly trying to be there for you. The two Casa Amor girls were off to the side, Nakia sitting beside the other girl, her eyes flickering to Rafe every so often, like a lioness watching her prey.
Across on the other lounge were where the boys were sitting. Rafe's face was unreadableāstoic, like a statueābut he hadn't glanced your way yet. The screen flickered to life, and the names of the clips appeared in bold text, each one more unsettling than the last: Temptations and Betrayals, Crying Angel, and The Dark Nakia Rises were only some of them.
āOh, this is going to be amazing,ā you said, your voice heavy with sarcasm, though a hint of venom lingered beneath the surface. The girls around you laughed nervously, their giggles thin and hollow against the weight of the moment. No amount of levity could mask the tension that thickened the air. Nakia shifted in her seat, throwing you a smirk before turning her attention to the screen.
āIāll pick Crying Angel,ā she said, her tone deliberate, as if the title alone wasnāt designed to cut you open. The video played, and there you were, seated in the glam room, your face buried in your hands. The sound of your muffled sobs filled the air, and your voice, shaky and broken, cut through the villa like a blade. āI donāt want to be here anymore,ā you admitted through your tears.
āI thought he cared about me. I really did.ā One of the girls wrapped an arm around you in the clip, murmuring softly, āYouāre stronger than this. Donāt let him break you.ā But you shook your head, your anguish palpable. āI stayed loyal to him. I couldāve coupled up. But no, I waited for him because I thought we had something real. And then he walks in with her like I never even mattered. Iām done! Iām so done.ā
As the screen went dark, the silence that followed was deafening. The air felt too thick to breathe. A few gasps rippled through the group, and some of the boys shifted uncomfortably in their seats, casting sideways glances at each other before stealing sympathetic looks your way. You sat still, your face a perfect mask of indifference.
Not a single muscle twitched as you kept your gaze fixed ahead, refusing to let them see how deeply those moments of vulnerability still stung. Across the firepit, Rafe was motionless, his jaw clenched so tightly that you could see the tension rippling through his neck. His blue eyes were glued to the now-black screen, his face unreadable but undeniably stricken.
~
When Sofiaās turn came, a flicker of mischief danced in her eyes. She leaned forward, her lips curving into a smirk, and you caught her gaze, exchanging a conspiratorial glance. You straightened slightly, the faintest hint of a smirk playing at your own lips as you braced yourself for what was coming next. āIāll pick The Dark Nakia Rises,ā Sofia said, her voice light with faux innocence.
The group erupted into a mix of cheers and nervous laughter, all eyes shifting to Nakia, whose face had drained of colour. You broke the tension with an almost unnervingly calm tone, delivering your jab with a straight face. āOh, Nakia. I bet youāre absolutely shitting yourself, babe.ā Nakia forced a laugh, her discomfort palpable. āIām not,ā she said weakly, glancing toward Rafe for reassurance.
But he didnāt meet her gaze. His eyes were locked on the firepit, his face a storm of emotions he was tryingāand failingāto suppress. The clip began. The sound of the kitchen in Casa Amor filled the room, and Nakia was standing with a few of the other girls. Their voices could be heard in the background as they gossiped, oblivious to the camera that had captured their every word.
"So what do you think of him?" One of them questions Nakia as she smiles, looking over her shoulder to where Rafe was working out. āI mean, Iāve heard about his dad,ā she said with a casual shrug, her tone dripping with entitlement. āAnd I know theyāve got money. Like, serious money.ā She leaned back, twirling a strand of hair around her finger, clearly basking in the attention.
āHeās not exactly ugly either, is he? Could be a good setup if I play my cards right.ā The other girls laughed, egging her on. āYeah, but do you even like him?ā one of them asked, her tone teasing. āLike him?ā she repeated, laughing. āI mean, heās alright. But come on, this isnāt about feelings. This is about strategy. And if heās dumb enough to fall for it, thatās on him.ā The clip ended, leaving the villa in stunned silence.
The clip ended, and the silence that followed was deafening. No one spoke at first. Your heart sank as you glanced from Rafe, his face pale, his jaw clenched in fury, to Nakia, whose confident smirk had vanished completely. Her face was a mask of panic, eyes darting around as the weight of her words settled over everyone.
You could barely breathe as you stared at her. āHoly fucking shit, dude,ā one of the boys muttered, breaking the silence as he turned to Rafe, who hadnāt moved an inch. He was staring at the ground, seething, his fists clenched at his sides. āNakia, what the actual fuck?ā another girl asked, her voice filled with disgust as she turned to face her. The room was heavy with the collective judgment.
Everyone was watching her now, and Nakia could do nothing but stammer, her voice high-pitched and defensive. Your words hit harder than you expected, and Nakia shrank back, her face flushing with embarrassment. āThat is so fucked up,ā one of the guys added, his tone harsh as he shook his head in disbelief.
Nakia opened her mouth to respond, but her words faltered. She looked on the verge of tears, her confidence completely shattered. The air was thick with tension, and everyone could feel itāRafeās rage, your frustration, Nakiaās panic. āYouāre really going to sit there like that?ā you finally said, your voice steady, but there was a bitter edge to it. āLike you didnāt hear her?ā
Rafeās head snapped up, his expression unreadable. But you could see the storm brewing in his eyes. āDonāt start with me, Y/n,ā he growled, his voice low and dangerous. You raised an eyebrow, unfazed by his warning. āOh, Iām sorry. Am I not allowed to call out the fact that this whole thing is a fucking joke to you?ā Your voice was sharp, cutting through the stunned silence of the villa.
You gestured towards Nakia without sparing her a glance. āThat Iāve been here crying my eyes out, while youāre over there being a pawn in her game?ā Nakia stiffened, her face pale. āThat was taken out of context!ā she stammered, her voice high-pitched and defensive. āI was just jokingāā āOh, you were joking?ā you snapped, cutting her off, your voice rising with every word.
āYou thought it was funny to admit youāre using him? That his feelings donāt matter to you as long as you get what you want?ā You shook your head, your voice dripping with disdain. āThatās not just a joke, Nakia. Thatās manipulation. Plain and simple." āThat is so fucked up,ā one of the guys muttered, breaking the tense silence.
Nakiaās gaze darted around the group, her eyes glassy as though she was on the verge of tears. You let out a dry, bitter laugh and leaned back on the couch, Sofia's hand finding yours. āI just canāt believe I was crying my heart out over this shit,ā you muttered, your voice shaky. You leaned back against the cushions, exhaling deeply to steady yourself.
~
āAlright, my turn. Letās go with Betrayals and Temptations,ā One of the boys announced, his tone a mix of excitement and dread. āOf-fucking-course,ā you muttered under your breath, rolling your eyes. You already knew what this clip would show. The title was self-explanatory, and the dread in your stomach only grew as the screen lit up.
The scene began with Rafe and Nakia in the Casa Amor pool. Nakia sat perched on the edge, her legs skimming the surface, her posture relaxed and confident. Rafe stood in the water, gazing up at her like she was the only person in the world. āSo, would you say youāre closed off, orā¦?ā Nakia asked, her voice playful as she tilted her head, her eyes sparkling with mischief
Rafe shook his head, a chuckle escaping his lips. āNoāno. That would be stupid of me to do that to myself,ā he replied casually, his eyes locked on her. āReally? So, am I your type?ā she questioned, a coy smile playing on her lips. āHundred percent, babe. Hundred percent,ā Rafe said with a laugh, his hands resting on her knees as he grinned up at her.
The tension between them was palpable as they stared at each other, the moment thick with anticipation. Nakia leaned forward, closing the gap between them, and kissed him. āI canāt get out,ā Rafe whispered against her lips, his tone teasing but laced with something deeper.
āWhy?ā Nakia breathed, her brows knitting together in faux confusion. Rafe chuckled, glancing downward, murmuring something too low for the clip to catch. Nakiaās eyes widened before she burst into laughter, her head falling back. āNo fucking way,ā she giggled, clearly pleased with herself, as Rafe pulled her closer.
The screen went dark, the villa erupted in hushed murmurs and gasps, but the damage was already done. Your vision blurred as tears welled up, spilling over despite your desperate attempt to keep them in check. Your head spun, the voices around you muffled and distant. āFuck this,ā you muttered, your voice thick with emotion as you shot to your feet and stormed off, your sobs breaking the suffocating silence.
Sofia hurried after you, her heels clicking against the wooden planks as she tried to keep pace. Meanwhile, Rafe sat frozen, his face buried in his hands as he let out a loud, frustrated exhale. āMate, what the hell were you thinking?ā one of the boys hissed at Rafe, his tone laced with disappointment. Rafe didnāt answer immediately.
He sat motionless, his face buried in his hands, his breaths uneven. Finally, he stood abruptly, his chair tipping slightly behind him. āFuck, I need to talk to her. Right now,ā he muttered, his voice thick with frustration and guilt. As he made his way upstairs, the sound of your muffled sobs grew louder, each one hitting him like a blow to the chest.
He hesitated outside the glam room, his hand hovering over the door. Finally, he knocked, his voice tentative. āY/n, can we talk?ā There was a pause, and then the door creaked open to reveal Sofia. Her expression was a mix of anger and disdain as she stepped into the doorway, her voice icy. āShe doesnāt need to hear your excuses right now.ā She brushed past him, leaving the hallway in silence.
Rafe swallowed hard and stepped inside. You stood near the vanity, your back to him, shoulders trembling. When you finally turned, your tear-streaked face was a mix of heartbreak and fury, your mascara smeared like dark shadows under your reddened eyes. āWhat can you possibly say to me to make this better?ā you demanded, your voice bitter and raw.
You glared at him, your anger barely concealing the hurt threatening to consume you. Rafe faltered, his mouth opening as if to speak, but no words came out. He raked a hand through his hair, his usual confidence replaced with visible unease. āIāā āYou what?ā you snapped, cutting him off. āYou didnāt mean it? You were caught up in the moment? Save it, Rafe. Iāve heard enough lies for one night.ā
āI wasnāt thinking,ā he finally said, his voice quiet but filled with desperation. āIt didnāt mean anything, Y/n. None of it did.ā You let out a sharp, humorless laugh, shaking your head. āIt didnāt mean anything? You kissed her, Rafe. You flirted with her. You made me look like a fucking idiot in front of everyone.ā āI fucked up,ā he admitted, his tone softening as he took a step closer.
āI know I did. But I never stopped thinking about you. Youāre the one Iāā āDonāt,ā you interrupted, your voice cracking. āDonāt you dare try to spin this like you cared. If you cared, you wouldnāt have done this. If you cared, you wouldnāt have disrespected me while you had your fun.ā The room fell silent except for the sound of your laboured breathing.
Rafe looked at you, his expression filled with regret, but you couldnāt bring yourself to care. āI think you should leave,ā you whispered, turning away from him. Your shoulders sagged, the weight of everything crushing you. Rafe hesitated, his hand twitching as if he wanted to reach out to you, but he didnāt.
Finally, he stepped back toward the door, his voice barely audible. āIām sorry.ā The door clicked shut behind him, leaving you alone with the shattered pieces of what once was.
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Not Strong Enough
Summary: Rule number 1 of being best friends with a vampire. Never let them drink your blood.
an: I HEAR YOU ALL YELLING AT ME IM SORRY!! This took entirely too long to get to you guys, but itās here now! Better late than never right?? Is this heavily inspired by twilight? Yes. Did I use a BoyGenius song as the title? Itās lesbian smut, obviously. Is Ellie going to be a brooding depressed vampire? Oh hell yeah. I hope you all like this! Iām a slut for anything supernatural so this was obvi very fun for me to write. As always, love you all so so much! Thanks for reading š¤
Warnings: SMUT!!, MDNI!!, scissoring (if ur mad Iām doing another scissoring ficā¦.idk what to tell you itās hot), messy kissing, Ellie bites reader (outside of blood sucking), mentions of marking, mentions of bruises, mentions of blood, Ellie is kind of insufferable for a small bit but I promise it gets better, please lmk if I missed anything!
Read part 1 here!!
Ellie knew it was a bad idea from the very beginning.
She knew that she was too weak for you, even outside of sucking your blood. You were too fucking good for her, too much of a dream for Ellie to go and fuck up like she did.
Truth be told, Ellie expected all of it. She expected to get utterly addicted to you, she expected the blurred lines of your relationship to become even more blurred when she began sucking you dry of your life source, she even expected herself to lose control when she was in the act, humping and grinding your soft body like a wild fucking animal as if she had no control over herself.
She expected all of it, every single aspect that came with the territory, she knew was coming.
But the hardest part of it all? Was leaving you completely.
Because she knew the moment she felt herself lose control while she was on top of you that night in your apartment, she knew she needed to leave you. She needed to abandon you and your friendship for the greater good, for your sake.
Ellie knew that she wasnāt good for you, and you werenāt good for her. But that didnāt make the pain of not seeing you any less.
She thought sheād be able to do it at first, but the texts from you only reminded her of how much she loved your company, how obsessed she was with simply being around you.
She wound frown every time her phone went off, a low groan leaving her lips when she lifted it up to look at her screen, only to see it was from you.
Ellieeeeee
Where are you?
Havenāt seen u in the longest :((
Ellie can practically hear your pout in the way you text her. She knows you too well, and she knows that you arenāt handling her sudden disappearance well.
At this point, itās been about two months since Ellie has seen you last? Maybe three? She stopped keeping count because it was driving her insane. It wasnāt even the blood supply that she missed, Ellie would go hungry ten times over, dying from starvation if it meant she could be around you without feeling she was robbing you of your life, ruining things that you were meant to experience because she was too fucking selfish.
Ellie misses you, and it pains her that she hasnāt been able to have you in so long.
Wellā¦not entirely at least. She knew sheād lose her mind entirely if she couldnāt at least be around you for a few moments, so her usual nighttime visits become a bit more frequent when she decides she canāt be around you anymore. Sheās a lot more careful when she does it though, knowing how sensitive you were to her presence. It was almost unbelievable how easily youād woken up to her in your room in the past. She doesnāt know how sheād explain things if you woke up now, not having seen her in so long. So sheās extra aware of how much noise she makes.
Seeing you sleep is almost enough to keep Ellieās demons at bay, the ones that screamed for you, yearned for you to be by her side, to have your warm skin pressed against her much colder one.
As per usual, sheās scaling up the brick wall of your apartment building, making her way up to your bedroom like thief in the night. You continue to leave your window open every night, and it breaks Ellieās heart because she knows youāre doing it for her, most likely hoping she slips into your window as she usually does.
It means Ellie needs to be even more careful than she anticipated.
She doesnāt even dare to sit on your bed, standing in the corner of your room as she watches your chest rise and fall. She doesnāt even breathe, scared that the sound of it will wake you.
And she desperately wants to reach out and let her fingers run along your soft skin, desperate for the feeling that you always brought her when youāre near. It makes her fists balk at her sides as she practically itches to feel you, fighting back any and every thought that she had to touch you, if even for a moment.
But she doesnāt. Instead, he stays with you just before the sun rises. She knows itās risky, and she knows she shouldnāt do it in the event that you wake up and see her. Even if sheās fast enough to dart out of your room before you can even call her name or turn the lights on, youāre too smart for that. Youād know what was happening before she can even begin to gaslight you into thinking it was simply a dream.
She canāt help herself, not when it comes to you. Seeing you sleep satisfies the burning feeling in her chest, the one that yearns so desperately for you, itās enough to make her knees weak. Itās almost like youāre capable of evoking the same feelings she had when she was a human, when she was weak and stupid and felt nervous around women. Until you showed up, Ellie hadnāt experienced those feelings in a long time, sheād almost forgotten about them.
You always remind her though.
Like when sheās about to leave you, knowing sheās cutting it too close to the time youāre going to wake up and start your day. Her footsteps are practically silence, even against the old, creaky floorboards of your apartment.
Sheās almost out of your window, one leg outside as she plants her foot against the fire escape when she hears it. You began mumbling in your sleep, tossing a bit, clearly bothered by whatever dream you were having. While this shouldāve been the clearest sign for Ellie to leave as quickly as possible before your eyes opened a bit to see her, she doesnāt. Instead, she stays sat on your window sill, simply watching as you turn to face her, eyes still closed as you pout in your sleep.
If Ellie had a heart that was still beating, sheās sure it wouldāve stopped. Because suddenly your mumbling is just clear enough for her to hear.
āEllieā¦.ā You sigh out softly, barely loud enough for the undead girl to hear, but she does. Regardless of the city waking up below her, or the sound of your ceiling fan creaking about, she hears it. It makes her frown deeply, swallowing back the intense whimper that threatens to escape and echo throughout your room.
She isnāt sure if sheās ever left your room so quickly, the girls eyes going wide as she made the familiar path down the side of your building to your side walk.
Even when she got home that night, the vampire practically breaking the front door down of her apartment to get in, she couldnāt get the sound of your voice uttering her name so sweetly, calling out for her even in the depths of sleep that you were in, tugged so deeply by your dreams, you were still calling out for her.
Ellie knew that night, that she had to stay away from her. For both your sake, and her own.
And sheās right, because you were suffering just as much as Ellie was.
Ellieās presence was always scarce, and while it bothered you a bit before you learned what she was, it made sense. She was a creature of the night, something that seemingly only existed in storybooks, coming to life and living the strange lifestyle that she did.
But you knew immediately that this was different.
The morning after you saw Ellie last left a bitter taste in your mouth. As you woke up that morning, your neck sore with the bruises of Ellieās lips on your skin, body far too drained and tired even after a night of a sleep that was just a bit too deep. It was similar to almost all the times Ellie had drank from you the night prior.
So, why did you feel so bad that morning?
You knew that you didnāt owe Ellie anything, that you were the one to suggest this in the first place, so there truly wasnāt any room for you to be upset for reasons unknown. What were you even supposed to say to her? That you had a weird feeling? One that you desperately wanted her to relieve by telling you it was all okay?
As much as you wanted to, you knew things between you and Ellie werenāt like that.
You were her friend. You were just her friend, and as much as you wanted more, you knew deep down that if Ellie truly wanted you that way, she wouldāve made you sheās a long time ago.
And maybe thatās what bothers you the most when this little dry spell occurs, because the sudden lack of her presence leaves you entirely too much time to dwell on things, wondering what it was that you did wrong, what you could have possibly said to create this sudden rift between the two of you.
Ellie had always been flirtatious, flashing that pretty smile in your direction that made you weak in the knees, calling you sweet names that made your heart beat faster. She was practically dangling it all right in front of your face, the frequent touches, the late night visits at the foot of your bed, all this time when you have her the benefit of the doubt, chalking it all up to her simply wanting to see you and nothing more than that, suddenly made no sense to you.
With time came confusion, and with confusion came anger, desperate to understand why she left you, what you had done to possibly make her so scarce so suddenly. And once the third month had hit without seeing Ellie, you were furious, feeling as though you had one choice and one choice only.
To find Ellie, and get the answers from her yourself.
You donāt go to Ellieās apartment, not usually at least.
Ellie always told you she liked hanging out at your place, going on and on about how warm and cozy it was being there. Sheād never admit it to you because she didnāt want you to think she was a freak, but being in a place that smelled so heavily like you made her brain go absolutely insane.
Youāve been there maybe a handful of times, sometimes heading to her place after a night out, or even stopping by whenever you were in the neighborhood. Bottom line was, your apartment was the designated hang out spot for you and Ellie.
Regardless though, you remember how to get there like itās written on the back of your hand. You thought about Ellieās apartment a lot, loving how much the space reflected her. You always wished you had the chance to stay there more often.
You canāt think about that though, not now. Not when youāre storming down the expensive halls of her complex down to her door, and landing a heavy fist on the door. All you can truly care about now, is seeing Ellie and demanding an explanation for her sudden disappearance.
And itās all so unlike you, so out of your character. If it was anyone else, youād let it go, giving yourself a few days to sulk before forgetting about it all together and simply moving on. Maybe itās because itās Ellie, and maybe itās because you feel a tad bit used after being her personal buffet for the last few times youād been around her, just for her to up and leave.
Itās most definitely that. You just donāt want to admit it in fears of sounding selfish.
You land another firm knock on her door when she doesnāt answer in time, feeling yourself grow angrier as the moments pass.
Soon, sheās finally opening the door. The image of her nearly takes your breath away.
Because Ellie always looks beautiful, perhaps itās the fact that you havenāt seen her in some time, but she looks fucking ethereal standing before you. So tall, so confident, her eyes so fucking dark, piercing through your very soul as she stares down at you. Her lips look like rubies compared to her cold, pale skin, so plump and kissable.
All you can think about is the way they felt pressed against your throat, and it makes you lift your hand to press against the two small circular scars on your neck.
Ellie frowns deeply as she eyes you, eyebrows furrowed and expression virtually unreadable.
āWhat are you doing hereā she mumbles out, shifting on her feet awkwardly. Her question alone sets the fire off in your chest again, making you seethe as you take a deep inhale before responding.
āAre you kidding me Ellie?ā You practically spit out, staring up at the girl in disbelief.
She lets out a soft sigh, her tattooed hand coming up to rub her face roughly before it moves up to rub through her hair.
āI donāt know what youāre talking aboutā she manages before she tries shutting her door in your face. āYou canāt be hereā she mumbles out softly, the girl fully expecting to be able to shut the door.
You however, have other plans.
Youāre quick to press your hand against the door, stopping her from closing it before you practically force yourself between it. Ellieās eyes widen a bit at this, not used to seeing you so forward.
Soon, youāre pushing yourself into her apartment, your palm pressing against your forehead as you began pacing back and forth Ellieās lavish apartment.
āI donātā¦I donāt understand you Ellie. Is it something I said? Did I do something? If so please enlighten me I beg youā you blurt out, all of the words fumbling out of your mouth in one breath.
Ellie frowns deeply as she watches you pace back and forth her apartment, her eyebrows furrowed. She can truly see the damaged shes caused when she sees you like this, because it was much easier to watch you when you slept, so peaceful and unaware of the troubles that came with her absence. She knew you were going to blame yourself, and as much as she knew she couldnāt allow you to do that to yourself, she knew staying away was even more important.
Seeing you like this was possibly the hardest thing Ellie had to ever endure.
You donāt stop there, taking advantage of the lack of a response from Ellie to continue ranting.
āIs it because of the blood thing? If so Iām sorry. I am so fucking sorry for simply caring enough to make sure you didnāt die from starvation or whatever it is that happens to you when you donāt eat. Iām sorry for making sure that you were okay, if that was so wrong please tell meā¦ā your words trail off as you let out an exasperated sigh, your feelings and emotions becoming far too much as you practically sob out to her.
But then youāre pausing, your chest rising and falling quickly as you struggle to catch your breath. Ellie isnāt entirely sure why youāve suddenly stopped, your back towards her as you stand there, doing god knows what.
When you finally turn around, your eyes are red and your cheeks are wet with tears.
āWere you justā¦.using me? As your personal fucking blood bag?ā Your words are shaky as you hold back another sob, your fists balled down at your sides.
Ellie freezes when you say this, because this is exactly what she was fucking afraid of.
It was a common theme throughoutā¦her people. Vampires were notoriously alluring, seducing countless innocent and clueless victims into being their personal meal. The humans were almost always oblivious to what was being done to them, vampires often times using this to their advantage to keep them under their spell for as long as possible. It would most commonly been done in a way that made the humans believe the vampires loved them, dangling them by a thread as they promised them a life of eternity together, to live in immortality, side by side until the end of times. It almost never ended that way though, the vampires would suck and suck and suck until one day they went a bit too far, and their obedient human keeled over and died.
Ellie never wanted things to be that way with you.
She never even wanted you to think it was that way. She wanted you to understand that this was entirely up to you, and it could stop whenever you wanted it to. Itās why she constantly voiced to you that this was still a factor right before she fed off of you. Ellie would rather die than use you for a source of food, because truthfully you were far too good for that, too fucking pure to be used as something as low as a food source.
So when the words leave your lips, Ellie sees red.
Shes in front of you in less than a second, towering over you and staring down into your tear soaked eyes. Her nostrils are flared as she tries to hold back from tearing down her entire apartment complex around the both of you.
āYou canāt possibly be stupid enough to think Iād ever use you for something so low..ā her voice is low, and thereās a gravel in it that makes your core tighten and your chest bloom with something you canāt quite place, a feeling that can only be shelved in your mind right next to where Ellie takes place.
You donāt hack one, hot tears continuing to spill from your eyes as you stare at her with furrowed eyebrows.
āIt makes senseā¦.get your fix and then leave me like Iām nothingā¦this was probably your plan all alongā you grit out.
Ellie licks her lips, knowing that youāre hurting just as much as she is, and your words are simply coming from a place of confusion, desperate to understand why she did what she did to you, why she left without a trace.
She leans in, her face a mere inches from yours. You can smell her minty breath wafting onto your face, and itās bizarre because even that has a slight chill to it. It makes your cheeks cold, and it makes you want to reach out and warm her up.
āI would rather die a million deaths before using you for thatā¦you and I both know thisā she seethes out.
And it makes you whimper, because Ellieās always been so fucking intense, so poetic. It makes your insides flip upside down, and your eyebrows knit together as you struggle to hold back a whimper.
Your features soften as you continue to cry in front of her. āThen why did you leave meā¦ā you whisper out to the girl.
It breaks her heart how desperate you are for this. Not even for her, but simply for answers. All you want is to understand why she left, what you did to make her abruptly disappear without a single word.
Ellieās eyes flutter shut for a moment, her pink tongue darting out to lick her plush lips before she finally speaks.
āIāve neverā¦been so weak for someoneā¦in my entire lifeā she breaths out.
It surely isnāt what youāre expecting her to say. You think sheās going to say sheās gotten enough of you, or she just couldnāt handle having someone like you around. Hell, you were even beginning to think she was trying to cover up all her roots here and start somewhere else.
āI always have beenā¦from the moment I fucking laid eyes on you, I knew you werenāt good for meā¦youāre too good for meā she continues, her eyes fluttering open as she finally stares down into yours. You can finally look into yours as you blink away the tears that are pooling in your eyes and blurring your vision, and it allows you to see the pain in her eyes, just how much sheād been struggling with all of this.
āIt isnāt even your bloodā¦it made it worse, yesā¦but just being around you is likeā¦itās like a fucking drug to me. You give me this feeling that I canātā¦I canāt even begin to describe how fucking euphoric you make me feelā each of her words sounds like a plea, a plea for you to let her go, to unhand her from the death grip you have on her.
āAnd suddenly Iām always in your apartment, and youāre offering yourself to me and itās like a dream come true and I feel like a fucking monster when Iām on top of you, sucking you dry of your fucking bloodā itās her turn to start pacing, running her hands through her hair as she settles one of her hands on her hip, she moves slower than you were, simply voicing the struggles sheās seemed to have with you from the moment you met.
She finally turns towards you, and sheās slowing make her way to where youāve been standing this entire time. When sheās right back where she was, stood right in front of you, she takes your hand into hers ever so gently. Itās enough to make you flinch, how cold she is in contrast to your hot skin. She sighs, bringing your hand up to cradle her cheek, and her eyes flutter shut, nearly rolling back as she presses a soft kiss to your palm.
āIām not strong enough for youā¦I donāt think I ever will beā she finally admits, and itās like sheās not only admitting it to you, but to herself as well.
You hold back a whine as she kisses your palm, her lips so soft, so gentle with you.
āThenā¦then donāt beā¦why canāt you just let things happenā you sigh out as you stare up at her, in awe as the girl leaned into your touch as if it were her life line.
You arenāt even entirely sure what youāre asking her for, what this so called āthingā is that she wonāt let happen. Is it the feeding youāre alluding to? An act of true platonic kindness? Or are you asking for more, are you begging for something that Ellie has deprived you both of for the sake of the greater good?
Both you and Ellie have these same questions running through your minds.
She chuckles dryly against your skin, shaking her head as her hand gives your wrists a gentle squeeze.
āYou arenāt even sure what it is youāre asking forā¦not from someone like meā she admits, eyes opening as she finally looks down at you again.
āI canātā¦give you the things you deserve. Iām not capable of being the perfect person for you, not when I am what I amā her words are like venom on her tongue, the girl utterly disgusted with the monster that she became against her own will, the hell that she was forced to live over and over again with no foreseeable end.
āThe only thing I can do, is take from youā¦I take and take and takeā¦.ā Her words trail off, a soft frown on her lips before she finally looks at you once again.
āUntil Iāve taken everything that you haveā¦and there is no more of you to offerā she whispers out, as if the mere thought of a world without you pains her so much to say, she barely wants to say it.
You lick your lips, your eyes searching hers before you quickly shake your head.
āDo you want me? The same way that I want you?ā You question carefully, fearful of what it is that she might say, worried that youād been reading things entirely wrong, even after Ellie basically confessed how utterly obsessed she is with you.
She smirks softly, humming lowly as she gently brings your hand down to her lips, pressing another gentle kiss to it.
āItās like Iāve waited my entire life for you, babyā¦.saying that I want you would be an understatementā she chuckles out softly.
And you arenāt entirely sure how it even gets to this point, because you marched over to Ellieās apartment with a purpose, that purpose being to yell at her and get the answers you deserved. But suddenly youāre standing in front of her, and your heart is exploding with so many different emotions and feelings, all of them for Ellie, and sheās just confessed to you that she wants you like you want her.
And you have no choice, but to kiss her.
It catches Ellie off guard, a soft whine leaving her lips as accepts your lips with gratitude, her arms moving down to drape along your waist as she pulls you closer.
Itās everything sheās ever dreamt it would be. Your lips soft and sweet against her own, your skin so warm and inviting, making her drink you up, fueling her with the warmth sheās lacked since the day she died. But despite how good it feels, she knows this is wrong, and it goes against everything she said sheād do for your sake.
Ellie breaks way first, watching as you struggle to catch your breath from the intense kiss. Sheās quick to stop you from leaning in again, her hand cupping your face as she stares into your eyes.
āAngelā¦we canātā¦I told you, Iām no good for youā she sighs out, the words paining her to even say.
You give her a soft pout, your arms wrapping around her shoulders loosely as you press your warm body against hers.
āI trust you Ellieā¦.I know that youād never hurt meā you sigh out softly as you stare into her eyes, your hand coming up to tuck a strand of her soft hair behind her ear.
āWe donāt have to do the blood thingā¦but I justā¦canāt we just give us a try?ā Your eyes are wide as you speak, eager to feel Ellieās lips against yours again, even if for a moment. You donāt even take into consideration that she could say no, that she could turn you around and throw you out of her apartment without another word, doubling down on what she said sheād do with you.
But as Ellie said before, sheās just too fucking weak for you.
And hearing you ask for it, ask for her, it has her stomach in knots, and she feels like no matter what it is you ask her, she couldnāt possibly say no to you.
āWhat are you doing to meā¦ā she sighs softly before she leans in to kiss you again, reciprocating the passion and heat that you gave her mere moments ago. You whine against her, your hands sliding back to tug at her hair, keeping her close as your lips moves against hers, your warm tongue sliding against hers.
āMissed you so muchā¦ā you sigh against her, and it makes Ellie groan softly as she nods, hands sliding down to grip your waist as she walks you back towards her bedroom, lips never leaving yours.
āMissed you more than anything, angelā she mumbles against your lips as she presses her palm against her bedroom door behind you, pushing it open and leading you further inside.
Ellieās bedroom smells like her. Itās dark, and cold but oh so comforting. You practically sigh against her lips when you feel her laying your body down against her black silk sheets, the expensive material like butter on your skin. It makes your senses go in overdrive, Ellieās hands caressing your skin, roaming around your body as her tongue rubs against yours in a dirty, passionate kiss.
āDonāt know how long Iāve waited to have you like thisā¦ā she sighs softly, her lips breaking away from yours to kiss along your jaw, down to your throat. You donāt miss the way Ellie kisses the now faded marks of her teeth on your neck, licking the skin softly before she sucks into it, sure to leave dark marks in the morning.
āMissed marking you up babyā¦.ā She hums against you, drinking in the sweet moans that leave your mouth, the sound alone like music to her ears.
Your mind is fuzzy, almost blank besides the thoughts of Ellie that stood in the forefront of your brain. It was like she was filling you up entirely, making you almost overwhelmed with her. Her scent, her cold skin, her soft hands, all of it was almost too much, a combination of sensory overload that kissed your skin so deliciously.
Soon sheās kissing down your body, practically worshiping her as her lips work on your soft skin. Her hands are pushing up your t-shirt, kissing your stomach and your ribcage until sheās tugging you up a bit to skillfully slip your shirt over your head. Youāre bare before her, her lips matching onto your pebbled nipples as her tattooed hands work on your soft shorts, tugging them down your legs.
You donāt miss the way her tongue swirls around your nipple before letting go with a pop, lips moving up to nip at your collar bone with her flat teeth. Hard enough to leave a mark, but gentle enough to not break skin.
You giggle softly, bending your legs back to help as she tugs your shorts and panties off. Sheās slotting herself between your legs, humming softly as she gives you a smirk.
āSomething funny baby?ā She questions before leaning in to press another kiss to the corner of your lips. You nod, a dreamy smile on your lips as you bring your hand down to tug at the hem of Ellieās t-shirt.
āSeems like old habits never die, thatās allā¦.need this offā you huff out softly, fingers fumbling between the hem of her t shirt and the waistband of her sweats.
Ellie chuckles at how eager you are before she nods, pulling back to tug her shirt off before she rolls over a bit to pull off her sweats and underwear as well before she makes her way back between your legs, towering over you as she crawls into you like a predator would its prey.
And it leaves your pussy soaking wet, because itās better than you couldāve ever imagined. Ellieās tits are pebbled similarly to yours, tattoos littering her pretty skin, muscles so beautiful they could make your mouth fucking water.
Youād always seen Ellie for the beauty she possessedā¦but this? This was so much more different.
It made your head fucking spin.
You whined softly as you practically tug her into her by her shoulders, moaning softly at the feeling of her boobs squishing against yours as your mouth attacks her in a needy kiss.
āWant youā¦ā you sigh softly against her as your hand slides down between the both of you, cupping her pussy. You feel Ellie suck in a sharp breath at the feeling of your warm fingers against her sopping wet core, and she gives you an eager nod before rolling over, her strong hands gripping your thighs and taking you with her as she forces you to straddle her.
Being on top of Ellie is just as good as being under her, almost better in all honesty. The lighting in her bedroom is dim, but you can just make out her features with the moonlight that spills in through her big windows, and the moody lights she has set up along her walls. You donāt even realize it because youāre too busy gawking at her, but she lifts her leg up a bit and easily slots you down so that your pussy is right against hers, the feeling making you moan softly.
āYouāre so pretty Ellieā¦ā you practically sigh out. It makes Ellie moan softly, and she swears the sound of you calling her pretty is enough to bring her back to life, reversing the effects of her undead state.
āFuckā¦canāt say those things to me babyā¦youāre gonnaā¦Jesus..ruin meā she struggles to get out as she grips your hips, forcing you to roll your hips so that your clit and her clit bumps against each other.
Your eyes flutter shut when you feel it. Itās so fucking wet, and soft, and itās like nothing youāve ever felt before. Sure youād done it with other girls before, but this just feelsā¦it almost feels likeā¦.
āLike you were fucking made for me princessā Ellie grits out, her teeth caging her words in as she fucks you down onto her pussy, practically using you for both hers and your pleasure.
Youāre too far gone to pick up on it, too indulged in the feeling of Ellieās strong hands gripping your thighs so deliciously, sure to leave marks in their shape when you both wake up in the morning.
Your back is arching almost painfully, your hand gripping her thigh as you find the rhythm Ellie has set for you, finding the perfect spot and keeping it there as you drive both you and her to your orgasms.
āIāmā¦Ellie you feel so goodā¦youāre gonna make me cumā you squeak out, eyebrows furrowed as you finally look down at the girl beneath you, only to find that sheās just as much of a mess as you are. Her hair is messy and her lips look so pouty and kissable. Itās hard to make out, but her fanged teeth are pressing into her lips, and youāre sure itās the sexiest thing youāve seen in your entire life.
She gives you an encouraging nod, one of her hands coming to your ass and kneading it harshly before giving it a firm spank, the sinful noise echoing off the walls of her pristine bedroom.
āI know babyā¦I knowā¦come on, want you to cum with meā¦thatās itā¦thatās my good girlā her praises make your chest burn, and it leaves knots in your stomach. It only drives you further, your hips moving faster as they roll against Ellieās, desperately chasing both hers and your orgasm.
āEllieā¦Ellie Iāmā¦Iām gonna-ā you cry out, back arching as you grip her thighs quickly, feeling your own shake as your orgasm begins washing over you.
Ellie catches it right before it happens, the girl quickly sitting up and wrapping her arms around your body, pressing your chest against hers as she pulls you down to kiss her passionately, her own orgasm washing over her like a fucking train.
Your bodies are so in tune, so in sync that your moans almost mix to create a symphony that can only be described as love, total and unconditional love as her arms keep you close, as if stopping you from running away from her, from the feeling she gives you. Her lips are working against yours as you breath hard, struggling to catch your breath in the sloppy kiss.
Youāre a whining mess, your poor pussy far too sensitive to deal with the amount of pleasure that Ellie brought to you, all of it washing over you like an intense sea of euphoria, nearly drowning you as you held onto the girl with weak hands.
She knows youāre weak, because sheās pulling you down to rest your warm body against her cool sheets, all while keeping her cool body pressed against yours to bring you back down to earth with her.
āThatās it babyā¦I knowā¦.did so good for meā¦ā she sighs softly as she leaves gentle kisses against your cheeks and eyes, watching as the aftermath of your orgasm slowly pulls you to the depths of sleep, all of it too much on your body.
āMy beautiful girlā¦my girlā¦my girlā¦ā she hums out, almost like a song as she watches you cling to her in your sleep, soft hums and huffs leaving your lips, all of which makes Ellie smile adoringly at you as she holds you while you sleep.
And even while youāre settling into one of the deepest sleeps youāve ever experienced, you donāt miss the soft kisses against your lips and cheeks, all paired with the constant, non stop praises from Ellie.
You especially donāt miss the way she leans in settles against the pillow next to you, mumbling the softest, sweetest words to you as her hands caressing your naked body.
āI love you, pretty girl..ā
#ellie williams smut#ellie williams#ellie williams x y/n#ellie williams x you#ellie tlou#ellie williams x female reader#ellie x y/n#ellie the last of us#ellie x you
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