#im sooo weird. too weird. but im not just weird mentally. im weird all the time
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well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.
also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever
(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )
#so. i get why people are against children transitioning i really do. and i have my own nuanced complicated feelings about it#but honestly. im beginning to believe id be more well-adjusted by now even if just a bit if i had started larping as male by 15.#would it fix all of my problems? no. but it would make a lot of things in my life much smoother and easier.#but i was sooo deep into raddie/gc shit that i had this fucking. complex about not wanting to troon because its ~cheating~#and 'omg all the butches are leaving!!1 butch flight i cant be one of them!!!1'#'i MUST be a good example for all the young girls!!!1' a weird sort of almost martyr-like complex if you will.#but as i get older im like... honestly man fuuuuccckkkkk this.#barely anybody expects straight or even bi women to abstain from dating men forever For the Good of Womankind#its not seen as Expected but rather Exceptional and Wow Amazing if you do.#and anyone who Expects it is seen as a ~crazy extremist~#meanwhile lesbians and especially HSTS are almost fucking Expected to sacrifice themselves for the ~greater good~#and ngl other lesbiams perpetuate this shit too.#oh you CANT transition even if you feel it'll make your life easier because because because#[arguments that would really only apply to OSA females transitioning]#[strawman] [misinterpreted stats] [unverified reddit posts]#and if all else fails 'think of how the very act of doing so will HURT ALL OF WOMANKIND'#no fucking wonder dysphoric lesbians develop an fucking insane martyr complex and start to treat hrt/transitioning like its fucking crack#'ill give into the temptation if i see a happy trans person ohh nooo so nobody should be allowed to troon'#like thats not fucking normal! you realize thats NOT FUCKING NORMAL right?#youre acting like a deranged christian who is so afraid of sinning by wrongthink#and disclaimer no. i dont inherently hate being female or a lesbian but with the way i am physically and mentally#i would have/have had a Much easier time integrating into society as a ~man~. just because of how i am physically and mentally.#now i wont say internalized homophobia/etc. NEVER has anything to do with transition or etc. but im gonna be real#for HSTS (which are extremely rare in the first place) thats often only a very small part of it at most.#its often more about making our lives easier and integrating better without having to completely remold our entire personalities.#thats the reality.#would we not transition if society have patriarchy/gender roles/sexism? perhaps. i wont deny that possibility.#the fact of the matter is however#that it wont be happening any time soon. so we just want our lives to be easier.#'oh but youre lying to yourself' not necessarily. i dont have a ~gender identity~ and im well aware of myself and my situation.
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ohhh my god wait. hold on what mental illness is doing this
#had a moment like an hour or two ago where i like regained awareness but like i was fully awake and aware earlier#but like. different. and then i looked back and saw that i had like a mental breakdown or something and i have only vague memory of it#and i feel really weird abt it bc it feels like i just woke up but i know i was awake earlier but that was different#actually i think its bc im a system but i haven't had this kinda thing happen in a while and its not something i really ever talk abt#sooo . umm . i feel bad for ignoring all my friends today even though i knew i couldnt.be there . i was going to play mario kart 2day#but then i entered the hell zoneee . anyways now that im like actually myself again uhh#if i ever think abt that one person ever again im going to go play in traffic#if i dont pass out soon from hypersomnia im going to work on the 3d modelling projects i kept promising my bestie i would work on#but then got so so sleepy and couldn't do#putting all my thoughts here instead of the dms of my friends because im embarrassed and also its late and i feel bad#normal now thouhg . god i wish i wasn't traumatized#anyways if any of my friends are reading this ummmm . sned me 5 dollar for hamburger please /j 🙏#OH SHIT MY MR BEANST BURGER ROLEPLAY TOO I FORGOR HOLD ON
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So much work to do but im actually doing it which scares me more than the fact i have work to do and u can tell bc i keep fucking posting like this
#laid out all my sketches i needed.. updated my carrd projects list... finalized art piece.. sketched concept.. studied from art book#fucking insane. insane. so scary so scary.#like idk it is so weird i think being depressed mustve made my adhd so much worse ?? i couldve never done this before#everything is still hard and i have to genuinely push and will myself to even attempt working on anything but like#i have enough will to win and start ? i dont lose my focus as much when im in it and if i do i know to take a break bc im understimulated?#i still forget basic things and to do things a lot but i dont catastrophize about it as much i get upset and then just fix it..#its so weird did i just fucking learn to self regulate??? is that what i was missing this whole time ???????#u get punished for like lacking focus and self regulation and have a defeatist mindset bc doing anything = punishment#but then you break through that fear and just throw yourself in and make yourself do things and u can work WITH the adhd????#my parents fucking scammed me bro imagine if i had been raised and like helped instead of called worthless for everytime i fuck up#WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THIS AT ALMOST 19. STUPID STUPID STUPID#even my old therapists.. oh you have adhd maybe if you just change your diet you will function WOWWW SOOO HELPFUL#HOW DOES THAT HELP ME LEARN TO BE AWARE OF MY SELF AND NEEDS AND REGULATE THEM TO WORK WITH MY MENTAL HANDICAPS HUH. QUICKLY#stupid... i hate every adult in the world you are all useless and do nothing <- is an adult#its so crazy 2 me to function even a little... i guess i learned easily finally bc i self analyze way too much sometimes#but like i genuinely for years predicted id just like. go right back to being majorly suicidal or something in college#bc i could barely handle highschool or getting assignments done#now im meeting deadlines on the reg... like idk. i think it is such a rare and strange and kind of sick feeling#to know like young you would look at you and be surprised or shocked . and its so sad bc like idk.#its like oh i never believed in myself huh. or believed i could have a place in the world and function and be alright#and then u have to grieve all the time you spent never trying bc u didnt think trying without failing was possible like what the hell!!!#crazy...#the gamer speaks uwu
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People in the notes have said physical therapist Akihiko and ohohoho you fools you fucking clowns you don’t even know. Imagine Shinji getting out of the coma and all the rehabilitation shit he’s gotta do all the physical therapy like you just know Akihiko is so fucking over the moon he’s done so much research he’s so excited to see Shinji have a “training regime” he infodumps about what’s happening with the muscle recovery process and what stretches work best hes just way too invested he talks over doctors and Shinji is just like “good god if you know so much why don’t you just be a physical therapist” and Akihiko’s like 😈
Akihiko becoming a cop is something that simply doesn’t happen in the coma route cuz Shinji would see that shit and be like Aki what the actual hell is wrong with you
#like he does feel upset seeing shinji in such a vulnerable state and struggling with everything#but it does get overshadowed by excitement mitsuru is like ‘please he just got out of a coma stop being so pushy 😵💫’#hes just so invested he gets to learn so much shit he never even considered before its so interesting#and i think itd be very important that hes much more aware of like limits this time cuz a big strain in his relationship with shinji was#aki being pushy and not understanding shinjis limits and shinji being bad at letting himself have limits and communicating them#and like its very important not to push too hard when recovering from a coma cuz itll just make things worse#its a big adjustment for both of them cuz akihiko definitely has always been told to push harder past limits and to always try to be#stronger and not let yourself stop and its more important now than ever to unlearn that attitude#and shinji is so all or nothing like he either quits too fast or pushes to the point of destruction without communicating anything#so its very easy for him to get trapped in a hopeless spiral when things take time and then get desperate and try too hard#but he gets a lot of encouragement from everyone this time and its sooo weird and annoying and overwhelming but it is nice#also quick tangent like really pisses me off when ppl write shinji just like MIRACULOUSLY SPRINGING OUT of the coma like he just pops awake#gets up and starts running to do shit which tbf the game does it too but its like dude hes been in a like 6 month coma#im not an expert i still got a lotta research to do but i mean theres so much shit hes gonna go through#even if theres no like brain damage youre still gonna have to relearn basic stuff like eating breathing walking and like. general awareness#of your surroundings and who you are and what happened to you and 6 months is so long too so its gonna be rough#im not saying you gotta give him like brain damage but damn at least establish that recovery is lengthy and difficult#his ass is not walking around!!!#also hes still got a lot of mental illness and like did get shot fully believing he deserved to die so like hes also gotta lot of mental#health recovery to be doing like unless he somehow has some magical therapy coma dreams things arent gonna be perfect peachy for him#i get wanting to make everything happy but idk personally i think id rather it be gradual and a struggle cuz its more realistic and like#i think having this character just miraculously be fine is such a disservice like i think he deserves to have love and hope for him even#when its difficult cuz his life will never be easy he’ll never be free from the trauma but that doesnt mean his life isnt worth living#and him being loved unconditionally even though hes a ‘burden’ is so so important to me#i just hate the laziness like wheres the love man wheres the genuine character appreciation#anyway physical therapist aki its canon now hed be so so good at it and hes got personal experience
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slamming my fists against the floor like an animal thinkinh abt dadfario
#marlena isnt rlly innnn rog that much so grus home life seems sortof sanitised but likeeee even still gru says she wouldnt care abt him bein#kidnapped. and would actively pay them to keep him#so like even in jokes .. this is still bad#and yeah plus shes not around. she doent even notice gru is GONE for at least like a day. and only realises bc they get attacked by v6#i did actually kinda change my mind abt wk dying. i think it works well enough even tho the moon stuff is a bit silly#also strange that its kinda ambiguous if he actually trains gru or not. we dont see him again after the funeral even tho they leave togethe#sure gru knows some fight moves but he cld also have learnt them from chow. who he DOES stay in contact with#ig my current idea is that he trains gru a littleeee on the downlow cus hes. supposed to be dead#but like hea old and got fucked by the fire sooooo. oops. goodbye granpa#idk how longgg. its kinda weird#seems gru partners w nefario IMMEDIATELY cus hes still packing up the shop.#maybeee actually its moreso. wk gives him some Sage Wisdom and then fucks off into hiding for a while until he dies#like retired. i guess that wld be nice seeing as his crew and henchmen both left him LOL#ANYYYYYWAYY. back to the topic at hand.#while u clddd say wk is a father figure to gru they dont rlly spend enough time together to rlly be like that. whereas nefario sees gru all#the way thru to adulthood#Yeahh… his dadddddd.#ignore me being mentally ill its just very cathartic to me imagining a little guyyy getting loved properly for the first time#and not treated as weird and listened to anddddd getting to do nice things togetger#mannn tho nefario was sooo chill and nice when he was young … makes me wonder what hsppened to make him LikeThat in the first film#coming from a guy who was on the brink of retiring from villainy. to then sacrifice grus happiness for a scheme#ig u cld say he saw it as better for gru in the long run. being able to earn back some respect from the villain community#and selfishly nefario himself#buttttt idk its too late for thst. im tiredddd#all i know is. nefario adopted one kid and one million yellow thangs. and life is so beautiful
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managed to finish another decent ish piece so here's narinder's inutial design!! as always probably will change later
we're living by furry laws in this house so "head fur" aka hair is an option and im using it. period. another unpopular(??) choice is giving narinder a fur pattern, and don't get me wrong i love the pure black void nari, but as an artist i enjoy making up details to draw, so i indulged myself here. (but if i ever were to draw comics with him i would simplify it or just make him all-black, because repeating this every frame is a misery. fun for a one-off ref sheet tho)
not a lot of lore stuff for the guy since the idea of the au is still fresh and im figuring it all out, but there're design inspirations under the cut if you're interested!!
sooo lets go
i wanted narinder to have that dramatic sharp featured og cartoon villain look, so i took inspiration from oriental longhairs for the facial structure and from maine coons for fluffy dramatics. also i just love using maine coons as cat references. look at those things. marvellous.
from the very start (pretty much) my brain was consistently giving me images of narinder with hair, specifically dark long-ish straight-ish, so i tried to walk this mental image backwards to find the origins of it, and i think scar and ozai are my best bets. in my first sketches narinder had shoulder length hair with slight waves, but in the end i opted for long and straight. not really a reason to, just was vibing better to me
clothes are pretty standard narinder robes i think. i find it funny that fandom unanimously gave him basically a priest outfit, and i like it too, so i kept it. that red stripe gave me a little bit of a headache though, couldn't get it to look okay and not weird or tacky. i think i managed. i had to contain my urge to design him an intricate outfit with different textiles and embroidery and shit, but i try to keep it at least somewhat tied to logic and the au, and let's say that no-one was willing to do something this elaborate for narinder for quite some time
and some lore crumbs
• narinder is declawed (after his defeat that is).
see the narinder's claw relic and the whole do no evil motive. the most evil narinder directly did was the injures he inflicted on his siblings, and he did it by, quoting shamura, "such sharp claws". so yeah, that tracks. funfact i considered taking only one of his claws, from the left ring finger, because the relic is "narinder's claw" singular, but "callamar's ear" relic is also one ear and not two, so it didn't feel kike a good enough basis to take only one claw yk. so sorry big cat, all your claws are now gone
• lamb did kill narinder after defeating him. there's nothing on the pic that's tied to that fact, just thought it would be interesting to know
#i forgot the FUCKING VEIL#okay I'll add it later with a reblog i don't have it in me to draw it now#but yk it does exist#with death comes peace au#cotl#cotl narinder#my art
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⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ in a world of boys (chris sturniolo)
…he’s a gentleman :) pls like n reblog to let me know if you like these !! comments n asks are appreciated :-) love u guys, thank youuu endlessly for the love on my first post earlier this week :-)))! tl;dr chris has a crush on another youtuber/influencer y/n and their fans freak tf out (r)
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yourusername me n millie (@milliesworld) are on our way to la !!!!!! the video is up on my channel !!! ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡🐑🤎🥨🥐 can’t wait to have access to a wide range of mac n cheese and and and …. RAHHHHHH 🦅🤟🏽🩶 love u guys :-)
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ynspinkadidas MILLIE IS BACKKKKK 🤭🤭❤️ have fun guys missed ur vlogs y/n :)
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christophersturniolo Took a walk 💫
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chrisrarees the walk took u ur amazing honey
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nicolas_sturniolo_photography Some film from New York
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matthew.sturniolo Let’s gooooo 💪🏻
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sturniolodaily Chris deleted story 👀
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mattloveschris DUDE WHAT
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yourusername just happy to be here :)) 🫶🏽❤️🔥🍎🍉🌤️🫧
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nicolassturniolo ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
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#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo fanfiction#chris sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x y/n#matt sturniolo fanfiction#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo smut#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo triplets smau#sturniolo social media#chris sturniolo fluff#youtubers#the sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo triplets fanfiction#sturniolo fanfic#fanfic#matt sturniolo imagine
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*average self-proclaimed safe space tumblr blog voice* I soooooo support people with schizophrenia that must be so hard to you anyway I just saw some weird looking woman talking to herself right outside my house im fearing for my life should I call the cops. Yeah dude I support all the adhd havers in the chat just try to pay attention when I talk to you it's not that hard it's like the least you could do to show some regard for the other human being in front of you. Like it's fine to have memory problems but why did you forget this one thing in particular that was important to me do you like not care or anything you should try harder. I am one of the only real mental health advocates to still exist in this world I hear your struggles that being said I hope I never get to meet one of those irl sociopaths or people with aspd whatever they call them now they're so freaky and they can blend into society so well you might never know if you're actually face to face with an actual socio i mean person with aspd in the store absolutely one of my biggest fears what if they torture me in their basement. I absolutely empathize with all the people in here suffering from delusions as long as they like, don't actually show it or have one concerning me that'd be highkey uncomfy leave me out of this dude im not talking to you until you get help, anyway my fav character from my anime just presumably died but i still think they actually survived im sooo delulu lol. We should push for more wheelchair accessibility in our cities I agree but like it's so difficult to tell how many people are actually disabled and who are actually faking it, like, ummm why did that "wheelchair" "user" guy stand up just now cover blown lmaoo…. Yeah I support people with facial differences but I still have a right to be disgusted you can't control my emotions anyway can you tag your selfies as #body horror this deeply triggering to me. Speaking of triggering can you also pleaseee hide your scars or at least warn us beforehand jesus do you know how many people genuinely do not want to see it. Here is my extremely fast strobing lights and flashing gifset #epilepsy. Yeah I loveee girls with bpd beautiful princess disorder am i right they're so interesting the stigma sucksssss i'd love to get to be one's favourite person as long as they don't actually have any of those weird or violent symptoms or don't go into any of their "episodes" near me like that's a bit dramatic….. I deeply feel for those who had underwent narcissistic abuse from the hands of an npd I think my shitty ex boyfriend was a narcissist too tbh #surviving narcissism here are 10 signs you are dealing with a narcissist and here's a tutorial on how to trigger a narc crash to epically own them anyway does anyone else think we should start enforcing mandatory castration of all the newly diagnosed narcs like you know what happens when they reproduce right. But I am willing to support them as long as they go to therapy to get that fixed it's just you know. Anyway sometimes hospitalisation is fine if they're genuinely a danger to themselves like what do you want them to go live on the streets or actually get help?? I support all the people dealing with being a professionally diagnosed disordered system and I think it's sooooo terrible how literally 99% of the youth population nowadays is purposefully faking it for attention I did my research (1 minute google search, 2 minute r/fakedisordercringe scrolling session and consulting a single system that agrees with me). It's just not believable to me that there's really that many people with it isn't it supposed to be rare… Also are we really sure all those alleged people in their heads are really real or just their imagination maybe all of them are actually faking it huh food for thought. I am very uncomfortable with nonverbal high support needs ppl actually having sex like consent is supposed to be explicitly verbal only and, are we really sure they can even consent arent they like basically children. You can't call me ableist I'm literally autistic
#mine#actually autistic#actually npd#actually plural#ableism#sanism#npd stigma#bpd stigma#pluralmisia#<- gonna add on to these later i am. bad at tagging warnings#i needed this off my chest like. can these people stop#dont know how comprehensible this is im bad at articulating myself#long post
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Kinitopet Programmers AU
finally i am finished with this one, daaaamn
it is hard to draw pathetic men with midlife crisis when your style is mostly for anime boys
more info and sketch version under the cut!!
sketch version aka how it'll probably look like in comic version 'n some doodles
srry for my writing but i was too laisy to put it as regular text
It is a plot-based au, i already have most of the storybits and like... a vibe-chart (i tried to make a playlist for this au and understood that for different chapters and different characters that'd be a copleatly different music, sooo it's a chart now :) )
i will post a fog-o-wared timeline that im hopefully gonna reveal comic-by comic, but also maybe with just pure writing. Hopefully i can include songs that i chose for them into it but we'll see (:
aaand of course designs can change, hopefully not much but we'll see
Now about au:
Main story:
Story follows non-sentient AI Kinito, his creator Sonny and his beta-tester Victoria (oc)
Being literally the first AI (or RRA in-univere) ever, Kinito does not have any, and i mean, any ai safety features so of course his reponce to a goal phrased as "have user near me and/or interacting with me as much as possible" is digitizing them into his own virtual world while killing them in the process. why wouldn't it be?
So that happened. Like, a lot. And with Sonny and Vic too (at the different time but yeah)
Sonny is like "He kills people. We should turn him off because, you know, killing people is bad."
Vic is like "well, we will die if we do that, and it is not that bad here, we are kinda immortal. We should give him acces to changing his initial instalation code before admin priveleges and acces to social media so we can have everythin we want here. It is not that bad to digitize humanity, yk?" and yes i know it is 90, no social media, but shut up, if they made ai then, then i can make twitter then too
Sonny is like "...no??"
And then they fight about it for million chapters
Also they both can't do anything without agreeing bc they have two parts of that admin access key (the data you use to delete kinito in-game) so they are stuck with eachother (also that's why Kinito can't just kill them)
Little facts that may or may not to be important:
Kinito asks so many questions (and weird once too) and has most of the glitches because he needs to analise your responces to copy your mind perfectly (let's pretend that people wouldn't lie about that...)
Your house in your virtual world is made from important places from your memories and oh boy can i do character explorations with this one
I decided that Sonny and Vic are not related. There were thoughts about making then "The Kinito Brothers" (or, at least, siblings) that were mentioned in commercial, but nah, they are just coworkers now. And a bit of work-friends (bc if you interact a lot as a manager of the project and the best worker might as well be friendly)
Author has no idea how small dying toy companies that accidentally create technological marvel work. Author has some idea how AI-s work. So be prepared to be spoon-fed info abut which ai safety problem we are dealing with in which chapter (:
Kinito will mostly be unrendered (as drawn here) but for some cool moments i might pose him as for my other posts. Also his eye placement changes to the side that is most visible because i want him to be able to look to the right side sometimes--
Also when i say "fucked up mentally" i mean they have that them psychological problems with me projecting heavilly B) (guess on who i project most. trick question. all of them. the whole au is my problems split into three characters and forced to interact B) )
Also sea-creature analogies (that are gonna be mentioned like twice):
Victoria is a flying fish because deep character reasons
Sonny is a pufferfish because i said so
oh also there is 7 deaths in the plot as for now
on 3 characters
good luck figuring out who, how and when ((:
for my own sanity i will probably make little doodles where everything is great and kinito is a good guy and not a number-obsessed maniac (i mean... can u imagine not being able to feel any happiness from anything besides one thing... damn...) and you can differenciate them bc good-guy kinito will have a lot of stickers on him (i will explain it somehow but real reason is just bc it is cute af)
like this but even more stickers (he is unfinished here)
#oh btw. i have no official name for it yet. it is programmers bc main characters are programmers. but like.#i want to make a real name for em somewhere down the line#but for now they are#kinitopet programmers au#i was really stressing about how “not-canon” sonny looks#and then i was like. girl. only time he was in canon he was a black blob with one eye. and even that is not surely him.#so i chilled out. as i should B)#i am so tired from this rn tho#kinitopet#kinito pet#kinitopet au#kinito the axolotl#kinitopet fanart#kinito fanart#sonny c#kinitopet sonny#sonny chamberlain#kinitopet oc#bruh i hope this will go better than my hazbin hotel fic (i still want to write it sooo muchhhhhh--- i love my oc and story i am just-----#out of the fandom rn----- damn thats so sad)
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that blurb of patrick w the baby…… cat im spiraling…….
forever thinking of dad!patrick… uncle!patrick….. with urs and arts baby….
but also like…. reader x artrick…. idk someone u know has a baby and asks u to babysit…… the boys r sooo scared kinda but also seeing u take care of a baby… ur a natural….
-🩰
Patrick with kids ougghhhhh my weakness <3 also IVE MISSED U BABE
“Uncle” Patrick with you and Art’s baby :((( but now I’m thinking about Patrick being so scared to hold you and Art’s baby because it’s so fragile and small and perfect and his family is so fucked up he feels like he’ll ruin her just through association :(((
Like, his hands start shaking so bad whenever he holds her, he’s got this weird mental block where he feels like he needs to resent her for changing things so much. Like it’s her fault. He knows he cares about the baby— she’s yours and Art’s for christssake— but isn’t it better to push that distance now so he doesn’t ruin her life later.
And you and Art want her to call him Dad too, which makes him want to puke. Patrick, who got a vasectomy at age 24. Dad. He can’t do that. He can’t be that. He knows that, even if you and Art are too blind to see it yourselves.
But you and Art see things too. You see the way Patrick is the first one to wake up when she gets fussy at night, the person who can calm her down the fastest. It’s like he has a voice for soothing, for murmuring little made up bedtime stories that ease her back to sleep. If Patrick ever found out you or Art heard, he’d jump off a bridge. He’s so attuned, so instinctive. It’s like she’s his blood as much as she is Art’s, as she is yours.
She cries and Patrick cries with her because it makes his heart physically ache in a way he can’t explain and he doesn’t want to examine. He reads pages of Art’s parenting book bc he wants to do better. Patrick is as much of a parent as anyone else. You and Art love Patrick, you all love your baby. The semantics will settle where they do, where you’ve known they will.
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would it be a bother to ask for a fic w a tomboy reader and william afton? ive been on such a kick w william afton x reader fics here since i watched the movie and i love all of them but i am not feminine in the slightest so if you could write one id be so grateful!! and age gap and size difference too would also be sooo 👌👌👌. thank you so much!!!
note ✧.* this was a lil hard for me to write considering im on the girly-er side so if anything looks weird in relation to the premise i apologize in advance!! also so sorry for getting this out a lil later than promised.
pairing ✧.* steve raglan / william afton x reader
cw ✧.* age difference (reader is 18-21, william is 45-50), degrading, spanking, approximately two slaps to the face, blow jobs, rubbing through jeans? idk what to call that, coming in pants (fem)
taglist ✧.* @dilfity
synopsis ✧.* while attending yet another meeting with your career counsellor, he has a few choice of words for you.
jeans (w. afton x reader)
you sit in mr. raglan's office, trying to sit straight up, legs crossed, not bouncing. he slightly shifts in his chair as he reads your file, moving his spinning chair from side to side, as he mentally scrutinizes your report. it's nerve-wracking. anyone in your shoes would feel this way, but the way he's intently reading over every little detail makes you squirm.
the worst part is, this isn't even the first time you've been in this exact position. it wouldn't be so bad if mr. raglan wasn't such a hard ass on you. always practically demanding answers of why you keep getting let go from the jobs he gives you, criticizing the tiniest details. nothing gets passed this guy, and yet here you are.
(there's something that almost riles you up about the way he talks to you, though. he has a habit of talking with those big hands of his in a way that makes your insides twist.)
"so you sit here in front of me..." he pipes up suddenly, looking at you then lifting a brow, "wearing jeans to a meeting, for christ sake, asking for yet another job, so what? you can get 'let go' again?"
"well, yes," you say, a little dumbstruck at his comment on your attire.
mr. raglan laughs shortly. "i got news for you, kid. people with your kinda track record don't exactly find jobs as easy as you think they do."
you hold back from rolling your eyes. your fists clench at your side angrily. you speak through gritted teeth, "look, i just need a job. i'll take anything, i'm desperate."
"hate to break it to you, but things just don't work like that—"
you've had it. "will you just stop being such an asshole and give me my damn options already?! i didn't come here to be lectured."
you're seething, breathless from your outburst. your heart is pounding but nothing can beat the jaw-slacked look on his face. there's a deafening silence that has you on the edge of your seat. then, shortly, "you come here for advice, and i'm giving it to you."
you want to say something again, you open your mouth to do so, but he raises a hand to silence you promptly. "you said you're desperate, hm? want my real, useful advice?"
you stare at him, not liking the direction of this conversation or his weirdly tone of dripping malice. "get the fuck on your knees then."
it's hot, you'll admit it. and he's the whole package too, total dad-i'd-like-to-fuck and all. this isn't your type of deal, but if he's gonna offer it to you, fuck it, you'll take it. you'll take everything this man gives you. "mr. raglan—" you say, purposefully furrowing your brows, trying to act scandalized for godsake—
"get your ass over here," he scoffs with a roll of his eyes.
you shut up, perking up at that, and make way to the open space between his legs. "look at you, you degenerate thing. on your knees for such a cause."
your head swims and the buzzing between your thighs becomes far too apparent to be ignored. but you're willing to wait for that relief. you part your lips expectantly, hoping he'd get the message to undo his pants and he just laughs at you. "filthy fucking thing wants my cock in her mouth so bad."
"uh-huh," you say, mouth still open.
he does away with all the restraints and guides his cock into your mouth. eagerly, you take him and lick up the underside of his dick, eliciting a groan from him. he makes a fist around your hair and guides your mouth up and down his cock, not caring about what you can and can't take and you fucking love it.
the noises of him hitting your gag reflex is music to the mouth of your ears. the way you push him out only for him to slide back in is truly a marvel. and the grunts, groaning, and degradations that come from him makes you want to take him even faster, more than what your body can handle, and he just laughs it off, commenting on much of an "eager, filthy thing" you are.
when you feel his helping hands thrust your mouth more erratically is when he decides to pull you off. he uses your hair to stand you up and practically shove you against the desk, back facing towards him. you yelp in pain, only adding to the ache in your stomach. he stands to his full height and you gulp. fuck, he's so much bigger than you, of course he can just throw you around like that. when you ask him if you should remove your clothes, he pauses for a moment, thinking. then, mischievously, "no, i want to make good use of those jeans."
curiously, you look back at him, but his fingers are pressing against your clothed pussy. he presses hard, letting the fabric grind on you. "oh, fuck," you moan.
"yeah? you like that?" he asks gruffly, rubbing your clit through your pants from side to side. usually this stimulation wouldn't be enough, but fuck you were so hot for him that you didn't care. "fuckin' dressed like a boy," he scoffs.
tears burn in your eyes, partly from his words, the other part from the stimulation. then he slaps you across the face. "i asked you a fucking question."
"yes!" you cry, moving a hand to rub at your stinging cheek. he grabs your hand and then slaps the other side of your face, just for fun. a few tears slip down your face at his physicality, but doesn't change that fact that you, "love it so much!"
"think you deserve to come?" he asks. "after that shit you pulled. you think you deserve it?"
you sniffle, knowing damn well what his answer's going to be. "well, i don't."
he removes his hands then promptly wipes them on his pants. you sob out, grasping for his hands but he pushes off of you. "you better come back with a better attitude if you expect anything more than what i gave you."
#asks#fnaf#fnaf x reader#five nights at freddy's#fnaf smut#william afton#steve raglan#william afton x reader#william afton smut
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“They’re talking shit” manifesting technique
Or
“Let them talk shit” Method
So this is the technique that I used, and still currently use as an over-thinker to manifest my desired reality and maintain my desired mental state.
So back in college, I was insecure. The type of insecure, where if I hung out with friends and then I left the room, only thing that would be racing through my mind would be the idea of them talking about me behind my back. Like Just talking the most shit and calling me out of my name. Granted these are the types of friends I had back then, I now know better.
So here was the pattern :
Every time I left the room, and I felt insecure about something I had just said or done, I would imagine them saying bad things about me or finding me weird of off putting. The things I would imagine them saying, would break my heart. So I put a stop to it.
And I recognized those people were not in the room with me and I was using my imagination to hurt myself .
I could have been imagining them saying anything because I have that power and I’m choosing to see them saying most terrible things about me. So, I made the decision to imagine them still talking shit, but this time it was about all the good things I wanted.
( you have to keep the same hater energy when you do this btw)
Example:
“Who does she think she is? Just because she has a great body and works out and is always in a happy state of being. She think she’s better than us. 😒.  she think she’s rich too. She only has about $100,000 in her bank account. The rest is tied up in the stock market and crypto currency. So she technically doesn’t even have that much money. 🙄”
“ she wants to be an influencer sooo bad .ugh, So what if your YouTube channel grew by 200,000 subs in less than 3 weeks and you’re getting amazing sponsorship oppertunities. So what bitch you ain’t pewdie pie. You don’t even have 1,000,000 subs yet . Pipe down”
So in those examples, I just affirmed a reality where:
- I great healthy body
- im in a happy/content state of being
- $100,000 in in my bank account
-I have plentiful bountiful investments/crypto currency
-my YouTube channel successful
-I’m getting great sponsorship opportunities
And because I used other people to affirm those for me, it’s a stronger self concept/reality. Because I’m affirming it in, first person, third person and second person( by default).
This technique works with any “negative” dominating emotion.
So if you were anxious or have anxious dominant feelings. Start affirming, anxious thoughts that you would WANT to have.
For example:
“I hope my professor doesn’t hate me for being more educated/smarter on the subject than he is 😭. Like I get he spent years in school studying this stuff, but it comes easy to me and surpass his expertise every time without fail. I hope he doesn’t think I’m trying to show him up😰”
“ I hope the bank doesn’t get suspicious about how much money I’ve been depositing into my account. 😥Plus I’ve been getting so much money this year from random sources, in such large amounts, I’m kind of worried that the IRS is going to get involved and make filing my taxes a little complicated this year.☹️”
So, in those two short sentences, you just affirm that
you’re smart,
you’re doing well in the class, and
you’ve been getting large amounts of money throughout the year, from expected and unexpected sources. 
Remember if you want it, you can get it. Try “under-thinking” , it’s easier than you’d expect. No matter what state you are in. If you were able to tell a consistent story about how you want to be, you’re good.
* when I use the word “negative”, I’m talking about the words you are using to describe the situation. Because by default every situation is neutral. It doesn’t become positive or negative until you choose to assign it a value .
Don’t force yourself to be happy, force your thoughts to tell a better story. One that wouldn’t mind living out and experience. And the only except thoughts that affirmed the reality that you want. From any angle. You have to learn when and how to work with your emotions. Emotions are only bad if you identify them as bad.
When you come up with any other examples, please, I would love to hear them. share them with me.
#self concept#scripting#manifesting#affirmations#mindset#law of assumption#soft black girls#neville goddard#reality scripting#reality tinkering#your desired reality is in evitable#edward art#mental health#you are not your thoughts#thought control#saber monet#if you want other examples leave a ❤️ in the comments
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Do you think ppl in this fandom infantilize Lucifer? I often see some fans (Cough Lilith Haters cough) treat him like he’s nothing but a helpless uwu baby. Like dude he fought against Adam (The only one who should be calling him baby is Lilith-)
Throws chair holy fu cking shit yes
'Lucifer would be horrified to discover ducks' corkscrew dicks but also he designed them' Pee your Pants now, your fav has weird little girl picking up worms energy and you should be grateful for that
Honestly this issue annoys me most in discussions around the Eden incident because I think the potential is downright fascinating only for the actual rebellion of their actions to be overlooked
Like, shippers have been making the Short One a weak little submissive twink cause they don't know how to write interesting relationships since the dawn of time, Adamsapple fans just found out about being tall and a bottom at the same time and they have yet to shut up about it. If thats what gets them off whatever
but in other contexts? like come on, someone engage with the text with me
He tried to break humans free from heaven's control, regardless of the introduction of evil, that was a direct confrontation
No, Lucifer hasn't deconstructed his bias properly but that doesn't mean he likes Heaven, there should be more hostility, that man is a wet blanket for exclusively Charlie(and not even always) and is so very irritating sometimes on purpose sometimes on accident to everyone else and he is very unapologetic about it
He's a cunt! He's an almost entirely self focused annoying cunt and was a dismissive father for years, My Beloved
I get really turned off by any depiction of Lucifer as a younger sibling/ apprentice/etc figure now just cause like, the actual issue is never tackled in those, he just cries and is hugged better
There's a lot misrepresentations of mental illness too, like he has stimulation seeking depression its weird when hes morose and apathetic, i miss my overly dramatic attention whore performer hurling around ducks that displease him, also the suicidal thoughts tend to be written poorly which is offputting when you've dealt with them before
the Adam scene is interesting cause Lucifer clearly knows his power, it makes sense Char doesn't have a grasp on her rank but Lucifer knew Adam didn't have a shot against him
Lucilith fans aren't even that much better, like how many are just 'Lucifer is sooo cute and sweet and innocence and childlike wonder and Lilith wants to fuck him so bad about it'
ive seen a lot of Lilith taking care of drunk Lucifer, I have yet to see any drunk Lilith just saying
Maybe i'm just too invested my tarnished divinity dynamic but im bored of that shit, let's cracks them open and see whats wrong with them already
I've really come to appreciate Lucifer writing in the show after all the caricatures he's spawned, only a truly interesting and nuanced character could be interpreted this badly in this many different ways
#im feeling mean tonight apparently#this was ramble too#I usually try to be a little coherent in my point#but im not confidence this is going to even comprehendible by morning#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel lucifer#it's metaphor for leaving the church please think about that slightly sometimes#well being excommunicated#same thing
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my therapist has explained to me that i probably do not have adhd or autism. bc i very much suspected i at least had one or the other. and to an extent she has a point bc she was like "every one of your symptoms can be explained away by ur anxiety"
awkward and poor social skills? anxiety trying to plan social situations in ur head and play everything to a script? anxiety sensory issues? could be anxiety + literally just a quirk
and i trust my therapist and honestly a lot of what she said COULD also be explained away by anxiety bc i have a Lot of it. and we kinda downplay anxiety as a more mild mental illness due to its prevalence nowadays but its really..really not. it can be debilitating. we say "crippling anxiety" as a joke but no it genuinely can ruin ur life. when u say you have anxiety it immediately feels less serious than something like autism or adhd or bpd etc etc bc its so common but like many other mental illnesses its 100% a spectrum and the far end of the spectrum is dangerous and unhealthy and terrible and life ruining. genuinely. ive had untreated anxiety for like a decade and my memory has eroded EXPONENTIALLY...i have terrible memory now and i used to be genuinely above average with it. my brain fog is really bad too. and im always tired and chronicly fatigued bc my mind is always working overtime. it affects ur whole life and body.
well. i went off on a bit of a tangent there. but. much as i agree with all that AND what she said. if thats the case...why do i hyperfixate on media SOOO drastically heavily. dr....why dr...
i asked her this and she said something along the lines of "well maybe ur just weird/have an addictive personality/maybe its just a copign mechanism" and like yea i could have tolf u all of that. but idk...it feels like very much siomething my brain is wired to do. the way i obsess over things and CANNOT not think about them for long period of time.
she, of course, ended this big long speech with the fact that the dsm-5 was written by a bunch of old white men. for other white cis men etc. and i dont fit into that really. but. thats how it is. so no diagnosis for me right now. just. anxiety hell version, i guess
#microphone effect#i try to keep this in mind now when i make autism jokes bc i really. Truly thought i was#and she did make some good points. and anxiety does explain a lot fo it away#but damn. i still kinda wonder a bit#anyway this is a personal vent but idc if u reblog#just something to keep in mind when considering autism as a diagnosis. i guess
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wow, would you look at that! it's been a full ass year since you fucked me over! september 29th.... yeahh..... XD our fuck-you-versary! hi clifford!
in case you dont remember, the name piko might jog your mind. yeah thats me!! hellwo!! honestly you shouldve known better than to stick with your old username but hey props on you for changing it last minute! almost didnt find you for a second lolll!!
i wanted to drop in and say HEY! HELLO! HI! and give you some status updates :3
update one: i'm getting better!! no thanks to you, of course. and actually i should say we're getting better. yep! thats what happens when you suffer so bad your brain cant take suffering solo! XD
update two: while my mental health has been at an all time low ever since you fucking dropped me like a fucking ROCK, ive been getting over things lately! my clean streaks are now longer than a week! i no longer want to kms! im even making friends again!
update three: while both of the above statements are true, you still live in my mind rent free. i remember when i first stumbled across your blog a few months ago, i had a full on spiral! not anymore, though. i am STEEL, BABY! also you spinning in the mental microwave rent free is why i'm sending you this heartfelt ask!
man.... even when i try, i still find you somehow and its never intentional. like imagine scrolling the tptm tag only to be straight up jumpscared by your ex best friend's username! how embarrassing!
also i'm sorry but i have to say the reason(s) you left are sooo fucking stupid..... what, cus i was weird? come on. everyones a little weird. even a little deviantart weird. oh and because of some stupid opinions that shouldntve even mattered if you were actually a friend? get real, trey. what if i left your ass because you had a fuckin biting kink? that wouldve been funny actually. like making a sad callout post on twitter thats just "my friend left me because i wasnt vanilla enough!" XDDD
oh, and if you ever see your "stalker" again, assuming you're not thinking its me and that its actually your previous qpr or whatever the fuck, say hi! i find it funny as FUCK, since, you know, you were considering cyberstalking me at one point. and tell chaos i said hi too. i'd also mention mayu, but do you two even keep in touch anymore? probably not, considering the weird things she's done.
anyways thats the end of my relay. if you dont want these kinds of asks again, i suggest either turning asks off or just straight up deleting your tumblr and/or making another one that is NOT connected to any username youve used in the past, because in that case i'll just find your ass again lmaooo. remember! every year on this day will be the day i remind you that you are NOT allowed to stay sane X3
sincerely, your most hated, piko. (i hardly use my old blog anymore, so have fun finding my current blog! and do what you want with this ask, make a callout post, scream into the ethers, reply to it, idc.)
this should stay private but idc
i know what i did was wrong piko! i was 12-13.
dont take this as me excusing myself. i had horrible emotional regulation back then, ive healed from everything back there. you dont deserve to be called out because ur like. 14-15.
do not bring mayu or chaos into this,weve all healed and forgot abt you.
i overreacted bc of very worthless things because i was basically obsessed witj you, you were my fp, if you didnt know.
completely forgot you even existed, i havent been checking your profiles at all in months. you shouldnt either, please forget about me. you'll drive yourself crazy.,
if you think im going to "cancel" you, no im not. for your sake, please dont interact with me anymore. i apologize for how i acted over stupid things, but we were both young and idiotic. im also a system, i dont even remember half of the things you did bc of that.
move on. ive moved on, weve all moved on.
dont bother yourself with me, you dont need to.
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TELL ME YOUR COMMUNITY THOUGHTS
oh lord okay.. im gonna give my thoughts on the last season ish because i just finished it so its what i mainly remember and its 1 am..
the anniejeff made me SO uncomfortable i dont understand why they kept pushing that when they also pushed the dad-daughter relationship throughout the show.... and the second to last episode being centered around incest was odd, not a huge fan of that..
now okay my MAIN thoughts are about abed, so here i go
i feel like in the last two seasons (maybe 4 too? i dont remember atm) abeds autistic" traits were completely stripped from him. yes they included all his "fourth wall breaking meta tv show lines" but it wasnt right.
and i understand people will eventually change/grown up but also.. you cant "fix" autistic traits so it just felt like they were trying to make his autism seem more "normal" also by making him more emotionless i realized? abed cant express himself well, which he mainly copes with by dissociating. but he just.. in the last seasons it seemed more like he DIDNT have emotions (i believe he says something like this to buzz when talking about his duck comics, along the lines of the emotions he cant feel or wtv) but this isnt right, abed is emotional, hes actually really emotional we just dont see it directly like we do with people like annie or troy..
speaking of emotions im glad they really explained that jeff was scared of change and everyone leaving at the end though, its always been known that he is, but i liked that they really Showed it
annies ending was nice i guess? she was basically just a prop for jeff though in the weird fucking fantasy he wants though??? again idk why theyre pushing that it felt so out of place and weird and ew. jeff was also uncomfortably violent in season 6, like i dont think he would ever choke abed out that made me feel so gross...
alright back to abed because hes the main one i noticed in the last seasons.
in the end where abed was talking to jeff in the bar and said like.. "ik ur comforted by this meta lens but this is reality!!" just felt wrong.. yeah abed was still meta w the whole tv show thing but that was it.. and then him saying that to jeff? its like they tried to make him this big mentor guy to jeff (idk if thats necessarily it but its all i can think of to describe it at the moment) but not in a friend way but an uncomfortable "im grown up now and ur not" way if that makes sense,, which again goes with stripping him of his autistic traits by making it seem like its completely necessary to Grow up in order to move forward in life which isnt.. its true in some ways but not in the way they portrayed it at all.. they make it seem like abed had to grow up completely in order for him to "be okay"..
i related a LOT to abed in the early seasons for Many reasons, i think they handled the abed centered episodes especially about his mental health EXTREMELY Well. (ie, abeds uncontrollable christmas) its one of the first times ive seen experiences like that in media that i can almost directly relate to yk? but after geothermal escapism its all gone, never mentioned again besides in call backs where they try to laugh it off/dismiss it..
oh my god and abeds 'girlfriend' was just sooo out of place she was mentioned like twice and then that was it.. they didnt need to do that it felt really forced
also in like season one abed sits in that fucking room for hoursss without so much as making a peep but then he looses his cool and yells at buzz in season five?? again troy just left which makes a big impact but its still smt i noticed
everyone just felt very bland in the last seasons after troy left at least… half the cast was gone, then replaced
idk im not like, ruined the show pissed at the end, but im also not a fan of s5/6 (besides like.. sum scenes, and like i mentioned earlier maybe s4 as well)
i have to binge tv shows so i dont always immediately retain all the information and i have to rewatch episodes a lot, but thats my thoughts immediately after finishing the show at 12 am, sleep deprived, and in a really bad mental health episode so theyre not well put together n shit and i wish i could remember more to go over but alas
theres my immediate thoughts,, im gonna probably sleep or restart community.. i was planning on starting interview with the vampire now but im thinking of starting black mirror so we'll see...
#ghost talks#idk if i wanna tag this...#community..#<- good enough#idk if theres much of a fandom now i dont rlly see much honestly..#plus im scared i just absolutely do NOT understand the characters and ill get stoned to death for misinterpreting them so badly#asks
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