#im so normal about my feelings constantly its amazing

[u5an5]

I know ultimate sacrifice is dying in fight for what matters the most and in 100% cases it was reversed by kissing headcanon is strong, but what if your existence was erased from the universe and only I remember about you now instead, huh?

[mrfoox]

I keep being annoying I know but it is so so soooooo amazing to have 90% good or decent days instead of 70% bad and 30% manageable days

I can't stop talking about it bc ive never known anything else. Of course I struggle to even take care of myself when my mind has been telling me to off myself or hurt myself or just bad shit about me

Who has energy to do anything when someone you can't get rid of keeps screaming at you you're worthless?

And now... I still have bad self image ofc, I still have my asd/add and the difficulties tied to that... But. My mind is in a different place. I can focus of the things I appreciate. I see the world so... Differently. The world hasn't changed but my eyes and views on it has

[ur-average-anime-kid]

Bakusquad Boys Crushing HCs! (Bakugo, Kirishima, Denki, Sero!)

Katsuki Bakugo

*He is the definition of he's being mean to you cause he likes you (which is not ok but yk what Im on abt) He LOVES to tease you its his favorite pastime

*He will follow you around he is always the leader and he finds no one else besides All Might and you that is someone he like so he loves to follow you but when you call him out on it he gets super mad

*He is not a blusher you will not be able to read his expression so when he confesses its a total shock

*He likes to spar with you, thats how he gets his feelings out so if you spar with him he is even more head over heals, I feel like if he is upset about something he won't say it until he's fighting then he will just scream it at you and expect you to keep fighting as if he said nothing

*He keeps tabs on you always he asks your friends where you are or he just follows you himself he has a very good memory so remembers most of the things you tell him

*He will share headphones with you but you better not tell a soul..

Erijiro Kirishima

*Being the manly man he is he is very gentleman like and super duper sweet to you (He opens doors, gives you his jacket, etc..)

*He is VERY protective he is worse with possessiveness than Bakugo is in my opinion because Bakugo thinks he's the best so no one can take your attention but Kirishima is very possessive and protective of you

*He is clingy similar to Bakugo he follows you begging for your attention he is the kind of guy who will like "Hey! watch my trick!" and do like a flip or kick into the pool then run to go see what you have to say (You better tell him he's amazing..)

*He is insecure as we know he's trying to gain more confidence in himself so he can get very needy so he always wants to be hanging out with you and he is kinda a compliment fisher but only form you <3

*He lets you dye his roots red or style is hair before school or anytime you want

*He is brain rot. you can't tell me other wise he will ask you if he's rizzing you up

Denki Kaminari

*He is a big flirt but the second you even wink in his direction or flirt back its all over he is blushing and stuttering

*He's like Kirishima he will do tricks or show you things so he can get your approval on his cool moves

*Hes the type of guy to try and lean against the door frame to look like sexy and mysterious then he misses and falls over. He's very clumsy around you and he will fall or trip over nothing when you enter the room

*He is constantly teased by Bakugo and Kirishima about his crush on you so its pretty obvious that he has a crush on you so its not as surprising when he confesses unlike Bakugo

*He is also a perv as we know so be prepared for his weird comments weather in ear shot or to Mineta but they are only towards you not the other girls so Mineta begins to question his feelings for you! Hes like the normal perv (if that a thing ;-; ) like he keeps his thoughts to his friends and he won't act on it

Hanta Sero

*I just know he's the quiet kid (Idk I just know yk) he is very shy around you until he gets comfortable with you

*He likes to make you little things out of tape as a little gift and he leaves them for you without telling you its him but you know its him but you won't tell him you know

*He is also a follower and he wants to go where you go he also invites you to hang out with him and his friends because it makes him feel less shy around you

*He is that one guy who leaves you notes along with his little tape animals thinking you don't know its him but it is obvious when he uses the nickname only he calls you as the opener

*He really likes compliments SO much he is a little insecure compared to his friends who he thinks are amazing at what they do so give him compliments

*You would probably be the one to confess first I feel like he would be teased for not asking you but when you do it for him its exactly what he wanted!

[byhuenii]

SATIVA

synopsis! pool party at the x mansion..is it getting hot in here or is it just you? (WC: idk..) pairing! logan ‘wolverine’ howlett x fem!reader warnings! usage of name instead of yn. reader has curly hair cause i said so. pul. not proofread LOLL. probably ooc.🧏‍♀️ a/n! IS IT HOT IN HERE OR IS IY JUST ME??? IM SO HIGH ON SMOKING ON THIS WEED

⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅

sun was out and so was that pool the school had been hiding away during the cold winters, sun was out so were the chairs where you could lay down near the pool for the rest day. the sun was nice it was pretty hot but it was nice compared to the cold harsh winters. ororo had been running around with a camera taking photos of everyone and everything. “how many pictures have you taken so far roro?” your elbows propped you upwards so you could see her

“so many, the memories of these will be amazing i mean look at them” she hustled her way over showing off the pictures. it had only been you ororo and jean outside watching the kids play in the pool. scott was with charles he said he would come later, logan he was still off and on about coming. “roro you should take a picture of us together” a smile exploded on the girls lips sitting down right next to you, “cheese!” she said before clicking the button on the camera

“we look so cute, i’ll definitely need to get all these printed out” ororo was just happy to be here. it was a real from all the madness and crazy things that had been happening in everyone’s lives lately

you smiled at the enthusiasm ororo gave off, you had blinked and she was already off to the other side taking pictures of the kids playing chicken fight. “ah jean! when is scott coming?” you asked the red head who had taken up the duty as life guard, “he said he was just going to talk to the professor but who knows” she shrugged, “what about logan? is he coming” jean wore a tiny smirk

the tone in her voice was a flirty but also witty you couldn’t help but laugh “he was off and on about this i wouldn’t be surprised if he isn’t coming” you wore your heart on your sleeve. your tone said you didn’t care but the body language and the way you constantly looked at the door you wanted him to come, he deserved it the most

jean looked at the pool and looked at you “you sure know how to summon people, your man is here” she gave you a slight nudge to the shoulder.

he had always been handsome and mysterious but right now he just had that energy to show why he was mister tall, dark, and mysterious. the white tank top he always wore somehow looked even more attractive in the sun. he had swim shorts on he came prepared. the way his muscles were practically glistening in the sun was unreal, “you’re drooling [nickname]” jean teased

you hadn’t even realized you were gawking, thank goodness for glasses so he couldn’t see where you were looking (putting on sunglasses so they don’t know what i’m looking at) “i’m not gawking!” you defended yourself when in fact you were gawking at him. “if you weren’t gawking you’d realize he’s coming closer to us” jean lipped her laughter patting your thigh

the way you composed yourself should be eligible for a world record, your mind was literally freaking out. you swore it wasn’t that hot did it get hotter? “logan you finally decided to join us” your words came out somewhat like a squeak much to your embarrassment .

“of course not bub. its not every day we get to see you in clothes that isn’t your suit and casual attire” he wore a smirk. his usual gruff still rested on his face, he smelled like alcohol but that was his normal smell at times

your face feels like it got sunburned why was it so hot, you looked away kinda flustered mouthing the words ‘help me’ to jean who pretended to ignore you looking at the kids,

“is that your way into trying to get into my pants howlett?” you rolled your eyes with a small smile on your lips, “did it work?”

you cleared your throat adjusting the sunglasses that rested on your nose, “maybe. maybe it did” logan had a quiet chuckle you almost missed. he had a bottle of chilled beer in his hand. “do you want to sit down?” you let the spot next to you

logan shook his head “it’s okay sweetheart, i’m sure you’ll need it more than i do” he was mocking you. he was definitely mocking you, that coy smile he had while drinking his beer.

“just say you two like each other” ororo came from behind taking a photo of the two of you, logan had been looking down at you with the coy smile beer to lips but his eyes were soft. they were always soft to you. your face was flushed so there wasn’t much need for him to see your eyes,

you stuck out your tongue to the white haird female who sat next to jean showing off the photos she had taken of you and logan, logan’s eyes wandered off to the pool

“you look like you’re ready to jump into the water” you had placed your sunglasses on top of your curls. eyes squinting to adjust to the light that suddenly blinded you, “nah. not my kinda thing” he shrugged placing his beer down on the mini table near your chair

“is the little kitty too afraid of water?” he mocked you so you teased him it was only fair, he looked at you with a raised eyebrow. “aren’t you one to talk, been sitting here like a princess”

“so a princess and her kitty that’s too afraid of water” you quipped

“oh yeah?”

“i knew you had animalistic tendencies but being afraid of water is—lo put me down.”

logan’s calloused hands scooped you up like the princess you truly are throwing him over your shoulder. your pleased fell dead to his ears. his arm was wrapped around your legs tightly so you wouldn’t be squirm and try to run off “what’d you say sweetheart i can’t hear you” he walked to the edge of the pool, “logan. don’t you dare” your plead became funnier to the man.“but wasn’t i supposed to be the one afraid of the water” he said with a low rumbled chuckle. “i’m sorry i’m sorry please” you were holding onto the man, he would never let you go you knew that “WAIT WAIT MY SUNGLASSES—LOGAN”

he had loosened up the grip he had on you jumping into the pool you didn’t even have time to throw your glasses on the floor. you had inhaled quiet some water, your eyes were closed shut when you had forcefully jumped into the water, you quickly resurfaced back to the top trying to catch your breathe, you had a little coughing fit with all the chlorine intake

your eyes opened up looking around you, the top of your head felt a empty as you felt it. your glasses weren’t there. you looked around to find logan with them on behind you. “fuck you” you snarled swimming over to him, his arms wrapped around your waist pulling you close to him. the white tank top logan wore clung to his body outlining his abs and defined chest

ororo was taking many photos, her toothy grin as wide “smile!” she said. logan’s hand had scooped you up bring him to his chest, his arm rested under your ass. “is it getting hotter here?” you mumbled looking at ororo with a flushed face from just being thrown in the pool and logan’s gesture. “all you bub”

“i like your sunglasses. look good on you” you scoffed wrapping your arms around his neck, “thanks stole them, i think i might keep them” you stuck out your tongue at his comment, your hands snaked their ways to his face fixing his wet hair. his hair tuffs were still there slightly,

“do you actually like me?” you didn’t mean for the words to just slip out but they did, what ororo said had crossed your mind until now. his gestures were different but in a way you found comfort in them. “i do bub i really do, just not trying to fuck this up” he put the sunglasses on his head, he wanted you to see his desperation he carried. “may i?” he asked leaning his head against yours

a smile graced your lips giving him a nod. a nod was all he needed his lips smashed onto yours. it was passionate yet sweet, you wore a smile that grew even bigger. the sound of a camera clicking caused you to pull away.

“finally. i was tired of you two not saying anything” ororo chuckled, logan rolled his eyes as you hid your face in his neck peppering it with small kisses.

all he knew was that he had finally had the girl he had wanted wrapped around his arms giving her kisses that she deserved. he was definitely taking you out on a date after this maybe he’ll get some help from ororo just so the date is perfect, oh and that photo too. he’ll need copies of each and single one them together.

⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅

a/n — idk what i did i just kept writing lol

[rzyraffek]

Slashers with y/n that just gets along with everything

Like slasher could litteraly kill somone near y/n and she would be like alr alr whats really important is that you are happy🤠😎. Im sorry that first 2character had super long headcanons while last ones have way less :( I had no ideas Request open!

Billy Lenz

He always expects some sort of negative response when he calls people and when he heard new voice on the Phone he got even more exited cuz new person new reaction! He totally didnt expect her to just go "yeah yeah sure buddy, anyways... how is your day man? Cuz im so so tired...*starts normal converstation*

He probably tries to stay in character but he is so caught of Guard he doesnt know how to react really (hehe the table has turn)

Now he kinda hopes that she will pick up cuz shes very intresting😈 billy likey

"Ew its this creep again! He is asking for you y/n? Of please dont tell me you befriended him??" "So what? He said hes favourite fruit is strawberry he cant be that bad!" *billy saying slurs on the phone*

You need to constantly tell him that, no Billy no harrasing women isnt sexy, you arent quirky, you are mentally ill

"Y/n i killed that bitch that was gossiping about you 🧍 " "👍good for you billy im glad you found healthy way to cope with that negative emotion😇" "on god"

His whole moral compass is created around the simple question 'does it hurt y/n?' .1:no it doesnt so feel free to do it .2 do not do it, she will ban Billy from sweets (bad ending)

The man from hush

This guy. This dude. This Little gremlin. He is upset that he gets no reaction! Like please oh please act all angy when he 'acidently' shot tire in her car! But oh no ofc no, she had to be like "oh its okay honey i have backup in garage🥰" hes like HHUH SINCE WHEN WE HAVE GARAGE

Like tbh thats how i imagine how they met: he saw her, he wanted to hunt her, she was so chill that she didnt even leave her household while the power was off and he went inside and just saw her having lil nap on couch. 🧍🤨erm exuse me gurl im trying to roleplay epic hunter here tf

He probably kidnaped her cuz she was too weird to just kill her but he didnt want to risk her calling police. He probably tied her up and yeeted her on backseats. And then she begun judging music on the radio"yo big guy can i get some good music taste?" "What? Whats wrong with Taylor Swift?"

He will overshare everything to kinda check where is her limit if it comes to being chill "yeah so i killed this old lady.." "im sure you had good reason🥰" "🤨... anyways... yeah so i was drinking some redbull when some guy said i look ugly so i shoot his head off and-" "HEY HEY hold up geez you CANT drink Energy drinks?? Bestie you know it is unhealthy?? Also you like hunt for sport it will ruin your condition!? How you gonna shoot people with shakey hands?? You crazy or something?" "Damn😔"

Micheal myers

I tried to put him here but i realised he will be as chill as her.

Like he can give her gifts covered in blood and she' just going to clean it and wear it like nothing happened or completley ignore it

He cares about this stuff as much as y/n so like not at all. I mean tbh theres is a bit of difrence: shes at least positive about it! Like "yeah micheal go for it, love🥰😇 i know its hard to cope with trauma take it all out alr?" Shes trying to be a good supporting gf not her fault she never had serial killer bf!

Brahms Heelshire

He lives for attention! What do you mean the war crime he commited this lunch break is okay!?!? Baby pleasee

But this negativity disapears the moment he realised he can get a lot of positive attention when he will do some nice stuff! "Oh honey I didnt kill any rats today" "oh that's amazing brahms I'm sure you and the rats inside walls will get along well soon🥰" (rats in walls bully brahms)

Please complement him or he will get a tantrum and destroy something

Brahms and rats have very hard past i might do seperate hc about that

Ghostface

"Look babe! My newest victim *shows photo*" "ugh baby...😰 you NEED to buy new camera or watch some youtube tutorials about how to take good photos" "aw man whats wrong with my pictures 😔"

Otherwise y/n supports his hobbies! People need to grow😇 (and he needs to grow up)

If theres 2ghostfaces(like in most movies) they will bet money on how long you gonna keep this 'do whatever as long as youre happy' act. Well they didnt know that this wasnt an act but her personality

Also they will probably try to use this chillnes aginst her like "oooh y/n something terrible happened! I crushed my car oh what will i do!" "Alr bestie i will drive you over there😇" "😈omg you are so nice i totally didnt expect that(heheh i dont need to pay for gas today (hes very evil))

[tae-rhymeswithslay]

TMNT: COLOR CODED Casey Jones

colorcoded au by @camilieroart

im so sorry, it doesn’t really look like him, but I tried 😭. I chose a skating pose, but it took me wayy too long to realize that none of the official drawings of Casey have him in skates, so i just followed those. I also tried to combine his normal clothes with his battle outfit bc i just couldn’t decide which one to draw him in

I literally have SO much to say about this Casey! this little rant is probably gonna go on for way too long lol (feel free not to read)

props to @camilieroart for writing this amazing au bc ive been obsessed ever since i saw it in passing on instagram.

Casey has always been my favorite tmnt character. Ever. Hands down. There was something about him that I just adored. As a kid and even now. That being said, finding a version of Casey that was so much like me was like an early Christmas. I was already sucked in to the AU since like, last year when I found it for the first time. But I only recently read through Casey’s backstory and found out that he was korean, which only made me double down on how much I loved his character in Colorcoded.

(I really hope this next part doesn’t come off as narcissistic, its really just me full of admiration for this character and AU)

It was incredible to see a version of my favorite character like EVER (not even joking) that looked a lot like me and came from a background a lot like mine. Beyond just his skin tone being dark and matching mine (which I think I commented about already) this Casey seriously feels like looking into a mirror of myself from a few years ago. Both visually and mentally. It’s refreshing to see Korean characters that aren’t reduced to the asian standards of beauty, but still look like their ethnicity, because we absolutely DO exist. From my darker skin color to even my wide nose shape which I share with this Casey, I was told constantly as a kid (by other koreans mind you) that I didn’t ‘look korean enough’. So it’s nice to see those features that made me so insecure growing up presented in someone I admired during that same period of time. Even Casey’s hair looks so much like the cut I had/was forced to get (lol) growing up, down to the M shaped bangs. Though I wasn’t allowed to grow out my hair like Casey has in the back, it was something I always wanted to do as a kid. I even got into ice skating BECAUSE of Casey, like, I adore him so so much.

Though I’m lucky enough to have a family much healthier than Casey’s, I still found myself relating a lot to him in terms of his Korean-American identity. Growing up, my parents wanted me to learn as much English as possible as opposed to Korean, but they switched mindsets when it came to my younger sister (Yeah! i’ve also got a younger sister too, and by just EXTREME coincidence, she also has a similar sounding name Hae-in 해인) so she speaks a lot more Korean than I do. I still struggle a little bit when speaking conversational Korean, even though it’s technically my ‘first’ language lol. My family even calls me by my english name and my sister by her Korean name. I’m not sharing my legal name online, but i’ve got the same deal as Casey where I’ve got an English legal name, but also an unofficial korean name which was REALLY surprising to read, because literally none of my korean friends have the same name situation. Beyond little nit-picky things (that don’t even count as mistakes, really) in his conversations with his sister, you got the Korean conversations down really well (like, the cadence and grammar and stuff, idk how to explain it, but it really sounds like a conversation i might’ve had with my little cousins, just translated)

TLDR: i absolutely ADORE this Casey and I see just SO much of myself in him. He is wonderfully written as a character and you nailed his korean-american identity to a T (according to me and my personal experiences at least)

SORRY FOR THE RANT

:)

[sugawarassoulmate]

okok im back with incel!kenma

whats even worse is if you really can’t tell if you’re a guy or a girl, the type of person that gives gender envy. if you have longer hair he just assumes your like him and can’t be bothered to cut it.

OKAY THIS THOUGHT JUST HIT ME MID TYPING! YOU’RE THE BITCH NERD!/LOSER!KURO CANT STOP TALKING ABOUT. THERES TWO MAYBE THREE WAYS HE CAN FIND OUT ITS YOU.

also ik this isn’t one of your hcs for kuro but nerd/loser!kuro x mean!goth!gf but maybe you’re not mean to him but everyone else, people even look at him the wrong way and you have them absolutely terrified. and during your face chats with him you never have your makeup or you daily clothes on. normally just bare faced and in something of kuros. surpising how he didn’t pick up kuros old nekoma jersey

number one: maybe kuro posts a picture of you on his story possibly at your pc playing with incel!kenma. or it could be one of the spicy mirror pictures you made him post because why the hell is the dumb bitch from class feeling up on your man for. maybe you even rant to kenma about this dumb bitch who can’t keep her hands to herself, and why the fuck is she touching a taken man. (okay i think incel!kenma is misogynistic but not homophobic because why the fuck would anyone want to deal with some needy whore constantly.) but that rant solidifies the thought that you are infact a guy maybe not one who hates women on the same level as he does but a man nonetheless. but once kuro posted that picture he figured it out and was disgusted.

number 2: kuro is at your house studying, so to keep your boredom at bay you hop online with kenma, it’s about two hours in when he hears a knock shuffling in the back ground followed by the sound of someone falling onto your bed when he asked about it your response is casual “oh its just my boyfriend.” and he doesn’t pick at it anymore. but then the mic catches a familiar voice in the background. “pretty girl when are you gonna be done, i want to take a nap with you” you give a hum in response to his question. “alright bro gotta leave after this round, so we have to win don’t wanna lose the last match of the day.” obviously you land up losing because kenma can’t get his pretty little head around the fact that he couldn’t tell you were some fucking bitch, you never told him either so that makes you a fucking liar (even tho he didn’t ask). when the game disconnects he’s seething.

number three: this is the worst option really kuro begs him to come hang out with him at his girlfriend, he swears up and down that she’s not the type of woman he’d hate. promises that they have a lot of the same interests. maybe he sends a picture of you cosplaying as one of his favorite characters but that just lowers his opinion, in the photo he can’t even tell its you though. so he’s even more confused when he meets you guys at the arcade. he cautiously calls you by your in game name and you respond with a smile and respond with your irl name. he’s genuinely not sure how to react. not just bc you’re the person he’s been gaming with for almost a year, but with your thick ass platforms you’re just as talk as kuro if not taller. you literally look down at him, can he even talk shit about a bitch like you with out getting his as beat.

anyway this drug out for way longer than intended. but yeah incel!kenma making assumptions and being totally wrong. how funny would it be if he had a crush on kuros gf

bestie.....my beloved......all of the options just sound so amazing to me omg *kisses u*

the absolute torture incel!kenma has to go through upon finding out that 1) his favorite gaming buddy is a disgusting female, 2) she's dating his best friend and somehow he never knew, and 3) she's so fucking hot that kenma can't stop picturing her face every time he rubs one out.

and you just won't let him live you're so fucking mean to him that kenma can't even get a word in when you're roasting him. the only thing that reels you in is kuroo's soft, pleading voice asking you to be nice.

kenma's embarrassed that his friend has become such a simp but fuck if he didn't wish he was on the receiving end of your sweet words.

[pillarsalt]

hi Im the same ex transmasc anon who sent you that aask about rhe tumblr ban thing, I did a lot of reading without forcing myself away this time. (I used to look at radblr sometimes bc I got curious, but when it started making too much sense i would make myself stop reading and tell myself I was being manipulated and try to forget about it..looking back that probably wasnt normal haha,)

I have mixed feelings tho. I don’t regret looking closer, the amount of sexism in the trans community was horrible. I think even radfems don’t understand how bad it was because it was all subtle styff. But seeing it constantly irl and online was terrible for me as a female. It gave me so much internalized misogyny, it made me hate myself and I felt worthless and stupid! and whiny! and annoying! all the time!! unless I was able to be perceived as a man. I felt like I had to be a man to have any respect in the community. I remember being so amazed to see abortion be covered by trans people I followed in even a reblog because it was the first time I saw people in the community talk about female issues at all. Even then it was covered with disclaimers and terfs DNI banners. male,opinions were always prioritized.

I thought this was dysphoria and a sign I was really a man. then I started reading radfem things and its like that feeling instantly lifted. I felt respected, listened to, even though I wasn’t speaking. It was also like all this stuff I’d internalized from being female, all the trauma around sex based oppression, was actually being addressed. in trans circles you get called a terf for acknowledging females face any kind of oppression (they acknowledge sex when it’s to talk about how hard male loneliness is on young trans women, and how the incel to trans woman pipeline happens, though…)

but the reason I have mixed feelings is bc I now feel….dumb? And afraid. And angry. I spend well over a decade being part of this community, half my friends are in the community, I’ve been trans since I was 9. My typings not the best… dyslexia sucks lol. But I like to think I’m smart. Now I don’t know,

And it makes me think totally different of these people I saw as progressive cis male allies, who were so loud about trans rights and hating JKR and terfs. Now they just feel like the same flavor of anti-feminist man I hate.

And the community is so huge and it’s so widely accepted and I don’t know how to deal!

But I am happy to be a woman now. In a healthy way I haven’t been for a long time. thats all that matters.

I'm sorry for everything you were put through. Many girls and women have been sucked into this thinking it will provide a solution for their distress at the social ramifications of the body they're born in, only for more people, namely men, to take advantage of their distress and gain power over them. As you mentioned, even "cis" men get in on the action when they justify intimidating and threatening women with violence in response to perceived transphobia. It's a terrible situation to be in. Made worse when you can't openly talk about with people you're close to for fear of alienating them.

I think you should give yourself more credit. You ARE smart. You questioned what you were told was never allowed to be questioned and realized you were being misled. And what you said about trying to make yourself forget the realizations you've had, that is normal. It's a difficult and scary thing to hold opinions that conflict with those of the majority of your peers. I think it's like the climax of cognitive dissonance -- when what you know is true clashes so hard against what you want to believe, you find it impossible to justify anymore, so you just resort to pretending you never learned the information in the first place. Been there.

I'm just being a stereotype now, but there's a classic Dworkin quote for this:

"Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships."

Anyway my point is, don't beat yourself up. I'm really happy to read that you're accepting your womanhood, it's a hard journey but it's worth it to have a good relationship with yourself. And in my experience (at the sage and wisened age of 25) that it gets easier as you get older. You work through mistakes, and that prepares you to handle the next mistake better. You're right, your health and happiness is all that matters, keep striving for that and it will steer you right.

I wanted to give you some reading recommendations, you mentioned you have dyslexia but I believe these two are available in audiobook form if that's up your alley:

Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference by Cordelia Fine

Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez

There are tons more great books on feminism but these two are my go-tos for hard facts on gender, socialization, and the systematic discrimination against women worldwide through biases that are built into society.

Well uh; TLDR thanks for gracing my inbox, anon :) Hope you keep well.

[prettyboykatsuki]

would you be comfortable sharing your bg3 ocs with us? i LOVE hearing and seeing other peoples ocs so much it inspires me to make them too

u always write reader personalities so amazing so ik ur ocs are just as good <3

WAH. YES. THANK U FOR ASKING. a lot of my ocs start out as fun self-inserts and then become... Something else. for bg3 in particular i normally play as my insert so they have the same face HEKJSDKJ. but they are ocs and they look diff in my brain i just dont care to change the face

oh my good GOD this is so long im so sorry. i guess this is my intro post for them now.thank u for asking me.. i love you... humbly presenting my little guys

CW FOR IMPLICATIONS OF INCEST (?) sort of in nyx's story. its complicated!! other than that just canon typical angst + drug use.

i have two main charas i consider more oc than insert. THE FIRST ONE IS MY BELOVED DARLING GIRLTHING SOULIKHA

goes by soul in camp, mid/late twenties, she/they pronoun haver, true neutral alignment, istj + 5w4

motifs ; black oleander, darkness and shadow, bones but not blood / decay, teals and purples and blues.

close with marisol, lae'zel and wyll. thinks astarion is a little sad and gets annoyed at mystra trying to demand death of gale.

she is a cleric of kelemvor and sacrificial survivor of a myrkul death cult. she escaped nearly dying at the age of 7 bc kelemvor saved her from near death.

she is not from baldurs gate!! she is from the outskirts of omorath but after escaping she lives on the streets.

the second time kelemvor comes to get her (nearly died in an alley) she becomes a cleric and returns to the city. joins the tower of skulls in omorath and does most of her work taking care of the diseased and guiding people in the fugue plane.

a Doomguide and part of a doom clergy.

she is originally darker skinned / tan but turns grey using her powers. when she blushes she becomes her original color lol

she ends up closer to baldurs gate on pilgrimage. she meets marisol (lambs oc) her best friend there.

she is a cleric of kelemvor, the god or judge of death. she tends to wear like a plague doctor sort of uniform and is very attached to a necklace she has that she prays over!! in general she prefers to be covered because she normally is response for helping the diseased as well as the deceased.

always wearing gloves for the same reason ^ special gloves that she has with her even after the kidnapping on the ship.

her personality is very blunt 😭and straightforward but never mean. she is just super direct and a little clueless about social cues... VERY HONEST LOL.

her main story arc is around her parents! like i mentioned she is a cleric of kelemvor but she spent her childhood in a death cult. in act one she hears rumor of a tiefling couple who worshipped myrkul being seen kidnapped on the towers to moonrise. in act two, her major scene, you have the choice on whether or not to kill or rescue her parents.

soulikha as a character puts her duty as a cleric above all else, even herself. she never expresses her feelings, never complains, just does as she believes is of expected to her. it gives her identity. up until this point, it's very rare to see her break down. this is the first scene where she makes a decision for herself

she also believes part of her job is assuring the people suffering die with the dignity and honor they deserve. part of this is because of her upbringing.

she also believes admantly in people dying when they are supposed to. as a cleric of kelemvor with particular favor of her god, she can hear whispers and regrets of death. the shadowfell lands are hard on her.

her main romance partner is karlach

her main romance with karlach has to do with touch and intimacy.

soulikha normally has her face covered and her body so if she were an origin and romance companion chara they'd be surrounding them but in her story she is dating karlach

karlach is soulikhas first love. they are tragic to me. soulikha is constantly telling karlach it's not her time and they often talk about death. she has a line to karlach:

"i will be there. when your soul burns brightest in the fugue plane, i will lead you. till the end of your life and in mine. my hand will find you. you will know its me."

she is shorter than karlach a bit. their whole romance is soulikha saying over and over that she knows karlach is bound to die, and comforting her through that.

but after the actual end of the game, soulikha cries for the very first time and begs karlach to live. it's the first time she ever says the words "i want you to live.) very heartbreaking

their ending is opening. ultimately soulikha wants to stay with karlach. they promise each other to live. the ending varies depending on other stuff but YEAH.

her bad ending is letting herself become myrkuls new chosen so karlach can have her heart back. fucking AWFUL ending gkdjsd theyre so sad.

OKAY. NEXT. IS MY OC NYX SORRY ABOUT THIS MOUTAIN OF TEXT.

this is nyx! no last name, he/him pronouns preferred, any fine. neutral evil allignment, late twenties. entp + 7w8

close with astarion + minthara. fond of jaehira. thinks wyll is fun and likes karlach. neutral to shadowheart and halsin.

nyx is not from baldurs gate either, explicitly from the city of calimshan, in manshaka. son of a common whore, born in a pleasure house.

tiefling with the blood graz'zt. this is relevant later. fdkjsdk.

learns music from the musicians in the pleasure house. naturally gifted. starts composing his own music at ten when one of this mothers regular customers gifts him a cli' lyre, enchanted with magic

has a complicated relationship with his mother. his mother is a prostitute but also very addicted to drugs. she wasn't motherly and often made advances on him when he grew up into puberty. his only family. when she was coming down the high, he would play her music to fall asleep.

practiced a lot on his own, other musicians taught him other instruments. very talented. most of his music and songs were about his one true love, roxana

roxana was another child of the house. they grew up together. she wasn't particularly talented but she was soft, kind, and beautiful. they both knew she would end up staying in the house, but nyx did try to protect her from customers when they were both underage.

roxana is full blooded human. she has a tattoo of roses down her spine that nyx dedicated one of his songs too and got matching trellis tattoos for. his most popular song.

his composition reached far and wide and he was offered many times to leave the pleasure house to perform. but he loved roxana and she often begged to say with him - so he never went. for her he'd do pretty much anything.

spent most of their lives together as lovers. first kiss at 13, lost their virginity to each other at 16/17, when they are in their early 20's nyx saves up to propose.

nyx is betrayed by roxana, though nyx by default does not care if Rrxana were to take lovers. 

because of nyx’s upbringing and roxana’s work, all nyx had ever asked Roxana for was to keep no secrets between them 

(growing up, roxana was naturally meek and often was in dangerous situations. Both because of this and because of his mothers commentary after she’d invited him for sex (“let’s keep this a secret between us,”). nyx had asked Roxana to never keep things from him, if she could.) 

roxana ultimately chooses another man over nyx, one she’d kept a secret. she’d told nyx that she couldn’t be with him anymore. That she wanted more from life, and that she would go with her new lover to see greater sights. 

“I loved her. Beautiful like a rosebed. I was a fool, of course. Only a fool forgets that the first rule to pick roses is dethorning them, lest they make you bleed.”

nyx sets off for college the same night. packs his belongings, says by to the pleasure house. his mother kisses on the cheek. he doesn't tell roxana about this

after that he commits to a life of debauchery at the college of swords. many flings and makes more music but never gets tied down despite peoples offers and efforts.

very charismatic in general and good at behaving in slimy and manipulative ways fhfksd. acts in self-interest.

very weak to soft and gentle women (hung up on his ex.... rip)

never ever mentions roxana by name even as an origin character. a lot of his story is about getting him to open up. he has a confrontation with his ex in act 3. his story is similar to astarion

in act one he hears rumor of a beautiful prostitute in the city who works the cities leaders and follows this. his main decision is meeting roxana again and deciding whether or not to forgive or save her

(you learn through the course of his story that roxana was never particularly good or honest to him, though it's not easy to figure out. the best ending to for him to save her but not take her back, the worst is dying for he)

his primary love interest is lae'zel !!

they have a silly and funny relationship at first. it starts as a sex thing but their tent is next to each other. lae'zel likes calling him a jester but loves his voice too.

he likes that she's very different from the women he dates. she's very harsh towards him but he also trusts she would never lie to him. he comforts her through the situation with vlaaktih and she in his story helps him realize that not everyone is out to betray him. he wants to love her and does.

he is SO affectionate towards her act three. she is constantly pissed she has romantic feelings for local emo clown

lae'zel having no propensity for manipulation and also being very honest is really refreshing for nyx. they have a minor age gap fdkfskjd

at the end of the story - nyx encourages lae'zel to travel and save their people. he makes a life for them in the city and writes hundreds of songs about her in her absence. they raise a gith child together

I HAVE MORE TO SAY BUT THIS IS PAINFULLY LONG. SHOWS YOU THIS ANDRUNS AWAY. PLEASE ASK ME QUESITONS IF U LIKE I LOVE ANSWERING Q'S FOR THEM. THANK U

[alicemain0541]

hello, mechanisms enjoyer. who is your favourite mechanism. what is your favourite album. what is your favourite song. what is your favourite photo. do you have a favourite live recording.

I have already been asked lol but im happy to answer again!

I dont have a favourite mech but here’s some random facts. I was obsessed with ts when I first saw them and I spent like four months drawing nothing but it. I got into the mechs through Tma and jonny and he is such a bastard I love him (looking back on my dash you’ll see the dehumanisation of jonny in art I blog). The only mech ive cosplayed is raph in both her more humanly form and her more birdy form. Again ashes was someone I was already familiar with because of frank being in Tma (same with Jess and Jonny) and id heard about Tim through rqg mentions etc. I wish I had more to say about ivy, nastya, Marius, Brian etc but tbh I just dont. I love them but dont know much about them outside of the mechs and never felt quite so drawn to them.

My favourite album again isnt just one. Id say of the main studio albums its a tossup between tbi and udad. Again I love them all but I listen to those the most. Ttbt 1&2 are also constantly playing (lost in the cosmos was my top song in my wrapped) and I listen to them probably the same amount. Also Frankenstein oml I love you mwah im so normal about it and im totally not an English nerd studying classic literature at college😅😅😅.

I feel like favourite song kinda falls into the same vein as the last question. While i cant actually pick my top 5 (in my wrapped) were lost in the cosmos, Loki, ties that bind, underworld blues and sirens so think of that what you will. I said this last time but I have a chronically short attention span so often ttbt songs are the best way to get my fix without having to listen to a whole album. Im sorry mechs purists but most of the time i dont listen in order cause who can be asked with that.

I dont actually have a favourite photo but I’ll add a bunch of my widgets from my phone because ofc I had to make my Home Screen mech based. (Art by @reegis)

In regards to live performances I guess dttm. Its the first live performance I watched thats actually mechs. I love lashings a “totally normal amount” but considering thats more Carmilla era idk if it counts. Either way its those two and I know some of yall are doing amazing work cleaning up the audio and getting transcripts made so send them my way if you want id love to see them.

[punchratt]

Indulging in my brainrot again, heres that longer bg3 character design post i was talking about! (@dragonageshitpostingelves, i didnt forget you <3) Also, Spoiler Warning, i talk a lot about the companions backstory and quests, so don't read if you haven't finished those. Or do, I don't care.

Im gonna be honest and admit right now that I am sadly NOT a professional character designer, but instead just a nerd who likes to draw. I think the bg3 designs are amazing as they are and deserve a hell of a lot more praise then their already getting. That being said, i have many opinions about these funny little tadpole people. The first of them being that Gale, Wyll, and Astarion should not look like that. I mean, they all literally have the same body model, just give or take few scars and some hair, then swap the head. Which i think is a little shocking considering that the girls have much more diverse body types. Normally its the other way around.

First, Astarion. I love him, but i should not be able to grate cheese on his abs. Dude was a slave surviving off rats and living in the shadows for over 200 years, he's a rouge with 8 strength and no work out plan other then squatting so he can hide better. The last thing he should have is a six pack. I am a firm believer in scrawny Astarion, that man is wet noodle, he is malnourished and it should show. I should be able to see that mans ribs. Play that boy like a xylophone. This twink is not twinking right now and its driving me insane!

Im not saying he cant be sexy, in fact i think its very important that he is sexy. A big chunk of his story has to do with his relationship with sex and how he views romance as a whole. The whole point of his story is that he seems like the sexy vampier stereotype, but is actually a much more in depth character with a very complicated relationship to sex and romance. He needs to look sexy for that to work. But you don't gotta have a six pack to look sexy! Whenever i see him without a shirt all i can think of is that abs just don't look right on him. Everything else i think they've gotten perfect, he really does look like the character he's supposed to be and i can only applaud Larian for getting it so right, just.. lose the abs.

Second, Gale. I feel like I've already summed up how i feel about his design in my last post, but i like talking so i'm gonna say more! Gale should be chubby!! All he likes to do is ponder his orb, talk to his cat, and study magic. I firmly believe that he also has a side passion for food. After all, what is cooking if not potion brewing but different? Gale can appreciate a good meal and it should show! After all, eating and food is integral to his character with the whole arcane hunger thing he has going on. Give me my dad bod Gale and all wrongs in this world will be righted.

But to be a little more serious about this, i think his story becomes all the more poetic and tragic if you view him as someone who loves food. Because just imagine that you have three things you love, magic, food, and your goddess girlfriend. Now imagine that one day, to impress your goddess girlfriend, you do something kinda really stupid and end up with a magic nuke in your chest. But wait, it gets worse! Because of this failed grand gesture your goddess girlfriend breaks up with and banishes you. She leaves you to deal with this whole thing by yourself, all you have now is your cat and cooking. But wait, it gets even worse!! No matter how much you eat, yu arent ful, so you're constantly starvinng now, and thats how you find out that the bomb in your chest feeds on magic! Which means that now Gale has to ether find a way to keep it fed or he's gonna kamikaze half the swords coast. Meaning he has to eat any magical artifacts he gets his hands on while also dealing with the emotional damage of everything else. Food, one of the only things he had left, is now a stressful reminder of the fucked up situation he's in.

Now I don't think that means Gale starts to hate food, or resent it in some way, I still think he's the adorable little foodie goofball dork who insisted on being the camp cook. But i do think it makes his whole relationship with food something much more bittersweet, which is very interesting and something i feel could be reflected better in his already amazing design.

Third, Wyll. Wyll, I believe, is the most likely to be buff out of these three. Though, I don't think he'd show it as much as he does. We know he likes to dance, and that he enjoys a good sword fight more then anything! He used to fence with his father and overall is a very active guy. He is probably the character that most matches his body, there aren't many things I'd change. That being said, he is still a warlock with less strength then a hamster. He wouldn't be that muscly.

My dude is the son of a Grand Duke, he's had a relatively cushy life that didnt really get all that much harder after his dad gave him the boot (dick move btw). He's struggled, defiantly! But i don't think it'd be a reach to say that Wyll might have a little fat on him. I dont really have much to say other then i think he'd benefit from taking those abs away and putting that bulk somewhere else. When I imagine Wyll I imagine a man with some arm game and a pudgy belly. Maybe some calf muscle too, but overall nothing too defined since he doesn't really use strength in combat. I mean, why does Wyll have more defined abs then Lae'zel? Of all the origin characters she should have the most defined abs of the group. Not these three clowns(affectionate).

Wyll is a softie with a heart of gold, he should get to have a soft body to go with it. Plus it'd add more contrast between what parts are devil and what aren't. Sharp rough horns, a scarred face, and striking but intimidating eyes juxtaposed against a soft but somewhat built frame, quick whit, and a generally nice attitude make for a very interesting design! One that i think would be much more compelling then the kinda default muscly hero build he has now.

Now compare those to the secrete fourth option i didnt tell you about! Halsin! I think Halsin is designed perfectly and there is nothing i would change. He uses a unique body model from the other three and his design perfectly captures who he is as a character. He's big, appropriately buff, and looks kind. I look at that man and i think "yeah, thats a guy who occasionally turns into a bear", and he does! He looks like a natural born leader who knows how to make those tough decisions, he looks as inviting as he acts, and he looks like he gives amazing hugs. Bear hugs if you will! That man is a bear in every sense of the word, and whats more druid then that?

I only really brought him up to set him as sort of a standard for the designs of this game, because almost every single design is just as perfect and well thought out as his. I could go on for several more paragraphs about other characters and why their also perfect, or what other small little changes id make to their designs (cough cough, Lae'zel abs, cough) but this thing is getting long enough as is.

So to conclude. Fuck abs, and get them off my boys! If you've actually read this whole monstrosity, thank you. It took me over half a day to write and i still feel like i haven't touched on everything. Like, i didn't get to praise their designs nearly as much as i wanted to, but oh well. Maybe I'll make another post about the girls, maybe ill ramble about what i do like about the boys designs, i don't know. Depends on if anyone wants that, or if i still got gas left in the tank after this. Finally, please excuse any spelling errors and the inconsistent capitals. Its late, i have dyslexia, and i'll probably go back and fix it later. Thanks again for reading!

[lunarsniperwifle]

Just watched the bloom into you blu ray (thank you old ps4 for still working). Put it under a read more cause, well, i like to ramble but not auto take up your screen.

And i think the funniest part is the storage room scene. Like, seeing it animated with the VAs & subs? Yuu is sitting there making out (kissing with tongue that "feels good") with Touko and being like "this is normal, its totally not my heart beating fast its hers i hear it even tho im straddling her and my head is above hers" like. Sure Yuu, kissing, tongue kissing, in secret with the person you "dont like" but constantly think about and are self conscious of "i cant make the first move abt things I want" is the normal thing to do with someone you dont have any feelings for. Initially it was just what she be doin but that particular scene just hit me in a "oh shes too dense for her own heart the poor thing' in a very endearing way.

Really captured some strong oblivious lesbian energy (just this time understandably directed at ones self given being a cute coming age/self discovery story).

It feels criminal tho that the anime still doesnt have a season 2. Like, seriously?? Never get to see the play or what comes after. I am prepared to bawl my eyes out if (when) the rest gets animated, i already felt so much pain for Yuu already in what we did have, and felt it when reading. Oh and if they ever animate the Sayaka novels ill be a crumbling mess as well.

Overall tho amazing adaptation, i truly wish it would continue. Even tho i just read the manga like last week i wanna reread it now

[hiiroamagisbestfriend]

hi silly!!! if theres still spots left i’m thinking first snow with tatsumi :3

First Snow

w/ Tatsumi Kazehaya x GN! Reader

alright the first one! im gonna start using honorifics in my stuff actually its pretty cute

Warnings: Mentions of Obbligato, and Tatsumi's chronic pain otherwise none!

For many, winter is a season of childlike glee, playfulness, and festivities. What with the constantly playing Christmas music, striking decorations littering the street, and the infectious cheerfulness spreading in the air. But at the same time, it could be as easily interpreted as a time for introspection and profound melancholy. With winter comes the end of the year, the culmination of everything one can experience coming to an end.

Winter was especially hard towards a certain Tatsumi Kazehaya, the biting cold being a bitter reminder of his wrongdoings. It was always around this time of the year that Tatsumi could feel the recurring pain on his leg at its worst, reminding him of the things he did in a certain winter prior.

He’s already grown past hating himself for what happened back then, in spite of that; he still can’t help but let his thoughts linger to that time in the past, wondering what he could have done differently. It didn’t help that he found himself alone more often than not as more of his fellow idols were starting to take breaks in order to prepare for their own personal things around this time of the year.

Though there was something different this year, seeing as he didn’t have to spend it in a hospital room all by his lonesome. Right now, he had wonderful people he could call his comrades, and even started patching things up with an old friend. But of course, what really made this year easier for him, was that you were there by his side.

Tatsumi was a man that treated his peers with respect and admiration, but when it came to you, he always seemed to unconsciously put you on a pedestal. He couldn’t place his finger on it at the time, as if his heart knew that you were going to be someone special to him the moment the two of you met.

He instinctively knew that you were different from the others. As much as he loves and appreciates his fellow idols, he can see that they always keep him at arm's length either due to his seniority or his more introverted nature. You, however, treated him as if he was just another guy.

This kind of behavior would usually be seen as quite disrespectful, but for Tatsumi, it was a total breath of fresh air. You didn't hold him to any overly high expectations, nor did you make him feel like he had to be more formal and reserved whenever you two were together. For treating him normally, he actually felt special for the first time in his life.

You didn't see him as the experienced solo idol that he once was, but as Tatsumi Kazehaya. Of course, you still held the basic ounces of respect for his talent and abilities, but never did you make him feel like he wasn't just another normal idol.

With that, it was no surprise that the two of you would become quick friends, the two of you displaying behavior akin to childhood friends who've been through thick and thin together even though you two had only met recently.

Tatsumi couldn't help but admire that part about you, how you seemed to just see things as they were without prejudice or discrimination. He knows that he should be happy that people see him as an amazing idol, but he honestly doesn't think of himself as someone worth that much regard. It's a very complicated feeling, but he's grateful that you can understand where he's coming from at the very least.

Before he knew it, the feelings of admiration he held for you blossomed into a deeper, more intense feeling. Whenever he was with you, he felt like he was truly at a place where he belonged. You never tried to make him be someone he was not, and never denied his complex emotions.

Truthfully, Tatsumi wanted to tell you how he felt, but there was still so much about him that you didn't know about. Things about his past that he was afraid to tell you. Though you were incredibly open-minded and kind, Tatsumi still couldn't quite bury the feelings of doubt lingering in his mind.

"Hey, Tatsumi-san? Are you okay?" Your words brought him out of his thoughts, Tatsumi himself surprised at how much complicated stuff he was thinking about. Though it was common for the two of you to just hang out in silence and enjoy each other's company, it seemed that Tatsumi was more out of it than he realized seeing as you had to call his attention.

"Ah, I'm fine, thank you. I was just thinking about some things." Tatsumi replied in that serene and calm tone he always has, adding a little chuckle to try and lighten the mood. "Times like this just make it easy to reminisce about all sorts of things, don't you agree?"

You pondered his words for a while, and Tatsumi couldn't help but find that expression of yours slightly cute. "Yeah, I totally get that. Since the year's about to end all, you just can't help but think about stuff that happened in the past." You gave him a soft smile and Tatsumi couldn't help but appreciate how you didn't immediately press him on what he was thinking about earlier.

"Indeed. I've experienced many new things and met a lot of amazing people. I'm very grateful to God that I was able to meet you, especially."

"Ahaha... When a serious person like Tatsumi-san says something like that, I can't help but get a bit flustered." You sheepishly replied, scratching the back of your head as the faintest hues of red shaded the tips of your ears. "I'm also really happy to have met you, Tatsumi-san."

Your straightforward honesty feels like an arrow straight to his heart, not to mention just the absolutely adorable expression you had on. "It's getting a bit cold, isn't it, (Y/N)-san? Shall we head back in?" He pointed towards the ES building, seeing as the two of you were just staying out in a public bench.

"Oh, sur-" You cut yourself off when you suddenly tilted your head upwards, being surprised at the first few instances of snow piling on top of your head. "Uwah... It's snowing, Tatsumi-san!" You said, grabbing as much as you could with your gloved hand before presenting it to the man in question.

When you beam at him like that, Tatsumi feels like he doesn't want you to be just another one of his friends. He wants to make you feel as comfortable and at ease as you make him. He wants to tell you all about his past because he just knows that if anyone would understand him, it'd be you.

He wants you to know him for everything that he was, all his good along with the bad. Knowing you, you'd probably scold him for his actions in the past, but ultimately sympathize and understand his actions. "Hey, (Y/N)-san."

You raised an eyebrow at his sudden serious tone, placing down the snow you were playing with on the ground. "If I told you that I wasn't a good person in the past, how would you react?" Part of Tatsumi wants to beat himself up for being so bold, but another part of him remains steadfast, knowing that he can't admit his feelings for you without this part first.

"Well, the Tatsumi-san right in front of me is a good person, isn't he? That just means he understood what he did wrong and is repenting in his own ways." Tatsumi's eyes went wide when you suddenly started patting him in the head, seeing as this kind of interaction was something that would never happen to him normally.

"You're the person you are today because of everything you experienced in the past, no? So even if you were bad before, you learned your lesson. That makes Tatsumi-san a very good boy!"

Geez, Tatsumi really couldn't win against you, could he? When you're this accepting of him, he can't help but fall even deeper for you than he already has. "Thank you for that, (Y/N)." His eyes were locked onto yours, and he felt like he could lose himself in them if he wasn't focused right now.

Tatsumi inched closer towards you, resting his forehead against yours and closing his eyes, trying his best to ignore the shocked yelp you let out. One day, he'll tell you the entire story, but for now, he hopes that this is enough.

"I love you."

Tatsumi removes his head from yours, slowly opening his eyes to see your smiling face, the snow falling around you framing you like some sort of angel. Winter is usually the saddest time of the year, seeing as it signals the end. But only through something ending does the chance of something new begins.

"I love you too, Tatsumi."

The very first one in our christmas countdown! i hope you all are having a good month so far, and i hope you look forward to the ones coming up!

Likes and Reblogs greatly appreciated!

[moss-selfship]

I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if we had stayed in chicago instead of moving when i was little. What would have happened if i grew up on the same streets like my father did Would i have joined the gangs like he did and slung dope Would i have beaten and stabbed and shot like he was Would i have shot back at people in the night would i have killed people like i know he did years ago.. would i have the same hopes and dreams? of wanting to be a wildlife photographer? would i still be scared of the things like open water or heights, or would i have had different fears. Would i still be nonbinary, or would i be too worried about keeping alive to worry about gender. i catch glimpses sometimes of what my life could have been like if i did grow up there. I still duck like im being shot at when i hear sudden loud noises, learned it from the summers id visit him and we would her gunfire and ride our bikes the other way. ducking down on them to try and not get hit. i constantly think and plan about if a person attacks me while im at work or at home. Im always on the edge for a person that could be a threat. every little sound makes me look over, every movement draws immediate attention. i live my life antsy and on the edge for being attacked. When i talk with my family from there where my old accent comes back, where i talk fast and move my hands alot. Where i say and act in a way i dont normally do, because it feels so natural. Its the person i was raised by and what i knew growing up. I sound like a completley different person. When i listen to songs that talk about killing and drugs and about growing up with no hope or future, and songs about how many people who have died that ive knew. Songs about gettin with woman and talking about growing up in the streets. Its the same stories my father would tell me growing up, and how he listened to them because it helped him knowing others understood what his life was like. A life so unlike the average persons that only other people that grew up on the streets would know. I remember how i knew where to shoot a man to make sure you kill them before my father even taught me how to shave. Whenever i hold a gun at work i feel how the grips feel in my hand, the weight of the steel feels so heavy...but it feels right. Like i was meant to carry this weight. When i need to clear an Assault rifle and pop the mag, pull the charging handle and clear it for rounds, how i do it in seconds as if its second nature. How when we take in a gun i look down the scope, rifle pressed to my shoulder and i can just FEEL the weight of the gun and how it feels and it just fits so smoothly into my shoulder like it was always meant to be there.

I dont know the person i would be if i had grown up on those streets. But i feel like every so often i am haunted by the ghost of a man that never existed, and in those moments i can see a hazy image of the life that i would have had and the person i would have been. The scariest part of it all being that it feels so familiar and just feels...like thats what it was meant to be like? if that makes sense, it probably doesnt. Im glad i didnt grow up there, i likely would have never met some of the most amazing people i call friends, and i wouldnt have met my beautiful wife. and wouldnt have this blog and all the fun that comes with it. just that every so often my mind wanders to a ghost of a me that never was.

[e-icreator23]

Vent again. If you cant read it. Wither: You can't let him do that! He can't be banging or throwing stuff! You think its funny but its- D-d:You need to stop being a drama queen. It doesn't mean anything! Stop it. Where did banging and throwing things get bad? (where did you get that from?!) He's not doing any harm Wither:But it sounds like he's trying to break his controller! [He has a PS5] B-o: WHAT DO YOU CARE?! YOU HAVE A MASK ON AND YOUR A JUNIOR! ITS CRINGY! Wither: And you're a sophomore! You should know not to- B-o: Shut up! No one asked! Aren't you embarrassed?!! This is what happened right now. My brother started to rage at a game and from my room, it sounded like he was banging his controller. I came out to see whats going on and he was yelling before this and hitting something. I told my sister to go to her room and that he was acting stupid. He got mad and insulted me and said I am a nobody and I am embarrassing. My sister got scared from him yelling so got my dad who was drinking. He came it and my brother went back to the game he was getting mad at for loosing and he laughed about it. I told him what happened and he still laughed about it. I got mad since he lets them both get away with things like this and I am tired of the insults. I hate that once they know I will be married to a woman that they won't want me around since like my brother has said and I shit you not he said this word for word "FAGS ARE MENTAL. THEY AREN'T HUMAN" My dad constantly wonders why one of his cousins who came out to them is never around, I can't blame, not at all. It's because none of them support them! They outright show they disappointed in them! My brother says that my dad and him HATE people who are gay or anything relating to it with a passion. They are more concerned of how they look than about anything else, my brother has to constantly remind me that I am more on the bigger side and that he's so embarrassed about it! He said that he will never say hi to me during school even when I say hi, he acts like he doesn't know me and says to others that he doesn't know me. He likes to make fun of me saying I won't get anyone. And even if I do, they will leave me since they never really loved me. I am so tired of this. I want to leave so bad but If I try to leave with another family member then my dad will start to guilt trip me and I don't want to leave because I don't want to leave my friends yet. I know I'm a damn disappointment to them. I know that shit but I have to be reminded over and over and over again. No wonder why I'm distant with them. I try so hard at school to make them proud but it can never make it last. I won first place somewhere big in my state but just "oh nice". thats it. I get Honor roll. "good and stay like that" I am so tired of it and I know I am still gonna push myself to try and get good grades but I know nothing I do will ever be good enough to make them proud of me. They ask why is it hard for me to talk to people, no shit its hard because If I say anything wrong to them, I would get hit. I would get yelled at for saying anything wrong. They told me I am not allowed to tell anyone about my situation, I can't talk to my councilors about this, I cant ask for help. Not even online. If I say something wrong, I feel like they would hate me. If I do something they don't like then I'm the piece of shit. I know they have said that I can talk to them but I feel like I cant since I dont know what they will say. I am scared, I am so fucking scared. I know non of them are bad or anything I am just terrified of them since they are so amazing and I can never amount to them in any way. I don't know what to do. If I eat how I normally do, im told to stop. My health problems are my fault and yeah maybe they are. but still at least be semi nice but no he makes fun of me that I cant breath right. To them ADHD and autism arent real. it's fake so people can be lazy. If I am friends with anyone who's like that then im the weirdo. I'm stupid to even get near them. im so done.

[bye-bye-firefly]

Ooh! So, ya know how a few days ago you were talking about how the first fic you wrote was a choromatsu x reader fic? I suddenly remembered you mentioning that the first fic you wrote was a time loop fic and now I’m curious as to what the plot for that was

Also, I just came to the realization that I don’t have to scroll through my following list to find your account, I can just use the search button. I know this is probably like really obvious to everyone except for me but I am very excited about this!

okay so the plot was essentially like. it starts out super normal right. for a WHILE its a normal x reader was the idea. like you get you (reader) just hanging out with the boys and getting closer to them, though i really wanted to focus on choromatsu at the time. long after this fic was deleted, i also had the idea of making it be like a multiple-choice thing so i have a bunch of chapters with the same numbers with different letters beside them to differentiate choices, which was ALSO going to play into the fic. i wasnt really that far into the story when i deleted it, so i couldve reasonably added chapters where you get to know all the boys and get closer to them. but yeah you think its normal youre lulled into a false sense of security and then i was going to reveal the time loop like BAM theres a time loop. and it was going to become CRAZY TOWN in there but i never got to that part because i was very flustered and frustrated with it. but choromatsu was aware of it and then the reader became aware of it

i also had the idea of it being like. the end of the choromatsu route feels like its all settled and done with but then it reveals its not. the loop keeps going or the reader resets. and then if a reader was really curious they could go through the other x reader chapters and see what the fuck is going on and it would basically be like There is no proper end. and the whole thing hinges on the fact that you, the reader, are NOT COMPLIANT WITH THE CANON OF THE UNIVERSE. you DO NOT EXIST in this story and you SHOULDNT. this SHOULDNT be something thats happening and YOU ARE AWARE OF THIS. i wanted it to get really meta and the horror was going to be amazing i had a scene planned where the reader goes to hang out with one of the boys, walks into the house, and theres nothing there and you just get to talk to god. i wanted it to very quickly spiral out of control with the multiple options that you could respond with and for the text of god to become very jumbled and nonsensical (because theyre answering ALL THE RESPONSES instead of JUST ONE because there is NO WAY to tell which response you choose in the format i was writing the story in) until you get to the end, where god kicks you out and tells you to keep going. i wanted the final chapters to be either a) the reader systematically removing themselves from the story as a selfless act for the boys or b) the reader KEEPS FIGHTING the will of the universe until the fic collapses in on itself. like the universe just gives up and you can TELL it just gives up. the universe lets out a final breath

talking about it you realise that this is a really huge idea that really i could not do on my own. i think that i could write an individual story like this and i do love the idea of meta-commentary, ive always wanted to get meta in my stories, but this is a REALLY BIG idea. especially considering there are six brothers? and because they are six different people, there needs to be six different plots? like yeah im not doing that . sure its all going to eventually focus on the time loop but like. i need to keep lulling the people who choose osomatsu into a false sense of security until he learns about the time loop.

and also its juggling a reader that may or may not know theyre in a time loop. you have to constantly write as if it could be either or so that readers can come back and be like Holy fucking shit because that is probably the best feeling as a reader is being able to go back and Realise. and i cannot pull a nameless and have the reader character be expectant that theyre in a time loop because when that comes out, it would make more sense for the reader to be in shock no matter WHAT version of the universe theyre in. the person who should be acting like they know is choromatsu because he has a reason to. and of course, as time goes on and as you continue reading through the routes, choromatsu becomes more and more suspicious of you. but its hard to write this when its like. do you want this to be multiple choice or do you want this to centre on choromatsu. because wanting it to centre on choromatsu makes this make sense, but then adding in multiple choice and writing the multiple-choice sections at the same time, it makes the whole concept fall apart. if a reader comes into the story and starts reading the ichimatsu route, theyre going to be hit with these things that they dont even understand. theyre reading the story completely out of whack BUT THATS HOW ITS MEANT TO BE READ me making it multiple choice means that im ALLOWING this to be the experience they get.

like as banging as this story sounds in my head and as banging as the chapters i have written are (as banging as they could be considering i was 16 years old writing them) i do not think i could actually post this because it would just be really confusing to follow if you consumed the story as it was meant to be consumed which could potentially be TECHNICALLY out of order. people do this with the how to: series as well there are a lot of people who have read how to: happy and have NOOOOO fucking clue what is going on in there. they came for KARAMATSU ANGST and NOTHING MORE they DID NOT expect there to be HORROR NIGHTMARES but that is exactly what they got. so i just know that is how that would go with this series which i know for sure would fuck people up. you walk into a 150k+ jyushimatsu x reader and on the 14th chapter youre in there talking to fucking god like HELLOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!