#im so nervous my heart is pounding really hard and i cant breathe

[fiendishartist2]

i dontWANT to have a panic attack i want to go to SLEEP

[ratsoh-writes]

because i cant sing for fucking shit, I just talk over my guitar, maybe slightly going with the the guitar, and loud enough to be heard just fine, but not to where you cant hear the song, because i wrote that shit my fucking self, theres no way in fucking hell im drowing it out

"Well...Its hard exactly to pick one thing, but first and foremost I'll always say I love you, and that couldn't ever be a lie...uh, so while Im pretty sure you get tired of hearing it almost every day, I'll unfortunately have to break it to you that I cant exactly let those words go away, aheh..uh.."

I take a quick breath, trying to ignore my heart pounding against my damn chest, my strumming bevoming a little slower

"Another thing ive been dying to say, is that I couldnt Imagine a better partner, or ever even fathom being with anyone else. I look forward to talking to you every damn day, and you never ever fail to make me laugh. Youve always been there for me, and I couldnt be more grateful, and I definitely couldnt be more proud of you and how far you've come...and while I could go on, we both know im not the best with words so.."

I drop down to one knee, gently so I dont hit my instrument, and while strumming with one hand, I pull out a small box.

"Sorry if we've missed the flour fight..I lost a little bit of time" I say, a nervous chuckle escaping me as I continue, popping open to reveal a ring, the lantern light shining off of it

"But..I love you. I really do. And if you'll have me, Id love to spend the rest of our days together and be your wife so..Will you marry me?"

I say, a nervous but warm smile pulling at my features.

(SORRY IF THIS IS TOO LONG)

-edgy. 🦩

As you keep talking, cash stares at you wide eyed, a purple flush starting to spread across his face

When he sees you start to get down, he gasps and puts a hand over his mouth at the sight of the ring

Cash: yes!!! Yes oh my stars- what- HEY I WATCHED MAL MAKE THIS-

He slips the ring on, and from the bushes, you hear careless whipser loudly play, mal jumps from the tree spooking you both and starts yelling at bruiser lol. Cricket is still recording, laughing as he moves the camera between you two and mal who’s now chasing bruiser, still playing the song

Cash breaks out into laughter and grabs your waist pulling you against him. He smashes his face onto yours in a passionate kiss

[brelione]

Three Rules (JJ Maybank X Reader)

Warnings:Smut,Angst,JJ low key getting his heart broken,ends in fluff because sad JJ makes me sad.Not really edited because im lazy :)

JJ sat on a rock far away from the large group of people as they danced to loud,shitty music.He had been hoping that you would show up.It had been a month since he had seen you last.It had been a month since he had ruined everything you two had.Or, in better words,what he thought you had.He knew how much you loved boneyard parties because you loved people watching.You had always sat on this rock to sort everyone into groups in your head.He hadnt noticed that until you had gone to at least eight parties.You’d always disappear but he figured you were talking to someone in the ocean of people or had just gone back to the house.He had come over to you with his red solo cup in his hand to ask what you were doing.That’s when he learned about your hobby.You had pointed people out to him and asked him who in the crowd he would want to switch lives with for the day.He had just pointed to a random guy to satisfy you.That had been the night that your little ‘relationship’ had started.That had been almost a year ago.He watched as you walked down the sandy hill.Your hair was half up half down,you were wearing tight white jeans and a mustard yellow crop top.You looked so effortlessly beautiful in a way he could never understand.

Kie had quickly separated herself from the crowd as she ran towards you to hug you tight.You hugged back,laughing as you exclaimed that she was crushing you.Pope didnt take long to join in,next in line to hug you.JJ bit down on his bottom lip,wishing he could hug you.You wouldnt be happy to see him and he knew that but its not like you could scream at him in front of the others. “God,(Y/N)!Where have you been for like the last month?Ive tried calling you but you didnt answer.”Kiara frowned.You shrugged. “Ive been really busy and then my phone decided to crash and I dont have the money to fix it.”you answered.Pope frowned,JJ walking up behind him.You sent him a quick glare,covering it up with a grin as you continued to speak to Kiara. “Hey,(Y/N).Can I talk to you real quick?”JJ asked,holding his breath unknowingly.Your eyes darkened and he didnt miss the way your fists clenched. “Sure.I’ll be right back.”You told Kie,walking past Pope and giving him a quick fist bump.You didnt get hostile until you were away from your other friends.You and JJ walked out of sight closer to the large mount of rocks and washed up lobster traps. “What do you want,JJ?”You asked,glaring up at the blond.He gulped,looking down at his feet.

 “How do I fix this?”He asked.You rolled your eyes,laughing quietly to yourself. “You cant,JJ.You messed up our deal and then you fucked up my feelings and lied to me and you cant change any of it.”You sighed,looking up at him.He shook his head,biting his tongue. “I never lied to you!I’ve lied so much but I have never ever lied to you.”He almost shouted.You shook your head. “You’re lying right now.I dont get you,JJ.You broke every single rule and now you’re mad at me for it.Its been a month,why cant you just move on?”You asked.He shook his head. “You know why.”He answered.You went to walk away but he grabbed your hand,making you turn around.It brought you back to a month ago when he had broken the final rule.There had only been three.Why was it so difficult for him to not do three things?Ten months back you two started a whole friends with benefits kind of thing.JJ had mentioned how he had been looking for a nightly fuck and it kind of just happened.You two had both agreed it would be a lot safer to not hook up with random people and let them find out where John.B lived so you ended up just become eachothers nightly hookup.

You had made a set of rules.Just the three.Rule One:No Marks That Anyone Else Could See.He had broken that rule only two months in when he left six dark hickies along your neck and even more across your chest.You had woken up the next morning and looked in the mirror to see the dark purple marks that covered your body. “What the fuck,J?No noticable marks,remember?”You huffed.He turned to look at you,a grin on his face. “Well that sucks for you,princess.”He smiled up at you.You rolled your eyes,straddling him.He looked up at you with a sleepy yet confused expression.You smirked before leaning down and sucking hickeys up and down his chest.He didnt fight it,instead telling you that you missed a spot.You found it funny that the others hadnt managed to connect the dots.

The Second Rule was Not To Go To Eachothers Houses.This shouldve been common sense because of how loud JJ was and how small your house was.His house was too chaotic and dangerous as well.He had broken that rule five months in when he had climbed in your window in the middle of the night and shook you awake gently.You had been startled,obviously and ended up grabbing him by the neck and rolling on top of him. “Geez,(Y/N),didnt take you for the kinky type.”He grinned.You face palmed,laying back down on your bed. “What the fuck,JJ?Its like three in the morning.”You whisper shouted.He smirked,leaning down over you. “Yeah,but im horny and you werent around.”He spoke,his knees on either side of your hips.You sat up under him. “You’re not supposed to come to my house,JJ.”You reminded him.He frowned. “I know but im horny and I need help.”He reached for your hand and placed it over where he wanted it most.You sighed,leaning forward so your forehead was against his. “JJ,my parents are literally across the hall.”You told him.He nodded,leaning down to kiss you. “So just be quiet.”He instructed you.You bit your lip,nodding.He started off gentle,leaving feather like kisses on your lips and neck.He often got rough with you,not afraid of pinning your hands over your head or trying different positions.But this time he was surprisingly gentle.

He unbuttoned the oversized shirt you wore to bed,kissing your collarbones and sucking on your nipples.You let a moan slip out,causing him to hold his hand over your mouth.He licked a stripe up your neck,leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Bite my hand if you want me to stop,understand?”He asked.You nodded.He left hickeys along your stomach before tugging down your boy short underwear.He grinned at the small wet spot in them before tossing them onto the floor.He licked a stripe between your folds after kissing your inner thighs gently.You let out a small moan that was muffled by his hand.He put a finger in you,pumping slowly and only being fueled by the noises coming out of you.He put in another finger,pumping the two fingers into you at a hellish pace.Your eyebrows furrowed,eyes clenching shut as the bubble in your stomach grew before releasing itself all over him.He grinned,slurping it all up. “You want more,princess?”He asked.You nodded weakly,making him grin.He pulled down his shorts to reveal that he wasnt even wearing underwear.

He slowly slid into you,jaw dropping as he did so.You quickly reached your hand up to cover his mouth.He lowered his head and buried his face in the crook of your neck as he began to pound into you.He went hard and fast,making you reach your high again.He bit your neck lightly and let out a small moan that was muffled by your skin.Your hands went to his back and under the shirt that he was still wearing,your fingernails digging into his skin.He eventually collapsed on top of you,a panting and sweating mess.He pulled out of you,grabbing a tissue and cleaning you off.You pulled him close to you,pulling him down on the bed to hug him for a few moments.You always loved hugs for a reason he couldnt really understand.

The Third Rule was to not catch feelings.He had broken that the first day that the ‘relationship’ began but he hadnt admitted to it until a month ago.You two had just finished,laying next to eachother on the guest bed.He had pulled on his boxers,watching as you got dressed and pulled your hair up into a ponytail.You caught him staring,turning to look at him and raising your eyebrows in confusion. “What?”You asked.He shrugged,pulling the sheet over himself while still staring at you.You fixed your chain,still staring at him.You sighed,walking over to him and sitting down on the bed. “Somethings up with you.”You observed.He shook his head,avoiding your gaze.You rolled your eyes,sitting on top of him so he was forced to look at you. “What’s up,J?”You asked.He sighed,looking up at you with a certain look in his eye.It wasnt lust or anger...it was something that you had never seen before. “How do you even know something is up?”He asked.You shrugged.

 “You’ve been fucking me different lately.”You answered,combing his hair with your fingers.He furrowed his eyebrows. “Is that bad?”He asked.You shook your head,grinning. “No,just different.Now stop changing the subject.”You insisted,hoping he’d finally tell you what was on his mind.He let out a small breath as if he was nervous. “Could you maybe...not stare at me.”He mumbled.You frowned,getting off of him and sitting across from him on the mattress. “What is it?”You asked.His heart was beating quickly,blinking hard.His mouth opened as he struggled to form words. “I just...I dont know if i should be doing this anymore.”He answered,not looking at you.You pouted. “Doing what?”You asked.He sighed,looking up at you. “Us,I mean.I’ve broken all the rules and i just dont think I can handle it anymore.”He answered,waiting for you to answer.You stared down at your lap,trying to make sense of what he had just said to you.You shook your head,realizing what he was saying. “JJ-you havent broken all the rules.Not all of them,right?”You asked,hands shaking.He bit his lip,glancing at you before looking away.

 “How am I not supposed to have feelings for you when you fuck me like this?How can you expect me not to fall for you when you moan so loud and talk dirty to me and-god,I didnt mean too.”he sighed,holding his head in his hands.You shook your head,not believing it. “Bullshit,JJ.What’s actually going on?”You asked,hoping this was a sick joke.JJ knew how scared you were of love and how repulsed you were by the idea of someone loving you in such a way.He knew that yet he still decided to fuck with your feelings and joke like this.He looked directly at you. “Im in love with you, (Y/N).”He admitted.This wasnt going how he had always hoped it would.Kiara had made the group watch plenty of cheesy romance movies where the guy confessed his undying love for the quirky girl and she loved him too and they’d kiss and live happily ever after.He knew that wasnt going to happen but he had still hoped that maybe just maybe you’d smile and tell him you liked him as well or at least let im down gently.But no,you were staring at him completely horrified.

 “What the fuck,JJ?”You asked,angry.He just stared at you,nails digging into his palms. “I-I dont know what you want me to do about it.”He whispered,dumb founded.You bit your lip,looking at him as your eyebrows casted shadows over your irises. “Just stop.”You answered before standing up and walking out the door.He didnt try to stop you,instead just staring at the door after you left.He had tried texting and calling when you hadnt come around to the Chateau in a week.Kiara had tried but you didnt answer her either.John.B and the others had even drove to your house in the van but your mother had answered the door and told them that you were out.He had missed you so much.He had even tried going to your house in the middle of the night and knocking on your window.You hadnt opened the window or even woken up.He had seen you at the beach once on an early morning.He had immediately run up to you. “God,I thought you were dead.Where have you been?”He asked.You rolled your eyes. “Im so sorry if I dont wanna be around your lying manipulative ass.”You grumbled,attempting to walk away when he grabbed your hand.

JJ looked down at you,hand still holding yours. “Please,just give me a chance.Just let me love you.”He whispered.You pulled your hand from his grip,swallowing. “You dont love me.I dont know what youre feeling but I want nothing to do with it.”You spoke bitterly.He shook his head. “At least just be my friend again.Please,I need you in my life.Dont even do it for me,do it for the others.We’re all falling apart without you around.Kie is just depressed all the time and Pope has been trying to tell me about science shit and we need you back.Please,please,ill leave you alone if thats what you want but I just need you around again.”He begged.You nodded slowly. “Okay.But if you ever bring this whole thing up it’s all over,alright?”You asked.He nodded,eyes becoming glassy.It hurt to see but you werent sure what to do.You felt bad,of course,but there was nothing you could do about this.

You got a weird little shaking feeling in your stomach when he was near you but you didnt know what that meant.It couldnt mean that you liked him because he just wasnt the type of person that you should like. “Dont start crying right now.Dont you dare do it-I will drown you.”You threatened him.He sniffled,glancing away from you.You grinned. “You just started a war.”You grinned,dragging him to the water.He tried to fight you,a few tears slipping out.You splashed him,making him laugh before rubbing at his eyes.He splashed you back with only half of his effort,making you roll your eyes.You cupped your hands,throwing water at him.He scoffed,tackling you into the cold water.You laughed,flipping him over and splashing water into his hair.He sat up under you,laughing.His laughter stopped as he noticed the position he was currently in. “What?”You asked.He glanced down and then back up at you.

You rolled your eyes. “You’re such a pussy.”You sighed,climbing off of him and sitting in the water.He sighed,looking up at you. “We should go back so you can catch up with Kie and Pope.”He suggested,hoping you’d stay for a little longer anyways.You shook your head. “I think we should catch up.”You told him.He nodded,sitting up straight next to you as the waves smacked onto your thighs.You were both silent,the only noise being the constant smacking of the waves and distant music. “So….what do you want to talk about?”He asked.You sighed,leaning back on your elbows. “Id ask how youve been but uh….I think I already know.So….hows your dad been?”You asked,holding your breath.He shrugged. “You know,he’s just him.I’ve been staying at John.B’s.How...how has your mom been?”He asked.You sighed,brushing your hair away from your face. 

“Well,her and dad still argue and shit.They broke the window last week so that sucks but its fine.What have you been doing?”You asked.He wanted to be honest with you but he was embarrassed.He had smoked three times the amount of weed he usually did,went days without showering and had pulled a good 12 all nighters in one month.But he couldnt lie to you.Not when he had hurt you once. “Well,you know,the usual.Lots of weed,lots of beer,lost of surfing.”He answered.You nodded,laying down in the sand and closing your eyes. “That sounds nice.I’ve just been painting and swimming and thats pretty much it.Ive missed you guys,not gonna lie.”You admitted.He frowned,wanting nothing more than to wrap his arm around your waist and rest his head on your shoulder. “Then why wouldnt you come around?You werent that mad,were you?”He asked.You sighed,opening your eyes to look at him. 

“I dont think im as mad as I am scared.”You answered.He bit his lip,nodding. “I just...I dont get why you’re scared.I just dont get what about love is so scary.”He hoped you wouldnt get up and walk away.You stared up at the dark sky,letting out a loud,dramatic breath. “I just dont like the idea of it,okay?You know I hate it and that I want nothing to do with it.You know that.”You answered,your voice dripping venom.It sounded just like it had that time you scolded him for stealing from an independent business.You had been so pissed off.He nodded. “No,no,I know.I just want to know why you hate it so much.”He tried to form his questions into words.You grumbled something under your breath,sitting up. “Because if I fall in love I dont want to be the only one falling!The universe does this thing where it makes you fall for someone thats way too perfect and then of course they dont fall for you and you’re just stuck!”You exclaimed.JJ chuckled,looking away from you.

You had just explained his exact situation without meaning too. “Tell me about it.”He sighed.Your eyebrows furrowed,jaw dropping a bit when you realized what you had just said. “JJ-shit.Fuck,dude.”You whispered.He grinned sadly at you,his eyes having that same expression they had had that day he had first confessed to you. “Yeah,I get why you dont want this.It really sucks.”He laughed half heartedly.You sighed,looking up at him. “What does it feel like?”You asked him.He gulped,trying to ignore how close you were.Your body was practically pressed up against him.He was tempted to reach out and twirl your chain between his fingers. “Um...well its like just kind of wanting.Just like wanting things like when you see someone you just want to hug them and appreciate them and you just want them to be happy even if they arent with you.And-and you get this feeling in your stomach like when you drink so much and get all giggly.”He answered.He felt you inch closer,one of your arms wrapping around his torso as you rested your head under his chin.

He didnt really understand what you were doing but he wanted you to be comfortable around him.He tried his best not to act strange,wrapping an arm around your waist in a half hug. “JJ.”You mumbled. “Yeah?”He asked. “I think...I dont know.I think I might be in love with you.”You sighed,waiting for him to say something.His mind went completely blank,trying to think of what to say to you. “Umm...okay.Okay.So...so...what do we do now?”He asked.You shrugged,kissing his cheek lightly. “I have no idea.”You answered.He kissed your forehead,looking down at you.He leaned down slowly,giving you the time to pull away.You didnt,kissing him gently.It was different from the kisses you had shared before.This one was innocent and gentle,ending with a hug. “We should go back to the others now.”You spoke quietly.He nodded,helping you up and holding your hand for as long as he could.

[pinkykitten]

Forest pt. 1

 Castlevania 

Alucard Tepes x female! reader

Warning: cursing, violence, gore, mentions of blood

Specifics: chapter fic, romance, angst, fluff, not requested, action, adventure, race neutral reader, human reader

People: alucard tepes, monster thingy from the show

Words: 3,338

Summary: Since Alucard lives in the forest now in Dracula’s castle he meets the reader in the forest and in that moment he starts to have a liking towards her and is very bashful, blushy and romantic towards her and she is a goofball and is very silly and lighthearted. From the moment that they met all Alucard wants to do is protect the reader no matter what is takes. 

Authors Note: god alucard is so sexy and so beautiful like god dang! lol sorry im a bit of a horny nerd. anywho its rlly late where im at andddddd i cant go to sleep cuz i slept the whole day so ayyyee. anywho i was inspired idk where but i was inspired to write this bc i think alucard deserves love and someone who adores him like i do. i loved writing this tho and rlly want to write for castlevania more but this is going to be chapters idk how many yet lets just see where the wind takes us i hate planning anyways. IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS THO I AINT EVEN MAD ABOUT IT!!!!! LIKE YASSSSSSSSSS

“Alright so its been almost a month and I haven’t died. That must mean I’m doing something right.” You used a piece of wood you made into a cane to help you get up the steep hills. You were voyaging alone in the forest. You had a family that were settled more outside the town that you lived near. You were a large family and your siblings came down with a sickness. You were determined to find a cure and determined to find medicine for them. As scary as it may have seemed you needed to put on a brave face for the dangers that lay out ahead. You knew those monsters walked around and as much as that terrified you, your siblings came first. At a young age, adventure excited you and you always wanted to prove to yourself and family that you were more than capable of doing things alone. 

You saw a river down below. The water rushing past rocks made you relaxed and with a glint in your eyes you smiled. “Aha!” You looked left and right, seeing if anyone was present. “Alone with just the woods and me. I knew mother was wrong. I can very much so take care of myself.” You threw your satchel on the floor alongside with your clothes. “I smell like a pig.” You chuckled at your joke. The cool, clear water was down below as you ran to it, looking forward to the coldness and the feeling of being clean. You jumped in not knowing someone was near. 

You dunked your face laughing. “And there’s fish!” You swam behind a light blue fish. Being at awe when you saw the way the fins shone from the sun. You picked it up skillfully and carefully you set it free. Your body delicately floated. “This is the life.” Birds chirped, the wind blew like a whisper against your cheek. 

But suddenly, the rustle of the trees alarmed you. You heard the snapping of a twig. Your head snapped to the noise. Fear bubbled inside you as you thought of all the possibilities. What if it was a bear? What if it were those monsters? Your heart sped fast as you backed out of the river. Your breathing was faster. You needed to get out of here. As you got out your back hit against fur. You quickly turned around as saw a huge demon, monster, you didn’t even know what but you knew it was from Dracula’s army. Its teeth were sharp and its eyes were bright and red. It was your worst nightmare. You erupted a scream as you sprinted around it, climbing the hill to where your satchel laid. 

“Oh my God! Oh my God! I’m gonna die!” You didn’t care about your nudeness, all that mattered to you was surviving. You tried to go as fast as possible but the creature landed in front of you, stopping you from escaping. It cornered you against a huge boulder and tree. With everything you had you lifted your cane high in the air and hit the monster. It didn’t even flinch. 

“What?” Your eyes widened in horror. The creature picked you up as if you weighed nothing and threw you against a tree. You cried out in pain as your back burned and ached to an extreme level. You then noticed that a tree branch stabbed right through your shoulder. The blood dripped down your arm onto your naked skin. You felt queasy and weak. Thoughts and last words echoed through your mind. The monster was about to devour you but a flash of blonde hair came into your vision and you saw, him.

This young man was nothing you’ve ever seen before. He was stronger than the average person, throwing the monster back and forth. He punched it high in the air and then threw it against the boulder. He was incredible. Full of power. Your eyes were starting to close and your vision grew blurry as the last thing you saw were the fangs that the man displayed. 

“Mother I had this terrible dream!” Your whole body shot up. That was a terrible decision as you winced in pain. “It was not a dream.” You breathed hard as you took in your surroundings. The fire was lit making the room comfortable as you were once shivering from being wet. It looked as if you were in the kitchen of somebody's house. “Hello?” Your throat was dry. You were in a stranger’s house. You were in a stranger’s house! “Oh dear.”  You were put high onto a table. You jumped off but were still too weak. You landed hard on your knees but caught yourself with your arms. Your shoulder pounding in pain. You became dizzy. You heard footsteps nearing. “Who are you?” You tried to stand up again but slipped into the arms of a man. 

“Hold on. You are still not well.” His voice came out almost like a whisper. He picked you up and sat you back on the table. “Also, I’m the man who saved your life.”

“That was you? That was, um, pretty amazing.” You curled into yourself. You were nervous around this man. He intimidated you and made you feel shy. He was very handsome and charming. “You kicked that things as* real good.”

The man chuckled, “thank you.”

You quickly looked at your nightgown. It was too big for you as the sleeves ate your arms and the collar was off the shoulders. Your eyes shot open. You were bashful. “Did you, um, see anything?”

He looked away, “I kinda had to. Sorry. You were naked when I saved you.”

“Great. That’s great,” you inhaled clapping your hands. Suddenly you sensed a throbbing pain on your shoulder and you looked to see a blood stain on the nightgown. “Um excuse me sir. Is that supposed to happen?”

The man looked worried as he laid you back down and pulled the nightgown down enough to see your shoulder. “It does not look good. It seems with that jump you reopened the stitches.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. God, this really hurts.”

He got to work on doing your stitches again as he got his items. “Bite down on this.” He opened his mouth to show the action and you saw his teeth. 

“Agh please don’t eat me! You’re a vampire aren’t you?” You flinched away. 

The man rolled his eyes as he shoved the cloth in your mouth but before he got started on you he said, “You are right. I am a vampire.”

You spat the cloth out, “I knew it. I also would like to know your name as this may be my last moment and I would like to remember who will either save me or take my life. My name is y/n l/n.”

“The names Alucard Tepes and this is going to sting a little.” With that Alucard poured some alcohol on your wounds. (im sorry i dont know how helping ppl w medical stuff works :( 

You shifted and tried pouncing up, fighting the urge to let out a blood curdling scream. But Alucard pushed you down with his hands, shushing you gently. “I know, this hurts.” You could almost sense some love and actual concern in his voice. His brows knitted, “I promise, you are almost finished.” 

You looked deep into Alucard’s eyes. They were the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen. This man or vampire looked unreal. He looked made up, something from stories you read as a child, like a prince. You felt something go off within you. Not knowing if it was lust or something else but a fire erupted inside your soul as Alucard’s face inched closer to yours to get to work on your shoulder. His smell was intoxicating. Almost like a musk but yet something floral, fresh, mixed in. Your heart thumped faster at the contact. 

His plump lips quivered as they looked at your state. No way did he want this innocent soul as beautiful as you looked dying on his table. He already had to deal with a lot recently. He didn’t know why or understand but he had this inclination, this feeling, that he needed to keep you alive. He just had to. 

Unable to keep the scream at bay no more you let it out. Your veins protruding from your neck as you became dizzy and once again passed out.

Your eyes opened. Your body was aching. It felt like it went through war. You inhaled as you looked around again, but this time you were hoping things were not a dream as then Alucard would be fake. Remembering his name your head whipped to the side to see Alucard holding a wash cloth stained with blood. He was sound asleep. His head resting against his arm against the table. All the medical stuff was out and about as if he were still working on you. His back was arched at a odd position. 

“He must of fallen asleep while working on me,” you whispered to yourself. His hair sprayed out on his shoulders and table. Without a second thought you touched his hair lightly and you were shocked. It felt like silk upon your fingers! His golden eye lashes kissed his cheek as he snoozed so peacefully. You felt bad leaving him to worry for you and to be sleeping in an uncomfortable place. You felt you weren’t that deserving of such treatment.

You kicked your feet out and hopped off the table. Your feet pattered against the hard floor as you walked to Alucard. You snatched him a blanket you saw nearby and draped it over his tall, lean body. You smiled seeing how elegant and graceful he looked sleeping. 

You yawned, scratching your head as you looked upon the window and noticed it was raining. Surprisingly in this vampire but also a stranger’s house the rain seemed cozy and it made you feel at peace. It was dark in his house. The trees shook from the tiny wind and rain. 

“I must leave but I should thank Alucard for helping me with my wound last night. I probably wouldn’t have last without him.” Your mind wondered back to what happened at the river. Yes, Dracula was gone according to what the towns people said but why was his army still about, his monsters? It didn’t make sense to you. But what did you know? You were just a weak human living in a mysterious world you didn’t want any part of. 

You pulled out a chair and got to writing a thank you letter to Alucard, pulling out a pen, ink and a piece of paper.

“Dear Alucard. No, too direct. How about, to a savior? Too high and mighty.” Finally you had written your letter but it sounded very awkward and you were too much of a p*ssy to give it to Alucard. “Ugh this is hopeless.” You crumpled up the paper, throwing it on the floor by the garbage. 

You thought and thought and thought until an idea popped in your mind. “I know,” you snapped. “I’ll make him breakfast. My mother always says a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” You crossed your fingers, “lets just hope this man likes human food instead of hearts and blood.” You gulped. 

You rolled your sleeves up, washed your hands and brought out the pots and pans and butter. “I’m going to make toast, eggs, bacon, beans and mushrooms.”

You spiced up the food and placed them in a skillet. The sizzle satisfying your ears. The sun started to peak through the clouds as the aroma wafted through the house. You grinned, loving to cook and make a person happy with your hard work. “I hope he likes this.” You were almost finished when Alucard coughed behind you. 

You jumped, being in the zone. “Oh hi there,” you waved awkwardly. “My apologies if I woke you.”

“Uh, no I woke myself up,” his rough voice made your knees weak as it was still laced with sleep. He stretched, cracking some knuckles, yawning as well. “What I would like to know is what are you doing?”

“Well,” you started setting up the table cutely. “I wanted to say thanks for helping me back there. I was kind of a p*ssy to be honest and like a wuss so this is just a little thanks for all the help.”

Alucard didn’t know what to say so instead he just smiled. 

“Please, sit, sit, sit,” you pointed to the seats. “Breakfast is almost ready.”

Alucard awkwardly sat. Not ever having this type of service. He looked at you as you were preparing the finishing steps of your dish. The sun cascaded around you and you were illuminated like a goddess. You were breathtaking. Alucard blushed madly. You put everything on the table. Seeing Alucard’s expression you laughed, “are you alright?”

Alucard coughed, “yes, thank you for all of this. You really didn’t need to. It all looks beautiful.” He looked at the presentation. 

You took the seat beside Alucard. You could of sat anywhere else but you sat beside him. He almost couldn’t hear what you were about to say in that moment from how hard his heart was beating.  

“No need to thank me. I think we’ve done enough thanking and now its time to dig in.” You patted his hand. 

Alucard just looked at the food and he almost felt tears at his eyes. Nobody ever cared for him like this. 

“Is it okay? If its not to your liking I totally get it. You don’t have to eat it. I don’t even know if you like this stuff. I mean who knows maybe you only eat flowers and here I am serving you bacon and eggs.” You became flustered. 

“No, no, no this is lovely its just,” he choked back a cry. “Nobody has ever done anything like this for me, ever.”

You clutched onto his hand and gave him a beautiful smile. “Then that just means you have to eat double. As much and maybe more than what your stomach can hold.” You giggled.

Alucard blushed again as he started to eat quickly. Enjoying every moment of your company and food. “The beans are delicious.”

“Well I’m glad you liked them. Its my mum’s recipe, she always makes them like this.” You then recalled why you came on this journey in the first place. “My satchel!”

“Don’t worry, its safe.”

You raised your brow, “did you take a look?”

Alucard paused, “no, I would never.” He took a bite out of his bread. Chewing on the piece silently. “Maybe just a tiny peek.”

You pouted, “Nosy. I should of locked it.”

“Why do you have all those books in your bag anyways?” Alucard crossed his legs as he took a sip of his coffee. His light orbs staring intently at you. 

Seeing the rain start to become tiny droplets of rain you thought about your family and how you missed them. This was all for them. “My siblings you see are very ill,” your hand shook with anxiety. “My village is very poor and we are limited in resources, especially medicine. We’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work. They just seem to be getting worse. I’ve been researching and trying to find an answer and supposedly, I read that there is a certain flower that only grows in a specific area that may cure the illness. In the books there is a map and that’s why I was led to that river well more like I wanted to take a bath and that’s what led me to the river. But I’ve been on this trail for a while. I’m just, scared because it all depends on me. If I can’t find this flower, if I can’t find a cure and my family dies it will be my fault. I would have killed them.” You didn’t even realize it but you were crying. 

Alucard saw you were distressed and held onto your hand. He comforted you through your anxiety. Your teary eyes looked into his and he gave you a toothy smile, “I’ll help you find it.”

“What?” You rubbed your eyes.

“I know the place you need to go. I can guide you there. Besides the outside world is very dangerous for a beautiful girl such as yourself. I can see that this means a lot to you and I want to help.”

You dropped your fork and got out of your chair. “You mean it? You aren’t joking?”

Alucard chuckled, “I promise I am speaking truth.” Alucard flung his hand out to you. 

You quickly shook on it and shouted with enthusiasm, “deal!” You jumped up and down laughing as you hugged Alucard. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. Can we please leave immediately then?”

“We can leave today.”

You danced, “yes. I’ll go change and get my things.” You brought the empty dishes to clean them as Alucard stood up with a smile on his face. 

You were something else, something different. A breath of fresh air in his depressing life. Maybe you were meant to be here. Maybe you were a sign. Either way Alucard thought that these couple of days were to be very exciting. Alucard was about to get ready when a piece of paper in the corner caught his eyes. It was crumbled. “Hmmm, what is this?” He bent down to pick it up and read the words. With just the first word to the letter his smile grew bigger and bigger. 

Alucard coughed as he raised the letter you wrote to him earlier but discarded high in the air, “Dear Alucard, to my savior. I would love for you to know that I am extremely appreciative for what you have done for me in saving my life-”

Your eyes almost popped out of your head. That letter was not supposed to be read by him especially. It was embarrassing. You dropped a plate in the sink and felt your whole world collapse. You wanted to crawl in a hole and die. 

“When I first saw you I thought you were a prince-” Alucard kept going until you couldn’t take it any longer. 

You sprinted and tried grabbing the letter out of his hand. “Alucard, give that to me. Now.”

“Oh you want this letter?” Alucard smirked. “You do sound like an obnoxious romantic whore.”

You gasped, “I do not! That was supposed to be my thank you letter and I didn’t like it and you weren’t supposed to read it. So give it back!” You jumped for it but Alucard raised it high in the air. “Alucard, give it to me.”

Alucard’s face came closer to yours as he pinned you against the table. “Why don’t you come and get it?”

You practically climbed him, snatching the letter out of his hand. “Aha!” But Alucard’s footing was off and he and you fell with a thud. 

The birds chirped lightly as Alucard laid under you and you fell on top of him, your arm bracing for the impact. Alucard held in his breath with a red blush as he looked at you so extremely close. You both held that position for what felt like forever. You eyes were wide in horror at the compromising position. 

You quickly stood up and were flustered. Forgetting where everything was. “Um, um, um. I’m going to go put my trip on so we can get ready for the clothes.” You quickly ran away. 

Alucard breathed quickly as he brushed back his long hair whispering the words. “My savior.” He noticed you were in such a panic mode that you forgot about your letter. It was left and Alucard was not going to leave or throw away evidence that someone saw him in such a good light. He loved that letter because it was from you. 

Tag list: @harrington-lover​​, @angelgl16​​, @perfectlybeautifulsuit​​, @hyehoney​​, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly​​​, @totally-alexa21​​, @creamy-pasta-boi​​, @multireese​​, @fanfictionrecommendations-com​​, @prentisskelley​​, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97​​, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople​​, @collectiveyou​​, @wtfisalltherandoms​​, @dirbel​​, @eastcoasthaven​​, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @melonreblogsstories​​​​

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

Please Reblog, like or comment! It means a lot to me and I truly appreciate it:)

[mcuspidey-archive]

bulletproof | t.h. — part one

Pairing: Agent!Tom x Agent!Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: You have one job. Get the evidence and get out. Should be easy enough but with your incredibly irresistible partner in your ear the whole time, it’s a little hard to stay focused.

Warning: A LOT OF DIALOGUE, crime, cursing, angst, major flirting like, did I mention dialogue !!!! 

A/N: COLLAB WITH @thelazypangolin ! This started as a blurb request but I was so inspired and excited about it that I knew it had to be BIG and I couldn’t do it alone. I’m honored to be writing with her and we honestly are having so much fun with it that I’d be shocked if it didn’t turn into an entire series. (That will depend on the feedback we get so please let us know what you think ok?) We are just so proud of this and we really hope you enjoy it ❤️

Your hands reach for the computer that sat in front of you as drops of perspiration trickle down your forehead. You were well aware that the mission would be risky, but your lazy ass hated time-bound tasks enough for you to start stressing out.

Your hand finds the mini USB drive you had stashed in your back pocket earlier and despite it being a minute device, it would be the deciding factor on whether your assignment failed or succeeded.

“Y/N, you sure you can handle this one?” Tom’s voice flows softly through the tiny earpiece.

He was always teasing you and you loved it, but of course would never admit it. Rolling your eyes at the hidden cameras surrounding you, you hear him laugh.

“I can handle anything,” you assure him, a sly smirk spreads across your face. It was true and he knew it. You had only been working together for a few months and he already knew you better than anyone else ever had. You’re strong, the strongest person he knows, and so fearless. It was the reason you were offered the position in the first place because no matter what, you never backed down.

“I know. But are you sure you can stay focused, love? You look so sexy right now.” He tests you and you know he’s busy eyeing the black, skin-tight pants and red leather jacket that were hugging you in all the right places.

“Something tells me that you are the one who's having a hard time focusing, eh Holland?” you chuckle, hiding the underlying anxiety.

“I might be more focused if you dressed more professionally, ya know,” his voice saturates your being, officially distracting you. Though it wouldn't be exactly wrong to say that you did love all the distraction he brought to the job.

“Maybe I’m just trying to show you what you’ve been missing out on,” you say, a little too confidently. You knew you needed to be completely invested in the screen in front of you, but couldn’t help yourself. You dished it right back, only you were better at it and you wished you could see his reactions.

You hear his voice hitch and he lets out a soft groan. “You sure, this is the right time and the right place to show that?”

“Better now than never.” Your fingers tap nervously on all the possible combinations of numbers to unlock the information, yet you manage to let the words glide effortlessly.

“How 'bout after we’re done here?” He says, sending a shiver up your spine as you imagine the gorgeous, uneven grin he most likely had on his face. You gasp dramatically. “Tom Holland, are you asking me out?”

“I might be,” he says and a nervous laugh escapes his lips. It had been months of continuous flirting and ensuing tension between the two of you, and he chose now to do this?

Getting too caught up in him, you enter just enough wrong combinations.

The analogue display immediately sets to 10:00.

“Y/N?”

“I’m fine, it’s just- I may have set off the intruder alert, no big deal,” you try to brush it off. The fact that you made a mistake in the first place was bad enough.

“Y/N, they’re going to be there any minute, most likely armed, do you hear me? Get out!” Panic ringing clearly through his words.

09:00

“I uh-” you glance at the illuminated numbers. “-still have nine minutes. I can do this.” You fake confidence to pacify your partner's concerns but on the inside, you knew that you were fucked, big time.

“No damn it, the moment that clock hits zero, this entire building blows up and all the evidence with be destroyed. You are not going down with it,” Tom was almost yelling through the earpiece, his shrill voice making your already pounding heart beat out of your chest.

“Tom, I have nine-” you correct yourself as your eyes find the blinking red warning once again. “-eight and a half minutes and I can and will make it.”

It would go against the image you had worked so hard to maintain so no, you were not leaving this unfinished. You were given the nearly impossible task of catching these guys. Known to be one of the most dangerous group of criminals and their specialty? Importing stolen money which you were chosen to get proof of on the tiny USB drive now plugged to the computer. It was safe to say that you were scared, a feeling you weren’t familiar with because when it came to what you did for a living, you almost never felt fear. Now with the time still ticking down, 08:00, your nerves threaten to get the best of you.

“Come on, come on,” You urge the data percentage to move faster as it feels like it stays at 43% for hours instead of mere seconds.

Tom was still frantic, his melodic tone that usually calms you down, now builds you up and not in the good way.

“Listen to me, Y/N. Get out right now or I swear I will come in after you,” he scolded seriously and there was no doubt in your mind that he would. But you couldn’t let them get away with this and he was just going to have to trust you.

07:00

“I can’t,” you shake your head, about to say exactly what he didn’t want to hear. “I-I have to see this through, otherwise it’s all for nothing.”

“If they see you, you’re dead. If you hide and that timer stops, you're dead. You might be willing to risk your life but I’m not!” Tom yells again, needing you to just listen to him for once. You could tell he was pacing back and forth and with each step that echoed through the speaker, you felt more anxious and equally annoyed.

“I’m staying, Tom. I’ll be fine. You know I always am,” your wavering tone barely convincing you as you try to ease his frantic heart.

“This is different! Your life's on the line and I refuse to just sit in this damn van and let it happen.” He was trying everything because maybe something he said would change your mind. Or at the very least, his voice. Always calm and smooth as silk somehow, even when he was pissed off. One of his many features that typically made you weak, but right now? It just wasn’t enough.

As much as the situation was testing you, Tom's words weren't making it any better and engulfed with rage, you snap. “My life is always on the line. None of our missions are without risks!”

The deafening sound of Tom's fists slamming on the tabletop fills your ears, making you flinch. “There is no mission if you're dead,” he screamed and you take a deep breath and keep watching the data that was close to 78% now. Any second now.

“Can you hear me, Y/N?” Tom heaves a sigh and you swear you could feel his warm breath calm your nerves. You shut your eyes close and muster the courage to utter at least a single word that wouldn't shatter your hopes anymore.

“Please… Listen to me, I can’t lose you,” Tom's voice is a mere whisper and your heart sinks at the possibility of the inevitable.

Nevertheless, you shake your head and put your fingers to your ear. “Tom, I'll make it. Trust me,” you assure him and swallow harshly as your eyes well up. You never were the emotional one, you had aced the impossible before, but today just happened to be the day when your heart ached and you wished to melt in someone's arms. Tom's arms.

“I love you.”

You blink your eyes and furrow your brows. “What?”

“I said I love you, Y/N.” You feel the pain in his voice despite the barriers and your brimming eyes overflow just enough to let a tear stain your cheek.

03:00

“Y-you?” Your lip quivers and breath gets caught up in your throat. You sniffle and shut your eyes, it wasn't real. “Do you-”

“I have been in love with you ever since that first fucking day,” he said, sure and steady.

Silence.

You swallow harshly as your eyes watch the data percentage reach close to 98%. Your fingers tap on the table in front of you, ready to pull out the device and run for your life. To run to him.

“Y/N?” You feel heart-wrenching pain as your name rolls  off his tongue. How little a gesture, yet still left you in misery.

01:00

“Dammit, talk to me!” The voice in your ears was loud, loud and desperate. You could even hear the tapping of his foot, like the world silenced every other sound so you could savour the last moment, let his words engulf you for the last time.

100%

“Done,” you manage to slip the word out.

“Run, Y/N!” he screams over the comms and you inhale deeply. Show time.

Your fingers wrap around the device and you pull it with a jerk and take to your heels. Your vision grows hazy and you hastily wipe your eyes with the back of your hand but it doesn't help. Your pools were clouded, but your thoughts weren't. Tom was quiet yet his voice was still playing at the back of your mind like a broken record and you loved it. Maybe it was the last time that you got to hear it and if so, at least it was filled with the love that you desperately needed.

You stumble and then regain your balance.

You had done this before.

You harshly clear your throat and part your lips to let the words out. You couldn't wait to be in his arms, to tell him that you felt exactly the same but your current situation wasn't assuring your chances of escape. You take a gust of air in through your parted lips and manage to push the words out.

00:00

“I lo-”

Boom.

My masterlist | Amy’s masterlist

Taglists:  @hollandroos @badhollandfluff @eveanne-03 @brookestreewolf @bonfirelohve @spideymood @sensitivesapphic @hollandofthefree @uglypastels @spideybitey18 @rainbow-marvel @moonkissedtom @andwhatdostarsdobest @marcymakemagic @spideychronicles @starlightfound @summertime-acoustic @notsolivelyadele @hollandfieldblurbs @itslizabitch8021

Tags: @hazsterfield @tomhollandeu @kick-namestake-ass @starksparker @curlytoms @screamholland @tomnhaz @pbnjparker @starkschurro @spiderboytotherescue @theprincesofasgard @spdys @anthonyed @hollandsbaby @petalparker @madmadmilk

[breathings-of-the-heart]

Levi x Reader Part 3

Love me Black and Blue

A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! Hope all’s well so far, and looking forward to 365 days of self-love, prosperity, human relations, and of course, more Shingeki no Kyojin! I don’t really have a preface for this chapter, other than the fact that its probably one of my favorites. As always, enjoy <3

(Part 1);  (Part 2) (Part 4 sneak peek)

Please don’t tell me they already left...

You bolted forward, hissing in pain as your wrapped ankle protested against the fast and sudden movement of running. A self-induced sense of urgency spurred you onward despite it, but such carelessness twisted the injury further as you misstepped, stumbling forward slightly.

You barely flinched, bending down and tightening the bandages before treading forward once more with a bit more awareness. And without missing a beat, a distant gallop of horse hooves shook the ground. Like a cat hunting prey, your orbs darted towards the direction of the sound and spurred you onward.

“Of all days to wake up late,” you hissed underneath your breath, voice dripping with sarcasm.

A few greetings were tossed your way as you passed, casual at first until those who laid eyes on your intense gaze gave you a double take.

Your shirt wasn’t completely buttoned, the sleeve tucked on one end and rolled down on the other. Usually kempt (h/c) locks were a tangled mess tossed over your shoulders, pants consisting of flimsy sleeping shorts. It was probably a ridiculous sight to see you limping across camp so ungracefully, and in such a condition.

Catching a certain someone was more important than the throbbing sensation or uncharacteristic behavior, however.

“Captain Levi!”

Seeing a onyx-haired male just a few paces ahead of you now, you reached your arm out and tugged on the Captain’s sleeve desperately to stop him. But the burst of speed and short distance between the two of you was something you hadn’t considered.

He halted the uniform stride abruptly. You broke pace, yet being in such a hurried state left transitioning time too narrow. Unable to halt yourself in time, you collided with Levi’s sturdy back…

… and the ground slipped from beneath you.

“Shi--”

Weight precariously balanced on your back heels, you screwed your eyelids shut to prepare for your collision with the hard earth.

But the impact never came.

Levi turned around curiously, seeing the situation and calmly yet unnaturally quickly slipping his arm around your waist before you could completely trip backwards.

He muttered a small “tch,” at your lack of professionalism and shook his head, looking down to give you a much-needed lecture.

“(Y/N), how many times have I--” 

Levi’s eyes flickered lower, but as soon as they did, he froze.

The current angle of your half-dipped figure and barely covered cleavage made it difficult to restrain himself from... staring. Of course you’d be oblivious about such a thing.

Levi screwed his eyelids shut in exasperation.

“--Forget it,” he finished, reverting to his usual collected self. “I won’t waste my breath.”

You tentatively opened your eyes, hands gently brushing against Levi’s firm chest. Even underneath his uniform, you could feel his impressive muscles, and became embarrassed for not hating his hand gripping your side. Heichou’s body against yours made your heart pound so fiercely you were afraid he would be able to feel it.  

Stunned the whole situation, your pupils dilated as you were given the opportunity to properly admire the man in front of you.

But the moment had to end as Humanity’s Strongest cleared his throat and heaved you upwards. Blushing, you dusted yourself off as the tension-filled scene passed. Nearly everyone who knew Levi also knew it was impossible to deny his handsome appearance, but you were professional.

Maybe not at the moment, but...

“You’re a mess,” he clicked his tongue in disapproval. You rubbed your arm sheepishly at the comment. “Why aren’t you in the infirmary?” his voice brought you back to focus and you felt yourself flush once again.

“There aren’t any medics around to keep me away, and I just wanted to see you off, is all…” you answered shyly, biting the inside of your cheek.

“I literally think it’s impossible for you to just… do as you’re told,” he admonished finally as you observed the unamusement in his steele blue-gray orbs. Levi prepared to tell you off for disregarding your health so easily, but as he got a better look at you, something stopped him.

His fixed look shifted from your heaving torso down to the bandages on your leg, the panting of your laboured breathing filling the air.

Guilt and worry reflected your off of your eyes, pure and innocent. Your already petite form seemed even smaller underneath your crestfallen posture, and combining with the utter chaos of your appearance and the pain in your ankle you must’ve been ignoring to reach Levi so quickly, he couldn’t help but soften his expression a fraction.

You were simply really, really worried for your family.

“It’s just… This is the first time I won’t be going with you all, sir. I’m not used to it, and…” there was a pause. “I don’t like it...”

Petra’s gaze flitted to where you and Levi were stood, and she motioned to everyone around her, all nearby and saddling up their horses. They all smiled warmly, the waves of concern and anxiety radiating from you feasible from where they gathered around. The Captain felt their burning stares and ignored them, narrowed his eyes at you instead.

You grew flustered. Was he really angry with you for wanting to say goodbye? You replayed the brief conversation in your head, trying to find where it went wrong.

Oh.

“Not that I don’t think you’re capable without me! You obviously can handle yourselves just fine, even if you were all on your own. I don’t think I carry the squad or anything. I know you are--”

“--(Y/N)?” he cut you off, efficiently abridging your words. Out of nervous habit, you bit your lip. Levi squad all sauntered towards you, synchronized even in their steps.

“It’s just a regulation border patrol,” he continued, unfazed as they all approached. Oluo rested his arm on your shoulder, and you had to crane your head upwards to look at him, reluctantly breaking focus from the short Captain.

“Don’t worry, Shorty Girl. We’ll be back before you know it. Hell, I could probably do one of these by myself. In my sleep,” he boasted, predictably. You smiled softly at his pompous attempt to reassure you. Petra, unaffected by the Levi-wannabe’s ‘charm’, rolled his eyes.

“So you’re telling me you can spot titans with your eyes closed, dumbass?”

Before he could respond, Levi took initiative over the inevitable pointless bickering that was about to break out.

“Let’s stop wasting my time and actually get this over with,” he ordered, gaze never leaving you as he waved them off. Gunther sent you a discreet thumbs up as Eld pulled him away, waving at you as she went. Your stomach churned with anxiety regardless.

“I’m sorry, Heichou,” you croaked, playing with the ends of your hair. Levi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Stop worrying about it, brat. It’s not your fault. And start taking better care of yourself, if you want to come with us next time.”

“Yes, sir,” you conceded defeatedly, watching desparidly as Levi turned to mount his horse. Seeing his back to you, about to leave to the uncertainty of the outside, made something snap, though, and you tugged on his sleeve once again.

“Captain, wait!” you nearly shrieked, fear growing in a frantic spurt. He looked back, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes?”

There was a pause.

“I...uh…” to be honest, you had nothing else to say. All you knew is that you didn’t want him to go just yet.

You really cared about them, didn’t you?

“Oi,” the stoic man interrupted, lamenting to the crestfallen, puppy-eyed countenance you were wearing. He reached out, pulling your hand away from the hair it was tugging at.

“We’ll come find you when we get back.”

You sighed, but there was an undeniable sincerity in his words. Levi paused, studying your expression for an awkward, silent minute as if daring you to question the statement.

“Okay,” you gave in, skin suddenly set ablaze where Levi’s fingers touched it. The gnawing worry was forgotten if only for an instant. “I guess you should be off, then, so you can return before I drive myself insane.”

Levi’s gaze met yours steadily, gears turning in his head as he monotonously analyzed the dejection in your expression. He raised his hand and signalled to the squad behind him to move out.

Petra, Gunther, Eld, and Oluo all waved to you in turn before galloping off. You were sure Humanity’s Strongest was going to leave without another word, and the churning feeling in your gut made you lightheaded as the Captain’s grip on his horse’s reins grew tighter. It must’ve been evident on your face.

Levi rolled his eyes.

“Have a little faith, (Y/N),” He insisted apathetically before turning his horse to join the others, leaving you behind.

You nodded in defeat, watching the Special Operations Squad disappear in the distance, without you alongside them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat on the nurse’s desk table, one leg hanging off and the other propped up, your head resting on your knee. Hange scuffled around, grabbing certain items for her titan experiments as you watched her intently.

She seemed to be in search of a particular item, eyes squinted in concentration. A bundle of materials rested in one of her arms, filled with intimidating scalpels, lighters, and vials of unknown substances. You began absentmindedly playing with the hem of your long skirt, the shuffle of the brunette’s movements blurring in your ears.

After rummaging through the cabinets for a solid five minutes, she pulled at her hair in frustration, whipping around to face you.

“(Y/N)...” she whined, rather loudly, jolting you back to awareness. “I can’t find a needle, and you’re just sitting there doing nothing!”

You shot the scientist a fierce glare and pulled out the drawer from the desk underneath you, pointing to the object she was looking for in silence. Hange shook her head softly, plucking the injection from its place.

“I’m getting gray hairs just staring at you, you know. Honestly, it’s like there’s a dark cloud pouring rain over your head. They’re fine, (Y/N). Lighten up.”

You crossed your arms and stuck your nose in the air defensively.

“I didn’t ask you to babysit me, so don’t complain about me polluting your good mood. You can always go if you want to.”

She clicked her tongue.

“Actually, I can’t. Corporal Shorty demanded I watch you while they’re gone.” There was a twinkle of humor in her eyes.

Taken aback, you scoffed lightly. “What does he think I’m going to do? I can barely move five feet in front of me.”

Hange laughed, provocatively grinning at you before turning around to grab a bag to place her things. The disposition in the room changed, and you knew the next thing out of the scout’s mouth would be utter ridiculousness.  

“I don’t know, (Y/N). Why would someone as dark and brooding as Corporal Shorty leave someone in charge to make sure your angelic self stays perfectly safe in this room?”

So you had been correct. Noting that you were in a particularly sour mood, you saved no expense in considering Hange’s potentially gentle ego as you bluntly glowered at her.

“You know I hate it when people speak in riddles. Insinuation is pointless, Hange. Either say what you mean or shut the hell up,” you huffed, any semblance of your typically cheery personality having disappeared with your squad members.

Hange folded her arms across her chest and you inhaled deeply, wondering what had come over you.

“You’re too perfect for words, (Y/N),” the woman laughed, poking you on the nose sweetly. “No wonder Levi has taken a liking to you.”

Your cheeks flamed. If you weren’t already red from you interaction with said man that morning, you were probably scarlet now. Gauging your reaction, Hange doubled over her strange cackling growing in volume as you willed your mind not to wander off into daydream about his perfectly sculpted body, alluring orbs, defined jawline--

Wait. Since when did I start thinking about that?

“Yeah, you’re perfect for his squad,” she finished, placing a hand on her hip.

Oh. That’s what Hange meant. Of course.

You cleared your throat, willing your face to cool down in the process. She was so friendly, you started to feel sorry for snapping at her the way you did.

“I’m sorry for my bitterness, Hange,” you started apologetically. “It’s just that my job is to help them, so when I can’t, what am I good for?”

“--If you want to help, it will do well for you to stay put and heal. Petra can’t survive much longer without someone to help her tame the other brats,” a voice broke in.

You perked up instantly as your gaze snapped to the familiar sound, nearly jumping off the table after realizing Levi was leaning against the doorframe. Sunlight seemed brighter, and the world regained a bit of its color.  

“Naturally. Only you can handle for such a task by yourself,” you smiled, feeling the ton of weight lifting from your chest.

Love and relief for your teammates hitting you like a rush as he sauntered closer. Your first impulse was to throw your arms around the short-statured man as soon as he was in arms-length, but you tightened your fists instead, puzzled by the urge to do such a thing. He placed himself between your legs and blew his hair out of his face.

“Hm,” Levi grunted, as if agreeing to the statement.

The raven turned to Hange, as if suddenly remembering her presence while you held your breath next to him.

“You can go now, if you’d like.”  

She nodded, clutching her things tighter.

“Finally! She’s been a pain in the ass, that one,” the glasses-clad female exclaimed, a cheeky smirk plastered on her face. She ducked with the preknowledge that something would be chucked at her head.

Your glower was pressing daggers into her skin, but nevertheless, Hange winked at you as she ushered herself out of the room.

Without much of a warning, Levi placed your hands on his shoulders and his own on your hips.

“Down you go. The others are waiting for you,” he montoned, assisting you gently climb down from the cold, steel table.

Touching Levi’s broad shoulders alongside with the fact that you hadn’t needed help at all, which he knew, made your heart pound. The entire way to the mess hall, he kept a soft touch on the small of your back to guide you, making sure you wouldn’t trip. He looked down at your shorter form and leaned down to whisper something.

“Oh, and in case you thought I was being nice: two weeks of kitchen duty for disrespecting Hange.”

Something nagging bloomed in your stomach despite Levi’s unknowingly seductive tone, however; a distant memory chiming in demand to be remembered. One that made your palms sweat as you stole a glance at him.

[dumbgothbunny]

May I request Shigaraki having to share a bed with his crush on a mission? He's freaking out and fidgeting until his crush starts to stroke his hair to try to get him asleep? That's like my favorite trope. 💖

This is legit one of my favorite things ever cos like- even though i love mean, hateful, lustful, evil shigaraki… i also really like sweet timid nervous shigaraki.

Tomura curses when he kicks open the motel room door, a growl bubbling in his throat. The two of you had managed to get away from the heros; your mission had been a success- but now here you were, stuck at some ranky motel together. The storm outside was impossible to travel in and its suddenness made it almost impossible for the both of you to find a room. He’d managed to steal two oversized hoodies from the motel shop without being noticed, thank god for uninterested teens not paying attention. Both of you were soaked head to toe.

You didn’t know Shigaraki well. He was often quiet, and the few times you’d heard him speak it was to give orders. Even working together had left him quiet. He was constantly scratching at his neck, opening several scratch wounds on his skin. It was a nervous habit… he’d done it a few times during your work… but right now he shouldn’t be nervous…. right?

Tomura glances at you, his nerves on end. How had he been so unfortunate as to get stuck with you for this mission? His insides were in turmoil, hormones racing. He liked you. A lot. It was a new feeling- a confusing feeling. Kurogiri had told him that it was perfectly normal for a man of his age to lust after a womans touch, that it was no big deal. He’d given him some pointers on how to approach the subject, if he so pleased. Yet here you were, soaked to the bone, your clothes clinging to every curve of your body. He watches as you pull the band from your hair, shaking it before running your fingers through the silky smooth strands. Shigaraki’s heart skips a beat, and for a moment he’s held captive by your beauty. Your eyes meet his , causing him to look away, fingers digging against his neck. Shit. Shit shit shit.

Your brows furrow.

“Shigaraki-san lets get ready for-…oh..”

You bite your lip, looking at the one king sized bed. It was the only room they’d had left…

“We can just share. Its cold and neither of us need to get sick! I-If you’re okay with that!”

He inhales deeply. Sharing a bed..with you? Without thinking he nods, instantly cursing himself. Tomura watches as you begin to undress, no shame whatsoever. He looks away, turning to face the opposite side of the room. His hand trembles as he removes the hand from his face, fingers fumbling with the others. Shigaraki lines them up in order on the table before beginning to remove his own clothing. His boxers are dry, his cock half hard against his thigh. Shit. Why was it acting up now? He hurries to cover himself with the oversized hoodie he’d stolen. He’s so caught up in his own thoughts- it takes him awhile to turn around.

You’ve already climbed into the bed, your cold body relaxing against the warm sheets. You peek at him, watching as he moves about. He’s yet to look at you, but you can see his legs shaking- his arms trembling. It was no secret to anyone in the league that Tomura had no experience with any type of intimate situations. Most of the guys would joke about him being a virgin behind his back. Your heart sinks. Maybe he’s frightened of you…?

“Shigaraki Tomura-san..?”

“Dont look at me, okay?”

His voice cracks, going an octave higher. The scratching at his neck continues, and you frown.

“Why not..? Come to bed- You must be tired..”

He turns, but the moment he sees you’re looking he whips back around. The action forces you to hold back a laugh. What was he doing?

“Come on, Tomura. I don’t bite. I promise.”

He honestly doubted that. You were a woman… and you terrified him. Its silent for a moment… and then he reluctantly turns around. It’s the first time you’ve seen his face- the scarred, cracked skin of his lips and upper half of his face don’t scare you, but you’re speechless. He’s handsome, and the mole under his lip is really cute. Your cheeks flush and you look away, the bed dipping beside you as he crawls in. Tomura is still wearing his gloves- well, really it was just one thin piece of fabric attached to a band on his wrist. It kept his pinkies covered. They were an invention from one of the support villains in the league. You vaguely remembered him complaining about it at first, but his complaints died shortly after he realised how much easier life was being able to use all five of his fingers.

“I get im not prince charming- you won’t offend me by looking..I just didn’t want to startle you.”

You turn to face him, drinking in his features. Now that he’s closer you can get a better look. His jaw is hard- and your fingers twitch. You want to touch him, but you feel as if it’ll frighten him.

“You aren’t ugly..”

His head whips to the side, eyes narrowing. What were you getting at? Were you trying to make fun of him?

“Excuse me?”

You shrug, chewing on your lower lip.

“I just happen to think you’re handsome. That’s all..”

You lay down, ready to leave the conversation at just that. Tomura was your boss- there was no way he’d feel the same attraction. He stays quiet, arm reaching out to turn off the bedside lights. Its quiet for awhile, the sound of rain pounding against the glass window all that can be heard. That is, until Shigaraki turns to face you.

“You’re pretty.”

The way his voice quivers, breaks off into a higher pitch- is cute. It shows just how innocent he is. Well- as innocent as a villain can get. He hears you giggle, frustration pooling in his gut.

“Thank you, Shigaraki Tomura-san..”

There’s a loud crash of thunder outside, causing you to jump. Thunder didn’t normally scare you… but this was loud- rattling the window pane. Tomura reaches for you, placing a trembling hand on your cheek.

“Are you… frightened.. By the storm?”

You flush, skin burning under his touch. Your body scoots closer, almost as if magnetized to his. Tomura is trembling, his fingers shaking against your soft skin. He’s not sure what he’s doing- Why you’re so close now. He likes it- he hates it. He’s scared. Utterly frightened by his feelings for you.

“A bit i guess… Are you?”

“No.”

You realize why he’s shaking. Its because of you. Tomura is nervous… his heartbeat pounding against your chest. You had gotten very close- no doubt he was panicking. He moves his hand- the tips of his exposed fingers trailing down your cheek and neck, stopping to rest on your hip. His touch is curious. You close your eyes, gulping thickly. It takes all the courage you have to speak again.

“C-Can we cuddle?”

Shigaraki is silent. He doesn’t answer. Instead he moves closer, pressing his head against your chest. You lay on your back, an arm moving to rest above his head. Tomura is still shaken, his nerves only heightening. You cant help but feel guilty for his unease.

Your fingers press against his scalp, raking through the messy periwinkle strands. He lets out a deep sigh, nuzzling farther against you.

“Thank you…”

His voice is soft, almost low enough that it’s a whisper. Tomura closes his eyes, letting the sound of the rain and way your fingers sweep through his hair lull him to sleep. You dont fully relax until you feel him go lax against you, his breathing shallow. You close your eyes, curling up into him as well. This was a big step for him- for you.

[holycalum]

vice (c.h.) part 3!!

summary- (y/n) has another #breakdown but like ACTUALLY this time she goes home just read it 

part 1 part 2 part 4

word count- 3.6k+

a/n- im terrible at summaries i figure if ur reading this far you don’t care you just wanna know what happens ya dig? also i appreciate all the love and support for this fic so much?? because i really thought this would flop but im so happy people are enjoying it. vice is literally my baby rn and i’ve put a lot of effort into it, and to see it pay off is grand ok goodbye. “fuck yeah,” i slurred, holding up my red cup in triumph. “midterms are hashtag over.” i slumped into britt, and she groaned, trying to push me off of her.  

“you’re too drunk,” she yelled over the thumping music. “your flights early tomorrow.”

“don’t care,” i smiled, dancing again. but britt’s word cut through my drunk thoughts moments later, and traveled straight to the gut. i might as well have doubled over because of the sinking feeling in my stomach. i had to go home the next day, and i didn’t want to in the slightest. the remix playing was drowned out as i stopped dancing abruptly, and got stuck in my head. the dark cloud that was rarely over my head anymore came crashing back, and i didn’t have calum to distract me. i had pushed the idea of me leaving college a semester early to kick start my life the back of my head, letting myself get lost in my studies for once, and calum. the second one was really the kicker. i pushed my way through the crowd, suddenly feeling very queasy. i stumbled throughout the unfamiliar house. miraculously i found a bathroom, and practically threw myself into it. i locked the door behind me, and fell to the floor. the cool tile soothed my burning skin, and i felt like i was human again. i crawled over the the toilet, head spinning. 

as i gripped the disgusting bowl and willed myself to throw up, i couldn’t help but let a few tears fall. but that was only the calm before the storm, because soon enough the dark cloud above my head stormed onto me. i cried so hard i gagged, and couldn’t catch my breath. my heart felt shriveled up and small and dead.

i had never been the drunk girl to have a complete meltdown, but i couldn’t stop the emotions from shooting out of every pore in my body. i felt like i was one big sad blob, and i physically couldn’t stop myself from getting drenched in the waters from my dark cloud. 

my crisis was interrupted by a knock at the door, i prayed it was a nice drunk girl that would braid my hair and tell me i’m pretty so i’d stop crying. but when i unlocked the door, calum’s eyes met mine and i cried even harder. i leaned against the cabinets, face in my hands, not wanting calum to see me at all, i wanted to disappear. 

it was funny, in the moments i wanted to be alone with my thoughts the most, calum always seemed to show up. 

“no, no, no,” calum’s words came out frantic, as he kneeled down in front of me and pulled my hands away from my face. the look of panic on his face sent my head spinning. 

“what’s wrong, pretty girl?” his nickname pulled at my heart strings and only made the knot in my stomach grown tighter. 

i couldn’t catch my breath enough to get any words out, so i sat there blubbering like a toddler, looking down, only for calum to tilt my head back up. 

“hey,” he cooed, shutting and locking the bathroom door once again, this time not leaving me alone. he sat against the door, and pulled me to his lap. “let’s just calm down and then we can talk, ok?” he said softly into my hair. i nodded against his leather jacket, trying to take deep breaths. even though i hated being so broken in front of calum, i couldn’t help but cling onto him like my life depended on it. the contact between us grounded me. 

every once in a while a sob would break through my breathing, causing calum to tense up and hold me tighter for a second, before going back to rubbing slow circles on my back. 

once i brought myself back down to earth, i pulled away from his chest, the world around me tilted in all directions. “i don’t wanna go home,” i cried, my words making tears well back up in my eyes. calum’s face was full of guilt as he stared into my bloodshot eyes.

“hey,” he shushed me, wiping under my eyes. he’d need a whole box of tissues to dry my cheeks, “it’s ok, just go slow.” 

“i wanna fall in love, cal.” i admitted, not being able to control the thoughts involuntarily pouring out of my mouth. “i want it all-but i cant have it. they took it from me. i don’t wanna go back.” a lump in my throat sprouted from deep within me, threatening to send me into another crying fit. 

i could see his eyes go glassy, “no,” i begged, “don’t cry.”

“m’ sorry,” he chuckled weakly, reaching up to wipe his own eyes. “going soft, sorry, continue.” another sob wracked through my chest at his state. i leaned my forehead against his chest, letting another cry out. 

“i’m hurting everyone around me,” i said sadly, “i don’t wanna hurt you anymore.” it became crystal clear that everyone was only calum. 

“but it’s so worth it, doll.” he whispered sweetly, smoothing the hairs around my ear. “you’re my sunshine, at the same time. what a contradiction you’ve proven to be.” it almost didn’t make sense. 

i settled against his chest, finally feeling a bit calmer. “an’ i know you’re really drunk right now, so i doubt you’ll remember most of this,” he starts, breath ghosting over my neck. “but, i accidentally let you in and i can feel myself falling for you. and it sucks because you’ll never be mine, fully at least, and you’re one of the only people i’ve let in so close to my heart.”

“stop,” i pleaded, “i don’t wanna know,”

“it’s not a bad thing, pretty girl.” he reassured me, “teaching me that it might be worth it, to let someone in, to enjoy someone’s company beyond sex.”

“i wish it didn’t have to be like this.” i mumbled, feeling very tired. 

“let’s get you home,”

i woke up the next day, to my blaring alarm clock. my head pounded as i flailed my hand around to turn off the terrible noise. it was the day of my flight and i couldn’t have felt any worse. eyes almost glued shut because of how puffy they were, traveled to see i was in the same clothes i was wearing the night prior. i felt like i’d been kicked in the face. clearly i had cried the night before. oh, the night before. 

i remembered almost everything, the crying, calum, more crying. it only made my headache worse. i showered to try and make myself feel less gross, but it only washed away the physical layer of grime. the emotional dirtiness would stay forever. 

i shrugged calum’s shirt over my head, it was dark blue, with maine written in bold white letters. it was probably my favorite shirt on him, so he insisted i have it. it was probably a bad idea to be reminded of calum while i went home, but it made me feel happy, and i could’ve used some light in my life. i pulled on a beanie and my long winter jacket, before grabbing my bags and heading towards the door. my roommates were still passed out from the night before, pillows over both of their heads. 

“bye, guys.” i muttered, before swinging the door open. “jesus, calum.” i breathed, clutching my chest, my heart almost stopping at the sight of him. 

“hey, sunshine.” he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. the nickname launched me into the events of the night before and i willed myself not to break. 

“hi,” i breathed, biting the inside of my lip. “thank you, for last night.” 

“anytime,” he replied, “nice shirt.” this time his eyes sparkled a bit, before his face fell. 

“what’s up?” i questioned, not understanding why he was standing outside my dorm at almost eight in the morning. 

“i wanted to say bye to you before you left,” he rocked back and forth on his heels, hands shoved in his pockets. he looked small, and tucked into himself, “feels like i’m losing you.” he mumbled the last part, almost low enough for me to miss it completely.

“please don’t say that,” i shut my eyes, forcing the tears to stay inside of me. he shrugged weakly. 

“i guess this is goodbye,” he smiled at me, brown eyes shining. my stomach sank and i reached towards him and engulfed him in the biggest hug i could muster. i wanted to keep him with me forever. 

“promise me you’ll see me when i get back,” i begged him, clutching onto him for dear life. his tight grasp around my waist indicated he was doing the same.  

“i promise,” his words were muffled by my shoulders, where his perfect face was squished. he pulled away, painfully, almost making me whine at the loss of contact. “goodbye, (y/n).”

“bye, calum.” i breathed, standing on my toes to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. “i’ll see you when i get back-when i get home.” it was honest, being with calum felt more like a home than my own childhood house did. 

“i’ll see you then,” he gulped, and he watched me walk away. the entire trip back to my hometown, i spent on the verge of tears and a nervous breakdown.

[11:34 am] me: i can’t do this 

[11:35 am] calum: cant do what sunshine?

[11:35 am] me: my plane just landed. 

[11:36 am] calum: you can get thru this pretty girl

[11:36 am] me: you have way too much faith in me

[11:38 am] calum: (:

calum’s lightheartedness made me feel a bit better as i gathered my luggage painfully quick. near the baggage claim, my parents were waiting eagerly for me.  

“(y/n)!” my mom exclaimed, in a much different tone than she’d had the last time we spoke. it almost made me throw up at how sweet she was acting when the last time she made an effort to talk to me was to try and get me to drop out of school. 

“hey guys,” i plastered on a fake smile, bringing both of my parents in for a hug. “how are you?”

“wonderful, now that you’re back!” my dad said, rubbing my shoulder. “how about we head back to the house and have some lunch, i’m sure you’re starving.”

“i am!” i lied, i wasn’t. not in the slightest, my stomach was twisted and the idea of food made me want to yakk on the spot. my appetite had disappeared the second i turned around to see calum’s pained expression as i walked away. the drive home was tense, calling for awkward small talk and bad jokes. 

when we walked in the front door, i was greeted by a very happy david. my mouth fell open as i was halfway through kicking off my shoes. i felt like my body had been frozen solid. 

“i thought you didn’t get back for another day,” i deadpanned, not being able to hide my emotions. the whole trip was already emotionally heavy, and seeing david so soon only added another layer overbearing feelings. 

“i wanted to surprise you!” david pulled me in for a lingering hug, he was too keen on surprises for my liking. i hugged him back, and our bodies didn’t mold together like calum and i’s did. i felt no fire, i felt no excitement, i felt nothing except for a heavy emptiness settling in my chest. 

my little sister, maya, bounded down the entryway. “(y/n)!” she yelled, and i ripped myself away from david to embrace her. 

“hey, lil’ one.” i said, smiling for real. i pulled away, looking at her. “not so little anymore,” she was taller than i was now, towering over me by a few inches. 

“how’s junior year?”

“rough,” she rolled her eyes, “how’s college.”

“great.” i smiled widely, catching david’s eye, “i love it, you know that.” it was the in small victories. 

“stressful, though!” david cut in,

“a good kind of stress,” i snapped back, turning my eyes back to maya slowly, boxing david out of the conversation. “i’ve met a lot of great people.”

“who’s shirt is that?” she asked suddenly, gripping the dark blue fabric. her eyebrows furrowed together at the sight of the unfamiliar shirt. 

“just a friend’s,” i smiled, my mouth doing dry. maya wiggled her eyebrows at me, and i hit her arm. i wasn’t really lying, calum and i weren’t together, so that left us as friends, although friends weren’t necessarily supposed to act like we did. 

the air that hung around us was dense and suffocating, so i saw myself to the kitchen, where an array of food was laid out in front of my parents, and david’s.  

“hey honey,” david’s mom smiled at me, pulling me in for a hung. she kept an arm wound around my waist as david’s dad caught my attention. 

“how ya’ feelin, kid?” he asked, grinning widely. 

i gave him a gentle smile back, “i’m great,” i breathed, trying to grip onto the last of my sanity that would make my statement at least a little true. we spent the eve of christmas eve making small conversation, settling into the way things had always been, and will always be. 

i ended up sprawled out on my little sisters bed, late that night, face down. everyone had left, and i could finally feel my shoulders relax. 

“so...” maya sat next to me, causing me to roll onto my side. “you seeing anyone?” she mused, poking my shoulder. 

i sighed, “you know i shouldn’t.” i put simply, trying the avoid the thought and conversation. 

“when has that stopped you?” she challenged, “i know you don’t really love david,” she added quietly, looking at me with caring eyes. 

“even if i was...” i started, “it can’t be a good idea, it’ll only hurt more people in the end.”

maya frowned, “you deserve to be happy, (y/n).”

“i know,” i pulled my lips into a straight line, “i can make it work, i still have you.”

“you won’t be fully happy,” she fretted, her tone more upset than it was before. 

“maybe no ones ever fully happy,” i shrugged, “maybe i’ll just be a little less happy, i’ll survive.”

maya chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment, “do you think they’ll make me marry someone i don’t like too?” i sat up, and tucked a piece of her hair behind her hair. she seemed like a little girl again, and it broke my heart. 

“you were always more stubborn than i was,” i whispered, smoothing her hair down, “they can’t hold you down, lil’ one.” she smiled, “goodnight, maya.” the topic became too much to stomach. 

“night, (y/n).” i made my way out of maya’s room, padding down to my old bedroom. it was almost exactly the same, just a bit staler, from the lack of movement. the bed was freshly made, and i climbed into it, feeling drained from the day.

i woke up christmas eve morning, and fell into the bustling nature of the day ahead. i was helping cook and clean and prepare for everyone to come over. that night we’d have cousins and david’s family and david’s cousins over, and we’d all have one big painful night. 

when i was younger, christmas eve couldn’t come quick enough, and maya and i would spend the whole day waiting for the evening. but, as an adult, the festivities proved to be more annoying than joyful and the night rolled around too quick. my late afternoon nap was interrupted by my mother shaking me awake, informing me of the arrival of our relatives. 

i sleepily greeted everyone as they got to the house, stopping for a long conversation with my grandfather. i had never been more grateful for his ability to digress into the longest conversations ever, when i saw david and his family walk through the door. i focused on my grandfather, listening to whatever he was speaking about.

“that’s really interesting,” i said, “tell me more.” i practically begged, and my grandpa almost passed out at the excitement of someone wanting to listen to him. 

“hey, (y/n).” david piped up, his blonde hair was littered with snow flakes from being outside. 

“one second, david. my grandpas just telling me a story-“ i was cut off,

“that’s fine, sweetheart.” my grandpa said, his smile fading a bit. “go on.” i gave him a sad grin, and hugged him briefly before david pulled me towards the living room. 

“i was having a conversation,” i crossed my arms in front of david, pushing him out. 

he rolled his eyes, “i know you hate those conversations,” 

“that one was really immersing me!” i shot back, stomping my foot. he gripped my forearm, pulling me closer, “don’t throw a fit,” he grumbled, running a hand through his hair. 

“whatever,” i brushed it off, knowing i wouldn’t get my way. “what’s up?” “i just wanted to talk to you,” he answered, “i hadn’t seen you since i visited you and we hardly spoke yesterday.”

“m’ just tired,” i rubbed my eyes for effect, 

“we’ve barely spoken on the phone either,” he sneered, his face almost as flushed as his pink shirt. 

“two way street, david.” i said, my face straight and unmoving. 

“you know i love you, (y/n).” david sighed, reaching out for my hand. it was cold and uninviting, unlike calum’s warm embrace. “i just get busy, and distracted. i could use something to pull me out of it.”

“i get busy too,” i stated, my hand stiff in his, and i wondered if this was his idea of love. 

“with that major...” he muttered under his breath, and i almost didn’t hear him. “i just want us to be on good terms.”

“we are.” as good as we could get, it wasn’t saying much, but it was something. he smiled. 

“good.” and then i walked away, excusing myself to the restroom. i stood in front of the mirror, hands gripping the sink so hard my knuckles went white. i let myself breath for a second, feeling i’d lose control if i didn’t. i pulled my phone out quickly, typing a text to calum. 

[7:27 pm] me: merry christmas eve

[7:30 pm] calum: merry christmas to you, pretty girl

[7:30 pm] calum: how are you?

[7:31 pm] me: surviving 

“(y/n)?” a knock cut through my trance and i jumped, going to open the door. 

“hi,” i caught my breath, looking at my mom. 

“dinners ready,” she stated, “you alright?”

“yes.” i nodded, following her to the dining room. david took a seat next to me, uncomfortably gripping my thigh throughout the night. his touch wasn’t reassuring or nice, it was repulsive and empty. 

after dinner, we all sat in the living room, gathered around the tree, giving our cousins gifts and opening them early. it was a family tradition to open gifts from extended family christmas eve, and david’s family had intertwined with ours, making it like a huge pre-christmas. once all the little cousins finished opening toys and sharing with one another we all started to fall into our own conversations. 

“i actually have one more gift,” david’s voice bellowed, it was loud and dripping with confidence. 

oh no. 

“it’s for (y/n),” he said, shifting his weight to one of his knees. 

oh no. 

“(y/n),” he started, grabbing both of my hands and the attention of everyone around us. i felt maya’s eyes shoot to mine, wide and worried. i felt sick to my stomach, “i love you, you know that.” my whole body was lit aflame and not in any desirable way, i felt too hot and crowded and my tongue felt like heavy sandpaper in my mouth. 

i couldn���t do anything but sit there, mouth hung open, heart pumping wildly. i watched his mouth move but i didn’t hear any noise come out, my ears rung loudly.

“will you marry me?” i didn’t answer, i couldn’t answer. 

“of course she will!” my mother shrilled loudly, clutching her chest. 

my eyes were dull with loss, the sharp edges of my memories with calum slicing at my heart as he slid the ring on my finger. i felt like i didn’t have myself anymore, or even know who i was. i didn’t know. i didn’t care. 

david pulled me in for a hug, as our family clapped loudly around us. it was all real and i couldn’t stop it. 

i looked calm, up until i finally shut my bedroom door behind me. all at once my tears flowed out, the dark cloud above my head had once again stormed on me, leaving me soaked to the core. i dragged myself to my bed, not bothering to change out of the clothes i’d wore that night. i felt hopeless as sobs ran through my body, shaking every part of me. my room was miserable and cold, and the only sound piercing the silence was my occasional cries i couldn’t keep quiet. 

i cried for me, i cried for my future kids, i cried for calum.

calum

. i wanted to tell him, i wanted to hear his voice and i wanted him to tell me it was going to be ok, but it wasn’t and not even he could change that. but i longed to feel him, and the brightness he elicited by only giving me a look. my heart ached as i fell asleep, my future dragging me closer and closer.

a/n: ok drama lmk what ya think even if its me being stupid and spelling something wrong but feedback is appreciated! thank u for reading!! part 4 should be up tomorrow or in the next couple of days. ALSO im gonna fosho gonna write more after this is done so if you have an requests pls message me i would love 2 write what yall want ok goodbye love u 

tags: (lmk if u wanna be added for part 4/any other shit i write) @rexorangecouny

[arysafics]

Now I’m Addicted

Chapter Eight

Normally, Clarke really looks forward to getting away to the beach for a weekend, just her and Wells. This year, the thought makes her queasy.

Clarke had been partly relieved to move make home with Wells. Living in a hotel had kind of sucked, and living alone was even worse. She still doesn’t know if she made the right decision. But she promised him she’d try, so she’s going to try.

And yes, it’s Bellamy she really wants, and not Wells. But she can’t have Bellamy. Bellamy doesn’t want her, and Wells does. So maybe she’s settling for second best, but it’s better than being alone for the rest of her life.

Despite her best intentions, and the fact that she really is trying, she’s not ready to go away with Wells alone. She’s worried the trip will just magnify all the holes in their relationship, before they’ve had a chance to really fix them. She doesn’t want to cancel the trip completely, so she suggests inviting a few other people to join them. Wells agrees surprisingly easily. Actually, he’s been very accommodating the past couple of weeks, almost like he’s walking on eggshells around her, afraid she’ll up and run again. But the truth is he doesn’t really have anything to worry about. Now that Clarke knows she has no shot with Bellamy, she has no reason to leave him. She wishes there was some way to prove that to him, so they can get start getting back to normal.

The beach house is huge, and Clarke thinks it’s probably worth a hell of a lot of money if Wells ever decides to sell it. Thelonius Jaha had left most of his money to charity when he died, but he left Wells the beach house. Not to sound selfish, but if Clarke’s mom does that, she’s going to be super pissed.

Clarke invites Octavia and Raven, and they both decide they’re bringing their partners. Monty and Harper can’t make it, and Jasper and Miller don’t want to hang around a bunch of couples for the whole weekend. So Clarke figures it’s going to be six people in the five bedroom house, with each couple getting their own bathroom. She’s actually looking forward to it.

But then she gets a call from Bellamy. She’s on the train home from work, and she almost drops her phone when she sees his name pop up. She dithers for a moment, her heart pounding, before she finally decides to answer.

“Hi,” she says, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“Clarke,” he says, and the sound of her name on his tongue makes her knees go weak.

“What’s up?” she asks him. He’s obviously calling for a reason. And that reason is probably not to tell her how madly in love with her he is, however many times she’s envisioned that scenario in her mind’s eye.

“Uh, well…” he starts. “Octavia asked me if I wanted to come to the beach with you guys this weekend.”

“Oh.”

“I mean, I figured I should check if it was okay with you first.”

“You really want to come?” Clarke asks. She kind of figured he was avoiding her.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind,” Bellamy says. “I could really do with a vacation,” he laughs. Clarke squeezes her eyes shut, her stomach twisting at the familiar sound of his laugh. How had she not figured out sooner that she was in love with him?

“Of course it’s fine,” Clarke says, because why wouldn’t it be? They aren’t sleeping together anymore, so they don’t have to worry about Wells. As far as either of them are concerned, they’re just distant friends. Or acquaintances maybe.

“Great,” Bellamy says. “Is it okay if I bring someone?”

Clarke hesitates, probably too long. “Sure,” she says quickly, hoping he hadn’t noticed her hesitation. No, she doesn’t want him to bring his girlfriend, and no, she doesn’t want to think about what it means that he’s only been dating Echo barely a month and yet he’s bringing her on a weekend away with all their friends.

“Okay. I guess I’ll see you Friday.”

“Okay,” Clarke swallows. “See you then.”

  The prospect of seeing Bellamy scares Clarke to death. She hasn’t seen him since A: she realised she was in love with him, and B: he broke her fucking heart. So yeah, she’s a little nervous to say the least.  

Wells doesn’t seem to notice, though she’s mostly silent on the drive to the beach house. Or perhaps he’s just letting her have her space. Either way, she’s glad he’s not questioning her about it. There’s only so many times a person can use the excuse I’m just tired before it starts to seem like a lie.

Clarke and Wells get there first and claim the master bedroom. Clarke unpacks her suitcase into the wardrobe, to keep herself busy. The task doesn’t really keep her mind off Bellamy though, and she keeps listening for a car in the driveway, her heart pounding rapidly.

Octavia, Niylah, Raven, and Shaw arrive together, and Clarke finally has a suitable distraction from her thoughts, as she’d introduced properly to Niylah for the first time, and Raven and Octavia start telling a story about The Worst Driver in the World they encountered on their way here.

She’s so caught up in Octavia’s theatrics, she doesn’t even notice at first when Bellamy and Echo walk in the front door. That is until Octavia cuts herself off midsentence to greet her brother.

“Hey, you made it!” she says, walking over and giving him a hug. Clarke freezes, her heart suddenly lodged in her throat. Bellamy’s eyes seem to scan over the group until they land on Clarke. She smiles weakly, feeling like a nervous wreck. Fucking hell, he looks so good. And if in the back of her mind she’d harboured some doubt about whether or not she’s actually in love with him, that vanishes when he smiles back at her, and her heart squeezes itself so tight she can’t breathe. Not only that, but he pussy starts to throb, as if it can sense he’s close. Yeah, letting him come here was a huge mistake.

“Bellamy,” Wells says, raising an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

Oops. She may have forgotten to tell Wells. Or rather, purposefully not told him because it was too hard to even say Bellamy’s name out loud.

“I did ask Clarke if it was okay,” he mentions.

“He did,” Clarke manages, finding her voice. “I guess I forgot to tell you.”

“All good, I guess. You’re here now. And who is this?” Wells nods to the tall brunette standing next to Bellamy. Clarke hates her on sight. With one glance at Octavia, Clarke can tell she isn’t impressed with the arrival of Echo either.

“Ah, this is my girlfriend, Echo,” Bellamy introduces. “Echo, this is… everyone.”

Hearing Bellamy call Echo his girlfriend sends a dagger through Clarke’s heart. And it’s not like she hadn’t known she was his girlfriend. But hearing him actually say it out loud is something else entirely.

“Girlfriend, huh, Blake?” Raven teases. “Seems like someone is finally settling down.”

Bellamy rolls his eyes. “Give it a rest, Raven. We’ve only been dating a month.”

“Only a month and she’s already your girlfriend though,” Raven continues. She turns to Echo. “I guess you’re the one to finally tame the wild beast,” she winks.

Echo smirks. “We’ll see,” she says, glancing at Bellamy flirtatiously. Bellamy looks a little uncomfortable by the whole exchange. Clarke wants to throw up.

“Who wants alcohol?” she announces, heading for the kitchen where Wells had stocked the fridge with beer and cider earlier.

They all end up in the outdoor area out the back of the house, drinks in hand and an array of finger foods on the table in front of them. Echo is sitting in Bellamy’s lap, playing with his hair, laughing too hard at his jokes. Clarke tries to keep her eyes averted, but she burns with jealousy. She wants to be the one sitting in his lap and playing with his hair, feeling his hard cock pressing into her, teasing him until he can’t think straight. She also wants to kick Echo in the face. Instead, she tightens her grip on her bottle of cider and snuggles into Wells’ side. It’s not because she’s trying to make Bellamy jealous. She’s not dumb enough to think he would even care. But she doesn’t want him to know how much she’s affected by his new relationship. So she’s a little more affectionate with Wells than she normally is. The alcohol probably helps.

“Who wants to play a drinking game?” Octavia asks.

“I’m in,” Raven says. “What are we playing?”

“You know, I think I’m a little old for drinking games,” Bellamy grimaces. He looks to Echo. “You want to go to bed?”

“You know I do,” Echo says, leaning in to kiss him.

“Gross,” Octavia says, voicing Clarke’s thoughts for her. “We won’t miss you.”

“Hey, you invited me,” Bellamy reminds her as he and Echo stand up. Clarke watches them head inside, hand in hand. To her surprise, Bellamy glances back for a moment and meets her eyes. She quickly looks away, pressing a kiss to Wells’ cheek. Overcompensating maybe. When she looks back to Bellamy, he’s gone.

“Clarke? Wells? You want to play?” Octavia asks.

“I actually think maybe we should go to bed too,” Clarke says. Somehow the thought of Bellamy and Echo alone in their room is worse than actually being able to see them together, and Clarke feels totally sober all of a sudden.

“Sounds good to me,” Wells grins. “See you guys in the morning.”

“Party poopers!” Raven calls after them as they go back inside.

Despite what Wells might think, Clarke’s intentions are just to go straight to sleep. Only, once she’s in her pyjamas, and under the covers, she begins to hear… noises through the wall. More specifically, the sound of Echo moaning like a mad woman.

Clarke groans, putting her pillow over her face as Wells gets into bed beside her.

“God, I hope we don’t have to listen to that all night,” he says. “Surely he can’t be that good in bed?”

Clarke knows for a fact that he is that good. Although Echo does sound completely ridiculous moaning like that. Clarke likes to think her own moans are much sexier. She does realise that even though she can hear Echo quite clearly, she can’t really hear Bellamy at all. She takes some satisfaction in the notion that maybe he’s not having as much fun with Echo as he did with Clarke.

Clarke turns over on her side to face Wells. “Fuck me,” she commands him.

“Huh?”

“You heard me.”

“Are you actually turned on by that?” Wells snorts.

“I just think we can outdo them.”

“Clarke, you’re not that loud in bed. I don’t think you can outdo Echo,” Wells rolls his eyes. “You know, that name actually suits her come to think of it.”

Clarke snorts. As much as she’d like to hang shit on Echo and her ridiculous name for the rest of the night, what she really wants is to get fucked. “I can be loud,” Clarke tells him. “Watch me.”

Wells doesn’t need to be told twice. And okay, pretty much all of Clarke’s noises are fake. But she’s pretty sure a lot of Echo’s are too. Sure, Bellamy is great in bed, but Echo sounds like she’s literally being murdered in the next room.

Clarke pretends to come when Wells comes, but even then, they can still hear Echo through the walls.

“How are they still going?” Wells asks incredulously. Clarke rolls her eyes.

“Let’s just go to sleep now, okay?” she huffs. She squeezes her eyes shut tight and tries to drown out the sounds of Echo.

  Clarke is awake early the next morning, long before anyone else will be up. Wells is still snoring softly next to her. It’s already warming up outside, and Clarke decides to take advantage of the solitude and go for a walk along the beach. She dresses in a pair of short shorts and a tank top and heads downstairs, stopping in the kitchen to grab a glass of water before she goes.

As she fills her glass at the sink, she looks out the kitchen window to see Bellamy lounging in the hammock on the front porch, reading, wearing nothing but a pair of shorts that Clarke swears are almost as tiny as her own. God, he’s so fucking sexy.

She lets herself watch him, his brow furrowed in concentration as he reads. She smiles to herself, her heart soft for him. So he has a girlfriend. She can still be in love with him and be his friend, right? It’s totally possible.

She puts down her glass and walks out onto the front porch. Bellamy looks up as the door slams behind her. He sits up, closing his book. His eyes rake over her body, lingering on her tits. She feels her clit twinge. So it’s not that he’s not attracted to her then.

“Hey,” she says. “I’m just going for a walk along the beach. Do you want to come?”

Bellamy considers. “Yeah, okay,” he agrees. He swings himself off the hammock, more gracefully than what Clarke would ever be able to manage, and follows her down the front steps.

They walk in silence towards the beach, Clarke with her hands in her back pockets for lack of something better to do with them. Because what she really wants to do is slip her hand into his. Or maybe just grab his face and kiss him.

It’s a five-minute walk until they reach the ocean, and it’s cooler out in the open air, and a little windy. The breeze blows through Bellamy’s already tousled locks, making him look like he’s in a beach themed photoshoot.

“So, uh, you and Echo, huh?” Clarke says. Why, she has no idea. She does not want to hear Bellamy gush about his girlfriend. “Seems like things are going well. If what I heard last night is anything to go by.”

Bellamy snorts. “You heard that, huh?”

“How could I not?”

“I will admit she’s a little over the top. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was faking it sometimes,” Bellamy admits.

“And how do you know better?”

Bellamy smirks. “Come on, Clarke. Don’t pretend like I didn’t make you come over and over and over.”

Clarke shivers. Fucking hell, does he have to make her want him so bad? “So we’re talking about that are we?”

Bellamy shrugs. “We don’t have to. How are things going with Wells, now that you’re…?”

“Back together?” Clarke finishes for him. Bellamy stops, staring at her. His jaw ticks.

“Back together?” he repeats. Clarke’s eyes widen as she realises what she’s said. “I was going to say monogamous.” Bellamy swallows. “You and Wells broke up? When? I mean… Octavia never said—”

“She doesn’t know,” Clarke says quickly. Her face burns. “I didn’t tell anyone. So please don’t mention it. No one knows.”

“Okay,” Bellamy nods. He seems unable to look at her now. They continue walking.

“It was right after… you ended things with me. And it was only for like a week. I guess I just wanted to see if being with Wells was what I really wanted,” Clarke shrugs.

Bellamy turns his head towards her sharply, his eyes piercing into her. “And it is, then?”

Clarke swallows. “Yes.”

An uncomfortable silence follows. Clarke isn’t sure why. All she knows is she’s completely on edge, half of her desperate to confess everything to him, the other half desperate to hold onto her pride. The prideful side of her wins out.

“You want to go swimming?” she says. Anything to break the silence.

“What?”

“The water looks so nice,” Clarke continues. She tilts her head at him, waiting to see if he’s coming.

“I think I’ll pass,” he says. Clarke shrugs, as if to say suit yourself, and then she pulls her tank top over her head and her shorts over her ass. She can feel him watching her strip down to her underwear, and she’s totally not doing this to get a reaction from him, but if it turns him on too then she’s not complaining.

She looks back over her shoulder as she heads towards the water. He’s still watching her. She can’t help a smirk from spreading across her face.

The water is freezing, but Clarke forces herself to wade in anyway. She reaches her waist then dives under the water. She breaks the surface again, gasping from the cold, flicking her hair out of her eyes. She stands up, the water just reaching her breasts.  

“Come on!” she yells to Bellamy. “It’s not cold, I swear!”

“You’re lying!” he yells back, but he’s very clearly smiling.

“Don’t be such a chicken!”

Bellamy shakes his head, laughing. But then he’s walking towards her and into the water.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Bellamy swears as he gets deeper. “It’s fucking freezing, Clarke!”

“It’s not that bad!”

He dives under the water and surfaces half a metre from her. “You’re insane,” he tells her.

“Yet you followed me anyway.”

“You’re too persuasive.”

Clarke pokes her tongue out, and then splashes him. Bellamy raises an eyebrow, smirking.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Griffin,” he challenges, stepping towards her.

“Oh, what are you going to do?” she teases. He lunges for her and she turns away, trying to escape his grasp half-heartedly, but he grabs her around the waist, pulling her back flush against his chest.

“No, don’t!” she squeals, laughing.

“Do you surrender?” he asks, lips against her ear. Clarke squirms, trying not to think about his wet skin against hers. But it feels like he’s touching her everywhere, and her head swims and her cunt pulses with need. She wonders if he’s hard right now, but she doesn’t dare make a move to find out.

“I surrender,” she tells him, and he lets her go. She turns around, but she doesn’t put any distance between them. His eyes flick to her lips and she wills him to kiss her.

“Clarke,” he says hoarsely. “I really want to kiss you.”

“So kiss me,” she murmurs.

Bellamy shakes his head. “I have a girlfriend, Clarke. I’m not going to cheat on her.” Right, Echo. “We should head back,” Bellamy sighs, stepping away from her. Disappointed, but knowing it’s better this way, Clarke follows him back up to the sand. She grabs her clothes from the ground but doesn’t put them back on yet.

“We should wash the salt and sand off before we go,” Clarke says, nodding her head towards the public bathroom by the carpark. There’s an outdoor shower around the side of the brick building. Clarke gets under first, and the water is cold but not as cold as the ocean. She closes her eyes to let the water fall over her face, and opens them to find Bellamy looking at her strangely.

“What?” she asks.

“You know your underwear is totally see-through right now, right?”

Clarke had not known, but when she looks down now, she can see that he’s right. The white material of her bra and panties clings to her, the water having turned them so transparent it’s like she isn’t wearing anything at all.

“Oh,” she says. “You’re right.” She looks back up at him. “You waited a long time to tell me that,” she points out. He must have noticed as soon as they got out of the water. And he definitely hasn’t been not looking at her.

Bellamy flushes. “Clarke—”

“I guess there’s no point in wearing them at all then,” Clarke shrugs. She reaches behind her to unclasp her bra and lets it fall from her chest. Then she peels off her panties and throws them to the side where her shorts and tank top sit.

“Fucking hell, Clarke,” Bellamy groans, shaking his head.

“We’re wasting water,” Clarke says, she reaches out and grabs his arm, tugging him into the shower with her. He’s stronger than her, he could resist easily, if he wanted to. He doesn’t.

He doesn’t move to touch her, but he’s so close that her nipples brush his chest, and he’s looking down at her with dark eyes, filled with want.

“Why are you like this?” he asks. Is that an insult or a compliment?

“Like what?”

“Irresistible,” he murmurs. His hands come to rest of her waist, and then he leans down, capturing her lips between his. Clarke whimpers as she closes her eyes, her arms circling around his neck. The water shuts off automatically, but Clarke barely notices. Bellamy presses her against the brick wall behind her, crushing her tits against his chest. He’s kissing her like his life depends on it, desperate and messy, like he’s trying to remind her she’s alive. She’d almost forgotten what it’s like to be kissed by him, and now that she remembers she doesn’t ever want him to stop again. She needs him to remind her how it feels to be fucked, really fucked. She wants him to fill her throbbing cunt with his cock, and come with him deep inside her.

“Bell, fuck me,” she moans. “I need you, I need you.”

“You need me, huh?” he says. “You need your pussy filled? You need my cock inside you?”

“Yes. Please. Please.”

“Of course you do, baby,” he murmurs, slipping a hand between her legs. “Bet you missed being fucked properly, didn’t you?”

“Uh huh,” Clarke nods as Bellamy plays with her clit. “I missed you so much.”

“Missed me? Or missed my cock?” He pushes two fingers inside her and she gasps.

“Both,” she moans. She tugs at his shorts, and he helps her pull them down to free his cock. “Oh god,” she groans. “I forgot how big it is. I need it inside me.”

“I know, baby, I know,” Bellamy coos. He kisses her again, gripping her ass, hoisting her up so she can wrap her legs around him.  He presses the bulging head of his cock against her entrance, and then he’s pushing inside her, stretching her pussy good and wide. Clarke almost comes right then.

Her back is against the bricks, and she clutches his back as he thrusts into her.

“Yes,” she gasps. “Fuck me, baby. Fuck me, fuck me.”

Bellamy moans and the sound sends shockwaves through her. He drives into her over and over, the pressure building inside her. She needs to come so bad, and she’s right there on the edge. I love you, she thinks. I love you, I love you. And it would be so easy to let it slip off her tongue right now, in this moment of bliss. But instead she just cries his name as she comes, her walls clenching around him as she comes all over his cock.

“Come inside me,” Clarke moans as he continues fucking her against the wall. “I need your come in me.”

“Anything you want,” Bellamy groans, letting his seed spill inside her, filling her up with his come. It leaks out of her as he pulls his cock out of her and lets her back onto the ground. Bellamy steps back, pulling his shorts back up, not bothering to clean himself up. She wonders if he’s feeling guilty. He grabs her clothes and hands them to her, and Clarke quickly puts her wet underwear back on and then her shorts and top. Bellamy looks away, as if he hadn’t just had his hands all over her naked body.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asks.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Bellamy nods.

“What about Echo?”

Bellamy considers. “She doesn’t have to know.”

[monsterloveday]

Your grief is depressing me.

I have no idea how people will feel reading this, but ultimately I want to because  death is such a taboo subject - its avoided so much that I don't think we do ourselves any favours by avoiding it. After all, if you haven't already been through it, you will at some point. (You know what they say, you can never avoid death or taxes).

Although nothing will ever prepare you for it, I do believe we should give lee way for the people who do want to speak out on it, as it was from going through grief myself, I noticed how so many people tried to silence me due to their own fear / awkwardness / attitude towards it - this is not fair nor is it healthy. Its also a really shitty treatment towards grieving people. I feel that it is such a painful subject that we seem to fear the thought of it (and rightly so), but, I feel we do need to speak on it more - whether you have been through it or not.  This isn't to say that death should be spoken of all the time as that of course would be draining, but I do fear there are many ‘unwritten rules’ on this, one example being that you are ‘bringing people down’ or that people wont want to hear it or know what to say and you can understand that and appreciate that to a point.

But really, pretending death doesn't happen or locking those thoughts away probably don't help individuals when a loved one does actually pass away. I feel it is something us humans have to try and learn to be more open about, to not be afraid to bring it up, accept and perhaps educate ourselves on. When dad was having his last days (as horrendous as they were), I almost feel like I can say that the aftermath of death is actually worse (or maybe just as bad), that it is probably worse for the people who witness the death, over the person who is actually dying. People think that even with death ‘Time is a healer’, I even remember thinking to myself that at the year mark point, I would probably be so much better.

How naive I was. Grief has no expiry date. There is no ‘getting over it’. I feel just as bad now as I did then, and I wonder just how long this will be with me, I then fret that I will always carry this, as like I mention before, there is no ‘Light at the end of the tunnel’ with death. That person has gone, that theyre absence is so loud, it is a constant reminder, its massive, dark and noticable, and that the fact they have died will always, always, always be shit and nothing will change that. Im just telling it like it is.  Since then I look at the rest of my family, friends, and even my dog and worry about how bad it will be WHEN (not if) WHEN other loved ones die. That I have to do this again, and again, many more times. It makes me want to vomit. It makes me want to die first to avoid it. It makes me not like life at all. The world has become a very scary place now, how it snatches anyone it wants, and you are left to deal with that, and live a life knowing that that hangs over you all the time, yet you are expected to just ‘carry on’. At the time I remember seeing a gif of a monster hovering over a man walking up the stairs  - he knew it was there, lurking, waiting for the right moment, an extended version of waiting for the axe to fall. This is exactly how I felt. It. is. Awful. I remember being at dads side all day, at every minute looking at him and my heart pounding, checking if he was still breathing, wondering “is he dead?!”. Seeing my once strong dad now with all sorts of shit in his arms, his face, and everywhere else, not even able to open his eyes, the sounds of the machines trying to help him breathe - gah. Fuck that memory. And then going home to an empty house. My sister was with her other half, my brother his, my mum staying with dad (and rightly so). I had to walk past dads room, his belongings became SO noticeable, that even the sight of them scared me. How different this house was now. I was alone in a house that used to be my family home, now it was a house filled with horrors that reminded you of what was about to be taken away, how just a few weeks before he was in this house - not about to die. I remember wondering what I had done to deserve this, to watch my dad slowly die all day and night and have to come home alone. I wanted to be held. I wanted to be held so tight that it knocked me out. I kept all the lights on and I rang my friend who has also lost her dad and stayed on the phone to her until I fell asleep. I never forget friends like that. It was the worst. It was hell - but it wasn't a case of I was owed bad karma, its that life can be cruel, and it can be cruel to ANYONE. Not just me. And that ultimately - death is a part of life. When he died, after 10 long days of waiting for it to happen, I couldn't deal how people looked at me awkwardly, that I was the elephant in the room, that it is said that talking about things will help but yet when you try and open up peoples body language scream “I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU”, the looks on their faces, the silence. Not only that most of the people around me hadn't lost anyone, so they didn't get it, but that my grief was actually making THEM feel awkward or that they didnt really want to speak to me. Some friends didn't even bother to contact me and said “ I didn't think you would want to come out”. It all added to my isolation. To this day I still don't talk to close friends or even my family about it, how death has taken such a massive characteristic from me - expression. Its taken so much of me. And people don't know what to say. That is not an attack or criticism, because its not a popular topic, and people avoid it like the plague. And rightly so, because its depressing. But this is why I wanted to write about it, I feel that if talking of death wasn't so taboo, It would help people for when they are actually going through it, or even in the smallest way, help them accept or prepare for an inevitable death, theres no ‘How To’ on death and for me personally, not having addressed death before - it really kicked my ass (and still is to this day) when it did arrive - after all, everyone goes through it at some point in their lives. Soon people see it as old news’ (especially after the funeral - how ghastly funerals are) and assume you must be ‘better’ now. It really doesn't work like that. Its ongoing. The heart specialist that saw dad through his last days told us himself that life is much harder after the funeral - this made me dread and dread and dread the funeral so much. But he was so right. Every day was so scary, dreadful and just black. It really does feel like you are in a out of body experience, that your mind just cant handle what is going on, so it shuts itself down and blocks things out whichever way it can, for some its denial, shock, its like your in a never ending nightmare and you just want to wake up. Soon after, my sister announced her pregnancy and I freaked.the.hell.out. I couldn't deal with all this massive change in my family in a tiny amount of time, what If I never see her now?, she will have her own family and we will be forgotten?!, that dad just missed it! what if what if what if?!!?. I ate and ate my way through these situations, I couldn't control or be disciplined at such a bad time in my life, the weight piled on and so did the depression - but this decision to eat has made things so much worse - but I still wouldn't have been able to do it any other way. I had a breakdown and that very morning took myself to the doctor. I couldn't deal and I wanted pills to take me out of this, at any cost. I wanted to be drugged at the highest level. Just take it away. Pills. They were not my friend. This in itself will be another blog as I want to stay focused on this topic. But in short, my health went to shit. My confidence was dropping and dropping and dropping. I stopped sculpting, I stopped art, I stopped ukulele, I stopped cooking. I stopped dating. I stopped singing, I stopped trying. My labido completely vanished. I didn't feel like a human anymore, I couldn't give love and I couldn't receive it. I was just a thing with skin. I didn't like boys, boys wouldn't like me - not at this weight and my belly. I hated how I looked, I hated my hair, I hated my whole appearance, I hated my now unfitting clothes, I hated how depressing clothes shopping had become, so I stopped. Everything I once took pleasure in, didn't please me anymore. Not even if I tried. I think I could have done the most amazing things and it still wouldn't budge this thing inside of me, taking over. I was turning into the worst version of me, a version of me I never knew existed. Mornings became a demon.  Im sure theres loads of you that relate to this and know what I mean by this. Id be in bed and suddenly my heart raced and it felt like that feeling you get when your about to do something that scares the shit our of you or makes you so nervous you need to puke, that the tiniest tasks became mountains - “Oh my actual god I have to get out of bed today and face people and do things”?!?!  I was so nervous and scared all the time and didn't know why.

I become so so tired having to work throughout the week, yet hated the weekends because of feeling unproductive or lonely. I felt so tired doing too much but felt like I had to be doing something as soon as I stopped, its like you are in a constant battle with yourself. My life went from grief, to anxiety and depression all in one hit. And I had to try and live with it every single day. Its so hard. And I still have to keep fighting through all this crap that life throws at me, Im still not at the ‘other side’ of all this and when I think I've had my dose of it, it gives me some more. But life does this to everyone and thats why I think its important to not be afraid of being open about feeling shit, because we can be there for each other. Yet we all seem to stay quiet and get annoyed when people express themselves if they are feeling sad, they are given the “you are so negative / moaning label - this isn't the case. I hate that people turn a blind eye because people express their negative emotions, really, what is wrong with that? I think ultimately I want to say to anyone that has lost someone, or is about to, or maybe people that just battle with their inner demons... Its annoying as hell but you have to fight back. And I know its so frustrating to have to fight for things that other people get so freely. Like - just being ok. Know that I am with you. I. Am. With. You. Know that this terror, too shall pass and you will get stronger. You will.

And you'll be surprised by how many people feel the way you do, but we just don't speak of it, so we think its unique to us - its not, we are a massive bunch of humans who suffer but not together!. I learned that life isn't always on my side and admitting that life is hard, we just have to get harder, and we do. I think sometimes we don't realise it though. You don't have to be fearless to be brave, being scared all the time is brave, because you have to force yourself through the fear all the time! I wont ever be the same person I was before my dad died, but maybe I need to stop trying to be, maybe its ok that I will always be a little bit broken. Death is so life changing for the people still remaining, so don't expect to stay the same person. And that is also OK. I would like to hope that at some time, life will be brighter for us once more, I think good and bad times pass by like waves, we cant have one without the other. What a beautiful cunt life is, ay? =p. One difference I have noticed in myself is how much more appreciative I am of small things. Just being with people, taking photos, hearing the birds sing, Knowing that life isn't forever, but its now, and now is all we have. So go get that tattoo, go on that trip you have always wanted too, tell that person how deeply in love with them you are, go and get your life and chase those goals, its scary, but its worth it. We wont be here forever! There is no “Im over it” now, as mentioned before, after losing someone, a gap is there that will never be filled.  But. Although it seems so very unlikely, you will feel love again You will laugh so hard again You will be able to think of that person and a smile come onto your face, instead of a tear and sometimes it will just be tears Sometimes you will miss them so much it hurts Sometimes you will feel lucky you had them in your life Sometimes you will feel cheated that they were taken away. There will be days where you can face things and days where you cant. You will never feel just one way, but you really do learn to live with it, and I promise you, although you will miss them so much - you're going to be OK. You become better at always being sad about it, and it will always be there, but it wont destroy you like it does in the early days / months / years. I was watching a film last night, about a man who died and was saying to his still alive wife beyond the grave, “I still exist”. This filled my heart will sheer comfort - the thought that death doesn't mean they are gone, that they really are still alive - just somewhere else. Dad please be up there, I really want to see your face again! and the hope that I could gives me me such a lift!. And maybe if we try to think, that maybe death isn't the worst thing, because hopefully our loved ones have gone somewhere BETTER! where they are the happiest they could ever be, no suffering, no pain and that they are having a ball up there! its like I've said, I think its worse for the people left behind and maybe if we start accepting that death happens, maybe we wont fight against it so much by knowing that death isn't the end! Im trying to hard to feel this way! Involve only good people in your life, be true to yourself, express yourself no matter how you feel and most importantly... They still exist. Jay

[sukirichi]

CHAN!!!!!!!!!! I TOLD YOU I WOULD SCREAM AT YOU WOULDN’T I??? OKAY OKAY FIRST OF ALL TO ANYONE READING THIS, I JUST WANT TO SAY *takes a deep breath to bring back my sanity becos i’m not the same person anymore after reading this* YOU GUYS HAVE TO READ THIS. CHOSO SIMP OR NOT, YOU WILL FIND THAT YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE CHOSO A THOUSAND TIMES MORE AFTER THIS. LIKE...I swear, 23k words of perfection, 23k words of slow burn and heartwarming romance, like i’m a sucker for good smut yknow that but the intimacy? the connection? please, might as well cheat on my man and go for the one that easily folded him LMAO I’M JOKING, NAOYA DIDN’T SEE THIS

but like bestie for real, with 100% honesty no cap tbh ngl no bullcrap here, I am so utterly in love with this. I love this so much from the bottom of my anus and coochie and everything else. I love this.

i can tell just how much you love choso from this and it shows. and you know what makes a good story even better? it’s when you can feel the writer’s love and passion from it, like reading this genuinely made me so happy. i spent like an hour and a half reading it and i tell you, that hour and a half was self-care. im gonna go on a roll here and ask...AM I Y/N? BECAUSE THE SIMILARITIES ARE SO UNCACNNY AND EVERYTIME SHE WAS TALKING I WAS LIKE “yo omg i would totally say and do that, i understand them so well” but like the way you turned the concept of “experiencing what dating is like but with an escort” is so good like?? YOU ARE AMAZING? DO YOU KNOW THAT? IF YOU DON’T IM GOING TO WHACK YOU WITH MY ZEN’IN BRA

but anyways omg...let’s talk about the introductions. i loveeeee the addition of nobara and maki being her besties and they’re so sweet to reader, taking care of their precious soul and whatnot and when they said “no wonder you’re so nervous even around inumaki” i was like HELPPP THAT’S MY CRUSH but like i was immediately pulled in. i loved the background of the reader and how we got to know her but the backstory/introduction wasn’t dragged out or it became info vomit. 

like it was PERFECT, hitting right on the nails and it allowed us to connect to Y/N’s personality more. and the call for the kamo escorts I SWEAR MY HEART WAS POUNDING SO HARD I WAS LIKE OMG OMG OMG ITS FINALLY HAPPENING THEY’RE GOING TO MEET CHOSO AND I LOVEEE HOW IJICHI WAS SO ACCOMODATING LIKE honestly what’s stopping me from hiring an escort rn? i totally felt reader’s anxiety from the call and I LOVE HOW SHE’S SUCH A CUTE BEAN LIKE? AND THEN THEY’RE PAIRED UP WITH GENTLE GIANT CHOSO? UGH JUST TAKE ME, WHY AM I NOT PAYING TO READ THIS FIC, ITS TOO GOOD AND I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE PAYING FOR A MASTERPIECE LIKE THIS. 

and the call with choso HELPPPP like i swear i was into each moment, i’ve never felt more present in my life. i was just so immersed in it, i loved each word and line, choso being so understanding yet silent in the calls - i loved that detail. AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE FIRST DATE LIKE HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME GIGGLE LIKE THAT, NAOYA’S TROPHY WIFE IS ELEGANT AND CLASSY, I DON’T GIGGLE LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL GIRL YET I WAS AND I WAS SWOONING HOLY CRAPPPPPP

like when she smacked him with the bag and he caught her i literally had to pause and be like. okay. im gonna lose my mind. and to think it was just the start? GET BACK HERE CHAN IM GONNA SMOTHER YOU IN KISSES AND CUDDLES. SEE I WAS SUPER CONFIDENT WHEN I TAGGED YOU IN THE “sexiest choso fic ever :lipbite:” BUT EVEN THEN, EVEN WITH THE SNIPPETS YOU SENT ME, I AM SO BLOWN AWAY LIKE?? DUDE I CANT IM SO SPEECHLESS RN. I ALSO LOVE HOW REALISTIC THIS WAS. 

choso being friendly, warm, open, and understanding without coming off too strong was sooooo accurate and wonderfully portrayed like the first date really did give me first date nerves. i was nervous yet excited, and when he fed her!! i tell you i LOST it!!! and the kiss at the garden bruhhhh. when she asked if he wanted to take a walk around the estate, i was like ZENIN ESTATE? 

but then anyways oh my gosh, that first kiss. that first is everything. that first kiss gave me life. that first kiss breathed air back into my poor, malfunctioning lungs. and just overall the intimacy, the physical touch, the way choso was also losing himself in his desire BUT THE ATTRACTION. THE ADORATION, THE AFFECTION, THE SEXUAL TENSION AND THE ROMANCE! YOU WOKE UP AND CHOSE VIOLENCE WHEN YOU POSTED THIS. 

IDK HOW CHOSO SIMPS ARE FARING RN BCOS IM A HARDCORE NAOYA SIMP YET I CAN GUARANTEE YOU IM NOT OKAY LIKE PLEASE I MIGHT CRY BCOS HE ISNT REAL AND YKNOW HOW SOFT I AM LIKE IM JUST EMOTIONAL OKAY?

AND JUST EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS. THE DETAIL OF READER SHYLY ASKING “can i give you a handjob” “can i taste your cum” SO INNOCENTLY MADE ME GO FERAL. i totally understand why choso lost his mind because this is like the first fic i was attracted both to the male lead and the protagonist like WOW. and i love how everything about this felt so natural, like things were stepping in the right direction, absolutely loved the pacing and flow (i need to take notes from you, jot that down, suki!) and oh goshhhhh when they were getting to know each other and verbally expressing their need for one another im just a goner. IDK WHICH IS MY FAV PART BECAUSE I LOVED EVERYTHING. MAYBE THE FINGERING SCENE IN THE GARAGE? 

im a sucker for fingering but MOSTLY IT WAS BECAUSE CHOSO WAS SO AFFECTIONATE AND INTIMATE OKAY? LIKE FROM HIS ACTIONS YOU COULD TELL HE CARED ABOUT HER AND WANTED HER TO FEEL GOOD. “does my baby want me to take her mind off things?” sir choso pls don’t do this to me, i’m happily married yet you make me wish i was bouncing on your fatter cock instead. im gonna crie. like he is soooo perfect how do you write him so good? CHOSO BEST BOI! AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON THEIR FIRST TIME, HE WAS SO GENTLE AND ROMANTIC AND THE BEACH SCENEEEE

gah the angst here was...i actually felt scared. i related hard to the reader and could see myself in them that when that talk happened, i was like “oh this is going to be a heartbreaking ending, reader is obviously gonna say no” because she already said “nothing would happen between us” i was like yeah no im hurt, i think i cant do this, its too early to cry so when things took a turn and reader confessed to her parents, i felt like i was slapped in the face. in a good way! like wow the bravery, the courage to come forward with the truth like that...i was shook. 

CHARACTER GROWTH. THAT’S WHAT IT IS. then choso confessed and omggg i loved reader’s dad like yes sir i hope every parent is like you LMAO BUT LIKE I LOVE HOW EVERYTHING FELL INTO PLACE AFTER YOU MADE US BELIEVE WE DIDN’T HAVE HOPE ANYMORE? AND THE DETAIL OF MEGUMI KNOWING CHOSO FROM YUUJI I WAS L E V I T A T I N G 

anyways chan im just...genuinely shook. blown away. so so in love with this. so so impressed and just overall redfaced and warm and feeling so fluffy and loved. reading this has made me feel more loved in my life than when boys gave me gifts and love letters LMAOOO but like for real, the domesticity of this story, the wholesomeness with just the right amount of angst that was to be expected from an escort au...this fic is like god tier for choso fics. i swear, im so...like idk what to say right now. the fandom, choso simps, and even non-choso simps who read this, i guarantee you we are BLESSED. 

BLESSED TO READ THIS. LUCKY TO HAVE YOU RN BECAUSE THAT IS PURE TALENT RIGHT THERE AND I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS. I LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT AND I LOVE YOU MORE. KEEP WRITING BESTIE, I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING MORE MAGIC TO HAPPEN FROM YOUR HANDS

infatuation

infatuation [noun. strong but not usually lasting feelings of love or attraction]

pairing: kamo choso/f!reader

summary: in a spurt of recklessness, you hire an escort to help you learn about relationships and intimacy. what you didn't expect was to fall in love with him along the way. [part of the kamo escorts collab]

wordcount: 23.3k

content/warnings: escorts au, slow burn, language, smut!!!, fluff, soft dom!choso, reader is very oblivious and painfully awkward, awkward firsts, dry humping, handjobs, oral sex (m + f receiving), fingering, uh somewhat public sex, loss of virginity, oral fixation, praise kink, lowercase is intended [VERY VERY UNEDITED]

a/n: hello here it is and finally done!!! i've been sitting at this for a week straight now and while i'm not super happy with it, it would've been a shame to just throw it out tbh. writing improvement is a slow progress after all! i'm dedicating this to @sukirichi who always hyped me up while i was writing this, happily welcomed me to the collab and who always supports my writing and i really appreciate it. thank you, from the bottom of my heart! (argh i have so many cut scenes that i ran out of space for dividers, sorry! hope the reading flow still makes sense though)

"that's what you were so worried about?" nobara looked at you incredulously, as if you grew two heads and asked for her firstborn. "you were scared that guys don't like you because you've never dated anyone?"

you let out an embarrassed whine, pushing at her arm in an attempt to get her to shut up. it wasn't your fault that she jumped to (multiple and very wrong) conclusions when you'd called her and maki, asking them to meet up so you could ask for advice. even maki looked mildly amused, patting your head apologetically. you were well aware of how ridiculous your issue sounds - the topic of dating had always made you anxious. you came from a very wealthy family that always sheltered and protected you from everything. you were their precious little girl after all; your father would rather drop dead than have you mingle with people who didn't treat you well and didn't deserve you. they meant well and it had never been an issue until you moved out to attend university (your parents had acted like you were leaving to travel the world and would never return, when really, you only moved two hours away from home).

even though nobara, maki and you had quickly become friends after you'd met at an event, you were wary to tell them about your background. it worried you, knowing how some people would treat you differently just to get on your good side and use you, so you opted to skirt around it as much as possible. it took you months until you opened up to them when you finally mustered up enough courage and trust to do so. they kept your secrets ever since, always protecting you and looking out for you. you were truly glad to be their friend. the two of them had grown suspicious when you kept declining their invites to join them for parties or to simply go to a bar and you were slowly starting to feel more and more guilty until you couldn't take it anymore and just confessed, asking them for advice.

"so that's why you're nervous even around inumaki," nobara concluded, propping her chin up in thought. "i didn't think your parents would be this protective. do they know that you want to start dating now?"

"no…" you confessed, fidgeting in your seat. "my dad, he um- he means well and usually has a good radar when he says that a guy doesn't deserve me. but i thought it was time to venture out on my own. it's good to have some experience, right?"

"i mean you're not wrong but i don't want you to be asking for advice simply because you feel pressured about dating since everyone else is doing it," maki retorted, giving you a concerned look.

you quickly shook your head. it wasn't that you felt pressured about not having any experience yet. you didn't necessarily want to admit to them that you were a hopeless romantic and liked the idea of being with someone; in the end, it was your own decision to venture. men made you nervous, you didn't know how to act around them and the thought of approaching a stranger by yourself was too scary. maybe it was a better idea to find someone to show you the ropes first, you felt embarrassed about your lack of knowledge and skills and - it wouldn't hurt to have some kind of dating training, right?

"i mean, technically, you could just ask one of the guys to take you out on a fake date. i'm sure megumi wouldn't mind," nobara was already pulling out her phone, making you grabbing her hand in panic and furiously shaking your head.

"i don't want to get them involved in this! it would make things pretty awkward and that's the last thing i would want. isn't there any other solution?" you explained quietly, playing with the hem of the dress. you felt bad for rejecting all their suggestions but you simply didn't want to be a burden to your other friends either.

"well," nobara and maki looked at each other grinning. "you could hire a fake boyfriend."

"really? you can hire tho-"

"escorts, y/n, escorts," nobara pushed her phone over to you, pointing on the screen. frowning, you read the little description. kamo escorts. you'd never thought about hiring someone, let alone knew enough about the topic. judging from nobara's face, she seemed to be well versed and it made you slightly suspicious.

"it's the easiest way for you and you have enough money to pay for their service. it's convenient, you can adjust it to your schedule and they'll send someone who fits your preferences. you choose the spot for your date and they'll make it happen, right? it's perfect and you don't have to worry about getting anyone involved," she explained, tapping at the bottom of the screen. "just give them a call, they'll walk you through the entire process. if you don't like it, you can find someone else or just abort mission."

"what do you mean they'll send someone who fits my preferences?" it did sound like an easy process, almost too easy. something was bound to go wrong, you could feel it. "i don't even know what my preferences are, so how could they possibly-"

"y/n, you might be blind but we are not," maki flicked your forehead playfully, she was more perceptive than you. "if you want, you can call them right now and we'll help you with the preferences, okay? maybe that'll ease your nerves a little."

"now?" you squeaked, eyes widening in horror. you weren't prepared at all; when you invited them over you were only planning to gather advice and then act on it.

"yeah! come on, it'll be fun and it's not like they can see your face," nobara grinned and was already dialing the number, moving away from you agilely before you could snatch the phone out of her hands. you wanted the earth to swallow you, why did they think that this was a good id-

"good evening, thank you for calling kamo escorts. my name is ijichi, how may i help you?" a male voice sounded from the phone, you instinctively dove behind the couch but maki was quicker and pulled you back with one fluid motion. curse her strength and speed.

"yes, hi, my friend here would like to hire an escort but she's too shy to do so, so we're helping her with the entire process. i hope you don't mind?"

"if it helps to ease the nerves, not at all."

nobars nudged you, holding the phone out. you pouted at her, shaking your head like a stubborn child. she rolled her eyes and pushed the phone into your hand forcefully, making you panic as you didn't want ijichi hearing your wrangling.

"um, yes, i- i'd like to hire someone but- ah nobara already mentioned that! it's for… for dates! i just need someone to go on dates with me."

"i see. is this a formal event?"

"n-no! i just need dating training of sorts, so casual is fine… if i do need to attend a formal event in the future, would that be a problem?"

"not at all, simply let us know when booking. our escorts are trained to be able to adapt to any situation and event, there is nothing you need to worry about, miss. do you have any specific preferences?"

"uh i-"

nobara leaned over your shoulder. "she prefers more mature guys! someone who's caring and attentive, someone who's not too outgoing and loud, it has to match her energy! since this is date training, there's probably going to be a lot of awkwardness so we'll need someone who is patient too. someone who can act like the best boyfriend to ever boyfriend. as for looks, i think she's fine with everything- although wait, maybe dark hair. yep, dark hair."

you couldn't believe her, she practically directed the entire call for you as if she'd made a plan beforehand, knowing that it would come to this. there was no doubt that she'd had this in mind, this was nobara after all. maki, on other hand, was watching you amused; she didn't usually engage in whatever shenanigans nobara was up to but she was always a bystander who very much enjoyed your reaction just now.

"miss, do you agree with the listed preferences?" ijichi asked after a moment of silence. you could hear him typing and occasionally scribbling on paper.

"yeah, yes, that's fine. is it possible to book him on weekends? i don't know if this is going to work out just yet so maybe once a week on fridays? i've never done this before so yeah."

"that is doable, yes. if you wish to engage in sexual relations, you may discuss it with your escort. these services come at an additional cost, of course."

"i don't-"

nobara interrupts you again, smirking at you cheekily. "it would be beneficial, so please take that into consideration when choosing the escort!"

"alright, thank you," ijichi went silent for a minute while he was organizing the files and schedules. "there are some possible candidates with whom i have to check with first. i will get back to you, should they agree to the job. after that we can exchange personal information and contacts so we can discuss the matter further."

"okay um. thank you, mr ijichi, i appreciate your help," you thanked him bashfully, giving him your number before thanking him again. you were already so deep in thought that you didn't even listen to his reply. now you've really gone and done it. were you crazy? what if your parents found out? they'd riot and be immensely disappointed in you. getting some dating experience through dating an escort, only nobara could ever come up with something like this.

"how do you feel?" maki inquired and rubbed your shoulders in concern, seeing how quiet you suddenly grew. weakly shrugging with your shoulders, you grasped the fabric of your shirt and nervously fiddled with it. the entire ordeal filled you with anxiety, a myriad of thoughts circling in your brain. it was the first time doing something "reckless" and it left you feeling nauseous.

"i'm not sure." you hesitated. "i'm curious to see how it goes but it just makes me really nervous. how do i act around him? and what if he finds me weird?"

"i don't think he's going to think you're weird just because you get nervous around guys. and besides, ijichi said he'd find the perfect guy for you, yeah? don't worry about it too much. if you don't feel comfortable after the first date, we'll figure something out."

"i guess so… um, but you guys don't mind accompanying me to it? just to make sure it's not some weird guy?" upon seeing your hopeful face, the two girls couldn't say no - of course not, you were their precious, innocent friend. as amusing as this situation was to them, they wanted nothing more than to support you and see you happy as well. you had already done a tiny step out of your little, sheltered world and much more was to come.

the ring of your phone nearly scared you to death, making you drop the book you were holding. quietly cursing, you picked it up and placed it on the table before answering the phone. who was even calling you at this time? everyone knew you were busy in the evening, slaving away on your assignments. it must be really important to interrupt your workflow like this- you almost dropped your phone in shock when you recognized ijichi's voice on the other side. admittedly, you forgot about the entire ordeal and didn't expect him to get back to you so soon. "good evening, ms y/n. i'm calling you regarding your inquiry so we can finalize all the details."

"u- uhm yes! thank you for calling!"

although ijichi was kind and patient, you were still nervous as you scribbled the details on a piece of paper. your escort's name was choso, he was a few years older than you and his schedule was very flexible. there wasn't more info, ijichi had announced that choso would call you as soon as possible. dread filled your stomach - it was nerve wracking to meet new people, not to mention someone you hired to be your fake boyfriend for the day. and now that you knew he was calling, all focus and concentration was thrown out the window. silently, you sat at the table and stared at your phone, waiting for the screen to light up. maki and nobara didn't need to know about this new development just yet as you wanted to navigate this on your own before telling them.

not too long after, your phone rang again, an unknown number flashing across the screen. it had to be him. even though you mentally prepared yourself for minutes, the anxiety came back full force. with trembling hands, you picked up, holding your breath as you waited for an answer. a deep, rather dulcet voice greeted you from the other side. you liked the sound of his voice, it almost put you at ease if it wasn't for your mind that constantly reminded you what was going on. you hastily introduced yourself to him and told him why you were requesting his services. the entire time, he was silent and let you speak - although you appreciated that he didn't interrupt you, every second that was passed in silence agonized you.

"hello y/n, my name is choso and i'll be your escort for the time being. ijichi told me you were looking for someone to pose as your fake boyfriend?"

"ah, uh yes sort of! i don't… have any experience when it comes to boyfriends and that kind of stuff. and i- i just wanted to learn what it's like to d- date and- and," your voice got smaller and smaller, until it was a mere whisper that was filled with all kinds of embarrassment that you felt. you couldn't help it, hopefully choso was still able to decipher what you were explaining. "you know, k- kissing and all that stuff. i've never done it with anyone before."

"i see," choso paused for a second, making your heart race. "i can't say i've had this situation before but i'm confident in my skills to guide you through this. before we first meet, let's set some boundaries so you feel comfortable at all times, okay?"

you hummed and nodded, although he couldn't see you over the phone. choso sounded like what nobara had described your ideal type - ijichi really had delivered and chosen the best possible match. choso knew what to say and how to steer the conversation in such a way that it didn't make you feel helpless or anxious. and you, in turn, felt like you could trust him with this issue.

"y- yes! uhm when i first called ijichi, a friend of mine helped me with the process and requested someone who was comfortable with sexual relations but… uh, to be honest, i never thought of requesting them. i'm not entirely sure if i want to do it either… i want to approach this in a slow manner, as slow as possible."

"alright, i can work with that. as for our first meeting, have you picked a time and location?"

you sighed in relief. choso seemed like a really nice and understanding person, leaving most of the options up to you. you knew it was part of his job but it felt nice to know that he was so forthcoming and accommodating. for the first date, you’d chosen a nice restaurant that had good reviews and little private booths. even though there was no way your father would ever magically appear and find out about your escapades, you were still trying to be secretive and cautious. the restaurant was situated in a widespread estate with beautiful gardens, the perfect spot to take stroll after dinner. in all the romance books you’d consumed, these type of dates seemed to be very popular - you thought to yourself why not? as you discussed your plans with him, you briefly wondered what he looked like. it felt weird asking him about it and you'd meet him soon anyways. maybe he looked like what you thought his personality was - like a prince charming? the prince that your dad had always assured you would come along. a small giggle left your lips at the thought of it; it was silly to believe it would turn out to be the love of your life. though it made you giddy thinking of your prince charming.

“is everything okay?”

“ah sorry, everything’s fine! i just had a silly thought a moment ago, that’s all,” reassuring choso quickly, you rubbed your cheeks in embarrassment. he must’ve thought that you were going crazy. “anyways, thank you for um, everything. i feel more comfortable now that i’ve discussed the details with you, thank you for being so patient. i look forward to meeting you!”

on the other end, choso hesitated, startled by your sudden enthusiasm when you were rather shy and timid before. it seemed that you were willing to open up a little more. he was curious himself, never having dealt with such a case before. usually, only experienced people who were looking for eye candy to accompany them to fancy events would hire him. he couldn’t imagine what you were like before meeting - it was nicer to get to know you in person after all, for the sake of a date setting. still, how were you able to afford the services? considering you were most likely a college student, he couldn’t fathom what lengths you went just to gain some experience. though he supposed, he shouldn’t judge you too quickly.

“i look forward to meeting you as well. see you on saturday, y/n.”

for hours you’d gone back and forth between outfits - casual? or more cute? maybe a mix of both? maki wasn’t much of a help either, mostly just giving you a thumbs up for every outfit while nobara had something to criticize about every outfit. you sighed, tossing yet another shirt onto the heaping pile of clothes. it was hard trying to impress someone that you didn’t know. the last item on your list was a simple, flowy dress and it seemed to be the best fit. you didn’t want to agonize over the choices any longer, seeing that the date was inching closer and closer. maki looked like she was bored out of her mind as well, scrolling through her phone as she was lounging on your couch with nobara. “are you sure you’ll be fine?” maki questioned you again. she was relieved about your good mood, how you were less apprehensive about the entire ordeal. when you first told them about choso after the phone call, you sounded slightly excited and were gushing about how nice he had been. you were hopeful that you could learn a lot from him. however, maki couldn’t help but worry about you, constantly making sure you were feeling okay.

“i’m sure i’ll be fine, don’t worry! we agreed to just have dinner today and let me test the waters… we’re really just doing whatever i feel comfortable doing for now,” you explained to the two of them, smoothing out the dress before grabbing your bag. “so yeah, i’m ready, i think. i mean if anything was to happen, i’ll let you know right away. i really have to go now though, you guys coming?”

nobara made a noise of protest, not wanting to get up from your bed which promptly earned her a nudge from maki. you giggled at your friend’s antics, grasping her arm to pull her up. as lighthearted and happy as you acted, you tried to hide your nervousness in front of your friends. worrying them did no good. as the three of you made your way to the restaurant, you checked your phone to see a text message from choso who asked to meet you in front of the building. you agreed, telling him that you would be there soon. the phone pinged again, choso had sent you a simple smiley. it made you grin a little, earning a suggestive glance from nobara whom you gently shoved.

"text us if anything happens, yeah? we can also pick you up afterwards so don't worry about it," maki reminded you again as you rounded the corner of the street, stopping mere meters in front of the restaurant so you could say goodbye to them. again, you reassured them that you would do as they suggested. you would be fine, because after all, choso was a professional. waving at your friends’ retreating figures, you slowly walked towards the entrance and let your eyes wander. the streets were busy, you couldn’t immediately make out anyone who was waiting in front of the restaurant. not that you really knew what choso looked like, you just hoped your search wouldn’t get more difficult with people waiting in the front. glancing at your reflection on the windows of a parking car, you made sure that you looked presentable and approachable.

“y/n?” your soul nearly left your body as you got startled by a deep voice behind you, now suddenly being aware of the figure behind you. whirling around, you almost hit the other person with your small bag with the swing. your eyes widened and you apologized profusely, fussing around to make sure the person was okay until you paused. wait a minute. this person knew your name. abruptly leaning back so you could look at the person’s face - they were very, very tall - you incredulously stared at them before spluttering: “c- choso? you’re choso?”

the taller male nodded, gently grasping your shoulders to steady you. on your bare skin, his hands felt scalding hot, making you painfully aware of how close you stood to each other. choso, for a lack of better terms, looked nothing like you’d expected but you couldn’t complain. he was attractive, very much so. he almost fit into the bad boy category, the type of men your dad would never let you close to. you felt inexplicably drawn to choso, like a moth to flames and you just couldn’t look away. he stared back at you, dark eyes glinting with concern as he took in your form. as your voice had suggested, you appeared to be a rather shy and timid person, looking at him like a deer in headlights. choso thought you were adorable, the way you were holding onto the sleeves of his shirt to not fall.

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to hit you! you just really scared me there,” you apologized again, letting go of the fabric in embarrassment. luckily, he didn’t seem to mind, patiently waiting until you were composed again.

“don’t worry about it, i’m okay. it’s nice to finally meet you. should we head inside?” he offered you his arm which you gratefully took and followed him inside. truth to be told, you were starstruck by him, still too flabbergasted to say another word. thankfully, choso had picked up on your speechlessness, silently chuckling to himself as he led you to your private booth. you sat across from him, quietly thanking the waiter as he handed you the menu. eyes flitting back and forth between it and choso, you fiddled with the hem of your dress. what would you even talk about? you felt awkward, not knowing what to ask him; your confidence had suddenly vanished with the earlier incident.

“you look like you’re about to faint,” choso teased you, giving you a cheeky smile. “i’m not gonna bite you, i promise. i’m supposed to be your fake boyfriend, right? ask me whatever you want, just act like we’re good friends. it’ll get better with time.”

you nodded eagerly, face heating up at the mention of boyfriends. how does one even act around them without prior experience? let’s not dwell on it for too long, you thought to yourself. fidgeting on your seat, you pointed at the menu. "do you already know what you'll be getting? a lot of people online recommended their signature dish so i thought we could try it… but all of their dishes sound really good!"

“how about we order different dishes and try from each other then?” choso suggested in response, amusedly watching how your eyes lit up at his idea. you nodded quickly, delving back into the menu to find your desired dish. glancing over to his side to see what he was looking at, you then pushed your menu over to him, pointing at the dish you would be ordering. choso nodded in understanding, skimming the pages until he found a dish that complimented it. not wanting to let you wait any longer, he gave the waiter a sign, ordering for the two of you. across of him, you stayed quiet, still contemplating what to ask him.

“feel free to ask me anything,” choso reminded you again, propping his chin on his hand and leaned closer to you. “when you first get to know someone, dates are really just to spend time with each other and getting to know the other person. if there’s something you two have in common, you’ll just go from there and bond over it, yeah?”

humming in thought, you nodded and looked up at him. “so uhm… what do you like to do in your free time? i’m still in uni, so i spend most of my days studying. but i really like reading when i’m free and i also volunteer at an animal shelter. the pets there make me really happy!”

“my job takes up the majority of my time, so i try to spend time with family and friends as much as possible. my younger brother has gotten me into surfing and paddle boarding, i really enjoy doing that. what do you study, if i may ask?”

“i want to become a veterinarian in the future! it’s been my dream ever since i was younger, so yeah… you said you have a younger brother? i have an older sister but we don’t have much in common since she’s a lot older than me. but um surfing! so you spend a lot of time at the beach, right? i haven’t been there in a long time.”

“if you still wish to continue after today’s date, we could go to the beach next time? i can teach you, it’s not that difficult.”

surprised, your eyes widened at his suggestion. he seemed to be confident that there would be a next time and you couldn’t even deny that possibility. so far, you were easing into the conversation more and more - the process was more natural than the whole setting suggested. though he still made you nervous, he had been nothing but respectful of your space and friendly. not to mention that you were attracted to him as well; if you hadn’t hired him, you could imagine actually getting close to him.

"i- i'd love that." as you told him more about yourself and listened to his stories, you didn’t notice how much time had passed until the waiter suddenly appeared in front of you, presenting you the dishes. your mouth was watering at the sight of the delicious dishes, you couldn’t wait to dig in. quickly thanking the waiter, you then took a bite from the dish after he left. you sighed in satisfaction, taking your time to properly taste the first bite.

“this is so good, you need to try it!” you gushed, pushing your plate closer to the middle of the table. choso chuckled, sharing his plate with you as well. as you took in all the side dishes, he'd already taken it upon himself to pick up a smaller piece with his chopsticks, nudging it towards you. you looked at him confused, then back at the small piece of food. was he trying to-? carefully, you leaned in and let him feed you, confusion and hesitation immediately melting at the taste. the food made you happy, but the unusual intimacy and closeness that he just showed you wasn't lost in between the myriad emotions.

as you had dinner, the previous conversation continued. choso was a few years older than you, has been working in this industry for two years now and preferred coffee over tea. he disliked early mornings and liked to sleep in until noon. his most precious and valued object was a polaroid camera, he wanted to have photos commemorating important occasions or moments that were special to him. all these little details made you feel like he was less of an escort that you'd hired but more of a friend. much to your surprise, the conversation ran smoothly and there were no awkward, silent gaps. you supposed it was only natural; you felt comfortable with him so it was easy to talk. had it been any other guy who didn't understand you or your intentions so well, you probably would've closed up.

"do you want to take a stroll around the estate? i heard the gardens are really beautiful," you asked choso, a hopeful glint in your eyes. dinner was finished long ago, silence filled with light conversation and teasing from choso’s side. you weren’t sure where to go from this or how to suggest being… more intimate. choso had suggested you would go slow - but how slow was too slow? and if you were to go with the flow, when would be the right time?

“i would love to,” choso’s reply pulled you out of your thoughts, focusing your attention back to him. lost in your thoughts, you nodded and called a waitress over to pay the bill. you felt choso’s gaze on you, making you queasy. what did he think of you? or this entire ordeal? you wondered. as he stood up and moved behind you, you nearly jumped out of your skin when he placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you out of the restaurant. the touch was unfamiliar, heavy and scalding even through your clothes, but not unwelcome. a strange feeling welled up in your chest, crawling its way up your throat, constricting it in such a way that it distracted you from coherent thoughts.

seeming to notice your conflict, choso stepped to the side, offering you his hand. you glanced at it, hesitating. “boyfriend experience, remember?” he grinned at you, patiently waiting until you took his hand. his hand was much bigger, almost entirely engulfing yours as you intertwined your fingers. gently swinging your arms back and forth with the flow, choso lead the way through the paths of the garden. having looked forward to it, you suddenly found yourself too distracted by him. the flowers and trees were beautiful and so were the statues but he was the one that caught your attention.

“my hands aren’t sweaty, are they?” you asked after a moment of silence, stopping to face choso. he laughed and shook his head, flicking your forehead gently.

“stop worrying about things too much, you’ll be fine. you don’t see me complaining, do you?”

“i mean that’s true… but i can’t help it! there’s just a lot to uh, think about…” your voice trailed off, you let his hand go to cover your face in embarrassment. choso inched closer to you, grasping your hands to pry them off your face. remaining stubborn, you pulled them back in, a giggle breaking from your lips when he tried again, playfully pinching your cheeks.

“want me to take your mind off said things?” he asked with a low voice, inching in further until your back hit a tree trunk behind you. he was so close, too too close. weakly, you pushed at his chest, trying to get him to back off. the sudden closeness that threw you off - your heart was racing at a million miles an hour, the endless possibilities dancing around your head. “how so?” your voice came out quiet and breathless, as if you were anticipating anything, something… his touch perhaps?

“do you feel comfortable with me?” without hesitating, you nodded in agreement. choso didn’t question you any further, simply gave you a knowing smile before diving in and pressing his lips against yours. instinctively, you stiffened, hands clenching around the fabric of choso’s shirt. breath caught up in your throat, you struggled to ease into it. you pulled away from him, squeezing your eyes shut in shame.

“i’m sorry that-”

“don’t apologize,” choso comforted you quickly, clasping your hands in his and intertwining them. thumbs gently rubbing the back of your hands, he lifted one of them to press a kiss against your knuckles. you blinked perplexed; your heart fluttered at the gesture. “don’t overthink it, there’s no science to it, yeah? just follow the flow, whatever feels good. we’ll go from there.”

giving you a moment to collect yourself, he leaned back in, silently waiting for permission. again, your breath hitched but this time, it wasn’t the nervousness. it was his eyes that drew you in, demanding all of your attention. dark, with unknown depths, that glimmered with mischief. ever so slightly, you tilted your head up to meet his lips. his warm lips pressed against yours, slowly testing the waters and letting you set the pace before deepening the kiss. now less hesitant, you kissed him back with more fervour, losing yourself in the feeling. it felt awkward and strange now that you let him guide you, leaving more space for you to ponder about the feeling that it evoked inside of you. you were glad he was holding your hands, otherwise you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. the kiss brought forth a pleasant, tingling feeling - the sort of feeling that pulled you in, lulling you in warmth.

when choso pulled away, you almost mewled in disappointment, chasing after him. he let out a breathy laugh, cupping your cheek. “how did that feel? was it okay?”

“y- yeah, i liked it. felt very strange at first but once i was able to ease into it, it was… more natural and felt really good,” you explained to him shyly, leaning into his hand. longingly, you gazed at him. would it be weird to ask for another kiss? you wanted explore the feelings more, the intimacy of it, wanted to feel more of him. as if sensing that you were craving more, choso leaned in again, stopping a few centimeters in front of your face. with a sudden surge of boldness, you closed the distance between you, leaning up to kiss him. choso's arm snaked around your waist, pressing you closer to his body. gradually your body felt hotter, a dull ache accompanying it, spreading across the expanse of your stomach.

before you could act on the urge, choso pulled away again, pressing an apologetic kiss to the corner of your lips. "sorry, i don't want to get too carried away and we're… uh in public," he laughed at your horrified expression upon realizing your mistake. "i take it that you're still comfortable with this? do let me know if it gets too overwhelming for you.”

“n- no, it’s fine! it was uh, an interesting insight. i just wasn’t expecting to really get into this, considering- considering i hired you for this and don’t really know you.”

choso hummed in agreement. “i guess there has to be at least a smidge of attraction for it to work, yeah?” you looked at him stunned, trying to decipher the look in his eyes. you couldn’t place it; couldn’t place the feeling of longing that was emerging in you. when he looked at you like that, it was difficult to remind yourself that he was just an escort that you hired for your personal problems. when he looked at you like that, it filled you with warmth, making you want to pretend that he really cared about you as if you were in a relationship.

“yeah… yeah, i guess so.”

nervously, you were twiddling with your phone, contemplating whether to text choso or not. after the last “date”, you felt confident enough in continuing your… relationship of sorts. he was great at guiding you, always making sure you were comfortable and moving at your pace. you did let him know that you would book another session, you just hadn’t set up a date or time yet. and casually texting him felt awkward. hey, how’s your day? oh by the way, i wanna book another session so we can make out haha? maybe calling was a better idea. there was no plan ahead, never did you think you would even get this far.

the dial tone made you nervous. you chewed on your bottom lip as you waited for him to pick up, bouncing your leg up and down. maybe he was busy? it was early in the afternoon after all, he was probably already out with other clients. “hello? y/n?” choso sounded groggy, his voice raspy and deep as if he’d just gotten up. it sent electric shocks right down your spine, raising goosebumps across your skin. never had you thought about a man’s morning voice before, but choso had you wondering, imagining. you spluttered: “oh hey uh are you busy? i’m not interrupting you with something, am i?”

“not at all, i just got up,” choso admitted with a quiet chuckle. “everything okay? are you calling in for another appointment?”

“ah, yeah! i thought that we worked quite well and there’s still a few more things i want to learn with you, if you’re up for it? if you’re comfortable with it too, of course!”

“mhmm, i wouldn’t mind,” choso pondered from the other side. sounds of rustling and a few clangs resounded before you could clearly hear his voice again. you were glad that he agreed to it, meaning that you weren’t entirely… hopeless in that department. for days, his words were ghosting around in your head, a constant reminder that he seemed to find you attractive as well. not that he showed it, staying professional despite the nature of your relationship. it was nice to imagine that someone would look at you like that, at your shy and timid self.

choso was meticulous about his work, working on every detail and concern until he was satisfied. even though he looked so easy going, from time to time he had to admit that he was a perfectionist and easily frustrated when something didn't go the way he expected. so when you rolled around, so innocently asking for help, it threw him off. the feelings of confusion grew when he first met you, unable to pinpoint the origin of this urge, possessive and demanding, reaching its tendrils out to you. the way you reached out to him for help, the fact that you wanted to continue, wanted him to teach you. it thrilled him to the core when it really should not. he had to remain professional. but he was curious, so curious. indulging a little wouldn't hurt, right?

to choso's surprise, the next venue you'd chosen was the own comfort of your home. you were barely acquaintances, more like strangers, and yet you felt confident to invite him here. at the phone you had told him that your friends thought you had weird ideas about dates due to only seeing glorified versions of them on tv shows and movies. it embarrassed you enough to take their advice, inviting choso over for a movie night as opposed to visiting another fancy venue with him. prior to the date, you went through movie suggestions and rented the ones that you thought were interesting and enjoyable for the two of you. despite your put together attire and look, your apartment did not reflect the sentiment. it was a little chaotic; books and paper stacking up in every free corner of the apartment, pens strewn across surfaces and here and there choso could spot memorabilia and photos.

you gave choso an apologetic look when you let him in. despite your best efforts to clean up, you were still not happy with the outcome. tidying wasn't your strong suit but you tried to make it as accommodating as possible. choso assured you that he didn't mind at all, telling you that it added to the charm of the apartment. it was unusual to have someone other than your friends or family in the apartment - your home was your sacred space that you rarely ever showed anyone else, let alone someone you had hired. choso took a seat on the couch, turning to look at you as you went to grab some glasses and drinks.

"i uh, told my friends about my plans and they just told me i have weird expectations of dates," you explained choso, placing the items you'd grabbed on the coffee table and rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly. "they said it would probably just be better to have a simple movie night since a lot of people do that. and it would… make things a lot easier i- if we go fu- further…" the implication was hanging in the air, you didn't dare to speak them out. choso gave you a knowing smile, patting the empty space beside him. gingerly, you sat next to him, squeaking in surprise when he snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you to his side. with wide eyes, you stared at him, still trying to wrap your head around the casual close proximity with the taller male.

wordlessly, you started a random movie, trying to focus on it. throughout the duration of it, choso would ask you questions about your day, how uni was going or whether you felt comfortable. you couldn't focus, not with him being so close. how you made it through the first movie you didn't know. you were hyper aware of choso's wandering hands, the ghost touches his fingers left, how he absentmindedly rubbed your legs that were resting on his lap. straining to keep your eyes on the screen, your neck already felt stiff from the tension.

"i can tell that you're distracted, you know?" choso hummed, hands squeezing your legs gently to catch your attention. pretending to not be affected by it, you shook your head. you didn't want to show him that you wanted to proceed, not yet.

"i'm trying to concentrate," you shushed him quietly, playfully pushing at his arm but still not looking over to him. silence. you assumed you'd convinced him that there was nothing wrong until you felt his hands innocently move a little higher, rubbing the top of your thighs. clenching your fists, you stayed put, unwavering in your resolve. choso's hands wandered, alternating between featherlight touches to using more pressure. he kept his eyes on you, gauging your reactions to him. you brought your hand up to cover half of your face. it was embarrassing, the way your breath came out laboured in response. without warning, arms were hooked under your knees, dragging you across the couch and seated you on his lap. you made a noise in protest, now finally paying attention to him. choso wasn’t sure why but it had bothered him that you were so adamant on keeping your attention on the movie as opposed to keeping your eyes on him.

choso wasn’t sure why but he craved your attention, wanted you to look at him only. his resolve crumbled when you looked at him with wide eyes, grasping the sleeves of his shirt to steady yourself. he couldn’t help but kiss you, swallowing your surprised mewl before you returned the kiss. pleased at your eagerness, he gradually deepened the kiss, licking at the seams of your lips. you gasp in surprise and parted your lips slightly, whimpering in anticipation. it felt unfamiliar and yet thrilling at the same time, fueling and flaring up the dull ache in the pit of your stomach. before choso could go any further, you pulled away and hid your face in the crook of his neck. “what’s wrong? did i go too far?” he questioned concerned, rubbing your back in soothing circles.

“no, no, not at all,” reassuring him quickly, you awkwardly turned in his lap, legs still thrown over it. “i uh just wanted to try to take initiative myself, figure things out without getting hints from you… if that’s okay?”

a sigh of relief left choso’s lips. silently, he gave you his approval and leaned back, watching as you shuffled clumsily. finally, you straddled his lap and placed your hands on his chest. in the dim light, you couldn’t make out his face expression - choso was glad that you couldn’t, otherwise you would have been able to see how much it was affecting him, how he was slowly losing his composure and control around you. but this was about you, he was there to help you explore this type of intimacy. releasing another shaky breath, you then leaned in and softly kissed him. you kept a languid tempo, slowly and surely cracking his restraint. trying to mirror what he’d done earlier, you pushed further, timidly licking into his mouth as he parted his lips.

seemingly not being able to hold back anymore, choso pushed against you with equally as much fervour, gripping your chin and tilting your head ever so slightly. his lips moved against yours, sucking your bottom lip, eliciting a whimper from you. again the ache in the pit of your stomach was flaring up, uncomfortable and yearning for relief; you moved against his lap, pressing your body against his when your crotch dragged against the bulge in his jeans. choso groaned, hands flying to grasp your hips and steady you.

dazed, you gave him a confused look. choso cleared his throat, lifting his hips ever so slightly so you could feel his arousal again. when the realization hit you, your face heated up - you were surprised to find out that he felt aroused… by you.

“oh.”

“yeah.” choso retorted dryly, hands rubbing at his face in embarrassment. “fuck, i’m so sorry. it wasn’t meant to get out of hand like this, i don’t know how far you planned ahead for today but i-”

“uhm if you don’t mind…” you hesitated. but curiosity simply got the better of you, you wanted to see him breathless and feel as hot and bothered as you did. “could i uhm. you know? give you a handjob? only if you don’t mind because i want to know how to please uhm, please people.”

choso swore under his breath. you had no idea how painfully hard you were making him. quietly encouraging you, he leaned in to kiss you again and guided your hands to his jeans. you fumbled with the button and zipper, hands trembling slightly. it took you a few tries until you were finally able to unzip his pants, a giggle left your lips at the thought of how clumsy you were. your hands gently rubbed at the tent in his boxers, breath hitching as choso’s hips jerked. gaining some courage, you slightly put on more pressure and watched fascinated when choso’s fingers digged into the fleshy skin of your hips in anticipation. slowly, you pulled the waistband of his boxers down until it revealed his cock. choso hissed at the cold air that was biting at his skin.

carefully, you wrapped your hand around the shaft, marvelling at how the skin felt on your hands. sensing your cluelessness, choso wrapped his larger hand around yours and guided you into a slow rhythm to get you used to the movement. sucking in a deep breath between his teeth, he praised you: “you’re doing good, y/n. fuck, you’re being such a good girl.”

your heart soared at the praise. eagerly, you leaned up to kiss him, still stroking him in slow movements. choso moaned against your lips, the deep sound spurring you on, eager to hear more of his reactions. when you finally felt more comfortable continuing on your own, choso pulled his hands away and instead settled them on the small of your back, sliding them down until they were resting on your bum. you wrapped your other hand around him as well and paid attention to his reactions, adjusting the pressure and pace accordingly. choso buried his face in the crook of your neck, whispering sweet praises in between his moans. eventually your name left his lips; it set your entire body in flames, desperate want clinging onto your bones.

“fuck, i’m close,” he groans against the skin of your neck, hips rutting up to meet your movements more frantically now. you weren’t entirely sure what to do, opting to simply match the pace. shudders wrecked through choso’s body as he came, warm cum painting your small hands and running down your fingers. he was panting, leaning back against the couch and watching you with hooded eyes. the sight in front of you stirred something inside of you - choso’s flushed face, the slight sheen of sweat on his skin, his kiss-bitten lips. with curiosity, you inspected the liquid on your hand. lazily, choso grasped your wrist, holding them away from you. “‘m sorry. do you have a tissue?”

you tilted your head, tugging on the sleeves of his sweater with your other hand. “uh i- i’ve heard from others… um. can i try?” you asked quietly. choso’s grip on your wrist weakened; he gave you an incredulous look, as if you few two heads. out of all things, he didn’t expect you to suggest that. fuck, he felt the blood rushing right back down to his cock. just the thought of you, doing that - it was enough to make him cum again. “go ahead, if you feel like it,” choso whispered in a low voice. dark urges overcame him again, begging him to give in, to make you bend to his will, to submit, to-

his thoughts came to a screeching halt when he saw you unashamedly pop a finger in your mouth, licking the come from it. there wasn’t any reaction from you really, you gave him a sheepish smile afterwards and gratefully took the tissue he offered you. he helped you wipe your hands, diving in for another kiss. “sorry, i think i just short circuited,” choso laughed embarrassedly, another kiss was pressed to your temple. “that was just… uh- fuck.”

“r- really?” you stammered, hiding your face in your hands. “it’s okay if it wasn’t that great for you, it was my first time after all, i-”

choso hushed you, going for another open mouthed kiss, eliciting a whimper from you. “yeah, really. fuck, the things i want to do to you,” he shook his head, not wanting to get sidetracked again. “but this is about you. we’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable. did you feel like you learned enough for today?”

“mh- hmm. thank you,” you leaned your head against his chest, closing your eyes as a sudden tiredness washed over you. choso’s fingers dancing across your skin were slowly lulling you into a comfortable slumber. “what is it that you want to do to me? will you show me one day?”

choso cursed, shivers running down his spine.

“if you want to, of course.”

-----------

now that you’d met choso a couple of times, it was pretty obvious that you took some liking to him. after that fateful day, nothing else had happened as you wanted to work on easing into relationship dynamics and feeling less insecure about things - choso had been nothing but sweet and mindful about it, even went out of his way to find suitable locations for your dates. somewhere along the way you had started to text more casually, the strictly business type texting long forgotten. gradually, the two of you opened up to each other, the lines between escort and client slowly blurring and intertwining.

choso had promised to pick you up after your shift at the animal shelter for your next date; for today he had suggested you come over to his place for a change. the thought that he was willing to let you in his home, let you have a glimpse into his personal life, it made you giddy with anticipation. despite getting closer to each other, he remained a mysterious person and you didn't want to pry. after all, you were merely his client. but what if you were more- patting your cheeks to put some sense back into you, you leaned down to pet the dogs. unbeknownst to you, choso had already entered the building and watched you with a soft smile as you gave each of the dogs their deserved belly rubs before you left.

you didn't take any notice of him until some of the dogs perked up and carefully trudged over to sniff at the stranger. turning around on your heels, your eyes widened as you took in choso's tall figure. you quickly apologized, telling him that you would be joining him right away to which he simply shook his head and reassured you that you were fine. your co-workers were eyeing choso curiously, one of them wiggling their eyebrows at you. in response, you waved it off, too embarrassed to set the record straight. choso looked so awfully much like a boyfriend in this moment - the way he was dressed in casual clothes that accentuated his physical features so well, the soft smile he gave you as he offered you his hand to take, the way he sounded genuinely interested and curious when he asked you about your day.

silently, you took his hand and followed him out of the building - you could feel your co-workers’ inquisitive gazes like laser beams on your back. while they were never particularly nosy about your personal life, it was unusual that someone would pick you up from work; much less someone that you seemed to be romantically interested in. surely, they would grill you the next time you would return to work. “they think you’re my boyfriend,” you explained to choso sheepishly, glancing down at your intertwined hands. choso squeezed your hand and nudged your side gently. “am i not?” he winked at you cheekily, making your face heat up. he had asked in such a serious voice that you’d briefly questioned yourself.

“n- no, not really,” you replied quietly, looking away from him. choso reached around you to open the car door for you. in the window reflection you could see his face expression; it was rather somber, almost as if your words had hurt him in a way. the emotion was gone from his face when you blinked. maybe you had just imagined it. getting close to him on that level was unattainable, no matter how you twisted it. it just wasn't right.

the car ride was mostly quiet, only the sound of choso's car playlist accompanying you. somewhere along the way he had reached out to intertwine your fingers, resting his hand on your thigh. holding hands was almost natural to you now, the way his hands automatically sought out yours whenever possible. in response, your heart was racing, filling with the all too familiar feeling of yearning. whether you were simply yearning for the intimacy and closeness of a relationship or for him, you weren't entirely sure. while choso had told you about himself for the sake of the fake dating, there were still unknown facettes. it was impossible for you to get to know all of him, not when he was selling a fantasy to you. and yet, you found yourself craving more of him, beyond what he was willing to show you.

choso parked his car in the garage, turning his body sideways so he could look at you. "you okay? you look like you were quite lost in thoughts," he hummed curiously, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. what could you possibly answer to that? hey i'm questioning our fake relationship and it's going beyond what i expected? abruptly, choso hoisted you across the seat onto his lap as if you'd weighed nothing. "a penny for your thoughts? or should i take your mind off things?"

"i- i think i would… rather not talk about it," you whispered quietly, gaze skirting away from his eyes. choso frowned, slightly irritated - he had a small inkling why he reacted this way but banned the thought to the back of his head. he understood that as a client, you wouldn't disclose details of your private life to him. but he found it difficult to circumvent your dropping mood when he couldn't tell what was going on.

"i understand," choso was about to open the door when you suddenly cupped his chin and dove in for a kiss. he was caught off guard - rarely did you ever initiate kisses, usually shyly asking beforehand. feeling bold, you pressed you pressed your hips down, grinding against his crotch. choso groaned, gripping your hips to guide you while thrusting his hips up to meet yours. he enjoyed how you shuddered at the newfound pleasure, the delicious friction making your toes curl. "does baby want me to take her mind off things?" he murmured with a raspy voice, peppering kisses across your jaw.

"please," you mewled needily, hands grabbing onto his shoulders, fingers digging into his skin. choso complied, sliding his hand up to tangle in your hair and gently pulled at it, tilting your head back. you were panting by the time he was moving down the column of your neck, nipping and sucking at your skin. lower and lower, until he reached the top of your breasts; with swift movements, he yanked your shirt and bra upso , pressing open mouthed kisses to them before wrapping his lips around your nipple. your voice cracked as you moaned his name, hands flying up to bury your hands in his hair. distracted by the ministrations, you didn’t notice choso’s free hand sliding down your front until you feel the coldness of his hands on your skin. you squirmed, giggling at the cool sensation - the giggle died abruptly when he dove lower, fingers rubbing your clothed pussy languidly.

“c- choso! we’re still in the g- garage, people can see!” you stuttered scandalized, tugging at the tips of his hair to grab his attention. choso simply hummed, carrying on as if you hadn’t just told him your concerns. rubbing circles on your clit, he watched with satisfaction how your legs were trembling, writhing in pleasure. just the sight of you - hickeys on your neck, slightly swollen lips, shirt pushed up to reveal your tits, his hands down your pants - it was so arousing and thrilling, he almost didn’t want to stop.

“the windows are tinted and no one’s around at this time… do you really want me to stop?” he murmured with a low voice, fingers pushing your panties to the side to gather the slick up on his fingers. “look at you, how much you’re craving it. the want is written all over your face, baby. do you want to stop now?”

before you know it, choso’s hand is suddenly hovering over your face, fingers glimmering with your arousal. you shot him a dazed look, confusion evident on your face. “open,” he instructed softly, slowly and carefully sliding his fingers in your mouth. almost instinctively, your hands gingerly grasped his wrist. your lips wrapped around them, tasting the liquid curiously. his breath hitched, blood shooting down his groin - fuck, you were going to kill him. tentatively, he thrusted his fingers, slow enough so he could gauge your reaction to it. you didn’t know what it was - the taste of yourself, the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the way he was looking at you with hooded eyes and a hungry expression on his face; it made you squirm, eagerly for more. choso immediately took notice of your sudden mood shift. barely noticeable, your hips were rocking back and forth as you sucked on his fingers, cleaning them of your slick.

with a pop, choso removed his fingers. you whimpered his name, gasping in relief when he slid them back down, moving your panties to the side. his thumb found your clit, rubbing the little nub gently in slow circles. as if he was in no hurry and unbothered by the prospect that someone could actually spot you, he continued his ministrations. your legs jerked, threatening to close when you felt his fingers prod at your entrance. excruciatingly slow, he sunk a finger into you. the feeling was unfamiliar, almost uncomfortable at first. seizing up, you clenched around the finger. “relax, ease into it,” choso whispered reassuringly, capturing your lips in a kiss. “it’ll feel good, i promise.”

choso inserted a second finger, letting you get used to the feeling of them. the kisses he was peppering on your chest were distracting you from the burning stretch, creating a confusing mix between pain and pleasure. “how are you feeling?”

“f- feels good, i- i-” you were struggling to form coherent sentences, too focused on how he was lapping at your nipples, sucking and kissing them gently. “y- you can continue…”

steadily, choso started to thrust his fingers into you - gradually, the burn was disappearing and replaced by a delicious stretch, pleasure that was spreading throughout your body and setting your nerves on fire. desperately clinging onto his shirt, you hid your face in the crook of his neck. choso placed a kiss on the crown of your head, whispering sweet praises and telling you what a good girl you were. it felt good, so good but something was missing, you needed something, maybe more. you started begging and despite blabbering nonsensical things, choso understood what you were asking of him. his fingers hit a peculiar spot inside of you when he curled them, making you jerk in surprise. “o- oh!” again and again, choso was hitting the spot, making you writhe on his lap.

something was building up in the pit of your stomach, like a tightened coil that was about to snap at any time. panicking slightly, you grabbed choso’s hand and tried to close your legs, wiggling away from him: “h- hey wait, i-” another moan broke from your lips when choso sealed your lips with his and wrapped his arm around your waist, locking you in place. “it’s okay, let go, baby. cum for me,” he whispered against your lips, sinking his fingers in you one last time. and then the coil snapped, the high crashing over you like a riptide, so blinding and intense that it took you a while to come down from it. your thighs were still trembling by the time you came back to your senses, ripples of pleasure still cursing through you.

you slump against choso's chest, exhausted from the intensity of your orgasm but feeling wonderfully blissed out. choso removed his hand from you, licking your arousal from his fingers before wiping them off on a paper towel. he brushed his fingers through your hair, pressing a kiss on your forehead. "how are you feeling? can you move?"

"my legs feel like jelly," your voice came out muffled, face still pressed into his chest. "'m feeling good though. that was… really nice."

"i'll carry you upstairs," choso declared matter-of-factly, hoisting you up so he could carry you. you slung your arms around his neck, pecking the side of his neck. his scent was faint but calming, lulling you into a sense of home and comfort. you wanted to stay close to him like this, just having him hold you in his arms. a myriad of emotions welled up in you, swallowing all your doubts until all that was left was the budding blossoms of your feelings for him, nurtured by his soft touches and adoring treatment. you wanted to cherish him, keep him close for as long as you could, as long as you could still have him.

"thank you."

"for what?" choso sounded surprised.

"taking care of me? i mean i pay you for it but i still wanted to let you know that i appreciate it."

“everything for you, baby,” choso replied softly, tightening his grip around you. as you got to his apartment, choso placed you on the couch and knelt down, hands wrapping around yours. “do you want to get changed? i’ll lend you some of my clothes, you can get changed in my room or in the bathroom if you want to freshen up.”

he was so so considerate, you couldn’t believe someone as nice as him existed out there. as you agreed, choso disappeared in his room; the sound of opening doors and drawers as well as rustling resounded from his room. you took the opportunity to observe his home. it was a small but cozy apartment, despite being sparsely decorated. in the back of the living room, you could spot some bags and boxes, presumably choso’s surfing equipment, as well as posters and photos cluttered on a pinboard. here and there, some little figurines and trinkets were spread across the apartment. although it was cozy, the apartment lacked some kind of presence, some warmth. you assumed that it had to do with choso’s job - he probably was rarely home between work and spending time with friends and family.

“here you go,” choso handed you a big sweatshirt and some shorts as he came back, patting your head teasingly. “go and get changed, i’ll start preparing dinner, yeah?”

you hid in the bathroom and got changed, neatly folding your clothes and stacking them on the counter. inspecting yourself in the mirror, you admired the size of choso’s sweater - it was a simple and cream coloured sweater that was entirely dwarfing and engulfing you. the sleeves were way too long and the hem almost reached your knees. but it was soft and comfy, coming close to choso’s hugs. you pulled the shorts up your legs, awkwardly securing them by tucking them underneath the sweater. choso had set up some boiling water and was silently chopping vegetables by the time you left the bathroom and tip toed towards the kitchen. “can i help you with anything?”

“no it’s okay, take a seat. do you want anything to drink? water? tea?” reluctantly, you sat at the small table on the side, pouting at him. choso simply laughed and shook his head, bringing a glass of water over. your heart jumped in surprise when he kissed your forehead as he placed the glass on the table. “i’ll take care of you for today. boyfriend duties, remember? the past times you’ve always taken us out on restaurants and incredible locations and now it’s my turn to show you the boyfriend magic.”

sudden dread filled your stomach. how could choso be so warm and kind-hearted to you, when you weren’t even in a relationship? you keep having to remind yourself that this was what he was doing for a living, that you might possibly never know the real him. that this might just be a mask that he kept on for the sake of your requests. you didn’t reply, deep in your thoughts as you stared at the glass of water. choso returned back to his previous task, cooking dinner in silence. your chest felt heavy with uncertainty and disappointment - you tried your best to push the emotions down. they were irrational, you knew full well what you were getting yourself into when you asked for his service.

thankfully, choso didn’t seem to have picked up on your sullen mood, even throughout dinner - you let no emotions shine through when you conversed with him, choosing to keep it lighthearted. you offered to wash the dishes, not wanting him to lift another finger when you could help him in return. as you scrubbed the bowls, choso creeped up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder. “you wanna watch a movie? or go to bed already? you’ve had a long day at work after all.”

“hmm, yeah. i think i’d prefer going to bed, if that’s okay for you?”

“i could never say no to cuddles,” choso hummed, capturing your lips in another kiss. you whimpered against them, not being able to resist him. he moaned against your lips, grip on you tightening. “please don’t tempt me, it’s so hard to say no to you,” he warned you with a strained voice.

your face grew warm at the memories of a few hours ago. you couldn’t believe you let him do that, let him finger you in his car in the garage. no one had seen you and you were thankful for that but you wanted the ground to swallow you whole at the thought of someone possibly snitching on you. your father would lose his mind. “is- is it not what you want?”

“of course i do, but not today. baby steps, remember? we have all the time in the world. and i can assure you that i very much want you,” with one last peck on your lips, he removed himself from you and disappeared in his room. he wanted you. your heart was soaring at his confession. you were relieved to know that he was craving you as much as you were yearning for him. maybe you would indulge, just for a couple more times until you would inevitably have to cut off the relationship. you felt at peace with your decision, you told yourself. nothing good would come from false hope.

after washing up, you joined choso on the bed, shyly crawling towards him as he opened his arms and welcomed you. he pulled you into his chest, nearly crushing you with his weight. it made you giggle and squirm in his arms, trying to wiggle out of his hold. choso was having none of it, peppering kisses all over your face as he trapped you in place. gasping for air in between your carefree laughter, you weakly pushed at his head, squealing when he dove in to blow raspberries on your neck. he showed mercy and let up, instead curiously inspecting your neck as he pulled the neckline of your, no his, sweater down. something dark was glinting in his eyes as his eyes zoomed in on the hickeys he had left on your neck and chest - he felt strangely satisfied, pleased with his work of art. a sliver of possessiveness overcame him as he traced the trail of red marks on your neck, humming quietly.

“something wrong with my neck?” you questioned confused, not having spotted the hickeys yet. choso shook his head, simply laid back on his side again to look at you. “not at all. was just inspecting the hickeys i left on you.”

“you left marks?” you gaped at him, mildly shocked at the revelation. though he was preoccupied with your neck earlier, you didn’t expect him to actually leave so many marks, much less ones that were visible. “is… is that a common occurrence?”

“for couples? i think so. but i can’t speak for everyone; if it was me, i would do it frequently. stake my claim on you, let everyone know that you’re mine,” choso replied and casually draped the blanket over the two of you, as if he didn’t just admit to doing something he would normally do with a lover. did he think of you as his? you struggled to decipher his actions, not being able to match it with a specific reason.

“that’s uh-” your stuttering was interrupted by another horrifying thought. “oh god, i can’t let my parents see this, they will kill me.”

choso shot you a confused look. you hadn’t told him about your parents yet or how you were hiding this from them.

“my parents… especially my dad, are very cautious about letting me venture out in romantic relationships. it’s mostly because he didn’t feel like anyone was good enough for me and because he didn’t want me to get hurt. sometimes i felt like those princesses locked up in a tower, you know? so i decided to explore and uh, hired you. i didn’t want to burden my friends with having to help me gain some experience,” you explained to choso, eyes widening when he suddenly grabbed your hand and pressed a kiss to it. he winked at you cheekily before leaning over you to turn off the lights. you felt him press a gentle kiss to your lips but you couldn’t make out his face expression in the dark. choso preferred it like this, so you couldn’t tell the vulnerable look on his face, the ache of knowing that he could never fully be yours.

“then i’m glad i get to serve a princess such as you.”

----------

“you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with choso,” nobara commented as she took a sip from her coffee, reaching out to grab one of the muffins you had ordered. you looked away in embarrassment. it’s been nearly two months since you’ve started to meet up with choso. your dates became more frequent, even the casual texting continued. and yet you hadn’t really told your friends about your progress or how you felt about him, either brushing it off or giving them vague details. it was only natural that nobara and maki grew suspicious, vowing to grill you about it the next time you would meet up. “have you done the deed?”

“n- no! not yet,” you answered hastily, the topic still making you feel bashful. though you had talked to choso about it; he had agreed and hinted that you might go all the way the next time you would meet up. it was weird, scheduling something like this. but you felt more at ease knowing that it was approaching and you could somewhat prepare your nerves for it. “we talked about it though… next time, maybe?”

“i see,” maki nodded slowly, deep in thought. “you’ve been skirting around this escort thing a lot. is there something you’re hiding from us?”

“nope! not at all!”

“y/n… we’re looking out for you as friends. i know you told us that you trust choso and that he’s the nicest person you have ever but is there something more?” maki gave you a gentle nudge. the serious look in her eyes told you that you better not give her a lame excuse. even nobara, who was usually playful in nature, looked mildly concerned. as much concern as she could muster up anyways. sheepishly, you stared at your mug, watching the milk swirl with your hot chocolate. surely, they would tell you to stop seeing him, to stay away. because catching feelings for someone whose true feelings and self you could never uncover… should have been something you could have prevented. if only it hadn’t been so easy to give in, so easy to develop feelings for choso.

“uhm. i just realized that i like him, like a lot. i know i shouldn’t and should have circumvented the issue somehow but now i’m stuck with my feelings. and it’s just confusing. before you get mad at me, i’ve already decided to cut it off after our next date. i can’t dwell on it for too long because realistically, nothing is going to happen.”

wordlessly, nobara gave you a hug, patting your back to soothe you. “is he really that great though?” maki lightly swatted nobara’s arm and gave her an eyeroll. her comment made you laugh, she knew how to lighten up a situation.

“i think so. very gentleman-like and just takes good care of everything. i really appreciate how well he’s been taking care of me this entire time. he just is the perfect boyfriend, you know?” nobara nodded but you could tell from her face that she was trying to put the puzzle pieces together. it made you laugh again, pinching her cheek playfully. you didn’t want to worry your friends too much. they always helped you in every situation and now it was time you would take care of everything yourself.

“i can’t believe this entire time we were trying to find you a perfect partner and you’ve gone and went the whole nine yards, boyfriend experience and heartbreak all together,” maki joked and ruffled your hair, giving you a reassuring smile. “you know we’re there for you if you need emotional support in this, right? we might not be much of a help while you go through the fake breakup but we can help you take your mind off afterwards.”

you sniffled a little at the thought. your next date was fast approaching and you were grateful to have such great friends, who would always look out for you and be understanding even if you made dumb mistakes. your next step would be to learn how to mend a broken heart.

everything had to be perfect. the entire evening you had been on the move, busy cleaning your apartment and room and spending time in the bathroom making yourself look presentable. you still felt nervous exposing all of you to choso, never had anyone seen you naked before. the thought of it had made you so anxious that you’d called nobara who promptly suggested you wear cute underwear and something comfy to ease yourself into it. chances were that choso didn’t really care and wouldn’t judge you anyways; he had always been generous with compliments, always telling you how pretty you looked, how cute you were, and what a good girl you were for him. you didn’t think you could feel so fired up from praises nor did you think that you would be craving to hear them so much until choso came along. the feeling of euphoria that overtook you whenever he praised you, along with the pleasure he gave you whenever you were fooling around - it was a deadly combination.

knocks at the door made you perk up, hastily racing over to the door to let choso in. he chuckled when you immediately wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face in his chest. “hey baby, missed me much, huh? i missed you too,” choso admitted, softly combing his fingers through your hair. you peeked up at him from below, closing your eyes as you leaned into his touch like a cat. “mhmm, missed you a lot,” you mumbled, humming in content as choso pecked your lips briefly before waddling inside the apartment with you in his arms, closing the door behind him

“what am i going to do with you?” he mumbled amused and sat down on the couch, pulling you onto his lap. he squished your cheeks between his hands, kissing your pouty lips with a broad smile. “you always make it so hard for me to leave.”

your heart sunk at his last words, remembering how you were planning to proceed by the end of this date. surely, it couldn’t be so hard and he wouldn’t think much of it since it was all business anyways. and yet, you couldn’t help but seize up with dread, not wanting to hurt him. if, and only if he would actually be affected by it. you placed your hands on his, sticking your tongue out at him. you teased him: “you leave but you always return, right? doesn’t that give you something to look forward to?”

“yeah, always come bouncing back…” choso trailed off, a faraway look on his face. you couldn’t tell what he was thinking - each emotion that surfaced was only fleeting and quickly wiped from his face expression as if it never existed in the first place. perhaps he was keeping his heart as guarded as yours, for baring the most vulnerable parts of yourself could be your downfall. he ran his hands along your thighs, rubbing the bare skin gently, fingers teasingly slipping under the hem of your shorts. your breath hitched in your throat, expecting him to move his hands up further. but by now, choso knew how to play you like a fiddle, what drew beautiful moans out of you, what made you whimper in anticipation and how to build up tension. he knew how to tease you and use it to his advantage; knew well that you would follow his instructions like the good girl that you were, never disappointing him. “gotta take care of my princess, hm?”

choso dipped down, brushing the strands of your hair out of the way, showering it in kisses. you mewled quietly, tilting your head to the side to allow him more access to your neck. he was still murmuring between kisses, telling you how sweet you were, how he was going to make you sing his name, how he was going to take care of you. the whispered praises were getting to your head, you easily melted into his touch. “c- choso,” you gasped, already drowning in him as his presence clouded your senses, wrapping around you as if nothing else but him existed. “please touch me.”

“your wish is my command,” choso lifted you up as if you weighed nothing, carrying you to your bedroom with ease. gently, he dropped you on the bed, simply hovering over you without saying a word. the look in his eyes knocked the air out of your lungs; you loved his eyes, his dark brown eyes that were filled with so much warmth and love, now darkened and filled with lust. he observed you, waiting for you to make a move - you stayed still, tense with anticipation. with every single intimate encounter you had with him, you gradually learned that choso enjoyed being in control, overjoyed when you were obedient and remembered what he had told you. he liked having you at his mercy, being the first and only one to discover the expanse of your body, to pleasure you in ways you were yet to familiarize yourself with.

choso’s tapped your lips, carefully sliding two fingers in when you willingly parted your lips and sucked on them. the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the dazed look on his eyes as he watched you - it was all so erotic, so arousing. you lifted your hips, grinding against his thighs for some kind of relief. it drew a slightly irritated click of the tongue from choso, gently pressing his fingers against your tongue. but he enjoyed the view, seeing how you wanted him so much, how you were seeking relief by humping his thigh. you could already feel yourself soaking through your panties and your thin shorts, arousal smearing across choso’s thigh and leaving a wet spot on his jeans.

pulling his fingers out of your mouth, he slid them down, lower and lower, smearing your spit across your skin. his fingers stopped right at the buttons of your blouse, playfully rolling them between his fingers. slowly, he unbuttoned the blouse, pushing the fabric off your shoulders to reveal your bra. you squirmed, suddenly feeling shy and embarrassed about being so exposed in front of him. “you’re beautiful,” choso reminded you. “don’t hide from me. i want to see all of you.”

reluctantly, you kept your arms at your sides, instead clenching your fingers around the fabric of your comforter. teasingly, his hands dragged across the tops of your breasts before dipping lower. “look at you, how soaked you are already. you’ve even left a spot on my jeans. i haven’t even touched you properly yet… has my princess missed me this much?” he mused, gently rubbing circles across your skin. he was careful not to move anywhere close to your crotch, resolutely keeping his hand near your navel.

“yes, please touch me,” you mewled, grasping his hand to guide him towards the hem of your shorts. his hand splayed across your mound, rubbing in deliberately slow movements, making you sigh in relief. choso tugged on your shorts, dragging them down your legs with ease. you clenched your eyes shut, hiding your face behind your hands. choso stayed silent for a few seconds and simply admired you in the dim light of your room. he could tell that you'd chosen a nice set of underwear to impress him - you looked so cute in it, like a present waiting to be unwrapped. he took notice of the dark patch on the crotch of your panties, how they were clinging onto your skin and how your arousal was glistening on your inner thighs.

"you look breathtaking," choso complimented you, gently removing your hands from your face. "i told you not to hide, didn't i? give me all of you, baby."

you blinked a few times, sheepishly thanking him. his praises overwhelmed you, making your chest swell with pride. but still, you didn't know how to react when he was singing your praises, too bashful to reply coherently. choso removed your panties in painstakingly slow movements, leaving trails of kisses on your inner thighs up to your ankle. throwing your panties to the floor, he then pulled your legs over his shoulders. you watched him bewildered, not sure what to make of it. the position made you feel oddly exposed; all of your senses were heightened, strained to focus on choso only. the oversensitivity caused your hips to jerk when choso’s breath hit your pussy, keen on receiving attention. the swipe of his tongue on your slit was something you didn’t expect - the sensation was new, uncharted territory, so different from his fingers. it drew a whimper from your lips, making your toes curl against his back.

languidly, he was lapping at your folds, taking his time to get you used to the feeling. it wasn’t until his tongue dragged across your clit, lips wrapping around it to suck gently, that whines and whimpers spilled forth from your lips. your hips automatically lurched forward, rocking against his face. you couldn’t wrap your head around the pleasure it provided you, how it rendered you into a babbling mess with only his name on your lips like some mantra. needing to busy your hands otherwise, you clenched your fingers around his hair, subconsciously pressing his face into your pussy. choso groaned against you, the slight burn turning him on beyond relief. you felt like you’re floating, higher and higher, rapidly approaching your high and it was still a feeling you’re trying to get used to, a feeling that you readily welcomed and craved.

it was a combination of all the touches that bring you closer to the edge; how he was sucking at your clit before flattening his tongue against your clit, paying close attention to it, how it was repeatedly and rapidly dragging across your folds. it made you sob, begging him to make you cum. choso pulled you even closer, fingers digging into your thighs as he lapped at your swollen clit, again and again until you come with a loud moan, barch arching from the bed, heels digging into choso’s shoulder blades. clenching your eyes shut, you attempted to push his face away from you, now feeling too sensitive. your legs were trembling uncontrollably, you gasped for air as your high washes over you and slowly ebbing away. choso sat up on his knees and only then you see the arousal smeared across his chin and lips. the sight sent electric shocks up your spine, breath hitching in your throat. he looked so fucking hot like this. he gave you no time to be embarrassed about it, wiping the slick off his skin and licking it off his hands.

“c- choso, what-” you croaked, voice all raspy from your relentless moaning. choso didn’t reply, instead kissed you open mouthed - the taste of your arousal was still present on his tongue. in the back of your mind, you thought about how dirty it was and yet so thrilling, eliciting a hunger for him. desperately, you were tugging at his shirt, trying to get it off. you were struggling, huffing in frustration as he didn’t budge. choso laughed, pecking your lips apologetically before taking it off along with his pants. even in the dim light you could make out the bulge in his pants, a testament of much he wanted you. the sight made you salivate, your pussy clenching around nothing. he took notice of your dazed look, grabbing your chin to tilt it up. “are you sure you want this? do you want me?”

you nodded quickly, eyes widening at his question. “of course, i want you, never wanted anything more. please, choso.”

“you have me, all of me,” he retorted, a tender look in his eyes. again, your heart clenched. just one more time you would get to see him like this, pretend he really was your lover. but when he looked at you with so much adoration in his eyes, it was hard to believe that there wasn’t a spark between you. unbeknownst to you, choso had always looked at you with stars in his eyes, hoping that you would return the sentiment. no matter how hard he was keeping his feelings at bay, the cracks were widening, allowing more and more feelings to seep through. with each touch, each word that you exchanged, the dam was weakening and threatening to spill everything that he was keeping inside.

choso gently pressed you back down onto the mattress, fingers fumbling with the condom that he’d pulled out of his jeans. you watched with fascination as he put it on, not being able to take your gaze of it. he grinned, deciding to indulge you, pressing his cock against you. arousal was still leaking from you, allowing him to easily slide against you. deliberately, he nudged the head against your clit until you couldn’t take it anymore. you wiggled your hips, signaling him to do something, do put you out of your misery. choso glanced at you for permission, suddenly seeming to be nervous himself. you gave him a small nod, leaning up to cradle his cheeks and kiss him. choso began to push, slowly slipping past your folds and- the stretching burn, it was there again and made you tense up.

choso grasped your hands, intertwining them and showered your face with kisses, whispering sweet nothings and encouragement. the feeling was familiar and yet strange at the same time, the girth of his fingers were nothing compared to his cock. it was a tight fit; you were aware of him, so aware of him. muffled, you heard choso telling you to relax, that he didn’t want to hurt you, to take your time. he was still pushing, distracting you from the uncomfortable pain with kisses. with one last thrust, he’s pushed the entirety of him in you. faintly, you could feel pain gradually ebbing away. the fullness of him, the throbbing; you clenched around him, a quiet moan leaving your lips as choso’s hips jerk in response.

“you okay? can i move now?” he whispered against your lips. you nodded, feeling choso smile against your lips. your breath hitched in anticipation as he pulls out ever so slightly before thrusting back in. you let out a whimper at the sudden thrum of incoming pleasure, hands squeezing his. choso thrusted his length in and out of you slowly, still wanting you to get used to it. the drag of it against your walls, the way his cock ever so slightly bumped against that spot inside of you that made your body sing - you sobbed out his name, hips tilting up to meet his movements. choso had no qualms obliging to your unspoken wants, upping the pace once he’s made sure you felt comfortable.

slowly, his inhibitions fell apart upon seeing you desperately cling onto him, moaning out his name as he pulled out and drove back in, deeper than before. you saw stars when he hit the spot inside of you, burying himself inside of you completely. it’s been a short amount of time but choso was quick to figure out what made you shake in pleasure in particular, memorizing every little nudge and wiggle that would have you gasp out his name. the closeness, the intimacy, it easily beat everything else that you’ve ever done before but it was now that you realized that no one could compare to choso. while your initial goal was to simply learn and gain some experience, somewhere along the way, you veered off the path. perhaps your goal was never to find out what it was like engaging in sexual activities but rather to experience it with someone you loved. it was then that you realized you didn’t care about these things unless you could experience them with choso.

while choso was no stranger to having people in his bed, the sight of you was one he would never be able to get out of his head again. how your moans and whimpers were getting more frequent with each thrust, how you were sobbing his name whenever he hit particularly deep inside of you, how your small hands were holding onto his, how you clenched around him whenever he praised you. he wanted to keep you for himself, to impale himself in you in such ways that you could never look at other people the same way anymore. “i- i’m close,” you hiccuped between sobs, back lurching from the bed. “choso, p- please, i wanna cum, i-”

“i’ve got you, princess,” he assured you, diving down to kiss you feverishly. relentlessly, his hips pistoned against yours, desperate to make you cum. choso couldn’t hold back any longer, he was close, so close. wanting to cum with you, he reached down to rub your clit. your reaction was almost instantaneous, legs pressing against his side as you came, his name on your lips like a prayer. he came with you, burying his face in the crook of your neck as groans left his lips, mixed with your name and curses. his hips stuttered as they pressed against you one last time, staying in place until he’s spilled all of him in the condom. you felt like you were floating, still dazed from the intensity of your orgasm. absentmindedly, you wrapped your arms around his neck, hand absentmindedly playing with the hair at his nape. choso let out a noise, akin to a cat’s purr, nudging his head against your hand. his gesture made you giggle and you strained your neck to press a kiss against his forehead.

slowly, choso removed himself from you, letting out a breathy laugh as you protested. you made grabby hands at him but he simply tutted, disappearing in the bathroom to dispose of the condom and came back with a wet towel. it felt comforting, the warmth of the towel as well as his gentle touches, lulling you into a sleepy state. it didn’t take long for him to join you again once he was done, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest like the countless times he’s done so before. “how are you feeling? i didn’t hurt you, did i?”

you shook your head, trying to find the right words. in the end, nothing came into your mind to appropriately tell him how mind blowingly good he made you feel so you just settle with: “felt good, really good. didn’t hurt, jus’ felt uncomfortable at first. but you made it okay, it’s okay when it’s with you.”

“i see,” choso let out a relieved breath, laughing as you blinked at him stunned. you looked adorable, still floating and coming down from your high. “i’m glad i was your first, glad i could do it justice. just wanted you to feel good.”

“mhmm, thank you,” you slurred sleepily, arms wrapping around his waist. you felt so warm and loved, not wanting to let go of the feeling just yet. “can we do it again some other day? you promised to show me what you still wanted to do to me.”

“y/n, sweetheart, when will you be coming to visit us again? i know it’s your summer break right now and you’re busy but we thought it might be nice to go on a short family trip. what do you think?” your mother pleaded over the phone. you could see her pout on the screen, her attempt at guilt tripping you into visiting more. truthfully, you felt bad about not having been able to see your family so much - the amount of assignments and final exams was swamping you and you just wanted to get through them before going on vacation. that and the fact that you couldn’t properly look them in the eyes anymore ever since being with choso.

you just couldn’t let go of him, nor could you admit your feelings to him, in fear it would make him uncomfortable. it was irrational, reckless even, to keep paying for a service you technically didn’t need anymore. simply to keep a person you had feelings for around for longer. nobara and maki didn’t know about this either, you knew they would have your head as soon as you confessed. it was irrational and you knew it. and yet it was so hard to let go. with every waking moment, you craved choso, his tenderness and loving gaze, the warmth of his arms, the domesticity that the two of you shared, how natural it seemed when you spent time together. and so you kept returning to him, over and over again

“i’m sorry, mum, i’m just really busy right now. but i promise i’ll let you know when i’m free, okay? i’m sure we can find a fitting date for the trip,” you attempted to soothe your mother, giving her an apologetic smile. she rolled her eyes at you playfully but shrugged it off, knowing that you didn’t mean anything by it. before you could tell her goodbye, your mother suddenly stopped you, waving at the screen.

“sweetheart, one of my friends- her son, i told him about you. he’s a very nice young man and i think you would get along well. when you come visit us, i’ll introduce him to you, yeah?” she explained, a giddy smile creeping onto her lips. “i’ve told him a little about you and your father doesn’t mind either. he has a good background too, i’m trying not to swoon.” she giggled as if she was the one who was to be set up on a date with him.

your eyes widened ever so slightly at her revelation but what shocked you more was that choso had seemingly heard what your mother had said. he was still sleeping when your mother had called you, so you hid in the kitchen to talk, not wanting to disturb his sleep. he stood in the doorway, blinking at you confused. you made sure to turn a little so your mother couldn’t see him. “mum, i told you i’m not really interested yet and want to go at my own pace-”

“honey, i know but the opportunity was just there. i couldn’t pass it up and you can still reject him, no? just try to meet him at least once.”

you sighed. “we’ll talk about it again when i’m home, okay? but don’t put too much hope in it, please.”

“i know, i know. i’ll talk to you again another day. love you, sweetheart,” your mum said goodbye to you and hung up. you groaned, tossing your phone to the side and buried your face in your hands. choso was not supposed to hear any of that. even though you two weren’t really in a relationship, and he had assured you that he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, keeping his work at accompanying clients only, you still felt like you were somewhat betraying him. you felt choso’s presence moving behind you, then his arms wrapping around you, his chin being placed on your head. you couldn’t see the slightly irritated look in his eyes, the jealous glint that told you he didn’t want you to look at anyone but him.

“your mum seems to be eager to find you a partner,” he commented amused. you groaned, swatting at his arm.

“i don’t know why they’re suddenly so persistent after not deeming anyone as suitable for years,” grumbling, you turned slightly, pressing a kiss to choso’s chin. “i’m not really in the mood to go on dates just yet, so she’ll have to deal with it.”

“not in the mood for dates?” choso echoed, pinching your cheek. “not even with me?”

you whined, burying your face in his chest. you didn’t want to let him see how his words excited you. “no, i’m always in the mood for you, for dates with you.”

“that’s good to know. we’re going out later after all,” choso laughed, combing his fingers through your hair. “i did promise to take you to the beach and teach you how to surf.”

one of the reasons you didn’t come visit your parents immediately when your summer break began was because you’d already planned a short trip with choso. weeks ago choso had proposed you’d go to the beach together and you were thrilled by the idea, not having been by the sea in years. you’d rented a little cabin by the beach for the two of you while choso had prepared everything for the car ride. the car ride would be rather long but you weren’t worried about it at all - in the beginning, you’d been apprehensive, rather awkward with him. he eased you into everything, showing you not to be scared of relationships and to just be yourself. conversation was easy with him as if you’d been long term friends, with no worries or restrictions. for weeks, you’d looked forward to the trip, to spend more time with him.

the car ride was filled with laughter and calming music, you shared stories and secrets with each other, you fed him the snacks that you’d made the night before. you felt blissful, happily ignoring all the consequences that might be coming your way - you wanted to enjoy your time with him as much as you could. the dance that the two of you were engaging in, it was romantic and felt so domestic, while skirting around the important issue. inspecting your intertwined hands, you clasped your other free hand around his, rubbing the skin gently. choso shot you a concerned, questioning look but you brushed him off, assuring that nothing was wrong. “i’m just happy to be sharing this uh… boyfriend experience with you, really. i wouldn’t wanna do it with someone else.”

choso shot you a wistful smile, lifting your hand to press a kiss on it. “i’m glad you feel that way. you deserve only the best, someone who treats you like the princess that you are.”

the feeling of the grainy sand below you, wind blowing your hair in every direction, sun on your skin, water splashing against your shins - you felt like suddenly all your worries were washed away. you were still running through the shallow water, giggling as you saw choso catching up on you. upping your speed, you jumped through the water until he managed to grab you by your wrist, pulling you into his chest. he lifted you up, twirling you around in his arms a few times before setting you back on your feet, leaning in to kiss you. “you can’t just run away like that, all our stuff is still stranded over there,” he scolded you, playfully flicking your forehead. you glanced behind you, seeing how choso had already placed all the towels, cooler and bags on the beach chairs.

“it’s okay, we have the beach to ourselves anyways,” you retorted cheekily. choso couldn’t argue, instead rolled his eyes. the beach house that you had rented for the weekend was on the outskirts of the city, a rather quiet spot that also had a private beach. the paranoia that your parents might possibly spot you somewhere was running deep and so you didn’t want to risk anything. choso could teach you how to surf in peace, without any bystanders or crowded spaces. but now that you were sitting on the beach chair, you noticed that choso’s mind seemed to be elsewhere as he clumsily fumbled with the bags. you gnawed at your bottom lip, hoping that your earlier conversation with your mother wasn’t on his mind.

“you okay there? can i help you with anything?”

“huh? yeah,” choso answered after a second of processing, shaking his head. “uh i just get distracted looking at you. you look good in that bikini.”

“oh shut up,” you retorted but hid your face from him, still growing bashful even though you were used to him complimenting you out of nowhere. he shot you a wink, resuming his work. “but… choso, you can talk to me if anything bothers you, you know that?”

“yeah, i know… but don’t worry, i think this is something i have to figure out for myself first before i tell anyone,” he padded over, kissing your forehead. “but i appreciate it.”

deciding to drop the topic, you joined him, watching how he demonstrated his surfing skills. if he didn’t want to talk about it, you would respect it; and maybe, just maybe, he would open up to you about it. you watched as choso surfed through the waves, the sight filling you with bright happiness. he looked so happy to be surfing again, the usual tired look on his face wiped away as if it had never been there in the first place. he looked like he was truly at home, comforted and surrounded by the crashing waves. you understood what he meant by being distracted - choso looked good in his trunks as well, the water drops that were rolling down his body, his exposed upper body, the way his loose, slightly damp hair was falling over his face. you very much enjoyed the sight and almost felt creepy for staring so much.

as per usual, choso was a wonderful teacher, remaining calm and patient while he gave you instructions, comforting you when you weren’t doing so well and was always right by your side encouraging you. you hadn’t had this much fun in a while, especially not with someone other than from your close friend circle. it was easy to lose the track of time when being with him, all your thoughts and anxieties washed away like the seashells at the shore. by the end of the day, you were utterly exhausted, your muscles feeling like jelly. as you laid on the bed, you still felt like you were rocked and swayed back and forth by the waves. it was relaxing, almost lulling you into a deep slumber if it wasn’t for the sound of the running shower and choso’s humming. you opened the window, before returning to bed, wrapping the blanket around you. the sound of waves sloshing against the shore echoed through the room, making you feel like you were actually sleeping at the beach.

it didn’t take long for choso to return; you felt the bed dip beside you before you heard him. pretending to be asleep, you waited until he said anything but were instead greeted with a kiss on your nape. you squirmed a little, the feelings of his lips tickling the sensitive skin. a giggle broke from your lips, unable to stay silent any longer. “did i make you wait for too long?” he asked quietly, grabbing you by the hips to turn you around to face him. you shook your head and gave him a smile, leaning in to peck his lips. “no but i did miss you. did i tell you that i now get what you meant by being distracted? you looked really hot in your trunks and so serious while giving me instructions.”

“ah, really?” choso hovered over you, placing his hands beside your head. you’d only offered simple compliments but he was already so fired up, making you grin. “you can’t just tell me that and expect me not to do anything. don’t you know that i’m always hungry for you? i’ll ravish you right here.”

“what if i want you to ravish me?” you bravely retorted, your voice slightly cracking at the end. rarely were you ever bold with him but at this moment, you might as well indulge him. as an reward for teaching you how to surf and being so patient about it. choso clicked with his tongue, pleased with your reply. before he could move, you suddenly felt an urge to go further, wanting to be the one to initiate intercourse for once. you placed your hands on his chest, pushing gently. he looked at you confused, cocking his head to the side. if it wasn’t for the hungry look in his eyes, you would’ve cooed at how adorable he looked. “uhm can i… suck you off for today? i mean you’re always the one who- who makes me feel so good and i know you said you liked it but i just wanted to return the favour…”

choso short circuited at your request, momentarily leaving his mouth wide open as he stared at you. “y- yeah of course, if that’s what you want,” he spluttered hastily, sitting up on his knees. feeling giddy, you shuffled off the bed, positioning yourself at the edge of the bed and waiting for him to move. choso gulped, slowly moving towards the edge. he leaned down to kiss you, your hands snaked towards the waistband of his sweatpants, some doubt overcame you again, slowing your movements. sensing your hesitation, he patted your head and ruffled your hair. “you don’t have to do it, if you feel too nervous about it.”

“no, i want to, really,” you assured him, grasping the waistband and dragging it down. choso lifted his hips slightly, helping you remove his pants. his boxers followed soon after. gently, you wrapped your hands around his semi-hard cock, giving it some gentle strokes. choso exhaled shakily, leaning back on his hands as he kept his watchful eyes on you. you leaned in, flattening your tongue against the underside, running your tongue over the underside, tracing it until you reached the cockhead. gingerly, you gave it a few kitten licks before wrapping your lips around it. hands still stroking him, you delved in, taking as much as much as you could. choso tilted his head back, moaning loudly. it spurred you on, eagerly you bopped your head against him, paying close attention to the sensitive head as you licked and sucked at it. curiously, you licked the slit, tasting the precum on it. the taste was unfamiliar, nothing like you’d ever had before but you weren’t sure what to make of it. but you weren’t grossed out by it, thankfully.

choso’s hips jerked when you touched a particularly sensitive spot, not being able to control his own body anymore. usually, he was more composed, holding himself back for the sake of you - immediately, he stopped and apologized, staring at you with wide eyes. “fuck, i’m so sorry, that wasn’t meant to happen. did i hurt you?” he cupped your cheek, guiltily examining you.

“‘m okay, don’t worry about it. it just surprised me a little, that’s all. but if it’s what you like… i uh, don’t mind,” you reassured him.

“f- fuck, you can’t just say that because i will and-”

“like i said, i don’t mind. i want to make you feel good too.” reluctantly, choso nodded and relaxed again, letting you proceed. you were eager to make him cum, enthusiastically moving your head along the shaft. you welcomed choso’s shallow thrusts, glancing up to watch his reactions. his skin was beautifully flushed, eyes were closed, groans muffled as he bit his bottom lip. you struggled to take his cock in deeper, instead wrapping your hands around the parts you couldn’t reach. when choso’s thrusts got sloppier, you could tell that he was getting close.

“y/n, fuck- i’m gonna- wait, you-” unable to finish his sentence, he moaned, hips stuttering again as you swirled your tongue around the sensitive tip. you suckled on his length eagerly, hands pumping the base faster and choso couldn’t keep it in any longer, coming with a loud moan. you continued suckling on the tip, helping him through his orgasm until he’s spilled all of him in your mouth. sitting back on your knees, you removed yourself from him.

eyes wide and glossy, you looked up at him as he pulled away slightly so he could look at you. choso brushed your hair back, then lifted your chin up, tapping your bottom lip. "show me," he said in a low, hoarse voice, patiently waiting until you opened your mouth and showed him. showed him his cum that was still pooling on your tongue. a few seconds passed until he finally reacted - just the sight of you on your knees, obediently following his orders and showing him your work had his insides stirring with something dark, possessive. "swallow," he whispered, adoringly cupping your cheek as you eagerly swallowed. your face felt hot, whether by embarrassment or pride, you didn't know. quietly cursing, he pulled you up while leaning down, meeting your lips halfway.

unceremoniously, choso dropped you on the bed, making you giggle quietly as you bounced on the mattress. hovering over you, he captured your lips in yet another kiss. you wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him to your body. choso pressed his groin against yours, experimentally rolling his hips to elicit a reaction from you. burying your face into the crook of his neck, you couldn’t help but writhe from the pleasure - and even though you’ve been sleeping with each other, you still felt too shy to ask him for… more. how could you express what exactly you wanted when you were craving all of him? when you wanted to engrave everything into your brain; the feeling of his body against yours, his touch, the sweet as well as the dirty words he whispered into your ear. it was almost unfair how easily he could draw a reaction from you, as if he’d memorized every little aspect about you already.

choso nipped at your neck, about to leave a mark when you frantically pushed at his chest. “no visible marks, i told you!” you reminded him, almost feeling bad when you saw his disappointed face. but rules were rules, you didn’t want your parents to find out you were sneaking around with someone; you were barely able to look into their eyes as is. he huffed against your neck, burying his face in the crook of your neck in frustration. seconds passed without a reaction before he finally sat up on his knees, hands reaching out to tug on your shirt. “but everywhere else is fine, hm?” he mused, dragging his warm hands across your chest to your shoulder to push the fabric off.

“i- i guess,” you spluttered, barely having any time to react as he’s already moved on, lavishing your breasts with kisses while leaving a trail of hickeys on them. you whimpered, hips rolling up against his. through your panties, you could feel the outlines of his cock; the anticipation of him filling you up made you salivate. choso was quick to remove your panties and rolling a condom on upon hearing your desperate whimpers that were urging him to move faster. no matter how many times you’d already slept together, he could never get enough of you - you made him feel like a teenager again, like he was constantly insatiable and hungry for you. judging from the look in your eyes, you seemed to feel the same way.

choso angled his cock against your entrance before sinking in, moaning in unison with you. he grasped your hands, pinning them against the pillows as you reached out, trying to touch him. you sobbed in disappointment, just wanting to feel him but choso was having none of it. the complaint was quickly forgotten when he started thrusting, the sound of his hips smacking against yours filling the room. he was diligent, hitting that spot inside you over and over again, enjoying how your legs that were wrapped around his waist were trembling. you were drowning, drowning in him, in the pleasure he so graciously provided you. choso painted your chest with marks, placing them dangerously close to where they would be peeking out underneath clothes. he knew you didn’t want anyone to see them but fuck, he wanted people to keep their hands away from you, wanted them to know that you were his.

you sung his praises, hips quickly bucking against his as he buries himself in you to the hilt. he filled you up so well, always dragging against your walls so deliciously. almost feral, choso fucked you harder, putting all his frustrations and emotions into the strength of his thrusts. it left you feeling breathless, clenching around him hard as you climbed higher and higher. never had choso fucked you like this before, like he was trying to prove something - you sobbed, tears springing forth from the intensity. it felt good, so good and you wanted to cum so bad, wanted to release. the pleasant warmth was spreading throughout your body, almost unbearably hot as you neared your climax. it erupted within you explosively, leaving you writhing in a babbling, incoherent mess. for many moments, your orgasm wrecked through you, making you see white and stars. in your euphoria, you didn’t notice how choso had cummed with you, whispering sweet praises in your ear as he rode you through your high. you didn’t notice how he disappeared, returning with a wet towel as per usual, how he kisses away the tears at the corner of your eyes. through your hazy mind, you could tell that he wrapped the blanket around you before disappearing again.

it took you a while to return back to your senses, marvelling about the sex you just had. what had possessed choso in that moment? could it be because you’d offered to suck him off? or was he so pent up the entire day? the click of the door made you lift your head towards the source of the sound, cooing when you saw choso padding towards you. he yawned quietly, crawling under the blanket and wrapping his arms around you. "exhausted?" you questioned him, nuzzling into him.

"mhmm, i feel like i could sleep in until noon tomorrow," as usual, he ran his fingers along your spine, drawing shapes on your back. sometimes you thought you could feel him spelling something out on your skin but the touches were always so fleeting that it was impossible for you to make it out. whatever it was, he must've been too wary or scared to share it with you. you were reminded of your earlier conversation - choso still hadn't said anything so you wanted to bring it up, not wanting any issues to arise between you.

"choso? do you want to talk about what was wrong earlier? i know you said you wanted to think about it, but i was wondering…"

choso interrupted you. "are you going to go on a date with the guy that your mum mentioned this morning?"

you shot him a bewildered look. so he had been thinking about it. you hesitated, not sure what to tell him. should you be upfront and tell him how you feel? or give him a mild version, so he didn't feel cornered by you?

"i'm… i'm not sure yet. the thought of going on a date with someone else is kind of daunting but i think i'll do it just so my mum's happy."

"i see." uncomfortable silence seeped between the two of you. you could tell that choso was irritated, the frown on his face clearly indicating it. and yet, he didn't elaborate, leaving you to figure out what he meant by that. not daring to move, you stayed still, waiting for him to continue. choso sighed, placing his forehead against yours. "i think this is selfish of me but i can't stand the thought of seeing you with someone else. i wish… i wish it was only me that you looked at."

"you don't want me to go on a date with him?"

"yeah. i- i can't tell you why that is. it's selfish and dumb, hence why i didn't want to tell you. and it's not something that you should worry about. i'm just your escort after all, there's nothing more between us."

his words stung. even though it was the truth, the words still stung, driving a knife right into your heart. it was the very thing that nobara and maki had warned you about. but here you were, heart breaking in a million pieces. perhaps it was the fact that choso didn't tell you the reason, didn't seem to trust you with it, that made you recoil immediately. the walls around your heart were immediately put back into place, safeguarding you from any further harm. he wasn’t obligated to tell you anything and you knew that - there was probably also another reason why he felt that way. any further digging would probably make him recoil as well, it wouldn’t do you any good. whatever was growing between you, it had to stop now. choso simply saw you as a client, probably had been this entire time. again, you were reminded of the fact that he might have been acting this entire time, none of the affection he showed you ever being real.

“i- yeah… i guess,” you replied dejectedly, looking away from him. “i’ll figure it out with him, don’t worry. i’ll just keep my mum happy with it, there’s nothing more to it.”

choso bit his lip, refraining from replying to it any further. you already knew more than you were ever supposed to, he should have never let it slip that he didn’t like seeing you with other potential love interests. it pained him to keep this hidden, keep it a secret from you - but the less you knew, the better. he couldn’t imagine you being okay with being in a relationship with him while he was still an escort, nor did he think that your parents would be thrilled about it. from what you’d revealed to him, he could tell that they treasured you and wanted to minimize any possible harm as much as possible. and that included hand-picking a suitable partner for you. he might never be what your parents envisioned for you and he might never become your love interest so every session that you booked was a blessing to him.

sighing, he placed one last kiss on your cheek before wishing you a good night. but even when he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, he was wide awake, not being able to stop the onslaught of thoughts.

weeks passed without you ever contacting choso again. your resolve would have never been this strong, hadn’t nobara intervened. while you were moping and still feeling restless, helpless even, she made sure to delete his number and made you take care of the bills before cutting off contact entirely. normally, she would have commented on it - but seeing how you were struggling through your first heartbreak, she decided to let it be. and because maki wouldn’t have hesitated to have her head if you’d ever snitched. maki had encouraged you to take your mind off things, dragging you along to some of the sports classes she attended. it did lift your mood ever so slightly, much to your surprise, it was more fun that you’d originally anticipated. maki attended so many different classes that seemed so intense that you were scared to join at first. in between the classes, you spent more time with your friends. gradually you opened up to them, explaining them the entire issue with choso and how you had struggled to let go. you told them one by one, until it was finally time to let megumi know.

out of everyone, megumi scared you the most - not because he was intimidating or violent but because you knew how he would react. he’d most definitely be upset about it because he was protective over his friends, not wanting them to be harmed in any way. you’d pleaded that at least nobara should tag along to knock some sense into him, should he snap - but megumi’s reaction surprised you. when you finished your story, he was awfully quiet. you assumed he was boiling in anger, reaching out to appease him but he was frowning, making a contemplative face. “uh listen, i think that choso’s yuuji’s brother.”

“he’s what?” nobara’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. megumi had recently started going out with someone that he’d met during work and though he hadn’t introduced you to said person yet, you did know that his name was yuuji.

“yuuji’s brother. i haven’t met him yet but he’s been complaining about his brother for weeks now,” megumi explained, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “choso’s an escort, right? it has to be yuuji’s brother. i’ve stayed over at yuuji’s place a couple of times… yuuji was venting, asking me about advice on how to get his brother out of a rut. apparently, choso’s been affected by this uh… somewhat breakup as well. yuuji’s suggested to him that he should reach out to you to talk but he said something about his work and your parents...”

“huh. what an interesting coincidence…” nobara mumbled but narrowed her eyes at you. “but you’re not going back to him, right?”

all the blood in your body froze. why had choso brought up your parents? they had never been a part of your relationship, you had only told him how overprotective they were and how they liked choosing your partners and friends for you. could it be?

“no, i don’t think so. i’m… very conflicted about our feelings to each other. it was stupid to give into my feelings for him in the first place. i hired someone to act as my fake boyfriend, someone who does this for a living. i think they know better than to catch feelings for their clients,” you sighed frustrated, shaking your head. there was no way in hell this situation could ever turn back around, even if you now knew that choso had also been affected. and still, he never reached out to me, you thought bitterly.

“i think you should talk it out though, if he does reach out to you,” megumi chimed in, awkwardly patting your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you. “from what yuuji’s told me, it does seem like his feelings are genuine. he didn’t outright push you away, right? who knows what could happen?”

in the end, you couldn’t help but confess to your parents. secrets were bound to be revealed one way or another and you figured it was better you opened up before they found out from someone else. the uncomfortable silence that spread through your apartment created a gloomy atmosphere; the tension was thick and palpable, making you shuffle in your seat in unease. your father hadn’t uttered any word while your mother had completely lost it, not understanding why you hadn’t instead chosen one of the boys she’d always introduced you to.

“all this time you were seeing this boy? and not once did you let us know. i could have asked my friend if they knew someone, their sons are so nice-”

“mum, i already told you i wanted to find someone on my own without having my options being presented to me on a silver plate. and you’re always so disappointed when i end up rejecting them after going through all of the hassle,” you interrupted her, giving her a defiant look. it wasn’t often that you opposed your parents like this but you felt like it was needed - your mother didn’t understand you, nor did she try. you were an adult, for fuck’s sake. you were very much capable of making your own decisions and mistakes to learn from.

“and yet you went to hire an escort! why didn’t you go and meet some of your classmates? i don’t understand why you went such lengths and then even ended up falling in love with them! how would you even pursue a relationship with them?” your mother seethed at you, knuckles blanching from how hard she was gripping her handbag. your father placed a hand on hers, whispering some soothing words in her ear.

“darling, i think y/n knows well that she’s made a mistake and is hurting from it. we don’t need to add to the stress, do we?” he assured her, then looking at you. “y/n, you know that i’m disappointed in you as well. but i don’t blame you for it, i think it’s partly my fault that you felt the need to hire an escort just to… gain some experience. i did take away all your possibilities of a relationship after all…”

“don’t encourage her! this problem won’t just be solved by you spoiling her again, do you know what kind of consequences it could h-”

a loud knock interrupted your mother’s rambling. you were confused - you didn’t expect anyone else for today. it was too late for someone to bring packages. who could it be? you excused yourself, padding towards the door to see who it was. you swore that you briefly suffered from a heart attack when the door swung open to reveal choso. he stared at you equally as stunned, seemingly not having expected you to open and greet him. “w- what are you doing here?” you asked, hating how shaky your voice sounded. how your heart soared, having missed his presence around you. the feelings had never been properly buried, only hidden by a thin layer of pretense that was now quickly being washed away.

“i’m sorry for just turning up unannounced… i was hoping- hoping to be able to talk to you for a bit? i wanted to explain myself,” choso replied, unaware of the two persons in your apartment that were straining their necks to be able to get a look at him.

you groaned. why now? the timing was just too comical, fate must really hate you. “i’m sorry, my parents are here right now. maybe, another t-”

“aha, so this is the boy my daughter has been sleeping with,” your mother appeared behind you, snarling at choso maliciously. panicking, your father had followed her quickly, holding her back by her arm. “you have some nerve appearing here as if nothing happened, what is it that you-”

“darling.” your father cleared his voice, shooting daggers at her. “there’s no need to be rude.”

swiftly, he introduced himself and your mother to choso, politely shaking his hand. choso remained calm, as usual, and introduced himself as well. if he was shocked by the entire ordeal, he sure didn’t show it. his face remained a perfect poker face, no emotions seeping through. “i wanted to talk to your daughter, ma’am. i assume she’s told you about our relationship and how we broke apart. there is no ulterior motive here, i just wanted to explain myself and talk it out.”

“that’s-!”

your father interrupted your mother again, not giving her another opportunity to spit venom at choso. “i think that is a good idea. though she has not opened up about everything, i can tell that she is hurting as much as you are. i believe a discussion would be very productive. but what is your intention? what are you going to do once you’ve explained yourself?”

suddenly, you felt like you were forgotten or invisible in the entire discussion. were they ignoring you? you were standing right there and yet no one was addressing you. you huffed, trying to pull their focus back on you. “nothing’s gonna happen, dad. there was nothing for us to work with and there won’t be.”

choso felt like he’d been slapped. he didn’t know what to make of your reaction but he came here for one reason only: to give you the closure that you deserved and he wasn’t going to leave until he accomplished just that. “i intend to apologize to her. judging from your wife’s reaction, you don’t seem to like me very much. i can’t imagine you would ever accept me, i know i don’t live up to your standards. i don’t deserve your daughter, she deserves so much more than what i can offer. and i’m aware of it. but if she’s willing to have me, i’ll try my very best to live up to your standards, to prove myself to you. i just want to be with her and make her happy. i’m in love with her and that’s what i intended to tell her.”

your heart stopped at his confession. all this time, choso loved you? megumi had been right all along. choso returned your feelings and he was here, so close and yet so far. dread filled you as you realized your parents could possibly drive him away, make him disappear from your life with just a snap of their fingers. you cherished choso more than you were aware of, the adoration running deep in your veins even when you were trying to reject him.

“i see. that’s reason enough for me. we’ve already let her have a piece of our mind, i don’t think she needs more telling off. my little girl has grown so much and it’s time to let her make her own decisions, growing and mistakes,” your father shot your mother a look. she’d calmed down, choso’s explanation seemingly having brought her back to her senses. she looked away, not wanting to look him in the eyes. “we’ll let you deal with this. but know that if she does take you back, i won’t go easy on you, alright? the bars are high and i don’t intend to lower them just because you love her. prove to me, that you’re worthy of her.”

“i will,” choso sounded so sure and confident that it made your father grin - you sure had found someone who took great care of you and wasn’t afraid to stand tall in front of your father. and that he liked, someone who wasn’t scared to back down from a challenge, someone who would be the perfect partner for you. as your parents said goodbye and left, he gave choso a pat on the shoulder before exiting the apartment, leaving the two of you to your own devices.

you didn’t know what to say, how to start. standing in the hallway was awkward but you couldn’t move just yet, instead wanting to hear what he had to say first. “you love me?” you croaked, your voice failing you. now that your parents were gone, you could freely show your emotions, not being able to hold the tears back any longer. choso panicked, fussing over you as you started to cry. furiously, you wiped the tears away with the sleeves of your sweater.

“i do. i uhm wish i had found a better way to tell you this. i figured that you probably thought that everything we did was simply a facade but i promise you that it was all real. i don’t know when exactly but i started falling for you along the way and it was hard… to remind myself that you were a client and i was just there to provide the service to you, you know? i had no right to get mad at you if you decided to go and see other people. and i wasn’t sure of your feelings for me, it was…” choso trailed off, struggling to find the right word but you knew what he meant and nodded, signaling him to continue. “i just didn’t want to tie you to me when you… when you might not like me back or even want to be with an escort.”

you sniffled quietly, wrapping your arms around him immediately, with such a speed that it almost knocked the air out of his lungs. confused, choso wrapped his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin and rubbing your back soothingly. he was relieved that you didn’t push him away at least and let him explain everything in one go. he felt more at ease now and was at peace with the decision to immediately leave and never butt in your life again in case you rejected him.

“all this time, i also loved you,” you mumbled, an upset frown on your face. “i- i just kept thinking that you’d never return my feelings and that you were just playing boyfriend because i hired you to do so and-”

you hiccuped, another sob tearing from your throat.

“when you told me not to go on that date and immediately followed it with you only being my escort and nothing more, it hurt me so much and i know it was stupid and childish of me to react in such a way but… i was just spiraling, i love you so much and didn’t know where to place the anxieties and negative feelings.”

choso shushed you quietly when your sobs grew more frequent and you let him pick you up, clinging onto him as he walked over to the couch and sat on it with you on his lap. “shh, you’re okay, we’re okay,” he mumbled against the crown of your head, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “i’m sorry i hurt you so much, i was not aware that you already liked me back then and that my words would have such an effect on you.”

over and over, choso apologized quietly until you calmed down, slumping against his chest. you stayed silent, trying to piece your thoughts and feelings back together so as to present him with a coherent and logical question. your mind was in shambles and you hoped that choso would at least get what you were hinting at. “so w- what do we do now? where do we- we go from here?”

“as i’ve already told your dad… if you’ll have me, i’ll make it up to you, all the hurt that i’ve caused you. i love you, so much. i want to be your boyfriend, and this time officially.”

“i like the sound of it,” you mumbled, tilting your head back to look at him. “will you be my boyfriend?”

“it would be an honour, princess.”

with a kiss, choso sealed the deal, easily catapulting you back on cloud nine. who would have thought that the escort you’d hired to be your fake boyfriend would turn out to be the prince charming you had always hoped for, surpassing even your wildest dreams and expectations. choso was everything you wanted and more - he was the person you wanted to wake up to every morning, the person you wanted to come home to. he was the person with whom you wanted to spend your life with, the person that loved you so unconditionally and never expected anything in return. you were lucky that he chose you, that he loved you back. out of all the persons in the universe, it was him.

he was perfect and he was yours.

p.s.: if you've made it until the end: thank you so much for reading!

[wavbleu]

Noen eubanks: Friends with a benefit

"I dont know if my mom will let me come over Noen." I say into my phone then plopping onto my cushioned bed, "Just ask, We known each other for years and she even lets me over for dinner, its worth a shot.","And if she says no ill just kidnap you and hold you for ransom."

You chuckle uncomfortably at the very dark joke . you bit your finger nails trying to plan out the conversation ahead of time, what to say, what to do and her likely responses.

I let out a deep sigh before i told him that i was gonna go tell my mom the crazy idea of having a sleepover with a boy, "Bye dork" He'd say before quickly hanging up. I sat my phone down on my dresser and took another long and very deep sigh.

One part of me was like "she will most definitely say no! Are you stupid!" but a very small portion of me was hopeful, i know you may be thinking "Its not that big of a deal" but it actually is, I've been wanting to spend more time with Noen ever since he moved states to go to school, this is the only time he's gonna be in state for the year, this is my only chance to have him in my arms again.

I stayed on my bed, looking up at the rotating ceiling fan, watching it continuously spin counterclockwise, trying to gather the courage to ask my strict catholic over protective mother if i could spend the night at a boys house.

___________________________________

"Hey mom.." Id say walking into my moms very zen bedroom, candles lit and dream catchers hanging. She seemed to be finishing up a prayer.

She got up off her knees, dusting herself off then turned her attention towards me, I felt sick, my throat became lump, my palms grew sweaty and oily, i began fiddling with my fingers in an attempt to calm myself.

I was either gonna be rejected and beat with a wooden spoon or she would empathize and let me go.

Everything i had planned in my head went out the window, it felt like i forgot english.

"Uhh.." I say hesitantly, then muffled "can i go sleep over at Noens house?" My mom squinted her eyes trying to make out what i just said. "What did you say sweetie, stop mumbling."

I then repeated myself in a slightly higher tone "Can i sleepover at Noens house?" , "Sweetie your gonna have to speak up-" cutting her off,  "Can i sleep over at NOENS house."

The room went dead silent, i felt like throwing up, instant regret formed on my face.

well great.

"Sure i dont see why not." She shrugged.

My eyes widened, i was dazed on how she agreed with no strings attached. or so i thought.

"You have to call me every 2 hours, and call me before you go to sleep. Don't sleep in the same bed, doors should remain open, no dirty music no scary movies, you must be a foot apart at all times. No drinking or smoking, no leaving his house"

My mouth hung open at the dumb rules she gave, "Mom, im literally 18 years old." ,"Why are you treating me like a child!", "Its fine you don't have to go." she says leaving the room, heading towards the kitchen, i followed behind her trying to convince her to let me go with less restrictions.

I quickly grabbed her arm making her look at me, I give her a small sob story for some empathy points. "Please mom this is the last time i get to see him for the rest of the year, i want to enjoy this." I bit my lip as the room went silent again, i cross my finger behind my back hopeful.

"Hm..." she sat and thought for a bit, my eyes filled with hope and optimism, "Please say yes" Repeated in my head like a broken tape recorder.

"no." She says opening the fridge nonchalantly.

_________________________________

I pull up to Noen's house and grab my backpack from the backseat, "Remember the rules." My mom announced, i press my lips together to form a smile to show compliance .

I walked to his front door jittery and excited i was finally gonna see him again!... for the last time.

I turned around to see my mom still staring at me.

I knocked 3 times, then waited for the response, Noen's Mom answered the door and her face brightened when she saw me there waiting.

"Your mom actually said yes?, what a shocker." She chuckled, Ms.Eubanks is a teenager stuck in a mom's body, she understands everything I go through because she grew up the same way.

She kinda hated my mom, she always said she was no fun and very boring, but honestly can i argue? She doesn't let me go to any carnivals or theme parks because shes afraid that "Ill catch a demon." on one of the rides.

Ms.Eubanks stuck her head out to say hi to my mom, out of politeness, my mom honked her horn in response, then signaled her to come over, probably to inform her the crazy and controlling rules she set in place.

I walked into there house, its always so clean because Noen and his mom are extreme neat freaks, its so clean you could probably eat off the floor without having anything in your food.

Noen walked out of the bathroom, with a towel wrapped around his waist, he look startled when he saw me, because he panicked and ran back into the bathroom.

I had sat my bag down besides the door and went inside his room, his room is neat and clean, and its the perfect balance of hot and cold, not too hot to a point where you cant wear a sweater without melting, or to cold making you shiver and throw 10 blankets on to achieve normal body temperature. It was right in the middle.

I laid down on his rather soft bed, beginning to zone out into the ceiling again.

He walked into the room clothed and was blushing lightly, "I didnt know you were gonna come so early.","I cant believe your mom even said yes." He said lying down at the rear end of the bed.

"She gave me so many restrictions." I sighed, realizing i already broke 2 of them.

"What are they?" sitting up onto his knees, i sat up with him.

"We are already breaking a rule." ," I cant be within 1 foot with you or be on the same bed as you." i say looking down, he took two fingers and pushed my chin back up "Its fun to break rules" He would give me cheesy grin.

You stared into each others eyes for few minutes, your cheeks fading into a pale pink. The sexual tension built up like bricks every second you gazed deep into each others eyes. His gaze moved down to your rosy pink lips, to your slim and slender neck, to your narrow shoulders to-

"God your mom is crazy." Noen's mom said opening the door, cutting the silence and the tension, we turned towards her and smiled awkwardly.

"No scary movies? What kinda rule is that." She murmured in complete disgust, "Anyways im going to go run a couple of errands and ill stop for wing-stop and snacks on the way, i didn't have time to prepare since you came earlier than suspected.","No funny business, the condoms are in my drawer" His mom would wink at him then shut the door.

"MOM!" he would say slightly embarrassed.

"Sorry for her" He runs his fingers through his hair, his breath quickening, he's so cute when he's embarrassed.

"I wish my mom was like yours." I spoke joylessly, "I don't even remember the last time my mom actually called me beautiful." I put my head down again trying to cover the wave of tears that was about to come through my eyeballs.

"Well i think your gorgeous" He said with a soft and friendly smile, hesitant, going in for a light and airy kiss, i was confused and uncomfortable at first but then the kiss began to feel passionate and meaningful. My heart would flutter as the kiss continued to become more compelling and heated.

He came in closer carressing my silky hair tugging it backwards, making my head jerk up in response. He went in slight tongue, our tongues danced to a non-existent song before he pulled away to plaster purplish marks down my neck.

His surprisingly strong grip went from my hair down to my soft stomach, to my hips, placing more soft purple marks all of my neck and chest.

The rules my mom set in place were threw out the window and shat on.

I pulled off my shorts sexually and seductively, leaving me in a black thong, he took a quick second to examine my body, which made him really hard.

I began to straddle my self onto him, rubbing my clothed clit over his hard boner, i let out a soft moan as my pussy became impatient and wet. He grabbed onto my full hips as we both moaned in harmony. He slapped my ass supportively then threw his head back in pleasure; before completely flipping us over.

Noens pov:

___________________________________

She towered over me, a sexy stare like that is dangerous game to play, she slid off my shirt and placed love bites on my pale white skin, turning it blue.

I pushed her head down to my boner , that was desperately wanting to be pleased. She looked up at me with those innocent cute eyes and fluttery lashes.

"It hurts.." I complained playfully, then bit my lip as her hand pulled down my boxers, she seemed nervous, i didn't want to pressure her to do something she didn't want to do.

"Hey you don't have to do it if you don't want to." I empathize, "Its fine." She said with a gulp.

She pulled out my cock, beginning  to slowly stroking it. She had to use two hands because one hand wouldn't fit around it.

i moaned in pleasure as she sucked on my sensitive tip, and stroked the rest my of my dick, Her mouth was to tiny to fit any more.

Every time she attempted to go deeper she would spit up more saliva and gag, tears formed in her eyes and her mascara was messed up and drippy.

She sucked, licked and flicked my dick, considering her being half a virgin shes really good at handling dick.

"sit on it." I erotically say before she took orders , sliding herself on me, she let out a long and soft moan.

She whimpered as she rode up and down onto my dick, "Your to- big" She would complain, "Shut up and take it." Id reply to her whiny self.

"Im gonna go faster, alright ?" I tell her, she nodded in agreement.  i slapped her ass cheeks leaving a bright red hand print then gripped a large chunk.

I started pounding into tight pussy, making her cheeks clap in response, Her slutty screams filled the room, her big titties bounced on my face.

My dick went in-and-out of her at a very speedy  pace, her pussy gripped so tightly around my dick which was beyond pleasurable. I let out rough and sexual moans as i felt myself come closer to my finishing point, "Im gonna cum!" She yelled repeatedly, "Say your a dirty little slut and ill let you finish." I tease, i watched her face go red from embarrassment.

"Say it." I say aggressively, slapping her ass cheek again.

"Im a dirty little slut." She whimpered.

"Fuck yea you are," I repeat over again before i bust deeply inside of her releasing all of my warm liquid into the slut, her legs began to tremble and shake as she hit her finishing point a little to hard.

"Shhh.. calm down." I say comforting her running my fingers through her hair, she let out little breaths and laid her self down on my chest, i kissed her forehead gently to let her know its all over.

"I love you." i quietly whisper into her hair as she she drifted off to sleep.

__________________________________

A/n:

should i write more long chapters or stick to the short ones.. or should i do both?

[spnbaby-67]

Craving You!

Summary: What happens when you find out that your co-workers have been getting raises behind your back, and you so want to say something but in reality you know you can’t. You take off to a Starbucks you go to everyday, and everyday it’s the same thing. Until today! You run into him. 

Pairing: Jensen x Reader (eventually others) 

Angst, anger, mood swings, unexpected meeting. 

A/N Hi this is my first ever fic that I am willing to share, I am nervous as hell as i normally don’t share my writings. Comments would be awesome, just go easy on the hate ones. I am very easy to get depressed. But excited to see what you think. Once i know how to do a masterlist, it’ll be located under that. Also a big thank you to Taylor  @impalaimagining for beta. She's amazing ya’ll and has many great series and one shots to read, go check her page out to. I forgot to add @secretlyfurrydragon she helped me as well and she has an amazing story to I love to read. this work is my own idea and is to not be shared without asking. Thank you! This is an Au, so let’s pretend Danneel is happy somewhere else, I love her to bits so no hate on her.. Jensen is single for the sake of this story.

Warnings– none on this chapter.

                                                     Chapter 1

I opened the door to the ladies room so I could wash off the unknown sticky substance that I had acquired when I signed for a package. The room went from chatty to dead silent. A  huddle of four of my fellow co workers looked relieved when they saw it was me "Y/N did you hear about Kali?" I shook my head no as I soaped up and rinsed my hands The one who's name I believed to be Ellen stepped toward me the expression on her face looked like the cat that ate the canary "Kali the woman who just started last month, well she came out of a meeting in the the CEO's office this morning and according to his secretary, Kali has been made head of our department and apparently a big raise to go with it." 

I was beyond speechless all I could force out was "I see."

Now that I had this news of what Kali had done, I was mad. No, I was beyond mad try pissed. I couldn’t believe she would stoop that low to get a leg up on the rest of us that had far more seniority than her, at a job where everyone was supposed to be equal. Once we were hired, we were told we were a team, we work together as a team, we were all on the same pay level and from what I've been told more than once nobody is getting a raise and believe me I tried. On several occasions I was practically ran out of the office for that reason. Madison the Ceo’s secretary told me a few months ago that the company had been struggling, so I dropped it.

No I’m better than you attitudes were not allowed in this office we are a team; that’s what attracted me to this place from the beginning  Fast Forward to five years later, and I was fuming.

In fact, I felt my blood pressure rise to the point that when I stood up I felt faint. Not what I needed to deal with on today of all days. My hands closed into fists almost in slow motion, till the tip of my nails connected with the flesh of my palms. My eyes squinted at the mere mention of her name. My heart pounded uncontrollably, like a drum solo gone wild. So yeah, I was fuming.

If I saw her even walking by my office smiling and acting as if nothing had happened, I did everything I could to keep myself from going out there and banging her damn head into the wall. Call it jealousy, or anger, or whatever but I was pissed. No, pissed was no longer the word for what I was feeling. It was more like deeply hurt and very confused.

I sat at my desk with a pencil in my right hand, tapping it with a nervous tick, trying to figure out what I wanted to do. Should I confront my boss? Should I go and punch Kali in the face? Should I quit my job and leave the company for lying to me? I sighed, knowing that no matter what, I couldn’t quit.

This was my job and my career. I had built a relationship with the company and people, so leaving was definitely out of the question. For now, however, I could go and confront my boss and find out exactly what had changed, but in the end I knew it would probably go nowhere. I dreaded the thought of updating my resume and I for sure didn't want create a mountain out of a molehill and risk getting tossed out on my ass, but to be passed over like this?

I took in a long breath, then I slowly let it out as I laid my forehead down on my desk, closed my eyes to keep an impending stress headache from taking over. My arms fell to my sides, hanging low in defeat, my heart rate slowly returning to normal.I decided I needed coffee.

Coffee from Starbucks in fact my most favorite place in the whole world. Vanilla bean frappuccino was my go to drink on days like this. No matter what happened to make me feel like my life had been sucked out of me, Starbucks had always been and would always be my best friend. I sat straight up, stood up from my chair, grabbed my purse from the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet and ripped my headset from my ears as I walked out of my office.

I pushed the button to the elevator and waited for it to come to my floor, quite impatiently, I might add. I decided to take a brief look around the office to see if I could see her, though I knew I wouldn’t, since she was lucky enough to have a conference call.

“Good for her,” I snarked to myself, then I entered the elevator.

I could smell the coffee before I opened the door, the rich aroma of different flavors tickling my senses. I was on a mission, one that would pacify my anger and calm me down,I got my order, and of course they messed it up. Yuk!! soy with no sugar? Really?  But I waited patiently yet again for them to fix it.

“How hard is it to make the same drink every day? I’m sure I’m not the only one who orders this all day long.” I huffed under my breath. After a few moments I got my corrected order, so I turned to go out the door back to work.“Seriously?” I closed my eyes as I felt the drink I had waited for twice over, the drink that was supposed to be my saving grace, smash against my chest and spill all over my clothes. “Great, just fucking great.” I muttered out loud, ready to bite the head right off the person who had done this to me… until I saw him.

[burnafterreadingx]

I finally closed the door.

Dear you know who, 

“Im never good enough.”

“I feel like I lost control. Im shaking my body is actually shaking. My insides. My heart.” “I’m so weak and I fucking hate myself for it. “ “All I ever want is someone to fight for me. All I want is for someone to be afraid to lose me.. no one ever is.” “He got up and called me a stupid dumb bitch…. I just put my clothes on and got back into bed.” "He texts me he wants to break up. He doesn’t love me. I’m miserable to be around.” “He snap chatting multiple girls…slid in multiple girls dms. & I cried. The next day he apologized… he was off his meds. I FORGAVE HIM. “i just wanted to do or say anything to hurt you. I didn’t mean it thou” ….. I accepted that because maybe i’m not enough for him.” “I saw a DM “yeah you keep hitting me up while you have a full gf” …… I sat in the car and cried as he stood there and said to me.. word for word “i had more fun being single” “you are a nuisance to my life” “i hate paying double everywhere we go” and told me it was nothing and he had no idea what the girl was talking about. (Later I found out he was snap chatting her all summer) (not the only girl either) …. I didn’t even bring it up again. I didn’t want to lose him.” “He’s texting me about how much he’s depressed and stressed and really just making me nervous. Despite everything I’m still in love with him and I still care for him. So I ask him if he wants to come here and talk. He does… he gets into bed he’s cuddling me loving on me, talking to me. He was my old Matt..so I thought.” "He doesn’t need me anymore… so why reach out.. why call me.. why come over. I made him feel better and now I’m…trashed.” - “I lost all my strength. I broke down. Completely broke down. Bathroom floor unable to be consoled and unable to function. I called him… I called him crying. He was already supposed to be here hours ago. He picked up he said okay I’m gonna come over soon…. He never showed up. He never called. He went to sleep.”

How does any of that make you feel? Does that make you feel anything at all? Does it sadden you? Is it funny? Do you think it's nothing?

I made excuses for you, and gave you one too many chances, even though you didn’t deserve them. I put your needs before my own but enough is enough.

You have no idea how my fucking January was. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. I was sick everyday. I was unstable and completely gave up on anything and everything in my life. I called out of work. I stopped watching tv. I kept my phone off. I didn’t leave my room.

Who called to check on me? Who was there for me? Who reached out?  No one cared when I lost 15 pounds and couldn’t stop shaking. No one cared when I couldn’t breathe in jrs cause I was having a panic attack. Did it not phase you that I was holding on by a piece of thread. Did you not realize? Or did you.. and you just didn’t care? Was it funny to you and all your friends that I was breaking down not only mentally but physically???

You’ve called me in need twice. Without question I was at your side picking you up and giving you anything and everything from my heart to make you better.  I took care of you for days…. My ex boyfriend.  You have treated me like a piece of garbage but I fucking chased after you and brought you back here you know why? Because I know what it’s like to be alone and drained and fucked up and sad and lost and fucking broken. And I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Especially someone I love.

I fucking have been there for you like no one ever has in ur fucking life even AFTER you making me look like a god damn fool to everyone. To fucking everyone. & you had the nerve to text me that now you’re getting shit that I found out you’re all a bunch of immature  phony friends who rather see people down because you’ll do anything for some entertainment? I WAS STILL THERE FOR YOU.

After we broke up I had to beg to come by for one single conversation. I just wanted a hug and comfort to know I still had you as a friend. You wouldn’t touch me , all I wanted was a hug. I gave you your Christmas presents….You kicked me out.

I hope one day you will realize I did truly care for you. I promise you, you will miss me being there, putting up with you, and refusing to give up on you. You’re going to regret everything you’ve done to me, including all the damage you caused. Someday, you’ll look back and wish things could be different I’m sure of it.  I might have been worthless to you, but I know I will already be valued by someone else.

I hope people ask you about me. And you look back and think of our memories. I hope you fill with regret and hits you in the gut that I in fact loved you more than anyone else ever has and all you did was try and destroy me.

I hate how you made me question myself when the problem was you all along. I hate that I looked in the mirror and I didn’t  see the worth in myself because of you.

But you didn’t break me **** I broke myself because I believed in something so much that wasn’t real.

Throughout our whole relationship I only have one apology to give you. I stayed through all of the bullshit, the disrespect, the hurt, the pain… and called it love. I am sorry for teaching you how to “love” me wrong and blaming you for following through.

I lost someone who didn’t love me. But you.. you lost someone who truly did love you.

I am done with it. With us. With this one way fucked up cycle. With words that mean one thing and actions that say another. Every part of the dishonesty and indecisions. I very much see clearly that if you genuinely cared about me, you would be there for me selflessly as I am for you. But you’re not that person and I’m not sure you ever will be. That makes me sad for you.

I told you. I’ve grown so much in only a month. I’m at a place in my life where I’m standing on my own and I am confidently fine alone. I warned you….you didn’t listen. I couldn’t try and turn you into a man because you’re still a child. I cant raise a child. I was fighting so hard for you but I was fighting to be lied to, fighting to be taken advantage of, to be disappointed, to be hurt again. Once I realized that the fight was over. theres a big difference between the me you dated and the me now. I dont put up with the same bullshit. At this point you’ve only played yourself.

I have one more thing to say to you. After everything I’ve learned and read the past couple of days… you fucked up. You’re sorry I get it. But being sorry wont change anything you said or did. Being sorry doesn’t change the way I look at you now. It wont change how I feel about you now. Everyone has limits ****… there are lines that people cross & they no longer can cross back over. I had a line & you crossed it.  Now *** you have to stay on the other side.

I hope you grow and learn from this and end up being the man you can be. The man I have mistaken you for in the past. Because you deserve to be happy and loved and comforted and safe. Because I have grown and learned and I’m so proud of who I am now because of what you put me through. I know i'll find happiness with someone because I found happiness with myself. But fuck I wanted it to be you. I really fucking wanted it to be you.

[dominicjamesjones-blog]

The  Breakup | Dominer

TAGGING: @pfabray @dominicjamesjones

DATE: a few years ago

PLACE: hotel in san francisco, california

NOTES: Dom and Parker break up para. alcohol tw drug tw

Parker couldn't believe that he didn't show up. He always showed up, no matter what he had planned and he wasn't there. She couldn't tell if she was more hurt or angry. Though, she knew it wasn't the place for her to figure that part out yet. She took deep breaths in the elevator of the hotel that he was staying, gotten off at his floor and headed towards his hotel room. She pulled out the key that he gave her, swiped it as she ignored do not disturb sign that was on the handle and opened up the door before she shut it. "Dominic." She called out as she walked into the room and stopped when she saw the alcohol bottles on the floor, from the mini ones to the bigger bottles. Her heart sank as she moved further into the room, not liking what she was finding and prayed that she didn't find him unconscious on the floor.

Dom had been so nervous about the gala that night. Things lately had been so strained with Parker and him and the last year wasnt easy being so far away from the love of his life. But Valentine's Day went really well. Dom went all out, trying to be super romantic as possible and they seemed really happy. He thought that tonight at her gallery he would propose. It had been something he wanted to do for a while but he never really felt like the time was right. Tonight was going to be that night. The nerves though were getting the best of him and when he bought that MDMA on the street earlier he had no intention of using it, that was until he had gotten really drunk. He had been drinking a lot more than usual the past year and hiding it from Parker. He would come up for a weekend and be completely sober and then the next he would be partying with his college buddies. That night he thought he would just have a couple drinks to unwind before the gala and somehow he took it too far. Eventually he was passed out on the bed in the hotel room. A mess made of the room, bottle everywhere and a little baggie of molly on the dresser. It wasn't a pretty sight.

Parker felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach as she saw him on the bed, the mess of the room and a little baggie on the dresser. No, not her Dom. She grabbed a piece of Kleenex, grabbed the bag and knew what it was. She rushed onto the bed, checked his pulse and felt a little better when she found on. "Dom." She said loudly as she shook him, hoped to god that he would wake up soon and filled one of the plastic glasses that was next to the ice bucket. She filled it with water, walked back to the bed and threw it on him, hoped that he would wake up and be able to talk to her or something.

Dom was passed out good and didn't even hear when Parker had came into the room. What did wake him though was the ice cold water splashed on his face. He could feel his head pounding, much worse than an actual hangover. "Hey...what the hell?" he asked as he finally got his eyes open. He still couldn't figure out where he was or what was going on just yet. And he definitely couldn't remember anything from the night before but it was easy to figure it out.

Parker let out a shaky breath she looked at him, knowing that she had to try to remain calm. She let him wake up a little bit more until she let out a bitter laugh. "My exact response when I was made a fool at the gala and then when I see bottles and this." She tossed the baggie at him. "What the fuck Dominic. Drinking and now taking drugs?!"

Dom sat up and he winced when she threw the baggie at him and yelled at him. "I....fuck Parks I'm sorry" he said as he stood up. He realized now what a mess he had made of the hotel and he knew Parker was pissed. He missed her gala. How could he miss her gala. He never missed anything and because he was such a coward and had to go and fuck things up he missed his chance. He had no idea what to say. "it was just one little thing. It's not a big deal. I promise. I'm sorry I missed it. I didn't realize....I...lost track of time."

Parker looked at him as he spoke and could feel herself coming to tears. "One little thing? Sure, right. Its one little thing to support your girlfriend on something that she has been looking forward for it for months besides spending time with the love of her life." She said. She could feel her blood boiling, but didn't know what to do. "Someone actually bought one of my pieces. My piece. Something that I have been working on for years. Ever since high school. Its a big deal because all of my professors wanted to meet the guy who kept a smile on my face, even during crunch time." She nodded as she glanced around and picked up one of the vodka bottles that was on the floor. "Because you were throwing yourself a little party? Have some alcohol and matter as well take some molly while Im throwing myself a party on the night of my girlfriend's gala. Its not a big deal to her that I wasn't there." She placed the bottle onto the dresser and looked at him. " Im sure this was more important anyway, right? I mean, you did max out your credit cards. Which by the way, I didn't know until I tried to buy some food with them." She knew that she was being harsh but she couldnt help it, she was heart broken. "I thought we left this party Dominic Jones back in Ohio."

Dom "No that's not what I meant.." he sighed as she kept going on. "Parks that's awesome I should have been there I'm sorry" he sighed. "No I'm not..." he couldnt explain it fully to her why he did what he did because he would ruin things but then again things were already ruined and he didn't want to make it worse for her. "The credit card....what? Fuck I'm sorry. i don't know what else you want me to say Parker! I'm sorry." He shook his head and ran his hand from the top of his head over his face in frustration. "What do you want from me? I'm sorry I wasn't there, I'm sorry I've been drinking and shit I didn't think it would get this far. I made a mistake okay"

Parker "Then what did you mean, Dom? Please explain it." She asked. She placed the bottle onto his bed and wiped her hand with a towel as he talked. She flinched when he raised his voice and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as she counted to ten, something her therapist told her to do. She looked at him. "What do I want from you? The truth, Dom. I want the whole truth, on why you had bought drugs, a shit ton of alcohol, why you didn't think it was this far? And why were you keeping it from me?"

Dom "I can't okay. I just can't. It's not the easiest thing to explain." He sighed. "I'm sorry" he said simply. "I just cant." He shook his head. "Can we just...move passed it? I mean things were going so good with us...Valentines was good right? I fucked up. That's all I can say. I fucked up." He just couldnt tell her that he was going to propose because it just made him seem pathetic at this point.

Parker shook her head as she let the tears roll down her cheeks and wrapped her arms over her body. She closed himself whenever she done it, it was something she used to do whenever she felt small. "No." She whispered as she looked at him. "Were you drunk on Valentine's, too? Or was this the only time you've been drunk with me?" She glanced down as she shifted her weight on each foot, sniffing. "Things were good, but then they would go to bad and they became this toxic cycle, Dom." She looked at him, trying so hard not to break down in front of him. "We, became toxic for each other. Which is something that I never wanted to happen. I already been in one toxic relationship, I don't want to be in another and I don't want to be around you if you're using and drinking. Sure I did it when we were in college and when you were sober, but I made sure to stay away from you when I did it and I told you the truth about it as well."

Dom shook his head. "No I wasnt!" He said trying to mend what he had ruined tonight. She was right though. Dom did this when he drank. He would be good for a while and then go back. "Parker you know I'm not like that. Just because im drinking a little bit and doesnt mean this whole relationship is toxic!" he said. "You act like this is the end or something. Parks its you and me and it always has been and we're supposed to be together and I jsut wanted us to be happy! I'm sorry I messed up tonight but it's not going to happen again I promise."

Parker grimaced a bit when he yelled. "I can deal with the drinking, Dominic but the drugs! The drugs Dominic, the drugs aren't you and drinking little bit?" She chuckled bitterly. "Oh yes because being surrounded around bottles and bottles of alcohol is a little bit. I had to splash cold water on you to wake you up! I tried shaking you and I was saying your name." She shook her head as she looked at him as he spoke and fought the tears in her eyes. She walked up to him, but not too close. "I want more than anything to be with you, you know this. We haven't been happy for months. We fight almost every single weekend when we see each other and sure we make up but look at us." She met his eyes, green meeting brown. "How do I know that you won't do it again when you leave here?"

Dom knew in the back of his mind that she was right but he hated being yelled at and talked to. He rolled his eyes. "Im fine!" He said with his arms out. He frowned when she spoke about their relationship. He looked back at her and searched her eyes. They stood pretty far apart at the moment and it was just ironic. They were so far apart right now. "Yeah..look at us" he said shaking his head in frustration. "Because you can trust me Parker." He said. "What you want to watch me 24/7? You know I went to LA to finish school. Because I put everything on hold for you Parker. ANd sure maybe we've been fighting more than usual but couples do that. It's normal."

Parker shook her head. "I don't think I can trust you." She said honesty. "I didn't tell you to do that, I did not tell you to go to LA and finish school or put everything on hold for me Dom. You know the moment I found out that you would do that, I would've talked you out of it because we could've survived the long distance if you stayed in Ohio. Its not normal for having more fights than anything else, you know it." She blinked away the tears as she let out a shaky breath and cupped his face once she stood closer to him. "I want, you to figure out what you want. Not what I want."

Dom It stung to hear that she didn't trust him anymore and all of the sudden Dom became him. He became the guy that he hated the most. He became Jeremy and exactly the person that he didn't want to be for Parker. He swallowed thickly. He was silent as she spoke and moved closer to him. How can he fix this? How could they fix this and make things better again? Was this even worth saving at this point? He frowned and looked back at her as her hand touched his cheek. It was hot on his skin. His head still spinning from alcohol and a bad hangover. "I want you" He said softly. "Don't you want that too?"

Parker swallowed as she rested her forehead against his and closed her eyes. "I want you, so bad that it hurts me to be doing this. I want to go back to my place with you and take care of you but." She closed her mouth, placed her hands on his shoulders as she focused on their breathing and rubbed his shoulders, hoping the smell of alcohol wouldnt make her throw up. "I can't. I can't be in a relationship where I don't trust someone, despite of still loving them." She opened up her eyes and looked at him. She bit the bullet and kissed him for the last time.

Dom looked at her and he pulled away knowing what she was doing. "But..." He frowned and pulled her arms away. "No.." he was definitely crying at this point. "Parks. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." he probably looked like pathetic right now but he didn't care. He was losing the love of his life over some stupid mistake. A really stupid mistake and maybe he deserved this because of it but how would he be able to live without her? "You can't break up with me. Please, I can't lose you"

Parker felt him pulled her arms away and couldn't hold back the tears anymore when she started to hear him. "Im so sorry." She wrapped her arms around herself as she turned around, walked away from him and walked out of the hotel room, a piece of paper falling out of her dress pocket onto the floor of the hotel room. She leaned against the wall outside of his room as she cried harder. She slipped off her shoes, had them in her hands and started to run towards the elevator. She hit the button as fast she could, walked into it, closed the button as fast she could and sat in a corner as she sobbed into her hands.

Dom watched her walk out and he walked after her but before he knew it she was in the elevator and gone. He leaned against the wall and blinked quickly trying to stop from crying. How could he be so stupid and let this happen? How could he ruin things so quickly? It was all his fault and he knew it. He walked back to the room and started packing his bags to go home. If she didn't want him anymore then why stay? He saw a piece of paper on the ground and picked it up, not knowing what it was.

[fatesinthenight]

Autumn (part 14)

"You got this just follow the steps." Kathrine saids as she tries to lead Autumn.

"It kind of looks like she has two left feet." Missy saids head tilted.

"Missy please be more respectful. Autumn is trying her best." Penny hushes Missy.

"But she has been at if for weeks now. No offense Autumn." Missy shrugs.

"It's ok I know that I haven't been doing so well. Sharon im sorry I haven't gotten this down and it isn't because you aren't a good teacher its just im very clumsy." Autumn saids shamefully.

"O Autumn that's quite fine. It takes time and you have improved. Really." Sharon smiles at Autumn. "Besides today will be different. I have a new teacher for you for the rest of the lesson."

"Sharon I don't think I can handle another lesson with Lori... She is very intense." Autumn has flashbacks to Lori counting her down and constantly telling her about her posture and footwork.

"O no she is busy at the moment and left to the Queen's side for a while." Sharon motions her hand to the entrance to the ballroom.

Bron walks in. He dressed somewhat down only having on a shirt and vest, he usually had his coat and cape on him. His black boots making loud steps and he walks in. "Sharon said you needed help with dancing." Bron's arms are behind his back and he stands up straight.

"Ummm in not really getting the hang of it. But I don't want to bother you with it especially if you have work to do. I know your always busy working on something." Autumn saids softly. She would hate to be a bother to him. She knows that's why they don't really talk much because he is constantly off to do something. It must be hard work being a prince she thought.

"It's alright. I don't have much to do today and I have been told I need to take a break." Bron peeks at Sharon who rolls her eyes. "Also I wanted to spend some time with you if you don't mind."

Autumn gets shy. "O I see... if its ok then I would like to have you help me."

Bron steps up to Autumn instantly and takes one hand into his and places the other on her waist.  Autumn's cheeks turn pink and she looks down to nervous to look up at Bron. "You have to look up at me. It wouldn't be good if you didn't look your partner in the eye when you dance with them." Bron saids.

Autumn looks up at Bron. This close up she can really see the different shades of purple in his eyes. His dark indigo blue hair seems like it grew out from the first time she saw him and beard looks like it grew out more as well. She puts her hand on his shoulder and peeks at her other hand that is already in his. She takes a deep breath and looks at him slightly more confident. "Ok im ready."

"Then lets get started. The best thing to do is just look at me and follow my lead. Alright?" He starts moving slowly. Autumn is keeping up fine but feels worried that she will eventually step on his foot. Bron can see that she feels really nervous and stiff. Sure enough she steps on his foot.

"Im really sorry!!" Autumn lets go of Bron and he lets her step away. She fiddles with her dress and away from Bron.

Bron looks at the others in the room. "Could you give us some time alone please." Sharon smiles and tugs Katherine away who is already trying to protest. Penny and Missy bow and leave behind them with Missy looking back giggling. Bron waits til he can hear that they are really away from the room before he speaks to Autumn. "I think you would feel more comfortable if we were alone."

"I really don't know if that would make a difference..." Autumn already thinks it is hopeless. She believes she is not meant to do this kind of thing and will embarrass herself and Bron infront of others. She doubts herself easily Bron thought.

"Why don't you sing?" Bron tells her gently. "It seemed to help you when you practiced outside that night."

"I cant really sing... remember." Autumn looks at Bron.

"That's what you think. However from what I have heard it was really lovely." Bron takes Autumn again in position to dance. "If your still nervous you can just hum."

Autumn nods in agreement. She follows Bron's lead again and hums to herself. It seems to be working more and she even starts to smile slightly. She starts to have fun and realizes she really is doing better. The more happy she gets the more she slowly begins to sing instead of hum. Autumn sings softly to herself the same song she sang when she was outside that day at night. Bron becomes amused at how fast she began to feel comfortable knowing he made a good suggestion for her to sing. Bron starts to feel himself having a good time for once in a long time. He feels at peace listening to her sing softly and dancing slowly with her. Autumn looks at Bron but can not tell what he is thinking because he always looks so serious. They both don't know how long they were dancing together but then Missy walks in.

"Im sorry but the council sent a message for you Bron. They want to meet you." Missy bows her head.

Bron and Autumn stop dancing and he looks rather annoyed. He turns to Missy, "Did they say if this was important?" Missy shakes her head. "Then let them know I will be busy then. Im doing something very important right now."

"What if they ask what your doing?" Missy asks nervous.

"Tell them I am dancing with my future wife." Bron saids cooly.

Missy does a curtsy and leaves. Bron never let go of Autumn the whole time and looks back at her. "Shall we continue?"

"Are you sure you should be missing that meeting? I don't want to be the reason you skip it. I'm not that important." Autumn asks.

"This is important. I need to spend more time with you. Your going to be my wife and I haven't made the effort to see you more. It would be wrong if I didn't get to know you more before the wedding. Im sorry I have been distant." Bron looks seriously at Autumn meaning every word he saids. Autumn feels her heart beat faster at his words.

"I want to get to know you too Bron. That would be really nice." Autumn smiles softly at him blushing pink. Bron smiles for once. Autumn has never seen him smile at all before, it made her heart skip a beat.

"Im glad to hear that." Bron saids. He continues dancing with Autumn and even twirls her making her giggle in surprise. The sound makes Bron's heart beat a little more for a second. After some time they stop both feeling tired. "I think that is enough for today. You have improved well."

"I cant believe I actually danced." Autumn saids happily. She looks at Bron and in her happy excitement he unconsciously hugs Bron. She realizes what she is doing and doesn't move out of embarrassment. Then she starts to let go and gets pulled back in as Bron wraps his arms around her.

She is close to his chest and her ear is pressed up against his heart. She hears his steady heartbeat and he can feel hers pounding. She surprised him by hugging him and he surprised himself by holding her back. While in his arms she notices how strong he is and can feel his muscles from his chest and his arms. Bron notices Autumn smells like lavender and closes his eyes taking it in. They stay like that for a while not moving, Autumn feeling nervous and Bron enjoying how she feels in his arms. He doesn't want to let go but slowly does looking down at her.

"Im sorry if that was sudden. It just seemed appropriate with you hugging me." Bron runs his hand through his hair. "I have never been with someone before so I still don't know how this works to be honest."

"O that's ok. Im sorry I just hugged you. I was just so happy I finally danced. Thank you so much for taking the time to teach me." Autumn saids politely.

"Is this also new to you?" Bron asks curious. "Being with someone?"

"Ummm to be honest... I used to be with someone back in my town a few years ago. I was with him for a while but he left to do something." Autumn admits.

Now that was something Bron did not expect. "You had someone before. I see." Bron thinks about it, for some reason hearing her say someone came before him made his blood boil slightly. "Shall we go now. I don't know how long Sharon can keep Katherine from running in here." Autumn nods and walks beside Bron.

She looks up at him as they leave together and sees he looks upset now. Did I say something wrong she thought. They meet with everyone again and Bron excuses himself to work again. He closes the door to his office and leans against the door. He pinches the bridge of his nose then chuckles to himself. "Did I really just get jealous of a human boy from years ago?"