#im so glad i got these down while i could bc my weekend was HELL i did nothing but complete college shit

[rumpunch]

HIIII so… i finally got to see hadestown this weekend (the national tour production) w two of my best friends 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 i knew we were gonna see it for months but i didnt want to post abt it beforehand / acknowledge it in any way after making plans bc i was scared i would jinx it like what happened when i posted / talked abt seeing shows on the west end and then covid hit and sent me home lol. but i can’t believe i finally saw it!! it doesn’t feel real and honestly didn’t until right now as im writing this….. being in the theater was truly an out of body (and mind lol) experience for better or for worse. this was my first time seeing a show since covid and im soooo glad it was this one given how much it’s meant to me for all these years 🥹💗

i have a lot of thoughts on the production and also the plot / story so here they are lol:

production thoughts

for context ive never seen a hadestown 👢 before, i told myself that i wanted my first experience of seeing it to be actually seeing it in person. but ive listened to the obcr 5798673594 times over the last 3 years and the songs have become thoroughly woven into my life... so that made for a really weird experience where i knew every word but was watching it unfold for the first time and yet i knew what was coming for the most part. that also could be chalked up to the fact that ive seen so many gifsets and have read so many posts about other ppl seeing the show so i did know about some visual things.. but yeah it was just weird what i knew / expected and what i didnt lol

my friends and i sat in the back right corner of the mezzanine (like the LITERAL corner. no chairs behind us or next to us and the exit right next to us) and sadly the balcony in the set was cut off for us so we had to keep leaning across each other or scrunching our heads down to see the action up there :~/ but it was ok

i think bc of the above two bullet points + the fact that i really did not let myself believe that i was going to see the show bc i was scared of jinxing it + me having depression / possible derealization issues that i did not have when i first got into this show... i was kinda numb the entire time which sucks a little. i cried a couple times (happy / disbelieving tears in road to hell (persephone's entrance specifically for some reason, idk why it wasnt the "aight"s LOL) and any way the wind blows, sad tears in doubt comes in) but i didnt really... process anything in the moment or really experience the epic highs and lows of it while watching it. i just generally wasnt very moved! and im processing the show right now for the first time. and that kinda sucks and is unlike me and unlike what i thought seeing it was gonna be like. in a similar vein i found myself really focused on whoever was in the spotlight and im kinda mad at myself for that bc this is a show where SO many little details / context clues are communicated when ppl are in the background. but its fine i guess, i may be in a weird place mentally but i got to see it and maybe i'll see it again someday and be more moved

the cast was PHENOMENALLLLLL. j antonio rodriguez was our orpheus and he was the standout for me, his singing and acting as were breathtaking! i was frustrated about hannah whitley (eurydice) though bc like (and i feel bad for saying all of this)... nobody can be eva noblezada but hannah was missing a lot of notes / singing off key and kept like.. idk what the technical term for it is but she was kinda singing on her own beat and adding in a lot of pauses or rushing into things instead of staying on pace with the music and also she kept kinda revving up into the high notes and all of it grated on me. but i grew warmer to her singing in act 2 and i really appreciated her acting throughout! i didnt rly have many thoughts about hades (matthew patrick quinn), persephone (maria christina oliveras), or hermes (nathan lee graham) aside from ADORING all of their performances and what they brought to the roles compared to the obc! and the fates (dominique kempf, belén moyano, courtney lauster) / ensemble (kc dela cruz, colin lemoine, sean watkinson, shavey brown, raquel williams) / musicians were INCREDIBLE and had such amazing chemistry with and between each other :~D

antonio made for a bolder more charming orpheus and hannah made for a darker moodier more tortured eurydice which was interesting. but (and maybe this was just me dealing with the whole numbness / already knowing what to expect thing) i wasnt really convinced about their love story (specifically the early parts of it in act i as they were falling in love) or that orpheus in particular was insecure and vulnerable to the fates. but they did have some good chemistry in act ii especially and i was rooting for them so hard despite knowing wht was to come :~(

i knew that on broadway they have that little elevator in the center of the stage so i was curious about how it would work in the tour and... they had this giant oven box thing with moving doors! i actually really liked that, it made the whole idea of traveling to / from hadestown seem more sinister. that said i was kinda bothered by it during doubt comes in because orpheus and eurydice had to walk around the entire stage to make sure eurydice was positioned in front / inside of the oven and it kinda spoiled the ending in a way (even though we all know how that ends)... im guessing that on broadway its less exaggerated and you dont see it coming bc all eurydice has to do is just move over to the side a little. but idk i'll finally let myself watch a 👢 and see what the difference is

i couldnt take my eyes off of hades and persephone during promises. they started the song with hades kneeling with his head against persephone's stomach and then he stood up and they just hugged.... for a LONG time. like at least 3-5 minutes. and i was like god i wish that were me and i was thinking about what that mustve been like for the actors playing them.. like if thats a moment that they share and look forward to or whatever bc i know i would. it made me think about jenna's dear baby monologue in you matter to me LOLLLL

i saw from another post i read on here (as i was pregaming for the show by scrolling thru my hadestown tag LMAO) that orpheus runs through the audience at one point? and he didnt do that for us that i saw which i was bummed about. maybe thats just a broadway thing

i had no idea the set splits open during wait for me!!! it was so cool

i also didnt know / fully realize that hades produces a flower for persephone during epic iii 😭 the tears in my eyes... also speaking of epic iii hades singing the lalalalalalalaaaa got a LAUGH and i was so MAD!!!!! i get that its kinda funny because it just sounds so weird in his voice and its a startling moment... but that pissed me off bc the moment is supposed to be so tender and heartbreaking and the audience didnt appreciate that.. augh.

since its pride month the set was initially lit up with rainbow lights and in act ii hermes had little rainbow tassles on the ends of his sleeves!! :~D

plot / story thoughts

another context bullet point to kick us off: i discovered hadestown in the spring / summer of 2019 which was an INCREDIBLY formative time for me and so many aspects of the show (creative expression as a tool / forum for bringing about the world as it could be (and illuminating the possibilities in the world as it is), discovering that you have agency, love / loyalty / betrayal / sustenance, finding your purpose, etc.) were profoundly relevant to things that i was awakening to at that exact place and time in my own life. so i went into this experience hoping to have more insights like the kind i had when i first listened to the obcr... and i didnt really. i mean i had some but they didnt feel as profound i guess? and again that may just be me having mental health issues now that i didnt have then.. but that was a thing that i was aware of and kinda sad about. so yeah

that said... the main thing along those lines that i did take away (which really only hit me while watching epic iii / promises) is like... love is agency is love is agency is love.... or something like that. at least that they coexist and happen together. the oppressive conditions in hadestown and the poverty in the overworld strip the gods and humans alike of... their humanity (which is weird to apply to the gods but still)! their sense of self, and their love for each other and the world. the moment that became clear for me was in epic iii when the workers took off their goggles one by one and it was like.. they could See again! they could see themselves and each other, they were holding hands with each other and singing together. and they saw a future that they could create together. and hades was letting persephone dance and she kept spinning away from him with her arms outstretched like a bird but then coming back... idk. im not articulating this well and i need to think about it more and let it simmer for a bit and maybe watch a 👢 to get all the details. but it was like yeah... the opposite of capitalism imperialism etc etc is love and agency and they go together and they are the same thing.

another thing i need to think about more: orpheus went to hadestown all by himself to get eurydice! how come he was so confident then? he was LITERALLY alone. he didnt know where she went or if she would come back with him. and he didnt have the workers following him (though they were there in wait for me swinging the lamps, but i interpreted them as being like... part of the scenery i guess). he was completely alone and operating off of hope AND THE FATES TAUNTED HIM TOO and he was like... fine! so then in doubt comes in.. when he has all these people including eurydice following him... like idk. maybe its just because he'd confronted hades who couldnt fully be trusted and he knew that eurydice had turned her back on him and stuff... like maybe its just because on the journey back he'd experienced things that caused him to doubt / mistrust the people he was journeying with / from and that's what made him vulnerable, not so much the physical loneliness but the emotional loneliness that comes with a betrayal. which is something i just realized typing it out lol. but that kinda agitated me bc its like... he was FINE the way up so why did he crumble on the way back :~(

doubt comes in is such a fucking GUT PUNCH btw. i wanted to cry harder but didnt let myself bc i didnt want to be too loud or soil my mask. but i was so so scared to see it and it devastated me. its just so... SAD. and its so... like i relate to / identify with orpheus SO much yes in part because of the creative expression / seeing the two worlds thing but also because of doubt comes in specifically. its just so so so sad. he had all of these people including the person he loved most cheering him on and echoing to him. and he couldnt hear them. and he couldnt internalize how much they loved and believed and trusted in him. and he turned. that is so wrenchingly real. and it hurt so bad to see it playing out on the stage knowing what was about to happen and then WATCHING it in all the brilliant horror. like thats another insane thing the way the lights get so wildly bright. actually now that i mention that i think the lights are brighter in hadestown when bad things are happening. like hades saying I CONDUCT THE ELECTRIC CITY etc etc. that could be a whole post. someone should make that

im thinking a lot about The Song and whose song it is and actually WHICH song it is. bc if you think about it... so we're introduced to the lalalalalalalaaaa and whatever song that is which builds in the epics. and that song incites a lot of action like orpheus (quite literally!) tuning out eurydice which causes her to choose to go to hadestown, and hades realizing what love is and whatever. but another song that is equally if not more catalytic is.... IF IT'S TRUE!!!! bc thats the song that sparks the revolution among the workers and gives orpheus hope that he almost lost after learning about eurydice's betrayal and inspires eurydice to fight for something instead of succumbing to her fate. and in wait for me reprise when eurydice is singing "echoing OUR song" "the falling of OUR feet" ... like they're not alone as just the two of them, the workers are coming too!! so which song is she referring to! what if it's actually "if it's true" and the hopes that orpheus has stirred up about what the world could be?

btw speaking of orpheus tuning out eurydice... im sure this point has been made 5476463979 times but its rly interesting to think about how love languages (for lack of a better way to put it, ik that can be kinda reductive) work in this show. eurydice and orpheus both attempt to address the storm but the ways they choose to do it are different / dont align: eurydice tries to manage the short term by searching for food and firewood, while orpheus works on the song that will bring spring back and stop this kind of disaster from happening again. but iirc they dont talk about how they're going to take these two different but equally important strategies — eurydice at least interprets the song as being unimportant and orpheus just... straight up seems unaware of the food / firewood thing also being important. so theres a communication failure and eurydice interprets the silence as abandonment (for good reason, also relatable) and turns her back (ha!) on orpheus. and then with hades and persephone... hades does all these big flashy power gestures to show his love for persephone but it's the exact opposite of what she wants and they dont see eye to eye about how to express their love for each other either. yeah

speaking of eurydice making that choice... like yeah. sigh. betrayal is such a huge thing in this show. trust and betrayal. eurydice was (kind of) leading orpheus through the immediate short term danger of the storm and she turned on him. and the fact that she did was part of the reason orpheus turned on her. they made their vows in promises that they would walk side by side but he couldnt get over it (partially bc they literally weren’t allowed to physically walk as they planned but still). and eurydice said "im right behind you and i have been all along" and its like no you havent been thats the entire plot of the show lol (again for understandable reasons but still!)

another thing im sure has been analyzed 456456984 times but its interesting to think about hermes watching everything playing out while knowing how it will end and not choosing to intervene. idk what that means and my laptop is running out of battery so im not going to dig into it but im just thinking on it. BUT ALSO THAT GOES FOR US AS THE AUDIENCE like so many ppl probably know how it ends and maybe some ppl are seeing it multiple times and its like... anyone could intervene and change the story (within reason ofc). also goes for the other ppl on stage too like the musicians etc. its just interesting to think about the implications of that and what would happen if someone tried it both "in character" and "out of character" i guess

its interesting to think about the role walls play in the show too. like the wall hades is making the workers build to keep out the "enemy" and keep them (him) powerful and prosperous in their (his) isolation vs the walls repeating the falling of feet, echoing songs... letting people know theyre not alone. and the fact that that doesnt happen in doubt comes in even though orpheus is being followed by a whole crowd basically. idk. fascinating

ok those are all of my thoughts i think! i also saw some interesting posts / takes that im going to rb again bc theyre on my mind as i interpret the show but i dont want to put them in this post bc theyre not my original thoughts. ty for reading if you did :~D this is a glorious new era in rumpunch nation im so glad and grateful that i can finally say ive seen this beautiful show!

[alittle-annihilation]

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG • 20 OCT 2024

finally got to do warped 2004 😭 this weekend was beyond incredible and i am so glad i was able to go! acknowledging that wanting a band to keep putting out the same album is Bad, i really did love the concept of celebrating a particular album, especially those that came out at an approximate time period. how many of these were in the same rotation on my fucking ipod shuffle clip in 2007?! i’ve said this before but this era has always been a fave musically to live through initially as an angsty pre/teen and now finally getting to see live as an adult has been such an experience. it really felt like a rare treat

anyway, every year from 2002 to 2012 was shouted out during the say, the number of “who had this on your myspace” or “who ripped it off limewire” was hilarious. i got to see so many bands that i didnt think i’d get the chance to see and even if i hadnt listen to them in literal decades, it was a nice reminder of why i did like it back in the day. even if everything was crap as a teen, the music was always a highlight and i’m glad we got to come together to celebrate that

highlights / thoughts

pierce the veil ft kellin quinn king for a day LIVE 😭😭😭 the way it was on my soccer pre-game playlist. the way i BLOGGED about that song on THIS blog

i always forget simple plan was early emo exposure to me. i had no business listening to no pads no helmets just balls in the year when when i was 7, but i did, and i sure was a kid whose life is a nightmare. i sure was writing lyrics to welcome to my life in my history notebook in 6th grade. like damn those are roots! ANYWAY THEY PLAYED MY ALIEN!!!!

unfortunately unironically the entirety of 3OH!3’s set was So Good. i listened to want so hard late middle school / early high school and it was like a sleeper agent was activated inside of me and i remembered every word perfectly. yes this shit was absolutely cringey as hell to watch, but i still got down

TRAVIS MCCOY OF GYM CLASS HEROS CUPID’S CHOKEHOLD ‼️

i really liked fob’s different background nods to their different ~eras. i would love to see an extended set for these bc the attention to detail was BEAUTIFUL (patricks hat changes, album art rendering, call backs, etc) for just 2 songs per section

but also lets talk about folie a deux. and las vegas. and how the CD was a christmas present for me 2008 when we were there visiting family and how i spent every night in the desert with my walkman listening to that album and hanging on to every word. and how fob played SO MANY FOLIE SONGS!!!!!! including my love headfirst slide. anyway all that said she’s my winona is the ultimate folie/vegas song for me and i would have Died if they dragged her out

also taking a moment to be grateful that they did not bring out brendon urie. like that could have been a reality. i had the thought that it could happen for a 20 dollar nose bleed sitch and did NOT speak that into existence. thank u emo gods

my chemical romance literally puts on a good performance every single time. THE CHILLS

also seeing the moment gerard sits down, looks up, and smiles into the camera (u know what im talking abt) in real time made me cry

it was so interesting seeing the different bands interpretation of “play this album” the ones who faithfully did it front to back by tracklisting. those who changed up the order but stuck to the album. to sneaking a few other crowd favourites in here and there. to just playing what the fuck ever

not band related but i was pretty impressed with accessibility & visibility at the festival. it’s likely i simply wasn’t paying attn at other fests, but so many ADA sections, so many ASL interpreters, kulture city, and lots of water/med tents every few steps. i was glad to see everyone getting to enjoy what has been one of the best music experiences i’ve been to in a while

that said holy fuck my joints, my wrists are still not ok, and im completely sleep deprived. i am feeling 30 babey

bands seen (*denotes full set)

neck deep

mayday parade*

underoath

we the kings

3OH!3*

the story so far

coheed and cambria

cobra starship*

simple plan*

taking back sunday

the starting line

motion city soundtrack*

bayside

pierce the veil

jimmy eat world*

a day to remember

boys like girls*

fall out boy*

my chemical romance*

[doobledabbadoo]

hAPPY HALLOWEEN & A MR MEN MONDAY TO YOU ALL!!! what a day to be alive!!! yahoo!!!

[asteriismos]

Tear You Apart -- Bill Denbrough

Authors Note : wooo this was a whirlwind to write. self quarantine is slowly starting to eat me alive, but I hope everyone is doing good! stay healthy and wash hands! also, if anyone wants to be on the tagging list, just shoot me a message or an ask! I also changed around the request slightly but it’s pretty much the same thing. Requests are still open.

Warning(s) : smut ( obviously ), seventeen! bill denbrough, choking, this is kinda just filth but what’s new, im going to hell

Request : 

Loved your last bill smut you posted! Can you do one where the losers all have a sleepover and Bill has to share an air mattress with the reader and they end up having really hot sex while trying not to wake up the losers yet fail bc the reader is loud asf and maybe the reader has a choking kink and tells him while they’re making out to choke her harder. and the next day they have marks all over? (Sorry my thirst for Bill is unreal rn 😂). Ok so I also wanted to add to my bill x reader smut where he tries to push the reader to her limit and see how many times she can cum and it gets to the point where she’s screaming and crying at the same time bc oof 🥵 that’s hot (again I apologize for my horny ass I just wanted to add a little to my request)

When Richie Tozier gave the suggestion that the friend group should have a sleepover over Labor Day weekend, you were one of the first to scream yes. It was the beginnings of your senior year and you weren't going to waste a second of it, you wanted to spend every second you could with your friends and boyfriend, Bill.

The only problem was that it took a while to find the house you all should sleepover at. Though Richie had the idea, he said that his parents were planning something Saturday night, which meant a no from his end. Eddie’s mother wouldn't allow anyone over because of germs, and Bev’s aunt was not about to have eight teenagers in their apartment. 

Luckily, Bill’s parents were out of town for the weekend because of the holiday, so you all finally could take the plan for action.

The rest of the day was dedicated to getting supplies for said sleepover. You and Bill went to the dollar store on the corner for snacks, Mike and Stan went to get as many blankets as they could, Eddie and Richie got movies, and Ben and Beverly set up the spare air mattresses in the large living room.

Once all of you got back, the party finally began.

“We have to watch Jurassic Park. It just came out on to VHS tapes,” Richie begged to the group. “And it’s so good, you gotta admit.”

“Richie, no, come -” Eddie’s rejection sentence got cut off by Richie already putting in the tape. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer, obviously. “Fine, whatever.”

All of you laughed at the two bickering and settled in for the movie. You were sharing an air mattress with Bill, the giant bowl of popcorn sharing both of your laps. You two were all snuggled and cozy under two blankets. As the movie got started, you felt his left hand land on your thigh. It wasn’t unlike him to put his hand there, considering you two weren’t prudes to types of PDA, but for some reason it felt different this time. It felt like there was a motive behind it. 

You looked at your boyfriend, and even in the dim lighting of his living room you could see a smirk on his face. 

Well, you thought to yourself, two can play at this game.

Your own hand came down under the covers and laid on his thigh, giving it a good squeeze. Bill tensed up under your touch, breathing in a very big amount of air as he kept his eyes on the movie. He wasn’t going to give up without a fight, that was sure.

A good ten minutes passed with no other touches from Bill, maybe he had stopped for the night in fear that your friends would start to notice the strange behavior between the two of you. You two weren’t all that good at being subtle, to be honest.

However, your previous thoughts seemed to be wiped away when you felt his hand go to your waistband of your sweatpants. Your legs tensed up for a moment and your stomach churned, looking around at your friends to see if they noticed. They hadn't, all of them were focused on the movie, since it was getting to the good part. That was a good thing, considering if any of them found out about this ( particularly Richie ) you two would not hear the end of it. 

His hand slipped under the waistband and stilled for a moment, almost as if he was asking permission. You grabbed it and squeezed it, signaling that you were okay with it. And with that, he proceeded up go under your underwear lining. You breathed in sharply, causing Ben to look your way.

“Popcorn kernel,” you whispered his way. He nodded and turned his attention to the movie once again. From the corner of your eye you could see Bill laugh a little bit. Glad to see he was enjoying this. You tried to keep your face from reacting when his middle finger entered you. 

But it felt really fucking good.

He stayed with one finger for a while, pushing in and out slowly, with rhythm. You turned to look at him and awkwardly held up a peace sign, signaling that you wanted another finger. Bill happily obliged, slipping another finger into you. That was enough to start changing the pace of your breathing, your focus at the bowl of popcorn on your legs. The movie was playing in the background but you couldn’t even think about it. Instead, you were thinking about the earliest you could fuck the shit out of Bill.

Which was now. You couldn’t take it anymore. You had to feel him inside of you, all of him. The want and desire was enough for you to quickly grab his hand, stand up and say, “We’re going to go make some more popcorn.” The Losers nodded, their eyes still fixated on the film. You pulled Bill by the hand into his family’s kitchen, not wasting a second of the limited time you two had before one of them would get suspicious.

His lips caught yours first, his body pushing you up to the top of the island counter. You obliged, scooting so that your butt was seated on the edge of the island, your legs wrapping around his torso. There wasn't an open space between you two as you kissed, the air in the room got hotter and hotter. It was the thrill of you two doing this in his kitchen, but also the thrill that someone would come in and witness the very unholy thing that was going down.

Bill pulled away from your lips, his kisses instead going on your cheek and along your jaw. They got up to your ear and he whispered, “I want to see how many times you can cum.” It sent shivers down your spine. You two probably only had about ten minutes or so before someone got suspicious and would investigate. The thought made a pool begin in your panties.

His hand went back to where it had previously been prior to the kitchen, two fingers reentering you. You moaned into his shoulder, the soft cotton proving to be quite helpful in muffling your moans. But that didn’t seem to be enough for Bill, he was not looking to be caught early. So his hand came up to your throat, squeezing a little bit. Instead of pain, you felt pleasure. Bill had complete control over you and you loved every second of it.

The first orgasm came soon after that, your moans being stifled by his hand and his shirt. You thought that he would stop so he could have some action of his own, but he didn't. Instead his fingers kept going in and out at an even faster rate. It felt good to ride out your high, but now you were so sensitive to his touch.

“Bill, I’m still pretty sensitive,” you choked out against his shoulder. He just nodded his head and kept going. The dominance he was showing was unlike everything before, and you hated to admit that it was turning you on so much.

His lips attached themselves to your neck, his teeth almost expertly biting in just the right spots to get you closer and closer. You counted all the spots that he reached, but lost count in your second orgasm after seven. You’d have to do a lot of damage control with makeup the next day.

Both of Bill’s hands left your body, and for a moment you thought that he was leaving. You opened your eyes and reached out to him, putting your hands on his shoulders. He wasn’t leaving, he was just taking off his belt and unzipping his pants, quickly getting himself out of his boxers.

It didn’t take long for him to enter you, his pace slow as you adjusted to his length. Despite your past two orgasms, you still felt yourself moaning in pleasure from his actions. His hand went back to your neck, repeating the same squeezing motion every time he would thrust into you. You looked past his shoulder at the clock on the wall, seeing that about eight minutes had passed. You were praying that your friends didn’t find you in this position. 

“Bill,” you breathed out quietly, feeling the same fire in your stomach grow with each thrust. “I think I’m going to-” Your words were cut off by your third orgasm, hitting you like a tidal wave. He kept thrusting into you faster and faster, then finally reached his own peak, his thrusts becoming sloppier as you both rode it down. 

He kissed your forehead, pulling out of you and getting a rag to clean up the mess you two had made. Once you two were moderately clean enough, he redressed and helped you off of the kitchen counter. You semi felt bad, considering you have helped Mrs. Denbrough prepare dinner on this counter many times before and done homework with Bill here too. 

“I would just try not to think about it too much,” Bill said, obviously thinking the same thing that you were. Both of you laughed and hugged, your breathing coming to a safe pace again. 

When you two walked back into the living room, the movie was showing it’s credits. Both of you tried to seem as normal as possible, but it was inevitable that someone would ask something.

“You two said you were going to get popcorn, where is it?” Eddie asked, his eyebrow raising. 

“Yeah, we also didn’t hear the microwave on in there,” Richie added, a smirk plastering his face.

A blush creeped onto Bill’s cheeks and soon your own, realizing that you hadn’t been that quiet and discreet as you two thought. 

[travellers-survivor-old-west]

Episode 4: “Just gotta try to wiggle myself in some where”- Austin

I kinda wish our tribe would lose just so I could see where the lines are tbh. Also I have a bad feeling that at a swap/merge our tribe is gonna be picked off because we’re going in with the most numbers and on a base level that’s dangerous; however, I do think it could be deeper than that because of the preconceived relationships and I’m looking forward to seeing who goes home tonight and where we go from here.

This round was a little wild for me. Austin has been my fave since the beginning and we finally created an alliance. We both liked eve so that was easy but we wanted one more person. This is where things got a little complicated. Him and eve both liked isaac but honestly i wasnt feeling isaac and love pat. But i didnt want to push too hard so we just went ahead with isaac. 

BUT we also talked to pat and will have ANOTHER alliance with him (so austin, pat and me). SO basically im working with everyone right now except keaton. Im glad our tribe has been killing it because that means no TC wooo 

We tribe swapped so that is fun. It's always interesting to have a switch up. I have still yet to be screwed by a tribe swap in my entire history of playing ORGs which is something I am happy with. This is one of the best iterations of a tribe I can think of actually. I can forge a closer bond with Xander and Dylan, because now if we lose I won't need to vote one of them out, they become my core 3. So, right after the swap I made an OG Malakoff chat with myself, Xander, and Dylan. I just wanted the immediacy to show that I was serious in wanting to stick to that, which I am. I have communicated several times that I want to work with Isaac, so ideally Austin will go in the event that we lose. I feel bad because he is a sweetheart, but he doesn't fit into my strategy, and if anyone understands game being game, he does.

I love my new tribe??? Not only is nick still here so that gives me a safety net, the sammy I like is here. Pat is here. No idea who eve is but that’s okay too. I’m loving this. Inb4 I get voted out next Bc they actually really fucking hate me :^). Byebye payton it was nice kinda knowing you? Hello ~hopefully~ friends <3

I forgot Austin has a date with Mary Jane daily so Im gonna have to cut him some slack.

Tribe swap....just what I didn't want to happen . I dont ha e my #1 ashley with me but at least I got issac here. Jared is on my tribe now too so that could go either way for me because he knows how I play the game. Gonna have to pull something out if my ass here .

This is for Alyssa you dumb ugly fat white bitch why you keep asking me for a confessional with trifling dirty white racist ass big fat bitch x Anyways. Made an alliance with Pat and Sammy! V excited to work with them but we’re snapping in immunity so, I don’t see why we would need to vote off Vi.... I mean someone at tribal! Hehe

Well....we got our last handed to us. I'm not happy going to tribal bc I feel I'll be the one going. I talk with jared and issac the most but I feel jared will stick with xander and dylan. Just gotta try to wiggle myself in some where.

I have been busy the past couple of days so this challenge being a endurance/speed comp was a struggle. And it looks like my team didn't do much. To help... It's fine we can get out one of these other two dead weights. Speaking of them. Im glad the swap merged me with two allies but the other two just suck to talk to... And that's coming from me .. Jess knows what I'm talking about. Anyways I don't want them here and want them gone. As for my allies. I like Jared a lot we are getting along and enjoying ourselves. He's definitely the one I trust most in this game and hopefully it gets me to merge where I can start phase 2 and hopefully get far. Dylan is fine .. he's offline a lot but he's from old tribe so like it helps. 

Just finished the challenge, OH MY GOD i suck at trivia but thankfully sammy snapped and we won, thank u sammy love u so much!!! Still dont believe he is straight tho x IM JOKING PLS DONT KILL MEDFHNSJFDH

I hate confessions. That’s my confession for the round... jkjk. Eh there isn’t much to talk about now that it’s tribal time. I hope whoever from our og tribe stays safe but I forgot who is there so oops. Sammy killed it. I still call bs on the centipede question but oh well. It wouldn’t have changed the result. It would have just made the gap close by 1. 

LOVE MY NEW TRIBE. So happy we swapped. I’m with actual love of my life ASHLEY!!! And Chloe is amazing too. Aidan popped off in the challenge. Keaton is Keaton. This is a good group and I’m glad they did rlly well in the challenge. I love this kind of thing but I wasn’t able to constantly be on my phone all weekend bc that’s rude :( so I’m glad it worked out. Hoping the tribe swap works out in our favor and Xander jared and Dylan stay together for the vote. Idk if Isaac and jared are friends??? I hope Isaac leaves because he knows I’m a ‘threat’ in games and because I think Ashley yelled at him once. Idk who Austin is but Ashley likes him. But idk how likely that is if Isaac and jared have a connection. As long as jared stays safe ifgaf who leaves.

Yowza. We got absolutely wrecked in the challlenge. I don't WANT to lose any challenges, but I believe in the long run I should be happy to take this L. As another way to show my loyalty, I decided to give my idol progress in the chat with Xander and Dylan. I noticed Dylan never reciprocated so that gives me 1 reason to be wary. Then, Dylan posted a very inappropriate joke in the tribe chat in reference to Survivor Thailand, and the word "rape" was used, so that was the 2nd thing to make me uneasy. At first, Dylan and Xander had no opinion on who to vote, so I voiced that I would like to vote Austin- then Dylan remembered who Isaac is and said "he can go." I eventually got things back on track to target Austin, but Dylan better be careful- it's 3 strikes and you're out with me. I have a good relationship with Isaac so I wouldn't be surprised to see Dylan go if we lose again.

Day 9 on the survivor tribe. My thoughts are about toes and only toes. They are consuming my entire day. I exist merely to think of toes. 

Also Chloe...

Okay so I’m just gonna throw down some of my thoughts right now since I’ve been very quiet in confessionals. I fucking hate these small ass fucking tribes. It makes the thought of going to tribal terrifying because your odds of going home are increased. Since the swap ive actually really been enjoying my time, I really like my new tribe and I feel I can actually connect with these people better than on my first tribe. I am glad to actually have Aidan with me because he’s like THE person I want to work with from my og tribe, along with Vi. I still have my reservations on Nick even though I think he’s nice I can’t trust him as far as I could throw him. I really feel that the trivia challenge brought us closer together as a tribe since what’s a better bonding experience than yelling at Jess that she’s wrong 50 times in one day. I think we’re all collectively quite strong and I really hope that means we can slide past for a while without going to tribal. 

Honestly i always forget what i confess from last time but i still think I’m in a good position in the game. However I really do not want to go to tribal because I don’t want to show my cards. Eve and Pat both want me to work with them so we have an alliance and then Vi and Nick approached me and want to work with me as well. This was completely surprising to me bc I felt as if I would just be an easy vote out if we were to go to tribal since I’m a lone wolf. However I’m in the middle and I feel somewhat powerful knowing that people want to keep me and want to work with me. Me and nick have had a rocky relationship in past games but i think he’s a great person. He’s just a wildcard. I love vi and i think she’s the sweetest person to have ever existed but my gut is telling me to work with pat and Eve atleast for the first vote. Hopefully I don’t have to make the decision but who knows. That’s all I have for now other than I think the idol system isn’t anything I keep getting zapped. I feel like a fly in a southern home...ZAP.

I couldn’t remember the day so I put 69. I hate this tribe with my whole heart and my whole bussy. Jared is the only one giving me any sort of shot at making it passed this round. Austin is a slime ball who will do anything to save his own skin, Xander is dead apparently, and Dylan has been tracking down places where famous people died. I feel like this is my own personal hell and while I’ve been assured that Austin is going home (which I wouldn’t be surprised was a lie) I still have to make a swap or a merge and with the clowns on this tribe being inactive and never talking about anything but Star Wars or not talking at all I don’t know how possible it is to win a goddamn challenge. 

*insert Da'vonne pretends to be shoocked gif at a swap* Since it didn't happen at 16 I wasn't surprised too see it at 15 but I'm glad because three tribes provides for much more buffer. My initial reaction to my tribe was positive as I saw that I had Chloe and three new people in the mix. I'm not gonna lie that I was getting bored on my old tribe but I do hope that Nick is doing alright. He's one ally that I'd love to connect with again... Vi is alright too but I don't know how strong of a connection we fostered. First impressions of my new tribemates: Keaton - I heard he was fucking with my friend in another game so my guard was up but I tried and he seems aloof and random with his contributions but it makes sense since he's playing 4 games at once. Will probably work off of the others who contribute in challenges? We'll see. Ashley - Sweet and seems like a hard worker. Not too much of a read on her yet Owen - He seems nice and genuine but not much of a read from a game perspective yet. It seems the split is 2-2-1 on my tribe from previous tribes but I don't know how strict to tribal lines people are going to play but I can feel some aloofness with Keaton and Ashley is traveling so... that's that on that. If we were going to tribal I have no idea what the fuck would happen but I want to strengthen connections. Honestly I think we can make it to the merge without hitting an elimination but who knows. THANKFULLLLLLLY my ass had a lucky night on the railroads and jumped to spot number fifty and apparently found a STEAL A VOTE. This is what I DESERVE. Thank you Old West Gods for blessing me, the star, with this iconic power. I'm glad I have it in my back pocket and I'm not telling a fucking soul. If it needs to be used, it will be flaunted and I will pop shit. Hopefully I can save it for after merge but if I need to control a pre-merge vote just to get my way, I'm going to do it. 

https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-ep-2

[deardudley]

dream come true (sirius x reader); 1/3

you & sirius go to hogsmeade together bc remus is a mess and james/peter are just. really sleepy. sirius ends up being a total nerd, and a sap for a bit. it’s cute. stuff gets awkward. the usual.

Word Count: 4775

Genre: fluff

Warnings: cussing, sirius black being a total and utter nerd, talking about drowning people in hot chocolate?

A/N: honestly this is just me living out my deepest sirius black fantasies but for the entire internet to have access to so yes please enjoy the first installment of this super lame fluff. i didnt even proofread this so its probably trash but im trying to avoid doing my summer homework so here y’all go anyways.

Your nickname: submit What is this?

The first Hogsmeade visit of the year was always a cause for celebration at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Even first and second year students felt the excitement fluttering through the school, and for good reason; they’d get the common rooms to themselves for the majority of the day and likely would spend it huddled in front of the fireplace, playing games of Exploding Snap and Wizard’s Chess. And of course, the older students would be able to splurge on Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, Chocolate Cauldrons, and Dr. Filibuster’s Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks.

Much to your happiness, said Hogsmeade weekend was soon approaching. You were running low on ink and some other basic supplies — Marlene’s cat had a habit of getting into your bag and chewing on your quills.

Every year, Hogsmeade visits tended to be both the most hectic and the most enjoyable days you spent with your best friends. It was always the five of you: yourself, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. Even though the boys had the tendency to be massive idiots and always got you in an endless amount of trouble, they were your best friends. You did almost everything together, from attending classes to causing mischief across the castle (much to the chagrin of the general Hogwarts population). But that’s why Hogsmeade visits were your favourite. It was you and your mates, goofing off and spending an unnecessary amount of money on sweets and Zonko’s products.

On the long-anticipated morning of the visit, you woke up to the sound of Lily and Alice chatting and changing out of their pajamas. It was 7:00 AM, and you got dressed as quickly as you could while joining their conversation about Flitwick’s weekend homework. You elected to wear a simple ensemble of hiking boots, jeans, and a Gryffindor Quidditch shirt (a Christmas present from James you’d received a year prior). Before leaving, you stopped for your daily obligatory petting of Marlene’s cat.

With almost childish energy, you bounded down the dormitory staircase. The Common Room was empty — breakfast didn’t start for another 15 minutes — and the fireplace crackled in the background. You briskly made your way up the boys dormitory stairs and arrived at the door in record time. Your smile had already been wide in anticipation, but it widened even more when you knocked and heard the groggy call of “Come in!”

You opened the wooden door with renewed gusto. All four boys were still snug, wrapped under the heavy sheets, and Remus and Peter still seemed to be asleep. Their chests rose and fell with their heavy breaths, and Peter was snoring. Sirius, on the other hand, was staring at the ceiling with his eyes open, and James’ head was turned towards you.

Remus had already decided that he wasn’t planning on going to Hogsmeade. The latest full moon had taken its toll on him, and he was still recovering from the combination of his transformation and loads of homework. The stress was quite visibly apparent, too. He was jumpy, falling asleep in class, and the bags under his eyes were pronounced like never before.

He planned on spending the day catching up on schoolwork and getting some well-deserved sleep. You didn’t blame him, either — running around as Animagi during the full moon was exhausting for you and the boys. You could only imagine how difficult it was for Remus.

The rest of you had all offered to stay behind and spend the day with him, but he declined. Thoughtful as ever, Remus had reasoned that he didn’t want to ruin your day. Though, you had all rebutted saying that you’d prefer to make sure he was healthy, rather than meander around the grounds in the cold of November.

Though James had already been looking at you, Sirius turned to face you as well, and they both grinned.

“Hey, (Y/N/N),” James said through a yawn. “What’s up?”

“Not you guys, that’s for sure,” you replied, earning you a chuckle from Sirius and a glare from James. You crossed your arms over your chest and continued, “Why are none of you out of bed?”

“Peter and I are staying behind with Remus. We shall be personally catering to his every need,” James spoke with a wiggle of his eyebrows. You felt a strong urge to hit him with a pillow.

“In other words, they’re going on kitchen and library runs,” Sirius joked. This earned him a halfhearted glare and a middle finger from James. “We can still go to Hogsmeade if you’d like, (Y/N/N), but it would just be us…?”

You could tell that James was hiding a smirk, and he sent you a knowing look with his hazel eyes.

The boys had been your best friends since you’d met them on the Hogwarts Express in your first year  — but if there was one thing that you wished they didn’t know about… it would be your gigantic and embarrassing crush on Sirius Orion Black. They had only found out because of a game of veritaserum-induced Truth or Dare. You’d played when Sirius was serving a detention for McGonagall, luckily. You’d made them swear not to tell, but that didn’t stop the relentless teasing you’d endured for the greater part of two years. They kept their word and never told the black-haired idiot, but they still made fun of you whenever possible.

“I’m sure our lovely (Y/N/N) would love to go,” James replied for you, not missing a beat.

You made a mental note to proceed and hit James with a pillow whenever possible.

“Yeah, sounds fun,” you chirped. “As long as we go to Honeydukes first, and we buy some stuff for Remus while we’re there.”

“But of course, m’lady,” Sirius joked with a thumb’s up directed towards you. “Allow me to get ready and we can be on our merry way!”

He flipped his covers off and stood whilst rubbing his eyes in tiredness. Lazy as always, he took his wand from his nightstand and flicked it at his trunk seated at the foot of his bed. It flipped open and Sirius went over, picked out a jumper and jeans, and went for the bathroom.

As soon as he closed the door, you stomped to his bed and took one of his pillows. You then turned around and whacked James with it. Hard.

“Ow!”

“Serves you right, you wanker.”

You moved to have a seat on Sirius’ bed, bringing the pillow back with you and setting it in its rightful spot.

With a sigh, you pulled your wand from your back pocket and twirled it between your fingers. It was a nervous habit you’d picked up from your parents several years ago. James turned to the other side (likely to try and fall back asleep) and you continued with your fidgeting and tiny sighs.

Sirius soon left from the bathroom, eyes bright and hair disheveled in a somewhat pretentious manner. Your heart practically skipped a beat at the way he smiled at you. God, that smile was just infectious — you were certain that the boy would never have to learn a defensive spell. He would only have to smile at someone and they’d be disarmed from the sheer beauty. Bloody hell.

He walked to his trunk again and pulled a pair of socks and his trainers. Soon enough, he was adorning his signature black shoes and socks. He looked back at you after pulling them on, but he frowned at you instead of flashing you his normal grin.

“Something wrong?” You asked, tilting your head to the side and scrunching your eyebrows. The boy seemed to be lost in thought, his eyes raking up and down your figure in a way that made your (already uneasy) stomach churn.

“Well, love,” Sirius said while crossing his arms over his chest, “it is the middle of November, after all. Don’t you think that shirt is a little thin? We don’t want you getting sick.”

You frowned, looking down at yourself. The material of the shirt was quite flimsy, and the sleeves were rather short… Perhaps he was right.

“Maybe,” you acquiesced with a pout. “But I don’t want to go all the way back to my dorm and change…”

The laziness was overwhelming.

Your declaration had Sirius rolling his eyes in a dramatic, Sirius-like fashion. He grumbled something under his breath and opened his trunk again, rummaging through it until he had found what he was looking for.

Before you had time to react, he threw something at you and it smacked you right across the face, then fell into your lap.

You gave Sirius a malice-filled glare, to which he replied with a sheepish grin and a thumb’s up. When you looked at the object in your lap, though, all anger disappeared immediately.

It was a jumper.

If you wanted to borrow a jumper from someone, Remus was always the first to offer. He had taken up a habit of keeping an extra one in his bag during winter for you, and they were quite possibly the warmest, fluffiest jumpers ever . They also smelled of him — of chocolate, old books, and the cologne you’d bought for him as a birthday present in your third year (he had begun regularly buying it ever since). While sometimes Peter and James lent you some as well, Sirius never seemed to wear them.

Seeing him in one was rather new, but the fact that he had at least two… bloody hell, it was time you started borrowing his instead.

“You’re lazy, but you should be glad I’m such a good friend!” Sirius declared. You grabbed the pillow from next to you and threw it at him in response.

“Hey!”

“Wankers. The whole lot of you are ruddy wankers, honestly.”

Sirius pouted in response, but then ushered you into the bathroom to change.

Not long afterwards, you stepped out of the room with your Quidditch shirt in hand, Sirius’ jumper now in its place. The wool was soft against your skin, and you were very pleased to notice it smelled of him: a strange but comforting concoction of vanilla, sandalwood, and myrrh.

“Lovely!” he said as soon as you’d emerged from the bathroom. You could’ve sworn his cheeks had tinged pink, but you assumed it was just your imagination.

He took the Quidditch shirt and tossed it onto his bed so that you could grab it upon your return.

“Bye, Prongs,” you spoke in unison. James grunted in response as you headed for the door. You left the 3 sleeping boys alone in their dorm.

“Bloody hell, Sirius, let go of my arm!”

Breakfast had been uneventful; Sirius had shamelessly flirted with Marlene, much to your disappointment, but Marlene had fired back with her trademark sarcasm and snark. Lily had gotten into an argument with Dorcas over whether a half-mangled Cornish pixie or James Potter was more attractive (they unanimously decided the Cornish pixie won). You made fun of Sirius for grabbing a glass of pumpkin juice while ranting about how disgusting pumpkin juice was. So, all in all, a regular day at the Gryffindor table.

You all stayed at the table for a while longer, and only left once students from the other tables started filtering out of the hall.

Excitement renewed, you all but grabbed Sirius’ arm and dragged him out of the Hall. He had laughed and tried to keep up with your rapid maneuvers through the corridor. Though he’d never admit it, you saw him stumble a few times over his own feet.

“Merlin, (Y/N/N),” he whined as soon as the village was within your field of vision. You’d returned to a walking pace, and Sirius was just slightly out of breath. Slightly. You let go of his arm before you stopped talking, a tinge of embarrassment settling in your brain like the fresh, crisp snow that had begun to coat the grounds of the castle.

“You could at least warn me before you take off like a bloody startled hippogriff!”

“But that’s boring,” you complained in response. Sirius nudged you with his elbow but said nothing back.

However, as soon as you saw Zonko’s in the distance with a few third year students already gathering near the entrance of the esteemed joke shop, you knew you were in deep, deep trouble.

Sirius turned to face you with a wicked grin, the excitement obvious on his boyish face.

Without another word, he grabbed your arm the same way you’d grabbed his back in the Great Hall and starting dragging you towards the shop, running even faster than you’d been running earlier.

You screeched in a combination of fear, surprise, and irritation. Of course, you made a note to smack him with a pillow as soon as you could.

“What in the name of Merlin’s beard happened to warning people!?” you barked at him. You could barely even able to keep up with his ridiculous pace.

“What’s the fun in that?” he yelled back over his shoulder, eyes bright and grin wide.

“Bloody hell, Sirius, let go of my arm!” You scolded the boy, but that seemed to only spur him on, if anything. He ran a smidge faster and it took all your willpower to not stop him in his tracks and hit him in the arm. Hard.

Soon enough, you’d reached the store, and your idiot of a crush best friend slowed to a stop with a chuckle and a gentle squeeze of your arm. He let go of you, and you took the opportunity to kick him in the leg and scowl.

“You, Sirius Black, are a wanker,” you deadpanned, opening the door and walking in without another word. Of course, you weren’t actually angry with the boy, but you had to at least give him the impression that you wouldn’t forgive him immediately… right?

You went straight for the explosives aisle, as you knew James would want some more of his beloved fireworks. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed that Sirius was trailing behind you with a pout. You just rolled your eyes and kept walking.

As you meandered through the store, he kept following you, not even looking at the various products on the shelves. You’d bought fireworks and a variety of other explosives, Sugar Quills, Hiccough Sweets, Frog Spawn Soap, and other items you and the boys used for pranks. Sirius hadn’t picked any of them up. Instead, he resigned to following you around with a small frown on his lips.

When you stepped up to the cashier with your basket of items, you were surprised when Sirius stepped forward and wordlessly paid for your items before you had a chance to even reach for your coin purse. He took the bagged items when the cashier was done, holding them in his calloused hands.

A little stunned, you exited the shop and stopped walking about 15 steps from the door. Sirius walked into your back on accident, and you stifled a giggle.

You turned to face the downtrodden boy with an eyebrow raised.

“Sirius, why are you following me like a lost puppy?”

His pout deepened and he brought a hand up, scratching the back of his neck and diverting his eyes.

“Did… did I make you angry, love?”

Your heart almost broke at his meek question.

With a smile, you shuffled forwards, resting your head on his chest. He set down the bags and his arms tentatively came up and wrapped around your waist.

“Oh, you bloody idiot,” you sighed. “I could never be angry at you, Sirius. I just like pretending to be angry with you. It’s a lot of fun.”

He pinched your side, and you shrieked and jumped away, swatting at his arm.

“Oh, bloody hell!”

He snickered and picked up his bags, back to his usual self.

You gave him time to pick the bags back up, then dragged him off towards Honeydukes.

“Oh, bloody hell, there is no way James is prettier than a Cornish pixie!”

“Half-mangled Cornish pixie, (Y/N/N).”

“Yeah, but he isn’t prettier than a regular Cornish pixie, either.”

You sat with Sirius in The Three Broomsticks. Your several bags of sweets, pranks, and stationery were under the table of your booth, and you sipped on butterbeer in the midst of your conversation. Out of boredom, you’d restarted Lily and Dorcas’ debate from breakfast; Sirius had taken Dorcas’ original side, and you were on Lily’s.

“They’re… they’re just short blue house-elves with wings!” Sirius declared, gesturing wildly to demonstrate his point

“House elves are cute, though,” you rebutted. “Like, with their cute ears and everything… Every girl loves house-elves, Sirius. Not all girls love James. Therefore, house-elves are objectively better.”

“But we’re arguing about pixies, love, not house-elves!”

“You’re the one who said they were practically the same!”

“I said no such thing! I said that they look the same. Cornish pixies are bringers of evil and they’re just full of bloody spite, (Y/N/N). House-elves are nice! They make hot chocolate! Cornish pixies drown people in hot chocolate!”

“Are you claiming that Cornish pixies are drowning people in hot cocoa, Sirius?”

“Well, I mean — it’s not like they’re doing that now, but if they had enough hot chocolate, they’d definitely be drowning people in it.”

“Where in the bloody hell are they even going to get the hot chocolate? This plan is downright awful, Sirius.”

“This is all hypothetical! If they could drown people in hot chocolate, then they would! They’re evil, ugly little buggers.”

“Then why aren’t they just going to the house-elves and asking for a bunch of hot chocolate? Then they could drown people in it.”

“That’s an idiotic plan, (Y/N/N).”

“You’re the one who suggested pixies drowning people in hot chocolate, Sirius. I’m just explaining the logistics. I’m not sure why you want to drown people in hot chocolate, though. That’s rather sadistic, you know.”

“I’m not going to drown people in hot chocolate, love.”

“I never said you were going to. I said you want to.”

“I don’t want to!”

“Then why’d you suggest it?”

“I didn’t! I just said that pixies would do it, not me! I’m not a pixie!”

“Oh, you’re not? Huh. Could’ve fooled me.”

“Really?”

“Well, you say that James is prettier than a pixie… that means you’re probably a pixie or something, yeah?”

Sirius glared at you for a brief moment with a scowl.

You both dissolved into a fit of giggles not even ten seconds later. Your butterbeer sat forgotten on the table.

You’d returned to the castle not long after your ‘debate’, still giggling and joking about the logistics of drowning people in hot chocolate. It earned you several judging stares in the corridors, but you were both too involved in the conversation to really care. Or notice.

Upon returning to the Gryffindor Common Room, you agreed to go up and visit Remus, James, and Peter in their dorm. Sirius carried half of your bags and you carried the rest, lugging them up the stairs to the dormitory they all shared.

Sirius opened the door, stepping inside with a smile.

He greeted them with a pleasant “Hello, lads~!”

“Hey, Pads,” Remus greeted with his groggy voice, smile weak but genuine. His eyes were a lovely and deep shade of brown, and able to comfort you as soon as you looked in them. They had an immense calming effect unique to none other than Remus John Lupin.

“Hello there, boys,” you said, following Sirius into the room. “Remus, are you feeling better? Did you get enough sleep?”

“Yeah, (Y/N/N), I’m okay,” he chuckled. “I took a nap for a while and got all of my homework done. You don’t have to worry about me, y’know.”

You frowned at Remus, and he raised an eyebrow at you in response.

“Of course I have to worry about you, Rem. You’re my friend, after all.”

You didn’t give him time to argue — instead, you trudged to Sirius’ bed, dropped your bags at the foot, and flopped down onto his mattress. You buried your face into the covers with a muffled sigh. Sirius, unbeknownst to you, froze in his place for a moment. His face turned a soft shade of pink as he stared at your exhausted form sprawled out on his bed, but he soon shook his head out of his short trance and made his way to the bed after you.

“Comfortable?” He joked, placing the bags he held next to the ones you’d set down already.

You grunted in response.

Careful not to disturb you, Sirius snuck his way onto the bed as well, leaning against the headboard and pillows.

He nudged you with his foot and raised an eyebrow.

“You can move closer to me, love. I won’t bite you. Probably.”

Even though he couldn’t see you, you rolled your eyes and scooched closer to him. Your head found a place in his lap, and his hand — as if on impulse — moved to play with your hair.

At first, you tried to fight off the overwhelming desire to sleep, but when Sirius murmured “I know you’re tired, (Y/N/N). Take a nap,” you couldn’t help yourself, and you let the sleep cradle you away.

Sirius had let you sleep on his lap for about two hours, and you’d only moved because you woke up (just in time for dinner, much to your happiness). The entire way to the Great Hall, you scolded him for allowing you to just sleep for two hours straight. James, Peter, and Remus followed close behind, inevitably making fun of your insignificant argument.

You trailed off in the middle of your sentence when you pushed open the doors to the Great Hall. After all, who wouldn’t rather eat than carry on a meaningless conversation?

You all found your usual seats near the girls from your dorm, and Sirius almost immediately resumed his teasing flirting with Marlene. The rest of you were used to this, and you began interrogating Remus on what he’d done that day, and making sure James and Peter weren’t being total doofuses like you had expected them to be. Remus assured you that he’d completed all of his classwork and slept for a few hours — not to mention that James and Peter managed to find a book he’d asked for with only a minor setback.

You turned to ask Sirius a question, but you didn’t even get a syllable out when he let out his loud bark of a laugh at something Marlene had said. Biting your lip, you looked back at James (of whom was sitting across from you) and ignored the sympathetic look he and Peter had given you.

Lily was seated next to James (much to her disappointment, it was the only seat left when she’d entered the hall after you guys), and she noticed the looks you all exchanged. She sent you a concerned look, but you just shrugged and hoped that she wasn’t suspicious of anything.

Next thing you knew, she leaned in to Marlene and whispered something to her while Sirius was talking. You watched as Marlene looked at you with wide eyes, and an uneasy feeling settled deep in your gut.

She looked back to Sirius, giggled at something he said, and bid you all adieu. All of you watched as she got up and moved down the table to sit near a boy in your year. You couldn’t quite remember his name, but he was in the same Ancient Runes class as both you and Remus, and he always sat a few tables away from the two of you.

Sirius frowned at her sudden disappearance but turned to face the rest of you anyways, joining you in making sure Remus was okay.

You didn’t know if you were thankful or upset towards Lily.

Dinner ended soon, and you all retreated back to the Common Room. The seats regularly shared between the five of you were unoccupied when you arrived, so you all huddled around the fireplace on your usual 3-seater couch and a loveseat.  Embarrassment creeped up your neck like a spider when you realized you were still wearing Sirius’ fluffy jumper.

Your conversation was casual and uncharacteristically quiet. Either way, you were all exhausted; Remus was still tired from the full moon, James and Peter had been running around all day, and you and Sirius spent hours of your day in Hogsmeade. You were about ready to fall asleep right on Remus’ shoulder.

“Hey, (Y/N/N),” he murmured to you, shaking you awake. “James and Peter went upstairs, and I’m about ready to head to bed too. You should probably go up and get some sleep, kiddo.”

You smiled, weak, and sat up with a groan. You stopped to rub your eyes before you stood, and Remus followed suit.

“Night, Rem,” you said in the midst of a yawn. He gave you your usual hug goodnight, and you smiled into the fabric of his jumper.

“Goodnight, (Y/N/N).”

He left you standing there. Sirius was still on the couch and seemed to be lost in thought as he stared at the fireplace.

You shuffled over, poked him in the shoulder, let out a loud yawn.

“Sirius? Pads, you okay?”

He jumped, eyes wide, and stared at you for a second before relaxing.

“O-oh, yeah. Sorry, love, I was just thinking.”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” you joked. He just laughed at your joke, smiling when you extended your hand out to help him up. His calloused fingers laced around your smaller ones, and he stood; the thing that made your stomach churn, though, was that he didn’t let go. As you walked towards the two dormitory staircases, he held on. His grip was loose but it made your heart pump out of your chest.

When you reached the point where you went your separate ways, you let go at the same time, and turned to face each other. His face was again tinged pink, but you assumed it was just from the red decorations littering the room that made everything seem a bit redder. It was a stretch, and you recognized that fact, but there wasn’t any good reason for him to blush. He could probably date any girl in Hogwarts if he wanted to, and you were just a friend he made on the Hogwarts Express on his first day of school.

“I had fun today, y’know,” you said, smiling notwithstanding your tiredness. “Even though you’re a right moron, it was fun.”

“Good!” Sirius said. You could hear the exhaustion in his voice.

He stepped forward to hug you, his arms finding their natural place around your waist with a quiet sigh. Your forehead settled on his chest, near his shoulder, and your arms came up to wrap around his neck. When his chin settled on the top of your head, you had to hold back a laugh.

“G’night, (Y/N/N),” he mumbled, and you smiled.

“Night, Pads.”

The next moment, almost in the blink of an eye, turned into a moment you knew you’d regret. As soon as you carried out the seemingly insignificant action, the remorse crashed over you like a wave; you felt it in your bones before you fully even thought it through. Oh, you’d regret it for sure. For days. Weeks. Months.

You said the words.

You said “I love you.”

Even if the boys would always and forever be your best friends, that was one thing you’d never said. It was a sort of line — a boundary none of you had ever thought to cross because you were friends, and considering how bloody close you all were, it didn’t need to be said. You reserved it. Had the three-word phrase tucked away for any potential relationship you might find yourself in. Hell, you didn’t even think you meant it in a romantic way when you said it; it was just a small schoolgirl crush, after all! You didn’t love Sirius Black any more than Peter did, James did, Remus did. You just had a little… extra set of feelings for him. But your idiotic ass said it anyways.

You could feel his stare on you like lasers on the back of your neck. You mumbled something incoherent and turned away, walking up the dormitory staircase without another word.

[tayegi]

wo w ee i am so excited to see where u take equilibrium! tbh i really like how u r writing jungkook (not in the obsessive relationship sense but like) because it feels like u r really giving us an insight to his mind and how complex of a character he is and like what drives him.. idk if that makes sense lol but i really enjoy the entire story and cant wait to see how it develops !!

Here are the rest of my equilibrium asks under the cut! I am so truly sorry that I just simply do not have the time to answer the rest of them (besides wouldnt you guys rather have me expending my energy on writing ch 12? ;)), but be assured that i have read each and every one of these messages multiple times over and appreciated them all

bonyg said:Equilibrium is really giving me mixed feelings, it's so complicated that I don't know if I want oc with Jungkook or Jimin. It's just not healthy to be in this relationship :"( if I were oc I'd definitely left them both even if I'm gonna die without Jimin :'( it's getting more exciting and I can't wait to know what's gonna happen between oc and Jimin. Thank you for updating ^^

jaaneman-s said:Hi, I don't if this sounds or rude or not, but I'd like to thank you? or idk, I was born in a very manly culture? I know (on my own) how certain things that look okay in this culture but are not in equalness and respect to the woman happen but reading equilibrium has like, opened my eyes a little bit? When I read ch.11 I just sat down and spent a while thinking about everything and how different you view stuff from my point, and how this is actually right? anyway keep the great work ily ♥

Anonymous said:pls read equilibrium at my funeral🙏🏻

Anonymous said:oh oH OH is it going to be one of the cases where the boy "misinterprets" the girls basic human kindness for flirting?!!?? If so, @ the character: go to hell

Anonymous said:Well, it seems like JK (and a little Y/N) has tipped the balance and now everything is coming crumbling down. Who does JK think he is?? I can't imagine Y/N could let the weekend go by without getting close to JM, especially since he needs her. I'm just anticipating the moment when jimin realizes and everything is out in the open. I really loved this chapter! You can see how bold JK is getting knowing that Y/N will do anything he wants, just for his cooperation. Suspenseful!

Anonymous said:me rn: *prays for a joon hyung to sweep OC off her feet and abandon JK and JM* (seriously i'm such weightlifting fairy trash it hurts) (also do you know where i can find my very own joon hyung 😭😭😭😭)

Anonymous said:Reads part 11 Equilibrium -insert jungshook meme here-

Anonymous said:Don't be bothered by those ungrateful readers who thinks you're obligated to write them more than 3k words. Seriously, did they somehow get the impression that they're paying you for this? Just write at your own pace so you can produce quality stuff.

Anonymous said:Finally got around to reading Chapter 11 & if I'm the oc I'd be on a plane up outta there so quick! Set Jimin up with some soup & a blanket, & scoot skedaddle my way out of dodge. Jungkook isn't about to talk to me like that, thinking dick isn't abundant & low value. Shit... Also bless your writing, each Equilibrium update has me on pins & needles~

Anonymous said:I just like... What if Jungkook comes home unexpectedly and finds y/n and Jimin getting it on and then flies into a murderous rage, severely injures Jimin and kidnaps y/n. The second part could be Jimin feeling all guilty and trying to find her while she tries to escape

Anonymous said:Holy shit I'm convinced that Jungkook poisoned Jimin because he's going to be away for the weekend and he's paranoid and crazy as shit that the OC might do something with Jimin so he made sure he's unable to do shit with her 😵 cuz when he called to ask her where she was for his graduation, he didn't even seem all that surprised that he's sick, he just cared about where the OC was.

Anonymous said:Twist end: OC learns boxing and kicks Junglebooks ass

Anonymous said:theory: part two will be titled monogamy and Jungkook and OC will have an abusive relationship. Cause you seem pretty adamant on the idea of abuse (which is 10000% not a bad thing for obvious reason) so i feel like you are taking this story as a lesson for girl to see the warning sign. and part 3 will be about her leaving him finally and becoming single or whatever

Anonymous said:I don't want to defend the oc by saying this but in equilibrium she clearly is right now the one who is fucked up The other 2 get what they want after jk's scary possessiveness and if she wouldn't be controlled by her feelings towards jimin then maybe she would've already left She has also fault but earlier they took advantage of each other's feelings and everyone got something that they wanted but rn oc is like trapped in a cage & can't even touch jimin Idk maybe I'm the only one who thinks so

Anonymous said:I don't understand equilibrium??? Like I thought it was sweet that JK wanted her all to himself but after chap. 11 I think it's just plain creepy with his possessive obsession towards her... like WTF! I kind of want to see Jimin's side of the story like why is he in love with JK and what is with JK not giving a f**k about Jimin at all like when he was the one who initiated this relationship anyways WHUT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!

Anonymous said:I mean it Jungkook will kill them both. Like this boy has the makings of a serial killer. Why the fuck does the oc not love herself?? Why are you trying to create your happiness from the sparse attention given to you by a man??!! Why the fuck are these people so dysfunctional?? Even Jimin and Jungkook they're basing they're entire happiness on people who they know don't care!! If there's ever a lesson here its self love first before you can love someone else.

Anonymous said:Just read the new Equilibrium chapter (11) and wow JK is absolutely terrifying in there. I'm so glad there are stories out there that portray abuse the way it should be portrayed and not romanticized. I really just want the OC to get the hell out of that house and faaaaar away from this messed up relationship ): she needs to run away from him asap like forget Jimin he ain't helping you either just run while you still can girl!!!!

Anonymous said:iF JUNGKOOK GAVE JIMIN SOMETHING IM ABOUT TO GIVE HIM THE BIGGEST WHOOPING EVER

Anonymous said:Regarding Equilibrium, I reread some chapters after I was done with 11. The necklace bit in 11 makes the sex scene in 4 kinda freaky. The way Jungkook yanks on OC's chain and how he got angry when OC said that she didn't know where hers was. It's like Jungkook finds security in the couple necklaces because he associates it with OC being his and when OC doesn't wear the necklace, he feels that his possession has been taken away from him. Maybe I am thinking too much but it was such a cool detail.

Anonymous said:I have a feeling that jimin's going to witness something that's gonna break his heart bc if you look at the situation then jimin should be happy bc he gets his alone time with jk who he loves and he doesn't have to pretend to love the oc that often bc jk doesn't let her go near him and if jimin sees something that breaks his heart(jungkook&oc)then maybe he would leave both and so they would all go their own ways(?)none of them would have a reason to stay but maybe jk will become even scarier idk

Anonymous said:You should just have the OC in Equilibrium go full on Bruce Lee on JK and JM

Anonymous said:Chap 11 in Equilibrium freaked me out btw. Especially after the sex scene when OC watches Jimin sleep. You wrote "tug" so that implies that OC used her hands. So when OC finds her hands restricted by Jungkook, that honestly scared me. Also in that scene, it was interesting for OC to say that she would do anything to comfort Jimin but seemed to take back that statement when she was restricted by Jungkook. It's like OC has become more afraid of Jungkook than she is in love with Jimin.

Anonymous said:In ch11 of equilibrium it was really sad when she compared herself to a pet... like girl, you're a functioning human being, an adult that can take care of herself. You're able to get out of this cage that's been created around you. It's scary what manipulative people can do to someone but at least she knows what messed up situation she's in now and not like... being attracted(?) to the crazies JK is pushing on her

zeloandhobiaremyhubbies said:Hi there ^^ I'm a new reader, and can I just say I love your writing skills and the story line so far. With that being said, coming from a person who has a close friend in a manipulative/almost borderline abusive relationship, I can honestly say I hope the OC get out of that relationship, especially with Jungkook. There's a thin line between being jealous/slightly possessive and possessive and pretty much controlling. Ugh! I want to know what happens next, but I'm also scared to know as well.

Anonymous said:What do you mean you don't know where is the chain OC(me)?! How can I be so careless?? What if Jimin will find it, no I am sure he already did 😑 and now probably the person I precious the most hate me cuz I took his love of life... This shit (relationship) is not falling fast enough huh? Good job me, good job 😒😒

holdingbackforsnow said:I've read equilibrium 11 and somehow I have the feeling that Jimin knew. Even before Jeongguk showed how messed up he is for us readers. I feel like, that's why Jimin entered the relationship. Maybe he was worried for the OC and wanted to act as a buffer in between her and Jeongguk (including his feelings for Jeongguk) that would explain his phone call, when he was gone on business and even how he wanted the OC to go to graduation so badly. I feel like Jimin knows more than we think...

Anonymous said:As much as I anticipate every update, I hope you are taking care of yourself too! Even as an undergrad, I still get stressed & overwhelmed with my workload so I really worry about your well being since being a phd student is so much more stressful and you still give us great content. Thank you so much & I hope you can take some time for yourself as well! ik remembering to take care of yourself is the last thing on your mind with a huge workload but please please don't neglect your well being!

Anonymous said:Oh god Jungkook in Equilibrium is really a psychopath. The fact that he's so manipulative and lacks empathy for others; it's quite terrifying to think about how long he's been manipulating everyone without anyone realizing it. As a psychology major it's really interesting to read a character like this but it's scary how so many people see his behavior as okay esp since there's so many real cases of abusive relationships like this, it makes me really sad. Ty for shining light to issues like these

Anonymous said:Wow, jk has really started to go crazy-something's gonna blow up soon.love the tension you are building though. It's really appreciated the time you take to build an intricate storyline. and not to focus on negative stuff, but for real, if any misogynistic messages pops up now, then... While I think most readers (but apparantly not all) saw the possessive traits of jk in earlier chapters despite it being somewhat(but not very) subtle, this time you rly spelled it out

lastshadowmonkeys said:to stay with Jimin. Everyone's being manipulative as fuck and it can never end well in my opinion...This is so...Wow, and it all comes out of your brain and imagination, that's amazing! I'm so excited to see where this all will go and if Jungkook will just lose his shit (or any of them really, someone is bound to lose their shit) and to see where Jimin stands with oc now and wow so many questions! I'm intrigued! Amazing job, thank you so much for writing this piece of art!

lastshadowmonkeys said:after that, but woops boy was i wrong. He just turned full on psycho, and i have the impression Jimin is not even interested in her in that way and never has been. That leaves OC to be in a relationship with men who don't love her at all, in the end, which is so so sad and i just wish she'd get over her love (or is it obsession, really?) for Jimin, so she could get the hell out of that toxic situation. She's being manipulative herself, going through all that misery to somehow be able (3)

lastshadowmonkeys said:blowing my mind and i have immense respect for that. I'm not lying when i say i'm trying hard to improve my plot skills haha, since my mind tends to be too chaotic to ever get any structure in anything. I enjoy your stories so much. As for Equilibrium, shit's about to go down man and i just can't fucking wait to see what will happen. At first i was rooting for Jungkook and the oc since it seemed like he just had pent up frustrations from being misunderstood? I thought it would get better (2)

lastshadowmonkeys said:Hey Lu! Even though my asks get lost a lot of the time, it doesn't stop me from telling you how much i appreciate the fact you make time to write such wonderful, intriguing stories to make us actually think about important matters. Equilibrium has become one of my top favourite fics ever, and i just love how you can make every chapter like a little piece of a giant puzzle. You write so well, and they're actually plot goals! To imagine you're a grad student on top of all that is just (1)

got7boystobang said:I feel like (in fact; i knew it due to the fact that u hate nochu so much) the end of Equilibrium is going to be such a downfall for jk just like what happened in jjk must die and that crys drabble idk how tho but u just always have ways to kill jkook cause i bet you've millions of pictures in your head on how to😂😂😂 i love your dedication!!!!! lol

Anonymous said:Ugh, Jungkook is threatening people now? Yeah, it's time to call the cops. That's scary. I felt uneasy the whole chapter. I asked myself several times while reading, "Yo, what's wrong with this kid? And what's up with Jimin? Is he just CHOOSING not to acknowledge some of the fucked up shit that's going on around him?" And actually, homegirl is holding up a lot better in this chapter than I thought she would. Interesting. Thanks for another chapter! Looking forward to the next. :)

Anonymous said:Omg so intense!! Gosh I just don't know what to expect anymore, I'm glad there'll be alone time with Jimin but then what if Jungkook finds out, and what if-what if-gah! Can't wait to see what will unfold next, thank you once again for updating even though you're busy~

Anonymous said:WTF OC JUST FUCKING DROPKICK JUNGKOOK IN THE FACE AND GTFO!!! HOMEBOY IS CRAZY AS FUCK

[survivor-themyscira-blog]

ok so first of all i am sorry for not participating in the challenge !! i had fall break vaca and was super busy but anyways ~ hi im loving this cast so far and i am so glad that i get to play with some new faces! & also some old ones too. im just going to do a brief cast assessment rn so i can record my thoughts on everyone initially:

emily - i love her so much! she is super sweet and i think she is going to be super invested and great at this game which means she could be a potentially strong ally for me moving forward! we have chatted a lot and i really like her andreas - literally havent spoken a word to him yet so we will see .... ian - pharmaCY KING! i was able to bond with him a lot and i think that we have the potential to have a very good dynamic, but it needs to grow organically jordan pines - i have played a few games with him before and he is such an amazing ally as long as he thinks he can beat you in the end. with him i always try to play dumb and act like im bobo the fool [even tho like 50% of the time i actually am bobo the fool so it isnt a full on act] and let him think that he controls my votes so im hoping that works in my favor again lily - no comment honestly i don't care for her and would love to vote her out but idk if i am going to get a wise opportunity for that madeline - she seems super sweet and also she has a really strong personality which i like but we haven't been good about replying to eachother so far so we will see what happens moving forward, id really like to work w her and get to know her better kai - i literally love kai he is so sweet and kind and perfect and i hope we finally get the chance to work together in this game bc we have tried and failed so many times in a row so fingers crossed! rhone - rhone is so fun! i have wanted to play a game w them for the longest time bc they are so iconic and smart strategically. i have hosted and played with them before so i think i have a good insight as to how they play the game. i'd love to work with rhone moving forward toph - toph,,,,ok so coming into this game i was nervous about toph because he is such a crackedt and forward player from past experiences but in my last game i was kind of mean to him so i genuinely apologized to him bc i do feel bad bc im p sure he is much younger than me and honestly i was a little shit when i was his age so if he does decide to forgive me id love to work something out with him the bottom line is that i am down for anything with this game. i always make it my thing to work with people i have never worked with before so hopefully that can happen woo! also i feel like now im an easy vote off since i didnt participate in the challenge so hopefully i can work that to my advantage and make people think im a person who is just a number and a sheep for now. until next time!

I'm SO ready for a tribe swap.  I like my tribe mates but I'm just wondering how hard they are going to try to go in the future ughhhh

CHARLOTTE IS A MEANIE SHE PRETENDS TO LIKE ME BUT THEN SHE DOESNT GIVE ME AN ADVANTAGE AND LAUGHS AT ME

Alrighty! Im way to tired ro film anything and im watching the office so whoops not my problem! Im just kidding lol! So right now as per usual i feel like my game is going to be extremely paranoid which I learned to from my queen Emily in azore I SEE YOU QUEEN. The last time me and her played together i was way to ott and now im more calm and reserved. I feel paranoid right now as to what the hell this dang twist could be!! And i feel like im at the bottom of the totem pool here on this tribe. I’ve been chatting with everyone which is good but jordan pines scares me so much and i know we have to keep him for awhile, I really don’t know how to feel about other people right now. I like nicholas and i can actually talk to him now since ff but i think if ruthie from there tribe survivers and me and emily survive we could be a killer squad. I think jordan pines is the most scariest things on this tribe every because he is so intense and in your face if  you like it or not and its scary. I feel like there already are alliances formed and im scared as fuck by that. Im just going to keep my foot tapping and praying to the jesus that there are no majority alliances former already. Jordan pines can lead an army and that scares me so if I don’t get close with him im screwed man! Rhone dosnt really respond to me so I kinda feel like he might not like me. Lily seems cool and i really Like madelin but Tophily is here to play and float a bloody way to the end lol! Lying isn’t a strong suit of mine so im going to not lie unless im talking to the person going home. I glad we won immunity because I won’t be going anywhere and not be a first boot. My goal Right now is jury but i have to go one day at a a time and take It SLOWWW! Lol!! With this immunity challenge no one can do it so i think i will have to and im okay with that but if we lose and they start blaming me for losing im sorry I actually don’t have a life to live while you guys do! So im just gonna bite my tongue because i have a shit ton of liquids in my fridge which is a plus for us lol!! My family of 6 is now a blessing? Like what the heck!! So there's my thoughts for today and the past day. Im just going to relax watch the office and wait for my Prince Charming to come out! Lol! Whatever happens in this game. Oh fuck wait! i have some tea to spill and you will be quaking in your loafers! So i was doing the puzzle for the idol ajd Someone already found it! I was shook! And Emily is now getting an advantage while ill be snuggled up like a bug in log that’s being tugged on by a slug! That made no sense LOL! Okay now i think all my thoughts are out for now but who knows ill be screaming in my head about not saying something soon lol! And with that and my future boyfriend goodnight and farwell!

https://m.popkey.co/8a68bf/Ao9Xg_s-200x150.gif It's probably a good thing that I have the super idol. Literally no one is talking to me. I'm a little annoyed because I've done pretty much nothing wrong, except not submit for the challenge?? I guess Jack's influence that not doing a challenge is pretty strong over this tribe. Hm. Although I have this idol, there's no guarantee that I'll ever have to use it, and honestly if I go to tribal it's probably best for me that it doesn't become a priority to play it. I really don't want to play it if I don't have to, because the tribe could easily just vote me out the next chance they get. I also told Raymond about the "regular" idol hunt I did today, where he could jump off the cliff and get a number or whatever it was that I did exactly, and he was like "LETS GO ON CALL" but like... I was playing Roblox so Skype 10/10 wasn't gonna let me do a call properly. So I was like... sorry bud but just go search anyways! And he never messaged me back, so I have no clue whether he did or not. Right now, I trust Raymond a lot. I don't know how I feel about Madison or Dan. Amanda is a nice woman, I really wish I had a better relationship with her though. I don't trust Logan (and I know Logan doesn't trust me) and I don't like Jack all that much, unfortunately. I figure that someone is gonna go after me -- potentially Logan. Logan and I have a history of playing games together and while I never once wronged him (at least not by my knowledge?!) he doesn't ever want to trust me in games. There's literally no point in even bothering playing with him because he doesn't like playing with me all that much. But I know Logan would be united against players that I don't get along with, like Nicholas and Jordan Pines. Those two would be my most desired boots from the other tribe just because there's no chance I'd ever align with or trust either of them, plus Jordan has made the end of this series so many damn times already and it's maddening. My personal goal this season is to make it to 9th place. I got 11th last time but I want to break into single digits, a very rare occurrence for me. Like obviously I'm winning this season, but I wanna set some small goals just to make the journey to finals a little less treacherous. Anywho, I think this confessional is long and boring enough. I'm gonna go talk to Jack and see if anything happens. Maybe I can try to understand him a little better, lol

Sorry I've been a bit quiet so far uni took over but it's the weekend and I can catch up. The tribe seem ok, really quiet though not really what I am used to. I found the challenge hard as I didn't really have any time and there was like nothing DC around, guess the UK is a marvel fan! I'm shocked that JG had to go, I love him to bits and was looking forward to working with him but he has his reasons. Hopefully the next challenge will be better for us

Heyyyy sunshines~~~ Just a quick one. I still don't know a bunch of people on my tribe, but I got to chat a bit with Madeline and Tosh. Life is good. I'm pretty sure that somebody already found an idol inside a library book, but I can't tell who it was so whatever :) I can't participate in the next challenge sadly, but that's life. I am taking the social game a lot slower this time around and I feel much better as well now. There's no need to try too hard. I am a bit concerned that I am in touch with too few people, but we shall see about that. JG got eliminated, which makes me sad. Not much to talk about rn. Cya soon!

This game has been pretty exciting so far! It hasn't been like most survivor games where I'm in a rush to talk with everyone in case they decide to murder me in cold blood, so that's nice. I still feel like I'm going to get murdered in cold blood, but it's whatever. My tribe is pretty nice so far, though I'm not the biggest Toph fan and Nicholas seems to be nonexistent. Everything's great otherwise, though. My one idol search had me getting caught by the guards, and I'm honestly not too eager to go out and search again. It'd arouse too much suspicion towards me.

I hate you Charlotte for what you made me do. Not drink those drinks, but that was my last snack pack! You owe me pudding. My fellow competitors Madeline and Toph have earned so much of my respect for doing that challenge too!

If someone has already submitted this then just ignore me It’s the anti-antilopes vs the lit hippos

ALL I KNOW IF MY ASS BETTER NOT GET VOTES OUT AFTER DRINKING THAT VILE ASS CONCOCTION YALL HAD ME DRINK LIKE IM GOING TO BE BURPING A1 SAUCE ALL GOD DAMN WEEK. But like low key jack tho really 1:32......? You lucky I like you bro

Okay, real confession. I think Billy might come for me, but he won't if he's smart. I'm good at contributing to challenges in the tribal phase. Don't fucking touch me. That being said, I don't want billy out. I think Jaiden should go. He won't be helpful, he's not social, I'm not into it. I love him, I do, but as long as he's here, we might as well keep losing. The other option is Amanda. While she's sweet, she's never online, which is understandable, you know? She has kids, she has uni, etc, but that's... not valuable to me at this point in the game. I need to win, I need to escape this tribe alive, I need to not be seeing the VL again ANYTIME soon.

I LOVE THE HIPPOS!!!!!! HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS

Okay so here’s the deal, I like everyone on our tribe. I guess. Billy can be annoying but he’s going through a lot so I can’t ask people to vote him out. Idfk, all I know is these basic hoes couldn’t win this damn challenge? Worse has been in my mouth than honey, bbq sauce, and water and I wasn’t complaining!!!!

I’m Logan talking in the tribe chat but flat out ignoring my messages. Yeah, I think I might get votes tomorrow, but the only way it’ll come out is if myself or Billy receive the majority. The reason why I’d play it on Billy is simply because I feel like I can trust the guy, and not to mention he also has been preoccupied with a freaking funeral, like... what heartless monster votes him out after that? Hopefully I DON’T have to play it, but I’m ready and willing to play it if I have to.

thanks JAIDEN for saying you didn't know I was in this game why would you do that. You make me look either inactive or like I'm stuck up or something UGHHHHSDFJSLDF

Jadien

can i just...idol abbey out of this CHAT?

We Hippos won immunity, Yay. It's good because I haven't quite found my footing in this tribe, I didn't want to compete but everyone was asking to not compete so I might as well step up and do it, I'm not one to shy away from a good challenge, especially when people are, should give me staying power right? At least I did it. I digress, A swap is coming in the next round or two, I can feel it. I need to continue to play as my sweet friendly self, cause deep down I am that guy. My main worry is that when the swap happens I might get targeted buy members of that damn Antelope tribe. My plan to remain consistent but not over the top in challenges might have gotten a little hindered by this on since I did compete. Raymond needs to be premerge booted, the guy killed it in this challenge and we don't need a comp beast going forward. I'll cross my finger he gets got soon. As for life on the Hippo Tribe, I have still kept my clue to the idol secret, if I happen to find it then I might share the clue with someone. If I find it, I sooo want to idol out the person I shared the clue with, this hero archetype player can be a villain given the opportunity. Madeline is cool, she's nice, but she is a talker. Talkers make me hungry, I think my game can benefit by keeping her close and dropping her when I need to. Rhone is cool, started talking to me about sports but I'd vote him out. Nicholas is probably on the menu for our first boot at tribal cause he's MIA at the moment but I want to keep us immune until I have a chance to work with him. Toph, I could take or leave, same with Emily. They don't impress me much. Kai and Andreas, I love ya dudes but you do seem like sheep for the slaughter this game, Andreas less so. JORDAN PINES PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER 1. I am curious to see how far this snake can go or if I'm a mounted trophy on his wall or if I can mount him on my wall.

https://youtu.be/NxdOnwnLLeE

OHHHHHH FUCK ME SIDEWISE, I accidentally sent the real clue to Madeline instead of the fake one I had written up.

Oh god I'm making meninist moves and a meninist alliance. The VL is going to hate me

Okay this is a proper quiet tribe you've got here, so not used to this! So I am going to have to do what I didn't want to do and take control of tonights vote... wish me luck.

Amanda about to get her ass beat by this vote. I'm a rat, I'm a snake, I'm a roach. But her ass is grass WHEW. I just don't want Jaiden to go because I actually talk to him. This is MENINISM, but *SHRUGS this is TRUMP'S AMERICA

Okay Amanda got to go tho, this hoe is messaging me saying all this shit about how Jaiden isn't going home because of some advantage he has. Bitch you're the one going home so I'm confused. I'm just gonna sit here with Cheetoh dust on my fingers and watch this all go down. I mean I could for sure go home, which would be so fucking funny, but like I'm just gonna be #Confident, thanks Demi Lovato

OKAY I KNOW THIS IS LIKE THE THIRD ONE IN 15 MINUTES BUT AMANDA IS ON TO ME, AND NOW I'M SHOOK. I talked to way too many people about this plan and I think it's backfiring lol Oh well, I think she'll be going tonight regardless, if not it's been real lmao

So my name has come up, but I also have a little trick up my sleeve called the Themyscira Oasis! Basically, I’m telling Amanda that I’m going to be playing my Oasis on myself tonight in order to avoid being voted out. Then she spills literally all the insight behind alliances, inner workings of multiple relationships, and so on, just so she can blow her game up on her way out the door. However, I don’t WANT Amanda to go home. In fact, I’d rather blow up my own game in order to ensure that someone in my corner stays in the game. Amanda is actually trying to save me, regardless of if I use the oasis or not tonight. I’m telling her that I’m using it no matter what, when in actuality I don’t have it to begin with. My target right now is actually slowly shifting from Logan to Dan, because I just don’t have a whole ton of trust with him just yet. I’d rather keep the devil I know (Logan) around because I can always prepare for what he’s gonna do next. I can’t predict anything with Dan because I’ve never met him before. As Amanda pointed out, Dan herself and Ruthie are clearly working together because they had a “group think” moment where they came up with my name as the vote to go home. She didn’t say specifically who brought my name up, but that it was a process of elimination which makes sense imo. Anyways I was mid-way writing everything and Logan and Dan called me stupid and crazy, and that’s the story of how I told Amanda they were gunning for her. So now I’m going to blow everything up, publicly, because I have nothing left to lose. I said I wasn’t gonna be a mess this season but I’m back into my old habits, I suppose 🤷🏼‍♂️ Sound the alarm, Hurricane Jaiden has made landfall!

me after that blow up made absolutely no sense but I’m still working it https://78.media.tumblr.com/5d766478fb350acbddd66160284749ba/tumblr_o7887f1gRR1sdmszbo1_400.gif

Apparently Logan thinks he's in danger? And so does Jaiden? But everyone's voting Amanda? God I hate premerge.

today has been so wild all I know is that this ENTIRE TRIBE is full of snakes and I have to watch what I tell ANYONE cause it will get back to the other people.  Amanda told Jaiden that Dan and I said his name but UMM, she gave us TWO OPTIONS. but now things I'm telling Jaiden are getting back to LOGAN and Dan is going around telling Billy everything I say and this is just wild these people are crazy and no one knows how to keep their freaking mouth SHUT! I want to find a ride or die I can tell anything too but that can't happen if they're going to keep comparing notes.

So I trusted Jaiden and voted Dan. Is that a bad thing? Probably not considering I heard he was throwing my name out there. I'm kind of glad he's gone, he always does well and then never wants to work with me. So bye :* time to get serious, I need to prove to everyone I'm here to play this time.

https://youtu.be/Slv3EzWZjuU

NOW THAT'S A FUCKIN' TRIBAL! Super good for my game, even though I would've kind of liked to work with Dan, because Amanda still remains a major target, and now Jaiden has made himself a much bigger target. Combine that with me getting closer to Raymond and Logan because of this? A big win in my book.

"Actually, wait... I am gonna play my super idol on Amanda" https://thumbs.gfycat.com/SnarlingDarkLarva-max-1mb.gif Oops, sorry Dan

WHAT THE FUCK, JAIDEN?  WHAT? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT. I keep telling him 'ooooh hehe it's fine, it's fine' but like WHAT now Amanda is going to hate me, and just ugh I hope the announcement is a tribe swap get me away from these people they talk about what each other say too much. I can see why he wanted to use it but WHY DAN?

https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

Jaiden has thrown that shade stick out and I'm very cautious about him now. Tho he tells me that it wasn't an attack to me or anything but like...if we're close why wouldn't you tell me what you're going to do. Low key just bummed out. That bastard.

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THIS WAS ALSO THE ROUND THE HOSTS STARTED DOING ROUND TABLES TO TALK ABOUT THE GAME. HERE IS EPISODE ONE!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yP0-OZFvxfc