#im so glad hes doing better now
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my research partner and i are huddled in a blanket in paddington waiting for a too-late train i already miss you and you and you
#he keeps falling asleep almost on my shoulder and waking up and readjusting but i want to tell him its ok weve seen a lot#of each other ive seen your brainwaves you called me crying a few nights ago. research partner right now is a potentiality#friend is a certainty. i met a banker passionate about finance. he said his advice made the lives of others better and he likes the numbers#more than he likes anything else. on a high rise near canary wharf the view was wonderful and the people even moreso#he said i loved her but i spent 33 grand on her and i cant do this anymore. his voice cracked talking about her. he did love her.#and she talked softly she grabbed my hand she bought me a pack of Marlborough gold she told me to snap#the russian menthol cigarettes of the tortured polish man near us with my teeth i kept staring at her teeth#bright white and sharp. i couldnt find her heartbeat but i did find warmth and i did find her lips and i did feel#how she felt pressed against a wall. a pretty boy held my hand and i gave him my number. i couldnt stop smiling about her no matter#how many runways youve walked on how many collections youve designed how many students youve taught. senior lecturer teaches me how to do#very unethical things ethically over a double shot of vodka made by the half-persian with broken farsi. she talks softly#and she says her eyes are hazel but they appear a shade of red. pure gold on her hands and leather on her back and her fingers on my lips#(she talks softly sees through me she says something i cant hear but i wont forget the way she flies) she talked to my research partner#about the possibility of moving to sunny dubai with the rest of her family and my heart felt pierced. on her arm i traces a tattoo of a#knife passing through a rose. she told me she thought there was romance in severing so i kissed her some more.#he sat me down and asked me what i loved and i told him and he said no romance no person no tragedy will take that from you.#the room was filled with a collection of people in love with something that wasnt a person and i kept looking at her.#red eyes bitten jawline beautiful hands. it is 3 degrees Celsius my head is on his shoulder i miss my friends#we walked out the lecture hall with arms linked a photo of two years ago and we both said#jesus christ. i miss you all. and i miss logic metatheory lectures. im glad i get to stare at the depth of your eyes#i wish i had met you years ago.#crushposting
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...
#i turn 27 tomorrow and i feel like my life is collapsing in around me#i officially made the decision to take the summer off. which i hate. which means i have to get a summer job#when ive only ever had jobs in academia so my resume looks insane if im applying to work in a bakery or whatever#im just so tired. everything makes me so tired and sad. i still dont kno what im gonna do#im glad my dad is here bc he gets it more than most ppl bc hes also dyslexic and like everyone assumes im fine bc ive got this far#but like at what cost? im doing a job where im set up to suffer. and for what? im doing something so niche and weird#all i can do is more academia. but what if i cant cut it? what if i would b better off getting a epa job or something where i can do my job#and then go home and stop thinking abt it. how do i apply the stupid bullshit i decided to study? i should have done Ecosystem restoration#or something. its just that my dream was to study weird things in weird places and now it feels like that dream is collapsing#which is devastating. im gonna try to come back in the fall and give it a go but like i dunno it feels so hopeless rn#im just so tired. i have no joy. i just want to lay on the floor#unrelated
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something that may raise some eyebrows. but i am sort of exhausted of censoring my own experiences and treating life before coming out as a part of me that shouldn't be talked about in fiction.
#okay not ME in this case but the thing holding me back with the scorpion family thing is like.#the point that castor is pre transition in it. and him being pre transition is important because it is a time in his life where#he is suffocating#and flipping between that and his adult self where he is out and free and living his own life is supposed to be a breath of relief#but. im used to ppl being like ''if you EVER portray a trans character pre transition then youre a fucking freak''#and i get why people wouldnt want to do that. they shouldnt have to.#but... idk. i wish we could portray all of ourselves in art. how we have grown over the years#my younger self is still a part of me. she wouldnt recognize me but i would protect her if i could.#i dont want to destroy her. pretend she never existed. she deserves better than that. she was struggling enough as it were#and thats sorta how i want castor to regard ''dawn''. he resented her. he's glad he's not her anymore.#but most of all he feels angry for her sake and is glad she's not struggling anymore. he's still here. he's alive. he made it.#and he's different now but he'll always defend that scared little girl#echoed voice#(i think its also like... ppl separating ''nonbinary'' from trans. to the point ppl think we literally cant call ourselves trans#so i feel excluded from that community. like i cant make art abt it because i dont have the right to. and its disheartening)#also this is... maybe a very hot take. but characters arent people. theyre tools. theyre not gonna be offended if you show their deadname#think of WHY you want to show their deadname. most of my characters deadnames aren't known bc they're not important at all#but castor's will here because i've decided that it's narratively important. because names and what they mean to ourselves is the theme her#it also helps that that was nooot his only name. hes been through those things like candy#ok this was very much a rambling incoherent babbling post ty for your time
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ARCANE DAY
Episode 4 and 5 in the tags and:
SALO BEING A VIKTOS FOLLOWER??? CRAZY. ALSO BOTH VIKTOR MISSING JAYCE AJDHSKSJ also cait has kinda calmed down... and I am sure she misses vi so I KNOW this is going to happen to her soon.... we aren't getting much of her feelings yet... she's still too onto Jinx to catch up on where ambessa is going...
DID JAYCE JUST KILL SALO??? WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE
Also vander not recognizing vi at first until she gives up fighting.... incredible ALSO vander and silco being miners and vi wearing her gauntlets that were initially thought out for miners.... damn
This is my favourite episode so far....
Episode 6 here:
Sky really being there..... of course she is....
Ambessa training caitlyn.... of course thats her new daughter akdjskms Tunnels in your eyes.... GIRL!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU DON'T NEED RIGHT NOW also the guy outside is a mage... ambessa is such a hypocrite
Vi and Jinx vs ambessa and cait.... this was always about class war don't get it twisted SINGED!!! TRAITOR!!!!
ARE THEY GOING TO SEE VIKTOR???? I looove how viktors touch on their faces leave "scars" so recognizable
Did isha just take the gem from vi's gauntlets??? Omg I wasn't expecting viktor to build a hippie commune to be honest omg he looks so good.... with the blonde underhairs.... and I do believe that's the same blanket....
And of course viktor knows who vander is.... nvm he diesnt know omg viktor asking for Powder.....
We are getting viktor horsegirl montage.... omg the vander momtage I can't..... omg they wanna stay.... singed is gonna fuck all this up NOOOOO 😭😭😭 they are already there I am going to kms
CAITLYN STOP THIS MADESSS!!! ✋️ CAITLYN!!!!! VI KILL THIS MAN!!! OMG CAITLYN...... mongoose... yeah.... and fuck you too.... CUPCAKE!!!! ABOUT TIME!!!! CAITLYN I SAID STOP THIS MADNESS WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!! And jayce too 😭😭😭 we're never making it out of the fissures
It's such a shame the spit on here won't work like on challengers.... one can only pray I guess
Jinx experiencing the "there's nothing more undoing as a daughter" moment.... incredible
"Your absence provided a vacuum I was able to fill" TO VI???? I KNEW THAT HAND HOLDING IN THE COMMANDER SCENE WAS SUS AKDHKASJ maddie exists and ambessa knows that and still.... it was not filling her mother's void...
YES CAITLYN!!! YES!!!!! VI is so hot I am distracted... ambessa was right.... now what the fuck will jayce fuck up??? Thats the question... NOT ANOTHER CHILD!!! jayce is a menace... the guys smiling at jayce are viktor... maybe the child even....
JINX KILL THAT MAN!!! NVM VANDER KILL THAT MAN!!! JAYCE YOU FUCKING MORON!!!!! JAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHEN I GET YOU JAAAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Isha what are you going to do omg 😭😭 did she kill vander... another powder... my god another week...
That was such a good fucking episode too.... and caitlyn didn't go insane when finding Jinx that is a step forwards but viktor can't be dead... no fucking way... he was giving himself away for the people and he was going to finally die by saving vander and look at what we got... no wonder viktor hates his guts. Jayce you were so good in act one.... what happened..... alright. Christ.... another week....
#FUCKING MADDIE?????????????? NO FUCKING WAYYYYYYYYYY#fucking maddie??? yes she is fucking her. christ. jinx was right vi should have hit before all of that.... maddie bet her to it 😭😭😭#i have tears in my eyes aldjaodjsk no fucking way what the heeeeeeell ooooh my goooood nowaaayyaaayyyaaaayyyy#and cait looks so pretty....... she is still focused on jinx.....#omg isha..... jinx gave up jinx??? what...... ambessa is making hextech... so jayce is still missing.... well she is trying#and mel is still missing too.... christ and ekkos friend is sympathetic to jinx... mmhmhmmmmm also ambessa clocks everything aldjakaj#cait has calmed down.... what is happening... she is now only violent towards jinx i guess. ambessa is opening that wound over and over oof#THE MIDDLE FINGER AKDBAKSBKANSKA sevika is unifying the underground i knew it!!! yes!!!! jinx show up!!!!#cait paying homage to her mother while rictus beats up some guy.... her suffering meking her an enabler to those actions... yeah#oh no..... they know.... isha lighting the fire like jinx did.... sevika getting her arm cut... ISHA BEAT HIM UUUP!!! JINX!!!! omg singed..#enforcer vi becoming part of her hallucinations... its so over... also silco... jinx kill this man. not ambessa... omg jinx run....#she likes iiiit yeeeeahhhh.... ekkos friend... . and THE BROTHEL LADY... SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!! SHE IS SO GLAD!!! WARWICK!! FUCK SHIT UP!!#OMG HE RECOGNIZES HER!!!!! HE SPEAKS!!!!! WHAT A FUCKING MASSACRE OUTSIDE BUT HE DOES RECOGNIZE HER!!!!#CALL VIIIII THROW A PARTY WE ARE A FOUR PEOPLE HOUSEHOLD NOW!!! FIVE WITH SEVIKA!!! COME ON AT LEAST TRY!!!#his eyes changing color... singed you are nothing compared to a fathers love... jinx complaining about not really having killed powder....#she didnt and vander recognises that.... amazing omg........#THE CAIT IN BED HALLUCINATION AND JINX THERE!!!! its so weird seeing them both like this.... jinx wanting to help him.... ofc...#THEY GOT VANDER???? also you know whats funny... the cape makes cait look like silco... it looks red even#why is singed based.... OMG MEL!!! HER BROTHER!!!!! OH MY GOD VIIII LOOKS SO GOOOD!!!! HER GAUNTLETS ARE PAINTED BLACK TOO AKDBAKS#bitch mittens (not even diy) damn vi she got you hard THE BITCH SLAP omg vi... your big sister duties...#singed actually venering vander.... do not help the opressor singed!! i just said you were based!!! IS MEL PREGNANT?!?!??!#she does enjoy her puzzles..... oh of course he is an hallucination.... the first time he appeared behind her....#silco and vanders old hq..... omg MORE DOOMED YAOI...... vander apologised but silco didn't read the letter 😭😭 as vi reaches for jinx omg#vi wearing her enforcer plaque without the plaque.... slay but why. no vander no loke he is a dog akdhaksj IS VANDER THEIR ACTUAL FATHER#NO FUCKING WAY A LOVE TRIANGLE AND EACH ONE GETS OME DAUGHTER AIDHOQSJOSAKL i need a fucking moment....#well its not vanders.... BUT THE SAME CUP AND STRAW FOR POWDER OMG!!! THE FATHERS THAT STEPPED UP!!!CONNEL GET RECKT!!!!#bedrock and blisters my fucking god. vander and silco wanting to build a better zaun for her daughters... AND JINX AND VI ARE GONNA MAKE IT#vander looking at the woman she likes whos hair is purple: ive always liked the name violet. im going to be sick!!!! my god!!!#MY GOOOOOD!!!!!!! VANDER HUGGING VI!!! THE SHOT OF HER OFFERING JINX TO JOIN WILL END MEE!!!!#watching arcane
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I'm not usually a person to post on many serious matters not regarding fandom on here, but as someone who watched a lot of his stuff and posted about him in the past a bunch, I just wanted to say that I'm no longer am going to interacting with any of Wilbur's content and if you support Wilbur Soot then please don't follow my blog because you are not welcome here. All strength and love to Shubble in this ✊
#just felt i should adress this stuff cause its. yeah#its so messed up#his music really helped me through some messed up stuff and even if i wanted to listen to it now i couldn't even enjoy it i don't think#its just. man#i havent been watching much of sbi and their friends since technos passing but like. this still is such a punch for some reason#glad shubble is in a better situation now and that she had the strength to come out with this. this is such a mess#tw abuse#Wilbur soot#im not gonna make more posts about it or rb much stuff if its not support for shubble#cause i try really hard to have my blog be a positive space for myself and for people who enjoy my art and my blog#but like. wilbur is such a godawful person and its like. with dream i just always thought he was annoying asshole#if not an absolutely awful person although you know i don't rule it out#but with Wilbur like. i never thought about him this way and now that i do a lot of stuff feels. well bad#there are a lot of things that seem really bad with this context.#its just. man. what a fucking asshole. don't even have words for this
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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Read ur tag and... time to ask....
"Anything?"
I'll see myself out
when i was a child i lived in a neighborhood with jacaranda trees. the soft, purple flowers would fall and decorate the floor like snow. when the sun would set, the orange glow upon me and the flowers would feel like something in a daydream. i fell in love with the colors of the sunset. i would intentionally take my time walking home, just to walk through the neighborhood a little slower. when the sun would begin to set, it felt like time itself was paused for me and only me.
but even as time passed, i would pick up the jacarandas and put them in my room, in my hair, in my pockets and clothes. it complemented and reminded myself of who i was, even when i did not know the answer to that question at the time. the colors of the sunset became the colors of my childhood. my synesthesia made it taste like something out of a dream. i needed more. i wanted more. my room was painted with lavender walls. colors of purple with warmth became my paradise.
but then, tragedy struck.
my indulgence for the colors became more evident, i began to express myself, visually, vocally, loudly, with the colors of the flame. bright. bold. fire. i became what i endeared the most - i became warm. and warmer. bright. and brighter. dangerously alive. i was a flame that could not be extinguished. until - my mother would tell me, 'you are like a flame. it is bright now, but it will die out.'
'you will grow up to be alone.'
'miserable.'
little did she know. fire that has been extinguished, can be ignited once again. the tragedy is not what my mother had told me, but the tragedy of her failing to realize who i was. who i am.
so, who am i, my dear reader? i am the fire. the ash. and the breath of the flame. i am everything. i am anything.
anything? you ask.
yes. anything.
#ask syrips anything#syrips lore#ik this was a joke but also like i got way into it and ty u gave me a chance to do it so like why not hA HAha#also my biological eggdonor did say that and honestly im so glad im in a way better mental place now#but yes -queues through the fire and flames-#me and my bf like to joke that im the fire and he's the ice#cuz everytime we make characters he plays 'ice/cold' themed and i play 'fire/electric' alot#happy stuff#helpful stuff#happy simping
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What if I connected to a very unstable chassis then tried to kill you and your girlfriend wouldn't that be fun
#i need to redo my artfight refs and i needed to design the chassis part of vampire core for later on in the story#he has like an outfit change moment#is it even a portal story if theres not an evil bitch piloting the chassis /j#this is the same chassis seen in the portal coop dlc just with some changes so it's easier to draw#i think using this chassis works better than glados's because i don't wanna add glados to my oc story and vampire core does a lot coop tests#soo thats the vision#nothing against glados but id perfer to keep paradox as an oc only thing#and i don't wanna research how to write glados by reading her wiki page for hours#goddd i need to write the story outline before artfight comes#id like at least some of my characters to have lore on their pages ya know :)#i keep saying 'wow i need to write this already' then not doing it#oc writing is fun. i know its fun. i have fun doing it. but my brain tricks me into thinking its not fun and i don't like doing it#i got to the coloring stage before realizing I didn't like the brush i used for lineart so i had to redo it#but im glad i did it looks much better :) it also let me add the big claws i wanted him to have#i gave up on that puppet its an optional accessory for fun now sorryyyyyy#aughh i wanna animate so bad seeing my friends animate motivates me to do it too but I dont have timeeeee#portal#portal oc#☆Vampire Core☆
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Really into the episode of Ouran where this girl confesses her love to Mori but he doesn’t feel the same because he’s into Honey and the girl’s reaction is just like YIPPEE I LOVE YAOI THATS SO COOL FOR YOU YAY 🥰
#the klock keeps ticking#ouran high school host club#i watched ouran when i was 13 and repressed ah the classic experience yes yes#and i always said id rewatch but never did. until now cuz im going through something#im like halfway through and yeah id say theres quite a lot that ages like milk lol#like mostly just the way haruhi is treated is just. bad lol#a good thing is i like how haruhi personally feels about their own gender where they really honestly dont fucking care#which was a big relief cuz similar cases will have the ‘secret girl’ character either be really defensive#or you know. be like a naoto where its actually just the most uncomfortable thing ever#but the problem is the way that tamaki and occasionally the twins are like really obsessed with the girl thing#and constantly want haruhi to take on a feminine role cuz that wouldnt threaten their sexuality as much#tamaki in general is written so fucking weird lol and i do remember being based back then and hating him#and i never liked him with haruhi like im sorry hes just the worst option#hes capable of being funny when hes not being weird but I think he still ends up feeling horribly written#like when hes having his DRAMATIC LOVE INTEREST moments they just feel so horribly out of place#and theyre often times just badly aged tropes also the way haruhi is written in relation to the other members is weird#like i can see why theyd like the other characters but ive not really seen any reasons for them to like tamaki#but then the show will just randomly be like ‘oh yes haruhi thinks tamaki is a lovely person’ and its like. ooookay?#its ass lol and im probably preaching to the choir but like. haruhi is way better with a woman right?#i just know some desperate ass bastards have made some haruhi/renge content and i get it#other than that stuff i dont like i will say i enjoy what exists outside of the weird haruhi stuff#i like the characters and the concept is very funny and the episodes where everyone is normal are charming#and you know i gotta appreciate it for the impact it had on lame ass gay people even if the queer content is messy#ouran was just like. what we had for a long time. or at least was the most popular anime that featured queerness in some positive capacity#but also like. as it goes with this stuff once youve gotten to see better representation#you look back and youre like wow. im so fucking glad we can do better than this dogshit 😩
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Ok well now I do have a follow up idea for that last bthb
#itd be bobby wanting to reach out to his brother and dad and being scared to do so and talking to eddie about it#while buck and eddie are getting engaged and planning their wedding#hed talk to his brother first which wouldn't go well but eventually the brother would let him talk to his dad#which would go better#and bobbys like fuck why did i decide to do this now in the middle of all this happy stuff going on#and eddies like i dunno man its probably nice to have the happy stuff to fall back on?#we're all here for you. we all love you. im glad youre in my life. im glad you're going to be sort of my father in law now?#then he gets to watch his kid get married and probably cries a lot. but good crying maybe.#he said he'd send along pictures to his dad. he thinks he got some good ones.
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every time i get to the emotional bit and dan talks about how violently bullied he was and no one did anything to stop it my heart breaks
#18 years and he never had a best friend or someone to stand up for him + with the way he talked about his home life at the time#my heart breaks for young dan and im so glad he's doing better now
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just realised how i usually dislike or feel indifferent about shounen mcs but senku and gon hxh are the only ones who actually manage to enter my top fave characters of their respective fandoms... they're so well written
#like i dont consider every other character in dcst well written tbh theyre quite one dimensional#but it doesnt affect their likeability to me i still enjoy their characters v much#me being a danganronpa fan might play a part actually dcst characters r all talent based like them#but senkus the only dcst character who has rly good writing imo and im so glad for that#hes so hopeful but not in a way that i find annoying idk#he has such a deep trust in humanity despite his character being all like ughhh affection ugghh i only care abt science#but he loves humanity so much and i just RAHHGHHH cant relate but it makes me want to believe in it too#i wanna reread dr stone but i dont rly have time but i wanna re-experience that hope#senku's relationship with his dad.... the way his dad struggled for the future bc he believed in his son#and as for gon i could never be a gon haterrrrr#like ppl hate him for his selfish tendancies but that just makes him more unique to me#he is like. 10 and now 12. dudes a child he does things based on his emotions yeah#the way he lacks the gift of discernment bc of his childlike manner and all#just makes him better#rant post ig bc i rmbr i have this acc and now instead of annoying my irls w my talks and i can speak to the void here#what prompted this was seeing one of those x > y twt post involving senku#LIKE DO NOT SPEAK ON HIMMMM
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i dont want it to have a good end btw
#link click thinking =w=b#its a tragedy. it should be a tragedy.#lu guang is probably messing up tons of stuff and he shouldnt be rewarded for it. he is playing with at least tens of lives and. its selfis#he is not doing it to make the world better.#and i dont think that he should! i like his character that despite being so standoff-ish has revolved and thrown away his entire....#.... life to have something. one thing. for himself.#and i genuinely. hope that it doesnt work out.#an ending where the main trio is all alive isnt one that will happen.#i do not want qiao ling to die. if she dies and both boys live i will be SEVERLY. dissapointed#best case is lu guang dies. worst case is cheng xiao shi stays dead always. neutral is they both die. TO ME.#btw. ok real thinking done now but. im very happy they have a new women. i hope she'll be evil but that latest releasedate poster...#maybe..... i can have hope to have an evil women...... yes.#anyway =w=bb#sillyposting#i actually wanted to say more about. cheng xiao shi not being a real person anymore but that might just be the current disconnect i have#.... hmmhmmhmmhmhmhmmmm#anywayyay!!!! VERY EXCITED.#im glad s3 will be longer but man.#i wouldnt be surprised if s3 would be the final? but then again they are making MONEY.#i cant estimate how much of the story is left to tell..... so ominous....
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r/regretfulparents is my hellscape. i know most of them are just going through hard times and venting and probably don't actually regret it but like. i genuinely think motherhood would be my most awful prison. the whole sub is like the scariest horror game the internet has to offer for me.
#im just already exhausted of being a mother and i dont even have kids 😭#(i do. hes fifteen and dyslexic and ADHD and my little brother)#(yes mom i did take care of him a shit ton i am not exaggerating it)#(there is a reason he tells people i basically raised him and he asks ME for things before asking our father who is your coparent)#(there is a reason you sigh in relief when i come home from break and ask me to 'whip [my dad and brother] into shape')#(there is a reason i spent my thanksgiving day being bitched at to do everything)#(even though you have a husband!)#(and another grown adult kid!)#(who's actually older than me but hasn't lifted a finger to help the family)#(she always said she'd be like fiona gallagher if anything happened to our mom"#(NEWS FLASH. YOU WOULDN'T BE. YOU DISAPPEARED. I STAYED.)#(even before you disappeared you weren’t allowed to be a caretaker)#(you couldn’t care for him. you were banned for being violent)#(I shouldn’t have been putting someone else’s kid to bed most nights of the week)#(then when quarantine hits and my mom has the time to be a mom again)#(she gets mad at ME for being overly involved and acting out of pocket)#(girl. this is how things work around here you just didn’t notice)#(whenever I come home from school now she completely checks out)#(she makes comments about how she’s glad I’m home so she doesn’t have to make all the decisions anymore)#(because im so bossy! and then I get made fun of for being bossy! you made me like this! you want me like this!)#(I am not your partner I am your daughter)#(my dad is more of a dad and husband in recent years but it quite honestly didn’t seem like it happened until I moved out)#(because he didn’t have to step up and do that shit it was just dumped onto me)#(and no I don’t want to have a kid to be better or something. im done raising kids. im going to be better for myself)#(I know I could do a hell of a lot better. but. im. not. going. to.)#(my childhood was for them. my adulthood is for me.)#(my students will be the only kids I have and that’s for damn certain.)#mattie gets personal
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.
#ran into boy at a crosswalk#we exchanged greetings and met halfway in the street#he gave me a hug as he asked how im doing#'i'm good' i said#and as we brushed past each other he said 'good. i'm glad'#he told me he was on his way to therapy#and because i couldnt think of anything better i said 'have fun'#and then we went our separate ways#there wasn't time for anything else#for a moment it all felt so normal#when i saw him i felt happiness before anything else#now i'm crying on the subway#boy.txt
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do u want me 2 kill that guy @ ur bfs party 4 u. guy sounds like literally the worst an I will have no issues doing it 4 u
thank you anon. i would love nothing more 💗
#i love you anon 😞 this is so sweet#YESSSS PPL READ MY TAGS!!!#but for real he’s just a weird person in general; once i was not spending lunch with my boyfriend since we were fighting and he had lunch#with his friends but our mutual friend stayed with me because usually the three of us have lunch together#but since me and the bf were fighting he didn’t want me to be alone; so it was. nice and the following day i had lunch with my other friends#and he had lunch with my boyfriend and his friends (since my boyfriend still wasn’t super happy / willing to have lunch with me)#and the same guy who was being mean at the party asked our mutual friend if ��the backshots with lyss were good’#IN FRONT OF MY BF ??!!#like what ?!!!#he’s just a gross person but it’s okay#his hair looks like#the brown scene hair from roblox and he’s one of those stereotypical guys you see online the#omg she looks like a deftones song…. i love cats >_<!!! oh i dropped my feminist literature…. sorry….#he just made me a bit upset but it’s okay now!#im glad you are so kind about this anon; it makes me feel a lot better about the whole situation :)#i would do the same for you ; given the situation were to ever come#same with any of my followers!!!! i will fight to the death for any of you#LOL OKY enough ranting but for realsies; YOU ARE SO SWEET ANON I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH MY LITTLE BAESAUCE 🥹💗#baesauce is one of my epic vocab words; mix of awesome sauce and bae.#i forgot my ask tag uh oh#FRICK#ask!#that was so simple how did i manage to forget that#also btw if any of you ARE those stereotypical deftones + feminist literature people i’m sorry. it was just the best way to describe it#i bet you are wonderful
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