#im so funny and sexy haha (end my suffering)

[thewardenofwinter]

Mission Failed: We'll Get Em' Next Time

i started this tumblr with the intention of being a really secretive prestigious author who speaks in purple prose on the daily but like a month in I'm already quoting Lady Gaga in the comments and harassing other people by putting 'me fr' under all their posts about their unhinged characters

[softcarebears]

POOKIE

WHERE R U

I HAVEN’T HEARD FROM U IN WEEKS

POOKIE I'M ALIVE I PROMISE....I JUST WAS SO SICK THIS WEEK😔(still sick) i did read the asks but did not have time to post on tumblr because of school but i also was not in the mood to post i was taking a mini idk tumblr break idk myself...😔i'm doing good i promise...its just my life is lowkey boring lmfao (no crushes no bitches lol) while my friend's (chingching bestie) life is a freaking kdrama

because of school i can barely do shit and also im bad at time management and also since our school's turning 50 next month we are doing weeks....for example "french week" "science week" yea alot of activities...its so fun!!...kinda slayful our school is doing entertaining stuff and is not monotone af😭

this week was french week it was so fun...we decorated the school the week before,on monday we had a whole ass assembly where we sang + prayed + had poems and the ambassador of fucking france was here boi,he also was present to give students their delf b2 (a french exam) diplomas

...fun fact: i'm gonna go do this exam in july😔..and did i start practicing?...no...i mean i've been starting to speak french at home and with my friends haha...its fine...haha...ha..😭,(since there's so many weeks we only did the delf introduction class...so yea...we haven't practiced yet...deadass) uhh what else we also had poems read in the assembly and there was karaoke session during recess on tuesday, then wednesday there was a dance in recess ,thursday there was a mini tea party for the teachers during the break, a FUNNY AND GOOFY ASS play about a disaster wedding done by the 11th graders😭

(here's some lines i translated since i have the script)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The bride: You Gerard Two by Two, as soon as I saw your snags, I knew I could endure your jackal breath until the end of my days. Your orangina body gives me gas.

The Groom: Shake me,Shake me

The bride: Your eyes…uh your eyes, well I don’t know anymore. I loved you I love you and I will love you until the end

Thanks WHO?

Everyone:FRANCIS CABREL!!!

The groom: Wejdene Macaroni. My little sugar macaroni, oh no i meant macaron… honey of my life, my chocolate, my couscous.

Disgusted bride: ewww

The Groom: As soon as I saw your girlfriend I knew you were sexy but her...she's really hot. Winks to the girlfriend*

Guests: She's sexy but her girlfriend is hot (shook)

The bride: Wait, you're still talking about my girlfriend!

The Groom: Wait, I’m not finished. Wejdene you are the plum of my eye…uhh no apple i meant

Your Nicki Minaj Shein version body is driving me crazy… *literally sarcastic*

Love youuuuu.. Come on bye.

Priest: Let's exchange alliances *Exchange

Priest: let's not forget that a woman's place is in the kitchen.

The bride: But uhhhh, that's sexist. I didn’t come here to suffer okeh! Ah no eh. You just have to go to ti baz (local pizzeria in the country)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------on the same day our class did a lil party we did those french charcuterie board and we tried french cheeses...i only liked the camembert one, the gouda skewer and the tartare cream cheese..the blue brie cheese was so bad on god (there were two types so i think i got the stronger one because my friends thought theirs were ok...tasted like dirty socks...bro😔) and that comté cheese...nuh uh traumatising...😭the sausages were good ofc...i will stick to my craft cheddar cheese and creamcheeses boi...

and on the last day we all wore blue,white and red shirts and also facepainted and there was a mini concert...my french teacher (she was also both my homeroom and french literature teacher last year sang AND SHE ATE!!😩🌹 and my ex-french teacher from last year also sang AND HE DIGESTED FR 😱....

but yea main reason i did not post this week until yesterday was because i was sick😔 @1-800-pastelskies

[ecoevoexo]

warning: processing personal feelings, sexual abuse

i got manipulated into dating a man and it fucking... ugh. idk. i've had bad relationships before, i've been abused by partners before, but there's something different about laying down my boundaries as a lesbian, being pushed across them, then being hurt in that context. it's fucked me up really bad and i don't know how to talk about it. i've ended up kinda sex-repulsed, but specifically repulsed of the idea of being seen as attractive. which i also, like, want. but the idea that people will see me as attractive & find that an opportunity to talk over me, manipulate me, & sa me. & like part of the thing was an environment being like, you shouldn't be too strict with your boundaries, you should be "open" and that means being sexual w people you wouldn't choose being sexual with. idk, there's soemthing very complex abt how comphet functions in trans queer irl spaces & how that pushed me into a bad situation & made it hard for me to get out. & now im just stuck w this trauma & this panic. i've got bad postire but every time i try to correct it i have an anxiety attack cuz i look too sexy in the mirror & it reminds me of like stripping & how men looked at me / interacted with me & like reminds me of how i felt with my boyfriend. he's not even the worst guy, ive known plenty worse, but i wasnt supposed to be dating guys at all, i already made that call, & then that boundary was just pushed until it broke. & i was tricked into sex i explicitly didnt want to have. idk im just talking in circles. i need to find soem way to process this trauma out. art to make or a story to write or something. there's no real mystery to it, it was just translesbophobia and a fucked up dude who lied a lot. but it fucked me up a lot, and its made me really sensitive to transmisogyny in ways i dont wanna be, given how omnipresent transmisogyny is. idk. i could talk abt rape, manipulation, financial exploitation, misogynist violence, etc, but its all just stuff we've heard a million times, it's the stuff men do. maybe i thought i was too smart, too feminist, too lesbian to fall for it. what i keep thinking about is when i was in the relationship & kept telling everyone how happy i was. "things are so good" "isnt it so funny im dating a man and its great? haha" "yeah things are actually really wonderful" i was already suffering a lot. why did i go along with it? i feel like i just didnt want it to be true. i wanted to believe that things were different. facing the truth just felt so fucking nihilistic. & because of that, it just kept getting worse.

its over now, im safe, and i'll get over it one day. i just didnt want it to be like this. i convinced myself to be "open", to take risks, to be vulnerable with new people. i liked being that person. but that person got sexually abused, a lot, by many different people. i don't find any romanticism in being bitter and isolated. i feel trapped between the horror of isolation, and the fact that every time i break out of my shell, i get sexually abused.

its just this endless nightmare. idk.

[possumteeths]

Self Promo Fic Game: tagged by @some27-url 😚

Rules: We would like to ask you to recommend us 3 of YOUR fics: 1 that is "most popular" and 2 that are "hidden gems”!

Im gonna use all fallout fics because honestly when I think of my favorite things, my brain jumps to fallout lol.

WARNING! These are all rated E, I’m writing filth okay!

Most “Popular”: I guess my nasty vulpes stories lol?

Since he’s such a niche character this series made me a buncha fanfic mutuals and friends haha. I’m glad other bitches wanna see this dude suffer hornilly lol. Im counting this as most popular only amongst the niche fanbase of vulpes girlies who’s favorite thing is torturing him lmfao

Hidden Gem 1: My raider gangbang smutl!!

I’m honestly really surprised how nice people are when commenting on this! Its literally an angry milf getting railed by 15 idiot prettyboy raiders and for an oc/ oc type of story I was pretty prepared for nobody to read this at all? I love this story, its funny and surprisingly cute. I had so much fun designing all these idiot raiders and giving them all their own nasty habits. I got tired of reading stories about like the whole raider sexual coercion type of vibe so I decided to make a story where its a lady coercing raiders to do her bidding and giving them a crumb of pussy in exchange. Shes an icon, I love her!

Hidden Gem 2: Okay hear me out, a plucky wasteland adventurer x a lonely fishman monster who’s got two dicks

This story is SO fun haha and I just wrapped it up. Its like a kitschy porny old pulp fiction novel. Its inspired by that comic you can find in fo4 the “Astoundingly awesome tales! Attack of the fishmen!” The wasteland needs more cryptids like cmon theres radioactive hell monsters everywhere there HAS to be something kinda sexy looking ok. Anyways this was completely self indulgent and once again I was totally surprised that people read this at all? I cant imagine people are searching “Female Sole Survivor x Mirelurk King” so therefore i’m counting this as a hidden gem lmao. If you read this please mind the tags, its got some freaky shit going on! It ends cute though, I refuse to write anything besides happy endings!

tagging friends that I can remember who write fallout: @gaeadene @istalkpeople @ladyflaggermus Anybody else who wants to do this pls play! Mass effect or dragon age peeps are super welcome to participate and tag me so I can see you hyping urself up!!

[xllxxrbxg]

so ayon nga hehe

so ayon nga mga marecakes hehe narrate ko na lang nangyari today.

so i was like chilling today right im all set for school because i did my homeworks naman days before it was needed so i was like, "aight lets get this shit today". tapos karlo message me he wanted cuddles eh i was like hMMM... we just made out the other day eh and its like tuesday palang today !! i told him nalang na make it happen, not rlly thinking he would make it happen. but this mf took it as a challenge and actually made it happen.

before all that tho i was badtrip because ha made a very uncalled for rape joke and it fucked me up in the head, plus the fact na im being taken to someplace unfamiliar. i was very tensed the whole ride there. anw he didnt get the hint na it was THAT awful to me, but its aight we resolvedt it already. i'll keep a tab on this tho. for me that was a red flag.

anyways we made out in this tambayan place their family owns. basically it has a large parking lot and across that space was this little studio type housie house. the place had a large ass gate, wasnt really paying attention to what he was saying about the place because i was still tensed with the bad joke he made. anyways we went in and it was a very nice place. outside the house, it wasnt that obvious, but when you go in, it legit looked like one of those sala sets in malls with the note "thank you for not sitting" typa shit. so yeah it was nice it had same vibes with vista mall maybe because of the ceiling yellow scattered lights and of the fresh ass furniture and the whole place itself. it was a pretty decent size, not too big not too small for at least two people to share in the long run. it also had this aircon i always wanted the expensive ones u see in 5 stars. anyways it was quickly cold. there was also the bathroom that had a shower, then theres this chair where you pull a button and a foot rest will pop up lmfao. there were also two other sofa charis by the window. the window was the type then you push back up, not much windows tbh. but thats aight and reasonable since it has an aircon. i was tensed at first when the room was opened. it was obviously recently used idk maybe by his relative. WAS TENSED BRO same feeling when you enter an empty room newly unlocked by your teacher. THAT. that typa anxiety. anyways eventually joined him to sit by the small bed. was pretty much good for one big ass person to comfortably lie on, but fitted both of us nicely. didn't really bottom at that sesh so i don't really remember if the bed was uratex when weight is applied on me but it probably is AHSHDHASHDHSAHDSAHAH ok mej funny yun goiz liek- HAHA ok serious na nga hmpz. we cuddled first before doing nasty stuff. it was nice. i'd exchange all those laplapan just to wholesomely cuddle in peace and probably have a great nap together. i like the feeling the warm feeling. it was nice. yes. anyways,, yeah it was nice. cant stop talking about how nice it was because it was nice. heck... it was so nice. it was so heart heart. idc about my coochie getting rubbed, CUDDLE ME BITCH. anyways we started kissing and the rest is historyYYYYYY. jk. basically the make out routine starts with cuddling then kissing then he touches me until it reacher the forbidden softie softie, main bec he likes hearing my sexy ass moan. even before in tinder when i vm my boytoys for the first time the first thing they say my voice is smexy. cant blame them i agree. even when im alone and i randomly fake moan gat dam bro i get turned on too LMFAO. so yeah i moaned bec it was music to his ears and turned him on big time. was ngl kinda steamy when we breathe in each others mouth thats one of my favorite parts of it and also when i suck on his tongue. or also when i moan into his mouth. yep. also when he cusses it means im doing a great job. hehe. nice stuff ryt there. we pause sometimes to rest, then go aead again. i got many rounds that day. we did same stuff on the bed several times. then he pulled me so i'd be on top. im such a great top bro he aint know hoe to topppp. then was cuddling on top of him and then accidentally (wink wink) grinded on his rock solid stuff. he was turned on sabi nya shit anuyon sabi ka ah ayaw mo ok BUT THEN he was like gusto ko. tnagina pabebe yarn. anw i started kissing then grinding and he was cussing bec im so good at it. later my pants were off and later his shorts too. so we were underwear-away from grinding on directly. was nice got me tiredt. THEN HAHAH i saw this 5 peso coin by the bed and i was like eto yung token sa rides AHSDHASHDASHDHA WOF YAN TEH? tangina tawang tawa sya gago ang funny ko tlg san ka makakakuha ng kallapan na funny. tas nilagay ko sa gilid nya singko started grinding again. bet u he was grinding too. AND IT WAS SO HARD IT LOWKEY HURT TO GRIND ON. GEEZAS. so basically the whole bed was shaking. and i did my deed as a good girl to keep the music on (aka moaning) because there was no music. felt like

asmr. boring af. unlike when we make out sa car, theres always music. i like making out on the white chev instead of the fortuner BECAUSE THE FORTUNERS WINDOWS AIN TINTED what in the world was i thinking making out inside an untinted car INSIDE A PARK WHERE THERE ARE LOTSA PPL PASSING BY. anyways back to the bed, we paused, cuddled. then i was badtrip again for some reason so i got up to get dressed but we eventually made out again on the sofa hehe. legs spread again bec he liked touching there so i let him. then eventually was begging me to allow him to eat me out but i was like BROOOO NOOOO you gon taste it and it be not groomed yet in anyway but he was alr there begging looool he looked so adorbs but NOOO. i asked wala ka man benefit jan, sabi nya ikaw meron. tas sabi ko why do u wanna do it, he said he wasnted to satify me liek HNGGGGGG ok i would let you but it really not be groomed oakay NEXT TIME for sure. AND HECK the lights were on. it was daylight and the lights were on like hasdhahsdhashdas it feels liek im being eaten out at the home decor station at vista mall U GUYZ. anyways ayon. after non i think he tried carrying me for some reason. and i knew he found me heavy lols. but yeah i was a cute little moment he carried me around the room pretending its a mall and he's touring me and shit, "to your left, is the sala set, to your right is the flat screen tv..." things like that HAHAHA funny cute moment. anw later on we found ourselves sitting on the little bed again i was on top of him. he didnt want to lay down bec he alrady made the bed lol so we started grinding again sitting, me on top doing my best !! giving my all !! bec he also had a finger down there as i grinded on his stuff so it basically felt like a direct grind lols. anyways was nice. then later on we made out standing up. was kinda hard because he was 7 inches taller. OH AKALA NYO TITE SIZE YUNG 7 INCHES NOH. hinde. so ayon we were making out and he was shy to ask for a deep throat HAHSDHAHDHAS HECK NAW BITCH U TOLD ME A RAPE JOKE. so this is the part where i get revenge. he was standing there, and i was teasing him. was acting clueless, but he hinted he wanted his belt off so i took it off. was honestly confused with the belt. lol. anw i got to remove it and said, so ano next? playfully hhehhehehe. anyways ayon nga eventually me teased him everrr soooo slowly his dick went from solid-jelly-solid-jelly. LMFAO omfg will i cause him illness? omg. anwwww ayon. later on i removed his shorts as he asked. then i stepped aaway from him across the room because he was doing the shy type hands while hsis shorts was by his foot. and i LOL'd at him for a good few minutes just clapping my hands out of entertainment HAHSDHAHSDAS. then he asked me to put my hands inside, did it slowly and i told him to smile ka nga muna. AND HA THE MF WAS SHAKING. LOL. my fucking powerrrrrrr. anyways later on i was teasing out the underwear, then later i got my hands in again and then touchedt the dick *YAY* finally we got there!! anw it was only for a few secs and i told him its over HAHAHA. then i put his shorts back up again, but subtly teasing that i would suck. bec the shorts were by his ankles so i had to kneel. did i suck? no. did i make sure he thought i was? YES BITCH. and then he lay down fretting because i didnt suck his dick and then while was laying down i opened his shorts again to pretend that his dick was a computer mouse and told him "lets play solitaire, o kaya counterstrike or maybe purble place. gawa ng cake hehe" lmfao mfer be cry laughing because he dont know what to do bec he was teased. so ayon we ended that way and i thought he was bad trip bec of what i did. but he assured me na di naman like dapat lang duh. anyways ayon hehe.

uwi na kami after nakauwi ako 1. andon kami 10. hehe. hinatid nya man me pauwi. tho yung byahe pauwi di pa kami nakakalayo sa place he pulled over so i was confused bec there were no big vehicles incoming but to my surpris he started kissimg me again lol bro deins ka ba nasasawa. anw yon. was nice naman. making out with a guy from a rich fam is nice bec yall dont need to pay to rent in motels lol but still has pressure, bec if we end on a bad note, i swear most of the blgs here are engineered by his relatives. thats how prominent they are. the place we went to is owned by his uncle, who works at legazpi rn thats why the place was vacant. theyre making a mall i think idk. so thats why his uncle is making another like that na place dun. so he has somewhere to stay. like what in the wealth... its crazy how people have money. and for sure even if the place we stayed in was small, it costs millions fr. anyways ayun yung promised detailed chika ko. hehe ciao. mej pokpok nga me pero look at me suffering the consequences, may sipon na ako aside sa ubo because he had mild sipon. now my sipon is malala compared to his, and he alr is recoveredt tangina unfair. but yesterday he insisted to see me to drop off some meds and he hugeed me and cried. because i asked for a time out the night before. bec i was having a hard time. he allowed it but over thinkedt it so yeah he cried while hugging me tight in the car. and kept on saying sorry mainly bec of the sipon thing. but it was, i felt, directed to the other stuff he had disappointed me with. anyways before that sabi nya ok lang ba sayo mag punta munang emall may bibilhin lang, sabi ko naur im sick. it was bec he wanted to buy me gummy worms lol. cute. u shoulda bought them before going to me, mofo. jk. loveee u penggg.

[maggiehanhamgrad701]

All About Annie

MY LOVES

Its about time we become straight up and just say what we are all thinking right (lol)? So here I go, here at the most annoying, frustrating and honest things that float to my brain when I think of Endometriosis.

HERE ARE THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ENDOMETRIOSIS SUFFERER\

Yeah, sorry to get straight into it with the gorey details. However the amount of underwear ive had to handwash in the shower, or are to far gone and had to be thrown in the bin is so high I have lost count. Might I add it really sucks when I treat myself to a beautful sexy matching bra and undies set and after the first wear I have to bin them.

2. Constant STI/STD Checks

OK this one for me is a serious annoyance. The fact that I have probably had more check-ups than a sex worker (no hate) is absolutley ridiculous. Its even more frustrating when I explain that ‘I was literally tested a month or 2 ago and havnt had sex since then’ and still get poked and proded amazes me. Even more crazy is the fact me and my boyfriend were given pills to take for an STD even though we both tested negative more than ten times, but just in case we had to take them. I have endo, not a STD mate.

3. “OMG I get really bad period pains toooooo”

Look, I know you trying to be supportive or whatever by saying this however this one one of the most offensive things you can say to an endo sufferer. You may get severe period pains and that sucks, but the fact that you think endo is just period pains is frustraing. When you can hardly get out of bed for weeks on end, talk to me.

4. Greasy Hair and Hairy Legs

You know you are having a bad episode when even the thought of showering is draining let alone actually completing this task. So to say I literally get in and out would be quite a good description. My poor boyfriend putting up with my hairy body and my poor, poor cute outfits being let down by a greasy bun. Oh the joys of fatigue.

5. Paying for Pads and Tampons

This stuff is expensive, espically when you bleed for 6 weeks straight. Goverment listen up, fund ’em!

6. When everyone you meet suddenly has the ‘answer to my prayers’

Im just not even gonna…….

7. “My Aunty had a baby and thats how she cured her Endometriosis”…..

First of all, CURE – LOL, second of all, whatever rock you live under, please remove yourself from it and educate yourself, Pregnancy doesn’t help everyone people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. When the Staff in the Emergency Department think your a Drug addict

We all must have been here right? The funny looks, the whispers and stares, the “are you sure your really in pain hunny” chats. A common complaint from a lot of woman who deal with Endometriosis is they are made to feel like drug seekers. Seriously? Do you think I want to be lying in a cold, loud hospital wing on a Tuesday night at 1:13am instead of my warm cosy bed fast asleep? Do you really think if I had a choice I would like to be hooked up to a morphine drip filling myself with pharmaceutical crap?? NO I AM NOT SEEKING DRUGS! But I would really like them to help get rid of this pain so please come to your senses and realise I am in desperate need of your help and assist me in getting sane and comfortable enough to head home, thanks 🙂

9. The wheat bag is just never hot enough

Ok, how many of us have literally nearly burnt ourselves from frying our skin with an extra hot wheaty? (I imagine you are all raising your hands at this point) When the pains are so bad it is literally impossible to get your heat device hot enough to even slightly make the cramps bearable, there is so no saving you lol.

10. “Does like, that mean you can’t ever have babies?”

Firstly, sit down you insensitive human. Secondly, my chances do become slimmer then normal, thanks for reminding me 🙂 isn’t it actually the worst when people don’t even think about how this question is going to make you feel? So cut throat it hurts.

11. Painsomina

100% is a thing. 100%. You are so sore, that you can’t even sleep. But you are so tired and exhausted from being in pain all day and you just wanna sleep. But you can’t, cos your in pain still and you cannot get comfortable no matter how hard you try or how many painkillers you take. You are just awake, dying a slow death whilst watching time slowllllllly tick by.

12. Explaining to your new partner what is wrong with you

Isn’t the “it sometimes hurts to have sex” convo literally the worst? Explaining to a male who has it drilled in his head that periods are even more taboo to talk about then the devil, that what Endometriosis is and how it effects you, ughhhhhh such a drag. I actually have now decided we should get like gold medals after having this conversation?

13. The initial convincing the doctors theres something wrong with you saga

Omg how did I nearly forget this one? THE ABSOLUTE WORST! Trying to convince a medical professional that your BODY HATESSSSSSS YOUUUUU and them not believing you for idk, like 8 years (using that number as its the average time a girl has to wait for a diagnosis) is so horrible. I remember the “take some pandadol, its just a bad period” chats like it was yesterday. You leave feeling so deflated and so mental

14. The after surgery gas

Haha k, I’m sorry, we have to discuss it. The first few days after surgery, and all that gas that they have pumped your tummy with is leaving your body, so embarrassing lol. You feel so un feminine and its so unacceptable. With no choice in the matter, “Pardon me” becomes your new favourite saying

15. When tired really, reallllly means TIRED

I literally hate it when I get to this point. When you actually have to put thought into picking up each leg when you walk. When simple tasks such as the dishes, folding the washing or brushing your goddam teeth feel like an olympic race. Once the fatigue takes over, the only thought I can concentrate on properly is getting myself to bed.

16. The bloating

You don’t know bloat until you have meet the Endo belly bloat right? Being that bloated sucks, especially when it means you can no longer eat your favourite chocolate unless you want to deal with the 4 month pregnant belly look. Even worse, looking pregnant when you run the possibility of never actually being able to be pregnant – can suck it.

17. Having your period, like all the time

SO many of us have been here – the never ending period. The waiting for it to finish and it never does. The loosing count of how long it has been since you didn’t have to change a tampon. The “OMG WHY WONT YOU GO AWAY” tears whilst sitting on the toilet unwrapping yet another night pad that will only last an hour because the flow is so heavy. Lets all have a moment of silence for all those who have been there, we deserve it.

18. You become your friends and families pharamcist

“So, can I take these two medications together?”

“You know that thing I got off you that time I felt nauseas, can I take some home with me?”

“I have a headache, do you have anything that will help?”

“Will I be fine if I take this without food?”

“How many of these can I take at once?”

19. Cramps

Its an obvious one, yet one that still needs to be addressed. How flipping sore are those cramps though? Cramps in your belly, cramps in your back, in your legs, in your actual vagina! Like enough is enough. However your body doesn’t understand that saying and just keeps throwing you cramps on cramps.

20. Calling in sick for work

Having to try and explain that periods are not an easy task for you and that you need to stay home in bed to your manager is not a fun or ideal task. Having them believe the severity of it can be so hard. Especially when you did this last week, and now you have the same problem and they can’t quite get their head around how you have your period again in such a small amount of time? Like when is ” I have my period and I have Endometriosis so leave me be” going to be an acceptable reason for a sick day? I vote it should be now.

Guys, honestly lol – I could sit up all night typing because the list seems to be never ending. Feel free to add “the confession you wanna make but never say” into the comments below – I can’t wait to see what you all have to add and what I’ve missed!

Hope you had a lil laugh relating to the above.