#im so artblocked its making me so depressed!!!!!!!!

[vehemourn]

can we go back to normal?

theres no normal after this ...

[melissa-titanium]

hrng. the bane of my existence is decidijgnbetween drawing n slightly shorter than v OR slightly taller. i tjink J is the shortest so shes out of the question but making n tall is cliche BUT making v tall to me is like making myself short and i cannot be short. i cant be short id aftually rather get hit by a truck. v taller is funnier but n taller is Good for my brain + also works eith how i draw him. v is more stout and square while n is gangly as fuck and uzi is a happy medium being kind of short but SHARP with lots of tendrils/longer bits. also i feel loke as ive drawn doll & realized she looks like a twilight sparkle gijinka ive actually started to fall hard into that which is Undesirable. if shes a gijinka of anyone it better be maud pie on steroids. rules for my doll design; square. well kept enough that you aren't immediately weirded out but not well kept enough that suspicions dont start to arise when you look a little closer. doesn't smile enough for her teeth to poke out, but theyre longer than uzi's; she never had correction like uzi did. wearing a headband to be remniscent of dds. all her outfits are off-shoulder bcos she will overheat if not. two lines down her cheeks to look like "doll cheeks"??? cyn also has these but theyre meant to be more puppetlike. i usually try to dapple in lore elements in designs but thats just cosmetic. um. what else. AH OK. scarcely expressive, but when she is its ALL OUT. this is kinda canon actually. every time we see her express save for two instances that i can think of. shes totally deranged. killing the student @ the start of promening. fucking wit v. running away in dead end. like in every other instance sjes either :| or >:| but then when she ACTUALLY expresses shes like HHRHAHAHRRHWGWEORORWGGER. RABID ANIMALEWOROORIEUWWYGWG. hrng but then againnthis is a lot to think about when im. judt drawing & doodling. i need to find a good middleground between doodling and looking decent. NO I JUDT NEED TO FIND OUT HOW TO DRAW FASTER. i think too much WHEN im drawing but i ened to be doing the thinking BEFORE i draw. ugh i dont even know if this is artblock or not i think its my depression OK WOW majorly offtopic. i know ep 7 will make me insanely diseased 2morro so ill be good. dpring break too WOOHOO!!! i ended up clearing some dms today because. its. been lokg enough. but also i honestly dunnou if i will be checking shit during spring break. homework. maybe summer? not 2 far away. but then again thats when i will be taking drivers ed. hrrng. what EVAR. ill figuer it out :) i think im done. my head is most active when im forced to sleep so i need to ramble or ill go crauzysauce!!!!!! 2 say i am not a morning dragon would be tha understatement of the century. what 14 years of a sporadic peeper schedule and 2 years of no school does 2 a mfucker

ok anyways. ep seven. smile

[leggyre]

You got any adivce for someone who's considering dropping drawing completely since they don't like what they're making at all?

honestly i've been in the same struggle recently bc it just hasn't been a good year for me. i haven't been drawing a lot bc most of the time i'm either sick or i just.. can't. I've been picking myself up as of late and it's a really difficult grind, but honestly the fact i've been able to actually start this grind is already good for now. I guess that counts as advice; be patient with yourself. Self-esteem doesn't come easy and the little steps are worth so much more than you think.

ok so uh,

-if you just started, don't think about it too much. we all start with the weird scribbles. if you stop now you might never get back to it -if you've been trying to doodle often and always end up hating the result, just take a break. art block is seasoning for burnout and you might just be tired. a lot of times i've felt bad about my art i kinda "gave up" for a while and when i came back to it it was like "wtf this easy what was my issue (it was burnout)". so take a break, play some videogames or hang out with your friends for a week. idk write essays about the media you like? it feels like you're being unproductive but resting IS part of productive because just pushing yourself will just result in nothing being done at the end of the day. -look at your favorite work! im not quite out of my latest artblock yet because its a tough one(it's been teaming up with depression caused by health problems it suuuuucks :/), but when i went long enough without being able to draw I kinda started feeling like I can't do shit and can't call myself an illustrator at all specially bc what i do isnt that big of a deal compared to others(<- comparison also big mistake remember youre the only one who can make YOUR art), going through my folders and seeing the stuff I like the most gave me a LOT of motivation to keep going, even if I was still unable to start drawing right away. not giving up is so important. -so yeah love your art. focus on drawing things you like because it's a gift from you to you, and you should treat it as such. i know it's really hard to be positive about it all the time but it can be really good to go through all your artwork at the end of a day and look at the things you like about it, even if it isn't much. -on that note, find something you really like drawing!!! back in high school i had massive periods of depression that kept me from drawing but i occasionally found sort of a 'life hack' for myself which were things i was always able to work with even during the worst times. one of them was just.. bees. i just doodled random characters as these bees and made og designs too and it was fun. the other one was using colored pencils instead of a regular one bc i just like colors and it made me happy :] it didnt matter that they always had the same overall shape or if i couldnt erase when i messed up, i was just feeling good being able to draw something that i liked. -experiment more!! expand your palettes and download some new brushes. i even change from my newest to my old busted tablet that still sorta works occasionally because using a tool that feels different is.. refreshing somehow? idk -when you need to get yourself back up, do the little steps at your own pace. do a little doodle every day. it's okay if it's always the same thing. the same character. the exact same idea. it's okay if it sucks or if it's unfinished because you struggled. Just give it little pushes. What matters is to try. and it's okay if you can't do it every day. maybe every other day if you need a slower pace. -and remember. engagement doesn't measure your skill. art is subjective anyways!!!!! i spent YEARS doodling and posting only my ocs and getting little to no notes. i think one of my favorite artworks from the time i had ~100 followers had like 0 notes for the longest time. to be honest i don't even know if it has any likes at all nowadays i'd have to look it up bc it's a bit buried

[bladling]

hellooooo <3 2, 8, 13, 24, 38

helloooooo bestie <3

2. show us a picture of your handwriting?

8. any reacquiring dreams?

not to be incompetent, but as in sleepy dreams that keep occurring, or ambition dreams i often want? LOL.. well ive been watching twin peaks so i've had coffee with agent cooper two nights in a row. and a dream i wish to see make happen is having a space in a gallery to display one of my paintings. itd be funny to display one of my obikin paintings that isn't super star wars obvious, so only me and the girlies truly know its about obikin. in a gallery.

13. what are you doing right now?

answering my fav mutual's ask <3 the boring answer is working.

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

im proud of myself for growing in a way where i can better cope with my anxiety and depression. high school me would be so impressed.

im also proud of myself for all the paintings i made this year. I was in painting artblock for about 2-3 years and didnt paint on big canvases during that time, and now i have so many WIPs i dont know what to do with myself!!

38. fave song at the moment?

answered this here, but ill give u another song <3

ask game questions

[meme-loving-stuck]

honestly i dont know why artblock plays such a huge fucking role in my depression but i havent been able to do shit since i stopped doing my little book doodles and cheap powder paintings on cards.

its like every time i go to draw something i have absolutely no inspiration, and when i try to just do a simple/ quick study just to Stay Practiced i end up fucking up my form so badly or being so TENSE i get rsi and cant hold a pen for days after. doesnt matter if i stretch. doesn't matter if i only draw for 1 hour with breaks every 20 mins. it hurts so bad the next morning i can barely move it

its like i just CANT do it anymore, i cant even look at my sketchbook or tablet because im so sick of "just doodle something" and im terrified to try to start an actual project, and i cant use my tablet for ANYTHING now and im even stressed out that i havent DONE ANYTHING in weeks because my mood has been so low from other things on top of it.

its like... ive never made a lot of money on it. so ive closed my store and i dont really even care at this point. i just feel like ive lost a passion and therefor am losing my only tangible SKILL before it ever even developed fully. i dont care that im not good anymore i just want it BACK. i miss feeling something, anything, having anything to do that isnt just housework and work. i have nothing now and it makes me feel hopeless. again, on top of everything else

[ask-the-amazing-helix]

Notice on potential change to how i do stories

needless to say ive been almost entirely non-existant for a while, sorry about that, ive been struggling a lot with art block and lack of motivation. ive been able to draw every now and then but its been casual art for my art blog ReaCreations, i did a costume thing for my sona rachel yall should check out, but anytime i try to work on anything for here my brain just shuts down. i get artblock and my brain goes completely blank on wat im supposed to do eventhough the story stuff is already mostly planned out and ready to go, i get struck with depression which kills any motivation i manage to muster to draw, i start feeling pressure like this is a obligation i owe my followers...the few that are actually still here at least rather then a hobby i do for fun.

so whats the answer?

i could just quit the blog and focus just on casual art on the art blog but i dont wanna do that i love this blog, i love what ive built here, and i love the stories i still have ahead. i could stop doin stories...but as i said i want to tell the stories plus without them the blog really is dead since i aint got much else goin on. then that leaves the last option change how i do this so it doesnt stress me out as much. so how am i changing the way i do stories?

less art more writing...i know to anyone that cares thats probably upsetting but hear me out. i love art but when telling a story through art sooo much more goes into it and not only do you have to get everything just right but its gotta make sense and look good too and...i just cant handle it its too much pressure and sucks all the fun outa this so im gonna try doin this similar to how ive done in the past, instead of drawing everything out im gonna write it out kinda like a fanfic and with each part ill draw one or two pics relating to that part

sorry for the continued inconvenience and i hope yall can understand, ill get to work on the next part of blackjacks story asap...and hopefully this change helps make it not feel like work. a for helixs story im still workin out how to get that movin again. if youre still around i greatly appreciate it and i hope this change doesnt upset yall as much as i fear it will and i apologize for the wall of text but i felt like i needed to explain myself and hope to help yall understand the situation.

[meme-loving-stuck]

If it helps- depression can cause issues with creativity like ADHD (it's part of why I didn't recognize I had ADHD); bad habits from depressive episodes can cause this, especially the common "skipping breakfast" or "bad sleeping schedules" people tend to do whether intentional or on accident- It's best to recognize bad habits and try to work past them to improve, it does take a while tho

Yeah I guess this helps somewhat except like, the artblock is kinda what made the depression get to this point in the first place. I was having a rough month in March but ultimately got over it & started my usual routine again this month, but then I was in constant pain every time I tried to draw. Just solely not being able to now is probably 50% of why I spiralled so hard recently, so its harder to keep up a healthy routine and like, being a person.

On the other hand, I work so I dont really have the option to let my sleeping schedule get bad again + skipping breakfast means Ill pass out on the clock, and Ive had to start tracking my water intake to help my headaches & digestive issues, med intake, etc. I guess work and very basic self care are actually the ONLY things I'm doing right the past few weeks, but nothing else. No grocery shopping, room is a mess, monthly stuff I needed to do but didnt.

Even knowing I can get all that handled, I feel like even if I get to where my routine is perfect and my work hours are fixed and my room is clean, Im still going to be unhappy and feel worthless because I cant create. That's the biggest thing for me and idk how to get out of it except just.. wait. But that doesnt help my mental health in the meantime, and it's not making those things any easier, if that makes sense.