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avengerscompound · 6 years ago

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The Unicorn - Chapter 14

The Unicorn: A Pepperony Fanfic PREVIOUS

Series Masterlist

Buy me a coffee with Ko-fi Word Count: 2075

Pairing: Tony Stark x F!Reader x Pepper Potts

Warnings: Sex talk. Pregnancy

Synopsis: The three of you go house shopping in New York to see if you can find something you’re all happy with.

Chapter 14

Over the next few weeks, things ramped up a lot. There was another ultrasound to be had at 8 weeks and Tony and Pepper were determined to figure out where you should all live that gave the best options for school and work.

You seemed completely nonplussed on the issue. You still went to Avengers training in the early morning and you continued going to your lab in the afternoon. Just now before you left you seemed to struggle with the thought that you might throw up first.

By the time of the eight-week ultrasound, you weren't just thinking about it. You had to factor in an extra ten minutes for throwing up before you made your way down for the dawn run. It never stopped you though. If you could go to training hungover a little bit of morning sickness wasn't going to stop you.

The strange thing was that Pepper seemed to be suffering with it too. Initially, the three of you had put it on her just not handling vomit very well. It wasn’t a totally uncommon thing that when someone threw up it might set someone else off. Pepper had never been the weak stomached type but it was possible worries about the pregnancy was already making her slightly nauseated.

By the time of the ultrasound both Tony and you were teasing her about it being sympathy vomit.

The ultrasound went fine everyone was excited to see the twins again. They still kind of just looked like a weird blurry picture of packaging peanuts. Tony did still feel both relieved and excited when he heard the fast squish-squish sound of their heartbeats.

After the ultrasound, the three of you went to the first of the choices for the new home. New York City.

When Tony had made the move to the compound he’d dissolved all his property. Avengers Tower had become the Baxter Building. It was probably the least practical course for them because it would mean reopening a branch of Stark Industry so that Pepper had an office and you had a lab, buying a home, and possibly opening a branch of the Avengers if you were set on remaining on the team after your maternity leave was up.

Tony had booked them the penthouse suite at the Gramercy Park while they looked at options.

“Dalton. That’s the reason.” Pepper said. Her heels clicked loudly on the garish marble floors of the Upper East Side mansion they were inspecting.

The house was hideous. The ‘American Renaissance’ period of architecture was a travesty. The whole place, with its marble floors, chandeliers, ceiling murals featuring cherubs and gold scrollwork, looked more like a museum than a home. It was dated, to say the least. And dated to a period of opulence with no taste or subtlety. All Tony could think was apart from the library which he’d keep for Pepper (the murals would have to go), the pool and the cinema, he’d gut the whole thing and start over.

“I don’t know, Pep. It could have 100 Dalton’s but there’s no yard…”

“There’s a roof garden.”

“You want the twins playing on the roof?” He said raising an eyebrow.

“Right, of course.” She said heading into the kitchen. “This is nice.”

“Yeah. Very light and spacious. I still think… I’d have to invest at least a cool billion to have us set up and even then it wouldn’t be right and it doesn’t feel like a home.” He said running his hand over the floating kitchen island.

“What do you think?” Pepper asked turning to you.

“I don’t love it.” You said. “I mean, doesn’t it scream masked orgy to you? I bet naked asses have been all over everything.”

“Oh yeah. I thought it looked familiar.” Tony teased.

“God, you’re disgusting,” Pepper said, whacking him. Tony laughed and rubbed his arm. “Well, we don’t have to get this one. There were more options.”

“Yeah, but they’ll all be either Townhouses or Penthouses. They won’t be where we can teach them to ride their bikes or run around with their dog. We’ll have to take them to the park every time we want to do something like that.” Tony said. “Plus there’s the other investments involved. S.I. is upstate now. I’d have to reopen here.”

“The Avengers.” You added.

“Yeah, I moved that because it was unsafe to have it just - in the middle of the city.” Tony agreed.

Pepper pursed her lips. She didn’t like that you wanted to stay with the Avengers the same way she didn’t like that Tony wouldn’t give up being Iron Man back in the day. “We can consider it though right? That’s what we’re doing here? Looking at each option and picking the best?”

“Yeah, you're right. Being here is better than in the compound.” Tony conceded. “I don't know how big the pull to Dalton is compared to just buying land near the compound and building exactly what we want though.”

“There aren't any schools around the compound though.” Pepper complained.

“Start your own one, Elon Musk style.” You said.

“We are not starting our own one like Elon.” Pepper said sternly.

“I don't know… Maybe we should. Give another incentive for people to stay on if it was more family friendly.” Tony said with a shrug.

“Tony…” Pepper sighed. He knew that tone so he dropped it.

You went out to the balcony and looked out over the park. Tony came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. “It is a cool city though.” You said.

“I won't argue that.” He agreed, kissing your neck.

“Can we get out of this house? I feel like I'm in a museum and the temptation to just touch everything for no good reason is making my fingers itchy.” You said.

Tony chuckled and his hands ran over your stomach. It was still far too early to show. Even so, he loved that he could touch you and know that his children were in there and it wouldn’t be too long until he got to hold them. It helped put that nervous impatience he felt in check. “I’d gut it if we bought it.”

“Oh, yeah?” You said turning in his arms. “Not the library.”

“No, but that mural for sure. I’d make it more shelves.”

“Oh, tell me more.”

“All the ugly ass marble and gold would go. I’d change the light fittings to something sleeker but still a feature. I’d keep timber as a feature, but make it less ornate. Sleek lines but the timber would make it feel more home than office like. The art would be modern but not surreal. Maybe some Warhol and Pollack. Maybe include some impressionists to break it up. I’d install FRIDAY obviously. The kitchen would be a similar layout but modern. White and black. Granite tops not marble. I'd make the first floor about entertaining and the top two for us. Bedrooms. Living room. That would be our family space. It would be warmer colors. Colors that take mess more. I'd put a lab for us in the basement. Probably a garage too but I might keep my of my collection out here. There would be an office for Pep. A gym. I'd keep the cinema and the pool.”

You grinned and pecked his lips. “Your mind has been racing even though you don't want this place.”

“Well, I mostly just want my girls to be happy. If buying this eyesore makes you happy, then I’m happy.” He said.

“That’s sweet. But it won’t. I don’t even think Pepper is sold on it.” You said pulling him back inside. “God, that bathroom is going to be in my nightmares. The green marble toilet.”

Tony laughed. “Yeah, that would be first to go.”

They made their back inside and found Pepper coming down the stairs followed by the real estate agent. “Okay. Let's go. I think I’ve seen enough.”

“Good. Let’s get something to eat.” Tony said. “I’m feeling Gray’s Papaya.”

Pepper scrunched her nose. “I think the smell would make me throw up.” She said. “If you want local let’s go to Katz’s.”

You looked her up and down. “You’re gonna need to dial in this sympathy sickness thing or see a doctor because I feel like you’re stealing my thunder.”

She scowled. “I’m not doing it on purpose.”

“So, go see a doctor.” You pushed.

Tony followed you outside where Happy was waiting with the car. The three of you slid into the back seat and Pepper huffed. “I just… it’s only in the mornings or certain smells. It’s got to just be some weird sympathy thing.”

“Maybe you’re actually pregnant,” Tony said. He’d meant it as a joke but as soon as the words were out of his mouth it was like something clicked into place. Maybe she was pregnant. He couldn’t remember when she last had her period, and they’d been tracking it regularly right up until they did the first IVF run with you.

“Ha-ha, very funny, Tony.” Pepper snarked.

“But maybe you are pregnant, Pepper.” You said.

“You do kind of look like you’re glowing.” Happy added looking in the rearview mirror.

“No. How could I be? We did all that IVF.” She stopped talking and seemed to try and count something off on her fingers. “How could I be?”

“Hap, stop at a pharmacy and get some pregnancy tests would you?” Tony said.

“You got it, boss.” Happy replied and swerved the car around, double parking it outside a CVS on Lexington. He jumped out and ran inside as horns sounded behind him and someone cursed them as they went around.

“But… we couldn’t. It wasn’t working.” Pepper said.

“I can’t explain it Pepper, but it’s possible, right? It would explain this.” Tony said.

“How come you get glowing and I get a breakout on my jaw?” You snarked.

“The glow is oily skin.” Pepper said absentmindedly. “It depends on how dry your skin was to begin with.”

“God damn it.” You cursed.

“What will we do?” Pepper said looking at him. “We already have twins.”

“Triplets?” Tony said making an exaggerated shrug. He was pretty far from actually being worried about this. He was actually pretty excited at the thought of the possibility of a large instant family.

“Does it count as triplets if two different people are carrying them?” You asked.

“I don’t know. I mean, they’re genetically me and Pepper and they’ll be due roughly the same time.” He mused. “What counts?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s housed in the same uterus.” You said.

“Can we please argue about that when I’m not freaking out” Pepper groaned.

Happy ran back out and jumped into the car passing the paper bag back to Tony. “Hotel?” He asked.

“Yes, please,” Pepper said.

“And can you swing past Katz’s after. Get us some Matzo Ball Soup, a garden salad, and a Reuben.” Tony added.

“And Knish.” You added. “Potato ones.”

“Sure thing.” Happy said pulling back into traffic.

He drove the three of you back to the Gramercy and Tony lead you and Pepper back up to the Penthouse. Pepper was in full panic mode by the time they got upstairs and rushed straight into the main bathroom and locked the door.

“Are you okay in there, Pepper?” You called, leaning on the door.

“Yes, leave me alone to pee in peace.” She called back.

You snorted and moved to Tony. “Well then,” You said. “I bet she is.”

“I’m not taking that bet.” He said.

“Oh go on. A billion dollars. I’ll bet you a billion dollars.”

“What do you need a billion dollars for?”

You shrugged and flopped down on the couch. The door opened and Pepper slumped out. “Positive. There wasn’t even a wait for lines to show. It was right away.”

Tony rushed to her side and pulled her into a hug. A second later you had slammed into their sides and hugged them both tightly.

“Oh my god, this is amazing,” Tony said.

“We’re going to be pregnant at the same time. How awesome is that?” You added.

“I don’t - how - how do we do this?” She said. “How did this happen?”

Tony really didn’t know the answer to that. All he knew for sure was he had the resources and he was excited. He was going to be part of a big family and he’d make sure they didn’t have to worry about anything.

// NEXT

#tony stark #pepper potts #iron man #tony stark x reader #pepper potts x reader #tony stark x pepper potts #iron man fanfic #pepperony #pepperony x reader #tony stark x pepper potts x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #smut #fluff #angst #polyamory #the unicorn

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ultsracha · 6 years ago

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Friends to Lovers w/ Eric (tbz)

Request: Anon - Ok uuuh I’ve never requested before so idk how to word all this but could you maybe write some Eric (the boyz) catching feelings for his best friend and him trying to ask her out ?? And maybe like the other 00 liners making fun of him for being all soft :( I’m sorry I’m trash at explaining stuff <3 Have a wonderful day A/N: Thank you for requesting! im sorry that this isnt the best but i tried ! Warnings: mild angst & swearing

*He looks so teeny tiny in this gif ouchies my heart*

you and Eric had been friends for literally your whole lives

all of your childhood memories had him in them

running around the back yard? Eric was right behind you

Learning how to ride a bike? This dude was the reason you had the courage to do it

So it was no surprise to everyone that all throughout school you stayed friends

Joined at the hip every second you could be

In class you would sit together and help each other with the work

Of course you had your other friends, 11 of them who were all part of Eric’s band they called ‘The Boyz’

They accepted you into their group with open arms

Most nights after school were spent in the practice room with them

Watching them dance and run around

Eric always tried to get you involved but that’s a big, fat, nope

But you literally had the best, best friend

So, like every other day you’re sat at the lunch table waiting for Eric to get out of his class while you sat with Sunwoo and Hyunjoon

“You coming stargazing with us tonight?” Sunwoo asks as he shoves a few grapes into his mouth

“Of course, I’ll bring some food if you guys want as well?” you replied

This wasn’t uncommon for you all, to go sit on Kevin’s roof with blankets and snacks and just look at the stars

“Is Eric coming too?” You ask because let’s face it everything's more fun with him around

“OoOOoooOOOOoooOOh ‘Is Eric coming too?’ oOOooOo” Hyunjoon teases, nudging your arm

“Ah fuck off you know it’s not like that, we’ve been friends forever! I can’t go anywhere without him now”

They both continued to tease and nudge you around until you saw Eric walking over

As per the routine, you got up and met him halfway across the hall for a massive hug

“Hey! What’s up? You’re bright red?” He asks after hugging you

“Ohhh nothing, just dumb and dumber trying to steal my last brain cell” you giggle as you both settle into your seats

Eric draping his arm round your shoulders like he always does

Sunwoo giving you a sly smirk like he a l w a y s does when you and Eric even look at each other

It wasn’t hard to understand why everyone gave you these looks

Most people assumed you were together

Even some of your family had suspicions because of how close you two were

but you could only dream...

This little crush you had started mid teens and had persisted ever since

Now it was nearing the end of school and here you were, hopelessly in love

Honestly it had just become a normal part of your life by now and that was okay, as long as you had him with you being your best friend. It was okay

“You’re coming to Kevins tonight yeah?” Eric mumbles into your ear

Resisting the urge shiver you simply nod and turn away and continue to listen to the bickering of the boys

After that the day goes on peacefully, Eric walks you to class and kisses your forehead before jogging to his own class

The bus journey home you guys sit together and share earphones, taking it in turns to choose a song

“I’ll see you later yeah?” You ask as you both get off the bus at your stop

“Yeah I might be a bit late though, I’ve got some things to get done beforehand” he replies, throwing his bag over his shoulders

“Alright, I’ll see you later then!” you start to wave goodbye and of course, as per usual he brings you in for a hug and to kiss your forehead

and yet again your heart swells and you inwardly scream because why not your lips hm?

Later that evening Sangyeon picks you up, with Sunwoo and Haknyeon already in the car

Sunwoo on the aux playing some random country music to annoy everyone

It’s an amazing night to stargaze, you get to Kevins just at the end of sunset where the sky is mostly dark but a lilac hue still coats the edges of the sky

The stars already sparkling

Kevins roof was your favourite place to be as he lived at the top of a hill, meaning the view of the city below could be seen

As well as the roof itself having a large flat bit for everyone to cosy up together

Most of the group are already there setting up blankets and pillows and the speaker

As expected Eric wasn’t there yet so you just dumped out all the snacks you gathered next to the speaker and went to speak to the host

“Did Eric tell you what he had to do tonight?” you ask, watching Kevin struggle to smooth out a massive blanket

“Yes but I’m not telling you, it’s a secret” he replies

“Why? What is it?” your heart starting to race

Did he have a girlfriend? Was he keeping her a secret? Was he bringing her tonight?

Yes, that’s where your mind goes because, well every girl in the school would be lucky to have him

“Y/N calm down he’s gone to get something for tonight, don’t worry he’s still your mans but not really your mans” he smirks, patting the top of your head and walking away

You just stand there blinking before realising what he even said, leading you to pursue him to where everyone was sat already

“He’s not my ‘mans’ Kevin we all know he’s got every girl in the school whipped for him” you sigh, plopping yourself next to Jacob

who was munching on some chips

“Y/N you’re kidding right?” Sunwoo smirks while Hyunjoon giggles lightly and nods

“No I’m not, I’m honestly surprised he hasn't got a girlfriend already...” you mumble

The sad truth being explained to your friends hurt but it wasn’t hard to see, he wasn’t in love with you

“He has THE biggest crush on you Y/N how do you not see it?”

You look up from your lap to see everyone nodding in agreement

Who knew your friends would play such a prank on you

“This isn’t funny guys, you’re just teasing and it’s painful so please can we just change the subject?”

lets be real it would always hurt knowing how everyone could see how in love you were but how obviously he wasn't

“Seriously, everyday we see him he talks about how cute you look or how smart you are and how he can’t wait to show you this dance because he wants to impress you” Hyunjoon giggles while Changmin over dramatically nods

“and how you smell nice all the time” Sunwoo adds rolling his eyes

“they boy’s whipped for you” Hyunjoon continues

“It’s almost annoying how literally no one exists when you’re around because he’s so focused on you”

Your heart has literally stopped

Because ??? Eric???? liking you????

“Right let’s quit the teasing because we weren’t even meant to tell her so now you’re gonna have to explain to him about this” Sangyeon scolds the younger ones

You just lay back into the pillows still not computing

They have to be lying? He’s never shown any interest in you?

You hear them still laughing about how your face looks when you’re shocked

Jacob leans over to whisper “just ignore them, they’re rooting for you”

You’re just lying on the roof, looking up to the sky with butterflies bursting your stomach and your heart beating like crazy in your chest when you hear Kevins bedroom window open

“Hey guys, sorry I was late” Eric bursts through the window “I was just getting a few things”

Everyone greets him but you stay silent, looking up at the sky because you were just TOO nervous to say anything

“You okay?” He asks you, laying down next to you and propping his head on his arm

“Yeah! Just looking at the stars” your voice betraying your panic

He just nods and rolls over to lie on his back next to you

The night goes on as normal, everyone chatting, listening to music and enjoying the view

You hop in the conversation every once in a while but the others seem to understand why you’re being more quiet

Eric hardly speaks to you but never leaves your side, just lying next to you also in his in thoughts

“What’s up?” You whisper to him after a while

“Just thinking about stuff” He whispers back shifting to lay on his side to look at you

You look into his eyes and he looks,,, nervous?

“What you thinking about?” you ask, shifting to mirror his position

“It’s nothing don’t worry Y/N” He replies shaking his head

“You know you can tell me anything Eric we’re best friends...”

At this he sighs even more and stands up

“What? What did I do?” You also stand

He’s already climbing back through Kevins window

Naturally you follow, heart beating out of your chest at the thought of Eric being upset with you

“Seriously whats wrong? Why can’t you tell me?” You follow him into the room

“Because if I tell you we can’t be friends and it’ll all go wrong so it’s better if I don’t say anything”

“Why? We’re best friends we’ve always told each other everything whats changed?”

“Will you please stop saying that?” He almost shouts and spins around to face you

You’ve never seen him this upset before

Sunwoo and Hyunjoon were wrong, he doesn't love you he doesn't even want to be friends anymore

“Y-y-y-you don’t want to be friends with me anymore?” You splutter out, tears already brimming in your eyes

They were so wrong and they couldn't have said what they did at a worse time, giving you that small bubble of hope in your chest for it to be crushed an hour later

“It’s not that I just....” he trails off, wringing his hands nervously

“Then what Eric?” You burst into tears, heart almost breaking in that moment

“Y/N I love you. Fuck. I’m sick of hiding it and being teased all the time for not having the courage to tell you. I fucking love you”

The tears didn't stop when you rushed over and wrapped your arms around his neck

Standing on your tiptoes to hug him you felt his arms wrap around your waist

You both just stood there holding each other

His erratic breathing indicating he’s crying too

“I love you too Eric, so much, for so long”

You just stayed put in his arms, him stroking the back of your head

“I didn’t believe them when they told me...” you giggle while pulling away to look at him

His eyes just go so wide

“They did what?” He yelped

“Oh they told me all about how you talk about me all the time and how whipped you are” you giggle even more

The look on his face just makes you laugh harder

“I’m going to kill them” he growls and charges back through the window

You just smile and follow him onto the roof where everyone was just laughing and nudging Eric around

“So he’s finally confessed!” Jacobs asks you grinning from ear to ear

“It’s about time, now we don’t have to spend every dance practice brainstorming ways to get him to do it” Sunwoo laughs, earning a slap from Eric

Once the teasing died down Eric joined your side leaning against the wall by Kevins window

“So does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend?” He asks

And despite the dark you can tell his cheeks are dusted pink

“Of course I will, but what did you need to go get earlier than meant you were late?”

“Oh,” he wriggled to grab a small packet from his pocket “I was going to confess to you tonight and I bought you this”

Handing you the packet you open it to find a dainty necklace

Silver with a small heart pendant on it

“Eric this is so cute but you didn’t have to buy me something to confess to me” you blush, heart feeling so full it could burst

“I know but I thought it would help” his smile is so bright and warm

He helps you put on the necklace and the night ends with you falling asleep cuddled into his arms admiring the view

#tbz #the boyz #eric #tbz eric #eric fluff #tbz fluff #the boyz fluff #the boyz imagine #the boyz fic

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boojersey · 5 years ago

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VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN

*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN

cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense is my sunburnt Brother

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)

What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history

Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.

#LONG POST #KAY I LOVE U BUT HOLY SHIT MY FOLLOWERS ARE GONNA GET MOTION SICKNESS FROM SCROLLING PAST THIS AT LIGHTNING SPEED #saltwaterfox

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qodmode · 6 years ago

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i was tagged by @firesignenergy tysm angel! ✨💕

RULES: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people

LAST

drink - water

phone call - a friend

text message - “me drinking antifreeze last halloween” in my gc (dont ask)

song you listened to - i love you so by the walters

time you cried - this morning because i got shampoo in my eye

EVER

dated someone twice - no

kissed someone and regretted it - Yeah

been cheated on - yes

lost someone special - yeah

been depressed - yes

gotten drunk and thrown up - no

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE U…

made new friends - yes

fallen out of love - yes

laughed until you cried - i think so

found out someone was talking about you - lol yeah

met someone who changed you - i guess

found out who your friends are - Yes

kissed someone on your facebook friends list - i dont and will never have fb

GENERAL

how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - see previous answer

do you have any pets - a cat

do you want to change your name - idk

what did you do for your last birthday - i was sick and felt like utter hell

what time did you wake up today - 6:40 then 9

what were you doing at midnight last night - watching a video about bunnies

what is something you can’t wait for - going somewhere as an exchange student

what are you listening to right now - lucky girl by fazerdaze

have you ever talked to a person named tom - no but that name reminds me of someone id like to forget

something that gets on your nerves - people who leave the water running when they dont use it

most visited website - youtube, twt, tumblr

hair color - light brown

long or short hair - rather short

do you have a crush on someone - no

what do you like about yourself - i can never answer this question but i guess im like funney sometimes and i love giving advice

want any piercings - helix and upper lobe

blood type - A+

nicknames - mostly ave

relationship status - 🔫🤡

zodiac - aquarius sun, cap moon, virgo rising

pronouns - usually they/them

fave tv shows - black mirror, the handmaids tale and im rewatching twd

tattoos - i want a small one but i dont know what/where

right or left handed - right

ever had surgery - no

piercings - only my ears

sport - basketball

vacation - last one was in canada

trainers - ?????

MORE GENERAL

eating - nothing. i had profiteroles earlier

drinking - matcha tea

I’m about to watch - idk probably the news

waiting for - sleep

want - $$$

get married - never.

career - something in the cinema industry or tourism field

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses - both

lips or eyes - eyes

shorter or taller - im like 5′6/5′7 i dont really care

older or younger - same age if possible. absolutely nothing under 18

nice arms or stomach - oof

hookup or relationship - relationship

troublemaker or hesitant - can you just be decent

HAVE U EVER

kissed a stranger - no

drank hard liquor - yes

lost glasses - no

turned someone down - yeah

sex on first date - no

broken someone’s heart - i dont know and i dont care

had your heart broken - yeah

been arrested - no

cried when someone died - yes

fallen for a friend - yes

DO U BELIEVE IN

yourself - Whom ?

miracles - no

love at first sight - no

santa claus - nope

kiss on a first date - depends on the chemistry

angels - not in the biblical sense

OTHER

best friend’s name - ryziana

eye color - gray/green

fave movie - spirited away, 120 bpm, drive, moonlight,

fave actor/actress - viola davis, keanu reeves, jeff goldblum, terry crews, lucy liu

i tag uhhh @clawmachine @9km @jisoosbaby @theyre-my-collar @antmanbigdick @evilgirlfreind @redvelvetfemme @yglesbian @pt90 if yall want to obviously

#do readmores even work anymore at this point idk #anyway this was fun :) thanks

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lofitojii · 7 years ago

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Toxic [VI]

Summary: “We all know him to be a proud, unpleasant sort of man; but this would be nothing if you really liked him.” -Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice. His dark demeanor is nothing more than a mystery to you. His dark past explains the reasoning of his desired passion to completely destroy every inch of your innocence.

Warning: Angst [M]

Word Count: 4k

Toxic Masterlist

The way his lips felt against your skin, sweet and sensitive yet igniting the fire you had yet to grow familiar with. It was a welcoming feeling, having his presence near you, with you, touching you. The way his lips would graze across your collarbone, knowing it was a ticklish spot for you, or when his hands would grip your upper thigh, causing a small squeal to escape your lips every time. He did things that he knew he would get a reaction out of, not because he was trying to bother you, but because he loved the reactions he got from it.

Chanyeol had lived up to his word, saying he wouldn’t see anyone else if you had promised not to either. In all reality, it wasn’t hard for you. You knew you had fallen for Chanyeol so it was easy to focus on him but you could tell Chanyeol had an issue. He had told you over and over that he liked you more than he wanted to. He had grown frustrated, not knowing how to handle his emotions, which you anticipated when he confessed to you the night of his party. As you thought of it, Chanyeol and you had been seeing each other for little over a month, after his birthday coming and going, not really doing much since it was over the small break you had.

Finals were around the corner, you could feel the tension grow throughout campus as study rooms were booked, classes being held at weird hours to catch up on work you didn’t understand. You weren’t too worried about your finals, knowing that you really had worked hard to get where you were. You found yourself slipping in one of your classes, but if it wasn’t for Chanyeol pointing it out, you don’t think you would have been able to get back up to an A.

That’s the thing about Chanyeol, he’s quiet, reserved, standoffish. He doesn’t like to confront things that are difficult for him nor does he like talking about his feelings or aspirations, but he does care about his friends. He looks out for them, making sure they’re doing their best. You didn’t need to ask Chanyeol about that, it was just obvious in his actions. The way he dragged you to the library rather than you dragging him, or when he told Jongin he would tutor him in economics if he needed the help. It was all about the little things with Chanyeol.

He would do the smallest of things to show you he was trying. The way he would slip his hand into yours, letting you knew he was there. It took some time to get him to hold your hand in public but you never pushed him to do it. Eventually, you would just have to wait for him to make the move. This was his game you were playing, you had to play by his rules or not at all.

You let your hair fall over your paper as you studied the small section of notes you had written for your science exam that following day, trying your best to cram in a few extra hours of studying before you took your finals. Chanyeol sat across from you, tapping away at his calculator for his math final he had the same day as your science final. He had been a great study partner, motivating you more than you wished, but really helping you along the way.

You looked up, seeing Chanyeol’s reading glasses slowly slip from the bridge of his nose only to be pushed back as Chanyeol noticed them falling. He let out a small sniff, bringing his sweater to his nose to rub it clean from being uncomfortable. “Are you going to study or just stare at me all night?” He smirked, looking up from his paper, catching your eyes. You just laughed, taking off your own reading glasses, setting them down to the side of you.

“I just like how you look is all,” you shrugged, causing his smile to grow as he leaned back in his seat. He motioned you over towards him, signaling for you to get up out of your seat. You stood up, letting Chanyeol guide you so you were now sitting in his lap, his head buried into your shoulder as he placed small kisses along your shoulder blade. It was a small gesture, but it was a moment you wanted to hold on to. The way his hands lazily draped around your waist, his head hiding away into your body. You loved his touch, craved it even. Every time his touch left your skin, a feeling you needed more of, more of not only his touch, but him.

“What are we doing for dinner?” he asked, finally bringing his head up and looking up at you as you sat there on his lap, legs hanging through the armrest on either side of him.

“Well, Sehun texted earlier and said he cooked dinner if we wanted some.” You could feel Chanyeol tense under your touch, his jaw clenching as he looked away. “What?”

“Why are still talking to him?” You looked down at him, raising an eyebrow only to have a smirk play across your lips.

“Is someone jealous?” He shook his head, shaking as he let it hang low before looking back up at you.

“Oh honey no. I know you’re mine, I just want to keep it that way.” The way the words escaped his lips, dancing around in your head, replaying the way his raspy voice let it slip. You felt your insides shiver as you heard it over and over again, replaying like a broken record.

Chanyeol let out a sigh, sliding your body off his lap so he could stand up and stretch out. “If you want to, you can run off and hang with your little boyfriend Sehun.”

“Chanyeol,” you frowned, leaning against the table, crossing your arms over your chest. He chuckled, mimicking your actions as he towered over you.

“What? How would you feel if I went and hung out with a girl I made out with and knew they liked me? I’m just saying, you’d be just as uncomfortable.” He had a point, you knew you’d be upset if he did that, there was no doubt. After what went down that night, you knew you had hurt Sehun. The following morning, you had left Chanyeol to sleep since you knew he was going to be hungover no matter what you did, so you let him be. Sehun was already awake when you entered the kitchen, seeing him scrolling on his phone as he had a cup of coffee in front of him.

“Morning,” you awkwardly tucked your hair behind your ear, approaching Sehun who gave you a weak smile.

“Morning,” he replied, placing his phone down on the counter. You didn’t know where to start. You didn’t know whether you should start apologizing or just cut straight to the point at how you liked him, but not in that way. You enjoyed having Sehun as a friend and there was no doubt you felt bad that part of you had used him to make Chanyeol jealous. “Sehun, I-”

“Hey,” he stopped you. “Before you say anything, it’s okay. I know.” You didn’t know if it was relief or fear that had taken over your body as he cut you off. “I know how it is. But no hard feelings. You’re still one of my best friends.” You had been glad that Sehun didn’t take it as harshly as you were playing it out to be in your head. You did care for Sehun, more than most of your friends you have had in your life, but it was the fact you had used him.

You placed your hands on the counter, twiddling your thumbs, trying to form some sort of sentence. “I’m still sorry.” Sehun just smiled, getting up from his spot and coming over towards you. He pressed his lips to your forehead, reaching behind you and grabbing a cup from the cupboard from above you. He placed it in your hands and backed up.

“He’s going to need water. He gets sick the morning after he drinks a lot. Just a heads up.” And with that, he went about his day, and you went about yours. Regardless of his words of kindness and understanding, you still felt bad. You didn’t want to and no matter how many times he told you not to feel bad, you couldn’t help it.

Chanyeol sat back down, gathering his things into his backpack as you sat there, lost in thought. It wasn’t until he finally zipped his bag up, slinging it over his shoulder. “We’re not dating so I really can’t tell you what to do. Call me later though.”

“Where are you going?” You finally asked, a worried expression obviously plastered across your face. Chanyeol just laughed, coming over and placing a small kiss on your forehead before pulling you into a hug.

“I’m just going to go home, finish up a paper for my English class. Plus, I still have some unpacking to do. Come by later or something.” He pulled you closer to his face by lifting your chin, pressing his soft lips into yours. “That was basically me asking you to come over later.”

“I will,” you tried to smile as his hand squished your cheeks, making it hard for you to really talk. He just laughed, pushing your lips out further as he squished your cheeks closer together. He kissed you once more before taking off, leaving you alone in the small study room. You exhaled before finally regaining your train of thought, packing your things up so you could go meet your friends for dinner.

When you arrived at Sehun’s, it seemed empty. Everyone was moving out, moving into new places as they were about to enter their last year of college the following semester. Jongin greeted you with a hug, letting you walk in past all the boxes stacking in the living room. The kitchen still smelled of the food Sehun had said he made a little earlier, making your stomach make an inhuman noise. “Someone’s hungry.” Jongin joked, moving past you into the kitchen.

“Where’s Chanyeol?” Sehun asked as you approached him, dishing you up a plate of food. You exhaled, sitting down on a bar stool, running your hands through your already messy hair as you stressed over the simplest question.

“Home. He had some unpacking to do. Plus, that math exam tomorrow,” you replied, stress laced in your response. Sehun frowned, placing the plate of stir fry in front of you. He didn’t reply, instead dishing up a plate for Jongin instead who was overly excited about the food.

You didn’t really like how Chanyeol had been neglecting to see his friends since he moved out. You didn’t know if it was because you had gone on a date with Sehun or just because of his weird mood wings he tends to get. It was not only frustrating for you, but for his friends as well. Sehun had mentioned he hadn’t seen Chanyeol since he moved out when they got back from their small break, heartbreak prominent in his words. You wanted to step up and say something to Chanyeol but didn’t want to overstep any boundaries.

“How’s he doing?” Sehun collected you from your thoughts. “Chanyeol.”

“He’s good,” you shrugged, not really knowing how to answer that question. There wasn’t much you could say. Even now, Chanyeol was a bit secretive about his personal life. You had come to learn that you can’t just ask Chanyeol how he is, he has to come to you.

“He really does like you,” Sehun spoke, shoving food into his mouth as he nodded. You waited for him to let it pass, wanting him to continue with his statement. “I haven’t seen him like this in a while. Be careful though, he’s known to be a bit…”

“Rude? Asshole? Flakey?” Jongin joked, causing Sehun to glare in his direction. You couldn’t help but laugh at his small comment.

“He’s just not good at commitment. Be careful, okay?” Sehun was only looking out for you, you knew he had a good heart behind it. Despite the messy situation you had gotten yourself into, you were glad you could still have a friend like Sehun around. The only problem was that Chanyeol was overprotective, didn’t want you around him. You respected it, making sure you weren’t alone with Sehun, but in the end, it came down to trust. You wanted Chanyeol to trust you, not having a reason to say otherwise.

Did you trust Chanyeol?

It was a question that bounced around in your thoughts more often than usual. With the way Chanyeol liked to keep to himself, it was hard to say whether or not you could trust him. Every time you would sit down in a class next to a group of girls, you would hear things like how they hadn’t seen or heard from Chanyeol in over a month, the same time he had promised you. It was situations like that where you felt like you could trust him. Where you felt like he was serious about being someone you wanted to be with.

You said your goodbyes to Jongin and Sehun, leaving so you could go meet Chanyeol at his place. He had moved to the other side of town, closer to where he worked. It was a nice place, being a townhouse that was bigger than your average. You pulled into his driveway, right next to his car, like you had been doing for the past two weeks. You walked into the living room, placing your things down by the front door to see the place was rather empty. “Chanyeol?” You called out, hoping that he would pop out of the kitchen but there was no response. You walked up the steps, making your way down the rather long hallway, coming to his room. “Chanyeol?” You asked, tapping on the door. When you opened it, you saw Chanyeol sitting on the end of his bed, Lisa resting closer to the headboard. They both saw you come in, smiles wide as you entered. “Oh, I didn’t know you were here.”

“Was in the neighborhood, thought I’d stop by,” Lisa replied, lifting her body so she was looking at you. Seeing Lisa and Chanyeol together brought you back to the day Sehun had told you about their little fling they had back during their freshman year. Yes, Lisa was seeing Yuna and wasn’t exactly into boys anymore but it still made you feel sick. “I should get going though. Yuna should be here soon. It was good seeing you Yeol. And I’ll see you at home later, I hope?” She smiled, squeezing your arm before leaving the room.

“Surprise visit?” you asked as Chanyeol got up from his spot at the end of the bed and came over towards you. He pressed his lips to your forehead before moving past you, going out of his room and making his way towards the downstairs.

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “Wanted to come say hi. I wasn’t doing anything so we caught up.” You followed him downstairs, into the kitchen. You didn’t want to confront the situation but you were tired of this game of avoiding confrontation.

“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Lisa?” You blurted out, causing Chanyeol to raise an eyebrow.

“It was so long ago. It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter,” you crossed your arms. “You dated. For a long time too.” You could tell Chanyeol was getting angry with you, but you didn’t care at this point. You hated that everything was on his terms, you had to defend yourself every once in a while.

“So I can’t hang out with one of my friends alone but you can go and hang out with someone I’ve told you I don’t like you hanging out with?” He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the counter as he waited for your response.

“It’s different. I didn’t date Sehun. I went on a date with him.” Chanyeol laughed, shaking his head as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth.

“What? Do you not trust me or something?” Your silence was enough for him to know that you weren’t quite sure where you stood with him. You wanted to trust him, more than anything you wanted that, but it was hard. “You don’t trust me.”

“Chanyeol,” you started. He quickly stopped you, raising a hand.

“I don’t need to hear it. I know I’m not an expert on these kinds of things but I thought being in a relationship meant you trusted one another.” You were taken back by his comment, not really knowing how to react. You couldn’t help but feel the butterflies form in your stomach. “What?”

“You said relationship,” you pointed out, feeling the smile creep across your face. Chanyeol just looked at you, knowing exactly what he had said. He let out a sigh, finally walking over towards you, reaching out, pulling at your sweater. He rested his body against yours, letting his head fall to your shoulder.

“You know what I mean,” he finally spoke, his voice soft. You did understand what he was saying, knowing that he was being sincere with his words. You didn’t want to push him any more than you had but you also couldn’t keep pretending like everything was okay either. You lifted your hands, giving Chanyeol’s arms a small squeeze to reassure him that you had heard what he said. “I’m trying here.”

You were both pulled from the small moment you shared by your phone ringing. You let out a sigh, reaching into your back pocket and sliding to unlock the call. “Hello sweetie. How are you?” It was your mother calling to check up like she did every week. You pushed Chanyeol away from you, walking into the living room area and taking a seat on the couch.

“I’m good. How are you?” You asked, playing with the ring you had gotten from her not too long ago.

“Good. I’m calling about Christmas? You’re coming home right?” You could hear Chanyeol shuffle around in the back, trying his best not to listen in on your phone call but you knew he couldn’t help it.

“Umm yeah. I’ll be home.”

“Good. I miss you honey! Good luck on your final tomorrow! I’ll talk to you soon!” Your mother hung up, leaving a dead line to ring through your ear before you finally pulled your phone away. You sighed, resting your head against your hand as you propped your elbow up on the armrest.

“Who was that?” Chanyeol finally asked, coming over and sitting down next to you, beer in hand. He lifted it to his lips, wrapping an arm around you in the same swift movement.

“My mom asking about Christmas.” It wasn’t that far away. Maybe two weeks tops? It had come faster than you had thought it would. Chanyeol nodded, not giving you an answer. “What are you doing for Christmas?”

“Probably staying here.”

“You can’t do that. What about your family? They must miss you.” His face fell, enough for you to notice the mood change. “Yeol?”

“I just don’t want to go home.” The way his mood had changed from calm and collected to frustrated and upset really made you worry about what was going on in his mind. He got up from his spot, making his way back into the kitchen. You followed, trying to stop him from being so angry.

“Chanyeol please,” you finally stopped him. “What the hell is going on? Every time I mention your family, you freak out.” He didn’t reply. He wasn’t even looking at you. “You’re going to have to talk to me at some point. I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just-”

“I don’t have a family to go back to,” he finally spoke, his fist clenched as he stood there, almost lifeless if it wasn’t for his stiff jaw. You didn’t know what to say, once again speechless and taken back.

“What about when you leave town?”

“I go see my foster brother and his family,” he sighed, still not making eye contact. You felt your heart ache, not because of the news, but the way he sounded when he spoke. He was just as broken as his voice was. “I can’t keep showing up to his place like that though. He has his own family now.” He didn’t look at you, not once. Instead, you finally saw something you thought you would never see. Chanyeol broke down, leaning against the kitchen counter as he hid his face away into the palm of his hands.

Chanyeol wasn’t some kind of cold hearted man who didn’t care what people thought of him. He wasn’t the person he presumed to be. Instead, he was a man who was lost, scared, didn’t know where to turn when he needed help. He was someone who had been on his own for so long, not having anyone to look after him.

You walked over, gently placing your hand on his shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. He looked up at you from his hunched over position. His eyes were red, not like he’d been crying, more that he had been trying to hold it back. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” He got up, keeping his eye contact with you as he regained his tall position.

“I don’t like talking about it. It’s something I just found to be more personal, something I’d rather keep to myself. I’ve worked so hard to get here, getting into college, having a stable job, being able to buy my own place like this. It’s not that I don’t want someone else in my life, someone I can trust and come to when I need it, it’s just that I’m scared. I’m fucking terrified, Y/n. I don’t know how to function like a normal human. I’m so fucked up.” This time, Chanyeol let himself break, letting the salt water tears fall down his red cheeks. It was the first time Chanyeol seemed to show any sort of emotion rather than pissed off.

Things made sense, just about everything. His attitude, his constant secrets, his need for reassurance from you. He was scared, just like you, only for a different reason. He wasn’t scared that you were going to leave him for someone else, it was more a fear that you were going to leave him for someone or something better. His abandonment issues were present every time you would leave to go home or if you left upset with him. You didn’t notice until he finally came forward, explaining his fears.

You wrapped your arms around Chanyeol’s waist, letting him rest his body against yours. His grip was shakier, the way you could hear his sobs muffled into your shoulder. It broke your heart, every little broken sound that came from his lips. You wanted to just sit there, hold him until he was better, try to glue his broken pieces back together.

You lifted your body so you could look at him in the eyes as you spoke to him. “Why don’t you come home with me this Christmas?”

“Y/n I-”

“Not as my boyfriend. But as my guest. Just come and spend it with my family.” Chanyeol lifted his sleeve, wiping away his fallen tears. He smiled, looking down at his feet before finally pulling you into his chest.

“What if I did come as your boyfriend?”

#chanyeol #chanyeol fan fic #park chanyeol #chanyeol fan fiction #exo #exo fan fiction #chanyeol angst #exo angst #chanyeol x reader #chanyeol au #exo au

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richiardtozier · 7 years ago

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bill and richie date in high school for a couple years before realizing they aren’t right as boyfriends and better off as friends! they become each other’s wingman and are still good friends

YES I LOVE THIS OKAY

(I changed it from a couple years to like a month)

• bill is in middle school when he realizes that he looks at boys the same way as he looks at girls •he thinks he’s crazy or broken or maybe even sick so he does some research on it and finds that hey!! there’s a word for it!! and it’s totally normal!! • bill cries bc he’s so happy to finally learn this huge thing about himself and who he is • he’s too scared to tell anyone else though • I mean he’s already known as the kid with the stutter he doesn’t wanna add to the torture • his freshman year of high school is when he finally decides that he doesn’t wanna hide anymore • his stutter had gotten a lot better and he was feeling confident and he wants to tell someone • he still hasn’t told his parents because he wants to tell his friends first • he doesn’t wanna tell all of his friends at once though that’s way too much pressure • so he goes to Richie bc THATS HIS BEST BUD OKAY • they’re sitting at the quarry by themselves because everyone else was busy • bill figures this is as good a time as any so he just says it • “Rich… I’m bisexual.” • Richie starts to laugh • bill immediately starts to get up and leave bc he thinks Richie is making fun of him • Richie grabs his arm and pulls him back • “Hey, wait come on Big Bill. I’m not laughing at you it’s just… I think I am too.” • and bill is just like ??????? what • “I was gonna tell you right before you told me. You stole my big moment!” • they both just laugh bc of course this would happen to them • they tell the rest of the losers the next day when they come over bills house to sleep over AND THEYRE ALL SUPER SUPPORTIVE OF THEIR FRIENDS • they all notice that bill and richie have been holding hands • it was just for moral support but that’s not what the losers think • “so wait… are you two dating then?” • bill and richie both go bright red and yank their hands away • “no bev god we were just nervous so we were trying to ya know- be there for each other. or whatever. shut up.”• later that next night though after all the other losers had left Bill says what he’s been thinking all night • “You know we’re the only guys at school who openly like other guys r-right?” • “Yeah, so?” • “Well neither one of us has ever actually dated another guy.” • “Nah shit. Where are you going with this?” • “I d-don’t know I- I wa-was ju-just think-thinking that may-maybe uh we sho-should you kn-know uh um-” • Richie notices Bill’s stutter coming back like it does when he’s super nervous and he realizes what Bill’s trying to say • he ignores the butterflies in his own stomach when he says “You were thinking that me and you should date?” • bill blushes and nods at him • “I- I mean… if you think about it… we kind of already basically date.” • Richie knows he’s right. They cuddle almost constantly. They go see movies alone more often than not. And he would be lying if he said he didn’t find Bill attractive. Richie honestly thought Bill was one of the most gorgeous people he knew. • “Okay. Let’s do it.” • “Wait, really? You’re-you’re se-serious?” • “Well yeah. I mean you said it yourself. We basically already date. And it’s not like we’re gonna have other people lining up to date us. Well you might with your stupid gorgeous face but I certainly won’t be pulling in too many guys or gals.” • “I think your face is pretty gorgeous too.” • Richie blushes and shoves Bill bc “DAMN IT STOP BEING CUTE WE ARENT EVEN OFFICIALLY DATING YET” • they fight over who’s gonna ask who out • Bill says it should be him because it was his idea • Richie says it should be him because he wants to tell everyone how romantic and special he made it • “Rich this is p-probably the least romantic thing to ever happen” • “Okay, but no one else has to know that!” • they settle for both of them asking each other at the same time • “1…2…3… WILL YOU BE MY BOYFRIEND?” • they both say it fast hoping to beat the other to it • “ha! I said it first! You lose, Big Bill!” • “it was a tie. Except not really because I said it first” • these boys are mess okay • and just like that they start… dating… kind of • they tell the losers that they’re together and everyone seems super happy • no one seemed to notice the fake smiles on stan and Eddie’s faces • they both come out to their families together • Bill’s parents are actually super supportive and they love Richie so it’s all good in the hood • Richie can’t tell if his parents care or not• his dad looks mad but then again he always looks mad • his mom doesn’t react at all• it’s almost like she didn’t even realize he had even said anything • his dad looks like he wants to yell but he doesn’t. he eventually just nods and that’s the end of it. Richie doesn’t know if he’s happy about that or not but that’s a problem for another day. • they go on a few “dates” over the next month • to the movies, to the fair or they just hang out in bills room • they both realize that nothing seems to have changed • they hold hands sometimes but other than that it’s just two best fiends hanging out• they haven’t even kissed • they talk about it and decide that maybe they should kiss???? makeout???? because those are things that boyfriends would do right????? • so they’re sitting on bills bed and they just go for it • the kiss lasted about 15 seconds maybe • it was nice • but that’s all it was • they didn’t feel any special spark or hear any wedding bells like they see in the movies • if they were being honest it was a little awkward • they both just sit there staring at each other for like 5 minutes • “We suck at this whole being a couple thing”• “Yeah. It has been a- a lit-little weird.” • “So weird.”• “So… just friends then?” • “Yeah… just friends. Best friends.” • and that’s the end of that • they stop holding hands around the losers and they’re all #confused • “Oh yeah… didn’t we tell you? Big Bill and I are splitsville.”• “Yep. Splitsville.”• and they’re all like “what oh no what happened I thought you guys liked each other” • except for stan and eddie, who are just watching silently with hopeful looks on their faces• Bill and Richie just laugh • “Relax guys… we just realized that we’re better as fr-friends is all. It’s all fine.” • everything quickly goes back to normal • when Stan and Eddie eventually come out to everyone, Bill and Richie realize that what they were supposed to be feeling for each other, they were feeling for someone else • they both help each other woo stan and eddie• it works obviously • lots of double dates happen • I’m out of things to say AND THIS WAS LONG AND IM SORRY

SEND ME HEADCANONS

#bichie

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alex-in-wonderlandd · 5 years ago

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Honestly i wish i could disappear. I feel so fucking useless and im a complete ass CLOWN for thinking that you fucking care about me still when you dont. At all. And it hurts. Its almost as of overnight you fucking just. Stopped. Why? I dont understand? Just a few days before you got angry with me for something as trivial as waking you up. We were completely fine, if not more than that. It really seemed like it was that “head-over-heels” type of love. And you want to know why i think that? Because you fucking told me it was that. I dont think you remember at all though. The little things you would say to me while you were half asleep in my room.

And you say you left because its whats best for both of us. Thats not true. You dont know whats best for me and my happiness at all. Its not a decision for you to make. You only care about yourself. And i guess that i didnt make you happy enough and i was a tie you had to cut. But im not allowed to be upset over that am I? It seems to you that im not supposed to allow myself to be sad and grieve. But it also seems like i would be marked as a whore andca bitch if im happy and trying to move on right? (Dont worry. Im not though.)

I wanted you to be happy i really did but. Now i think i want you to hurt. Because you shattered me. And you know you did. And now you’re picking up the pieces from the mess youve created of me and stronging them along a frayed red thread thats tied not to your little finger like in the old Japanese folktales. But to your ego.

Honestly fuck you for saying that you love me and that you dont want this break between us to be permanent. Fuck you for saying that you’re probably going to come back. Fuck you for saying that you care about me and that you’re still always going to be here for me. Because you know what. I was drowning that week and when i tried to approach you about it, i was suddenly inconsiderate and it was the last straw for you or whatever and you? Left? Me? During my time of need.

And god i cant even tell you how your selfish timing fucked me over. Not only did you make me drive all the way across town so you could break up with me in person and waste my time, but you really had to do it to me right before my big finals. Before my first shift with my new promotion at work that same night. And roght before summer. So i cant even distract myself with school or friends because everyone is busy with their summer classes, traveling, or work. The 3 friends i do have cant always be there. And i dont even get the opportunity to attempt to make more.

And whats even shittier is the fact that im stupid enough to believe that you’re going to check up on me like ive been checking up on you. I dont know why ive been so fucking nice to you when all youve done to and for me is break my heart, and then get mad at me after we broke up for asking for a little more clarity as to why. You get in my face and tell me that im not listening to you. I am fucking listening but it dosent make any sense?

Seriously how does that make any sense?

“Im breaking up with you because i love you”

What?

No you dont. You obviously dont.

And you shouldn’t have lied about it.

Because all that did was confuse me and hurt me more and here we are a little over two weeks later and i think the wound thats bleeding tonight is deeper and bloodier than the original cut you made when you cut me off.

But it dosent even matter because im not allowed to be hurt over our breakup am i? I bet you the second that i go out with another male friend thats not a safe boy like matthew or will or my two male friends at work or someone you see as a “threat” you’re gonna get all butthurt because im trying to “move on” or whatever right?

Why do you care? Its not like im going to throw my superego out the window and give into some carnal instinct that kicks in and fuck the first guy i see to get over you. Thats not who i am. Thats not what i want. But even if it were, you dont get tobe angry about it because you were the one who left me. You ask if im seeing anyone new the few times weve talked. You claim you’re just trying to “check on me and my life” but quite frankly asking me that one week after we break up at 11:00 at night because i “seem like im doing fine and having fun with my dudes” seems more like an attack.

But did i let it slide? Yeah.

Why did i let it slide?

Because im a fool for still being in love with you and fucking myself up over it.

and you know what else? I dont even know what to do with your things. I have a trillion photos of us. I have your clothes; a hoodie, 3 shirts, your belt, and strangely enough a pair of your boxers. I remember you brought an extra pair to disneyland the first time we went together and you let me wear them after my pants got soaked on splash mountain. I bet you don’t remember that though.

I have the chest you made me only a month ago on our one year. With the glass rose inside of it that you gave to me and insisted that you would love me until it broke. Well there dont seem to be any fractures so i guess that was just a lie too right? And i have the jar you made for me on my birthday with all the nice notes in it.

I packed them up the night before you left because i already knew in my gut what was about to happen, and when i presented them to you after the fact you cried. You told me to hold on to them just in case. And honestly i should have just threw them off an overpass. But i still have them. Because theyre too special to me to destroy because nobody has ever treated me as kindly as you have. (Until now i thought you were an angel. I really did.)

But i also cant stand to look at them without breaking down.

I really dont think youd be able to comprehend what youve done to me. Ive lost about 12 pounds in a 2 week period. Because i just feel absolutely sick to my stomach. And you know what? You made me throw up. In my 11 years of having nausea for what I thought was no reason up until senior year when i was diagnosed with anxiety and gastritis and emetophobia. Ive never actually thrown up unless i was sick with a stomach bug or on an airplane. But you... you made me throw up for the first time out of anxiety and heartbreak and panic. Despite all the drugs ive been doing to make myself feel better like the bottles of antacids and the cases of ginger beer and even prescription medication that was supposed to guarantee I wouldn’t vomit. I did anyway.

My stomach is flatter than it used to be. I remember you told me you would help me get my summer body and i was so excited at first. And you did help me get it. But my heart is broken and id rather have the food baby back and feel disgusted by my appearance and happy than looking fit and feeling...

How am i feeling?

Im a little bit depressed. Im a little relieved. Im nauseated, obviously. Im starving but i cant eat because two bites make me feel full even if im still hungry. Im angry. Im empowered though too because this has been hard for me and im still standing i guess.

But above all im feeling foolish because for some twisted, fucked up reason.

I still love you. And i miss you more and more each day.

Maybe im a masochist. I stayed with the actual spawn of satan for like 2 years. He hurt me. He disrespected me and my body for the longest time. He turned all my friends against me. I was so desperate to get out of that situation, but i didnt. I wanted to so bad. But i was so scared to leave. Maybe i do this to myself subconsciously because id rather be miserable in a relationship than alone.

But we weren’t miserable. We really weren’t.

You dont deserve my love anymore though. You practically cheated on me and i forgave you. You blew up and got angry at me for the smallest an most trivial matters like movie times and jokes in bad taste. I check on you still whenever you post something about wanting to disappear or feelig like crap. I check on you even when you dont post that stuff and ask you how your finals are going and if your family is doing ok.

And that makes me 🤡 of the day because I think that youll check on me too but you wont. Im drowning and you’re standing over me in a life raft just watching.

I just wish i could get closure.

But you know what? Actually i think i get it now.

I love you. But i need to get away from you.

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abra-ka-dammit · 8 years ago

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what IS your advice on cat food? because i think mine are becoming less tolerant toward the common brands bought in stores

THIS GOT LONG SO IMA PUT IT UNDER A CUT

well my first bit of advice is if youre buying the cheapest foods, you get what you pay for. Stuff like meow mix, you may as well be feeding them potato chips and candy for every meal. Ways to check your cats dietary health include:

Activity levels. Are they moving and playing? Or are they sluggish? (Cats do nap a lot throughout the day, which is normal. But you SHOULD be able to get them to play, and they shouldnt be “dragging” in their movements around the house.) Often, elder cats will be slow and sluggish anyways, but cats can live anywhere from 16-20+ years when healthy, so unless theyre getting up there, this shouldn’t be happening.

Stool. Gross, yes, but important! Their poops should be solid, dark brown and come out in couple inch turds. Slimy exteriors, soft stools, blood, pale or otherwise strange coloration, or small little turdlets are often signs of health issues, many of which can be solved just by feeding them better/different food! If you catch it, watch them using the litter box. They shouldnt appear to be struggling, and generally should be getting it all out at once instead of stopping partway, choosing a new spot, and starting back up. Little farts are okay, but you shouldnt be hearing really wet juicy PLBBTS--these are usually accompanied by slimy or loose poops.

Puking. But cats puke! That’s normal, you say. No, not really. Hairballs are a fact of life a lot of the time (it’ll look kinda like a turd) but throwing up their food or just fluid are bad signs. Sometimes they just eat too fast and throw up after (theres neat little toys for that that can force them to have to eat slower if thats the case), but it could also be a sign that their current food upsets their stomach or, worst case scenario, they’re actually sick. If they’re puking frequently, or especially EVERY DAY, bring them to the vet, just in case.

even if your cat isnt exhibiting any issues in these departments, switching to better foods if you have them on cheap shit is still a good idea, because as they grow older it can add up and end up fucking them pretty bad--that was the case of our old family cat, unfortunately.

brands that dont use poultry by products or grains in their food are best. Poultry by-products are bad for em, and cats cant even digest grains, so thats essentially filler that adds no nutritional value. I use blue buffalo; they have some diff formulas including for sensitive stomachs which is good for cats who have taken to vomiting but arent sick as per a vet visit. (theres some controversy from a few years ago abt BB actually using chicken by products but im noooot sure the validity of that or if its still relevant in 2017. Ive noticed a significant increase in energy and overall health in my cats since switching to it, regardless.) I like to switch flavors every purchase because my cats get bored of the same one and will stop eating if i get the same kind over and over--other cats can be finicky and not eat if you DO switch flavors. You gotta figure out your cat’s preferences through trial and error tbh. and ffs--dont let your cats eat people food. and DONT give them milk! cats are actually lactose intolerant, even if they seem to like it, and it can cause them digestive distress, pain, and diarrhea.

wet/canned food is a great thing to give em, at least every other day or so if you can afford to integrate it, because cats dont really have a great sense of thirst and can tend to get dehyrated (if it’s pink, check to see if the color of their nose has paled--its a way to tell theyre not getting enough water before the point of being able to tell via the skin pinch test). Ideally you’d be feeding them only canned food but thats not really an option for more budgeted folks, so make sure theres clean water available to them at ALL TIMES. We have a big bowl in the kitchen, but I also keep a smaller one in my bedroom because my cats spend most of their day in here with me, and its definitely increased the amount they drink per day, because its right there for em. Hydration is super important, because male cats especially are prone to urinary tract issues, some of which get deadly within hours!

weird thing here; obviously, i recommend listening to your vet’s advice, but sometimes their food recommendations are... fishy. I brought my boy cat in for a check because he was showing signs of pee problems (going to the litter box and nothing coming out over and over, licking his penis excessively, growling and getting aggressive at us if we approached or touched him while he was showing this behavior). He had a bladder infection from stress (we had recently moved) and needed some antibiotics--which i gave him, of course! However, the vet ALSO said i should switch him to the brand of food they stocked there, a special “urinary health” formula which--she even said herself--was essentially just saltier to encourage him to drink more water. This is where things become suspicious. There were several signs throughout the office that this company was financially supporting them--calendars of the brand, little standee things on the front desk, advertisements on the walls. Even the hours label on the front door had the brand logo on it. She essentially was obligated to pitch me that--and i cant afford to buy overpriced crap food that just has extra salt in it. Be wary, is all i can say. He hasnt had issues since, without me switching, so it was really not necessary. (**HOWEVER! sometimes cats develop special permanent issues such as diabetes and are recommended PRESCRIPTION foods you cant just pick up at places like petsmart. If this happens, LISTEN TO YOUR VET!**)

now a big one; indoor-only cats are going to be healthiest. I love cats, but theyre pretty stupid, and when they’re allowed outdoors they eat weird shit they shouldnt and drink water thats not clean, which can make them sick and discourage them from eating the food you provide. Plus, the outside world can be very dangerous for your cats in many other ways (dogs, cars, predatory animals, mean humans, other cats) and to add to it all, cats will literally just kill wildlife for fun, which is really bad for the local ecosystem.

and most importantly over everything--PORTION CONTROL. Do NOT free-feed (leaving a full bowl of food out all day, refilling it as needed.) Your cat WILL eat too much and get obese, its basically just a fact of life. Cute as BODE cats are, obesity is dangerous for cats just like it is in humans--and it takes a lot less weight to get there. Our old cat developed diabetes and pancreatitis from free feeding cheap food and it was a huge, expensive mess that ultimately my father refused to pay to treat, and the poor baby was dehydrated, barely eating, vomiting constantly and ended up dying in misery. My tactic is one 3/4 cup scoop per cat bowl in the morning and again at night (for wet food, one small can, or half a large one). I know that sounds like very little to eat, but a lot of the time theres still some food in their bowls by dinner. They actually dont need to eat as much as you’d think, especially when they get older and inevitably lazier. (Kittens are a different matter altogether, however, as they tend to be more hyper. Make sure to buy KITTEN formula foods until theyre 1 year old so they get the appropriate amount of nutrients to keep up with their activity and support their healthy growth!) If you feed wet, pick up and empty the bowls after a couple hours and make sure to wash the bowls after each meal. Leftover food/residue is a breeding ground for bacteria, which obviously is no good. By then, the cat should have eaten their fill anyways. If not... they’ll learn to quick enough, lol.

of course, if you have your cat on good foods, are going with everything ive spoken about here, youve tried different flavors, but theyre still behaving oddly about their food? see a vet. cats dont cry and tell you when theyre sick--in fact, cats will purr when theyre in pain, which we humans then perceive as happy healthy cat. they could have serious, invisible problems, and the only ways for us to notice are often little things like that. better safe than sorry!

THIS WAS RLY LONG SORRY but hopefully it helps !!!

#Anonymous

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