#im sick of the double standard of behavior | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bma-2020 · 5 years ago

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Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

#out.#illness cw #health cw #food mention #ive been writing this since noon and its now two pm so this is great #i’s usually put this under a read more but... maybe most people dont deserve a read more rn lol #their behavior will keep being awful if its not pointed out to them so #im done im gonna go welt up from hugging my cat and cry for a bit because i feel mean

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anti-marxistcult · 6 years ago

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SJW’s “Diversity” dogma and Tokenism comments

same with me

YES!!! THANK YOU!!!

good point

same, entertainment is for escapism, not propaganda but this is what happens when ideologues control any business

Pretty much.

muthafucken TRUTH ^

they do because 1) it is their “selling-pitch” and to guilt/shame you into watching/liking it and 2) it is so if you dare criticize it they use the women/POC/GLBT card on you and call you names to smear you and deflect attention away from the criticism that it is a shitty poorly constructed film, game, series, comic, etc they use “diversity” to protect their mediocre propaganda from negative reaction, backlash, criticism

yup, that is why feminism is a sham, by looking at the people in the movement, their mentality and hatred of femininity and healthy women, it is no wonder feminists indulge in fandoms to bash classical feminine characters and project themselves into male characters by stripping them of their masculinity and making them go against their original identity by screwing other male straight characters. Feminism is for self loathing fugly women who are anti femininity and anti masculinity in their natural forms.

exactly, they know they have to get them while they are young, the younger he better because they are at their most vulnerable and impressionable. it is very much like a cult, they’d groom their children too.

True, it is feminism that makes women turn against themselves and each other. it conditions them to hate their femininity, hate being healthy and attractive. It is these land whale types that attack classic and traditional femininity and want to make women more butch and masculine because they think that since masculinity is men’s strength then women should emulate it, when in truth femininity is women’s strength, but feminism views femininity as a weakness, thus they emasculate men to weaken them in society’s eye and promote women to be masculine under the dumb belief it is supposed to give women some magical strength that men possess, lol or in other words: ‘cock envy’. This leads to both men and women being unhealthy, depressed, miserable, they develop self-image issues, and instead of taking responsibility for their lifestyle and their gullibility for buying into feminism and anti-gender norms dogma, they blame attractive people or the air brushed celebrities and models (friendly reminder sex sells for a reason, human beings generally prefer attractive healthy partners, people that a obese is a turn off - unless you have a fetish for it). another fact is women are prone to jealousy, envy, (I’m a woman, I know, and every other women with an honest bone in her body knows it is true too) again it leads back to human nature and our hard wired competitive streak. Majority of society’s problems, men and women, where personal issues and self-image and all that are concerned stem from the backwards ideology of feminism attacking our natural behavior because feminism and its flawed theories attack gender norms for its own interest, not for the majority of people’s interests. it causes more problems than it fixes, the only people that benefit are the ones that are devout followers of that dogma...except they aren’t really because they’re still jealous and resentful to those that are not conforming to their ideology. this is why they are now pushing it onto younger people more than before.

yup, sad but true, this is what happens when they are exposed to conditioning through media for decades and pass it down to the next gen and peer pressure them to hate the natural norms of women, her femininity and nature. feminism is communism in a skirt and marxism in drag. feminists are their own oppressors.

well that is one way of putting it. a channel I watched explained that too with a remarkable collection of articles, studies and polls and surveys and all that stuff and not to mention just observing that behavior by living and experiencing the real world, which these snowflakes dont do, they live on the internet in their safe bubble echo chambers believing the opposite about human nature and then get triggered and shocked and outraged when it doesnt mirror their fantasy expectations

personally I like watching attractive and healthy women, I can identify better with a person of any race, gender, sexuality, creed, etc that takes care of their health and appearance, not an unhealthy smelly thing that makes me feel sick :\ the agenda to promote ugliness and force acceptance of it is truly sad and gross

that is a great point actually, it is why the activists first hijacked online fandoms when the internet began because it was the perfect platform to shove their politics down teens and apolitical people’s throats and peer pressure them by calling dissenters all the usual buzzwords if they didnt re-”interpret” characters to virtue signal and appease the oppression stack.

yeah that is true, that is the women’s jealousy showing itself (and in some cases their control-freak tendencies), tumblr showcases their hypocrisy too with the double standards of sexual objectification

omg ... I have found my soul mate !!! ;D

Yeah and that is racist and sexist, once again SJWs are the thing they claim to hate. Personality and who you are matters, not what you are. for the people that think their entire being revolves around their race, gender and sexuality - that is pretty pathetic, that means they havent discovered themselves outside a group. One is supposed to let go of the ‘group’ after highschool. I think because millennials were given social media while they were still in highschool is why they havent grown up, they use it as an emotional crutch. Naturally a dependent person is going to feel helpless and confused because they arent thinking and evolving outside their surface traits that they cling to and use as victim cards. identity politics is cancer.

yeah... -__- yeah they eat themselves, this is a move of virtue signaling to gain more minority followers, they really are bigoted to think minorities want to be used as their fucking pawns in their self serving agenda

truth. the best a girl can hope for is a best friend and a sister. rumors, gossip and backstabbing is huge problem among girls/women, it is the result of being emotionally driven, lol

because feminist/sjws double standards and jealousy, and their dogma of “not please the male gaze” lol it is not up to them to tell people what to do and dress and be attracted to, but they do because they and their ideology is totalitarian

yup and they get their activists running rampant on damage control to ridicule people who point this out, who do they think they are fooling?? their strategy and co-ordinated efforts to brainwash the youth is fucking blatant at that point, we get students reporting the ideological bias bs they endure in the classrooms

thats why i find the romantic comedies of the past 20 years unbearable lol

there is nothing wrong with liking characters that all fall into one demographic due to great writing. I like characters for their journey+personalities+quality, gender and race is just the wrapping paper they come in. Badly written characters are the types that only focus on their race, gender, sexuality and nothing else, which are boring tokens and unrelatable on personal level. that why im resentful to fanfic writers that change characters recognizable identity traits (race, gender, sexuality), they prove they cant create a character and have no respect for established characters, even though those traits are what i called the “wrapping paper” it is still their image and a part of them. people that change canon characters are the bigots for changing them in the first place and would be the first to screech if a minority character was changed to be a different demographic. hypocrisy is the SJW game.

exactly, they build it up first, gain the following and support and devotion and then flip the switch. Jim Jones did the same thing. He gained his following by enticing a church, and then after filling them up with joy and hope and hoax miracles to convince them he was legit he then threw the bible onto the floor and said “did lightening strike me down?” and then began pushing his own marxist twisted beliefs and because the followers had been duped to sell their homes to donate to the Jim Jones church and live with the rest of the followers, (note it is easier to create a cult when they are isolated and exposed to the dogma all the time, like modern days ppl are hooked up to social media 24/7) it made it harder for them to just walk away. This is what these zealots do, they lure you in and once they have you they make you feel obligated and dependent on it and then switch the dogma an further poison your mind to reality. it is sick but they use this trick so often it is not hard to spot it, and it is always by the same brand of ideologues using the same methods.

#diversity #marvel #mcu #feminism #tokenism

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lightsandlostbells · 7 years ago

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why I’m not keen on Evak 2.0

fredweasleying replied to your post

“Skam Italia episode 7 reaction”

Im italian and i have the same opinions mostly....why dont you want an evak 2.0 tho im curious!!

Hi, I’m sorry for taking some time to respond! I was feeling a little sick this week and I have a long answer for this question, lol.

The main reason I don’t want an Evak 2.0 is because is that, well, I feel that Evak 1.0 is about as perfect a canon ship you can get in execution, and S3 has no major flaws for me - I only have one gripe of any substance (having to do with Emma outing Isak) and it doesn’t ruin the season for me or anything. Personally I didn’t want any of the seasons to be direct remakes and would vastly have preferred new stories tailored to the culture, with new characters developed around the actors’ personalities and strengths, but there’s not anything we can do about S1, and at least one S2 remake is mid-season, with more being set up. And I believe the contracts required the remakes to do S1 and S2 of the original? But S3 is not a guarantee. Anyway, S3 and Evak had some weird magic going for it where everything worked. Very rarely have I seen a fandom react with near-universal praise and satisfaction toward something, especially a canon ship. Obviously not everyone is going to love S3/Evak but I think it’s hard to deny that they’re overwhelmingly well-received. Not just by fans, either. I’ve seen professional film and TV critics gush about S3, too. Much of S3′s success comes from elements that can’t be replicated just by following the outline of the original.

The chemistry is hands down pivotal to the success of S3. I can guarantee you that, strength of the writing and directing aside, if those two actors aren’t fantastic together, then the season is just not going to work. Imagine two actors with no chemistry doing all the bed scenes, or the kitchen scenes, or the O Helga Natt scene. It would be so awkward. I think OG Skam overall did really well with cast chemistry, and Tarjei and Henrik’s chemistry was really something special - you can see little things in their body language, the way they mirror each other, turn toward each other, come up with unique gestures for each other that make them seem more real as a couple. They react to each other and feed off the other’s performance rather than just performing a script. I think it’s going to be extremely difficult to find actors who are even remotely as good with each other. (And frankly this is harder with gay fictional couples due to possible biases in their depiction ... I want to believe the best of the remake production teams but I’m not gonna lie, until I see it in action I’ll be a little apprehensive that they won’t let their Isak and Even be as affectionate together as the original. Even “progressive” shows can display double standards about that.)

You need a seriously gifted actor to play Isak. Not that you don’t need talent for all the characters, but there are quite a few scenes where Isak just looks at stuff on his computer, or gets a text message, or talks on the phone with someone, and you need an actor who can clearly communicate what Isak is feeling without help from other actors or stimuli. Then of course there are the bigger emotional moments, but Isak is a very internal, very vulnerable character for much of the season. As far as the remake Isaks go, Lucas hasn’t felt that believable to me in most scenes and his facial expressions/subtlety are especially what have left me cold, and I like Martino but his performance doesn’t feel that vulnerable to me yet. Matteo from Druck is the one who seems most capable of being Isak-like but IDK what’s up with Druck. I am very willing for these actors to show me excellent performances in the future, I’m just aware that they have a lot to live up to.

You need a seriously gifted actor to play Even. This could make or break the Evak pairing in the remakes, perhaps. I would argue that you need more acting chops to play Even than to play any of the other love interest characters in Skam, because you need someone who can pull off depression and mania convincingly. That’s really tough subject matter and someone who isn’t up to the challenge could potentially make the character a parody or caricature, the last thing you want to do in a season with positive mental illness rep. You also need someone who can walk the tightrope of carrying a big secret through most of the season while still being charming and sympathetic even as we’re stuck in Isak’s POV, being hurt and confused by Even’s unexplained behavior. We need to have some trust in Even. It will be hard to root for Evak if the Even seems like he’s just messing around with Isak and lacks that core sweetness and sincerity. Personally speaking, I never ever doubted that Even’s feelings for Isak were genuine, even when he was ghosting and giving mixed signals, because honestly, Henrik’s heart-eyes were just that convincing, lol.

Some of the symbolism and richness of the original’s writing and directing will be lost no matter what, if they stick to the S3 script.

For instance, 21:21 does not make sense as birth/rebirth symbolism if the character is not named Isak/Isaac/some variant. Of course the story can still continue and make sense on a surface level, but it will lose aspects that gave the writing additional depth. One reason of many that I love S3 is because the symbolism gives the story so much more weight. It makes Isak and Even’s relationship feel much more important than just a sweet teenage romance. Not to sound ultra corny, but presenting Isak’s love for Even as a form of spiritual rebirth feels downright profound and puts it up there with the “epic love stories” that Even likes, tragedy or not.

The Romeo + Juliet references are not going to make as much sense if they can’t, say, get the rights to the music from the original. Like … if you do a close remake with the pool kiss, and it might be a pretty scene, but you’re going to need some R+J music over it for it to have the same resonance. But then, lol, the scene will be too similar to the OG scene. The R+J references weren’t just fun Easter eggs for the viewers; they were woven into the story very thoroughly and thoughtfully. Even’s love of Baz Luhrmann tells us a lot of about personality and outlook on life. It gives us an idea of his romanticism but also hints at his depression. Thematically, R+J is hugely important in terms of creating tension and suspense throughout the season, that undercurrent of “epic love stories have to be tragic” and making the viewers expect the tragedy, only to subvert that expectation. A story about suicide becomes a story about rebirth.

They should not even bother trying to redo O Helga Natt, man. Just don’t do it. They’re going to lose a lot of the symbolism anyway.

There’s some other stuff but IDK, there’s just … so much that can go wrong. The Evak relationship feels really specific - they have so many inside jokes that are unique to them, so many recurring themes, so many little gestures, and they all work together as part of a whole. Copying them wholesale is going to feel artificial. Some of the remakes have handled the adaptation part better than others, but there’s some stuff that I just don’t think will work as 2.0 at all.

Since we’ll likely be getting an Isak season in each of the remakes - it was such an international draw that I can’t imagine it not happening for each remake that is renewed - what I really want is for them to write their own S3 featuring a coming out story, with the same care and detail as Evak, and covering similar themes, just ... not Evak. Not the same scenes, the same dialogue, the same characterization. Make Even have a totally different personality. I wrote a post about different films they could reference in S3 other than Romeo + Juliet, and like, I wrote it as a joke, but also? They should pick different movie references for S3 if they decide to incorporate them. Perhaps they could pick iconic Italian/French/German films from the country of that remake. Think carefully about the story and weave in different symbolism. Just recreating those motifs will be the ultimate sign of a remake’s laziness.

I do think S3 is very important in terms of the issues discussed, and I think it would be wonderful for youth in different countries to get the LGBT and mental illness representation. I would just prefer if they created something thoughtful and original rather than trying to recreate something that’s already considered a masterpiece by many critics and fans.

#fredweasleying #skam remakes #evak

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likeadog · 3 years ago

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1) this is not a "fandom teen" thing. ive been in fandom circles for almost 10 years at this point and ive seen 30+ yr olds engage in this behavior. it is a Larger Issue than just the darned kids. ntm a lot of large content creators are adults by Nature of Content Creation requiring skill and experience

2) im going to direct you to my blog and all the other posts ive made on the subject. i can use countless fandoms from different levels of seriousness as an example, i can direct you to THIS article about migratory slash stuff, and when you say "there are so many decent mlm dynamics" sure, yeah, but how about all the ships that are just throwing random guys together? there are countless examples of those kinds of ships, and a lot of it stems from both misogyny in the source material (disuse of female characters) and misogyny in the fandom (double standards and ignoring of female characters)

3) im LITERALLY a trans gay man i LOVE projecting myself onto characters and a lot of my other posts address how i feel on the individual aspect of this and how circumstantial it is. however you cant just dismiss the long and storied history of homophobia in mlm shipping circles with "well theres a lot of transmascs too" as if transmascs arent capable of being accidentally homophobic or transphobic. or racist, which the article i linked above addresses. does that make the INDIVIDUALS homophones or transphobes? no. but it is possible to Do Something That Harms Others in Your Marginalized Group, and the presence of marginalized people in shipping circles doesn't change the overall impact of those circles. i know i sound immensely frustrated and i am sorry but you are putting so many words in my mouth and i am sick of explaining that pointing out homophobia in a space is not Fucking Homophobic. i would LOVE to see more mlm pairings....that genuinely explore the gay experience. that genuinely show complicated and nuanced romances. i would LOVE to see transmasc characters in gay relationships and are treated like something more than fetish material. but because of how shallow so much content is and BECAUSE the encouragement to avoid thinking about the implications of what you engage with and what you put with that exists in fandom as a whole, i do not see those things. that doesnt mean they dont EXIST, it just means that i have noticed a larger trend over almost a decade at this point.

i dont think people can just enjoy things anymore. and i dont mean this in a “just let people enjoy things” way i mean people REFUSE to engage with and enjoy something for what it is. the way headcanons and quirky fanart and edits and aus comes before even Knowing The Basic Fucking Themes isnt enjoying something. i refuse to acknowledge it as enjoying any piece of art. it’s commodification and i miss seeing blog posts that were essays abt the themes of something instead of people trying to make kwerky hcs abt how two guys can kiss. i get not everything is meant to be high art but id rather over-read something than live in the vapid hellscape of whatever people are doing in fandom these days

#nyc knacks #on god.

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iamebonybones · 7 years ago

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THESE BOOTS WERE MADE FOR STALKING

(*Image from Take Over Art Exhibition, Switzerland by street-artist Jay Caes)

Often a professional, successful woman can be a target for a stalker, especially if they or their work – appears in the public domain.

Stalking is one of the most frequently experienced forms of abuse globally, with statistics showing up to 7.5 million people stalked in the U.S per year - 61% are female victims. That’s 1 in 6 women. 700,000 women in the UK are stalked each year according to data from the Crime Survey of England and Wales although the British Crime Survey estimated 5 million people experience stalking yearly. Nearly one in three women in France have been victims of stalking in their life - one of the highest rates throughout Europe according to the European Union Agency for Fundamental Rights.

According to new figures, Cyberstalking is now far more prevalent globally than face to face stalking and harassment, with many victims finding themselves pursued by complete strangers. With social media and other online methods making a stalker's task that much easier, the popularity of such sites means that cyberstalking can be done at the touch of a button. Inexpensive cell phone spy software, now makes it easier than ever for the average person to spy on a mobile phone from any country - rather than waiting at someone's house and following them wherever they go.

It’s all part of the on going issue of violence against women and girls.

There are many misconceptions about what stalking is. Described as ‘a criminal activity consisting of the repeated pursuing and harassing of another person’ - stalking is far from romantic. It’s about fixation and obsession and most of all it’s oppressive aswell as insidious, and can escalate to rape and even murder.

To add to a long list of female specific problems, a women’s job could also make her more susceptible to stalkers . Yes, there’s a certain breed of stalkers who only seek to silence women. They are not attracted to their victims and don't even know them personally, but harass and ‘police’ women holding high-visibility jobs or positions normally held by men. Bent on ruining their reputations and self-perceptions of women who somehow or in some way challenge the status quo. They have no desire for a relationship with their victims, but yearn for a sense of power and control, sadistically finding pleasure in gathering information about their victim (sometimes fantasising about assaulting them, physically and sexually). But what drives an angry man-child to harass and cyberstalk women? The answer is pretty simple in short, these scumbags are bullies - they desperately need to feel bigger and better than someone else. Often a professional, successful woman can be a target for a stalker, especially if they or their work – appears in the public domain.

TODAY IN TOXIC FRAGILE MASCULINITY ✨

These stalkers and those they persuade to ‘stalk by proxy’ – stand in the way of gender equality.

The celebrity hacking scandal showed that even famous, successful women were victims to cyber abuse by fragile males who used nude photos as a weapon to silence and humiliate women - as if by doing so asserted some sort of power or dominance in the world. According to Stalking Crimes and Victim Protection, males who abuse, stalk and harass are likely motivated by jealousy, envy, insecurity, fragile identities and a desperate need to assert their masculinity (or lack thereof.)

Look Who's Stalking

So who are these creepy cyber-stalkers who seek to silence women? Who are these sick and lonely cowards who abuse the anonymity of the web as their only possibility to molest others? According to recent studies, many stalkers suffer from forms of mental illness including depression, substance abuse, and often Borderline Personality Disorder. However stalkers are not homogenous - they are motivated by different things and that motivator may oscillate over time. Not all stalkers have a mental disorder. However, when people fixate it's clear there are psychological issues of some description. This is why a mental health evaluation by a professional trained in stalking is important.

Women of colour face cyber-stalking and online harassment more than any other group, followed by caucasian women and then men of colour.

So is this a gender issue? Normally the most dangerous cases tend to be. It’s all part of what’s going on with violence against women and girls. What's most disturbing is a serious concern that many women might avoid positions that put them in the public eye, or jobs normally held by men - because they fear being harassed and stalked. These handful of cyber-stalkers, and those they persuade to ‘stalk by proxy’ online – could stand in the way of gender equality.

‘Im not Stalking, I’m just investigating’: Yes these stalkers as a group, have an impressive capacity to use moral licensing to rationalise, minimise and excuse their behaviors. They like to hide behind ‘credibility’ and go to extreme measures to track and attack professional women, by attacking their reputations, then ‘gaslighting’ them with vile smear campaigns.

So is this a race issue? According to Danielle Keats Citron’s book, Hate Crimes in Cyberspace, Women of colour face cyber-stalking and online harassment more than any other group globally, followed by caucasian women and then men of colour. White males are least likely to be harassed online, and when they are, they are largely targeted or attacked for being gay.

PALADIN: LAURA RICHARDS

(*Laura Richards: Former head of Scotland Yard's Homicide Prevention Unit, FBI adviser & Founder and Director of Paladin, National Stalking Advocacy Service)

So how best to deal with these cyberstalkers? I had countless friends and peers in the industry who had endured years of cyberstalking, harrasment and even death threats, all in silence. I wanted to find out more about this damaging abuse afflicting millions across the globe, so spoke with former head of Scotland Yard's Homicide Prevention Unit, Laura Richards. Founder and Director of Paladin, the world’s first National Stalking Advocacy Service. Laura who seconded to the FBI and trained at the Behavioural Analysis Units in Quantico, is one of the world’s leading Criminal Behavioural Analyst and has trained thousands of police officers, and specialist professionals across the world including Europol, European Homicide Working Group, National Centre for the Analysis of Violent Crime, New South Wales Police, Australia, South African Police (SAPs), Johannesburg and more.

“It's the double standards and casual sexism that is commonplace, along with abuse and death threats that happens at the click of a button online, when we dare voice our opinion with serious impact - just because we are women.“

Paladin was set up following the highly successful All Party Parliamentary Stalking Law Reform Campaign spearheaded by Laura, which led to stalking becoming a criminal offence in 2012. After a decade of analysing violent crime at New Scotland Yard Laura became the violence adviser to the National Police Chiefs Council (NPCC) With a minimum sentence of 10yrs for cyberstalking, Laura helps to hunt down stalkers, and her organisation Paladin are currently doing wonderful work to build stalking cases, support victims, aswell as working to create a serial stalker register as most stalkers are regular offenders.

What's the best advice you’ve been given?

Believe and trust in yourself - you can do and be anything you want.

What is your proudest achievement in work?

Successfully spearheading two major law reform campaigns on stalking and domestic violence to better protect victims in England and Wales. The stalking law reform campaign was the shortest most successful campaign in Parliament (achieved in 15 months), I was told, until the domestic violence law reform campaign (achieved in 12 months). The domestic violence law whereby coercive control became a crime in 2015 is the first law of it's kind in the world. My hope is that other countries will follow suit.

And, of course, there's Paladin, National Stalking Advocacy Service - the only trauma informed national stalking advocacy service in the world, which has assisted over 2000 victims since it's launch in 2013. Without this service, so many would have suffered in silence. The team are lifelines to many.

What do you most dislike about contemporary culture?

The shit girls and women deal with on a daily basis and feel we have to put up with, and simply shouldn't. It's the double standards and casual sexism that is commonplace and the abuse and death threats that happens at the click of a button online when we dare voice our opinion with serious impact just because we are women. Yet so many people say and do nothing about it.

Not all stalkers have a mental disorder. However, when people fixate it’s clear there are psychological issues of some description.

What's your favourite city?

London - it's my home city and when the sun is shining, simply put, it's hard to beat! Steeped in history and culture, surrounded by beautiful buildings and with a river running through it, the diversity of people, smattering of fabulous and unique bars, restaurants and music - what's not to love

What do you like most about the age we live in?

The ability to travel and explore. I love adventures and experiencing new cultures and with the shrinking world and ability to hop on a plane, why would you not? Next stop... the moon!

If you have been a victim of any form of stalking or would like help, contact Paladin

Laura Richards: Criminal Behavioural Analyst www.laurarichards.co.uk

To Donate to Paladin please click here: https://www.justgiving.com/campaigns/charity/paladin-nsas/stalking-takes-lives

#STALKING CYBERSTALKING PALADIN LAURARICHARDS ONLINE ABUSE HARASSMENT SUPPORT

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yourrainycollectorhologram-blog · 7 years ago

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cheap one month car insurance under 21

"cheap one month car insurance under 21

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/de-leon-springs-florida-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-janice-stone/"

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somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years ago

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so i went to this therapy session. it consiisted of this woman asking me what i thought my issues were and going through a list of “important life factors” before she readily prescribed CBT. and like.. ive learned to play the game with these people; if you influence them by giving too much or focusing on the wrong thing, they can suggest stupid things. so i gave her very concise and bare bones answers.

unlike my family doctor, she had little focus on the traumas. she said the traumas must have created behaviors that needed to be examined. i mean, yeah. science? and like, i’ve learned to handle my anxiety atleast 30 - 40% better than say, last year. by using things similar to CBT techniques, like examining all possible outcomes and taking time to examine my anxieties rather than react on them. this has allowed me certain control over a lot of previusly panic inducing situations. but now im plateaued because the anxiety is not so much an issue -- i don’t care. i used to care alot more before. like i wanted to be seen as a good person and i went out of my way to be a good person and put myself and needs aside for it. but now i dont care? i find i have even less anxiety going out and meeting new people because i dont care? the apathy is overwhelming.

CBT doesnt fix apathy. and i dnt know if anything fixes apathy.

heres what i do KNOW from this year of self improvement: the only thing that has made me feel remotely better and that has made sound logical sense since it came to be acknowledged is really standard old school talk therapy. in no fucking way can cure anxiety about being alone or having no family by “positive affirmations”. you can try and see some positives in but if you try to fool yourself so far that youre “totally okay” with no one, there will always be one day that comes when you regret “totally okay”.

but absolutely no one cares about examining the known. no one cares why or how the family dynamic works except people literally studying it. all anyone knows is that by default, you’re handed a group of people who share similar dna to you and whatever happens after that is up to fate and chance. more often than not people have SOME kind of family. even those who say they dont “really” have family have some cousin or distance aunt or someone they manage to stay in close contact with.

heres what i also know: he is “right” about one thing - the people we know, including himself, were shaped and influenced by a community; there’s half a million strong here but yet if you’re in our age group and you’re white you can probably play six degrees of seperation. and a lot of people turned to drugs, a lot of people came from bad homes, a lot of people have untreated mental illnesses -- and these are the people i am turning to for support. because i have no real choice right now. it’s literally trying to survive and you cannot pick and choose in survival. you take whatever you can get wherever you can get it. and thats not even to say these are bad people. clearly if they offer any support at all they are good people in their hearts. no matter what issue they have, they’re decent people.

but in no fucking way what so ever are they equipped to support another person emotionally or even leave their own foundations of support because i mean, who does that? logically?

i went through all of this stuff. and like i’m nt trying to have a pissing contest of whos life was worse? my own parents lives were worse than mine. a close friend of mine - definitely way worse than mine. this could totally be worse but what difference does that make? you cut off a finger and you’re like “well didnt lose the hand” but youre still living with no finger. you still have to cope and deal with n finger every second of the day despite how much worse it “could” be.

to me my power and release and way i feel good is not through meditation or yoga or taking a walk - it’s being heard. i want to be heard. i lived in silence an was sheltered for a long time and i didnt get to speak on a lot of things that legitimately shaped the way i lived my life. and like i’m not asking for these things to be analyzed. theyre not here for like a game of psychology. this is my life. this is what i lived and i want to speak about it. i want to be able to speak for ten minutes straight on what happened to me and how i feel. and secondly i want to be understood. like im not speaking a different language. there is no hidden meaning i am just telling a story i want to have understood by the listener. when you read a book, you dont stop thrugh a paragraph and be like “oh i remember the time my mom did this and this” and go off into a new tangent for yourself. you give it focus and attention to understand the nuances of this person’s perspective.

and my doctor gave me the freedom to speak to him at anytime. i can literally go and be like i am upset and here is why and he will just listen to me. because my problem is not about me. my problem is the things that happened to me. CBT literally tells you that statements like “i am a victim to outside circumstances” is “harmful”. but i am? like i’m not saying this t promote an internal victimization but that outside circumstances happened to which i had little to no control over anything BUT my own reaction.

and the thing is - no one at all will ever fix what happened. very bad things happened. this is without a doubt now, bad things happened. almost all of the time. and people cannot even fathom such trauma without bringing up sexual abuse or physical abuse because it more often manifests those ways but this was a unique circumstance of very different factors - none of which are special in the world but just a timeline that by using all of these factors created a very jarring and traumatic time.

so you cannot give me medication. im not sick. im experiencing a natural reaction to long term trauma. like.. the brain is damaged now but who is to say filling it with synthetic chemicals to “fix” or cover the damage is any better? what happens when youre no longer on them?

you cant tell me to meditate on it; sit silently and dont think about it? cruel. how o you think i made it this far? i deserve to talk about these things, outloud, without judgement. i dont even need a group. in fact right now i deserve one single human to give me the respect and time. because literally? sometimes i need like.. one hour in a month. just one hour in 30 days to speak out loud everything that haunted me that month and have it acknowledged in reality without personal opinion inserted.

i explained to him why i didnt like cbt and why i felt like i wanted to be left alone now; like i was tired of being psychoanalyzed, i knew what my problem was, i knew what i wanted in life. he immediately brought up how i should be seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist instead and that i just needed to have that. i realize now that hes put alot of weight on a psychologist or w.e. solving my issues and “giving me coping techniques” and by me saying i wanted to be left alone triggered anger, like he assumed i was “giving up”? still, it went into an argument which led to him saying things like i needed to have a job to deserve a family which is very hateful and emotionally abusive thing to say. i walked away when we got to his place and then went to a friends for an hour or so before he picked me up. he commented on the way back, “just for the record, i’m just too real for people.” -- but ive started not to care. i told him he wasnt real, he was mentally ill and projected a lot of things on to people around him when he was a textbook example of toxic thinking. i said he should get therapy, but he wont because it takes work and it might mean he wont be great anymore but i still loved him regardless.

he sat quiet for a bit and when we got back to his place he made a casual remark asking if we had talked about him. i said sure and he asked what was said. i told him the only thing im ever told about him is to not listen to him because hes crazy. he laughed a bit and asked how and why and who. i doubled down and said even my doctor has told me to not listen to him because what he says is harmful and misunderstood. he got very quiet and then seemed to be upset the rest of the night. i couldnt understand entirely why though? did he feel bad about it? did he think i was wrong? did he have shame people held this opinion or was he angry they knew about him at all?

he was still a bit upset this morning but seemed to try and at least fake it? he told me he loved me when i left but it just seemed weird. i feel like he feels bad? like maybe he realized he was causing damage but now couldnt take it back? i certainly dont think he’d tell me he loved me if he was angry.

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