Tumgik
#im sick of good stories being ruined
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i think stranger things should be canceled man..
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bunisher · 4 months
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yeah i do think it’s interesting how the guy who plays a character who kills abusers had one on his podcast and then was like hehehe frankcastlecore Bro The Character You Play Would Shoot You Too
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jamiethebee · 2 months
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Fully caught up on the manga (minus spoilers for the last chapter) and..... Ya know what maybe I am a villain stan because I just.... Don't trust that anything really changes in society. Everyone outside of heroes, when given speaking parts, seems to indicate that they'll step in or do something in order to protect themselves - not out of any sense of responsibility or community, but to safeguard their lives in case the other person ends up a villain. Or maybe I'm just pessimistic? But we've seen irl time and again that this ending attitude doesn't work. Doesn't have change. Certainly not long lasting change. I really really wanted to finish the series still liking Deku but throughout the fight, every cut back to someone other than Deku, talking about his heart and how good he was and how much he was doing to fight for the person - and the cut back is just "punch". He never responded to Shigaraki's words. He never engaged with the man himself. And at the end of the day, I feel more trust in Uraraka. More trust that she'll actually work on saving people's hearts. And she's back in construction work like her parents. And of course the camera dies and no one sees Toga's heart. Because how dare anyone think a villain could be a person (paraphrased that one interview guy).
I really really wanted to end this manga happy with it. I'm not stupid enough to conflate the reality of the story with fandom. I'm not. I really wanted to enjoy it for what it is. But when they directly ask "how do we fix villains being made" the answer is "you don't. We can't" and ???? That's supposed to be what the manga was working towards this whole time? I - .....
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hecksupremechips · 5 months
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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symbioticsimplicity · 2 years
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If you ever find yourself wanting to write a plot where siblings fuck:
Don't.
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nmakii · 5 months
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Ok so another part to your yandere alastor series?! Im like obsessed with them, i love the way you write Alastor!!
So an idea i guess? I love the idea Alastor slowly corrupting his kids and reader trying her best to correct them? Obviously she can’t. Idk, i can see Al wanting his son carry on his legacy while his daughter is becomes a sweet but strong woman who can probably destroy your life in a matter of minutes. I just want his kids to get corrupted to become like him!! 😭
IN A MOURNING WARNING, NO ONE HEARD
[hold up! read the rest of the story first!]
— day by day, alastor ruined your children with his malicious thoughts, while you set them straight. it’s as if evil and good decided to fight their battle in your house.
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every day in this house was a headache. sleeping beside the monster called husband every night, him cuddled up to your side as if he hadn’t broken your hopes for years. acting in front of your children as if everything was fine— that they had parents who were madly in love with each other. and, raising your children. of course, raising them in itself is difficult, but alastor seems to just enjoy making your life a hell on earth.
implanting evil thoughts into your babies’ minds, and there was no one else but you to fix his mess. to instill morals in their minds, and to make sure they grow up to be diligent and kind.
sitting down at the dinner table seemed to grow harder and harder each day. resisting the urge to vomit as your son told you and alastor of how he found a rat at school, and how he had cut its’ tail off to see if it’d regrow like a lizard. the image of your little boy being so cruel made you sick to your stomach. and, alastor, he’d done nothing but laugh. “oh, my! quite the experiment, my boy!” he chuckled as he took another bite of his food. “now, dear… that isn’t very nice, don’t you think?” you frowned. “mmh, but dad said that i should feed my curiosity!” noah pouted.
“well, dad is true on that. but, you shouldn’t feed your curiosity if it hurts other people or animals.” you said, lecturing him. “au contraire, my love.” alastor interrupted. “id say that curiosity is one of the most important human emotions! how else do you think mankind discovered to hunt and cook chicken, pork, beef…” he rambled. “they are good for the body, aren’t they? they give the body protein so that they’re strong and so they can protect the people they love! don’t you want our little boy to protect his friends and family?” he raised an eyebrow. “yeah, momma! so that i can protect you and emilia!” noah said.
you felt your heart crack at his words. it seemed as if there was no hope in undoing what alastor had done. as if the little boy you worked hard to raise died. but, maybe there was still hope for your daughter.
“oh, and dad!” noah said excitedly as he looked to alastor. “my friends think its so cool that we go hunting, and they wanna join too! can we bring them, please?” noah begged, bringing alastor’s amusement. “aw, they want to join us? hm, i suppose we could, but only if they’re as well-behaved as you!” he hummed, to noah’s delight. “really?! you’re the best, dad!” noah grinned, running to alastor to loosely hug him by the neck. “yes, yes… now, go finish your meal. your mother worked hard to cook that, and it won’t taste so good when it’s cold.” he said, patting his son on the head.
you zoned out, staring at your daughter in her chair, playing with her food, and scratching the bowl with her little fork. she giggled and talked to herself, before blood started flowing from her nose. “oh, dear…” you muttered under your breath, running to the kitchen to get a tissue paper. “eww! momma, emilia is drinking her own blood! yuck!” noah called out, scrunching his face in disgust. and, when you returned, emilia was, indeed, drinking her own blood— licking her top lip as the blood leaked, and smiling at the metallic taste in her mouth. “oh, emi, sweetie… don’t do that. blood is yucky.” you scolded your daughter as you wiped the blood from her nose.
“yummy!” she shouted, licking her lip for the remains. alastor grinned at her comment, “i couldn’t agree more, baby!” he laughed, swaying the water in his glass. “not right now, alastor. emi is bleeding.” you huffed out in a frustrated manner. “ah, i suppose you’re right, darling. emi, baby, are you okay?” he cooed to your daughter across the table. “i’m okay, daddy!” she grinned, going back to eating as per usual, despite the roll of tissue in her nostril.
“are you okay, my love?” alastor asked, his eyes moving to you. “i’m alright, just exhausted today.” you let out, keeping your emotions and intentions to yourself. “hmm, then why don’t you rest after dinner, dear? noah and i can wash the dishes.” he assured you. “wah?! but, dad, i wanna go play!” noah huffed and pouted. “now, son… protecting also means to help others when they are tired. don’t you wanna help momma?” he asked your son. and as noah thought it over, alastor spoke again, giving him more of an incentive. “now, i hate to do this… but, if you don’t help your mother, i won’t bring your friends to hunt.” noah’s eyes widened at the unfairness. “what?!” he frowned. “guh, fine, ill do the dishes!” he pouted, gathering the cleared dishes and bringing them to the sink. “hmph, good boy.” he grinned. “go rest now, dear.”
and, as you went up the stairs, that moment finally dawned on you. that hunting with his friends and father meant so much to him, he was willing to do household chores. it shattered your heart as tears filled your eyes— why couldn’t you go back to a simpler time? when it was just the two of you. when all you had was each other.
“momma, i missed you!” noah said hugging your legs as you returned from work. “aw, i missed you too, baby!” you smiled at your precious boy. “c’mon! i wanna play with you!” he said, attempting to pull you by your wrist. “in a second, sweetie! momma has to take off her heels!” you laughed.
that memory was 6 years ago.
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inmyheaddd · 2 months
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in denial - averyjameson
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a/n: thankyou sm for the req! my first time writing for averyjameson, idk if i did them justice 😭 wc: 1k
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avery awoke to the dim light filtering through the curtains, her head pounding, and throat aching. she tried to swallow, but it felt like sandpaper scraping against her raw throat. she sighed and sat up, she’d just act normal as always, she didn’t want to be a burden. not today. she looked to her right, seeing her boyfriend's sleeping figure. jameson looked so peaceful. he deserved it; he’s been acting strange ever since prague, always chasing a lead for something. 
dragging herself out of bed, she stepped into the shower in a futile attempt to shake off the dizziness. it didn’t help. she made her way downstairs, and the smell of freshly brewed coffee hit her, momentarily lifting her spirits.
in the time she was showering, jameson must’ve gotten up. he sat at the kitchen island, his tousled hair falling into his eyes as he scrolled through something on his phone. he looked up as she entered, his eyes narrowing in concern.
“heiress,” he said, his voice laced with worry.“you feeling okay?” he stood up and walked up to her.
“i’m fine,” avery insisted, forcing a smile. “just a little tired.”
jameson raised an eyebrow, whatever he was going to say, he let it go. “right," he said, clearly not buying it. "well, maybe some breakfast will help."
before avery could protest, he started whipping up something in the kitchen. he was a good cook, it was one of many things she loved about him. when he placed a plate of food in front of her, she barely managed a smile.
“please eat, heiress” he said, sitting across from her. “cant have you fainting on me.” he looked her in the eye intently, “it’s a different story if you want me to catch you, though.” he continued with his signature smirk.
avery rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped her lips. “i’m not going to faint, jameson.”
“i would hope not,” jameson said as he nudged her to keep eating. “but hey, if you do, my arms are ready and waiting.” he winked, and even after over a year of being together, it still sent butterflies right to avery’s stomach. 
she took a bite of the food, and her stomach started churning. she felt so guilty. he cooked for her, and she could barely even eat it. she was already ruining his day, and it wasn’t even 9am yet. halfway through her mind-spiral, she felt the room start to spin. she tried to stand, but her legs gave out beneath her. jameson was at her side in an instant, catching her before she hit the ground.
“that’s it, you’re going back to bed,” he said, his tone leaving no room for argument, placing her back on her feet.
“that desperate to get me in bed, huh?,” she tried to joke, to convince her boyfriend that she was fine. but she ultimately failed when instead of retorting something like he usually would, he simply looked at her, sending her a “really?” look. 
“jameson,” she tried to prove herself ,“i swear not sick, im just-“ 
she was cut off when jameson picked her up swiftly, bridal style.
“jameson!”
he laid her gently on their bed, and she mumbled, “you don’t have to do this.”
“i want to,” jameson said, brushing a strand of hair from her face. she could hear the love pouring out of those 3 words. she could also see it on his face. “besides, it’s not every day I get to play the dashing hero.” he quickly reverted back to his witty self, along with that charming smile of his.
she only managed a weak one, “you do enjoy being the center of attention.” 
“that’s why i play the hero every other day. today was my off day, but i don’t mind picking up an extra shift for my lady.” 
he never failed to make her laugh at his stupid jokes, but this time, instead of coming out as a laugh, avery started coughing on repeat.
“hey, hey, hey,” he quickly put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, and brought her closer to him. he didn’t care about getting sick himself, he just wanted his girl to feel better. 
avery was now sitting up, engulfed in a hug with jameson. 
“you’ll be okay in no time,” he mumbled into her shoulder as he rubbed her back reassuringly. 
“i am okay, i swear.” she managed to croak out.
“avery,” he said, ditching the nickname, “i know you, i know you’re not. you can let yourself relax. you can let yourself be taken care of.” 
“i just have a little cold, it’s not a big deal.” there was no point in denying she was not sick anymore. 
“avery.” he pulled back from the hug. “what’s wrong?” 
“nothing, i swear,” she shook her head.
“tahiti.” 
she couldn’t lie now; she had to tell him what was up. “its just, i don’t want to be a burden on you, you’re already so stressed with whatever happened in prague, and the devil's mercy, just —everything. i don’t want to annoy you.” 
she exhaled, “and im clearly not doing a very good job at it, because insisting i'm fine didn’t help, like at all. i’m sorry.” she laughed, looking down, but nothing was funny. 
she brought her eyes up to meet jameson’s, he was looking at her so intently. 
“heiress, you should never, ever, ever, and i mean, ever, feel that way. ever.”  
“ever?” she tried lightening the mood by joking, she could tell jameson felt somewhat guilty, even though he shouldn’t be. 
“ever.” 
he smiled, but it faded just as fast as it appeared. “heiress, i mean it. you’re the only thing that matters in my life. damn it, if anything, everything else is a burden because it keeps me away from you. you don’t have to be strong with me. i want to be there for you, i want you to confide in me.” 
his words lingered in the air for a moment before she whispered, “okay.” she couldn’t think of anything else to say, her brain was a fog, and the only thing she could see was jameson.
 “okay,” she spoke up, louder this time. “i’ll never, ever, ever, and i mean ever, even think like that again. ever.” she joked, recalling his words from earlier.” 
“ever?” he grinned.
“ever.” she smiled and wrapped her arms around him once more.
“how about you get some real rest now, yeah?” he murmured into her ear. 
he spoke again before she could even think about arguing. “you can’t say no, it’s the rules.” he whispered the last part before pulling back to meet her eyes.
“will you lay with me?” 
“you don’t even have to ask.” 
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enderwoah · 1 year
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im so unwell about q!pac no its not even funny anymore i need to put him in a terrarium up on a shelf and keep him safe up there. he doesn't deserve any bad thing, ever. i don't even care about "having a good story" or "giving your character a conflict" anymore, nah, no, if ONE (1) MORE BAD THING HAPPENS TO HIM IM GONNA LOSE IT!! IM GONNA START BREAKING THINGS!!!
he's so. sad. hes such a sad character. his insecurities about being useless to everyone are so real and so painful because he's not, all of us know that he's not, but we also completely understand why he feels that way because he's had everyone he loves ripped away from him and he hasn't been able to lift a finger to stop any of it. he's just left to sit in the ruins without any help. he's collateral to all the tragedy surrounding him and the favela 5 in general and he's. tired. not in the way that cellbit is tired (though that works, too). he's exhausted of feeling sad all the time. of crying all the time. of feeling that loneliness that gnaws holes into his bones and settles in the marrow and never leaves, not when richas' bed is empty, not when mike's bedroom has started to collect dust, not when he can't see a real, tangible presence in forever's dilated eyes. the only person he has is cellbit, and he could never ask cellbit to give up what he still has when pac has nothing to lose (and god, how selfless, how kind is that?), so when he figures the only way to get an antidote to the drug is to have the drug itself, why wouldn't he offer himself up? and if that wasn't the only reason he tried to get his hands on it, who could blame him?
maybe he took it first to just feel the effects and understand the angle it took in affecting his mind. maybe he just took it for research. do you think he had slipped by the second time? do you think he took it once and, for a short thirty minutes, found that he could forget about all the sorrow lining his lungs and breathe? do you think reality crashed back onto him after that first try? do you think he was scrambling to take it again, to go back to that...maybe it wasn't blissful ignorance, per se, but willful disregard? do you think he couldn't wait to be submerged so deep that he couldn't think one more time? do you think he was hesitant? do you think he kept promising himself, one more, one more, one more...
god he is so. so sad. i was watching phil's pov, so everything was like a neat little movie for me, and just. cellbit and forever arguing while pac was just sobbing in the background was AWFUL. just. awful. it hurt. (cc!pac was damn good at acting, too, and that DID NOT HELP.) the moment he stepped on the trap i felt like i was hit with a brick. like no, of COURSE we should NOT be putting PAC in a CONFINED JAIL CELL. ALONE. and i know it was for his own good but i still felt so so so sick. the way he immediately curled up in the corner. the way he was crying to himself. the way he instantly answered richas' birthday the moment bad asked for it. the way he got visibly more upset and terrified when cellbit started shouting at forever. what the hell. no seriously what the HELL.
and, like, oh my god, making him the one to solve the antidote? proving that even though he may have fallen to the drug (the drug which was basically created by GODS, by the way, lets be real, the federation is nawt normal), he's still so useful. he's still such an asset. he's smart and he's kind and he's charismatic and he's trusting and he's so so selfless and so so brave and so strong. tubbo put it perfectly. the fact that he's gone through all the horrible awful stuff he's gone through and he's still standing just proves how capable he is. how tough he is. cellbit calling him "my dear." pointing out the fact that he sacrificed himself without knowing he was going to come back. "i'm only afraid of being sad again." "you will be sad again. but you won't be alone." he's so. he's just. he's. im frothing at the mouth. he gave himself up to save the rest of the island from this plague that took one of his best friends and might've taken the entire island if he didn't do anything. under that stress. experiencing that level of loss.
pac is one of the toughest goddamn people on the island and if anyone on that server even dares try to imply otherwise i will do heinous heinous things, mark my WORDS.
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skunkes · 5 days
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on the topic of talon's design... what's the story regarding the scars? i was always curious about where they came from but could never find any explanation about it.
the torso ones? honestly im debating on whether or not to keep em bc i always get sick of or forget extra details on an oc (did u know al used to have an arm tattoo... i got so tired of it so quickly lmaooo) BUT they're from unintentional self harm, he's got his claws (his talons wee hee) and he grabs at his sides with them unthinkingly when he's nervous....think of it like somebody not noticing they've bit their nails to the point of bleeding because of...whatever's making em bite their nails LOL....
it's why I also often draw shapes on the sides of his tops, they're patches of fabric for reinforcement or replacement... its both a Fix and also a bolder reminder (if he sees em out of the corners of his eyes) to stop ruining his shirts (this was more important when he didn't really have easy ways to get New clothing or make his own if necessary)
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honestly i enjoy the character action behind em (unthinking focus, the fact that he has small harm he causes himself subconsciously along with the major, On Purpose stuff) as well as the result (the mending) but I also fear my just-for-fun ocs being Laughably Bad and I know scars are a little 🙄 especially since these also don't even look particularly good on his design ykwim...just looks like when ppl close their eyes and fling em onto their characters 😭 ah well im in no rush to figure it out, he's gonna be changing for as long as he's in my brain
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elliots-an-idiot · 7 months
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Dimitrescu Sisters comforting dysphoric trans masculine s/o and reacting to him coming out!
My first dimi sister work inspired by @muffinsin :3 I’m a transgender man so this is mostly self indulgent lmfao, I hope you enjoy!! I’ll do a smut version if anyone’s interested!!! (@muffinsin has the best stories ever!!!)
Bela
“Love, baby, what’s wrong?” Bela wipes the tears from my face as I wept, feeling so wrong in my own body, “little one, come here.”
I lay on the bed and curl into her arms sobbing, my dysphoria had already been kicking my ass today but with the dance coming up it was getting worse. The crimson dress Bela had chosen made her look effervescent, even more than usual. I haven’t seen the dress she chose for me yet, but the pit in my stomach told me it was similar to hers. Her dress, one suitable for a princess, and mine? I sobbed at the mere thought of being stuck in one for the night.
“B-bels I can’t-“ I took a shaky breath, trying to calm myself, “I can’t do this anymore.”
“What?” She looked down at me with a pained expression, “what are you saying love? Are you brea-”
“No! I can’t do this anymore, I can’t keep pretending to be someone I’m not. ” I grab the material of the skirt I’m wearing and feel more hot tears stream down my cheeks, “Bels I’m not a girl, I’m sick of trying to be one and I-”
“Love, I know, I’ve known since we met. You have the body of a woman but, your blood, it’s not female. You’re a man my love, a real man. No matter what anyone says.” She grabs my face before I can speak and gently kisses me, “I love you nonetheless, if you’re worried about the dance, stop. I chose your outfit for you remember? Do you want to see your outfit for the dance baby?”
I nod, shocked by her love and acceptance. We stand and approach her closet, I turn to her as she grabs the most amazing tux I’ve ever seen. It perfectly matches her dress.
“Bels, darling,” I feel more tears well up in my eyes, “I fucking love you.”
“I love you too my pretty boy.”
Cassandra
“Hey pet- oh shit you’re crying,” Cassandra swarmed over and plonked on the bed in front of me, “who do I need to kill? What’s wrong doll?”
“Cass-” a sob cuts me off and I curl into her lap, the fabric of my bra digs into my back again and I claw at it to take it off.
“What are you doing? Why are you crying?! Also, what the fuck is going on!?!” Cassandra is practically fuming at this point, concern etched into her face. She grabs my hands and takes a deep breath, “Doll please talk to me, I’m here.”
I look up at her and tears well in my eyes, waves of fear and sadness crash onto me as I take a deep breath. Then blurt everything out at once, “Cassieimaboy”
“What?” A smile spreads on her face and she laughs, no, cackles at me, “Fucking-”
“Cass I'm so sorry I've known for a while but I love you so much and I didn't want to ruin anything and-" She purses her lips and puts a hand over my mouth.
“As I was saying, fucking finally dumbass, no shit.” she smirks down at me, and all I can do is stare back in shock "Are you almost done crying? I have a surprise for you and- hang on what?"
"Y-you love me?" She practically whispers the words before looking into my eyes with a mixture of confusion and glee. I get up and kneel above her, straddling her hips. I take her face in my hands and gently kiss her.
"How could I not?" I stare into her eyes awaiting her response Instead, she reaches into her pocket and grabs something.
"Um. I didn't really have anything planned but, uh, well. I made you this." She hands me a small box, a promise ring with the words I love you doll lies inside. "I'm not good with words but, uh, yeah.... I love you too, doll"
Daniela
"Hello, my love!" I hear Dani enter my chambers and call out to me in a sing-songy voice, before throwing something onto the bed "Are you excited for our date?"
"Y-yeah, I'm excited." Im lying, god I feel so shitty! My day was bad enough since the headmaid caught me out of uniform and practically forced me back into a skirt. Right now the last thing I want is for Dani to choose something overly feminine for me for our date today. I only really agreed to let her choose because I don't have anything other than commoner clothing. She comes up behind me and wraps her arms around my waist as she kisses my neck.
"My love, something is different about our date today. I chose your outfit again, but, I couldn't decide between these two! Which one do you like more?" She spins me around and grabs two outfits off of the bed, and I gasp. The first is a brown tux with a vest and the other is similar, except it is black with green specks of something shiny. The dress she's wearing is form fitting and gods she looks amazing in it "I figured since you are a man, you wouldn't want to wear a dress or anything, so I chose these! I like the brown on because it-"
"The black one. Please." I step towards her and press a kiss to her lips, "and thank you love, for everything. You look stunning by the way!!"
"Thank you my handsome pet." she giggles and hands me the tux before swarming away.
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catwyk · 2 months
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tsv finale spoilers below. i wrote this during my first listen through. its long as fuck. im dead im ruined.
cull calling out to rane instead of faulkner.... rane is truly the real leader now
FAULKNER......
"katabasian rane? sister thurrocks?" im gonna be sick
"hes basically a cow" spit your shit carp
"people in my life keep leavin to serve a cause i just cant understand" BASHES MY HEAD ON THE WALL
"we must love them for fleein from our touch e must not run after them" oh baby :(
this is actually fucking destroying me right now oh poor faulkner. failed by the world.
"of course i recognize you. youre carpenter's ghost" // "yes. i am" // "that must mean that im being punished. arent i?" he sounds so small and young oh my god
"if this is my punishment, then why am i smiling?" OKAY PARALLELS TO HIS VISIONS IN S2. OKAY. IM NOT GOING TO CRY. I WONT.
his monologue is ruining me actually oh god.
"they invented their own faulkner. and they forced me to be him" THATS WHAT IM SAYIN
he called her his sister...
im sure hes gonna die
"you crashed a car??" // "yeeah. i crashed a car." i love her
"they need to fix you, they need to make you better, and ill, ill watch over your bed, ill be there, carpenter. ill pray, ill pray and pray for as long as i need to" christ alive. i need to lay down RIGHT NOW.
méabh de brún too good at acting like shes in pain im abt to dial an ambulance
EM??? EM MENTION. EM MENTION
ok this is fuelling my hc that faulkner reminded carpenter of em in some painful and undefinable way
"i should tell paige that story, if i get to see heg again"
"OUR paige?" CRYING FOR A MILLION YEARS. AND HIS "HUH" AS WELL WHEN CARPENTER CONFIRMS
twin mouths truther forever
"i hate you too, faulkner, i truly do. and i love you, too. in spite of everything" // "always on the very precipice of understanding one another"
faulkner's "DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!" is fucking me up b narr the voice actor everrr
SHES GONNA LEAVE HIM A CAIRN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
"there'll be a place for you, and itll be beside me" DRIVING STRAIGHT INTO A LAMPPOST AS WE SPEAK
NO HES GONNA TRY AND KILL HER ISNT HE
"yeah. perhaps thats it. do you?" again. coolest fucking character on the planet
"this is when the waters parted, and at last..! at last he understood!" jesus christ. jon ware the writer that you are
"say you were raised in the service of a god of fire. so you feel like the world would be a much better place if more things were on fire" i busted out laughing WHAT a tone shift
"dennis duplace helped. hayward.. dad.. carpenter.. im leaving all of you behind" i am a husk of a person. lucille valentine knocking it out of the park
"best feeling in the world, seeing you walk away" holy fucking shit this is DAMAGING ME.
i wanna write every quote thats making my heart sting but the transcript is already up so theres no real point
every single va is popping the FUCK OFF by the way. i have to keep reminding myself theyre acting so i dont like. kill myself
val saving hayward was NOT on my bingo card what the fuck
"and before she died... she remembered who she was" OHHHHHHH MYYYYY GODDDDDD
hayward doing his own rites of the cairn maiden for himself :(
no gods coming for hayward but "fuck it. this one's not... for any of you. this ones for me"
WHY IS FAULKNER BACK. NONONO ITS ONLY GONNA BE BAD. PLEASE NO
i never realized the parallel between faulkner's gardener father and his gardener god
carpenter meant so much to him :(
"Sister! I love you! Where are you going? Dont turn your back on me! Dont you dare- Sister! I need you! SISTER! SISTER! MARCO! MARCO!" FAULKNER NO NOT LIKE THIS NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
FUCK YOU JON WARE (<- COMPLIMENT)
THE FAULKNER BODY FAKEOUT. SEE ABOVE POINT
carpenter's scream...... oh god.. oh méabh de brún the woman that you are
"he could be a face from my childhood. or his" charlie.......
HES BEEN BLOND THIS ENTIRE TIME????????????? i should have fucking known
"but no matter how it starts, no matter how it turns out for us, it can end with love, cant it? it can end with love. it can end with kindness." i said oh my god out loud
the delivery of "and then i let him go" why not just drive a railroad spike through my lungs
"the river is vast, and no dam can block every channel, and ours is a world of miracles." i said jesus christ out loud
i wheezed when she just. got back up this old bitch cannot die can she
not nana glass' song............
FUCKING TAINSLEY. CHEKHOVS TAINSLEY.
oh my god. a final heartbreaking credits scene
i had to just sit and lean back for a second. what a fucking ending. what a fucking podcast. this is one of those pieces of media that takes up residence in your brain forever. im never gonna stop thinking about this
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ge · 1 year
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okeyyy...i know this acc is preddy much good and dead, rest in peace all my dearly beloved tgcfmdzs mutuals and followers who moved on to smth else in the yrs since mdzs ended, ....but i still have a big enough active audience methinks soooo i wanted 2 promote a korean novel thats REEALLY unappreciated in the eng community ITS SO GOOD its my favourite novel atm and i really want it to catch on w western audiences bcuz i swear it has the potential to be as big as mxtxs novels were if given the opportunity to blow up...
RETURN OF THE MOUNT HUA SECT (aka, officially, RETURN OF THE BLOSSOMING BLADE) is an action, fantasy, comedy korean novel by BIGA on Naver, with a webcomic by STUDIO LICO on Webtoon
THE WEBCOMIC IS CURRENTLY ON BREAK AFTER THE COMPLETION OF ITS FIRST “SEASON” (will be returning sometime mid 2023) AND THE NOVEL IS STILL ON GOING WITH 1494 CHAPTERS (as of 4/15/2023)....if uve read tgcf in its entirety pls dont let that chp count scare you..rotmhs is a very bingeable novel... while rotmhs doesnt have an official english translation, the ongoing fan tl has 379 chapters translated (as of 4/15/2023) [LINKS PROVIDED BELOW]
MY SYNOPSIS: the story follows the main protagonist chung myung, a member of the mount hua sect who was formerly known as the legendary ‘plum blossom sword saint’, reincarnates into the body of a beggar child a hundred years into the future after dying following the beheading of the demonic cult leader, chun ma, who slaughtered his clan members as well as countless other sects during the war. when he wakes, he discovers that his once proud and respected sect has fallen into ruin during the century following its defeat. chung myung, hiding his identity as a fabled hero from the past, rejoins the mount hua sect under the guise of being nothing but a beggar to help restore the mount hua sect to its former greatness while making friends as well as enemies along the way..
the official (webtoon) synopsis:
When Cheongmyeong of the Mount Hua Sect awakens a hundred years in the future, his last memories are of a bloody battle against the Leader of the Demonic Cult, the evil Cheonma. The battle almost saw the end of the Ten Great Sects of ancient China, when Cheongmyeong ended the hard-fought struggle by striking down Cheonma. Soon after, he succumbed to his wounds, filled with regret at their pyrrhic victory. All is not lost, however, as he awakens to his second chance at life. Shocked to find his beloved Mount Hua Sect reduced to a mere shadow of itself in the present day, Cheongmyeong embarks on a journey to restore Mount Hua to its former glory.
while the official synopsis does make it seem like the story is going to be heavy and action focused, the novel itself is more comedic than its led on to be and its action scenes are rlly fun and exhilarating to read..
the main cast are extremely likeable and their relationship w each other is very funny and heartwarming... that being said i feel like if uve come from any of the popular danmei novels and r interested in reading rotmhs (PLEASE BE INTERESTED) i feel like i shuld mention that THERE IS NO ROMANCE IN THIS NOVEL... its not a BL, theres no romantic connotations between any of the main characters, this novel is more focused on found family and the bonds between friends than anything BUT PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT LET THE LACK OF ROMANCE DISSUADE YOU..
AIIISSHH THIS IS GETTING LONG ENOUGH soo basically here are links 2 where u can read ROTMHS please consider reading it PLEASE bc im sick as hell of not having enough fics or fanart of it or ppl to talk to abt it with..feel like im rting art on my priv to brick walls....!!!!!!!!!!
(official) NAVER (1494+ chapters, korean) https://series.naver.com/novel/detail.series?productNo=4130558&isWebtoonAgreePopUp=true
(official) WEBTOON (73 chapters, english) https://www.webtoons.com/en/action/return-of-the-blossoming-blade/list?title_no=2849&page=9
FANTRANSLATION (379+, english) https://skydemonorder.com/projects/return-of-the-mount-hua-sect
one last also before let yall have at it, if u’ve read the webcomic and dont feel like rereading the entire novel up to the webcomic stopping point, jump to chapter 117 on the fantranslation.. chp117 is right where the webcomic leaves off👍
OKAYYY HAVE FUNNNN PLEASE READ RETURN OF THE MOUNT HUA SECT PLEEEASEE SHARE THIS POST W EVERYBODY OR ILL KILL MYSELF IDK YAYYYYY YIPPEEEEE ROTMHS SUPREMACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if u do end up reading and liking it please god..talk to me about it..... im literally shaking scratching my neck rocking in a corner crying sobbing sniffling snotting
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moonriver0312 · 1 year
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(A Little Life, Part 5, Chapter 2, pg. 602 - Hanya Yanagihara)
Why Schumann?
After some digging on the internet, I have learnt that it is not a coincidence that Hanya chose Schumann's Fantasie in C for this moment, and I believe Jude was playing the first movement in this part. Fantasie in C was composed in 1836 as only a piece called Ruines, expressing his distress at being distant from his beloved Clara, and then it became the first movement of Fantasie. The first movement of the work contains a musical quote from Beethoven's song cycle, An die ferne Geliebte (To the distant beloved) as a secret love message:
Take, then, these songs, beloved, which I have sung for you
However, this musical quotation was not acknowledged by Schumann. The movement also was prefaced with a quote from Friedrich Schlegel:
Durch alle Töne tönet / Im bunten Erdentraum / Ein leiser Ton gezogen / Für den, der heimlich lauschet.
Resounding through all the notes / In the earth's colorful dream / There sounds a faint long-drawn note / For the one who listens in secret
During this period, Robert Schumann and Clara Wieck was in separation because Clara's father disapproved of their relationship. Those quotations truly reflected his yearning to Clara, his passionate love to her, and it is more beautiful to learn that they communicated mostly through music and journals because Clara did not communicate verbally well. In a letter sent to Clara in 1838, he wrote:
The first movement may well be the most passionate I have ever composed - a deep lament for you.
They got married in 1840 but their marriage was not through an easy path because Schumann was not mentally well.
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(Clara and Robert Schumann around 1850. Corbis, via Getty Images)
In August of 1844, he suffered a severe mental and physical breakdown. He was in pains, he trembled, wept, could not sleep and even became so sick that he could not walk across the room by himself. By February of 1854, Schumann insisted to be committed, as he felt that he had lost control of his mind. On 27th February, he attempted suicide by throwing himself from a bridge into the Rhine River. He was rescued and taken to the hospital later and remained there until his death on 29th July, 1856. During his confinement, Clara was not allowed to visit him (they communicated thanks to Johannes Brahms, a very good friend of the family, especially Clara) and only able to meet him 2 days before his death.
In Clara's journal on 26th February, 1854 (1 days before his attempt suicide), she wrote:
He was so melancholy that I cannot possibly describe it. When I merely touched him, he said, "Ah Clara, I am not worthy of your love." He said that, he to whom I had always looked up with the greatest, deepest reverence.
The resemblance of Jude and Schumann's mental illness may be one of the reason that Hanya chose this piece for Jude to play after he and Willem got home after their big fight. Jude plays the song with the intention to ease his sadness and fear. In this moment, he feels that this might be the end of their relationship, he is afraid that Willem would leave him because now he finally sees how sick he is. The piece Fantasie symbolizes a yearning for love but in this moment, it is a calling for Willem to stay, to understand, to forgive his action, his sickness.
Sources:
Acreman, Thomas. (2017). The Love Story of Clara Schumann. Retrieved from http://www.classichistory.net/archives/clara-schumann
Wilson, Frances. (2019). A Love Letter in Music Schumann's Fantasie in C, Op. 17. Retrieved from https://interlude.hk/love-letter-music-schumanns-fantasie-c-op-17/
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stevie-petey · 3 months
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OH MY GOD THE BATHROOM SCENE THAT WAS PURE PERFECTION!!! I loved how Steve and bug teased Robin about Tammy. Steve being helpless and needing bug for everything, and bug just having to be their babysitter. She's the babysitter's babysitter. More like a nanny cause it's 24/7 for this poor girl. Bug having to scold Robin and Steve, and trying to get them to behave was so real. I just know that girl has a headache. Johnathan and bug running to each other 😭❤️. God I love them so much. They were so worried about one another. ( I saw a photo of robins shoes on Tiktok, it had titties drawn on and it showed how Jonathan immediately clocked her) Dustin being such a loudmouth and telling everyone that Steve and bug kissed. I loved the reactions too, Mike being absolutely disgusted, Lucas cheering, Jonathan choking😭. That must be so weird for all of them to finally see bug moving on in a sense. Dustin is gonna be so sick of stug I can't wait.
Dustin ranting to the party: " I go to bed, he's not there, I wake up and he's in my kitchen!!! He's ruining the sanctity of my home!"
Mike: " That's just sick."
I wanna know how the betting ring turned out, who won? Did anyone? Or did Steve wait too long? Did someone bet it would take a near death experience? If so I bet it was Jonathan.
Nancy feeling guilty about their fight and not knowing how to approach bug. Did she talk to Jonathan about it? Or did she keep it to herself? I'm sure in the elevator at the hospital Jonathan would've explained himself. Which would probably add to Nancy's guilt.
I can't wait to see bug take care of el. You know if El was having trouble bug would be right there to help her and comfort her. Maybe one last scene with bug and hopper😭. But on the bright side MURRAYYY. God he's gonna get sidetracked with all the teenage drama. Like they get their plan ready and he starts talking to the kids trying to gauge the situation.
Once again, I loved the chapter!! Truly the only thing that reduced my stress today thank you🙏🙏🙏
writing bug as the overworked babysitter had me gigglin i cant lie LMAO like she was just. so over it. add the fact that both the idiots are in love with her and boom: poor bug cant catch a break
and dustin WILL eventually get sick of steve mans will become even more dependent on bug once theyre together <33333 and the party will be hearing horrendous stories about it all (as for the betting ring ,,,,, that question will be answered in the next chapter !!)
the reunion between jon n bug i was SO excited for them to be together again :((( its the longest theyve gone without having scenes together i was deprived and sad. season 4 will SUCK for my lil jon n bug heart </3
in my mind i see nancy DID talk to jon about everything in the elevator. after theyve apologized to one another she asked him why he went to bug and not her, and jon would be surprised she even knew about that. hed explain that he needed his best friend, he was scared hed lose nancy and needed advice and that bug always somehow knows how to force the words out of him. that hes not used to communicating yet and that hes working on it for nancy. when she hears this, she understands a bit more and DOES feel even worse. she immediately regretted yelling at bug in the first place, so hearing jon explain that it truly wasnt anything more than “im sad and need my bestie” ,,,, she feels like shit
bug and hopper scene 🤭🤭🤭🤭 good luck guys ! and murray will DEF be a treat lmao
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prettyboykatsuki · 4 months
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Not sure if you read the Jjk manga or see the leaks about the latest death...I'm honestly numb to them now, I guess since they've been coming from left and right. I don't think they're doing much for the plot, I guess I was just wondering your opinion on it? And deaths in general in Mangas and stories, like what do you think is is like a good way to do a death of character so it doesn't feel cheap? I will say, Katsuki's "death" made me sick to my stomach at the time but they are very diff stories. Sorry this is so long :(
with peace and love in my heart i Really do not gaf about jjk anymore at least storywise. i did try to stick with it after gojo but i just did not think it made sense anymore.some times i read leaks but rn its not looking great. no part of the stories direction rn makes me want to keep up with it lol. so in terms of the story im like. damn please just let akutami out of his contract cause he is fumbling pretty bad rn and i cant imagine how it will be resolved.
i dont actually mind manga deaths even if i act insane. i thought gojos death felt cheap and unplanned and didn't make much sense. it's not that he died but that he died so quickly into the fight and that so much was left unresolved as a part of it. that abrupt feeling was not intentional or well-exectued either. even with a story like jjk that prides itself on being gritty and hopeless, there was just nothing beyond shock value and it was wholly uninteresting. nanami had an excellent death even if it made me very very sad. it held the right amount of narrative weight and was timed appropriately for full gutwrenching impact. i did not feel that way about gojos death. and people were calling people gojo glazers for being upset about it but like. of course people are going to be like hm.. wonder if the fact his own mangaka kinda does not fw him plays into this at all. just a little loool.
the most important thing with any chara death is just intent to me. people die. but what makes that death siginficant? a premature, uneventful death just doesn't make sense for a character as monumentally lore relevant as gojo even if that's the intent. it just wasn't anticlimatic in the right way. i cant be unbiased about katsukis death so i wont pretend - but i didn't feel like his death was cheap at least. it was treated with a lot of emotional impact and fell in line well with the gravity of the story / arc. like u said they are different stories and it made sense with the way hori tells the narrative which is what matters. objectively it was a good death, even if emotionally i was ruined lol
i just. dont think gojos death made sense. at all. in any capacity. like. im truly not even that much of a gojo glazer but it felt completely nonsensical to me and still does. why is he just dead lmaooo like what. he is thee six eyes and he got beat tf up in one fight? be serious
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dirteater69 · 9 months
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i watched wendigoons analysis of no country for old men earlier today and it got me thinking of themes in stories reflected through characters, and i started thinking about the themes of the killjoys fic im currently writing and how they reflect through the characters, so im gonna write some of it down now before i forget. im only on the third chapter and there will be at least ten when im finished, but this is based on what i have written and planned currently so i hope it makes sense. the main themes are pretty vague in my mind, but im thinking it will be along the lines of how real people shape themselves into characters+how real events are mythologized, how ideologies and hopes affect people, heroism and villainy, how committing and experiencing violence changes someone, what normalcy means, clinging onto or rejecting social norms in times where they have kind of lost all meaning.
in this post i will mainly write about how these themes reflect in the characters of jet star and party poison (at least how i write them) and their relationship and thoughts about each other.
party wants to be the hero and shapes themselves into that character: they are the leader of the killjoys, they are very charismatic and a good fighter, later on they become an important figure in zones society in the wake of the analog wars and lead many battles. they end up being seen as a hero by many and their actions in battles and other things about them are talked about around the zones as myths or folktales.
the thing is, deep down, party does not see themself as a hero. they feel that they have something at their core — whether that’s queerness, inability to conform to other social rules, committing violence — that makes them unable to embody the ideal of a hero that they have in their head. they feel that because there is something ‘wrong’ with them, they don’t deserve to get the things they want. this manifests most obviously in the story in their romance with jet, where they think that they can never, or should never, be in a relationship with him because they would taint his (perceived by them) normalcy and moral purity with their wrongness and strangeness; however, this is only part of the fact that they dont believe themself deserving of a good life at all.
they are the first of the killjoys to ever kill someone: it happens when they are all escaping battery city, and party ends up accidentally killing one of the bl/ind guards chasing them down. though this action may have saved all their lives, party still feels immense shame and horror at having done it. the night after, their first night in the zones, they have a nightmare where they are eating the body of the man they killed, and jet appears to kill them in a way reminiscent of putting down a sick animal. at their core, party believes that they are a villain and a danger to the people around them.
of course, in the middle of a horrible war, the zones needs a hero. that is what party shapes themself into: a loud, confident, violent leader of the zonerunners to take down bl/ind once and for all. there’s a sort of split in party’s identity, where on the outside, they are the hero of the zones, but on the inside, they believe themself to be a morally corrupt fraud who is going to ruin everything good and beautiful they touch. combined, this makes for an absolute monster of a martyr complex: if they die for a good cause, then the world will both be better because the thing they’re fighting for (the freedom of the zones, the destruction of bl/ind) has succeeded, and because the evil that they bring into the world simply by existing is gone.
one other thing i want to touch on with party is how they deal with social norms. before beginning life in the zones they knew they were nonbinary but didn’t really have a safe way to express it besides going by they/them around kobra and later, when they met, the other killjoys, but when they enter the zones they begin to present more femininely. in the first chapter, party and ghoul (who is transmasc, and who i have a ton of other thoughts about) have a whole conversation about gender, which might be one of my favorite parts that ive written so far, and it ends with them swapping pieces of the school uniforms they had to wear at the school in battery city, with party wearing ghouls skirt and ghoul wearing their pants. i haven’t written any more in that vein yet, but i want to explore party’s gender more in the fic. they are definitely very open to rejecting gender norms, at least when they have the opportunity, and it’s an extremely joyful experience for them to present the way they want, but it still sort of claws at them. to them, gender nonconformity doesn’t fit with that idea of heroism that they have. when they present more femininely, they almost feel like they’re betraying the people in the zones that believe in them, like they’re ruining the hero.
this is where we get to their perception of jet star. i mentioned earlier how they feel like he’s too good for them to pursue him romantically, but there is so much more to that. to party, jet is the ideal of heroism that they feel they should be; more so, he represents the ideal of american masculinity that they betray when they present femininely. they piece together true and half-true things about him to create a version of him in their mind that they can compare themself to, furthering their idea of themself as a villain. when they decorate the masks and ray guns of all the killjoys, they make jets red, white, and blue. this idolization also ties into the shame that they feel about the violence that they commit. there is of course the nightmare they have of him killing them for having killed the bl/ind guard, but there is also the fact that while they are a very active fighter in the analog wars, jet mainly works in the medical tents. they destroy things, he fixes things. (never mind the fact that the destruction they commit is against bl/ind) this idolized idea of jet eventually ends up clashing with the real him in a scene late in the fic, where they have a whole breakdown at him about how bad of a person they are, including how they’ve ‘ruined’ him by simply being his friend. he doesn’t have a clue what they’re talking about.
but what is actually going through jet stars head throughout all of this? well, while party is eager to show themself as a hero, jet tries to portray himself as the ‘everyman’, the regular person in a world of chaos and absurdity. this is how he’s been coping with the trauma he’s experienced at the hands of bl/ind: he is sent away from his family’s farm in zone 8 to a ‘reformation academy’ in battery city, and ends up staying there for several years before escaping with the other killjoys, but throughout those years he thinks of it as something fleeting and temporary; surely, he’ll get back to zone 8 soon, to return to his normal life. he’s not actually some kind of crazed desert rebel like the rest of the killjoys, he’s just a regular american farm boy who’s been thrust into a strange situation by forces beyond his control, and as soon as he gets the opportunity he’ll return to that life. even when beginning life in the inner zones, surrounded by the stranger aspects of zone culture, this is how he thinks and portrays himself to others — or, at least, tries to. it’s related to how he deals with trauma. while party thinks of the bad things that they’ve been through as yet another thing that makes them wrong and unfit, yet another thing that makes them the villain, they at least acknowledge that it’s happened. jet just tries to suppress those thoughts completely.
however, his entire idea of returning to a normal life in zone 8 falls apart once he sees what’s happened to it. when he travels to zone 8 for the first time in years, it’s entirely under the control of bl/ind, unrecognizable from the wholesome farm society he remembers. his plans for a normal life — and, furthermore, his thoughts of himself as a normal person — begin to fall apart when he sees the place representative of his old life destroyed. party is with him in that scene, and though he has to break through all his layers of emotional repression for it and it makes him almost feel physically sick, he manages to explain some of his issues to them. one of the things they say in response is something that will be very relevant to both their character arcs: “normal isn’t a thing anymore”.
jet is soon embroiled in the chaos of the analog wars along with the other killjoys, but he still clings to some ideas of normalcy. whereas party is an avid fighter, jet stays out of battles until it is absolutely necessary for him to join, instead helping out in the medical tents and administering first aid on the battlefield. though he isn’t explicit about it, he does kind of look down on the zonerunners most active in the fighting, especially the ones that don’t show any shame or remorse about the violence they commit and sometimes even delight in it (cough cough, a certain bomb-building thrill-chasing black-haired city-born adrenaline junkie with no regard for social niceties, mayhaps?).
of course, the main exception for this is party poison, because love makes you ever the hypocrite — and it is love that he feels for them, though he doesn’t realize it, and certainly wouldn’t admit it for the majority of the story. party falls for his front of the normal, well-adjusted american farm boy, and he falls for their charismatic hero persona in turn. while he does help people in his role as a medic, and sees it as far more preferable to shooting peoples brains out with a blaster, bl/ind goons or not, he finds his unwillingness to fight kind of cowardly. this ties into many other things he believes about himself, like shame about not having fought back against bl/ind when they were taking over zone 8 and he still lived there, as well as the idea that he can’t truly be useful to his community. the latter relates heavily to his issues with normalcy and his own identity: he’s spent so much effort on trying to make himself as palatable as possible that he’s almost cheated himself out of an identity, trying to appear normal to the point where he feels like he doesn’t have any real good traits or talents left. party is the opposite of all of this for him. they are loud and unapologetic about who they are (or, who they want people to think they are), they don’t have any qualms about doing what they have to in order to save the world, they are the ideal of a true zonerunner and hero.
circling back to jet, the thing about him is that he is not as normal as he tries to make himself seem. throughout the story, he slowly gets more comfortable showing small, strange parts of himself to the people around him. he seems to have taken party’s words to heart, at least partially: normal isn’t a thing anymore. it’s only small things, he still deals with some heavy repression of trauma and trouble facing a lot of his own feeling and desires, but its a start. he has his own quirks and absurdities, his own traits that make him a unique and fucked up person. i don’t have every part of those developments planned out, but i know that at least some of it will be in relation to gender, like growing his hair out and presenting more femininely in other ways. he would have a lot more inhibitions to let go off before really being able to face his thoughts about his own gender than party would, just due to the environment and pressures he’s been raised with. (a full exploration of jet’s gender would not really fit in this fic just with the story outline I have planned, but i might write a continuation that goes more into detail. my hc for jet’s gender in the music video era is a he/she transfem, though this fic takes place many years before that and jet still thinks of herself as a cis guy for most of it.) the point being, jet is not actually the one of the killjoys who is the most normal; he is just the one who’s the best at pretending to be.
when jet and party actually acknowledge their feelings for each other, they both have to break down a lot of emotional barriers to do so, and it’s a large part of them beginning to reject the characters they’ve resigned themselves to. party has to realize that they are not an inherently horrible person and that they do deserve to live a good life, that jet is not an untouchable object that they’ll ruin by being close to. jet has to accept that he’s allowed to love someone he’s been taught he’s not allowed to love, that just because he’s in a relationship unlike the ones he’s ‘supposed’ to want doesn’t make it any less real. it heavily involves them letting each other off the pedestals they’ve put each other on, and loving the real person underneath the persona. that is actually an interesting thing that is true for both of them: while they fixate on the fronts that the other puts up, it’s the real person underneath that they fall in love with. jet idolizes the heroic leader that party tries to be, but falls in love with their kindness and vulnerabilities. party envies jets projected normality and righteousness, they fall in love with the strange quirks that make him who he is.
their emotional journeys won’t have full resolutions in this fic, but if i finish it i will probably write a continuation in which the analog wars have ended and there is more focus on the characters emotional development. it would show more of that theme of them letting go of the roles they’ve placed themselves in: party realizing that they don’t need to act a specific way or have a certain personality to be a hero, they just need to help people; jet letting go of his attachment to normalcy. they don’t need to be perfect heroes, they don’t need to follow specific norms or rules. they just need to be who they are, and that’s some fucked up kids stuck in a fucked up situation just trying to make the best of it.
of course, even with those emotional issues resolved, they still struggle. I mentioned at the beginning the theme of real events being turned into myths, and that would certainly be relevant to the killjoys, especially to party. during the analog wars, the image of party poison as a hero and leader of the zones spread quick and they were mythologized into an almost godlike figure. (this is true for the other killjoys as well, but not to such an extent.) this image comes to haunt them even when the wars have ended: wherever they go, they are expected to live up to this idea of themself that they have long since let go of and never even really fit in the first place. the mythologizing is to the point where certain people who preach about the figures of party poison and the killjoys don’t even know what they actually look like.
there is also the fact that while the analog wars have technically ended, there are still attacks occasionally made by bl/ind, and the killjoys have to defend themselves with violence whether they like it or not. the ‘end’ of the analog wars also brings along some other questions about the themes: how do the killjoys deal with the absurdity of their lives when they can no longer blame it on existing in an active war zone? how do they rebuild their lives after all that non-stop violence? again, this is if i finish the fic im currently writing.
im not sure how to end this post but it’s been fun to write and i hope other people might enjoy reading it. i might write a similar one about how the same themes reflect in fun ghoul and kobra kid, but i dont know.
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