#im shading it obviously because i hate myself

[alteredsilicone]

i think the redeemed durge plotline doesn't speak to me that much is because i'm not that big of a fan of found family tropes

[lawofangie]

some things i've manifested

these are some basic stories, but i have some "crazy" ones i might share if you guys want lol

note: before manifesting i used to have a pretty "normal" life. i was conventionally attractive, middle classs, etc. i didn't really "need" anything but a social life and better grades. regardless of that, i just manifested whatever i wanted and didn't limit myself. i also added a few little stories behind them.

appearance change:

changed my hair texture to curly

grew from 5'2 to 5'6

clear, even skin and skin tone (tbh i already had a really good skincare routine, my skin was super clear bc of that BUT my face used to be like 10 shades darker than the rest of my body and i had CRAZY backne and strawberry legs)

losing 30 pounds (i used to be 72kg, now i'm 58kg)

changed my shoe size (i used to be size 9 now i'm size 7)

changed my hand size (for reference, my hands used to be a little longer than my phone, i had a "pro max" sized phone.)

social life:

having good friends in my state (im from up north and was completely lonely in the state i live in now)

popularity (i used to be pretty irrelevant but now everybody likes me and wants to be around me)

getting my sp's (i manifested them from scratch and took inspired action to meet them)

having people crush on me more overtly/ getting approached more (this is kind of a weird one, before my appearance change i was pretty attractive like maybe a 7/10, but i got tired of people just ogling me and not approaching me. i only had the unattractive and overconfident guys approaching me, all the attractive ones just stared lol)

just being likable lol (people used to feel threatened by me or feel like i was standoffish for some reason. idrk tbh but it was VERY annoying. i literally used to get accused of "acting like i own the place" for being quiet and just existing 💀. i didn't really care what they thought, but i hated when they complained about it and tried to make it my problem.)

school:

higher gpa (i used to have a 3.0 but i manifested a 3.8, which is a weighted 4.0)

high grades (i used to fail many tests/exams and have a mix of a, b, and c's. now they're all a's)

dream college acceptance

teachers liking me (they actually used to hate my guts it was so annoying 😭)

school crushes liking me back (tbh they probably thought i was already attractive but they never spoke to me or seemed like they wanted to get to know me)

leaving early (my school day ends at like 12 now)

lifestyle:

living closer to the city

having my dream routine (i have my dream skincare products, haircare products, diet, and health routines.)

having a high self concept (tbh i technically always did, i knew what i wanted and deserved. i just felt more like i was being injusticed. so i got rid of the "unwilling victim" mentality. i also used to ruminate on irrelevant things, like mistakes i made, what people thought of me, etc.)

very high confidence (in my looks, abilities, judgement, etc.)

money for my parents and myself

having a busy, productive life (i used to hate school because my grades weren't contributing to anything i wanted to do in life, so i wanted a productive life outside of that.)

always getting my way

getting all sorts of things for free

and more!

i'd say this all took me around 2-3 months, not because manifesting takes time, but because i assumed a lot of things would take time. i also had periods of doubt in myself and tried to handle things in the 3d on my own for some time.. which obviously didn't work. still, all i did was assume and accept these things as true and they happened overnight, in a day, or within that week. the longest anything's taken me is like 7 days, and that was because i kept wavering in my mind. manifestation is truly instant.

but anyways, i hope this is motivational and helpful. i do have some pretty "ridiculous" stories like some revenge stories, "crazy" stories regarding sp's, some not very appropriate stories, really good things happening to me, and others.

thanks for reading! i hope this helps. 🩶

[gemapples]

my new year's artwork won't be done until tomorrow, but i at least wanted to make a little post celebrating it before it turns! see you in 2025 ❤️

going into a personal ramble about my year under the cut. im mostly just talking to the void but feel free to read if you want!

this year has been. wow. if i had to put the definition of an emotional rollercoaster it would be this year for me

so much happened, yet so much DIDN'T happen simultaneously?? i don't really know how to think tbh 😭 i think above all i'm relieved it's over and i get to (hopefully) have a fresh start again

i got a lot accomplished this year. i graduated and got a degree which is a huge thing!!! i went for and accomplished lot of difficult things i had to do that i wouldn't even think about considering last year, and i feel my mental health has been beyond improved from it. last year i took note of how i consistently put myself in a box to make others happy, and i noticed i significantly improved in regards to how i see myself and made sure to put my own health first. there's still MUCH more to work on, god, and i've still been struggling with it, but i've been taking steps and that's all that matters to me. i want to continue taking better care of myself next year

on the downside though.. a bunch of personal stuff i had no control over happened in july and to put it in a way, i was scared for my life. it's settled now, and even got better, but i haven't been that terrified in a very long time. it was so difficult for me to cope with and i'm very grateful it's not something to worry about anymore, but i would be lying if i said i wasn't scared for what horrific event next year will bring for me. i noticed the past few years, something awful happened that made me seriously question, doubt or even straight up hating myself :') and i'm not looking forward to experiencing that again next year in the slightest. but at least, i'll try to get better at it

i've felt pretty disappointed and unhappy with my art this year as well, for whatever reason. it was mentioned to me that it could just be burnout (i HAVE been drawing more consistently than i ever have throughout this year, especially due to college, which makes sense) but whatever i try to do experimental-wise, i just can't be happy with it. i think the major reason is the way i've been shading, because i might be instinctively holding myself back. i don't want my art to be too eyestrainy or give people headaches by looking at it obviously, but i feel like as a result i've been making my art feel too "muddy" for my liking. so! i decided one of my new years resolutions will be to be way more spontaneous with the way i use colors and try not to put that box on myself. one thing i can say is, i tried a Lot of new things with art this year, including working on complex backgrounds, putting in way more effort into pieces enough to be full illustrations, etc etc. and i hope to break a ton more boundaries next year too. regardless, i can't thank you enough for your continued support. it seriously means a ton to me. i know i repeat myself a lot but i always mean it

hopefully 2025 will bring us more kirby too! we haven't had a full year without a new kirby game since 2021, and even then forgotten land got revealed! so i get the feeling something HUGE is coming. also looking forward to pokemon legends z-a too (im insane over it). and the hypothetical manager magolor plush. <- copium.

thanks for reading, and i hope 2025 is a fun, enjoyable year. hopefully it'll be nice to us

~ mac ❤️

[cherrylite17]

The Heart Killers ep 1 (spoilers ahead)

at first i was (hahah first) like oh? interesting? sex worker khao? and then he said wait for the food and we can go all out with no interuptions and i was like… ahhh hes gonna kill him

ah yes, my favourite! gun salad! POST EPISODE ADDITION: THE GUN SALAD DOESN'T HAVE SILENCERS BUT WHEN THEY KILL THE GUY THEY DO?? THEY NEVER SHOW THEM PUTTING THEM ON???

yall think they (bison and fadel) are called the heart killers (hence the name of the show) because they always shoot their victims in the heart? like that first guy?

ALSO bisexual lighting room. guys I think this might be foreshadowing that fadel and bison aren't straight (and thats my one deep analysis for this episode)

i was lost in though about how rich that style and kant have to be to get TWO LANES at a bowling alley (damn take turns on one lane like the rest of us) when DUNK RAISED HIS ARMS CROP TOP NUMBER 1 BABYYYY

sorry kant baby you sound like a virgin loser giving out bowling advice. I swear if bowling becomes a reoccurring element to this show (they get to include it one more time before i order myself a gun salad)

red room with red curtains and red bedsheets for a red boy (and he works at a red burger joint??? like damn i always thought that some of @respectthepetty 's colour analyses were reaches (in a nice way!! in like a "no way the directors actually put that much thought into putting... idk cop in purple, they just grabbed a shirt i bet") but bison is the reddest boy ever (watch them say hes actually a different colour and i am a silly goofy)) followed by kant picking up his brothers book (which has a suspicious amount of red on it) and looking lovingly at it (no one looks lovingly at Shakespeare) Also the fact that they showed the book makes me wonder if the plot of the taming of the shrew is going to have much to do with this show

but also if bison is red hes def a different shade of red compared to Arc (of perfect 10 liners). I mean Arc has serious anger issues and Bison just wants to be gay (and do crime). hes such a silly goofy guy compared to Arc (at least what we know of the two so far)

i am HATING this upclose shot of kant eating the burger please stop it

excuse me? kant, bison this is a Wendys please stop looking at each other like that

(bison giggling after kant leaves is literally me when i think about my crush)

LOOOOL NOT FADEL CALLING STYLE A PERVERT FOR TAKING HIS SHIRT OFF BUT HE STILL WATCHED ANYWAY

NO seriously i hate these up close eating shots what is the point of them im going to cry and barf? Like surely this isn't going to be some future plot point right?? surely its just an artistic decision (which I hate, but now they have to do this EVERY TIME he eats food lest i complain about them stopping doing it (BECAUSE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS IF YOU ARENT GOING TO DO IT THE WHOLE SHOW))

"is the taming of the shrew gonna have anything to do with this show"??

the show: bison can only be in a relationship once fadel is in one like come on taming of the shrew

fadel being mean to style (though one could argue style deserves it) and style shouting that hes gonna take fadel out [on a date] like COME ON TAMING OF THE SHREW

in conclusion i feel bad for bison (and babe, they do NOT give younger siblings unless something is gonna happen to them) already

im assuming that kant's dad is dead yeah? what if he got killed (by bison and fadel obviously) (unlikely but what if??? they brought up fathers way too much for one episode it would be weirder if i wasnt suspicious)

anyway, i don't want to have too high of expectations but i love first and khao so i really hope this show delivers 😭

[threephantomrey]

need to say something:

now that a new Scooby Doo series with real monsters being at the forefront of it and doing something new with the formula has just been announced can people PLEASEEEEE not make this about the HBO show or about the 2 movies with “can’t have real monsters” mandate. can we please not mention them when we are talking about GGMM. the reason why i am kindly asking this is because we are talking about a BRAND NEW show that has NOTHINGGGGGGG to do with the previous show or those two movies. i know people and even myself have said that Go Go Mystery Machine gives 13 Ghosts vibes, but the show is obviously not at all related to that or to any other Scooby Doo media. it’s a different show. every time a new Scooby Doo related thing is announced, i don’t want to hear about that 2023 show and how much people still hate it, i do not care about that show im tired of hearing about it. every time a new Scooby Doo related thing with real monsters is announced, i don’t want to hear people saying “oh it finally has real monsters unlike 13th Ghost or Return To Zombie Island because those movies SUCKED ASS” i’m tired of people using every opportunity to bring up these movies just to hate on them/throw shade at them. please, let’s just talk about the new show and what we think it’ll be like and make silly jokes about it giving 13 Ghosts vibes.

[akgaereporter]

txt: soobin catching strays for *checks notes* watching an anime..

tldr: a pann article(?) was starting shit abt an anime soobin mentioned on a live from MONTHS AGO. the anime (made in abyss) has some disturbing/horror/gore themes. he said he thought it was boring and was hesitant to recomend it to moas in the live. but in another live he had with seungkwan, he said he watched it because woozi mentioned it and then said he recommended it to sk. moas started making it a real issue, saying "if u defend him for this block me" & implying he endorsed the themes in the anime. sigh..

when ur in a meat eating competition and ur opponents are soobin antis who call themselves moas😱😱😱😱😱 yall are annoying as fuck all shade.. leave him ALONE abeg

tonight soobins name is trending on twt dot com for something other than the seunghan live or pannchoa making shit up about him😓 apparently (because i couldnt find it) a REAL kr pann article, not flopchoa, was made resurfacing an old live of him talking about animes he's watched. one of them was made in abyss, a psychological horror anime that is meant to be disturbing.

in this live he says that its not something he wants to recommend to moas because of the themes in it. after the clip started making rounds on twt however, people brought up the fact that he'd mentioned it before and said he enjoyed it.

now lets not jump to conclusions like SOME lewsers and realize here that the anime version of made in abyss that's available in korea is highly censored. it reduced the s3xual/problematic scenes that were in the manga, and had a lot of stuff cut out of it that made it bad.

but even if this wasnt the case, its so silly to suggest that u endorse every piece of media u watch☠️ are u a vehicle if i watch cars 2?? are u a murderer if u watch true crime?? are u gay if u watch heartstopper? well yes but lets please use some critical thinking here friends

the first two screenshots from his live alone should be the end of this discussion because thats obviously how he really feels. but noooo user28247943 on twt.com always has to create some thinkpiece for other no brain having ass kpop stans to like and rt and make blockchains abt.. exhibit a:

like what the hell r these people yapping about. me when im trying SOOOO HARD im PISSING and CRAPPING MYSELF to make this grown man from south korea who has no idea i am look like a bad person☠️

yeonternet was the person who started all this bs tho. idk if theyre the one who brought the pann article to twt but their tweets abt it are so braindead lord.. this person had over 1k follows trying to police what an adult man watches & saying it makes her uncomfortable that he does.. girl dont watch what he watches then?? and after shitting out that steaming load of crap shawty deactivated without clarification cause she couldnt take the heat ! ikdr never come back

++apparently the author of made in abyss admitted that they used the show to portray their s3xual fantasies abt children but even hardcore watchers of the show didnt know that like..

also when he initially said all this in the live the response was fawking normal as it should be..

bc it isnt just gore and horror and nasty scenes, it has worldbuilding elements, characters, plot, etc that people enjoy it for. its rated highly and its so fucking ridiculous that people were genuinely throwing around the word PEDO for stupid shit like this. when actual pedos show up yall wont even be able to recognize them through the serious justice warrior twitter brainrot thats spreading rn..

but the bottom line here is that its pretty clear people are trying to start a smear campaign on soobin. the pann article itself was just nasty akgaes and antis adding onto the hate train hes been getting since the sh live thing. and it's just so nasty and horrible to see self proclaimed moas jumping on that the first chance they got like damn bitch ur just a LOSER who never liked sb in the first place. need all of these mfs ran off the app immediately like its concerning to see how many of them have large followings

uarmyeonjun went priv but she had almost 2.5K FOLLOWS before those twts. genuinely be careful who u call oomf like these people are real hybrids all it takes is an alt/priv and a dream for a normal person to turn into a complete FREAK ASS😓 hell is real and its called moaville

a story in 3 parts:

maybe 4

1.3k follows are we not SCARED?

here’s a link to a thread of the clowns in HD ! point and laugh❤️

https://x.com/beomjzns/status/1726102040848527854?s=61

anyways stay safe in these streets trust nobody stay strapped at all times. kpoptwt gets uglier everyday bye

[the1975attheirverybest]

blurb request hehe matty helps george dye his hair because charli usually does it but they are on tour so she can’t do it, maybe buzz it as well idk you do youu !

Awwwww this is so fuckin cute I have to at least attempt it. Idk if it’s shit or not but here it goes.

—

Matty stood over the the sink brushing his teeth and going over the changed set list in his head. He bent down to spit and turned the faucet on.

“‘Scuse me,” George absent-mindedly squeezed in next to him, bumping his hip into Matty’s as he got closer to the mirror.

Matty frowned, looking up at his friend with a mouth full of toothpaste foam and giving him a vaguely passive-aversive, ‘I’m literally standing right here’ shrug. “Oi! The dressing room has literally five other mirrors you can use.” Matty spoke once he’d rinsed out his mouth.

George rolled his eyes. “Then you go use another one.”

Matty’s lips parted. He was getting ready to explain to his friend that this one was obviously the only mirror that happens to be attached to a sink, and thus the only correct choice for a person who’s brushing their teeth, but it was just too exhausting a debate, plus, he could tell that George is too distracted to be listening, anyway. “What’s the matter, then?” He found a towel to wipe his hand on.

“What?” George attempted to keep listening to Matty’s voice in the background as he ran his hands through his air with a frown on his face.

“Why have you got that look on your face?”

“It’s this fuckin hair.”

Matty stood up on the tips of his toes, hovering over George’s shoulder to take a look at what seemed to be occupying his attention. “What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s not the right shade anymore. And it’s growing.” George directed his response at Matty’s reflection in the mirror.

“Generally what hair tends to do.”

“Well, I hate it when that happens.”

“So, get it done then. I don’t understand the issue.”

“The issue is,” George sprinted over to his bag, pulling out a box of hair dye. “I’ve got this. But I just can’t bring myself to do it.”

“Why not?!” Matty took the box from him, checking out the instructions.

“Well…umm, Charli usually helps me get all the right spots that I always miss, and….do you see Charli anywhere?”

Matty burst into laughter. “THAT’S your issue?”

“Oh, fuck off! Should’ve have told you. Whatever. Just- just give me the dye thing and I’ll sort it out.”

Stifling his giggles, Matty tore the box open. “Alright, fine, I’ll do it”

“What?! No! What makes you think I’d let you-“

“Mate, it’s just box dye. Relax. I’ve done it before.”

“No you haven’t.”

“Yes, I have. Do you remember the pink hair? And the blue? And the green? And the blond? Pretty sure there as purple in there somewhere. Or maybe that was just a faded color…”

“Gabby did that.” George reminded him.

“Only the first couple of times! I did the rest. And your hair’s shorter than mine anyway. Makes it easier.”

Matty looked around for items he could use. “Hold on. I’ve got clippers somewhere. Let’s ummm…get rid of the extra inches.”

“They’re Ross’s.”

“Nope. Mine. You think Mr. Supernaturally perfect hair would use something that makes a whirring sound on that beautiful head of his?”

George considered his options for a moment. It was either let Matty run wild, or find a professional in the two hour free period in their pre-show schedule. So, he gave in. “Fine. Alright. But if you fuck this up”

“Then we’ll just make you completely bald” Matty laughed as he imagined it.

“Matty!”

“Im kidding! Jesus. Relax. I know what im doing.”

“I certainly hope you do.”

***

“Alright! What do we think? You’re looking fresh if I may say so myself.” Matty stepped back admiring his hand work.

George squinted into the mirror checking himself out form different angles to make sure that Matty hadn’t missed anything. “Yeah. Yeah. Looks fine. Thanks.”

“We’re not done yet. I’m going to need you to sit down for this next bit.”

George finally cracked a smile. “Alright, hobbit. Let me get a chair.”

“For the LAST fuckin time. My height?! Normal. You??? A GIANT!”

“Whatever makes you feel better Smurf.”

“Okay, fuck you. Just for that, I’m coloring your hair blue.”

“You can dye my hair the wrong color. I’d still be taller than you.” George chuckled.

“Sit in that chair and shut the fuck up so I can get working on my masterpiece. You bully Charli like that when she does your hair for you?”

“No, cuz she’s perfect.” George mumbled, a tint of sadness in his voice.

“Awe. That’s weirdly sweet.”

***

“Do I- wanna know?” Ross asked as he walked through the door.

“Oh, nothing nefarious. Just dyeing George’s hair.”

Ross rushed over to them, gasping and covering his mouth with his hand as he looked down at George’s head.

“What? Fuckin hell, Matty! What? What’s he done to my head?” George whipped his head to the side to look at Ross’s stunned face. Cause Matty to grumpily mumble something about art or accuracy or something.

Ross stepped back laughing and tilting his head back. “Nothing, I’m just fuckin with you.”

Ross stepped up close again, watching Matty’s work with an intense, focused gaze. “It’s kind of nice actually. He’s really into it. It’s like he’s coloring one hair at a time.”

Moments later, the dressing room door opened again and Adam walked in. “Jesus Christ. What’re you up to?”

Ross turned around briefly. “Come have a look. Matty’s doing George’s hair.”

***

“Right, then.” Matty mumbled to himself. Setting down the remaining dye and taking a deep breath. “And then, Matty looked at his creation and saw that it was good!” He yelled out, making his friends giggle. “So? Thoughts? Perfect, yeah?” He grinned widely. “Smells too strong.” George grumbled. “Well…I can’t do anything about THAT. That came from the manufacturer.”

“Did you get the spot behind the ear?” George turned to the side to see his own profile in the mirror.

“Yes, George.” Matty rolled his eyes.

“And the sides?”

“Wait, you wanted the sides done, too? Bro, you should’ve said something!”

“What do you mean I should’ve said something, it’s implied in the- you’re just messin’ aren’t you?”

Matty giggled. “Course I am! Why would I leave anything out? Stop second guessing my work. It’s all good. I promise!”

***

“Alright!” Matty yelled out when he heard George hop out of the shower. “Moment of truth. Drumroll for the drummer please!”

Adam and Ross banged on the coffee table dramatically. As Matty counted down.

“3…2….1… TA- DA!”

George jumped out in his underwear revealing his perfectly dyed her.

Ross clapped, obscuring Adam’s sweet compliments and Matty whistled loudly.

“George. Sexy. Beautiful. Stunning. Who’s your hair artist?” Matty laughed. “You simply MUST give us his contact info.”

“Piss off…”

[officialtayley]

i’m so sorry but this will be long. no offence to the anon that said this, i’m just kinda using it as something to spring my pov from but: i kinda hate the notion that you shouldnt count past “love” songs which are about chad (like siy, toe, proof etc) as love songs just because hayley wasn’t in the best place when she wrote them and/or they’re not as meaningful as the ones she has since written about taylor.

again, no shade to anon, this just made me want to speak about what i see on a wider scale. of course hayley and chad had a shitty relationship, he pretty much groomed her, cheated on her and from what we know abused her at least mentally. he was a horrible person and an even worse partner, we know that much is true. however, i think sometimes people can be really dismissive of hayley’s very real feelings and love that she clearly felt for chad at the time and that makes me a little bit mad sometimes. she was with the guy for 10 years, she wasn’t secretly hoping he was taylor throughout their entire relationship and to say that she was is again, dismissive and a bit disrespectful i feel? one thing we know for sure about hayley is she is loyal as fuck and she wants to fight through tough times, she wouldn’t have done all of that if she never really loved chad.

of course, her love for taylor is deeper and has more history and meaning but it’s not right to invalidate her past feelings. she doesn’t mean siy, toe etc in the same way anymore but at one point or another they meant a lot to her and they still probably do, just in a completely different way now. i know we all hate chad but please just bare in mind that hayley is a real person, she isn’t just a tayley content machine lmao, her love for chad was very real once upon a time and we don’t need to rewrite history about their past songs. two things can be true: 1. SIY and TOE are love songs about chad 2. chad is a horrible person but was still a very important figure in hayley’s life in the past for both positive (in some ways i’m sure) and extremely negative reasons.

mhm. like no matter what they are love songs and always will be, they're more darker/negative but there's still positivity in most of them (pool is tbh debatable cause she rlly did force herself to write that after everything so while it's a love song it's a bit... odd to also call it one). but yeah she prob was not wishing he was taylor for 10 years like that would've been weird 😭 but idk... i don't think fighting thru tough times means she really loved him like for ALL those years, and im just basing that off how she's spoken about feeling trapped, the shame of how they got into their relationship, failed marriages also making her want to stay so she didn't feel like a failure, and one interview iirc she said she knew very early on it wasn't a good relationship/wanted out, that also doesn't mean there was never real love there cause there obviously was for sure! but yeah.

she isn't a tayley content machine and ppl should be more respectful, i get you cause i've seen it on a wider scale too and i think sometimes i can catch myself thinking that way, but i think sometimes people let the hatred for chad sort of get in the way of everything.

[ooglywooglies]

sorry im posting a lot about race stuff today i wasnt expecting it to be a topic on my dash but i actually have been thinking about it a bit recently in terms of like, my own experiences with racism. but im kinda weird right, like i usually say that my experiences with racism are pretty like medium/mild because im asian, right asians are like the furthest up on the barrier between white and not white. east asians are just BARELY not white (especially if youre not diaspora, i will find a way to turn this into hating japan [the country not the people] as an asian)

but im in a weird spot because i live in australia, there are a LOT of asians here, because asia is literally right there, im like an 8 hour flight from vietnam which is crazy as someone who grew up disconnected from my culture on the other side of the planet (im pretty sure my grandma got send to one of those assimilation schools when she got shipped to the midwest when she fled to the US after the vietnam war but she doesnt talk about that stuff so idk)

and ive talked about some experiences with racism ive had to other asians here and theyve been like WHAT THE HELL?? because theyve hardly interacted with white people for most of their lives despite growing up in australia which is a white (british) settler colony obviously

ive dealt with a LOT of racism growing up, because i grew up in rural minnesota and wyoming and im mixed race and the white side of my family is a lot bigger and more connected than the asian side (my parents broke up like around when i was born, and my dads pretty non confrontational and avoidant so i never spent a lot of time with him growing up even though thats not what he wanted) so not only am i really really used to being the only POC in like a 10 mile radius im also used to being the only POC in my own family (a lot of racist comments ive gotten have been from my own mother, sister, grandmother, aunts, etc. bc their proximity to me makes them think its okay to treat me that way, they know me so they know i dont have the power to fight back)

and its not like i havent experienced racism in australia, ive experienced plenty and ive only been here for a handful of years, its usually in the same vein as the racism i got from the rural redneck types that im used to except maybe a little bit more tactful

like sometimes i get assumed to be japanese, or that im like a mail order bride, but its not usually "is your vagina sideways" the only time they converge is when people make comments about my people being poor/dirty/primitive, implying that we are basically monkeys or cavemen or that type of thing. yeah turns out if youre not from one of the BROWN asian countries instead of one of the cool/rich ones thats how it goes

im light skinned but ive had weird comments made about me whenever i get a tan, people tell me i look like im from a 3rd world country when i get a shade darker in the summer

ive probably talked about that a bunch on here, i kind of catch myself falling into a loop about it bc i dont really have anyone to talk TO about it, all my confidants are white and they just go "ew that sucks" which, i mean i get that thats all they really have but its not very comforting either yknow

anyway the point is im getting distracted by the dumb bullshit ive experienced bc the point was that i feel like lately ive been trying to quantify my experiences with racism to figure out "how bad it is" bc like, even with everything ive just said at least its not violence, and i dont think anyone has even ever said anything to me maliciously its always just been ignorance, and im like, LIKE I SAID IM NOT EVEN FULLY ASIAN tbh if you go by blood/dna/whatever im not even HALF asian im at least 75% white, mostly norwegian (and i like to acknowledge my norwegian heritage too, it informs a lot of that "minnesota culture" i grew up around) i just usually dont pass as white (usually if i do its bc im hanging around white people who are used to what asian people are SUPPOSED to look like, which is evidently not me, but im not sure if i actually pass as white in those settings or just "not asian" people tend to mistake me for latino a lot [so mestizo probably])

i do suspect that my poc-ness has affected my ability to get a job, more often when i was living in rural areas people tended to give me the stink eye a lot when they saw me, and theyd act kind of grossed out when i applied for jobs, i have a white name so people seem to have an assumption shattered when they meet me after seeing my name, its hard to confirm if thats real or not though. all my jobs ive ever gotten have been through nepotism :thumbsup: (theyve been really shitty horribly paying jobs though)

why am i thinking about all this am i getting distracted again, ig bc ive been thinking about the thing i said at the beginning where anti-asian racism is really mild compared to other forms of racism bc (east) asians are the closest to whiteness

i guess its still a pretty fucking wide gap though, like even pretty and privileged asians still have to deal with a bunch of the stuff that i have and i AM a pretty privileged asian person despite not being japanese or something since im on paper barely asian at all

im just thinking about the fact that its like, i go through all this and im on paper barely a poc, like imagine how much worse it must be for 1) full blooded asians 2) any brown person who isnt (east) asian 3) black and native people

im not gonna get too far into how much worse other people have it, mostly bc they can speak for themselves and this is just a personal post, ive had plenty of time to consider my place of privilege concerning people who experience racism harder than me but this post is supposed to be about people who have it better than me mainly i think

i didnt even talk about actual white passing asians, like i have a sister who is fully white passing but is just as asian as me and i didnt talk about it at all, i think mostly bc i cant really imagine what its like to have her perspective, it must be complex as well, but i have to imagine its different. and how weird it is to be so different just for having a couple of features present differently, for us to look on opposite ends of the spectrum and have a really similar genetic makeup (we are only half siblings but we have a dad in common and both of us have a white mom from the same region)

[lagomorphics]

hi majora! your art is really cute, and I hope you don't mind if I ask about your process? I'm new to art and yours is an inspiration! I wanted to ask how you learned? and your process, because you seem to draw near daily! also any tips you might have for me? thank you!

HI ANON!!! ur very sweet thank u so much WAHH <33!!! idm being asked abt that at all!!

in terms of how i learnt; i've kinda always been drawing for as long as i can remember? been posting art online since around 2013-ish so i got a big big catalogue of stuff to look back on

but learning in specifics of like, how i learned to shade n draw bodies etc etc. i studied! theres a lot of resources out there that'll break down a lot of the 'basics', i dont have any i can name off the top of my head except for morpho; whole bunch of books about body types and anatomy.

im not really good at providing tips for how to learn (bad memory </3) but studying, drawing things over and over (i do with reference and then without, and try to draw in different angles/perspectives) is very useful!

ALSO VERY IMPORTANT: literally do not worry at all if what you draw the first time around looks wonky or "ugly". being negative towards yourself about your art only serves to stunt ur growth!! shakes you (and anyone reading this) by the shoulders. it can be very easy to slip into hating your art and not enjoying anything ur drawing. this is me telling u to try and draw something youve never drawn before. experiment. it may not look perfect or even "good" but it will refresh ur brain!!!!!

MY PROCESS...... oh man i really have been drawing pretty much daily huh? i do draw every day but its been a hot minute since ive been doing finished pieces haha

but basically what i do is; start with a few warm-up doodles! just anything to get me in the groove

then over the course of the day i slowly chip away at whatever pieces im working on (lined stuff will usually take me a few hours, rendered stuff takes a day or a few....)

i cannot really assist in like "so how do you draw?" because i honestly just go Lights Off Its Drawin Time! but i always do a rough sketch of an idea i have, refine the sketch, refine that sketch, and then if its rendered i'll make a palette for myself somewhere, but if its lined i'll start on the lineart and then fiddle around with colours.

i draw for fun, so if i dont like how somethings turning out, i'll stop drawing it. no use frustrating myself over a piece to the point of hating it!!

(this ones just forfun and just for me) i keep a small little doc full of notes about my own pieces! i like analysing stuff, and also enjoy talking about why i draw something in a specific way, so this is just a nice little thing for me to have fun with. also helps me avoid potentially slipping into "hate this. bad" mindset bc im specifically noting things that i Liked (i do obviously have a bit of chatter like "hmm i think i couldve drawn this better, i should keep that in mind" but its only when its helping myself. the jora does not talk bad about its art)

aaand then i do some cool-downs to get any last little doodles outta my head so i can relax in bed

in terms of tips? do stretches, walk around, TAKE BREAKS! draw at your own pace, and also Have Fun With It. experiment with different colours, limited palettes, different styles!

seriously though do make sure you take breaks and stretch im lookin you in the eye okay?

I HOPE THIS MADE SENSE AND IS HELPFUL IN A WAY i ramble. far too much. and im not the best at articulating my thoughts!! but i hope u have lots of fun drawing very cool stuff <333

[surferblues]

the cat and the mouth ! ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

part one . . . !

costar! austin butler x fem! reader

warnings smut, reader is an actress , needy austin, p in v, slight praise, no established relationship, bathroom sex, and obviously sexual themes.

prompt " i shouldn’t allow myself to get this close to you. "

Sexual tension was something that constantly lingered between you two, and you both were aware of it. The lustful eye contact, the not so innocent teasing that would leave you both with crimson shaded cheeks, and the longing wishes of hoping a one of you would strike and take action towards your sinful urges.

You liked the tension, the wait, the need for him. You considered it a continuous game of cat and mouse, a game you felt like would never end.

But, one thing you hated was attending the parties that you were practically forced to come to because of your role as Priscilla. They were all the same, full of people you didn't know or parties that died down an hour in.

You had swallowed down your fifth alcoholic drink that had more sugar than anything, but, you had to find a way to enjoy the lifeless party. You had been seated at the mini bar ever since you arrived at the after party, chatting up a few men that you had no interest in and just observing the drunken party goers that had been wandering around and dancing carelessly.

"Just a whiskey on the rocks." You ears peeked up at the familiar, husky voice that you knew all too well. Your curious eyes turned towards the source, landing on the tall blonde boy, who had been wearing a black suit that fit him ever so perfectly.

“This seat taken?” Austin's voice pulled you out of your trance, his finger pointed towards the empty barstool placed right next to you. “No, not at all.” You shook your head, flashing a tight-lipped smile as he took place right next to you.

"I would've never took you for a bloody mary type." Austin husked out, pointing out the drink that head been halfway drunken infront of you. "Me either, just ordered it to make this party somewhat more amusing." You shrugged, raising your dark brows before scoffing playfully as you lifted your eyes back to meet his.

"And how's that working out for you?" he questioned, his brows quirked up as he waited for a response to slip from your lips. his hand went towards the whiskey that he had ordered moments ago.

"oh, just great, having the time of my life." you chuckled, shaking your head with a playful smile as you let out a sarcastic response. "life could never be better." he nodded in sarcastic understanding, he went along with your words, finding amusement at how you covered your bore by using humor.

"im sure there's been a few guys coming over here, trying to talk you up though?" Austin lifted up his drink, his lips connecting with the glass. He assumed so... assuredly, as if his assumption was something he was so sure of.

"I haven't given any of them a chance to stick around." you foretold, dangerously murmuring your words as you grabbed the straw from your alcoholic drink and puckered your lips around it.

"oh, am i the first guy you're letting stick around long enough?" he poked his tounge on the left side of his cheek, slightly twirling the barstool to be in your direction.

"Depends, is there something you needed, Mr.Butler?" You questioned, slowly speaking as you kept your eyes on his. You knew what you were doing, starting up the endless game you two have been going at for months.

"i... " he hesitated for a spilt moment, turning his eyes away from yours as he took a deep breath. "would you like to go somewhere a little more private?" Austin asked in dangerously low tone, he quickly shrugged off his hesitation , lifting his blue eyes towards you. You could read him like a open book. The lustful eye contact, the not so innocent teasing.

"Alone?" You smiled, playing oblivious, smirking to hide the crimson red that threatened to spill on your cheeks. "You know what I mean, darlin, let's not mess around."

"I can't help it, you're fun to mess with." You gracefully moved your hand from the glass cup you had been sipping fron moments ago. " Baby, don't make me spell it out for you... you know i want you."

You two looked like animals - teeth clashing, needy bodies colliding, hands roaming every vulnerable spot of one another's body. You move in sync and the arousal in your panties only escalates, burning your entire body. his hands make their way around your hips, pressing into the bone as he steadies your body against the door.

His clothed knee between your thigh, your hips jutting for friction against your heating folds. "as much as i wanna explore your mouth, i think you need attention somewhere else." his breath fanned over your ear as he leaned his head against the bathroom door that your body had been leaning against.

his hand removed from your waist, slowly trailing down towards your hips... then the end of your little black dress... and the wet lace that had been collecting every drop of your nectar his dangerous words had squeezed out of you.

"is this okay?" Austin drops the cocky demeanor and looks towards you with a caring gaze, his fingers still fiddling with the lace protecting your needy cunt. you nod, lip still stuck in between your teeth. you watch as he slips your underwear right down your knees.

"Austin..." you sigh out, his name coming off as a plea. You wanted him, more than anything.

“stay still, so pretty like this.” he assures incoherently, he takes his hands off of you and instead turns the focus to himself. Unzipping his pants ever so gracefully, revealing his dick that had been poking through his thin boxers.

Your breathed hitch at the sight, precum peeking out through the thin covering. "Do you trust me?" Austin asks, placing kisses all over your shoulder blades. You threw your head back, growling, "Fuck, If i didn't i wouldn't be waiting for you to fuck me."

"that'ta girl." he smirked confidently as he hiked your dress up to your hips, preparing to invade your body with ease. His fingers turned back in the direction of your hips, holding you in place as you felt his tip travel. the precum soaking your swollen button, causing you to throw your head back in nothing but pure pleasure.

"that feel good, yeah?" he nodded his tip swirling around your clit, not long before he moved it again. his tip now traveling, a long stripe gliding down towards your hole.

finally, the game of cat and mouse was over.

[angel-noaxod]

Angel & Davey headcanons ♡

i kind of feel bad because im projecting a little of myself onto Angel who is a listener for everyone but everyone projects also..right? i still feel bad because im a very inclusive person anyway enjoy 😭

-Angel has autism and it's not very... "obvious" (literally something that everyone says whenever I tell them I have autism)

-they also have ADHD (obviously-) and anxiety

-sometimes Angel randomly goes very quiet and scares the crap out of Davey because he's used to their chatty self

-Angel was scared to tell Davey at first so he didn't know until like six and a half months into their relationship

-now he knows it's their mental disorders and it can get really tiring if they talk all week

-complex noises are too much for angel

-Angel gets very overwhelmed if there are too many sounds all at once (dogs barking, more than two people talking, drilling, buzzing, high pitch noises)

-they make an exception for parties because people are purposely trying to talk over others (hope that makes sense ha)

-they're not afraid of the noises by themselves, but usually they hear all these noises at the same time so it gets a little hectic

-they're scared of loud noises

-like that storm comfort audio, Angel hates sudden noises like thunder

-they stim when they get very excited and/or happy, they'll bounce up and down and clench their fists (im so sorry im projecting a lot ahskzhd)

-when Angel's anxious, they'll tap their feet on the ground

-it used to annoy Davey in the beginning and he felt so bad when he called them out to stop tapping

-Davey is colorblind and i will die on this hill

-he has protanopia color blindness meaning he is blind to the color red which leaves a lot of color ranges that he sees to be mostly shades blue and yellow

-he aborbs blue and green light

-Asher loves to mess with Davey by asking him to pick the red crayon and he ends up oucking this gross orangey yellow brown

-when Angel found out he was color blind, they were shopping for clothes

-Daavey asked "what color is this?" and pointed out a red shirt

-Angel answerer "red?" Then realized and blurted out " you're colorblind?!"

-he just sighed irritated and told them all about it

-Angel never said anything sbout it from then on, only to answer when Davey asked what color he was looking at

-(Angel definitely plans to buy him those expensive ass color blind glasses that allows him to see colors the right way)

-maybe i'll write a fic about that one day, we'll see..)

-Angel is totally rich, or yk, wealthy money money

-I see Angel balancing a couple job careers

-I know the first audio of Davey and Angel meeting said Angel had an office job but-

-They're an actor and a comedian and I might die on this hill too

-They sub for the art teacher and the music teacher for 8th grade

-They sing at this bar several miles away from their home (as like a hobby) and they wow the whole pack and the mates

-Angel sketches a LOT

-They always have a sketchbook on them just in case

-They love to capture pretty things

-They sketched Davey during a pack meeting and no one was able to focus on what he was saying so Angel had to hide the sketch and scoot their chair back

-They've sketched everyone in the pack

-They get requests to draw mates together

-Even though Angel doesn't like it, the others pay them for their art when it comes to the requested pieces

-They have an easel in the corner of their living room by the open window sliding door that leads to their backyard, or sideyard really

-Sometimes Davey will put on one of Angel's chill playlist and watch them paint

-Angel once painted angel wings with a halo over an empty space

-Davey pointed out that they could pose in front of the painting and it would look like they had wings and a halo

-It's now Davey's favorite picture of Angel and he keeps it as his homescreen (his lockscreen is black)

That's all I got for now :))

The only reason why I know about protonopia is because my old teacher has the same colorblindness 😂

[skunkes]

hi bear with my as i try to explain some weird art feeling

As im improving in art i keep struggling to figure out what's like...the niche i fill vs if my niche is just a comfort zone i should be forcing myself out of, ykwim?

Like. I could NEVER be a person that does rendered paintings because I like lines too much. + Its hard for me to imagine things in 3D (and the shading that comes with it). I dont have the drive or the desire to get good at that (and other things) and so I have to just accept that eveyone has their art roles they fill, because if everyone did the same art it would be boring.

Like I'll see someone's very loose sketchy, colors slapped on art and wish that could be me bc its so beautiful. But its Not Me + I gotta deal with it and hope that the stuff I Do Make is an equivalent for someone else. (Like when incredibly popular artists who make full blown illustrations like my shit for some weird reason)

What I've ALSO been thinking about, though, is sometimes I'll be looking through my inspiration folders. I'll look at a piece of art that's like, from one of my favorite artists (as an example, so that the following sentences don't sound like im being intentionally Evil). I'll be like this is gorgeous art. What I'd give to make gorgeous art. But then I really think about it and realize like,

Man.

If I drew like this, well. I would HATE if I drew like this.

I imagine drawing these pieces and find my own likes and dislikes while doing so. Like man this artist is so good they're my favorite but if I drew like this I would be worried about this looking too much like a generic anime art style. I'd be erasing and redrawing and overtweaking these huge sparkly eyes. I'd hate not being able to do more than draw these tiny anime noses. I can't imagine doing all this sameface (even if theyre beautiful samefaces!) Stuff like that (despite the art being very good and beloved by me and others.)

Its a weird feeling. Idk how to describe it + I've never seen anyone else talk about anything similar.

My only issue is that I also feel the same way about my own work, obviously, because how else could I make the connections without relating back to how I feel about my own stuff, so like, what do you even Do. How do I actually draw the way I want to draw. I know how I DONT want to draw (but also, the way i Don't want to draw looks Good :( it looks awesome!!!) How do i Fix it. How do I identify and pluck out the Good Stuff and use that.

I dunno!

[shesnake]

kind of a weird question but can se asian ppl be considered brown? i'm indonesian and i've always considered myself brown but is that wrong? sorry i tried google but couldn't find an answer

ok you probably know that im half indonesian half pakistani so the way i think about it is definitely affected by that.. lots of people are gonna feel differently these are just my thoughts and i truly know nothing but let me just explain my use of 'brown'...

this is gonna sound a bit dumb but lots of people are brown and refer to themselves and their people as brown but we're not all the same brown yknow? and i don't mean in a literal chromatic sense.

like for me personally when im talking about "brown people" im talking about south asians AND SOMETIMES arabs because we are tied together by several things like colonialism, imperialism, religion, as well as experiencing islamophobia / islamophobically-motivated racism. obviously south asians and arabs are different and i really don't know who decided it was cool to link us under this term (pretty sure it was white people tho!!!) but it's how the other south asian and arabs kids i grew up with (all of us diaspora in this western country i live) referred to ourselves collectively and this has continued with those i've met as adults.

there are of course though, people of indigenous, latinx and african or other descent who are brown-skinned and also refer to themselves as brown, but not in a way that ties them to brown people like me, or from other cultures/parts of the world. when i say something like 'i hate brown men' im not talking about ALL brown-skinned men, i am talking about my people only.

i'd never really thought to specify this before, it's pretty much always seemed to have been an unspoken thing where every brown-skinned person seems to know when the term is relevant to their culture specifcally. but just for an example: there was an instance a couple months back talking with one of my brown friends where we were joking about taika waititi being a messy bitch about his affairs/divorce (after those pap photos with tessa and rita lmaoo) and my friend joked 'what do you expect from a brown man?' and i found i was not comfortable going along with that. because even though taika waititi is brown-skinned, since he is a maori man it is not my place to joke about any of his messy behaviour as a cultural trait, because that is not my culture to judge.

i don't have a straightforward answer for you as an indonesian... like im indo and am considered 'sawo matang' ('yang hitam manis' if my mum's feeling particularly colourist that day) but my brown identity, the way people treat me 'because im brown', has always been because i look more pakistani. because i look more visibly south asian. that's the kind of brown the world has decided i am.

as an indonesian with brown skin, regardless of the shade, of course you are brown. i don't think there's anything wrong with calling yourself what you literally are. i guess the important thing is to just keep in mind how you use the term as a cultural collective. is it sensitive to group yourself with brown people outside of your own culture?

does this make sense???? i really should read some actual theory on this because i truly don't know if this way of thinking is actually acceptable, it's just how i've grown up understanding these things amongst other people. i welcome any input if any brown people reading this have any other thoughts!

[parcequecestnotreprojeeeet]

Manu looks sooooo tired did u notice his dark circles? idk i feel sorry for him when i see him like that. i wanna hug him but at the same time his arrogance makes me want to punch him, i have a love/hate rship with him. my family makes fun of me because i always end up shading Brigitte when i see her with him on TV, i dont do it on purpose thats how i realized years ago i actually have a crush on him lmaoooo always told myself i hated him. but I DO HATE HIM. im confused /rant

Long and intense days with the G7 then NATO summit (and short visit to Portugal yesterday). We often forget but the guy is human after all hahaha

I understand you. Sometimes it annoys me too that I love this guy some much hahaha. I’m so conflicted with his arrogance because... he can be SO sexy when his arrogant/cocky.... (obviously depending on the situation).

I really adore Brigitte and love to see them together hahaha so really no shade for her from my part!

I do hate him when I’m in a good mood and he does or says something stupid and I just get mad at him lol I wanna punch him there with no kiss.

[rrickgrrimes8]

I’ve Got You ~ Mitch Rapp

Mitch marched into the room - masculinity shrouding every inch of his toned body. Unknowingly to him her attention immediately switched to his presence as soon as he entered. Her eyes lingered and mismerised his entire body - from his chocolate orbs to his flexed bicep - awe and arousal oozed off of her.

If she wasn't in the midst of her own conversation believe me she would be drooling a river over him. "So, (y/n), I would like you to train with someone else - perhaps one of the higher tiers. I don't think that it is working out between you and I. I think you need more of a challenge." Her trainer, Daniel, informed wearing a friendly childlike smile.

Since she started this training program at her gym the employees there which also happen to be all men underestimated her abilities and strength. So because of their ignorance and blatant misogyny they paired her with the - said in the nicest way possible - weakest dude in the whole place. Don't get me wrong Daniel is a good guy and is now a great friend to (y/n) but they clearly aren't the best pair due to the clear superiority of (y/n).

"Yeah... yeah sure who?" She muttered kind of dreading the fact that she would have to leave the only friend she made in this place for probably a disgusting sexist pig. "Ugh well I have no clue who it is but you're meeting him in..." Daniel paused checking his watch, "right now." He smiled sweepingly but the nerves in (y/n) just stared to settle in and a hurricane of anxiety bombarded her. She had never been good with new people let alone people that already see her as a inferior.

"What?! I-I can't do it now. I should have time to prepare -you know like about two weeks and I'll be ready." She informed hopefully but was met with the familiar sound of Daniels chuckle. "Oh c'mon you'll be okay. You need to get out of your comfort zone anyways then maybe you'll get up enough courage to ask out walking muscle man." She shook her head ferociously before breaking out into a burst of laughter at the nickname 'walking muscle man.'

"Excuse me what the hell is a walking muscle man?" (Y/n) chuckled into the palm of her hand while Daniel gave her an amused look. "You know who I am mean (y/n)." He insisted but she shook her head. Daniel leaned in close to her ear and whispered, "Mitch." Her face immediately darkened at the mention of him.

How did Daniel know about my obsession? Is it that obvious? Who else knows? Does everyone know? These thoughts swam around her head like fishes in a tank. Her cheeks were basically inflamed and the nervous tick she had adapted from her childhood of tapping her foot has returned.

"W-what are you talking about?" She whispers back fear evident in her question. "Oh don't act dumb I know you like him. It's pretty obvious." She groaned. "It is?"

"So you admit him?" Daniel clapped back causing (y/n) to fall into a deeper pit of embarrassment. "Oh god." She said burying her head into her hands. "Oh yes." Daniel smiled content with the fact he finally got it out of her.

Daniel had caught on to the fact whenever Mitch ever entered a room her attention was drawn to him regardless of what she is doing at the time - which includes them being in the middle of a boxing match which happened many times and believe him never ends well. He also caught on to the many times she attempted to go up to him and introduce herself but quickly ran away before he noticed.

"Is it really that obvious?" She complained. "Not to anyone but me. You see sweetheart I know you very well indeed and I know for a fact that you cannot take your eyes off of him." Daniel paused looking around the room. "And from the looks of it neither can he." (Y/n)'s head shot up at his comment and furrowed her eyebrows.

"W-what?" Daniel laughed at her like he had been doing for the entirety of their conversation. To say the least it seemed that he was enjoying this little matching making session a little to much for (y/n)'s liking. "Don't look now but a certain Mitchy moo is looking right at you." He said nodding over to where Mitch was stood.

(Y/n) didn't hesitate to shoot her head over to where he pointed and as soon as she did she was met with Mitchs familiar pair of dreamy eyes. As soon as (y/n)'s gaze hit his his head instantly pulled down avoiding her at all cost. "And you looked anyway." Daniel sang. "Shut up." She replied sticking her tongue out at him.

"Oi (y/l/n) aren't you supposed to be training right now?!" Someone bellowed from the other end of the room. "Shit." The (y/h/c) girl collected all of her stuff recklessly and ran off to where she usually had her training sessions but obviously now she wouldn't be so kindly blessed with his presence but now instead she is going to have to do the worst thing imaginable- socialise.

She entered her little room of the gym and placed her stuff down ordering it as best as she can. "Finally I didn't think you'd show up." A deep almost intimidating voice acknowledged her. Usually she wouldn't be so panicked just by one voice but now it panicked her beyond belief knowing who that voice belonged to. Mitch. "I-oh right oh s-sorry was caught with...-"

"With chatting with your boyfriend?" Mitch interrupted coldly while strapping the straps in his boxing gloves. "W-what? Boyfriend? Never!" She spluttered still not facing Mitchs way scared of what kind of shade of red her face had formed this time. "You know very well who I am talking about (y/l/n). I went out there and saw the two of you so don't act dumb. It's not a good look on you or at least I would say that if I could actually see your face but alas it seems that you have lost the ability to face someone other than the guy your fucking." He spat causing (y/n)'s jaw to drop and her eyes slightly water at the tone of his voice - which may I add reminded her of the trauma she came her to overcome.

"T-the guy I'm fucking? I don't understand M-Mitch." She heard Mitch let out a heavy stressful sigh which she guessed was probably accompanied with an eye roll or two. "God you can't be serious." He laughed humourlessly as if it was obvious who he was talking about.

(Y/n) stayed silent waiting for him to actually form a sentence that didn't ask for more questions than answers. "Daniel." He muttered causing (y/n) to spin around a little to fast causing her to begin to fall down. The girl closed her eyes preparing for the hard impact of the ground but instead was embraced by  a pair of toned arms.

"I've got you." He whispered as she opened her (y/e/c) eyes. "I'm not dating, fucking or even thinking about Daniel in that way. I never have and certainly never will. He's just a friend." She reassured him despite not understanding why it mattered so much to him that he need some reassurance.

The words brought a small curve to his plump lips as he held the (y/b/t) girl softly. "Why do you care, Mitch?" (Y/n) finally said breaking the silence that had formed between the pair. "B-because I think I like you." She smiled at him disregarding the feeling that this might be a trick or some sort of weirdly realistic dream and she started to lean in. As their lips inched closer and closer she could tell Mitch was become more anxious by the second.

Just when their lips were about to join Mitch let go. (Y/n) fell back first onto the flooring and surprisingly Mitch accidentally fell too - on top of her. "What the actual fuck, Mitch?" She snapped feeling as if the dream that she was about to experience was completely ripped away. (Y/n) pushed Mitch off of her and sat up waiting for some sort of explanation.

"I-I'm s-sorry." Mitch said not even making a move of getting up but instead completely giving up and just laid there - heart broken. "I thought you said you liked me." The now sat upright girl spoke timidly the tears building up rapidly. "I do." The broken man admitted. "Then why did you let go?"

"I'm scared." (Y/n) was shocked with his confession clearly not expecting the great Mitch Rapp to admit when he's scared of something but now the question is - what? "Scared of what Mitch? Of me?" She asked fear dripping from every syllable.

"Yes! No! Maybe! Kinda! I don't know (y/n). I don't know anything except that I like you and I'm scared." Mitch bursted his hands subconsciously running through his dark hair. (Y/n)'s eyes narrowed in on me hoping for a better explanation than what he had shown so far.

"I-i lost someone. Someone really important to me- someone I loved. A-and now I have to figure out a way to understand how to get by without her. Looking at what am I now compared to three months back I'm better, yes, but not fixed. And with you despite not even having a conversation I feel at peace and sometimes when I just watch you train or eat lunch or anything I sometimes forget about that person. And that makes me hate myself. Then when I almost kissed you that made the hate I have inside overflow." Mitch paused looking over at the teary eyed girl.

"I-it just feels like I'm falling. Like I'm falling from the tallest building I've ever seen and no matter how long I fall for I never hit the ground and you have no idea how much I wanna hit the ground. But I also know if I do hit the ground then I'll lose myself and all the steps I have taken to change from that broken person I was. I want to hit the ground because I want to stop falling but maybe instead of meeting the ground maybe I need someone to catch me. I know I need someone to catch me. So I'm scared hell im petrified b-because I think that person might be you." Mitch concluded his voice cracking at different points and his eyes wouldn't dare to look at her anymore not after the amount of over sharing he just did.

He closed his eyes ready to attempt to settle his thoughts thinking that maybe (y/n) had just left due to the shock bomb he had just dropped on her until a pair of soft perfect lips landed on his. He immediately kissed back grabbing the sides of her face deepening the kiss of that was possible. (Y/n) pulled away causing him to reluctantly open his eyes to see her red and puffy ones.

"I've got you."