#im self reflecting whoops

[quilna]

im not too sure if this is the right account to send this ask to (very sorry if it isnt) but i was curious if youd be willing to chat/ramble about your own personal jekyll and hyde version? i remember having a small talk with you on artfight about your jekyll and hyde version (im dragondog from artfight if youre curious) and my curiosity has been peaked ever since. i need to know more. your own personal jekyll and hyde designs and story seem so interesting but i rarely see you talk about them which i think is just absolutely criminal.

:00000000

The sacred question has been asked - someone has asked about my ocs-

This is a perfectly okay account to ask this to! It's the closest I've got to a Jekyll and Hyde account after all.

Anyway, thank you so much for asking!!! This ask was gnawing at me in a good way for most of the day while I was away from my computer, considering what information to include and how to explain stuff. It was a lot of fun!

I'm also glad you found them interesting!!!

(Also going to say before I start is that my Jekyll and Hyde versions get very self indulgent which is why I usually keep them to myself so some factors about my story might sound rather weird or seem to come out of left field. Just a heads up.)

So I guess the best place to start would probably be with Jekyll and Hyde themselves?

Like the book, the two of them are basically the same person. When Jekyll turns into Hyde and vice versa, nobody 'takes control', it's more like getting high or drunk where they're still the same person but still act quite different or think differently from each other.

However, they do have differing opinions on each other. Hyde, being a less repressed version of Jekyll, understands a lot of Jekyll's emotions better than him. He knows when Jekyll regrets something or cares more than he wants to let on. Though, as much as he can have these realisations, when he turns back into Jekyll, he tends to dismiss them as 'irrational' thoughts brought on by the potion and not worth considering (aka, the repression kicks in and he refuses to entertain any conclusions he came to as Hyde.)

This leads to a lot of frustration and concerns from Hyde. The knowledge that he has to turn back into Jekyll, whereupon anything he's realised about themself, anything that could help them both, will be instantly dismissed by himself the moment he turns back. No matter how much he writes it down or tells it to himself again and again because it's not forgotten, Jekyll just doesn't want to look at it. And he can't just bother Jekyll as a hallucination ghost like most adaptations. When he turns back, Hyde is gone. Like a stain of breath on glass.

This also leads to fear from Hyde towards his alter ego - If Jekyll ever decided the potion wasn't worth his time and threw it away, Hyde would be unable to do anything about it, would be the one throwing it away in fact. He wouldn't be able to scream or protest or anything. And he enjoys being Hyde. It wouldn't really be death but he enjoys being Hyde so much and hates the monotony of Jekyll so much that it would be like a death.

Luckily, Jekyll isn't planning on throwing the potion out because they do feel the same way and Jekyll enjoys taking the potion and being Hyde just as much (even if he would never actually admit that's the reason). The fear is still there though, ever present.

...I've gotten so deep into explaining their relationship that I have not explained anything else yet, whoops.

Both Jekyll and Hyde have some inhuman traits about them since the first transformation. Jekyll has mildly reflective eyes like a cat but it can only be seen in certain lighting so nobody notices. He also moves with a little too much perfection, a little too graceful, a little lacking in the usual human clumsiness.

Hyde, meanwhile, is just very off putting in many ways. For one is his eyes as shown by this diagram that I made for artfight. (Also his teeth, and his insides being green)

His eyes change shape, a bit like a cartoon character. Other people can, in fact, see this and it is, in fact, weird for them. (He can also probably say <3 and everyone else asks how he just did that with his mouth.)

He also changes based on Jekyll's perception of himself and his 'evils'. This means he can get taller or shorter, or become more obviously monstrous or go back to just being a guy with an uneasy feel about him just based on Jekyll's opinions. If Jekyll starts to fear Hyde and view him as a threat, Hyde changes physically to reflect this.

Personality-wise, Jekyll likes to keep control over every aspect of his life, creating perfect schedules for everything that he's going to do in a day, timing each event down to the minute, designing contingencies in case anything unexpected happens. He can be friendly enough to other people for the sake of his image but he still comes across as rather cold and distant.

Hyde, meanwhile, is obviously free of all this and does whatever he pleases. He tends to be loyal and loving, to the point of being a little too obsessed, and is exceedingly open about how he's feeling. He's also incredibly truthful - he almost never lies about anything but will often fae-rule his way out of anyone realising the real truth. For example, he's very open about being Doctor Jekyll but nobody believes him because he'll just drop it into a conversation and won't elaborate or will elaborate in a way that just sounds even more like a lie. And, of course, Jekyll himself will obviously deny it, so...

Besides that, Jekyll keeps three lab rats, Noir, Spot, and Rose who, due to the potion being used on them, can also change shape like Jekyll and Hyde. As such, Hyde tends to take them with him when he goes out.

(Also, smaller headcanon but Hyde tends to repeat words or phrases twice, "Indeed indeed", "What? What?", etc. Just seemed like a fun addition.)

-

Next, Lanyon.

Lanyon and Jekyll are on weird terms because they had a fight years back. After seeing Jekyll's science get more and more dangerous over the years, Lanyon was afraid that he would some day hurt himself in a way he couldn't take back or even die from it. After trying to convince Jekyll to stop for ages, Lanyon finally put their foot down and said that, if Jekyll didn't stop, they would leave.

Both Jekyll and Lanyon deeply regret the argument but neither of them can take it back. Jekyll is too stubborn to admit that he was ever in the wrong and Lanyon can't take it back because then they don't have anything else to hold over Jekyll's head to get him to stop.

At least, that was how the fight was initially.

After the potion was taken, Lanyon, who was very close to Jekyll's mad science experiments and was very used to seeing the signs that Jekyll had done something to himself, was the only person who noticed the change. Seeing Jekyll's new changes terrified Lanyon deeply because he knew Jekyll had done something but he didn't know what. Being a rather skittish person, Lanyon was too scared to speak to Jekyll after that, doing all they could to avoid him.

Maybe things could have continued that way with the two avoiding each other. However, after the fight, Lanyon came out as genderfluid.

They had been meddling with their own gender before in quiet but the fight basically gave Lanyon the midlife crisis moment they needed to go "You know what? I don't care about anyone's opinions. I've seen what caring about ones image did to Jekyll and I don't want to be anything like that."

And so came Hastie and Hattie, two names for the same person, just using different pronouns and names based on what Lanyon felt like at the time.

Jekyll, however, was avoiding hearing anything about Lanyon and completely missed this massive piece of information. Jekyll is also notably, very wrapped up in his own very small world and opinions (also, no internet). He has no idea that transness is a thing.

Hence, Jekyll believes that Hastie and Hattie are not the same person but, instead, brother and sister. Lanyon, meanwhile, who was so open and so gossiped about when they first came out, doesn't even realise that anyone could??? not know????? that they're the same?????? Everyone else knows! They don't even look that different!

This all cumulates in one fateful night where Lanyon, going by Hattie, and Hyde meet. The two of them get along like a house on fire, neither caring much for society's rules and both of them being in some way being shunned for their peculiarities. Hyde is much more outgoing and often pushes Lanyon outside of their comfort zone while Lanyon is more level-headed and can often do the planning and thinking that Hyde neglects to keep them both safe.

All the while, Hyde has no idea that he's talking to Hastie and Lanyon has no idea that they're talking to Jekyll.

Personality-wise Lanyon tends to be very down-to-earth and prefers to do things by the book for the most part. Though this is only for the most part - in terms of dealing with other people, Lanyon gets much more expressive, dressing wildly and often doing strange things like taking live geese into a dinner party. While this does allow them to express themselves in some ways that are beneficial to them, like becoming comfortable with their gender identity, some of these behaviours, like the live geese in the dinner party, are very much a way to push away the people around them, afraid of something going wrong after their experiences with Jekyll.

Until they meet Hyde, Utterson is their only friend (which Utterson is quite concerned about, often trying to encourage Lanyon to make more friends.)

Besides that, Lanyon is fond of gardening, collecting crystals, astrology, and yoga. They dabble with a lot of relaxation stuff like chamomile tea, incense, lavender, etc.

-

Utterson, meanwhile, tends to be the most calm and collected out of the three of them, seemingly unbothered by most of what life throws at him and good at handling even the most stressful situations with ease. Not to mention, he has the most unexpected range of skills and knowledge. Whenever anyone has a problem, he's the number one person to go to for help.

However, for the most part, he fades into the background and tends to remain forgotten until someone needs him for something which leaves him lonely and often desperate for attention while being unable to get it. His work as a lawyer allows him to get fleeting amounts of attention, but it's not quite enough and that often leaves him vulnerable to falling in with bad people.

While Lanyon sees straight through Jekyll, Utterson has fallen quite a bit into seeing Jekyll as innocent and naïve, someone who doesn't fully understand how cruel the world can be and needs to be protected from it. This means, when Hyde shows up and Jekyll changes his will for him, Utterson is quite quickly defensive of Jekyll and aggressive towards Hyde, believing that Hyde has nothing but bad intentions. Hyde, however, is quite head-over-heels for Utterson and determined to seduce him or at least set him up with Jekyll.

While Utterson appears unaffected by anything that crosses his path, this is actually because he has difficulty expressing his emotions, his expression and tone generally remaining static. Only people close to him can generally tell what he's thinking and feeling as a result.

Personality-wise, Utterson is generally quite kindly and generous, often seen giving food and money to the homeless. Though, his morality can be a bit of a roulette wheel at times, willing to do questionable things at times if he deems it for a good enough cause.

In terms of hobbies, he will often bake things for his friends and carried the three of them through university as the only one who could actually cook. He also has a slightly more morbid interest in taxidermy and keeps a room in his house for his work.

(For another smaller headcanon, he and Lanyon tend to get into pun fights, much to Jekyll's agony.)

-

Then there's Lenore Carew (aka, Lisa Carew, she just got renamed along the way). She makes up the third member of Hyde's little friendship squad with Lanyon. An excitable lady with an interest in the occult and monsters. She and Jekyll were once set to be married but, due to a mutual realisation that neither liked the other in that way, they broke it up. Jekyll has been avoiding her ever since, finding the situation awkward, but Hyde is very much down to be friends with her again.

While she does her best to live up to her family name, being as much of a respectable and graceful lady as she can be, in her spare time she'll often sneak out to go running after whatever haunted house or cryptid sighting she's heard of lately.

The actual reason for her interest is because her mother, before she died, was a prophet, gifted with Sight and Lenore, raised with all these stories of her grandeur and powers, is determined to find a way to awaken those same powers in herself.

However, along the way, these powers actually do start to manifest and, as it turns out, a lot scarier and more difficult to control than she ever realised.

Most particularly, sometimes when she looks at Jekyll, she sees something - or someone - else in his place. She has no idea what these visions mean, whether it's a vision from the future, from the past, or something else entirely.

Personality-wise, while she can excitable and often gets ahead of herself, she can be very kind and compassionate towards others, always the first to slow down and check if someone is okay or to offer a hug to those in need. She can also often show a childish side, enjoying stuffed toys, getting along well with kids, or just playing games.

-

Uh, so anyway, there's a bunch more but this post is getting long and I've taken all day with this. If I take much longer, it's going to look like I'm not going to answer. I think this is the stuff that most people would be interested in anyway, Lanyon, Utterson, Jekyll, and Hyde. I'm still missing out an explanation of the worldbuilding itself and the antagonists, not to mention little details and side characters like Poole and such.

I fool around with these characters a lot and that means there's more information than I even remember most of the time until something pops into my head and I go "Ohhhh that plot point. That was fun."

Thank you again for the ask!!!!

[pinkomcranger]

Stubled upon your post about saga and it was a very interesting read. I have to say that i havent noticed mich racism, but thats mostly becuse i started avoiding gamming websites when the release date came.

I saw a few ppl on Reddit angry about the "white asshole" line. That line is weird but it makes sense in context. Shes at her absolute lowest, unable to resurface back and fight againts her self doubts. Shes spiraling! And alan did put her in there, kind of. While we can see in their interactions that she doesnt hate him or anything, her feelings of anger and sadness take over, making her lash out as someone rven though she knows its not really his fault. And as some said, it reflects racism of the real world and tells us soemthing about saga - that she experienced this kind of feeling before, implying greater history. And idk, just feels that it makes sense for a black charscter to agnowladge these issues.

i could be rambling but im typing this out on my phone, whoops!

The gaming bros were definitely the worst offenders of it, so you were smart to ignore the gaming websites. It's why I had such high hopes for tumblr and AO3 because I thought for sure Saga would be the most popular new character. Sucks that I was wrong.

The "another white asshole telling me what to do" line CAN seem out of left field, but at the same time, perfectly fits the narrative. Because up to that point, nobody was telling her what to do. The only person who could have immediately took himself out of that position.

At the point the line was uttered, she was at her lowest, like you said and it was evident she had been in that position before. It gave us another character trait in Saga and another hint at her backstory. Alan tried to play God with her life, however unintentionally and Saga had every right to be angry at him.

The fact that she DIDN'T hate him says so much about her, and it's all wonderful. She chose to forgive him. As a black woman, it made sense to reflect on that, however brief the moment was, and I appreciated it.

[arithmonym]

Been thinking about your ace cam fic where she initiates and is like hm yes i am good at being a scientist. And then is like YIKES WAIT NVM. Bc ive lived that experience several times lmao and you wrote it super well in a way that i feel like fits them. It Stuck with me.

Anyway Im reading this autostraddle article you reblogged and looking at the consent chart (screenshot included) and Im curious about where you feel she falls on that chart. I interpreted it as “willing consent (when i care about you even though i dont desire you right now)” but yeah im curious about your meta on it

(fic link, for context.)

that’s a difficult question!! i don’t think there’s a straightforward answer; and camilla is an unreliable narrator in this fic, so that confounds the issue.

the way she narrates the encounter prior to her withdrawal, i think “willing consent” is the closest approximation: she doesn’t desire palamedes, but she’s making the choice to have sex with him because she cares about him, and they’re both hurting in the wake of dulcinea’s rejection. she doesn’t expect to get anything out of it except the reassurance that she and palamedes are still bound tightly together, but she doesn’t expect to be harmed by it, either (…so long as she can stop herself from thinking about how it might affect their necro-cav dynamic, which she prioritizes more than any romantic or sexual relationship they could have).

from a meta perspective, the setting of chapter two is very intentional: it’s where camilla trained as a child (first for her own benefit, then for his), and it’s where she first started to internalize the societal messaging that her autonomy was less important than her his.

(i took gymnastics for a few years as a kid, and the rope climb made me cry sometimes. i could do the other skills fine, but i struggled with the coordination required—not to mention the attention of my peers as i failed. this is camilla, ashamed she wasn’t better (at a task that objectively means nothing vis-a-vis “being a good cavalier”), because she’s grown to a point where she bases her self-worth on being useful to him.)

(then, at the end, she’s lying on her back on the mat, staring up at the bell, exactly like she’s just fallen off the rope. again. introjected conditions of worth go brrrrrr.)

the paragraph under that chart clotheslined me, because whoops, been there, done that, and i think it rings truer to what’s actually happening with cam in this fic:

even as she refuses to acknowledge it, camilla knows that she’s making a mistake. she doesn’t want to desire palamedes. she doesn’t want this to become a part of their dynamic, she wants this to be a one-off that they never speak of again (because she doesn’t really want it to happen in the first place)—but she’s also terrified of losing him. her decision to initiate rather than pull away is 100% informed by the fact that dulcinea has just rejected palamedes, and cam perceives something as simple as prioritizing her own wants/needs as a rejection, on a day when that’s a very sensitive subject. this tips the scale more towards the “unwilling” side, IMO, but it’s a huge grey area (badum-tsss, sixth house pun).

TL;DR: i think consent gets tricky in the context of cavaliers and necromancers and how all-encompassing that relationship can be!! i love all interpretations of campal, but i thought this one was worth exploring (especially as this fic is also me processing that i’m on the ace spectrum, and it reflects the struggle to work out my own boundaries with sex).

bonus: screenshot from when i first brought this fic up with my friends.

[obsidiancreates]

Robin Hood: Man In Vents

@pineapple-psychic

"Gus." Shawn whispers as quietly as he can into the little mic pinned to his collar. "I see you flirting with the receptionist."

"Heh, one second." Gus's smirk slips right off as he turns and whispers back "You told me to say I'm security!"

"So no-one would question the mic and earpiece! Not to creep out some poor girl taking this jerk's calls all day!"

"I'm not creeping anybody out!"

"She's literally holding a tiny lipstick taser in her palm."

"Wh- where are you?!"

"The vents. ... Top of the wall to your right."

"Shawn, you're supposed to be in this guy's office already."

"I had to take a pit-stop, man, you were totally ignoring me!"

"Just get in there, if someone we know spots me we're toast."

"Dude, Lassie and Jules are totally busy with that other case with the dead bull or whatever."

"It was a dead matador, Shawn, and they're only busy because you put them on the wrong lead!"

"Yeah, so we're covered."

"Just get into that office!"

Shawn watches Gus turn back around with his 'Smooth Gus' smile and keep chatting with the receptionist- who's relaxing more as Gus talks to her, actually, and she realizes he's just Not As Smooth As He Thinks He Is rather than Trying To Be Creepy.

Shawn crawls through the vents, wondering not for the first time why Santa Barbara seems to make all their air vents big enough for over-30-year-old-men to crawl through with room to spare, and makes it to the office. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his little uses-actual-tape vintage tape recorder, stolen from his dad's house, and hits record.

"No, look, if we sell more than this it'll look suspicious. ... I know, I know, but our payout won't be worth shit if we get caught. Just- have you taken care of the severance situation? ... Well, cripes, Monty, if you don't find a way to avoid paying out severance after this we'll have done it all for nothing! ... That's it, I'm coming down to your office. No, I don't give a crap if your wife is there, kick her out or I'll beat her ass along with yours. ... You'll take this talk from me as long as you live, if you don't want to become my next scapegoat."

The phone slams back into it's receiver, and the CEO storms out of his office.

Shawn tests the vent grate- if he did it right when he pretended to be the building inspector a few days ago, it should just-

CRASH!

... Whoops.

Shawn slides out of the vent and lands in a heap on the floor, springing back up as quickly as possible and going for the computer! This office is relatively isolated, but someone will have heard that. Gus posing as security can maybe buy him twenty minutes, but after that he's risking everything.

Gus would kill him for saying so, but all that makes this even more fun.

He copies the password he saw being entered in the reflection of the window when he came in to sabotage the vent, pulls out the list of keywords Gus's jotted down for him, and starts combing through the files as quickly as possible. He plugs his pineapple-shaped hard drive into the PC unit and begins downloading everything relevant to the insider trading and company self-sabotage.

"Dude, hurry up, I just got told over the walkie that there was a loud sound in the CEO's office," Gus hisses through the earpiece.

"I'm hurrying!"

"Hurry harder, Shawn! Oh, uh, hello, fellow security team. Yeah, Im uh, going to check out the disturbance myself. no need for all of us, right?"

"You're in fire, dude."

"Yeah, well, I'm a uh, black belt in taekwondo, so I really don't need any backup. Might get messy."

"Black be- okay I know that's not true, but I also know you've been sneaking out of cases more often than usual. Gus, are you taking martial arts classes without me? How is our partnership supposed to work if you become a lethal weapon of flesh and blood and I don't?"

"I'm not taking any classes, I'm buying you time," Gus hisses again. "Quit distracting me!"

"Fine. ... But we should sign up for some classes together after this."

"I agree, but shhh!"

"Fine. ... Okay, okay, I got it!" Shanw unplugs everything, makes sure his gloves didn't rip or leave any fibers behind- and then looks up at the vent. "Oh. Oops."

"Oops?!"

"It's uh- it's a little high to reach."

"Oh my go- you didn't measure a way up to your only escape route?"

"I was a little focused on the entire rest of the whole plan!"

"Figure it out fast, we're almost at the elevator!"

"Ah- stall for time! Pretend to pee yourself!"

"No, stop using that as a go-to distraction!"

"Well do something!"

"Ah- HEY! Ahem, hey, guys, uh, you know, I read in Men's Digest last week that elevators have been linked to Kidney Stones."

Shawn looks around frantically for something he can use to get up to the vent that won't leave a suspicious trail- nothing. Unless...

"Dude, I'm taking a risk."

"Another one?!"

"Trust me!"

Shawn pulls the wheely chair over to the vent and stands on it. It's just enough for him to leverage himself into the space. He hops off and grabs the vent cover, puts it on top of the headrest, and turns. He puts his feet on the wall, walks them up to the vent opening, and slowly walks his hands up to the top of the chair to leverage himself into the exit.

As soon as his hands reach the top he hears the elevator ding down the hallway. He hears Gus's rambling coming closer, and knows it's now or never. He takes a deep breath, winces in preparation for the on coming pain, and pushes off of the chair! He just barely manages to grab onto the vent as the chair goes flying across the floor back into place!

His push gets him halfway into the vent, the wind knocked right out of him, but he has no time to recover. He squirms the rest of the way in, and managed to re-affix the loose vent cover right as the door to the office opens.

Gus glances up at the vents and they lock eyes. Shawn gives a thumbs-up, and begins scooting backwards out of the line of sight.

"I'm never helping you with one of these again," he hears Gus mumble over the earpiece.

They both know Gus is lying. They're partners in crime-solving and in crime, and they always will be. Especially when it's something like this.

Now to figure out if blackmail or exposure is the best use for what they've gathered...

[princess-hope-selfships]

🎆

im pretty curious as to what your sona's powers are c:

— @rays-selfship-zone

🎆Fireworks: Do you/your self-insert have any powers or abilities? If so, what are they and how do they manifest?

Hello there dear! Well like all sinner demons (it seems so far!) Dazzler has a more demonic form that she shifts into either for intimidation/during a fight or under great stress.

More often than not, she unwillingly shifts into this form when she's upset or crying a lot, and she hates it. She grows antlers out of her head, and she cries involuntarily. And her irises get all wiggly!

ACTUALLY this prompted me to draw it which doubles as my sketchtember entry for today HOOHOOHEEHEE

SO YEAH she is a doe but as a reflection of one of my insecurities irl, I grow hair on my chin that I hate due to testosterone imbalance and FEMALE DEER IRL grow antlers due to the same reason!!! I like to think it's a part of her suffering in the afterlife, to be saddled with a much more noticable thing for her sins of envy and pride (envy of other women who don't grow facial hair and obsessive pride in maintaining her appearance)

DIDN'T MEAN TO GET DEEP ON YOU WHOOPS she just means a lot to me and also is me aaa thanks for the ask

[din-skywalker]

Okay, prompt but where Atreus tests out shapeshifting between male and female and he really wants to try makeup like he sees on Freya and he visits her to learn how she does it I would cry

Kratos is supportive in his own quiet way

no shut up cause this idea was so sweet i had to write something... and it got way longer than id been expecting. so here ya'll go!!

(disclaimers: i am on laptop so i can add the read more! also im not genderfluid so i wrote this based off of what i have read about being genderfluid mixed with my own experiences as someone who has struggled with no gender being comfy thing

also i didnt make the one who helped with the makeup be freya mY BAD I FORGOT bout that part of the ask and instead its angrboda now whoops)

Atreus had always wondered what it's like to be a girl, ever since he was younger. He'd ask his mom about it when he was younger, and no matter how much she ever explained to him, he never fully understood it, but by the Norns he wanted to understand. Most days, he was fine, not wondering about it. In fact, it never crossed his mind, and it didn’t matter. The other days, however, he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

He wanted to feel feminine. He wanted to understand; he wanted to wear dresses and makeup and be called pretty. He wanted to be looked at as a woman, not a man. It is such an odd feeling when this does happen, and he can never control it. He can tell it's more of a… “feminine day”, as he’s started to refer to it as, when he wants to paint his nails and grow his hair so long it nearly trails on the ground behind him like a cape.

He always tried to avoid Father as much as he could when he was younger on those days. Because he always called him “boy”, even on the days Atreus wanted to be a girl and not a boy. He felt bad about it, because Father didn’t know that. But he never knew how to articulate how he was feeling, because he didn’t even understand it.

He still doesn’t as he stares at his reflection in the water now, observing his face, skin itching. It’s a feminine day today, and he wants nothing more than to change his face, his hair and appearance to appear more of a woman…

…Wait a second. He can shapeshift. Why hadn’t he thought of this before? He can change his appearance. Normally it’s only between a bear, a wolf and his normal self, but maybe, maybe he could simply change his gender? His sex? 

He’s not sure, but he could certainly give it a try.

Concentrating hard on his face and his appearance in the water’s reflection- the trees of Ironwood as a backdrop- he focuses on that shifting in his gut when he changes form. He screws his eyes shut as his cheeks and forehead begin to burn, eyes stinging. He feels his chest shifting, his hands changing, even his stomach and legs and feet. Then he feels a change in a certain area and his eyes snap open. 

A new face stares back up at him from his reflection.

Instead of his regular face, with its smooth cheeks and curves, his face is much sharper, cheekbones stronger and his eyes much more narrow. His nose has become larger, his eyebrows thicker. His lips are plumper, and his cheeks have darkened with red. His hair is no longer shaved into his trademark style, but is much longer, falling like a curtain around his shoulders and over his wider chest. Some parts of it have curled itself into braids, while most of it flows freely.

He… He almost looks like Mother.

Atreus quickly hops to his feet, and finds that his thighs are thicker, his calves wider. Even his arms, hands and feet have changed, and he looks himself over with awe. 

He really did it. He changed his sex.

And while he looks a lot different in his new female form, he is still distinctively himself. He’s just… more sharp and long angles like his mother rather than his father’s broad and curved muscles. His strength is more obvious in this body, somehow, with his biceps defined and his calves strong.

He can’t stop staring at himself. He’s finally… feminine. He’s not a man. He’s a woman. A beautiful, gorgeous woman that’s not a rugged or handsome man. He feels giddy, and without thinking, he rushes to where he can normally find Angrboda; at her home painting on wood or large sheets of paper.

Sure enough, Atreus finds her there, Fenrir laid down nearby. He runs to her, grinning hugely while waving his hands. Angrboda smiles, looking across at him, “Hey Loki-!” until she suddenly loses her smile, no recognition in her eyes she stares at him. She drops her art supplies, standing defensively as he stops nearby, confused. Fenrir smells her fear and peaks his eyes open, but smells his father’s scent, and so he does not snarl at Loki. Instead, he lays his head back down. “Who the Hel are you?!”

Oh. Right. He’s not as recognizable as this. “Angrboda!” he exclaims, throwing his hands up to show he isn’t aggressive. “It’s me, Loki!”

Angrboda hesitates, tilting her head to the side, eyes squinting as she studies his face. Finally, she relaxes, but her eyebrows stay raised. “Woah,” she says, cupping her chin between her thumb and forefinger. “It is you. You look… different.”

He grins again, flapping his hands at his side to help release some of the energy. “Yeah!” he says, grin somehow doubling as he crosses the rest of the way to stand in front of her. He grabs her hands in his, both slotting together near perfectly. “I shapeshifted into a woman!”

“What? Why?” she demands, and for some reason, she sounds angry. Atreus hesitates, grin faltering at her tone. Why does she sound angry? “That’s disgus-”

“Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone else?” he asks, voice dropping as his words crack. She snaps her mouth shut, frowning at him before she nods in response. He wets his lips, nervous. He’s never told even Sindri or Mimir about his past feminine days. But he knows he can trust Angrboda. He quickly tells her, some of his words crashing together with his nerves. Angrboda listens intently, not looking away from him once, their hands still entwined.

Once he’s finished, she nods. “I completely understand,” she says, and his eyes widen at her admission. “I-” she draws in a breath through her nose, and just as quickly as he’d spoken, she tells him, “When I was born, I was a boy. But I never felt like a boy. So I became a woman. So I am a woman. I just never feel like a boy again unlike you.”

“Really?” Atreus asks, his voice dipping with surprise. When she nods, her eyes filled with tears, he lets out a shaky laugh. “Oh- wow! I never… I never thought there’d be anyone else like me! Or that anyone else would understand.”

Angrboda’s eyes widen with surprise, “You’re- you believe me?” When he nods in response, brows furrowed with confusion, she lets out her breath, “Sorry. No one else has understood. My parents tried to, but my… my grandmother never even tried to.” She throws her arms around him to hug him suddenly, laughing as she does so. “This is amazing, Loki!”

Atreus once more grins and quickly hugs her back, breathing shakily. “It really is, Angrboda!” Then, hesitantly he asks, “Does that… does that mean I can be… referred to as a.. Woman…?” It sounds silly to ask out loud. He was born a boy after all, even if he did change his sex. He’s not like Angrboda, who truly became a woman. He wants to be a boy again… eventually. He doesn’t know when, but he will at some point.

But she merely pulls back, grinning at him brightly. “Of course!” she exclaims with excitement. “You are a woman when you want to be, Loki! And you are a boy when you want to be, too! I’ll do my best to keep up with you.” She hugs him again. “You are… quite pretty.”

In an instant, his- no, her- cheeks burst with heat. She chuckles sheepishly as pulls away shyly. “Aw, thanks,” she says quietly. Angrboda merely giggles at her, and catches one of her hands. 

“I mean it, Loki,” she says earnestly. “You’re really pretty.” Then, she tilts her head to the side, studying Atreus once again. “Want a makeover? I’ve never tried doing someone else’s makeup but-”

“Yes yes yes please!” Atreus shouts quickly, nodding her head eagerly. She grips Angrboda’s hand tightly with her excitement, and Angrboda grins back, tugging her towards her treehouse.

“Right this way then, little lady!” Angrboda says, and Atreus finally realizes that as a girl, she is much shorter than Angrboda. Which isn’t fair, because Mother had been just as tall as Father and they’re both huge. So why is she never huge as a girl or a boy? Makes no sense in her opinion.

“I’m not that short,” she argues, and Angrboda snorts.

“Uh, yeah, you are.”

“Am not!”

“Sure sure. Let’s get you some eyeshadow… What color? Orange to contrast your eyes and match your hair? Or…”

----

Atreus breathes heavily as she approaches her and father’s home, tugging at the color of her armor fitted for her body in this form. Angrboda had helped her make it, because apparently, that’s another of the Giant’s talents. They seem to be endless, and Atreus will never stop loving her for it. 

Years after going on her solo journey, she’s finally returning home. And on a feminine day, no less… At first, she’d been debating on whether to just see her father again as a boy, but Angrboda had been firm in the fact that Atreus should not change herself. Not even for her father. Or anybody, for that matter.

“He loves you,” Angrboda had pointed out one night as they watched the stars together. “Even if he doesn’t really understand it, he’ll try to, and he’ll still love you.” She grinned at him, and he smiled back at her nervously, “Besides, you’ll want to tell him one day. Why not rip the bandage off now?”

Atreus is beginning to regret listening to her. She knows she’s right; Father does love him. He’s proved it time and again, no matter what she has done. Yet it’s still nerve wracking.

“Just act as if nothing has changed,” Angrboda suggested. “I did it with my parents until they asked, and then I answered all of their questions. Helps things be less awkward. Or, it did for us, anyways.”

So that’s what she’s going to do. Act as if nothing is different. She can do that. Hopefully. 

She reaches the entrance to their home and knocks. Quietly at first, before doing so again louder. It takes only a moment for the door to open, revealing her father on the other side. And it takes only a moment longer for Father to recognize him, eyes going wide as he stares down at her.

“Atreus…” Father breathes, disbelief in his tone. Atreus smiles up at him nervously, and scratches the back of her head nervously. She’s still shorter than him… Sure she’s grown, and now stands at the height of his shoulder, but she’d been hoping for more! Maybe as a boy she’s finally at least as tall as him. 

“Hey, Father,” she says, trying to put as much confidence into her voice as possible. “It’s, uh… been a while, huh?”

There are tears in Father’s eyes, and suddenly, he’s reaching through the distance between them. He cups one of Atreus’s cheeks, his touch featherlight, barely brushing against his cheeks. Atreus’s own eyes are beginning to sting. 

“You look just like her,” he whispers, words and voice tight. Her heart stops at the mention of Mother, and a few tears do slip free. Father brushes them away with his thumb, a great pain but love in his eyes. An old, deep pain rooted from the past. “Am I now to call you beautiful?”

Atreus’s eyes widen with shock, and her lips begin to shake as she realizes that Father already understands without her even needing to explain. She sniffles and pushes forward, hugging him tightly. He hugs her back, holding her close and tight.

“Y- yeah,” she says shakily, shoulders slightly shaking. “For today, yeah. Yeah. Beautiful.”

“Then you are beautiful, and I have missed, daughter,” Father mumbles, and Atreus is suddenly tiny again, the tiny child who had been confused by everything but always searching for their father’s approval and understanding. Finally. Finally she knows that he does, and always would have, if only she had, too.

Atreus nods against his chest, fingers digging into the new fur cape Father had sewn.

They are Father and son.

They are Father and daughter.

And they are Father and child.

[whereconfusionisarhyme]

The Man(?) in the Mirror

Summary: Miles tries on a skirt. It means…something. Tags: Fluff, Self-Discovery, Transfem!Miles Word Count: 695 Content Warnings: None!

Ao3 link, with the full fic under the cut.

“So? How is it?”  

Miles stares at himself in the mirror, hands smoothing over the fabric of the skirt. It’s soft (a “cotton polyester blend” according to Hobie). It drapes over him with effortless grace, and the sight is...incredibly overwhelming.  

Miles turns towards Gwen, who’s smiling at him. She raises her eyebrows expectantly. He’s a bit tense.  

“Um…it’s…”  

Miles faces the mirror once again. Faces himself. And maybe he’s crazy, but it almost looks like the sharp corners of his shoulders have been filed down into delicate curves, and the shadow in his shirt could feasibly look like a slight rise of his chest, and he wonders what he would look like with makeup on, with slight mascara and tinted lip color and—  

“Uh oh Gwenny, think we might’ve broke ‘im.”  

“For the record dude, I think you look great!”  

Miles absentmindedly runs his hands across his face, down to imaginary box braids that he doesn’t have but is not thinking, maybe, he should.  

“Thanks, Pav…”  

His hands find the skirt again. He bunches up the fabric. Lets it go. Shifts it this way. Shifts it that way. Smooths it out-  

“Miles, it’s okay if you don’t like it-“  

“I love it!”  

It shoots out his mouth like a bullet out a gun, quick and spontaneous and something he can never take back.  

He thinks he hears the glass shatter.  

From through the mirror, he sees Gwen approach behind him and softly rest her hands over Miles’ waist from above the waistband. It’s so…delicate.   

She puts her chin on Miles’ shoulder, looking in the mirror with him. Meets his eyes. Smiles.  

He smiles back, suddenly giddy, bubbling up like a pot of water on the heat.   

He rests his hand above her’s and uses the other to cup her cheek,  

“I love it.”  

It’s a statement of fact, the newest discovery. It changes everything, while it’s also nothing new at all.  

Hobie pushes his way into the frame, towering over them both with a smirk on his lips and a glint in his eye,  

“Good, ‘cause I ‘ave even more just in my closet.”  

Pav lights up from his place on the couch,  

“Oh my god! Fashion show?!”  

Gwen laughs,  

“Yes, yes, let’s have a fashion show!”  

Miles beams,  

“I’ve never done a fashion show before-“  

Pav bounds over, arms outstretched to catch Miles from behind,  

“We‘ll show you bro!”  

Miles’ eyes trace the frame of the mirror, containing his friends. His girlfriend. Him. And this skirt.   

Or maybe the skirt is part of him.  

A new part, unearthed, like a rare ore. Or maybe something that’s always been there, only showing itself now after everything, like a coal turned to diamond. Maybe it’s a fun house mirror, showing him in ways he’s never seen before, or maybe it’s Narcissus’ river reflecting nothing he’s never seen before.  

Or maybe it’s just a skirt.  

Either way, whatever it is, Miles laughs,  

“Okay, okay. Fashion show.”  

Hobie whoops, Pav cheers, and they scurry off like the little rats they are to dig up whatever they can find.  

Gwen wraps her arms tighter around him, commenting under her breath right into his ear and straight to his brain,  

“You’re so pretty. Absolutely beautiful.”  

He not sure if Gwen can see it, but with how close she is Miles is certain she can feel the slight heat rushing to his cheeks. He clear his throat,  

“Thanks.”  

He turns to her, eyes wide, voice small,  

“I love you.”  

Her eyes are kind and warm, her smile slight and comfortable,  

“I love you, too.”  

“‘Cause of the skirt?”  

Miles isn’t sure what makes him say it. It comes out a little shaky, a pebble dropped into usually still water, a slight crack in usually smooth glass (if a little fogged).  

“No,”  

She looks him dead in his eyes,  

“Because you’re the one wearing it.”  

Miles stops. Everything in him halts for the smallest moment—his breathing, his thinking, his nerves, his confidence.   

He leans forward and kisses her, and she kisses him back, and he can feel the fabric of the skirt against his leg. And it’s soft.

[mayanell-wav]

::

::

::

::

months ago i scheduled this single re-release for the start of Leo szn… tryna hack some confidence in there… Ha! The day came and i was feeling so......nonverbal.....

anyways If uvealready listened or shared with folks from when I released it last spring truly truly thank you. I’m…really shy about putting stuff out there!!! & trying to get over the crippling and psychotic emotions that come with being 👁️ perceived ——

{{ speaking of WHICH, sending a special s/o, ily, & good DAY to my fellow ♌️🌘 leo moon babies this szn & retrogrades 🫀🫂,, because… ifyk? Yfk 😭}} july/august 2023 have not been a joke in the slightest

~~~

below::: here is a a longer shit-post that nbdyyy asked for on my feelings when paying!!! to distribute a piece of my actual life blood (this song) to vampiric entities!!! for the sake of ‘’’’exposure’’’ (???)

... ????

the tldr; is fuck these fucking busted raggedy raggedy ugly ass raggedy ass streaming sites their execs can literally all choke

——————

aforementioned - ((longershit-postthatnbdyyy asked for)) ::

a few months ago I set up this single to distribute to streaming sites 072223 and whoops that shit really came around the corner QUICK

Kind of on principle (as well as because I am generally floundering) I do not work to push or ‘promote’ my music because, actually, whattt the fuck… wtfff is all that about !

I hate how social media sites r enabling consumptive media habits, i fkn hate streamers and their pestilent business practices, I hate these busted ass relics of an industrialized music scene and what it takes to get music out there. u want it to reach the people who could benefit emotionally, spiritually, artistically, from whatever shit u went through, u made this music to help ur self or because it was fun and truly believe in the connective and healing power of sound wavs, communion, sharing, listening

But these…. These fucking MIDDLe men ? These shrimp dick fucking middle men?

Whattttt is that all aboutttttttt

It’s gross and busted that artists have to pay to distribute their music with chump change in return, lining the pockets of weirdo record and tech companies

I really would rather give these silly little audio files away for free so that’s exactly what im gonna do

Anything I put out that is available on streamers is gonna be available free to listen to on soundcloud or free to download on non-expiring we transfer links bc literally EWWWW at these Fucking Middle Men!!!! Choke!!

Am also reflecting on like, what the fucking purpose of these streaming sites should be. Considering the ecological costs of that whole set up, nothing should live there permanently, we should not be listening to music online with such reckless abandon. The sites are helpful for research, and accessing a wide array of new and broad material in an accessible format. But for active / repeat listening? Truly truly what the fuck.

Still thinking what more conscious interaction with streaming distribution could look like. Considering rotating what projects or songs are actually accessible at any given time. Considering going on a real campaign to get folks to commit to scamming them through only utilizing family plans. Thinking about un-saving // off-loading the data I have stored on there so they can’t keep doing research on my habits. Thinking about coordinating boycotts from these subscriptions and going full slut *nd*rgrnd m*rk*t for analog/private server art & ed- media

It’s hard to think through and especially so on an individual level. The Music industry has been dying and honestly it probably needs/deserves to die. We need our art back, and the spiritual value of creating our own worlds, the local economic value of making emotions and rooms and communities and worlds move, through and onward from the exploitative industrialization of our practices.

My understanding of the whole entertainment industrial complex is that it rests on the back of exploited black women/gnc folks. Constantly thinking about the lives of popular singers in the south, essentially held captive and milked on tour circuits. It’s hard to ignore when looking at the way this shit is now set up, dependent on the exploitation of artists.

Musicians hawking their wares in hopes of clout and deals and the opportunity for more shows and more fans, and it makes me wonder what the point is, what the music is lulling us towards in and under these conditions

Its late and im overthinking again

and often eye wonder if we’ll ever be able to parce out the subtle differences between performance and performativity

[open-three-inches]

ponyboy’s coming of age headcannons🤍🤍

when he’s fourteen his favourite songs are my generation by the who and don’t think twice it’s alright by bob dylan

 the gang tease the hell out of him for liking bob dylan

 they call him a hippie

 this changes when he first hears led zeppelin on the radio in the late 60s, his soul literally ascends from his body when he hears robert plants voice for the first time 

 he shoots up in height at around fourteen and half

 by 15 he’s taller than Soda

 Soda hates it lmao

 grows to be about 6′1

 is terrified of spiders

 soda always gets rid of them for him

 but soda will also chase ponyboy around the whole house with the spider

 ponyboy once gave soda a black eye after he got a spider thrown on him

 he says in was an accident but honestly didn’t feel guilty about it lmao

 darry thought him how to drive

 sodapop came for ‘entertainment purposes’

ponyboy did eventually learn how to drive but it cost him almost losing his life

not from almost crashing or anything, just from darry almost strangling him out of frustration

also has a real dirty mouth

like cursing

he's the worst out of the whole gang for it 

he is such a pretty boy and has most of Tulsa in love with him

he’s pretty dumb and doesn’t realise how good looking he is though

 for example curly flirting with him for years before they got together

 disaster bisexual omfg

 lowkey a hopeless romantic too

 will think nonstop about the boy who held the door open for him or the girl who served him in a restaurant lmaooo

 HE’S A LITTLE SHIT AS WELL

 HIS SMARTMOUTH FUCK

imagine the sass of eric forman, harry potter and jess mariano all rolled into one

that’s ponyboy

everyone thinks he’s really nice but then he’ll hit someone with a roast that is so fuckin good that they will cry for the person who was insulted 

its steve getting roasted most of the time

 he’s really really witty

 becomes a lot more outspoken as he gets older

 very talented at hot wiring cars

still hates fighting but has and will break anyone’s nose if he feels the need to

 has his first kiss at 14 with a girl named betty

 he dated her for a while 

 he dated a good few people in his teenage years

 once he went skinny dipping with his then boyfriend and got caught by police and was brought home in a cop car

 darry hit the roof 

 steve claims the greatest moment of his life was ponyboy being led into the curtis house by a policeman soaking wet and half naked

 never really fell madly in love with anyone he dated though

 until his junior year when he suddenly couldn’t get curly shepard out his  head

 loves animals

 darry wont let them get a pet but ponyboy feeds stray dogs and cats around tulsa

 he has a name for every single one

he considers them his pets.

 in 1967 he cuts school to listen to sgt pepper by the beatles 

 he figures its the greatest album ever made

but he’s really stubborn and won’t admit for months that he likes the beatles after all the shit talking he did about them.

 he gets high for the first time with curly and they listen to the album again

 a stoner. 100%

 he cuts back on smoking cigarettes but gets high all the fucking time 

 has a stash under his mattress for when darry or steve are really pissing him off

has a really good group of friends 

they’re the same age as pony so it’s different to the curtis gang

he considers them brothers anyway so they don’t count

 they get into a lot of shit together

 soda thinks all the stuff they get up to is hilarious 

 darry is tired

 his best friend is a girl named juliet

 lesbian + bi duo

 juliet has common sense, something which ponyboy lacks, so they work well together.

 they talk about girls together

 juliet has a girlfriend named flo and they’re very much in love <3

 ponyboy will third wheel them sometimes lmao

 like he did with johnny and dal

him and curly finally start dating when ponyboy’s 16 going on 17

it surprises him how quickly he fell in love with curly

they’re both absolutely whipped for each other

darry and soda don’t really like curly but pony makes it clear they have to just put up with him

curly doesn’t exactly help, pissing darry and soda off seems to be his favourite pastime

they open up to each other about everything 

pony tells curly all about windrixville

 he thinks about johnny and dally a lot still

 he still has johnny’s letter inside the gone with the wind

 it’s really important to him, it comes with him to college.

 speaking of which, he goes to columbia university in new york

 full scholarship bby

 wasn’t going to go due to the fact it was so far from home, and he didn’t want to be that far from his family

 darry found out and almost killed him

 they had a talk about it though

 it was sweet and it helped pony feel better about leaving tulsa

 he also graduated from high school top of his class

 sodapop bawled at his graduation and two-bit made a poster for him

 he went to see his parents after his grad

 he really did wish they had been there for it

 curly didn’t see him graduate either which really hurt ponyboy

 they had gotten into a big fight a week or so before

 the reality of ponyboy leaving tulsa had been the elephant in the room for a while, but both of them were just avoiding it

 eventually tensions rise and both of their emotions explode

 they say things they regret and curly storms away from ponyboy

 curly later gets hauled in for getting into a bar fight

 so he misses ponyboy’s graduation

ponyboy loves curly more than anything and he knows curly loves him just as much

but he also knows it won’t work

so he visits curly in jail 

he keeps his emotions under control while he’s there like he always has had to do living on the east side

he tells curly that he’s leaving in a few weeks 

curly, who has always been closed off about his emotions, pleads with ponyboy to stay through tears

ponyboy loves curly but he can’t stay in this town anymore

and curly can’t seem to bring himself to leave it

so they break up

he cries himself to sleep most nights after

sodapop helps him through it 

he tries not to think about it though, making himself busy with packing and getting ready to leave for new york

he sees curly once more before he leaves

he’s out with his friends for the last time before he leaves when he sees curly, fresh out of jail, with some of the shepard gang

their eyes meet and they hold each others gaze for a few moments

ponyboy breaks it

he can’t quite find the strength to talk to curly

he finds himself wondering for months after what would have happened if he had just talked to curly that night

ponyboy can’t help but hope that curly will show up the day he’s meant to leave for college and everything will be okay again

he doesn’t

both of them are to stubborn for their own good

he leaves new york just after his 18th birthday

his brothers hug him tighter than ever and ponyboy almost changes his mind about leaving right there and then

sodapop, through his tears, swears that if ponyboy doesn’t call them everyday he’ll hunt him down in new york and kick his ass

steve wishes him well and looks almost misty eyed

ponyboy of course makes a smart comment about this which leads to steve rolling his eyes instead

not in a mean way though, almost sentimental, like he’ll actually miss ponyboy 

he drives around the town one more time before he leaves taking in everything and the memories, good and bad, he associated with his home

it’s a bittersweet feeling to leave behind his childhood but ponyboy thinks he’s ready

he almost drives to curlys just to see him one last time

Almost.

[sparring-spirals]

How bad is Syldor in the book, because from C1 he just seemed like an ass, and a bit racist, and unninvolved toward the twins. Does it go further than that?

[VERY SPECIFIC KITH AND KIN SPOILERS FOR TWO SCENES BELOW, and more generalized spoilers]

Off the top of my head, beyond the, uh "he literally didn't let them leave the house for a number of years/go out and socialize or meet people beyond their tutors because he thought it would """reflect badly on him""" ". (which. holy shit WOW. fuck)

- Constantly, like, constantly, telling them they needed to do 5x the work in order to even match their "properly blooded" peers, shitting on them if they did anything short of perfection and even then.

- [specific spoiler] At one point after Vex had been pushing herself to the brink of the exhaustion practicing with her bow, arrived right when she was attempting to use a newer (+heavier) one, demanded she demonstrate her abilities to some rando elf who was with him, then tore her down when she wasn't able to perform as well.

- [specific spoiler] Vax had saved up money from his.. extracurricular activities (rogue shit) to gift Vex a lovely bow she had desperately wanted, because the small amount of money they were both recieving wouldnt have been enough to get it. Upon Vax finally getting in trouble one too many times, he called them both in, told Vax off for being a disappointment and disobedient, he had of course known about his shift activities, etc etc. Then turned to Vex and told her off for not stopping him/allowing it to happen and also being a disappointment.

- [specific spoiler] and then upon making it clear he knew where the money for Vex's bow had come from, snapped Vex's bow in half in front of them, as punishment.

- whoops im absolutely infuriated just thinking about that scene again sorry

- Just... generally he constantly disparaged and insulted them, while also trying to also keep them entirely under his thumb and made it very explicit he was limiting their contact with everyone else to avoid his own repuation being sullied. While also doing his damn best to break down any sense of self worth they possessed and still dangling the "despite how inherently inferior and awful you both are, maybe you could be adequate..." with increasingly impossible standards, and then excoriating them when they (inevitably) failed.

- (this isn't what you asked but it really puts Vex's desire to prove herself to people and Vax's burning desire to protect her regardless of other people's perceptions into. Extremely Damning Light.)

- and this is all WITHOUT taking into account shitty townspeople. which syldor obviously did not help with. once they were allowed to leave the house, that is.

- anyhoo im gonna get a luxon beacon and transcend this universe so i can kick Syldor's ass.

[empressofdiamonds]

What to do when your friends constantly associate you/ remind you of your past self? Im beginning my level up journey, and my friends keep saying they miss the old me.

*Im inspired by your anon who asked u something similar*

The old me who:

- fucked random men

- got drunk every night and smoked weed everyday

- zero ambitions or goals and lack of morale in life

basically you can form conclusion on how i was

My ex bf and i dated and he really saved me from that, and they have basically blamed him for taking my "youth" away but thats not even what I wanted anyways! Like im gratedul he got me to see the light regardless of our outcome. But theyre convinced that im just some pick me who wants to still please him.

I wanna cut everyone off, but I have done that before and felt so alone and isolated. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like im stuck in a cage and I cant grow and be who I truly desire because everyone associated me with being a crazy party girl.

What if I told you fucking around, being drunk everyday, smoking weed excessively, no ambitions... Is actually part of pickmeness?

I perceive pickmeness as not only towards others, it's also towards oneself, it's terrible lack of self-esteem that makes one not do what is best for oneself.

That's low-key insulting that they think the new lifestyle you adopted is all his fault; you dumped him, you still don't wanna date him (aka you're not doing this process for him), you're still keeping the new lifestyle changes after the breakup. Like, the logic's not there! I see that you're actually doing a glow-up process and not some desperate pickme behaviour to gain him back like Friends are saying you are doing.

If you don't want to cut everyone off, how about you keep contact with the most grounded and best girls in that gang, and minimize contact with the worst ones?

Sadly reputations can stay a good while after the changes, but I think that you should keep going at it, the more stronger the change and the more consistent it is, the more likely your reputation is to change. Prove to everyone the Old Self is goddamn dead and buried 6 feet under in an welded iron casket. And with fresh concrete poured on top.

Keep being consistent with the new healthy habits, and make sure all facets of your life are to your new taste.

I may add another point... Sometimes the stuff people say is a reflection of their own thought processes. If someone is unhappy that you're doing the obvious healthy choice, it is because you're indirectly doing them one hell of an ass-whooping. You're indirectly telling them to get their sh*t together because it ain't cute.

Even, sometimes, the good answer is sometimes the most hurtful one. Aka dumping them all if this doesn't gets better. No choice, gotta suffer a little bit to improve. It's a battle in a war.

[dykesymmetry]

I'm sorry to tell you but I would love to hear about the historical inaccuracies and all of your qualms with the pirate au with naval captain techno and this is your blog on a site you presumably come onto to enjoy yourself so you genuinely should have to worry about offending people with your thoughts and opinions so long as you're respectful and acknowledge their efforts before listing what was done wrong so they can learn :// /gen

WAH ok ok. uh. this is not gonna be a super serious rant bc i dont have any actual issues w the fic and its very well-written and if u like shit like potc or whatever u should definitely read it bc its very fun. that being said thats also MY special interest theyre butchering so im just gonna like. infodump about golden age of piracy below the cut

gonna start this off rq by saying im ignoring any obviously fantastical elements like erets magic or the weird storm at the beginning cause like. idrc about adding in fantasy shit, my own pirate au has like. piglins and shit. its fine idc

ok first major point is like. general characterization. which i dont honestly think is the fault of the writer misunderstanding the characters or anything, i think its more just the general assumption that pirates were all lawless renegades and the navy were idealistic men or something, in which case, lil bastard shit philza would fit the pirate role better while deeply ideological techno would fit the navy. but. i find it really fucking hard to believe that a character whos anarchist ideals make up a big portion of his motivations would be a bootlicker. and he honestly fits pretty well into the role of pirate captain? a big part of like. piracy in general. was creating this terrifying image of yourself, bc realistically you didnt want to get in a fight with every ship, that costs ammo and ship repairs and possibly lives. and i think technoblade, someone who is usually known as The Blade and who has a reputation for just being. super fucking bloodthirsty. but in reality has deepseated ideals and is determined to protect his friends at all costs, would fit way better into the role of pirate captain than phils casual war criminal self would (to be clear: i aint saying phil wouldnt be a pirate, he absolutely would. im just saying hed be a kinda shit captain tbh)

second point: pirate crews did not have the same highly hierarchical approach to roles on a ship as the navy did. to the writers credit, they kinda touched on this in ch 3 when they mentioned that the mens loyalty would still lie w phil rather than techno, but like. pirate captains werent just put into place like that, and certainly not by the previous captain. they were generally elected by the crew, who could then elect someone else if they didnt live up to their standards. also, when someone joined the crew, there'd be this whole captains code thing that theyd have to read and sign (admittedly, i know why they didnt put that part in, paperwork is boring im not faulting them for that)

along the same lines as the hierarchical shit, there wasnt really a first mate, at least in terms of like. "second in command." what there Was was a quartermaster, someone who kinda like. relayed messages between the crew and captain. again, not a huge grievance, just something that kept bugging me every time they mentioned it

another rather small grievance but one that bugged me nonetheless: at the end of ch 3, they had this moment where techno looked up at their colors and had a minute of Self Reflection that i completely ignored bc like. you would absolutely not just sail around w the black raised you are a sitting fucking target and it gives any navy vessel/pirate hunters just like. a dead giveaway that you should be attacked. youd only raise the colors if you were like. actively chasing a prize

ALSO while we're at it. this ones not a historical inaccuracy but is more of just a missed opportunity. not everyone had the same flag! most pirate captains had their own unique designs, some a bit more. goofy. than others

in phil and my au, techno has a flag similar to calico jacks (top right), but with a pig skull instead of a humans. again, its not entirely historically inaccurate, but it wouldve been cool to see what their ideas were for a unique philza flag

ok my last major issue here and one i wanted to save for last bc its a bit more graphic than others: corporal punishment (pogchamp!). im gonna be honest, im not super familiar w what could and couldnt get you punished w the royal navy, But what i do know is that the whole. cutting off a hand thing. would not be super accurate. if he was punished, hed likely be whipped (probably w a cat o nines which are like. super fucking brutal. not a fun time in the slightest). amputations were more of a "whoops you got an infection and this is the 18th century so our treatment is just to Chop" thing

[lovely-dr-imagines]

Makoto, Leon, Nagito, and Byakuya with an S/O who is obsessed with playing with their hair:

✾ Hello my lovely! Thank you for the request! I’ll try my best on it! :D ✾

✾ Under the Cut! ✾

✾ ahem, just noticed I have no other happy icons for me other than the one holding the camera or the blushing mahiru... 0-0 oh well im lazy so qjiwshudf guess whos not gonna make new ones bc i like the ones i already made :D? Plus I think I have another happy one hidden somewhere in my camera roll ijdfhygf ✾

✾ Makoto Naegi: 

✎ He didn’t notice it at first. 

✎ Yeah I know, that’s stupid, but he really didn’t notice- 

✎ That was until you started twirling his ahoge- 

✎ His face blushed up and he turned around to see you, who looked surprised and taken aback- (AHOGES GUYS, THEY ARE SENSITIVE (opinion))

✎ “...” 

✎ “Sorry...?” 

✎ Overtime the Makoto became more comfortable to your little massages and hair playing. 

✎ One time, you made a tiny braid from his hair like Kyoko’s!

✎ However, again, he doesn’t notice until he walks to go somewhere and someone points out his hair or if he can see his reflection- 

✎ AND NEITHER DO YOU-

✎ Huh?

✎ Yeah you heard me correctly ya know- 

✎ You’ll somehow go to him and started playing with his brown hair. 

✎ Both of you become surprised- 

✎ ANYWAYS- 

✎ He really likes your scalp massages- 

✎ Seriously, like any normal person, he loves it- 

✎ It feels GOOD- 

✎ One day, after your signature message of his scalp, his hair somehow grew-

✎ And he didn’t want to get a haircut- 

✎ Because he knew you would like more hair to play with <3

✎ When the two of you cuddle or even something small like hugging, you twirl his hair around your finger if you can. 

✎ He finds you playing with his hair calming and soothing. 

✎ This egg fell asleep once when you were playing with his hair... 

✎ And literally 10 minutes later, his head dropped to the right unexpectedly (you were watching TV) and your fingers got tangled- 

✎ You have no idea why- 

✎ But I guess he can get that haircut now-

✾ Kiyotaka Ishimaru: 

✎ Unlike Makoto, this stiff man took notice immediately. 

✎ “Y/N? What are you dong?” 

✎ That sure startled you- 

✎ You started prodding at your fingers, trying to think up an answer... 

✎ “Do you find comfort playing with my hair?” 

✎ Wow he got a bulls eye- 

✎ Playing with hair is a common thing for people to do when nervous or anxious (i know from experience, but now that turned into playing with whatever is on my wrist at the moment-)

✎ “Y-yeah...” You answered weakly. 

✎ “THAT’S ABSOLUTELY FINE Y/N! YOU CAN KEEP DOING SO IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER!”

✎ That’s your Taka <3

✎ Although his hair is short, it feels nice to scale your fingers across his hair back and forth, creating a nice sensation against your skin. 

✎ Surprisingly, his hair, being naturally spiky, is actually pretty soft-

✎ He doesn’t mind whenever you touch his hair, he finds it pretty relaxing too. 

✎ Your scalp massages?? He LOVES them. Seriously. 

✎ You think being a hall monitor is EASY? Taka has to deal with bullies and delinquents skipping classes and argues with people who are even just a minute later for class... 

✎ So you can imagine how much stress in on him. 

✎ Maybe he’ll consider growing his hair out for you... 

✎ Or maybe not...

✎ OH GOD THE THOUGHT OF TAKA WITH LONG HAIR KIND OF SCARES ME-

✎ WHY DID I THINK THIS UP I DONT LIKE THAT IDEA, LET ME PERISH THE THOUGHT-

✎ Nah, I think he likes his hair short, no? 

✎ Yeah, just ruffling his short hair is good enough... 

✎ Good enough for him to start developing a habit of playing with your hair when the two of you cuddle, hug, or are juts generally near each other. 

✎ It doesn’t bother either of you- 

✎ Any why would it? 

✎ Both of you enjoy it so what’s the harm? 

✎ If you are waiting for me to say the harm, there really isn’t any-

✾ Leon Kuwata: 

✎ He probably played with your hair first. 

✎ Then you did the same thing- 

✎ Both of you guys couldn’t help it- 

✎ Both of yous have the same thing- 

✎ Leon probably plays with hair when he’s distressed or frustrated, like if he failed an assignment or couldn’t find the confidence to make a band for the first time so he can actually be related to music for the first time. 

✎ You probably play with hair when you are nervous. 

✎ When the two of you started dating, you sat next to each other and started talking about random stuff when Leon unconsciously started playing with your hair- 

✎ That’s how you figured out he was like you- 

✎ Ish?

✎ Idk- 

✎ But he was nervous and/or frustrated at himself for being called a wuss before this little date. 

✎ Now, both of you don’t mind playing with each other’s hair. Like Taka’s headcanons, whenever you and Leon cuddle, hug, or just in near proximity to each other, hair twirling and other doodads will commence- 

✎ Scalp massages don’t really help Leon, but he enjoys them nonetheless. He’ll ask for them if he feels really down or stressed. 

✎ He’ll also give YOU scalp massages if you want them. However, you obviously like playing with his hair better-

✎ Once, Leon jokingly said that he would cut his hair if he find one more tangle in his locks- 

✎ You took it quite seriously though- 

✎ And no tangles would be found the next day, or the next, or the day after that. 

✎ His hair has been conditioned by you 0-0 

✎ HOW YOU DID IT?  

✎ You will play with his hair if it’s the last thing you do. 

✎ The time where both of you play with each other’s hair the most is during studies or homework. 

✎ Both of you would go sit next to another and go focus on your own assignments. 

✎ and the two of yous would eventually go to sleep... 

✎ On each other... 

✎ Hand on each other’s head, entwining the hair in between your fingers. 

✎ When the two of you wake up... 

✎ His hand isn’t tangled in your hair... 

✎ BUT YOUR HAND IS STUCK IN HIS HAIR- 

✎ “I guess we have to cut my hair-”

✎ you started crying immediately- 

✎ LEON FIX THEM-

✾ Nagito Komeada: 

✎ When you first reached for his head, he instinctively spun his head around to face you- 

✎ “S/O? What are you doing? Don’t tell me you were planning on breaking my neck so trash like me won’t exist anymore! Actually, I wouldn’t mind if that’s what you were going to do!” he chuckled with an innocent smile, “But could you tell me what you were planning to do with my head?” 

✎ Well- 

✎ That scared you- 

✎ he has some good reflexes to hear you go up to him- 

✎  but this has got you flustered- 

✎ “U-Uhm... I was gonna play with your hair? It looks fluffy,” you mumbled, though Nagito heard you. 

✎ “Oh... If that’s the problem, I don’t mind. Mess up my hair and do whatever with it! I doubt you would like my hair though!” he giggled again, same low-self esteem as ever <3

✎ As you touched his hair, it was exactly what you expected. 

✎ It was soft and surprisingly silky. 

✎ Since his hair is long you make some pretty nice hairstyles. 

✎ Braids are a must for this man’s hair. 

✎ Not even to mention simple styles, like a ponytail (TOTALLY A REFERENCE TO THE 10TH ANNIVERSARY PICTURE, ABSOLUTELY, I NEED TO MENTION THIS, I CAN’T GET OVER HIS HAIRRR) 

✎ Unlike what the other boys did, Nagito does not play with your hair, no matter how tempting. 

✎ His hands do not deserve to touch your hair- 

✎ Though he may have played with it once... 

✎ Okay maybe twice- 

✎ Though, it was only twice... and on accident- 

✎ His luck did it- 

✎ He swears that it wasn’t him and his own free will- 

✎ It was his luck- 

✎ I mean, he was walking, tripped onto you, and his hand managed to run through your hair-

✎ And then it happened again a few days after- 

✎ Those were the only times- 

✎ Your scalp massages are... difficult- 

✎ Why you may ask? 

✎ His hair is too long- 

✎ And whenever you go into his hair, it somehow gets tangled with you hand. 

✎ I don’t make the rules for his hair- 

✎ It just gets tangled easily- 

✎ But you don’t ever want him to cut it-

✎ Like, ever- 

✎ You’ll manage- 

✎ But, uh oh, another Makoto scenario happens and WHOOPS now he had to get a haircut-

✎ Nagito isn’t happy about it either, just know that- 

✎ He isn’t happy about it because it brought you despair, c’mon now-

✎ He’ll cuddle your though after so you feel better though :D

✎ So... 

✎ Not a total loss :D

✾ Byakuya Togami: 

✎ Honestly, you guys were on national T.V. 

✎ Seriously. You guys were literally on T.V. because of the news anchors rampaging into Hope’s Peak once. 

✎ It was an unlucky day for Byakuya-

✎ His hair was... Not cooperating with him that day.

✎ Not like you cared- 

✎ Okay maybe a little bit- 

✎ ...

✎ It got on your nerves- 

✎ So you literally sat up, got in front of him, not being subtle about it whatsoever, and you said, “Let me fix your hair.”

✎ Nothing else was said. He just... nodded and closed his eyes. 

✎ Granting you this permission, you started stroking his hair and trying to fix it. Taking off his glasses and ruffling his blonde locks a little, you started fixing it. 

✎ Then a bunch of men and women broke down the door- 

✎ You were not expecting that. You flinched and knocked your forehead against Byakuya’s- 

✎ “OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?” Byakuya shouted, obviously oblivious to the multiple cameras on the other side of the room. 

✎ “S-Sorry!” You yelled, backing away from him in a rush, though your couldn’t get far. 

✎ Yes, again- 

✎ Your hands were stuck in his hair. 

✎ Great- 

✎ As Sakura, Aoi, Makoto, and many others such as Leon told the people to get out, you were struggling on how to get your hands out of his lovely golden hair... 

✎ Not as bad now... 

✎ “What are you doing?” He asked, a bit of embarrassment on his face. 

✎ Unconsciously you started giving his head a massage- 

✎ WhOoPs- 

✎ “Oh! Sorry again, I’ll stop-” 

✎ “N-no no... Keep going...” He closed his eyes again as your fingers ran through his hair and pushed against his scalp. 

✎ Would you believe me if I said you two weren’t dating yet in this moment? 

✎ Because you guys weren’t- 

✎ Eventually, your hands got untangled and his gorgeous hair was saved. 

✎ Days after, Byakuya offered you to be his significant other. 

✎ And, duh, you said YES- 

✎ Though he isn’t big on PDA, me makes up for it when he allows you to play with his hair. Just twirling it around your finger makes you happy and your smile? He cannot resist it. 

✎ It was the first cute thing he had ever thought was cute- 

✎ He lets you do those scalp massages all the time, c’mon, he has work to do and he hides all the stress, lets face that fact- 

✎ By the way, tidy up his hair any day. If one strand of hair isn’t the way you like it, you can change it and he won’t get mad. Not in the slightest :D

✎ Byakuya loves how you make hairstyles for him, though he won’t tell. 

✎ But some of them... Can burn. Not his hair, his hair shall not burn, but those hideous designs? Yeah those can burn. 

✎ He’ll still let you do his hair that way if you want though-

Welp! I hope you liked this? It’s kinda short (for all of them of course) but I had no motivation to make this (aka i kinda liked this prompt so i did it, with the leftover of my motivation still in me :’D)

✾ Mod Mahiru ✾

✾ Snap Snap! Remember to Smile! ✾

[itsnsfwalways]

Canyon Moon

FIC MASTERLIST

warnings for ch 3: mentions of drug use (weed), swearing, oral sex (m! and f! receiving), a hint of degradation if you squint

chapter 3: you’re so golden

The sun hitting your eyes was the first thing that woke you up, the warmth inviting, but also very bright. Scrunching you’re face up, you tug the blanket over your head, turning to the side and taking a deep breath in. You find giving your body a few minutes to wake up before you force yourself out of bed makes you feel so much more awake and in a good mood.

Stretching your back, you rub the sleep out of your eyes and roll out of bed, trudging to the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth.

Yawning as you walk into the kitchen, you make yourself an iced coffee before starting on breakfast. Putting on Rumours, you sing quietly to yourself while making a scramble with a bunch of veggies to get your greens in early.

Heading back to your room with hot sauce in hand, you light some incense and take a few bong rips before eating your breakfast quietly on the window sill. That was something you absolutely LOVED about your room, the edge of the window was just wide enough for you to sit (or lay down) and admire the view of palm trees and beautiful blue skies.

Opening up Misery, you finish a few chapters and mindlessly eat for a bit, listening to the birds chirp and the buzz of the city waking up. Once you finish your food, you go sit cross legged on your meditation pillow, facing the floor length mirror as you make sure your posture is straight. Putting on your favorite meditation music, which, at the moment, is 432hz Healing Tones, you take a deep breath in, clearing your mind and allowing the sun and healing vibrations to roll over you. You imagine yourself breathing in healing energy and nothing but love, and exhaling all of the stuck, negative energy, trying to ‘push’ it out with your breath. Sometimes it felt a bit silly, but if it made you feel loads better, why not do it?

About twenty minutes pass before you slowly blink open your eyes, yawning quietly before going into child’s pose, stretching your back and hips after sitting for so long.

Lying down on your back on the mat, you stare up at the ceiling, feeling an overall sense of being okay. Your body feels good, your mind feels good, your stomach’s full of butterflies that make you smile and blush at the thought of seeing Harry in a bit.

Pulling yourself up with a grunt, you throw on a swim suit and a random pair of shorts, not caring to bring a real top. After applying a bit of sunscreen on your face and shoulders, you slide into your flip flops and fill up a water bottle before heading out the door.

Unlocking Sunflower, you sit on the edge of the side door while sliding on your scuffed white rollerskates with obnoxiously bright blue wheels. They were your pride and joys, and made you feel as if you were in a different time, enjoying the breeze on your cheeks as you skate towards your spot. The journey only took about 15 minutes, with minimal stumbles, so it was already turning out to be a great day.

Finally pulling up to the small lot, you squat down to pull of your skates, putting them behind a rock along with your socks and shorts. You shook your head as you sprinted towards the ocean, leaping into the freezing water. It was the only way you were able to get in, you were never one to wade slowly in. Swimming about half a mile out, the waves crash over you coolly, soothing your quickly warming body. It was going to be a hot day today, good to know. Treading water, you look at the coast, everything looking so small. You made sure to breathe in, capturing this exact moment in memory. The feeling of salty water on your skin, wet hair stuck to your neck and the slight burn in your arms, but this was it. This was pure bliss.

But, you’re also not insane, so after a bit you swim back to shore, spending about ten minutes doing handstands and flips before getting out, wringing out your hair on your way up the beach. Climbing up the pile of large rocks next to cliff, you lay on top of a relatively flat one, allowing your body to dry off for a little bit and give you a few extra moments of sun.

You always hated dusting off your feet for forever before getting back in your socks and skates, but rather that than get sand in them.

“Fuck, I really am killing it today,” you pant to yourself, definitely feeling a burning in your thighs as you start heading home, desperately wanting a shower and some chocolate.

Throwing your skates in Sunflower, you slam the door closed and trudge up the steps to the apartment, practically falling over as you enter the door.

Laura looks up from her phone, perched on the countertop eating a bowl of cereal.

“Look at you, sexy girl, how was the water?” She teases, handing you a banana from the counter immediately because she knows you need it.

“Good,” you sigh, taking a bite and moaning, leaning against the wall for a minute in silence.

“When’s your date with Harry again?” She asks, glancing at the clock.

Oh fuck.

The clock read 10:30.

“Okay, that’s not bad, I just need to get my ass in gear,” you convince yourself, throwing the banana away and grabbing a spoonful of peanut butter. You didn’t have time to make yourself anything else, plus you were eating with Harry soon anyways.

“You got this. Do I get to meet him?” Laura encourages, raising her thumbs at you.

You laugh and nod. “Absolutely, just don’t ask about his exes or I’m going to look crazy.”

“Got it, no exes. Get in the shower, you’re dripping everywhere!”

You run upstairs, yelling back, “I’ll clean it up,” as you head into your room, turning on Currents by Tame Impala to pump you up as you shower, quickly washing your hair and body, shaving the itty bitty stubble just in case.

Running some curl cream through your hair, you try and scrunch and dry your hair as fast as possible, which doesn’t really work, but at least you tried.

A bathrobe envelopes you as you sit down at your small vanity, starting on a little bit of makeup. Dabbing a bit of concealer on your undereyes and small blemishes, you keep it semi-natural with just bronzer, blush, and highlighter, admittedly a ton, but who’s to say. Brushing your brows out and filling in the ends a little darker, all that goes on your eyes is a brown eyeshadow and a beautiful gold pigment, then comes drenching your eyelashes in mascara.

You turn your attention back to your hair, thank god you were having extremely good luck today, because it fell perfectly, the layers framing your face so elegantly that you had to smile at your reflection. Self-love is a journey, and you were glad to be in a good space.

Checking your phone finally, you find a text from Harry, sent 2 hours ago. Whoops.

Good morning, Y/N, just wanted to make sure we’re still on for 12. Hope you slept well.

Well, it’s confirmed, you’re a completely asshole. It’s 11:15 and you still haven’t responded to a text about a date happening at NOON.

AHH IM SO SORRY hi harry ! i don’t check my phone for a while in the mornings, i’m the worst, i know. we definitely are still on, haha, noon still work for you ?

You throw your phone on your bed while you stare at your closet, trying to find a good outfit for today.

Eventually coming to a pair of high waisted white shorts that you got from your mom, thankfully having the same waistline as her in high school, and a light blue silk tank top with gold straps. Planning on wearing your black boots with the gold detailing, because, hey, it seems you’ve got to up your fashion game dealing with Harry, you place them next to your bedroom door before checking your phone.

You scared me for a minute, I was about to go eat a very sad lunch by myself. I’m going to start heading over, that alright by you?

You giggle quietly at his response, typing out,

sounds great :) i’m planning on wearing a pair of boots, should i bring sandals or anything ?

Woah, trying to outdress me?

He sends the next one moments later.

Just teasing, boots will be fine. We’re going to this cafe I really like.

of course i’m going to out dress you, who do you think i am ? and awesome !! see you in a bit !!

You grab a small black bag, putting your sunglasses case, gum, keys, wallet, chapstick, lighter, your dab pen (you never know), and a small rollerball perfume inside. Sliding in some gold hoops and placing your rings back on your fingers, you wiggle them a bit. They always look a bit naked without them on.

Putting on your boots, you head into the bathroom to brush your teeth once more before Harry arrives. But nope, the doorbell, rings as soon as you start brushing your molars.

“Shit,” you gasp, heading over to the door, toothbrush in hand.

You swing open the door and rush out, “Hey, Harry, I’ll be out in two seconds, come on in.”

Taking in his appearance, you grin at the white sunglasses pushed in his hair. Wearing a white t shirt, it’s tucked into a pair of blue pants that matches your shirt to a goddamn T, which you can’t help but laugh at as you walk away. Passing Laura in the hallway, you give her a look as she walks over to him.

Their conversation travels through your open door as you finish brushing your teeth.

“You must be Laura,” Harry starts, and you can just see him reaching his hand out.

“I am, it’s great to meet you,” she says, her smile bleeding into her voice.

“You have a beautiful home, so close to the beach too,” Harry compliments.

“Thank you, yeah, Y/N found this place forever ago and we’ve been living here since we moved out. My dad knew the landlord and they gave us a ridiculously low price for it, but I am not complaining.”

“Oh that’s sick, I’ve been in Malibu for just a bit, always kind of changing my location around LA and England.”

“That was what we thought we were going to do, but I definitely am glad we stayed here. Living in the city is fun and all, but it’s a lot, you know? We need our peace and quiet at home.”

You walk back out, purse and phone in hand, taking in their positioning. Laura’s sitting on a stool, cup of coffee in hand as Harry stands across from her, eyes on you as soon as you walked out.

“I’ll see you later,” you grin at Laura, sneaking another glance at Harry as you give her a quick hug.

“Okay, bye! Nice meeting you, Harry!” she smiles, and of course he replies with the same.

You close the door behind the two of you and he looks you up and down again, meeting your eyes and smiling.

“Hi,” you breathe out, his eyes capturing you immediately.

“Hi,” he whispers back, squeezing your exposed side. “You look really good, Y/N.”

You bite your lip to hide your smile, placing your hands on his shoulders, feeling the fabric (but really just his muscles). His hands immediately go to cup your waist, not pulling you in, just holding you.

“So do you. Like the blue,” you grin, moving your hands down to his waistband.

“Proper matching, I’d say,” he cheekily smiles, thumbs feeling the edge of your shirt’s material along your ribs, your breath hitching slightly at his movement.

You’re the first to pull away, moving your hand to lace your fingers together, tugging him gently down the stairs. He follows after you, squeezing your hand with his and shaking his head, trying to mask his smile by twitching his nose.

That gorgeous being of a car is parked in front of your house, the color alone bringing a smile to your lips, but now the top was down, which was about to make this a lot more fun.

“God, Harry, I might have to steal this from you,” you sigh, arms crossed as you look up at him seriously.

He laughs loudly, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

“Maybe one day I’ll let you drive it,” He whispers, kissing the top of your head before pulling away and opening your door like nothing happened.

You stand there still for a moment before blinking and getting in, holding his hands on the door when he closes it. Turning your body, you lean out the door, placing your hands next to his as you whisper in his ear,

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

Sliding your lips along his cheek as you pull away, you plop back into the chair, putting on your sunglasses and messing with your hair a bit.

Harry clears his throat before walking around the car, sliding into the driver’s side and starting the car.

“Do you want to play music?” He slowly asks, his tone sending shivers down your legs.

You perk up at this, nodding quickly and taking the aux cord from him.

“I’d love to. Have you heard of Tash Sultana? They released an EP a few years ago, their voice is incredible. They make all their own loops and play every instrument by themselves.”

Harry gives you a side eye, grinning as he says,

“That’s some pretty new music for you, princess.”

Your lips part slightly and Harry watches closely as your cheeks flush, licking the side of his mouth with a grin.

“Have I found a nickname you like, Y/N?” His voice has raised slightly, obvious excitement in his expression.

“Only sometimes,” you shrug, trying to play that off as cool as possible. “And yeah, my ex actually introduced me to their music.”

Harry raises his eyes at this, bringing a finger to his lips to hold his laugh in.

“Why the fuck did I say that?” Your hands go up to your face as Harry finally laughs at you, turning the volume down just a little to listen to you.

Sighing for a second, you pull your hands away before blurting out,

“I don’t want you to think that I’m lying to you about not knowing your music or you, because I do listen to stuff released now, obviously. I’m not a music snob or one of those too cool for school people because I absolutely blast SZA when I’m drunk and I’m starting to overthink and-“

Harry cuts you off by taking your jaw in his hand, turning your face towards him. Perfect timing, as always, pulling up to a red light right when he needs it.

“Hey,” he whispers with a smile, stroking your cheek. “I don’t think that you’re lying to me, and I understand. I was kind of a dick for saying all that right away to be honest, but I get it. I listen to mostly oldies too, if I really think about it.”

You exhale, looking up at him.

“Okay. I’m still going to freak out about it and make sure you know.”

He squeezes your jaw slightly, scrunching his nose.

“No,” he cutely protests, and you can’t help but giggle.

He smiles in return and lets your jaw go, hands going back to grip the wheel a little bit tighter

The two of you drive for a little bit, not really saying anything. You can’t help but dance in your seat to the beat, silently mouthing the lyrics to yourself. Harry keeps glancing over at you, too, grinning at the way you blush when he notices you doing it.

“How was your morning so far?” You start, just wanting to hear him talk.

He has to talk a little bit louder over the wind, but he’s happy to get the conversation started.

“Quite good actually. I’m going to Cabo in a couple weeks and was just getting some early packing in. Don’t you hate when you go somewhere and realize you forgot something like a toothbrush at home?”

“It’s the worst, I always end up having to go to a corner store and get something. What’s in Cabo?” You ask, already so amazed at his lifestyle.

“Friend of mine is having a birthday, so we’re there for a bit celebrating, going to be an amazing trip. Happy to be here, though,” he adds, eyes flicking to yours as he says it.

“I’d be worried if you weren’t.”

“What about you? How was your morning?”

“Really good. Sorry about not texting you back for so long, by the way. I just have this thing about using technology right after I wake up, it gives me pretty bad headaches so I go as long as I can without it unless I hear it ring. But it was super productive, I got a good breakfast and read in, meditated a bit, skated to the beach and went for a swim, then got ready for this.”

“You put me to shame, Y/N, you really do.” Harry laughs, running a hand through his hair.

“I just woke up in a really good mood. I can definitely be grumpy in the morning, I’ll tell you that,” you try to explain, scared of feeling too pretentious.

“Yeah? I can see you throwing a fit if someone wakes you up before you’re ready,” Harry nonchalantly says, looking at the rings on his fingers before checking your reaction.

Cheeks hot, you feel almost scolded by him, thankful for the large sunglasses on your face.

“You’re not wrong,” you finally agree, crossing your legs smoothly.

That doesn’t go unnoticed by Harry, reaching a hand down to rest on your thigh almost immediately. His large hand wraps around your skin, thumb immediately starting to go in small circles.

“I started meditating a few years ago but I absolutely love it, I feel like it allows you to start the morning off right.”

Taking a deep breath before answering, you nod and say,

“Completely agree. It still can feel a bit weird doing it when I’m in a mood or anything, but whether you believe in it or not, having all that negative energy in you without doing anything about it isn’t good for you.”

“You’re quite cute when you talk about things you like. Light up like a little sun,” Harry smirks, pulling his sunglasses up to look at you, the piece of gum in his teeth allowing his jawline to be even more prominent. You do the same, placing them in your lap as you uncross your legs, his hand staying on your left thigh as it goes back towards the seat.

“Yeah?” You don’t stop looking at him, watching his eyes flit between you and the road.

Harry hums before adding, “I think you know that though.”

“That I’m quite arguably the epitome of all things golden? Of course, but it’s always nice to hear.”

You make a noise of protest as Harry removes his thigh to make a left, while simultaneously laughing at you.

“You are absolutely golden, love, don’t you forget it.”

He pauses for a moment before starting again.

“I’m going to warn you right now that there might be some photos taken of you when we go in or leave, or fans coming to take pictures. If that bothers you-“

Cutting him off quickly, you sit up, shaking your head.

“I dressed cute for a reason, if it happens it happens. I’m going to be pissed if someone comes for my outfit though.” You giggle at yourself and grab Harry’s hand, squeezing it gently. “I know what I’m signing up for. You’re good.”

Squeezing back, he looks down at his lap for a moment before glancing back at you, eyes so sincere your heart clenches a little.

“Thank you. Just... need a little reminder sometimes too.”

Unlacing your fingers, you stick your pinkie out, swearing, “I promise that I will always remind you that you’re not going to cause me any problems, and I’m not going to do the same. You promise to always remind me I’m golden?”

“‘Course, love. Was gonna do that anyways,” Harry chuckles, intertwining your fingers, heartbeat going just a little bit faster.

He couldn’t explain it, didn’t want to admit it to himself even, but your presence made his world just a little bit brighter. He couldn’t get you out of his mind, your smile, giggle, and sweet-smelling perfume was all he could think about since last night. His brain was trying to come up with reasons why this was a bad idea, how you could be using him, you were going to break his heart and leave without a second glance. But one look at your face, those eyes looking at him with so much wonder, made him hate the part of himself looking for excuses. These feelings felt way too much, too fast, but all he knew was he wanted to call you his girl. His sweet Y/N.

Parking his car next to some trees, he runs over to open your door, helping you step out and shutting the door behind you, placing the cover on the car quickly. The two of you walk into the cafe in silence, arms swaying next to each other. You figured he wasn’t comfortable holding hands in public on the first date.

The atmosphere of the Beachwood Cafe was everything you could want in a coffee shop. Absolutely stunning artwork covering the walls, a checkerboard floor, fun colors splattered all over. Your face must show how excited you were because you feel Harry bump you, grinning down at you. You hum, smile on your cheeks as he holds your face in his hands for a second.

“Like it?” You nod happily at his question, following the waitress to your table, one in the furthest corner from the door.

“Can I start you off with some drinks?” She asks, setting menus in front of the two of you. Harry gestures for you to go first and you quirk an eyebrow before turning.

“Can I please get a large iced coffee with some honey? Thank you so much,” you add, looking Angie, her nametag reads, in the eye.

“And for you?”

“A large iced americano would be wonderful, thank you, love.” Flashing that award-winning smile at her, she writes down his order and heads back to the front.

“This place is really cute, Harry,” you gush. “Thanks for bringing me here.”

His chest tightens at your cute face looking at him from across the table, the amount of gratitude coming from you at all times filling him with light.

“‘Course, honey. You don’t have to thank me,” He earnestly tells you, placing his chin in his hand.

“I know, but I feel like I need to,” you trail off, looking at one of the names of the scrambles on the menu. Snapping your eyes back up to him, Harry can tell where you’re going with this.

“Please don’t,” he half-laughs, half begs.

“But it’s so easy,” you pout, grinning when he sighs and waves his hand for you to continue.

“Should I ask how strong the Weid scramble is going to hit?”

Groaning into his palm, Harry tries his hardest not to laugh, but can’t help one escaping when you kick him under the table.

“Satisfied?”

“Very,” you nod, looking over the menu once more. “Have you had the Thai noodle salad? That looks hella good.”

“It is ‘hella’ good,” Harry teases, using quotation marks in the air.

“Right then, love, what’re you getting?” You respond in a British accent, folding up your menu.

“Probably the Brussels sprouts salad, it’s my usual here.”

You open your mouth to say something before your drinks are placed in front of you, Angie asking if the two of you are ready to order. Harry goes ahead and orders for the two of you, delicately grabbing the menu from your hands to hand it back to her with a charming smile on his face. Watching her walk away, you grab your drink, lifting it for a cheers.

“To living,” you simply state, Harry repeating it with a look in his eyes you can’t quite name.

“So,” you start, adjusting your position in your seat for a second. “You said you’re writing for your second album, right?”

Harry nods, licking his lips as he pulls away from his glass, catching the way your eyes wander to his mouth.

“Sort of. I want to, you know, take a break, try and just have some fun, rather than jump straight into writing and recording again. At the same time, I really fucking miss it. Writing and being in the studio and getting all that out just feels so good.”

The way his accent wraps around his words makes it hard for you to focus on what he’s saying all the way, realizing he’s waiting on you to respond.

“I definitely think you could use some down time. But that also doesn’t mean you have to stop making music. Write out your ideas when they come to you, and when you feel like you’re ready, start pumping them all out. I’m willing to bet $100 that you already have at least a few songs under your belt, though, am I wrong?” You grin at the headshake Harry gives you, catching the blush on his cheeks. “I knew it! We all do, it’s impossible to just not write, but don’t worry about timelines or due dates. You can’t rush art.”

“God, it’s just so good to hear out loud, I feel like you already know me,” Harry shakes his head, pushing his hair away from his face with one hand.

“I’m pretty good at reading people, I’d like to say,” your arm raising above you as you stretch a little, tilting your head from side to side.

Seeing your neck arch and the way your veins move slightly under your skin causes Harry to have to clear his throat a little, taking a sip of his drink as he feels his forehead start to sweat.

“What kind of artists do you normally write for?” He blurts out, trying to figure out how to get to know more about you in a roundabout way.

“If you’re offering me a job, I’m walking out right now,” you warm, raising your eyebrows. “Kidding. I don’t know, really, I write for a lot of my friends, like I said, when they need help on some of their own projects, or if I’m hanging out in the studio I get pulled around the rooms for a different set of ears. Working with Khalid was one of my favorite experiences, though, he was so fucking cool.”

Harry’s eyes sparkle at this, perking up.

“Love Khalid. He is so talented, and hilarious. I swear, my stomach was aching after being with him for a little while. I only asked because I think I’m trying to figure you out a bit. I just wanna get to know ya,” He shrugs, fingertips tapping on his glass.

“I wish you good luck on that task, Harry, I really do. The first step in recovering is admitting you need help,” you solemnly nod, bursting out laughing when he rolls his eyes and ATTEMPTS to hide his smile.

Your food is placed in front of you suddenly, and you jump, glaring at Harry for smirking at your reaction. He couldn’t help it, you were like a little puppy, overexcited and always jumping from place to place. Harry starts eating right away, sending you a quizzical look when you sit with your hands in your lap, almost like you’re waiting for something.

“You going to start eating, honey?” He gently presses, snapping you out of wherever you went.

“Sorry,” you blush, grabbing your fork and shaking your head a little. “I don’t know what the fuck that was about.”

Fuck, yes you did, and Harry knew that. You were waiting for his permission, and that thought alone sent you into a daze. Closing your eyes around the fork, you fought off the urge to moan and tried to push the fact that he already holds so much control over you out of your head. Snapping them open, you find Harry’s eyes on you, the look in them dangerous. Clearing your throat, you whisper, “It’s really good,” which Harry responds with a simple hum, leaning forward on his elbows towards you.

“You tell me if this is too forward or too much, yeah?”

Your lips part as you nod your head, not really ready for what’s about to cross his lips.

“I’ve been noticing certain... things that you do and, well, are you a sub, darling?”

Your throat dries, unable to break eye contact or even speak, only nodding when he squints his eyes a little at you. Fuck, this was not happening, you thought, reaching to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear.

“Like to hear that pretty voice of yours, yeah?” Harry urges you, hands fighting off the urge to hold your jaw in his fingertips.

“Yeah,” you sigh, taking a swig of coffee to think of something to say. “I’m going to assume you’re a dominant,” pausing to let Harry nod, jaw moving as he chews. You throw your hands up, leaning back in your seat.

“You are the complete package, Harry, shit.”

He laughs at this, covering his mouth quickly. “‘S’all you. A dream, really.”

Your heart flutters at this, shit, no, this is a FIRST date, you cannot be feeling like this. Taking a bite of your food, you are able to just sit back and look at him. Watch how he sticks his tongue out while he puts a bite in his mouth, something you’ve done since you were a kid for no reason. How his hands look almost sinful holding the white napkin to his lips.

“Staring at me, love,” he comments after a few minutes, his eyes looking at you sweetly, like he didn’t mind, but just needed to call you out.

“Merde, je veux te sucer,” you breathe out in French, banking on him not understanding you.

“Viliane,” Harry tuts, clicking his tongue at you. Before you’re able to answer, Harry is handing his card to the waitress who passed your table, asking for two boxes for your meals.

Your eyes snap to his, all the oxygen leaving your body as he brings your plate his side, getting ready to pack it up for you.

“W-Where?” Is all you manage, drinking the rest of your coffee, before setting it down on the table, a drop of honey falling down your lip. Harry can’t help but swipe it off with his thumb, slowly placing it in his mouth afterwards, not breaking eye contact, with you.

“I live nearby. That alright with you?”

Nodding slowly, you sit quietly in the booth as Angie comes back with the check and two boxes, legs bouncing excitedly as Harry packages the food up.

“Come on, lovely, let’s get out of here,” he tells you, holding you by your elbow as you walk outside, heading straight for the car. He doesn’t bother taking the top off, opening your door for you without a word and shutting it, almost sprinting to the driver’s side.

His hand finds your thigh immediately, rings shocking the delicate skin and making your muscles tense, his fingers quickly moving to massage out these aches.

“You wanna give me a safeword, pretty girl?” His voice drips with confidence, his hands moving closer to where you needed him most. His eyes keep flickering back to you while trying to focus on the road. His curls are a mess around his sunglasses, the brown hair swallowing up most of the eye ware. A pinch on your thigh reminds you that he expects an answer, shaking your body out slightly before answering.

“The stoplight system’s good. Green, I’m good, yellow, slow down or take a break, red, stop everything. What kind of dom are you, Harry?” You push, wanting to know what you’re getting yourself into. You had done a lot of kinky stuff in the past, and there were some things you weren’t a fan of.

“Mm, I’m relatively easy going. Not going to give you any rules, unless we’re playing and have a scene set up. But,” he pauses to exhale harshly, “I’m quite mean, love. I like to take control, pick you apart bit by bit until you’re just trembling under me, can’t say anything but my name. How does that sound, puppy? Tell me now how you like it.”

His voice sends shivers throughout your body and you moan quietly, biting your lip to try and stifle it. Harry’s words circle around your brain, your stomach tightening with need. All the air seems to escape you, but you know he wants an answer.

“G-good. I like it rough, dirty, just wanna please you,” you stutter out, chest rising and falling rapidly. You absent-mindedly rub your fingers against your neck, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe while thinking about what he’s saying.

“Good fuckin’ girl,” he moans, removing his hand from your thigh to place it behind your neck, squeezing it in his grasp. He knows what you want, even if he’s driving, he’s able to pick up on any little signals your body makes. Your back arches as you let out a breathy moan, eyes slipping closed.

“Tell me, princess,” he starts, squeezing the side of your throat to make you open your eyes and pay attention to him. “What do you want to happen when we get back to my house? Don’t want to go too far too soon.”

“Fuck, Harry, I just really want to suck you off, please, please, please,” you beg, a tear actually falling from your eye as you look at him. His pupils dilate at your words, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows harshly, mouth suddenly dry,

“Y/N,” he growls, reaching a hand to squeeze his growing bulge in his pants. His tanned hands and dark rings contrast the bright color, adding to your ever growing list of things that Harry does that turns you on.

The car pulls up to a gate and you sit there for a few seconds before Harry is buzzed in, probably driving way too fast back to his house. Parking in his driveway, he finally releases his hand from your neck and exits the car, making his way around to open your door. Holding your hand as you exit, he places his hand on your low back to guide you into the gorgeous home, the size of it taking your breath away. Harry gives you no time to admire it, shutting the door behind him with a slam before bringing his hand up your chest to rest on your throat, slamming you into the wall. He slips a leg in between yours and takes your hip in his free hand, guiding you to start grinding on his thigh. Your face flushes with heat as he tightens his grip.

“Know you wanna suck me off, but will you cum for me first? Don’t want this pretty cunt to go to waste.”

Your head rolls back and hits the wall, hips stuttering at his words, eliciting a chuckle from Harry as he leans in, breath hitting your lips before he envelopes them, encouraging you to start grinding faster. His tongue runs along your bottom lip, prying them open to lick into your mouth, your moans being instantly swallowed by him. Pulling away slowly, he maintains eye contact with you as he removes his hand from your throat to slip two fingers into your mouth. Feeling your wet mouth on him, sucking his fingers with such need, Harry groans lowly, removing his fingers to kiss you even harder, hands making quick work of removing your shorts.

“Such a naughty girl, can’t even wait to get to the bedroom, just has to have me feel you right here, hmm?” Harry scolds, removing his lips from yours to suck a mark into your neck, fingers moving to feel your wetness through the cloth underwear. Your hands wrap around his curls as you shakily inhale, resting your forehead on his to moan out lowly.

“Fuck, Harry,” you sigh, feeling him rub along your folds through the fabric, pushing it ever-so-slightly inside of you. His mouth pulls away from you with a pop, only to bite down on the red skin harshly, working his way up to your mouth once more. He bumps his nose against yours and opens his mouth to move his tongue past your lips. Your head is spinning, breath ragged as you suck his tongue with yours, feeling the vibrations in your mouth when he moans lowly, pulling a whimper from you.

Suddenly, he drops to his knees, pulling the thong down with him. You swallow at the change in pace and allow him to help you step out of them.

“Wanna take your boots off, sweet girl?” He checks, kissing your inner thigh softly as you lean fully against the wall. You think for a second, these were pretty comfortable, pretty solid grip, why not stay in them?

“‘S okay. Perfect height for you,” you breathe, bucking your hips up. He doesn’t even wait a second to smack your pussy, grabbing your thighs to spread you even wider.

“Filthy, you are,” he growls, licking a long stripe from your hole to your clit, a gasp immediately falling from your lips. He looks up at you and grins, licking long stripes through your folds, almost like he’s trying to remember how you feel. He takes his time catching your wetness slowly, despite the little gasps and moans coming from you. Flicking his tongue over your clit for a second, he pulls back to blow cool air on it, the motion causing your legs to falter for a second.

“Gotta stay still, okay? Can’t have you falling over,” he spits directly on your core as he says this, looking up at you with his jaw hanging slightly open, loving the way your hands go to your hair to find something to grab on. He smirks to himself, licking into you while his hands find your hips, pinching the delicate skin between his fingertips. He collects as much of you and his spit on his tongue as he can, swallowing around your clit after he sucks it into his mouth. The suction makes your hips fight to buck up into him, but you use all of your strength to stay still, causing your thighs to start quivering in his palms. Harry grins and scrapes his teeth along your clit, your loud moan going directly to his quickly hardening cock.

“Taste so fucking good, angel,” he groans, nose rubbing against your clit as he fucks his tongue into you, the soft muscle dragging along your walls and guiding your wetness into his mouth. The sounds coming from him are obscene, loud slurping, sucking, and spitting onto your trembling pussy.

“Fuck, Harry, I’m not going to last,” you cry out, feeling yourself start to clench around him. He grins around you, pulling away to thumb at your clit and look directly into your eyes.

“Mm, that’s not how good girls ask,” is all Harry gives you, slipping a finger inside and immediately curling it towards himself, finding your g-spot with ease. His lips wrap around your clit, sucking harshly while his tongue draws designs on the sensitive button.

“Please, Sir, can I come?”

This has Harry moaning against you, pinching your clit between his teeth as he slides another finger in, fucking into you faster. Your eyes roll back, one hand splayed against the wall, another in his hair to give you some sort of balance. He relentless massages and thrusts into your g-spot with his fingers, feeling you clench around them so tightly that his head starts to spin. “That’s it, puppy, ask me again,” he demands, the title you gave him sending shivers throughout his body. He sucks harder on your clit, somehow speeding up his fingers inside you. A moan vibrates against your center when you pull on his curls, your hips bucking up against his waiting hand.

“Sir, please please please can I come? I’ve been so good, haven’t moved,” you beg, gasping loudly when your legs start to shake noticeably. Harry pulls away, looking up at you and grunting out,

“You have been such a good girl, haven’t you? Go. Cum, now, right fucking now on my tongue.” A loud slapping noise is heard when Harry smacks your ass, the pain sending you over the edge. Your head hits the wall with a thud, but your moan drowns everything out, the guttural sound coming from your soul. Tilting your head back, you cum into his mouth, one leg slipping out from under you and Harry places it on his shoulder without a second thought, holding you up as you ride out your orgasm. The tightness in your stomach releases and your pussy trembles around his fingers, only encouraging him to continue the constant pressure on your g-spot.The strength of it knocks the wind out of you and sends electricity throughout your finger tips, your hips slowing down their rocking motion as Harry eases his fingers out of you. He continues to lick you clean before placing your shaky legs back on the ground together, trailing his hands up your body as he stands up.

“Thank you,” you breathe into his chest, holding on to his hips for balance. His chuckle vibrates against your cheek, and you feel him move your hair out of the way to kiss your shoulder.

“Of course, lovely. How you feeling?” He is all smiles, his voice gentle and caring as he breathes in your smell, leaving small kisses along your neck.

“G-good,” you stutter out, nudging his head to make eye contact with you. He pulls away after a second, one arm going around your waist when he notices how you’re practically falling over with how shaky your legs are. Smirking, he places his other hand on your cheek, pulling you in for a kiss. Tasting yourself on his tongue was too much for you, whining into his mouth before pulling away.

“Can I suck you off now?” You ask shyly, using your best puppy dog eyes. And, wow, do they work. Harry groans, biting your bottom lip harshly before pulling away, not wasting a second before pushing down on your shoulders. You topple to the ground easily, landing surprisingly softly (thanks to Harry’s expert hands), on the hardwood floor. After helping him remove your shirt, you place your hands behind your back immediately and tuck your chin down, grinning to yourself when you hear the moan Harry let’s out at your position.

“Spoiled little girl. Gets everything and more that she asks for, hmm, yes?” Harry demands, tugging your chin up by his hands. His eyes are pointed, staring directly into yours, pupils blown out and hair a mess behind him. You can see the pieces stuck to his forehead from sweat, but his chin glistens with something that has to be you.

“Yes, sir, so good to me. Wanna make you feel good, please,” you beg, leaning closer into him, the difference in clothing setting you into a daze, seeing him fully dressed while you’re waiting on your knees in front of him, naked, panting, and pleading to have his cock down your throat.

“Greedy,” he sighs, taking his hand away from your face to slide off his shirt, tossing it to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. He keeps his eyes trained on yours, daring you to avert them as he unzips his pants, stepping out of them. He looks away for a second to pull of his boots, and you take your time admiring his thighs, because, fuck. They were thick, muscled, tanned, and the little tattoos on them were asking to be bitten, you made a mental note to do that later.

“Got a bit of a staring problem, love.”

Harry’s voice snaps you out of your daydream, eyes flickering back up to him, mouth dropping open when he’s bare in front of you, slowly stroking himself. You involuntarily make a little noise in the back of your throat, sticking your tongue out for good measure. Seeing Harry’s hips thrust up into his hand and his neck vein pop was confirmation enough for you, but you waited for him to put himself in your mouth, absolute torture you must say.

Harry finally takes mercy on you, moaning out, “God, you’re such a little cockslut, just want something in that fucking mouth of yours. Bet I could leave my fingers in there all day and you wouldn’t complain once,” when he eases himself into your open mouth.

You flatten your tongue on the underside of him, not breaking eye contact as you slide off his cock to lick at his tip with feather light touches, drawing figure eights along the top. Suckling lightly on just the head, you feel a spurt of precum land on your tongue, licking it up happily. Tearing your eyes away from his, you open up your throat to begin taking him deeper, feeling his hand immediately come to your hair as you do this.

“Yes,” Harry draws out, allowing you to take control for a moment. You wanted to suck him off, so who is he to tell you how to do it? The view is what is killing him the most, though. Your tits bouncing as you slurp him down, spit falling onto your thighs, your little bit of stomach pudge falling over as you completely lose yourself in making him feel good. That is what gets him to buck into your mouth, closing his eyes and biting his bottom lip, breathing heavily as he begins to thrust into you. You pull away after a moment, jerking him off steadily as you swallow and look up at him.

“You can fuck my throat. Don’t have much of a gag reflex, anyways. Wanna see how you like it, Sir,” you pant, not giving him any time to think before you take him back into your mouth, placing your hand on the wrist that’s in your hair, giving him another okay.

“God, Y/N, you’re heavenly,” Harry breathes, testing out the waters by doing some shallow thrusts, only then beginning to actually throat-fuck you. He places his other hand around your neck, essentially pulling you into his throat and choking you from both ways. Your eyes roll into the back of your throat and you place your nose against his belly, breathing in deeply. Harry pulls himself out of you, rubbing his cock against your cheeks.

“Feel so good,” he draws out, easing himself back into your waiting mouth, rubbing the head on the ridges on the roof of your mouth. He moans through closed lips and tilts his head back, giving you the chance to admire his strong jawline from this angle, body sculpted by Michaelangelo himself. He had no room to call you all these beautiful names while he looked this fucking good getting his cock sucked.

You start speeding up your bobs, keeping him deep in your throat and only picking up a little, the change in pressure earning you a tug on your roots when Harry pulls you to look up at him.

“Mm, you want me to cum, don’t you, dirty girl,” he grunts, a lazy grin on his now flushed face. His thumbs make their way to press on either side of your cheek, moaning lowly when he feels himself through the tissue.

You hum around him, using your tongue along the vein you can feel, looking up at Harry with such need in your eyes. You pull off for a quick second, gasping loudly while saying,

“Want you to come in my mouth so bad, want to taste you and make you feel as good as you made me,” Taking him back in your mouth and sucking him off with a vice-like grip.

“Fuck,” Harry half-laughs, half-moans. “You’re incredible. Gonna make me come so fast, you’re taking me so fucking deep.”

Not even a minute later, you feel him begin to pulse in your mouth, pulling back to just suck on the head, using your tongue to dip into the hole, and Harry cums with a loud shout, burying his cock down your throat as he shoots ribbon after ribbon of come into you. You keep your eyes at his face, remembering how his mouth looks wide open, his eyes pinched closed, hair making a perfect halo around him. His throat makes you want to cry, the veins popping out and slightly red. He stays in your mouth for a while, allowing you to suck him dry and soften slightly, before pulling out of you with a pop.

“Thank you,” you croak out, swallowing what’s left in your mouth and leaning into his touch, quite spent if you were being honest.

Harry had to look away for a second, moving his hand to hold your head while he caught his breath. You were right about being golden, your skin shone, and you just radiated everything good in this world, right after he had his cock balls deep down your throat nonetheless.

“You’re too much, beauty. Thank you, did such a good job,” he gushes, kneeling down. He takes your chin inbetween his fingers and kisses you softly, just barely moving his lips. He leans his forehead against yours and wipes your lip with his thumb, allowing you to suck the bit of cum still on your face off with a blush tinting your cheeks.

“Reminds me of this morning, a bit,” he giggles, laughing louder as you hit him in the chest, grumbling ‘dumb’. He pushes your hair out of the way and holds your face in his two hands, effectively shutting you up as you breathe in deeply, feeling strangely comfortable being this vulnerable with him this fast.

“Do you wanna take a bath with me right now? Know you were on shaky legs and this hard floor for a while,” he pouts, kissing your forehead softly. You nod slowly and he smiles, nodding against you before pulling away to unzip your shoes, placing them next to the wall before he’s picking you up with way too much ease, pulling a shriek from you.

“‘Sorry, love, your poor legs okay?” he asks, holding you to his chest with one arm, using the other to hold your thigh. He receives another nod to the shoulder and he nuzzles you, trying to see what’s happening.

“I’m okay, just tired,” you sigh, and he murmurs an ‘okay’ kissing your temple before allowing you to sink back onto him, making a mental note to ask you about it once you’ve got your breath back.

“Why don’t you go turn on that shower and wash yourself real quick with some warm water and I’ll have the bath ready when I join you, that okay?” Harry whispers, sliding you down slowly. He pushes you toward the large glass door and you smile back at him, your heart bursting with appreciation.

This one is going to change you.

A/N: and that’s a wrap !! lemme know if you guys prefer this kind of phrasing (‘you said’), or if you like ‘she said’, or ‘i said’ better. this is my first time working with a full story using y/n and second/third person kind of view, so pls bear with me. also !! i know some people aren’t really cool with weed. im a ~stoner~ (such a weird thing to type out lmao) so i smoke a lot, but if y’all aren’t comfortabke with me mentioning it p much every other chapter, let me know !! (it can even be anonymously sent in) hope you liked it, and let me know if you have any other requests for future chapters or just one shots💗💗

- lana💔

[coelpts]

What fic have you been working on the longest? What scenes from a fic you’re working on now are you the most excited to write?

boy oh boy thats a HARD question to answer because technically ive got a handful of wip drafts that are nearly a full decade old at this point. also are we counting 'works sporadically whenever the brainrot hits' or like, continuous proper work? are we counting abandoned fics too? eh, ill go with all three

the longest fic ive been working on 'whenever brainrot hits' is more of a series of short ficlets. its an outline of every ending of Shadow the Hedgehog and how the choices made during every in game story branch changes the reflection of his personality seen at the end. Shadow the Hedgehog is a game ive always been fascinated with; even if it does at times attempt character assassination, i feel like the concept itself is interesting enough to explore in regards to the possibility space of who shadow could have been, and who he is. you know? i gotta get into his head, figure out why those choices were made. stuff like that! for this fic, im most excited to write ending 173, Steel Ruler, because i believe it is the most likely to be the canon ending leading into the Final Story and i wanna outline how that shit goes. also anything involving the chaotix, because they are. my boys.

uhh, the longest fic ive been working on continuously as of late is a miitopia fic that im using to justify how a self insert oc accidentally became his own person while i wasnt looking. its frustrating because i was workshopping him for a few years and then, i blinked and whoop! hes got character development! thats not a me anymore! you know? but its also been delightful to watch him grow, change, and get married to the most UNHINGED motherfucker this side of peculia, so im not mad about it. im most excited to write out a breakdown in the realm of the fey during the first arc, a final talk between two of the heroes in the second, and an additional third storyline arc to conclude the divergence in canon that ultimately happens.

the longest fic thats been sitting in my drafts ever that ive absolutely abandoned is CGMC. its a minecraft fanfic i wrote with my friends in it. this will never see the light of day, BUT i might rework it in the future to include elements of my minecraft ocs current canon, so watch out for that! originally i was most excited about writing the scene where one character revealed that she was evil all along before the heroes and her friends snap her out of it.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Changes

Summery- Bucky returns home after a mission, and makes some slight changes. Soft, Sweet, Flashbacks in italiacs. Written for @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​ Stars Follower Celebration. The prompt- “Im never letting you leave this bed again” Thank you @curtisbbq​ for letting me borrow your idea. 

Word Count- 2833

Bucky returned to the compound, dirty, rough around the edges, and just fucken damn glad to be home. What an odd thought, he really start to feel like this was home, YOU were home. The first time since he left for the army way back when, now he had a place to settle down, let himself explore something he had yearned for for a lifetime to most.He was home, he had to admit being able to get used to this.

Following Sam to weapons lock up, he just replaced most of his tactical gear, the weapons, well they were his babies, and all needed to be personally attended to, cleaned before he could in good concious put them in the lock up. Sam slammed the cage door after putting away his Falcon Wings when he looked over at Bucky. 

“You know, you might wanna clean up before going up to Y/N, especially your hair man.” 

Bucky really didnt know what he was going on about, but reaching up, he could feel the rats nest of tangles that formed, 2 weeks in some remote bum fuck area being shot at would do that. And honestly he was ripe, it probably wouldnt do well for the upcoming reunion between the two of you. 

“Trust me, your not any better off.” Bucky retorts back, locking his own cage door, and headed towards the showers. 

“The ladies all love me!” Sam called to Buckys retreating back, chuckling in amusement, opting to head back to his own apartment. After the couple weeks they been with each other every waking moment, they both needed a break from one another.

After his shower Bucky stood at the mirror, alone in the facility, and the mess that showed back in his reflection made him wince. Sure the bruises and cuts, not a big deal. He would heal from those fairly quickly. He managed to work out the mess of a knot, It looked just like himself looking back, but he wasnt seeing James “Bucky”  Buchanan Barnes, no, he still saw The Winter Soldier, the man with an unknown number of kills under his belt.  But he knew... He remembered every single one. The knowledge brought him the greatest grief, it was heavy on his shoulders, even with the vibranium arm holding him up. It made his physical aches pale in comparison, 

Nearby his phone gave off your ringtone, and he snapped back out of his thoughts, glancing down to see a picture of you two lighting up the screen,and suddenly that heaviness was gone. 

You were playing music on your phone as the two of you walked the compound grounds after a long exhausting day. Honestly Bucky would have been content to crashing on the couch to reruns of Bobs Burgers, you always would giggle during that dumbass show. But you insisted on this first. “Please Bucky, just a quick walk down to the river” He relented, you did ask so nicely. His arm rested lightly around your hip as you would sweep down to pluck a flower and twirl it in your fingers before twisting it into the crown of your head. 

“Where the brave are free and lovers soar Come ride with me to the distant shore We won't hesitate to break down the garden gate There's not much time left today Life is a highway I want to ride it all night long...”

You phone sang and you plucked it out, opening the camera as you moved behind him, jumping up on his back, catching Bucky by surprise, his arm shoots behind to help hold you up. 

“Smile Barnes!” Resting your chin atop his head, and his eyes rolled up in a exasperated look, the corner of his mouth coming up in a grin at you. You wrapped your legs tighter around his waist and slid down a bit, like a hug from behind, and nuzzled your face against his own. 

God Damn He loved you. 

You gave him joy 

‘Heard your FINALLY are back. See you tonight when I get home. Im gonna blow this popsicle stand early. Picking up chinese. Dont worry, Im going to get that orange chicken extra spicy. Cant wait to see you. Love you Sargent. XOXO’ 

And ahh, there it was, Home. He thought seeing your message, the way you were all about blowing off the rest of your day to come back, taking care of him picking up his favorite guilty pleasure, and the way you insisted on calling him Sargent, even before the two of you started taking your friendship further. Simply setting his phone down, his gaze lifted back to the mirror, and thats when he decided he wanted to bring Sargent Bucky Barnes back. Collecting a hair clipping kit from the shelf, he got to work. 

Waiting for the elevator to bring him up the flights, his hand went to brush through the shortly cropped hair, it was a bit more in style with today, a mess of tufts atop his head, it was different, it would be different for you. You were so used to the longer look and always told him how you loved them. Hell the first time you two started hanging out, you snuck in his room and braided it just for the hell of it much to his horror. How would you react to this? The elevator buzzed open and he went down the hall to your shared apartment, the door locked. 

Digging out his keys, they clink against the vibranium of his hand letting him know he had them in his grasp and pulled them out of his jeans pockets, getting the door unlocked, and stepping inside, its all quiet. Usually you had a bit of music playing of some sort in the background. He never knew what it would be, you were set on giving him an education of lyrics and tunes. So far he had no complaints with your choices. Dropping his keys in the bowl you kept as your “Keep all the shit off my kitchen counter” bowl, he went to go see what you were last playing for music. Picking up the ipod you so lovingly cherished, he pressed play. And guess what the song was. 

Disney. Lion King to be exact. You had just gotten out of the shower and were singing to Hakuna Matata, and Bucky had been stretched out on the end of the bed, watching you in the steamy bathroom, wriggle your hips as you pull your panties up over your ass “When I was a young warthoooog!” Bucky broke out in laughter right here, pushing himself up to sit and you pulled one of his shirts over your head as you left the bathroom, continuing along with your song, and cupping his face, looking down at him. 

“It means no worries For the rest of your days It's our problem-free philosophy Hakuna Matata!”

You wink at him and kiss his forehead, his arm lopes around your hip, drawing you to sit in his lap, kissing in the curve of your shoulder and neck, placing feather light nips and trace of his nose along the softness, inhaling your honeysuckle softness. You trail fingers along his shoulder and nuzzle into him, enjoying the early morning moment, before the day truly started. 

“We should adopt that philosophy you know” You say chuckling as your still humming the tune softly, swinging your legs that dangled over Buckys lap. “Means no worries, no worries about us showing up to work on time.” He chuckles against your shoulder and lifts his head to kiss your lips, playing at nipping between tangling of tongues and pulling away. “And have Sam come barging up here demanding to know where my ass was not down training the new recruits? He wouldnt know where to start with this group.” You scoff with a roll of your eyes, and nudge him to fall back, straddling his hips and running hands up his chest. “You think Im scared of the Falcon, bring it Oversized Pigeon.”

Fuck he loved you.

You gave him so much laughter. 

Turning it up further, he went to go grab a beer from the fridge and with a twist, he flung the cap into the disposal, taking a drag off it. He never knew he would enjoy these craft beers you insisted on buying cause “There seasonal bits of goodness, let me have my weakness... well one of my weakness” A very obvious salacious wink thrown his way. A lick of his lips cleared any residue on the beer and he was about to check his phone to see if you sent him another message, usually you were good about blowing it up when he heard the door handle click open, and with your usual gusto of chaos, swept in. Your keys missed the bowl, of course. You never actually followed your own rules. And a quick kick sent sneakers flying off your feet. “Bucky Baby, that better be you. If it isnt, im about to whoop ass on whomever it is.” 

You come around the corner and dump the bags of chinese on the counter, still not having seen Bucky, but you caught sight of a flash of him over your shoulder, in the living room. You couldnt wait to see your man, it had been so long, and Fuck you just missed him. Tossing everything else down on the counter, hell you were all about breaking rules, especially your own, your turn on the balls of his feet, calling him again “Bucky Barnes, I so- “ Cutting yourself off immediately when you step into the living room and your mouth hangs open a bit in surprise. Self consciously he touches the top of his head. 

“You... You cut your hair!” It was said in surprise, pure surprise. Its not like normally something like this would surprise you with a regular person, this was Bucky Barnes, the man who tried to stay as routine as possible for the simple fact it was that he was in complete control of himself, and that is what he was all about. You had never seen him even have the desire to cut his hair, ever. 

“You like?” His voice is soft, almost a child like softness to it, and a worried look on his face, like maybe he made a mistake? You give a shake of your head, and that surprise looks fades into an excited one, crossing the room to reach him.

“Baby, fuck I LOVE IT”

You two are driving, no where in particular. You were restless, the hot sunshine weather making you itch to go for a drive, Imagine Buckys surprise when you held up a pair of keys to Tonys Acura Nsx, wiggling brows at him. 

“Is that... Starks keys?” Bucky questioned when you tossed them at him, wrapping your arm around his and tugging him along. 

“Yup, ssshh, we will bring it back. Were just borrowing it. For the day.” 

“You know your starting to remind me of Steve.” He accused as you two entered the garage, and he opened the convertibles door for you, slipping inside. 

“Sorry baby, he doesnt borrow rigs this nice. Im a class all my own.” Giving him a smirk, you slammed the door shut and he just shook his head while circling to the drivers side. 

Miles away, Bucky is loosening up to your little trip, your flipping the radio to some random station, singing along in that soft voice of yours. 

“So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your Rover That I know you can't afford Bite that tattoo on your shoulder Pull the sheets right off the corner Of the mattress that you stole...”

Bucky glanced over at you while you were so lost in the moment, your feet were dangling out the door, you yourself were angled to lean into him, the aviator glasses slid down to the tip of your nose, and with a push of the button, you dropped the top down, your long tresses of hair whipping around you, you slid your hand into his and lifted it to your face, brushing his knuckles along the side of your face, your eyes sparking over the glasses at him. His foot pushed onto the gas, and the the Acura sped up, taking you two anywhere and nowhere at the same time, it didnt matter anymore what the plan was. 

Chaos and All, he loved you. 

You gave him adventures.

“Do you?” Relief crossing his face and easing the tension he held, your hands immediately brushing into the soft locks of hair, marveling now at how soft they were, sprigs popping in between fingers and you bit your lip, eyes shinning up at him, in a playful manner, you gave a slight tug and stepped in closer to him. 

“Bucky, absolutely I do, this is the best surprise ever, even better then when you let me call you Bucky Bear in public.” 

He rolled his eyes and snorted, tracing his hand over your hip to grasp your ass. “That was a one time thing, and the barista was clearly uncomfortable writing ‘Y/N’s Bucky Bear; on the cup.” Who is he kidding? He actually loved it and you knew it. You wiggle your nose at him and place a loving kiss on his lips. 

“Yet you still allowed it. But why, tell me why the change?” 

How you managed to drag him to the museum display once again, he didnt know. But this seemed to be something you loved, the two of you walking quietly around the different exhibits. Reading over the information, and your questions would draw stories out of him that others didnt know, short of Rogers. His gaze would lift to the faces of his howling commando brothers, from a life time ago, and you would tumble into a decent part of his past. No, it wasnt perfect. There were hard memories edging the shadows of his mind, but you only encouraged the better parts, the parts he was proud to tell. 

“It was our fifth hydra outpost, and the prisoners they had kept there were the rowdiest bunch. They drank all of us under the table that night in celebration. Short of Steve... poor guy couldnt even catch nothing more then a few minute buzz.” 

You shake your head chuckling and wrinkle your nose at the idea. “Well that would suck, cant even get yourself a proper buzz, let alone drunk. I dont know, maybe the serum wasnt worth it.” Moving the two of you to the next display, and he caught a look on your face, and then turned his attention to what you were staring at. A picture of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, himself with a piece of his history. “This one here, my favorite display in here. You look so handsome, so proud.” Your head would rest on his shoulder. “But Im gonna be honest, your best picture is the one on my nightstand. They should have that in here.” One of all of you back at the compound, you and Natasha playing video games against him and Steve. in that photo he was laughing at something Natasha had said, a deep laugh, holding onto Steves shoulder as he doubled over.

He looked at the photo, tucking you in close to his side, but remained silent. That one on the wall was a life time ago, but yes, he was proud of who he was before Hydra.

Quietly, He loved you

You gave him Pride.

“It was just time for a change Y/N, time to say goodbye to that part of myself I just... I cant take any of it back, but I can move on from it. Im ready for our memories to be what I see in the mirror.” He confessed, his gaze falling down to look lower then in your eyes, and you, well damned if that man couldnt stir you to your soul. 

Your hands cup his face to bring his gaze back up, kissing him fiercely, no hold back, all of it was just poured into this kiss to your Bucky Barnes, he accepted it. His arms pulled you up to wrap your legs around his hips, and a hand snaked up the back of your shirt, pressing the small of your back in flush against him, your chest crushing against his and your arms loped around his neck. Falling back against the couch, you arch up from where you were sitting low on his stomach, running your arms down his chest. “Get comfy Sergeant, Im never letting you leave this bed again.” 

His brows lifted as his hands moved to lightly grasp your thighs on either side on his waist. “Baby, you know this is the couch....?” 

“Shut up Barnes, we will make it to the bed eventually, now kiss me like you missed me, cause fuck I missed you!” 

Always, He loved you

You gave him his Home.

@p8tn0lish @what-is-your-plan-today @official-and-unstable-satan @jtargaryen18

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