#im resigned not because its okay but because why should i act surprised? i know you people and how you feel about black people

[dreadfuldevotee]

Popular IWTV cosplayer(s) currently getting put on blast for posting about going on haunted plantation tours and taking photos of their (white) LDPDL funko pop out front like its a cute little photo op. And ykw I won't pretend to be surprised because non-Black people, American and Non-American, think of slavery as a foot note in their antebellum fantasy or, at best, a gotcha card when they decide they wanna be morally superior. Its not an IWTV specific issue because regular degular people romp through these plantations for weddings or to talk about everything but the black people who maintained this estate so that willfully ignorant tourists could gloss over their very existence. But a racist source material breeds racist fans and TVC is ripe with both so who is to sit here and gasp and clutch their pearls like we haven't been seeing the very thought patterns that lead to this kind of bullshit

[catboymingi]

hurting - in this life and the next chap. 7

navi/masterlist

story masterlist

pairing: mingi x reader

genre: angst, a little bit of fluff; soulmates & reincarnation au

word count: 3.9k

warnings: dissociation resulting in some self harming behaviour (reader doesn’t realise she’s getting hurt - she’s not hurting on purpose), dealing with grief, insecurities

the realisation that someone wants your happiness more than their own can be a painful one

instead of doing anything yet, mingi decided to sleep. he wouldn’t be able to do anything right now anyway, since you were asleep, and maybe yunho had come up with a solution the next day. but it was hard, falling asleep, even though you were in his arms, because he had no idea if he should tell you about it or not. he didn’t want to make you feel like he only cared about that, about being soulmates, but he also cared about that - how could he not? it by far wasn’t his main reason for liking you, but he couldn’t deny that it did affect him. and even though he’d told you that yunho liked you, too, earlier, that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt for him to think that you might choose his best friend over him, even though he deserved it. he was just anxious, overthinking, or maybe thinking just the right amount, and that made it hard to sleep.

though he did fall asleep, eventually, because he was with you right now and he was your friend and that thought calmed him down enough to enter the land of dreams.

//

of course you noticed that something was odd with mingi the next day, and you brought it up, but he told you that he just felt a little weird being like this with you, even when you were just friends, when he was still mourning. he also told you that he was worried about you, about how you were feeling, and spent another one or two hours with you before leaving to make sure you’d know he did care about you and your wellbeing. then he left, still seeming awkward, uncertain and anxious, and you texted yunho, who was still texting mingi and trying to come up with what to do, though you didn’t know that.

[y/n]: ask mingi to come over, i dont think hes okay rn

and yunho knew, of course he knew that mingi was far from okay, so of course he would do that.

[yunho]: will do. ill update you once i know more, okay?

he didn’t want to snitch on his friend, he didn’t want to do anything hasty, he wanted to find a solution with mingi before any decisions were made. but he also didn’t want you to worry too much, so this seemed like a good compromise. he just hoped they’d actually find a solution, because this situation wasn’t exactly an easy one.

but because you had no idea what was going on you just waited, though it lasted for exactly ten minutes before you got tired of it and too anxious to sit still and you went to the shelter, hoping to calm down a little. there you stayed for several hours, until mingi messaged you, asking where you were and if he could come over, saying he was feeling better now and apologising for his odd behaviour that morning.

and because you were too soft for him you immediately agreed, waiting at the shelter until he came over to spend time with you.

//

yunho had asked him to come over, and of course he would. he really wanted to know what to do, he wanted to know how to handle things, he wanted to not fuck up. he wanted to do things right this time, he didn’t want to lose you again.

“hey”, the blond said as he opened the door for mingi, who moved into the flat wordlessly, throwing himself on the sofa with a loud groan.

“i take you still haven’t told her?”, which made the groan louder and had his friend cover his face with his hands.

“i just don’t know if i should”, he almost whined out, so incredibly unsure about everything right now. he wanted to be with you, but he was scared that if he’d tell you about this latest development you’d think he only cared about you for this soulmate business, something that wasn’t the case. while he hadn’t entirely forgotten about it it wasn’t his main motivation, his motivation was wanting to get to know you and getting to be with you and, in part, showing you that you weren’t just a poor copy of whoever you used to be, showing you that you were worth being cherished the way you were now. and because he knew that you wouldn’t let him, these next words left his mouth, something he’d thought more than he’d like to admit.

“i think you should tell her how you feel. it wouldn’t surprise me if she likes you, too, with the way the two of you are always talking. she trusts you, and i know you wouldn’t hurt her. maybe that’s better.”

“are you… trying to set us up?”, yunho asked, confused by the brunette’s words because this was the last thing he’d expected.

“that sounds horrible. i just want her to be happy, you know? and i know you wouldn’t let anyone make her sad, not even me.”

while that was true yunho wouldn’t do this to mingi, even if he did like you - something he’d noticed, but that he’d just accepted as unrequited feelings, because it was so obvious that his friend still meant so much to you.

“i mean, yeah, but you like her, don’t you? you could make her happy, too, just get your shit together first.”

mingi sighed loudly, a long, pained, resigned sigh.

“that’s the thing. she deserves better, don’t you think? better than someone that keeps fucking up because of his own baggage. i can’t promise i won’t hurt her again, and i don’t want to risk that.”

this was so thoughtful of mingi and it showed his friend that he really was trying his best, that he really did care about you, and that he’d even put his own happiness back if it would make you happier. and because he cared so much yunho couldn’t do it, wouldn’t even consider it; maybe if mingi had ignored your feelings and his concerns and just thrown himself in head first yunho wouldn’t have had these hesitations, but because the slightly shorter man cared so much he couldn’t do that. and he told mingi that.

“she doesn’t even like me that way. trust me, she doesn’t”, when mingi was about to protest, “she cares about you. she just wants you to care about her, too. why else would she still give you a chance, hm? if she didn’t care you’d long be blocked, because, in all honesty, you’d deserve it.”

“i guess”, another loud sigh. “but i won’t tell her, not yet, at least. i don’t want to hurt her”, laying down on his stomach on the (too short) couch, almost slamming his head into a pillow in frustration because he had absolutely zero idea what to do. because he wanted to be with you but didn’t know how to go about that. because life kept making things hard for you when they’d just gotten even a little easier.

“maybe you should still text her, though. she worries.”

“mh. i think i’ll go home, i need some time to think. see you, yunho. and thank you.”

and then he left, went home and showered and realised he didn’t want you to worry at all even if he still felt unsure about things, so he texted you, asking to meet up again now to show things were still okay.

//

mingi looked like he’d cried and tried to hide it when he arrived, hair slightly wet from a shower you assumed he’d taken before he got there, eyes no longer red but still slightly puffy. you had no idea what had happened, but all you could imagine was that he felt guilty because he’d told you he liked you even when it hadn’t been that long since his love had died, something you could understand. or maybe he was overwhelmed with his emotions, something you could most definitely understand, as well. still, he tried to smile at you, coming over to where you were feeding the bunnies once he’d spotted you.

“hey”, obviously still not doing all too well, something you weren’t about to question him about, especially when he was trying to smile at you anyway.

“hey”, smiling back at him, moving your attention back to the bunnies soon after so he wouldn't feel like you were staring.

“again, sorry for acting weird, i was just… feeling weird”, an awkward laugh at his lack of eloquence, but you didn’t mind at all.

“don’t worry about it.”

you knew telling someone not to worry didn’t exactly make them worry less, but it was all you could do right now, telling him that it wasn’t a big deal and trying to act as you always did around him. or, always since you started talking again.

you’d spent about an hour with mingi and he had finally relaxed when your phone buzzed with messages from yunho, several at once, something that worried you a little because the brunette was here with you right now, so you didn’t at all know what yunho could possibly be double texting about. after checking that you had the time to read and reply right now, that there were no animals running around, you unlocked your phone, clicking on the notification in order to find out what was going on.

you hadn’t expected the messages you got, though. when you read them it quickly became very obvious that yunho had no idea that mingi was with you right now, and it seemed pretty obvious that mingi had no idea about what his friend was revealing, either.

[yunho]: i know mingi hasnt told you, but your soulmate mark is gone

[yunho]: dont freak out, its fine, he isnt planning anything

[yunho]: thats why im texting, actually

[yunho]: he told me to get with you, told me that he knows i like you and that you might like me and that even if it means hes not w you at least youre happy

[yunho]: i think hes really changed from when he fucked up, hes learned, and he wants you to be happy more than anything

[yunho]: so while i do like you, i think hes good for you. i think hed make you happy. i know you still like him, and he obviously likes you, enough to try to set you up w me

[yunho]: just thought id let you know

you looked at the phone in shock, unsure what to make of this, unsure what to make of not one but two confessions in the same message, unsure what to make of all the information you’d just gotten, and you almost dropped the little device, completely out of it.

“y/n?”

the man that apparently was really, actually your soulmate seemed worried by your reaction to the messages, and when you showed him the screen he understood what had happened. he didn’t know what to say either, though, but he knew you’d have to tell yunho something, at least, shouldn’t leave him on read.

“please message him back, okay? or i can do it. and then we’ll talk, but he’ll worry if you don’t say anything.”

you nodded, still only half there, and typed up a small message.

[y/n]: mingi is here rn. well talk about it now. thank you

then you locked your phone, staring at the now black screen, completely in shock. you hadn’t even thought about it. you hadn’t even thought about the whole soulmate thing when mingi had held you, or when he’d kissed your head. all you’d thought about was how you wished someone would care about you, really, deeply care, and now you’d gotten that in one of the worst ways you could imagine, because your best friend whom you’d not see as more than a best friend had apparently confessed just like this, and the man you did like seemed to want to set you up with said best friend because he cared about you so much. everything seemed to be going wrong and you had no idea what to do and you felt yourself slowly slip away, something you’d noticed you did when you were stressed, leaving reality so you would first have to deal with things when they’d settled in logically, removing the stress of having to deal with them logically and emotionally simultaneously.

“y/n?”, mingi asked again, looking at you with worry apparent in his eyes but that you missed anyway because you were staring into nothing.

“i’ll bring you home, okay?”, he told you when you didn’t react, and then: “can you tell me your address again? or i’ll take you to my place if you can’t.”

you couldn’t, so he brought you to his place as he’d said, trying carefully to prevent you from getting hurt on the way because it still seemed like you weren’t fully present. he had his arm around your waist the entire time, guiding you, and then you entered that place again, the place that had been your home and refuge for a few weeks and that now looked so different but still the same. it looked… inhabited, maybe, and you tried to focus on all the small details that had changed as he took off his jacket and shoes and you mechanically did the same. then he led you to his room, their room, carefully sitting you down on the bed to figure out what would be best to do right now, whether he should talk or wait until you were more present. he decided to wait, you could tell from how he was looking at you, wait for your next action or reaction.

your next action was looking around; this was the first time you’d ever seen his bedroom, and you’d immediately noticed the picture on the bedside table when mingi had sat you down on his bed, focusing on him and her, taking in all the details to bring you back to reality at least somewhat.

“she’s pretty”, you said once you were kind of there again, and “she was” the man replied, looking at the picture with a mixture of fondness and pain on his face. it kind of hurt, knowing you’d never be as pretty, feeling guilty for worrying about having to compete with a dead person, but she looked ethereal, she looked at mingi with such happiness and he looked at her with an expression you knew he’d never have on his face when looking at you. you were nothing compared to her, you were a mess, you were ugly with your piercings and your hair and your messy, weak body that was still dealing with the effects of apparently having been bed-bound for ages, even if you couldn’t remember, and you didn’t fit with him. you didn’t fit with anyone like him.

“i want to sleep”, even though it was maybe five or six in the afternoon, but you didn’t want to have to deal with your emotions right now and sleeping helped. maybe you were his soulmate, but you were a second choice, not just for him but for fate, too, you weren’t enough and you’d never be the one he wanted. and if you didn’t sleep soon you’d be sobbing in his arms again, something you most definitely didn’t want.

“i want to shower”, you then changed your mind, wanting to cry and knowing that if you stayed quiet you could do so in the shower and he’d never know.

he just nodded, getting out a towel for you and some of his clothes - neither you nor he would want you to wear her clothes -, then brought you to the bathroom, asking you to please not lock because he was still somewhat worried. that was fine with you because you didn’t expect him to come in, anyway, because what was there to see? you weren’t pretty, you weren’t attractive, you weren’t hot. you were a stick and you were a mess and you looked sickly even though you were starting to build up muscle, and nothing of that would ever be something he’d want to see naked. so you closed the door and undressed, the light turned off as soon as mingi was gone, unable to stand looking at yourself naked, too. you hadn’t even known that you had these insecurities until you saw how beautiful she was and how horrendous you looked in comparison, and the first sob escaped your lips as soon as the water was turned on enough to swallow it.

//

you’d been in the shower for thirty minutes now, and at this point he worried. you’d reacted when he knocked at the twenty minutes mark, so he knew you were still alive, but you hadn’t been doing well when you went in, and when he knocked again and he just heard you whimper he went in.

as soon as he opened the door he was greeted by hot steam coming out, and he could barely see because it was so steamy in there, the air hot and humid. it cleared a little now fresh, colder air was coming in, and he made his way to the shower after turning on the light - why was it turned off in the first place? -, pulling back the curtain because he heard you sob and because the water had to be really hot for the room to be in this state and he worried, he did.

and there you were, skin bright red, the water burning you and you just sitting on the floor and crying.

“y/n”, he almost yelled, shocked and scared, and turned off the water, getting slightly burnt on the tap and from the few drops falling onto his skin even as he tried to avoid the water. then he kneeled down, pulling you to his arms carefully because he didn’t want to hurt you but he worried so much about your sorry state, and you just kept sobbing.

“why’d you do that, why’d you do that, why’s the water so hot”, he repeated, completely overwhelmed, you still sobbing in his arms, but trying to answer.

“i just wanted to feel something”, you told him, “it was so hot but i still didn’t feel anything. it’s not hot enough”, arm moving to turn the water back on, but he stopped you.

“no, no, we won’t do that, we won’t do that, angel”, stroking your head and his heart hurting at how red your skin was. he could only hope you didn’t actually get any burns.

“i want to feel something”, you repeated, and mingi was so overwhelmed, he didn’t know what to do, but he wanted to help.

“can i turn on the water, but cold? maybe that’ll help, maybe it will, but i can’t let you burn yourself.”

he was pleading, hoping you wouldn’t hurt yourself any more, hoping you’d let him take care of you, and when you nodded he felt relieved, making sure the water was at an acceptable temperature before turning it on, gently washing you with the cold water, hoping to prevent it from getting too bad, rubbing your naked body but not caring about the fact that you were naked, caring only about taking care of you even when his clothes were getting soaked.

“is this okay? how does it feel?”, gently rubbing your scalp with the cold water, then your neck and your back and your sides, carefully, trying not to hurt you any more than you’d inevitably be when your senses registered your surroundings again.

“it hurts”, and it seemed like you were starting to come back, the sobs getting more violent again now that you were able to feel your skin be so tight and aching and red from your stupid attempt at feeling something.

“i’m almost done, let me just make sure everything is a little soothed, let me take care of you, i’m almost done”, he tried to calm you down as he rubbed your legs with the cold water again, finally turning the water off and getting up, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around you before he told you to turn around, stripping himself of his wet clothes quickly, drying himself just enough to not soak his new clothes as he put on the pants he’d picked out for you before he told you that he’d put his shirt on you now, asking you to lift your arms if you could so he could do that.

you looked so small and hurt in his massive clothes, you made him want to protect you, and at least for the night he would.

“do you want to go to bed? let’s go to bed, angel”, he told you like he was talking to a child, but it kind of felt like he was. he could tell moving hurt and it made his heart hurt all the more, wanting nothing more than to take at least some of your pain, just enough for you to not be crying out like this because you didn’t want to do anything anymore.

laying down hurt, too, he could tell from how you flinched, and he tried very carefully to not make the bed move too much as he laid down next to you. you were laying on his side, he was laying on what used to be hers, and for a moment he felt a pang in his chest, but now his focus was on you, on trying to make sure that you’d be okay.

“it’s time to sleep. i’m here and if it gets too bad, wake me up. i promise i’ll be here.”

if being alive hadn’t hurt so much you would’ve thanked him, but now you just closed your eyes, and mingi watched your form almost vanish underneath the blankets he’d put on you, hoping that the next morning you’d be okay.

//

you woke up around one am, as the little clock on the night table told you, with your body hurting and your heart hurting even more. you wanted to be held, to be protected, you wanted to be taken care of.

“mingi”, you whimpered, hoping he’d wake up, “mingi, mingi.”

he shuffled, though you couldn’t tell if he was awake or not, so you continued whimpering, until you felt him sit up, and shortly after you heard his panicked voice.

“what’s wrong? what’s wrong, what’s wrong, are you okay?”

he sounded so scared that you felt bad, whimpering even more because everything was horrible and everything hurt.

“y/n, are you okay? do we need to go to the hospital?”, and although you couldn’t see him he was scanning your body - or, as much of it as he could see - for burns or any other clear signs of you needing immediate medical attention.

“no, i just… hug me, please”, you pleaded, him immediately complying even though he hadn’t expected this to be what you needed right now, especially not when you flinched in his embrace, but when he loosened his embrace and was about to move back you grabbed his hand, whimpering again, not wanting him to let go even if it hurt.

“is it okay? i don’t want to hurt you”, he told you with a soft voice, but he moved back closer towards you, trying hard to not move you as he came to lay as close as possible to you, one arm around you and the other above his head so that that one wouldn’t hurt you.

“don’t go”, you cried, his hold around you tightening slightly in reaction.

“i won’t go. i’ll take care of you, angel, i’ll take care of you”, he repeated against you, over and over, and you fell asleep to his promise.

[mnthpprt]

Chapter 17: The Sound Of Friction

“Where should I put this?” I ask Sebastian. 

During the ride back to the mansion, I explained the ordeal at the coffee house and told him how Arthur had helped me. He was less than impressed, promptly declaring that he would find another vendor of the product that does not display such unacceptable behaviour. I told him how I had met Shakespeare and been invited to a ball, and he said he would let le Comte know so he can get me a proper evening dress.

Upon arriving, I started helped him organize the shopping, which I am still doing now. This sack of flour is the last of it, it seems.

“Up there in the pantry. Make sure it’s high so mice can’t get to it,” he instructs. When I open the cabinet door, he immediately corrects me. “No, no, the other one! To your left.”

I have to climb on a stool in order to push the heavy sack into the shelf. Just when I am about to close the cabinet, I spot a jar of cocoa powder and grab it before jumping down onto the floor.

“I’m making hot chocolate,” I announce. “Would you like some, Seb?”

“No thanks, I still have a lot to do.” He hands me a small pot as I gather the rest of the ingredients, which is easy now that I am better acquainted with their location in the kitchen. “You know who would love some? Mozart. He practically lives off that stuff,” he says. “Now that I think of it, it’s almost his feeding time. Would you mind taking him a bottle of blanc with it?”

“Gotcha.” I haven’t seen the musician since I arrived here, though I know he has not left the mansion because I keep hearing him play. I wouldn’t mind seeing the famous music room for myself, especially given the fact that I have nothing else to do for the rest of the day.

Sebastian leaves to do laundry, leaving me to prepare the hot chocolate. When I finish, I pour it into two cups, and put them both on a tray, along with a bottle of blanc I find on a shelf.

I knock on the door to the music room only for it to open upon my touch. I could swear I just heard Mozart playing as I walked down the hallway, but now he is nowhere to be seen. Taken over by curiosity, I set down the tray on a small side table and slowly approach the piano. It is the most beautiful instrument I have ever seen, pure white and pristine like its owner. Before I know it, my hands are running along its smooth edge. I can’t help but sit on the bench when I spot the music sheet resting above the keys, and with unsure hands, I try to play what little I can decipher.

“Do not touch my piano!” Mozart must have heard me from wherever he was, because barely a few seconds after I played the first note, he barges into the room, frantically barking for me to step away from his precious instrument.

“I’m sorry, you were gone, and-”

“I don’t care,” he rudely interrupts me. “I do not want your filthy hands anywhere near any of my instruments, or my sheet music, or anything at all, for that matter. I knew you would be a bother the moment you stepped into this house.”

My eyes narrow in indignation. Had he been nicer, I would have apologized and vowed to never touch his belongings again, but he’s acting like I chose to be here. Like my sole purpose in life is to be a nuisance. Naturally, this just makes me want to annoy him more, and I know just the way to do it.

I turn back to the piano and, before he has time to protest again, my hands begin gliding over the keys, forming a melody he will surely recognize as his own. The tempo is slightly off, and my fingers slip on a few notes due to the lack of practice, but this is undoubtedly an arrangement of Leck mich im Arcsh. I taught myself how to play this canon in B-flat major when I was a teenager, for no other reason than the fact that I found it hilarious when I learned of it existence. Thank you for the laughs, Mozart, but you can kiss my ass.

To my surprise, he has grown quiet. I stop playing and glance at him over my shoulder only to see a puzzled expression on his face, accompanied by what looks like the faintest hint of a smile. Am I hallucinating right now?

“I am surprised you know that,” he states. His voice is devoid of all trace of emotion, which is quickly disappearing from his face as well. I simply shrug.

“Serves you right for being a mean, stuck up prick,” I say nonchalantly as I get up. “Anyway, I brought you this. You’re welcome.” I reach for the bottle of blanc I was meant to deliver and hand it to him.

“Blanc? No way I am drinking this garbage,” he exclaims, disgusted. Seriously, somebody needs to teach this man some manners.

“Okay, then.” I pick up the tray with the hot drinks still on it and make my way to the door. “No chocolate for you.”

Mozart’s eyes widen at the mention of the sweet drink, and I watch him reluctantly open the bottle and take a sip. The childish resignation on his face makes me laugh, but as promised, I turn around and return the tray to the table, before grabbing my own cup and sitting on the single armchair next to it. He quickly downs the blanc and exchanges the empty bottle for the hot chocolate.

“It’s... good,” he says after trying it. I suppose that is the closest I’ll get to a “thank you” from him.

“Uh-huh. Sebastian told me you liked it, so I made you some, because I am a nice person who doesn’t deserve to be yelled at like that.” I raise my eyebrows and proceed to punctuate that statement by sipping my chocolate, but I almost spit it out when he speaks again.

“Your playing was awful.”

He is not exactly wrong, but I casually give him the middle finger. I doubt he knows what it means, because he briefly looks at me and completely ignores the obscene gesture before sitting on the piano bench. He begins playing the exact same melody, and I am not sure if it’s his way of telling me to fuck off of if he just wants to show me how it’s done properly. Either way, he makes it sound incredibly and ironically beautiful, and I soon find myself enjoying just watching him play.

Halfway through the canon, he seamlessly changes to a new melody, one I have never heard before. It could be one of his lesser known pieces, but seeing the neatly stacked papers on every flat surface I am inclined to believe it is a new composition. 

I relax into the plush comfort of the armchair and close my eyes. I think Mozart has already forgotten I am there, but I don’t mind in the slightest. I enjoy listening to his music, and I am happy to find out my presence does not bother him as much as he led me to believe.

Eventually, someone knocks on the door. It is hard to tell how long I’ve stayed in this position, but it has been a good while since I finished my chocolate. Mozart stops playing and gets up to open.

“Sorry to interrupt, Wolf, but-” Jean’s eye lands on me, lounging in the back. I raise my eyebrow at the nickname, but I guess it makes sense that those two are friends. I can picture them being quietly judgemental together. “Anaïs. You’re here too,” he softly states, surprised. I smile and give him a little wave. “Le Comte wants to see you both.”

Mozart and I look at each other. I assume he is as intrigued as I am, although his face is completely expressionless, unlike my own. He silently nods and exits the room with Jean. I follow, and we part ways with the soldier to walk to le Comte’s study.

The door is open when we arrive, clearly awaiting us. I sit across from le Comte’s desk, and Mozart stands beside me. The nobleman acknowledges us with a solemn nod and a smile full of old world charm.

“Anaïs,” he finally speaks. “Sebastian tells me you have been invited to a ball, correct?” I nod. I wonder what this has to do with Mozart. “It is my understanding that Mozart here will be performing at the same event. He needs a suitable companion for someone of his status, and I think you would be perfect for the occasion, ma chérie.”

Well, that explains it. And I do not like it one bit. Mozart and I exchange another look, his face mirroring the indignation on my own this time. He opens his mouth to protest, but is cut off by le Comte.

“You both need companions for the same ball, yes? This is the best solution to this problem. Any reasonable adult could see that.” His tone is almost fatherly, full of gentle authority. Damnit, I can’t say no to him. I sigh, defeated by the way he looks at me.

“Ugh, fine! I’ll do it,” I give in. “But only because I intended to go anyway.”

Mozart takes longer to answer, but eventually cracks too.

“Remember our deal, Comte. You owe me. And you,” he turns to me, “you better learn how to dance properly. I will not be humiliated by my companion’s lack of etiquette.�� There it is. That stupid mean attitude of his. I was beginning to wonder where it went.

I roll my eyes, and he purposefully storms off. With Mozart gone, I turn to le Comte, and give him a pleading look that practically says “why are you doing this to me?”.

“Well, that was disappointing. And terribly awkward, you know he is not the easiest person to get along with.”

“Forgive me, ma chérie,” le Comte laughs. “You two arrived together. Were you having an argument?”

“Something like that,” I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I touched his piano.”

“Oh my. I am glad to see you made it out alive and well, in that case,” he jokes. “You know, I had to bribe him with a new bench just for him to agree to perform. The host of the ball is a dear friend of mine, and he has been begging me to invite Mozart on his behalf ever since he heard one of his new pieces. Of course, he knows him by a different name.”

That explains the mention of their deal. In the few days I have been here, I have not seen Mozart so much as step outside of his room, so it does not surprise me that he needs to be bribed in order to leave the mansion at all.

“Speaking of friends,” I change the topic, “Sebastian must have told you I met Shakespeare today. Did something happen between you two?”

“Well...” le Comte begins, leaning back into his chair. “We have our differences, but I am his sire, after all, and I care for him dearly. He simply decided he did not wish to live here anymore, so now he has his own house in the outskirts of Paris,” he explains. “Vincent visits him quite frequently. They are good friends.”

Of course Vincent would be the one to befriend the playwright. Much like the sunflowers he paints, that man is the physical embodiment of a ray of sunshine.

“Back to the ball, however... I must get you a gown fit for a princess, ma chérie. Do you have a particular style in mind?” he inquires.

“I trust your good taste, Comte,” I shake my head with a smile, but I perk up as something occurs to me. “Actually, there is something...” I unbutton the cuff of my sleeve and roll it up as far as I can, exposing the tattoos that litter my pale skin. “Anything that can cover these. They go pretty high up, so sleeves and gloves, maybe? I am not very familiar with the evening fashion of this time.”

Le Comte’s eyes widen at the sight of the dark ink on my arm, reminding me that he had not seen them until now, not to this extent. To be fair, the sleeves of my chemise covered most of them when he assisted with tying my corset.

“Gloves will do just perfectly,” he declares. “The very long ones are quite the trend with the ladies, nowadays.” 

“Great.” I roll my sleeve back down, and catch him staring intently. The way he watches me is reverent, rather than uncomfortable. I can tell he is simply admiring the tattoos, but he refrains from voicing his curiosity, I presume to avoid being indiscrete. “Thank you, Comte.”

“It is my pleasure, ma chérie,” he smiles.

Before I leave, I stop to look at the large hourglass in the corner. The pile of sand at the bottom has become the slightest bit taller since I arrived, but most of it remains the same, what looks like an eternity resting on the top portion of the glass, barely trickling down.

[unordinary-analysis]

Episode 160

The next two episodes will be done as soon as I can do them, hopefully today R.I.P. im sorry

Honorable mentions:

Why does everyone just assume that Blyke needs to leave his dorm and stay with Isen? Like I get that he planned that with Isen and stuff but when he went into John’s and his dorm, John asked why he was there because he obviously wasn’t expecting him to be there. Idk. It mostly makes sense i dont know what im being so annoying about lol

Blyke’s perspective on Joker:

So in this episode, Blyke talks about his annoyance (bad word choice but eh) that Joker is stronger than literally everyone. He doesn’t understand why the other high-tiers aren’t concerned by the fact that John is the strongest person at Wellston, especially considering the character John is. Blyke keeps seeing Joker beating up his friends over what seems like nothing and how irresponsible he’s been. All of the other high-tiers have decided that there is nothing they can do about Joker because, let's be honest, there really isn’t. And even though Blyke knows this, he still isn’t able to accept it because he doesn't want to accept that the fate of Wellston and the wellbeing of the school rides on John’s shoulders. He won’t let himself accept that someone with evil intentions has all of the control. It very much highlights Blyke’s white knight traits that I bring up every once in a while. His almost generic hero outlook on the world that really does make him admirable.

I’m very intrigued as to how this will make Blyke act in the future. Because he can’t allow John to be the king. His morals, his perfectionism, won't let him. This sounds pretty shit typed out, but that’s because I’m horrible at articulating myself. R.I.P.

Another very important thing to mention: Blyke’s insecurities about his ability. This has been a recurring motif for Blyke, thinking that he isn’t strong enough or that he’s not good enough to be the king. I think it stems both from the trait I mentioned earlier of not being able to accept something less than perfect (Joker as the king of Wellston) and from thinking badly of himself. They blend together because if Blyke doesn’t feel that he’s good enough and also feels the need to have everything perfect, he’s going to feel that he needs to make himself a ‘better person’ or maybe even a ‘perfect person’. This could take place in the form of extra training, and likely will, which I will talk about in a second.

I do, actually, want to be on the lookout for more nightmares or other similar torments from Blyke. If this issue becomes the psychological toil that I think it will for him, we’ll have something else on our hands. The nightmare shown in this episode also really reminds me of the nightmares that John used to have. It was presented in a similar way by Uru-chan, and I know that John’s nightmares happened because what happened with Claire had impacted him so extremely that he felt he couldn’t escape it and his dreams kept chasing him. John’s whole life became centered around what happened in his past and the lie that maintained that it didn’t repeat itself. If the events concerning joker and Blyke become similar for Blyke, that’s pretty serious. It would likely almost completely change his character, though I don’t want to assume anything based purely off of John because I know that one person’s experience isn’t everyone else’s. So I’m keeping this open. Anyway-

So I do believe that Blyke will train to make himself stronger until he is on par with at least Arlo. That’s my prediction. I think Blyke will get stronger and stronger and take everyone by surprise and then he will try to fight John again. This is what I think (hope) will happen. Still unsure on where Sera fits in this though because obviously she is one of the only characters who could take John, but her powers are still gone and there haven’t been any developments on that for a while. Blyke, though, has been actually thinking about these things, so my prediction for him is realistic. It’s practically obvious that this is where Blyke’s storyline is going to go, at least I hope it is lol.

Isen’s perspective on Joker:

Like i mentioned before in Blyke’s perspective the other high-tiers aren’t as concerned with John or at least they’ve resigned themselves to the outcome of the fight, they’ve given up and accepted defeat. Isen is one of them and his viewpoint really helped show how the others are thinking about this too, but maybe we’ll get more specific thoughts on the situation from the other characters in the future.

But we do know now how Isen feels. He says, “That’s just how life goes. We pissed off someone stronger than us and we were punished for it. It’s that simple.”

This is a very predictable response from a higher-tier because the foundations of this belief rely heavily upon the construct of the hierarchy and the beliefs that are spread with it. The strong are on top and the weak are at the bottom. It’s logical for anyone, actually, not just high-tiers to apply this rule to the events relating to Joker. Because at its roots, this really is a play for power. This whole Joker thing really is just a magnified rank battle. And John came out on top. Anyone who respects the hierarchy is going to accept his leadership. This is why most of the high-tiers have the same mindset in this situation, and why Blyke is an outlier. The hierarchy makes sense, okay? I will say it again and again, we’ve already seen what happens when people don’t fall into their proper place with Rei.

Isen is not, and never was, a royal, yet he was still a higher-tier with close relationships to those who were. He has been exposed to the hierarchy and its absence. In this episode he says that there was nothing that they could do, yeah, but also should do. Joker was the king of the school fair and square. He decided to show his strength and proved that he was more powerful than everyone else. That makes him in charge.

This doesn’t really make sense, not because of what I’m saying, but of the way I’m saying it and I’m sorry, but I literally can’t write wth.

Anyway, this whole concept and acceptance of the hierarchy that runs commonly within high-tiers seems to have missed Blyke. He’s an obvious outlier that believes he has to do something about Joker as king. The thing is, he isn’t technically contradicting the hierarchy because he knows the only way he can take Joker down is if he can beat him in a fight and that's the only way he’ll do it, and that technically in line with the hierarchy so idk.

[agentbarton12]

Old People Teenager Watchers

A/N: gonna be completely honest and tell you that i forgot i hadnt finished posting this. like, its been done and ive writen it but i completely fogot i had to post it. anyway, here you go!

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6

—

the invitation — 6

Teenagers, in Tony's opinion, are the strangest breed of people. He’s pretty sure when he hired one, he was not hiring their mood swings, rebellious tendencies and relationship problems as well, but, it seems “you can’t get one without the other” or something dumb like that.

Tony liked to believe that over the last three odd years, he had gotten better at handling teenagers, but apparently not.

Truly, he was too old for this. He needed to fill in his formal Teenage Babysitter Resignation forms and hand them in to the board of Old People Teenager Watchers (“Parents, Tones. They’re called parents.”).

When Steve told Tony what that idiot Peter was thinking of doing, Tony's knee-jerk reaction was to say no. But then he thought about it and sighed.

A heavy sigh.

Not because he was worried, or because he thought it was a bad idea, no, Tony was apprehensive because it would work. Like, it really would. And Tony knew that the only way it would, was if he helped.

And then he sighed again.

Despite this, Tony agreed to help because he thought he should. He thought Peter was on to something and he really needed a reason not to be mad at him anymore. Nearly everyone had gotten over Peter’s idiocy, if only because MJ did, and had moved past it. Tony tried to, but he couldn’t because Peter kept looking at MJ like the sun and the moon shone out of her eyes.

It was disgusting.

And endearing.

But mainly the first one.

The only problem with this staring was that Peter seemed unaware he was doing it. He had convinced himself that he liked Gwen and not MJ and now, refused to admit that he was being dumb.

Okay, okay, he used to refuse to admit that he was being dumb.

Because this was the whole reason of the plan. After an eye-opening conversation with literally ever woman in Peter’s life (Pepper, May, Nat, Wanda, Laura, Shuri, Hope, Jane, Darcy, Carol, Valkyrie, Okoye, Christine, hell, even those Guardians touched down on Earth for a while to give him advice), he spoke with Gwen who, surprisingly wasn’t upset at all. No, no, she was not. In fact, she came up with most of the logistics of the plan. Tony actually took a liking to her eventually. After he got past the fact that Peter claimed to like her, she turned out to be a really nice girl, and if MJ didn’t exist, he wouldn’t mind Peter dating her.

But, MJ did exist and now Tony had been tasked with the impossible feat of getting MJ to the tower. It was impossible because no one — not even Pepper on a bad day — could get her to do something she didn’t want to do. And since it was seven o’clock on a Thursday night, Tony knew she wouldn’t want to leave her bed.

Emmjaaay

Emmmjaaayyy, hurry up and get to the tower!

It’s an emergency!

Ned’s in trouble!! Come nowww!!!ii

Emmjaay

[video attached] he looks fine to me

TonyMan

Uhh...

Emmjaaay

also you text like a child

also also im curious as to why youd lie to get me out of bed on a thursday, so ill be there

tell the babysitter to pick me up

TonyMan

Auto-correct, MJ.

Please.

The video was a screen recording of a Snapchat Story Ned posted. It showed him, Sam and Thor sitting on pool chairs with sunglasses on, and the caption was literally, Living the trouble-free life.

Tony really needed to make sure he and Ned were on the same page before he did something.

He was surprised when MJ agreed to come over, but decided not to think too much about it and sent Happy to pick her up. He complied, grumpily, but complied nonetheless.

He told everyone of the success of his mission, but instead of being greeted with thankful hearts, everyone started running around trying to get everything in order, which just confused Tony because as far as he was concerned, the plan was just get MJ to the Tower so Peter could do whatever it was he was going to do. There was literally no reason for everyone to act like they were planning a wedding.

When MJ arrived, Peter took her up to the roof and everybody, like, everybody ran up to the common room and asked FRIDAY for the security footage on the roof with sound.

The Avengers and Avengers Children sat around and on the couch for a clear view of the holographic screen that was being projected up. They could see them standing on the roof. MJ, once again, was not wearing her own clothes and had put on a sweater she stole from Bruce and basketball shorts that could’ve either been Sam’s, Peter’s or Thor's. Her back was to Peter and Tony could feel how much he wanted to reach out and hug her.

“So, did you bring me out here to murder me or for the view?” MJ asked not turning back to look at Peter.

“Uh, yeah, it’s a killer view,” he responded, rubbing his neck sheepishly.

She turned to him slightly. “That was so achingly lame, my dad turned over groaning in his grave.”

He chuckled nervously. “Peter Parker: Dad Joke Extraordinaire,” he tipped an imaginary hat.

She held his gaze for a few seconds, before looking away. “Idiot.” Peter just smiled at her back and looked at for far longer than what was deemed ’friendly’.

“Oh, god,” Sam groaned.

“This is gonna take way longer if he keeps doing that,” Bucky muttered, rubbing his beard in frustration.

They stopped their mutterings when Peter spoke. “I am. An idiot. I am an idiot.” MJ gave him the slightest of gazes, before training her eyes on the skyline in front of her. “A huge one,” he went on, “for not telling you I love you too.”

The eyes of the Avengers widened and Thor choked on his Pop Tart. Tony remembered that they never really got an explanation for MJ's behavior all those weeks ago and this is the first time they’re hearing this.

“I'm sorry, but when did MJ tell him that she loves him? How did I miss this? Why did no one tell me this?” Wanda was rambling at this point and no one shushed her because she was voicing their thoughts. As if she had a revelation, she gasped and said, “Was it that night MJ — ?”

“ — Shh!” Natasha said, as MJ started speaking.

“Yeah, you did. Remember, when you then proceeded to ask Gwen out?” Peter gulped at the memory.

“Excuse me, what?” Steve asked the screen. The common room erupted in noise as everyone started yelling about how they needed to know things like these. Tony looked over at Gwen who was sitting on the floor and saw Ned put a reassuring arm on her shoulders.

Peter took a breath. “That’s what makes me an idiot. I should’ve told you before. Like, two-years-ago before. Because I’ve loved you for, like, ever, but me, being the idiot I am, didn’t realise it.

“I knew I liked you, but when Gwen came and I liked her, I thought that meant I liked her more, I guess. But, that night outside my room, I fell in love with you all over again, because you continued to put what you thought was what I wanted as your top priority. Even if it was hurting you.” Peter took a breath. The whole common room was on the edge of their seats and Tony was pretty sure that Bucky had gotten FRIDAY to Skype it to Wakanda where Shuri and her brother were no doubt watching.

“The past few weeks have sucked so much because I realised just how much I adored you. Like, sometimes it gets physically painful to breathe whenever I think about you and Tony has told me so many times how disgusting it is when I look at you like you’re the only person in the world. And I’m trying, MJ, but, honestly, I still haven’t figured out how sit across from you and not be madly in love you with everything you do.

“This is more an apology than anything else, because I hurt you and I was an idiot and you deserve better than that.”

“…I taught him that,” Sam said after a moment or two of utter silence in the common room.

“Shut. Up,” Clint said hitting him in the head.

“If that is true, Son of Wil, you did a mighty excellent job at teaching the Man of Spiders how to woo the ladies,” Thor said.

MJ looked at him for the first since his speech. “Now what?” Peter looked stunned. “I’m not about to jump into your arms because you said all that, because that’s some dumb, cliché romcom BS and I ain’t about that.”

“Yes, girl!” Shuri yelled from the other end of the call.

“And you hurt me. Like, a lot. Like, I was pretty sure that at some point, Scott was gonna kill you. But, I’m not going to stand here and say that I don’t love you either, because I’m not a liar. I do love you. But, I hate you too. So, this…thing, it’s moving at my pace, how I say it will, got that?”

Peter nodded mutely, a large grin slowly gracing his features. “You see all that cute poetry junk you just spewed a moment ago? Yeah, you should stop that. I might actually end up liking you.”

Peter grinned evilly. “Oh? So I probably shouldn’t tell you that you’re the last thing I think of before I close my eyes?”

“Smooth,” Clint said, nodding slightly. Thor silently gave Sam a fist bump.

MJ's eyes crinkled and her mouth twitched ever so slightly, an almost smile. “No,” she said, “you shouldn’t 'cause that’s just creepy.”

“I love you,” Peter said breathlessly.

“It’s like you want me to break up with you.”

Peter shrugged. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into him. “I love you,” he said again with her face inches away from his.

“Stop.”

He shook his head. “Nope. You know why? Because I do. I love you.” He looked her in the eye before turning away and yelling into the night, “I love Michelle Jones!”

She punched him in the arm. “Don’t make me regret hugging you.”

“But you’re not — ”

He was silenced by her crashing into him and he stood stunned for less than a second, before he wrapped his arms around her and he settled his head in the crook of her neck due to the height difference.

“YES!” the common room erupted into cheers as everyone, everyone stood up in excitement. Scott called Hope and told her everything. Clint, followed his lead and phoned Laura to update her on the newest development. Hugs were given and tears were shed.

They all decided to stick around just in case something…interesting happened and so they remained in the common room.

Tony thought he’d hang onto his position in the Old People Teenager Watchers Committee just a little longer.

“How long do you think they’re gonna stay in the common room watching us before they realise that we’re trolling them and aren’t planning on leaving until they do?” MJ asked Peter as they remained hugging on the roof.

“Dunno. They like snooping. Probably waiting for us to kiss or something.”

MJ stayed silent. Then, “We should have sex. Give them something to watch, y'know?”

Peter’s eyes widened. “Wh-What?”

Tony jumped up and told FRIDAY to connect him to the roof speakers. “You two get off that roof right now, or so help me I will ban you from looking at each other. Get down. Now.”

The last thing he heard from the two was MJ's cackling as they got off the roof. And the cackling of his fellow teammates.

Never mind, Tony was resigning.

[rkkyg]

mnet global auditions callback ( the interview )  called out ; @rkkhg @rksuwoong @danielxrk @joohyunrk 

as the performances come to an end and the judges start their evaluation of everyone, yugyeom notices that people around him are being tugged out of the room. he didnt pay much attention to it though until hyunggu was the one who was being called out, and the not long after yugyeom was being called. 

ah interviews. he thinks as he’s guided to sit down in a setting that kind of similar to that of the initial audition. he figured something like this would happen. most survival shows tend to have a talk part where the contestants talk about what had been happening or how theyre feeling. these are the times when things tend to get edited and it’s when he knows he has to be careful to not say anything that could get edited badly. or that could be misinterpreted in a way he doesn’t want them to be interpreted. 

he knows this from watching the previous shows as well hearing about it from last seasons. 

that is to say that yugyeom has never been and probably will never be good at watching his own words. he hasn’t ever really cared--even at work he tends to be bad at it but luckily he hasn’t been in a situation where his words got him in trouble. there’s been a few close calls at work but the chicken shop ahjummas all love him to much to ever be really mad at him. he did get shoes chucked at him once but well... he probably deserved that one. he wished it hadn’t happened when he was working with dongmin. the ahjummas always do everything they can to ruin his image with the older male. how can he properly take care of dongmin if the other sees him getting beat by flying slippers. 

he shakes his head at the thought. 

he’s able to touch up his make up and hair before the interview starts which he’s thankful for. his lip tint having faded a bit since the beginning and he wanted to be a bit less shiny. though he only did one dance, he had sweated enough to make his face feel shiny. but that was taken care of. 

then he’s sat and settled, legs crossed knee over the other, and sitting as straight as he can without appearing stiff. a casual position that still looks like he isn’t slouching. 

"are we recording?” he asks, glancing from the camera to the interviewer who nods at him. and he blinks at the camera again before winking at it. 

how did you feel when you received the callback? 

the first question isn’t a surprising one, in fact he expected this. and he has an idea of what the other questions are going to be as well. his smirks though. “would it be cocky of me to say i expected it?” he asks in return, and maybe hyunggus dumb thing of always answering questions with questions has rubbed off on him. his tone comes off as kind of joking, but he seems serious at the same time. “i guess not expected so much as i hoped? i mean, i went in with all my effort and not to seem even more cocky but i know im a good dancer.” see, this is why he knew having the knowledge of watching his words would not be helpful. 

yugyeom just doesn't care about watching his words. he doesn’t care about sugar coating his thoughts. it’s better to just be honest, right? 

how was it seeing the set the first time? 

another question he expected, and boring one at that. though he keeps that thought to himself. “ah, it was really amazing to see! i thought wow this is an important place. and really wanted to be on the stage to do well.” he nods, still speaking honestly even if he didn’t care much for this question. and he supposes that it showed as he didn’t spend very long talking on it as he had the first one.

before they can move on though something comes to mind that makes him laugh. “actually, i didn’t really get to view it all at first. see, i came with my best friend kang hyunggu, and of course were going to sit together since we were allowed to choose. so we decided on the right side.” he laughs, raising a hand to pat his bangs in a small show of embarrassment. “but i don’t know why... but i ended up going to the left side and realize oh no i can’t find ggu. he was supposed to be here. i thought he might have not come which was ridiculous and all. thats when i spotted him across the way and realized i was on the wrong side.” 

a soft sigh leaves him, he looks very resigned with himself. “so i did the first thing that comes to mind and just boooked it full speed across the stage to his side. he didn’t say anything then but i now he won’t let me live it down.” 

this time he turns to the camera and points. “yah, hyunggu yah, don’t even think of teasing me for this, okay?”

what did you think when the judges were revealed? 

“i kind of expected something like that.” he responded, nodding as he did. “they were judges for last season too and this show is all about them finding new trainees and potential idols right? isn’t it better for them to be here to see the talent themselves? i didn’t think they would be there for the first episode but it’s really cool. it kind of shows how serious they are about finding people.” he hums, pausing his answer and picking absentmindedly at one of the rips in his jeans as he does. seeming to be thinking over his answer.

after a few seconds he raises his head back up and smiles. “makes me more excited to do well on the stage, like extra pressure and all but much more fun.” he nods again, agreeing with himself. 

how do you think you did?

his eye brows raised at the question, having expected them to get to these kinds of questions eventually and he finds himself leaning back a little. it’s hard to not smirk. to not let that overly confident energy bleed out because yugyeom has always been confident. he’s always been cocky and even though his personality has tamed a bit in the last year he’s still yugyeom. still the same guy who walks into a room and thinks himself the best. 

even sometimes when he’s with hyunggu who he acknowledges as a better dancer. 

“me?” he starts, tongue peeking out to wet his bottom lip before he shrugs. but the modest, nonchalant act is not something he’s good at. it’s not who he is. and there was really no reason for him to pretend any other way. so he decides to be true to himself. 

“i think--no, i know i did great.” he speaks with the confidence of someone who has the skills to back up his words. or that he at least believes he has the skills. “i can’t recall any big mistakes, or even any small ones. the dance was new to me, and it’s one i put together on my own, but i still felt comfortable with it. it was odd at first. normally i choreograph with hyunggu. he helps me out often enough, but this time we didn’t even talk about out performances.” he pauses, head tilting and eyes going up for a moment. 

“but i think the dance came out well. i felt good on stage. felt like i belonged. honestly, i didn’t want to step off the stage.” 

were there any performances you liked? 

“kang hyunggus.” he answers without a second of hesitation, and then he ends up chuckling due to how fast he had answered. though it comes to no surprise to him that he did as he has always liked what hyunggu does when performing. even back when they only vaguely knew each other in the busking circles he had been a mild fan. 

“he always brings so much to the stage. his energy and presence even when just dancing is so on another level. it makes people want to watch, draws them in.” he smiles. “thats how i feel at least. every time i watch him dance i always want to see more. i always feel so eager to see what hes going to do and it’s always so much fun to watch him.” his words are filled with so much sincerity, its’ very clear he holds a lot of affection for his friend. as well as admiration. if asked he would admit to looking up to hyunggu. “i mentioned earlier that we always choregraph together, and theres a reason i always turn to him for help with these things.” 

“he owned that stage-- knew he would--and i almost wish i could have seen him perform longer.” 

he takes a moment to think, tapping his finger to his chin before grinning. “i also really liked joohyun’s performance. i think she really showed her stuff. someone to keep an eye on for sure.” 

were there any performances you didn’t like?

“also kang hyunggu.”  again his words make him laugh, bit this time its more of a chuckle as he smirks. “see, while i really admire him for his skills i also acknowledge that he’s competition. this show is a competition, after all, right? he’s good. amazing even, and i’d be an idiot to not think of him as someone to watch out for.” 

“also suwoongs performance.” this time he crinkles his nose. the two of them are friends, and yugyeom enjoys taking any chance he can to mess with the other male. so why not here and now. “i’ve never liked trot--though i admit he did a good job with it. im still just like why trot of all things.” he chuckles. “sorry su, but maybe try something cooler next time.”

what did you think of kang daniel’s performance? we noticed you spoke very briefly with him at the beginning. 

“kang... daniel...” he says the name slowly, not because he doesn’t recognize it but because he does. and it makes him tense ever so slightly because of the history he has with said male. a history he really hopes doesn’t come to light should he make it onto the show farther than one episode. he knows his old drinking habits could come bite him in the ass.. but he really prays they don’t.

“i think...he’s got talent.” he continues in the same slower pace. as if weighing each word and being more careful with it than he had been before. “i remember seeing him on the last season but since he’s not signed now it goes to show he didn’t have the right stuff then. but well, it’s been almost a year since last season so who knows what kind of changes he’s gone through.”

“his performance was good--i think he kind of lacks in stage presence still. i thought that last season when watching. but i could be picky.” he shrugs, and the way he talks doesn’t give away if he likes or dislikes the other male. “anyway, i think he’s someone to watch out for if he makes it past this episode.”  he decides to leave it at that, not wanting to say more. 

is there anyone you are certain will move onto the next stage?

“i go back to my first question of would it be too cocky to say myself?” he smirks wider, sendin g a wink and a finger gun at the camera. that ever flirty, yet cocky attitude really making an appearance. and he knows it might not be painted well for him to be cocky like this as people tend to like modesty but well. someones gotta talk him up and who better than himself.

he’s here to get noticed one way or another. 

“i feel pretty safe.” he says a bit more calmly this time, letting himself relax. “i danced with energy and with confidence. i was comfortable on that stage and i think i was really able to show my stuff for the judges. even if i’m not the best dancer, i’m confident in the fact i was able to show a good stage presence. that’s important for idols right? a good performance is also about the energy as well as the skill, yeah?” 

“i feel comfortable in my ability for both.”

so yeah, maybe he’s going the cocky path for this. but well, he wouldn’t be kim yugyeom is he didn’t sound cocky as fuck. 

“i guess if im confident in myself then i should also be confident in hyunggu. im not scared to admit he’s more talented--or well, more trained than i am. if i’m moving on then he has to be moving on as well.”

anyone you think won’t be moving onto the next stage?

“there were a handful of performances that i felt were lacking--people who maybe had the skills but didn’t match it with stage presence. or those who just lacked in both.” he hums, tapping his knee before shrugging. “i’ll admit, i didn’t pay to close attention to anyone i didn’t know, especially if their performance wasn’t good. so at this point i don’t really have any names. i kind of didn’t notice names--i knew my friends and i took note of those who caught my eye but other wise i didn’t care as much.” 

“so i guess just best of luck to everyone.” he gives the camera a smile, a small show of the caring leader he has inside that keeps his stupid busking team alive, and looks after his friends who have begin calling him the mom friend. that cocky aura driiting away for the briefest of moments. “it takes guts no matter how good you are to stand on a stage like this and perform. i think every one who came today deserves a bit of merit for even coming. it’s intense, you know?” 

“but, well.” and the kindness fades back into that same cockiness he had displayed through the whole interview. “those who know what they’re doing will be the ones moving on, yeah?” he smirks again, really seeming to just bleed confidence right now. “if you don’t have what it takes you won’t move on. the more the cut the less competition to worry about.”

“not that i’m worried.” 

[simone-garnett]

title: it's gonna be forever (or it's gonna go down in flames) word count: 3.2k pairing: sweet pea x josie fandom: riverdale information: based on this post by @josiemccoyprotectionsquad. it’s all i could think about for the past 2 days and im weak.

                   ao3

When her phone buzzes late one night Josie assumes it is Val or Melody texting her, one of the pair too lazy to take the ten steps out of their hotel room to ask her a question personally. She rolls her eyes at their antics, outstretching her arm to the beside table on her left and blindly reaching for the device, smiling in victory as she gets it and pulls it to her, swiping the screen absentmindedly to read whatever was sent.

She doesn’t expect it to be anyone else but them; she had talked to her mother and step-brother earlier that night and none of them indicated that there would be anything wrong. It could be Toni, the Serpents playing at a nearby arena, but they still had a packed week and she didn’t think Toni would be willing to give up her sleep for a girl’s night, not until Monday.

And, considering the few people who had her number, it could only be Valerie or Melody.

She doesn’t expect it to be Sweet Pea.

But it is.

Josie had known Sweet Pea only tangentially; he was the bassist in Toni’s band and they had come across each other several times. The Serpents were much more hard rock than the Pussycats, though Josie had heard Toni cover some of their songs on her personal Youtube channel and had fallen in love with her immediately, enjoyed the mellowed down versions of the songs, enjoyed the hard-rock edge she had given others. And once she had heard one, it wasn’t difficult to fall down the rabbit-hole of the channel, Josie introducing herself to the band’s songs and then the band itself.

They had opened for the Pussycats while they toured and Josie joked constantly about stealing Toni to join her own band. Sorta. The offer still stands.

But Sweet Pea didn’t interact with them, not if he could help it. She had seen him with the rest of the Serpents, the man unaware she was watching as he laughed freely, smiling and teasing his friends. It was like night and day, the difference between the man that was backstage and the one depicted in magazines. Because to the world he closed himself off. Melody had managed to scratch at the walls around him and, for the most part she seemed to succeed. But she was Melody and there wasn’t a person on Earth who could reject her sweetness.

There was only one other person she had seen him like that around... but she was also a witness to a screaming match and storm-off. He had been unaware she was in the vicinity when he had fought with Ethel, and she never mentioned it to either of them.

But Josie hadn’t talked to Sweet Pea in over a year. Their bands had gone in different routes, the Serpents establishing themselves as a rock band that could headline their own concerts and Josie supported them from afar, buying their albums and tweeting about their music constantly. But she had her own band, her own albums to focus on and, with Grammy nominations coming up, she tried to not focus on anything else.

Not anything or anyone.

(She only partially succeeds, but thinking of Reggie helps her write some of her most gripping songs.

After all, heartache is a powerful thing, its intensity only increasing when it is Josie putting those feelings into words, painting a picture with music, the lyrics and melodies able to cut through the toughest of hearts and bring them to tears with the emotion she was able to elicit, heartstrings something she could play with proficiency. It was supposed to be cathartic for her, but it wasn’t.

It just,

it hurts.)

Josie still keeps tabs on them. She calls Toni regularly, reads up on the others. Of Fangs’ nomination for sexiest man alive. Of the break-up between Sweet Pea and Ethel. Their music styles clashed and apparently, they did too, far too much to maintain a relationship.

She doesn’t give it another a thought.

So receiving a text from him to meet her at Pop’s Diner at 10 that night was a surprise. She considers calling, considers demanding audio confirmation that it is him asking that not a stranger who had stumbled across or hacked his phone. She considers demanding more than just the sentence he had sent her with no explanation attached to it.

She doesn’t however, demand any of it.

Josie walks in 15  minutes late, intentionally. She was curious as to how serious he was about the clandestine meeting, too far away from their hotels for it to be coincidental. They don’t have much time off between concerts and the fact they were both in the same city was miraculous, so if he is wasting her time... she doesn’t want to think about that.

He is there however, the giant crowded into one of the booths, head down and staring intently at the table. Josie slows as she approaches him, stops one booth away from him and truly takes him in. He seems to thrum with energy, his fingers tapping on the table in front of him, Josie almost certain beneath the table his foot is bouncing up and down. He seems so concentrated on nothing and everything, brows furrowed as he stared. She must be a little heavy footed because his head jerks up when she takes another step forward, his eyes finding hers instantly.

She slides in the other side opposite him, Josie signalling Pop to her. They both idly flick through the menus he provides, silence settling around them after they ordered and await their food, the only couple in the building. It is brought to them and they pick at the chips and milkshake, a look of disgust on Josie’s face as Sweet Pea dips his chips into the drink.

But eventually their plates are empty and taken away, the pair left to themselves. Sweet Pea just watches her, hesitation silencing him every time his mouth opens to speak. And she realises that he may not actually say what he wants without prompting. “Okay,” she starts. “You didn’t ask me to come just to not say anything. So, what’s up?”

He stiffens at her brash approach to the topic. His body is taut and his jaw is clenched. “I need you to be my girlfriend.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No,” he bites back. At her disbelieving look he clarifies, “I’ve had one drink tonight. Definitely needed.” He mutters it through gritted teeth, as though the mere idea of him coming to her sober to ask the question was repulsive. Which, rude.

She raises an eyebrow, casually flicking her gaze up and down his body before levelling him an unimpressed stare. “Oh, really? So, please, explain to me why I should say yes again.” Some of the fight leaves his shoulders, Sweet Pea slumping forward.

“Not an actual relationship. I mean - none of it is serious. It’s just -” he rests his elbows on the table, leaning forward, the top of his face buried in his hands, and she thinks that she had never seen him act so vulnerable, so open. “I need a fake girlfriend so the paps will get off my back.” She doesn’t say a word, doesn’t move a muscle, and Sweet Pea carries on. “The media can be brutal some times you know.” There is a self-deprecating smile curling his lips up. “After the break-up with Ethel... she was the angel in the mess and I was the big, bad man who could never deserve her. Who must have cheated or hurt her -”

He cuts himself off, and she can’t help the words tumbling out. “What happened between you guys?” Josie flinches; she was too abrupt, too fast. They weren’t even that close. His hands drop to the table. The bang of his rings reverberates in the diner, in her heart.

“Please don’t ask.” His voice is hoarse and his eyes, she couldn’t look away even if she wanted to. “I know it’s a lot to ask on top of everything else, but please don’t ask.” And it is there, the intensity she had only ever gotten glimpses of in the wings of the stage, when he was so lost in his music that he forgets to restrain himself, when he doesn’t simply play but lets it move him, lets himself be a canvass for the music to illustrate its emotion and power. He is beautiful in his vulnerability, and like a moth to a flame she finds herself drawn to him, seeking to understand.

Josie had held herself back before, and she’s sure she could do so now. “Okay fine, but what is dating me going to help?” She says it not unkindly, but even then she is sure it could have been more smooth.

“I need the media to back off; I tried hiding and lying low, but it only fuelled rumours. So I figured if they saw me dating someone in public they’d move on eventually. And then let me do the same.” She gets it, whether Josie thinks they’ll succeed is a different question entirely, but she gets what he means. It was difficult to be in relationships when the tabloids stalked for every detail, but it was more difficult to move on from them when they would keep on opening wounds you wanted to close and heal.

“Why me?” It’s an honest question. They weren’t close and she’s sure there would be a multitude of girls willing to be close to him, even in a situation like this.

“Honestly? I don’t know,” he sighs. “It was kinda a rushed decision. Melody would be best but Ethel was always suspicious of our friendship and I don’t think Val’s boyfriend would like it if I asked her.”

“So I was your third choice then?” She means it to be teasing, the despondence of Sweet Pea’s countenance getting to her, but she thinks that a little bit of bitterness slips in. “Well, what do I get out of this?”

“Publicity?” he shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m sure there’s a reason out there.”

There is. He doesn’t need to know of it.

Of him.

Sweet Pea sighs, and if he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and had borne it for centuries. He sounds tired and resigned and it’s the most emotion he had voluntarily shown her. It leaves her heart lurching for him. “If you don’t do it for me, do it for Toni. She won’t say it but this has all been driving her crazy. And you know what some of the tabloids have been saying about her and me...” She did. That Toni and Sweet Pea had been having an affair and that Ethel had discovered them in bed and left his cheating ass because, god forbid, a female and male be in a non-sexual relationship. She tried to be strong, but the strain of the gossip was starting to have an effect. And while Jughead didn’t believe the rumours Toni hated that the boy she loved was being dragged into messes he hadn’t wanted any part in.

Sweet Pea slips his head down and buries it in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I should have never asked you to come here.”

Josie wants to laugh at the scenario. She hadn’t thought it would ever happen, that she would ever consider it.

“No sex.”

She never thought she’d agree to it.

Sweet Pea’s head jerks up from his hands and he looks at her with something akin to hope and awe shining in his eyes. “Of course not.” His voice is quiet, it is soft and quiet and it is a completely different version of him she had never seen before. “I’ll be the perfect boyfriend.”

She rolls her eyes. She almost bites back that if he were the perfect boyfriend she would definitely be having sex, but she doesn’t. They aren’t at that level of friendship yet. “You better be. Josie McCoy doesn’t date anything but the best.” It is the first time he cracks a grin at her the entire night and a thought flutters through her mind, a warning that his smile is beautiful, is lethal. She brushes it aside. “And don’t be clingy. My music career is my priority and I ain’t giving that up just because you aren’t happy with how this fake relationship is playing out.”

He nods eagerly, eyes alight now he had her agreement. “I’ll give you all the room you want. I’ll do anything.”

She smiles in agreement and nods. And with that the deal is struck.

They slip out of the booth, Sweet Pea brushing off her attempts to pay for the meal. “Think of it as a thank-you. Or a bribe to continue with the deal, whichever.” She huffs in annoyance, but she can’t cling to the emotion as much as she wants to, the feeling evaporating as she sees Sweet Pea grin at Pop, a decent tip left in the jar as he turns to where she stands, strolling over to her.

She sticks out her hand to him and he looks down confused at it and she rolls her eyes, pulling it back to herself. They walk out together, his hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders up high, and arms tucked into himself. No, she thinks, this won’t do at all. “You know we can’t be like this in public.”

He blinks repeatedly at her. “Like what?”

“Awkward! You’re keeping a metre between us. How do you expect anyone to believe we’re together if you can’t look at me for longer than a minute.”

He looks off to the side, and if she didn’t know any better, she’d think him embarrassed. “I can look you in the eyes.” She arches an eyebrow in challenge and he huffs, meeting her eyes. He wavers when she takes a step closer to him and then another, her hand resting on his torso but Josie tuts softly at him, her other hand holding his chin in place.

She gets a little distracted, eyes wandering around his face. They had never been that close before, never needed to, never for this long. She can see freckles she never noticed before, the upturn of his nose, the small scar across his cheek. And when she finds his eyes again it feels different, the moment no longer a challenge between them.

Josie tilts her head to the side. “How good are you with kissing?”

The words break whatever tension had arisen, Sweet Pea blinking the look away, a more easy-going one taking its place. “Oh that, that I can do.” He grins at her, hands lifting to cradle her face, his thumb brushing against her bottom lip. She doesn’t think it would affect her as much as it does. And then she doesn’t think at all, Sweet Pea ducking his head and catching her mouth against his. It... it’s a wonderful kiss, much better than she was expecting from him, Sweet Pea soft and probing, his arms wrapping themselves around her, pulling her flush against him.

His hair is soft between her fingers, soft and long and she fists it, pulling him closer to her. It is easy to lose herself in the moment, in his kiss and touch. She is keenly aware of the arm pressed against her back, keeping them close, as well as the other resting on her hip, sliding down her ass. She can feel his nose press against her cheek, can feel his fingers dig into her skin as she drags her nails across his scalp. She’s losing herself in the kiss and she hadn’t done that in a very, very long time.

They break apart, Sweet Pea resting his head on her’s as they both try to catch their breath. But eventually he straightens up, Josie tilting her head higher to meet his eyes. And there is something in his eyes, she thinks it’s lust, she knows that it has her temperature rising.

“Oh,” she breathes, pulse racing in its aftermath. She hadn’t been kissed like that since Reggie. Her heart pangs at the memory, the thought of her footballer, of how tough he was on the field and how soft he was when it was just them. She swallows down her saliva and the memories of a past she couldn’t live in. Not anymore. “Okay then. That - a lot of that.”

His smirk is irritating. “I think I can live with that.” And his thumb is doing a distracting thing on her hip bone, stroking it gently, the callouses sending tingles through her body.

It is enough to bring her back to reality, Josie crossing her arms over her chest. “Get over yourself Sweet Pea.” And she extracts herself from his embrace. This... this was safer. Distance was good. “I am not going to be accused by the media as some frigid witch. And I need some benefits in this.” There is a smugness to her own smirk, an arch to her brow challenging him to contradict her.

He doesn’t.

“So we’re really doing this?” He seems more amazed than anything, Sweet Pea not expecting the night to go as it did.

“For Toni,” she clarifies.

And he grins a disarming grin and oh no, she thinks. This is very risky. Especially when he wraps his around her shoulders, tugging her close to his side as they walk to their respective cars. He is still stiff, but he was trying and the moment he becomes more comfortable, she knows it would make everything that much more dangerous.

She wakes up to a plethora of texts and missed calls, from Melody and Val. From Toni and Fangs and her manager and her mother. She clicks Val’s text, mind still hazy from sleep. And so seeing an website link captioned with a ‘plz explain?!?!?!?!’, she automatically clicks it and waits to see what the big fuss was about.

Josie almost drops her phone at the images that load. Her and Sweet Pea, bathed in the purple and red glow of Pop’s neon lights, the stars twinkling above them, his hand resting low on her ass, her arms around his neck, hand buried in his hair. The first is of them kissing, her head tilted to the side, Sweet Pea bending down to meet her. She didn’t realise there was such a big height difference, not until she sees how he engulfs her in his embrace, crowding her. The next is right after. It’s as though she were seeing it for the first time, because she remembers the moment, remembers the surprise of his talent, remembers thinking of Reggie. But she doesn’t see that in the image, not when Sweet Pea is pressing his forehead on her own, their noses touching. She sees closed eyes and close bodies.

Her and Sweet Pea look cute and wrapped up in each other, close and comfortable and there is a small part of her which longs for when she had that, when she had a man who loves and adored her, not just her voice.

They look in love.

(She ignores the thought about the silence from one person. She is going to have to learn how to do that.)

[krakenator]

CHAPTER 13 aka “Clip-Clop”

SPOILERS are sprinkled around extremely liberally for The Property of Hate

Masterpost here

Hoofers aka dancers hahaha

GIVE US TAP DANCING RGB

Well, RGB DOES  give off static- Assok’s gotten stuck to his screen a few times. Those copper nails… this is a grounding wire thing isn’t it? I don’t know much about electronics but

the defeat. the resignation. absolutely perfect

Aw jeeezzzz im glad Assok’s situation gets addressed. Sure, you can cope with being small with limited communication and mobility when you’re on your own and set yourself a Mission to keep you occupied, but now? going to a place where everything and everyone is bigger than you, the environment is absolutely NOT made with you in mind, and oh yeah, your ability to communicate is still shot to hell? I’m frankly surprised it took Assok this long to have a meltdown

Dsgahdk and with that EVERYONE’S ended up having a temper tantrum while at Cells now. she isn’t paid enough to deal with this nonsense

RGB’s kicking up a lot less fuss over the horseshoes. Does getting nails hammering into his feet hurt less than the iron or is he tired and drama-d out for the day?

Considering I’ve managed to jam stiff wire inch-deep into the meat of my foot before I can say with authority that it HURTS

Fascinating. Assok being described as indelible also confirms past Heroes as true residents of the Make Believe.

!! this answers that question about why RGB can’t actually change his outfit

MECHSUIT ASSOK MECHSUIT ASSOK

I instantly imagine that warning siren as sounding like THIS

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE TINKER WANTS YOU TO CREDIT CREATORS!

Well hold on; I know rotoscoping is when you trace over film to animate, but i didn’t know there was a machine to do it called a rotoscope

Look at this proud dad!!

If RGB and Tailor engage in Pun Wars, RGB and Tinker engage in Petty Wars

Hero’s gotten her new amour but RGB gives her his jacket as a blanket anyway

RGB YOU AFFECTIONATE MADMAN YOU’RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF AT THIS RATE

That is…another fairy circle. Who wants to bet the chunk of sea that landed in the sea is under there! The suns slowly gonna piece itself back together huh?

Ah- I didn’t realize that when Dial steps through the door, the background is a white-out reflection of the previous page

So you could say that we are now behind the scenes

Check this out: the 3 panel page is the one where the re-lit suns sunk into the and the NEXT PAGE has one panel blacked out- incidentally, the panel where RGB is in the Black Market telling Hero that he doesn’t know if our favorite music lesbians are safe, but he hopes so

SPEAKING OF MUSIC LESBIANS HELLO MY QUEENS

HEY

SO WHEN I SAID DIAL SHOULD GO TO JAIL FOR BAD PUNS THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT

Hate really doesn’t have luck converting Heroes who aren’t Dial huh

“it was YOU who made us BE like this”? “decide what we are”? obviously Hate messed with TOby’s and Tailor’s design, but Hate has a hand in how ALL Heroes appear in this world?? interesting

is Game Over for a Hero when they come face to face with Hate and she snaps her fingers like “congratz you’re an objecthead OC now”

NOOOOOOO

EVEN WORSE- the notations for that second note Melody is a stopped note- that’s for when percussion players stop a cymbal with their hand to cut the sound out

for brass players that means shoving your hand into the bell to act as a mute.

Also both notes played at D’s, the second an octave higher indicating distress- MODMAD YOU GENIUS HOW DARE YOU

We could take this a step further on the analysis train and say that by playing a D she’s trying to call for Dial specifically. D’you think everyone gets a personalized note? Julienne, I’m sure, gets her own lovely motif

 But WOW remember the WHITE is BAD theory? Yowza. Look at this place. Julienne and Melody just got scrapped

Speakin’a, who wants to bet the reason we can’t see Hate’s dialogue is because her text+speechbubble are the same color as the background- white

Okay, and FURTHER in that theory it turns out Negative causes the same black-out effect as the market. He’s made of and/or affiliated with darkness, which is a Good Thing so far in this comic on the same level as trees and the sea… RGB teaching Hero not to be afraid of the dark gets even more significant

Gee Hero, why does modmad let you have TWO dads?

“not like they can drown” alright, so the art wives got yote into the Sea or into the depths where the Ferryman and TOby are now chilling for eternity

Wow a lot is happening in short order, Okay;

Click’s affiliated with Hate and was sent to the Market specifically to take out RGB

It’s confirmed that Dial broadcasts audio to Hate, so what’s to say RGB isn’t broadcasting visuals to Hate as well? It could explain how she’s able to see the same comic we are to track his actions, and fits well with the “going dark once he goes Nega Force”

then again, “the Story” clearly does not stay solely with RGB- it’s wandered off to check in on Madras’ chair, the Idea and snail, and to this

INTERESTINGLY on the Plains blackout- they’re surprised to see it, sure, but surprised like they’ve never seen a weird blackout like it- which is to say, like they’ve never seen a previous instance of Negative activity before

This is definitely meaty evidence for “Negative is an extremely recent development” theory. Like, “split from RGB at the Pool of Tears” recent

YIKES okay, Time is still a touchy subject for Hate

Dial also thinks that Time is chummy with RGB. We’ll have to come back to that when we meet Time in person

And, did Hate just threaten to erase him entirely? RGB and Hero get worn down to the sketch in their upcoming Elastic Valley adventures but Hate was able to do that to Dial just like THAT. White’s associated with erasure, but this implies Hate’s abilities actually directly tie into those phenomena and substances that erode this world

Mark that as another tick for “Hate bullied the sun into implosion”

Now…why does Dial’s speechbox become a perfect rectangle here?

Man, WHY DO dreams make RGB dream about himself dying in famous silent film stunts gone horribly wrong? And he’s so utterly resigned to living all this out until he wakes up that he’s just unfazed and impatient to wake up

This post handily names the films these stunts reference

a film reel runs down the page, which is... hold on

it doesn’t appear in RGB’s first dream, and is around in ABUNDANCE when he’s ambushed on the train. Add on what we’ve got so far of chapter 20, and film reels indicate memories

these stunt deaths aren’t actual memories though. this one probably just heralds the arrival of the real memory coming up shortly...

Considering the white text used here, this could be either Dial, Hate, or someone new entirely

Now this entire page is… yikes. That’s very clearly the jacket colors RGB wore in The Hook. The ONLY color we’ve ever seen in any of his dreams. This is different. His sleeves and the… orangey-yellow pattern. Knives? Is an iron involved in how he “really died”?

That’s not the way you go around picking up irons, and my default reaction to this page is “I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING BUT DON’T PUT THAT ON YOUR FACE”

This… definitely explains WHY RGB made so much more fuss over being ironed that getting freaking nails hammered into his feet

Think. Think, Gill. We recognize the sleeves, it stands to reason there is something to recognize about the orange-yellow-white pattern. Can’t think of anything to do with the shape- go color. Where have we seen orange, this bright, firey-

Fire

Fire, face, burning, scorching, white text being spoken right before POV character reaches out to put the hot iron on his FACE-

RGB is the sun

RGB IS THE SUN?

THIS IS. A LOT

I’LL COME BACK TO THIS WRITHING CAN OF WORMS LATER CAUSE ITS PROBABLY ITS OWN POST, MOVING ON

Omfgfdgd…RGB when he thinks it’s Hero dreaming on him: annoyance. RGB when he realizes it’s a bunch of randos: (YELLING, KICKING)

“its warm today” yeah its almost like 1/5 of a burning celestial body slam dunked itself into the sea to buddy up with a lost piece of itself

The only explanation is that RGB literally stuffs those inside his (HOLLOW??) chest cavity. Now please imagine those things RATTLING AROUND INSIDE HIM as he proceeds to have this upcoming Hell Of A Day

but can we focus back on HOLLOW? HAS RGB BEEN HOLLOW THIS ENTIRE TIME I JUST THOUGHT HE WAS INVISIBLE

In their darkest hour… when all hope is lost… Hero and RGB will be saved… BY ASSOK BURSTING INTO THE SCENE WEILDING A MECH SUIT

He’s in SUCH A GOOD MOOD this morning. And I DIG Tailors cape like holy cow. I want one

Yo so I just assumed on my last read that Cell attached Hero’s fingers to her own hands for Extra Dexterity, but actually, she’s molded the color/substance into balls and stuck those on the ends of black lines to make needles. Those black lines are almost definitely the outline of Hero’s fingers. And so, Cell is using Hero’s fingers to knit the [-----]… something tells me indelibility is whats allowing Cell to knit the [----] without harm to herself. Now all we have to wonder is what the final product will be

next time on TPoH, RGB and Hero exit the Market in a calm and orderly fashion

[spikeganuelas22]

this is a story of how i once cheated on my wife..

whenever a person cheats normally people would judge you and tell other people who you are based on their impression of you when you cheated.. its not a good thing i know.. its nor right, i know.. however, in life sometimes we have to pass that phaes in our life and move on.. learn from it and move forward..

i was a trainer intern back then.. it was my first time handling a class of my own because my colleague left me for a higher post on a different department..

ive experienced the worst in this batch of trainees, like pay dispute, behind topics, always late (like freakin 1 hour and not just 1), and of course absences...

i have these group of trainees that smoke, so of course i smoke with them.. they are a group of friends who always mock each other in a funny way but no one gets mad or angry in short - walang personalan - one of them is Jed.

i am married by the way, to a lesbian.. i really like having crushes and my partner is okay with it. im okay with it if she does have one too.. normally my crushes are lesbian who looks like boys or what we called 'butch'.

Ive been married to my wife for 6 years when this happened.. but we've been together for 7 years.. i love her so much.. we have been encountering some problems but its not that big of a deal.. we never fight over money nor because of third party.. we always deal with those properly and sometimes through joke.. the only thing that i have a problem with is her mom and her mouth.. like she is an overthinker and perfectionist.. lets leave it at that...

so going back.. Jed has become one of my friends inside the training room.. we are yosi buddies and we started joking around that she' my crush because of her co trainees.. they keep on making fun of us that we look good together.. so me being a bully myself, i went with it.. started showing them funny things like when they tease us i act like i am 'kinikilig'. inspite of the struggles i am encountering i try to remove my attention with all the problems and focus on the fun insidebthe training room..

i even have that one time, when we were smoking i introduced her to my partner and told my wife 'she' s my new baby' and we all laugh..

it was a fun time, i never knew thats the start of my problems...

everytime Jed has a time she would buy me food or anything l.. i didnt see it as something i should be worrying about.. rather i looked at it as a trainee that is concern...

as days go by i didnt notice that im finding myself having fondness with her.. i started appreciating everything she is doing.. i caught myself trying to stop the eagerness to smile while doing discussion because i can see her eyes looking through mine.. everything is normal for everyone.. but something in me is starting to boil...

one of my trainees Ai always tells me that we look good together, she even told us both to break up with our partners and be with each other, we just laughed and went with it as a joke..

then there came a day.. Ai was resigning.. I dont know whats happening in me so before she left, i told her that i think its not a joke for me anymore, im not sure. then she said the it 'its becoming real for you isnt it? " then i just smiled and said yes... when she said that i looked at my back i though i saw her pass by so i was nervous.. i told Ai not to tell anyone as i dont have any plans with the idea.. she said she will try..

that same day i was doing practice role play woth my trainees wheb Jed called her friend tine and they both went outside... i was nervous for no reason.. the thought that i think she heard me kills me cause it was never my intention..

when they went back, their both quiet and she just sat beside me while i do the roleplay.. i lean my head on her shoulder and then remove it again just to tease her and everyone.. for fun..

that same day is the first time i went lunch with them.. i was planning to buy myself a pack of cigarette so i hurried my lunch and went up.. she stopped and said she would come with me to buy hers to.. we both went to store, bought ourselves cigarettes and then proceeded to the smoking area.. it gelt like i really need to know if she does know or not and i cant help myself i dont know why.. so i just gave her a few hints like pieces of examples to express what i felt.. before we finished i asked her one last question 'do you realize what i want to tell you or what i' m really meant to say? ' and she just answered 'yes' with a smile..

all throughout that day i am confused cause i really dont know what to feel.. i think i like her but i love my wife.. i wanna be with her always but i miss my wife... btw at the time it happened, my wife was switched to dayshift when i was in nightshift..

normally at the end of the day, i would stay in the training room for a couple of minutes or an hour to finish my reports.. and Jed would leave because her gf is waiting for her at the smoking area.. we never smoked together after shift..

on that same day i gave her hints about how i feel, she stayed and i asked her to go smoke with me.. she told her gf i was giving her a few reports to do so she wont get mad.. then we smoke..

i'm still pretty sure she does know what i meant earlier that day but i just cant help but ask.. so i let it out.. i was surprised that she was a bit confused too.. so we let it out there..

"is it a yes or a no?" i asked

then, we both said "yes"

when we are smoking we talked about our partners.. like how much i love mine and we've been together for so long and with hers too that has been on going for a year and almost a half..

we both have the predicament that since we have mutual understanding this kight be a problem with our partners.. i even told her my problem with at home, that my partner cant leave the house and live on our own because of tons of reasons.. i even told that how Jec (my partner) and I met, it was the same as what is happening with me and Jed right now... that we are both on a relationship...

she also rant that maybe the reason were like that is because she too is going through rough time on their relationship because her gf parents doesnt know their dating..

yet, we both had an understanding that it is what it is.. we dont want to ruin our relationship with our gf and wife so we'll jist go qith the flow.. and we did..

when i got home, i really dont know what i should feel.. i am happy with Jecbi love her so much and i dont want to leave her.. but their home is not my home, our home.. its not where i can be to help me grow with Jec in our relationship.. and Jed on the other hand, i like her so much that im excited to go to work to see her again.. i always look forward to seeing her early at work just so we can smoke and chat for long before the class starts..my thoughts were interrupted when i receive a message from Jed through my messenger.. she just said she is not feeling well and that she wont be able to go to work.. i just replied okay and take care cause i know she is with her gf that time and i dont wanna be someone she should worry about.. i feel guilty enough that i am already starting to like Jed and i dont need a person to faceslap me with the truth that we cant be together you know..

so when i answered the conversation started.. we talked about our relationships with our partners, how we met them, how long are we both wiyh them.. struggles, their good traits..

normally Jec would call to check up on me before i go to sleep so thats where all the hidden conversation started.. i told her i'd be sleeping but the truth is i have been talking to Jed the whole time.. we didnt even sleep.. Jec didnt know that.. i felt horrible but i ignored it cause im happy talking to Jed..

that shift was the day that it became official i am cheating..

we walked for an hour during lunch in a place where there were no people around.. i even dared her that she can kiss me in public.. and so we did..

on that same shift, before we get home, it was a saturday.. my trainees and i went to drink.. Jec allowed me too and all my trainees were very supportive with my relationship with Jed..

I got soo drunk that I asked Jed to take me out for fresh air.. that is when i brought her to the seaside bay near where we are drinking.. i told her that i might give up Jec.. that i think i can let her go that time.. so i dared her..

Jed and I ended up together same day and i didnt check my notification or phone for hours..

when i checked after 3-4 hours i had 70 missed calls and tons of messages from Jec.. one of her messages says "gnawa mo na to sakin dati sarah tangina naman.." then i realized Jec already know.. she finally knew what was happening.. and i felt numb.. i dont know how to react, what to feel.. all i know is.. im along now and that i needed to find a place to stay..

i answered the call finally and i just let Kec spoke.. she is giving up on me, she told me she will be gone at the house for me to take my things and our ebike.. i dont have money and i have jowhere to stay but i said sorry and okay.. i really dont know what to do..

when i came back to Jed she focused on the fact of where i would go and where would i get money to start.. i only have ₱20 in my pocket.. i dont even know how to go Jec's home to grab my stuff..

i asked Jed if i can stay with her but since she too is having a problem and quarell with her gf at the moment, and her gf is waiting for her at her house she yold me she cant and maybe i could stay with one of my trainees home.. i said no.. my career is all i have left at the moment and it will be ruined after all of this then if i choose to stay at my trainees house.. so i said ill come up with something..

we rode a bus going to nacoor cause i decided ill just try to loan cash from one of the oldest loaning company i know which fortunately has a branch in bacoor.. Jed went with me..

then, Gi called.. my friend and Jec too.. she called me asking questions like where are you? are you with her? dont you wanna fix this? dont you wanna talk?

my answers are all just,

"i dont know"

"even I, myself cant forgive myself forball of this"

"i dont know how to face Jec anymore"

"i love Jec but i dont know how to fix this"

after the call, one of our friends which we called nanay and tatay called, asking where am i and would like to pick me up... they knrw i dont have anyone to go to so kaybe they figured to take me in.. i said okay and we set up a place and time to meet..

after a while, i spoke to Jed, i told her that if there will be an us, i dont want it to start like this because that is how Jec and i started.. we may or may not be able to fix this - jec and i - but it doesnt mean we will continue..

after that we dropped by at imus near Jed home, thats when i realized how desperate i am and how lonely i was.. i cant call mu friends because their Jec's friend.. i cant go anhwhere because i dont have money.. Jed by thw wat lend me a few hundred just so i can get through the day and asked me to call her once i decided what to do..

Gi called me again asking if i can talm to Jec at the seaside.. she said i have to face her.. so i did say yes..

while on the van, i was trying to think of what am i doing with my life.. trying to figure out what im going to do with it now that almost all of my friends, all ky colleagues, all my life have been circling around Jec and i dont know what to do, this situation i place myself on and where would i go.. i cant feel anything.. i cant feel a damn thing.. i dont feel angry nor happy nor sad nor depressed.. all i know is im disapointed with myself.. witb all of this that i did.. i dont evven know who i reallh love or like. i really dont know.. all i know is, i wanna go back to baguio starg a new life there and be on my own where no one knows me.. but i cant..

so when i arrived at seaside, i saw a couple of friends who i think alreadg knew whats happening..

i met Jec in the ebike and she was already in tears, i felt pity and sorry for her for everything.. she does not deserve this pain.. she does not deserve this but i did wrong.. i can still hear whag she said before that if i will have a 3rd party better do it with a man than a lesbian.. or else she wont accept me.. that keeps on ringing in my ear while i was there..

Jec has been begging me to go home with her and everything will be fixed but i just said hurtful words to her..

like " panu kung ulitin ko?"

"tatanggapin moko tapos gagawin ko ulit, kaya mo ko tanggapin ulit?" but everytime she keeps asking me if i still love her, i know i do and said yes i do.. that is enough for her and then she strated vomiting.. she has terrible acid reflux and crying is bad for her.. so i said we'll go home.. on the way she yold me no one else knew at home what was happening only Jem.. and i knew she was in rage because of what i did.. i cant imagine how awful a person i am for everything i did to Jec..

so when we went home, in the room.. Jec and i talked.. i told her everything.. i told her that i think i love Jed.. i told her that i was happy with her but i dont wanna let Jec go.. i dont know which one to choose but i wanna choose Jec.. so she gave me a week just like what i did when she was the one who cheated on me.. i said okay..

later that night nanay and tatay arrived.. thats when my tears fell.. thats when i started to feel. i started feeling disapointment, regret pain and everything.. like killing myself..

i wanna leave and run away from all of it.. but i cant..

the day after that night i called Jed, told her that ive finally decided andbthat im letting her go, she was so angry at me.. she evem said i was a talk shit.. she was so mad but she asked menif i can just choose her.. and i said no.. i told her that if she come near me again ill hurt her..

after that i ended the call and go through the day as usual.. there is awkwardness between me and Jec but i keep on ignoring it because ive finally decided that ill choose Jec.. i choose her because i thought back then that weve been together for 7 years.. this isnt the first time i foind incatuation with another person yet i still stayed.. after all weve been through i still stayed because i really cant live without her, i cant even sleep without her beside me.. and also, i cant imagine seeing her moving on and loving another because i left.. and most of all, i still love her, that even if i found happiness with a different person i still find myself loving her, hugging her and never wanting to let her go.. i love her.. that i know..

later that day Gi and Jec got drunk and me too.. i wasbso sober that i didnt know whats happening around me and that Jec unfortunately called Jed and hearing Jed gf instead.. i dont know what theyve talked about but all i know is Jecs wants to hear Jeds side of the story..

next day i received a text from Jeds gf asking if we can all sit down and talked about what had happened.. Jec and I agreed but i was so nervous.. i dont know what to say or do because i know this is my fault.. Jec knows that im a scaredy cat qhen it comes to confrontation so she supported me all the way..

we all 4 met at a coffe bar and talked.. most of the talking was Jec and Jeds gf.. all throughout the conversation, Jec is trying to have Jed speak but all the talking was her gf.. and everything didnt go well.. all the fault and fingers were pointed at me.. that i started it that i provoked it and that Jed has nothing to do with it.. i felt terrible because it was all our fault.. but why is it only me?

before the conversation end, Jed asked if we can talk. Jec said yes and so is Jed gf. they left and that when i burst.. she told me that her gf is only trying to protect her.. and i told her that she and her gf made me look like i alone did the deed and she doesnt have to do anything to it.. i told her that i almost pick her over Jec but good thing i didnt because she is not worth it.. i was so mad at her for what happen that day but we all 4 had a deal.. that no one will bully Jed and that everything will go back to the way it was..

after that day Jed and I never got to talk again, i ignored her and she did the same.. i never showed her a hint of what i was going through like how hard it js for me to accept everything, make me look like i did everything on purpose.. i hurt all of them without remorse and that i use people for my own happines..

nobody knows how i felt that time because i do t wanna open up, i dont deserve synpathy nor empathy because i did this to myself.. i did all of this.. yet im so angry because evryone is pointing their fingers at me as if they knew me because of what had happened..

after a few days all was good. everything was almost back to normal. i always tell Jec what is happening in the training room, who im with.. everything.. but she cant really moved on with just that, Jec ia the type of person that would want to knwo both side of the story and on herbperspective, Jed never loved me while i loved her and almost picked her over Jec.. this pissed her off so she tried many times talking to Jed getting her side of the story but Jed keeps on messing around and not saying the truth..

this made Jec more angrier to the point that Jed even said i started all of it and that im not stopping trying to show her i still want us together.. so i told all of ohr friends that the deal is off and anyone can bully Jed.. i was so mad..

there tines before that she was the one who teases me.. like hello? youll put clover in your kouth and ask me to get it uaing my mouth? when i declined you used polo candy?? she even gave me a gift which has nothing to me but big deal to Jec so i returned it and she got angry..

like what did i do? i know i did something a while back like tease her but for me that was to show everyone that were the same people nothing happened no issues..

so after few days of argument and quarell.. Jec finally found a way to get her peace of mind.. Jed told me before that she normally express her true feelings through twitter.. so i followed her using my dummy quote section account and started tweeting.. at firat it was all me but the next tweets are all posted by Jec.. so that is when Jec find her peace of mind.. she found out that Jed really loves me.. but not brave enough to fight for me because i chose Jec..

eventually Jed and i have to have closure.. and because of that tweeter acvpunt we were able to do it.. i told her the truth that i thought that time i was just using her because me and Jec is on a rough situation in our relationship.. i hurt her i know but that is the truth.. i realized that i liked Jed but i dont really love her.. i just love the experience i had with her because Jec and I are not that way anymore.. we hoth grow and treated each other as best friends the intimacy and romance was gone.. thats why i felt that way with Jed..

i know im such a bad person but i know everyone deserves the truth.. i finally realize how awful of a person i am..

after few days Jec is somehow doing okay though she still has hard feelings towards Jed but its not that big of a deal anymore.. when everything was gojng back to normal.. i felt like i needed to say sorry to Jed so i asked Jec if i can and she did allow me..

Jed and i talked.. i thanked her for everything and felt sorry that we have to go through all of that.. i evem told her how sorry i am for everuthing she has to go through because of me that Jec deserves the truth but were all past that now.. she was also thankful because that time Jed and her gf finally told her gf parents about their relationship..

all is well and everything was back to normal.. there were awkwardness but i think that is part of it..

the only problem i have left was to forgive myself..

after ll of this i realized how i pirtant Jec is in my life that i almost gave up on her, when i cant even live by myself without her in my life..

all the problems were going through has an answer and all the things we lack to make the relationship work has to be worked on by us not by other people.. i realized that it was infatuation and attention i seek why i did those crimes.. i hurt people and i am sorry.. i never should have let that happen but it happened anyways so i choose to move on instead..

as of now im still with Jec we celebrated our 8th year anniversary, i gave her all the gifts she wanted on her bday.. i know it is not enough but im really trying..

from now on, even if i am still trying to forgive myself i will try mg best to make Jec feel loved that i deserve her.. that she deserves me.. we might have problems but we will always always work things out..

i may have hurt her but ill make an everyday ritual to make her happy..

thank you for reading my story.. hope we all learn from it.

regards,

Sarah G.