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peppertoastuniverse · 4 months ago

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more than a late night snack – gojo satoru chapter 5: mandarin

contents: gojo Satoru x reader, FLUFF , satoru being a little shit, 2 idiots summary: when you consistently ignore gojo’s frequent texts to hang out, he takes matters into his own hands wc: 3.2k

“whoa, didn’t expect you to fall for me like this,” he says, feeling his laughter through his chest, breathing life into the dark corners of your cavity. it was too much. he was always too much. regaining your senses, you squawk out of embarrassment, concrete realization of where you were in the form of his thumb moving back and forth on your side, a half hearted attempt to soothe you. self consciousness fuelling your uncoordinated limbs you scramble to separate yourself from him.

previous chapter ll master list ll next chapter

ding. ding. it only took two impatient sounds to disturb your peace. slightly groaning as you hear the echoing source of your current pain: your phone. ever since gojo got a hold of your number it like was like his grating voice was constantly in your head. he constantly texted you, blowing up your phone about anything and everything. from what he swore was the best daifuku in Tokyo he discovered last week, or complaining about how unfair it was that ieri kicked him out of her room again or sending you photos of him post mission, peace signs prominent with a cheery grin while geto was in the background back turned, hunched over presumably throwing up from a particular nasty curse he had to ingest - gojo never failed to message you.

for the most part you didn’t respond to gojo’s constant messages, but that didn’t deter him, if anything it prompted him to text you even more. in your eyes, it was only a matter of time before he would get tired of you - you were just waiting for him to realise what you knew was going to happen. it was a reason why you kept your walls so high, you enjoyed the safety and predictability of the darkness and satoru gojo was too bright.

turning back to your desk you pick up your discarded pen, twirling it in your hands absentmindedly. how long have you been at this? probably 3 hours at least. you quickly skim through his messages while you regather your papers together.

gojo: hehe look at this (2:13pm) [image] (2:13pm)

you open the attachment begrudgingly, the unopened image taunting you, peaking your curiosity. it was a blurry photo of an annoyed geto, mouth open probably cussing gojo out, violet eyes flashing in warning looking beyond the camera with his arms attempting to grab the phone from him. his dark bangs frame his face as usual but the rest of his dark hair was pulled into two high messy pigtails. snorting in amusement, you download the image - ah a new treasure. sometimes gojo could be useful. you return to the message thread, seeing a flow of multiple messages.

gojo: bbbbbb <3 (4:03pm) im booooored booooooooooored lets hangggg (6:04pm) lets do something rn (6:10pm) omg when r u gna stop ignoring me lol (6:20pm) (◞‸◟；) stoppp (6:21pm) how come u never answer me "( – ⌓ – ) (6:22pm) not cool b (6:25pm)

you easily silence your phone before hastily typing in a message to appease him.

you: busy (6:40pm)

gojo: (ᴗ_ ᴗ。) busy??? the whole day?! (6:40pm) busy with what (6:41pm) with whaaaat bbb ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡) (6:43pm)

you don’t bother answering him, instead choosing to ignore him for what seemed to be the millionth time . you really had to get this done – not that you wanted to hang out with gojo anyway. discarding your phone on your bedside table, you groan when you make your return to your desk. this was the worst part about being a sorcerer : the paperwork. you’ve put off the reports for the last 4 missions that you went on, plus you had to do the rest of your homework. you palm your temple with a sigh of anticipation in what surely was going to be a long night.

and then you hear it; a whine of your name beyond your door paired knocking on your door to an uneven rhythm. ughh. you could just imagine the overly dramatic pout on his face.

as to appease the assault that your door was taking, you opened the opposing barrier with a scowl on your face.

“how come you don’t answer my messages?” gojo immediately whines the minute he sees you.

“I told you, I’m busy!”

“but we’re friends! you answer suguru and shoko!”

“yeah because they don’t message me every 2 seconds – my phone is usually on silent anyway, so I forget to check.”

“ughhh… sooooo, can we hang out now?” he gripes, lowering his dark glasses, showing the crocodile tears dancing on his waterline.

“...i have all this paperwork to do, gojo.” you say opening your door wider, gesturing to your messy desk.

he sighs exasperate throwing his hands in the air. “…fine.” pout on full view he turns his firm back, not sparing you a second glance retreating into his room next to yours.

huh. that was easy. part of you felt validated in his easy retreat, it was something that you were used to, something expected – even from the strongest.

you settle back in to your desk, cursing your past self for putting this off for so long.

okay, okay, where were you? concentrate. ughhhh … what happened in nagasaki again? oh right it was that stupid scissor curse that cut you up pretty badly – not your best moment. geto really saved your ass back there with rainbow dragon. he ended up swallowing the curse later and annoyingly scolded you. but he also complained -

“babe!! i'm hooooomeeee!” the door handle rustles before abruptly opening, a mop of tousled white hair, barges into your room with no warning. your wide eyes narrow at the annoyance. waltzing in with a pep in his step, obnoxiously swinging a plastic bag filled to the brim of multiple cakes, sweets and sugary drinks was gojo with an aggravating smirk. you stare at him, hoping your heated glance would melt his grinning face off.

“don't give me that face, grumpy! i got ya some concentration snackies - aren't you glad i thought of you, huh? im such a good friend.” poking your shoulder in greeting ignoring your exasperated pout.

“no one appreciates me here! i'm more than just a pretty face, y'know.” gojo responds to your silence with a dramatic sigh. he settles the bulging bag on the floor he tosses his too long body onto your bed, jostling the soft pillows. you tsk in disapproval.

cooing as he spots Bun Bun peacefully resting on the middle of your bed, you watch as gojo's long limbs dramatically flail to pick up the pink bunny stuffie. “hey, lil’ guy,” he whispers, his slender nose nuzzling Bun Bun's plush cheeks, “i know, I know, babe’s not being fun again. yeah i know, i told her don't worry.” turning his head to meet your incredulous glare. your eye begins to twitch in annoyance, "that's not what he's saying!"

“uh huh, you're just jealous of our bond." he scrunches up his nose at you, " y’knowww you’re gonna get wrinkles early if you keep frowning so much!” gojo practically sings from your bed, infinity easily going up as you launch an eraser at him angrily. he snickers before settling on his side, moving Bun Bun lovingly to share the same pillow as him.

ignoring gojo was no easy feat, but luckily you were very experienced in that field. returning to your work on your desk, you bite your tongue with the urge to cuss him out. you wheel your chair around to fully ignore his distracting presence.

he always took up too much space, his very energy making it hard to focus.

resting your head on your palm, you prop your head up attempting get back into the zone of concentration.

alright, nagasaki. you smirk as you remember how geto complained how terrible it tasted and how amazing that ramen was that you and geto had after. he was worried about your shallow wounds despite your constant reassurance that you were fine, ugh suguru was way too considerate. you pretty much had to beg him to go get some food, you remember how you grinned self righteously as you watched his hesitation disappear the minute he tasted the broth. you had a suspicion it was partly because the curse tasted so bad. but that didn't stop geto from carrying you back on rainbow dragon despite your fear of heights. you wince as you remember ieri smacking you and geto when you got back because she was so pissed when you didn't return straight away with all of those cuts –

“whatcha doing?” you feel gojo's warm breath in your ear, the action making you shudder at the intrusion.

abruptly you turn your head to see gojo’s face right next to yours over your shoulder, nose daring to brushing his smooth cheek.

yelping loudly, you jerk to the side causing you to fall off your chair in a fright. you hear gojo’s amused snort as you close your eyes waiting to hit the ground but … it never came.

warm arms lightly grip your abdomen preventing you from hitting the ground, you feel gojo’s firm chest behind your back as you sit clumsily in his lap, legs swung over to his left side. his skin was warm and soft, invading your senses with his familiar scent. the weight of his body against yours felt foreignly comforting. engulfing your already panicked state in a new level of unease, you weren't completely sure if you enjoyed his warmth or resented him for making you question it. you unconsciously settle your hand on his forearm against your stomach finding an overwhelming needing to ground yourself. you hoped that he couldn’t feel your loudly beating heart through your chest, or that his six eyes couldn't see the deeply buried holes in your heart. “whoa, didn’t expect you to fall for me like this,” he says, feeling his laughter through his chest, breathing life into the dark corners of your cavity.

it was too much. he was always too much.

regaining your senses, you squawk out of embarrassment, concrete realization of where you were in the form of his thumb moving back and forth on your side, a half hearted attempt to soothe you. self consciousness fuelling your uncoordinated limbs you scramble to separate yourself from him.

“ompff – uhh – careful where you're – ompff – stepping, babe!” he stutters quickly, worry and slight panic tinging his voice. his body attempting to shift with your fussing to neutralize your erratic momovements, “look, I don’t give a fuck – oh geez – but the clan still wants an heir so – please be careful“ a large hand goes to still your shin.

an heir? does he mean – oh. OH. in a panic you finally manage to slide down onto to the floor legs still draped over his thighs.

“d-don’t you have anything better to do?!” you deflect refusing to look him. crossing your arms across your chest, trying to distract yourself form thinking about gojo in that way.

gojo’s eyes widen. whoa, what's with that expression? this was ... new. he couldn’t help but notice how your face flushed, the heat gradually spreading to the tips of your ears, down your the column of your pretty throat...

“you would know if you checked your messages!” he huffs ignoring the way his ears turn pink, “we’re gonna hang out when you're done.”

when did you agree to this?

"who decided that?" you said fighting the blush you knew decorated your face, face full of defiance.

he whines your name, “c'mon!!”

“ugh, I still have to do the stupid paperwork! i’ve put it off too long.” you groan flopping on the ground, using your hands to rub your eyes. truth be told, gojo being in your room felt almost suffocating. the air felt too stifling, like you were backed into a corner forced to always playing defence with the strongest. and you didn't want to play his stupid games.

breathing softly you watch as the growing shadows on the your ceiling frame your nagging restlessness to get work done. gojo’s face popping into your view.

“why don’t you take a break? you’ve been working hard for hours – let’s have some snacks!” he adds, attempting to sweeten the deal. you shrug noncommittally, you just wanted to be free of that stupid paperwork. you hear the rustling of a plastic bag, as he digs through his haul, mumbling to himself, "not this.. ugh not this one either, hmm, that's definitely mine .. oh fuck i forgot i bought this heh.. where is it? i just..."

“m’ not in the mood for sweets, go–“

“i got you – I knew you’d want something boring!” you hear him rustling deeper into the plastic bag. you smell a burst of citrus. his grin comes into view again while he roughly shoves a few segments of a mandarin into your mouth, forcing the rest of the peeled fruit into your hand.

“mph! dude– “ you quickly chew the segment in surprise, mouth bursting with the refreshing juice, the orange’s soft flesh tangy and slightly sweet. “… huh. thanks.”

gojo hums victoriously, falling on his back beside you, legs bent, foot tapping out a rhythm.

you split your remaining mandarin in half, feeling for the larger portion and passing it in gojo’s surprised hands. slender fingers briefly mingling with each other, electricity brewing between them. you retreat your hands quickly, purposely ignoring his lingering fingers.

if he notices, gojo makes no mention of it, popping the whole mandarin in his mouth.

“so, why was suguru’s hair in pigtails?” you ask, amused smile growing on your face from the memory of geto’s disturbed expression. chewing on another segment, you could easily imagine geto's loud grumble and exasperation that you frequently heard when gojo was around him.

gojo barks out a laugh, half chewed mandarin still in his mouth. “idiot fell asleep in the common room and y’know… anything is fair game there,” he says shifting slightly to look at you.

“oh god. pff, yeah honestly he had it coming. poor suguru though, he’s been so busy lately, must've been exhausted… i’m surprised he didn’t murder you.”

“oh he tried, he summoned 3 curses,” gojo snickers, pushing his dark glasses up.

“… next time we should do space buns,” you grin mischievously.

“oh fuck that’s a great idea!” he shouts, repeatedly tapping the ground in excitement, matching grin on his face. gojo was practically vibrating with mischief, inching closer to you on the ground.

you couldn't help but chuckle at his enthusiasm. often times gojo reminded you of an overly excitable puppy, constantly wagging his tail, begging for attention. usually you'd get the puppy who would become your shadow, whining constantly for a walk and would harness their chaotic energy to trash a room just because. there's a reason why you were a cat person.

“but oh my goddd, have you touched his hair, babe? it’s so fucking soft? i don’t understand what he does but -" you watched gojo talk animatedly. his mouth dressed up in a boyish gin, pearly teeth on full display, emphasizing the dimple on his left side, embellishing the joy he was radiating. it was times like these where you were strangely more aware that satoru gojo was handsome. the soft slope of his cupid’s bow that lead to delicate lips, the slant of his slender nose, his soft cheeks -

you shake your head. god, he was so distracting. he was so annoying.

“ - hey? did ya hear me?” gojo asks, poking your cheek. you share back at him blindly, hoping he didn’t catch you staring. "huh?" stretching slightly you shift on to your side, curling your knees together so they almost touch his thighs. "what were you saying?"

“I said, I got you something!” not even bothering to hid his annoyed glare. he props himself up with his hand supporting his head, turning fully to you, mirroring your body. reaching into his back pocket, he takes out a silver phone charm. delicate and elegant, the neat row of varying silver and black beads strung on a intricate chain complimented the silver star at the end.

you blink at him. “wait- for me?” your eyes dart between the phone charm and his expectant smile.

“duh! it’s for your phone! so whenever you see it, it’ll remind you to answer my messages.” he jingles the keychain, waiting for you to take it.

you stare at him, a hidden expression on your face that he couldn’t decipher.

“man, I gotta do everything here, eh?” gojo pouts, rolling his eyes. he gracefully rolls over to reach for your phone on your bed side table with a sigh. plopping back down on his side, he loops the charm on to your phone grinning triumphantly.

“hehe, look, babe – now we have matching ones!!” he takes out his own phone to show you the same silver keychain on his phone. gojo hands you your phone back, immediately you admire the way the way the keychain captures the dim light of your bedside table. pretty. although gojo’s antics were dramatic and sometimes downright irritating, his constant effort to get to know you despite your adamant refusal was … endearing. you noticed that he was generous, not only constantly buying you, ieri and geto snacks or meals without prompting but generous in his time, annoyingly checking up on you when he didn't see you for a few hours. you had to admit that he did put up a good fight to your frank rebuffs. he noticed a lot more than you gave him credit for, he cared for his friends in his own way but fierce so. despite his arrogant and brash behaviour maybe, just maybe, he could be someone you could talk to once in a while, someone you could let in just a little bit. it wouldnt hurt to be on friendlier terms, right?

“… thanks gojo.” you say smiling in realization as you fiddle with the star of the keychain, unable to look at him.

something in gojo’s stomach flutters, not expecting your bashful demeanour. if you smiled at him like that, he think might collapse. he wasn’t even really sure what he did that granted him the privilege to see your smile, a genuine one - it was just a little trinket, an inexpensive thing he picked up because he was tired of radio silence from you. he smiled thinking about your reaction of something else, perhaps if he got you those specific chips that he noticed that you liked that were notorious for being be sold out at the convenience store or maybe a scarf since you always seemed to be cold or, or maybe even a necklace with his initials -

“… hey? gojo?" you ask softly.

"yes, my grumpy lil prince–" "shut up, before i take back what i'm going to say, idiot." you scoff, your dead pan glare, effectively doing the impossible in shutting up gojo. you sigh. god, were you going to regret this decision? "... if you give me like 2 hours in silence.." you palm your forehead, wondering if you've gone absolutely insane.

".... maybe we could watch a movie or something after?” you force out softly.

gojo smiles widely, almost bouncing up and down as he gets up from the floor, offering you a hand to help you up. you stare at his out stretched hand suspiciously.

“well, the sooner you get started the sooner we can watch!!”

hesitantly you accept his hand and his help. it was a strange feeling, one that you weren’t sure yet that you liked yet. you quickly sever the contact, dropping his hand immediately, not wanting to get used to this new sensation. you huff , moving towards your desk, reshuffling the papers with renewed energy.

turning around to face him, voice authoritative with warning, you meet his covered eyes “when I mean silence though gojo, I mean absolute silence.” he nods, looking back at you, he uses his slender pointer finger and thumb to zip his mouth, and toss away the key behind him, a promise in his bright eyes behind his dark glasses.

gojo resettles on your bed, with a triumphant sigh. he makes a point to grab Bun Bun to lay on his chest as he takes out his phone to play some games, his silver phone charm dancing in the light. you turn around, hands itching to finally get some work done, concentrating on summarizing the straight forward mission in hamura. an unusual silence aids the scratching of your pen on paper, propelling your rapid thoughts. but after 20 minutes of working, you hesitantly clear your throat, turning back to take a peek at gojo, his eyebrow quirked.

“… so, uh what movies are playing right now?”

you can hear the joy in his voice when he starts to weigh your options, even asking Bun Bun for his opinions and occasionally spoiling the plots for other options. With a soft grin, you found that this time you didn’t mind the chatter... or the company.

a/n: he just wants to spend time with you ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡) --

head image credit: Itadakimasu dividers from: @/adornedwithlight

#gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #dividers by adornedwithlight #gojou satoru x reader #jujutsu kaisen #satoru gojo x reader #jjk #satoru gojou x reader #gojo satoru imagine #jujutsu kaisen satoru #satoru x reader #gojo jjk #gojo satoru fluff #gojo satoru fanfic #satoru gojo x you

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louisoffline · 3 months ago

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FINALLY FINISHED THE REF SHEET PLUS OTHER DRAWINGS YAAYYY okay so i had the ref sheet done basically two days ago BUT i wanted to draw some more because my ref sheets look so......just stand there kinda scary so MORE ART !!! also skip if you are seeing this when i say our mcs twin bro......we are so mind connected with the skeleton sweaters my lord when i logged on and saw that both step 2 designs had them..........my goodness..i think we might just be the same person....

I want to try and flesh out relationships and dynamics more i think thats something i kind of struggle with with ocs so..that is what the rest of this post will be backstory, character traits, etc etc if you chose to read i will love you forever

Step 1: Gosh...I love making characters really reeaaallllyyy awkward and that's exactly what Lenae is. Her awkwardness is really just stemming from anxiety or nervousness. Qiu and her's dynamic is so sweet to me I love characters being to nervous to say things and then another saysit for them omg im weak yeah thats so them. Lenae and Tam on the other hand....it's not like Lenae doesn't liker her she knows she means well and is extremely sweet but Lenae just can't understand why she is so loud and energetic all the time, she finds it hard to keep up. She IS the sweetest kid you would ever come across though, she will do anything to see you smile. Her earmuffs are a constant, everyone else may think it's just a comfort thing but it is in fact a noise thing we just don't know that yet guys(undiagnosed autism is craayyy)

Step 2: Still being that same shy, sweet kid while looking emo AND TRANSGENDER?? not for the weak. Still shy and reserved maybe even more so but no one really expects anything else. I think meek is a very good descriptor, they get freaked so so easily like has never had a peaceful day in their life. However, Halloween IS their favorite time of the year, it's an aesthetics thing i guess. If you pass by Lenae in the halls you would probably think that they were on their last few threads of patience by the sour look on their face but no, they could be having the best day of their life with that face on. They found it tiring to keep that placid smile on their face all the time when it wasn't always real. In this stage Lenae has definitely started expierimenting with different art mediums like dabbling in painting, poetry, music, you name it. Qiu and Lenae are still the bestest friends ever(bestest crushes ever???) and it's actually kind of nice to have someone by your side who knows what you're going through with your gender identity struggle and everything. Lenae for sure feels bad for how they treated Tam just because they thought she was a little much, I mean it was kind of hypocritical, so they've been trying to make it up to her by being kind of everyly nice?? oh boy oh boy

Step 3: I really don't know a lot of what I could write for step 3 since like nothing of it is out in the actual game SO were just gonna go like personality kind of wise y'know? I think they've definitely mellowed out AT LEAST A LITTLE...like omg guys they can sometimes order for themselves at restaurants!! They're very opinionated and has a strong stance on what they believe but like not in a mean way they just don't understand why others would think differently. Building on their creative abilities, they probably have plans to go to a college for art or fashion. Or maybe they'll start their own business who knows! It's okay to not have everything planned out anymore, some spontaneity is welcome in their life. Now that they've finally been able to be more open, mainly around friends, they'll say something a little too...unsettling or freaky??? to be normal, it's a little weird to get used to oopsies

AND THATS ALL if you read all of this i appreciate you becasue this has been drafted up on my computer screen for multiple days I just did not know what to say siigghhh yeah i love this kid and I hope you guys do too teehee

#our life now and forever #olnf #olnf mc #qiu lin #oc art #Lenae Figueroa

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lingeringdesires505 · 7 months ago

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maybe its for the best

rin itoshi x reader

angst

rin can’t stop blaming himself, he knows hes at fault, that hes the reason the two of you had broken up. rin’s life mainly revolved around soccer, until he met you. all his life, his only goal was to beat his brother, itoshi sae, and show him how he too could be good at soccer. little did he know, he would be so caught up in his obsession with competing against his brother would ruin a relationship he had cherished so much.

28 April, 10.58 p.m.

The night you two broke up, it was after one of his late night trainings. despite being tired and burnt out, he still stayed back after training, pushing himself to his limit, in hopes that his skill would be up to par with his brother’s.

you laid in your shared bed with him, wondering when he would come home. his soccer training should have ended at 9 p.m., yet he was still not home. seeing the clock almost striking 11, you became more and more worried about your lover. you had sent him multiple texts, but none were read.

“he must be staying back after training again,” you thought to yourself. despite the constant reminders not to overexert himself, and that he should rest more, rin never listened to you. he would either brush you off, saying it was no big deal and that he wasnt tired, or just ignore you. you understood that he was feeling lots of stress especially with the upcoming soccer match, but you just couldnt stand there and see him destroy himself like this. it certainly wasnt healthy and beneficial for his physical or mental health.

as you reached the stadium, you saw a familiar figure doing his routines.

“rin! ive been worried about you. its already 11 p.m., you should come home and rest!” you called out to him as you ran towards him.

“ just a few more minutes…im almost done. after im done, we can go home, okay? “ he said without looking back to you.

as much as you wanted to let him finish, you could already tell he was extremely tired. the sweat running down his forehead and muscles, the heavy panting that you knew all to well — he was already pushing his limits, if you were to let him continue, he might over exhaust himself, doing more harm than good to his body.

“ rinnie, please, youre at your limit already, please just stop! youre going to hurt yourself at this rate! “ you begged him to stop, but he wouldnt listen. tears started to well up in your eyes as you grew more and more anxious, why wouldnt he just stop hurting himself like this and listen to you?

it wasnt long before rin snapped.

“do you really think im that weak?! besides, what i do to my own body is none of your business! youre just another obstacle in the way of my success, just leave me alone you lukewarm piece of shit, god damn it!” he shouted, his eyes filled with anger as he finally looked over to you.

that was when he realised he fucked up.

his heart ached as he saw hot tears streaming down your red cheeks. no, wait, he didnt mean it!

“please baby, wait, i didnt mean it. im so sorry i said that, please..” he immediately stopped what he was doing to run towards you, forcefully hugging you, frantically apologising.

you didnt say anything. you couldnt say anything. you were in disbelief — the man that you had loved with all your heart, the man that you cared for so deeply, wanted you to leave him alone? was this truly the way he felt about you? just an obstacle? a lukewarm piece of shit?

“baby please, i didnt mean any of that… its all my fault, i know you want the best for me. forgive me please… please, say something!” this time, rin was the one of the verge of tears.

“so that’s how you feel about me?… you want me to leave you alone?…” you managed to stutter out, trying hard not to start bawling on the spot. how could he say something so hurtful?

“fine. if that’s how you want it, dont contact me ever again rin, it’s over between us.”

you ran back to your car before rin could react and slammed the door shut, driving off to your shared apartment to pack your things and move out. you weren’t just angry, you were upset.

you couldnt believe this was how your relationship with rin was going to end. you always thought of rin as someone you would continue to love and care for, someone you would grow old with.

that night, rin laid on the grass in the stadium, looking up at the night sky, head filled with regrets, heart aching.

present

was it really worth it? rin always asked himself. sure, he managed to show to his brother that his soccer skills were excellent, but that didnt make him happy. in fact, after the two of you had broken up, nothing made him happy. how could he be happy without you? he was struggling to even live a day without you.

rin would spend countless sleepless nights scrolling through his photo gallery, looking at photos you had forced him to take with you. the poor man couldnt even sleep without your scent. he would often try and find old articles of clothing you had left behind around the house — it was the only way he could sleep, with your scent.

he would spend many hours training, even if there wasnt any upcoming matches. he was desperate to find any sort of distraction to distract himself from thinking about you.

some nights after training, he prayed that you would still be there outside the stadium, waiting to drive him home. he prayed that he could see you again, hear your sweet voice and hearty laugh again. he was so desperate to hear your voice again, he didnt care if he had to hear your nagging or your complaints, he just needed to hear you again, to see that pretty face of yours.

rin always thought about how foolish he was. before he met you, he felt that unfortunate things always happened to him. he always thought about how terrible and unlucky his life was. that was until he met you. you were like a blessing from heaven, an angel that came and brightened up his dull, lukewarm life. he wished he had known how to appreciate you earlier. if only he had opened his eyes and see how much you had loved and cared for him.

it feels like torture scrolling through your instagram page, seeing you move in with your new boyfriend, seeing you have dinner dates with him. he knows your new boyfriend treats you way better than he ever did, and he feels happy that your being taken good care of, but deep down, his heart was being ripped into shreds. it felt so wrong, but he couldnt stand the thought of you laughing, or smiling for another man. you were already moving on with life, getting ready to marry your boyfriend, and there was nothing he could do about it.

rin accepted that he could never be at peace with himself, especially since he had fucked up the only good thing in his life. it was too late for regrets, the only thing he could do now was make sure that you were safe and happy from afar.

———————————————————————————

thank you for reading!

word count: 1.2k

feel free to request!

please dont steal

@lingeringdesires505 2024

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boydepartment · 1 year ago

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“i’m in love with you” - with enhypen

a/n: last post for tonight i am sorry i’m trying to get back in a groove i promise

warnings- angst, fluff, it’s a good mix 😋 reader is intoxicated in jakes

wc- i’d say 100 words per member

MASTERLIST

jungwon- stupid for you by waterparks

you knew jungwon was a smart man. he always had a plan and he was always observant. until it came to you. oh my god he was so so so stupid. for years you were pining after him and always hyping him up. he always thought that’s just what friends do. so one day when you were hanging out at the dorms he turned to you.

“i don’t think you’ve ever had a crush on someone? that i’ve known about?” jungwon was curious. because he did like you, hell he LOVED you. he was just too stupid to realize you actually liked him back.

“because i haven’t.” you shrugged simply, you saw his face fall so you continued speaking, “…but i have been in love with you for years now.”

heeseung- my love mine all mine by mitski

heeseung and you have been dating for a couple months now, your relationship healthy. something you never thought you’d get in your life. for the most part you thought you’d die alone or unexpectedly. your luck was always against you, except when it came to heeseung… you both were in the kitchen slowly swaying back and forth. he told you about his busy day and you just watched him talk. his little mannerisms making your heart feel so warm.

“what’s going on in your pretty head right now, princess?” his smile got you

“i’m in love with you.”

jay- sea of love by cat power

jay had been in love with you since he became sentient. he spilled something on you in daycare and that was it. you smacked him upside the head and BOOM sentient. you were his first real memory. he’d never want that taken away from him.

but people grow, and move apart from eachother. and that’s what happened, while you continued studying, he became an idol. of course you still saw him for family things, but he’d always had a camera or body guard with him. it wasn’t the same anymore. so you distanced more. this wasn’t the lifestyle you liked or wanted.

during a holiday meal, jay finally got a minute alone and he pulled you into another room.

“what’s going on with you? i haven’t seen you in forever and now it’s like you don’t want to be around me…” jay mumbled

you looked at him now feeling extremely guilty, “i-i don’t know… it’s just a lot, your lifestyle isn’t for me and-“

it was now or never for jay.

“i’m in love with you. me being an idol isn’t forever. i want forever with you…”

jake- your graduation by modern baseball

you and jake had history. too much of it. it was constant of you calling him to pick you up from a party or something that you weren’t proud of. he was sick of it. jake was tired of watching you practically waste away. it pissed him off. and it honestly pissed you off, why did he care so much when he was the one who would never take your confessions of love seriously?

which led to the argument in the driveway, you drunk off alcohol and him drunk off anger.

“why do you even do this?! you didn’t used to be like this in highschool!” he yelled waving his hands around.

you poked him in the chest, “i don’t owe you any explanation for my feelings!”

“what do you have to be feeling about y/n?! to the point of making fucked up decisions!?”

his voice was loud.

you had enough, “IM IN LOVE WITH YOU AND NO MATTER WHAT I DO YOU NEVER NOTICE IT!”

sunghoon- kiss me by sixpence none the richer

sunghoon was infatuated with you. every spring you worked the saturday market. and every spring he would be your number one customer. always tipping you and always buying your produce. whether it be the apples, flowers, grapes, strawberries, anything. his favorite was when you made bracelets one year though. this went on for a really long time. sunghoon wanted to play the long game with you, you didn’t know he was an idol clearly. and he didn’t want to scare you.

“there’s my favorite customer! sunghoon how are you?” you’d smile at him. all sunghoon wanted was to kiss you, you and your bright smiling face.

“i’m really good today!”

he’d visit more than usual and the flirty banter would come back almost immediately.

“with how much of my stuff you buy i’d assume you’re like in love with me.” you laughed slightly

“i am. i am in love with you.”

sunoo- puppy princess by hot freaks

you had a boyfriend and sunoo was STUCK. he didn’t know why it bothered him so much that you were dating someone. you were his best friend, what was the issue?

oh yeah the fact he’s in love with you? yeah…. that’s a pretty big issue.

no matter what though, he kept you smiling and he kept dreaming. at some point sunoo couldn’t hold it in anymore. especially after your boyfriend dumped you out of the blue.

“he doesn’t know what he’s doing y/n. you’re too good for him.”

you looked at him with tears in your eyes, for a few minutes now he’s been joking with you trying to keep you laughing.

“i don’t know…. sunoo you’re gonna be biased because we’re friends.”

sunoo gave you a look, “i’m going to be biased because i’m in love with you.”

riki- apple cider by beabadoobee

you were never supposed to like him at all, you didn’t WANT to. neither did he if he was being honest. it was a weird dynamic between you and him. riki was conflicted and so were you, which led to both of you growing distant thinking the other was tired with the other.

one night when he had free time, he finally made his way to your home. riki obviously stuck out, it was dangerous and stupid but he was running on adrenaline. he knocked on the door hands shaking, when your parent called you from your room you were shocked to see riki standing there. he was obviously not supposed to be here.

“what’re you doing here?” you walked out and wrapped yourself up more when you shut the door behind you, now standing with him outside. it was cold and late, well later at night. you thought something was wrong especially when he refused to speak. you went closer to him and put a hand on his head to check his temperature.

“are you sick? did something happen? do you need to come in-“

“i’m in love with you.” he blurted out

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carbohydratedfella · 3 months ago

Text

Sighs. You know what, since Im already in this hell hole I might as well dig deeper

Image by @/nvmsry

Mike Schimdt x Male!Reader

>> Mike finally gets the comfort he so desesperally deserves. Reader is taller/bigger than him

>> 1500± words.

>> CW/TW: Angst + Fluff. Not proofread 🧍

...

You and Mike had met in the shopping mall, while he still worked as a security guard. You simply needed to find a certain store that was nowhere to be found. Luckily, he offered to show you the way there.

You two decided to chat during that time, he had to look up (literally) at other people quite often, but you just seemed so kind he couldnt help but to feel his face heat up whenever you spoke. Maybe It was just the first signs of exhaustion kicking in, yeah definitelly.

"-oh, by the way..."

You began speaking, pulling out a small papernote with your number written on It.

"...lets keep in touch"

You could see the hesitency in his brown eyes, slightly lowering and looking at it, his hands trembling ever so slightly when he grabbed the paper. Stuffing It into his pockets.

"..sure."

In turn, he decide to give his number to you, and you made sure to memorized It, a bright smile coming to your face that he wishes he could burn It into his memory, and cherish It forever.

...

He held the phone number close to his heart, and at home was always tempted to call you, but at the same time didnt want to bother you with his problems. So he settled for just speaking to your face to face, in the few days you'd show up there.

But then...he got fired. And he at the bottom of well away. Now having a new problem to deal with.

He eventually took the new job the guidance counselor had proposed to him.

The custody battle, the night shift, the possibility of getting evicted. It all started to weight heavily on him. The constant stress made him barely function as a human being, sometimes he felt like rusting machine working endlessly, who will inevitably break down in just a matter of time.

He barely ate, barely hydrated, all his energy essencially came from the few sleeping hours he had, and even that started to feel exhausting, waking up more tired than the night before.

He slumped onto the couch, rubbing his eyes open. Abby was still asleep, good. At this point he didnt even know where his headache originated from, the tiredness, the dehydration, the stress, they all contributed to It. Laying down and trying to calm down his nerves.

He was barely even conscious, or functoning for that matter. He had to calm down, somehow. He shifted into the couch again, and felt a small crumpled paper within the cushions. He imediatly recognized It as the same papernwith your phone number on it

"Ah, how could I forget that?"

He was been ao busy, he barely even realized It had been days since the last time he had spoken to you. With shaky fingers, and a LOT of hesitancy, he decided to call you. Maybe your voice could calm him down a bit, It always did.

"Hello?..."

He asked and called your name, his voice a bit deeper than usual due to his sleepy state. His finger fidgeted with the phone cable, waiting for you to answer.

"Yes, that is him. Who is It?...Mike?"

You asked with a short pause. He couldnt believe It, you recognized his voice imediatly?

"Uh...yeah, just wanted to say hi"

His voice was low and a bit shy, tiredness slipping throught his tone.

Meanwhile your voice radiated energy, and you couldnt help but feel happy to finally hear him again.

"Hey Man! How's It going? Wow its been a long time huh? (Barely a week). Do you wanna hang out or something?"

He almost jumped at your request. His heart stammering and begging him to say yes...but alas...

"ah...Sorry I cant really hang out. I got a night shift and in the morning I have to take Care of Abby n such"

He said in a a apologetic tone, mentally slapping himself on the face for having to say that. He wanted that so badly. So fucking badly. Just the though helped soothe his ache, but he had bigger responsabilities to take care of.

You sighed, It was a bit sad but, you werent about to give up now.

"Oh, its alright. I can just stop by your house instead!"

"wait what-"

"I can even bring some beer!-oh..wait, nevermind, how old is Abby again? Ack, doesnt matter ill just being some juice instead"

He wanted to speak, but his words keeping fumbling with one another with you giving more and more ideas.

"ah-its...its fine really, you dont have to being anything..."

"can I still show up?"

"...I...you know...sure"

He gave you his address and in no time you started heading towards his home.

Meanwhile he was nervous. Heart stammering on his chest. He quickly started to (try) to clean his home. At least try to keep It more tidy.

But when he heard the door ring his heart stopped. You were here. Oh God. Oh wow.

He dusted his clothes and ran his hand throught his hair. Then finally opened the door.

"Hey..."

He said with his soft smile and small wave. Meanwhile your met him with a bright, big one.

"Hey Man! I-oh shit dude you look awful"

His smile faltered, and he looked down at himself

"what?"

You looked down at his face and gently cupped it to properly see his curls and soft brown eyes. But the eyebags he had also were a obvious tell to his lack of sleep.

"when was the last time you slept?"

His face imediatly started to warm up, a bit from embarassement. Were you able to tell that easily?

"I...uhh...been too busy I guess."

The brushes the back of his neck, and looked away

"Do you wanna watch a movie...or something?"

He then asked, eyes darted away while he tried to change the subject. You could read right throught him and noticed something was troubling him, but knowing Mike you knew wasnt gonna just say It to you.

You smiled and accepted the offer, both of you now making your way to his couch to watch some generic dvd he had.

You were seated next to one another, knees barely touching. You attention was more on him than the move itself, and he seemed to be doing the same.

His troubled eyes darting from the tv, to the floor and to your lap, maybe eye contact wasnt his best skill afterall.

You decided to be bold, wrapping an arm around his neck and pulling him towards you, no space in between you two. He could hear you breathing, the way your chest would rise up and down, and the cherry on top, was when you started to gently scratch his scalp. Any migrains vanishing instandly as he essentially melted on top of you.

God, he could die right then and there and he wouldnt mind at all. The sight made you smile more and you decided to take this oportunity to ask

"Something tells me you havent been "just busy"...are you ok Mike?"

He closed his eyes and tried to push his face deeper into your chest, his hands gently holding onto the rem of your shirt. Mumbling something incoherent to you, something along the lines of "Im fine"

"Mike Im being serious"

You pressed on.

"You look like youre about to pass out. What happened?"

He sighed, and slowly decided to open up to you.

At first, he didnt wanna speak much, to not scared you away, looking away and fidgeting with your shirt, so he started venting about his job...then his responsabilities of Abby. But as time went on, and he began mumbling more and more, he got to some other more personal topics, like his nightmares.

When he opened his mouth to speak his chest felt heavy, dificult to breath and before he knew It, tears started rolling down his eyes.

"S-sorry...I'm bothering you I should sto-"

You shushed him, then wrapped your arms around his waist, and pulled him even closer, towards you lap. Then you gently made his head rest on your collarbone.

And If the sight didnt cut deep within your heart, how many things have this Man been carrying on his back by himself? No Family members, No aid, heck It was a surprise he managed to keep that within himself for so damn long.

Your arms served as a protective shield and a warm blanket. Your cologne, tho strong, was slowly intoxicating his brain and making him feel safe like in a little cocoon. He closed his eyes as his breathing got better.

"You're too good for me"

He felt calm. Finally. A peacefull slumber slowly taking over his body. And he Fell asleep right then and there.

You chuckled.

"Wow you really havent been sleeping properly huh?"

Gently brushing his hair and whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

Yes he was asleep on you, but it's not like you were gonna complain about It. You made yourself more comfortable on the couch and slowly, fell asleep yourself.

....

Author's note: So this was supposed to be short. 500 words max buuuut... :3

#this has been im drafts for way to long i need to post this NOW #fnaf #fnaf x reader #🍞writing #mike schmidt #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt x male reader #do i put the josh hutschon tag too? ...#nah #x male reader #male reader #angst #fluff #m!reader #light angst

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loversj0y · 1 year ago

Note

You’re loosing me 🥲

you're losing me

event masterlist

pairing: wilbur soot x gn! reader

tw: angst, wilbur is kind of a dick tbh, crying and fights

notes: i love this song so much but this one made me so sad man. im getting better at writing angst but it still makes me sad :(

word count: 1.5

taglist: @l0veb0mb1ng / @core-queen / @zooone / @lillylvjy / @ghostsacrosslndnfields / @melunnek

You couldn’t sleep.

You and Wilbur had barely spoken in months. You two see each other everyday, and it’s almost shocking how many conversations you could have without saying anything. You couldn’t tell if you even loved him anymore, you knew you had the ability to, it was just hard to sort through all the noise and indecision in your brain.

Wilbur wasn’t very vocal about your relationship. He was affectionate in private, but sometimes in public it felt like he barely knew you. Even though you’d been together for years, he still acted like an acquaintance when you were around anyone, even friends.

Your relationship felt like dying. You didn’t feel trapped, but you so desperately wanted him to just do something and be there, give you any sign that he still cared about you and loved you.

You felt cold when you finally managed to go to sleep. His arms weren’t wrapped around you like they used to be. It felt like sleeping next to a stranger.

You felt just as cold when you woke up. Wilbur was awake next to you, leaned up and scrolling on his phone. You turned and looked at him, unable to hide the sourness from your expression this early in the morning.

He looked at you in response to your shifting, “Hm? Oh, good morning, darling.” He smiled, “Sleep well?”

You shrugged in response. You missed when a response like that would make him pull you into his arms, kiss you and ask you what was wrong and what he could do to help.

Instead, he just ignored it. “Old friend of mine is having a party tonight, do you want to come with me?”

Not really. But it was better than just sitting and rotting in your apartment, unable to escape the constant reminders of your dying relationship.

“I’ll come, I guess.” You’d long given up hiding the pain and resignation in your voice. Wilbur never noticed the signs.

“Great,” he leaned down, pecking your lips quickly, “I love you, darling,” he stood, walking out quickly.

You didn’t even have a chance to respond before he was out of the room.

You laid in bed for a long time. Wilbur barely noticed that you stayed there, even as he flitted around the room and got dressed for the day. Once he’d spoken a quick “goodbye” and headed out (you didn’t even know where he was going), you finally stood up and took a shower. You cried while you showered. Your heart felt tired of this, and you didn’t know how much longer you could keep it together. You’d dedicated years of your life to this relationship, and he acted like he simply tolerated you. You don’t know how long you stood there crying, but by the time you got out, Wilbur had returned. If he noticed your red-rimmed and puffy eyes, he didn’t say anything.

You got ready for the party quickly. It was a quick walk there. Every time you remembered the walks you used to go on, where his arms would be around you or his hand it yours, it felt like twisting a knife in your chest. But you put on a happy face. It wasn’t anyone here’s business the mental torment you were going through.

The start of the party was nice, meeting some of Wilbur’s friends and mostly just talking your praises of Wilbur. Shortly after, he left you alone, and you felt overwhelmed. You didn’t know anyone here, except Wilbur and he’d currently fucked off to where ever. You stood in the corner, trying to spot him in the gathering of people. It almost felt like he was ignoring you, but you tried to convince yourself that it wasn’t on purpose.

It did make you bitter, though. He was the one who told you to come, he was the one who invited you out, and he was the one who was supposed to love you. You’d never felt so alone in a room full of so many people.

You finally spotted him, making your way over quickly. You took your place next to him, and he spared you a quick glance before going back to his conversation. You didn’t butt into the conversation, you didn’t even know this guy.

He brought you up though.

“And so, you two, you’ve been together how long now?”

“Three years,” Wilbur supplied, letting his hand come to rest on your lower back.

“Wow, three years, that’s amazing. Are you liking the married life?”

It was an honest mistake, one you would’ve clarified with a soft chuckle and a simple “Oh, we’re not married yet.”

Wilbur had a different response. “Oh, god, no,” he fully laughed, shaking his head, “We’re not married. Didn’t mean to give you that idea.” He responded, acting like it was a joke.

It sent you spiraling. The rest of the night was a blur, too lost in your own thoughts. He clearly seemed to think that your relationship was a joke. So why was he even still with you? Why was he making you feel like you were dying? Why was it going to be your job to find a way to end this? To get him to admit that there was nothing left; he didn’t love you anymore.

You didn’t remember getting home. You had walked home without him. He probably hadn’t even noticed. You stood in front of the mirror, staring at yourself and just wondering how you could’ve gotten there.

Wilbur unlocked the door to the apartment about half an hour after you’d gotten home.

“Love?” He asked, walking in and finding you in front of the mirror, “Why’d you come home without saying anything?”

You sighed quietly. “I’m shocked you actually noticed.”

He scoffed, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“You haven’t noticed anything else.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know you don’t.” You ran a hand through your hair.

He didn’t speak for a while, crossing his arms, “Is this… another one of your sadness things again? You should just tell me if you’re upset. I could’ve stayed there if I knew that’s all it was.”

You felt rage bubble up in your chest, “God, Wilbur, I am so sorry, actually. That my pain ruined your fucking night. By all means, go. Clearly, you think I’m the pinnacle of being okay right now, so just fucking go. You obviously would rather be anywhere than with your partner who’s been struggling for months.”

He frowned, “What are you on about?”

You clenched your jaw, “Do you love me, Wilbur?”

“What? Of course I love you-” “Then tell me anything about myself, right now. Anything recent. How have I been doing at work? What song have I been listening to? How many nights have I stayed up crying while you didn’t notice?”

He was speechless. You continued.

“I have spent months being there for you. Every time anything went wrong, or you needed support, you didn’t even have to say anything, I was always there for you, even when it hurt me! And you haven’t even noticed that I’ve been fucking drowning for months. All I’ve wanted for months is for you to ask once, just once, if I’m okay. And you haven’t!” You scoffed, anger bringing a laugh out of you.

“And you know what? I wouldn’t marry me either! Because clearly there must be something so vitally wrong with me that when one of your friends mistakenly thought we were married, you laughed in his face. You treated the entire concept as a joke! And I- I’m such a fucking people pleaser, I didn’t even say anything or speak up at all! I let you laugh off the idea of us being together forever as if it didn’t even matter!”

You were fighting off tears as he spoke up finally.

“Is that what this is about? I didn’t mean to laugh like that, it just caught me off guard.”

You put your head in your hands, groaning and yelling into them, “That is not what this is about, Wilbur! Have you even been listening to me? Do you fucking love me or not? Because you haven’t given me any indication to show me that you love me, Wilbur. I feel like I’m dying just being here with you, and you haven’t even noticed. I have done so much for this relationship, and all I have wanted for months is for you to give any sign that you even know I exist!” You panted, and Wilbur just stared at you, “Will you just fucking do something?”

“I don’t know what to say. I didn’t realize that you were… were feeling like this.”

You nodded, sitting down on your bed, arms crossed. “Get out, Wilbur,” you whispered.

“What?”

You sighed, placing your head in your hands and wiping away tears, “Get the fuck out. I can’t do this anymore.”

Within moment, he walked out, leaving you behind.

The worst part about it all was how easily he listened. He didn’t try to fight for you. He just grabbed some of his things and left you, alone, to sit in a dark room where you’d watched your relationship die.

#mar's 200 follower event #mar writes #wilbur soot x reader #mcyt x reader #dsmp x reader #wilbur x reader #wilbur soot #wilbur soot x you #wilbur x y/n #wilbur

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janetbrown711 · 5 months ago

Text

If I Fail You

Zhu Li Na is four months old when the cracks in the universe return, so it looks like it's time for baby's first Collect-A-Thon to Save the Universe! Surely nothing will go wrong!!! (Season 5 Rewrite adding in freenoodles fan kid Zhu Li Na + diving deeper into the mentality/mental health of certain characters)

Chapter 1: Watching Him Fade Away

Pigsy notices his son is starting to crack, but it's hard caring for a monkey-demi-god-kinda-regular-god and a four-month-old. But nevertheless, Pigsy tries.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Ao3 Link

Doodles !!!

MK was a very, very good big brother.

He was over at Pigsy and Tang’s as frequently as Sandy, always helping out and playing and cuddling and changing and cleaning and taking care of the little piglet as much as possible whenever he wasn’t training with Monkey King.

Pigsy hadn’t minded the extra help at first. It was nice to have his son and daughter bond and who was he to refuse an extra pair of hands when he was this tired all the time? Plus, Tang had to go to work, and so the help was certainly needed at times.

But something was… off with his son. Of course, something had been off for months now, but whatever it was it was clearly getting far worse as he was gaining circles under his eyes so dark they were supposed to be reserved for new parents. He was also adamantly in denial of the whole thing, as any time Pigsy tried talking to him about sleep or stress, he jumped right up and suddenly remembered a task he had procrastinated and dashed off.

A part of Pigsy worried MK had been lying about accepting all this change– that he didn’t like his room being taken, or that he even didn’t like Li Na. Another part of him told him that was ridiculous, as MK seemed genuinely happy to help her whenever he could. Another, deeper part of him wondered if MK had been like this for months, but Pigsy just hadn’t noticed, too busy dealing with the pregnancy and NICU. A more optimistic part said maybe the couch wasn’t as comfortable to sleep on as it used to be, and he should encourage the kid to go back to sleeping at his place.

But that could easily make him feel worse, right? Pigsy worked to make sure MK knew he still had a place in his home, he didn't want the kid to think he suddenly flipped a switch on him. He needed to know he could still rely on Pigsy, even if he was a lot busier these days.

It didn't help that no matter what progress Pigsy felt he made, it felt like he was back at level zero every time MK returned from training.

He needed to think up a plan, and quick– or else risk MK losing his mind.

Of course, it was hard to plan with a four-month-old in constant need of attention, but you know.

“If the problem is a lack of sleep, bringing MK back to his own place and away from a screaming baby would certainly be for the best,” Sandy suggested, finishing buttoning up Li Na's onesie after a change.

“Yeah, I know, I know– but I don't want ‘im thinking I'm shoving him out, you know? I want ‘im to know he can always come to me for help,” Pigsy sighed, folding some of her laundry.

“Have a little faith in the kid; he knows you love him, he's said so himself.” Sandy picked Li Na up, though she cooed and reached away to Pigsy.

“I–... I dunno… he's real sleep deprived– you know how thoughts can get,” Pigsy scratched his neck.

“Then remind him,” Sandy gave a soft smile. “Tell him you're concerned and be honest about why.”

Pigsy looked away. “Eh… me and honesty don't really get along well, what with sayin’ I wasn't the kid's dad to his face and all for twenty years…”

“Are you sure that was honesty and not insecurity?” Sandy raised an eyebrow as Li Na began to whine.

Pigsy sighed, taking his daughter back in his arms. She immediately cooed happily, which made the elder pig demon chuckle a little. “I guess you might be right… but still, I just– I'm not good at this. Not really.”

“I don't know, Li Na seems to think you're doing just fine.” Sandy winked, making Pigsy roll his eyes and blush slightly.

His friend laughed. “Just trust your instincts, Pigsy. You've always been good when you listen to your heart.”

Pigsy snorted, but didn't have a good rebuttal. Especially because Li Na did seem plenty happy, reaching for the buttons on Pigsy's shirt with glee.

The thought occurred to Pigsy that maybe Sandy ought to be the one to talk to MK since he was so good at it. Before he could suggest it though, there was a massive woosh throughout the apartment announcing MK's arrival from training.

“You want me to head out for some groceries?” Sandy offered, but Pigsy shook his head.

“I think it'll be good if just the two– er, three– of us head out for a bit,” Pigsy suggested.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea, Pigsy.” Sandy smiled at him all bright and corny, which made him roll his eyes again as he exited the nursery.

Not to his surprise, Pigsy found MK in the kitchen wiping down the countertops with extreme vigor, acting like each little crumb and blotch was the Lady Bone Demon and needed to be wiped off this plane of existence asap. It might have been funny if it weren't for the stress and exhaustion weighing in his eyes.

“Hey, kid. You– uh… feeling okay?” Pigsy asked.

“Pigsy–! Hi! How're you doing?” MK shot up from the counter with a forced grin.

“I asked you first.” Pigsy raised an eyebrow, shifting Li Na to an upright position so her head was against his shoulder.

“O-oh! Right! Yeah, I'm all good man! Never felt better!” His son gave an even bigger smile and thumbs up for emphasis.

Pigsy frowned. “Kid, when was the last time you slept?”

“Bah, sleep is for the weak.” MK tried to wave off. “How's Li Na? When's the last time she slept?”

Pigsy gave an unamused look. “Kid, I know what you're trying to do and it ain't gonna work.”

“What? Being helpful? I'm hurt.” MK put his hand over his chest dramatically, before scrubbing the counters again.

Pigsy rolled his eyes. “Li Na is fine, MK. It's you I'm worried about.”

“I told you, I'm fine! Never felt better!” His son insisted, tossing out the cleaning wipe.

Pigsy growled in frustration, causing the piglet in his arms to whine, sensing his distress.

“Oh–! Hey, I can take her if she's not feeling okay! Or I can get her formula started or her diaper changed or–”

“MK, she doesn't need any of that–” Pigsy took a breath to try and calm himself while rubbing Li Na's back. “Just tell me what's wrong… please.”

MK's smile faltered. “A-are you sure you don't need anything? I can clean up around here or wash the van o-or even cook dinner, if you need.”

Pigsy sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, before remembering his idea from earlier. “You know what? Let's go check on the restaurant. See how it's holding up.”

That worked to snap MK out of his spiral, as he froze and tilted his head. “Really? Why? You're not gonna open it for another four months.”

Pigsy shrugged. “Fresh air'll do us good. Plus, I wanna make a proper meal on a proper stove, and I think my old cookbook is still over there.”

“Oh– Okay! I can get the ca–”

“I'll get the carrier and bag. You can take Li Na,” Pigsy decided instead.

MK seemed confused again, but accepted the now smiling infant into his arms. “Hey kiddo, you having fun?” he asked, scrunching his nose. “We're gonna go to the restaurant soon. That's where you were born! It's also my favorite place on earth, so it'll be super fun.”

Pigsy chuckled, shaking his head before going back into the nursery to get the same well-loved carrier he had used years and years and years before with MK.

“So..? How's it going so far?” Sandy asked, startling the pig who had forgotten he was there.

“We're gonna go for a walk, get some fresh air… though if you wanna take over, be my guest,” Pigsy half-joked.

Sandy gave him a pitiful smile. “You got this, Pigsy. Just open up a little bit and you'll be golden.”

The chef rolled his eyes. “Yeah, just text Tang where we are so he doesn't think we're being kidnapped or somethin’.” He snorted before finding the diaper bag and throwing a few things in.

He had to dig a bit through the closet before he found his old baby carrier, with a well-worn scrapbook sitting right underneath.

The chef couldn't help but smile a little as he picked it up and started flipping through. At the time he'd thought it was corny, that he wasn't MK's dad so there wasn't a point. However, his grandmother (and eventually Tang) insisted it was just to preserve good memories, and Pigsy couldn't have been more grateful.

His heart ached with happiness and joy as he saw old photos of MK's chubby face, with fistfuls of noodles and a face covered in sauce. It had been a long, long time since he'd seen that face, so full of joy and nativity. No past, no future, just in the present focused on gorging himself on noodles.

“Found something?” Sandy asked, peeking over Pigsy's shoulder.

“Just an old scrapbook,” Pigsy chuckled before shutting it carefully.

“Oh? I thought you weren't the ‘nostalgic type’.” Sandy grinned cheekily, quoting Pigsy from twenty five years ago.

“Yeah, yeah, shut up,” Pigsy huffed and stood up, pausing when he realized he was still holding the book in his hands.

…He wasn't exactly sure why, but he slipped it into the diaper bag too.

“Text me if you end up needing anything,” Sandy said, not commenting on Pigsy's impulse decision.

“Yeah, yeah. Get some sleep while you can,” Pigsy gave his friend a short crooked smile.

Sandy laughed. “I sleep plenty fine on my boat, Pigsy.”

“With all those cats? Sure.” The chef retorted. “I should be back in an hour or so.”

“I'll hold the fort down. Have fun.” Sandy gave a salute, making Pigsy huff in amusement before heading back out to the living room, where MK was bouncing Li Na in a mix of exhaustion and worry.

“C'mon, Li Na, it's okay, h-he'll be back soon, it's okay, you're okay, you're– Pigsy! She started whining and I-I think I'm messing it up, she won't–”

“Hey, hey, it's okay, kid, it's okay.” Pigsy immediately set the carrier and diaper bag on the couch, rushing to his son's side and placing a hand on his back. “You're okay, kid, just relax.”

“No, she wants you, she doesn't want me, I-I'm all messed up– take her back, please.” MK's resolve was starting to crack.

“Hey, MK, it's okay, you're okay, just take a breath for me, alright?” Pigsy placed a calm and firm hand on his chest, taking a slow breath MK eventually copied.

“Th-thanks, Pigsy.” MK sniffled, trying to bounce the still squirming piglet.

Pigsy's chest ached with worry for both of them, but he shook it off for a moment. “I'm gonna get the carrier on, and then we'll go for a walk, alright?”

“Yeah, that’s good.” MK nodded, small tears forming in his eyes.

Pigsy bit his cheek, but knew the best thing would be to just move on for now. And so, he quickly got the baby carrier on, putting it into front-inward carry mode, and placed Li Na inside, who relaxed as soon as her chest was against his.

MK just stood there, watching at first before looking at the ground with his hands in his hoodie. His eyes were shining with tears, and his head was slowly sinking further and further down.

It was something MK did a lot as a kid, especially on days he wanted nothing more than to just disappear. It made Pigsy want to cry, but the chef toughed it out.

“C'mon, let's get some air.” He gave a mostly-not-forced smile and patted his son's shoulder.

The boy nodded, clearly swallowing his tears before he suddenly moved, picking up the diaper bag and opening the door.

“Dads-ies first.” MK cracked a mostly-forced smile that made Pigsy's heart twinge.

“Thanks, kiddo.” He patted his arm again, and the three of them headed out into the night.

The chef instantly felt more relaxed the second the late evening air hit his face, but he could tell it made MK more than a little anxious. Pigsy nudged the kid before taking a deep breath, implying for him to do the same. MK did, his shoulders loosening a little, but his eyes stayed glued to the ground.

“You know– it’s– uh… it’s hard to believe it’s been four months, you know? Since she was born,” Pigsy tried lightening the mood.

“Y-yeah! Man, time does fly, doesn’t it?” MK gave a weak laugh, one hand briefly leaving his pocket to scratch his neck before going right back.

“Oh yeah. Sometimes I can hardly believe you’re in your twenties and not still goin’ to school,” Pigsy snorted.

MK laughed a little less at that. “Yeah, it’s… yeah.”

Pigsy winced as they stopped at a crosswalk. “It’s… hard to imagine one day Li Na’ll be in her twenties, all grown up and probably helping you fight whatever monster’s attacking the city that week.”

“I thought you don’t want her fighting?” MK raised a somewhat playful eyebrow.

“MK, I’m still not jazzed about you fighting,” Pigsy chuckled. “But… if that’s how it’s gonna be, that’s how it’s gonna be.”

MK looked forward. “Right. Because ‘destiny’ and all that.”

“What? No–ugh, I’m putting a household ban on that word.” Pigsy shook his head. “I mean because– I– you know– with the whole–”

“Light’s green,” MK interrupted and immediately started walking again.

Pigsy sighed, making Li Na shift so the chef put a hand on her tiny head. “I’ve got my work cut out for me tonight, don’t I kiddo?” he asked in a low voice, to which Li Na just cooed tiredly. The chef chuckled and gave her a soft pat before walking again.

Just listen to your heart, Pigsy, just like Sandy said to. Sure, you’ve screwed this up before just about a million times, but Sandy is usually right about these things anyways so– just– try. For MK.

“So– um… you feeling hungry at all?” Pigsy ventured, deciding to steer clear of the d-word.

“Eh, not really.” MK half shrugged.

Pigsy eyed MK for a moment, looking him up and down and checking for his usual hunger ticks. “Let me rephrase that; when was the last time you ate?”

“Pigsy, I’m okay, really, I just–” MK tried to lie, but seemed to remember he’d already been caught earlier. “Training was just hard today.”

Pigsy’s brows knit together. “What do you mean?”

“No! Not like that, I don’t mean it like that– I just– you know–! The more powerful I-I get the more he works me, which is good! Monkey King isn’t bad, it’s all just– it’s fine, I’m fine, let’s just go back home.” MK almost turned around, but Pigsy grabbed his arm.

“Kid, I know I’ve been… a little hard on him in the past, but I know he’s helpin’ you in ways I can’t, so it’s okay,” The chef gave a weak smile. It seemed to help the kid genuinely relax a bit, making the chef’s smile grow. “Besides, he did help save your sister’s life, so I know he ain’t all ‘irresponsibility’.”

MK let out a genuine laugh. “Of course him saving your life doesn’t count for anything.”

Pigsy rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, he’s saved me too, I guess, whatever.”

“And he’s saved mine,” MK pointed out with a smug grin.

“Eh, I’d say at this point the score of ‘saved your life’ versus ‘actively put it in danger’ is about even,” Pigsy pushed back playfully, and his son let out another laugh.

“Yeah, whatever,” The kid shook his head with a chuckle, and all that laughter made Li Na let out laughs of her own.

“Well, look who’s deciding to join all the fun,” Pigsy teased her a little. “What do you think? You like that Monkey King guy?”

Li Na laughed again, making her brother grin. “You know, I think that counts as a ‘yes’.”

“Bah, she’s four months old, what does she know?” Pigsy waved off.

“Nah, I think she’s got it just right.” MK winked and booped her snout, making her scrunch up her nose and smile big, which MK copied, just as they came to another crosswalk that was thankfully green, and then it was “restaurant, sweet restaurant”.

“Look, Li Na! It’s the best restaurant in all of China,” MK grinned as he fished out the keys from the bag, meanwhile, Pigsy soaked in the quiet warm feeling of seeing his third biggest pride and joy in person again after four months away. Of course, it also brought back memories of the absolute pain and terror he felt when last there, but there was also plenty of joy and love, so Pigsy was doing just fine.

As was MK, evidently, as he lifted the security shield and flicked the lights on with delight before zipping to punch in the alarm code at a pace physically impossible for the old chef. Instead, Pigsy took his time letting all the memories soak in (though was certainly thankful all of the… “mess” had been cleaned shortly after going to the hospital).

“Ahhh, it’s good to be back Pigsy.” MK came out from the back with a grin. “So, what’re we going to make? We gonna go for the longest noodle record again? Ooo– wait! What about the thickest noodle?! You haven’t done that yet, have you?” MK’s more manic energy came out yet again.

“Woah kiddo, let’s settle down a bit first, alright?” Pigsy said lightheartedly.

“Ahhh, c’mon! It’s why we came here! Revisit some memories, get cooking, and have a totally cool and awesome time for Li Na’s first visit– er… I guess first ‘return’ to the restaurant since she was born here.” MK tapped his chin.

“Right, yeah, that’s true, but– I mean– there’s also– you know–” Pigsy hesitated again, cursing himself for stumbling over his words again.

MK tilted his head. “You feeling okay, Pigsy?”

“Are you?” Pigsy immediately snarked back, though immediately wished he hadn’t (the cursing in his head growing louder).

MK’s eyes glanced around the restaurant as he slowly made his way to the bar and sat on a stool before picking at the grout. “I-I mean– I’m okay, if that’s what you’re asking. I-I just–...”

Pigsy blinked, surprised his screw-up wasn’t backfiring. Scared he’d find a way to ruin it though, he quietly and carefully approached the bar, giving MK an analytic up and down.

MK glanced his way, noticing the look and shrinking down. “I… I can’t sleep. Every time I do, I-I just– I-I–” The kid suddenly froze, eyes glazed over with a distant look of shame and terror before he desperately tried shaking it away.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay– stay with me, kiddo,” Pigsy tried his best to soothe, placing a free hand on MK’s shoulder and squeezing it tight. He could feel MK wanting to resist, but Pigsy held on tight, and eventually his son leaned into his shoulder.

“I-I’m so tired, Dad. I just wanna sleep, but– I-I have to keep working– I have to keep training, I have to.” MK sniffled.

“MK, it’s okay to take breaks sometimes,” Pigsy urged, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and giving them a squeeze.

MK shook his head. “E-even if I didn’t need to, I still can’t– it just doesn’t stop…”

Pigsy nodded slowly, not entirely surprised he was finally displaying symptoms of PTSD, or whatever Sandy called it– dammit, it really should be Sandy instead of him– why did Pigsy think he could do this on his own? Always so stupid–

No. If MK needed help getting to sleep, Pigsy knew how to get him to sleep– just use the same trick from when he was a kid. And who knows? Maybe with some luck, Pigsy could get a meaningful lesson in there too.

He could do this. He just needed to listen to his gut.

“I’m sorry sleep’s skipping out on you, kid,” the chef started, giving him another squeeze. “But since we’re all up and here, why don’t we give Li Na her first cooking lesson?”

A light sparked in MK’s eyes. “Really? You want me to help?”

“‘Course I do. You’ve run this place on your own a few times already, and she needs to know all the tips and tricks.” Pigsy winked, going behind the bar. “Although the dish we’re making tonight ain’t on the menu.”

“Huh? Why?” MK tilted his head and followed.

Pigsy shrugged. “Consider it a ‘double lesson’.”

“Ooo! Like a noodle master and his proteges,” MK grinned again.

“Sure,” Pigsy snorted, finding his old cook book and flipping to the particular Lanzhou Beef Noodle Soup recipe he had in mind.

“You sure Li Na’s gonna be able to stay awake for the whole lesson though? She’s already looking so sleepy to me,” MK cooed over the somewhat droopy-looking infant.

Pigsy chuckled, patting her head again. “She’ll be just fine; us Zhu’s can practically cook in our sleep.”

“I made instant ramen once in my sleep, does that count?” MK joked.

As much as Pigsy hated that garbage, he nodded sagely. “No doubt about it.”

That seemed to strike MK, as his joking smile twisted in surprise, before he shook himself out of it.

“R-right– well, um– I’ll get started on the dough,” MK forced a more casual smile before zipping off to the back again.

Pigsy bit his cheek, looking down at Li Na and silently wondering if that all was a good sign or not. The infant just blinked and smiled back tiredly.

“You know, you’re a lot like your brother when he was a kid,” Pigsy smiled tiredly and kissed her forehead. She cooed a tired response before nuzzling her face into Pigsy's chest.

Shortly after she did, MK came out from the back with all the stuff needed to make the noodles piled high in his arms. He managed to set it down just fine though; probably due to the kid’s super strength.

“Alright, I’ll get started on the dough if you get started on the chicken and beef?” Pigsy proposed.

“On it.” MK grinned, and Pigsy hummed happily as the two of them got to work.

Pigsy immediately started talking Li Na through the process of making noodles, despite her immediately falling asleep at the likely familiar sounds of sizzling meat and boiling pots. MK of course chimed in whenever he could, whether with a joke or with how he liked to do it versus how Pigsy did it. A part of Pigsy wondered if the kid knew his sister was asleep, but even if he didn’t, Pigsy wouldn’t dare say a word. After all, he was having fun, and that plus the sleep he’d get tonight would make him start feeling better in no time. Not completely fixed, of course, but better. And MK needed better.

It was dark out by the time they were wrapping everything up, and while MK was babbling about this one customer he had to serve, Li Na was starting to stir once again. Pigsy immediately started to sway as he stirred to try and keep her wake-up calm so MK wouldn’t worry, but babies are babies and soon enough a cry broke out.

“Seriously! A whole avocado! Who doe– Li Na–!” MK dropped everything to run to his dad’s side. “Is she okay? What’s wrong?”

“She’s okay, she’s okay, she just woke up from her little bed time nap, didn’t you?” Pigsy tried assuring the both of them, but Li Na must’ve been tired of the carrier as she started wriggling in frustration.

“Okay, okay, I hear you kiddo, just hold on a sec, okay?” Pigsy told her before looking at MK. “How’s about you do the finishing touches and I get her settled, alright?”

“O-Okay, yeah, I-I can manage.” MK chewed his cheek but tried to smile.

“Everything’s under control. Don't worry, MK.” Pigsy placed a hand on his arm again and gave it a squeeze.

“Right, yeah. On it, boss.” MK nodded to himself and went to the pot, giving Pigsy enough confidence to make his way to the bar where he finally freed his agitated piglet from her prison.

“There you go, it's okay, you're okay,” Pigsy shushed, carefully holding her in one arm and setting the carrier down with the other.

Li Na still continued to fuss though, threatening to wail as she kicked and failed her arms. Pigsy bit his cheek, trying to rock her but she kept trying to push him away.

“Kid, it's okay, I'm just trying to help you, just let me help you,” Pigsy pleaded with her, trying to bring her back to his chest but that only made her angrier as the wailing began.

Pigsy winced, trying to rock her instead, but that wasn't working either. She just kept crying and crying and crying, her face turning bright red and scrunched up. He tried digging through the diaper bag for something to help, but with how much squirming she was doing it was hard to be efficient with one arm.

“C'mon, it's okay, you're okay,” the chef whispered, desperate to not stress MK out even more than he already was.

God, this was such a mess. Sandy would've had it all figured out by now– he could read Li Na like a book, and he could help MK actually talk about his feelings. All Pigsy could do was bury his own feelings deep down and hope his kids didn't do the same. No wonder MK was like this, Pigsy was an exhausted mess too– he couldn't help anyone like this– he–

“Here, I got her formula for you.” MK suddenly appeared in front of Pigsy with a bottle in hand, startling the chef who needed a moment to comprehend.

“I– uh– thank you,” Pigsy took it with hesitation, unsure if it would work. However, the second the bottle reached the infant's lips she started chugging away.

Pigsy cursed himself internally for not even considering that could be the issue.

“Thanks, kid. How'd you know?” Pigsy asked tiredly.

MK shrugged. “She had that kinda clicky sound when she cried, and she only does that when she's hungry. I think it's because her tongue is in position for the bottle or something, I dunno.”

“Oh, yeah, I– uh– I guess she does,” Pigsy looked at her, shame weighing heavy in his chest.

“A-anyways– um– soups on,” MK gave a big nervous smile.

“Right, yeah. Back to our cooking lesson,” Pigsy forced a weak one back.

Taking a breath to ground himself, Pigsy got up and started making his way back to the counter. “You see, Li Na, the thing about good food is when you make it just right– the flavor, the feelin’– it all just comes rushing back to you,” Pigsy couldn't help but smile a little, thinking back to the last time he held MK in his arms in this very kitchen. If you do it just right, Li Na, it's more than ‘just food’, you know what I'm saying?” Pigsy looked at MK too.

“Right! Yeah, Li Na, follow the recipe and it'll all be good,” MK patted his sister's head.

“Oh– well– no, I, um–” Pigsy glanced at the noodle dish, when he realized MK– if he was following the directions to a tee as he claimed– missed an ingredient, and did a taste test to confirm.

“Hmm… it's missin’ somethin’.... but what?” He teased his son a little, and panic quickly entered his eyes.

“Wh-what?! But I followed the recipe perfectly, right?” MK went to flip through the cookbook before Pigsy rolled his eyes and let him have his own taste.

Thankfully, that snapped MK out of fight-or-flight as he tasted it for a second before it must've clicked in his mind. He instantly stood upright and reached for the soy sauce.

“Ahhh,” Pigsy winked encouragingly. “See kid, it's not always about following the recipe like it's written; sometimes you gotta feel it.” The chef smiled softly at the piglet as MK got bowls down and poured servings for the two of them. “And when you do, it becomes more than just food: it's home.”

“Oughhhh, it's so good,” MK laughed, tiredly picking the bowl up like he was talking to it. “Wish Li Na could try some, man, it's delicious.”

Pigsy chuckled, noticing Li Na was done with her bottle and quickly moved to start burping her, towel already on his shoulder. “Can't say I'm surprised. When I found– er– when you–... when you were a kid, this was your favorite.” He smiled tiredly at the memory, thinking back to the scrapbook. “I don't know when you stopped likin’ it so much, but–... but it always helped you sleep, so I figured–”

A soft thud of MK resting his head against the bar, next to his bowl, made the chef chuckle. “Still works.”

MK mumbled something in his sleep, and Pigsy rubbed a hand across his back until a small smile crept on his son's face.

“Now for the hard part.” He cringed, thinking how he'd now have to carry both of his kids up the stairs to MK's room.

Welp. He had no one but himself to blame, so may as well get to it.

Pigsy worked quickly and efficiently, making sure Li Na was 100% satisfied and ready to go back in the carrier before he set it to “backpack mode” and placed her in. After that, he mentally prepared himself for how much his back was going to hurt in the morning, before scooping up his sleeping son and throwing him over his shoulder, trying his best to make sure no part of him was hitting Li Na.

Immediately, Pigsy knew this was a stupid idea and that he should just text Sandy or Tang to come over to help. Instead, Pigsy stubbornly trudged up the stairs and into MK's apartment before all but dropping him onto the bed, before he too practically collapsed and sat.

“You know… that… was a lot easier when you were little, kiddo.” Pigsy snorted.

MK didn't respond in the slightest, those noodles really knocking the living daylights out of him. It was good to finally see him relax and hopefully, with time, the dark circles around his eyes could disappear.

“Sorry I had to kinda trick you into sleeping, kiddo, but it's for your own good. You need to take care of yourself before you try and take care of me and your sister,” Pigsy chuckled a little as he heard Li Na coo behind him.

“Oh yeah, your brother's a real hard worker, missy. He needs his rest so we can't be staying long,” he told the infant, though wasn't really motivated to move.

He watched as MK's chest slowly raised and fell, over and over and over again in a rhythm that finally made Pigsy's own tense shoulders relax. He chuckled to himself as he instinctively reached and brushed his son's hair out of his eyes.

“I don't know how I ended up with you, but… I'm so glad I did,” he whispered. “I love you, son. Get some rest.”

Pigsy sat there for a while, softly stroking his son’s face and humming a lullaby out of habit. It seemed to help his son relax even more, a smile creeping on his resting face, making Pigsy feel like his heart could burst with pride and love. However, the chef knew he couldn’t stay forever, and so after finishing the song, he stood and turned off MK’s lights and left him to do as he was told.

Once outside, he let out a heavy, exhausted breath before going back to the restaurant where he took off the carrier and rearranged it to be front-facing once more.

“You have fun with your cooking lesson, kiddo?” Pigsy asked, adjusting the straps.

Li Na had no response, of course. Instead, she just watched her dad with big, curious eyes as he started gathering up all the baby supplies.

“Glad you liked it cuz there's plenty more where that came from,” he teased and slung the bag over his shoulder before he looked at all the bowls and food still out.

“Looks like we're coming back tomorrow anyways because I do not have the energy to clean all this up.” He snorted, which Li Na tried to copy.

Pigsy chuckled. “Nice one, kid. Now let's get you home.”

Li Na again attempted to snort, which Pigsy took as tired acceptance, so the two of them left the restaurant and headed homeward.

.o0o.

Despite Li Na waking up every two to three hours for food and changing, Pigsy actually felt somewhat at peace knowing his son was finally getting some rest. On top of that, Sandy was finally taking a day off as well, working on a “personal project” since it was Saturday. Tang didn't have work too, meaning he was home and relaxing as well. The only one not relaxing was Li Na, but she was still getting the hang of the “existing” thing, so it was fine. Besides, she was getting good at sleeping (much better than the previous three months), so he was relieved and proud nonetheless.

“You know, call me crazy, but I feel like we're actually starting to get the hang of this whole ‘baby parenting’ thing,” Tang joked, lifting Li Na in the air while he sat on the couch, making her squeal in delight.

“Compared to how we handled MK? Definitely,” Pigsy agreed as he repacked the diaper bag so they could go back and clean the restaurant.

“Oh, c'mon hon, that's not fair– he snuck up on us,” Tang pointed out, putting Li Naback down.

“Literally,” the chef snarked.

Tang rolled his eyes. “I don't know, I don't think we were terrible or anything– he's still alive, isn't he?”

“By a miracle.” Pigsy shook his head. “I still remember the beach incident.”

“Hey! That wasn't my fault! And in my defense, he's probably literally made of stone! And it's not like he was drowning or anything, I just–” The scholar got all red and flustered, making his daughter giggle. “You mock my pain, Li-Li.”

“Clever girl,” Pigsy smirked as his husband shot a dirty look.

“Well, if she's going to be like that then she doesn't get any more upies.” Tang stuck his nose up and Li Na's face fell.

“Tang…” Pigsy cautioned, noticing her face already beginning to twist and redden for a cry.

Tang looked back and noticed too, before immediately correcting his error and lifting her back into the air. “It's a good thing I'm not though, because you're such a cutie! Yes you are! Yes you are!” he said, lowering to kiss her cheek before raising her again and again.

Pigsy smirked and shook his head. “You're such a sap.”

“You are too! Yes he is, yes he is!” Tang fought back without stopping his little game.

The chef rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I'm all packed, we good to go now?”

“You know, I don't understand the purpose of taking MK all the way to the restaurant when you could've just made him food here,” Tang quipped, standing up and cradling his daughter, who was slightly less upset than before that their game had ended (though she did reach up at him with excited arms).

“It was for the lesson! Plus, kid needed to sleep in his own bed so he wouldn't be woken up by Li Na for once,” Pigsy pointed out, getting the carrier ready for Tang.

“You just wanted to check up on the place again, didn't you?” Tang raised a playful eyebrow.

“And if I did?” Pigsy dared his husband to question him as he handed the carrier off

Tang chuckled, kissing Pigsy's cheek as they swapped Li Na. “Big sap.”

“Oy,” Pigsy rolled his eyes yet again, bouncing Li Na a little as he did. “Can't a man have some peace in his own home?”

“I think even you should know by now the answer to that is ‘no’,” Tang snarked, clicking all the buckles.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's just get a move on.” Pigsy placed her in the carrier with her chest against Tang's, and this time Tang kissed him on the lips.

“Maybe you can whip me up a bowl of noodles while we're there too, hm?” he teased, his fingers tracing up Pigsy's shoulders flirtatiously.

“Freeloader,” Pigsy scoffed.

“My darling husband.” Tang batted his eyelashes.

“Yeah, yeah, let's try and get going before sundown,” Pigsy stopped the banter before they got too carried away, and so the couple (+ baby) headed downtown.

Of course, the walk wasn’t long since it was just the three blocks, but “somehow” Tang’s ankles were already hurting, so he “rested” by the bar and played with Li Na while Pigsy started cleaning on his own.

“You know, I’m kinda surprised you’ve been handling the whole ‘stay at home dad’ thing so well so far– I really thought by now you’d be itching to just open this place again– or at least be writhing with envy at the fact that Golden Hog’s open right now,” Tang pointed out, eyeing the window of the rival restaurant across the street.

“It’s nice to know you have confidence in me,” Pigsy huffed, scrubbing off some sauce from a bowl.

“Oh, come on– I’m allowed to make comments based on years of observation and learning now, aren’t I? Besides, it’s a compliment. You’re doing well,” Tang gave a small smile.

Pigsy just hummed a little, continuing his work.

“Then again, when you get to spend almost all day every day with this lil’ cutie, I can see why,” Tang scrunched his nose and took Li Na out of the carrier to cradle and bounce her.

“Yep, she’s my favorite little freeloader,” the chef teased, setting the dish on the drying rack.

Tang gasped in offense. “I’m wounded, Pigsy. You’ve wounded me.”

“Take it up with the baby, I’m sure she’d love to hear why you’re better than her.” Pigsy waved off, grabbing some more pots and spoons to clean.

“...Am I at least your favorite big freeloader?” Tang asked cautiously.

Pigsy laughed. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Wow. You did it. You wounded me again,” Tang sighed dramatically, which made Li Na laugh and reach at his scarf with excitement. “How can you live with yourself?”

“Knowing that this is payback for all of the many, many noodles I've cooked over the years,” Pigsy gave his husband a wink.

Tang stuttered to think of a comeback, but didn't manage to get one out before there was a loud squealing of tires outside and someone burst through the bamboo flap.

“Heyo my favorite-set-of-dads and niece-y! How's it hanging?” Mei grinned wide as she took off her motorcycle helmet.

“Mei! It's so good to see you,” Tang practically jumped to hug her with one arm.

“Yeah! What're you guys even doing here though? Aren't you staying closed for another two months?” Mei looked to the chef.

“I'm cleaning up from an impromptu late night meal I made last night for MK,” Pigsy explained casually.

“Oh, sick! He doing okay?” she asked, pulling up a stool next to where Tang sat again.

Pigsy's shoulders tensed a little before he shrugged. “He's resting now.”

“Oh, that's good. I noticed him being wayyyy more active on my late-night streams than he normally does. That's good.” Her eyes wandered back to the little four-month-old. “Omg–! Is this Li Na's first outing? That's so cool! I gotta take a photo!”

Pigsy paused. “Ah– well– actually she was with me last night–”

“Shushhushhushhushshhhh– I'm taking photos.” Mei grinned, taking out her phone and snapping picture after picture of Li Na looking at her with her head tilted in confusion and curiosity.

Pigsy couldn't help but laugh and shake his head, putting the last few dishes on the drying rack before taking out one of his bigger pots and boiling water yet again.

Mei perked up. “Ooo, you cooking for Li Na too? That's so cute!”

“Nah, this is just to satisfy the freeloader, since Li Na's too young,” Pigsy sighed dramatically.

“Ah, right, can't make her sick in the tum-tum, got it.” Mei nodded wisely. “Though– uh– can that be for two freeloaders?” she asked, batting her eyelashes.

“You people are gonna be the death of me.” Pigsy shook his head as if he wasn't already planning to.

“Teehee,” Mei giggled, making Li Na giggle too. “Ough, she's just too cute! How do you people get anything done around her?!” Mei booped her snout.

“Lots of practice,” Tang laughed, offering to let Mei hold her, which she immediately accepted.

“Well, call me untrained because all I wanna do is play with this cutie patootie, yes I do, yes I do,” Mei grinned wide as she tickled Li Na with one hand, filling the restaurant with piglet squeals.

Pigsy couldn't help but smile as the restaurant came to life with cooking, chatter, and laughter as Tang and Mei caught up while keeping the piglet entertained. He could actually relax when it was like this, when he knew exactly where all his loved ones were and that they were safe and happy. He loved feeling like he could provide for them– that he could watch over and protect them. It was something of a scarce feeling these days, so Pigsy would soak it up while he could.

Pigsy was about half way through cooking a massive pot of zha jiang noodle soup, when there was a massive truck that parked just outside. At first, Pigsy worried that the delivery company forgot the restaurant was closed, but one glance outside revealed it was just Sandy with his new pet project.

“OMG! Sandy! And Mo!!!!! Hi Mo!!!!!” Mei ran out the door and waved, piglet still in arm and squinting and squirming at the sudden sunlight.

“Mei, don't run off with her,” Pigsy cautioned, not taking his eyes off of the bamboo he was slicing.

Thankfully, she heeded the warning, as Sandy came to them instead of vice versa.

“Wow! Nice surprise seeing you all here.” Sandy smiled big, Mo perched on his shoulder. “What's the occasion?”

“Clean up turned late lunch hangout,” Pigsy explained, adding the vegetables to the pot.

“And here I thought maybe you'd actually take a day to relax,” Sandy teased.

Mei laughed, sitting back down on her stool. “This is Piggy we're talking about– he wouldn't know relaxation if it hit him in the head.”

Pigsy scoffed, but let the insults come. He didn't feel like explaining the nuances of his hobby, and was perfectly content knowing they were having a good time trying to roast him anyway– or at least Mei was. Sandy and Tang moreso just laughed along. As for Li Na, she reached and grasped at Mei's jacket while oinking here and there before she started to grow tired.

By the time soup was up, Pigsy recognized she was on the verge of getting cranky, and so ordered Tang to take her before serving up everyone's meals.

“Wow, Pigsy, are you psychic or something? How'd you know to make enough for Sandy too?” Mei asked before eating a spoonful.

Pigsy shrugged. “I always make more than enough because I know a certain freeloader is gonna ask for more.” He shot Tang a dramatic look, to which his husband grinned. “Besides, I wanted to make enough for MK too in case he heard all the noise and decided to come down.”

“Oh yeah, he must be real conked out right now, huh?” Mei spat out bits of sauce.

“Must be.” Pigsy shrugged and handed her a napkin. “I should probably check on him soon.”

“Ah, MK's fine, Pigsy. He's just a very sleep-deprived adult. If he's resting, I say let him,” Tang waved off.

“Yeah, yeah, you're right, I'm just being paranoid,” Pigsy let out a tired sigh. “I think I'm in need of some sleep too.”

Sandy smiled at him pitifully. “I can help out at night too, you know.”

“Bah, you got your trucks and boats to work on,” Pigsy waved off and Mei immediately snickered.

“That's our Pigsy, ladies and gentlemen,” She clapped with a shit-eating grin.

“I can and will charge you for that bowl, Miss Dragon Heiress.” Pigsy squinted at her.

Mei squinted right back but said nothing, eating more.

Pigsy ate in smug satisfaction.

The “late lunch” ended up lasting hours, the gang all laughing and talking and taking care of Li Na and feeling normal together. Pigsy hadn't realized just how isolated and disconnected he felt being locked up in his apartment all day every day, but now that he was here it was like a breath of fresh air. If Pigsy could find a way to capture the moment in a bottle for him to access whenever, he would.

However, the longer it went on, the more… off Pigsy felt. Despite Sandy and Tang's assurances, he couldn't help but worry why MK hadn't wandered his way down yet. It was true MK had slept an entire 24 hours before, but something deep in Pigsy's gut told him something wasn't right. He tried to ignore it, especially whenever Li Na needed him, but it continued to nag at the back of his mind even as the conversation went outside to Sandy's new truck.

“OMG!!! It looks just like Mo! That's so cute, Sandy!” Mei admired the headlights and grill.

“My little guy does so much for me, it's the least I can do for him,” Sandy smiled softly, giving the cat a nice scratch on the chin.

Pigsy thought it was corny, but knew not to say anything. Instead, he kept on wiping down the counter near the outdoor bar, where Tang was eating his third bowl and wearing Li Na in the carrier.

“Omg-!! Is that a little kitty cat-patterned car seat?! That's so cute! We gotta get Li Na in it!” Mei beamed excitedly into the vehicle's windows.

Pigsy looked at the time. “Maybe later kiddo, we gotta start wrapping up soon.”

“Awww, I don't wanna go home. Home is lame and I want more delicious noodlessss,” Mei whined.

“I have some leftovers if you want em,” Pigsy offered, and Mei immediately grinned.

“Man, Dadsy, you're the best,” She gave an enthusiastic thumbs up. He responded with his own tired one that made Tang chuckle.

“You sure Li Na's our first daughter?” Tang smirked.

“Yeah, shut up.” Pigsy scrubbed harder to avoid the stupid look on his stupid husband's stupid face.

“You know, I got a feeling that this baby is built to last.” Sandy patted his handy work, andthat sense of unease in Pigsy went into complete overdrive right before a sword fell from the sky and right onto Sandy's truck before three louder crashes destroyed the carrier.

As if almost triggering a heart attack from the sheer volume and damage alone weren't enough, Pigsy could make out the familiar groans of pain from MK, making his heart sink into his stomach.

“MK?! What– are you okay?! What just happened?! Pigsy exclaimed, rushing out of the restaurant.

“Aha– we have to go.” MK hopped up just fine, though had a look of extreme panic on his face.

“Does that have anything to do with the fact that the ominous cracks are back in the sky?” Tang questioned, pointing up.

Oh god…

“It's okay! We got a plan!” Sun Wukong smiled and patted MK's back like it was no big deal (as per usual).

“Oh, do we, huh? We don’t even know if these magical pillar healing stones are real,” Macaque bit back, filling Pigsy with rage towards the Monkey King for the millionth time, especially when he realized all the noise had woken Li Na from her nap and she was starting to wail. Tang was handling it, of course, but it still was enough to make the elder pig demon growl.

“W-what if going after the stones is just another tricky plan by tricky plan demon– like this is exactly what they want? Wh–... what if we really just are chaos..?” MK paced with anxiety, and Pigsy wanted nothing more than to put a hand on his shoulder and tell him that whatever he was talking about, it was okay and they'd be fine.

However, Wukong beat him to it. “Listen bud, the only thing I know for sure is I don't trust anyone who isn't standing right here, right now.” He looked around the street, making Pigsy feel slightly bad for getting so angry at him.

Slightly.

“If those stones are important,” Wukong continued, “then the safest place for them to be is with us.”

“Uh… what?” Pigsy finally got the chance to ask just as a bunch of sigils appeared in the sky.

“It feels like we're still missing something important here,” Tang pointed out, looking at the sky while he tried patting Li Na's back to soothe her.

“Oh– Yeah! We're– uh– sorta on the run from the celestial realm,” MK confessed, scratching his neck.

“I'm sorry– what?!” Pigsy exclaimed.

“I-I can explain, but we really gotta get going,” MK urged.

“What?! But what about Li Na? She's only four months old!” Tang added, the parents sharing a worried look.

“Yeah, well too bad, she's an accomplice now, so let’s get a move on,” MK urged, and terror settled in its usual spot in Pigsy's stomach. Just then, celestial soldiers teleported down all around them in pillars of light, armed and ready for battle.

“Yep–! Go now, people! Now, now!” MK laughed nervously, grabbing Mei's arm as he looked for an exit.

“Yeah, you probably shouldn't have messed up Sandy's fancy-schmancy new truck,” Mei pointed to the wreckage, which MK seemed to just now notice.

“Oh-! A truck! Yes, I can make one,” MK quickly decided, twirling his staff around before he hit the ground. It caused a blast that thankfully pushed away the celestial armies while also making the remains of the truck turn into a proper and overcomplicated getaway vehicle.

“Okay-! Everybody in!” MK called, looking around as the soldiers readied to fight again.

Pigsy froze momentarily, unsure of who to help or how, when Tang grabbed his arm and started dragging him to the truck, his other hand covering Li Na's head.

Right– yes, Li Na was here– Li Na was in danger– MK could handle himself, but Li Na was just a baby– he'd be okay, MK would be okay, Li Na would not, not if he froze– not if he–

“Pigsy, come on,” Tang urged at the open door and Pigsy snapped out of his spiral to quickly shuffle inside, taking Li Na out of the carrier and into the car seat MK had thankfully thought to include just as Wukong let out a painful cry somehow louder than Li Na's.

“What on earth is going on around here?” Pigsy muttered, digging through the diaper bag for Li Na's blanket while Tang tried patting her chest to keep her calm.

“If the sky cracks are back, it can't be anything good.” Sandy gave his friend a somewhat grim look through the rear-view mirror.

“Great, okay, good, just great.” Tang’s eyes started twitching. “And here I thought maybe everything was okay for once and that we were having a good time but nope! No peace in this family, no siree, we’re monster magnets and we’re never going to know peace a day in our lives until we die and–” His rant was interrupted by Wukong and MK suddenly falling into the truck from a shadow portal.

The second they were in, Sandy shifted the vehicle into gear and floored it on out of there, MK sticking his head out of the window to look back at whatever fight was still happening with Macaque.

“H-He’ll make it out of there, right?” He looked at Wukong, whose eyes were distant with shock. “He always gets away… right?”

The king didn’t seem capable of answering.

“I’m sure he’ll be okay, kid. Macaque’s a tough one,” Pigsy tried to comfort, though was distracted by Li Na still wailing.

“R-right, yeah, he’ll–...” MK again glanced at his mentor, before just falling back into his seat and hanging his head back.

The kid somehow looked even more exhausted than before.

Pigsy finally found the quilt Sandy made for Li Na and gave it to her, stroking her cheek gently twice to maximize her comfort. After a bit of that, she was able to stop her shrieking, which was only a slight relief to all other passengers as now the car had a tense atmosphere of uncertainty and pain no one knew how to address.

Pigsy wasn’t surprised when Tang suddenly held his hand, and he gave it the strongest squeeze he could before reaching and placing a hand on MK’s shoulder, squeezing it too.

“We’ll figure this out, kid, I promise.” Pigsy forced a weak, but hopefully encouraging smile.

MK sniffled and put a hand over Pigsy’s. “God, I hope so.”

“Hey now, there’s nothin’ we can’t figure out as a team, alright? We got this,” the chef insisted, trying to sway both MK and himself as he did.

“Right… right, yeah, we got this… together?” MK smiled.

Pigsy nodded. “Together.”

32 notes · View notes

spectrum-core · 10 months ago

Text

STEPHCLAIR IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD

Alternative title: a very angry (and tired) Full Stop fan's thesis.

ok, so me being the stephan/sinclair comparison's strongest hater is a bit i really like to lean into, but for the sake of keeping things semi-serious i will try to keep the actual essay content as free of me ranting my frustrations as humanly possible (which i mean commitement to the bit aside this will be hard bc it is frustrating to see people calling them both the same character, at best it shows a very surface level understanding of either character and at worst it shows just reducing them to cookie cutter meme fandom archetypes neither character actually fits into, so bear with me if i slip up and make unserious comments from time to time)

so before i start the actual essay let me say this: this essay doesnt even scratch the surface of how much i hate this comparison you guys cant even possibly fucking imagine ive been obssessed and i mean OBSSESSED with the full stop office since 2021 and im glad i wasnt in the limbus prerelease fanbase because if i had to see people comparing my beautiful boy and beloved best friend to a guy we had no info about other than "hes based of the guy from demian" i would have turned into the joker this is not even about saving my own mental health this is about sparing the entire pjm fandom of the monster i would have turned into

spoilers for ruina and limbus, universe terminology heavy and surface level references and interpretations of demian by herman hesse because imma keep it real with you guys the first and only time i read that book i was still in high school and i barely remember shit.

Table of contents:

Stephan - a summary

Sinclair - a summary 2.1. Emil Sinclair in Demian (1919) 2.2. Emil Sinclair in Limbus Company (2023)

Addressing common arguments

1.- Stephan - a summary

And of course I will start with Stephan, because I love him very much, just like Liwei he's one of my favorite pjm characters (yeah i like him more than your favorite popular character don't ask) so it's not surprising that i have A Lot to say about him, right?

And of course, I do.

As I said in the serrated duo post, a core part of my perception of the Full Stop office depends on the fact that they are poor. Mentions of money are common all across many factions in the game, yes, but the Full Stops are extremely constant about money, how taking a wrong turn means losing more than they can afford, how they can't afford to drop their weapons because they were too expensive, how even getting the permissions to be able to buy and wield these weapons was ridiculously expensive and so on. Of course, Stephan is the one talking about this the most (something I will elaborate on later), but Liwei and Tamaki also make a few ocassional mentions to it in their dialogue and keypages and considering this is a shared business it just makes sense that this is something that affects all of them.

These are just some few of the callbacks to money that Stephan alone does in his dialogue, without focusing in keypage text or what Liwei and Tamaki have to say about it.

And idk man, at least to me the difference between social classes is an important aspect for their characterization, specially because of how constant the concern with money is for Stephan. From this point alone comparing them feels like erasing a core aspect of Stephan's characterization, a lot about Stephan (and the Full Stop office as a whole, let's be real here) starts making more sense once you read the office as lower-middle class (and I'm saying lower middle class because they can afford some place to live and their weapons, but to me these guys are the types who precisely because of their need to keep bullets at all times can't pay for water or electricity all the time and sometimes they simply can't afford food or if they do they can spend a week straight eating nothing but unsalted pasta).

Now, going back to Stephan being the most outward about his complaints with money, he is in general the most outward about all problems the office is facing, to the point in which he doesn't mind inconveniencing everyone else with his rants, being one of the few guests who interrupt Angela's introductory speech and getting into Tamaki's nerves (something he's well aware he's doing, as these two know each other) at least two times through the course of their pre-battle cutscene, even Roland comments after the reception on how he wishes he would always have been as open about his problems as Stephan was.

However, it's worth nothing that he doesn't spend the entire cutscene crying about his miseries, and he only starts losing hope at three key moments: when they can't kill Eileen inmediately (making them waste more bullets than needed), when Argalia shows up (forcing them to retreat and making them fail their mission, meaning they won't get paid for this after they already lost a ton of money, as well as turning the situation into something much more dangerous than what they had signed up for) and once they enter the Library (an Urban Plague grade threat they have little to no information about, when him and Tamaki are almost out of bullets so Liwei is essentially the only fixer with some chance of putting up a fight and, you know, making it out alive).

Now, while it's true that Stephan is someone who dislikes danger, he isn't someone who isn't used to seeing gruesome events, his instinctive reaction to seeing a guy getting his head put into a meat grinder was cracking jokes and calling the concept of thought gears "a load of horseshit", which is something that falls in line with him being a somewhat experienced Fixer (sure, grade 5 isn't amazing but we can assume it's still either in the higher side of average or barely above average, and for someone specialized in firearms, which are far from the best weapon in the city, getting that high means he must have some experience and skill, right? more so considering he's been at this for 5 years at most) who has seen a fair share of horrid shit and can be unfazed by (most of) it as long as his own safety isn't on the line.

Another point is... he dislikes danger and is always wary about money and expenses, to the point in which he enjoys checking his bank account (or at least he believes so, if we go for the theory of the artbook profiles being more a mix of what the characters perceive themseves as/would describe themselves as to others, which is a theory i go by, I see him as someone who's convinced he does that for fun instead as out of desperation), but this seems to be more a generalized feeling of impending doom at everything rather than something that can be traced back to a particular traumatic event (anything can be dangerous, anything can cost him money), dude's from the backstreets after all, he's seen shit and he's used to assuming the worst. How I see Stephan, he's a guy who already expects bad things to happen but once things go wrong he starts freaking out about how this time They're Screwed For Real, but he never really tricks himself into believing "maybe things will turn out just fine this time?" or who thinks "well, we've done this before, surely we can handle it again."

This is not very related to Stephan as a character in terms of personality but I think it's still an important point to make as it is particularly related to body mods, his physical condition and his body shape.

So we can easily say that Stephan is a strong dude, at least if compared to real world standards without the fancy and insane body mods we see people in the city have access to. He carries that huge rifle around with his bare hands, something that Tamaki doesn't do and that not even Stephan himself in earlier iterations of his dessign did, and his main talent (which based of my theories is something that can be assumed as "something he's proud enough of to consider it the thing he does best") is physical labor.

Pictured, Tamaki's talksprite, carrying a rifle almost as long as she is tall with a strap supporting the weight on her shoulders, like a normal person.

Also pictured, an earlier iteration of Stephan's dessign, carrying the same rifle his current version does, but also holding it with the help of a similar strap supporting the weight on his shoulders.

And finally, Stephan's current dessign, holding that shit with his bare fucking hands in an exhibition of his brute animal strength, what the fuck is wrong with this man (affectionate)

And Stephan's artbook profile, the important part here is his speciality being physical labor, not only he's strong but he aknowledges this.

However, I made a point about the Full Stop office being poor, right? Even Roland says that "giving a whole office augmentation procedures is cheaper than keeping a decent supply of bullets in stock" (not the exact phrasing).

At least personally, I see this as Roland essentially saying "it would be cheaper (and more efficient) to get body mods for everyone in the office and buy another (cheaper) type of weaponry instead", but as things stand, the Full Stops can afford to either buy more ammunition and maintain their weapons, OR to get body mods, and since their whole deal is firearms... well, they can't really Stop investing in them, meaning they have no body mods At All and they got their grades purely out of their own physical strength.

Similarly, Stephan makes a similar point about how body augmentations are required for people to be able to run while carrying their weapons around (specifically talking about the rifles he and Tamaki use).

And... you know, the whole point is that they couldn't run carrying their weapons because they were too heavy, Argalia mocked them for that, Liwei urged them to drop their weapons, something they refused to do because of the prices.

Lastly on this point, while it's true that Ruina talksprites have a very bad case of Long Anime Legs (to the point in which how Roland's legs take about 2/3 of his height is a common joke), if we focus only on his head and torso, Stephan looks pretty Wide, and not only because he's wearing thick, fluffy and multilayered clothing, as other characters wearing similar clothing styles still look thinner than him.

This is all to say: I don't think this guy is a twink, or thin at all. He's a prime example of the strongman build to me and this is yet another hill I'm willing to die on watch project moon turn him into a beanpole once he inevitably shows up in limbus and me turning into the first real world distortion as a consequence.

Finally, Stephan is very notoriously the most informal member of the office, not only being the only one who doesn't wear any sort of formal clothing fully prioritizing comfort and practicality over looks but also completely disregarding formalities with his attitude at work (again, he interrupts Angela's introductory monologue, and again, his first two lines when being introduced are him cracking jokes), being the only member of the office to swear on screen and using several informal expressions and metaphors through both the reception dialogue and his keypage story.

And for good measure, he's a compilation of Stephan being the creature he is.

The literal introduction of the characters, also known as the moment in which Stephan became one of my favorite characters because he's Just Like Me Fr

Very normal behavior for someone who hates blood and violence and isn't used to seeing it. This man is more than capable (and willing, assuming money is involved) to murder kill.

Which, I mean, this attitude is very different from what we see from Sinclair.

2.- Sinclair, a summary

In retrospect I probably should have made this one first because I'm gonna be honest with you, Sinclair is one of the sinners I care about the least (I still like him and think he's pretty cool mind you I just don't vibe too much with most of the tropes making up the character) so what I have to say about him is less me grasping for straws and subtext because I don't care enough about him to be bothered with a super serious and in depth analysis like I did with Stephan and more things we can explicitly see about him in game and things that happen in the novel Demian.

And if I can have a small parenthesis here, people saying that one of my favorite pjm guys Ever is in any way similar to a guy who despite being pretty cool is just Not the type of character I fully vibe with... really, it gets annoying fast. Anyway back to the serious analysis now.

2.1- Emil Sinclair in Demian (1919)

To be able to understand Sinclair as he is depicted in Limbus Company, it is important to first be familiar with the source material of the original iteration of the character, that's it we're doing your high school homework by compiling several literary analysis of a symbolic psychological early 20th century autobiographical novel i hope you guys signed up for this (and if you didn't, though luck! i will do this anyway, I love literary analysis).

In the novel, young Emil finds himself torn between the worlds of light (which can be equated to the Garden of Eden, but it's more tangible meaning for our protagonist is his childhood home and family, a serene and well structure/organized space where he can be innocent, untainted by the evils of the outside world) and darkness (basically all the scary shit that goes on outside, where people do evil things for the sake of it), he finds himself tempted by the violence of the outside world, particularly through the actions of his classmate Franz Kromer, which eventually leads him to consider that due to being exposed to this tainted world of evil he no longer can return to the world of good and innocence.

Here, the character of Demian acts as a guide, someone who helps Sinclair to trascend this binary perception of good vs evil and to see himself as someone worthy of happiness because him witnessing the world of evil didn't taint him as a person but rather merely showed him another face of the world, Demian here mentions the Mark of Cain as a symbol of mental strenght and freedom, considering that bearers of this mark are capable of making their own choices and should be able to go beyond their assigned roles, being able to embody aspects of both worlds. This is to say that Demian's view is less focused on good vs evil, instead taking a more order vs chaos approach (without giving an explicit moral character to either).

In the book, the symbol of a bird breaking out of the egg is frequently used to represent Emil's personal growth, the egg represents safety and innocence, but a bird must eventually leave the egg or it will die, and getting out of the egg is a process than can be seen as violent, as a bird must fight to get out of the egg, and getting out of the egg represents birth but also an irreversible change, it can be seen as breaking out of the world of light and getting permanently in the world of darkness since a broken shell can't be fixed, but it can also mean achieving the enlightment and personal balance to not feel permanently bound to a condition, place or state of being and therefore growing as a person by learning to see himself as a whole human instead of supressing his "evil side" by only forcing the "good side" to surface.

Max Demian is here to show this second meaning of growth/self improvement (while also explaining that Sinclair is permamently growing and must always keep this balance between all the parts conforming the whole being that is himself rather that trying to make parts of himself antagonize each other). This idea of personal growth being one of the core themes of the book.

2.2- Emil Sinclair in Limbus Company (2023)

With Sinclair's source media analyzed (at a very surface level, mind you), we now can start talking about the depiction of Sinclair in Limbus Company, how it parallels the book, why the book symbolism is important for this instance of Sinclair and so on.

When we are first introduced to Sinclair in the game he's clearly nervous, he doesn't know what he's supposed to do as he hasn't worked for a similar company before and he isn't used to the gruesome sight of the bus eating people, this does fit inmediately in the motif of a naive person with limited experience about the world (well, to be fair to him most people won't be seeing man-eating buses at a regular basis, but the average backstreets dweller would be familiar with equally violent situations).

With this said, despite Sinclair's obviously nervous behavior... he isn't really a pessimist like Stephan was, in fact, almost every chapter (counting cantos, intervallos and the short mini chapters such as the Dante's notes update episode) have at least one key moment with him trying to rationalize horrible stuff as something much less violent, or simply going "but I thought this thing didn't work like this..." when confronted with the more horrible realities in the city. He thought the G corp veterans were really going to let them pass without a fight, he thought the people being controlled by headhens were just actors wearing mascot costumes, he thought mermaids were the beautiful half-woman half-fish creatures he heard about in fairy tales, and there's more examples but I don't really feel like looking for The Entire Fucking Plot Because This Guy Is An Actual Protagonist Instead Of A Background Guy Like Stephan Was to make my point clearer than it already is. And it's only when he realizes that the real world doesn't fit his expectations that he panics.

Well, there is one exception to this pattern: his own canto. Here, he panics inmediately as soon as K corp's nest is mentioned and spends the first half of the chapter pleading to turn back while saying that they are going to get killed. So what is different here with the rest of the plot?

Obviously, the fact that is related to his very own very personal very specific trauma. That is to say, unlike Stephan who is wary of anything that can put him on danger or cost him more money than it should, Sinclair has a very specific traumatic event that makes him act Like That (sure, he gets scared and nervous outside that, but these are more normal "I'm unfamiliar with this and I don't fully know how to react, this is normal behavior in a human being" reactions than outright "I am Actually Terrified due to being reminded of an actual traumatic event, this reaction is a textbook definition of post-traumatic stress disorder").

HOWEVER, Sinclair being someone who's deeply traumatized and kind of a scaredy cat when it comes to violence and unfamiliar situations... it doesn't mean that he's incompetent or a bad fighter. Almost all of his identities are terrifyingly good fighters (at least in their lore), Los Mariachis fear jefe Sinclair, Cinq director Sinclair is someone most association members are terrified to duel even during training, Blade Lineage Sinclair is considered a talented killer (it's also worth noting that save maybe for the mariachi one, in none of these mirror worlds Sinclair is precisely happy of being recognized as "the guy who's very scary when he fights people", unlike Stephan who I don't think he particularly likes killing but has a more "as long as I get paid..." mentality about it), the only "not very good at this" Sinclair id I can think of is the molar boatworks id where he's more a mechanic than a fighter so he fears he's lagging behind in that aspect. Hell, even the Canon Timeline so to speak (which is to say: his base identity) has him carrying that huge halberd, going on a frenzy attacking some already mutilated inquisitor's corpse, piercing through Guido's armor and dealing a fatal blow that finally killed him for real. To compare, Stephan is good at physical work, but we don't know about his close combat capacities other than the fact that he dislikes it, for Sinclair however we know he's terrifyingly good at physical combat.

Now, I've seen a lot of people call Sinclair a twink and while it's one of these words that nobody agrees on what it means, let's give it the benefit of doubt and say "alright, for the duration of this analysis let's settle on a twink being a young looking (regardless of actual age), thin man with almost no facial/body hair".

Since Sinclair is a rich guy (not just Any Rich Guy though, we're talking of someone whose family had ties to a Wing, probably not some elite guy like Daniel or Hong Lu, but not a self perceived "mediocre" nest dweller like Samjo either), and pressumably not very experienced in combat in most mirror worlds (we know he has no prior experience in the base one where he joined Limbus, at least), let's say that he has enough body mods for him to be much stronger than he looks like despite being thin, he does look thin and young and much to my dissapointment he also has no facial hair, so yeah, under this very broad definition of the term he is a twink.

However if you start adding personality archetypes to the definition he stops being one almost inmediately, as we've been shown time after time that his "submissive" attitude is mostly a result of him not knowing too well how to impose himself and just going along with what the rest say or do, but he's starting to grow tired of that ever since Hell's Chicken (even if he clearly still isn't great at that), as it should be more than obvious for anyone who even just googled "demian herman hesse literary analysis", Sinclair is undergoing a lot of changes even now, and the game is doing a good job at portraying that.

Honestly I also think he'd be hotter with a sleeper build but really, I don't care enough about him to argue about that.

And for the last point, precisely due to his upbringing as a rich guy AND his traumatic experience with Kromer, Sinclair is not only a very polite and mild mannered guy (again, unlike resident creature Stephan), but also he tries to take as little space as possible, both literally and metaphorically, as Dante notices near the end of canto 3 when they finally comment on how Sinclair never talks about his own problems until it's too late because he doesn't want to bother the others as they probably have it worse (again, unlike Stephan "i don't mind loweing team morale and making everyone in the room uncomfortable as long as i get to vent" Full Stop office).

3.- Adressing common arguments

Alright, now that I talked about each character, let's see some of the most common arguments I've seen people use to compare them.

"They look the same!" No, they don't. The only thing they have in common is being blonde but even their hairstyles are different with Sinclair having a simple bowl-ish cut with slightly wavy hair and Stephan having curlier hair (not to mention the whole point I made about body types because I'm the sort of lunatic who cares about that stuff). I won't even bother with this argument.

"They have the same personalities!" Again, they don't. Stephan is very cynical with a lot of his attitude being clearly derivated from him coming from a poor background and having stayed there his whole life, he also doesn't care about his cynism getting in the way and bothering everyone else. On the other hand, Sinclair is someone who could almost be described as naive due to having lived a sheltered childhood and only having his experiences with Kromer and his time at Limbus as moments of realizing that the rest of the world is Not Like His Childhood House, still believing that the world is a binary of good vs evil and expecting things to turn out fine or be much better than they actually are, just to be hit with the reality of the city Not being a nice place where people are nice and polite and not trying to kill him, this is not to say he doesn't have his own issues but even Dante notices during his Canto that Sinclair makes a point to avoid bothering everyone else with his personal problems, keeping them to himself even if that makes things worse on the long run.

"Both are opposed and harmed by a lunatic!" This is an argument I've seen a lot and is incredibly filmsy at best, half of the city's population are lunatics and the other half are people who got opposed by them some way or another. Will you say that Ishmael and the rest of the Pequod crew can be compared to the Full Stop office (or really, even mention the other Full Stop fixers instead of just focusing on Stephan because he happens to be blonde and can be compared to Sinclair) because of their situations with Ahab? Or the W Corp crew who got their train targetted by Jae-heon and Elena (or, you know, the train passengers who were turned into Love townspeople or puppets)? What about the Vermillion Cross who got killed by the Reverb Ensemble? Or the Cane office fixers? or the Zwei association section 6 who got beaten to death by Gyeong-mi just because he felt like doing so? Or the Liu association section 1 who had to deal with Argalia taking Philip away? Or the Kurokumo clan members when they were attacked by Tanya? You aren't comparing them to either Stephan or Sinclair, right? Not to mention that in her weird and fucked up perception of things, Kromer was less opposed to Sinclair as she was trying to lead him to join her and her cause, even the last things she says before getting killed are her calling him to follow her.

"Both are compared to birds!" Oh, right, because I forgot that a very directed symbolic comparison to a baby bird breaking out of it's shell as a symbol of rebirth, learning about the nuances of the world and self improvement/liberation that is consistently used in the source material Sinclair comes from is exactly the same as one (1) throwaway line the big bad guy uses to mock not only Stephan but the whole Full Stop gang, right. And if you want to say "but Tamaki compares him to a bird once too", yeah she calls him a parrot because he keeps repeating the same complaints over and over, it's still not the same as a consistent metaphor.

"Both are sad blonde twinks! They're essentially the same guy." Sad? Yeah, everyone in the city is sad but their ways to be sad are polar opposites, and neither of them is the pure cinnamon roll uwu crybaby archetype people tend to lump both into, Stephan was merely having a bad day and people decided to make that his whole personality (when honestly we get more insight on his actual personality before Argalia shows up, when he's making sarcastic remarks and getting impatient because they weren't starting killing people fast enough) but he's still perfectly capable (and willing) to murder people, and Sinclair is just... someone who lacks experience about the real world and how it works and has a tendency to get nervous because of this, but he can adapt quickly to situations once he understands them. Blonde? Yeah, but I guess if that's a point to draw a comparison then we should also compare them to Don Quixote, the Tiphereths, Lenny, Yun, Lulu, Olga, every single npc, librarian, and agent who comes with blonde hair from the generator... Twinks? Stephan absolutely isn't one, Sinclair depends on how you define twink as nobody seems to get to an agreement with that, if you define it as merely "young looking thin man with almost no visible body hair" then yeah he is one, but if you go for any more specific definition than that he stops fitting into the definition almost instantly.

In conclusion: if I see anyone else comparing them I'll start blocking people liberally bc I'm sick of seeing that shit (I do that already tbh but just so you know), now scram

#pjm #library of ruina #limbus company #.🔫#this full stop office shit gets serious #probab ly not exhaustive but ive had this sitting on my drafts for way too long so i needed to post it so people understand how much i Hate #that godforsaken comparison

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crguang · 1 month ago

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violinist au kafka hit the second tower. but actually she's so annoying😭 she needs to shut up atp. but this actually driving me crazy. like the monday after the friday bus ride...her driving by that store a couple times a week just to see r in the window, she's awful. love serval just lying to r so they'd see each other again, loved that, but she didn't know how much kafka sucks. also blade driving, is he actively suicidal in this au still? honestly i feel like blade would be a bad driver, but on purpose, and kafka doesn't seem like the type to drive if there's someone else to do it. her annoying r on purpose and comparing them to when they were both teenagers was great, esp with the contrast after she makes her cry. also her smiling perpetually as part of her mask is also very interesting to me, but i did love this part bc kafka would def come off as a rich asshole if she wasn't a criminal already. and her just like staring in disbelief when she made r cry like it's literally not her fault. she's so good at hiding her emotions too, ugh. and her giving her card too, is she even real. (she is unfortunately not.) the angst is killing me, but in the good way, (how many rereads is between me and my history). this au is amazing.

btw forgot to mention ur so right, folklore is the album for this au. personally seven was never one of my faves, but it fits so well with this au, yea. would have more thoughts but I'm about to fall asleep.

very glad I have this week off uni tho, (thanksgiving) very not looking forward to seeing my relatives and I'm applying to a writing program, but instead I'm yapping about kafka, so really great productivity coming from me. I also got an arcane s2 spoiler abt one of the favs as soon as I opened tumblr, I literally blocked all the arcane tags, fml hate being on the internet sometimes. I have to wait to watch it bc my friend is driving 3 hours for a visit and we're watching it together.

-🌠

HEHEHEHEHEHE I LOVE UR COMMENTSSS kafka’s so obvious but especially to blade since hes the one driving her around lmfao. hes still suicidal otherwise a big part of his character would be missing i feel like, kafka’s just the bravest😭😭😭 he’d never crash the car with her in it… maybe. i think hes a good driver he just has to fight demons every day. k def can come off as a snob sometimes but thats because of the way she dresses and her confidence + her picky tastes 😭 if i saw her in the streets i personally would just think thats a sexy rich lady but maybe im biased. i’d say she looks nice tho bc of her constant smile. she came in that store with a mission and got bamboozled by the consequences of her actions like shes too funny fr. making r cry then giving them her business card shes actually crazy hdhfnfmf there is so much lore to this au im only writing the parts that make me go insane but like the whole thing is just so great, i havent had a story obsess me like this in a while and the best part is that im making it up so i can add whatever i want 😋 even started a pinterest board first them… like we’re really deep in this

hope thanksgiving isnt too tedious but at least youre free of uni for a week and u can sleep as much as u like !! i havent watched arcane yet either, i might do it when i get home but im also pretty tired so we’ll see. hope u and ur friend have fun tho

#sat answers #🌠 anon

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https-sonshine · 2 years ago

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Can you do an angsty fic with Sonny? But with a happy ending? Thankss

authors note: hey guys so i’m not ignoring your requests i’m just super busy with school and uni applications so yh updates are gonna be slow but i’m going to tryy my hardest to make time

so this idea has been itching at the back of my head for weeks and last night i got the random burst of motivation to write it. i think i got a little bit carried away so im not sure how much of a happy ending this is its more like bittersweet. but yeah hope you enjoy this one and i look forward to hearing some feedback.

also reblogs are very much appreciated🫶🏾

word count: approx 1.8k

warnings: angst , tw:miscarragie , slight mentions of depression

_________________________________________

Sonny was the one who suspected you were pregnant. He noticed how much bigger your boobs were, your mood swings, and the fact that you were sleeping and eating more than normal, so he talked to you about it, but you told him that you were just tired, and that your boobs were growing and that everything was normal. However, Sonny was convinced that something else was going on. Your period was always irregular, and you were on birth control, so you were truly not worried. But he insisted on buying you a pregnancy test, saying it was just to be sure. And, to your surprise, it was positive. You were pregnant.

You almost didn't believe it. It was something that the two of you hadn't discussed yet. You already knew how he felt about starting a family. He wasn't totally opposed to it but football was his main priority. You weren't quite sure how to react, so you stayed quiet, not wanting to press the issue or make him uncomfortable. The sounds of sniffles brought you out of your thoughts. You glanced at him and noticed the tears streaming down his face. He had been struggling to keep his composure, but the emotion of the situation had gotten to him. He suddenly held you tightly. It was a comforting embrace, and you found yourself holding back tears of your own His grip was tight and firm as if he was afraid you would disappear if he let go. "We're pregnant," he chuckled lightly. You were surprised by the sudden display of affection, "You're not mad?" You looked up at him in disbelief and found his face smiling down at you

That's when realisation hit you: Sonny was to cry out of happiness. You smiled back and asked, "Are you really okay with this?" He nodded his head and brushed away a tear as he said, "Yes, we're going to have a baby!" You felt so much joy at that moment and suddenly found yourself overflowing with it.

Son and you were visiting the doctor for your initial ultrasound. And even though you only had a tiny baby bump, Sonny loved it a lot. It boosted his ego, knowing that it was his baby. He beamed with pride, seeing the image of his soon-to-be son or daughter on the screen and whispered to you that he couldn't believe how much their lives were about to change. Even though there were a few nerves mixed in with the excitement, the moment felt perfect, and you couldn't wait to find out the gender.

The day after the ultrasound, Sonny came home with baby clothes, making your heart melt. You two were already planning the baby shower and how you were going to tell his fans. Sonny was so excited, and every time he spoke about the baby, his eyes lit up. You both started to think about the impact of this news, and it was obvious that this was a huge milestone for both of you. You decided to announce it when you were almost at the due date, it would be better for everyone. You had mixed feelings; on one hand, you were happy and excited to share the news of the upcoming arrival, but on the other hand, you were both scared as well.

As you were getting closer to the second trimester, you weren't feeling well, aside from nausea and constant vomiting. You had no energy and felt like you were always exhausted. You were both anxious to get an ultrasound and see if everything was okay, but Sonny had training in the morning, so you opted to go later during the day.

Later in the day, You're just getting into a good sleep when you roll over and feel wetness on your outer thigh, which immediately wakes you up. You search for the light switch on your bedside table, turn it on, and rub your eyes to help you adjust to the darkness, thinking you must have been dreaming about peeing a little too vividly. Even though changing the sheets is something you really don't want to deal with, what you see is beyond changing. Alarms are immediately raised by bright crimson, and when you look down, you see that the source is exactly what you had hoped it wouldn't be. Your heart skips a beat as you realise that it isn't just pee . There isn't much time to respond as a sharp pain ricochets through your entire torso, coming from your womb and making you immediately want to throw up. Forgetting that Sonny had left for training, you yelled his name. Despite your trembling, you manage to pick up the phone and dial 911 for an ambulance as the pain grows more and more intense. Your mind is in a fog as you explain what happened to the dispatcher, and they assure you that help is on its way. You can feel tears streaming down your face as the pain increases and you focus on your breathing to keep yourself from passing out. You hear a siren in the distance, and it gets louder and louder as you await help until you see the flashing lights of the ambulance coming to your aid.

"Don't contact anyone" is all you can muster out before letting the darkness consume you.

You awoke with no memory of anything wrong, but the unfamiliar surroundings and the IV attached to your arm reminded you of what had happened; suddenly you couldn't breathe again.

Your entire world is turned upside down in a matter of hours. As they induce you for a birth you'll never be able to celebrate, they hook you up to several IV bags, and for the next several hours, all you have for company is a pain that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Finally, against your better judgement, you say yes when the nurses ask if you'd like to hold your baby for the first and last time. Her flawless, contented face breaks you. Despite the circumstances, you can't help but be enamoured. Tears well up in your eyes as you realise that, while this was supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life, turned out to be one of the saddest. You gently rock your daughter, who has become your entire world in the span of a few short moments. You try to ignore the feeling of guilt as you think about how this little person will never experience the love, protection and security that come from being part of a family. The moment her little breaths ceased, it was like your body shut down, you began hyperventilating. You feel overwhelmed with emotion, trying desperately to come to terms with the sudden and unfair loss of your daughter. The nurses whisked her away and rushed to inject you with tranquillizers. Your last sight of her was her tiny body, blanketed in white, motionless, and pale before darkness engulfed you once again.

"Where is Y/N?"

"I need to see my girlfriend."

"I can't believe no one called me sooner."

Loud yelling jolted you awake.

You could sense the anger and despair that filled his mind as he raced down the corridor of the hospital, desperately searching for you. The nurses had finally led him to you, and when he had spotted you laying on the hospital bed his eyes softened and the frustration melted away as relief flooded through him. The relief was short-lived, as he noticed how drained you looked and how you couldn't even look at him.

" I'm so sorry," you said, your voice strained and barely above a whisper.

He started to freak you out when he saw you crying. He moved closer to the bed and took your hand gently in his, his thumb brushing over the back of it. He looked deeply into your eyes, trying to read what was wrong with you "It's okay," he said in a calming tone, "tell me what's wrong." You looked away, unable to look him in the eye as you explained what happened.

"It was a girl," you managed to choke out

It has been a little bit over a week since you heard the most terrible news of your life. You failed to speak, properly eat, and get out of bed. The void in your heart was just becoming more apparent.

Sonny stood by you the whole time, not leaving you alone unless he had training. He cried with you, held you. But you were so depressed that you couldn't bring yourself to reciprocate the love and attention he was giving you.

"y/n, you have to get up," Sonny says to you while caressing your face.

"I don't want to" you look away from him, burying your face in the pillow.

"It's been a week since you last got up. You can't stay on the bed the rest of your life, Y/N" he runs his hand through your messy hair, making you look at him.

"I just fucking lost my daughter, Son. I'm a mess. You never wanted to have children this early anyways so you must be glad" you can feel the tears running down your face.

"She was our daughter. Ours. She was my baby, too. You don't think I feel like shit too? Just cause it wasn't in my plans doesn't mean i didn't love her too." he gets up, walking out of the room

Son was staring at the wall in the living room. He felt empty inside like someone had torn out his heart. After a few minutes, he got a hold of himself and went to lie down next to you. not knowing what to say or do. Neither of you spoke while maintaining your upward gaze. Sonny didn't move an inch as you rolled over and faced the wall. He moved toward you only after you extended your hand to him. He spooned you while you clung to him as you sobbed. As you both sobbed over your loss

" I'll always be here for you. I can't even imagine the kind of pain you're feeling right now. But I don't want to lose you too. I know nothing I say will make this easier for you, but I want you to know that you are not alone "

You turn back to face him and say, in a low voice, "I'm sorry. You must be struggling, too." You keep wiping your cheeks as the tears roll down.

"Just promise me that I'm not going to lose you too." He looks at me with a hurt expression, his eyes brimming with tears "I can't see you crying every day," he says, and you try to nod as he wipes your tears away.

You can feel a glimmer of hope thanks to Son's love. You looked into each other's eyes, knowing that it would never be the same again. You hugged him tightly, hoping it was enough to hold onto the little bit of hope he gave you.

He kept whispering his love for you and assurances that everything would be fine for the rest of the night. That it would get better. He swore that from then on, that no matter what happened, he would never leave your side and he would make sure you were safe. He would go to any lengths to see you happy again.

#son heung min #son heung min x reader #son heungmin #heung min son #son heung min imagines #son heung min fanfic #football fanfic #football imagine #son heung min one shot #https.sonshinerequests #tottenham hotspur

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