#im really tired of the constant busy go go go feelings

[queenbrucewayne]

One More Thing

The last two weeks were definitely the busiest you had ever been. One more meeting, one more conference call, don’t forget another spread sheet that had to be filled out.

It was a constant back and forth of once something was finished, another thing had to be started.

Your feet were feeling the aftermath, your shoulders and back were in even more tense pain then normal, and the appetite you had was almost nonexistent.

Alfred tried to help by packing lunches and making you breakfast, but you had been in such a rush to leave in the morning you only had time for coffee and an energy bar. As far as the lunches, you probably would be able to take one or two bites before something else came up and it would go to waste.

It definitely wasn’t healthy, but who really had time to be on a consistent schedule when things were busy.

Taking a deep breath, you leaned back in your office chair, closing your eyes to try and block the light from the headache you could feel coming on.

Today was the last busy day you would be expecting. After having a meeting with your clients and seeing success from these past two weeks of grind, you could finally take a break.

The clock read 2AM, would you even have the energy for a shower? You definitely needed it.

Alfred had probably left your dinner in the fridge and Bruce was likely out and about watching over Gotham.

Bruce…

You hadn’t really seen much of him lately. Between all the late nights and early mornings, he was ether already gone by the time you got home, and sleeping once you had to leave.

A few comments had been made here and there, he asked you multiple times if you were okay with work. Of course the busy you were dealing with didn’t seem like something you wanted to add on to him, especially considering he managed two lives at once. It was better to just leave it with a Im fine or a just a little busy, no big deal.

The last thing you wanted was to make him worry about you, knowing full well he had more important things to focus on.

Grabbing your stuff, you walked towards the elevator to the car garage. Seems like the only people left was the two night security guards.

Once you made it home you walked inside and instantly slipped off your heels. Stretching out your arms, you were surprised to find that the front entrance was dark and it didn't look like anyone was home.

Normally Alfred would great you at the door, no matter how late you got home. You told him multiple times it wasn't necessary to wait up for you, but he would just brush it off and say he would love nothing more than to make sure you got home safe.

You started to walk to the kitchen, the microwave light being your only guide. Opening the fridge you grabbed a quick snack to try and push away the hunger you were feeling. Being way too tired to cook, you grabbed a cheese stick and headed upstairs.

It was times like this you wish you didn't have to suffer going up the big staircase, almost tempting you to just pass out on the couch. The hallway was dark, but what instantly caught your attention was the light coming from your bedroom.

Since it was too early for Bruce to be back, you thought maybe Alfred was still awake. Reaching the cracked door, you peaked inside shocked at the scene in front of you.

The bedroom was lit with candles scattered around the bedroom, a beautiful bouquet of flowers was laid on top the end of the bed. The room itself smelt of a sweet lavender and a hint of eucalyptus, it was a completely different environment then the one you have been spending so much time in the last two weeks.

You walked further inside. Noticing now your favorite pjs were set neatly on your bedside, a bottle of wine and two empty glasses along side it. The bathroom light was on and the sound of water running could be heard.

This seemed a bit too romantic to be Alfred...

Right on cue, the water stopped running and the bathroom door opened wider, emerging Bruce...

He greeted you with a smile, drying off his hands with one of the hand towels. "Hey, I didn't hear you come in."

You didn't know how to react, he was definitely the last person you expected to see. "Uhh. Hi. You’re home?"

"Yeah, I went out for a bit earlier, Nightwing is keeping watch tonight." He was in a set of black sweatpants and wasn't wearing a shirt, his hair was a bit damp which probably meant he just showered.

"Dick is in town?" You spoke up finally.

Walking over to the bedside, he opened the bottle of wine and started to fill the two glasses. "Yeah, he came to visit Barbara and decided to stay for a couple days." Walking towards you he handed one of the glasses to you. Taking a sip himself, he walked to the dresser to look for a clean shirt. "Alfred will be downstairs tonight watching over him, thought I take the time to shower, I have a bath ready for you, and theres even a small cheese tray if you were hungry... Maybe we could watch a movie or-"

He stopped himself when he glanced up to look at you from the mirror in front of him. You hadn't moved from where you were, the glass of wine still in hand, and you had tears falling down your face. He sighed deeply, setting the wine glass down, and walking over to you.

Taking the wine glass from your hand, he set it aside. Slowly wrapping his arms around you and pulling you against his chest.

“Y/n…”

No response.

“Y/n… Please say something. What’s wrong?”

You shook you head, wrapping your own arms around his body. He didn’t say anything else, just stroked your hair gently and waited for you to be ready to speak first.

Once you calmed down, you pulled yourself away and wiped your face. “I’m sorry.”

He took ahold of one of your hands and brought it to his face, kissing the inside of your wrist he looked back to you. “What’s going on?”

Smiling up at him, you started to rub his cheek with your thumb. “Nothing, I’m not sad, it’s happy tears… I guess I’m just tired from the past couple of weeks.”

He looked at you worried now, his furrowed brows almost made you laugh. “Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why would I give you another thing to crowd your mind, it's just work, not important." You looked behind him to the bedroom. "This is amazing."

"Y/n." His tone was serious, making you look back to him. "It is important, especially if this is how it's affecting you."

"Bruce-"

"No, i'm your husband, its my job to take care of you, to worry about you, to make sure that whatever is bothering you doesn't result to this..."

"There is nothing you could've done, work was just needing me more than normal, you were busy with your own stuff, it happens." You shrugged casually, pulling back from him you took the glass of wine he set down and took a sip. Glancing back to him, you notice his expression hadn't change. His arms were crossed and he had his deep thinking face on. "What?"

"Do you think you bother me?"

You hesitated, trying to come up with something to reassure him. Before you could come up with anything he continued.

"You do." He stated. "You truly think I'm bothered by you."

"Bruce, it's just work..."

He nodded. "Yes, your work." Leaning against the door frame, his face held a sadder look now. "Have I made you feel lonely?"

Your eyes widened, taken back by the question. "What? No!"

"Y/n-"

"No!" You raised your voice this time. "I don't want you thinking this is your fault... it's not." You said softer. "This has nothing to do with you, I cried because I was happy, not because I was lonely..."

He stared a you for a moment, then sighing in relief he smiled and walking over to you. Cupping your face gently, he leaned down and kissed you softly. This was what you needed most of all.

It started out gentle, but the more he continued the more desperate his kisses seemed to get. He pulled back and went straight to your neck, and then back up to your lips, roaming his hands now to around your body.

You whined a bit when he pulled back, making him laugh. "Common, your bath water is gonna get cold, we can continue this later."

"Way to get a girl's hopes up.." You mumbled.

"Hey." He spoke up. "I want you to come to me before it gets to this point, I don't want you feeling like this... you don't deserve it. You've helped me with my hard weeks, I wanna do the same... please let me. Just because my mind is filled with Batman and Wayne Enterprises, doesn't mean I don't have the room for my wife."

You hugged him, burying your head into his chest. "Okay, I promise, next time. Which hopefully wont be for awhile... Bruce?"

"Hm?"

"I love you, and thank you. This is what I needed more then anything."

"Even more than the wine?" He teased.

You rolled your eyes, grabbing the wine glass you walked towards the bathroom. "Hurry up and help me get undressed, my bathwater is getting cold."

Bruce smiled. "Yes ma’am."

@christianbalefanatic

[tsumuus]

crushing on you | aces

a/n short headcanons on if the haikyuu aces had a crush on you. not proofread.

characters kotaro bokuto, asahi azumane, hajime iwaizumi, kiyoomi sakusa

masterlist

kotaro bokuto

you and bokuto became friends at the start of high school

your similar personalities helped the two of you click

both having positive energys

but he also just loced how kind you were

he realized his feelings for you very quickly

once he did he became even more energetic and enthusiastic

constantly trying to make you laugh and smile

golden retriever boy energy

he gets butterflies whenever he hears your laugh

which is why he constantly tries to do so

he's quite open about his feelings

always including little quips like "youre so cute" "this is why i like you so much" "youre the best" into your conversations

but you can't really tell if thats just how he talks or if he genuinely feels that way about you

he loves to send you random ass reel and tiktoks that he knowns will make you laugh

constant texts that are just updates about his day or what he's seen

like "i was late to class, my teacher was so mad☹️☹️☹️" "saw a squirrel otw to practice today and it lowkey looked like you" "akashi asked why you weren't at practice today and now i'm wondering the same😫"

on the note about visiting him at practice

he always invites you to all his games

he tells you youre his goodluck charm

once he thinks ready to take the next step in your relationship

he first asks akaashi for his opinion

akaashi told him that if he believes that he's ready and that you feel the same, there really shouldn't be anything else in his way

asahi azumane

you and asahi have been friends since middle school

but he probably figured out his feelings for you around second year

he noticed how much he looked forward to your company

and how much his heart fluttered at your smile

he becomes more shy and reserved

which right away made you question what was going on with him

because he hasn't acted like this around you since middle school

but he just gets so flusteredwhen you are around

but he's still so protective over you

"looks like he could kill you, is a cinnamon roll" ew kill me barf gag gross im so sorry🤮

he walks you to school

he enjoys these kind of moments together before the teasing and torment he gets from sugawara and daichi

he just loves to listen to you talk

like just sits and stares at you with starstruck eyes

ugh hes absolutely smitten with you

he keeps his feelings to himself for so long though

like until halfway through your third year of high school

he's tired of the teasing from his friends

so he finally asks them for advice

and they just encourage him to toughen up, be brave, and be honest, and all will go well

hajime iwaizumi

you two have been friends since elementary school/childhood

met because of oikawa

you and oikawa were neighbors and happened to come over when iwaizumi was over

the rest history

jk

he saw you as a friend for the longest time

but EVERYONE could see it was more than that

but he's just like

"is it not normal to get flustered around your friend?"

"to get butterflies when she holds your hand when crossing through a busy street?"

"to get jealous when oikawa or mattsun or makki are getting a little to handsy?"

"to get sad when youre not the first person she goes to after a volleyball game?""

"to be disappointed when youre not the first person you go to vent after a particularly bad day?"

like no iwaizumi, absolutely not

but once he finally does realize he likes you, ooooooh boy

super protective but gets nervous around you hecka now that he knows why those butterflies appear in his stomach

he lowkey gets a little distant

leave him alone he just needs to figure this stuff out on his own

but after a while

he brings up to the other third years after practice that he 'might' have feelings for you

and theyre like "yeah duh"

he's just scared because he's always seen you as just a friend until recently and what if you will just always see him a friend no matter what

kiyoomi sakusa

childhood friends to lovers all the wayyyyyy

dont @ me

he's always known you were more special to him than anyone else

he likes things the way he does, and why should he be ashamed of that?

youre included in that list of "things"

because no matter what you do

you could never push him away from you

fo lifersssss fr

idk why but glue song by beabadoobee is playing in my head as i'm thinking about this

"youve been hiding in plain sight"

anyways moving on

i don't like using the word simp

bit he's your biggest simp

and he doesn't get why everybody else isn't as obsessed with you as he is

he is completely and utterly infatuated with you

but even if he's always known of how he felt for you

he constantly lives in fear as to whether you feel the same or not

he's scared you see him as nothing more than a friend

which he's accepted

but that doesn't mean he doesn't want something more

so i believe no matter how much advice or encouragement he would recieve from others like komori

he wouldn't be the one to confess

so it'd be up to you to move the relationship foward lol

[h0neybane]

MAGIKEY (TWST AU) BY @quartztwst !!

im going to PASS AWAAAAYYYYY IM SOSO TIRED. BUT ITS DONE. but anyway, more on evelyn...

Evelyn [Magikey User "Luna Luceat"]

“Hurry up, I'm gonna pass out."

Evelyn is an 18 year old girl and has been a magical girl for 4 years, since she was 14. In her magical girl form, she comes off as mysterious and aloof... but she's really just thinking about going home. She has occasionally breached the top 10 of Magical popularity rankings, but she mostly tries to keep to herself, vanishing immediately after her work is done. Oftentimes, she finished things so quick that the public is unaware.

A quiet, sleepy girl who is jaded from her years as a magical girl.

Status:

Mental/Emotional Strength: ★★★★☆ (She's hard to crack since she's used to her job, but her constant exhaustion can become a vulnerability if left untreated for too long.)

Physical Strength: ★★★☆☆ (She's moderately strong as her staff is fairly hefty, and she does swing with it sometimes.)

Stamina: ★★☆☆☆ (This girl is tired as FUCK LMFAO. She uses her little floating platform to move because she doesn't want to actually run.)

Strategy: ★★★★★ (Evelyn is very calculated with her moves as her goal is to get the job done as fast as possible to go home and SLEEP.)

Strengths: Evelyn is very experienced and keeps a close eye on all of her teammates, making sure they can operate effectively. She is especially strong during the nighttime in a full moon.

Weaknesses: Evelyn is constantly exhausted because she only works during the nighttime as that is when her powers are most effective. A daytime attack would leave her extremely vulnerable.

Evelyn lives with her little brother in their childhood home. Their parents are usually overseas on business trips, so they don't see them in person very often. Evelyn's brother is aware that she works during the night time, but doesn't know that she's a magical girl.

Evelyn grew up very sheltered, being homeschooled by tutors hired by her parents. She was very lonely and she didn't really speak to her brother. She accumulated a massive amount of hobbies to pass time, one of those being gazing at the moon on her balcony, wishing for something to change.

Her wish was granted the night of her 14th birthday, with her magikey falling into her hands after gazing at the moon for the nth time. She eagerly and naively accepted, thinking that this was everything she hoped for.

Unfortunately, she soon came to realize that the nature of her abilities forced her to be sleep deprived if she wanted to do anything much outside of being a magical girl. After her second year of being a magical girl, her enthusiasm fully died, and now she just tries to get by until she can go home. (she still really likes her outfit though, LOL)

After a shift as a magical girl, Evelyn will usually rush inside a convience store, grab snacks, pay and bolt home. She hates staying for overtime even by 5 minutes... though, she's willing to grab some stuff for her brother if he asks for it.

Evelyn is technically enrolled in theMagikey Training School, but she rarely shows up to classes. If she does, she's usually sleeping in them, though she doesn't mind a chance to show off once in a while. The instructors tend to leave her alone whenever this happens, as they're aware of how hard she works.

She does try to be nice towards her juniors though. She fetches them treats once in a while.

uncharted lore territory!! i didnt watch madoka magica or anything so idk if this fits in at all so im warning in advance lol. this is adjacent to evelyn's ACTUAL lore within the original canon twst, which is why it's here. i will make a separate post explaining further later on

Evelyn has a secret. One that isn't her being a magical girl. She has not told crowley, nor any of her magical colleagues, and she does not intend to— at least not for now. However, this secret does leave her susceptible to... negative feelings.

tag list!

@taruruchi @honeyedpearcrushh @boopshoops @scint1llat3

@h2llish @viperbunnies @buttholesparkles @oya-oya-okay @cheerleaderman

@qsoap @angelwishess @jadelover69 @skriblee-ksk @lychee-face

[peppertoastuniverse]

more than a late night snack – gojo satoru chapter 5: mandarin

contents: gojo Satoru x reader, FLUFF , satoru being a little shit, 2 idiots summary: when you consistently ignore gojo’s frequent texts to hang out, he takes matters into his own hands wc: 3.2k

“whoa, didn’t expect you to fall for me like this,” he says, feeling his laughter through his chest, breathing life into the dark corners of your cavity. it was too much. he was always too much. regaining your senses, you squawk out of embarrassment, concrete realization of where you were in the form of his thumb moving back and forth on your side, a half hearted attempt to soothe you. self consciousness fuelling your uncoordinated limbs you scramble to separate yourself from him.

previous chapter ll master list ll next chapter

ding. ding.  it only took two impatient sounds to disturb your peace. slightly groaning as you hear the echoing source of your current pain: your phone. ever since gojo got a hold of your number it like was like his grating voice was constantly in your head. he constantly texted you, blowing up your phone about anything and everything. from what he swore was the best daifuku in Tokyo he discovered last week, or complaining about how unfair it was that ieri kicked him out of her room again or sending you photos of him post mission, peace signs prominent with a cheery grin while geto was in the background back turned, hunched over presumably throwing up from a particular nasty curse he had to ingest - gojo never failed to message you.

for the most part you didn’t respond to gojo’s constant messages, but that didn’t deter him, if anything it prompted him to text you even more. in your eyes, it was only a matter of time before he would get tired of you - you were just waiting for him to realise what you knew was going to happen. it was a reason why you kept your walls so high, you enjoyed the safety and predictability of the darkness and satoru gojo was too bright.

turning back to your desk you pick up your discarded pen, twirling it in your hands absentmindedly. how long have you been at this?  probably 3 hours at least. you quickly skim through his messages while you regather your papers together.

gojo: hehe look at this (2:13pm) [image] (2:13pm)

you open the attachment begrudgingly, the unopened image taunting you, peaking your curiosity. it was a blurry photo of an annoyed geto, mouth open probably cussing gojo out, violet eyes flashing in warning looking beyond the camera with his arms attempting to grab the phone from him. his dark bangs frame his face as usual but the rest of his dark hair was pulled into two high messy pigtails. snorting in amusement, you download the image - ah a new treasure. sometimes gojo could be useful. you return to the message thread, seeing a flow of multiple messages.

gojo: bbbbbb <3 (4:03pm) im booooored booooooooooored lets hangggg (6:04pm) lets do something rn (6:10pm) omg when r u gna stop ignoring me lol (6:20pm) (◞‸◟；) stoppp (6:21pm) how come u never answer me "( – ⌓ – ) (6:22pm) not cool b (6:25pm)

you easily silence your phone before hastily typing in a message to appease him.

you: busy (6:40pm)

gojo: (ᴗ_ ᴗ。) busy??? the whole day?! (6:40pm) busy with what (6:41pm) with whaaaat bbb ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡) (6:43pm)

you don’t bother answering him, instead choosing to ignore him for what seemed to be the millionth time . you really had to get this done – not that you wanted to hang out with gojo anyway. discarding your phone on your bedside table, you groan when you make your return to your desk. this was the worst part about being a sorcerer : the paperwork. you’ve put off the reports for the last 4 missions that you went on, plus you had to do the rest of your homework. you palm your temple with a sigh of anticipation in what surely was going to be a long night.

and then you hear it; a whine of your name beyond your door paired knocking on your door to an uneven rhythm. ughh. you could just imagine the overly dramatic pout on his face.

as to appease the assault that your door was taking, you opened the opposing barrier with a scowl on your face.

“how come you don’t answer my messages?” gojo immediately whines the minute he sees you.

“I told you, I’m busy!”

“but we’re friends! you answer suguru and shoko!”

“yeah because they don’t message me every 2 seconds – my phone is usually on silent anyway, so I forget to check.”

“ughhh… sooooo, can we hang out now?” he gripes, lowering his dark glasses, showing the crocodile tears dancing on his waterline.

“...i have all this paperwork to do, gojo.” you say opening your door wider, gesturing to your messy desk.

he sighs exasperate throwing his hands in the air. “…fine.” pout on full view he turns his firm back, not sparing you a second glance retreating into his room next to yours.

huh. that was easy. part of you felt validated in his easy retreat, it was something that you were used to, something expected – even from the strongest.

you settle back in to your desk, cursing your past self for putting this off for so long.

okay, okay, where were you? concentrate. ughhhh … what happened in nagasaki again? oh right it was that stupid scissor curse that cut you up pretty badly – not your best moment. geto really saved your ass back there with rainbow dragon. he ended up swallowing the curse later and annoyingly scolded you. but he also complained -

“babe!! i'm hooooomeeee!” the door handle rustles before abruptly opening, a mop of tousled white hair, barges into your room with no warning. your wide eyes narrow at the annoyance. waltzing in with a pep in his step, obnoxiously swinging a plastic bag filled to the brim of multiple cakes, sweets and sugary drinks was gojo with an aggravating smirk. you stare at him, hoping your heated glance would melt his grinning face off.

“don't give me that face, grumpy! i got ya some concentration snackies - aren't you glad i thought of you, huh? im such a good friend.” poking your shoulder in greeting ignoring your exasperated pout.

“no one appreciates me here! i'm more than just a pretty face, y'know.” gojo responds to your silence with a dramatic sigh. he settles the bulging bag on the floor he tosses his too long body onto your bed, jostling the soft pillows. you tsk in disapproval.

cooing as he spots Bun Bun peacefully resting on the middle of your bed, you watch as gojo's long limbs dramatically flail to pick up the pink bunny stuffie. “hey, lil’ guy,” he whispers, his slender nose nuzzling Bun Bun's plush cheeks, “i know, I know, babe’s not being fun again. yeah i know, i told her don't worry.” turning his head to meet your incredulous glare. your eye begins to twitch in annoyance, "that's not what he's saying!"

“uh huh, you're just jealous of our bond." he scrunches up his nose at you, " y’knowww you’re gonna get wrinkles early if you keep frowning so much!” gojo practically sings from your bed, infinity easily going up as you launch an eraser at him angrily. he snickers before settling on his side, moving Bun Bun lovingly to share the same pillow as him.

ignoring gojo was no easy feat, but luckily you were very experienced in that field. returning to your work on your desk, you bite your tongue with the urge to cuss him out. you wheel your chair around to fully ignore his distracting presence.

he always took up too much space, his very energy making it hard to focus.

resting your head on your palm, you prop your head up attempting get back into the zone of concentration.

alright, nagasaki. you smirk as you remember how geto complained how terrible it tasted and how amazing that ramen was that you and geto had after. he was worried about your shallow wounds despite your constant reassurance that you were fine, ugh suguru was way too considerate. you pretty much had to beg him to go get some food, you remember how you grinned self righteously as you watched his hesitation disappear the minute he tasted the broth. you had a suspicion it was partly because the curse tasted so bad. but that didn't stop geto from carrying you back on rainbow dragon despite your fear of heights. you wince as you remember ieri smacking you and geto when you got back because she was so pissed when you didn't return straight away with all of those cuts – 

“whatcha doing?” you feel gojo's warm breath in your ear, the action making you shudder at the intrusion.

abruptly you turn your head to see gojo’s face right next to yours over your shoulder, nose daring to brushing his smooth cheek.

yelping loudly, you jerk to the side causing you to fall off your chair in a fright. you hear gojo’s amused snort as you close your eyes waiting to hit the ground but … it never came.

warm arms lightly grip your abdomen preventing you from hitting the ground, you feel gojo’s firm chest behind your back as you sit clumsily in his lap, legs swung over to his left side. his skin was warm and soft, invading your senses with his familiar scent. the weight of his body against yours felt foreignly comforting. engulfing your already panicked state in a new level of unease, you weren't completely sure if you enjoyed his warmth or resented him for making you question it. you unconsciously settle your hand on his forearm against your stomach finding an overwhelming needing to ground yourself. you hoped that he couldn’t feel your loudly beating heart through your chest, or that his six eyes couldn't see the deeply buried holes in your heart. “whoa, didn’t expect you to fall for me like this,” he says, feeling his laughter through his chest, breathing life into the dark corners of your cavity.

it was too much. he was always too much.

regaining your senses, you squawk out of embarrassment, concrete realization of where you were in the form of his thumb moving back and forth on your side, a half hearted attempt to soothe you. self consciousness fuelling your uncoordinated limbs you scramble to separate yourself from him.

“ompff – uhh – careful where you're – ompff –  stepping, babe!” he stutters quickly, worry and slight panic tinging his voice. his body attempting to shift with your fussing to neutralize your erratic momovements, “look, I don’t give a fuck – oh geez – but the clan still wants an heir so – please be careful“ a large hand goes to still your shin.  

an heir? does he mean – oh. OH. in a panic you finally manage to slide down onto to the floor legs still draped over his thighs.

“d-don’t you have anything better to do?!” you deflect refusing to look him. crossing your arms across your chest, trying to distract yourself form thinking about gojo in that way.

gojo’s eyes widen. whoa, what's with that expression? this was ... new. he couldn’t help but notice how your face flushed, the heat gradually spreading to the tips of your ears, down your the column of your pretty throat...

“you would know if you checked your messages!” he huffs ignoring the way his ears turn pink, “we’re gonna hang out when you're done.”

when did you agree to this? ­­

"who decided that?" you said fighting the blush you knew decorated your face, face full of defiance.

he whines your name, “c'mon!!”

“ugh, I still have to do the stupid paperwork! i’ve put it off too long.” you groan flopping on the ground, using your hands to rub your eyes. truth be told, gojo being in your room felt almost suffocating. the air felt too stifling, like you were backed into a corner forced to always playing defence with the strongest. and you didn't want to play his stupid games.

breathing softly you watch as the growing shadows on the your ceiling frame your nagging restlessness to get work done.  gojo’s face popping into your view.

“why don’t you take a break? you’ve been working hard for hours – let’s have some snacks!” he adds, attempting to sweeten the deal. you shrug noncommittally, you just wanted to be free of that stupid paperwork. you hear the rustling of a plastic bag, as he digs through his haul, mumbling to himself, "not this.. ugh not this one either, hmm, that's definitely mine .. oh fuck i forgot i bought this heh.. where is it? i just..."

“m’ not in the mood for sweets, go–“

“i got you – I knew you’d want something boring!” you hear him rustling deeper into the plastic bag. you smell a burst of citrus. his grin comes into view again while he roughly shoves a few segments of a mandarin into your mouth, forcing the rest of the peeled fruit into your hand.

“mph! dude– “ you quickly chew the segment in surprise, mouth bursting with the refreshing juice, the orange’s soft flesh tangy and slightly sweet. “… huh. thanks.”

gojo hums victoriously, falling on his back beside you, legs bent, foot tapping out a rhythm.

you split your remaining mandarin in half, feeling for the larger portion and passing it in gojo’s surprised hands. slender fingers briefly mingling with each other, electricity brewing between them. you retreat your hands quickly, purposely ignoring his lingering fingers.

if he notices, gojo makes no mention of it, popping the whole mandarin in his mouth.

“so, why was suguru’s hair in pigtails?” you ask, amused smile growing on your face from the memory of geto’s disturbed expression. chewing on another segment, you could easily imagine geto's loud grumble and exasperation that you frequently heard when gojo was around him.

gojo barks out a laugh, half chewed mandarin still in his mouth. “idiot fell asleep in the common room and y’know… anything is fair game there,” he says shifting slightly to look at you.

“oh god. pff, yeah honestly he had it coming. poor suguru though, he’s been so busy lately, must've been exhausted… i’m surprised he didn’t murder you.”

“oh he tried, he summoned 3 curses,” gojo snickers, pushing his dark glasses up.

“… next time we should do space buns,” you grin mischievously.

“oh fuck that’s a great idea!” he shouts, repeatedly tapping the ground in excitement, matching grin on his face. gojo was practically vibrating with mischief, inching closer to you on the ground.

you couldn't help but chuckle at his enthusiasm. often times gojo reminded you of an overly excitable puppy, constantly wagging his tail, begging for attention. usually you'd get the puppy who would become your shadow, whining constantly for a walk and would harness their chaotic energy to trash a room just because. there's a reason why you were a cat person.

“but oh my goddd, have you touched his hair, babe? it’s so fucking soft? i don’t understand what he does but -" you watched gojo talk animatedly. his mouth dressed up in a boyish gin, pearly teeth on full display, emphasizing the dimple on his left side, embellishing the joy he was radiating. it was times like these where you were strangely more aware that satoru gojo was handsome. the soft slope of his cupid’s bow that lead to delicate lips, the slant of his slender nose, his soft cheeks -

you shake your head. god, he was so distracting. he was so annoying.

“ - hey? did ya hear me?” gojo asks, poking your cheek. you share back at him blindly, hoping he didn’t catch you staring. "huh?" stretching slightly you shift on to your side, curling your knees together so they almost touch his thighs. "what were you saying?"

“I said, I got you something!” not even bothering to hid his annoyed glare. he props himself up with his hand supporting his head, turning fully to you, mirroring your body. reaching into his back pocket, he takes out a silver phone charm. delicate and elegant, the neat row of varying silver and black beads strung on a intricate chain complimented the silver star at the end.

you blink at him. “wait- for me?” your eyes dart between the phone charm and his expectant smile.

“duh! it’s for your phone! so whenever you see it, it’ll remind you to answer my messages.” he jingles the keychain, waiting for you to take it.

you stare at him, a hidden expression on your face that he couldn’t decipher.

“man, I gotta do everything here, eh?” gojo pouts, rolling his eyes. he gracefully rolls over to reach for your phone on your bed side table with a sigh. plopping back down on his side, he loops the charm on to your phone grinning triumphantly.

“hehe, look, babe – now we have matching ones!!” he takes out his own phone to show you the same silver keychain on his phone. gojo hands you your phone back, immediately you admire the way the way the keychain captures the dim light of your bedside table. pretty. although gojo’s antics were dramatic and sometimes downright irritating, his constant effort to get to know you despite your adamant refusal was �� endearing. you noticed that he was generous, not only constantly buying you, ieri and geto snacks or meals without prompting but generous in his time, annoyingly checking up on you when he didn't see you for a few hours. you had to admit that he did put up a good fight to your frank rebuffs. he noticed a lot more than you gave him credit for, he cared for his friends in his own way but fierce so. despite his arrogant and brash behaviour maybe, just maybe, he could be someone you could talk to once in a while, someone you could let in just a little bit. it wouldnt hurt to be on friendlier terms, right?

“… thanks gojo.” you say smiling in realization as you fiddle with the star of the keychain, unable to look at him.

something in gojo’s stomach flutters, not expecting your bashful demeanour. if you smiled at him like that, he think might collapse. he wasn’t even really sure what he did that granted him the privilege to see your smile, a genuine one - it was just a little trinket, an inexpensive thing he picked up because he was tired of radio silence from you. he smiled thinking about your reaction of something else, perhaps if he got you those specific chips that he noticed that you liked that were notorious for being be sold out at the convenience store or maybe a scarf since you always seemed to be cold or, or maybe even a necklace with his initials -

“… hey? gojo?" you ask softly.

"yes, my grumpy lil prince–" "shut up, before i take back what i'm going to say, idiot." you scoff, your dead pan glare, effectively doing the impossible in shutting up gojo. you sigh. god, were you going to regret this decision? "... if you give me like 2 hours in silence.." you palm your forehead, wondering if you've gone absolutely insane.

".... maybe we could watch a movie or something after?” you force out softly.

gojo smiles widely, almost bouncing up and down as he gets up from the floor, offering you a hand to help you up. you stare at his out stretched hand suspiciously.

“well, the sooner you get started the sooner we can watch!!”

hesitantly you accept his hand and his help. it was a strange feeling, one that you weren’t sure yet that you liked yet. you quickly sever the contact, dropping his hand immediately, not wanting to get used to this new sensation. you huff , moving towards your desk, reshuffling the papers with renewed energy.

turning around to face him, voice authoritative with warning, you meet his covered eyes “when I mean silence though gojo, I mean absolute silence.” he nods, looking back at you, he uses his slender pointer finger and thumb to zip his mouth, and toss away the key behind him, a promise in his bright eyes behind his dark glasses.

gojo resettles on your bed, with a triumphant sigh. he makes a point to grab Bun Bun to lay on his chest as he takes out his phone to play some games, his silver phone charm dancing in the light. you turn around, hands itching to finally get some work done, concentrating on summarizing the straight forward mission in hamura. an unusual silence aids the scratching of your pen on paper, propelling your rapid thoughts. but after 20 minutes of working, you hesitantly clear your throat, turning back to take a peek at gojo, his eyebrow quirked.

“… so, uh what movies are playing right now?”

you can hear the joy in his voice when he starts to weigh your options, even asking Bun Bun for his opinions and occasionally spoiling the plots for other options. With a soft grin, you found that this time you didn’t mind the chatter... or the company.

a/n: he just wants to spend time with you ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡) --

head image credit: Itadakimasu dividers from: @/adornedwithlight

[dollysturniolo]

All I've seen on my tumblr lately is "the triplets are lazy " " they keep letting us down" "their content is lacking " GIVE IT A FUCKING BREAK PLEASE FFS GET A GRIP

Yes the videos are rushed and small lately because they are busy planning tour for their fans to make sure they have fun to make sure the price of those tickets (a price clearly set by management and that needs a rant of its own as the triplets dont deserve the hate they get for it. management is the one that deserves the hate) are worth it, planning things to make sure they make people laugh , to make sure u guys are happy and all any of u do is complain or have ago at them or shit on them it's honestly so disheartening to see i can't even begin to imagine how they must feel everytime they go on their phones, they are doing all that they do for u guys to just not appreciate any of it.

also i see people complaining about the no photo dump this Friday they said it isn't a permanent thing that's being stopped its a one off, they have clearly been extremely fucking busy with tour aswell as their other shit , they are human they have lives they have a family , friends, their own brands , they need to eat and sleep like humans do , shower , clean their house , they may deal with health issues , mental health issues , they also get sick aswell like we all do and may need a day or two to rest from that like WE ALL FUCKING DO, they have meetings to go to , they go shopping like humans do , they are working on merch , booking hotels , sorting venues , idea planning, schedule making , video idea planning and filming and coming up with new content ideas isn't easy , they are probably packing for tour , management is probably on their backs aswell , and matt is also still working on his personal project and thats just the stuff we know of publicly, they live a fucking life , and yall forget that and it's annoying as fuck.

they aren't at our constant beck and call we aren't the only shit they have going on right now u don't know what's going on behind closed doors. they said they haven't done anything fun this week they have had meetings all week so the pictures they probably have taken are probably random selfies or of a meeting room or maybe a pic of a wall and paperwork and if they posted those pics as the photo dump yall would complain that the photos are boring so either way they can't win at anything they do lately. yall are complaining just to complain at this point.

they have had a hectic 5 years of constant posting constant filming constant planning constant GO GO GO they haven't stopped , don't forget their job doesn't end like a normal 9-5 they can't just walk out of work at the end of the day and relax once they get home they live it they wake up to 10000 of notifications and calls they go to sleep with their phone going mad from fans or management or staff or their brand workers or PR collabs , I have no doubt at all that they are grateful for the life they have but that doesn't mean it isn't extremely tiring cos they can't just stop they haven't took a break just for themselves and im sorry but they need to, haven't u guys noticed how tired they look how much they yawn or stumble over their words cos they clearly aren't getting enough sleep, they are working so hard on a tour so many of u guys begged them for , and also have faith that when they have finally stopped the constant work and running around that the content quality will go back to normal , so just stop complaining and maybe ask them " how are you guys really doing " or maybe just be a decent human and think for a minute they are still people like us with flesh , blood ,bones , troubles and busy schedules.

im so tired and upset seeing people dragging the name of 3 guys they apparently love i would never have ago at anyone I love even the tiniest bit the way some of u guys do to the triplets , it's ridiculous sorry for this long ass post but I've had enough and if u can't see that this constant hate is genuinly getting out of hand then maybe ur part of those that need to take a long hard look at the type of person u are , personally I'm grateful that they are healthy, happy and make me laugh whether they posted everyday of the year or once a year I don't care i love them for them not how much content they make if i want to watch them and they havent posted i go to any of the current 370 videos they do have available and watch one of those i don't take it to social media and nag them to post more, i want them to enjoy their life not have to work like mad just to keep ungrateful people quiet , I know of other content creators that post alot less than they do and I dont see half as much hate for them as I do towards the triplets , im sorry but alot of this fandom has become extremely toxic .they deserve alot more love than is being shown towards them rn , I'm done now but i had to say it .

[anon16783]

a heart

barty crouch jr x fem!reader (angst)

synposis : reader and barty being exes.

(warnings : implied cheating(?), misunderstandings(?), can be left to interpretation)

continuation if interested !! : “please tell me you understand”

—

“are you okay?” pandora looked at me with worry laced on her face.

“yeah just thinking about the potions test, professor slughorn’s gonna hex me.” i laughed dryly at my misfortune, pandora seemed to notice the absence of emotion in my laugh.

“yeah sure.” she went back to her yorkshire pudding as my eyes wandered to the slytherin table.

his arms were wrapped around her shoulder, her body pressed on his torso. i flickered back to my food but i immediately sensed the intensity of his gaze, my eyes turned to pandora afraid to see a smug smirk on his face.

“let’s go.” she whispered.

i laid in bed at night, memories flushing, playing like a trailer for a movie. bartemius was the love interest but clearly i wasn’t for him.

—

i remembered him waiting for me after muggle studies his book bag slumped lazily on his shoulders, “princess! took you long enough.” he’d plant a loving kiss on my cheek as we walked to transfiguration together. i’d look at his eyes but they never seemed fully mine, at the time i thought they were.

as we exited transfiguration about to head to lunch a slytherin girl came up to us, “hey barty, i need some help” she said in a shrill, flirtatious voice.

“i’m busy with my girl.”

“go help her barty, it’s okay.” i exclaimed with trust, i wanted so much to be liked by his peers that i didn’t hear the malicious intent behind her voice.

i guess that’s when it started.

the next few days she’d come up to us calling for him, i always encouraged him to go until he started going on his own.

one time i walked into the library with pandora, both of us heading our own way promising to sit at the table in the corner once we found our books.

“you should dump her.”

oh my merlin, gossip? let me in.

as i peaked through a hole i made by taking out books on the shelves i saw the slytherin girl pinned to the wall by ,,, wait. barty?!

“i mean she’s really pretty come on, but she’s predictable, boring. im snoring just thinking about her.”

suddenly the books i grabbed dropped out of my hands as thick rivers treaded down my cheeks.

barty moved from the girl and looked up at me, sheer horror glistening in his eyes.

“sweetheart-“

i ran. i ran out the library door with pandora looking at me dumbfounded as barty chased me down the halls.

i rushed back to the ravenclaw tower, the eagle knocker asking me a riddle.

“i can break, i can be clogged, i can be attacked, i can be given, i can be kept, i can be crushed, yet i can be whole at the same time. what am i?”

“oh! i don’t know!” i hated the impossible riddles this stupid common room would make me answer.

a voice that made my gut wrench saved me the trouble of unlocking the code, “that’s simple. a heart.”

“a heart?” i muttered back.

i turned to see barty with a tear down his face, hands motioning to grab me.

the common room door opened suddenly and i turned from him, “that’s a bit rich coming from you.”

the following two weeks was met with constant letters expressing sorrow all starting with “i love you, please let me explain.” i never actually read past this line -throwing out each letter before i believed his lies. eventually he gave up and two weeks later i saw him parading around with the slytherin girl around his arm.

i felt humiliated, betrayed, used. i would never forgive him.

—

the next day at breakfast the same thing happened again.

“are you okay?” pandora would ask.

“yeah i’m fine.” i’d reply back, pandora not really believing me would let me be since i had grown tired of her prophecies and advice i could decipher as much as the ravenclaw riddles.

i’d look up at the slytherin table and then back at my food as i could feel barty’s heating glare on my head. this time i decided to show him that i no longer cared about him. i turned to the boy next to me, he was good looking, smart, and charming.

“hello.”

he raised his eyebrow, his lips quirking up, “finally noticing me, are you?”

“what do you mean?”

“oh nothing.” he went back to his toast his eyes never leaving me.

my eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he started to laugh, his booming voice echoing through the walls. i subconsciously started to join him until my eyes accidentally flitted back to slytherin and i finally saw barty’s face, it wasn’t smug or proud, it was broken.

[bilswifee]

pov: you slowly start to get back to that sad phase and billie notices and helps you

warnings: talk abt suicidal thoughts and js really sad but also really cute fluff at the end

youre in the embrace of your warm and soft blankets getting cozy , in the comfort of you and your girlfriend’s house. girlfriend woah that sounds so odd coming from your mouth . billie’s been the perfect partner she’s been there for you always providing you with the affection you craved, you both helped each other in more ways than one. you 2 never talked about this but in each others heart you knew that this was so right so perfect it filled your heart and even overflowed it.

yet youre here in ur bed and ur doing it again. the constant over thinking , a battle , between ur own voice and thoughts and the one of ur enemy

“ the other voice the evil one”

what if billie decided i’m not good enough

i’m getting ugly anyways she’ll leave me

fuck this i’m just gonna end it

what if

what if

what if?

this is the reality of your own head its what you go through . a predisposed action in a way , it’s in ur nature . but ur sick of it it’s getting too much and ur tired so tired , usually billie helps you with navigating through it always reassuring you trying to keep u busy so that u dont fall back . unfortunately ur sweet baby is at the studio working on some stuff for her upcoming album . you’re so proud of her she’s your star an angel in every single way . billie is your destiny and forevermore . but you can’t help and wonder what if ur not what she wants . billie goes on her day meeting multiple people ones who are 100% really attractive maybe she falls for another girl? boy? maybe she starts to realize ur way too fucked up.

you’ve always been in question of ur own identity ur sexuality ur self image . growing up with certain norms you follow and that’s it . no in between the lines . but you fell right through when u realized that u liked girls the same way you thought you liked guys. the butterflies , the warmth , the softness , gentle touch so pure. one hell of a journey yet u fought it , went through the guilt , the thoughts really overwhelming you in so many ways through that u lost ur family some friends too bur ur here . and you met billie.

you run a hand through ur silky soft brown hair and take a deep breath

alr i got this , i’m okay

you go about ur way to the bathroom to wash ur face and get the mood right , billie is supposed to be coming in a few with some sushi and a movie night is scheduled for you two so u better get ur shit straight right?

you stare at ur reflection from the big mirror in ur lavish bathroom. and there it is , what you truly hated and the thoughts run around again

you over analyze each and every little detail of ur face and body tears start to form and u lean ur body on the counter to js take another breath

yr eyes look so tired billie is gonna notice

ur hair is greasy and need washing

u look like u gained a few pounds

stop eating and go to the gym

do something productive

don’t mope around

just stop.

tears left and it’s never ending

billie’s keys unlock the door and u hear her footsteps you can hear sharks adorable noise greeting his mama .

ur breathing grows heavier and faster and it all comes to you panic panic.

hey babyyy billie enters the house with a enthusiastic tone and the take out ready

bil im coming down give me a sec .

u mutter trying not to break ur voice and give billie a idea she can’t know.

you can’t stand you can’t speak and everything is so blurry u can barley see billie going into ur master bedroom and the bathroom door wide open so she sees u and panic struck her eyes.

layla layla omg baby whats wrong? .

billie falls down to the floor with you she’s seen this before but she genuinely thought u were getting better but u masked it so well.

layla honey breath with me tell me what’s wrong can i hold ur hand pls .

billie’s soft voice cascades through the room and ur ears u feel them pop and u can feel ur surrounding you look up at billie and you see her icy blue ocean eyes meeting ur brown ones.

you start to pick up on ur breath no words have been spoken till now billie understands that u won’t speak until ur stable again . you slowly pick ur trembling hands and lace them with billie’s .

bbbillie im okay i just i thought a lot and this made me liiike well this i’m sorrry pls don’t leave me pls i love you baby.

ur voice breaks again after that sentence . truth is your mind was a dangerous place a whole war zone there and u were frightened .

you’ve always dealt with the thoughts of hurting urself yet u never had the courage to go abt it . actually do it but it’s been a lingering thought for so long and like said before u were so tired.

you basically went by ur day normally u ate , u showered u went out with billie and even friends . but once ur mind was alone it ran and ran all the possibilities and thoughts come rushing in a hindered miles per hour. you went back to ur old habits as well eating to fill the void but when u see ur self in the mirror it’s like looking right back at the devil an awful sight. and the cycle begins again and again

billie dosen’t speak another word but she holds you so tight like never before . u can smell her vanilla scent through her shirt and it’s comforting its home where you belong . she keeps you in her arms all night with the food outside getting cold . but she’s with you and she’s got you she whispers i love you and soft whispers to you .

as long as you got her nothings gonna happens

youre okay now.

[louisoffline]

FINALLY FINISHED THE REF SHEET PLUS OTHER DRAWINGS YAAYYY okay so i had the ref sheet done basically two days ago BUT i wanted to draw some more because my ref sheets look so......just stand there kinda scary so MORE ART !!! also skip if you are seeing this when i say our mcs twin bro......we are so mind connected with the skeleton sweaters my lord when i logged on and saw that both step 2 designs had them..........my goodness..i think we might just be the same person....

I want to try and flesh out relationships and dynamics more i think thats something i kind of struggle with with ocs so..that is what the rest of this post will be backstory, character traits, etc etc if you chose to read i will love you forever

Step 1: Gosh...I love making characters really reeaaallllyyy awkward and that's exactly what Lenae is. Her awkwardness is really just stemming from anxiety or nervousness. Qiu and her's dynamic is so sweet to me I love characters being to nervous to say things and then another saysit for them omg im weak yeah thats so them. Lenae and Tam on the other hand....it's not like Lenae doesn't liker her she knows she means well and is extremely sweet but Lenae just can't understand why she is so loud and energetic all the time, she finds it hard to keep up. She IS the sweetest kid you would ever come across though, she will do anything to see you smile. Her earmuffs are a constant, everyone else may think it's just a comfort thing but it is in fact a noise thing we just don't know that yet guys(undiagnosed autism is craayyy)

Step 2: Still being that same shy, sweet kid while looking emo AND TRANSGENDER?? not for the weak. Still shy and reserved maybe even more so but no one really expects anything else. I think meek is a very good descriptor, they get freaked so so easily like has never had a peaceful day in their life. However, Halloween IS their favorite time of the year, it's an aesthetics thing i guess. If you pass by Lenae in the halls you would probably think that they were on their last few threads of patience by the sour look on their face but no, they could be having the best day of their life with that face on. They found it tiring to keep that placid smile on their face all the time when it wasn't always real. In this stage Lenae has definitely started expierimenting with different art mediums like dabbling in painting, poetry, music, you name it. Qiu and Lenae are still the bestest friends ever(bestest crushes ever???) and it's actually kind of nice to have someone by your side who knows what you're going through with your gender identity struggle and everything. Lenae for sure feels bad for how they treated Tam just because they thought she was a little much, I mean it was kind of hypocritical, so they've been trying to make it up to her by being kind of everyly nice?? oh boy oh boy

Step 3: I really don't know a lot of what I could write for step 3 since like nothing of it is out in the actual game SO were just gonna go like personality kind of wise y'know? I think they've definitely mellowed out AT LEAST A LITTLE...like omg guys they can sometimes order for themselves at restaurants!! They're very opinionated and has a strong stance on what they believe but like not in a mean way they just don't understand why others would think differently. Building on their creative abilities, they probably have plans to go to a college for art or fashion. Or maybe they'll start their own business who knows! It's okay to not have everything planned out anymore, some spontaneity is welcome in their life. Now that they've finally been able to be more open, mainly around friends, they'll say something a little too...unsettling or freaky??? to be normal, it's a little weird to get used to oopsies

AND THATS ALL if you read all of this i appreciate you becasue this has been drafted up on my computer screen for multiple days I just did not know what to say siigghhh yeah i love this kid and I hope you guys do too teehee

[lingeringdesires505]

maybe its for the best

rin itoshi x reader

angst

rin can’t stop blaming himself, he knows hes at fault, that hes the reason the two of you had broken up. rin’s life mainly revolved around soccer, until he met you. all his life, his only goal was to beat his brother, itoshi sae, and show him how he too could be good at soccer. little did he know, he would be so caught up in his obsession with competing against his brother would ruin a relationship he had cherished so much.

28 April, 10.58 p.m.

The night you two broke up, it was after one of his late night trainings. despite being tired and burnt out, he still stayed back after training, pushing himself to his limit, in hopes that his skill would be up to par with his brother’s.

you laid in your shared bed with him, wondering when he would come home. his soccer training should have ended at 9 p.m., yet he was still not home. seeing the clock almost striking 11, you became more and more worried about your lover. you had sent him multiple texts, but none were read.

“he must be staying back after training again,” you thought to yourself. despite the constant reminders not to overexert himself, and that he should rest more, rin never listened to you. he would either brush you off, saying it was no big deal and that he wasnt tired, or just ignore you. you understood that he was feeling lots of stress especially with the upcoming soccer match, but you just couldnt stand there and see him destroy himself like this. it certainly wasnt healthy and beneficial for his physical or mental health.

as you reached the stadium, you saw a familiar figure doing his routines.

“rin! ive been worried about you. its already 11 p.m., you should come home and rest!” you called out to him as you ran towards him.

“ just a few more minutes…im almost done. after im done, we can go home, okay? “ he said without looking back to you.

as much as you wanted to let him finish, you could already tell he was extremely tired. the sweat running down his forehead and muscles, the heavy panting that you knew all to well — he was already pushing his limits, if you were to let him continue, he might over exhaust himself, doing more harm than good to his body.

“ rinnie, please, youre at your limit already, please just stop! youre going to hurt yourself at this rate! “ you begged him to stop, but he wouldnt listen. tears started to well up in your eyes as you grew more and more anxious, why wouldnt he just stop hurting himself like this and listen to you?

it wasnt long before rin snapped.

“do you really think im that weak?! besides, what i do to my own body is none of your business! youre just another obstacle in the way of my success, just leave me alone you lukewarm piece of shit, god damn it!” he shouted, his eyes filled with anger as he finally looked over to you.

that was when he realised he fucked up.

his heart ached as he saw hot tears streaming down your red cheeks. no, wait, he didnt mean it!

“please baby, wait, i didnt mean it. im so sorry i said that, please..” he immediately stopped what he was doing to run towards you, forcefully hugging you, frantically apologising.

you didnt say anything. you couldnt say anything. you were in disbelief — the man that you had loved with all your heart, the man that you cared for so deeply, wanted you to leave him alone? was this truly the way he felt about you? just an obstacle? a lukewarm piece of shit?

“baby please, i didnt mean any of that… its all my fault, i know you want the best for me. forgive me please… please, say something!” this time, rin was the one of the verge of tears.

“so that’s how you feel about me?… you want me to leave you alone?…” you managed to stutter out, trying hard not to start bawling on the spot. how could he say something so hurtful?

“fine. if that’s how you want it, dont contact me ever again rin, it’s over between us.”

you ran back to your car before rin could react and slammed the door shut, driving off to your shared apartment to pack your things and move out. you weren’t just angry, you were upset.

you couldnt believe this was how your relationship with rin was going to end. you always thought of rin as someone you would continue to love and care for, someone you would grow old with.

that night, rin laid on the grass in the stadium, looking up at the night sky, head filled with regrets, heart aching.

present

was it really worth it? rin always asked himself. sure, he managed to show to his brother that his soccer skills were excellent, but that didnt make him happy. in fact, after the two of you had broken up, nothing made him happy. how could he be happy without you? he was struggling to even live a day without you.

rin would spend countless sleepless nights scrolling through his photo gallery, looking at photos you had forced him to take with you. the poor man couldnt even sleep without your scent. he would often try and find old articles of clothing you had left behind around the house — it was the only way he could sleep, with your scent.

he would spend many hours training, even if there wasnt any upcoming matches. he was desperate to find any sort of distraction to distract himself from thinking about you.

some nights after training, he prayed that you would still be there outside the stadium, waiting to drive him home. he prayed that he could see you again, hear your sweet voice and hearty laugh again. he was so desperate to hear your voice again, he didnt care if he had to hear your nagging or your complaints, he just needed to hear you again, to see that pretty face of yours.

rin always thought about how foolish he was. before he met you, he felt that unfortunate things always happened to him. he always thought about how terrible and unlucky his life was. that was until he met you. you were like a blessing from heaven, an angel that came and brightened up his dull, lukewarm life. he wished he had known how to appreciate you earlier. if only he had opened his eyes and see how much you had loved and cared for him.

it feels like torture scrolling through your instagram page, seeing you move in with your new boyfriend, seeing you have dinner dates with him. he knows your new boyfriend treats you way better than he ever did, and he feels happy that your being taken good care of, but deep down, his heart was being ripped into shreds. it felt so wrong, but he couldnt stand the thought of you laughing, or smiling for another man. you were already moving on with life, getting ready to marry your boyfriend, and there was nothing he could do about it.

rin accepted that he could never be at peace with himself, especially since he had fucked up the only good thing in his life. it was too late for regrets, the only thing he could do now was make sure that you were safe and happy from afar.

———————————————————————————

thank you for reading!

word count: 1.2k

feel free to request!

please dont steal

@lingeringdesires505 2024

[boydepartment]

“i’m in love with you” - with enhypen

a/n: last post for tonight i am sorry i’m trying to get back in a groove i promise

warnings- angst, fluff, it’s a good mix 😋 reader is intoxicated in jakes

wc- i’d say 100 words per member

MASTERLIST

jungwon- stupid for you by waterparks

you knew jungwon was a smart man. he always had a plan and he was always observant. until it came to you. oh my god he was so so so stupid. for years you were pining after him and always hyping him up. he always thought that’s just what friends do. so one day when you were hanging out at the dorms he turned to you.

“i don’t think you’ve ever had a crush on someone? that i’ve known about?” jungwon was curious. because he did like you, hell he LOVED you. he was just too stupid to realize you actually liked him back.

“because i haven’t.” you shrugged simply, you saw his face fall so you continued speaking, “…but i have been in love with you for years now.”

heeseung- my love mine all mine by mitski

heeseung and you have been dating for a couple months now, your relationship healthy. something you never thought you’d get in your life. for the most part you thought you’d die alone or unexpectedly. your luck was always against you, except when it came to heeseung… you both were in the kitchen slowly swaying back and forth. he told you about his busy day and you just watched him talk. his little mannerisms making your heart feel so warm.

“what’s going on in your pretty head right now, princess?” his smile got you

“i’m in love with you.”

jay- sea of love by cat power

jay had been in love with you since he became sentient. he spilled something on you in daycare and that was it. you smacked him upside the head and BOOM sentient. you were his first real memory. he’d never want that taken away from him.

but people grow, and move apart from eachother. and that’s what happened, while you continued studying, he became an idol. of course you still saw him for family things, but he’d always had a camera or body guard with him. it wasn’t the same anymore. so you distanced more. this wasn’t the lifestyle you liked or wanted.

during a holiday meal, jay finally got a minute alone and he pulled you into another room.

“what’s going on with you? i haven’t seen you in forever and now it’s like you don’t want to be around me…” jay mumbled

you looked at him now feeling extremely guilty, “i-i don’t know… it’s just a lot, your lifestyle isn’t for me and-“

it was now or never for jay.

“i’m in love with you. me being an idol isn’t forever. i want forever with you…”

jake- your graduation by modern baseball

you and jake had history. too much of it. it was constant of you calling him to pick you up from a party or something that you weren’t proud of. he was sick of it. jake was tired of watching you practically waste away. it pissed him off. and it honestly pissed you off, why did he care so much when he was the one who would never take your confessions of love seriously?

which led to the argument in the driveway, you drunk off alcohol and him drunk off anger.

“why do you even do this?! you didn’t used to be like this in highschool!” he yelled waving his hands around.

you poked him in the chest, “i don’t owe you any explanation for my feelings!”

“what do you have to be feeling about y/n?! to the point of making fucked up decisions!?”

his voice was loud.

you had enough, “IM IN LOVE WITH YOU AND NO MATTER WHAT I DO YOU NEVER NOTICE IT!”

sunghoon- kiss me by sixpence none the richer

sunghoon was infatuated with you. every spring you worked the saturday market. and every spring he would be your number one customer. always tipping you and always buying your produce. whether it be the apples, flowers, grapes, strawberries, anything. his favorite was when you made bracelets one year though. this went on for a really long time. sunghoon wanted to play the long game with you, you didn’t know he was an idol clearly. and he didn’t want to scare you.

“there’s my favorite customer! sunghoon how are you?” you’d smile at him. all sunghoon wanted was to kiss you, you and your bright smiling face.

“i’m really good today!”

he’d visit more than usual and the flirty banter would come back almost immediately.

“with how much of my stuff you buy i’d assume you’re like in love with me.” you laughed slightly

“i am. i am in love with you.”

sunoo- puppy princess by hot freaks

you had a boyfriend and sunoo was STUCK. he didn’t know why it bothered him so much that you were dating someone. you were his best friend, what was the issue?

oh yeah the fact he’s in love with you? yeah…. that’s a pretty big issue.

no matter what though, he kept you smiling and he kept dreaming. at some point sunoo couldn’t hold it in anymore. especially after your boyfriend dumped you out of the blue.

“he doesn’t know what he’s doing y/n. you’re too good for him.”

you looked at him with tears in your eyes, for a few minutes now he’s been joking with you trying to keep you laughing.

“i don’t know…. sunoo you’re gonna be biased because we’re friends.”

sunoo gave you a look, “i’m going to be biased because i’m in love with you.”

riki- apple cider by beabadoobee

you were never supposed to like him at all, you didn’t WANT to. neither did he if he was being honest. it was a weird dynamic between you and him. riki was conflicted and so were you, which led to both of you growing distant thinking the other was tired with the other.

one night when he had free time, he finally made his way to your home. riki obviously stuck out, it was dangerous and stupid but he was running on adrenaline. he knocked on the door hands shaking, when your parent called you from your room you were shocked to see riki standing there. he was obviously not supposed to be here.

“what’re you doing here?” you walked out and wrapped yourself up more when you shut the door behind you, now standing with him outside. it was cold and late, well later at night. you thought something was wrong especially when he refused to speak. you went closer to him and put a hand on his head to check his temperature.

“are you sick? did something happen? do you need to come in-“

“i’m in love with you.” he blurted out

[carbohydratedfella]

Sighs. You know what, since Im already in this hell hole I might as well dig deeper

Image by @/nvmsry

Mike Schimdt x Male!Reader

>> Mike finally gets the comfort he so desesperally deserves. Reader is taller/bigger than him

>> 1500± words.

>> CW/TW: Angst + Fluff. Not proofread 🧍

...

You and Mike had met in the shopping mall, while he still worked as a security guard. You simply needed to find a certain store that was nowhere to be found. Luckily, he offered to show you the way there.

You two decided to chat during that time, he had to look up (literally) at other people quite often, but you just seemed so kind he couldnt help but to feel his face heat up whenever you spoke. Maybe It was just the first signs of exhaustion kicking in, yeah definitelly.

"-oh, by the way..."

You began speaking, pulling out a small papernote with your number written on It.

"...lets keep in touch"

You could see the hesitency in his brown eyes, slightly lowering and looking at it, his hands trembling ever so slightly when he grabbed the paper. Stuffing It into his pockets.

"..sure."

In turn, he decide to give his number to you, and you made sure to memorized It, a bright smile coming to your face that he wishes he could burn It into his memory, and cherish It forever.

...

He held the phone number close to his heart, and at home was always tempted to call you, but at the same time didnt want to bother you with his problems. So he settled for just speaking to your face to face, in the few days you'd show up there.

But then...he got fired. And he at the bottom of well away. Now having a new problem to deal with.

He eventually took the new job the guidance counselor had proposed to him.

The custody battle, the night shift, the possibility of getting evicted. It all started to weight heavily on him. The constant stress made him barely function as a human being, sometimes he felt like rusting machine working endlessly, who will inevitably break down in just a matter of time.

He barely ate, barely hydrated, all his energy essencially came from the few sleeping hours he had, and even that started to feel exhausting, waking up more tired than the night before.

He slumped onto the couch, rubbing his eyes open. Abby was still asleep, good. At this point he didnt even know where his headache originated from, the tiredness, the dehydration, the stress, they all contributed to It. Laying down and trying to calm down his nerves.

He was barely even conscious, or functoning for that matter. He had to calm down, somehow. He shifted into the couch again, and felt a small crumpled paper within the cushions. He imediatly recognized It as the same papernwith your phone number on it

"Ah, how could I forget that?"

He was been ao busy, he barely even realized It had been days since the last time he had spoken to you. With shaky fingers, and a LOT of hesitancy, he decided to call you. Maybe your voice could calm him down a bit, It always did.

"Hello?..."

He asked and called your name, his voice a bit deeper than usual due to his sleepy state. His finger fidgeted with the phone cable, waiting for you to answer.

"Yes, that is him. Who is It?...Mike?"

You asked with a short pause. He couldnt believe It, you recognized his voice imediatly?

"Uh...yeah, just wanted to say hi"

His voice was low and a bit shy, tiredness slipping throught his tone.

Meanwhile your voice radiated energy, and you couldnt help but feel happy to finally hear him again.

"Hey Man! How's It going? Wow its been a long time huh? (Barely a week). Do you wanna hang out or something?"

He almost jumped at your request. His heart stammering and begging him to say yes...but alas...

"ah...Sorry I cant really hang out. I got a night shift and in the morning I have to take Care of Abby n such"

He said in a a apologetic tone, mentally slapping himself on the face for having to say that. He wanted that so badly. So fucking badly. Just the though helped soothe his ache, but he had bigger responsabilities to take care of.

You sighed, It was a bit sad but, you werent about to give up now.

"Oh, its alright. I can just stop by your house instead!"

"wait what-"

"I can even bring some beer!-oh..wait, nevermind, how old is Abby again? Ack, doesnt matter ill just being some juice instead"

He wanted to speak, but his words keeping fumbling with one another with you giving more and more ideas.

"ah-its...its fine really, you dont have to being anything..."

"can I still show up?"

"...I...you know...sure"

He gave you his address and in no time you started heading towards his home.

Meanwhile he was nervous. Heart stammering on his chest. He quickly started to (try) to clean his home. At least try to keep It more tidy.

But when he heard the door ring his heart stopped. You were here. Oh God. Oh wow.

He dusted his clothes and ran his hand throught his hair. Then finally opened the door.

"Hey..."

He said with his soft smile and small wave. Meanwhile your met him with a bright, big one.

"Hey Man! I-oh shit dude you look awful"

His smile faltered, and he looked down at himself

"what?"

You looked down at his face and gently cupped it to properly see his curls and soft brown eyes. But the eyebags he had also were a obvious tell to his lack of sleep.

"when was the last time you slept?"

His face imediatly started to warm up, a bit from embarassement. Were you able to tell that easily?

"I...uhh...been too busy I guess."

The brushes the back of his neck, and looked away

"Do you wanna watch a movie...or something?"

He then asked, eyes darted away while he tried to change the subject. You could read right throught him and noticed something was troubling him, but knowing Mike you knew wasnt gonna just say It to you.

You smiled and accepted the offer, both of you now making your way to his couch to watch some generic dvd he had.

You were seated next to one another, knees barely touching. You attention was more on him than the move itself, and he seemed to be doing the same.

His troubled eyes darting from the tv, to the floor and to your lap, maybe eye contact wasnt his best skill afterall.

You decided to be bold, wrapping an arm around his neck and pulling him towards you, no space in between you two. He could hear you breathing, the way your chest would rise up and down, and the cherry on top, was when you started to gently scratch his scalp. Any migrains vanishing instandly as he essentially melted on top of you.

God, he could die right then and there and he wouldnt mind at all. The sight made you smile more and you decided to take this oportunity to ask

"Something tells me you havent been "just busy"...are you ok Mike?"

He closed his eyes and tried to push his face deeper into your chest, his hands gently holding onto the rem of your shirt. Mumbling something incoherent to you, something along the lines of "Im fine"

"Mike Im being serious"

You pressed on.

"You look like youre about to pass out. What happened?"

He sighed, and slowly decided to open up to you.

At first, he didnt wanna speak much, to not scared you away, looking away and fidgeting with your shirt, so he started venting about his job...then his responsabilities of Abby. But as time went on, and he began mumbling more and more, he got to some other more personal topics, like his nightmares.

When he opened his mouth to speak his chest felt heavy, dificult to breath and before he knew It, tears started rolling down his eyes.

"S-sorry...I'm bothering you I should sto-"

You shushed him, then wrapped your arms around his waist, and pulled him even closer, towards you lap. Then you gently made his head rest on your collarbone.

And If the sight didnt cut deep within your heart, how many things have this Man been carrying on his back by himself? No Family members, No aid, heck It was a surprise he managed to keep that within himself for so damn long.

Your arms served as a protective shield and a warm blanket. Your cologne, tho strong, was slowly intoxicating his brain and making him feel safe like in a little cocoon. He closed his eyes as his breathing got better.

"You're too good for me"

He felt calm. Finally. A peacefull slumber slowly taking over his body. And he Fell asleep right then and there.

You chuckled.

"Wow you really havent been sleeping properly huh?"

Gently brushing his hair and whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

Yes he was asleep on you, but it's not like you were gonna complain about It. You made yourself more comfortable on the couch and slowly, fell asleep yourself.

....

Author's note: So this was supposed to be short. 500 words max buuuut... :3

[loversj0y]

You’re loosing me 🥲

you're losing me

event masterlist

pairing: wilbur soot x gn! reader

tw: angst, wilbur is kind of a dick tbh, crying and fights

notes: i love this song so much but this one made me so sad man. im getting better at writing angst but it still makes me sad :(

word count: 1.5

taglist: @l0veb0mb1ng / @core-queen / @zooone / @lillylvjy / @ghostsacrosslndnfields / @melunnek

You couldn’t sleep.

You and Wilbur had barely spoken in months. You two see each other everyday, and it’s almost shocking how many conversations you could have without saying anything. You couldn’t tell if you even loved him anymore, you knew you had the ability to, it was just hard to sort through all the noise and indecision in your brain. 

Wilbur wasn’t very vocal about your relationship. He was affectionate in private, but sometimes in public it felt like he barely knew you. Even though you’d been together for years, he still acted like an acquaintance when you were around anyone, even friends. 

Your relationship felt like dying. You didn’t feel trapped, but you so desperately wanted him to just do something and be there, give you any sign that he still cared about you and loved you. 

You felt cold when you finally managed to go to sleep. His arms weren’t wrapped around you like they used to be. It felt like sleeping next to a stranger.

You felt just as cold when you woke up. Wilbur was awake next to you, leaned up and scrolling on his phone. You turned and looked at him, unable to hide the sourness from your expression this early in the morning.

He looked at you in response to your shifting, “Hm? Oh, good morning, darling.” He smiled, “Sleep well?”

You shrugged in response. You missed when a response like that would make him pull you into his arms, kiss you and ask you what was wrong and what he could do to help. 

Instead, he just ignored it. “Old friend of mine is having a party tonight, do you want to come with me?”

Not really. But it was better than just sitting and rotting in your apartment, unable to escape the constant reminders of your dying relationship. 

“I’ll come, I guess.” You’d long given up hiding the pain and resignation in your voice. Wilbur never noticed the signs.

“Great,” he leaned down, pecking your lips quickly, “I love you, darling,” he stood, walking out quickly.

You didn’t even have a chance to respond before he was out of the room.

You laid in bed for a long time. Wilbur barely noticed that you stayed there, even as he flitted around the room and got dressed for the day. Once he’d spoken a quick “goodbye” and headed out (you didn’t even know where he was going), you finally stood up and took a shower. You cried while you showered. Your heart felt tired of this, and you didn’t know how much longer you could keep it together. You’d dedicated years of your life to this relationship, and he acted like he simply tolerated you. You don’t know how long you stood there crying, but by the time you got out, Wilbur had returned. If he noticed your red-rimmed and puffy eyes, he didn’t say anything.

You got ready for the party quickly. It was a quick walk there. Every time you remembered the walks you used to go on, where his arms would be around you or his hand it yours, it felt like twisting a knife in your chest. But you put on a happy face. It wasn’t anyone here’s business the mental torment you were going through. 

The start of the party was nice, meeting some of Wilbur’s friends and mostly just talking your praises of Wilbur. Shortly after, he left you alone, and you felt overwhelmed. You didn’t know anyone here, except Wilbur and he’d currently fucked off to where ever. You stood in the corner, trying to spot him in the gathering of people. It almost felt like he was ignoring you, but you tried to convince yourself that it wasn’t on purpose. 

It did make you bitter, though. He was the one who told you to come, he was the one who invited you out, and he was the one who was supposed to love you. You’d never felt so alone in a room full of so many people. 

You finally spotted him, making your way over quickly. You took your place next to him, and he spared you a quick glance before going back to his conversation. You didn’t butt into the conversation, you didn’t even know this guy.

He brought you up though.

“And so, you two, you’ve been together how long now?”

“Three years,” Wilbur supplied, letting his hand come to rest on your lower back. 

“Wow, three years, that’s amazing. Are you liking the married life?”

It was an honest mistake, one you would’ve clarified with a soft chuckle and a simple “Oh, we’re not married yet.”

Wilbur had a different response. “Oh, god, no,” he fully laughed, shaking his head, “We’re not married. Didn’t mean to give you that idea.” He responded, acting like it was a joke.

It sent you spiraling. The rest of the night was a blur, too lost in your own thoughts. He clearly seemed to think that your relationship was a joke. So why was he even still with you? Why was he making you feel like you were dying? Why was it going to be your job to find a way to end this? To get him to admit that there was nothing left; he didn’t love you anymore. 

You didn’t remember getting home. You had walked home without him. He probably hadn’t even noticed. You stood in front of the mirror, staring at yourself and just wondering how you could’ve gotten there. 

Wilbur unlocked the door to the apartment about half an hour after you’d gotten home.

“Love?” He asked, walking in and finding you in front of the mirror, “Why’d you come home without saying anything?”

You sighed quietly. “I’m shocked you actually noticed.”

He scoffed, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“You haven’t noticed anything else.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know you don’t.” You ran a hand through your hair.

He didn’t speak for a while, crossing his arms, “Is this… another one of your sadness things again? You should just tell me if you’re upset. I could’ve stayed there if I knew that’s all it was.”

You felt rage bubble up in your chest, “God, Wilbur, I am so sorry, actually. That my pain ruined your fucking night. By all means, go. Clearly, you think I’m the pinnacle of being okay right now, so just fucking go. You obviously would rather be anywhere than with your partner who’s been struggling for months.”

He frowned, “What are you on about?”

You clenched your jaw, “Do you love me, Wilbur?”

“What? Of course I love you-” “Then tell me anything about myself, right now. Anything recent. How have I been doing at work? What song have I been listening to? How many nights have I stayed up crying while you didn’t notice?”

He was speechless. You continued. 

“I have spent months being there for you. Every time anything went wrong, or you needed support, you didn’t even have to say anything, I was always there for you, even when it hurt me! And you haven’t even noticed that I’ve been fucking drowning for months. All I’ve wanted for months is for you to ask once, just once, if I’m okay. And you haven’t!” You scoffed, anger bringing a laugh out of you. 

“And you know what? I wouldn’t marry me either! Because clearly there must be something so vitally wrong with me that when one of your friends mistakenly thought we were married, you laughed in his face. You treated the entire concept as a joke! And I- I’m such a fucking people pleaser, I didn’t even say anything or speak up at all! I let you laugh off the idea of us being together forever as if it didn’t even matter!”

You were fighting off tears as he spoke up finally.

“Is that what this is about? I didn’t mean to laugh like that, it just caught me off guard.”

You put your head in your hands, groaning and yelling into them, “That is not what this is about, Wilbur! Have you even been listening to me? Do you fucking love me or not? Because you haven’t given me any indication to show me that you love me, Wilbur. I feel like I’m dying just being here with you, and you haven’t even noticed. I have done so much for this relationship, and all I have wanted for months is for you to give any sign that you even know I exist!” You panted, and Wilbur just stared at you, “Will you just fucking do something?”

“I don’t know what to say. I didn’t realize that you were… were feeling like this.”

You nodded, sitting down on your bed, arms crossed. “Get out, Wilbur,” you whispered.

“What?”

You sighed, placing your head in your hands and wiping away tears, “Get the fuck out. I can’t do this anymore.”

Within moment, he walked out, leaving you behind. 

The worst part about it all was how easily he listened. He didn’t try to fight for you. He just grabbed some of his things and left you, alone, to sit in a dark room where you’d watched your relationship die.

[spectrum-core]

STEPHCLAIR IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD

Alternative title: a very angry (and tired) Full Stop fan's thesis.

ok, so me being the stephan/sinclair comparison's strongest hater is a bit i really like to lean into, but for the sake of keeping things semi-serious i will try to keep the actual essay content as free of me ranting my frustrations as humanly possible (which i mean commitement to the bit aside this will be hard bc it is frustrating to see people calling them both the same character, at best it shows a very surface level understanding of either character and at worst it shows just reducing them to cookie cutter meme fandom archetypes neither character actually fits into, so bear with me if i slip up and make unserious comments from time to time)

so before i start the actual essay let me say this: this essay doesnt even scratch the surface of how much i hate this comparison you guys cant even possibly fucking imagine ive been obssessed and i mean OBSSESSED with the full stop office since 2021 and im glad i wasnt in the limbus prerelease fanbase because if i had to see people comparing my beautiful boy and beloved best friend to a guy we had no info about other than "hes based of the guy from demian" i would have turned into the joker this is not even about saving my own mental health this is about sparing the entire pjm fandom of the monster i would have turned into

spoilers for ruina and limbus, universe terminology heavy and surface level references and interpretations of demian by herman hesse because imma keep it real with you guys the first and only time i read that book i was still in high school and i barely remember shit.

Table of contents:

Stephan - a summary

Sinclair - a summary 2.1. Emil Sinclair in Demian (1919) 2.2. Emil Sinclair in Limbus Company (2023)

Addressing common arguments

1.- Stephan - a summary

And of course I will start with Stephan, because I love him very much, just like Liwei he's one of my favorite pjm characters (yeah i like him more than your favorite popular character don't ask) so it's not surprising that i have A Lot to say about him, right?

And of course, I do.

As I said in the serrated duo post, a core part of my perception of the Full Stop office depends on the fact that they are poor. Mentions of money are common all across many factions in the game, yes, but the Full Stops are extremely constant about money, how taking a wrong turn means losing more than they can afford, how they can't afford to drop their weapons because they were too expensive, how even getting the permissions to be able to buy and wield these weapons was ridiculously expensive and so on. Of course, Stephan is the one talking about this the most (something I will elaborate on later), but Liwei and Tamaki also make a few ocassional mentions to it in their dialogue and keypages and considering this is a shared business it just makes sense that this is something that affects all of them.

These are just some few of the callbacks to money that Stephan alone does in his dialogue, without focusing in keypage text or what Liwei and Tamaki have to say about it.

And idk man, at least to me the difference between social classes is an important aspect for their characterization, specially because of how constant the concern with money is for Stephan. From this point alone comparing them feels like erasing a core aspect of Stephan's characterization, a lot about Stephan (and the Full Stop office as a whole, let's be real here) starts making more sense once you read the office as lower-middle class (and I'm saying lower middle class because they can afford some place to live and their weapons, but to me these guys are the types who precisely because of their need to keep bullets at all times can't pay for water or electricity all the time and sometimes they simply can't afford food or if they do they can spend a week straight eating nothing but unsalted pasta).

Now, going back to Stephan being the most outward about his complaints with money, he is in general the most outward about all problems the office is facing, to the point in which he doesn't mind inconveniencing everyone else with his rants, being one of the few guests who interrupt Angela's introductory speech and getting into Tamaki's nerves (something he's well aware he's doing, as these two know each other) at least two times through the course of their pre-battle cutscene, even Roland comments after the reception on how he wishes he would always have been as open about his problems as Stephan was.

However, it's worth nothing that he doesn't spend the entire cutscene crying about his miseries, and he only starts losing hope at three key moments: when they can't kill Eileen inmediately (making them waste more bullets than needed), when Argalia shows up (forcing them to retreat and making them fail their mission, meaning they won't get paid for this after they already lost a ton of money, as well as turning the situation into something much more dangerous than what they had signed up for) and once they enter the Library (an Urban Plague grade threat they have little to no information about, when him and Tamaki are almost out of bullets so Liwei is essentially the only fixer with some chance of putting up a fight and, you know, making it out alive).

Now, while it's true that Stephan is someone who dislikes danger, he isn't someone who isn't used to seeing gruesome events, his instinctive reaction to seeing a guy getting his head put into a meat grinder was cracking jokes and calling the concept of thought gears "a load of horseshit", which is something that falls in line with him being a somewhat experienced Fixer (sure, grade 5 isn't amazing but we can assume it's still either in the higher side of average or barely above average, and for someone specialized in firearms, which are far from the best weapon in the city, getting that high means he must have some experience and skill, right? more so considering he's been at this for 5 years at most) who has seen a fair share of horrid shit and can be unfazed by (most of) it as long as his own safety isn't on the line.

Another point is... he dislikes danger and is always wary about money and expenses, to the point in which he enjoys checking his bank account (or at least he believes so, if we go for the theory of the artbook profiles being more a mix of what the characters perceive themseves as/would describe themselves as to others, which is a theory i go by, I see him as someone who's convinced he does that for fun instead as out of desperation), but this seems to be more a generalized feeling of impending doom at everything rather than something that can be traced back to a particular traumatic event (anything can be dangerous, anything can cost him money), dude's from the backstreets after all, he's seen shit and he's used to assuming the worst. How I see Stephan, he's a guy who already expects bad things to happen but once things go wrong he starts freaking out about how this time They're Screwed For Real, but he never really tricks himself into believing "maybe things will turn out just fine this time?" or who thinks "well, we've done this before, surely we can handle it again."

This is not very related to Stephan as a character in terms of personality but I think it's still an important point to make as it is particularly related to body mods, his physical condition and his body shape.

So we can easily say that Stephan is a strong dude, at least if compared to real world standards without the fancy and insane body mods we see people in the city have access to. He carries that huge rifle around with his bare hands, something that Tamaki doesn't do and that not even Stephan himself in earlier iterations of his dessign did, and his main talent (which based of my theories is something that can be assumed as "something he's proud enough of to consider it the thing he does best") is physical labor.

Pictured, Tamaki's talksprite, carrying a rifle almost as long as she is tall with a strap supporting the weight on her shoulders, like a normal person.

Also pictured, an earlier iteration of Stephan's dessign, carrying the same rifle his current version does, but also holding it with the help of a similar strap supporting the weight on his shoulders.

And finally, Stephan's current dessign, holding that shit with his bare fucking hands in an exhibition of his brute animal strength, what the fuck is wrong with this man (affectionate)

And Stephan's artbook profile, the important part here is his speciality being physical labor, not only he's strong but he aknowledges this.

However, I made a point about the Full Stop office being poor, right? Even Roland says that "giving a whole office augmentation procedures is cheaper than keeping a decent supply of bullets in stock" (not the exact phrasing).

At least personally, I see this as Roland essentially saying "it would be cheaper (and more efficient) to get body mods for everyone in the office and buy another (cheaper) type of weaponry instead", but as things stand, the Full Stops can afford to either buy more ammunition and maintain their weapons, OR to get body mods, and since their whole deal is firearms... well, they can't really Stop investing in them, meaning they have no body mods At All and they got their grades purely out of their own physical strength.

Similarly, Stephan makes a similar point about how body augmentations are required for people to be able to run while carrying their weapons around (specifically talking about the rifles he and Tamaki use).

And... you know, the whole point is that they couldn't run carrying their weapons because they were too heavy, Argalia mocked them for that, Liwei urged them to drop their weapons, something they refused to do because of the prices.

Lastly on this point, while it's true that Ruina talksprites have a very bad case of Long Anime Legs (to the point in which how Roland's legs take about 2/3 of his height is a common joke), if we focus only on his head and torso, Stephan looks pretty Wide, and not only because he's wearing thick, fluffy and multilayered clothing, as other characters wearing similar clothing styles still look thinner than him.

This is all to say: I don't think this guy is a twink, or thin at all. He's a prime example of the strongman build to me and this is yet another hill I'm willing to die on watch project moon turn him into a beanpole once he inevitably shows up in limbus and me turning into the first real world distortion as a consequence.

Finally, Stephan is very notoriously the most informal member of the office, not only being the only one who doesn't wear any sort of formal clothing fully prioritizing comfort and practicality over looks but also completely disregarding formalities with his attitude at work (again, he interrupts Angela's introductory monologue, and again, his first two lines when being introduced are him cracking jokes), being the only member of the office to swear on screen and using several informal expressions and metaphors through both the reception dialogue and his keypage story.

And for good measure, he's a compilation of Stephan being the creature he is.

The literal introduction of the characters, also known as the moment in which Stephan became one of my favorite characters because he's Just Like Me Fr

Very normal behavior for someone who hates blood and violence and isn't used to seeing it. This man is more than capable (and willing, assuming money is involved) to murder kill.

Which, I mean, this attitude is very different from what we see from Sinclair.

2.- Sinclair, a summary

In retrospect I probably should have made this one first because I'm gonna be honest with you, Sinclair is one of the sinners I care about the least (I still like him and think he's pretty cool mind you I just don't vibe too much with most of the tropes making up the character) so what I have to say about him is less me grasping for straws and subtext because I don't care enough about him to be bothered with a super serious and in depth analysis like I did with Stephan and more things we can explicitly see about him in game and things that happen in the novel Demian.

And if I can have a small parenthesis here, people saying that one of my favorite pjm guys Ever is in any way similar to a guy who despite being pretty cool is just Not the type of character I fully vibe with... really, it gets annoying fast. Anyway back to the serious analysis now.

2.1- Emil Sinclair in Demian (1919)

To be able to understand Sinclair as he is depicted in Limbus Company, it is important to first be familiar with the source material of the original iteration of the character, that's it we're doing your high school homework by compiling several literary analysis of a symbolic psychological early 20th century autobiographical novel i hope you guys signed up for this (and if you didn't, though luck! i will do this anyway, I love literary analysis).

In the novel, young Emil finds himself torn between the worlds of light (which can be equated to the Garden of Eden, but it's more tangible meaning for our protagonist is his childhood home and family, a serene and well structure/organized space where he can be innocent, untainted by the evils of the outside world) and darkness (basically all the scary shit that goes on outside, where people do evil things for the sake of it), he finds himself tempted by the violence of the outside world, particularly through the actions of his classmate Franz Kromer, which eventually leads him to consider that due to being exposed to this tainted world of evil he no longer can return to the world of good and innocence.

Here, the character of Demian acts as a guide, someone who helps Sinclair to trascend this binary perception of good vs evil and to see himself as someone worthy of happiness because him witnessing the world of evil didn't taint him as a person but rather merely showed him another face of the world, Demian here mentions the Mark of Cain as a symbol of mental strenght and freedom, considering that bearers of this mark are capable of making their own choices and should be able to go beyond their assigned roles, being able to embody aspects of both worlds. This is to say that Demian's view is less focused on good vs evil, instead taking a more order vs chaos approach (without giving an explicit moral character to either).

In the book, the symbol of a bird breaking out of the egg is frequently used to represent Emil's personal growth, the egg represents safety and innocence, but a bird must eventually leave the egg or it will die, and getting out of the egg is a process than can be seen as violent, as a bird must fight to get out of the egg, and getting out of the egg represents birth but also an irreversible change, it can be seen as breaking out of the world of light and getting permanently in the world of darkness since a broken shell can't be fixed, but it can also mean achieving the enlightment and personal balance to not feel permanently bound to a condition, place or state of being and therefore growing as a person by learning to see himself as a whole human instead of supressing his "evil side" by only forcing the "good side" to surface.

Max Demian is here to show this second meaning of growth/self improvement (while also explaining that Sinclair is permamently growing and must always keep this balance between all the parts conforming the whole being that is himself rather that trying to make parts of himself antagonize each other). This idea of personal growth being one of the core themes of the book.

2.2- Emil Sinclair in Limbus Company (2023)

With Sinclair's source media analyzed (at a very surface level, mind you), we now can start talking about the depiction of Sinclair in Limbus Company, how it parallels the book, why the book symbolism is important for this instance of Sinclair and so on.

When we are first introduced to Sinclair in the game he's clearly nervous, he doesn't know what he's supposed to do as he hasn't worked for a similar company before and he isn't used to the gruesome sight of the bus eating people, this does fit inmediately in the motif of a naive person with limited experience about the world (well, to be fair to him most people won't be seeing man-eating buses at a regular basis, but the average backstreets dweller would be familiar with equally violent situations).

With this said, despite Sinclair's obviously nervous behavior... he isn't really a pessimist like Stephan was, in fact, almost every chapter (counting cantos, intervallos and the short mini chapters such as the Dante's notes update episode) have at least one key moment with him trying to rationalize horrible stuff as something much less violent, or simply going "but I thought this thing didn't work like this..." when confronted with the more horrible realities in the city. He thought the G corp veterans were really going to let them pass without a fight, he thought the people being controlled by headhens were just actors wearing mascot costumes, he thought mermaids were the beautiful half-woman half-fish creatures he heard about in fairy tales, and there's more examples but I don't really feel like looking for The Entire Fucking Plot Because This Guy Is An Actual Protagonist Instead Of A Background Guy Like Stephan Was to make my point clearer than it already is. And it's only when he realizes that the real world doesn't fit his expectations that he panics.

Well, there is one exception to this pattern: his own canto. Here, he panics inmediately as soon as K corp's nest is mentioned and spends the first half of the chapter pleading to turn back while saying that they are going to get killed. So what is different here with the rest of the plot?

Obviously, the fact that is related to his very own very personal very specific trauma. That is to say, unlike Stephan who is wary of anything that can put him on danger or cost him more money than it should, Sinclair has a very specific traumatic event that makes him act Like That (sure, he gets scared and nervous outside that, but these are more normal "I'm unfamiliar with this and I don't fully know how to react, this is normal behavior in a human being" reactions than outright "I am Actually Terrified due to being reminded of an actual traumatic event, this reaction is a textbook definition of post-traumatic stress disorder").

HOWEVER, Sinclair being someone who's deeply traumatized and kind of a scaredy cat when it comes to violence and unfamiliar situations... it doesn't mean that he's incompetent or a bad fighter. Almost all of his identities are terrifyingly good fighters (at least in their lore), Los Mariachis fear jefe Sinclair, Cinq director Sinclair is someone most association members are terrified to duel even during training, Blade Lineage Sinclair is considered a talented killer (it's also worth noting that save maybe for the mariachi one, in none of these mirror worlds Sinclair is precisely happy of being recognized as "the guy who's very scary when he fights people", unlike Stephan who I don't think he particularly likes killing but has a more "as long as I get paid..." mentality about it), the only "not very good at this" Sinclair id I can think of is the molar boatworks id where he's more a mechanic than a fighter so he fears he's lagging behind in that aspect. Hell, even the Canon Timeline so to speak (which is to say: his base identity) has him carrying that huge halberd, going on a frenzy attacking some already mutilated inquisitor's corpse, piercing through Guido's armor and dealing a fatal blow that finally killed him for real. To compare, Stephan is good at physical work, but we don't know about his close combat capacities other than the fact that he dislikes it, for Sinclair however we know he's terrifyingly good at physical combat.

Now, I've seen a lot of people call Sinclair a twink and while it's one of these words that nobody agrees on what it means, let's give it the benefit of doubt and say "alright, for the duration of this analysis let's settle on a twink being a young looking (regardless of actual age), thin man with almost no facial/body hair".

Since Sinclair is a rich guy (not just Any Rich Guy though, we're talking of someone whose family had ties to a Wing, probably not some elite guy like Daniel or Hong Lu, but not a self perceived "mediocre" nest dweller like Samjo either), and pressumably not very experienced in combat in most mirror worlds (we know he has no prior experience in the base one where he joined Limbus, at least), let's say that he has enough body mods for him to be much stronger than he looks like despite being thin, he does look thin and young and much to my dissapointment he also has no facial hair, so yeah, under this very broad definition of the term he is a twink.

However if you start adding personality archetypes to the definition he stops being one almost inmediately, as we've been shown time after time that his "submissive" attitude is mostly a result of him not knowing too well how to impose himself and just going along with what the rest say or do, but he's starting to grow tired of that ever since Hell's Chicken (even if he clearly still isn't great at that), as it should be more than obvious for anyone who even just googled "demian herman hesse literary analysis", Sinclair is undergoing a lot of changes even now, and the game is doing a good job at portraying that.

Honestly I also think he'd be hotter with a sleeper build but really, I don't care enough about him to argue about that.

And for the last point, precisely due to his upbringing as a rich guy AND his traumatic experience with Kromer, Sinclair is not only a very polite and mild mannered guy (again, unlike resident creature Stephan), but also he tries to take as little space as possible, both literally and metaphorically, as Dante notices near the end of canto 3 when they finally comment on how Sinclair never talks about his own problems until it's too late because he doesn't want to bother the others as they probably have it worse (again, unlike Stephan "i don't mind loweing team morale and making everyone in the room uncomfortable as long as i get to vent" Full Stop office).

3.- Adressing common arguments

Alright, now that I talked about each character, let's see some of the most common arguments I've seen people use to compare them.

"They look the same!" No, they don't. The only thing they have in common is being blonde but even their hairstyles are different with Sinclair having a simple bowl-ish cut with slightly wavy hair and Stephan having curlier hair (not to mention the whole point I made about body types because I'm the sort of lunatic who cares about that stuff). I won't even bother with this argument.

"They have the same personalities!" Again, they don't. Stephan is very cynical with a lot of his attitude being clearly derivated from him coming from a poor background and having stayed there his whole life, he also doesn't care about his cynism getting in the way and bothering everyone else. On the other hand, Sinclair is someone who could almost be described as naive due to having lived a sheltered childhood and only having his experiences with Kromer and his time at Limbus as moments of realizing that the rest of the world is Not Like His Childhood House, still believing that the world is a binary of good vs evil and expecting things to turn out fine or be much better than they actually are, just to be hit with the reality of the city Not being a nice place where people are nice and polite and not trying to kill him, this is not to say he doesn't have his own issues but even Dante notices during his Canto that Sinclair makes a point to avoid bothering everyone else with his personal problems, keeping them to himself even if that makes things worse on the long run.

"Both are opposed and harmed by a lunatic!" This is an argument I've seen a lot and is incredibly filmsy at best, half of the city's population are lunatics and the other half are people who got opposed by them some way or another. Will you say that Ishmael and the rest of the Pequod crew can be compared to the Full Stop office (or really, even mention the other Full Stop fixers instead of just focusing on Stephan because he happens to be blonde and can be compared to Sinclair) because of their situations with Ahab? Or the W Corp crew who got their train targetted by Jae-heon and Elena (or, you know, the train passengers who were turned into Love townspeople or puppets)? What about the Vermillion Cross who got killed by the Reverb Ensemble? Or the Cane office fixers? or the Zwei association section 6 who got beaten to death by Gyeong-mi just because he felt like doing so? Or the Liu association section 1 who had to deal with Argalia taking Philip away? Or the Kurokumo clan members when they were attacked by Tanya? You aren't comparing them to either Stephan or Sinclair, right? Not to mention that in her weird and fucked up perception of things, Kromer was less opposed to Sinclair as she was trying to lead him to join her and her cause, even the last things she says before getting killed are her calling him to follow her.

"Both are compared to birds!" Oh, right, because I forgot that a very directed symbolic comparison to a baby bird breaking out of it's shell as a symbol of rebirth, learning about the nuances of the world and self improvement/liberation that is consistently used in the source material Sinclair comes from is exactly the same as one (1) throwaway line the big bad guy uses to mock not only Stephan but the whole Full Stop gang, right. And if you want to say "but Tamaki compares him to a bird once too", yeah she calls him a parrot because he keeps repeating the same complaints over and over, it's still not the same as a consistent metaphor.

"Both are sad blonde twinks! They're essentially the same guy." Sad? Yeah, everyone in the city is sad but their ways to be sad are polar opposites, and neither of them is the pure cinnamon roll uwu crybaby archetype people tend to lump both into, Stephan was merely having a bad day and people decided to make that his whole personality (when honestly we get more insight on his actual personality before Argalia shows up, when he's making sarcastic remarks and getting impatient because they weren't starting killing people fast enough) but he's still perfectly capable (and willing) to murder people, and Sinclair is just... someone who lacks experience about the real world and how it works and has a tendency to get nervous because of this, but he can adapt quickly to situations once he understands them. Blonde? Yeah, but I guess if that's a point to draw a comparison then we should also compare them to Don Quixote, the Tiphereths, Lenny, Yun, Lulu, Olga, every single npc, librarian, and agent who comes with blonde hair from the generator... Twinks? Stephan absolutely isn't one, Sinclair depends on how you define twink as nobody seems to get to an agreement with that, if you define it as merely "young looking thin man with almost no visible body hair" then yeah he is one, but if you go for any more specific definition than that he stops fitting into the definition almost instantly.

In conclusion: if I see anyone else comparing them I'll start blocking people liberally bc I'm sick of seeing that shit (I do that already tbh but just so you know), now scram

[crguang]

violinist au kafka hit the second tower. but actually she's so annoying😭 she needs to shut up atp. but this actually driving me crazy. like the monday after the friday bus ride...her driving by that store a couple times a week just to see r in the window, she's awful. love serval just lying to r so they'd see each other again, loved that, but she didn't know how much kafka sucks. also blade driving, is he actively suicidal in this au still? honestly i feel like blade would be a bad driver, but on purpose, and kafka doesn't seem like the type to drive if there's someone else to do it. her annoying r on purpose and comparing them to when they were both teenagers was great, esp with the contrast after she makes her cry. also her smiling perpetually as part of her mask is also very interesting to me, but i did love this part bc kafka would def come off as a rich asshole if she wasn't a criminal already. and her just like staring in disbelief when she made r cry like it's literally not her fault. she's so good at hiding her emotions too, ugh. and her giving her card too, is she even real. (she is unfortunately not.) the angst is killing me, but in the good way, (how many rereads is between me and my history). this au is amazing.

btw forgot to mention ur so right, folklore is the album for this au. personally seven was never one of my faves, but it fits so well with this au, yea. would have more thoughts but I'm about to fall asleep.

very glad I have this week off uni tho, (thanksgiving) very not looking forward to seeing my relatives and I'm applying to a writing program, but instead I'm yapping about kafka, so really great productivity coming from me. I also got an arcane s2 spoiler abt one of the favs as soon as I opened tumblr, I literally blocked all the arcane tags, fml hate being on the internet sometimes. I have to wait to watch it bc my friend is driving 3 hours for a visit and we're watching it together.

-🌠

HEHEHEHEHEHE I LOVE UR COMMENTSSS kafka’s so obvious but especially to blade since hes the one driving her around lmfao. hes still suicidal otherwise a big part of his character would be missing i feel like, kafka’s just the bravest😭😭😭 he’d never crash the car with her in it… maybe. i think hes a good driver he just has to fight demons every day. k def can come off as a snob sometimes but thats because of the way she dresses and her confidence + her picky tastes 😭 if i saw her in the streets i personally would just think thats a sexy rich lady but maybe im biased. i’d say she looks nice tho bc of her constant smile. she came in that store with a mission and got bamboozled by the consequences of her actions like shes too funny fr. making r cry then giving them her business card shes actually crazy hdhfnfmf there is so much lore to this au im only writing the parts that make me go insane but like the whole thing is just so great, i havent had a story obsess me like this in a while and the best part is that im making it up so i can add whatever i want 😋 even started a pinterest board first them… like we’re really deep in this

hope thanksgiving isnt too tedious but at least youre free of uni for a week and u can sleep as much as u like !! i havent watched arcane yet either, i might do it when i get home but im also pretty tired so we’ll see. hope u and ur friend have fun tho

[maggins]

Hey there! 🌱 I think have been knowing you since back then when you made Jack Frost gifs or something if memory serves me right, I think? Yeah it was around then, I do remember your blog being one of the main reasons I decided to make my own here. I was of course very absent, and too timid to befriend or talk to anyone here (still am). Well now it's been years and I haven't really been aeound for years actually, busy with life and challenges and honestly I feel like a ghost who has zoned out of life for years 😂, but hey I still do remember you and I come check up on you(r blog) every once in a while, and around your bday too yea bc interestingly we are not that different in age and birth days, that's why I keep remembering this one even though we don't really know each other. Oh wait- don't mind this random stranger feeling all melancholic and nostalgic here get to you hehe. Yeah so, I guess we have pulled through so much and, despite everything, despite all the changes, we lived. You lived. This is still you. Anyway, I just thought I'd stop by and congratulate your bday, and say you've been doing a good job making it this far bud! Cheers to another year. 🥛🍪 And I wish/pray for you, the best I can think of for the coming years! Happy birthday, Maggie! You keep going girl, let's hang in there! 👍💐

Oh dear anon... 🥹

Like, I've been thinking about your message for a while and I keep postponing replying to it because you left me speechless?? I just. Feel Seen, you know?? And I feel it would be disingenuous of me to leave you without an answer when you’ve clearly taken a long time to type out such a big message, you know? (i know that by now it’s been like a month since i got this message but gOSH I’m replying to it damnit)

(under a read more bc oops this got long)

So you've been here since the Jack Frost era, so that's late 2012/early 2013... Congratulations, that's over a decade!! (holy shit, a decade)

Don't mind me also getting all mushy and melancholic and probably repeating myself because I'm typing this in one go and i will NOT be proofreading it lmao, but like... boy I feel you, a LOT has happened in the past decade. I kept learning things about myself and the way I tick that I'm still learning to live with and to overcome the barriers I put up for myself, you know? I feel like a constant work in progress, and I'm not sure what the finished project will look like. If there IS some semblance of a finished project to strive for haha

I’ve actually written a whole ass paragraph in which i probably went a bit too personal about what’s been going on in my life, but ultimately decided to scrap it for privacy’s sake (something something about oversharing on the internet with strangers welppp), but the gist of the thing is. I’ve tried to distance myself from tumblr for the past 5-6 years because as much fun as it has been being on this hellsite, i didn’t want it to become as much of an addiction as it did back when i was in college (my way through college was a tumultuous one to say the least, and tho a lot of other circumstances were at play, being on tumblr constantly certainly didn’t help)

…..a plan that probably ultimately backfired bc instead of being addicted to being in ONE social media, i started spending more and more time on instagram and twitter and youtube and lately a bit of tiktok and gODDAMN IT instead of doomscrolling through ONE social media, im now doomscrolling through several. and getting overwhelmed with all the content. and god im. so tired. really feeling like

and like, i’ve decided to try and make a comeback to tumblr. it may not be as popular a social media website as the others, but i think it’s not becoming as much of a dumpster fire as plenty of others are fffff—

I also know i’ve been sharing less and less about what’s been going on in my life bc…. idk tbh, i think i just lost that drive to share life events so openly online and kept that more to my closest circle of friends, you know? also been a bit more busy with my day job, and it leaves me pretty tired and just wanting to wind down at the end of the day haha

here’s a quick rundown of stuff that i got going on if you’re interested

unfortunately lost quite a bit of family members in the past two years. don’t really wanna get into details about that, i prefer to do my grieving with those closest to me. i lost someone early in february who wasn’t even family, but definitely saw her as such. funny how this one death was the one that impacted me the most 

i’ve become an aunt for the first time?? she’ll be turning five this year, and i love her with my whole heart. i remember holding her for the first time and getting overwhelmed with this sense of “i would DIE for you”. and somehow she got a lil tooth gap like me?? 🥹

partially dyed my hair blue last year. may not seem like much, but expressing my sense of self like that felt good 😎i’ll probs show pics or draw myself like that later on hehe

i got to attend and make a lil speech at one of my best friends’ wedding, and getting to do something like that felt extremely humbling and validating, like she trusted me to become part of a celebration that was so important to her, and i’ll never forget that ☺️ (also holy SHIT i did a semi-public speak!! ME!!! i took on one of my worst anxieties thanks to the Power of Friendship!!)

i’ve visited my bestie @marinaqua in the netherlands and she’s visited me here and bOY what an experience it has been!! we’ll be trying to make this a more regular thing since we both have (some) Adult Money and can do Whatever We Want 😂

speaking of adult money, ever since i got into TOH a couple of years ago, i got into pin collecting!! it’s been a lot of fun to track down and collect these cool fanmade designs, even if my poor wallet screams at me sometimes lmao (and trust, i’m VERY selective of the stuff i decide to get. taxes and shipping are no joke). i’ve actually been posting updates to my fan merch collection on my instagram stories and you can see them in my highlights if you want haha 👉👈

… oh screw it, here’s my pin board

and my ita backpack!! (the shadow brainrot is REAL)

……

imma be honest now, i’ve been on and off writing this for a month now and i may have lost the point i was trying to make (if i even had a point i was getting to lmao), but what i really wanted to say was

thank you for sticking with me. i’m glad i was able to bring you some joy one way or another. remain strong and be kind both to others AND yourself. whoever you are, however you’re doing in life… i hope it’s a good one. 🥹

see you around!! 🥰

[injectedanaesthetic]

can't sleep and I keep thinking ugh it's fucking gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know there's something so wrong with me because why are all my fantasies abt gross ass incel men. or well not like that, but imagine loser bf core who can't keep his hands off me in like a constantly slightly hrny way. because as much as I love c (guy I'm currently talking to) he's so UGHHH. so fucking respectful and nice and boring!!!!! he doesn't show that he likes me, and barely acts like he wants me around EVEN THOUGH he's literally said he likes me?? hes so fucking stupid and I hate him because despite this I can tell he likes me sometimes because the way he looks at me is like the way you see in all the series and the movies where there's a guy who's in love w some1 and they look at them all soft n mushy n whatever and I know I SHOULD feel happy because I'm meant to like him too but it makes me feel gross because Ive proven so many times that I'm bad in soft mushy relationship stuff and the only thing I know how to function with is majorly weird casual more-than-friends stuff.

and is it really wrong of me to say this, but I don't like the fact he's so incredibly mentally well? like I wanna find someone who gets it not someone who'll try and fix me, or thinks my depression is "just stress" or "can be fixed! :)". fucking no it can't, actually, because maybe it's a real mental problem I have????? and then he's so focused on his other things going on in his life.. like I get he needs to revise, I get he needs to work hard so he can do his gsces in like a month but it's CONSTANT. if he's not revising, he's playing warhammer, or he's playing some historical fps game with his friends, which I get, go him, but he doesn't see me in 2 weeks and doesn't even want to spend maybe half an hour with me???? doesn't even hesitate when I say "oh you sound busy, maybe you just go home then"

he just makes me feel like a fucking inconvenience and I don't even like him that much so why am I putting up with this??? oh right because the guy that I DO like, the guy I HAVE liked for about a year and a half, ALSO DOESN'T SHOW ANY FUCKING INTEREST. but that's fair enough because I'm too scared to talk to him and the few times I have tried it's been a massive fucking fail.

so sue me if I want to fantasise about some borderline-incel, maybe slightly problematicly older guy who would make me feel like I'm not a fucking burden. fucking sue me because im sick and tired of all the fucking guys I deal with who are boring or act like I'm pretty enough to talk to but not pretty enough that talking to me is something they wanna do. I'm so done with all this shit why can't I just find someone to be in love with who's in love with me???? when is it my fucking turn to be happy