#im really tired and kinda feelin sad for no reason

[cobaltfluff]

HELLO AMAZARASHI'S ED FOR NIER USES CATCHER IN THE RYE IMAGERY??? MY EMOTIONS

[splendidshinobi]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 21-25

almost halfway done lads how we feelin'

episode 21: the red glow

ah yes barry

"i'm alphonse elric!!!!!" yes u r baby!!!

who just popped over the wall

scar im assuming

"i kill therefore i am".....barry spouting descartes rn

it was scar haha

um

hi greed

thought i saw you earlier

WHY DID THEY DRAW HIS ARMS THAT LONG

ope he found the chimera crew...

jerry jewell's evil laugh gets me every time lmao he's so great

ed has deep philosophical talks bro

also ed is chaotic but his personal morals are unshakeable

who are these prison guards gonna release

oh hey kimblee

oh hey squad

ed take out ur pokeball

um wth is that

OH MY GOD TUCKER WHAT

EW

I THOUGHT IT WAS A GIANT YODA OR A SWAMP MONSTER

he looks FUCKKEDDDD

bro of all the things i was not expecting him

oof ishval flashbacks

young scar why is your hair brown

why is it white now

WHY IS HE NAKED

whos her

lust 1.0 im assuming

ew omg tucker is literally so fuckin nasty lookin idk

idk why but he's worse than rod reiss titan for me

wait a damn minute

wait a damn fucking minute

goddamnit

what is GOIN ON

i need tucker to stop whispering he sounds like fucking voldemort on the back of quirrells head

jesus

episode 22: created human

hughes' pajamas look like armin's futon from aot junior high

the bad place???? was that greed's prison gluttony was lookin at?

im still shook af over tucker and tbh its been like 24 hours since i watched episode 21

STOP WHISPERING TUCKER

driving me up a wall

my poor son looks so tired :(

those moral principles at it again

bradley.......

ewww the way tucker walks STOP

hi envy!!!!!

so all of those prisoner guys gonna get flattened by some alchemy

hey kimblee!!!

so did greed escape with the homies???? cause i feel like he would have made his presence known already....

i feel like im missing a lot because im a ding dong

musty prison kimblee is kinda...hot....physically speaking..oops..personality wise obviously there's MUCH to work on

so envy knows hohenheim

ED BABY

he won't do it

oh no alphonse

oh god memory implants

al's identity crisis CONTINUES

they wanna become humans??? huh....doesnt really make sense for their characters...(maybe envy but more on that at 11)

is ed gonna kill these guys for al

some1!!!!!! hold!!!!! me!!!! im so stressed

is he pretending to do it and he's got another plan up his sleeve!!!!????

honestly he's so depressed i cant even tell

those unshakable moral principles at work again i see

the red water can turn ed into a god???? wtf ed doesnt want to be a god he wants to punch god

oh theres the greed squad! i found them!!! is kimblee joining up with them

maria girly!!!!!!!

THE HOMUNCULI IN THEIR STUPID UNIFORMS I--

who's the lady. i need 2 know.

episode 23: fullmetal heart

alphonse is destroyed again

poor kid

"edward sir" brosh pls!!!

oh excuse me--- ***Bloch

The Ross Slap™

winry <3

pinako takes no prisoners

ed didnt you JUST tell brosh and ross they might be right that you needed to trust adults with more shit and now youre blowing off hughes

ed's DRAWINGS im-

hi sig hi izumi!!!

al is so sad over there in that corner

poor baby son

sometimes i feel like hughes and mustang are ed and al's divorced dads

the little arakawa avatar cows in the back im CRYING!!!!!!!

“bean”

snappy al

ooffffffff

omg hughes plz

elicia is precious though we love her

"dad's friend the bookworm" omg sheska

awwww gracia made edward a cake!!!!!!!

god catch me cryin in the club

CONGRATULATIONS

"whatever" al im crying he's so sad

AL MADE BROSH OR WHOEVER CARRY HIS DESTROYED ARMOR TO THE ROOF IM ACTUALLY YELLING

"you goof"

yes winry you are correct boy is a goof

sir you are being so dramatic

give that baby a hug

"so called brother"

so we all know that was a knife through the heart for ed

al just jumped off a FUCKING ROOF and ED TRIED TO FOLLOW

so im crying

i liked this better when they HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT AL'S FEARS AND MADE THE FUCK UP

episode 24: bonding memories

guess we're gonna play w my emotions again

sometimes like....one bit characters talk...like villager b ya know? and im like who are you i know that voice

so the nasty military has come to ruin some lives again

and barry for some reason

aww poor al

youre real you are!!!!!!

i just feel like people would know people that wear sunglasses in the rain would be ishvalan

but what do i know

obviously they dont have the white hair thing in this version

poor ed is so sad

these boys need a hug 

let me just *pulls out adoption papers*

well if scar doesnt have queen mei to adopt in 03, he’s got this little toothless boy

dont lie al you do care

ew i dont like her

the drama of this boy

so the nasty military has come to ruin some lives again part 2

apparently they are *mercenaries??? excuse me

i have some questions regarding this kid’s mom

well you know i can see why this kid feels this way about his mom

it does look like she ran off...

al and scar dream team up

HEY ED!!! HEY WINRY!!!

bout time

yall gonna have this talk now????

barry STOPPPPPP

brotherhood barry is the true king there i said it

damn scar you baddie

barry like....you already knew him

anyway

WHAT THE HELL

NO RICKKK!!!!!!

someone save this boy!!!!

oh good his mom “saved” him

ah damn thats pretty tragic

she didnt know they were right in front of her

ow

well my questions were answered

so she attacks with grape fanta. thats one way to do it

ed looks like such an angry gremlin right now this is a heartwarming moment sir please

why are ed and scar being so civil right now this is so weird

bye scar

we’ll see him again

see you later scar

episode 25: words of farewell

maes who let you buy that awful pink suit 

gracia please it better not have been you

mustang ew please

dont open the door lookin like that

what the hell are you doing in here 

so hughes WASNT in ishval here?

i think that takes a lot away from his character but anyway

bradley hangs around like a creep at every possible instant

why would bradley care about ishvalan refugees like hughes cmon

“unspeakable crimes” BRADLEY YOU LITERALLY CANNOT TALK

juliet douglas is this lady’s name

only took me 1000 episodes to figure that out

ED AND AL??? NOT DEALING WITH DANGEROUS THINGS??????? dont make me laugh assholes theyre lying thru their teeth

izumi time lets go

wow we’re still going to rush valley? wasnt really expecting that tbh

elicia i LOVE you!!!!!

ew kimblee “hi”

how did he lightning himself like that

if i were ishvalan i would not go to the south....yet ANOTHER war torn region of amestris but ok

okay

an amestrian desert biker gang rolled up to wreak havoc

HUGHES AHAHAHA 

tbh i wouldnt want to tell roy anything either stupid bitch

anyway

um why do i feel like its hughes’ death episode

he would not be shown tucking elicia in to bed otherwise 

please im not ready to be hurt again

oh no

yeah he just learned something about our girl juliet

ive been waiting for this information 

he’s gonna die before we learn anything helpful

yupppppp

hey lust figured you’d show up sooner or later

i too wish i could look that sexy pulling a kunai out of my forehead

SLOTH????????

did girly just say SLOTH

i- nothing about her seems particularly slothy but ok

u know what!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENVY HEYYY

DUMBASS ROY JUST HAAAAAD TO LEAVE

haha famous last words

oof it hurts every time

not the FUNERAL scene no!

time for me to go 

peace out homies im dead inside

yes my brigadier general 

NOT THE RAIN

COME ONNNNNN

hughes is sneezing six feet under

was ed supposed to be looking at hughes’ ghost

um....right

[savnofilter]

i love your writing so much but i noticed that you seem like you don't like writing anymore and i hope that you continue to cause i love it so much!

this is s hard to answer but this is gonna be worth it i hope lmaoo. so basically, im not tired or getting tired of writing im just feeling really fucking stuck. like i wont say its me fuckin w/ me (like my personal internal stuff) but like i just dont have a drive to write if that makes sense.

like w the recent first part of milf- lmao i meant dilf but im too lazy to back space rn lmao (as i type more [fuck] lol), any, ways, so. idk my brain just sorta feels so out of it. like i cant write the book ive been writing, i cant draw, i actually havent drawn in months maybe in a blue moon but like idk im just not feelin it. but then again this month is the month that one of my close friends killed themselves so that might be the reason why im feeling so... disorientated. 

like i become a mess, its not pretty and just v frustrating for me and everyone around me lol. like it not only effects me and my family, but i would hate for it for to effect you guys cause arent following me to know my personal life but for me to give content so im always trying to write as little as i can each day. when i get little motivation and sometimes i often rush it cause im like “damn i just had it, why the fuck do i not feel it anymore”. so instead i just dont post unless i really think it passes my judgement (dilf not included i highly disliked the outcome if im being honest,, i might revamp/make it again cause ugh).

but moral that i couldve just said before, im just not okay. idk why, its prob cause of me (again personal medical stuff not tryna be angsty lmao) and i will keep on writing, trust me i wont stop. i just feel like you guys kinda would need an explanation as to why im not writing so much atm. and yes im fine, im not sad anymore its just i need to get my act together lol.

and i have two things to say (even though yall prob didnt even read this)

if you know anyone who seems down please talk with them, let them know, inform other close ones that know them they are not okay, always check up on them. 

AND AND AND! IF YOU HAVE A FAVE CONTENT CREATOR, SEND THEM SOME LOVE. IDC WHAT IT IS, LET THEM KNOW YOU LOVE THEIR SHIT IT CAN REALLY BRIGHTEN THEIR DAY. DO IT I DARE YOU.

[pepprs]

im not feelin 2 Happy rn for a lot of diff reasons and i wanna vent abt it But i feel like a headass venting on finsta so im gonna do it here sorry this is gross and bad but im tired and feeling bad abt myself and need 2 yell abt it publicly for some reason lmao!

i invited a friend from school to stay over for thanksgiving bc she’s an exchange student and didn’t have anywhere 2 go for the holiday and i love her and love spending time with her but im so tired and drained from it and im so awkward and mad @ myself bc i can’t relax and stuff and my mom keeps makin digs @ me abt bein awkward in front of her and i BFNFBSBFBG D bbbdbf it’s not good??? i mean i thik shes having a good time but im so worn out bc we Never have had a friend sleep over before?? and she’s staying an extra night tonight which was……. unexpected and it’s Fine but Fuck i am Mentally Tired and our upstairs toilet is broken rn but i can’t use the one downstairs bc it’s Her Bathroom and djfjsjtkksjektkr fuck i have to pee and idk what to DO im distressed! also i have to be on mega polite mode until we drop her off tmrrrw morning and my introverted ass just wants to lay down and die!!!! this is why i can’t maintain any friendships i just get so tired and people probably hate me for it i hate myself i hate being antisocial and reclusive and withdrawn and Terrible So so so much!!!!!! Fuck!!!

i didn’t do any sort of thanksgiving post or anything or even like. Tell Anyone I Am Grateful For Them and i feel like shit abt it. and honestly? thanksgiving didn’t even really feel like thanksgiving this year. bc we normally watch the Macy’s parade and then go have thanksgiving @ the fire station and this year i slept through the parade and then we got my friend and went to someone else’s house and we didn’t even say what we were thankful for and it didn’t feel like thanksgiving at all and im sad about ita like it was Good but it wasn’t…. thanksgiving. and nothing is the same anymore bc we’re in college now and all the magic is gone and im real sad abt it and i can’t stop thinking abt it

also i haven’t checked social media for like 2 days bc of my friend staying over and i checked it for the first time tonight andn everyone is posting all over Facebook and Instagram abt who and what they’re thankful for and i didn’t do that and now i feel really guilty and also Bad bc everyone looks like they had a great thanksgiving and mine was just stressful bc we had 2 prepare for my friend and i just jfdnsndkfbsbfnbsbfng? also i I have like 43 unanswered emails and 39588284847284 text messages and im SO!!!! STRESSED!!! OUT!!!! and i have an essay i have to work on this weekend and we didn’t even get a break bc my friend came over and dnnsbdjfkskrjtkdjf idk im so exhausted and mad @ myself rn fuck!

this kid i went 2 high school with unadded me on snap a few weeks ago for some reason (after i wished him a happy bday and he replied thank u??? and hen i saw he had unadded me and i was ?????) and today e posted smth on his story like “if i unadded u on snap i did it for a reason 😛” BUT IDK WHAT I DID AND MY HEADASS FEELINGS ARE HURT FJSJJFJFKSKF!!!!!! imI a Baby also he and my twin sis had a streak @ some point and he broke it but they were good friends or smth and apparently he told her he didn’t like me or smth last year and i???? Didn’t know This until she told me abt it just today and idk. I mean I don’t care abt him or what he thinks of me rly but im sad and tired and Numb and im scared i did something offensive and he has a reason 2 hate me or smth fnfebtkrjidk!!

we saw coco today (IT WAS SO GOOD) and i was sitting next 2 my friend and i teared up a few times but i didn’t let myself cry next 2 her and im ashamed of myself bc i wanted to but i held back and then felt like a stone hearted Idiot bc everyone else was crying lol!!

pocket camp has slowed down a lot for me which is Really frustrating like i can’t do anything c im out of crafting materials and it’s kinda systematic rna Nd imSO SAD bc i was so excited for it and now everything seems the same and i fucking knew it wouldn’t last im so upset an angry with myself for playing all day on the first day bc now im so far ahead hat i can’t do anything until i get more materials and i just feel like an idiot i was so excited and. Now I Am Stuck and i just gnsnfnsndj.

also ok i haven’t told anyone this and i don’t wanna jinx anything by typing it but ive been having…. i guess u could callit an intrusive thought but it’s more like i can’t stop thinking abt this thing that im afraid of happening???? and the thought keeps coming back @ the worst times and normally i can rationalize w myself to get myself 2 stop being scared but lately ive been really anxious abt it and rationalizing is Not Working and it’s nagging @ me (esp when we drive bc That’s Where It Comes From) and ive been rly on edge abt it lately and idk. Idk abt anything i just am not feelin good rn and idk what’s wrong with me but im tired and stressed and i have to PEE and i just snfndnbdjdjjfjdhjeejr god im so sick of myself lmao. anyways sorry for venting i always feel self conscious abt doing it bc ppl will judge me for it and als o i can’t do a readmore or anything on mobile so this is all Right Here but yeah. fuck

[benthekarateboy-blog]

Daily Tweets About My Life in School (August 29th - May 25th)

It starts from Day 165 to Day 1. Yes, it’s backward, but that’s how it got pasted. Anyway, these are my tweets that I have been tweeting since the second day of school. I did this for various reasons. And some reasons are really dumb. If you want, you can follow me on Twitter at @TweetBrownBoy. Click here to check out these tweets and Like/RT them. HAVE A GREAT SUMMER!!!

Day 165 of School: YEEESSS!!! NO SCHOOL!!! FINISHED ALL MY FINALS!!! NOW I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HW AND OTHER THINGS!! FINALLY CAN GET A BREAK!! ENJOY YALLS SUMMER!!! Going to grow out my fro!

Day 164 of School: Was still working on one of the finals. Man, the finals had to be difficult and lengthy! ONLY 1 DAY LEFT!!!

Day 163 of School: Well, end of school classes! Only 2 days of school since we have finals. Wish us luck on them, cause, well, we need it!

Day 162 of School: Bruh, ONLY 3 DAYS TIL SUMMER!!!

Day 161 of School: Felt like I was losing it! :D

A Tweet to the Senior Class of 2018

Today was the Seniors' last day of school. Thank you so much for being an AWESOME friends and Seniors! It's sad to see yall leave! Anyway, wish you all good luck for your future and wish ya'll luck entering to the real world! Definitely will miss yall! Cya on Monday & graduation!

Day 160 of School: Happy/sad day

Day 159 of School: Was okay. Got a headache on the left side of my head. Suckish part is that we have a band concert today and my friends and I have to wear our concert uniforms! It makes me look, well, thick! Plus it is a little (or a lot) uncomfortable!

Day 158 of School: Pretty good. Felt a little sad the moment the Seniors gave us the key and finding out that they will graduate and be leaving to the real world. Years went by so fast. My friends were emotional, whether they showed it or not.

Day 157 of School: It was okay. Got a dress down day, but you get to the point where wearing the same clothes is not a good idea. Wore a Pollo Shirt, which was pink and white, that my dad gave me from India.

Day 156 of School: Felt dumb man

Day 155 of School: Thank God it's Friday

Day 154 of School: Was okay.

Day 153 of School: It was okay. Felt a lil tired and weird

Day 152 of School: Bruh, I need more sleep. Actually almost everyone in my school does. I know how tired they are. I'm surprised we even survived with tiredness.

Day 151 of School: Felt tired. Choir left to compete so it felt weird without them. By the way, they won FIRST DIVISION!!

Day 150 of School: TGIF! I'm surprised to even stay awake.

Day 149 of School: Okay. Lunch time was a little sad since it was just a sandwhich. If it was grilled cheese, then it would have been WAAAAYYY BETTA!! Also, it rained pretty hard and I was like, "YEEESSS!!!" in my mind, even though so didn't like the rain

Day 148 of School: Felt tired and weird

Day 147 of School: Forgot it was Class Picture day and that we had to wear our chapel uniform. Luckily my brother reminded me so I didn't come in a wrong uniform.

Day 146 of School: Felt horrible for some reason.

Day 145 of School: Was okay. Felt really tired since I stayed up last night. Went to the airport! Glad to see him come back to U.S.

Day 144 of School: Elementary won 1st Division! We, the High School Band, win 1st Division and Outstanding Band! How was my day? Went pretty well.

Day 143 of School: Felt a little tiring. Surprised we had Chapel in the gym.

Day 142 of School: Was okay. Had a test and I am hoping I passed since there were lot of memorization

Day 141 of School: Okay. Typical "Waiting for Summer!" days

Day 140 of School: Surprise I even stayed awake.

Day 139b of School: School wise was okay but things had to make it into a sad mode cause of the way I work and all

Day 139a of School: We went on a field trip to the JFK The Sixth Floor Museum! It was interesting to learn about the President and the events that happened.

Day 138 of School: Presented it to my school and they liked it! Also heard something that was very surprising :D

Day 137 of School: Was okay. Felt tired though

Day 136 of School: Well, did my tests which sucked cause I forget the items I just studied or memorized. Also, other things had to make it worse

Day 135 of School: Okay. Felt sleepy though. ONLY 30 days til Summer!!

Day 134 of School: Was okay-ish. I was happy to hear everyone's congrats for the result on my Oratory. Really appreciate it!

Day 133 of School: Ya know

Day 132 of School: Well, the power went out and I thought we might go home. Guess what? It came back on. Felt weird without some people.

Day 131 of School: It was okay. Though as usual, I am mad at getting homework even though you will get homework no matter what. I just don't like it when it is always due the next day though. Did the drill and worked out okay for some class :D

Day 130 of School: Went well. I was uncomfortable wearing my band uniform since it made me look weird and too big for it. I looked fat in it! Anyway, we did really good and got good scores!

Day 129 of School: Okay. Suckish part was we had a test but forgot to do the notecard. Would have been so much easier

Day 128 of School: Okay.

Day 127 of School: Okay-ish. Just not used to coming back after a break. Plus my mind felt different for some reason. Can't wait for summer! This month will be a busy one for sure. Just like last month

Day 125 of School: Okay. Went to a La Perla restaurant and got myself Chicken Quesadilla, which tasted great.

Day 124 of School: Okay. Still want this week to be over with.

Day 123 of School: Okay. Saw the new student. Sad thing is that the gerbil from the science lab has left us. But she is in a betta place. But the day felt tiring and sickening. Felt sick especially my throat. As usual, just want this week to be over with.

Day 122 of School: Okay. Have to go to a meeting which I want it to be over with so I can have preparation time for tomorrow's event. Hope it's over by 7:30!

Day 121 of School: Tired of hearing the same phrase that's really annoying. Pretty good day, I guess.

Day 120 of School: Pretty good. Was tired though. But, it then led to a more, horrible day on one of the specific time since I had to explain something that involve not staying for long.

Day 119 of School: I guess it was okay. I'm sick of hearing the same phrase over and over again about things that aint necessary.

Day 118 of School: One of those normal days where you DON'T feel like coming to school after that long, awesome, peace, Spring break! It was okay but things that I listened to made me a little mad since I aint a fan of it or don't like it.

Day 117 of School: TOOK A HALF DAY TODAY!!! HAVE A WONDERFUL SPRING BREAK EVERYONE!!! #SpringBreak

Day 116 of School: Pretty good. Ate grilled cheese w/ bacon for lunch. Taking the Merit Reward which is Half-Day tomorrow since I don't want to do the same mistake I did last year which was NOT USE ANY OF IT!!! First time to use it btw!

Day 115 of School: Okay. Felt a little sick for some reason and now I got a headache. Still miss the Seniors though. Hope ya'll are having fun in Costa Rica!

Day 114 of School: Pretty good. I'm happy that my friends cared for me. It was appreciative though my mind made it into anger. But still, it was great

Day 113 of School: Was okay. Felt weird without some of the Seniors in the school. Hope they have a fun time at Costa Rica!

Day 112 of School: Okay. Angry since I had to get up early. Now I got a headache.

Day 111 of School: Pretty good. Got a McChicken btw

Day 110 of School: Okay. It was actually okay. I'm not much of a fan on bazaar especially when it is after educational institution

Day 109 of School: Was horrible then it went better. Might stop being unhappy. I guess part of the reason was thinking something might happen by force. Things that might interfere my time, and also, getting other problems.

Day 108 of School: Went like patterns. Good then bad, then stressful. Then happiness, and then another problem.

Day 107 of School: Pretty okay-ish

Day 106 of School: Trying to get used to the changes after the problems. Im going to stick with what I just did rather than do something that might later give me problems. Today was more of a HORRIBLE and okay-ish

Day 105 of School: It went horrible. I feel nervous

Day 104 of School: Was okay. There were times where I didn't want to talk because I felt like I might say something weird or confusing. But it went okay. Don't want to jinx it though

Day 103 of School: Felt happy for some reason. It was depressing at first and it like went to a happy mood because of my friends comedy and all.

Day 102 of School: Was okay, actually. Felt nervous for things and life and all.

Day 101 of School: Already mentioned it. Best Valentine's Day of 2018. Gotta love my friends!

Day 100 of School: Kinda well. The game went kinda well too. Still in silence mode since I said it might take next week to become normal and all.

Day 99 of School: Happy my friends cared about me. Kept telling them I am waiting for a day where I will be normal, fun me. Might take awhile anyway. Today was okay. Felt like I was dumb in each classes for some reason. At the end, it was sad since I felt bad. Hope things go well

Day 98 of School: *Didn’t tweet on that day due to numerous students being sick. School was closed on that day.*

Day 97 of School: Felt horrible in school. But happy for two things: WE WON THE BASKETBALL GAME!!! And, NO SCHOOL TOMORROW due to illness. Hope they feel better, but at the same time NO SCHOOL!!!

Day 96 of School: Felt sad for some reason. Also, feelin nervous since things aint goin well as I expected!

Day 95 of School: I felt horrible and sucked and other things. Felt dumb as well

Day 94 of School: Was okay. Felt bad for not talking much but waiting for a day where I can be normal. For now, might remain what I am doing now. Hoping things go well.

Day 93 of School: It was okay. It was like a sad day. Suckish part was to stop something just for someone's funness. Mind felt angry about it. We played Heads up, seven up. Only played two rounds. Third round I stopped since I got a nosebleed. Common nosebleed anyway :D

Day 92 of School: I feel like I got forced or got told what to do. Didn't talk much. Game went pretty well.

Day 91 of School: N/A

Day 90 of School: My fault for everything. So many problems I can just list out but I aint gonna since it's always the same problems.

Day 89 of School: I guess okay. Didn't talk much in class because mood kept going down and down everytime I hear what I DONT want to hear. It got depressing but at the same time, might make a lil difference in things

Day 88 of School: HORRIBLE!!! IT WAS A LIL BETTA NOW GOTTEN WORSE!! Hope things go well

Day 87 of School: Didnt talk much and was kinda in a bad mood for some reason. Did pretty good in the basketball game. Wish I made the shots rather than miss the easy shots I had

Day 86 of School: Felt horrible.

Day 85 of School: School was okay. GUESS WHAT EVERYONE!? SGCA BOYS VARSITY TEAM GOT A W!!! WELL DONE!

Day 84 of School: Okay. Waiting for it to end

Day 83 of School: Kinda okay. So many things that I hear from others that I don't even want to say back of!

Day 82 of School: Today was not much of a good day. So many problems bruh

Day 81 of School: Okay

Day 80 of School: ***

Day 79 of School: Wish I was betta

Day 78 of School: Felt bad to those stayed up for papers. Even myself. Was tired since I only had 2 hours of sleep. Friends had the same problems too. But also, today felt like a sad day for some reason

Day 77 of School: ...

Day 76 of School: Ym efil si elbirroh ecnis I kcus ta gnihtyreve!

Day 75 of School: Two things: TGIF and Today might have been my worst, sad day. Praying to God

Day 74 of School: *shocked*

Day 73 of School: https://twitter.com/twitter/statuses/948749277932728322

Day 72 of School: ...

Day 71 of School: It was okay. I kinda felt mad a lil for no reason :D. Anyway, NO SCHOOL!! CHRISTMAS BREAK!! (Sort of, but not gonna say why)

Day 70 of School: So many tests bro

Day 69 of School: Tiring as usual

Day 68 of School: Okay. Had a Christmas concert and it went pretty well.

Day 67 of School: Felt tired bruh

Day 65 of School: Okay, until things went un-well. Felt like my fault

Day 64 of School: Felt a lil tiring!

Day 63 of School: Okay, I guess

Day 62 of School: Bruh, the hw went outta control :D

Day 61 of School: Felt a lil sleepy! Also, it's #December1st

Day 60 of School: Okay!

Day 59 of School: Felt like fallin asleep since I was tired!

Day 58 of School: Was pretty good since we went on a field trip to the Perot Museum!

Day 57 of School: Didn't go well. Left my pencil bag with my supplies. Luckily got help. Also, felt like not goin to school either. :D

Day 56 of School: Pretty good. Got my new glasses til it became more of a fashion thing for some reason. My choice of what to wear bro. Anway, FINALLY GOT THANKSGIVING BREAK!!! #ThanksgivingBreak

Day 55 of School: It was actually better. It went well as expected! Hope my friends in One Act performed well. Good luck with the results!

Day 54 of School: Felt tired as usual

Day 53 of School: Okay

Day 52 of School: Felt tired. Felt lil angry. Usuals.

Day 51 of School: Not sure man

Day 50 of School: Felt different

Day 49 of School: Couldn't see things since things were blurry. My glasses broke and hoping it will be fixed by Friday. Got a eye exam tomorrow still to get new glasses anyway.

Day 48 of School: Idk

Day 47 of School: Felt tiring. There was more daylight in the morning now that Daylight Savings ended. And it was dark at like 5 or 5:30 pm!

Day 46 of School: Not sure

Day 45 of School: Not sure. Felt horrible and all :D

Day 44 of School: Felt sick a lil for some reason. Felt nervous as well. Felt like my mind is not rememberin things. Still sore. It's Nov. 1

Day 43 of School: Pretty good but feelin sore to where I can't even reach or stretch my arm out. Hope my team feels betta bruh

Day 42 of School: Pretty good. Gettin tired of hearing things that sounds rude in my head even tho it's just a joke.

Day 40 of School: Did our PSAT, hope the score is awesome! Felt tried after doing it as well.

Day 39 of School: Bruh, coughin a lil and all. I guess pretty good. Felt tired tho

Day 38 of School: Felt rough cause one of my nostril was clogged and I kinda felt sick even tho I didn't have a fever. Felt mad for nothin!

Day 37 of School: Went pretty good. Apparently I can't do what I did before anymore because they caught me. Anyway, went pretty good!

Day 36 of School: Went pretty well. Gettin tired for some reason, even if I do sleep early. Anyway, least it wasn't bad like last time!

Day 35 of School: Went pretty well (as usual :D) Gotta study a lot for tests and finish hw! Hope I get good grades on them tests!!

Day 34 of School: Pretty good. Pretty tiring since I felt like falling asleep. Must be that tired then. Gotta finish these homework now!

Day 33 of School: Went pretty good. Tho the schedule throws me off since we have a A-day and B-day. But, went pretty good, TIL I GOT HW!!!

Day 32 of School: Pretty good, but tiring! We played scavenger hunt and we came second. Well, tied with Freshman. Also, it's #FridayThe13th

Day 31 of School: It was pretty good. Wore red shirt and jeans for today's theme. Today was pretty good. But now I feel nervous bout tomorow

Day 30 of School: Felt like it was depressing or something. It wasn't goin well. So many problemas man! Anyway, hope everything goes well!

Day 29 of School: Went well. Didn't look much like my teacher, but still, close enough to where it counts. The day went well!

Day 28 of School: Spirit day theme today was Tacky Tourist and was able to wear somethin good! It went well. Today was pretty good!

Day 27 of School: Pretty good. Felt weird a lil and felt a lil more stressful for some reason! GOOD LUCK SGCA VOLLEYBALL! Have a safe trip!

Day 26 of School: Pretty good. Still feelin nervous as days go by. I guess it's becuz of me stressin over Junior stuff since I suck at stuff

Day 25 of School: Felt a lil rough. It felt like everyone was down or something. Maybe I was just seeing things. Either way, wasn't DAT gud

Day 24 of School: Went well. Did some things well. Had a meeting with my new basketball coach! Meeting went well too! Overall, it went well

Day 23 of School: Pretty well. I was raging easily especially not calming myself down. Also, from hearing somethin, I just felt stressed now

Day 22 of School: Pretty good, tho I have to go to my school even tho I don't feel like it. Ahh, least I get something to eat.

Day 21 of School: Pretty good. Found out something was a have to thing which made me upset. Got my State Fair ticket! Had #SYATP2017

Just realized that even though I said 21st Day of School, it was supposed to be 22nd Day of School. Ahh, still the same experience anyway!

Day 20 of School: Umm.. not sure. It was kinda good but then later gets ruined some how. It could be me seeing things as problems :D

Day 19 of School: I guess good. Felt horrible for some reason! Hope that gets resolved though. I'm tired of getting myself stressed! :D

Day 18 of School: Pretty good I guess. Felt tired since I slept at 2 am. Felt horrible and felt left out on somethin. Btw, #FirstDayofFall

Day 17 of School: Pretty good (sort of). Didn't tell my friend I was going to the volleyball game for the heck of it. Btw, THEY WON!!!

Day 16 of School: I guess it was okay. I felt like I was out of control on one of da class to where my mind told me to stop. Got mad as well

Day 15 of School: Pretty good ONLY after the 5th class and all. The rest before that was like suckish and stuff since I kept hearin problems

Day 14 of School: Felt suckish for some reason. Felt dumb in 1 class to where I had to hear it from someone. Didn't say it but felt like it

Day 13 of School: It was pretty good. Felt tired and quiet without the Volleyball girls with us! Miss their loudness and laughter and all

Day 12 of School: Pretty gud. Ain't bad like last time. Wished the SGCA Volleyball Girls a GOOD LUCK on their tournament! #ThursdayThoughts

Day 11 of School: Not bad I guess. I feel like it wasn't great since OUR FIELD TRIP WAS CANCELLED!!! It was a lil tiring for me.

Day 10 of School: Im gonna say it was horrible, becuz of the rage I did. Im mad at myself for being dat way. Tho "the person" for startin it

Day 9 of School: Pretty gud, until things went to da point where I just felt like not talkin anymore. And, da schedule was confusing as well

Day 8 of School: Horrible. Was tired on that day since I didn't get enough sleep becuz of one hw! Forgot to say dis since I slept on dat day

Day 7 of School: Not bad. Tho I wish it wasn't a lil awkward. By dat I mean, when I was talking bout something, and it made me feel awkward

Day 7 of School: Pretty tiring. I felt really tired and got a headache as well. Wore cardigan and tie today which was not comfortable.

Day 6 of School: Uhhh. Don't know what to say. It was okay. Class felt harder for me since I keep making it hard on myself!

Day 5 of School: Not bad. Luckily no school on weekends so I'm good. Got the "shut up" but couldn't argue about it since it ain't necessary

4th Day of School (Anotha1): Did Ribbon cutting today & was able to see & hear something from da Representatives, City Council, Mayor, & more.

Day 4 of School: Kinda good. Heard something that kinda made me mad but could be a silly thing anyway. Got homework so gotta finish it!

Day 3 of School: Not bad. Not much homework which made me happy! Though I was still tired from getting up early and all. Anyway wish me GL!

Day 2 of School: Felt horrible. Not because of tiredness but more stuff coming at me outta nowhere! Even things that makes me say "Uhhh"

Day 1 of School: Didn’t like getting up early and felt nervous. *Didn’t tweet this until Day 2 of School*

[sketchesandnonesense]

rambly post that might be slightly les coherent than other ones bc i’m v v sleepy n out of it n Not Feeling Well

all those who don’t wanna read bout me bein an Anxious Fucker look away now

w e l p 

I feel like I’ve covered this already but i still feel like i shit friend

I’ve been neglecting so many of my buds like hella

I haven’t actively initiated a fuckin convo since 1912 

and even then they don’t last v long bc I’m shit

n idk what’s wrong w/ me as of late

my depression feels more Crushing than fucking ever

my Anxiety is sky fucking high because work is a goddamned mess I have 0 life and I’m v much feeling like i’m purposelessly floatin through life

Tonight was manageable

though that’s all i really asked for

I did a spell, a simple one, for the last hour of my shift to be empty so we could clean n everything. that no matter what today threw at me, I’d manage. 

and I did

i promised my Will would outlast my lipstick

and it did

till i got home, wiped off my lipstick, and took a nap

then i woke up disoriented and not feelin that great n all my anxiety hit me like a goddamned truck it was gr8 rlly

Work is so fucking draining i hate it 

I don’t know which i hate more

morning shift or late shift

both are fucking awful because my job is fucking awful and i wish i wasn’t fucking scared of driving long distances in my shitty little focus otherwise I’d be trying to find literally anywhere fucking else to work

I’d love to do comissions n art shit for money but lmao my art ain’t that fucking good

n everybody knows there’s atleast 40 other artists with better art and more dire circumstances that could use the fucking income more than my stupid ass so whatever

n lmao getting a legit job doing art would be A. a bitch and a half bc See Above and I’d get so anxious i’d chicken out applying

so

shitty subway job it is 

for shitty ol me

bluh

i feel 17 kinda gross n tired n long for the sweet embrace of death

though i don’t REALLY wanna die

I just REALLY want to get replaced

like

someone takes up my place so nobody realizes i’m gone so i can die Guilt Free 

someone better than me

someone better at art and music and talking and being a decent person

someone not me

I hate this i hate feeling like this i hate feeling weighed down n like my spine’s gonna snap n like my head is full of static and wool

i wish there was something i could take that could make it go away but haha like that’s ever gonna happen

i can barely remember to take the ONe med i have to worry bout on time

I’d never be able to get into a routine 

Ive always been rlly bad bout routines

i never rlly have one

I used to always take a shower at 9:00 n head to bed at 11:00ish 

though anymore It’s an accomplishment i take a shower at all n don’t put it off till tomorrow or worse still not take one then and wait till i feel Absolutely Disgusting n my hair looks gross enough i know people will notice at work

I’m just

so fucking gross everything about me is and of course none of y’all can see that bc y’all only get my Highlights Reel selfies most of the time w/ filters n angles

good thing i don’t have a LDR otherwise they’d be DEEPLY underwhelmed once they met me irl lmao 

speaking of relationships

guess who’s been getting Them Mushy Stupid Feelings again???

and guess who’s depression has been kicking her in the teeth for it??

this bitch

bc lemme explain here

I still rlly like the idea of a relationship or atleast having someone i can call my own n make stupid jokes w/ bout it n all that Jazz

but

the person i got these mushy feelings for

I’m still not Totally Sure how they feel bout me bc well

we did talk bout it alot but

i’m still just like

Doubt

like

was it all just bull so I wouldn’t feel bad??

was I creepy as fuck??????

were the feelings returned then but gone now????

were there ever really Feelings or was it just v v little crush-y thing while I’m over here in a big heap of Garbage feeling like my heart’s going to fucking fall apart 

does he still feel that way bout me??

would he tell me the truth if i asked?

ugh jsut

i hate it

and that ain’t the end of it oh no

it gets worse

bc I worry bout him

alot

bc shit’s goin down in his life n I hate to pry but im a nosy bitch n idk how to help like??? is he the typa person to talk bout this sorta thing or should i go straight for Distract w/ Memes ???????????

I also worry I’ve been creepy and/or annoying and/or shitty n made him Not Like Me

and I’m trying so hard to be like “I don’t need validation from anyone if they like me they do if they don’t then they don;t”

but at the same time

I’m always a slut for Positive Attention

so you see my dillema

bluh

I wish i could be nicer to myself i know everyone wants me to be nicer to myself but it’s so fucking hard 

especially recently bc it feels like the voice in my head ordered a fucking megaphone off amazon w/ 2 day shipping and now the fucker is 3x as loud

so instead of creeping little thoughts that bug me n make me sad I have a loud ass voice over everything else in my head telling me i’m awful

i should be a better friend

I don’t deserve all the good things i have

I should stop being a fucking crybaby

 I’m so disgusting how could anyone ever like me

I shouldn’t bother trying to get into a relationship, I’ll only let the other person down 

people you’ve turned down or people who turned you down dodged a real bullet not having to deal with you 

you clingy, manipulative, whiny, pessimistic, pile of garbage

why does anyone even stay around you it’s so rare you’re even worth noticing

your art’s so mediocre why do you even keep trying you know it won’t get any better

stop bothering trying to accept yourself you know you hate how you look and you find yourself disgusting don’t try to fool yourself or anyone else

you’re such an absolute disgrace of a human being you shouldn’t even exist

and it feels like it jsut keeps getting louder with these thoughts pounding on my head like i thought it was bad before but now I hear it full blast

like I was wearing a diving helmet that leaked 

now i’ve taken it off and I’m suffocating

you’re not a real witch

you’re stupid for believing you can do anything with afew little words and “feeling” anything

those little poppets you made won’t help your depression n the rocks you bought won’t make the voice stop

why even bother if you’re not going to actually try 

you didn’t even research that much did you

you just want to say you’re a witch and act like you have some sort of power when really you’re just as sad and pathetic as you were before you started thinking your childhood halloween costume was something more

you can’t commit to anything

it’s pathetic

any time your little “spells” work it’s coincidence and you know it. you don’t know what you’re doing and you don’t have any power in anything. just give up already

I wish i knew what to do to get the voice to stop or atleast to put the diving helmet back on but i don’t know how to fix it I don’t know how to get it to stop for good

I don’t know why this is happening there’s no reason for it

maybe it’s because I fell in love and it made me weak n more susceptible to Everythign Else

who the fuck knows bc i don’t

I’m so exhausted

writing all this out has helped alot, n so has this soda i grabbed from downstairs

so 

the thoughts are finally out of my head and somewhere else

good

then i can read them over and over again 

and try and fight back but

it’s hard

it’s so hard to fight myself

it’s hard to fight thoughts that force their way into my head like facts

blah

the thoughts have died down

they’re quieter again

i can still see them through the glass of my diving helmet and they tap on the glass but

they’re more manageable now

though

some are still clinging to the back of my mind

mostly the ones on love since that’s what I’ve been so stupidly hung up on lately

i guess it’s just because I’ve been wanting affection for so long just

wanting someone that I fell in love w/ like that that would love me back

that i got hung up on the first person who i thought maybe shared the same feelings but now i’m not entirely sure even though I know what they said my brain is still jumbling things up and making it hard to sort through

tho if you’re reading this ya nosy lil fucker n you know who you are

shoot me a skype message so i know i haven’t managed to be So Incredibly Draining you never wanna talk again

or don’t rlly

it doesn’t matter in the end i guess

it’s obvi a possibility i’m just a super draining person n it’s nobody’s fault

I still wonder though if you get as nervous as i do sometimes

maybe I’m just being dumb

maybe I’m just so disgustingly infatuated with the idea of love and relationships I’m projecting 

maybe I’m just hoping so badly that some cute, stupid thing i read in a story could happen to me 

because i think about that alot

wishing and wishing that some day I’d be part of a bigger story

that something would Happen and my life would have some sort of narrative or meaning to it that would feel satisfying

like there was fate i was meeting with

but

I guess me n fate just can’t seem to make plans quite right

I should probably just finish my soda and head off to bed

or atleast try

maybe stay up on my phone n watch weird DIY videos on youtube bc that tends to happen alot

i know I’ll never actually get to doing any of them n have no intention of it but

still fun to watch other people have fun making things

or destroying them in some cases

if you poor soul make it to the bottom of this post congrats

here’s a link to the song I’ve been listening to for the majority of writing this that’s kinda helped w/ my anxiety alittle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5IEt63qOSI

been listening to alotta big bad voodoo daddy lately

got good music