#im rambling ill word it properly some other time | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ziipzeepzop-eez · 9 months ago

Note

hey zeepie! HIHIHIHII!!!!

ermmm

irl bestie headcannons? why the hell not, happy Valentine's season (or smt) a lot of this is purely imaginative, as im cautious about ppl online. I hope you feel better ❤️

if we were irl besties, I would prolly be afraid to text you a lot. id send u shitty memes and funny shit id find on Pinterest and think you would judge me about it, before seeing you happily text me back.

we would text about things happening, like gen alpha slang, or about our future. lots of intrusive thoughts from my way with frightened commentary from you

while I may be busy often, I try to fit my friends with my schedule, even if they don't match often (they go to public school) so youd be invited to Mexican parties, bday parties, skating hangouts, or even the once-in-a-life-time boy girl party.

and other times, I just want to spend time w/ you. sometimes I would invite you to the park to simply interact, or we would visit each other's house for a self care day. Everytime I see you, I just tackle you in a giant hug, as you struggle to hold me a bit.

id bring all of my favorite masks, along with the best snacks possible. you would prolly have the blankets and towels. imagine me loading up fortnite on my Nintendo as I make you an account for your tv 💀💀💀

like the 'its my first time' adult x 'imma protect you no matter what' 16 yr old trope. you'd call me cringe as I finish setting you up, and invite to my party for 3 rounds of battle royale.

we lost all three ��.... but! but- we did get at least 9 kills on average per round, that's a win for me 👀 the opps were too strong for us 😞🫴🏾

id steal your remote as i press the tubi app, choosing some trash iteration of the monkey king. you'd laugh so hard about it the whole time, while id be rambling about the quality of CGI and the differences between modern movies.

while we talk I may poke you a bit, you swatting my hands threatening to fight. it's just smt abt tickling that makes a blk person wanna throw hands 🫠 👊🏾💥👊🏾💥other times id sooth through your hair in a spaced out silence, not really minding anything.

you'd ask about my locs sometimes, and my haircare routine. (thinking abt it now, I haven't gotten my hair done in almost a month 💀) so you'd prolly ask why my roots are so fluffy instead of rolled up. a smile would com across your face as I continue to explain, telling you about the palm rolling + clipper process, the dangers of water, and oil buildup. you laugh as I tell you about my dream to dye my roots neon green, keeping my tips pink.

(fun fact: [and this could apply to every hair type, but especially locs] when you leave water in locs w/o drying properly, you could literally grow matted mold. it can become very smelly and strong, because hair in general ESPECIALLY CONJOINED HAIR soaks up water like a fuckin towel. and if you arent careful about the products u use/what products you use, and how often you wash your hair, it can cause oil buildup pretty easily.

im not sure why, but when I add water to my hair, my scalp dries up and it starts to shed 😭😭 I SWEAR I USE OIL-)

and sometimes ill disappear for a month. it won't be on purpose of course! as soon as I get my phone in my hands, I'm racing to send you my entire meme bank, making you cackle during the early hours of the morning.

and when we can't meet up, well just ramble to each other over call, or play shitty Roblox obbies on discord. throw writing ideas, communicate, au's fictional and irl, existential dread, carpet fuzz. anything really!

and we would be really good friends too- like, top tier verbalization, positive affirmations, and happiness all the way ❤️

the only thing I could think of you and me arguing about is the use of my n word tendencies for stupid things. or my procrastination-

but other than that, being your irl bestie would be awesome! id make sure of it ❤️

ohh uhym

just, uh, aha- gimme a second? chippy?- babe– ,,

[scampers away behind a conveniently placed bush, curls down into a squatting ball so only the back of my head is visible] Guueuuueeeeeeeeghehehgehegheeeghhhh,,, gaaaaasp– ghhhhhuuuuuuueeeerrrrrghhhhgehegeheeeeghehhhnngh 😭😭😭

THIS IS!! SO!! 😭😭 THIS!! 💥☝🏾 CHIP. 😫 CHIP. 😭 CHIPPY?? CHIPPYYYYYY 👹

I read this groggily after waking up from my sadness-induced nap and it immediately, IMMEDIATELY !!! ... made me smile. Like, so so big. SO, so BIG!!!

Aaaand I am so, MAD, that we don't know each other irl because?? I need this?? In my life??? I've,,, ALWAYS needed someone like this??????? & to finally have her!! But she is not here IN FRONT OF ME FOR ME TO HAVE AS THE BESTEST BESTIE EVER??? IT SHOULD BE A SIN PUNISHABLE BY INSTANT LIGHTNING STRIKE DEATH FROM GOD HIMSELF JKHHJHJHDJBSHDJHJ 👹😭🤬💔💔 LIKE I AM- FEENING FOR THIS ☝🏾 FRIENDSHIP EXACTLY GRUUURAGAHAGAAAAAAGHHHH

Like why are you not here in front of me rn?? WHy, *chokes* do you not live across from me in my lil ghetto ass neighborhood where the only thing that'd motivate me to go outside is you calling to me from my window?? Like it's not fair it simply isn't fair as a matter of fact, i think it's racist that we aren't irl friends like and ALL OF THIS DURING O U R MONTH likeeee. *sucks teeth* seems sketchy to me bro 😤💔 [I continue to ramble if only to shield the sounds of my heart shattering quite loudly in the background]

THE TUBI PART DID IT FOR ME 😭😭 HOW DO YOU KNOW I'VE SEEN THE CRUDDY REITERATIONS OF THE MONKEY KING??? I'd palette it MUCH more easier if it were you watching it with me instead of my parents :'')) I'm the type to crack up obnoxiously during movies and shows - our chaotic energy would bounce of e/o seamlessly and we'd be our own movie fr 🎬🤣

I ain't no gamer but I'd do it for you bookie. even if the opps did get us in the end. we did our best, trust 😞✊🏾 magic of friendship always prevails, feel me?

And !! Girl !! Black girl hair knowledge 😍💅🏾✨ AAAAAAAAAA!!! FROTHING AT THE MOUTH FOR IT SJDKDJ (/ns btw ksjsjsj just as a forewarning 😭😭💀 you get me girl) PLEASEEE I don't have thoroughly kinky hair, since i'm mixed so i never got the whole concept of it and anytime I'm bein made aware of afro-centric hair care i EAT THAT ISH UPPPPPPP. u're my new knowledge plug. like, this was edumacational. AND HONESTLY I THINK YOU HELPED ME TOO??? 🤣 I get reeeally bad buildup sometimes but I think it's because I air dry my hair, not really much at all!! :')) yes yes i know, cue the screams of horror. 💀 I SWEARRRR I'M LEARNING AND GROWING I JUST NEED TO USE MY BLOWDRYER JKJKS

AAAAAAAA we'd dye our hair together!!! 😍 that's honestly such a cute color combo, wholly underrated !! my tenderheaded self, but I'm a sucker for people stroking my hair/head bcuz it rarely happens nowadays 😭

sitting in comfortable silence? casual healthy platonic affection? posting up when you tryna start somethin with them pokes and tickles?? 😔✊🏾 yes please yes to all of it.

fr tho you can catch this fade if you keep tryin me bbygirl i be screeching like a banshee jsjsjsjss

UGHGHHHHHHHGGGGGGHHHHH the ✨positive reaffirmations and 🩷verbalization of love🩷✨

Like this a whole dream.

,,,real images of me caught in 8K UHD surround sound 32 Gigs ram, HDR GEFORCE RTX, TI-80 texas instruments, Triple A duracell battery ultrapower 100 Cargador Compatible iPhone 1A 5 W 1400 + Cable 100% 1 Metro Blanco Compatible iPhone 5 5 C 5S 6 SE 6S 7 8 X XR XS XS MAX GoPro hero 1 2 terabyte xbox series x Dell UltraSharp 49 Curved Monitor - U4919DW Sony HDC-3300R 2/3" CCD HD Super Motion Color Camera, 1080p Resolution Toshiba EM131A5C-SS Microwave Oven with Smart Sensor, Easy Clean Interior, ECO Mode and Sound On/Off, 1.2 Cu. ft, Stainless Steel HP LaserJet Pro M404n Monochrome Laser Printer with Built-in Ethernet (W1A52A) GE Voluson E10 Ultrasound Machine LG 23 Cu. Ft. Smart Wi-Fi Enabled InstaView Door-in-Door Counter-Depth Refrigerator with Craft Ice Maker GFW850SPNRS GE 28" Front Load Steam Washer 5.0 Cu. Ft. with SmartDispense, WiFi, OdorBlock and Sanitize and Allergen - Royal Sapphire Kohler K-3589 Cimarron Comfort Height Two-Piece Elongated 1.6 GPF Toilet with AquaPiston Flush Technology:

......,,,, SOmeone should hELP her. 🧍👀

[clears throat and composes myself]

Ahhh, my Chippy Choco Chip girl. You are already such bestie material online, I can only imagine how viscerally that translates to in person :'')))

If I can get a little personal here?? Ever since I was young, I wished and prayed and begged, for a friend. Like, a GOOD friend. A best friend. Someone who'd be there for me and actually want to spend time with me; oh you have no idea how much you healed little me typing this out, Chips (´；ω；｀) Tumblr, our moots as a whole have also healed the little Lilo in me and have simultaneously become my Stitch. :'))

This is the bestest thing I could've received for Valentine's (and yes I'm considering it as my valentine's/galentine's gift from u 🤨 problem?? *chkt chkt* ???..... yeah i didn't think so 😌. thank you.) and I am just. BLESSED. 🙏🏾😫

THANK YOU JESUS. JEHOVAH. GOD. ELOHIM. FOR, AT USER ITSYAGIRLCHIP. MY CHIPPY CHOPPY GIRL.

I love you pookie. ❤❤🫶🏾🫶🏾 Thanks for making me smile so hard my face almost stayed permanently that way today.

#"૮₍ •⤙•˶|✉️ beep! inbox! ˎˊ˗#⸝⸝ ꒰ my best girl chipㆍ₊⊹❣🍪#and that one is here to stay.#i'll make sure of it.#love you girl #i rlly do #saving this in a whole new linked page like frfr

6 notes · View notes

official-big-q · 1 year ago

Note

Heyyy papa idk why I am invading ur inbox rn DNFNFNFB I just wanted to say stuff about how for some reason I like hearing your memories maybe cuz I never had like those kind myself just the feelings of things that happened in cannon

So I like you talking about them or your wings and your HUGE nest in las nevadas I think I would have liked to be there just us sleeping and you wrapping your wings around me and me wishing to be able to fly around with you

I think I always liked the idea

Of being a big dragon and fly around with my wings and have fun and spend time with my family

I didn't make the entire revived AU for nothing dnfbfjr

If you want to ramble abt your memories idm I love hearing them :]]

-tilin⭑

I ALWAYS LOVE RECEIVING EXTRA MESSAGES FROM YOU KIDS - ITS OK !!!

AND THATS VERY VERY SWEET HBSJDBD

That’s heartwarminngg hhhhh<3

I WOULD HAVE LOVED FOR YOU TO BE THERE IN MY NEST AS WELL - that nest was so cozy it made me feel so safe and it was SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT I HAVE NOW SOB

BUT I TOTALLY WILL RAMBLE - ILL ALWAYS RAMBLE VIA REQUEST >:D

I was so very very vocal around you kids - dsmp and qsmp,, im just full of bird noises :]!! Coos, chirps, quacks, squawks, you name it !!! I had a large variety of bird noises I made towards you and your siblings <3 !!

In the dsmp i had a bad track record with love and was verY traumatized so the way I showed love at first was through gifts !!! I used to spoil Tommy rotten :]. (Tubbo wouldnt let me - he refused to take my gifts)

And then after I healed and realized I didnt need to hide my affection for others - I gave out words of affirmation and physical touch !!!

I WAS LIKE. PRETTY FUCKED UP ???? In the dsmp, after I got my injury to my eye/face, I had to take a couple weeks at least to be able to properly navigate again. Karl and Sapnap forced me into using a cane, which was something I very much needed if I didn’t want to walk into something or just fall over-

And just the eye thing in general messed me up permanently ??? Like I stopped using my cane and was okay most of the time without it - but my vision was really fucked and I couldn’t read cursive at all and needed bigger writing on documents to be able to read them, but the dsmp wasn’t a very accessible space so I just sucked it up and dealt with it.

I even learned braille because of it !!! Sam taught me braille !!! Sam also taught me some basic ASL and Foolish taught me more in depth ASL.

I remember Wil getting bad back pains and just aches after they got revived. I think it was just a side effect they had to deal with after it all. We couldn’t do much to help it, but I always made sure to give them a heating pad and some good pillows !!

Speaking of - I believe both me and Wil had chronic fatigue ? I think I just had it while Wil got it as a side effect from getting revived - either way it SUCKED

I remember playing with Fundy during Pogtopia and making sure he stayed fed and kept him company when I could :]

This isn’t a memory but in my head I always refer to Ranboo as the weird stray cat my kids decided to start feeding that never left lmao /lh /aff

Phil took care of me once ???????? I’m pretty sure I was grieving Wilbur and dealing with a whole bunch of feelings about that entire situation when he died - and I ended up on Phils doorstep basically completely shut down and he took me in and just started fully taking care of me. It was a weird experience- I don’t like the man for my own personal grudges but he’s still a kind soul.

Wilbur had a tendency to work himself or keep himself busy until he passed out - he hated sleeping after revival.

Schlatt but the bi in bitch - and other than that fantastic line I don’t want to talk about him lmao

OH I once panicked after I couldn’t find Tommy in the penthouse thing we stayed in in Las Nevadas and made various chirps and warbles while searching for them- they were simply in another room and I was panicked for no reason , Tommy did end up responding with quiet confused chirps hhdjdbd

I HAD SHARP FANGS AND TALONS >:D!!!! I think I also wore fingerless gloves too - sometimes just wearing plain gloves to hide the burn scars that I had on my hands

AND I DONT HAVE AS MANY QSMP MEMS BUT I remember feeling uneasy around Bad ????? He was a friend of mine n all but I remember avoiding him for a bit and feeling unsafe around him annnd I don’t quite know why

OH AND I DEFINITELY PERCHED ON ETOILES SHOULDERS !!! He was THE friend ever actually :3

Jaiden and Baghera were / are like siblings to me, almost !!! I remember we were pretty close :D !! Jaiden and I were close friends and Baghera and I had more of a sibling relationship !!

I vaguely remember Maximus introducing me to his daughter !!! She was pretty cool and it was an awesome experience

THATS ALL I HAVE FOR NOW- I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS !!!!!

#i hope any if my kids reading this has a wonderful day <3 #🐤🪺 mis patitos #🌟🎀 tilin #🚬🚐 wilbuh !!#🌟🐄 tommy #.🎰🎲🎱 mems #.🐤🥚🎀 mems

4 notes · View notes

creature-of-the-forest · 1 year ago

Note

Hello! So I'm on a mission to give the otherkin/alterhuman/lycanthropy/and so much more communities the attention and representation they deserve! I'm asking around and asking other people who are non-human this question! If you were to see more writing about our communities, what would you like to see talked about more? I'm a snow leopard therian and I'm seriously trying to make sure our community is properly represented and I can make some people feel like they're not alone

hello!!

im not sure how much my experiences are what you want to here since im a nonhuman alter but hopefully i can provide an interesting perspective! :3

what a lot of people will probably say is the experience of having a disconnect between their physical bodies and their kintypes, and that does apply to me in a sense! however, since im a polymorph, i can (and often do, for simplicity) take a similar form to my body in headspace. most of the disconnect i experience is not being able to morph physically when i morph in headspace.

i also experience phantom limbs a bit differently than a lot of other nonhumans probably do, i only really have them when i morph those limbs in headspace (ie, if i morph wings in headspace ill have phantom wings physically)

i am also a tortoiseshell cat therian but i experience that differently from most people too i believe, since i can morph into one in headspace whenever i wish

but ive digressed a bit too much, ill get back to your question ^^;

i want the struggles and frustrations of trying to figure out your identity to be shown. for me, i didnt know polymorphs were a thing at all until a few months ago, and i didnt think to apply that label to myself until almost a week ago. ive always struggled with feeling like my kintypes appearances (they were clear to me because i seemed to take on their appearances in headspace) were always changing and not really feeling stable in my nonhuman identity. but recently when i was looking into polymorphs i saw someone say that your appearance never really being fully stable and always changing, even in a "main" form you have was a common experience for polymorphs and it was kind of an "oh!" moment for me. but until that point id been struggling with feeling unstable in my nonhumanity for years up until that point, so id say it was a very defining part of figuring out my identity, so if nothing else then id like to see that sort of thing portrayed :3

so sorry for rambling btw!!! i just have a lot of words in my brain all the time

#ask #meowing

3 notes · View notes

chococookiez · 2 years ago

Text

I FUCKING MISSED 4/13 I COMPLETELY FORGOR BUT IM POSTING ANYWAY

i was holding off on posting it until i had more content but i did a fantroll :]

some other art/shitposts i did with it (+ my other ocs)

and here's bonus ooc shitty doodles i did for my dying tiktok account

i haven't properly drawn anyone other than aradia and sollux (and eridan partially but i've only done march eridans for some reason) and the one with all of them was . the first time i drew any of them other than eridan please forgive me

words under the cut. i must ramble

so . homestuck huh

how did i spend my first 4/13 you ask? got up at 5am to fuck around with my (slightly drunk) friend on vrc until we got tired, had various revelations, a whole crisis that i do not wish to unpack... im forgetting something

oh yea

dumb of ass moment: i played that one fucking solkat vn literally just for the hell of it

I haven't read the comic yet BECAUSE im planning to binge read the entire fucking thing over the summer with my friends and i am fucking HYPED i have the unofficial collection downloaded on my pc already in preparation and we're planning on doing a massive party once we're done we are going to have a fucking ball with this . technically i've only been properly interested in homestuck since february which i find really funny cause my brain made the switch so fast it gave me fucking whiplash. i've literally never had an interest hit me THIS HARD in my life especially with how little canon content i have to work with currently since im saving it all for the summer (the restraint is so hard y'all have no idea)

highlights of shit i've done to do with homestuck other than art so far:

made 2 extended zodiac pins out of pre-existing pins i had, one for myself and one for my irl friend

said irl friend had to suffer through a 2+ hour long infodump where i just showed them all the main characters i had knowledge about (beta/alpha kids/trolls, ancestors and cherubs), did a hussie and had The Quadrant Ramble™, shittily explained classes and aspects and tried my best to explain The Weird Time Bullshit™ (it was very fun for me . he also said it was fun but i have my doubts)

speaking of quadrants i've made 4 quadrant keychains (erisol spade, cronkri heart, meowrails + kurtuna diamonds) (currently only displaying 3 of them since the meowrails one fucking SELF DESTRUCTED as in the paint fucking peeled itself off and ive been too lazy to remake it rn) and i've been slightly tempted to add a solkat one but i have no clue what quad i'd put them in tbh and that's the only thing stopping me (oh and a meuloz heart . just because)

very very vaguely hinted at this once before but i made a shitty character playlist. not linking it or saying who it is. y'all can just guess

i made... an eridan osu skin. out of one i had already that i liked. and i've been tempted to make a sollux one. did you know im mentally ill (something did spark this: i had a map of eridan's theme that had a skin on it, so decided to make a full one out of it to fuck with my friend who likes him)

im planning on cosplaying A Troll but have no sodding clue which one. my internal options rn are kanaya, vantases (have their outfits/something like them on hand already, plus vantases have easy horns), leijons (associate myself with them a lot (one of my favourite vrc avatars to use rn is a meulin edit even), especially considering im a leo myself), eridan, aradia and feferi (they'd be hilariously fitting for reasons i wish to not explain, especially eridan)

am probably gonna land myself with a pile of homestuck merch, either from birthday gifts or my own stupidity

so yea, just a few words. i couldn't fight the homestuck

4 notes · View notes

charismaofobedience · 2 years ago

Text

HIIIII MUTUAL WHO'S INDULGING ME 🥺 okok so um. this will all be really rambly and out of order and based solely on what i find on my rpg maker bin. uh. also most if not all of them are more the type of old rpg maker games so y e a h

I think if i had to pick like. One game only that most of the cast could enjoy it'd be To the Moon not only because it's one of the VERY FEW not horror focused games in this god forsaken folder but also the story is just. ueeh. if i had to specifically pick characters though, i will have to say arashi and adonis. yeah.

Ib is another classic I can see a fair bit of characters enjoying??? if we are going on the gamer characters only, then id probably say makoto + trickstar (and i can see specially mao being into it). the puzzles are fun and the story is very compelling,,, i think the 4 would all probably play together as a "way of bonding!!!" but also as a way for hokuto to make sure makoto isn't scared and subaru isn't getting distracted every 3 minutes. mao would be solving the puzzles 90% of the time and the 4 all have so much fun playing it <3

I thiiiink this one might be a controversial one and i SWEAR im not being biased since this one's my favorite but. considering all the complicated over the top lore + all the philosophical shit in it. i think nagisa could EASILY get into Hello Charlotte and etherane stuff in general. yeah sure nagisa isnt the type of guy who would play online games and ill agree to that, but i can see jun maybe mentioning some philosophical game and Nagisa just staring at him with autism eyes filled with glee and curiosity. would probably end up spending two days not doing anything besides playing the whole trilogy + heaven's gate. right after that he is rambling to EVERYONE about it and the lore and the characters and how he related to both Vincent and Charlotte and no one gets what the hell Nagisa is talking about. would also bond over playing a game with Sora or something except Sora has no clue about the game Nagisa played. It's all a bunch of complicated words and what the hell do you mean gods and kids and different realities and. but Sora's very happy Nagisa seemed to have fun and now wants to invite him to play other stuff hashtag autism besties

talking about sora! 1bitHeart. cute silly warm game about making friends. the colors and soundtrack are all also very nice and i think sora would absolutely enjoy them. would get way too attached to ALL the characters after spending so much time talking with them and giving them gifts and i don't know man. 1bitHeart just has the switch vibes aesthetic-wise to me. natsume would also probably be into it and played it because of sora, thinking it'd be just a silly friendship game but natsume got too attached to certain characters too (not that they'd admit to it. if you ask natsume they'd just go "a silly game about befriendING others. it does NOT suit someone like ME.")

and talking about miwashiba games + natsume. I can fully see natsume being into LiEat. Both the world building and the characters in general + the premise itself of a dragon who feeds on lies screams natsume to me. would also NEVER admit to being into it but sora is very aware natsume enjoys it. i don't really have much to say on this one just trust me okay i swear LiEat natsume makes sense

to finish the miwashiba saga. ritsu would be into Alice Mare and i don't know how to explain this one either. the aesthetics just scream ritsu to me and i swear it makes sense somewhere ok please trust me cries

Dreaming Mary is a complicated one. just based on aesthetics id probably say tori but like. considering the bad ending stuff and all? i think tori would just get the bad ending and think its just a cutesy teehee ending and not pay it any mind. now if we are talking about someone who'd also get the real ending and still be into it i. kind of want to say hinata honestly. the aesthetics are overly cutesy, yeah, but i ALSO don't know how to properly put into words how i feel hinata would enjoy Dreaming Mary. i swear this is the final one i ask for you all to trust me on okay

Yume Nikki is also very much a classic but I can't exactly pinpoint like. one specific character who'd be into it. the game is too vague and explorative for me to be certain on who'd enjoy it. however, if you asked me right *now* id probably guess yuta or midori??? yeah really not sure for yume nikki but im sure SOMEONE would be into it

finally. the fucking mystery of kagehira mika. i originally considered funamusea's stuff but at the same time i don't think mika would be fully into them. then my brain went to the more classic horror games. maybe The Witch's House? or maybe Mad Father + Misao???? but then i recalled that corpse party is arguably a rpg maker game so case closed. mika corpse party.

thanks for listening.

#enstars #chii talks #i aint tagging all the characters in this lmao im shy

4 notes · View notes

lillys-shadow · 6 months ago

Text

Also

Ive been feeling pretty down lately.

I wrote an essay detailing a bunch of problems I've been having and how they've been fucking over my life for like the past three years. And I used DDLC to contextualize some of it, mainly because it was hugely influential in my ability to like think. emotionally. So when I send it to mother and her response is along the lines of "So... a game made you trans. Are you sure this isnt just an ADHD thing?" (which A. I have not been diagnosed for ADHD, she just has a hunch that I have it because my brother and father have it, and i have some of the characteristics commonly associated, and B. what the fuck, I just spilled the shit thats been affecting my mental health the worst and your response is "are you sure you didn't just make it up" what the actual fuck) not to mention I told her that I am trans (properly this time, instead of just going "oh hahah i have gender dysphoria thats why i wrote this entire vent piece E.P about how your attitude towards gender has fucked over my self worth" like that wasnt enough. Theres literally a song called "fault" literally saying its her fault I dont want to talk to her about things. And then "waltz of the night" which says things like "summer, what if you could die. summer, wouldnt be nice" played BACK TO BACK. And the first song being about how "summer" is just a placeholder for *me* but the gender fuckery has taken hold) and I told her I go by Lilly (she/her) I EVEN SAID THAT I WOULDN'T BE MAD IF SHE DIDN'T USE MY PROPER LABELS (mainly to soften the impact but whatever) AND SHE STILL RANTED ABOUT HOW ITS UnFaIr ThAt I bE sOmEoNe ShE dOeSnT kNoW mE aS.

And its just like, what do I even do here. So I tried to clarify the problems and she responds with "you had a bunch of contradictions, btw no amount of money could make you look like a woman" without telling me any of the supposed contradictions IF YOU HAD OF JUST TOLD ME THEM I WOULDVE CLARIFIED WHAT I MEANT OMG and acting as if passing trans women dont exist (I know passing shouldnt be the goal and its completely valid to not pass, I just want to for dysphoria reasons i guess, and I mentioned that we probably dont have the money to start HRT or a psychiatrist or to get any sort of surgery (which the latter I probably couldnt get anyway). And THEN she has the FUCKING AUDACITY to set the email to spam so I cant respond. And says "You will keep believing what you want to believe despite the evidence" (without citing a single FUCKING source of evidence, at least I quoted Judith Butler and Philosophy tube in my ramblings (I wasnt even trying to prove anything either, just that I shouldnt have to fight ma on how other people who are not her should refer to me if they tell me i need her approval)) and its like what do i even do at this point. So I shut up and just try to ignore her presence (which is really bloody hard because she and I were regularly really close). And she still hasnt brought it up, its been a goddamned week and Ive been home alone with her for three days in a row now. not a single word. I cant bring it up cause Im scared shell get mad or Ill say something incorrectly and shell use it as ammo to further fuck over my dysphoria. And Im not sure but Im like 60% sure she said something like "and then i realised, hes probably just faking it" which I shouldnt be mad about because A. im not even sure it was said B. I dont have any context C. it was said over the phone at 2am. But it was the day after I had sent it, I was absolutely fucked mentally. Like I know its not fair for me to be mad at her for, but nonetheless it still fucking hurts.

I mean not too long before (maybe a month or so) I literally thought "what if mum still thinks of me as a boy" and 3 hours later I have the worst cuts I had given myself. And now I know how it is, I know she does, and theres obviously nothing I can do. And certainly nothing I should do. And the only real emotional pillar I have had lately is my gf and I dont wanna vent too hard on her, I obviously want her to be happy (if youre reading this i love you <3), so ive felt kinda trapped idk. I swear to god the moment I turn 17 im buying a van and leaving, idrc about the specifics, just not here. (ill prolly back out of that before I turn 17 but i dont really give a fuck a girl can dream).

I gave her a quote of something she said, that was innocuous but had caused me a great deal of pain (she had told her friend that I wanted to go for "book week" as catnus everdeen because "I like attention" which was false, but also from her perspective she was talking about my goddamned whining persistance. But I took it as a judgement on the crossdressing I was dabbling in at the time (which catnus everdeen really wasnt lol but hey younger me was younger)) and her responce was "You took that out of context and youve written how it effected you in a cruel manor." and its like. THAT. WAS. THE. FUCKING. POINT. I kkknowww it was out of context, but it still fucking hurt, I only talked about it because it legitimately hurt me regardless of the actual context, and so that she doesnt do the same thing this time. AND SHE IMMEDIATELY THROWS AWAY THAT LINE OF THINKING FOR but thats not faiiir its not myy fault you misintirrpret things and its like, no its not but could you still be mindful that your words can AND WILL fuck me over if theyre not handled correctly.

I just- eugh. It would have been fine if she had of just had a conversation yknow. Like if we had've talked it out and got to some sort of conclusion. Instead of you will never think *spam*. Like I get to sit here instead with an unhealthy caffeine problem, horrible gender dysphoria, a cutting problem (both sexual and not so), and the fact that the person I looked up to most doesn't want to talk to me about the thing that has pretty much ruined my life and the steps that need to be taken to rectify those things.

Also the crippling insomnia its 3:20 now for gods sake.

#trans #insomniac

1 note · View note

bluewinnerangel · 3 years ago

Note

DEMY ARE YOU STILL WITH US?!

CAN YOU CONFIRM HE IS IN FACT REAL?!

I am on the other side of the world and still can’t move on from this. How does anyone with daily contact with him survive?

ALSO HIS SHIRT. ALSO HIS LIL CURL His curl I couldn't stop watching.... I got the good stuff men i was bless-ed my show fucking ruled so fking hard

Also orange shirt plus Teenage Dirtbag in Amsterdam? This plus that equals:

Also

I just wanna put this pic somewhere too where he might or might not be looking at me and my funny lil shirt im not gonna tell u what it is because i might wanna wear it again and i don't need to be recognised but like who knows its half a pixel but I love these pics lol like the experience bro to experience HIM. LIKE. HE'S REAL. HE'S THERE AND HE WAS SO GOOD. SO AMAZING.

Okay I'll try to stop all-capsing now and tell you all about it. Gonna put a cut in because BLAAAAA about the entire thing including a lot of personal experience queueing and seeing the fans and stuff so if you're here to read a beautiful written concert review about all the songs you're shit outta luck that mans everything i have no words for how mindblowing it was but ill throw some pics at the end to make up for all the rambling ok:

Before the concert - So first of all I have to acknowledge how much of a privilege it is to even be able to watch him like that, not just that he's got a show somewhere close enough to you it doesn't cost you a fortune to even be there (and then still.. to even be able to afford a ticket), and managing to get a ticket in the first place, but I joined the queue in the afternoon the day before in order to be sure of a good spot without being an asshole about it sdfasd (with that I mean, others ensured their spots with other tactics causing quite the.. vibe.. at the front there. It's not even the "cutting line" I'm bothered by it's the part where they'd just brag over and over how they did that. Like you're trying to make people around you feel like shit or start an argument like do you wanna get punched by a horde of exhausted people or what like let's just all enjoy the show instead maybe). Anyway about the privilege thing. You have to be able to afford the time and money to accommodate yourself and also.. who the fuck does that for anyone? that's insane it's absolute fucking insanity what the fuck are all of us what the fuck does this man do to us that we do that for him like it's. ridiculous. I can't believe how willing I was to do that ksadjlakj. I didn't think I was. I don't think it makes sense to do this. I'm gonna be honest here I don't enjoy this aspect of the fandom, this need to be in the first box of people to enter, to run to barricade (tbh that part was kinda fun), to exhaust yourself for 24+ hours, remove comfort, perhaps endanger yourself if you aren't able to do it properly for health reasons or just naivety or whatever, to all keep inching the time you need to be there to get a regular spot further up and up and up as tour goes on until people are claiming the venue doors a full 2 days in advance. And even on the day like if you wanna be in the first 2000 to get in you need to be there for like 8 hours (im just saying numbers here like these are prob total bs but you get the point) like either you camp to be in the first lil clump of people that are let in, or you just arrive just before it starts. Those are your options really. To be honest I wasn't planning on sitting there for 24hrs but I did, like on the spot I decided to stay, because I was there the day before just to bring my friends ( @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk and partner <3 EDIT: @caralara !!! I didn't know if you wanted to be tumblr official so I didn't tag but EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HI) some stuff for camping and then the plan was for me to go to sleep and join them early morning. But once the system was explained it was clear that would mean a lot of queueing by myself and I just wanted to be with them so I stayed and we managed and were somehow still prepared even though it was an improvised thing. It was actually really fun, I didn't mind any of it really. But that was 100% the company. And in that regard I do get this whole... situation we got going on before every show where fans are just all have a big camp out. It's addictive even, it's part of the whole experience, I do really get it, but for that aspect of it, not for the need to be at the front over and over again. That's just... an amazing perk then. Like really I'd queue again if there are people in it that I wanna hang out with and I wouldn't see them otherwise, but in no way am I sitting outside for that long solely to get a good spot at a concert. Even if that's louis. And the best fucking thing I've ever seen. Anyway on friday we just snoozed with a view of the tour bus which was like.. a night under the stars get it asddsf. The next day we sat in the front lil box for the special first 150 and it was funny to recognize a lot of common fandom faces and then figuring out from what exactly.

I also talked to one of the people working at the venue, and they said they've only seen something similar 4 or 5 events in the 20 years they've been doing this work, but they were all huge and in Ziggo Dome, another venue at that square. They also let us store our stuff in lockers beforehand at that venue instead (but i think a lot of people already had means to store their stuff)... I guess they got the memo we would NOT take ANY time putting those safe whatsoever once the doors opened. literally people were willing to risk their lives and possessions for a good spot. Really just all logic is out the window for louis tomlinson istg and I knew this of course but seeing it all around me was new. Oh but talking to other fans? TALKING TO ELLA? my PEOPLE my PEEOPLLLEEEEE I'm SO happy I got to meet you two you are such amazing amazing kind souls we're absolutely gonna meet again weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

So it got pretty shit about 2 hrs before we could get in, because the sun was JUST behind the building and all of us had already stored all our stuff and the temp was being weird, like it almost heated up and then it didn't so we weren't doin too well luv and that was the first moment I really felt like this wasn't it this wasn't the way akasljsal.

Inside - Once the doors opened of course it was total chaos and we ran and managed to get on what I think was 4th row? but by the end it was like 6 or 7. We were slightly to the left, this is the exact spot with the help of louis pointing at me of course its potato footage:

There was a water sent into the crowd, us and the people in front and behind us had a job like we were constantly busy handing over plastic cups, both full ones into the crowd and empty ones back, it got a bit less motivated to keep that up after a while but let me tell you i NEEDED that water and so i also wanted everyone behind me to get it if they'd feel like me or worse. I was well hydrated, i needed to pee but you don't notice it at all with all the adrenaline, but with all the screaming and jumping and post covid lungs/throat you need it.

The intro is LOUD. LIKE. LOUD. Like I felt that everywhere and it adds to the buildup and anticipation perfectly and then the curtain falls and he walks in and I apparently look like a child with wonder in its eyes when he came on, because these bitches were filming me (<3) and I got to see my reaction and its .. askdljalks cute I guess. yeah and then he was just there. he was there. in HD boy real life in very high quality did you know that? and hes fucking perfect like seriously what the hell and he just-. I don't have words I don't get it. I was going in between losing my shit dancing and singing and everything, just standing there staring at him, and trying to take some pictures. Unfortunately the taking pictures caused me to miss his stupidass smileyface green wink flickering thing (did you pick that up online? Yeah it did.). I was taking pictures at that exact moment but it didn't catch it rip.

Another unfortunate bit was that my hearing got fucked from the beginning with all the screaming so I didn't get to fully experience his sound but it was already SO overwhelming in every other aspect I didn't even really mind plus the premise of seeing him again ASAP and experience it then, with the assumption I'll get a ticket (got my eyes on Antwerp so if anyone has one please) that is.

Then there were the stops... again... I don't know if it was just one person or multiple that needed assistance but the show got stopped 2 times and you can tell he's so fking sick of it. I was fking sick of it. Anyway shits not nice of me to say, perhaps these people were in big need of assistance for reasons out of anyone's control and it did end badly but you just get so desensitized to it when it happens constantly I'm just afraid people are either clueless to the point where they just didn't know they couldn't handle it, that with not knowing how to take care of themselves included, or knowing they can't but are willing to risk everything to see him... or they're exaggerating, perhaps not even consciously, to get an unfortunate notice. Like OmG LoUiS CaReS aBoUt Me yeah but do u care about louis anyway I'm just afraid of people, louis included, not responding anymore when there's a very critical emergency at some point and everyone yells to stop the show and louis is just like bitch here we go again whenever i stop the show everyones just good what are we doing lemme just continue? you know? I thought he said something like "really?" something too but it's all a blur.

have a pic have a pic

But man the ENERGY? THE CONFIDENCE? THE even though i know every single fucking bit of this show because ive watched lives 30+x times this was still just all so .. another level. Ella warned me beforehand that it's nothing like it. The lives are missing the sound the vibe the entire stage his whole body how he moves how he talks where he is within the space how awesome his band is the crowd EVERYTHING and man I was not prepared. I have a lil confession i always thought he was a lil awkward. Cute awkward but still... I thought he was awkward and turns out you can make the most confident man look awkward when you zoom in on their face performing without showing the rest of the performance, environment, nothing, and perhaps further made awkward by you as the viewer sitting in your pjs snacking in front of a screen watching it, who knew, apparently. BOY OH BOY he is NOT awkward. He owns that fking stage. What the fuck. Not even a lil bit. I was so so so wrong. I'm. intimidated lol (somehow wasnt at all when he pointed ... i was like YUUUUUHHH BROOOO BRING IT [my partner is telling me to make an edit of mad max where hes like HE LOOKED AT ME HE LOOKED ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYE!!!! i just might]) but yeah so yeah jesus christ omg.

picspics this is a ramble

As for things during the concert I noticed that were cute outside of the regular program... there was a sign in the crowd that said stage dive or something so he saw it, laughed at it, and then pretended to stage dive. it was cute af. he did rock paper scissors, he pointed and agreed with a sign that asked if they could smoke a joint together after the show, he cracked the absolute fuck up about a sign that said "stroganoff to get it wrong? In front of all these people" which was all the way to the right of the stage. Like he deadass just stayed in it it was so fking hilarious watching him just crackling.

He was vibing with someone off stage and making funny movements idk what it was but i was just staring like oh. He really loved some signs all the way to the left as well but I didn't know what they were.

He REALLY hated someone else that seemed to be at barrier on the left of the stage too, it was like... like a fucking dagger stabbed me lol he just gave them the 2 fingers british fuck you sign, then walked away not looking at them and flipping them off behind his back but it was with SUCH force. He was MAD. No idea what he saw but he was not happy. He then looked at one of the bandmembers like yeah they deserve it kinda thing.

He said "I see ya at the back" at some point and we looked back and didn't really see anything. There was a group cheering and jumping, so my best guess is he saw them vibing. There were pride flags on the balcony tho so it could have been that as well.

When he jumped off the stage during kmm we lost him for a long time and then he popped up reaaaaallyl short he just went BLOOP and gone, not sure about that, maybe someone pulled him? idk.

Also he refused to acknowledge a sign that said something not very interesting because we were right behind it and every time he came close like CLOSE CLOSE like i can SEE YOU SO WELL RN close the fucking sign would pop up with the speed of 28 lightyears so stronk so high so present I couldn't see him basically at fucking all i mean... it needs an arrow to show you where louis is because you can't fucking seeeeeeeeee, this is no zoom what it looked like:

I mean.. after the 5th time he has stood right in front of you reading it you don't need to keep holding it up after that? He's read it. What do you want him to do? I'm sorry he's just not gonna interact with it the 28th time if he hasn't 27 times before. It's done lemme see him please :') But this is going somewhere I promise because after a while at more than one occasion he tried to look around it at fucking us god damn it and it was in the way and so I missed 2 or 3 interactions that were directed at either one of us or one of the people next to us because only one of us at the time could see him whenever he got near so I just got half of a sentence or movement or whatever that I couldn't make out now and then, no idea, maybe watch an uploaded live, I know this one was very close to us, maybe I will, but there's one happening very soon so. Anyway he could've been interested in giving us that lil pointypoint for many reasons of which half aren't mine to tell so I won't, but for me it was just 1) going fucking mental, and it wasn't to like get him to see me do that, but lemme tell you when he confirmed that he did and enjoyed it I just got such a fucking sense of like this is the tiny thing I just gave back to him that he's given me. That seems weird probably but I'm very very held back, not just with a celebrity everyone wants to get near it seems, but with anyone I'm just always thinking I'm violating peoples space and I annoy you when I alert you of my existence basically that's just a me thing and makes me not want to like, meet him, send him anything, just... nada. Like I just don't wanna bother anyone. But like this? It's perfect. He had all the freedom to not acknowledge me but he did on his own free will because he enjoyed it and fed off the energy there seeing how ALDKJSDKLJLK we were going from his music and performance? what the fuck else would i want like shit that's just. thats perfect. But then there's 2) which is my shirt, which again I'm not gonna say just yet but you're welcome to ask me in a dm if we talk of course, but it's just combining 2 things he's big on so it would make sense it'd catch his attention.

But that's not what I came there for. I don't wanna be like y/n moment xoxo let's get more (but also, I do now, because he RUINED IT. HE RUINED IT. nothing is gonna compare to him fucking being like YO THIS BITCH IS GOING FOR IT *P O I N T S* like fuck) I just wanted to see him at least once because I could, and I was honestly planning on getting there just before it started and standing at the back by myself, chilling. But that's not what I got, I got to meet amazing people and had the fucking time of my fucking life holy shit. Like everything went better than I could've ever imagined and he was better than i had imagined and i already thought he was everything.

LOOK AT THAT FUCKER WITH THE POINT THAT WILL SHIT ON MY FUTURE CONCERTS:

#also im tagging my pic posts #my photo #so i guess i should do this one too #also theres still more coming i just didnt make it before the next concert apparently rip im exhausted #maybe #maybe.#WITNESS ME

157 notes · View notes

jackrrabbit · 5 years ago

Note

im glad your opening asks for haikyuu bc not to be a whore or anything but i want to be wrecked and degraded majorly by oikawa. like ill let that man stomp on me of he were real😌

Fanatic [pt. 1] /// Oikawa x f!Reader (18+)

A/N: Skipped ahead in my asks a bit to answer this yummy little req!!

Summary: Oikawa takes advantage of a devoted fan for some stress relief after a bad match. [Part 2]

Warnings: noncon, bullying, degradation, humiliation, manipulation/coercion, crying, basically Oikawa is mean to you, yandere vibes?, shy reader, oral fixation/saliva, all characters adults

You’ve been in love with Oikawa Tōru since you were 14 years old.

Well, love is a strong word—maybe admiration is a better description of the way you feel about him? Or maybe not. Is admiration enough of a reason to attend every game that he’s played for the past 4 years, ignoring the hours of travel and dozens of unexcused school absences? Would admiration explain downloading and rewatching every play and amassing a collection of all his press mentions and magazine articles, to the point where there’s a table in your bedroom devoted to him that your friends have jokingly dubbed the “Oikawa shrine”? Was it admiration that made you transfer high schools in the middle of your third year just so you could join the Aobajohsai cheering squad?

No, the word you’re looking for isn’t admiration. It’s fanaticism. Look, you’re not proud to be such a die-hard, but you can’t help it. It’s not even romantic for you. You’ve never wanted to be his girlfriend. The look of joy on his face when he scores is all the reciprocation you need for your feelings.

You’re not an admirer, you’re a fan. You could watch Oikawa score points until the end of time—which is why your heart breaks a little bit every time he loses.

Really, you just want to cheer him up. Is that so wrong?

“Do I know you?” Oikawa’s head is cocked to the side, but he couldn’t look less interested. You fidget under his stare—he’s even taller in person than he looks on the court—and wonder if maybe it was a bad idea to wait in the hallway for him like this. It’s not like you were trying to corner him or anything, you just wanted a chance to tell him not to worry about losing the match.

When you can’t find the voice to answer, Oikawa’s eyes narrow and he leans in toward you a fraction. “Oh…wait. I’ve seen you before. You’re on the cheering squad, aren’t you? That third-year transfer? You’re in Makki’s class.”

You nod rapidly. Who knew it would be so hard to talk to him in person? You really should have rehearsed what you were going to say.

“So…” he prompts.

“Um, I—“ Why is your mouth so dry? “—I just, I wanted to say, I mean I know you lost but, well—“

“Spit it out.” He’s not smiling. In fact, he looks annoyed. You’ve pretty much only ever seen him beaming out of your TV screen or concentrating during a game, so this is new.

And how can you blame him? Aobajohsai just lost brutally on a block from his serve, and now he has to deal with this random fangirl who can’t untangle her tongue long enough to eke out a full sentence. You’re an idiot. “I—sorry, I just wanted to say as a fan that you looked really cool out there! So don’t—don’t worry about…you know. Um, losing.”

He looks at you a second too long, and inside you’re kicking yourself. Just your luck that the first time you meet your idol in person, you’re incapable of talking to him like a human being. But after a long moment passes, he rocks back on his heels and smiles, his face so neutral and handsome that it’s hard to even remember he was almost glaring at you a moment ago. “What’s your name?”

“Um, it’s (Y/N)…”

“(Y/N)? Ah, okay. Thank you.” Oikawa tilts his head back and runs his fingers through his bangs, and your eyes trace the motion unwillingly. His hair is damp from his post-game shower, dripping cold water onto the towel draped over his shoulders. “To be honest, I’m in a bad mood right now.”

“Oh, well—of course! I mean, no one would expect you to be happy, not after you just lost.” Stop rambling. “And, you know, you should take time to think but if there’s something—anything I can do to help—“

His eyes glint and he takes a step toward you, close enough that you have to tip your head back to meet his gaze. “Anything? You’ll do anything?”

There’s something about the way he says anything that makes you want to take it back. But how could you? You’re his #1 fan. You’d do his laundry for a month if he told you it would make him feel better. Your chin bobs up and down in agreement.

“Really? Thanks, (Y/N)! I think there’s something you can do to help me out.” Your cheeks flush pink at his praise, and you’re so thrilled that you barely even notice him grabbing your upper arm with a grip so tight it hurts. You do, however, notice when he starts steering you down the hallway into into the men’s bathroom.

“Um…I think this is the men’s room,” you tell him nervously as he folds the two of you into a single stall.

“Don’t worry, there’s no one in here.” Oikawa backs you into the stall before turning and sliding the lock shut with a click.

“But why are we—ah?” Your statement is cut off abruptly as Oikawa reaches toward you, immobilizing your jaw so he can forcefully shove two fingers into your mouth. You don’t want to hurt him, so you stop yourself from indulging your immediate impulse and biting down. What are you doing? you try to ask, but with Oikawa holding your mouth open the question comes out as a series of unintelligible gurgles.

When your frantic gaze meets his, he looks…different. He’s smiling, but it’s not the innocent grin he shows to the press or his teammates or his fans. There’s something wrong with his eyes.

It takes you a second to place the emotion, but when you do a chill passes through you. Oikawa looks angry.

Your arms twitch at your side—should you try to pry his hand out of your mouth?—but before you can make a move his other hand pushes your shoulder into the door of the bathroom stall. You can’t move. You can’t break his grip. He’s so much stronger than you.

What is happening?

“Hey, want to know something?” As he speaks, his fingers swirl around your mouth invasively. “When I saw you in the hall, you looked really…pathetic.”

Pathetic? It’s nothing you haven’t said to yourself, but hearing it from the man you’ve idolized since you were in middle school is agonizing. You try to swallow down your unhappiness, but you can’t—not while Oikawa is still forcing your jaw open.

“Yeah…” he says, an air of dark amusement coming over him. “Waiting for me and begging for my attention like a little puppy dog. Thinking you’re going to make me feel better. What did you say you’d do for me?”

You said you’d do anything. How were you supposed to know he’d meant…whatever this is?

“Anything, right? You said you’d do anything for me?” His fingers probe deeper into your mouth. “Can you try to say it?”

“Eh— An— hin—“ you choke out, well aware that you’re not making sense. Your eyes squeeze shut so you can concentrate on not gagging.

“Mm-mm, not quite. You’re not trying hard enough.”

You try again, but you can’t make your mouth form the right syllables. Why is he asking you to do this? Why are you letting him?

And why is his knee nudging your legs apart?

The effort of trying to speak with your mouth held open is making your jaw ache, and you can’t stop your saliva from spilling over your lip and onto your chin. Oikawa’s thumb leaves your mouth to wipe the drool off your face. “That’s kind of disgusting. Can’t speak in full sentences, can’t control yourself…what exactly are you good for?”

Your cheeks burn and you almost want to cry. It’s not your fault you can’t swallow properly. You shouldn’t be tolerating this, you should just bite down and make him deal with the consequences…but you know you won’t.

“Say ahh,” Oikawa tells you, tipping your head back to face his. He’s leaning in—wait, is he going to kiss you? No way, that’s impossible. Why would he be so mean to you and then turn around and treat you nicely? Still, you can’t keep your stupid heart rate from speeding up as he gets closer and closer, his eyes never leaving yours—

Until he spits. Directly into your open mouth.

His saliva feels disgusting—warm and sticky and foreign as it sits on your tongue. Oikawa releases his hold on your jaw but you don’t move, instead just standing there with your back to the stall door, staring at him in shock. Your mouth hangs open like you’re…showing it to him or something. What are you supposed to do? Spit it back out? Or—

“Swallow.”

You shake your head. You don’t want to swallow. You don’t want to have his spit in your mouth at all. If you think of it as if the two of you had kissed, it’s not even that bad, but you didn’t kiss. He did this to you to make you feel filthy, and it’s working. There are tears springing up in your eyes, and you’re certain it wouldn’t take much for them to fall.

But he’s not moving, he’s not letting you past him, and you can’t keep your mouth open forever. Maybe if you do this you can apologize for…whatever you did that made him so angry, and he’ll let you leave. Logically, you know that swallowing his spit shouldn’t feel any different from your own, but it does.

Oikawa watches the movement of your mouth and throat carefully as you give up and swallow. This is weird…the whole situation is strange. It’s not like him to do these things to a fan, but he’d been upset about the match and you just showed up and said all the wrong things so sincerely that he was caught off guard by how much he wanted to bully you. There’s something about the contrast between then and now—your shy, eager expression when you were rambling to him in the hallway versus you swallowing his spit looking like a kicked puppy—that he finds adorable.

Adorable? Yeah, adorable. Your pitiful face is so cute it’s making him hard.

Well, what do you know. Looks like you’re going to help his bad mood after all.

“I guess that’s one thing your mouth is good for,” Oikawa says. Your eyes jerk up to meet his and then slide off to the side. You can’t even look at him. He’s grinning at you—laughing at you. He’s enjoying this.

“I don’t—“ You have to stop mid-sentence to swallow again, trying to pretend your mouth doesn’t feel repulsive inside. “I don’t understand? I just wanted to cheer you up…”

“Did you?” Oikawa steps back and tilts his head to the side again like he’s assessing you. “Let me guess. You’re trying to get fucked, aren’t you? Saw me on TV and thought this was your chance to try out the real thing in person? You’re not the first.”

“That’s not true!”

“Are you sure? You’re saying you never wanted me?”

You shake your head from side to side, but you can’t muster a verbal denial. Your intentions had been innocent when you approached him, but the truth is…you’ve thought about it. You’re not one of those fans who thinks they’re destined to fall in love with their idol, but it would be a lie to say you’ve never…fantasized, late at night when you’re by yourself, about him kissing you and touching you and treating you like a princess. And when the fantasies get a little more heated, you have a habit of letting your hands drift down between your legs…

In your imagination, Oikawa is kind. Gentle. He cares for you. It couldn’t be farther from the truth.

“I don’t believe you,” he says, and he reaches up under your skirt to rub roughly against your panties. “This pussy is begging to get filled up.”

“Wha— You’re wrong—“ Your hands are trembling when you grip Oikawa’s shoulders, intending to push him away from you, but then the fingers prodding at your panties find your clit through the fabric and it’s all you can do to stay standing up. “Haahh…wait…”

“Wow, you’re soaking through your panties. I spit in your mouth, and you’re getting off? What kind of dumb girl…”

“No I’m not!” But the truth is slicking onto Oikawa’s long fingers as he rubs the length of your slit. The friction of your damp panties between his index finger and your sweet spot is excruciating. Your toes curl inside your shoes, and you’re only half aware of the way your vice-like grip on Oikawa’s shirt is actually pulling him closer.

“Dumb…stupid little slut…trying to deny it but you want me to fuck you, don’t you? You wanna cum?” His breathing is getting heavier along with yours as his fingers swirl around your sweet spot. “Gonna cum for a man you barely know? Tell me you want it.”

“Ah—I—no, I—“ You bite your lip to keep yourself from moaning. Whether or not you can admit it, you’re not going to be able to stop yourself if he keeps touching you like this…

Except that he doesn’t. He pulls his hand out from under your skirt with you right on the edge, leaving you aching and tense and so frustrated that you want to hit him. “You-You’re stopping?”

“You don’t get to cum. You don’t deserve it.” He studies you for a minute—your flushed cheeks, rumpled clothing, and the unadulterated despair written across your face—and then places his hands on your shoulders and pushes you down. “Get on your knees.”

With him forcing you down, your knees buckle easily and smack against the bathroom floor, sending a spike of pain up through your legs. Your natural aversion to touching the floor of a men’s bathroom is overruled by the knowledge of what he’s asking (not that he’s asking) you to do to him, and you scramble backward until the back of your head raps against the side of the stall. The sharp impact stuns you for a second, and Oikawa wastes no time in twisting his fingers through your hair and dragging your face toward his crotch.

His dick is already out, stiff and throbbing red while he pushes your cheek into it. You try to recoil, but Oikawa isn’t letting you get away. “Open up, (Y/N). I’m going to put that mouth to good use for once.”

It’s hard to shake your head with Oikawa’s fingers in your hair, but you manage, at least enough that he understands your refusal. He clicks his tongue, the gesture almost playful. “You said you’d do anything to make me feel better. Was that a lie? You were fine with me fingering you—don’t tell me you’re going to back out now.”

That’s not fair. You don’t want to do this. He’s being so mean to you.

“Anything…” Oikawa says in sing song. The hand that was tugging your hair lets up a bit and he combs through it gently. It’s the first remotely kind thing he’s done to you.

You wish you had the guts to tell him to leave you alone. You wish you were confident enough that you wouldn’t take his insults to heart. But you’re spineless, and whatever courage you possessed before this has already been crushed. So you open your mouth.

Oikawa’s cock is…salty, already dripping with precum while he nudges it onto your tongue. He slowly leans his hips forward into you, pushing a little deeper into the irresistible warmth of your mouth. His hand, gently cradling the back of your head, doesn’t push you down, but it doesn’t let you pull back either.

Ah, this is wrong…it’s fucked up that he’s getting off on this. Regardless of what he said earlier, he’s well aware that he’s the deviant here. Your misery and shame really shouldn’t be a turn-on for him. But it had been such a bad loss, and he’d been in such a nasty mood, and the feeling of your tongue squirming against the head of his cock is really taking the stress right out of him.

Maybe he deserves this. You’re his new favorite method of stress relief.

“Mm…yeah…yeah, stay still like that and let me use you…that’s all you’re good for.” His voice gets progressively huskier as he fucks your mouth, his cock getting a bit deeper into your throat every time he tilts his hips into you. He’s so thick and heavy between your lips that even if your jaw wasn’t already sore from how he held it earlier, it’d still be aching now.

By the time his cock hits the back of your throat, you’re trying to push his thighs away from you. It’s useless, though—even with just a single hand in your hair, he has no trouble keeping you exactly where he wants you. His cock is just as big as the rest of him, and he’s almost triggering your gag reflex even with just half of it in your mouth.

Oikawa thrusts again and the head of his cock hits the back of your throat, making you seize up around him and earning a grunt from him. “Fuck…that felt good, do it again.” He holds you down and pushes himself deeper, forcing you to dry gag around the heavy mass filling up your throat.

The way you’re twitching against him must feel good—you can tell by his huffs of breath and the half-coherent backhanded compliments about how how were made to suck cock. His huge hand is rigid in your hair, fingernails scratching thoughtlessly into your scalp. “Yeah…taking me so deep, you really are a whore aren’t you? My personal cheerleader cocksleeve…gonna wait for me after every game and take my cock just like this? You know, maybe I’ll fuck you before I play…I think I’ll hit better if I know you’re in the stands cheering me on with my cum dripping out of your pussy…”

You want to be somewhere else, anywhere where you’re not forced to listen to him tell you how worthless you are while you hold back your gag reflex. Your jaw is cramping, and your pussy is still traitorously wet and unsatisfied. Is what he’s saying true? Are you really that useless? Why is it so wrong that you like—you liked him? Why are you being punished for being his fan?

Oikawa looks down when he feels your hands stop pushing at his thighs. Repressing a growl of annoyance, he pulls your head back off his dick so he can haul your body up and meet your eyes. God, you’re wrecked—hair mussed and tangled, spit dripping down your chin, eyes rimmed with red—and you’re crying. He feels a tug in his abdomen while you sniff and try to wipe your tears away. “You look ugly when you cry.”

The insult brings a fresh wave of tears to your eyes and you furiously rub at your eyes and nose, but you’re only smearing the tears around. She’s not really an ugly crier, Oikawa thinks looking at you. In fact, you look oddly appealing with your nose all red and teardrops hanging off your eyelashes.

“I-I w-wanna leave—I wanna stop,” you whimper out between sobs.

“Oh...oh, did I hurt your feelings?” Oikawa folds your limp body into his arms and you hate yourself for taking comfort in him and melting into his chest. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t cry.”

“I-I-I—“

“Shh, shh.” He rubs your back in slow circles, steadying your trembling form. “You can’t be so loud, someone will hear. And besides…I’m not done.”

What?

Before you can understand what he said, Oikawa pushes you back down and palms his still-hard weeping cock. “I was looking forward to cumming in your mouth, you know? Since you’re so good at swallowing. I was going to make you show it to me first. But now—I guess you can’t take that, huh? My personal cheerleader is a little too fragile today! That’s okay though, we can save it for next time.” His voice is excited and his eyes are wide with boyish exuberance while his hand pumps up and down the length of his cock.

He’s jacking off. On you.

You try to move out of the way, but once again he holds you in place. “Stop that, you don’t want to cause…a mess…ugh, fuck!”

It’s all you can do to close your eyes and screw up your face before the breath leaves him and he lurches forward. You feel it rather than see it, just like when he spat in your mouth—a hot sticky liquid, this time soaking onto your skin…through…your shirt.

You open your eyes and there it is, a smear of off-white liquid staining your plain green cheering T-shirt.

He came on your clothes. He came on your clothes. He came on your clothes.

“Oi, Oikawa!” There’s an audible bang as the door of the bathroom is slammed open and someone—no, two people—walk inside. A shiver passes through you and you chance a look up at Oikawa, whose gaze is trained on the closed stall door as he tucks his spent cock back into his pants.

“Oikawa?” another voice calls out. “You in here? The bus is waiting for you.”

“Yeah, I’m in here,” he says. You shoot a terrified glance at him, bidding him to keep quiet, but he just winks back at you. As if you’re sharing some fun secret and not hiding with tears in your eyes and semen spilling down your chest.

There are two sharp knocks on the stall door, and it’s all you can do to hold back your squeal of shock. “Hurry up and get out, dumbass. What the hell have you been doing this whole time? Everyone’s waiting for you.”

“Sorry, sorry—“ He pulls you up one more time, this time by the back of your collar like a kitten, and reaches for the door lock despite your best efforts to shake your head violently and telepathically communicate please please please don’t open it— “but I promise I had a good reason. See for yourself.”

You’re seriously considering kicking him in his bad knee and making a run for it, but as always his instincts outpace yours by miles. When the door swings open, Oikawa pushes you out in front of him and directly into the person standing in front of the stall. Who is it? Tall, tan, spiky dark hair—you’ve never spoken, but you know from your extensive practice observing the Aobajohsai volleyball team that it’s Iwaizumi Hajime, vice captain and Oikawa’s best friend. His arms move up to grab you by reflex, steadying you before you’re forced to crash into him.

“Wha—“ Iwaizumi looks just as startled as you feel. Behind him, Hanamaki—the third-year wing spiker who’s in the same class as you—is wearing a similar expression of surprise. For a moment, everything is perfectly still: Iwaizumi holding you by your upper arms, Oikawa grinning back at you from the stall, Hanamaki watching all three of you with an eyebrow raised—

And then, like a scene from a horror movie playing out in slow motion, two pairs of eyes move from your disheveled face down, inch by inch, until both Iwaizumi and Hanamaki are staring at the cum stain on your shirt.

They recognize what it is immediately. Hanamaki grimaces in disgust and Iwaizumi drops your arms like he’s been burned. “Ugh, that’s fucking nasty. You couldn’t wait til we got back to campus?”

“Nah, my little cheerleader was too impatient. I can’t say no to her.” Your gaze swings back to Oikawa in betrayal, but he looks as effortlessly flippant as ever, no evidence of the lie on his face. He steps out from the stall and wraps an arm around your waist, tugging you closer against your will.

The awkwardness in the air is so thick you can barely breathe, but you’re not the only one affected. Hanamaki is resolutely avoiding looking at either of you and Iwaizumi looks like he can’t decide whether to be angry or disgusted. “I mean…still…you shouldn’t be causing trouble for the rest of the team.”

“Hear that, (Y/N)?” Oikawa pats your waist without releasing his grip. “Say sorry to Iwa and Makki.”

You want to escape. You want to run. You want to faint, even, because at least if you fainted you wouldn’t have to experience this humiliation.

“S-Sorry. I’m sorry for c-causing trouble.” The apology comes out hoarse from your raw throat, as if it wasn’t obvious enough that you’d had a cock stuffed down it just a few minutes ago. You duck down into a bow, hating Oikawa almost as much as you hate yourself.

Aaaand, you’re crying again. As soon as you feel the tear trickle down your cheek you swipe at it furiously, but with all attention in the room trained on you it’s impossible that they didn’t see it.

“Look, Iwa, you made her cry!” Oikawa easily pushes your hand down and his takes its place, dabbing at the tears spilling down your cheeks.

To Iwaizumi’s credit, he looks even more horrified at the fact that you’re crying than he did at the cum stain. He steps toward you a bit and then thinks better of it and moves back again, hands gesturing aimlessly in the air. “Whoa! Hey, it’s fine! It’s fine, okay? It was probably this loser’s fault more than yours anyway, I know what a dog he is.”

You have no idea. You gulp and try to stifle your tears. Oikawa’s constant contact (his thumb stroking your face, the arm pulling insistently at your waist—something about it is almost possessive) isn’t helping your anxiety.

“Can we get going?” Hanamaki says after a long moment. “They’re waiting for us.”

Iwaizumi scratches his head and looks at you. “Ah…sorry (Y/N), but I think the cheer squad bus already left.”

“She can ride with us, can’t she?” Oikawa says.

You don’t want to ride with them, but what’s your other option? Take the train for hours with a cum stain right in the middle of your shirt? On the other hand, that might be better than spending another second in Oikawa’s presence. “I...I can take the train…”

Then again, you don’t know why you’re bothering to have this internal debate at all. It’s not like he’s going to give you a choice.

“Don’t be stupid. You’re coming with me.” You flinch at the insult and then regret it, hoping the others didn’t notice.

“Ah, I guess that’s fine,” Iwaizumi says. “By the way, do you…want a clean shirt? I have an extra in my bag…”

He doesn’t meet your eyes as he says it, which is fine because you’re pretty sure you’re incapable of doing so either. Still, you open your mouth to say yes, awkwardness be damned. You’d do anything to get out of this filthy shirt—

“She’s fine,” Oikawa interrupts.

Iwaizumi frowns and looks to you for confirmation, but you can feel Oikawa’s oppressive stare pinning you in place and preventing you from disagreeing. You’re so weak. Pathetic. Just like he said.

You nod shakily to Iwaizumi and he sighs. “Whatever. Let’s just go.”

The three of them file out of the bathroom and for one hopeful moment you think they’re going to leave you there and you’ll never have to see Oikawa again.

But since when do you have that kind of luck?

“(Y/N)? Come.”

It probably sounds like a request to Hanamaki and Iwaizumi, but you know it’s not. It’s an order.

And you follow.

➠ [Part 2]

3K notes · View notes

cassyapper · 3 years ago

Text

bless you @bisexyofficial

i’ll put a cut so ppl who dont wanna see it dont have to wade through my ramblings but

jonathan joestar’s whole life was a tragedy nd im tired of pretending it’s not

tw suicide btw

i have been thinking abt this for so long and i only recently figured out how to word it so let’s go

first things first;;; he’s in a carriage accident as a child, in which his mother dies while protecting him from the brunt of impact. i have no doubt in my MIND george kinda blames jonathan for his wife’s death because of this (ill get back to why i think so in a minute). but even if george didn’t, it seems like it’s in jonathan’s nature to blame himself as well

i think that’s why he tries so hard to be the hero (for example, when he steps in to help erina even though he was no match at all for the bullies). he wants to pay it forward if you will; he thinks he’s living on borrowed time, and he doesn’t want to carry that debt longer than he must, which in this case would mean...dying for the good of someone else asap. not good!

so frankly already i think he was never in the best place mentally but he was like okay relative to how bad it would get.

but then dio ~the invader~

dio comes in with the life mission of making jonathan so miserable he kills himself so that he can have all the joestar inheritance. jonathan no doubt picked up on this, considering dio was never subtle about it lol

i think the only reason he didnt go along with it is because, especially in western christain culture at the time, suicide was seen as the easy way out/a sin/something selfish, which wasnt how jonathan wanted to go. he wanted to kill himself sure but he wanted the benefit of the doubt regarding it and he wanted it to be because he was saving someone else

my proof of this line of thinking is all very subtle but it is there and it’s all in the fact that jonathan does nothing to stop dio from tormenting HIM. when he lashes out a dio, it’s only when dio drags others into their feud, like erina and danny and later george and eventually windknights lot. but when it was just him? jonathan took it and swallowed it and did nothing in retaliation. because he though he deserved it

this lack of action is echoed in how he just takes his father’s abuse as well; george jumped on the opportunity to belittle jonathan (such as the dinner table manners bs/otherwise always comparing jonathan to dio in a way “why cant you be more like him” way) and always believed dio over jonathan when they squabbled bc, as mentioned earlier, he blames jonathan for his wife’s death and he loves having some reason to be mad at jonathan. jonathan just takes it and accepts the unfair punishments (such as when george literally STARVED HIM, A GROWING PRETEEN BOY) because again, he believes he deserves it. he believes he is inherently bad

this line of thinking would also explain why he never tries to reconnect with erina until theyre adults and erina initiates it; he doesnt want her to be targeted because of HIM again. he wont drag her back into his messes for the selfish reason of him wanting her company

so. jonathan doesnt like himself. he is perfectly fine with others using him as their emotional/physical punching bag but he will get upset if others get involved

jonathan is selfless to a fault and it really really hurts, u guys. it’s born out of love for others but also a disdain for himself and that hurts

but anyway

then george dies when jonathan is only 19 and even though george was abusive to jonathan, jonathan still mourns him because he felt like he deserved that abuse. and to add salt to the wound, george dies in jonathan’s place iirc so jonathan just feels. awful. fuck god fuck. especially bc he died cause dio got obsessed with a mask JONATHAN left where he could find. obviously it’s not jonathan’s fault for real but this man will perform mental gymnastics to make himself out to be the one to blame because it’s how he’s lived his whole life and it’s how he stomached pain his whole life. it’s easier to take things if u think u deserve them

anyway anyway then part 1 main events. zeppeli, the only real father figure in jonathan’s life, dies, also in place of jonathan. i have no doubt in my mind jonathan feels like he’s a curse onto his loved ones at this point, if he hadn’t thought so earlier; a bad luck charm. after all, the later generations of joestar gotta get it from somewhere-

anyway this death does fuel jonathan enough to kill dio rather than any notions he mightve had of just dying heroically in the fight. esp because dio was gonna continue hurting people if he wasn’t stopped. so jonathan kills him rather than falling into a self-destructive fate

we see, when jonathan weeps over dio’s “death”, that he is sad over this death. most of this is bc dio was a brother in some measure to him since dio changed tactics of how he’d swipe the joestar fortune and became a little more amicable toward jonathan for a handful of years, as well as the fact that he now had time to properly mourn zeppeli/his father now. but i feel like another death he was mourning in this instance was less dio/his father/zeppeli, and more the death of his self-blame line of thought

killing dio, a man who had become a symbol for jonathan’s self-blame and self-disdain, was a big stepping stone in jonathan’s healing i feel like. he’s gotta work on it obviously but i think at this point, when he had the guts to kill dio while also being self-preservative, he was ready to start trying to live for himself in addition to his loved ones. he was ready to unshoulder the guilt he had felt his whole life. he was ready to heal, because erina, speedwagon, and zeppeli showed him he had something inside him that was worth loving. and he might not have gotten it then but with time...maybe he would

he finally starts piecing a life together, a real life. he marries erina, he’s besties with speedwagon, he gets a new home, it’s good, it’s good, he is starting to become happy in life and happy he’s alive for the first time since he can remember

but then it turns out dio is not actually dead and he infiltrated jonathan’s honeymoon ship specifically because it was jonathan’s and he kills almost everyone on board while he’s there. erina is in danger again. a child is in danger. and much like dio was never actually dead, neither was his tendency to shoulder blame and self-disdain

basically, as a result of this jarring situation on a day that was supposed to be one of the happiest of his life, jonathan is thrown back to his 12 year old mindset; it was fine if it was just him. he can die heroically via fighting someone as vile as dio (which in my opinion is why dio even got the jump on him via the laser eyes in the first place; jonathan shouldve been able to dodge that........but w/e). but he can’t let this happen to the world. he can’t let this happen to erina. he needs her to get away from him and thus, the danger

and well, we know how part one ends. jonathan gets his wish. he dies alone with the person he hates most, having relapsed all the healing he had done. he dies a heroic death rather than a “shameful” one of suicide. he dies blaming himself for this mess, just how he had lived most of his life

jonathan is a tragedy. he is shouldered blame unfairly given to him from his father, dio, and he himself his whole fucking life. when he finally, finally has the chance to start healing and making peace with himself, dio kills him, and in addition to that, jonathan’s last acts are the results of a mental rebound from a healthier mindset to a unhealthy one, that culminates in his death. he is alone with the person who is representative of all that made his life shit when he dies

and dawg...it hurts so bad. fucking jonathan joestar

anyway this is why comments abt how nice he is make me so sad sumtimes, especially when it’s re how forgiving/”gentlemanly” he is. it’s bc he felt he deserved that hurt in the first place so of course he wouldn’t hold it against them. he’s kinda shocked someone would feel guilty over it in the first place, but he’s happy to forgive because he doesnt think a slight occured because he thinks he deserved it, which we can see in speedwagon’s introduction

anyway jonathan is as much of a tragedy as the rest of the joestars i need people to acknowledge this. im in tears

#cass cries #jjba #jonathan joestar

63 notes · View notes

mdverse · 3 years ago

Note

hey lovely !!!

was abt to type this ask but HOLD ON promiscuous just came on my shuffle of all my music as i’m typing this…….. the stars are aligning just for you <3

ok question for you!! do furtana play any imessage/gamepigeon games together?? i feel like they get rly competitive w them n i wouldn’t wanna be in the room when one of them loses at 8ball 💔 what are their favorites n who usually wins!!

while on the topic of mario kartie also feel free to extend this to any other games they play like mario kart !!

this is also an invitation to ramble abt any aspect of furtana or vb au :-) i am here n ready to sip on my loving vb au juice!!! 💗

hi angel!!

omg promiscuous,,, some icon shit right there i can't believe ur music did that for me <3

aksdlhfl anyway on to ur question!! had to look up what games are available on imessage/gamepigeon lmao but yea they do for sure! not all the time but it happens in bursts, especially when they're far away from e/o (sure lima and ny aren't that far apart but like u get my point aksdhf). like finn will be bored n missing kurtana so he starts a game with each of them and they play obsessively for a few days and then nothing happens for a while,, then santana travels for a vb tournament and starts up some games during her bus/plane ride and they all play obsessively again for like a week,,, and the cycle continues.. they all agreed that playing all together in the same building was Dangerous bc of how competitive they get so it only really happens when they santana can't get physical when they santana lose (or are poor winners santana),, or if there are other people who can interfere if necessary kdfhgsl

ill put the specific games i can think of under the break adhfkajd i got carried away rambling again,,, speaking of which, i think we should also play imessage games together <333

kurt is def into word games! i think he and finn would enjoy games like words with friends or hangman together bc they both gotta keep those brain cells working and finn takes great pleasure in trying to include the dumbest words he can think of,,, he doesn't really care if he wins or loses against kurt (though he gets really proud when he wins and brags to santana) bc furt are like,, relatively cool-headed when it comes to word games so they can actually play together in the same room without breaking anything,,,, and finn does his best to make Kurt laugh with his word choices bc watching kurt go from his serious lil thinking pout to a lil giggle (or better yet, a proper burst of laughter) is delightful

i think kurt would also be down to play chess with santana (im assuming there is some form of a chess thing on imessage? i found one called chess42 so im rolling with that) bc its the kind of game where she's too focused on strategy to really get aggressively competitive. like she spends so time working on vb plays that kurt goes "u need a break pls just play a game with me" and then sighs when she chooses chess and pores over every single move she makes bc it defeats the purpose of making her take a break. also she tends to win. like a lot. he knows damn well that she played chess online a lot growing up n during classes and has slowly but surely honed her skills. and then when they finish a game santana immediately texts him and is like "its ur turn to start a new one" and bugs him until he does,,,, he is so done w her but he does it anyway <3

as for finntana,, them + 8 ball or cup pong,,, chaotic finntana live in my head rent free i will never stop rambling about them being dumb bitches together,,, pls i am picturing finn sticking his tongue out slightly in concentration as he tries to align his shot properly but then his finger slips at the last second and he misses the ball he was aiming for and anyone in the vicinity hears a very loud pained groan,,, santana travelling w her team and making her entire squad shut up partway through a conversation (repeatedly) so she can focus on 8 ball with the sole purpose of destroying finn,,, also imagine them playng it while drunk,,, squinting at their screens like idiots n everything

also? trivia crack? i know i had a phase where my friend group and i would play constantly and i think that's the main game where they are tempting fate if they play in the same room,,, they all have their niche areas of random knowledge so they are heavily reliant on getting questions that are easy for them in order to win and when their luck turns against them they are all ready to throw hands,,, blaine once suggested it when he visited kurt's family for thanksgiving and regretted it bc there was so much yelling,, an endless chorus of "fuck u" "yeah well fuck u too" while their parents vacated the room,,, finn's dogs getting overly excited so there's barking in addition to the yelling,,,, it only ends when santana and finn start throwing cushions at e/o and a lamp ends up broken,,, they both blame kurt when carole asks about it,,,

#kdshl brain is too fried to think past imessage games for now #but if u remind me tmo or over the weekend i will gladly talk more about them!!!#they >>>>>>>#ask md #thank u for giving me the opportunity to gush about them literally whenever ksdhkfsdgh ily <3 #i think this is a good way for me to end my day #very needed positive vibes u have no idea #mist <3 #vb au asks #vb au thoughts #furtana

7 notes · View notes

wokestraightpuffy · 4 years ago

Note

Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER? the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever.

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO)

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

* she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot.

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj

#captain puffy #tea speaks #god this is so long the brainrot is concerning ANYWAY #clownon

42 notes · View notes

swimfuel · 3 years ago

Text

okay humanstuck thoughts under the cut

i owe a lot of this to @/rhythmic-idealist's kankri/vantasposting bc holy shit theyve got such a big brain (ill link to their individual posts when im on desktop since im using this to keep all my thoughts straight and i agree with most of what they say wholeheartedly)

general status quo stuff:

signless works in an extremely demanding career involving helping others (i'm leaning towards an attorney who works with organizations and does pro bono work), and is also extensively involved in social justice work outside of his job... he is very rarely home

he loves and cares for his children deeply and tries to express it whenever they're face to face, but the couch in his cramped and messy office has seen far too much use over the years for him to have been able to say it enough

his habits of working himself to the point of exhaustion are handily passed down to his kids btw

the kids had to grow up quickly because signless was out of the house so often and so consistently—kankri, who was already pretty high-strung, has to learn to take care of himself and karkat

they grow up near ms firuzeh maryam, who's their pseudoaunt/grandma (she took in a nine year old kavana vantas when she was about twenty), but they just call her ms rosa

they spent a lot of time in the maryam house growing up, with miss rosa's two nieces. porrim is a year older than kankri, while kanaya and karkat are the same age

kankri grows kinda sensitive to people trying to mother him since it rubs against the notion that he's the "adult of the house" and that he can take care of himself and karkat just fine

(and it also kinda underlines the fact that kankri has no idea what he's doing at the best of times)

and ironically enough, kankri becomes overbearing and naggy towards karkat in his own right, which forestalls them becoming close in any brotherly sort of way

they grow up really just... unable to communicate with one another clearly

karkat develops his ornery exterior in response to kankri's constant stream of opinions and frantic attempts at making up for the presence of a guardian in the house

i think there would actually be some really interesting parallels with rose in this au.. maybe i'm drawing from my own experiences as well but i think he'd begin to assume that every time his brother opens his mouth, he's going to criticize karkat

but instead of reacting like rose with the "making yourself more of a puzzle"/passive aggressive stuff, he gets a more defensive/hackles raised/"argue with you before you can argue with me" approach

and the thing is that they do love each other and would take a bullet for the other etc etc etc.. but they don't know how to express it because they've fallen into these shitty patterns

and it really doesn't help that kankri has grown somewhat resentful of signless over the years... that mix of resentment and fear and love gets more extreme and more polar every time signless gets injured during a political demonstration

i think kankri and signless would also be slightly closer than karkat and signless, as signless' job really only started to ramp up when karkat was less than years old and kankri was in his early double digits

kankri autistic btw its word of god (i am god)

karkat has a pet crab. its name is also karkat. he vents his frustrations to it.

i feel like the vantases exemplify both the best and worst parts of their aspects with one another as well... the strength of their bonds keeps them together and grounded, but TOO grounded. [insert Blood rant here]

the Blood rant:

i define Blood as bonds, responsibility, and the "core". if Life is the fertile soil and everything living on a planet's surface, then Blood is the gravitational core of the planet keeping everything together

i also think Blood, Heart, & Mind work in tandem to define a person just as blood serves to connect the pieces of the human body... Heart is the soul and the self, Mind is the application of one's self through active choices (agency), while Blood defines both the self and the choices one makes in greater detail [and, as an aside, Life provides the physical spark of life needed to keep the heart pumping blood]

OKAY wow that got tangential anyways

SO BASICALLY! too much Blood makes you stagnate, so for example:

kankri is split between staying home with karkat or going to college across the country and being truly unbound for the first time in years

another crisis of Blood: signless is caught between his empathy and responsibility to the whole world and his responsibility to his own children

okay so here's more status quo stuff:

the maryam and vantas kids grow up together and its hilarious because you'll see them all together and its just like (girlboss) (girlboss) (physical manlet) (emotional manlet)

the maryam girls are actually miss rosa's nieces but she took them in when they were both pretty young

the pyropes know the vantases well enough considering pyrope senior and sign have known one another from their respective legal practices for years, but they live on the other side of town

the leijons lived in town when kankri and meulin were very young, but they moved and travelled for a long time before coming back and reestablishing their roots

the captors (psii being one of sign's oldest and closest friends) move into town with the peixes family pretty early on though

the condesce is.. a horrible spouse and guardian, to put it plainly. she's very emotionally manipulative and isn't averse to smacking people around, including her own family. she moves herself and her perfect little family into town so she can properly oversee a new business venture close by

feferi is one of the best young swimmers in the country and has a pretty good shot of getting onto the olympic team.. a lot of this drive to be perfect and to be better results from the condesce's unrelenting pressure and thinly veiled resentment throughout her whole life

so yeah psii, )(ic, feferi, and sollux all live together and it's really not great for anyone involved. (meenah ran away years ago, and crashed on aranea's couch for a pretty long while—mituna moved out with latula for college before psii and the condesce got married)

it gets bad to the point of sollux staying with the maryams for two months while the adults try to sort out that absolute clusterfuck and get the divorce proceedings going (meenah finally convinces feferi to get out and come stay with her and aranea for the duration as well)

in terms of relationships i think latula and porrim were really really close in high school, and probably had some kind of unacknowledged thing going on for a while that never actually turned into anything because latula and mituna were going steady

kankri has had a crush on latula for years but never acted on it for similar reasons

meenah still carries a lot of that give no fucks attitude (it's developed moreso as a defense mechanism here) and can't understand why feferi refuses to leave the condesce with her

okay back to VANTAS MANPAIN i also think that karkat feels the weight of a lot of expectations on his shoulders as well

he feels responsible to live up to the example his dad and his brother set, even if it's to his own detriment—and kankri's oblivious rambling about his grades and his teachers and all his clubs certainly aren't helping the matter

kankri is one of those overinvolved kids taking a million AP's while simultaneously shitting on the collegeboard at every single step

hes this super overachiever anal retentive perfectionist type dude and (just as karkat preemptively criticizes others to forestall their criticisms of him only to harshly criticize himself) kankri subconsciously holds the people around him to the same expectations he holds for himself

so karkat also develops this sense of lacking which, in combination with everything else, culminates in self loathing and thinking he has to solve everyone else's problems and getting horribly mad at himself for every little mistake

GOD i have a lot more but lemme post this before i accidentally close out of the app and lose it all

more little details:

vriska's mom and terezi's mom HATE each other like HATE HATE HATE one another it's so bad

karkat wrote a ten page review of my immortal in middle school

jade is one of nepeta's best online friends

sollux can't raise one eyebrow at a time.. karkat gives him so much grief about it

the vantases eat a lot of shitty renditions of persian dishes until karkat learns to cook because literally the only person in the world with a CHANCE of getting KANKRI VANTAS to make an EDIBLE DISH is miss rosa

kanaya is really good at persian dance too but is VERY VERY embarassed to perform in front of people.. however porrim definitely is not

karkat has insomnia while kankri just stays up stupidly late for assignments that really shouldnt be taken that seriously.. but they both have the same rumination/sleep anxiety thing where your brain goes insane with horrible and depressing scenarios as you try to sleep

and more ideas that i thought were interesting but idk how to fit in the context of this au:

signless and disciple getting married pretty late in life after having been in love for years, the vantases move in with the leijons and karkat suddenly has two sisters

nepeta and karkat are both juniors at this point, meulin is probably in her third year at a local college nearby while kankri is about to start his second year at a university pretty far away

the kids in general honestly but ill figure it out

more random hcs this time with kids:

kanaya and rose get into a flame war online that gradually settles into elaborate courtship rituals

also nepeta + jade online besties

also bec can inexplicably still teleport

the first sbahj movie comes out and the next six months of dave strider junior's high school career are absolute hell

actually hc that dave senior goes by d strider professionally. the d stands for a lot of things

aradia and dave frequent a lot of the same forums but never end up really interacting

meanwhile karkat and john frequent a lot of the same forums and DEFINITELY end up interacting. this turns into grudging (at least on karkat's part) friendship after they find themselves fighting for their lives defending an objectively shitty movie together on the same thread

#humanstuck #vantas family #.

48 notes · View notes

belovedbangtan · 4 years ago

Text

Dive| Part 9| jjk

Pairings: Jungkook x y/n, Yoongi x oc

Word Count: 4.5k

Series Description: Camping with your ex, sounds horrible right? The camping trip was planned and payed for long before y/n’s shitty boyfriend broke up with her. Her best friend Abby, Yoongi, Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook are there to make sure she has an amazing time. However, sharing a tent with a smoke show like Jungkook is bound to lead to some complications.

Warnings: language, drinking, mentions of sex, hardcore flirting, maybe Jungkook didnt change afterall?,

✨✨⭐️✨✨⭐️✨✨⭐️✨✨⭐️✨✨⭐️

You wake up on Saturday morning, in potentially the best mood you’ve ever been in. A ‘good morning beautiful’ text from Jungkook definitely helped set things off on the right foot. You reply back when he instantly asks if he can Face Time, so you get up and get dressed.

When the calls connect, your breathe hitches; fuck he was so attractive. You lean in giving him a cheesy smile, scrunching your nose and telling him good morning properly. Pretending not to be phased when he rolls onto his back keeping the phone above him. You totally weren’t thinking about riding him this early, nope.

“You look pretty,” He says with a playful smile. You pause coming back over to the camera, resting your forearms on the counter.

“You’re one to talk, do you just wake up looking like that?” You tease, giggling when he tries to contain his blush. Pushing his long, tattooed fingers through his recently washed hair.

“So… where do you want to get dinner tomorrow?” He changes the subject.

“Mmm I don’t care, you can pick.” You reach into your fridge pulling fruits out so you can make a smoothie.

“Well, what’s your favorite food?”

You grin at him, you were in a teasing mood, “I told you… remember?” your face drops a little.

He instantly sits up in the bed, his brows knitting together, “You did?” he asks quietly, “Uhm, let me think.” He pulls his thumb up to his mouth and he starts to nibble at his fingernail.

“You don’t remember Kookie?” You tease again, this time pouting a bit to really sell it.

“No… I-I I remember, it’s uhm Pizza? Or Pasta?” he pulls his lip in looking at you, clearly still trying to scan his brain for a memory that you knew didn’t exist. Pausing, you come close to the camera smiling wide.

“You know, I’m actually pretty impressed. I was fucking with you. I’ve never told you my favorite food, but you guessed right somehow,” You squint, giggling when he throws his head back onto his pillow at your confession.

“You’re so mean! I really felt like an asshole! All I could remember was on the float trip, you were so drunk and you wouldn’t stop talking about Pizza,” You both start laughing at the faint memory that seemed like it was so long ago.

“Ahh so drunk me told you, that bitch,” You shake your head earning a laugh from him.

“Yeah well drunk me likes to tell secrets too, so it’s all good,” You nod your head thinking of his own drunken confession and how thankful you were for it.

“What other secrets did drunk me tell you?” you ask throwing all of your ingredients into the blender.

He looks up thinking about his answer when a smug smile starts to pull at his lips, “I mean besides when you told me that I was the sexiest person you had ever laid your eyes on and you wanted to try every sex position known to existance with me?”

You choke on air, eyes wide as you turn to look at him through the phone screen, “I said what now?”

“That I was the sexi-“He starts to repeat himself, but you don’t need to hear it again.

“Yeah, no I got it. Uhm, when did I… when did I say that?” you stutter, trying to seem nonchalant. It definitely sounds like something you would think, but why the fuck would you say that… to him! You hold your finger up, telling him to pause. Turning the blender on he watches you patiently for about a minute. You’re eyes nervously flicking to his, hoping to recall at least a piece of this memory. Once you’re done, you pour your smoothie into a cup. You take a sip as you walk over to the phone, leaning down to hear him.

“You don’t remember? Come on babe, not even a little bit?” He cocks his head, his sinister grin making you think that maybe it wasn’t so farfetched.

“No, I kind of remember… we’re we in the tent?” you lie, you had no idea. Maybe if he thought you remembered a little bit; he might ease up. Was it better if you were completely black out and didn’t remember, or you were only a little drunk and the memory is fuzzy? Either way, your cheeks were burning red.

“Nope, not in the tent,” He giggles readjusting the phone and you see his toned chest for just a split second. Again… maybe drunk you was onto something.

You tilt your head, closing your eyes tight trying to remember any moment where you would have been bold enough to say such a thing. Suddenly his laughing brings you from your thoughts, “What’s so funny?”

“Well, I was lying but is that something you feel like you would say, y/n?” His head tilts and you realize he just pulled a you on you. “Because, I have a Karma Sutra book and we can do a few pages a day… it might take some time but i-“ He rambles on sarcastically.

“You are such an ass,” You bury your face in your hands. How didn’t you catch on sooner? Probably because you had that thought but a more R rated version of it every time you made eye contact with the fucker. Of course, it was something you would say.

“So Pizza and Karma Sutra? Is that our date,” you quip raising your brows. His face hardens, his eyes locking on yours, you can tell he’s attempting to read you. Was this a part of the joke or were you serious?

“I’m joking,” You giggle, getting closer to the camera before whispering, “or am I?”

He tilts his head and runs his tongue along the inside of his bottom lip, “How’s your smoothie?” His voice is quiet. You smile, giggling a bit because he took the easy way out. You admired him for that. Obviously, you wanted to finally have sex with Jungkook. Clearly the sexual attraction was there. You gave him the perfect opportunity to talk about sex, and he deflected.

“It’s really yummy,” you smile sweetly, the both of you just enjoying each other, “Ill have to make one for you.”

He lets out a big sigh, and the smile that takes over his face reach up to his eyes, “Do you remember me telling you about how I wanted to uhm…” He rubs the back of his neck nervously, “just be home with you? Like do normal day to day things with you?”

You smile nodding your head softly, how could you forget.

“Well I meant it then, but… I really mean it now. I wish I was there to drink smoothies with you, and just talk about our day. Maybe lay on the couch and watch a movie with you, until we’re both starving.”

Your heart feels like it could beat out of your chest. You’d be lying if your head didn’t interfere a little, warning you of the last time he made you feel this way with these promises. You take a deep breath looking away from the screen.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” He says softly and you quickly shake your head. That last thing you wanted was for him to think that he should second guess telling you anything like that.

“No, I-uhm, I still feel the same way about that. I liked the idea then, and I like it now,” You tell him.

“Im glad,” he smiles again before clearing his throat, clearly letting the moment make him softer than he was used to being, “So you’ve got your work thing and I’ve got my family thing, then tomorrow we can get dinner and uhm… talk.” He mumbles and you nod your head, laughing to yourself at how flustered he seemed to be.

“Okay then I’ll text you, bye beautiful.”

“Bye Kookie.”

As your finger hits the red button, you wait for second to make sure he’s gone before collapsing onto your kitchen floor. Your stomach filled with an army of butterflies, and your chest thumping so hard you could feel it in your ears. You wished you could skip today and fast forward to tomorrow, eager to finally be able to call him yours.

✨✨⭐️✨✨⭐️✨✨⭐️✨✨⭐️✨✨⭐️

The day flew by and before you knew it you were in the Uber on your way to meet up with your co-workers. It was Johnny’s birthday, and he all but begged you to be there. You’d be a bold face liar if you said that the men you worked with weren’t attractive. All of them were breaking the scale of attractiveness. However, you never once thought about them in the way that Jungkook was worried about. To be completely honest, it was hard for you to think about anyone the way you thought about Jungkook. Even when you hated him, you still thought the world of him.

You thank your Uber Driver, flattening your peplum skirt down when you get out of the car. Texting Namjoon to announce you arrive. He meets you outside instantly enveloping you in a hug, taking your hand and leading you to the table where the rest of your co-workers are.

“y/n! I was wondering if you would make it!” Johnny yells, standing up to hug you. His tall frame hovering above yours.

You chuckle, “How could I miss it? You told me if I didn’t come you would stop getting my coffee every morning!” you quip, he shushes you by handing you one of the readily available shots on the table. Tequila. Wonderful.

After a few more shots of the harsh white liquid, you’re standing at a table with Namjoon. He’s checking his phone because he can’t seem to stop working. You pull out your phone, thumb hovering above his name and the cute monkey emoji that accompanied it. You decide to send him a simple, Hey you. He told you he had to do a favor for his Aunt. After your call in the morning you texted a bit and he told you to call him when you left the bar. It was only an hour in and you wanted to leave already. Scratch that, you wanted to talk to him already.

“You seem to be in a good mood,” Namjoon’s calm voice snaps you from your reverie.

Smiling down at the name on your screen, “I am actually,” you giggle because you were. You were so excited and happy for the next step in your life, “You know that guy I was talking to you about?”

Is brows raise and he lets out a huff, “You mean the only guy you talk about, Jungkook, right? Yes, y/n, we all know about Jungkook.” He giggles and you playfully smack his arm. Okay maybe you were talking about him a little too much.

“Yes him, well we’re going to dinner tomorrow and I think I’m ready to ask him out.” You bite your bottom lip hard, just thinking about it.

“I think that’s probably a good idea,” He laughs, bringing his beer to his lips.

“I think so too. I just wish all of the doubt was gone, ya know?” you take a drink from your drink, “Like, a tiny part of my brain just keeps reminding me of how much he hurt me.”

“But he explained all of that right?” Namjoon asks, you nod sucking your drink down anxiously, “Well I think that speaks volumes. If he meant it, and he actually feels sorry, AND he explained why he reacted that way… I’m pretty sure he cares about you as much as you care about him.”

You slowly drag your eyes to meet Namjoon’s, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. He widens his eyes as he cocks his head, as if to silently say, ‘I know, I’m a genius’. You couldn’t argue, because he was right. If Jungkook truly didn’t care about you or your feelings, he wouldn’t explained himself at all. You inhale deeply, looking at your phone for the umpteenth time. Maybe he was still busy with helping his aunt, you think.

Before you can start overthinking, a very intoxicated Johnny finds you and Namjoon. Three more tequila shots, and your head is spinning now. You’re drunk but at this point you can manage to get an Uber. You tell Namjoon you’re leaving, and you beg him not to tell Johnny. You watched how he guilt tripped another of your co-workers when she was attempting to leave early, and you don’t think you have it in you to tell him no. He seemed like beast on the outside, but he had those puppy dog eyes on lock down. Namjoon hugs you and tells you to let him know when you’ve gotten home safely.

After your Uber is confirmed you walk outside to the busy street to wait for it. The strip of bars was insanely crowded, so you sit along the window frame of the bar you had just left. Looking at your phone once again, it was almost 1 am. Your hazy thoughts wondered if he forgot about you. What would he still be doing for his aunt this late? You get a notification telling you that your uber was about to arrive, so you stand up and walk to the edge of the side walk. As you search for the white Chevy Cruze your gaze is pulled to the group of people piling out of the bar to your left.

You roll your eyes at how obnoxious they were. Loud and clearly piss drunk. Suddenly the crowd spreads apart, and what you see must be a mirage. Her dress was clinging to her body and she was clinging to him. Him. His arm was around her waist as he walks with her to a car. Her drunken form wobbling along the cobblestone. He laughed at something she said, and it made feel like you were dying inside. She says something in response, but he only seems to be concerned with getting her home. He slides in after her, and you watch his familiar tattoos disappear as the car door closes.

Your Uber honks obnoxiously, making you jump. Inhaling for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. You get into the Uber, and you almost want him to take you the hospital. That cant be right, you think to yourself over and over again. So many questions running through your mind and you can’t find an answer for any of them. All of your questions reminding you of the reason you stopped talking to him to begin with. Reminding you of the fact that you really didn’t know who he was. It felt like your chest was on fire, burning your lungs from the inside out. You don’t know when the tears started to fall, but now they weren’t stopping. You sit back and you think. Your brain and the 8 shots of tequila having very different opinions on how to handle this situation. Fuck it, you think to yourself, tequila wins this time.

“Excuse me sir,” You sniffle, attempting to mask the heartbreak, “Could I change my destination please?”

His eyes flick to your red, wet ones through the review mirror and he listens closely as you tell him the new address. Once he changes his route, you melt into your seat. Wishing it would swallow you whole so you wouldn’t have to deal with any of this. As fucked up as all of this was, and as much as you wanted to disappear; more than anything you wanted a fucking answer. Why would anyone toy with someone this much? It wasn’t a fucking game and he deserved to know that. The Uber slows to a stop and you thank him repeatedly, and he asks you again if you’re sure you were okay.

The Uber drives away, and you stop, staring up at the tall building. The last time you were here, Jungkook was the drunk one. His arm slung over your shoulder, much like the image that scorched itself into your brain of him and mystery girl. The tears are back, you decide that they have a mind of their own, because right now you can not be sad. Sure it feels like your heart was ripped out of your chest, but you can be broken later. Right now, you have to be the girl that stands up for herself, the girl that knows she doesn’t deserve to be treated like an old plaything that you love one day and throw out the next. You deserve better, and you hate yourself for giving into his deception.

It feels like a video game as you walk the familiar path. Your hand tingles when you picture his hand pulling you up the stairs. When you finally get to his door, you stand there for what seems like a decade. Your fingernails digging into your sweaty palms, trying to build an ounce of courage so you can knock. You start to over think it all, as you start to walk away you hear a high pitched giggle and then a very aggressive ‘shush’. Then before you can overthink it any more your knuckles are knocking aggressively.

The door opens quickly, “Im sorry! We will be quiet I prom-“ His eyes meet yours turning pale in an instant, “y/n, wh-what are you doing here.” His voice is shaky.

You bite your lip hard to keep from crying on the spot, without saying a word you push past him and into his apartment.

He closes the door and turns to see you running your finger along mystery girls’ purse and coat, His eyes widen when he realizes why you’re here.

“Baby, No! I swear that is not what it looks like! She is-“ He rushes to you taking your hands in his and you fling them away from you pushing him back.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You scream and his face drops, “I don’t care who she is! I don’t want to know anything! I really thought you cared about me Jungkook! I thought that you were different, even after all of those horrible things you said to Ben. I believed that. Turns out you were worse than him! At least Ben never fucking lied to me! He might have been a piece of shit but he didn’t lie to me! You don’t want to come home to me! You don’t want to be with me! This is all just some fucking game to you! Well guess what, I fucking quit. I don’t want to play anymore.” The tears on your face are constant now. Your knees tremble as you watch him reach out for you, pushing him away again.

“Kook,” a small voice yells out, “what is going on?” Mystery girl asks as she comes into view. She was probably waiting for him in his bed, your fist curls at the thought.

“Oh is this y/n?” She slurs, clearly still way too drunk, “Oh gosh she’s so pretty, why are you crying?” she tilts her head as he ushers her back to the hallway, whispering something to help her understand.

You exhale a shaky breath, why did she know your name? You swallow hard, wondering why something felt wrong. When he appears again, his face is hard.

“She’s my cousin…” He explains and suddenly the wind is knocked out of you.

“I should have told you what was going on but, I honestly didn’t know I would be doing all of this. It’s her birthday and she wanted to go out, so my aunt asked me if I would show her a few places. Her friends got way too fucked up, and she got way too fucked up. She started throwing up, so I brought her back here because I didn’t want to leave her like that…” He runs his hand through his hair stopping when he gets to his neck.

“I’m… I’m so sorry…” You blink at him, “I just saw you with her leaving the bar, and you weren’t responding to my text… and I don’t know..” you start to ramble, wishing that you could take it all back.

In one stride his hands find your waist, pulling you close to his chest. He reaches up to your tear stained face and delicately pushes your hair from your face.

“I’m not mad at you. It looked bad. I get it, I know that I still have to work on your trust,” His voice is soft as his forehead rest against yours.

You look up locking your glassy eyes with apologetic ones, “I’m sorry for screaming at you,” is all you can manage to say. Your head stopping you from spewing all of the thing your heart (and tequila) want you to say.

You feel his chest when he laughs to himself, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“You can scream at me, I don’t mind,” He chuckles reaching up to wipe another tear away, “But I really hate seeing you cry. I never want to be reason for your tears.” His eyes start to mirror yours, before he cries too you wrap your arms around his neck pulling him down to you so you can press your lips to his.

His hands meet behind your neck pulling you closer. The longer the kiss goes on, the more you don’t want to stop. His tongue presses against your bottom lip before you allow it to meet your own. You suck his bottom lip into your mouth before pulling away.

“Are you drunk baby?” He asks quietly pressing his swollen lips to your temple.

“I drank a lot of tequila,” you answer methodically, only causing him to chuckle.

“Well you should stay here, with me. My aunt is picking her up in the morning, but we can cuddle on the couch, is that okay?”

You smile and nod knowing he wishes the circumstances were different. What he doesn’t know is that even if you had to sleep inside the bathtub, you would stay because you wanted to be with him.

“Ill go get you some clothes,” He smiles and kisses your lips fervently once more before he disappears.

You put your things down and you quickly text Namjoon to tell him you’re home safe. Smiling as your fingers type the words because ‘home’ was starting to have an entirely new meaning to you. Jungkook returns with a pair of grey sweatpants and baggy t-shirt, handing them to you as he looks you up and down.

He sighs, “You look like an absolute Goddess in that outfit but I have to be honest,” He grins, pulling you close to his chest again, “I’ve been dying to see you in my clothes again.”

You giggle as his hands travel down the length of your skirt, stopping at the hem. His fingertips brush along your thigh, before traveling up slowly. You reach out grabbing a fist full of his t-shirt to pull him impossibly closer to you. When your lips connect with his jawbone, he lets out a sharp exhale. His hands ball up and he places them back onto your hips, making you slow your attack on his neck.

“What’s wrong?” you ask with a dramatic pout, pushing yourself back so you can look up at him.

“Nothing baby, its just that you’ve drank a lot,” a soft smile forms on his lips as he leans in to kiss your forehead once more, “Now go change so we can cuddle, yeah?”

You nod instead of protesting, walking to the bathroom to change into his clothes. His baggy sweatpants hang off of your hips and you know they look so much better on him. You fold your clothes up and place them on top of your purse when you walk out. His eyes are on you as you walk over to his seat on the couch, his eyes seemingly satisfied.

“Yeah… I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing you in my clothes,” He mumbles, pulling you down to him. You decide to straddle his hip, resting your head on his chest. You feel rather than hear his laugh as you exhale dramatically. The combination of his fingers running up your spine and the melodic beat of his heart slowly turns you into mush on his chest.

“I’ve missed you,” you say quietly before you can even think about it.

“Mm, I’ve missed you too baby,” He tilts your chin up, brushing your hair from your eyes so he can look at you before pressing his lips to yours once more, “Get some sleep, don’t want you to be tired on our date.”

____________________________________________________________

A/N: I think the next chapter will be the final chapter guys! Please tell me what you think! Also, request are open! I have a few that I'm working on currently but I'm searching for a new series to write! Also check out my new one shot, Simple Things, if you haven't already!

Also, Im getting so fucking pumped for comeback, how are we gonna handle this new era guysss?!?!

✨✨⭐️✨✨⭐️✨✨⭐️✨✨⭐️✨✨⭐️

Taglist:

@cainami @carolsummerlove @zeharilisharaban @jikooksgirl19 @fallen-for-luke @madygswich @sugalarity @lofikoo @ggukkieeee @peachy-bhun @megs58298 @kawaiiayasan @ jeonchan26 @ambersaesthetics @hopekookies @rumpucis @iaintnohollybackgirl

160 notes · View notes