#im rambling at midnight but truth be told i get very emotional when i see how happy fictives and fictionkin are seeing themselves in art

[pinkpixelpolygon]

i keep thinking of when i make art, be on my main or my side and a fictive or fictionkin likes it sometimes,,

i feel like its a good thing i depicted them or their source in a way they enjoy !! i certainly am happy on the rare occasion i receive source art, or even more rarely, the headspace version of me :3

(plaintext under cut!)

i keep thinking of when i make art, be on my main or my side and a fictive or fictionkin likes it sometimes,,

i feel like its a good thing i depicted them or their source in a way they enjoy !! i certainly am happy on the rare occasion i receive source art, or even more rarely, the headspace version of me :3

[justoneday-namjoonii]

forgive me

anon request: “I really love the way you write angsty stuff so if u want, can u write a scene where jungkook is like involved in illegal stuff like drugs or maybe he's a hitman, Y/N and Jungkook have a conflict about that because she's not happy with what he does, he gets hurt a lot but he enjoys his job and doesn't wanna give it up cuz he loves the thrill. It can be an emotional scene where Y/N tells him that she's afraid of losing him because of what he does. Honestly come up with anything, I don't mind 😂”

prompt: Jungkook is a druglord, you’re a waitress at a shabby burger place. He loves what he does and even though you try to ignore it, it scares you. You fear you’ll lose him if he doesn’t quit and he’s all you have. Your so called family are full of lies and if it wasn’t for Jungkook, you don’t know where you’d be. You wonder every night if the sirens you hear are for him—you pray it’s not for him. Secretly, he feels the same about you.

pairing: Jungkook x reader

genre: angst, drabble, mental health issues, mentions of murder, mature subject matter

author’s note: For the anon who requested this, this is for you! I hope you enjoy~ did i watch Truth be Told and decide to make the OC a twin? yes, yes i did

When you opened your eyes, you started to feel around for your cellphone. When you couldn't feel for it, you rolled over and yawned, it's probably under the bed. That's where its gonna stay too. As soon as you got home from work, you fell face-first into your bed and taking a shower was the last thing on your mind. But now you're feeling the stale department store smell on your clothes. It takes about two minutes for you to roll out of bed and realize you that Jungkook should have been here by now. You grab your phone and see two missed calls and a text from 2 hours ago.

jungkook💖💫: im sorry ill be over a little later baby, something came up 

jungkook💖💫: i miss you angel

You smile, he always misses you. And you miss him too, but you know he's probably out there in the slums of the city, doing what he does. How you lucked out with him, you have no idea. One night you were trying to call an Uber to get home from a birthday party at the club. It was around midnight and you had to work so you couldn't hang with the hardcore crowd. You went outside to call for a ride but you were being watched. Some guy kept catcalling, just outright harassing you. It was the scariest night of your life. You were telling him to leave you alone but he was drunk or high, either way, he wasn't all there. He snatched your phone. Just when you thought he was going to grab you, a black sports car, one you would have had to work two lifetimes to afford, stopped at the light. And before you know it, the man trying to get you is being dragged into the alley where he probably would have taken you. You remember being frozen, all you could hear was cursing and blunt force. The mystery man, whose car is still in the middle of the road, emerges from the dark corner between the buildings.

You were completely taken. The smile, the hair, the tattoos, and dangling earrings, paired with a striking gaze—he was an angel. He was so beautiful and he was just looking at you stand there with your mouth open.

"If there's one thing I hate, oh here you go," He hands you your phone and you get a nice look at his hand tattoo, "it's motherfuckers who can't leave women the fuck alone. Sorry you had to deal with that, but he won't be bothering you or anyone else after tonight, or use his hands again," He sighs, fixing his clothes a bit and wiping the blood from the corner of his lip, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, thank you," You slip the phone in your bomber jacket pockets, "not a lot of people would stop a stupid guy from bothering a girl they don't even know."

"Yeah, I'm Jungkook by the way," He introduces himself with a smile, situating his nice clothes, "do you- Um, did you need a ride? I'm not a creep I swear," He holds his hands up in surrender when you furrow your brows at the suggesting—great, now she thinks I'm a pervert. 

"I didn't stop that guy as blackmail to get laid, I just-" He pauses to grapple for the right words, "I saw you just standing on the curb and I know it's not safe out here-"

"If it's not any trouble," You interrupt his rambling, "I live about 15 minutes away, I was gonna call a ride but if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it. My name is Y/n, by the way."

That night changed your life forever. It was the first time you had wanted to kiss a stranger, the first night you ever came close to a soulmate. He confesses to having seen you in the club, he was at the bar, refusing offers from every girl from the bartenders to cougars out on the town, at least that's what you always thought. In that little fifteen minutes, you got to know very little about him but you felt so comfortable sharing things about yourself when he asked. He dropped you off and said if you ever needed anything, to give him a call. 

You never got to use the number because you ended up seeing him again. He showed up to your job, but he wasn't there for you, he was there for one of your money laundering and pill-popping associates. You were taking a break and for some reason, the break room was eerily empty. After you heard gunshots and the whole store went into chaos. You remember trying to leave and suddenly being swept away and into an outside electrical room apart of the building. You calmed down enough to realize that it was him but you were baffled.

"What're the odds that you would work at the same place as that bastard," He fiddles with the gun, tucking it to his side and flipping on the safety and pulling off his mask with a toothy grin, "do you remember me?"

"You?... Jungkook, how did you- Why are you-..." You make a small step back and swallow, scrambling to think of something to say. "Have you been following me like some creep?!"

"No! this is just a run-in by fate, I swear I didn't plan it. I'm not even supposed to still be here but I couldn't just leave, not without saying something to you."

"Okay...What do you want to say? I have to get back on the clock." You look him up and down, his all-black clothes and heavy boots intimidating but alluring in many ways.

"Wanna grab a coffee?"

For some reason, you said yes to the familiar stranger.

"Sure- I mean no! No, I can't Jungkook, I have to get back to work-"

"Trust me, just come with me," He extends his hand for you to take and smiles, "you won't regret it."

You took his hand and never looked back.

* * *

Nights like this.

When it's too early to ruin his life and too late to pretend like he wouldn't care. So when he shows up to the lounge to enforce an unpaid debt from a client, he leaves with bruised knuckles, two grand, and a rush of adrenaline. He went a little hard on the guy, but can you blame him? He messed up his plans. Tonight is date night, also known as 'crash at your place' night. It worked out though, you had to work late so he wouldn't be too tardy. Judging by the fact that you haven't answered your phone, you must be knocked out.

He slips his hand into his pocket and fumbles with his keys until he finds the one to your apartment. When he walks inside he hears the sink on and smiles to himself, you must've just woken up. 

"Baby, it's me," He announces himself, "how was your day?"

"Fine," You step out in your work clothes, still trying to get your earrings out, "as fine as a day working for the devil could be." 

"That bad?" You take note of the silk black shirt that's rolled up to his elbows, letting you see his beautiful sleeve of tattoos. When he comes dressed like this, and smelling like smoke you know he's been out into high-end clubs. The way some of the women look at him makes you feel small and a little self-conscious. But he always reassures you that you're who he wants, not some woman who sees him as an experimental one-night stand. When he tells you to meet him in the restroom because he needs to tell you something, you're reminded that you're all he wants.

"She screwed the schedule. My only day off was taken because her favorite, Kasey, has to go out of town."

He unbuttons the buttons on his shirt with deliberate fingers. "You walked out on a job for me before, remember that?" He smiles, letting his shirt fall from his shoulders like a dream. A bruise on his upper arm catches your attention but you don't say anything. "If you're not happy, just leave. I can take care of you, you can be my sugar baby."

"Yeah, my step-mom would love that, I could see it now," You cringe at the thought, "Hey, just a heads up, I'm not working or married but I have a sugar daddy who pays all my bills and lets me use his money for free, oh, he's also a drug lord. She'd really think highly of me then." 

"Fuck Carol, she's a judgmental priss anyway," He comes up to you, hands finding your waist, "why do you care what she thinks about you?" 

"I don't care what she thinks, but if she finds out she'll tell my dad and I don't want to hear it from him. If he pretends to not be disappointed by the lesser-twin one more time, I'll actually cuss him out...He's such a liar, he lied to my mom and he lies to me.”

"Quit saying that," Jungkook grabs you under your thighs, wrapping your legs around his waist so he can sit on the edge of your bed, "you're not the lesser-twin, you're the cute and sexy twin." You sit back on his thighs and you both laugh at his attempt to lighten your mood.

"Well, I'm not a successful surgeon and I'm broke as hell, but at least my boyfriend thinks I'm cute." His hands find their way to the hem of your shirt and pull it over your head, revealing a disappointing tank top.

"See, this is disappointing. Why are you wearing a tank top? It's a hundred degrees outside." He sighs, looking up at you like a pouting little kid.

"Because I want to," You grin, brushing his hair from his brows, revealing a scratch, "you're cut."

"Yeah, had a run-in with an old friend, we're obviously not friends anymore."

"You should take me with you on these deals and stuff, I'd make a great bodyguard for you," You joke, "if you showed me how to use a gun."

"You?" He giggles at the image of you secretly acting as a bodyguard, a dagger, and a gun in a garter under a skintight dress. "That's not a bad idea, they'd be too distracted looking at how fucking beautiful you are to see you as a threat."

"Yeah, I always saw as the Bonnie & Clyde type of couple," He leans up to kiss you and you smile through it before he pulls away, "eh, you need to shower, you smell like weed."

He furrows his brows, a snarky smile on his mouth. "And you smell like French fries, but I still kissed you.”

"Touche." You can't argue with that, the French fries smell gets to you too.

He picks you up, carrying you to the bathroom with a beaming smile.

"Let's shower then."

 * * *

A deal went bad, he got grazed by a bullet and spent a few hours at the emergency room.

When he pulled in to the driveway and saw your car, he sighed in relief—he was hoping you'd come. After work, you had come by earlier to clear your head and take a breather from your cramped apartment and rowdy neighbors. Ever since his 'new position' he was put up in this huge mansion, equipped with a full staff. Luckily, they were off tonight so no need to keep quiet.

It's getting late and you've been trying to watch a baking show to stay awake but it was getting difficult. He hadn't called or answered any of your calls or texts. When you hear the garage door open, your heavy lids lift and you yawn, trying to wake up so you can tell him how your day has been.

He opens the door with a deep sigh and he's glad you can't see the thick white bandage on his upper arm and tired shadows under his eyes because of the dim lights. "Jungkook, it's so late..." You mumble, sitting up. "what took you so long?"

"Yeah, baby, I just had a mix up with someone who owed the group a lot of money, they, uh- They opened fire and we had a lot to clean up." He offhandedly mentions that and goes to the bathroom to change and you just wait for him.

The painkiller is wearing off but he manages to brush his teeth and slip into some sweats and a t-shirt. After flicking the light switch off, he falls into bed with a heavy exhale. Glad to finally have him close so you can tell him about your terrible day, you turn to hug him, and instantly a wince of pain leaves his mouth. 

"Sorry," You giggled, thinking he was just kidding until you see the bandage on his arm, "Oh my gosh," You sit up, hand reaching for his bandage with concern in your brows, "what happened?"

"It's nothing baby, I was grazed by a bullet and had to go to the ER," He spares you a weak grin, hand rustling through his damp locks, "but it's nothing, I feel fine."

It's always nothing to him. You lean down and place a gentle kiss on his forehead, one he would normally place on you. Nights go by and you know he's out there risking his life, not thinking how devastated you would be if one night he doesn't come back.  

He caresses the apple of your cheek, lips parting when sits up to try to kiss you, but you pull away.

"Hey, I've had a long day I just want to kiss you," He sits up now, "talk to me." 

"Talk to yourself, I'm going to sleep."

"Where the fuck is this coming from?" He glares at you, tone firmer than before. "Y/n, cut the crap. What's the problem?"

"Jungkook, there's no problem I just worry about you."

"I don't mean to make you worry," He speaks softly, "but you know this is what I do, I can't stop now, even if I wanted to."

"I know," Sadly, "but you're all I have."

He tilts his head, a bit confused. "What happened?"

"My sister called when I got off of work. My dad isn't doing well, his liver is in terrible condition and he needs a transplant...He's on a wait-list now." 

Knowing the severed relationship you have with your family, he treads lightly when requesting this. "Do you want to go see him?-"

"No!" You snap. "Why would I want to see him? This is what he gets for killing my mother."

"Y/n, you don't mean that..." Jungkook gets uncomfortable when you enter that head-space, you become ruthless in your words and your eyes glaze over with something he has yet to understand.

"Why not? It's true. He was cheating on her, that's why he never came home and she thought something was wrong. So drove out in the middle of the night during a storm and ended up crashing into a tree, because of him. My sister has always defended him, but I think it's because she didn't like mom either...The two of them may have cried at the funeral but I know them, they were glad she left us. That's why I need you, Jungkook, I don't have them or want them..."

"Y/n, you have to learn to forgive them for whatever you think they did, it's going to drive you insane if you don't...Fuck them, spend your energy on us, okay?"

"I'm already insane, I'm with you, aren't I? You come close to being killed every week, and it bothers me to think you might not come home...But I'll go through that if it means I get to have you, I love you, I only love you..." You lay your head on his shoulder.

He’s your angel.

You aren’t sure what you are to him.

[macsterpiece]

Trauma.

*Tears form my eyes as i begin to type*

To lose something, that was once yours... no longer to be yours... and must be forgotten.

Tears... form before me, as I write to you, on behalf of what actually broke me.

It all started with a friendship, something that I was most certain of that would never be started. Phone calls, hangouts, texting, skyping, facetiming, all of the ABOVE.

I would look out for this specific person.. as if he were my brother. A brother so kind and so sweet, someone so funny and so unique.. It started back to when we were younger. You had your first kiss in the secret stairwells and I was just a watchdog. Someone to look after you as my own, and to forever protect you, because of how I wore my heart, letting you in forever and always.

My heart, as we grew close, I knew, deep inside, you felt some way about me... but I always kept my friends happy, regardless of how they felt about me. I would be your beck and call, sometimes... you're one and only. Sometimes our secrets were meant for us only. Keeping them far away in a chest, that you wanted to keep down in the sea, beyond the other creatures. Something so sacred.. that I would hold the key forever.

Sometimes.. grew into always... and sometimes... would grow into never. Never happy endings, regardless of how god damn happy I would always be to be by your side.

*Pause*

*Deep in my thoughts*

Do you know what it is like.. to experience a life, beyond the one youre living, and to realize you... YOU.. are so loved.

*Back on track*

YOU. were what it was like to love beyond my lovings. I began my first love, because you overwhelmed my heart with feelings... that I was NOT ready for. So I left. and I am the bad guy. I admit my faults, for I did not love you....

All the times that you would text. would call. would follow me class to class. would talk to me alone. I would not at THAT time... truly appreciate you.. because I was so wrapped around the idea of me... and ME only. that i was selfish.

*Im rambling and im dumb*

But I need to continue.. because our story is the most memorable piece of my life. that has been CONSISTENT.. and something that everyone knows... has not left us. well... me.

*Get to the god damn point Macayla.*

Listen, It started back in my junior year of highschool. I was SO happy for you, to actually talk to someone, who MIGHT be good for you. I persuaded you, i told you over and over how good it was for you. BLINDED... by myself.

And as you progressed in relationships. I will never forget the day at lunch when your "girl" walked away and you confessed that it was me, just me... that you wanted.

*shakes my head in denial and tears*

It was me.

*Wipes tears*

To.. my BEST friend. the one i told everything to.

It is my fault.

*Rewind to Senior Year of Highschool*

My best friend... YOU. The one who had all the powers and all the might to make my rainy days into the sunniest. I was dumb to believe that "love" came before meeting you. To love someone, was like loving you for everything that I have ever known.

I was wrong. There. I said it. Loving them, was not like the love you OPENLY gave to me 24/7. I would call you, answer. I would text, answer. YOU would call me... and as I checked the time passed midnight.. I would answer. Because longingly, your voice was a huge source of my self being, and happiness.

I dont know why... I never gave you that chance. But i do know that senior year a huge heartbreak entered my life... and out of anyone... I came... to you.

*Silent*.....

I remember sitting in the Hub as I just texted you.. for ADVICE. On my latest breakup. "get over it" was all the things you could say to me.

*Getting over him. and you. because you were careless

I wanted to give you that chance, but everytime was a failure. We failed eachother.

I met someone, quickly after, since you were not there to pick up my piececs. And at times I truly blame myself for not waiting, but I could not wait to be loved because I was not ready to love myself alone. And thats what you had wanted, so you could sweep me off my feet once again.

But there my ex was, there and scared, and I was attracted by his secrecy. I had fallen for someone else, because I was scared of being by MYSELF. There. that's the truth.

*Truth..*

January of 2018, I fell for my "friend".. actually, my "best friend". He sent me this message over snapchat.. and I can recall the argument.

*Flashback*

I was crying, I had stepped outside on the balcony of my ex boyfriends, and the "guy" I Loved... was just feeding me lies. while you.. oh you.. reached out in these words so powerful that I just had to ignore them. Telling me of how you felt, what you wanted.. and I just SLAMMED the door. Because friends are forever friends.

*Flashforward*

I would earn for the days when I would see you. You would know youd see me and I would see you, and your power was growing in the most negative and addictive way.. but it was all because of me... you said.

Your addiction, your behavior.. it was not me. it was too far beyond my control.

An addict would never leave what broke him, and my love. that is why im writing.

*Gets emotional*

I remember the night my ex did not want to drink with me on Saint Patricks Day, as your lover was dancing and kissing someone else. I remember the night we talked outside, it was so cold, but I kept my warmth, because the smile on my face.. was warm enough to make the conversation last forever.

*Our first time*

I wish you knew.. what our first time meant to me. I would hear your name, smile. I would talk such great things, smile. Thinking of YOU... smile. always... a smile.

But you left. I had always confessed my deepest feelings, longings, wantings... and you took everything. and ran.

*Fuck this sucks and I dont want to cry but its happening*

..... I ..... wanted you. From the time you opened up, to the time you told me you would leave anyone for me. I wanted you from the beginning.. until tonight. It was ALWAYS you.

Im... so... dumb...

I truly should have known, you're the one thing my mind always runs back to. always writes about. always feels for. and you.... you left me.

*.......*

*Tears and a deep breath*

To my love. I am the radiant sun that shines across the room. But this sun only shines on someone like you. You fill my mind and my body, my thoughts, sometimes.. when I see you somewhere.. All I can truly think about is you.

*Long pause*

And now. Youre gone. You said the words, not me.. for once. You knew I was angry at your choices after invading my body, and you still chose someone.. who never truly wanted you.

Tonight was a reality call, even though you wouldn't look in my eyes.. and I BEGGED you not to say or do this...

But you... chose.....

HER.

****...........*******

*my mind recap*

As I was saying goodbye to my friends, I still incorporated you. And you just pushed me aside telling me goodbye, that I can leave because she was the one who was there for you. When you started all YOUR BAD BECAUSE I WASNT THERE.

Your addiction, your obsession over the drugs, became your love to hide from me.

But to go back after so much good that I saw in you...

to tell me she was THE ONLY ONE, that all you wanted was SEX FROM ME.

I just couldnt stop the tears this time.

After how many times I saw you the last month or so..

After all the times you couldve said that to me.

but no, you told me all you wanted WAS SEX.

I truly hope... you felt nothing.

Because now..

*CRIES*

I loved you.

To love someone with everyone you have left possibly to give.. scared of anyone else. You finally have broken the very last piece of me.

All the trust... the compassion, the love, the humor, the tears, the jokes, the friendship... you FEEL.... NOTHING.

Silly.... me.... once..... again....

Now I know where I stand in your life.

......

Never again.