#im putting some effort into the editing so they take a lil longer

[yooniesim]

How often do yall post gameplay posts? I'm trying to get some stuff in the drafts so I can queue it up more regularly (lol) but I don't wanna run out immediately 🤣

[espressopatronum454]

one step forward, three steps back

word count: 3392

warnings: you really won’t like lily, regulus’ shit parents, gatekeeping, gaslighting, death threats, self doubt, cussing, rape, non consensual sex, forced breeding, mentions of giving birth, extremely toxic jily, manipulation, all angst, basically no fluff

a/n: i am not romanticizing any of this. this is all extremely bad, and the recovery from this will take a long time for the person it happened to. do not think that any of what transpires with james and lily in this fic is okay. it is not.

there are a lot of time jumps. it should be understandable, but feel free to ask questions.

during the court case, almost none of it is happening right after the other, if it is divided by lyrics. except the part where regulus is involved. it says specifically at one point “you said this yesterday” and that’s when it is the next day

i have no fucking clue how court works so just hang in there

no actual sex, but it references it.

DO NOT READ IF THE WARNINGS BOTHER YOU. IM SERIOUS. IT TALKS ABOUT SOME HEAVY SHIT. IF YOU READ IT AND HAVE AN ISSUE YOU CANT BLAME ME.

EDIT: THIS IS NOT A STAND ALONE. I JUST REALIZED THERES A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE WHO’VE READ THIS N NOT ‘heather’. IF THIS DIDNT MAKE SENSE, THATS WHY!! THE FIRST CHAPTER IS NOW LINKED OMG

love y’all

bold- lyrics

italics- flashbacks

he’s so pretty ajdhskdbsj

chapter one

series masterlist

masterlist

called you on the phone today

“Lils?” James spoke hesitantly, speaking to Lily as he bounced a tired Harry on his hip. He had just gotten home from practice, and had dismissed Harry’s nanny early. “How was work?”

just to ask you how you were

“Fucking shit, James,” Lily sighed, and James began to feel a little bad for her, even though he felt guilty for doing so. “Just have dinner ready when I get home, yeah?”

all i did was speak normally

James smiled down weakly at the almost one-year old on his lap. Tonight was gonna be a rough one. “C’mon, Haz, let’s get started.”

somehow i still struck a nerve

Apparently, even though dinner only had five minutes left in the oven when Lily got home, that was too long. James could see it in her eyes as soon as she walked in, and it was confirmed after he put Harry to bed.

After he put Harry to bed he cleaned up from dinner, and then went to their bedroom, ready to collapse into bed, momentarily forgetting that she’d be waiting for him.

As soon as he entered to room, she grabbed him by the collar, and smashed her lips onto his, shoving him against the door so harshly that he winced at the impact. Without thinking, he tried to pull away, and in response to his “bad behavior”, she slapped him across the face.

For the rest of the night, he let her use him as her puppet.

He was doing this to protect Reggie and Harry.

He didn’t care what damage it caused himself along the way.

And, by the time Harry turned one, he’d have enough video evidence to turn her into the authorities, because since the day they brought Harry home, he’s recorded every single time she hit him or forced him into having sex with her.

you got me fucked up in the head boy

Lily had just given birth, and was almost passed out from the effort. James was waiting anxiously for the doctors to bring their baby back from the cleanups and diagnostic tests.

The doctors rentered with their baby, but they seemed hesitant. “Mr.Potter and Ms.Evans, I’m afraid we have some bad news.” The doctor who had spoken turned to James. “Mr.Potter, have you ever done a blood oath with a previous lover, by chance.”

Tentatively, he answered. “Yes, I have.”

“Why? What’s going on?” Lily seemed to miraculously no longer be tired, and she was quite interested to see what her boyfriend had done.

never doubted myself so much

“Well, Ms.Evans, there’s no real way to put this lightly.” The doctor huffed, and scratched his arm in thought. “Because of the blood oath your significant other made with his previous lover, the child you birthed, has none of your DNA. At all.”

“What do you mean?” Lily almost screamed. If they weren’t in a public place, or a wizard hospital where there were people they knew, she would have.

like, am i pretty?

“What I mean, is that you gave birth to the child, but other than that, your body had no biological part in the making of the child. Would you like to know who his actual parent is?” Lily stared daggers at his words, but she turned to James, and with malicious intent, nodded her head yes. “Regulus Black.”

When they got home that night and Harry was in his crib, it was worse than ever before, and James had to reassure himself why he let it continue.

am i fun, boy?

“It’s for Harry and Reggie.”

“Harry and Reggie.”

“Gotta stay strong for them.”

i hate that i give you power over that kind of stuff

James nodded ever so slightly when Regulus scratched at his eye. They’d find a way around this, a way to be together again.

As Regulus walked up the stairs, James had to fight back the urge to run to him, and apparate them both away.

‘cause it’s always one step forward

But what froze James in place was when Lily walked into the room. “Evans?”

He couldn’t possibly understand why she was here. She knew about him and Reg, sure, but they were friends. She wouldn’t sell them out.

three steps back

“Hiya, Jimmy.”

“Ms.Evans here is the one who told us about your little scandal of a relationship with our son.” Walburga spoke, and all three of them had wicked smiles on their faces. “She had a deal though. You and Regulus break up, and you start dating her, immediately upon your return to Hogwarts.”

i’m the love of your life

“But-”

“None of that, sweet Jimmy,” Lily walked up to him and placed a hand on his cheek, using her leverage to make him face her. “You even so much as resist me a little bit, and things are over for lover boy upstairs.” She whipped his head up, squeezing his cheeks uncomfortably. “You got it, sweetie?”

James just nodded, not bothering to hold back the tears anymore, letting Lily annoyedly wipe them away and cast an illusion charm before they went back to the platform. “If you think this is bad, my sweet boy, just wait until I enforce the rules.”

until i make you mad

Lily’s Rules for James:

No contact with Regulus. At all.

No speaking about the contents of their relationship, or the night it started. To anyone.

James must show affection towards Lily at any time she wishes, no matter what he is doing.

He must go with her on Hogsmeade days, unless he has specific permission from her to go with the other Marauders.

No more pranks.

Detentions mean punishments.

Bad grades mean punishments.

After the end of the school year, James will have absolutely zero contact with his friends or family.

Outside of his job, James is not allowed to speak to anyone unless it is absolutely necessary or allowed by Lily.

If Lily wants something she gets it, and if they have a kid, James will be the one to make sure it’s taken care of.

it’s always one step forward and three steps back

Anytime that James would try to do something nice for Lily, to even just do simply as she asked, he always managed to fuck something up and make her mad.

do you love me, want me, hate me?

boy i don’t understand

But, Harry’s birthday was now only a week away, and the next day Lily had work and he didn’t, he would be taking his evidence to court.

no, i don’t understand

The day after Harry’s birthday, James called the captain of the Montrose Magpies, Hamlish MacFarlan, and asked for time off from work, saying that it may take a while.

He explained some of the situation to Hamish when he asked, saying that issues came up with Lily and he needed to fight her for custody over Harry.

and maybe in some masochistic way

Lily had already gone off to work, and Harry’s babysitter, Julieta, had already picked him up, and took him to the zoo. Julieta was a very understanding girl, and although she was only about sixteen, she somehow understood exactly what was going on between Lily and James, and knew what was going to happen. James knew she knew when she showed up at the house that morning with arepas and an apologetic look on her face.

i kinda find it all exciting

James had a cigarette between his lips as he smoothed his hair back, making it presentable. He clasped his father’s watch on, needing some tether to the people he loved. As he looked down at the watch, a tear hit the glass and he noticed he was crying.

He shouldn’t be crying. He’s been looking forward to this day since he found out he was stuck with Lily. But, he wasn’t sure he could do this alone.

And, what if Regulus didn’t want him back? What if he didn’t believe him, or worse; didn’t love him anymore?

So, James sat down and wrote a letter to Sirius.

like, which lover will i get today?

Dear Sirius,

You’re probably pissed at me, I know. I know it’s been two years since I’ve spoken to any of you. And I’m sorry.

But I hope you believe me when I say I didn’t have a choice. If you want a full explanation, show up to the courthouse today at 10:00am. Say you’re there for the Evans-Potter case.

Bring Moony and Wormy if you can, please. I love you all and miss you dearly.

With love,

Prongs

will you walk me to the door or send me cryin’?

James handed the letter to his owl, and gave her a treat before sending her off. He wiped the tears from his face, hoping the letter made it to Sirius in time, and that Sirius would actually show up.

He thought back on everything that had happened since the dreadful day he became Lily’s. The only good thing that came out of it was Harry. He didn’t know if he’d have the strength to do what he was about to do if it wasn’t for him.

He put his coat on and grabbed the folder of evidence before walking out the door, locking it behind him

it’s one step forward and three steps back

James arrived at the courthouse, and saw Sirius, Remus, Peter, Regulus, his mum, and dad at the front desk. They must’ve apparated. James didn’t, because he needed extra time to prepare what he was going to say.

Before any of them saw him, he went to a different desk to sign in, and headed to the courtroom as soon as he was allowed. He didn’t think he’d keep it together if they tried to talk to him before the trial.

i’m the love of your life until i make you mad

“Mr.James Potter, you are here today to show us evidence of abuse in your home, and with the help of your lawyer, we will get to all of the information you have in time.”

it’s always one step forward and three steps back

Over the next week, James presented all the evidence he had against Lily.

“On this disk is video proof of nearly every time she hit me, or forced me into having sex with her. I went through it the other day and marked each time on the sheet in front of you.” The list was long. It was at least five pages of each time something happened, and James had written the reasoning behind each one he could remember, some being as minuscule as burning the pizza they were going to have for dinner.

“Please,” the judge spoke, “if any one here is at any point uncomfortable with what you are about to see, please raise your hand and we will pause it so you can exit the room momentarily. Mr.Potter, if you need to leave, you can as well.”

There wasn’t a single person in that room who didn’t cry.

do you love me, want me, hate me?

“Mr.Potter, it says here that the child you had with your girlfriend isn’t actually hers, even though she gave birth to him. Could you please elaborate?”

He looked to his lawyer, who nodded. “Of course. It is true, Lily did birth the child. On the list for the video we saw yesterday, I marked the day that Harry was conceived. But, the child isn’t hers. His biological parents are me, and Regulus Black.”

There was a series of gasps throughout the room, and James had to resist looking at Regulus. The judge was astounded, and if this wasn’t a wizard courtroom, James’ explanation would be inconceivable. “How, pray tell, did that manage to occur?”

“Regulus and I dated for two years during our time at Hogwarts. Our plan was to be together for the rest of our lives, and so we completed a blood pact to show our dedication to one another. Somehow, that blood pact prevented Lily from having any biological part in the birth of our child, and instead made him Regulus’ son.”

“Is Mr.Black here today, by any chance?”

boy i don’t understand

“Yes, he is, your honour.”

“Well, Mr.Black, if you would be so kind as to step up and give your account, telling us anything you know?”

Regulus made his way down, looking back at Sirius for support, which was given immediately. He took his place where the judge gestured, and waited for questions.

“If you would start from wherever you deem appropriate, please.”

“After about a year of James and I being together, we knew we wanted to stay together for the rest of our lives, so we wanted to tie the knot. A marriage promise, of sorts. We completed the blood pact, and sort of forgot about it until…”

“Until when, Mr.Black?”

no, it’s back and forth, did i say something wrong?

“I believe I may have to answer this, your honour,” James spoke up, sensing Regulus was feeling anxious and nervous from all the attention and pressure. “During my seventh year at Hogwarts, when Regulus and I had been dating for about two years, we got back to the train station and before we got off of the train, his parents appeared and grabbed us out of the train compartment we were in, apparating us back to their manor.

They told us that we were never to speak to each other again, or they would kill the both of us, and said they would’ve killed us already, if it wasn’t for ‘the kindness of their hearts’. They told Regulus to go upstairs, and as soon as he did, Lily walked in.

I was told that she was who told them about us, because I trusted as a friend, so I had told her originally. I was told that I was to date her as soon as we returned to school, or Regulus would be killed anyways. The next words she said were, ‘If you think this is bad, wait until I enforce the rules.’”

it’s back and forth, goin' over everything i said

“Mr.Potter, yesterday you mentioned that she said something about enforcing a set of rules, would you care to tell us what they were?”

“Yes, of course. There is a copy of the list, written in her hand writing, from two years ago, in the folder in front of you, but I had to memorize it as well, both by her orders and because I feared for what would happen if I didn’t.

No contact with Regulus. At all.

No speaking about the contents of their relationship, or the night it started. To anyone.

I must show affection towards Lily at any time she wishes, no matter what I am doing.

I must go with her on Hogsmeade days, unless I have specific permission from her to go with the other Marauders.

No more pranks.

Detentions mean punishments.

Bad grades mean punishments.

After the end of the school year, I will have absolutely zero contact with his friends or family.

Outside of my job, I am not allowed to speak to anyone unless it is absolutely necessary or allowed by Lily.

If Lily wants something she gets it, and if we have a kid, I will be the one to make sure it’s taken care of.”

After he spoke, the room went silent, and no one really knew what to say.

A sniffle was heard from behind him, and without turning, James knew it was Regulus.

it’s back and forth, did i do something wrong?

“Mr.Potter, you stated that she hit you recently. Do you have any marks to prove it?”

“I do. And if you look at the folder, you will see photos of some of the worst times it’s happened.” In the folder were at least fifty photos, taken of bruises and red marks on various parts of his body.

“Would you mind showing us some of them?”

James shook his head, wordlessly unbuttoning his white dress shirt. He slid the shirt off, revealing his stomach and arms, both of which were littered in bruises, colored varying shades of purple.

“Could you turn, Mr.Potter, so everyone may have a full view of the damage?”

He did so, fighting back the tears as he made eye contact with Sirius and his parents, ( because he refused to look at Regulus ) and saw the tears on their faces.

it’s back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

Julieta was brought in the next day, to give her account of the knowledge she had.

“Mrs.Alcaraz, if you would be so willing to state any instance you saw of Ms.Evans taking advantage of or harming Mr.Potter?”

Lily and Julieta were both there that day. Julieta was up at the stand, and Lily was sitting at a table next to James’, separated by his lawyer. Harry was also there, but he was being looked after by Marlene McKinnon, one of James’ school friends, because if this worked, James wanted to introduce Harry to his friends and family himself.

instead it’s one step forward, and three steps back

The court case had been going way better than James expected, so far. He had learned that Regulus’ parents were dead, and nothing had been found to prove what he said was a lie.

and i’d leave you but the roller coaster is all i’ve ever had

“You can’t believe a word he says!” Lily was at the front now, and it was hopefully the last day of the case. “He fucking cheated on me with his ex! Of course I reacted that way!”

“Ms.Evans. Mr.Potter and Mr.Black have had no contact since they day you forced their breakup, and either way, there is no possible way, other than the blood oath- which we now have proof of it being formed before you began dating James- that could’ve gotten their child inside of you.”

“Jimmy! I only hit you because I love you! It was making you better, helping you!” Lily was running out of things to say, and it was obvious. “Please believe me.” She sobbed, and while she thought she had done something, she had just willingly given verbal confirmation that everything James has said was true.

yeah, it’s one step forward, and three steps back

James went home for good that day, but instead of going to rest, he began packing up his belongings. Either way the case went, he wasn’t remaining in this hell hole any longer.

He had picked Harry up from Marlene, thanking her and offering her money, though she refused. He had also gone up to Julieta and told her if she didn’t want to be Harry’s nanny anymore he understood, but she refused to quit. He was genuinely so thankful for the two of them.

do you love me, want me, hate me?

“Hare bear?” James called, wanting the little boy who had run off to come back. He heard the pitter patter of little feet, smiling as he turned to his son. “Bubba? Can you help me pack up your things? We’re moving soon.”

Harry babbled incoherently, nodding his head in agreement. JMes instructed him to get all his clothes and toys and put them in the two separate boxes. While Harry did that, James took apart Harry’s bed, putting it back in its original box. Other than that, there wasn’t anything in his room, because Harry had complained about not having enough room to play.

boy i don’t understand

James recruited Harry to help pack up James’ things too, and any kitchen supplies or little knick knacks that belonged to him. He decided to leave the furniture though, because he didn’t really want anything to do with it, and he planned on moving back in with his parents, if they’d take him.

Lily had bought all the furniture anyways.

James heard a knock on the door and opened it, tearing up as he saw the boy with familiar gray eyes in front of him, and as Harry ran up and wrapped himself around James’ leg.

no, i don’t understand.

“Hi, Jamie.”

[meitanreax]

day 2

hello!!!

here is my challenge for today >:) here are the most interesting things/funny things that i saw today!!

ok this first one is me bc the lighting was nice hAHAHAHFSLKDFJLSKFJ and i am very interesting (: to u (: LOOOLLL but yeah i thot the lighting was nice HAHA and my skin is nice thanks birth control!!!! 

ok this is. the 2nd one/..so i was just in the mall and i see this and im like kJFDLSKJLXCKVJLJ imagine a family wearing this? IM JFDSLKF i just like specifically how the shirt says fucking KIDDIE....LOOOOLL yah but watch white people wear this. omg i just realized they all have matching bottoms too im going INSANE LOL

3rd thing. OK! like i said!! my cousin plays shooting games...really funny tho!! lOL i did not expect that!!! at least she is a gamer and she draws anime chibis so im like wow. lOOOL #relatable #measakid #wow! she knows what league of legends is so i guess!!! she is a real gamer (but she doesnt know csgo or overwatch, but she is a huge COD fan LOL ???)

4th. i got gongcha and i dont know why this random dude is on the cup LOOOL isnt it most boba places like the cups are clear and stuff?? IDK LOOL philippines gives out like these paper cups and STRAWS TOO OMG..the straw was made out of paper and it got SUPER like...soggy after 2 minutes god please help me LOL

5th!!! this is the view from my hotel room ;_; i dont wanna leave this hotel cuz its so nice and i have my own space away from my actual botch mom...omfg...we hate to see it!!! but its super nice and close to this popular mall (whcih is ok, i am indifferent it is just big) LOL but yah!!! its super pretty sigh TwT lets get a hotel room together sometime again!!!

- - -

ok! for today, i woke up at like...4 am then 5 am...cuz of jet lag. (it really be like that) and then i just lied in bed pretending to be asleep(actually on my phone) so my parents wouldnt bug me!!! today i found out that there are actually lil bugs on strawberries..if u dont wash it thoroughly...scary...i am no longer buying my own fruit and chopping it up HAHA

so like i got up and got ready for the day around like 7 am!! my parents left to go to the gym at 6 and i was like wtf LOL they r probably eating breakfast w/o me..and I WAS RIGHT DUDE I TEXTED THEM and they were like yah come down?? and i got lowkey annoyed like BRO!! why u drag me out here and say u wanna spend ‘famIly tiME’ and then continue to do shit like this LOL but it’s ok!! so the breakfast buffet i went to was super fancy!! here are the photos below

they had filipino breakfast, and then chinese food too o.0 like dimsum! and the lil soup dumplings!! they also had sushi..which was weird!! LOL but it was brunch i guess but at 7 am...LOOOL i had a green smoothie (LMFAO but it was like...not thick consistency it was more like pressed juicery and p like nice consistency! it was mango, spinach, and ginger so it tasted nice!!)

i had fried fish and bacon and then breakfast meat thingy for breakfast!!! and i had a sugar donut!! also i had this filipino dessert that uses like almond jelly/soy jelly, syrup, and boba ^__^ it’s called taho!! 

it looks like this! O: i think u would like it hehe

anyways yah my parents kept asking me about my friends/you back at ucla and i was getting rlly uncomfortable cuz they were being oddly nosy....idk how but i ended up talking about how im close to jess lee and my mom told me i should become an influencer to get free shit ~_~ so im like dO U WANT ME TO BE A DOCTOR OR A INFLUENCER LOL which is it!! bro !! so annoying!!!

anyways we just chilled at the hotel room and my young cousin came over n stuff!! my mom left with my aunt to go get her plastic surgery or sumn idk and then me and my younger cousin and dad went to the mall!! that’s where we got potato corner and gongcha LOL

my younger cousin was shy and quiet at first but she opened up once i asked her about video games and she was more comfortable!! when we got back my dad just took a nap but me and my younger cousin (ez) decided to watch horror game let’s plays. she actually like knows some of the horror games i know cuz of horror lp’ers LLOOOL 

we watched one called the doll shop?? it was creepy it was like this japanese dude who worked at a doll shop, and he has a doll stored in the back of his private room that’s his ‘favorite doll’ and like literally throughout the game theres posters of a missing girl and then turns out the guy is hallucinating/mentally ill and the favorite doll in his room is like this dressed up corpse of the missing girl im KJDLFKJF I CALLED IT. DUDE LOL i was like yo that guy is fucked up!!!!! i bet he is hiding something!!!

we watched another one called ao oni KFJDLSKFJ its some funny pixel rpg horror chase game and idk it’s funny ill show u HAHAHA it’s dumb bc the monster looks dumb it’s like... SOME BIG ASS PURPLE CHIBI DUDE LOOOL

and then my mom came back whatever and went to bed...cuz my dad wants to leave at fuckign 1230 am for the next place we’re going to...im deceased cuz like i will literally have to nap for 3 hours then sleep another 3-4 hours on the way there and im pISSED CANT WE JUST DEAL WITH THE TRAFFIC LOL i dont want to leave at fcking 1230 am!!! what the heck!!

but yes!! im getting jollibee with my dad and im prolly gunna pack and then get ready for bed ^__^ but that’s my night for today!! ill update you more as it goes along :3 

OH ALSO our commissioner says she will give us our lineart for the chibis so ill send that to u later hehe!!!

OK i wanna try giving u a challenge too!! so ur challenge: take the prettiest photo of the sky/view tomorrow on ur hotair balloon!! and tell me if it’s like up!!! plus points if u edit pupy in it LOOOL & also add more songs to the playlist!!

okie!! that’s all for now!! ill update you more tomorrow! hopefully we’ll be able to call tomorrow night or the following morning ;w; its gonna be hard cuz im gonna be out most of the day/on the road but ill try my best!!!

i love you so much bebu!! thanks so much for putting this effort into making it work ;_; it’s a lot more bearable with ur contributions!! u make me so happy !! i am happy pupy too hehe i love you and miss you sososososo much!!! 12 more days at this rate <3 _ <3 i love you! so much, forever, more than anything, with all my heart!!