#im posting this now before i hate it with my entire guts

[howlsnteeth]

hi, just wanted you to know that if you ever wanted to like. interest-dump about cotl and your thoughts about the lore/storyline and stuff as ive seen you show in your art, id read PARAGRAPHS. im so curious and love to hear about people's interest in game/story/media lore and the interpersonal relationships within the universe!!! - from an autistic system who has loved your art since like. forever. (u can call us moss)

okay hi moss :3

i'm kind of due for an infodump on my cotl headcanons, so! i'll try be somewhat concise because this is going to be a long post anyway rip. i drew some pictures :D

(i can't really think of any warnings to give outside of usual cotl themes/killed race/dying/blood/etc but let me know)

obviously watching the destruction of your entire race is traumatic as fuck, also because it likely took a few weeks or months to achieve. so they died pretty underweight/weak bodied/pretty shut down. the bishops are gone by the time lamb is revived by toww, and their body hadn't quite made it to a 'body pit' (or food pit). still, they get Their Bell from another of their race on the way out. probably weren't thinking about it too hard and just desperately wanted to grab something while their eyes burned in their sockets and this red crown fit like molded clay in their hand. my lamb has a little notch out of their left ear which was caused while escaping, which ends up never healing because of a few reasons but mostly because i like it.

over the course of the game/story they start to slowly physically change. after revival it takes scars a Long time to fade, considering lamb is technically a walking corpse, and also because of their affiliation with Death (narinder, who has similar i'll mention later). they get dark marked lines under their eyes from that classic 'bleeding eyes' action during rituals/etc. their ears but especially horns get longer and sharper. their way of coping is similar to most lambs, jokes and pulled punches.

by the end of the 'main game/toww fight,' they've already made their choice, and start flexing their control/communication with the red crown itself. it gets harder for toww to view through it, and lamb gets somewhat intoxicated with the idea of an ultimate revenge, having killed all the other bishops. they've done everything they can to stop their cult members noticing signs of weakness, but as things get more stressful this kind of rubberbands around to them seeming extremely unstable. by the time they go to fight toww they're muttering nonstop, barely aware, and also they let their wool get longer and basically end up with a mullet. <3 because it's funny to me

they obviously beat toww and for them it's like a smashing of clarity, like a gripped handle let go, standing up from the river of blood. it's freeing but also the most pain they've ever been in. and instead of killing toww this pit in their stomach spares him. lamb went from a corpse to a god and now, in some sick way, they want to watch a god turn into a living corpse, just like them. because with every other sheep dead, narinder is the only one with a connection to that genocide, the cause of the other bishops doing it.

narinder hates their fucking guts. obvs. he thinks, or knows, that lamb is doing it on purpose. but narinder's body hasn't been normal for far, far too long. even before he was made death (as in artworks i've done with him), his body turned skeletal and rotted away. lacerations open all over his body, but especially down his front torso. when he's first brought to the cult, lamb gives him red robes, also because of this 'problem'. but narinder does every single thing he can against them. he gets white robes and lets them turn bloodied and disturbing to everyone around him.

even washing them stops working, and lamb does resign slightly to letting him sit in his dirty stupid robes. it's the pettiest shit. narinder also keeps his veil, and lamb can't bother with a reason to take it away. let that dumbass keep his yuck robes and veil. you can only stick him the stockade for a week before your other followers get too concerned.

over time, they do end up getting closer, but it comes from a place from both being touched and changed by Death, the red crown, and the choices of the other bishops. it takes a really long time and only after all the other bishops have been recruited (another whole thing). both of them catch themselves enjoying little things, and then having moments of all the pain bleeding through. an example is over time narinder does end up wearing darker robes, but it's fairly gradual. in this piece, it's lamb getting too deep in the countless lives that were taken from their race, triggered by blood (a whole little story thing), and narinder does make the (semi subconscious) choice to wear dark robes.

anyway you're probably looking at that giant shadow in the picture huh. it takes a long time but lamb Does end up truly becoming a bishop.

not 100% done with this design, but it has the basics. their main horns end up breaking off (thinking of a story behind that still). the main thing with them that i really like is they have multiple strings of bells on them. so everyone starts associating the sound of ringing bells as Death. so if you hear them, they're coming for you. that being said, they also have the ability to move completely silently, despite being covered in bells. which adds to the scaring-the-fuck-out-of-everyone factor.

there's a ton more i could get into with the other bishops, ratau, the duck siblings, the crowns themselves, more aym and baal, but i'm probably gonna do more artworks with them so i can talk more then :3 this is already too long lmao

thanks for the ask though!! it's nice knowing people are interested in my stuff :D (it's also worth mentioning that i am also a system and have alters of lamb, narinder, and aym and baal, who all contribute to this stuff)

[veryinnovative]

how would et james react to reg bringing someone home for the first time (like in the first couple months that he is living w him as clem)

I HAVE THIS WRITTEN OUT BUT IT'S SUPER ROUGH </3 also 98% dialogue bc i build fanfics around dialogue since that acts as the spine. i usually don't post shit early but im so far behind on tt that it might take a while for alien au to take up the spotlight again, especially with how January is gonna be a SUPER busy month with my exam week coming up

“You’re kidding me,” the stranger rumbles. “Don’t tell me he’s gonna be watching us.” “Don’t be ridiculous.” “I’m being ridiculous? He’s been staring at us the entire time! You’re not listening.” “What’s it with everyone and my cat? Maybe you just have to know how to behave around him,” Regulus mutters, taking off his shirt. James wants to scream because he’s undressing in front of a stranger, which he has learned is something exclusive to very close friends or intimate partners, but he’s trapped in cat form. Then, Regulus points towards the door. “Clem, out.” James meows, backing into the corner. “Come on, darling. You can’t be in here, I can’t traumatize your poor eyes like that.” “Did it just shake his fucking head, what the fuck?” the stranger almost yells. “Clem is a very smart cat.” “No fucking cat shakes its head!” “Clem, come now. Be a good boy. I’m trying to enjoy myself tonight.” James doesn’t know what that means but the implications and the stranger taking off their shirt are making him very determined to stay. 

But pretty much james hates their fucking guts. stares them down. fucking panics when they walk into regulus' bedroom and its just him almost reverting to original form and killing the dude. reg carries him out of the bedroom and in his anxiety, james accidentally scratches him, which lands him in timeout. he knows he upset reg and tries be good and sit in the corner in the hallway but absolutely loses it when he smells a strong scent of reg and the nightstand getting serious and starts clawing onto the door and crying. the dude is absolutely fucking fed up and is like 'if you let that stupid cat interrupt us one more time im fucking leaving' and reg is equally fed up and p much kicks them out of his house before tending 2 james

Regulus sighs, hair disheveled, and drops to his knees. “What’s wrong, Clem?” James makes sounds closest to that of a cat crying while pawing onto Regulus’ leg until he picks him up. Regulus makes a face but remains crouched on the ground. “You were supposed to be on time-out.” James noses the small, thin scratch on Regulus’ arm and licks it, apologetic “So you’re sorry is what you’re trying to say?” “Meow.” Regulus sighs and finally, finally takes James into his arms. Instantly, he lets out engine purrs of content, butting his head against Regulus’ jaw. Downstairs, the front door slams shut. Good riddance, James thinks. “Don’t worry, you helped me out there. He really sucked at oral, and not even in a good way.” James blinks, confused, and gives the sideways cock of his head. Regulus drops himself onto the bed, which smells too strongly of the stranger, but James tries and not focus on this too much. Instead, he buries himself in the crook of Regulus’ body, chasing after the spots where his scent is strongest, wants to live in the curve of his neck “I wish I was a cat. Life seems so easier.” Reg murmurs James agrees with this. If Regulus was a cat they’d have a nice cat life. They’d cuddle up in an Amazon box and James would groom him until he was [man idk insert more cat couple shit Or. Or, James could turn into a human.

[sheikahwarriork]

I am sorry you had a bad day my dude, would some Byleth cheer you up?

I think, we all as society should recognize Byleth!~

Byleth does not fight fair. In a support conversation with Felix, Felix mentions that Byleth will randomly throw out punches and kicks along with sword attacks. Byleth's probably a biter. She is going to Mike Tyson her way through entire military campaigns, and I have no idea what happens when you punch a giant lizard creature, but the campaigns give Byleth the opportunity to find out before the time skip ever happens.

I mean one of the main skills of Enlightened One is brawling.

So yeah. She's a bruiser who punches her way through problems and eats more than anyone else.

And people still say she has no personality...

TY ANON YES!!! YOU SPOKE THE TRUTH

i mean, in a crit's animation byleth throws a punch before slashing the sword:

and as you said, she got brawling as a skill of her unique class.

i think being raised as a mercenary by mercenaries taught byleth to survive by all means. when she fights, there's no such a thing as a "fair fight", there is just "win = survive".

on a side note, i like to think that when she first teached the blue lions, with all the faerghus "knight honour" mentality etc, she was taken aback. when ingrid did her first lance tournament, byleth was screaming "PUNCH HIM IN THE GUTS, INGRID!!" and dimitri politely said "professor, i'm sorry but this is a lance tournament, not a brawling one. she's not allowed to use her bare hands". byleth looked at him with a "error 404 not found" face and then goes, "do you really think an enemy on the battlefield will care if she's using a lance or her hands? they'll try to kill her anyway, so she- no, you all must learn to fight and survive". and this is why byleth doesnt let her students focus on only one weapon and by the end of the war even the mages have proficiency in brawling. byleth is not going to let her babies die! (okay i love this headcanon i HAVE TO write something about this)

omg i love byleth so much im crying ok. i HATE when people say byleth doesnt have a personality!! just a few days ago i was thinking about the animated cutscene at the beginning of the game, the one when you see all the students. that cutscene begins with byleth reading a book, then the clock bells ring, yk? well, i LOVE that little detail of byleth reading. bc think about it: a 20-something yo mercenary is hired as a professor at the great official academy of garreg mach. byleth knows well she is not competent. but its a job, its her job now, so she must do her best. and so she starts reading all kind of books about magic and history and weapons and tactics. she knows shes not a good professor (yet), but she wants to be one!! so she does everything in her power to be one!!!!

or the fact that the first time we can see byleth smiling is when they give food to a cat/dog? its waaaay before the flayn's rescue, which is the canon "first time" the house leaders see byleth smile.

people often complain about byleth being a silent protagonist. in my opinion, OF COURSE BYLETH is not very talkative. they grow up in a mercenary company, they probably never interacted with someone with their age before the academy! (remember byleth doesnt meet leonie when jeralt goes to her village.) they never had a friend. and now byleth is supposed to be a perfect professor?

but byleth tries. byleth gets better with people. in fact, i think byleth actually gets more lines in the second part of the game (i should check but im pretty sure).

byleth also is more expressive post-timeskip. i'll never forget the "... :( " face byleth does when dimitri says its better to go rescue lady rhea before taking fhirdiad (his feral phase, i dont remember the exact moment but its during a war council in the first part of the post-timeskip). or the fact byleth has an angry face when talking to feral-dimitri during the exploration days (i mean the sundays).

also, apparently byleth has a very bad sense of humor. after the fhirdiad map in azure moon, when byleth and dimitri talks, he says "you taught me something very important" and byleth can say "humor?" and dimitri responds something like "you never let up, do you?", which means its not the first time byleth says a silly (but loved!!) comment.

do i think byleth should have got dubbed lines in three houses? of course i do. but even with the little lines they have we can see their personality.

IN THIS HOUSE WE LOVE AND RESPECT BYLETH!!!!!!!

thank u anon i love talking about my beloved!!

[afaramir]

20 questions for writers!

tagged by @emyn-arnens literally over a month ago and im finally getting to it now lol much love thank you for continuing to tag me in things even though im the worst at doing them sometimes.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 65 (15 of them are under my archive pseud though lol)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 265,381

3. What fandoms do you write for? actively writing for lotr, pacific rim, my secret little marvel rarepair

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? these are so funny they're all my avatar work from before i remade on this blog. well throwback i guess. they're still dear to me.

open arms, atla sokka coming out to his dad

earth system history, atla sokka/zuko college au where zuko is an earth scientist

[redacted h*rry p*tter work from 2016]

love's not for show, atla bato/hakoda sokka creates a master plan to get his dad and bato to admit that theyre dating but they're NOT

knife loves heart, human loves human, james bond 007/q post-spectre fixit fic (my Only 00q and possibly also my only fixit fic?)

5. Do you respond to comments? i try so so so hard but the executive function that allows me to say anything coherent only comes around every so often lol

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? a couple contenders for this one but if we're talking strictly the ending probably i'm not leaving (til we make it home) (exu calamity patia & laerryn / patia & the ring of brass exploring her relationship with love and loneliness and finally being free to express how much she loves her friends only in the last hours of her life and dying happy for it).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? also a couple contenders for this one but i feel like many of them are tinged with not a small amount of melancholy. so we are going with a big throwback to sun through open windows (atlok mako/wu plotless little morning routines fic that is about nothing in particular but also about realizing you have everything your younger self thought you would never have).

8. Do you get hate on fics? not in a long long time (like probably 7-8 years) thank god!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes although none of it is published (yet). what kind? idk man whatever im horny about this month. ok but for serious. really been into character developing smut. do u know what i mean. i’m telling you something about who each of these people are and how they view each other through the way they fuck. this probably says quite a lot about me

10. Do you write crossovers? i'm not much for the kind where characters from different franchises Interact, but i am partial to taking some guys and translating them to a different setting. ah to put characters in a situation and watch as the fundamental core of their being stays the same....

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? hope not lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? not that i'm aware of!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes! we have not finished it but it's absolutely CORE thesis-level influential on my entire psyche. even if we never get back to it i'll think about it until the day i die and that is not an exaggeration.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? of ALL TIME? i straight up dont know if i can answer this one. ALL TIME???? my long-term emotional permanence is NOT good enough and my recency bias is too strong for this. ok i think the only way i can answer this is with the ship that has gotten the deepest into my psyche and my soul. which is yancytendo pacific rim. they. affect me. on a level i will probably never be able to fully explain. the 'giving a guy built only to be a thematic device a personality and a history and deep gut-wrenching grief' of it all. the 'you are in love with a guy who is doomed by the narrative and despite your best efforts it means that he is a personification of all the grief you carry inside of you' of it all. yancy becket you will live forever in my heart tendo choi you will ALWAYS be famous. augh. yeah i picked right

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

hmm probably something about the way you look tonight, my mallorytanner thesis statement fic, the genesis of which was genuinely a life-altering event to me. i was listening to the titular elton john song walking home from a general chemistry exam in the snow and i was struck so violently with An Image for truly the first time in my life. truly not ONCE before that moment had that happened to me. this was in my freshman year of college this fic has existed in various forms for going on FIVE YEARS. will it ever be done. GOD i fucking hope so. i actually do hold out hope for that one.

the one i am actually hopeless on ever finishing is orogenesis, the sprawling expanded stemverse pianjeong backstory au fic. the whole structure of it is quite clear in my head actually. i just didn't have the life experience to create the plot structure to go with the emotional beats when it generated itself in my mind in 2020-21 and now that i DO have it the problem is that the inciting event is incredibly clear to me and yet bears too close of a resemblance to. personal events and horrors. for me to ever finish it! i'll think about it forever though. creating and writing that au changed my life for real it was the longest thing i'd ever written and the best when i wrote it and it's still very close to my heart.

16. What are your writing strengths? characterization and character development baby. evocative use of metaphor in descriptions of both character and setting. lavish description.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? PLOT. cant create that from my brain and i rarely attempt it. i have plenty of stuff to write about that does not require it. relatedly not great at worldbuilding.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? generally don't do it much except for a stray word or two. i don't mind reading it though! tolkien fic writers who translate full sentences you are god's strongest soldiers.

19. First fandom you wrote for? ough this one will be embarrassing. entering the archive pseud. wait is it also tolkien that's funny. life is a circle in some ways. this is first fandom on my ao3 account btw. the VERY first one i wrote for...i will take that knowledge to the grave.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

ah i feel like my answer for this one changes every time but i can't help it, i love many of my darlings equally. this time im giving the spotlight to life holds onto you, my chris pike & jim kirk post-star trek 2009 fic that is a few thousand words of 'what if your sort of son feared that you thought he was taking everything you ever wanted from you and he is right that you have thought that but you are learning how wrong you are.' i cried in the university library writing it and reread it recently and remembered it was good. recency bias baby

tagging the usual suspects @potatoesandsunshine @aaronstveit

[gkt-tummyaches]

hii, im just kinda curious so sorry if this is kinda annoying 😭 but what are ur thoughts on blossom x boomer?

blossoomer is… fine. i don't have any strong positive opinions on it but it's honestly just cus of the fanon tropes i see for it. 'nerd x idiot' is a dynamic i hate, and the various 'autism x adhd' that's been shoved down my throat is getting a little tiring too.

it's all pretty stigmatizing, and centering a ship entirely around those two facets is enough to just make me lose interest. i don't hate blossoomer, but i've definitely been put off it more than once.

factor in that in [my] headcanon, they don't even share friend groups, so there's not a lot of reason for them to overlap or get together. blossom and boomer are both characters i struggle to really match with anybody romantically, so there's that too.

i don't really have a lot to say about them, though, so this post isn't going to be nearly as in-depth as i try to explore other ships. sorry !

all that being said, i do understand the appeal of blossoomer as well. looking at it without my personal biases against fanon and headcanons, they're kinda cute.

they kind of give me ice cream parlor vibes at first ? like boomer would try to impress blossom with more traditional/classic date locations; the slow-paced ones where you walk around the boardwalk or the park, stop for a coffee or a lunch. inoffensive, not overly romantic or grand gesturing.

he probably is hoping to show blossom that he's able to take things slow. maybe worries about scaring her away.

a total misread of who she is, as by the sixth date, she's probably decided that a monster fight is a way to ramp up the pace a little bit. covered in guts and detritus and questionable fluids by the end of it, a little out of breath, but triumphant and grinning - and if boomer wasn't already smitten, well now he's entirely head over heels because wow.

there's an allure to put-together blossom turning out to be something of a 'dynamite babe' ? you kind of forget she's capable of levelling a cityblock when she spends so much time behaving as a regular, powerless citizen; focusing on her studies, her career path, very normal things that belie just how dangerous she can be.

boomer's a moth to a lamp that way.

the other side of it i think is blossom thinks boomer's just generic retriever boyfriend material at the start. it's not exactly the type of person she'd be satisfied in settling for, so she jumps them into action to see how he'll do.

he's… still kind of a retriever boyfriend. but it seems like after the little spectacle, something's broken down the barrier that kept him passing the boundary into truly engaging. it's like he had kept himself tightly-wound so as not to scare her away - and there's probably history in that, probably been shut down a few times before for being 'too much' - only to spring to life with this newfound reassurance that blossom can take it.

still think they have a healthy dose of respect for their own personal time. they're a couple that, when together, are buzzing with excitement. always in motion. it's surprisingly energetic and social for the both of them given how low-energy and nonplussed they appear to the world independently. seems like it could be fun ! i don't think they'd be equals; lowkey i see blossom kind of envisioning herself as a little above boomer, in multiple aspects. i think if boomer ever caught on, it'd be one of their biggest points of contention: that blossom doesn't see them on the same level. blossoomer also isn't a ship that strikes me as particularly long-lasting because of this. kind of a whirlwind romance ? flying so high until they plummet. messy breakup, etc.

[anonymityisfunwriter]

🥇 Comment Hall of Fame 🥇

I really like when people comment. What better way to encourage interaction than by rewarding it? Here's a running list of some of my favorite comments, the ones that made me laugh, the ones that made me cry, the ones that kept me going. I love all the comments I get but these are just some of my faves from AO3, Tumblr, and Wattpad. You guys are all the best. 💛

"This series has the same equivalence to the mini episode cartoons like teen titans go but like BETTER I LOVE THIS SO MUCH" - @/thatboyisagunn · I remember watching the OG Teen Titans as a kid, so I really loved this comment. Plus, it sort of gave me the idea to do like one-shots as 'mini episodes'.

"“…morally ambiguous, sarcastic, charming brunette“ I know this is supposed to be referring to Flynn Rider, but it sounds an awful lot like Bucky to me. Loved this whole story! I was smiling the whole way through." - @/bookish_irish_dancer ·I laughed for an hour when this lovely commenter said this, because, yes, that is absolutely what I was going for.

"T Swizzle is a national treasure and I will fight to the death for her." @/aswiftlytiltinguniverse ·I will too. Okay, maybe not to the death, but I will post a lot of fics with TS references.

"I GODDAMN LOVE THIS SONG DUDE. THE ANGST, THE PAIN, THE CONFUSION AND GODDAMN JOHN I HATE YOU. BARNES I LOVE YOU AND SAMUEL YOU BIG BROTHER. I'm LOVING this Tay Swift-ness author." @toomanyfanficsbruh ·I like inciting John Walker hate. Especially all caps hate. This just made me laugh so hard tbh.

"Sis, as much as i love your stories and this story.. THIS WAS A PUNCH TO THE GUT, WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS *VIRTUALLY PUKES BECAUSE YEAH, I HAVE A FULL STOMACH RN* (but whatever i still love you uwu😊🤣😭🤗)" @/youraveragehotmessofabisexual ·The "why would you do something like this" really had me cheesy grinning like I know I just hurt my entire audience, but wasn't it fun?

"“LeTs NoT gEt EmOtIoNaL” my ass. I’m emotional. Let me emote 😭" @/BuckySimp101 ·This comment made me emote. And keep going with the GrumpyxSunshine series after Two Sides of The Same Coin.

"I challenge you to a duel anonymityisfun. You hear me duel, I hope you have a blood donner cos you're gonna need it ( I'm hating where this is going but loving your update speed. Keep it up )( side note I moved to mars so you're going to have to come here for out duel. )" @i-wanna-burn-the-world ·I can say with absolute certainty that I'd never been challenged to a duel before this comment. It's happened a few times since then to be honest.

"THIS MADE ME CRY AND I DONT MEAN JUST TEARED UP I MEAN I FUCKING CRIED MAN" @/Jwritesstuff ·If you couldn't tell, I really love comments that yell at me about what I made people feel. I love it.

"WHY WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO US IM LITERALLY CRYING RIGHT NOW WHY OH GOD WHY ARE THEY TREATING HER LIKE HOW HYDRA TREATED WINTER SOLDIER 😭😭😭 THEY DONT EVEN LET HER TAKE HER BELONGINGS ITS LIKE SHES NOT EVEN HUMAN THE WAY THEYRE TREATING HER OH GOD YOU'RE PAYING MY THERAPY 😭😭😭😭 THE TITLE ITSELF GOT ME HOLDING MY SEAT LIKE WDYM LAST KISS" @/Marquiserose ·This comment always makes me cheesy grin. I love the enthusiasm.

"SAM YOU BITCH! YOU CANT JUST LEAVE US! RULE NUMBER ONE!!!" @/any_ways ·Now, you guys didn't know what I knew, but the visceral reaction everyone had to Sam at the end of Two Sides of The Same Coin was *chef's kiss*

"When I gave this story my heart it was under the impression that you wouldn’t tear it out of my chest and stomp on it" @/HopeMAnd21 ·I know it sounds silly, but I like knowing that I can make people feel things. That the words I write can actually impact a person warms my little heart.

"I always have no feedback, criticism or words, but…I once again am lost. This whole this has twist and turns, one right after the other. I really don’t know what to say. This should be a mini book that I can hold in my hands and it has that little penguin on the spine, and anonymityisfun written under the title. I’m going to cherish this. When I’m bored and want twists and turns and sorrow, this is what I’ll read. You should be very proud!" @/any_ways ·Listen, I am, by no stretch of the imagination, a crier, but this comment made me cry. Being published, being able to call myself an author, even the idea of ever getting to put something out into the world, it's been my dream since I was a kid. Ugh, it just made my heart swell.

"you really did take all these characters and made them your own. from all the fanfictions i've read, your version of marvel characters are by far my favourite. i also feel very happy seeing this full circle moment because i still remember very vividly how sad i felt when i read how alone sunshine was. thank you for this series and i hope this is not the end!!" @/khirtelt ·This felt so important because, while legally I own very little rights to these characters, they do very much feel like my characters and my stories. They all have little pieces of me, both good and bad, and I'm very proud of the work I've put into these stories.

"110% babygirlification of Bucky Barnes" @/thesweetestheart ·I do not mind being attributed to the continued babygirlification of Bucky Barnes. It's now my life goal.

"I was thinking of you when the Taylor swift album dropped I HOPE U LOVED IT 🕺🏾🕺🏾🕺🏾 Also another Drabble masterpiece as PER USUAL" @buckbuckyoongs ·When you think Taylor Swift, I hope you think of me.

"I need a friend that loves me as much as Sam and Sunny love each other... AHEM, I SAID I NEED A FRIEND THAT LOVES ME AS MUCH AS SAM AND SUNNY LOVE EACH OTHER. please? (Now I just sit and wait until someone starts talking to me... I'm gonna be here for a while.)" @i-wanna-burn-the-world ·We all need a friendship like Sam and Sunshine.

"i ADORE THIS. I LOVE ITI WOUL KILL AND DIE FOR THIS. YOURE AMAZING AND I APRECIATE YOU POSTING YOUR WRITING, SO MUCH. I LITERALLY WIND DOWN AT NIGHT WITH YOUR STORIES-" @/ValerieQ "TYSM💜 AND OFC YOURE LITERALLY A GODDESS I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND-" @/ValerieQ ·This was all one comment thread and when I tell you, I was having a rough go of it, I needed this. You all hype me up so much, but this comment just made my heart melt. I'm so glad that my silly little stories are a place you guys can go to unwind and hang out. I love that so much.

"another beautiful work from @/anonymityisfunwriter and i can’t tell if i love or resent them for the pain they put me through. every. time." @mediocre-daydreams ·I wonder if they decided if they love me or they resent me yet. Either way, I'm glad I make you guys feel all the feelings. It's my goal.

"Binged the shit out of this and fell in love. I cried, I weeped, my heart swelled with so much love for these two. Honestly this series felt like a hot bowl of homemade soup on a cold day." @kjdara ·"A hot bowl of homemade soup on a cold day" Please, the way that made me choke up. One of the best, sweetest comments I've ever gotten.

"I found the sound on TT literally just scrolling through and screamed "Bucky don't leave her! She's your sunshine"... Needless to say I have a meeting with the boss man about time theft" @/MandaRinne ·The time theft part made me laugh, and also worry, but I'll take it as a good thing you guys think of the Grumpy x Sunshine series while scrolling TikTok.

"I'm glad they made up and love love the twist at the end. Because it truly signifies that sunshine is a fighter. And I love sunshine and I try to strive towards adopting the better parts of her personality into mine everyday. Fr." @/youraveragehotmessofabisexual -This, and I'm not even exaggerating, left me a little speechless. It will never not blow my mind that anyone actually cares about anything I've written.

I'll be adding to this every now and then. I just wanted to do this to show my appreciation to everyone who's supported me, it's the greatest feeling in the world. If you're here, if you've ever left comment, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, I love you all so much. 💛

And please, take this as a sign to show support to other amazing creators and authors, comments, reblogs, kudos, it makes a world of a difference. 💛

And, if for whatever reason, you're on this list and don't want to be, just let me know and I'll take it down. 💛

[yellobb]

5 and 13 for the ao3 asks 😌

Thank you so much for the ask!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

5. Did anything you read make you cry?

Gosh, yes. Quite a few actually.

To be completely honest (and please skip to the recs if you don’t want to read me over sharing), fanfic is my escapism, and I love using it to make myself feel better, but sometimes I just need to sit with the pain that I’m in. A lot of the times, when I’m feeling super shitty, I’ll seek sad stuff out so I can get my tears out and have that catharsis. It may not be the healthiest, but it’s also not the worst.

The main ones that get to me are MCD (especially final battle fics that end with one of the boys killing the other), break up fics where we really get to sit with one of the boys for their spiraling, and ones where Simon feels insecure about his body. These recs are mostly MCD, since I’m having trouble finding the other ones are way more difficult and I’ve already spent 45 minutes on this ask lmao. But here you are, fics I read this year that made me cry (please mind the tags on all of them)!

i love you, im sorry by @/lovely_weiying. Jesus Christ, this one. This fic reached deep into my heart and tore it right out. Fuck, dude. It’s got Simon dealing with a lot of issues, and goes completely above and beyond with its MCD. Major trigger warning for suicide on this one. It’s definitely not for the faint of heart.

Post-it Note Boys by @/CanadianSnow. Another MCD. This one hurts, but it’s one of the sweetest and most heartfelt fics you’ll ever read. It spans a lifetime of doodles on post-it notes that Simon gifts to Baz. Not much can be said about this fic that hasn’t already been said, since it’s one of the more well-known ones, I believe. Technically I didn’t read this one for the first time this year, but I did give it a reread and cry, so I’m counting it lol

my heart lies in your bones by @/doodleishere. This is perhaps the saddest body swap or magical mishap I’ve ever read. It's another MCD, so be warned. Simon is fighting a creature, but Baz follows him. When Simon tries to cast a spell that will give him a better view of the creature, he accidentally switches bodies with Baz and doesn’t realize what he’s done until Baz is killed. In. Simon’s. Body. So now Simon is stuck living in the body of the man he accidentally killed. This is full of so many heart-wrenching moments, but it does have a happy ending, so it's a bit safer than the previous two recs.

I'm here, my little puff by @confused-bi-queer. The only non-MCD on the list (technically). This one is so gut-wrenching because it’s written entirely from Natasha’s perspective, before her death and through the Veil. Listening to Baz’s self-hatred is hard enough when it’s not through the eyes of his mother, who loves him despite the things he thinks she’ll hate him for. This could easily be seen as canon-compliant, and it has a sequel where Natasha and Lucy come back through the Veil 20 years after the first time to meet the entire Snow-Grimm-Pitch family, so you have some fluff to help with the pain.

And the final one: my tears ricochet by @annabellelux. Huge shoutout to Marta for helping me find this again, since this is the first one that came to mind when I started thinking about this question, but I could not for the life of me find it. This fic is MCD, so be warned. Simon kills Baz in the final battle and immediately regrets it, but it’s too late. Baz talks to his mother after death, and she decides to pass on, so Baz decides to deliver her message for her. When he returns, though, he can’t talk to Fiona or Malcolm, so he has to face a distraught Simon in order to avenge his mother’s death. There are no words for how much this fic destroyed me (in the best way), especially when Baz first comes through the veil and has to witness the grief his death has brought. I cannot recommend this enough (and don’t worry, it has a happy ending :))

13. What trope do you think you read the most of?

Honestly, that’s a great question. When I’m reading, I tend to read through the general searches, then find a fic I love and try to find all the fics similar to that. I end up going down a lot of rabbit holes that way. Here’s some tropes I know I’ve read a lot of (non-Simon Snow ones have the fandom in parenthesis):

Hanahaki AU

Time Travel (usually the “the boys see their future” kind)

Pining Baz (sorry babes)

Getting Together

Hurt/Comfort

Stark Industries Field Trip (yes this is a trope in the MCU Spider-Man fandom. There are almost 1000 fics)

Magic reveals (BBC Merlin)

Again, not really sure which I’ve spent the most time reading, so those are in no particular order. I’d give out some recs, but there are too many to broadly encompass the categories, so let me know if you want ones from a specific trope and I got you!

[wulvert]

IM VERY LATE BUT TRIPTRACK!! did terry only get. created? after the divorce or does toad just. forget he has a 2nd child. very in character 4 him if so. i want 2 explode him with my mind

ALSO UR CREATURES,,,TELL US MORE ABOUT THM,,,i lov red n tex nd i project my arospecness onto them bc their "friends but also not JUST friends but also-" is so real 2 me,,,howevr,,,do u have any untold info in ur brain u can give us abt the rest of ur lesser seen beasts like shae nd tara nd mouse n mits nd...toad...i GUESS. . i absorbed all the terry lore into my brain from the other person's ask and im so hungry 4 more info,,,

u can also give any silly paperteeth lore here too if its in ur brain!! i want 2 devour all ur characters (even toad,,,he is so well-written 2 make me hate his guts) they r so goofy (/pos!!) i need 2 rotate every single one of them in my thoughts,,,

im back with clingfilm on my head i hope i can finally just. have my normal hair again im too lazy to keep dying it anyway! yeah so toad didnt have anything to do with terry, he sucks but he would def remember terry for. reasons.

yea i think a qpr is probs the best definition for what they have!

i hate how i handled shae- triptrack is something i cannot look at for more than five seconds without going i need to rip this apart and put it back together again- shae is like. H. shes kind of just obsessed with being peak performance like best form out of the entire sentient population- but like tex is a fairly indestructable robot and yeah. shaes also autohemophobic is that a word i think its a word. ( NO T HOMOPHOBIC SHE'S AN ALLY and her pronouns r she/they yeah like shae im yeah. and shes named after shea butter but i forgot how to spell shea. which. im pretty dumb im not going to lie to you. i think theyre the only character in triptrack that im set on that for bc. it sounds like shae. and i think thats art. nothing happened to her they just like decided to become a cyborg to like beat everyone else

also webtoon nerfed her boobs i cant beleive this world is so cruel

anwyay

mouse and mits ive decided r gay since my last post and in love and now sell homemade furry ish masks together

tara needs more screentime bc just like. girlboss this isnt what ur husband meant when he said he wanted kids. but like. girlboss....

i think most of the stuff abt toad and tara is spoilers rn but knowing me i'll fail to explain it on every level so like . ill probs post about it eventually.

papertee th i keep forgetting 2 add and i think i forgot to mention the seeing in the dark on the otherposts i made - avery needs reading glasses but since vampires can see better in the dark, she doesnt need them if she's reading in the dark- but to her the ambience of reading in the dark is awful so she refuses. she also refuses to wear her reading glasses if anyones watching but she obviously needs them because shes holding the book 10 miles away from her face (longsighted) nobody cares mundane but i want to draw her wearing glasses and i need to provide context before i do. the science of her not needing them in the dark is not there. it. vampires arent scientce though

AND THANK U UUU im glad im not the only one rotating them in the microwave

[inolienkiki]

OH MY FUCKING GOD DARK ONE FORGOTTEN im fuckingf sobbing what was that. why arent people talking about that. it was so good and im gonna have a headache tonight because i cried but i don't care because i heard this story. go listen to it now

and I had it in my notes! I had this idea in my notes!! (went and checked and it's not in my notes) ok but at some point I wrote down a character who uses a curse to their advantage, and then I read alcatraz and was like oh that's not what I meant but I guess it's fun, but THIS. THIS DOES IT. SO WELL. and at some other point I wrote a short story about a functionally invisible character and that was before i read the schwa was here and this is actually one of my favorite tropes but this is the best one. this is absolutely the best one. endorsing dark one forgotten as the best functionally invisible story

went on coppermind to find the actors and coppermind forgot about them tooooo chris and sophie don't even have coppermind pages wtaf why did no one listen to this

i think its rachel jacobs and sophie oda and i can't find much info about either of them but they were boht fucking amazing. dear god thank you rachel jacobs. the number of times you said the other actors were really good and then you completely blew them out of the water. you made me tear up at least twice and the other time it was sophie oda so points to all of you

the story. can't even explain waht thsi is. true crime horror mystery fantasy? and I don't even like the first half of that sentence but I don't care because the story punched me in the gut and I didn't even need to understand the worldbuilding. chris asked questions and consulted experts and ran experiments and she got my heart. skeptical about sophie but she was there the entire time. not her project, not her obsession, not her responsibility, but she stayed, and she helped. chris and sophie said they weren't a couple and I was immediately like "yeah if they weren't both women(, bitch) that would be foreshadowing" and IT WAS FUCKIGN FORESHADOWING istg. This. This is also the best romance. And I hate romance I'm arospec lmao but dear god this got me. the sheer dedication to stare at somebody for eight god damn hours straight and then the music box scene. the music box scene. I got to it and I knew it was going to happen as soon as sophie asked but it still blew my mind and broke my heart that she did. because sophie is the best person in the world.

I have not been making sanderson reread update posts, and I read rithmatist and all of reckoners, but I'd already read most of those and there's nothing notable about lux except the plot holes and they didn't hit me hard like fucking dark one forgotten did. i barely knew this existed. It came out during the year of sanderson and yet nobody includes it in the book count. (There were 8 books/stories released, cowards, not 5.) but also I feel the need to mention that I thought dark one was quite good as well, but also that it feels like only the first chapter of a story so I can't say much else as of yet, I guess? I need more dark one. now. anything mirandus. why is nobody talking about this thing

also I feel the need to mention that there were she-ra references? like, references to the reboot, which is hands down my #2 favorite show (can't compete with dark but nothing can lol). and they were good references and they made sense. I started laughing hysterically when sophie said "hey adora". has brandon sanderson watched she-ra and the princesses of power? is this canon? I mean he definitely needs to

[iantimony]

gut shabbospost

in the posting mines

listening: officially in partizan proper! i'm almost done with episode 1, i'm still in the "who are these people i do not care yet" phase of starting a new fatt season but it'll sink in soon. i knew a little about twilight mirage going into it but i know literally nothing about partizan beyond the name clementine kesh and that janine played a big deer robot so it's very exciting to see where it goes! i also listened to more synthtober and downloaded a new podcast that i have not started yet called the 7 bells podcast and it's a readthrough of the old kingdom trilogy because mentally i am back in that cycle of Ough Abhorsen

reading: perchance to dream (jinkandtherebels): xiyao dream incense but used in non-horny ways! very innovative for dream incense considering canon imo. forever onward, scion (oldestenemy): wizard101 fic, found it linked on tumblr, standard darkfic fare of Man This Could Be Fucked Up Or What but i liked the way it was written

watching: i watched invasion of the body snatchers (1956) on monday! helped run a grad student halloween movie night for my department, turnout was good enough that we actually ran out of pizza which was awesome. i'd never seen it before somehow so it was fun, definitely goofy in the 1950s movie way (when he slapped the kid's ass on the way out of the office in the beginning.........), i'm not 100% sure why the ending was the way it was? like, i feel like it would have been more interesting to leave the viewer in suspense of "oh no, will he be believed eventually?? will the pod people take over entirely???" instead of wrapping it up in a neat little bow. also "operator, please wire me in to the fbi/the governor" made me laugh a lot. imagine doing that today. making: laptop case done!! and i need to try on my tank top to make sure the straps are long enough but that's almost done too. pottery from the week attached as a screenshot of a fb message because i don't want to upload all of them here and can't be assed to paste them all into one canvas haha

misc: just got out of my first grief therapy session and i feel like a wrung-out rag :D which i KNOW means that it's good for me or whatever but ough. oughhh. also something might be really broken with my research stuff. im running something now to see if it fixes it but i have the Fear at the moment. this weekend i am going to drive for an hour to a bigger city to buy glaze because i kinda hate the glaze that my teacher provides, sorry angela, and then that way i can glaze things at home in between classes :3 but i need to figure out something else to do while i'm there so i don't drive an hour each way just for One Thing. i can go to trader joes. i can try and hit some of the good thrift stores. that's probably enough stuff.

[nvr-pass]

actually re: my tags on my previous post bc i remembered this is my blog and i can monologue about whatever pretentious shit i want. i think part of my bewilderment at these people is bc my media behaviour is so antithetical to this happening. here's an essay or w/e ..

basically, i read blake snyder's save the cat a couple years ago (interesting, if you read it with a huge grain of salt) and he talks about the importance of taglines. he's says that people will only decide to see your movie based on a single sentence and poster the cinema/magazine provides about your movie, so it's important to make sure to communicate your hook and set up the correct expectations in your audience in just that little impression they will get. that's what they will decide on to see your movie and that's what will dictate how the think about it beginning to end.

synder's only thinking in the specific milieu and time he wrote his screenplays for, but i think he was onto something with the huge impact of what your audience thinks the movie will be beforehand. if the audience somehow gets the wrong impression before the movie even started, there's a good chance they will hate your movie, regardless of its actual quality. (q.e.d. those reviews i made fun of.)

like i said, synder's view on the issue is very limited, but you've always had to have heard of a piece of media somehow. something, somewhere brought you to it and what exactly it was that got you interested has a huge (often subconscious) impact on what you will think of it. there has to be a reason why you think it will interest you.

there are no more tv guides that dictate our cinema night, but there sure are trailers and reviews and promotion posts and whatever our friend tell us. it's still very much happening.

and i dislike it. i really dislike knowing half the movie from the trailer alone. i dislike the entire set-up of the movie being incredibly boring because i already know what will happen from a 5 second snippet in the trailer. and this doesn't make the movie unenjoyable (unless it's really really bad) because there is loads of enjoyment to be found it stories that you already know (see any popular shakespeare play. im not watching them bc i want to know the plot!). but i still wonder how i often i actually watch a movie i know nothing about. how often im watching them like the makers thought i would, being introduced to every element only as it appears.

ever since, i've made an actual effort to know as little about a piece of media as possible before experiencing it. i've still managed to find stuff i like, often through obscure tumblr posting by users i know share the same taste in media as me. and sometimes through sheer luck and curiosity like clicking on random youtube recommendations of musical bootlegs.

and i am by now means saying that this is the superior media experience! i watched heathers, thinking it would be like highschool musical during act 1 and then i was gutted. i loved it. but there are very good reasons why heathers should have appropriate content warnings and i would not recommend it to others without mentioning the murder (or knowing the other person very very well). knowingly avoiding content indicators is born from the privilege of being okay to see all fictional content there could be and being open to any genre. it works for me because i enjoy it and find it interesting this way.

i just often think about how differently we all experience the same piece of media, not just from our internal bias but also from the trivial fact of how we heard of it and what we already know or expect from it.

i also made the experience that not knowing what a piece of media's strength is supposed to be leaves me open to appreciate any strength i find. this often has to do with genre expectations: for example i don't care if the plot of an action movie is stupid if the action scenes are cool, and i don't care if the action scenes in a romantic comedy are silly if the relationships are interesting etc. that's not what these movies are about! i find that when i don't know what my genre expectations are supposed to be im very forgiving to any flaws or weaknesses bc im assuming that that's probably not what it is about and that's okay. i try to find what it is about and what they were trying to do and i value it for whatever it does manage well.

i notice this a lot with with people watching a movie from a genre they are not familiar with. im thinking especially western audiences watching asian cinema. it operates by completely different rules because it's its own culture and idustry and often gets dragged (very very unfairly) for being "cheap". this is purely bc said audience is expecting and judging things that the makers of these movies or shows obviously never thought were the most important. and if you impose onto these movies that these things should be the most important and should be done a certain way, then that might be your own valid interpretation of whatever, but i think it's your own fault if you didn't like it.

trying to understand media while being cautious about whatever expectations you impose upon it can really make you enjoy movies so much more without having to compromise your annoying(affectionate) overanalyzing. trust me. open your mind, step into the light. bad movies can have earnest attempts to convey something if your willing to look kindly. picking it apart will be much more fun if you're trying to locate the little kernel that did work and trying to find why it worked and what its pitwalls were and how they could've been avoided.

anyways i lied this wasn't an essay it was just a ramble about media approaches. feel free to leave a comment of any length if you have any thoughts on this :^)

[8-evil-annoying-catboys]

slightly controversial take among people who actually watch stranger things although it is not the least bit controversial among people who don’t: season 4 was kinda fucking disappointing. eddie becoming a hero at the last moment is what makes the most sense for his character arc, but when a show introduces a beloved/mostly-beloved doomed side character in EVERY season it takes away the suspense and the surprise of them dying. also, hopper being alive after being presumed dead at the end of season 3 ruined the suspense of other characters’ peril, specifically max’s, and his own peril in volume 2 after they broke back into the prison. i knew he would be fine and i knew max would be alive at the end of the season. the only thing i didn’t see coming was max (technically) dying and her coma after eleven revives her, i didn’t anticipate there’d be any sort of chink in the plot armor around her and the other main characters for that to happen even if she did come back after. i remember before volume 2 came out, i talked to my coworkers about stranger things who were worried steve would die, and i was like “no dude, if anyone dies it’ll be eddie, which i really don’t want that to happen because i love eddie, but it’s the only thing that really makes sense as a conclusion for his arc, because how the fuck would they convince the town that he didn’t kill 3 people?” and i hate that i was right but it was so predictable that instead of being surprised or even sad i was just pissed because they’ve done this to us every season, except arguably season 3 because billy wasn’t universally beloved and i personally sure as hell hated his guts, but they introduced a hot dangerous guy that people woobified tbh and then killed him so he kinda counts. but in season 1 they did this with barb, season 2 it was bob, season 3 it was billy, so as soon as chrissy died, or arguably as soon as eddie was introduced, you could clearly see his death coming. for me that part was the most irritating of the entire season. i also don’t like the weird shit they’re pulling with steve and nancy and i don’t like the way robin and her love life were treated either. maybe im just gay but nancy had the most chemistry and sexual tension with robin out of anyone else, and the chemistry between her and steve felt like… like, okay, yeah, if you’re around your ex that much by necessity without your current partner around, there’s gonna be some tension, but it felt forcibly amplified and deprived nancy of her agency. i would’ve been much more satisfied if she had the same dilemma of “oh shit, i have a boyfriend, but damn…” but in the process she discovers she’s a bisexual queen, and robin’s band crush just sadly turned out to be straight. it’s cool that it seems like she’s bi so they’re giving us (bisexuals) a crumb too, but it would’ve been cooler if it was nancy, a central character, especially because it wouldn’t have been the writers forcing her back into a relationship that was toxic based on the “if we met now” “changed man” shit. “sorry, steve, that ship has sailed, maybe ya should’ve been more respectful to nancy while ya had the chance, but we’re glad you’re more mature now, also i’m discovering that i’m bisexual because i’m totally into your lesbian best friend” would be much more interesting and satisfying than “well, damn, if we were meeting for the first time now And I Didn’t Have A Boyfriend i’d fuck you so maybe we SHOULD get back together.”

honestly, there’s so many things to complain about, but this post is so fucking long already. let me add a disclaimer though that while i don’t think a story has to be unpredictable to be good, i DO think that if you circle through the same basic narrative structure enough times in a single story, it gets boring and unsatisfying. the comedic rule of 3s (the first time it’s funny, the second time it’s a little funnier, the third time it’s HILARIOUS but any more is overkill) applies to dramatic or tragic works too. if you create a show and you get to season 4, you should switch your basic outline a little. but honestly i think season 3, or even season 2, would’ve been a perfectly fine place to end stranger things, the story had pretty much run its course by the end of season 2 and definitely had by the finale of season 3. but if you’re gonna run a story past it’s natural end, using the same plot structure isn’t just beating a dead horse, that horse is a fucking pulp, my guy.

[ootahime]

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission.  the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight.  mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward.  utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically.  notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help.  if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued.  however, she didn’t.  she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.  

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer.  she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful.  we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in.  she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward.  this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.  

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79.  she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up.  she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination.  she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.  

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious.  in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass?  i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question.  is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it?  well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all.  in my opinion, he’s just teasing her.  he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up.  maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post.  but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak.  he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is.  gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power.  in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet.  he’s probably only ever heard of how it works.  this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm?  ur cursed technique is singing?  can u show me?

utahime: what!  no way!  

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha!  u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT?  why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i!  am!  your!  senpai!  respect!  me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people.  we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.  

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.”  i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger.  remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident?  gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too.  even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away.  this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.  

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things.  i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime.  they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two.  gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others.  him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least.  this is just pure skill.  she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta.  he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her.  how do we know her CT isn’t speed?  after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off.  if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty.  she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t.  of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others.  let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either.  you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.  

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami.  i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet.  is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami?  i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown.  let me explain in depth.  todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash?  that was mentioned first, after all.  gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.”  i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine.  i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo.  with nanami and takuma it makes sense.  nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo?  what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else?  i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think?  this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question.  i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little.  i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

[mendesbadrepuation]

Knife Play || Bucky Barnes

*gifs not mine...creds to owner*

Pairing: Bucky x Avenger Y/n 

Background: It’s simple. You have an itch that needs to be scratched. If he’s willing to play then he too needs to be scratched. We all know how boring it can get when everyone is out of the Avengers Compound for the weekend. Except for the two people in the place who have always had an attraction for each other. 

Mature Content Warning: slight knife kink, unprotected sex (male x fem), very slight spitting, just a sprinkle of fingering, 18+ minors DNI

A/n: this is my first time posting smut. I never have had the confidence to do this. Just felt like it’s not my best quality when it comes to writing. Posting this for fun and as always everyone is welcome for feedback! :)

•••••

I was training late in the afternoon in the compound. I had an itch that needed to be scratched and the best way to release those feelings were working out. It was strangely quiet around the building today and it was expected to be like that for a couple of days. Really I think it was just me here and Tony’s technology. I had a faint idea that maybe someone else was here but we haven’t crossed paths yet.

I pick off my blades from the target board one by one. Each of the knives were sitting side by side each other. My aim was about as good as Clint’s. He did have some credit for making me who I am today. My skin was hot and lightly covered in sweat. I was training in a tiny black sports bra and tight spandex shorts. The sports bra left nothing to the imagination. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror to the side. Pieces of my hair had fallen around to frame my face. My braids were a little messy but still holding together.

Without looking at the target I shut my eyes and throw one knife. I hear it hit the board and I open my eyes to see where it landed. Dead center of the target. Damn I’m good.

“That was too easy.” A voice breaks the silence I was in and it startled me. I look up and meet eyes with James Barnes.

“You shouldn’t startle a lady with knives James.” I reply and playfully point the knife towards him. I watch him pull an evil smirk on his face. He brings his arms up and folds them in front of his chest. His biceps and shoulders looked as if they were going to shred his shirt at the stance. James had a muscular body like all the men in the house do. But his was different. His was more in his back, shoulders, and biceps. Most importantly his chest. Something I had always found insanely attractive about him. Often times I would catch myself daydreaming about the possibilities. The way he would take me.

“Knives don’t scare me. You for sure don’t.” He replies in a cocky tone making my stomach burn.

“Hm I’ll remember that.” My tone was playful towards him. What I would give for him to just fuck me right now. I couldn’t put a price on it. That’s how bad I wanted him and how bad I’ve always wanted him. “What are you doing here? Honestly thought I had the place to myself.” I turn my body back to facing the targets. Without hesitation I sling one at the furthest target hitting straight in the middle. Then I sling another a little closer to me doing the same.

“I stayed behind like you. I knew you were here earlier. I heard you singing in the kitchen this morning.” My cheeks burned from embarrassment at being caught by him. I was in no way a good singer so I’m sure he was not happy about that.

“Ooh sorry that you had to hear that.” I try to laugh it off to ease my thoughts.

“You shouldn’t be sorry. You have a pretty voice Y/n.” Just as my cheeks were coming back to normal they flamed red hot once more.

“Uh wow thanks James.” I reply.

“You can call me Bucky.” He responds and I felt honored I could. Steve and Sam were about the only two that could in this place.

“Well Bucky. You wanna throw some knives with me or stand there and look pretty?” The words came out of my mouth before I could really think about them. This grin pulls on his lips at my statement.

“Hate to show you up. I shouldn’t deny a beautiful lady like yourself though.” He replies and starts walking towards me. I lick my lips as I watch him heading my way. The moment he gets close enough he easily towered over me. I watch him look down at my body his eyes snuck their way to my chest for just a split moment. I still caught it though. I break the connection and make my way to retrieve my knives sticking into the targets. Bucky casually goes to the wall of weapons and picks the ones he wants.

Once I come back and stand next to him is when he begins throwing his. Each one he threw hit the middle target precisely. His intense focus was something that made the heat in my belly even hotter. His jaw was tense and the way his biceps would flex as he threw the dark metal. It was stunning. There was this thick tension in the air from the two of us. I believe both of us were wanting an itch to be scratched.

The gears in my head turn for ways to get him closer to me. Close enough he would touch me. When he goes to retrieve his knives I thought of something. I knew it would increase the tension in here to the max. Without hesitation I throw my knife directly past Bucky’s ear landing dead center of the target. It was centimeters away from hitting his hand. My aim was too good to actually touch him. His entire body stops dead in its tracks. He turns around slowly to face me. I’m standing there smirking. I had a very sadistic smile forming on my face.

“Do you real want to play that game?” Bucky asks daringly.

“Come on honey. You know I wouldn’t have hit you. I’m too good for that.” I was being downright playful with him. And maybe just a little to cocky.

“Let’s put that to the test then.” He stands directly in front of the target board. Just as he lines himself up I throw another knife in his direction. It lands directly above his head and it was so close im sure I snitched a piece of his dark hair. He didn’t flinch an inch from my actions.

“You know something that’s really hot? That a man can have, that is.” I spin the knife around in my hand as I sway on my hips. I never lost my eye contact with him. I was really testing my limits with him this time.

“Do enlighten me, doll.” He replies. I watch the way he licks his lips making me think of sinful things he could do with that tongue. The little pet name rang in my ear and he knew the effect it had on me.

“Fast reflexes.” I throw the knife aiming directly for his head. If anyone would catch it it would be him. I wouldn’t have thrown it if I knew he couldn’t. That’s what made this so fun. He easily catches the knife in his hand. The tip of the blade was pointed dead center of his forehead. I saw the subtle way his eyes turned to lust rather than rage. He knew what my intentions were in that moment. He flips the handle of the knife around and twirls it between his fingers. From here I could see his veins popping out in his strong hand. His metal hand shined in the light of this room. What I would do to have that metal touch me. The thought of how cool it would feel against my hot skin made goosebumps rise.

“You got some guts throwing that knife at me like that.” He says as he’s still twirling that knife around in his hand.

“Someone’s gotta put you in your place old man.” I playfully joke knowing that term would get him riled up easily.

He looks down at the floor and this time he has the sadistic smile forming on his face. “Someone needs to put you in your’s.” He uses the knife to point towards me.

The moment he locks his blue eyes with me I felt the words spilling out. “Then do it.” His body comes walking towards me like a man on a mission. He had one goal in mind and I was hoping we were on the same page with it. We become toe to toe and my head tilts up to meet his gaze.

“If you want me. All you have to do is ask.” I felt him place his metal hand against my waist. The contact made a shock go through my entire body. That’s when I felt the handle of the knife glide up to rest at the top of my chest. He rests it there waiting for my response. I don’t make a move or even place my hands on him yet.

“I don’t beg.” I reply back.

“Oh doll, I didn’t ask for you to beg. I asked if you want me. It’s a simple yes or no question.” He flips the knife around with the dull side against my skin. I felt him glide the knife up towards my neck very slowly. I keep my heart rate at a steady beat and do the best I can to show him he doesn’t have that much control over me. Even though he could have his way with me right now. He leans in pulling me to him by my waist. My chest collides with him in a split second. His lips go to the left side of my head directly next to my ear. “Yes or no.” He whispers into my ear and I felt my knees go weak. I know he saw the goosebumps form on my skin. He now had me where he wanted me.

I swallow hard before I answer. “Yes.” My words did not come out as strong as I wanted them to. He noticed the slight weakness. This time I could see the playfulness poking out of him. I felt him take the knife up towards my face. The pointed tip gets flipped around now. He gracefully pressed it against my bottom lip careful not to hurt me.

“Yes what?” He asks as he looks down at me now. He tucks a long piece of fly away behind my ear swiftly. His flesh hand cups my cheek and I lean into it instinctively. My tongue slides out and grazes across the metal in a seductive way. His eyes sparkle at the action. He removes the lethal weapon away from me and tosses it over his shoulder. It lands somewhere in the room.

“I want you.” I let the words fall out fast. I lean up on my tippy toes to reach his height. He meets me halfway to help and we put our lips together. I felt the burning sensation go through my entire body. He greedily slides his tongue on my bottom lip and I grant him access. My head spins at the feeling of us exploring.

Bucky brings his hands down to the back of my thighs. In one quick movement he tugs up letting me know to jump. The moment I do he hoists me up into his hold where my legs swing around his waist. Our lips never parted with all the movements. He carried me a few feet over to where the mirror was. My back pressed against it and the force of his body collided into mine. I suck in a deep breath from the feeling it gave me. The old man had more moves than I thought.

“That was smooth.” I whisper into the kiss and he huffs a laugh.

“I haven’t even gotten started yet.” He says and my stomach burns. Bucky begins placing kisses down my neck. Each one a little longer and he began to suck. I knew he was going to leave his mark on me. I let a low moan out when he sucks a spot on my collar bone. My hands now run through his hair tugging and scratching. I pulled him closer to me if it was possible. I wanted him to know his actions were very wanted.

His hands firmly grasp under my thighs again and he pulls away from the mirror wall. I securely link my arms further around his neck to get me stable. There was no way he was going to drop me no matter what I thought. I felt him sit down on a gym bench. It was leaning up so he had a back rest now. My legs simply straddled him giving me a lot more control. My hips grind into his groin very slowly and I got a good feel for him. Already so hard for me. He pulls back from my neck and looks directly at me. Our breathing was heavy and our hearts pounding.

“The amount of times I have thought about this. The way I feel right now doesn’t compare. You’re a dream.” I smile at his words. I let it slide that he pauses our moment.

“You’re unbelievably sexy.” I confess as I look at him. He had a little stubble around his chin and jaw. Only he could pull that look off. My fingers work their way down to the hem of his shirt. My hands slide under and my nails scratch up his torso. Lightly I trace the creases of his abs and watch the way he reacts. I could see his eyes trying to roll in the back of his head at the pleasure the action brought. He was trying to hide how bad he wanted me just the same way I was being.

I lift his shirt up and over his head tossing it in a random direction. I see the scars from his time in Hydra. This time he watches me to see how I react to his body. He was beautiful and the scars only made it better. I trace my fingers along his chest and torso some more enjoying all the exploring. My hands make their way down south to the zipper of his pants. I lock eyes with him and slowly pull the zipper down. With some help from him he rolls his pants down just enough he could break free. I hear him sigh out from no longer be restricted in the pants. I stand up for a moment and peel my spandex off quickly stepping out of them. He watches my every move with those steel blue eyes. My heart flutters the moment he extends his hands out pulling me back on top of him.

I bring his cock out from his boxers and I was instantly intimidated. I spit in my hand and bring it down to slowly rub him to start. The moment I began my sensual hand motion he moans. That sound alone was euphoric. Bucky places his lips on my shoulder as I rub him. He sucks another hickey and his breathing was increasing. I tilt up to align my entrance with him. With his help I glide my way down and he fills me up inch by inch. When I bottom out we were both releasing moans from just that feeling. I start to rock my hips once I get adjusted to his size.

His hands firmly grip my hips and forces them down on to him thrusting me harder on him. In a swift movement he brings his hands up under my bra line. He tugs it up taking it off and throwing it down. I was completely exposed to him and I never felt so good in my skin before. He looks at my body from top to bottom and make sure he doesn’t miss a spot.

“Gorgeous.” He says and it gives me more confidence. My hands now rest on his shoulders and I pick my pace up. I felt the burning coil ready to spring up from my high. His metal hand makes his way down from my neck. He pauses at my breast to give it some attention. His tongue laps around my nipple sending me into pure ecstasy. Then the cold metal goes to my wet center where his thumb now rubs my clit.

“Oh J-James. Right there.” I moan his name loudly from the new sensation. It only brought me closer.

“You like that baby?” His voice was raspy and deep. Something about saying his real name got him going. I try to pick my pace up so the friction would increase between us. With his thumb rubbing me and the way he filled me up made it challenging.

“Yes.” I say and it follows with a loud moan. He notices the way I slow down from exhaustion and starts to thrust himself up to meet me. It deepened himself into me making me see stars. He goes over to my other breast giving it equal treatment. The entire room was spinning from all the sensations. You could hear our moans bouncing off the walls of the training room.

“I’m so close.” Bucky pulls his mouth away from my chest to say. I bring my head down to rest between his neck and shoulders. My left hand was cupping the back of his head as it tangled in his now sweaty hair. The right was gripping his bicep very strongly. My small hands didn’t stand a chance from how wide they were.

“God James don’t stop.” I whine as he thrusts even deeper into me. My heart pounds and I knew I was right there. His cold metal thumb continues to rubs circles and it completely sends me over the edge. I moan loudly into his neck and felt myself release. Just from the sound of my moans Bucky cums right after me. I felt him slow his thrusts as he rides out our highs.

“That was fun.” I say with a smile. I was still seeing a few stars as I lean back to look at his face.

“That was amazing.” He was still catching his breath. I carefully pull myself away from him and he lets out a huge breath from the overly sensitive nerves in his tip. I felt the emptiness from him no longer filling me up.

“Round two in the shower?” I ask him. He looks up at me quickly making sure he heard me right. I had that playful smile back on my face. “Or does the old man need a nap?” His mouth slightly falls slack and his tongue pokes out licking his lips. “If you keep teasing me with your tongue like that I’m going to lose it.” I let the words slip out and this time he smirks.

“I’ll show you what this tongue can do.” He replies and quickly I stand up. I take my bra and spandex and hold it in my hands. Bucky grabs his shirt and we practically run into the bathroom. The one we so happened to share. So you could imagine how high the sexual tension was between us when one of us accidentally came in on the other.

“I’m going to make you regret calling me an old man.” Bucky tells me as he backs me up against the wall of the shower. Hot water was coming down the stream and the air was already steamy. He licks a strip from the valley of my breasts up to my neck. I hold back the moan that so badly wanted to fall out.

He never made me regret a thing ; )

[corpsentry]

january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

[purrincess-chat]

Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s Spite Playlist: Remix CH19

People weren’t happy with how things went down with Alya in the original MDCSP, so I hope this version suffices. ;)

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Chapter 19: Miss Missing You

Alya chewed her nails, pivoting back and forth in her desk chair as Lila settled on her bed. Her thoughts raced too fast for Alya to make sense of them, and Lila’s grave expression did little to calm her nerves. When Alya told her about Adrien and Chloe, she insisted on meeting up. Maybe this way they could both talk to Ladybug, but something was off about Lila. Her jaw was a little too tense, and those green eyes swirled with an intensity Alya couldn’t place. What was going on?

“Is Ladybug on her way too? We have to let her know what they’re plotting,” Alya said, but when Lila remained quiet, she asked, “What?”

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” Lila said. “This is going to be hard for me, but I trust you over anyone else.”

“What’s wrong?” Alya asked, and Lila shifted her weight, tucking a strand of long hair behind her ear.

“Well, Ladybug and I…we kind of had a falling out.” Lila lowered her gaze to her lap.

“What?”

“Remember when Chloe tried to impersonate her to make everyone hate me? Well, I told Ladybug about it, and that she shouldn’t trust Chloe anymore, but then last night she gave her back her Miraculous without consulting me.” Lila recounted. “I tried to talk to her and understand why she’d trust Chloe again after what she did to me, but Ladybug freaked out on me and told me not to question her judgment.”

“For real?” Alya gasped. “That’s not like her.”

“I know,” Lila said, “and after what you told me on the phone, I definitely think something weird is going on with her.”

“You don’t think Chloe is manipulating her, do you?” she asked.

Lila pressed her lips together and shook her head. “Not Chloe. I think that…well, I’m sorry, but I think Marinette is behind all of this.”

“Marinette?” Alya shot a glance at the Ladyblog pulled up on her computer, a sinking feeling in her gut.

She hadn’t posted about Queen Bee’s return—couldn’t bring herself to. Something was definitely off with Ladybug, but was it really all Marinette’s doing? Marinette wasn’t one for petty revenge, but maybe she had changed since she left. Or maybe Alya just never knew her like she thought she did.

Alya thought back to the night she was akumatized, the distant look in her bff’s eyes. She’d seemed tired, like all the fight had been drained from her. She didn’t even argue when Alya suggested they stop being friends, a fact that had haunted Alya ever since. Why had Marinette abandoned her so easily? Surely if her stories were to be believed, she would have fought harder, right? Wasn’t the truth worth fighting for?

“You said so yourself, Chloe and Adrien said they were going to get Ladybug to talk about me for Marinette. I think she’s manipulating all of them to get back at me because she can’t let go even after she’s been gone for a month now,” Lila said.

“But that doesn’t make any sense. Why would Marinette do that? When I last spoke to her, she didn’t want anything to do with you or anyone here really,” Alya said. “Well, except Adrien, I guess, but she’s always been head-over-heels for him.”

“She’s obsessed! She’s never liked me, and I never understood why. The only thing I’ve been able to figure out is that she didn’t like me talking to Adrien, so now she’s lured him over to her side and fed him all kinds of lies about me. I don’t even like him that way, but she’s just so insecure and jealous that she thought Adrien would fall in love with me because of all of my accomplishments.” Lila hugged a pillow to her chest. “Now she’s taken one of my best friends away from me too!”

Alya crossed the room to sit beside her on the bed, draping an arm over her shoulders. “I’m sorry, girl. Maybe we can talk to Ladybug and convince her not to do that interview tomorrow.”

“I don’t think we can,” Lila whimpered. “She hasn’t responded to any of my calls ever since the Queen Bee thing. She’s on their side now.”

“Are you sure? I’ve met Ladybug a bunch of times, and she would totally pick up on it if something fishy was going on,” Alya said.

“Watch the interview tomorrow. If Ladybug says anything about me that sounds like them, then you’ll know I’m telling the truth,” Lila said.

Alya pursed her lips but didn’t argue. Lila’s story was just as probable as theirs at this point, and she was right. All they could do was watch the interview and see what happened. For their sake, she hoped that Chloe and Adrien’s plan failed, and Ladybug never mentioned Lila. But a heavy pit was already forming in Alya’s stomach, filling her with dread for the coming day. How had she gotten herself into the middle of all this drama? And how long would it be before the truth was finally revealed?

♪♫♪ Don’t Blame Me ♪♫♪

“How long before we give up?” Adrien asked the next afternoon. He leaned against the railing while Chloe manned the spotlight beside him.

“It’s hasn’t even been 20 minutes, Adrikins. I’ve sat up here for entire akuma battles before.” Chloe chided.

“Sorry, I guess I’m just nervous,” he said, letting a breath pass his lips.

Chloe spun on him with a scowl, jabbing her finger into his chest. “Oh no, you are not backing out this time. We’re doing this, so just think about Dupain-Cheng’s awful split-ends or whatever it is you need to keep you motivated.”

Adrien pursed his lips as Chloe turned back to her bee signal. She was right. No backing out this time. Lila was going down once and for all, then Marinette could finally be free. Marinette…

His heart fluttered, warming his cheeks. It would be obvious after today that he was helping Chloe take down Lila. Being intentionally cruel wasn’t in his nature, but he’d do anything to protect the people he loved. To protect the girl he loved.

It had taken him longer than it should have to realize his feelings for her, but now they burned so brightly, he had to wonder how he’d ever missed them. Marinette was a wonderful girl and a dear friend. If ever there was a person to fight for, it was her. She’d understand why he did all of this. It was all for her—always for her.

His heart ached with longing. Now that Marinette went to a different school, he couldn’t see her as often as he used to. Sometimes they went several days without seeing each other, and his heart grew heavier the longer they stayed apart. At least when he loved Ladybug, he got to see her every day when they fought akumas or patrolled the city, but even that wasn’t enough.

Adrien had spent too much of his life alone. Couldn’t the universe give him just one person to cure his loneliness? Missing Marinette was torture. What was she doing right now? Was she thinking about him?

He pulled out his phone and typed a simple message: what’s up?

Ugh, no, that was lame.

Hey cutie ;) what are you up to?

No, too forward.

I was just thinking about you

Too clingy. He backspaced over his message again, eyebrows knitting together in concentration. Why was flirting so much harder as Adrien? If he were Chat Noir, he’d just drop a few cat puns and tell her how pretty she was, but that might be a little abrasive coming from Adrien. The last thing he wanted was to scare her off. After all, she almost kissed him in the garden too. That meant she loved him back, right?

Pressing his lips into a determined line, he typed another message and hit send without overthinking it.

Hey, how’s your day been?

A minute passed before his phone buzzed with a reply: busy. I’m finalizing my designs for Clara. I present to her next week and im super nervous!

Aww don’t be clara is gonna love them.

I hope so! she replied. So what are you up to today?

Uhh im working on a school project with chloe. He lied. We have to interview someone we look up to, and shes demanding we interview ladybug so weve been standing on the roof with her bee signal for like 30 minutes.

Wow ladybug huh? I hope she shows up for you guys. Anyway these designs aren’t going to finish themselves so ill talk to you later! Bye!

good luck!

He smiled down at her messages. Marinette was always running a million miles an hour working on some project or another. She was so driven and passionate—something Adrien deeply admired. Clara would love her designs, and he and Chloe would definitely take down Lila this time. Then he and Marinette could be together without having to worry about anything. They could move to the suburbs and buy a cozy home for their three kids, a dog, and a hamster named-

“Looking for me?” Adrien and Chloe spun around, and Ladybug cocked a hip. “What’s the emergency?”

“Uhh,” Adrien stammered.

Chloe rolled her eyes. “We have to interview one of our personal heroes for a school project, so we picked you. Isn’t that right, Adrikins?” She nudged him with her elbow.

Think about Marinette. Everything was for Marinette. The tears she’d spilled, the pain she’d suffered… Adrien was going to take it all away. Lila would never hurt her again.

“Yeah. Do you have time?” Adrien asked.

Ladybug glanced between them and smiled. “I have a few minutes. Make it quick.”

“Excellent.” Chloe clapped her hands together and paced toward the stairs. “Everything is set up in my suite.”

Adrien took a deep breath as Ladybug fell into step beside him. A month ago being so close to her would have sent his heart into overdrive, but now his heart was pounding for a different reason. Ladybug hated liars. Deceiving her was a direct betrayal of her trust. Even if his feelings for her had changed, he was still her partner, and manipulating her like this didn’t feel right.

“Wait.” He stopped abruptly and caught Ladybug’s wrist. Chloe was already through the doorway to the stairs, and he sent her a silent apology just in case his next words ruined everything. “Chloe and I lied to you. This isn’t for a school project.”

“Then what’s all this about?” Ladybug asked.

“It’s…” Adrien took a deep breath and continued. “You remember Lila, right? She lied about you saving her and how you two are bffs?”

Ladybug sobered. “Yeah?”

“Well, her lies have gotten out of hand, and she hurt someone important to me. Chloe and I planned to trick you into admitting you two were never friends, so that everyone can finally see the truth about her. The interview was just a coverup,” Adrien explained, hanging his head low. “We shouldn’t have lied to you. I’m sorry.”

Ladybug eyed him with pursed lips, those blue eyes working out a solution like he were one of her lucky charms. She seemed to come to a conclusion, her face softening. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

“If you don’t want to help us, I won’t blame you. I know it’s wrong to seek revenge,” Adrien said.

A knowing smile spread across her lips. “That friend of yours must be really special to you.”

“What?”

“For you to resort to something like this, you must care about your friend—the one Lila hurt—a lot,” she said, then with a sigh added, “I don’t normally condone revenge, but I know how dangerous Lila can be. I’ve almost lost my Miraculous because of her several times, so I think you’re right. It’s time everyone learned the truth about Lila Rossi.”

Adrien blinked. “So, wait… You’re going to help us?”

“I made a promise to keep Paris safe, and if we continue to let Lila go unchecked, she’s only going to put more people in danger,” Ladybug said. “It’s time someone put her in her place.”

“Hurry up, you two! I have a hair appointment this evening, and I do not want to be late!” Chloe shouted from the doorway.

Adrien held Ladybug’s gaze, and she gave him an encouraging nod. “Uh, coming!” he called.

He gestured Ladybug ahead, following close behind her, cheeks hot. This was really happening. Ladybug was going to help them stop Lila. After today, everyone would know the truth, and Marinette would be free. They all would.

“Ladybug, you sit on this side.” Chloe directed. “Adrikins and I will sit on this side.”

“Okay,” Ladybug said, sliding onto the couch smoothly.

Adrien took the seat across from her, wiping his palms on his jeans while Chloe barked orders at her butler. Satisfied with the camera angle, Chloe sat beside him and fixed her hair in her compact before calling “action.”

Chloe’s butler—Adrien couldn’t remember his name—started the Instagram live, broadcasting to all of Chloe’s followers. There was no turning back now.

“Hello out there, my little worker bees. Your queen is here with some very special guests today,” Chloe cooed in her token attention-seeking voice. “My favorite people in the whole world besides myself, obviously—Adrien and Ladybug!”

“Hi.”

“Hey.” Adrien waved.

“As you all know, I helped Ladybug defeat another akuma last weekend. Being Queen Bee again was such an honor, and I admit, even I have people I look up to,” she said, flipping her ponytail. “So, Ladybug, thank you for allowing me to become a superheroine. Queen Bee is truly an inspiration.”

“Uh, sure.” Ladybug rolled her eyes. “Chat Noir and I always appreciate help from our allies.”

“You heard it here, everyone! Ladybug values my help,” Chloe said, and Adrien cleared his throat. “Now, onto the topic of today’s livestream. People everywhere are inspired by superheroes like me and Ladybug, so today we are going to give you all the inside scoop on what it takes to be a hero.”

“That’s right, Chloe,” Adrien piped up. “I don’t have superpowers, so I have to ask: what’s it like being a superhero, Ladybug?”

“Well, everyone thinks that having superpowers is all fun and games, but in reality, Chat Noir and I have a huge responsibility. Defending Paris every day requires sacrifice, and we know the whole city is counting on us to succeed. It’s a lot of pressure,” Ladybug said.

“Of course, I know what it’s like being a superhero myself, but can you tell everyone how overwhelming it is to save the day all the time?” Chloe prompted.

“Yeah, totally. It’s a lot of work fighting akumas. Sometimes Hawkmoth makes supervillains at the worst times, and I have to drop everything to go save the city. Leading a double life is challenging, and sometimes it even impacts my day-to-day life. School, friends, family—I’m always rushing all over the place juggling two lives.” Ladybug admitted, rubbing the back of her neck. “But I’m happy to do it. Paris is my home, and it’s an honor to defend it. Besides, when the going gets tough, I know I can count on my partners to have my back.”

“So, when you pick a new partner, what qualities do you look for in a person that makes them a good fit to work with you?” Adrien asked.

“I look for people with courage and good intentions. Often times, the people I pick are ones who have stepped up to do the right thing, even if it’s hard. They’re people I know I can trust,” Ladybug said.

“Would you say you consider your allies close personal friends?” Chloe beamed, flashing the camera a wink.

“Well, I don’t know all of them in real life like you, Chloe,” Ladybug said with a cautious glance at the camera. “Sometimes they are people I meet during a battle that impress me, and who prove themselves to be trustworthy.”

“And how do you know if you can trust someone?” Adrien asked. “Do you consult anyone for recommendations, or do you operate on the fly?”

“Most of the time when I give someone a Miraculous, it’s because they’ve demonstrated their character to me. Every person I give a Miraculous to has earned their right to wear it either by helping me or showing that they’re willing to sacrifice to save others. The decision about who gets to wear one and who doesn’t is deeply personal to me,” Ladybug answered. “Not even Chat Noir knows the identities of our allies. It’s something I don’t share with anyone.” She shot Chloe a stern look. “Under normal circumstances.”

“So, you pick the allies by yourself?” Adrien followed up.

“Yes. In the middle of a battle, I wouldn’t even have time to consult anyone if I wanted to.”

“In other words, if anyone were to—I don’t know—claim that they help you choose your partners, they’d be a liar, right?” Chloe added.

“Yeah, I don’t talk to anyone about who I pick.” Ladybug shook her head.

“Ya know, Ladybug, there are some people out there that claim to be your best friend. How do you feel about people lying about knowing you to make themselves more popular?” Chloe asked.

Ladybug locked eyes with Adrien, the weight of their mission heavy on both of their shoulders. She clasped her hands together in her lap and said, “As I’m sure both of you are aware, there will always be people who use your name for their own selfish gain, but I want everyone out there to know that I take my job very seriously. Protecting all of you is my number one priority.”

She took a deep breath. “Being a superhero is dangerous, and that’s why, with the exception of Chat Noir and my trusted allies, Ladybug doesn’t have friends.”

“So, anyone who says they’re your friend is a liar, right?” Adrien asked.

“Yes, and they’re putting themselves in danger. Hawkmoth will stop at nothing to get my Miraculous, so please, if you’re out there… Do the right thing, and tell the truth.” Ladybug pleaded to the camera.

“It’s utterly pathetic when people lie about who they know just to get attention,” Chloe sighed in disgust. “You heard it here, my little bees! Chat Noir and I are Ladybug’s only friends.”

“Well, I’d consider you more of an ally than a frie-”

“And as one of Ladybug’s bffs, I want all of the losers out there to buzz off! Ladybug has much more important things to do, like spending time with me,” Chloe said.

“Right.” Ladybug’s yoyo beeped, and she glanced down at it briefly. “I should really get going. A hero’s work is never done.”

“Of course. Thank you for your time, Ladybug,” Adrien said, shaking her hand.

“No problem. It’s important to me that everyone in Paris knows I’m doing everything I can to keep you all safe, and the people I choose to fight beside me are people I truly trust. We’ll all keep fighting hard to protect this city,” she said, waving two fingers. “Bug out!”

“Well, that does it for this livestream, little bees. Your queen will see you all again next time. Bye-bye!”

♪♫♪ Impossible Year ♪♫♪

“So, anyone who says they’re your friend is a liar, right?”

“Yes.”

Lila was right. They really had gotten to Ladybug. Alya had done her best not to think about Marinette since their falling out. Remembering her old bff was too painful and confusing. Everything Alya thought she knew changed the moment Lila came to their school. The person she trusted became a stranger overnight. Alya wanted to believe that Marinette would never align herself with Chloe or orchestrate a hostile takedown just because she was jealous, but Alya had seen her do crazier things to win Adrien.

“I’m doing everything I can to keep you all safe, and the people I choose to fight beside me are people I truly trust.”

How was Chloe more trustworthy than Alya? All that was necessary for the triumph of evil was that good people do nothing. She’d known from day one that Chloe was evil, so why couldn’t Ladybug see it?  Why would Ladybug align herself with the queen of all evil over someone who dedicated herself to doing the right thing? Was this really all Marinette’s doing? And why?

Was Marinette really that desperate to win Adrien? Did she hate Lila so much that she’d willingly team up with her worst enemy to get back at her for stealing attention away from the boy she liked? From where Alya was sitting, it looked like Marinette already had him, and Lila had always been clear that she wasn’t interested in him that way. Why go through all that trouble to get Ladybug to denounce Lila just to win a boy? But if Marinette was involved with Ladybug…

It all made sense now. The reason Ladybug had picked someone else to wield her Miraculous. How long had they been plotting all of this? And how could Ladybug trust Marinette’s word over Alya’s without even trying to hear her side of the story? Or Lila’s? How could Ladybug not see that she was being manipulated? She was a hero, and one of the best Alya had ever seen. So why was she fighting for the wrong side?

Her head spun, and she gripped the side of her desk for support. Someone needed to tell Ladybug the truth.

“You want to save Ladybug from those you deem evil. Let me help you, Ladyblogger.”

Alya jumped at the sinister voice in her head. She smoothed her thumb over her phone screen, now glowing with dark energy. A cold feeling washed over her, all of her pain and confusion bubbling to the surface. In the center of it all stood her determined resolve, driving her to give in.

Someone needed to tell Ladybug the truth. Someone like her.