#im positive in a year the only things remaining the same will be the fonts....

[radiantcircle-if]

it's september 1! 😩

so i said that i planned to continue trying to write an average of 500 words a day for august, but then i spent the first half of the month feeling depressed because living alone is deceptively difficult 😭 so i gave up having a goal to focus on self-care. thankfully, i'm in a much better headspace 💕

so in august i think i added around 2,000 words story-wise (i didn't keep track in an attempt to not feel so bad about a tiny number 🫣), but i also decided to add a major choice into the first plot beat of chapter one and that set me back a little. i also did some coding and moved my draft from gdocs to scrivener for the corkboard and color coding. in the end, the rest of my writing has mostly been spent on exploring the shared backstory between mc and all the ROs.

definitely the most fun i had this month was answering all of the great asks sent to me. i have a few more asks half-answered in my drafts so uh i guess expect more essays, and once i have those finished, i'll answer the newer asks i've got. thank you for sending them in 🥰

(i'm saving the nsfw asks for after demo release, which i'm planning to be the full first chapter. plan is still fall! but probably late fall.)

for those curious about the change in the chapter, you still arrive home, reunite with your brother, and spend some time with one of your dads, and then that's where there's a shift. i moved the reminiscing for the next plot beat when you arrive at your family's solstice party. instead, i decided to throw in a really fun decision that i won't spoil 🥰

coding-wise, we've got a profile now. also made some more unnecessary design decisions like changing the font and adding more colors. i love vibrant colors, but i know they're annoying lmao i'll definitely include a black/white theme.

here's a preview of what i've got so far, though same caveat as before: any of this design could change between now and the demo. some of it already changed in the last month like twice. i am indecisive as hell when it comes to aesthetics...

(the name on the profile is from a french band called odezenne that i really like if you're looking for a random recommendation.)

plan for september is to go back to writing an average of 500 words a day at least for the first half of the month. unfortunately, i have to work on my dissertation as well and the academic year starts near the end of the month, which means i'll be busy with teaching/grad schooling again. that'll slow me down for sure, so i'm sorry in advance.

ok that's all. until next update 🙃

[jojoturnip]

I had a horrible dream about you last night. I don't have your phone number, I've lost it somewhere along the years.

I have your mom's number. And your step dad's. Do either of them remember me? Could I text them and ask if you were okay, or would they think it was spam?

Google hangouts is dead now. That's how we used to talk. I have your Facebook. I sent you a message as soon as I woke up, tears running down my face. You haven't read it yet.

In the dream, you had killed yourself back in highschool. Your parents had given me this black box of your remains, and I'd stored it for years in my parents house, never daring to look inside and see the last of you.

I remember sitting on your bed when you showed me your father's ashes compressed into this pink plastic container. It was shaped like a heart or a star I think. It has his name in black font across the top. You rubbed your finger over the edges.

I didn't want to look in that box and find a matching plastic piece of you.

Wendy was the one who gave me the box in my dream. She was pissed, but not at me. At you. For dying and leaving yourself in my hands. A girl who had abandoned you.

Sometimes I wonder how you think about our past. Do you wonder how things could have gone differently? Do you still think about your curses that silenced the cafeteria and the peach pit in my hand? Do you think about the day you called me terrified of your boyfriend years down the line?

I never forgot you, you know. I think about you a lot. I wrote a book about you, about your life and my life and how it all got twisted. About how we were kids with far too high expectations. About how you were the last person on Earth to know me before I lost so much of myself.

You knew the sunshine, yellows, always positive and preppy version of me. Im fighting still to get the pieces I want of her back, but I still wonder if you would recognize me at all now. Could we walk by each other and pass as strangers?

I didn't talk about it then. I didn't know how, and no one could handle the small problems I was bringing up. I grew up in an abusive household. Things were always a little bad, but it got so much worse the first year of high school. I lost my faith in humanity.

Sometimes, I think I was wrong to lose faith in you, though.

Other times I think you really would have hurt all those people had I not stepped up.

My parents moved a couple of years ago and left a bunch of my stuff in a storage unit that I continue to stall on opening. In my dream, I found your box there. I took it to two of my current friends and asked them for help finding a place to bury you. I wanted you to rest, I didn't want to hold on to you anymore.

We walked through several forested places, somewhere in the celery bog probably. We knelt down in a muddy area where the forest met the creek. I figured you, or at least the old version of you, would like it there.

Slowly, I unpacked your box. There was no plastic heart or star. There was a small bag of ashes and a bag of bones I couldn't identify. Those were the only human remains your mom had given me. The rest was just what remained of your life.

Rocks, gems, twisting branches, beaded jewelry, hand-embroidered pins. I sorted these pieces of you out on old linens on the forest floor.

Why did you leave these to me?

What pieces of you do you want me to keep?

The dream ended around there, but it felt so real that I woke up still believing fully that you were dead. Off I went to Facebook, reaching out to you in panic for the first time in years.

I'm still waiting to hear back.

You knew me back when I trusted my intuition more. I hate to think that my dream means anything real.

I know we aren't close any more. But I've never called you anything other than my friend. I have never stopped caring about you, and you don't need to feel the same to keep my number in your phone just in case.

Just tell me you're okay.

My friends now tell me I ask if they're okay far too often. I don't think they see this anxious intuition inside of me. This breathing thing that knows when something is wrong.

Just tell me you're okay. Please.

[rontra]

do you have any recommendations on how to like. Take In Umineko. I think it looks really cool and I’d like to get into it, but there’s a lot of things that are confusing (like all of the different games, the manga, the anime, ect.) and I’m not really sure where to start watching/reading it. Do you have any advice on where the best place to start is?

HOH BABY NOW THIS IS A GOOD ASK

Basically, a lot of this depends on you and how you prefer to take in media. People are different after all; some people like reading long novels, some prefer comics, u know! So let’s just go over all the avenues and how to get at them, and the rest is up to you!

I’m gonna make this post very long. VERY VERY LONG. IM SO FUCKn SORyr

First, I’ll talk abt what umineko is; then I’ll discuss the various media; finally, at the end, I’ll write down what I typically recommend to newcomers! SCROLL REALLY FAST TO THE HEADERS IF U HAVE NO TIME FOR MY RAMBLING LOL

So…here we goooo

READING UMINEKO: UNTANGLING THE WEB

OR: what the fuck is umineko and why do you want me to read it, diesel?

Since this is a general To Whom It May Concern post: Umineko no Naku Koro ni (Or Umineko: When They Cry, alternatively When The Seagulls Cry) is a murder mystery/fantasy/metafiction visual novel published between 2007 and 2011. I know “murder mystery” and “metafiction” sound pretty boring when you combine them, but trust me–Umineko’s unlike anything you’ve seen, and defies explanation. Still, I’m here to do my best!

Umineko is about a rich and complicated family, and their annual family conference–and the year it goes super duper badly. On an isolated island, in the middle of a typhoon, tragedy befalls the family–on a massive scale! Someone is killing them–all of them–and the only answer that seems to be rising is–

“Beatrice did it.”

But Beatrice isn’t supposed to really exist. Not for real!! No one by that name is on the island. It’s just a story! She’s made up–Beatrice is a legend. A witch who has lived for a thousand years–who loaned the family patriarch ten tons of gold, an insane amount of wealth, in exchange for his soul. Now she’s collecting on that loan, taking everything back, with interest–the lives of the family included.

Is the culprit a human, or not? Does the witch exist, or not?Is the culprit one of the 18 people? Does a 19th person exist? Or…?And, most importantly–when the typhoon passes, will anyone remain alive on the island?

[YouTube: Umineko opening]

I’d super-recommend Umineko if you enjoy: strong characterization, a solidly built mystery (with plenty of smaller mysteries to try your brain with along the way ;) ), complex and nuanced characters, hype magic fights, Logic-Based Combat(???), deep discussions of trauma and its consequences, large casts of characters, Genre Fuckery, coping, Meta™, and milfs Complex Lore

I would, however, NOT recommend Umineko if you are triggered by/can’t stomach reading about: body horror, gore, death, trauma, child abuse, bullying, discussion of suicide, discussion of sexual assault, etc (you can message me for a more complete list of warnings; I’m happy to provide super-specific ones if there’s something specific you’re concerned about, or even give you specific scenes to watch out for. I kept this vague on purpose, but if you message me off anon or via DMs here or at @aceyasu, I’ll be happy to answer anything!)

Overall it’s a pretty dark, emotional story, with a lot of Themes™–but it’s also full of love and genuine heartfelt Feelings. I don’t think any story has touched me the way Umineko has! Of course, everyone’s experience is very unique to them, but I think Umineko has something for everyone (provided, of course, that we’re taking into account the content warnings and excluding people who can’t/don’t want to encounter those things!). The characters, music, story and message–it all has a lot of heart and it all is very important to me as an individual. Obviously no media is flawless, but I think Umineko’s good outweighs its bad…YMMV though of course :p

Also, hype magic fights.

OKAY WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY

Umineko’s story is told over 8 arcs–styled as “episodes”. I use “arc” and “episode” sort of interchangeably! Specific ones I just call “EP#” though. All you really need to know though is there’s 8 of them, of varying length, and you have to read them all for the full story.

Thankfully they’re numbered, am i right?? HAFDmgkdfmg

Each episode has its own focus within the overarching narrative and comes with its own fun mysteries and harrowing developments just for you! yay! But basically, the important thing is that they’re divided into the Question Arcs (1-4) and Answer Arcs (5-8).

Sometimes, to make things confusing, the Answer Arcs are also called “Core Arcs” or “Chiru”. I will use “Answer Arcs” here, but if you encounter those two elsewhere, that’s what they are. :p

ACTUALLY EXPERIENCING UMINEKO

(now that im done YAPPING)

The anime

Generally viewed as a poor product. It’s a bad adaption that fails as a standalone, too, because of the amount of important scenes that are missing. Don’t watch the anime first if you really want to get into Umineko. It’s a fun watch once you know how it’s supposed to go, though :p Covers the Question Arcs only, ends with EP4–so even if it was good, it would only be half the story… press f to pay respects. The opening fuckin slaps though, and all the VAs are solid.

The manga

Each Episode has its own manga adaption, usually done by a different artist (with exception of EP1, EP3, and EP8, which are all by the same artist). Generally solid; gets the most important parts. For people who want to get through quicker, the manga helps a lot.

The primary cost is that a lot of characterization doesn’t get to shine AS bright, as there’s simply no time to get into the nooks and crannies (still a great cast, though). However, the art is usually fantastic–since the artist changes every EP, it’s easy to deal with even if you don’t like a specific one’s style. It’ll be gone by next Episode!

A lot of moments get punched up by the more visual format of the manga. You really get a better sense of the characters interacting physically with one another! You do, however, run into the Scanlation Problem…..

I know, I know–most people, when given the option to, don’t want to pay for things. So when given the choice between fan scanlations and the official release, a lot of people would choose the scanlations. And they’re fine…for the most part…except for the parts that aren’t. Some parts (notably in the Answer Arcs) are…bad. Really bad. Even I can’t really understand it sometimes, despite knowing this story inside out… LOL

If you’re good at parsing Scanlation SNAFU or can’t afford/don’t want to buy it, you can find Umineko on MOST manga hosts! I don’t know which you prefer so I’m not gonna link ‘em hahahafkgmfh I usually use Manga Rock but that’s because I usually am reading on my phone and I like their app. The episodes are all numbered, so it’s pretty easy to find your way around!

On the other hand, if you have a hard time understanding poor translations, reading inconsistent typesetting/fonts, or simply Can afford it/prefer buying media, the manga is being officially released in English by YenPress! As is standard nowadays, you can get them in both physical volumes and digital e-books! However, YenPress’ release is currently ongoing–the first volume of EP8 is slated to release in March.

[YenPress link]

The visual novel

Ah, here we are–the head honcho himself…! This is the original version of Umineko. These are the ones we call “games”, and why we sometimes say u “play” Umineko, but. Really. It’s just reading. They’re kinetic novels. Its literally just reading. So I don’t know why we complicate things like that.

(“if she an .exe, shes a game”, I guess… xD)

This is where the characterization and voice of Umineko really shines! The style is often simple to read, sometimes even comically casual, but it cuts deep when it wants to. Even really simple lines can have a really strong impact–it’s a really pleasant style to read, IMO…pretty easy to understand most of the time, but emotionally resonant all the same!

Reading the VN is somewhat of an undertaking, because of the amount of hours required…It’s a far longer read. Depending on your reading speed and whether or not you pause to think/talk about things as you read, people clock in 100-200 hours to finish it.

But, on the upside–because it has so much more time than the manga, the VN can really get deep into the characters, their dynamics, and their inner conflicts. You really get a deep sense for everyone’s character and it makes most of the cast feel fleshed-out enough that you appreciate all of them to some extent (whether positive or negative :P)

Oh, actually–the original Umineko branded itself a “Sound Novel”….as opposed to a Visual Novel, where the emphasis is on, uh–Visuals–Umineko leans more heavily on audio to create its atmosphere. And the music? Fuckin rips!! The Umineko soundtrack is huge and has tons of absolute bangers. It’s easy to see why it decided to market itself as a Sound Novel rather than a visual novel–the graphics of the original PC version are simple, but the atmospheric sound effects and BGM really shines.

Here’s some enticing tracks to pique yr interest (be careful about the comments/etc though, there’s Definitely spoilers in there xD)[worldenddominator] [dead angle] [dir] [system0] [hope]

The VN nowadays is split into the two halves; if you get EP4, it’ll include 1-3 as well, essentially. Picking up Question Arcs (or EP4) and Answer Arcs (or EP8) gives u the whole 8 episodes. Easy peasy! Because we live in the future now, and retroactive inclusion of past games is just convenient!

There is an official English release now, which is a brand new luxury. It’s even on Steam! Wow! That’s the easiest way to get your paws on the hands-on experience. The translation has been slightly updated as well! Also, they added a new set of toggle-able graphics that are…um…I mean they’re certainly new…#BarelyContainedOpinionAlert

If you don’t want to pay or can’t afford it…uhhh….I used to have torrent links but they’re all dead. :T still, you can probably just find them, if you know your way around torrents. For the translation, you’ll have to either get a pre-patched version of the game, or use the translation group’s instructions to patch it yourself. 

If you can’t do either of those, or just don’t really have a preference, or…any number of reasons, you can also find all the games fully recorded and uploaded to YouTube (with or without commentary)!

As for the links, I’ve got them right h–

Wait–oh, sh–the graphics are bad?!? You think the graphics are bad? Or you think plain reading is boring? Y-you can’t understand what the background image in this scene is even supposed to be? Ah…the post-2007 struggle….

The visual novel, Part Deux: AH, THE JPEGS edition

OKAY SO I SPLIT THIS APART BECAUSE IT*S IMPORTANT

If you wanna spruce up your VN-reading experience, here’s the thing: they ported the game to PS3, with brand new graphics and–get this–full voice acting. Wow! There’s even CGs now…Jeez!

These are NOT the same graphics as the new ones from the official English release! That’s important!

SO, if you wanna spruce up the graphics a bit, or you enjoy voice acting with your novels, you can do that! People took apart the PS3 games and made patches for the PC version to enjoy the new graphics and voices. And now it’s available for the Steam version as well!

[SPRITE COMPARISON: ORIGINAL PC | PS3 | STEAM]You pick your favorite!

ALSO VOICE ACTING! WOW!! Remember how I said the anime got two things right and they were the OP and the voice cast?

SAME CAST, BABEY!!!! They are all excellent and do a wonderful job! It can really add some more interest if you struggle with staying focused on “plain” reading.

Okay so NOW the links:

You’ll have to dig up torrents yourself if you want those, bc its 6am and I’m too sleepy to… uzu

QUESTION ARCS[Physical Eng release] or [Steam page] +[PS3 PATCH]

ANSWER ARCS[Physical Eng release] or [Steam page] +[PS3 PATCH]

YOUTUBE[Non-commentated, with PS3 patch] you can find more just by searching but this one looks good to me :p

RONTRA OPINIONS / SUGGESTIONS

Personally, I favor the VN for most scenes, but the manga for my light casual reading. Y’know? The VN can be pretty…um…dense, at times.

Ironically, I think EP1 itself might be the biggest hurdle for total first-timers. It’s definitely paced as a “part 1 of 8″ for the first solid portion! By which I mean, it really takes its time establishing the cast and their individual situations. Which isn’t a bad thing–especially in the overarching scope of how long the story is–but if you aren’t sure about the premise, format, or if you’ll enjoy Umineko at all, it can be sort of…challenging.

It all really depends on the individual–things like attention span, investment, and personal preferences, imo. Some people just don’t enjoy reading that much text at once! And that’s fine! Some people love it and that’s fine! Some people think the intro is too long, some people think it’s intriguing from the start. Some really like watching character building, and some prefer to see action happening. Either way is fine, so it’s really up to you!

Usually, if someone isn’t sure, I suggest they try EP1 in manga form first, just to see if the general premise entices them; it’s fully possible to jump back and do the VN if you decide you like it! It sacrifices some characterization in exchange for exploring the main premise a little faster.

Similarly, if you just can’t get into the VN–you can read the entire thing with manga too, if you favor action over the deepest character lore. It’s still a good time and a good experience!

Though, in EP1′s favor–if you ARE sure about it, and are able to dedicate your attention to the first 10-13 hours of set-up, EP1 has one of the most rewarding escalations I’ve encountered! If you are able to sit and read a fairly long-winded introduction, you are rewarded with the most buck wild Popping Off you can imagine.

So there’s nothing wrong with jumping right in there with the VN, if you enjoy reading!

However, if you do find that the VN is dragging too much for you, you can go in reverse too–and finish EP1 by manga, then decide if you want to jump back to the VN or not. I promise, the novels pick up the pace too–it’s just getting all the introductions down that can be daunting, when the initial cast size is a staggering 18 people (plus the LORE has to be established too)!!

Just for you–if you want to get into Umineko, but struggle with EP1, I’ll offer my private archive of YenPress manga rips for EP1–read the manga, official english translation, for free thanks to your dealer friend, rontra,You will have to message me about it, though–off anon or via DMs, here or at @aceyasu.

My favorite setups when I play by myself are either Original PC Graphics + Voice Acting, or Full PS3 Patch. I personally really like the original PC graphics, but I understand some people think they’re kinda…um…Rough, to say the least xD PS3 graphics are a close second for me though.

I don’t really like the steam version’s new sprites. Some people don’t mind them, so it’s up to you what you prefer, but I think they don’t really convey the feeling as well as their counterparts sometimes… :/

But hey, everyone’s got their own opinions!

I also prefer the EP8 manga to the EP8 VN. If I have control over someone’s first playthrough, I always push over to the manga for EP8! In my opinion, it’s a rare instance where the adaption is better than its original. People have different opinions on this, of course, but since this section is My Opinions Central, that’s my opinioooon!!! :D

SO BASICALLY MY OWN PERSONAL PREFERRED STRUCTURE IS

->TRY EP1 (jump over to manga if struggling; if enjoyed manga ep1 until the end, hop back into the VN at EP2 and come back to EP1 if you want to later)

EP2-EP7 VN

EP8 MANGA(EP8 VN if desired afterwards, once the dust settles)

But you’re free to do what you want, of course. ;9

And then after that there’s some spinoffs that I didn’t talk about because that’s a post for another time. (There’s a fighting game! It’s packed full of spoilers.)

AFTERWORD

All in all, Umineko is…big. its very very big. it has a huge cast (the final count comes out to like, almost 70 characters!) and a huge story. and huge feelings.

The manga and the VN are the main avenues of getting into it. It’s easier than it looks at a glance; and yet, more daunting than it seems…

If you have the time and energy to pour hours of your time into it, Umineko is a super worthwhile story that tackles genuinely difficult material with a delicate but honest hand.

It clowns up sometimes and stumbles over its own demographic–see: Weird Vaguely Unpleasant Anime-brand Sex Comedy that springs up a lot in EP1, some in EP2, and then largely disappears save for a few dumb jokes here and there–but overall is a solidly built and solidly delivered story about trauma, love, loss, and getting your family ritual-murdered by a thousand-year-old witch who may or may not be real.

And if you have any questions at all (or just wanna talk Umineko), you can send an ask or IM me here or at @aceyasu–you can ask for my Discord too if you wanna really get into it. Or DM me on twitter! I’m happy to answer any question or elaborate on anything you’re confused about. I tried to go over this post quickly, so if I was too vague on something, feel free to ask!

The same of course applies to content warnings; if there’s something specific you’re worried about, I can answer it for you, whether it’s “does [specific thing] happen/appear” or “how much of [thing] is there, i can handle a little bit”! Anything! Of course I want people to read my favorite, but I also more than that want u all to be safe.

I’m very sorry that this post is literally three thousand words long. Umineko’s been my special interest for almost ten whole years. I get chatty! But hopefully my passion shines through and gets you excited!!!

LOVE, A BIG NERD

[br-o-ken-poetry]

I need help badly. I wish to be a man and i began pretending to be one online but then i met someone and we fell in love and they still dont know who i am two yrs later. I need to tell them. Ive hated myself every day for doing this to them but ive never worked up the guts to tell them bc im afraid of how theyll take it. Idc what happens to be. She can call the police, kill me, anything. I deserve it but i font want her to give up on her life. She says im the only thing she looks forward to cnt.

Looks forward to abt life and i dont want her to end hers. She has so much potential and future and i love her so much. She needs to know the truth and im scared that knowing the truth will kill her. However im also more scared that if i just leave her she’ll be wondering why and end her life. Shes told me before she wouldnt ever move on and idk what to do. I love her and want the best for her but ive hurt hwr and put her in this position. Im sorry for the rant i needed to let it out

Hey there. Oh dear, what a messy situation… The two main problems with telling the truth is that A) she’s evidently very emotionally fragile and B) two years is a long time to have carried on with the lie. However, despite those things, you just have to tell her, and sooner rather than later. Then she can decide what she wants to do and figure out how she feels.

I think explaining to her that you are a trans man, and being honest with her about the situation, how you got into this position in the first place etc, may well do be doing yourself a favour. Hopefully she will understand sort of why you did it, and that can help her work out what you two can do. But you just cannot carry on without telling her the truth - or it will grow and grow and grow.

Story time: I was in a similar position recently (gender swapped). I met a guy on an online game I played to distract myself from real life and because I want to be a girl I played as a girl and ofc did not mention any of the details anywhere bc I didn’t expect to get close to anyone. But me and this guy became really close and we really were good friends - and as time went on I realised more and more that I suspected he had feelings for me (or the cis girl he thought I was). I wanted to act back on his feelings, tbh, but I knew it wouldn’t be right, playing with his heart like that, so I told him the truth. We’d known each other a good six months or so, even exchanged selfies! So it wasn’t what he was expecting to hear. But the result was surprising. He said he still had feelings for me and it had just made him curious. He questioned his sexuality a little bit and he asked a lot of questions (which I answered, bc I owed it to him), but he basically got over it. Now, our relationship isn’t exactly the same, but he accepts me, and we are still friends. He didn’t freak out because he knew me, really well, and the person he’d talked to those six months was still the same, even if I didn’t have all the parts he thought I did :P

What I’m saying is that if she really loves you, you may get her forgiveness. I cannot say at all how it might change your relationship - I’d have to cross my fingers and hope for the best, that she’ll accept you, remain friends, etc. But if you know someone for 2 years, you must know each other well. Telling her this, well, it’ll let her know you better.

Despite all or any of this, you just have to tell her. Don’t carry on with it, because there reaches a point it’s really not fair on the other person, no matter what your own feelings, and I think you’re already quite a long way past that.

Feel free to keep my updated :’) As someone who understands how you’d get into this position in the first place, I am rooting for you xx