#im planning on finishing the last one when i need to destress

[gaydinobots]

some stuff lying around on my com...i rly wanna get back into drawing gay robots 

[crack-whore-who-fuckedup-already]

Catchin’ The Vibe

Pairing: Loki x reader

Word Count: 2,543

Warnings: drug use (devils lettuce folks), wee bit of angst, fluff if you squint, awkwardness if that counts lol, older GenZ!reader

A/N: Ahhhh! This is my first time posting something I’ve written! I hope you all enjoy!

 Classes that day were less than pleasant. The reminder of 4 major exams coming up did nothing to soothe (Y/s) constant stress and anxiety and she couldn't help but rush out of her final class, ready to finally relax.

          The brisk walk home got her thinking and she quickly pulled out her phone and sent a text to her roommate, Cassie. The girl was well aware of Cassie's habits of bringing friends over unexpectedly. She'd learned to text ahead so that she could change her course of direction before it was too late and Cassie made her begrudgingly agree to stay with them. For as much as their external personalities clashed, she really did love Cassie but she also really didn't feel like trying her own patience today. Instead, she prepped for her backup plan.

When the inevitable response came from her roommate, she sighed and set a course for Avengers Tower. Even if a group of super heroes lived there, the tower was big enough to grant her space from them.

Walking in the front door, she flashed the card that her aunt Pepper gifted her upon her arrival to the big city to the security guard. If you need anything, Pepper had said, pressing the card into the girls palm, just come find me. She absolutely adored her aunt Pepper and although she didn't particularly need anything from her aunt in person, she was ever grateful for the unlimited access to the tower.

The girl was pleased to find that the residence atop the tower was seemingly empty. Out on a mission, she presumed. Thank God.

  She wasted no time plopping herself down on the couch and reached deep into her backpack, searching for the little ziplock bag. The perfect little cookie she had placed in there earlier that morning had crumbled to bits and she made a sound of disappointment. She opened it and poured a handful of crumbs, careful not to spill any on the couch. Only after carefully putting the rest away, she finally let herself fall back against the sofa and unwind.

When the girl found her eyes sore and red, and her mouth dry as the desert, she knew her high had hit. The previous anxious pounding in her heart and head was replaced with a subtle, pleasant throbbing throughout her body. Finally, she felt like she could take a deep breath. Reveling in the feeling, she closed her eyes and thought back on the day. 

Unbeknownst to her, Loki stood in the doorway of the living room, watching her intently. His fingers softly tapped on the hardcover of his book, debating whether or not he should go back to his room. He could sense that there was something different about her today. Something off. Now that Loki thought about it, the girl's energy always seemed a little ‘off’ compared to the other mortals on Midgard, but never this heavy before. It made him shift in discomfort.

Before he could turn and sneak away, her soft yet dry-red eyes peered over the couch and caught his own deep green ones. He was caught.

“Hello,” she said kindly. "You can join me, if you'd like." Loki's presence was one she always welcomed. She smiled softly and gestured to the sofa across from her. Loki hesitated for just a second but then slowly took a seat. She sat up to address him better and continued.  “I wasn't expecting anyone to be here. I thought everyone was out on a mission.” 

Only a couple feet from her now, the god could clearly see the red in her eyes and her exhaustion radiated off of her. His curiosity got the better of him and the question shot out of his mouth, quiet but clear. “Is something wrong?”

The girl froze suddenly. Her thoughts fluttered excuse from excuse. But she stopped, suddenly. She wondered with a bit of mischief -and defiance, probably-, what if she just told the truth. She realized quickly that Loki would probably be the last person to rat her out, quite honestly. Besides, something told her that Loki'd had his fair share of, well, exotic herbal substances, for lack of better term. Forgetting herself, she laughed a little at the thought.

Thinking he'd said something foolish, it took everything in Loki not to stride out of the room then and there. Irritation and perhaps embarrassment bloomed deep in his chest. Instead he let out a little huff which luckily got her attention. 

“Im sorry, but no. Why do you ask?” Her voice lilted up in a teasing manner. She had a small smirk on her face as she took a sip from the water bottle in her bag. 

Loki knew that look all too well. It was the same one he got on his face when he was up to no good. Suddenly intrigued, he narrowed his eyes at her and slipped on his shit-eating grin.

“Your eyes are red. And your presence feels more... tense than usual.”

She leaned forward and swallowed quickly. “What, you mean like my energy?”

Loki paused pensively then nodded.

She snickered and thought about that particularly interesting tid-bit of information. The scientific and spiritual knowledge on Asgard is far different and more advanced than anything on earth, she knew.

Minutes passed and the girl found her thoughts wondering, as well as her eyes. At some point, they landed on Loki reading his book and suddenly a light bulb went off in her head. Surprising herself with this idea, she mulled it over in her head. He is literally the most stressed individual I have ever met...and aunt Pepper has to deal with Tony on a daily basis so that's saying something... there's no harm in asking.

"Loki, have you ever heard of weed?" she asked as innocently as she could muster. He looked at her, contemplating. Eventually, he shook his head no. Delight spread across her face before caution took its place and the girl thought of the best way to explain to Loki what exactly the Midgardian herb was.

 "On Earth, there's this plant called marijuana." A look of slight recognition passed over his face. "It's used as a destresser, antidepressant, muscle relaxer…” She paused pensively. “Some use it for spiritual purposes. It's got loads of uses. Not to mention it gets you nice and toasty." 

With the Avengers away, his normally stiff and stoic facade was softer, allowing the girl to just barely make out the contemplative faces he was making. She had also noticed his brief look of uncertainty at her use of the term 'toasty'.

"So this is Midgards form of the Gift," he concluded.

"If that's what you guys call drugs on Asgard then, yeah. Sure." She let out a little laugh and looked at him intently.

After a second of thinking, he finally looked at her again, mischief seeping into his words and face. "And why might you be telling me this, dearest?" 

Leaning back with a grin, she fished the baggie from her backpack once more. The loose crumbs looked less than impressive to the god but the girl didn't seem to care. She gave Loki a look to rival his own and for a second, it actually made him falter. 

The amount left in the bag was just the amount she felt comfortable giving him so she handed him the plastic baggie. When he didn't take it right away, she pulled back. 

"You don't have to if you don't want to." The gentleness in her voice caught him off guard and reassured him that it was his choice. He had no doubt after that, he wanted to do this. 

For as much as he didn't trust Midgard or their people, Loki was quite comfortable around her. The child of the group and yet she seemed to be the only tolerable one. Her normally quiet disposition drew him in and her ability to launch passionately into one of her stories only made him enjoy her company more. It reminded him of his mother.

Shoving those thoughts aside, he did his best to pour the cookie crumbs into his mouth then set the baggie on the coffee table. Leaning back, they both fell into comfortable silence and waited.

---------------------------

She was in the kitchen when out of the corner of her eye, she saw Loki slowly close his book. The girl looked up and across the space to the connected living room where he sat and saw him staring blankly at a spot in front of him. Finally, he let out a small groan and fell backwards. It had finally hit.

"Loki?" 

His hand twitched in her direction and she knew he wasn't doing well. Quickly filling a glass of water, she was at his side in a second. His head was all the way back, looking at the ceiling and his eyes were wide, pupils blown. His breathing was labored and his hands were shaking. 

"Hey, ok," she said, sitting gently next to him. She placed her hand on his arm but he flinched away. Paying it no mind, she spoke gently. "Don't fight it, Loki. Just relax and breathe." 

Loki tried his best to relax, truly. But there was this relentless twitching all throughout his body and his senses felt dulled by this incessant tingling. His mind was flitting through thoughts faster than he could grasp. Not having control over his mind and body was completely unexpected. The Gift was nothing like this. 

On Asgard, the Gift clears your mind and energy and makes you feel present and centered. It connects mind and body, bringing them together in harmony. This was the opposite. It was incapacitating his body and his thoughts swirled senselessly in his head.

"May I touch you?" 

He looked at her but the words were lost on him, he couldn't focus. He stared at her until she spoke again.

 "Loki? Is it alright if I touch you?" 

Before she could even finish the question a second time, he was already nodding his head yes. The girl smiled and softly placed her hand on his shoulder for reassurance. She rubbed her thumb gently back and forth and held up the glass of water. 

"Take a sip, it'll help," she urged. Loki mustered enough composure to sit up and take a few sips. When he was done, he rested back against the couch, shutting his eyes tightly.

Putting the glass down, the girl sighed as she looked at his rigid body. Poor thing was torturing himself with how tense he was. "Loki, if you don't relax, you're gonna cause more harm than good. Your muscles are going to snap."

He only shook his head.

Suppressing her own increasingly anxious thoughts, she continued. "Then what can I do to help? Please? I want to help you…" But Loki couldn't bring himself to say anything. Instead he shakily took her hand. Gentle but firm, it was the smallest of acts but she could already feel the difference it made. 

After a few moments, his scrunched up face was finally smoothing into one of ease and his breathing began to level out. The twitching was unavoidable and so was the probability of zoning out a couple times but that was all a part of the experience. After regaining control of his breath, Loki finally seemed to be letting himself unwind.

As his body started to melt into the couch, she gently readjusted herself next to him so that she was more comfortable. Not once did they let go of each other's hand. They sat in silence, enjoying the buzz but also each other's quiet presence.

---------------------

As the night got darker and the high mellowed out, Loki found himself actually enjoying his time. He could still feel the tingling in his body but had decided that he liked it. The girl had managed to pull him out of his trance when she pulled her hand away to put on some slow, quiet music that was pleasant to his currently sensitive ears.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, softly.

Still lounging back against the couch, Loki took a moment to think then nodded his head. A lazy smile spread across his face. "I feel...good." 

"Yeah?" she chuckled.

"Yeah."

They both let out a lazy chuckle and the girl fell back against the couch. "So…" She hesitated and wondered if she should say something so soon but continued anyway. "Are you okay? That was kind of... intense and I just want to make sure you're alright."

Loki took a second to gather his thoughts and cleared his throat. "My mind went places I try very hard to keep hidden. I wasn't prepared, is all."

When he didn't say anything more she decided it was best to leave it there. She watched him lose himself in his thoughts again and immediately scooted closer. Grabbing his hand wholly, she pressed herself into his side lightly as not to startle him and gave him a reassuring laugh. "I've gotcha. You're stuck with me now, buddy."

He just closed his eyes and exhaled heavily, the slightest hint of a smile on his face. But then he remembered why he was in this strange situation in the first place. When he had initially walked into the common room, the girl's abnormally heavy presence had made him want to flee. He wondered for a second if it could have been an effect of the Midgardian drug but if he focused hard enough, he could still sense that same tension deep in her muscles.

"And how about you?" 

She looked at him uncertainly. "What about me?"

"Are you ok?"

She shook her head in confusion as she couldn't understand what he was trying to get at. Loki thought about giving it up but he managed to convince himself otherwise. Pay her the same courtesy she did you, he willed himself.

"When I walked in I noticed a particular...mood settling over the room. It wasn't much like you and I wonder if something upset you," he spoke, afraid he might be over stepping.

Recollection spread across her face and she laughed begrudgingly. Now that she had time to relax and let the day sink in -not to mention the external help of her good friend Mary Jane-, she could separate herself from the anxiety and stress of everyday college life. Four exams were nothing, she concluded. She'd gotten through worse before. She could do this.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just some trivial human stuff. But I'm ok, I promise." 

They looked at each other, both their eyes red and droopy. She had a soft, genuine smile on her face and Loki felt himself relax all over again. As the music met their ears once more, they fell into pleasant silence.

----------------------

When the team got home early the next morning, they were surprised to find the two asleep on the couch. With Loki's head hanging back against the couch and the girl's face smothered into his shoulder, it definitely wasn't the most comfortable condition to sleep in. And yet, these two, in their stubborn chaos, managed to make it work. Deciding not to disturb them, the team just let them be and didn't dare mention a word to them when they woke.

[vlogsquadssquad]

secure

summary: Charlie puth invites David to a get together where David meets y/n and they hit it off.

a/n: a teensy weensy bit angst but im 100% making a part 2 of this with a happy ending so no worries!!!!!!!!!

warnings: language

mood board:

-- 3RD PERSON DD & CP

“hey what are your plans for Saturday?” Charlie asked David as they finished up a bit for the vlog.

“umm, nothing really. im kind of in a fog right now. why?” David took a bite of his apple.

“well im throwing a small little kickback at my house. a few of my music friends are coming and it might get you some good connections, if you'd like.”

“dude, that's fucking sick! name drop! is Selena Gomez gonna be there?” David asked excitedly.

“no, no, Selena doesn't really do too many social events anymore. she's going through a lot...” David raised his eyebrow as Charlie looked to the ground. “but you know who will be there? y/f/n!” 

“shut the fuck up dude are you serious?” Davids heart dropped at the thought of y/n at the party. he's been crushing on her for a bit, and has been dying to meet her. 

“yeah, I mean she texted me she would, why are you all giddy?” Charlie punched David on the shoulder playfully, but secretly didn't want David to say he had a crush on her because truth was, so did Charlie. what's not to like? she's humble, kind, funny, easy-going, and down for anything. 

“oh, uhh... no reason, just she's a pretty popular singer right now. good clickbait.” David said with nervousness in his voice. he didn't want to admit that he had a crush when he hasn't even met her.

“alright, well ill see you at the kickback then. bring some friends!” Charlie tried not to sound worried or suspicious. he’d have to keep an eye on the two.

-- YOUR POV

I really hate going to parties. but Charlie promised it would be chill and just a way to destress. ive been in a fog with my album im writing. I have great songs but I need two more and im stuck on what to write about. maybe the party will be a good thing. 

-texts w - Charles 🤪 -

< should I wear something casual or ?? are we dressing nicer lol

you look great in everything! >

maybe party casual if that's a thing? >

< thought it was a kickback you ass! lol but thanks for the heads up. see you there, Charles! 😉

-end texts-

he hated when i called him Charles but i love messing with him. after careful examining of the clothes i had, i decided to go as I was. it was an easy going outfit but I still looked put together. I had no one to impress anyways. 

-- 1st PERSON DD 

“dude, im so nervous.” i whispered to Ilya, who knew of my crush. 

“its fine man, don't be a pussy.” i took a drink of my water and grabbed my camera to film with Benny Blanco a little he always had something funny or interesting to say.

“Charles!” I heard from the living room. i didn't think anything of it and kept filming with Benny and Jeff. a little while goes by and then Benny looks over my shoulder.

“hey, y/n/n! so good to see you!” i froze. y/n went and gave benny an inviting hug and then turned to me. her eyes were easy to melt into.

“hi, good to see you, im y/n” she went in for a hug. she smelled beautiful.

“oh, hi. im David. big fan.” 

“and im Jeff, wow you look so great, can I get you a drink?”

i rolled my eyes at Jeff trying to make a move. of course he's into the same girl I am.

“oh, im ok, I actually don't really like to drink.” she's so kind and gentle as she speaks. 

“so how is the album coming?” benny asks her.

“its... not.” she laughs lightly but I can tell she's stressed. is it too early to tell her I already know her inside and out? am I crazy for watching all her interviews, tiktoks, and instagram stories? 

“im in a fog,” she looks to the ground. how are we already so compatible? “I want two more songs but im having trouble finding a conclusion to the story im telling. maybe there isn't one, I don't know.”

“what's the story you're trying to tell?” I ask feeling very brave and comfortable already.

“basically my current dating life.” she slightly blushes. “its so hard dating and every time I start to like a guy or I know of him and I already have a crush on him, it doesn't end well. and I have these little romances I write about but they all end in either piggy behavior or ghosting.” we laughed along with her. her smile was radiating.

“maybe I can help, do you wanna go to Charlie’s studio?” Benny asks her.

“you're an angel! yes! ill repay you in food.” she laughs. as they walk out, Im watching her. she moves so flawlessly. “hey, you can come too. might get something good for the vlog.” she smiles to me. my heart is beating out of my chest. she watches my videos or at least knows of me. “cool, thank you.” I say trying to remain calm. she also pulls Charlie in and he drapes his arm around her shoulder. they're just friends.

as we get seated in the room, Benny starts asking her questions. “so, we know what message you're giving but how are you delivering it for the album? what's the feeling? want to play us a song that captures the vibe?” 

“well I only have the instrumentals for the songs but I can play one live?” 

“great, lets do it.” Charlie smiled to her as he handed her a mic.

“don't post this anywhere, David” she warned.

she brought warmth to my cheeks. “nope, ill only use it as blackmail.”

her laugh was such a gift. I could tell jokes all day just to hear her laugh again. 

she played a beautiful song that was slow and powerful and all about heartbreak. it hurt to hear her go through that. then benny asked for another song. this one was more pop. like id hear it on the radio, but still deep. 

the rest of the night was them composing songs and some stupid jokes here and there. safe to say she's the most down to earth and funny person in the room. the fans will go crazy that im here with her. im going crazy that im here with her. 

-- YOUR POV

I spent the whole night in the studio with some amazing people. I found myself taking it all in and being so thankful for my life. ive known of David and watched his vlogs pretty frequently too, but being with him was a whole different experience. he gave great advice and genuinely helped me through some of my block. he gave a listeners point of view and had fresh ears. it was nice. he even offered to walk me to my car.

“I figured you'd have like a limo waiting for you outside or something.” he joked as we walked toward the street.

“nope, that's just youtubers.” I joked back.

he laughed, “ouch.” 

“thank you for your input tonight.” he chuckled. “no, I really mean it. I think I know exactly how I want to end the album.” I look into his eyes as my back is pushed against my car. 

“where's your mind at?” he looks back to me.

“loving myself. I know it sounds cliche, but isn't the greatest romance of all, the love you have for yourself? tonight was the most fun ive had, and it was just hanging out with friends talking about endless things.”

he nods as he takes my words in. “you're really secure with yourself. I like that. its going to be a great album.”

he leans in and for a moment I think he's going to kiss me which I don't need right now. then I see his hands go low to the handle of my car door and he opens it for me.

“oh, I can't take a hint, huh?” I joke with him.

“no, not at all. I just know you're excited to go home and write your new hit.” he says almost seriously.

“thank you” I whisper. “and also, can I get your number? id love to do something fun for the vlogs.” 

-- DAVIDS POV, NEXT DAY

“il, it couldn't have gone better! she asked for my number, bro!”

“that's fucking sick. imagine you dating one of americas sweetheart, music icons.” Ilya pokes at David.

“its not a fucking joke, I really think there was something there but id really like to get to know her better.”

“who are we talking about?” Charlie asks as he enters the room. David had texted him to meet up for a bit they were doing.

“uh, no one.” im quick to reply knowing they're` great friends and I don't want any drama.

“oh ok... so what'd you think of y/n?” he asks me.

“oh she's great, yeah, I was editing some last night and I think I'll keep some parts in.”

“yeah, she's so easy to be around. I think im gonna ask her out, she's kind of the girl of my dreams, and im like 99% sure she's in love with me too.” he says almost marking his territory. 

I look to Ilya and he just half smiles. “oh, that's great man. yeah you should ask her out if you're in love with her. she's a great catch.” my chest falls as I say it aloud. I really thought she liked me. 

part 2

[muwur]

could i request an -oikawa-kuroo-suga- headcanons for a partner with autism/adhd? (autism and adhd in girls can be like, real hard to write if you dont have it or know someone who does so its 100% okay to say no wididnejfufhejrr) especially with like, being embarrassed about stimming in front of them or dealing with rejection sensitive dysphoria as a symptom 😗👉👈 thank yooooooooooou i owe u my liyef

haikyuu + s/o with autism/adhd headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for oikawa, kuroo, suga & tendou

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.3k words

a/n: i got u b! this is wut im here for, to help u feel a lil represented 😌 also ik u a special fren of mine so hehe here u go (happy birthday soon btw c; ily i hope you enjoy pls feel free to lmk if there’s smth youd like me to change ♡)! aLsO pLEASePLEAseplEASe anyone let me know if there is something I wrote in this that doesn’t sit well with you. as someone who does not have autism/adhd or has had much experience around people who do, i cannot portray it accurately. i do not intend to misrepresent anyone’s experiences. i love and care for you all; the last thing i want to do is hurt or offend anyone. thankfully anon + the internet were great sources for me to try to understand things better. tho that is not to say i can fully comprehend these conditions (cuz i never can unless i experience it myself)

n e ways, u r all loveli n i hope ur having an amazing day <3

just wanna preface that these bois would love anyone for who they are, and would do their best to support you in whatever ways possible <3

oikawa

✧ oikawa had been replying consistently to your messages before suddenly disappearing with no explanation,,,

✧ at first it seemed like nothing, but after several hours and follow up texts from yourself, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he just didn’t want to reply to you

✧ maybe he didn’t even like you anymore

✧ fear that every moment you shared together meant nothing settled in the pit of your stomach

✧ a while later you received a phone call from a very apologetic oikawa, who was explaining that he dropped his phone in the bowl of ramen he was eating and had to go to the store and wait for hours before finally getting a new one and--

✧ “a-are you crying? hey, what’s wrong? i’m sorry i was gone for so long. i’m here now.”

✧ will definitely come over immediately to give you reassuring cuddles

✧ “you mean the world to me. i never want to hurt you, and i never want to leave you, either.”

✧ makes sure to communicate very clearly with you to reassure you what he really means

✧ always reminding you how much he cares about you to reinforce in your head that he’s always going to be there for you

✧ does self-care days with you to destress because life is tough (*cue selfies with face masks and laying in bed for hours with each other’s comforting presence*)

✧ very quick to defend and protect you from people who hurt you. will ask, “excuse me, can i help you?” with a piercing glare that’ll get anyone to back down

✧ gives you constant reassurance about your stimming

✧ helps you interpret social cues and situations, gives you tips on how to handle your interactions with others and in under circumstances (as well as how to remain calm in your own mind)

✧ practices positive self-talk with you because he wants to help you see how great you are

✧ anyone who doesn’t see it is at a loss and is irrelevant, they don’t exist in oikawa’s book 💅

kuroo

✧ always educating himself so he knows how to be helpful

✧ unintentionally embarrassed you once by asking what you were doing when he caught you stimming once (which was when he found out about it)

✧ he was genuinely curious and meant no harm, and he apologized for bringing it up how he did

✧ however, he was glad he asked you so that he could be informed and reassure you that stimming is okay. he understands the importance of it and he’d prefer you have something to help you self-soothe. no judgment here, this is a safe space

✧ takes mental notes on all your favorite stims (verbal, visual, tactile, oral, proprioception, etc)

✧ even discovers new stims for you to try and buys you things to help with them (“here, this is a fidget spinner, y/n” or “you know they make CHEWABLE JEWLERY? they call it CHEWELRY. that’s genius. *typing on phone* what colors do you like, babe?” )

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings and find additional coping strategies (“let’s try this neat breathing technique i learned about today!”)

✧ saves you from overwhelming situations (ie. pulling you out of a crowd, shutting down really noisy things, giving you space to clear your head and breathe)

✧ ruffles your hair as a sign of affection and calls you cute nicknames

✧ helps you study, make plans, and stay organized. tries to keep things interesting and interactive so you don’t lose interest/find it boring

✧ when you’re having an especially hard time focusing, he’ll pull you aside for a relaxing break like talking a small walk, watching an episode of y’alls favorite show, sharing a snack, playing a game, looking at memes or tik tok, chatting, etc

✧ makes sure to validate your feelings first and acknowledge your concerns before giving you his thoughts

✧ helps you view situations from a different perspective so you don’t assume rejection from others. when there is some form of rejection, he’s there to help you cope with the emotions 

✧ gives you a lot of hugs when you’re feeling dejected and lonely, reminding you he’ll never leave your side 

sugawara

✧ he’s quite perceptive, so when he noticed your unease, he asked you about it

✧ embarrassed but not wanting to lie, especially to suga, you admitted to being afraid of stimming around him and that you had been trying to hold back from it (even if it was hard)

✧ his eyes immediately soften as he tells you that there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it

✧ he just wants you to be yourself and feel comfortable

✧ learns about all of your stims. totally supports and normalizes them (however, if they’re ever self-injurous, he’ll do research and consult expert help to redirect the behavior)

✧ will absolutely take good care of you, he’s not sugamama for no reason

✧ a great listener! always hearing you out when you talk about your passions and interests

✧ wants you to express yourself however you can because he understands communication may not always be easy (reminder that communication and expression aren’t always verbal!)

✧ praises you and hypes you up all the time, going on about how there’s so much about you he loves

✧ has the most soothing voice ever. will whisper you sweet, reassuring words to calm and ease your mind

✧ will even just hum for you. lit rally anything. the suga juke box varies from lullabies to funky fresh songs

✧ very patient and will support you when you feel upset, frustrated, and/or have outbursts

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings, but never pressures you. shares his own thoughts and feelings to help you open up, asks you thoughtful questions

✧ may be ultimate soft boi but gives anyone the look™ if they even just stare, and goes feral if someone’s ever rude to you in any way, calls them tf out and is #satisfied when he gets them to apologize

✧ also helps you study and be organized! good at creating schedules and encouraging you to stick with them

✧ constantly making sure you eat sufficient meals 😋 and get enough rest 😴 will nag you until you do

tendou

✧ MORE THAN HAPPY TO PROVIDE ALL THE STIMULATION YOU NEED, says it’s an opportunity to give each other mutual attention and bond

✧ but will also provide you an outlet for just relaxing and unwinding

✧ will talk to you for hours and hours about your favorite shows/movies/books

✧ BINGES THEM WITH YOU

✧ always treating you to your favorite snacks/flavors and discovering new things for you to try that will match your taste/texture preferences (only the best for u 😌)

✧ curious about how stims make you feel and asks you to describe those sensations to him  

✧ thinks it’s super cool when you can finish his sentences for him,,, cuz it’s like y’all on the same wavelength (you gellll)

✧ if anyone made you feel bad,,, o boy

✧ tendou would intimidate them to the point he would probably appear in their nightmares ffegjegk this is why you don’t fuck with this man or those who cares about 

✧ king of spontaneity and asks if you’re down to do the most random things

✧ “let’s buy a trampoline”

✧ *2 am* “you down for some fries and dip? and by dip i mean m i l k s h a k e s”

✧ of course he’ll never suggest things he knows you would be uncomfortable with. never puts you in a stressful situation and always makes sure you’re enjoying yourself

✧ invites you everywhere and makes sure you feel included. always by your side!

✧ squeezes your hand whenever he can tell you’re feeling anxious

✧ if you feel anxious about trying new things, he’s there to encourage you! recounts all the positive aspects 

✧ but if you’re really excited to try something, you bet he’ll match your excitement

✧ a very good listener. empathizes a lot with being misunderstood or seen as “different,” and is therefore a major source of comfort

✧ constantly showing you how to be yourself and that you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, cuz that’s who he fell in love with

[itsbuckysworld]

Yoga 101 | pt.1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader Guest Appearance: Natasha World: AU.

Warnings: fluffy, mentions of smut in the form of thinking too much about how sexy bucky is, language.

Summary: Yoga would be the perfect activity for relaxing and just letting your mind go blank, if the yoga instructor wasn’t so fucking nice and so damn hot.

A/N: written for the #omnomwritingchallenge1.1k. My word choice was yoga, so I present to you, Yoga with Bucky. AND THIS IS SO LATE IM SO SORRY @omnomsauruswrites

Smooches! xoxo L

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED until i get back in the groove of writing and finish at least half the things I’ve planned to write.

Huge huge huge thanks to @delicatelyherdreams, @caitfairwrites and @sunmoonandbucky. Through the almost a month that took me to write this, they helped me with typos, cheering me on and assuring me this was worth writing. I will forever be so grateful to them, and they are now stuck with me loving them too much so whoops. Gifs not mine

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»»————-　　————-««

You stepped out of your car with your brand new yoga mat rolled nicely under your arm, and looked at the text on your phone and then at the building in front of you. This was the place. You groaned slightly.

Your friend Natasha had suggested – well, more like forced you – to sign up for a yoga class. You’d argued right back that you didn’t need it and that there was no use signing up for one when you could probably download an app and do the stretches at home just fine, but she was not having it. You remember her stern stare and calm voice telling you that you definitely needed it, and could benefit from it, and something about how you just had to believe her. Plus “yoga at home isn’t the same as yoga in a class”. It wasn’t even the same commitment, and before you could protest anymore, not that she’d back off if you did have something to say back, she had pulled up the page for a yoga place that had great classes and teachers, saying she had tried it herself.

A yoga class was the last place you wanted to be today. Your day hadn’t been the best and you were still on the fence about the whole thing despite knowing deep down you needed something to help you destress. Your job was growing more and more stressful as the days went by, and your limbs ached in the mornings because you had so much pent up tension keeping you from a restful night’s sleep. On top of that, you didn’t have time anymore to fit in any other type of exercise to keep yourself active and it was starting to bother you. Even if you weren’t on top of fitness and gym trends, you liked to try and keep your body active, it was part of a healthy life and right now, your life was just work, work, work; stress, stress, stress.

So you frowned as you looked at the time slots, the classes and what not, and before Natasha had gone home from your place that night, you had signed up, quickly so as not to retract, and decided to make space for the supposedly never intrusive, always helpful – as Nat had put it – activity.

You found the room you were supposed to be in and set up at a perfect distance from the front – not too close you’d be all up next to the teacher like an eager student, and not too far that you’d miss out on what the teacher explained – and sat quietly as the room filled in.

You placed your hands on your thighs as you kneeled and exhaled, eyes closed.

You wish you hadn’t as the ruckus eased around you and next time you did glance around, there was a man setting up at the front, clearly the teacher.

To be clear, you didn’t care that the instructor was a man. What you were absolutely freaking out about – battling to remain completely calm on the outside – was that the instructor was a Greek god of a man.

“Good day class. How’s everyone doing?” All the ladies and the one other guy in the room greeted him back, but not you. Your brain didn’t know what words were anymore.

He invited the class to sit on their mats in a relaxed position, and you quietly took him in. The chiseled jaw, the lean muscles – God bless that tank top he was wearing. His hair was pushed back somewhat messily to a small bun, some strands hugging the back of his neck and a soft beard. For a moment you were so captivated by how good he looked that you stumbled from your seated position to what he called next a moment too late. He was so gorgeous you hadn’t even noticed or cared for the shining metal arm – if anything that dark metal with gold accents really suited him – but you definitely didn’t look at it. Not when he did warrior pose and showed his back muscles.

Delicious.

“And breathe deeply,” he said, his voice resonating around the room.

Breathe? Oh, right! You were supposed to breathe, and focus on the class and relax. You shook your head, doing the best you could to maintain your balance as you copied his moves and changed poses.

For the most part, you thought yoga would be simple. A couple of nice stretches and breathing exercises to clear your head and give you peace of mind – and really pop your back because, God, was your office chair a torture device. On paper it sounded delightful, but this? The truth was it was absolute torture and more than a little embarrassing.

You struggled through every pose, noticing how minimal the looks from the rest of the class towards the teacher were. The Adonis of a man would call something like Half Moon to the left to warm up, and no one would bat an eye, switching their bodies to extend an arm and a leg in the air, somehow keeping perfect balance, and yet there you were, doing the pose too late, focusing on copying the person next to you to get it right and fighting for your life to not fall flat on your face, the leg that was planted on the ground shaking with stress.

And you’d expect to move to Half Moon on the right, right? But he would transition over to whatever King Dancer on the left was, and there you were back at zero trying to figure out what the hell was happening.

You lost your footing more than once. Tried – and failed – your best to discreetly shuffle your yoga mat even further from people, because, you know, yoga mats are supposed to not slip.

You could feel your face burning red hot, not only from the physical activity that was rushing to be up to speed with these yoga freaks and fighting “Lady Gravity” for the most part of an hour, but from failing miserably at even the relaxed poses in front of everyone, specially when you locked eyes with the instructor and his lips curved into a smile, watching you struggle with the extended side angle, clearly laughing at your excuse of a yoga pose. God, why did he have to be so cute? You think you would be a little less flustered had he been a woman or anyone other than every hot movie star melted together watching you fail miserably.  

Yet you couldn’t keep your eyes off him. His voice was gruff and soothing, strong and tender. He would remind everyone to breathe and you found it hard to, because he gave you chills. The way he exhaled along with some words, making your mind wander. He walked around the class at some point, observing people’s forms, correcting positions and giving tips. You were absolutely sure you’re going to have wild dreams just based on how warm his hand was when he touched your elbow, indicating you to extend your arm properly while doing Balancing Table, his voice fading away as you kept impure thoughts at bay.

As the class did final stretches he kept his eyes on you, that smile of his still there, and you could see it mocking you. You could hear it in the way there was a bit of a laugh at the beginning of his sentences, and you puffed out your cheeks with a frown. He was cute but he was an ass for laughing at you. He moved to extend a leg almost to his forehead, hands grabbing his foot and eyebrows raised at you, before talking to the whole class.

“Let’s extend into Heron, right leg up” and without hesitation everyone did so, the same pose he was showing you before.

Oh wait, was he teaching you what was coming next? It was a relatively easy pose – had it not been for the position of your other leg – and for the last few minutes of the class, he kept transitioning into poses before calling them out, looking straight at you and giving you a small smile when you did your best to copy them. Okay, a little less of an ass now, still very cute. Damn.

The room started to clear out after a few moments in Corpse – a pose you knew well – and you took your time reincorporating afterwards, too comfy to move. Then you arched your back that somehow still felt impossibly sore – weren’t you here to release that tension? Where was that desired pop? – before you stood to pack up your things.

“Hi there”

You recognised the voice behind you, the one you had been hearing it for the past 40 minutes, giving directions and huskily delivering material for you to think about on lonely nights. Another shake of your head put you in the right mindset to face him.

“Hi!” your response was a little excited, but you didn’t have energy to feel embarrassed anymore. “Sorry,” you said, and the man shook his head, chuckling slightly.

“You’ve never done yoga before, then?”

“That obvious?” He laughed out loud this time, but you knew he wasn’t laughing at you.

“What gave it away, my terrible balance or my deer caught in headlights face at everything you said?”

“I think it was more the fact that you only knew Corpse.”

You were in trouble. He was even more good looking up close. From the distance you had been at during the class, you could only see defined muscle. From arms length, he was so much more. Smooth skin. Long dark lashes that made ocean blue eyes pop like none other you had ever seen. A killer smile that made the cutest crinkles appear by his eyes, and his laugh was gorgeous. All in all, it wasn’t fair. Whatever flaw he had better come up really quick.

“I don’t really mind the stumbling, Lord knows I can’t keep Half Lotus Tree for long –” you gave him a pointed look and he clasped his hands in front of his chest – “you have no idea what that is. Right” The two of you chuckled as you danced on the balls of your feet, biting the inside of your cheek. He took a deep breath and continued, “Point is, you shouldn’t sign up for an advanced class if it’s your first time. Mainly because you could injure yourself.”

“Wait, advanced?” You blanked. “I mean, duh, of course it was advanced, but I signed up for beginner.” You fished inside your bag for your phone.

“I don’t teach any beginner classes. I don’t think we have any this time around.” He grimaced, an apologetic look painting his features.

“No, I definitely –”

Advanced Yoga, 6PM, room 505 – you read it when you pulled up the email, eyes running over the words over and over. Everything made sense now. You sigh and run a hand down your face.

“Okay that’s… great. My mistake. This whole thing was probably a mistake.” He made motion to say something but you put your hands up, waving them in front of you. “I should go. Sorry again for… that. Thanks for the class, I guess.” And with that you turned on your heel and walked away, wanting the earth to swallow you whole. Did you seriously just go in the wrong class, made a fool of yourself, and then thanked the guy for it?

It was decided. You’d call and try to get your money back, yoga was clearly a bad idea. You stepped outside and fumbled with your bag in search for your keys, huffing and puffing, blowing a strand of hair off your face. A hand is placed on your shoulder and they turn you around.

“Excuse me, miss?”

You look to find the yoga instructor again. Bucky, the email said. You had missed that too the first time reading through. If anything it’s nice to finally put a name to the face, anything to stop your brain from calling him a hunk of a man.

He’s fixing his bag on his shoulder and giving you a concerned look that warms you inside. For some reason it’s sweet almost, how he looks at you and gives you a side smile. There’s something about how welcoming his features are that you can’t quite place. “I know it’s none of my business but… please- uh, would you consider continuing yoga?”

You arch an eyebrow at him, and he takes his hand off your shoulder, taking a few steps back as he stammers through his sentence and waves his hands in front of him.

“I mean. It’s really good. I know I probably sound like the cliché yogi in movies, but… It helped me a lot, at the beginning I didn’t even want to try, but it helped so much that… That’s a story for another time I guess –” He chuckled then, scratching the back of his head with that metal hand of his and curiosity peaks inside you – “I just know, it’s a great outlet, or aid, to whatever your life is right now.”

He didn’t assume or act like he could read you, and didn’t try to sell you that you’re clearly stressed – maybe so much that people can see it from down the street – and yoga is the magical ointment that takes it all away. He’s not trying to convince you to stay because he gets paid or because he just wants more people in his class. The way he looks at you and speaks to you, he’s really sharing something that helped him for the sake of it.

You sigh.

“I don’t know. I clearly can’t stay in an advanced class. Maybe I should just try again when there’s a beginner and...” You shrugged – “I don’t know”

He bites down on his bottom lip and it takes a lot from you to not look, to not let your mind wander.

“Are you free Wednesdays and Fridays?” His question snapped you out of your thoughts – so much for trying not to get them derailed – and he cleared his throat. “I teach an intermediate class those days. Same time. It’d be easier to show you the basic moves, and maybe you could come a little earlier and I could run you through them and… get you up to speed in a way?”

You gape at him for a few seconds, his scrunched up brows and soft features, almost resembling a puppy. You won’t admit it just yet but Bucky is selling you on this yoga thing too well. A nervous chuckle escapes your lips, and your fingers play with your card keys. Intermediate wasn’t beginner, there was no way, right? The universe must be saying something and you should be listening.

“Maybe yoga isn’t the thing for me, you know? Intermediate could still be too hard for me to–” There’s a car honking by the entrance that cuts your sentence short. Bucky motions the car to wait and he turns to look at you with understanding covering his face. And yet it’s like Bucky can read your hesitation, almost tipping over to say yes, and he has one last pitch to finish selling you on everything.

“I get it. But hey, look, if you want less commitment to start –” He opens his bag and pulls out a notepad and pen. He uses his knee to scribble something, and he’s handing you the ripped piece of paper with his metal arm, the other hand busy steadying his bag back on his shoulder – “There’s this free open air yoga group on Saturdays. 4PM. I join them most times, worth a shot.” The smile he gives you has your knees feeling like jelly – you would have gotten a great use of some jelly legs back in class to do any of those twists. A little late now, joints – with a little wave and a wink added to that dashing smile of his, he’s leaving you there on the lobby, staring at the piece of paper with the address and other details of this “zero commitment” group, scribbled in his neat handwriting. You sigh knowing very well you’re not going to be coming back to yoga.

»»————-　　————-««

Damn you, Bucky Barnes.

That’s all you’re thinking as you lock your car and enter the fated park on Saturday. Damn him for being so cute, and such a fierce advocate for stupid yoga.

Natasha has this gloating look on her face as she follows you. A proud, shit eating grin. She hasn’t stopped crowing that she sold you on yoga, that you were wrong, and she was right about you ending up loving it, so much so that you even mentioned a Saturday class – one she had to tag along for. She’s really feeling like she’s on a high horse right now, and who are you to knock her off? You could live with a little mocking. Besides, the last thing you wanted was for her to know the real reason you were coming to this yoga class was that damned Bucky Barnes. Although, the moment you find him, she’ll definitely smell it off you.

Damn you, Bucky Barnes.

You didn’t want to even admit it to yourself, but after three days of looking at the stupid piece of paper, and having the time and place burned into memory, you couldn’t lie to your own face anymore; you were going to go to that stupid outside class.

As the two of you near the area where you see people set up mats on the grass, you’re not paying attention to Nat as she talks about whatever. You’re too busy trying to spot Mr. Too-Hot-For-Words in the distance.

Jesus, why are you so desperate to see him? Oh, right, he was cute and nice to you, that’s why.

When you do spot him, there’s a sudden urge, a tingle all over your body, to turn back around and go home, hide under your covers and down a pint of ice cream. Abort. There’s no way you can do a yoga class with him around! Not only are you a beginner, but you have learned in just one instance that you can’t focus when he’s there to look at. This was a horrible idea.

But just your luck, he spots you as well and your eyes meet. His beautiful, beautiful eyes. No turning back now. Damn him for looking so good in those gym shorts and fitted sports wear. Damn him for having his hair down, does he not know how he looks? Damn him for rushing to meet you, a wide grin drawn on his face, as if he’d been waiting for you.

“Hey,” he places a hand on your shoulder, “you came!” “I came.” You say shakily, cheeks feeling on fire, an awkward laugh catching in your throat and you hear Natasha immediately going silent. Not good, not good.

Bucky glances up and greets Nat with a firm handshake, introducing himself, and then returning his attention to you, with that teeth baring smile of his, crinkles by his eyes. There’s something wrong with your heart, it’s beating too fast.

He claps his hands together and clears his throat.

“I’m glad you could come. So this ‘class’–” he air quotes – “is very… What’s the word? Free?” another chuckle escapes his lips and the wind moves his hair, making him look like he’s in a commercial for something – his scent, definitely. He smells so good.

“You just join whatever little group you feel like and you all do a routine.” he waves his hand, motioning for you to follow him a little farther from the group, where his mat is placed. “I was thinking maybe you can be with me, and I can show you the basics, if that’s ok with you?”

You stutter, trying to find the words to say, and in a last attempt at some help, you turn towards Nat, hoping she’s read the situation and can help you out, but just like the little shit she can be, she’s just giving you a knowing smirk and not saying a single word.

“Sure,” you look back to Bucky. “Nat and I would love to” “Uh, actually…”

Okay, now you want to say something Natasha? She gives you a coy smile.

“I think I’m going to join that group over there, they seem more up to my speed.”

You glare at her. Of course Natasha, what a great friend, you’re basically screaming at her with your eyes and she’s just nonchalantly acting like she doesn’t know what she’s doing wrong. You begin to hate that she knows you too well, and that she’s so cheeky and mischievous you should have seen something like this coming. You should have not let her tag along for this damned class.

“You’re not new to yoga as well?” Bucky asks, genuinely interested, and Nat waves a hand in front of her face as if dismissing the idea. “Oh no, I used to go to the center, I was in a class with Ms. Potts last year.”

“Oh! Ms. Potts is so amazing!” Nat nods at him “In that case, yeah, that group would be more up your alley.”

“Cool.” In a simple skip she’s gone, leaving you with Bucky who looks straight out of a photoshoot.

Thankfully he didn’t read any of the looks shared between you and your best friend. That or he’s deciding to ignore them, which, bless him if he is; the last thing you need is any more embarrassment.

“Shall we begin?” There’s that forsaken smile again, like he doesn’t know it makes you lose the ability of speech whenever he flashes it at you. Like he doesn’t know he’s got to have lines of women fantasising about him while he does his poses. Like he doesn’t know your heartbeat is the same as whenever you jump on a treadmill and do cardio.

You’re giving yourself the pep-talk of a lifetime inside your head. You can do this, all you have to do is stay focused in the stretches and positions and, no matter what, do not embarrass yourself by letting your mind wander off to more… Bucky-related things, when you’ve literally been left alone with him under the wonderful shade of oak trees. Easy enough, right? He isn’t even that cute. You can do this, you got this. You so got this.

He grabs your mat from your hands and sets it up perpendicular to his, offering his hand to help you get down to the first seated position and making shivers run down your spine.

This is going to be impossible.

Damn you, Bucky Barnes. Damn you, Natasha.

»»————-　　————-««

A/N: Hope you guys liked this! Part two will be coming tomorrow :) What did you think of yogi bucky?

Please any feedback is greatly appreciated, i was very doubtful of this piece.

Have a good day lovelies!

HERES MY ASK   |||  Masterlist

xoxo, Little L.

[gyeomork]

Explanation

(im jaebeom x reader)

genre: angst, light smut, fluff, roommate au

warnings: mild cursing, suggestive themes

word count: 3.5k

a/n: so idk if it’s been a long time since i last posted but hey i’m back lol. my last fic got like a lot of love so i was like oh shit wtf thAnk yU. so basically i got kinda in my jaebeom feels because of these pictures i saw and they just kinda hit different so i made a fic lol. anywAy k bye ^3^

“please please please~” jackson begged me. we were currently sitting on the couch in the living room having a conversation about me moving out so his girlfriend could move in. “you guys could just stay in your room and i’ll stay in mine. i’ll try to make my presence as unknown as possible” he looks at me bewildered. “y/n no!” i let out a deep sigh. “alright so let’s say i do move out, where would i go? hm?” “i already have that planned out “ he points at me and smirks “one of my best friends, jaebeom, i told about him right?” i nod. “he’s been living by himself for a while and having kind of a hard time paying for the place so i was hoping you could move in with him” i think about it for a few seconds. “is it cheaper?” he nods assuringly. “ok” i say and he jumps up in excitement. “but you have to do most of the heavy lifting” “ok!”

jackson sets down the last box in my new room. i lay down on the mattress already getting tired from the thought of packing out. “there you go. jaebeom should get home from work at 7 so you have some time to be loud with your music and bad singing”. “hey!” i attempt to kick him but he pushes my foot away. “that’s one thing i wont miss” he continues and i pout. “but overall i’m gonna miss you” he pats me on the head and i smile. “me too”. “listen, i gotta get going but have fun packing out ok! bye~” before i could say bye in return he slams my door shut. he’s not gonna miss me. i put on my music and start opening up the first box.

i finally finish packing out and take a shower to cool my body down. i put on some shorts and a tank top. i check the time and it was 6:43 pm; jaebeom should be getting home soon. I think to make a ‘thank you for letting me live here’ dinner-gift. i walk out my room and was surprised when the front door opened and two shadows walked in. god my first day here and we’re already getting robbed. the tall, wide shouldered shadow turns on the light and reveals a recognizable face from the some of the pictures jackson posted on instagram. he sees me and freezes in shock. the smaller shadow reveals a very pretty woman’s face that automatically turns defensive. “who is she and what is she doing here?” she inquires. i intervene hoping to clear the air “i’m y/n, jaebeom’s new roommate.” i hold out my hand for her to shake. she looks at me and scoffs, then to jaebeom “i can’t believe you” she walks out the door slamming it behind her. jaebeom goes after her and i’m left standing there awkwardly. i go back to my room to avoid more awkwardness when they come back. i can always make that thank you dinner another time. a few minutes later i hear a soft knock on my door. “y/n? it’s jaebeom” i get up and open the door. “i’m sorry i didn’t know-” “no, no it’s fine it’s my fault actually i forgot you were coming today and i forgot to tell her. i’m sorry she was so rude to you, she can be.. defensive at times” he looks kind of stressed. “it’s ok, i won’t take it personally”. “i’m jaebeom” he holds his hand out “we didn’t get to properly introduce ourselves earlier” i shake his hand “y/n” we both give small smiles. we hold hands and eye contact for a little too long. he scans my body and i become self conscious remembering that i don’t have a bra on. i let go and cross my arms over my chest. “i’ve had a long day, so i’ll be going to bed now. good night.” i closed the door as quick as i could without being rude. i scold myself for not wearing the proper clothes. i was so used to living and being so comfortable with jackson that i completely forgot that this is not how you dress around a stranger. especially a man. an attractive man. with a girlfriend. i brush my teeth and go to bed to avoid overthinking.

i wake up early the next morning to make a thank you breakfast instead in hopes of getting on jaebeom’s girlfriend’s good side. jaebeom walks into the kitchen while i’m in the middle of cracking an egg. “good morning” he says in a husky voice. “good morning” i reply back. “you didn’t have to make breakfast, i’m the one that usually makes it” “oh no i wanted to make a thank you dinner last night but..” “my girlfriend” he finishes my sentence for me. “where is she by the way? i want to apologize” he frowns and sighs deeply “she got mad yesterday and left. and i told you it’s not your fault, you don’t have to apologize” he puts his hand on my shoulder and stares dead into my eyes. all of a sudden, i get hot. like extremely. like so hot i begin sweating. like so hot that i hear beeping… beeping? i turn around and realize that the pancakes i had on the stove caught on fire. i immediately start panicking and trying to blow it out and it only gets bigger. jaebeom comes with a fire extinguisher and pulls me away from the fire by the waist. he puts out the fire swiftly and sinks to the floor. i sit across from him and try to regulate my breathing. he squeezes the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger.  god my second day here and i almost burn the house down. what tomorrow? i blow up the whole neighborhood? i get ready for the ‘you almost made my girlfriend break up with me and burn my house down get the fuck out’. but instead he just starts laughing and i do too. “what the hell were you cooking that it caught on fire like that?” “pancakes” he widens his eyes at me. “oh i am definitely cooking from now on” “no i promise i can cook just let me show you” i get up and reach for the pan. he gets up too and stops my hand from even getting remotely close to the pan. “i think we should settle for some cereal” “ok” i sigh. he pours us both a bowl and says “i don’t work today so if you’d like to do something and get to know each other, i’m free all day”. “yeah sure what did you have in mind?” “i was thinking about noraebang (karaoke). i think it’ll be really good to destress after..” he looks to the stove. “stop!~” he bursts out laughing. “so is that a yes or no?” “yes, i’ll go” “what time do you want to go?” i look at the time that reads 9:28 am “maybe around 2-ish”. “ok, 2-ish it is” he gives me a cute smile.

we enter the small room of stress relief and put our stuff down. “you want to go first?” jaebeom asks. “why should i go first?” “you must have the more stress than me, after all you did almost burn our house down” my heart kind of fluttered at ‘our house’ but it was overpowered by the annoyance i felt. i suck my teeth and grab the microphone and remote. i choose a song to terribly sing to and begin. i get a 64 as a score and when i turn around jaebeom is staring at me in disbelief. “yeah, yeah i’m bad at signing ok next your turn” “i wouldn’t say ‘bad’ i’d just say a little.. flat that’s all” “yeah ok here” i roll my eyes at him and shove the microphone in his chest; he snickers. he chooses a ballad and starts singing. and holy shit he can sing. this man sing sing like damn. when he’s done he gets a score of 98. “so this is why to took me here huh. to show off” i accuse him. “no, not at all” he waves me off and laughs. “here it’s your turn” he holds out the mic to me. “no let's do one together” i grab the other mic. we choose a trot and have fun just jumping around and being fools. there was a time when i was laughing my ass off and jaebeom was standing there staring at me, smiling. i guess he was amused by my ugly laugh but either way it made me blush. after dozens of songs later, jaebeom was doing his last one. he chose a slow love song and the way he was singing it could make anyone fall in love with him. he sung with his eyes closed; he knew it like the back of his hand. he turned to face me and opened his eyes to bore holes into mine. the normal me would avert to look at anything other than his eyes but there was something different about this time. i felt like if i did, my heart would stop or my lungs would burst or something would happen where i couldn’t live anymore. i felt like everything i needed to live was in the eye contact we were currently holding. he continues to sing to me with loving eyes and cups my cheek with his soft hands. my face would be hot if it weren’t for his rings cooling me down. the song ends and he drops the hand holding the mic to his lips to his side. he tilts his head to the side and leans in. his lips meet mine and i freeze. his kiss was soft and delicate like he didn’t want to hurt me, like he was scared i would reject him. i close my eyes and kiss him back. that fear was soon replaced by lust and desire. he bends down to put the mic on the table without breaking the kiss. the now unoccupied hand finds its way to my hip, pulling me closer. my hands move to the back of his neck and get lost in his hair. they move to his chest as i snap out of it and push him away. “you have a girlfriend” i say in disgust. “how could you even think about doing this to her?” i furrow my eyebrows “to me?” i reach for the door handle and jaebeom grabs my wrist. “y/n” i shake him off aggressively and walk out of the noraebang and all the way home.

when i get home jaebeom is waiting for me in the couch with his head in his hands. i try to walk past him quickly to my room but as soon as he sees me and jumps up almost immediately to block my way. “y/n please let me explain” “what is there to explain?” i maneuver my way around him. “a lot” he follows me on my way to my room. “no i think i understood the situation very clearly” i try to slam my door but he stops it with his hand. “no you didn’t and you still don’t” “ahh really? what part about you kissing me while having a girlfriend could i not possibly understand?” i succeed in slamming the door this time and lock the door. “all of it!” he yells through the door. i take a deep breath and rub my temples. i take a hot shower to calm my nerves and stay in my room for the rest of the day until it was time to go to bed.

the next day i pack a bag early in the morning and go to jackson’s place. i just couldn’t stay in that house, i needed a break. i think i’ve been more stressed in the last two day than i’ve ever been in my life. i ring on the doorbell and thankfully jackson answers the door. “y/n what the hell are you doing here so early?” “so i don’t have to see jaebeom” “what? why? don’t tell me you guys fought already” “i tell you everything” i walk inside and to the living room.

i finish my story without getting my blood completely boiling. “well, i think you should let him explain” jackson says as if it were that simple. “no! why should i?” “you know how hard it can be to control feelings especially if they’re strong and i know jaebeom, i know he wouldn’t be so irrational”. i know i should trust what jackson says because despite his stupidity at times, he actually gives good advice but i can’t help but get upset thinking about what jaebeom did. i just wish he would have vocalized himself first before making such an impulsive decision. “plus i know things that you don’t” he says persuasively. “ok but give me a few days to cool down” “as much time as you need as long as you listen to him” he pats me on the shoulder. “great so can i stay here?” it wouldn’t be too bad because jackson’s girlfriend knows me and would be understanding. “you- wah~ unbelievable! yes but only for two days ok” “i thought you said i could take as much time as i needed” “you can but not in my house” he gets up to go to his room. “some friend huh” “the best” he shouts down the hallway.

it’s been about four days and i get a text message from a random number.

“y/n hey it’s jaebeom when you see this please respond. i am so sorry for what i have done but if you could just let me talk to you everything will be better, i promise”

i could not believe this man had the audacity to text me. did it look like i wanted to talk to you?

i respond anyway.

“promises are made to be broken”

i turn off my phone in anger. how did he even get my number in the first place? i close my eyes and take a deep breath “jackson!” i yell. he peeps into the room like a kid who got caught stealing a piece of candy. “did you give my number to jaebeom?” “yes but-” “no buts, you’re supposed to be my friend and help me why would you do that?” i say starting to get fed up. “because! you need to get out my house y/n! it’s almost been a week. how am i supposed to get some quality alone time with my girl if you’re here moping around?” i stay silent. now i see why he needed me to move out. he sighs “listen, jaebeom is at work right now so we could go over there-” i cut him off “no. nope, not possible” “y/n listen to me please” he says in a serious tone.  “fine” “ok so we can go and when he comes home i can help let both sides of the story be told and let you guys come to an understanding and everything can be sunshine, happy, and rainbows again” i laugh at the last part. “so do we have a deal?” i sigh deeply in defeat “deal”.

when we get to my shared home, i go to my room to put my bag away and jackson follows with a chair. “why are you bringing that?” “we need to all be facing each other you know. i read somewhere that it helps the brain process information in a more understanding way” i don’t think he did but i’d rather not question jackson at his weird times. i open my room door and walk in to see jaebeom sitting on my bed. i turn back to leave and the door is closed. i try the handle and it doesn’t budge. jackson yells from the other side of the door “you’re not coming out until you guys are all made up” i roll my eyes so far back they nearly get stuck. “y/n” a soft voice comes from behind me. “yes” i answer back with poison in my tone. “please” his voice plead and i found it hard to say no. i turn back and sit next to him on the bed, making sure to keep my distance. “go ahead” “thank you. firstly, i want to say i’m sorry for not speaking my mind before i made such a choice and not trusting you enough to tell you the situation and making you feel used. so that woman that you saw me with that first night was once my girlfriend that i actually considered to be my girlfriend but that was ages ago in college. i got this place when i was in a good enough position to and everything was good for a while but then bills got overwhelming and i needed some help and she was there for me. but then she got extremely controlling and i wanted to break up with her for the longest time but every time i’d try to she’d threaten me by saying that i’d lose this place and that my parents wouldn’t take me back because they told me not to do this and i just felt so trapped” i rub his shoulder in an attempt to console him. “so when jackson said that you could move in i was so relieved like the weight of the world was lifted off of me. that night when she stormed out and i followed her, i broke things off and that had to have been the best night of my life. i didn’t want to tell you we broke up at first because i knew that no matter how many times i’d say it’s not your fault, you’d still blame yourself. and i was embarrassed to tell the truth, i was afraid you’d think i was pathetic. but i feel even more pathetic now that you’re mad at me and you have a right to because it’s all my fault”. i started to feel guilty “jaebeom no it’s not, i should’ve let you explain yourself. i was a insensitive bitch and i should’ve listened to you instead of leaving without notice” “no don’t say that” he cups my cheek just like he did in the noraebang minus the rings so this time, my face was heating up completely. “why shouldn’t i?” i ask, my voice barely above a whisper. “because i hate seeing you beat yourself up and every time you do i want to kiss you until the sun comes up” his face was so close that his breath was brushing lightly on my face. “so why don’t you?” “can i?” “god jaebeom yes”. he crashes his lips into mine with longing and fervour; i return the same emotions. i feel his hands all over me and he lays me down without breaking the kiss. “let me make everything up to you” he kisses a trail down my jaw to my chest. he hastily pulls my shorts down and spreads apart my legs. he kisses the insides of my thighs lovingly and pulls down my underwear.

he collapses next to me and we both catch our breaths. he pulls me on top of him and holds me in his arms. he caresses my cheek “you’re so beautiful” he kisses me on my forehead and i smile. we stay there for a while, enjoying each other’s presences until my stomach rumbles and i curse at myself. “hungry?” he chuckles. i cover my face with my hands and smile shyly. he pulls my hands away from my face and kisses them. “come on, i’ll make you something and i won’t let it catch on fire” i frown at him and he laughs. he puts on his boxer briefs and leaves the room. i soon follow him to his room to steal some clothes from him. i search through his drawer and grab a black long sleeve to put on. jaebeom comes behind me and grabs me by the waist to move me out of the way so he can search through the drawer as well. “is jackson still here?” “no he left a long time ago” i hum in understanding. “wait, how do you know? and come to think of it how did you get out the room?” he freezes in front of me like a deer caught in headlights and runs out the room. i catch up to and jump on his back. he falls to the ground “tell me!” i start pinching him. “ok ok i asked him to plan it” “you ask him to plan for us to have sex?!” “no! i asked him to bring you here so i can apologize and leave after 30 minutes so then i could confess but i guess things took another route”. “ugh i hate you guys” i ease off of him but he turns on his back and pulls me back down on him. “you couldn’t possibly hate me babe”

[beautyindisguise00]

WHAT’S THE BIGGEST SURPRISE YOU’VE EVER HAD?

Friday night October 16 2020 @5:50pm

1. WHERE ARE YOU FROM? Wisconsin

2. WHERE DO YOU LIVE AND FOR HOW LONG? i’ve been in wisconsin my whole life of 24 years. lived in my hometown all the way til i moved to college. after i finished college i decided to stay in the town i went to college in for work purposes

3. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT WHERE YOU LIVE? the different options around town of where to shop, eat, and other fun things to do

4. WHAT DID YOU LOVE THE MOST ABOUT THE TOWN YOU GREW UP IN? the lake. i love the fact that the lake was only a 5 minute drive and i was able to go there whenever i wanted. but also, the memories of the town.

5. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? not anymore

6. WHAT WAS YOUR 1ST PET’S NAME? thumperlina for my big fat brown bunny

7. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? fall

8. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? i watch a lot of movies so i dont really have a favorite

9. FAVORITE MOVIE IN THE PAST 5 YEARS? avengers infinity war. avengars endgame, crazy rich asians, knives out, and maleficent 1 and 2

10. WHAT’S A MOVIE THAT YOU LAUGHED THE HARDEST DURING? ouf, i dont remember

11. WHAT’S A MOVIE YOU CRIED THE HARDEST DURING? avengars, crazy rich, and also while you were sleeping but that’s a drama

12. WHAT’S THE BEST-ANIMATED MOVIE EVER CREATED? the good dinosaur

13. FAVORITE TV SHOW? my two all-time favorites are one tree hill and the office

14. FAVORITE TV SHOW THAT IS CURRENTLY ON? chicago pd and fire

15. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT? olive garden?

16. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? chicken alfredo, really good sushi, fried rice, curry

17. LEAST FAVORITE FOOD? any seafood --> shrimp, oysters, clams

18. WHAT TOPPINGS DO YOU GET ON YOUR PIZZA? pineapple and ham. hahaha yes, im that kind of person

19. FAVORITE BEVERAGE? coffee, strawberry lemondae

20. FAVORITE DESSERT? cheesecake or red velvet cake

21. IS THERE A DESSERT YOU DON’T LIKE? pumpkin pie

22. CAKE OR PIE? cake!

23. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? mackinaw island fudge, mint chocolate chip, strawberry cheesecake

24. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE CONDIMENT? honey mustard

25. WHAT DO YOU GET FOR BRUNCH? crepes with nutella and strawberries

26. IT’S 4 AM ON A SATURDAY NIGHT, WHAT DO YOU EAT? fried noodles with two poached eggs

27. WHAT ONE THING DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR FRIDGE AT ANY GIVEN TIME? eggs

28. WEIRDEST THING YOU’VE EVER EATEN? duck and this one indian thing i dont remember

29. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE BAND? one direction and tenth avenue north

30. FAVORITE SOLO ARTIST? liam payne, harry styles, niall horan, louis tomlinson, zayn malik. hahaha and ed sheeran, halsey, 

31. FAVORITE NONLIVING MUSICIAN? --

32. FAVORITE LYRICS? “and if the whole world was watching, i’d still dance with you” “baby im falling. head over heels. looking for ways to let you know just how i feel”

33. FAVORITE SONG OF ALL TIME? theres no way i could choose

34. FAVORITE ALBUM? again ^^

35. WHAT’S THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? currently singing like to the “while you were sleeping” ost  right now “it’s you” by henry

36. IF YOUR LIFE WERE A SONG WHAT WOULD THE TITLE BE? beauty in disguise 

37. WHAT SONG WOULD YOU PROBABLY BE CAUGHT DANCING ALONE TO? any of my current favorites right now

38. IF YOU COULD SING A DUET WITH SOMEBODY WHO WOULD IT BE? halsey. that would be so cool

39. IF YOU COULD MASTER ONE INSTRUMENT WHAT WOULD IT BE? guitar 

40. WHAT IS YOUR GO-TO KARAOKE SONG? ugh, i hate karaoke 

41. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING OR THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? probably back when i was rereading one of the “to all the boys i’ve loved” trilogy 

42. WHAT’S A BOOK THAT YOU PLAN ON READING? prayer by tim keller. i just ordered it online and it should be coming in on monday

43. WHAT’S A BOOK THAT YOU READ BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE WAS READING IT? twilight series. haha

44. WHAT’S A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT POSITIVELY SHAPED YOU? mhmm...i dont remember. not that it posititive shaped me but the great gatsby was really interesting. also, when i was student teaching, i read number the stars with my kids and it was a great historical fiction book to read

45. WHAT’S A BOOK IN SCHOOL THAT YOU HATED? i didnt hate it, but there was this one book we read in ap lit and as a project, my friends made the movie version of it

46. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE BOOK? to all the boys trilogies 

47. WHAT’S A BOOK YOU WISH YOU HAD WRITTEN? ^^

48. DARK CHOCOLATE OR MILK CHOCOLATE? i like both but if i had to choose, then dark

49. UNDERWATER OR OUTER SPACE? underwater like in a submarine or something were i knew i was safe

50. DOGS OR CATS? dogs for sure

51. KITTENS OR PUPPIES? ohh, puppies of course 

52. DOLPHINS OR KOALAS? dolphins! i really wanted to swim with dolphins when i was in florida but it didnt work out in our schedule 

53. BIRD WATCHING OR WHALE WATCHING? whale watching

54. WHAT IS YOUR SPIRIT ANIMAL? i dont really know. probably a sea otter. haha theyre so chill and they stick around with their peeps 

55. TO BE OR NOT TO BE? aint that the question to be answered

56. IPHONE OR ANDROID? iphone

57. TWITTER OR INSTAGRAM? insta

58. VINE OR SNAPCHAT? snap. i never had a vine but i remember watching a few vines. well i guess tik tok is the new vine now

59. WHO SHOULD EVERYONE BE FOLLOWING RIGHT NOW? Jesus. haha kidding not kidding

60. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE APP? WEBSITE? probably youtube

61. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? psych 

62. WHAT WAS YOUR BEST SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? psych and math 

63. WHAT WAS YOUR WORST SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? ap lit 

64. WHAT SUBJECT WOULD YOU TEACH IN SCHOOL? psych or a lower level math class 

65. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU KNEW IN HIGH SCHOOL? enjoy what you love doing as much as you can

66. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOURSELF AT 13? girl, be confident. you are beautiful. you are smart. and you are enough. dont worry about what others think and dont worry about the future because i got you. 

67. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′0

68. WHO IS YOUR FASHION ICON? eh, no one really

69. WHAT’S YOU FAVORITE FASHION TREND? well since right now is fall, i really like long cardigan with cute booties 

70. WHAT ARE 3 THINGS YOU ALWAYS HAVE IN YOUR BAG (BESIDES PHONE AND WALLET)? phone charger, hand sanitizer, and a mask. haha oh covid days

71. WHAT IS A CURRENT TREND YOU HOPE DOESN’T EXIST IN 100 HUNDRED YEARS? masks

72. WHAT’S YOUR MUST HAVE FASHION ACCESSORY? eyebrows done? haha my clothing fashion is pretty simple so i dont really have accessories but maybe a watch i guess 

73. HEELS OR FLATS? depends. on a day to day then flats but for special occasions then heels

74. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? eh, i guess i like both 

75. BLOW-DRY OR AIR-DRY? usually air dry unless i need to be ready asap

76. WHAT COLOR DRESS DID YOU WEAR TO PROM? i didnt really attend my high school dances. my first and last hs dance was homecoming and that was only because i was on the homecoming court. i wore a red strapless dress

77. FAVORITE COCKTAIL? sex on the beach, mimosas, strawberry daiquiris, margaritas 

78. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY ORDER AT STARBUCKS? white chocolate mocha. either hot or iced depending on the weather 

79. COFFEE OR TEA? coffee. i tried to drink more tea but i always resort back to coffee. haha

80. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE? i usually make my coffee at home. i just put in a mocha or caramel kcup then add in creamer. some days i’ll add in half and half or some chocolate/caramel syrup

81. WHO IS A PERSON YOU WANT TO HAVE COFFEE WITH? megan markle. odd but why not 

82. WHAT HISTORICAL FIGURE DO YOU WANT TO HAVE COFFEE WITH? general vang pao

83. IF YOU COULD LIVE IN ANY HISTORICAL DECADE, WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHERE? probably the 90s

84. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COUNTRY TO VISIT? havent left mine yet. haha

85. WHAT’S THE LAST COUNTRY YOU VISITED? my own. haha

86. WHAT’S A COUNTRY YOU WISH TO VISIT? somewhere in the east. maybe like france or italy or korea or taiwan

87. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE STATE TO VISIT? florida

88. WHAT’S THE LAST STATE YOU VISITED? michigan

89. WHAT’S A STATE YOU WISH TO VISIT? colorado, new york, california 

90. WHAT’S THE BEST VACATION SPOT? bora bora! ouuu someday for me i hope!

91. WHERE DOES ONE GO ON A PERFECT ROAD TRIP? honestly, anywhere. just gather your friends, pack up, stock up, and drive

92. FAVORITE CITY? right now, probably orlando 

93. PILATES OR YOGA? i like both but if i had to choose then yoga

94. JOGGING OR SWIMMING? swimming!

95. FAVORITE WAY TO WORKOUT? ugh, at home

96. LEAST FAVORITE WAY TO WORKOUT? at the gym lifting weight. i always feel so awkward

97. BEST WAY TO DECOMPRESS? shower, then dinner and movie in bed with a glass of wine

98. WHAT’S THE BEST FIRST DATE IDEA? dinner and a drive to a fun spot

99. WHAT’S LOVE? genuine love towards someone regardless of their flaws, always

100. MAJOR TURN ON? neck kisses, vlines, touching

101. MAJOR TURN OFF? bad hygiene, rudeness, cockiness

102. WHAT’S THE WEIRDEST THING A GUY HAS DONE OR SAID TO TRY AND IMPRESS YOU? stalk my facebook and screen shot my old posts and send them to me OR ignoring my non-subtle hints that i have a boyfriend and do not want to hangout alone to “netflix and chill”

103. WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT SOMEONE WHEN YOU MEET THEM? their smile and personality and how they made me feel

104. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? nah

105. BEST GIFT YOU EVER RECEIVED? im not really a big gift person but my mom gave me a micheal kors winter jacket

106. LAST GIFT YOU GAVE A FRIEND? i bought some baby shower gifts to my boyfriend’s brother and sister-in-law’s baby, baby Grace :)

107. BEST GIFT TO GET FOR SOMEONE? like a generic gift? probably wine or a watch depending on the occasion 

108. WHAT’S THE BIGGEST SURPRISE YOU’VE EVER HAD? my boyfriend coming to visit me last christmas because i was so stress out and i thought we were suppose to meet up around christmas but he had his own plans that i was not aware of which then made me even more stress when i found out his plans but overall it was a very nice surprise and definitely helped me destress afterwards

109. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? white

110. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? probably brown

111. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF FLOWER? i dont think i have one

112. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE COMEDIAN? dont have one either 

113. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE ACTION STAR? chris evans, tom holland

114. BEST SUPERHERO CREATED? captain america

115. IF YOU HAD ONE SUPERPOWER WHAT WOULD IT BE? to teleport 

116. WHAT’S YOUR KRYPTONITE? too much snow. haha

117. BIGGEST PHOBIA? deep waters and heights

118. FAVORITE DISNEY MOVIE? dont have one 

119. FAVORITE DISNEY CHARACTER? ^^

120. FAVORITE HOLIDAY? christmas

121. WHAT’S YOUR BEST HALLOWEEN COSTUME? a dead bride. haha

122. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE PLOT-TWIST? whenever my favorite characters in a tv show gets killed off

123. IF YOU COULD DO A FLASH-MOB WHERE WOULD IT BE? new york, like how cliche and iconic that would be

124. WHAT’S THE COOLEST THING IN YOUR BEDROOM? my pineapple lamp

125. IF YOU GOT A TATTOO WHERE WOULD IT BE? probably on my side or somewhere on my arm

126. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE CURSE WORD? shiiiiiiiiiit

127. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME? exploding kittens not really a board game but close enough

[rambles4sarah-blog]

March/April 2017

so I dont remember when that thing happened with the racist fragrance vendor. but it was ridiculous she was awful. I worked a whole bunch of hours. and I was getting so much pressure from savanna about the regional manager Jerrod. I was being watched without my know, obviously while I worked. and then the managers in the region got a mass email saying associate A,B,C; you get it, was doing. that Monday night I was tired I was stressed and that last thing I wanted to do was stand behind the sunglass display. 

So, I sat in a cosmetics but between my sitting I did some display cleaning and thankfully that what he saw me do. it made me insanely paranoid when Ifound out. I literally wanted to quit right there. but didn’t because I liked savanna she was a great manager at first. I just literally stressed myself out with school too I wasn’t finishing up my classes and I wasn’t doing homework. I got some reassurance from my advisors and I worked up until the night I had to fly out savanna would Thursday opening so I had to close. went home at 10 and I packed and tried to download 13 reasons (show was better than the book but I read the book in high school so I could be wrong) but I had to wait until 2am. because stupid timezones. I had to wait for California hit midnight because spoilers that so stupid. anyways I couldn’t find my bag so, I borrowed my moms purse but I couldn’t find the longer strap, and I woke everyone up. my nana thankfully was watching novelas of course. and I was finally able to go at like 2:30ish. I was tired and unfortunately I couldn’t get a ride to the airport. I never can to be honest so I parked my car. hopefully I can finally get full use of my car and I can drive myself. its more pleasant I guess. I get to destress myself I think the second time around it will be easier. you know me, once I get something down I’m a pro. I parked my car I was freezing I had to wait for a bus carry my suitcase and sit on a high bench while holding on to myself and my suicase. In other words I need to grow a couple inches and get a new suitcase. I made it to the airport got in line listened to people talk. tried to snapchat. I passed through the line easy peasy once it was done. I got in tsa line and again I beat the rush by two seconds no lie. I passed again in like 3minutes even though I was lugging around my moms purse which is not good for carrying a laptop. I literally had a neck pillow, laptop, iPad, and chargers. but that was too much and my shoulder bruised a little which is dumb. I didn’t even use my laptop except for the free wifi at LAX, btw did you know that their wifi is timed and their airlines all have their own sections so nothing mixes? like its all one thing for each airline. idk I thought was cool? also their airport is legit. you can check in your own bag and all that jazz. but Ill get to that later. I got to LA at 7:30 and I had to wait for Veronica. I looked like a hot mess. I literally shouldn’t have worked that Thursday but I wanted protection form the time off from the trip. Anyways, I sat for two hours and just saw beautiful men walk out of the terminal. I was hungry. I was tired. I met up with Veronica and we hit it off literally immediately made it to the airport shuttle which was easy enough for me. made it to the first hotel which was AUHMAZING. literally made me excited because it was my first trip alone like the adult I’m not. jk we unpacked got somewhat presentable. and headed to Koreatown. Sarah, this is literally when I was amazed because I was somewhere where I didn’t think I would be at under the circumstances. I went into the Korean mall which is awesome and when I went to the Kpop store to buy our bts bomb. it made me wish you were there with me. I made a mental note that if got7 (mainly because thats your bias group) that we would have to go to California to have the full experience. 

by the time we got out I was starving. we wanted to Korean bbq but in koreatown they don’t open until 4pm and it was noon so we went to a tofu place and that when you called. it was busy and loud and I was hungry but I answered the phone because the last conversation we had I know it upset you that I didn’t offer to cancel my trip to be with you. Im sorry for that. under that excitement. I spoke to you for a few minutes and told you I would call you back. I’m honestly going to say I did forget. once I got the the hotel with Veronica I remembered but it was 10pm California time and midnight your time, and I knew you wouldn’t answer.

we got lost. I rode a bus to Hollywood with all the Mexicans and I spoke Spanish in koreatown and I made friends with the store owners it was amazing oh! I bought sake soju whatever and first its really cheap second, I didn’t get carded. people are really nice but most keep to themselves. I did get irritated with Veronica I will say. she never travelled out I did everything. I planned I booked, I did time and pricing with Ubers and buses. she mainly didn’t think what I might want to do and focused on herself. which sucked and I did get so fed up on the second day. Day one I passed out. day 2 we woke up early got a lyft and headed to Anaheim. there was a convention and stuff the hotel was lit the first one was cooler we met up with mutuals ate lunch I missed the Frida Kahlo exhibit which peeved me, but I would lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy being around everyone and just the experience was amazing . by Sunday I got to see the exhibit for 45 mins I crazily enough paid $27 for 45 mins, because Veronica wouldn’t let me go alone. even though she didn’t know what it was. I saw I enjoyed and it brought me this peace and idk but I felt closer to myself as a Latina, I didn’t realize I was rejecting for such a long time but I was and seeing something so powerful it opened my eyes not to sound fake deep even though I do. I have to get ready for work ill continue this when I get back tonight.