#im on my period rn and i Cannot deal with her bs rn i do not have the patience i wanna snap soooo bad but i cant

[the-unofficial-village-idiot]

I understand how gus feels every time he is forced to interact with lalo

They should invent a having a friend that isn't a full-time job

[evans-addicted]

I’m really fucking stressed rn

A little back story:

I am going to be 42 this month. I am in college to get my BS in elementary education. I started in online college in October 2014! I have had setbacks as far as failing classes due to not having time due to OVER full time work and them scheduling classes that I had to do observations of teachers teaching DURING summer so I could not complete those classes, and family issues (including an almost divorce at 15 years of marriage) and a “paperwork” issue with the college that had me out of school for about 6 months.

I am just starting my last 8 week course before my student teaching that is unpaid teaching for 8-12 weeks (So i do not get paid at all). Plus because I do not currently have a 3.0+ GPA I have to take an exam that they recommend studying 5 hours a day for 12 weeks and take by Feb so I can do student teaching that I will have to wait till fall NEXT year to do this. The exam is $90 plus the study guide is like $25. 

Here’s my dilemma:

I have been out of work (looking and applying like every day) since April. I have been doing well in my classes as I have had the time to be diligent.

I JUST got a fulltime job. It has varying hours of the day between 5am and 7pm. It is tiring AAAAAND Since I failed this particular class twice before, this is my LAST chance to pass it. If I fail it I have to either take the course from another college and transfer the credits over (will cause much linger delay in graduating) OR I can switch my degree to something that does not include this class in the requirements. This means my lifelong dream of becoming a teacher is gone.

I might add I am EXTREMELY unhappy in my marriage and it causes added stress at home. My husband is an overbearing, lazy bear that thinks I should be giving him sex when he wants even though we have talked AD NAUSEAM about how I am not attracted to him anymore and it means I do not like sex at all with him but he says as long as I give him sex once in a while its ok. I cannot afford to get a divorce as I have 2 teenage children and as I said I have been unemployed til now and cannot afford to live on my own with them.

We have been together for 24 years and I love him because we have been through so much and he gave me my children but im not in love with him because he has refused to change (he treats the kids like slaves and continually asks for sex things I have continually told him I will not do aka period sex).

SOOOO...

I am super scared of what is going to happen. That I will not have time to do my homework effectively. That I will be stuck in this marriage forever. That I might literally go fucking crazy any minute now.

Also I only have one person here that is my sister from another mister but she has a horrible marriage she’s dealing with and 3 kids that are so codependent it’s beyond frustrating (its completely her fault, she doesn’t have any willpower or discipline at all).

Any other friends I have are halfway across the Country and I have not shared the bad parts of life with them. I try not to air my dirty laundry so everyone has always thought we have the perfect relationship and life. Only 1 of them (who is not friends with him also) knows about the almost divorce situation 5 years ago.

I am sorry for the loooooong post, but I came to tears this morning (again) realizing that I may have wasted years of my life and thousands of dollars towards a career I want and might not get. And the whole unhappy home life stuff. I just needed to get this out into the world, even if to strangers. I feel so alone. (I am not suicidal, I live for my children. They are the best thing to ever happen to me and we are a solid group. We have our own happiness when the hubs isn’t around) I’m just lonely. I feel like I have no friends. I feel like I have no life. I feel like I have no hope. I was so happy to be working again yesterday and today I feel like it just added frustration. I don’t know what to do so I just spilled it all out here.