#im on mobile so it probably doesnt help
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yknow every now and again I think about what it would be like to have a cane
like I'd love if I had something that lessened my leg pains but I'd be scared I wouldn't actually need it even though I have eds lol
#imps bs#if i start vocalizing it to myself maybe itll be easier#ill make a pros/con list#cuz like what if someone who actually needs a cane doesnt have one and i take it?? i know that it doesnt make sense but like#yknow?#also the only mobility aides ive seen family use had/have wheels and i know i dont need one with wheels#im also scared id accidentally take up too much room with it for some reason#and like im a fast walker {probably doesnt help the eds} and i havent used a cane before so im nervous#actually the too mkch room thing probably comes from when i had a rolling backpack because of my shpulder issues#ive gone back to an over the shoulder for convenience i think? idk my shoulder pain got less so im back to it#hypermobile ehlers danlos#ehlers danlos problems#i guess? idk im scared to tag it for some reason because it feels so small#agh
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Im obsessed w the came back wrong trope but i am also obsessed w eucharist trying to be the absolute pinnacle of how she had been previously viewed and portrayed and trying to lean so heavy into softness and goodness and innocence
#trying to lean into it will always leave a bit of uncanny valley in the aspect that. what happened was fucked up and she is Not Okay#but her family is far from supportive of her and therapy probably doesnt help that much and shes Always a little in pain and just#no matter what she does it will always linger it will always loom over her head#she is alive but she is not the same. she can fake it all she wants but she is physically and mentally changed#her body will always retain the disconnected bones and the strange joint mobility that she shouldn't have#it never heals it never goes away but she can hide it and she can pretend and no one will ever see that her eyesight is fucked up#so how could they ever know anythings wrong if she just keeps up the act#god im obsessed anyway its almost 5am i gotta sleep alshdldjfl#ooc.#headcanons.
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hm
#and i feel like theres such a stigma against the mental exhaustion the world causes these days but like in particular on the internet#like obviously willfully ignoring problems or whatever bcos u cant be assed is kind of shitty not everyone has the luxury of turning a#a blind eye to issues bcos it probably literally affects their whole lives but like#literally every day im being drowned w information#despair. hatred. malice. confusion etc etc 500 fucking things straight up lies or people fighting abt 20 different facets of a truth#the tv spitting out news that doesnt matter and is all just a cover up for anything that does#and how confusing discourse can be. dialogues and debates are important but i cant help but feel like so much of it is missing the point or#wait i forgot how i ended the previous tag. im on mobile so idk thought ended#anyway the point is its not that i want to ignore things or that i want to be willfully ignorant i just literally cant cope w the like#overload every single day. its so dissonant my brain hurts. just a gaping void a whole lot of nothing im staring at a wall
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I get that it's just kinda how life goes, but I'm honestly kinda mad that I've been relegated to being the 5th wheel of my d&d group. Like, it's not their fault, they obviously don't have to consider me in their relationship stuff, but when the table consists of two people who are somewhere between exes and qpps, and two people who aren't technically dating yet because they've not actually gone on a date together but are functionally sort of already a couple, it's just... it's kind of a bummer. And it's totally irrational because it genuinely hasn't affected anything gamewise, but I keep worrying it will, and beyond that I know I have baggage about being considered the "extra" friend, the one that people let hang around them because otherwise they'd be sad and pathetic and alone but no one really likes them or likes having them around, and I know this group get that because we've spoken before about how a lot of us have issues around that, but I'm just really scared that they'll be too wrapped up in couple stuff to notice or care and just. On top of all of it I'm terrified that it's going to lead to me being kind of off, either in person or in game, and then I'm the one dragging everyone down and I'm just kind of dumping all of this on tumblr because the people I usually complain to about this stuff and are cool about it because they're also mostly some flavour of ace and/or aro are the people I'm talking about and I don't want to be the guy who's like "how dare you be in a happy relationship when I am not", but just. It is just kind of a bummer
#I'm just gonna leave this as it is bc I could probably vent about this in circles for a long ass time#id have put this under a read more except i never actually figured out how to on mobile and i don't have the energy to learn rn#and i get that this is all kinda hypocritical bc i do like someone in my other d&d group#but im just so scared its going to end up as#'the dm and their partner plus the dm's best friend and his gf and also the guy we keep around to pad out the numbers'#and i logically know it wont and im just traumaing all over this#but it doesnt help that the last time i got caught in a catastrophising spiral i turned out to be right
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IF LORE UPDATES APPLIED TO PEOPLE I WOULDVE JUST GOTTEN ONE OF MY HAPPIEST LORE UPDATES TODAY
#FUCK YEAH WE GOT MY FIRST EVER MURAL LOOKING SICK AS SHIT SO FAR#TORTUGA AS BIG AS ME AND DETAILED ENOUGH THAT STRANGERS COMPLIMENTED IT MY BELOVED#HUGE SHOUTOUT TO THE GUY DRIVING BY THAT ROLLED DOWN THEIR WINDOW AND SHOUTED “dude that’s amazing!” AS THEY PASSED#CAME OUT AS TRANS TO MY AUNT THAT IM PAINTING THE MURAL FOR AND SHE IS NOW OFFICIALLY MY FIRST BLOOD RELATIVE TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF ME OUT TH#GATE#HER ONLY THINGS WERE THAT SHE WASNT GONNA BE PERFECT ABOUT MY PRONOUNS AND THAT SHE WISHED ID COME OUT TO HER SOONER SO I WOULDNT HAVE#GOTTEN ATTACHED TO A NAME THAT I DIDNT REALIZE WAS LINKED TO MY REALLY SHITTY BIO DAD AND WANTED TO COME UP WITH A GENDER NEUTRAL NICKNAME#FOR ME THAT WOULD WORK NO MATTER WHAT I IDENTIFY AS FROM HERE ON OUT AND WORKS AROUND PEOPLE IM NOT OUT TO#AND SHE GAVE ME A CHAMORRAN NICKNAME!!!! A SIDE OF MY HERITAGE THAT I DONT GET TO CONNECT TO A TON!!! SHES GONNA CALL ME TAKKA (WE MESSED#WITH THE SPELLING OF “TOCA” A BIT TO SOUND LIKE “TALK-A” SO WE CAN MAKE JOKES ABOUT HOW I TALK A LOT IT HAS BEEN SO FUCKING FUNNY SO FAR I#LOVE IT)#AND SHES GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO MAKE KELAGUEN (A CHAMORRAN DISH) SOMETIME#AND SHE GAVE ME AN OVERSIZED SHIRT THAT BASICALLY SAYS FUCK T-MOBILE#AND TOLD ME SHE LOVED ME NO MATTER WHAT AND TOLD ME THAT SHE LOVED HOW I PRIORITIZED KINDNESS ABOVE ALL ELSE AND I GOT TO TELL HER ABOUT HO#I THINK KINDNESS AND CRUELTY ARE TRAITS BEYOND GENDER AND SEXUALITY AND THAT I WANT TO BECOME THE ADULT I NEEDED AS A KID AND THAT I NEEDED#SOMEONE KIND THAT FREELY GAVE HUGS AND TOLD A LOT OF SILLY JOKES AND WAS FORGIVING WHEN IT COUNTED AND THAT WHEN I GROW OLD WHETHER IM AN#OLD MAN OR OLD WOMAN OR OLD SOMETHING ELSE I WANNA BE A GEEZER THAT LIVES ACROSS THE STREET THAT YOU CAN PLAY CARDS WITH ANYTIME AND#SAVES YOU CHOCOLATE BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU LIKE IT AND I WANNA BE THE TYPE OF KIND MAN LITTLE GIRLS GROW UP HOPING ARE REAL AND LABELS ARE#CLOTHES THAT SOMETIMES FIT A MONTH OR FIT FOREVER BUT WHAT MATTERS IS THAT THEYRE COMFY IN THE MOMENT AND THAT I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY AND I#LOVE PEOPLE FOR THEIR PERSONALITY AND IM WEIRD ABOUT KISSING BUT I HAVE MY PARTNERS BACK AND THAT MATTERS MORE TO US AND WERE HAPPY#AND I TOLD HER WHAT IM PLANNING ON MY NAME TO BE WHEN IM AN ADULT AND SHE LIKED MY IDEA FOR MY NEW SURNAME#AND WE SANG TO SONGS TOGETHER AND BITCHED ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND AND DID A LITTLE JIG IN THE STREET AND LAUGHED TOGETHER AND SHE WAS SO HAPPY#BECAUSE OF THE TURTLE IM PAINTING HER AND BECAUSE I TRUST HER AND IM SO HAPPY BECAUSE BOTH OF THOSE ARE WORKING OUT AND THIS EVENING WAS A#PERFECT SUMMER EVENING TO BE ALIVE. THIS MAY HAVE HAPPENED ON MY PERIOD BUT WHAT THE FUCK EVER THE GOOD OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. THERE IS BEAUTY#IN THE WORLD IF YOU KNOW WHERE TO LOOK. THERE IS BEAUTY IN BEING TRANS AND BEING SAFE WITH YOUR AUNT AND TALKING TO HER HONESTLY ABOUT YOUR#HOPES FOR THE FUTURE WITH YOUR BODY AND YOUR GENDER. THERE IS BEAUTY IN MAKING SILLY POSES WITH YOUR MURAL IN PROGRESS WITH YOUR AUNT AS TH#PHOTOGRAPHER. THERE IS BEAUTY IN LISTENING TO NOSTALGIC MUSIC WITH YOUR AUNT THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY MAKE FUN OF YOU FOR LIKING#THERE IS BEAUTY IN WEARING YOUR BANGS UP IN A STUPID PINEAPPLE PONYTAIL SO IT DOESNT FALL IN YOUR EYES AND WEARING CLOTHES YOU DONT CARE#ABOUT AND GRINNING AND LAUGHING AND SINGING MORE ENTHUSIASTICALLY AND GENUINELY THAN YOU HAVE IN A LONG TIME. THERE IS BEAUTY IN CLEANING#PAINT BRUSHES AND MEASURING CUPS IN HER KINDA BROKEN SINK AND MEOWING AT HER CAT AND THANKING HER FOR HELPING YOU CLEAN UP THE PAINTS SHE
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#delete later#also having an embarrassing minor crisis bc my friend asked me if i actually wanted my hair to be cut and i said yeah but#im not sure. i just thought i probably should bc i knew long hair didbt suit me as much#this is less annoying and easier to deal with#plus i was going to cut it a bit myself anyway#but also whenever i cut my hair i have a period of a few days wgere the change upsets me sp this feeling is most probably that#just also the thing of being like#how can i know what i want when what i want is to make others happy abs just chug along#god i fucking hate it in here#here being my brain. useless piece of shit. also very helpful creative bundle but so frustrating#holidays alao make me a lil sad bc a lot of stuff is romantic and im low-key jelly whilst also being like#i would be an awful person to date i have so many needs and weirdnesses and theres very little about ne that is actually#attractive in any way. always feels like i wasnt quite made for it. which ya know is a lil bit of a bummer#its also a part of my loss of mobility crisis#internalised ableism is a bitch. tells me that if i end up more disabled that'll be anlther unattractive thing#when i know full well that disability doesnt make ppl unattractive!!! the internalised shit show!!!#basically im having a bunch of crises all at once all the time atm and they're all bouncing off each other
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MORTAL CLANSFOLK
Eichurin - Flesh
Starswallow - Nebraska
Vulture - Calanthe
DEITIES
Summer - Thunderstorm
Messenger - Dignity
#d: eichurin#d: flesh#d: starswallow#d: nebraska#d: vulture#d: calanthe#eichurin is an ex-pirate server at the red stag bar and grill (its a lot nicer than it sounds) and shes haunted by her husbands ghost#flesh here is pictured with her mobility service familiar! shes head of clan miramel#which is a gardening clan mostly. she has 'stone man disease' aka fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva. her mobility is severely limited#but she still lives a really good life and loves where she is now! she adores her entire clan and all visitors.#vulture is the head of a small gang of highway robbers. shes got a lot of history with flesh. they grew up together but now are enemies#after a massive accident scarred them both as children vulture and flesh never saw each other the same.#vulture picked up the idea of the weak being disgusting from this and flesh realized how much of a coward vulture really is#they fight over territory often in the present day and the wasteland gang has made several attempts to rob Miramel or even kill members.#it has gone nowhere. they get their asses beat EVERY time.#calanthe & familiar are related circumstantially to Thunderstorm and Rain!#calanthe was a lightning mage who was employed to find and stop illegal magical activities. was.#she confronted a particularly powerful and paranoid inventor who- instead of giving up- decided to blow the entire place up#it was an immense amount of arcane energy that tore through the earth and sky. it split the clouds above them into two- thunder and rain#and fused calanthe and her familiar who is unnamed#she limped into the forest once she woke up and is now living as a functional two-part system. her familiar doesnt talk#but it does have complex feelings and desires that she tends to. typically calanthe herself is the one in charge of their body#but when things are safe and quiet the familiar gets to do things how they like#their body is so heavily mutated they dont look like a skydancer much anymore but it isnt so upsetting these days#starswallow. has a crazy amount of lore that im not going to get into. wouldnt do it justice in tags#nebraska is a royal knight for a tiny veilspun kingdom which she could probably carry on her back#shes very solemn and reserved. soft voiced but firm. she takes her job of protecting the kingdom very seriously#she's very skilled in resisting hypnosis and tends to prefer having her eyes closed anyways. being a skydancer is helpful for her!#she's also dating her partner Lacquer (next reblog) who is the frontman of a metal band and EXTREMELY loud and excited#she loves them more than anything including her job. she is more than 300× larger than them.
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saw some posts on this website discussing what sort of videogames the dunmeshi characters would play and i think everyone is wrong. everyone is wrong except for me so im going to spell out exactly who plays what. putting it under a read more because im going on a damn tangent.
Laios: He's not a gamer he does not play games on purpose he will only ever play video games when his friends ask him to join them in their multiplayer things. One day tho Falin told him about Monster Hunter and now thats the only thing he plays aside from Spore and he has sunk countless hours into that damn game. Also he probably has played Some pokemon but he doesnt like PLAYING it he just likes it in concept he knows the name of all the pokemon
marcille: people keep saying she would be a cosy gamer playing animal crossing and stardew and other cute games ^-^ its so lalalaaaa NO!!!!!!! no she does not. Marcille plays games that stress her out on purpose marcille plays overwhelming micromanagey games like lobotomy corporation and rimworld and etc. She also likes games with deep lore and mysteries to discover. The only thing that doesn't fit in this category that she plays is Minecraft shes always in there CREATIVE MODE building virtual dungeons and other crazy shit. Also she plays on her work laptop with trackpad ok
Chilchuck: This one is for me. This one im just basing off my own dad ok. Chilchuck used to be a hardcore gamer in his youth but specifically he was playing stuff like world of warcraft and old school runescape he had really big setups so he could run several instances of the game at once on all his alt accounts so he could beat a boss by himself and he was really good at it. But then he had kids and didnt have time for this sort of thing so he stopped playing videogames aside from occasionally helping his daughters beat a super hard mario level. Later in life he probably discovered some shitty little low-commitment phone game like pokemon go or pikmin bloom or some daily sudoku puzzle thing and he plays it every day but its not that big a deal. He has been pressured by his friends and daughters to make a roblox account but he hasnt played it at all.
Senshi: THIS guy is the one that plays animal crossing. He logs in when he can but hes not on that every day grind. Also he doesnt play the newest one he doesnt play horizons he plays one of the DS ones. Wild world probably. He either doesn't like or doesn't know about the nintendo switch. Whenever one of his villagers say that they want to leave he'll nod solemnly and say smth like "Well... I suppose it'd be selfish to ask ye to stay, friend... Just promise me you'll stay safe and never forget me... Go and explore the world. Wish ye the best." Plus his island would be covered in weeds. He also has some mobile games he enjoys angry birds and candy crush and crosswords (gotta keep the brain in shape!) but other than that he doesn't videogame much because he prefers board games and tabletop stuff he isnt too jazzed about all this modern technology plus a console or a laptop and all that gaming equipment is a lot to lug around and hes a nomad he would NOT have that shit
Falin: Now FALIN is the cosy gamer. kind of. Falin plays animal crossing new horizons sometimes and has fun making a bad island on purpose. Very mildly "bad" tho the worst she'll do is use the drawing feature to hide a giant penis on the beach or whatever. Or she'll give her villagers silly outfits. She also plays minecraft (either skyblock or she makes a new world and explores and builds a couple houses and then forgets about it and makes another new world) and roblox (likes 'trolling' strangers by dressing up funny and acting kind of strange in roleplay servers but she's never actually mean or anything.) But the big thing she likes is story-driven indie rpgmaker games. She's the person who will say shit like "Yeah I played Blums Booglies the quest for Big Dinners and it was so good I cried for 9 hours" completely unironically.
kabru: social gamer like laios but the games he plays on purpose are the sims (he likes to cause them problems) and online multiplayer games (he likes to peoplewatch). I can also see him doing absurd and tortrous challenge runs of games like No items no pokecenter one type hardcore nuzlockes. im correct
izutsumi: ACTUALLY trolls people on roblox. And she plays needlessly gory flash games. Maybe she calls people dumbfucks over valorant voice chat sometimes
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posting my loz au here cause its like the third time ive lost it and had to recall and retype my thoughts about it, dont mind me or the terrible typos if you read it i was on mobile lol
okay so firstly, this is not a completely solid idea yet, the way i have the triforce divvied up is subject to change and also i realize there actually isnt that much emphasis on the swamp anyway, moreso im swapping their settings around but for now the vague idea is zelda - power, ganondorf - courage, and link - wisdom (this also reflects a bit more in their personalities, so we get a wilier zelda and a calmer link for example)
zelda is a young shepardess living in a nowhere hamlet in hyrule, feeling she's wasting away on the farm and hoping for a great big somewhere else, you know Hero Stuff. she lives with her two aunts (gotta get in that old lesbian rep) who are sheikah women that are also literally not related to her, who are set on keeping zelda on the farm, insisting that the world is dangerous and onlyl fools go out of their way to find it- in fact one would think that they were keeping her hidden away on purpose.
meanwhile, ganondorf is a diplomat from the gerudo nation, and a powerful wizard besides that. a strange and terrible sickness that seems to be magic based has ravaged his people, and desperate for a cure he didnt have the knowledge to make, he sets on into the world to search for anything that could point him in the right direction, in particular places of great age and magic, old temples, castle ruins, etc. all the while trying to keep ignore the gnawing feeling that he might somehow be the cause of the sickness because of a darkness thats been building inside of him the past year, right before things got bad. he doesnt know what it is but it scares him.
and then there's link, who lives deep deep in a forest (probably the lost woods). he was raised by fairies in some old hylian ruins choked with vines and impossible to reach without his assistance. he doesnt get much interaction with the outside world, and locals from the nearest town sometimes tell stories about a ghost that lives there that might help you out or might lead you further astray, so most people are smart enough to steer clear. he's lonely. he doesnt know where he actually came from, and it mostly doesnt bother him, but sometimes he feels a pull in the back of his mind when he looks at the words painted on carved on the temple ruin walls that the fairies never taught him to read, he always feels a bit like he's forgotten something and its Just out of his reach
now the catalyst for all of them meeting is ganondorf traveling through hyrule and stopping at the village zelda lived nearby, and when she heard that a powerful wizard from a distant land was visiting, she snuck out in the middle of the night to meet him at the inn, demanding that he take her with him. he was absolutely gonna say Hell No, but he notices the triforce symbol on her hand (i'll likely have them be a kind blobby birthmark that isnt super obvious immediately what you're looking at) thats v similar to his own, and that pesky darkness welling up in him has a v weird and strong reaction to her presence, and he isnt sure its a good thing, but its Something that must mean Something so he agrees to it
their travels lead them to the forest that link is living in, and they get horribly terribly lost and tbqh link considers just leaving them to stay lost forever, but he also feels that weird pull to the travelers that he does from the temple walls, and figures its worth helping them out because obviously he's curious about the feeling, and v much longing for companionship, like mentioned earlier
the overall plot is basically them going to the various temples, etc that ganondorf travels too (he's kind of in change in the au, since he's the oldest and Obviously most well traveled)
if it wasnt already clear, the darkness he's dealing with is actually the demon demise literally starting to take hold of him so he's got to push on for his people despite it (courage)
zelda is going on a more typical hero's journey sort of thing, where her resolve and overall goodness is tested through the adventure, and she has to find the balance of being righteous and Self righteous (balancing power)
link is kind of unknowingly a vessel for a lot of ancient knowledge that he doesnt know how to unlock, and is literally illiterate, so his journey is a little more vague but basically when he's the key to knowing what exactly to do about demise, maybe the language of the temple is a dead one because thats how ancient it is, and he can unlock the knowledge with some spiritual exploration (so wisdom)
zelda and link are the keys to getting rid of demise here, but none of them realize it
also ganondorf and link fall in love Obviously
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ok after thinking about it for several years i think what my deal is is that i had some form of subclinical pots that no one picked up on bc a) it wasnt debilitating b) most of my symptoms were attributed to asthma (fairly, again i dont think i Had Pots until i was older) and c) the others were attributed to anxiety (less fairly. Smile). Bc i do have memories of being pre-covid (and even as a kid/young teen but it definitely worsened when i was an older teen) being like. I cant wash my hair bc i feel like im gonna black out or If somoene doesnt get me a salty snack im gonna kill myself or when i was older i was really into losing vision when i stood up (which i attributed to having an ED which was probably also accurate- the worst of my ED was also when the symptoms started getting worse too) So it went like.
normal boy few (physical) problems -> develop eating disorder -> it gets Worst when im like 16 -> wow i kind of feel like shit all the time + am always tired + cant walk very long + i feel like im gonna black out standing but it doesn't affect my daily life too bad so it's chill (-> also attributed it to MI/dissociation Again why should i see a doctor i can gaslight myself on my own for free) -> get "really bad cold" in feb20 -> shaking covered in sweat ears ringing walking up stairs during in-person school sep20 -> started craving salt a lot more too -> think nothing of it, assumed my problems were universal -> eating disorder healing era but did not feel physically much better -> get covid in dec21 -> nearly pass out walking to the store -> frequently would actually pass out on my floor after going to the store -> dizzy all the time, weird cough that never went away -> find out what long covid is sometime in spring22, assume i don't have it (idky) -> find out what pots is in may22 -> Well i definitely dont have that Because my experiences are universal But just in case im gonna get really into salt -> wait that actually helps i think -> really bad body aches/etc when walking for too long (more than 5k steps) -> i thought for a while i got covid in june22 but in retrospect i don't think i did? (complicated reasons but tldr i think i misremembered due to the disorders) -> stay in my house for a year, now when i talk abt symptoms my mother just says it's bc i don't walk enough -> finally connect the dots btwn "bad cold" in 2020 and The Symptoms -> start school aug23 and hope my mother is right and not me -> my mother is wrong (MANY SUCH CASES) -> "bad cold" in nov23 (i tested twice on day 2 and 5 and both were negative, & wore kn95 whenever i was around people in case, but in retrospect it might have been covid) -> symptoms get worse -> i start Complaining bc im slowly realizing my symptoms Are Not Universal and most people are Not always in pain -> get covid in may24 -> Symptoms get worse -> my friends start pretty universally saying stuff like "please see a doctor" and "have you considered using mobility aids" and "i think you have a disability" -> Etc...
#text#And now Eye get to live Like This while everyone else lives '''''post covid'''''... Smiles. 🙂#You Are Not Immune To Long Covid#health tag#ed mention
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after doing a round 2 of the game, with my sister with me last night - i have a more stable opinion on curly and this is what i think personally
curly can be easily defined as the leader and/or captain of the ship - captains are recruited based on their capabilities to steer everyone and themselves towards progress, or the right path... or the good way. the issue with curly is that he's a bit too generous and kind for a leader because he seems to be the type to give everyone a second chance, which is not necessarily a bad thing but you really have to pick the right people who should be given that chance. and the kind of chance that jimmy was given was way too... liberating for jimmy if you will.
curly is the type to suck up harsh words he receives just to let them have their chance, even if they're in the wrong - this is evident in the birthday sequence where jimmy is quick to criticize curly's "attempt" to be left in a more advantageous spot in his job - which of course is completely wrong and it's just jimmy trying to bash him to project his envy towards him. in fact, curly is even telling this ahead of the supposed time he would announce this (this was supposed to be announced once they're closer to their destination, which isn't ready yet) and i believe he said it because he is worried for his crew, he is very compassionate and he cares for how everyone is doing. it's not for himself. this is just one of his displays of his kind nature to others.
jimmy's friendship with curly is honestly a little... forced to me. i like to think that jimmy is some sort of criminal back in earth who was given a chance to "fix himself" by helping out in the tulpar, and he just so happens to be curly's friend. curly was probably happy that jimmy was "doing better as a freighter" and he wanted what's best for him. jimmy's anger towards curly was probably sustained by curly a lot of times because he believes jimmy is still in the road to "becoming a better man" and there's going to be some bumps here and there
which i now segue into the sequence where anya tells curly about what jimmy has done to her. i think popular belief (and myself included) thought that curly didnt think much of anya's struggle and just enabled jimmy's behavior like that. but after a conversation with my friend, she mentioned that he wasn't prepared for that outcome and he didn't know how to deal with it in that moment. put yourself in his shoes - how would you feel if your friend who was trusted to be in the process of "doing better", gets reported of misconduct? i wouldn't know what to do, and saying "ill talk to them" was just the least he could say in the moment, and he also wanted to believe that jimmy could be still redeemed so he was really conflicted. again, curly is a really kind person, but it's a bit too much that its going to do more worse than good
im sure deep down he definitely planned to do something better to help her - just not now. it's not worth starting conflict in a confined place, because you're stuck with the same people for a year... though his chance to "help anya" wouldn't happen because jimmy attempted to crashed the ship and thus caused curly to be disabled. and with his now, lost voice and mobility, he is unable to do anything to help anya and is now ironically, being taken care of by anya. so now because of his do-good habits, he now realizes he's carrying the burden of being too good to jimmy when he should've been more harsher to him and betrayed the one who trusted him (anya). and she's now caring for him. it's very ironic, and I'd understand anya if she felt upset for this. but even still, anya believed curly ("our worst moments doesnt have to make us monsters") and watched over him until she couldn't take it anymore with more events unravelling.
another example of curly's "i should've said something but I didn't" moment was when he should've complained to headquarters for including daisuke last minute to the tulpar. but he didn't complain
in other words, curly is a person who always aims to do good, but his methods (especially in this situation) wasn't handled as well as he hoped or decided it would be, and he rarely raises his voice to display strictness or concern which thus causes more chaos and struggles in the tulpar. he's very passive at times and if only he had spoken out ahead, things would've been handled much better. maybe not literally better, but at least he wouldn't have to be severely burned and left to lay on the medical bed forever and possibly even helped deliver justice for anya
i believe curly was sincerely sorry for not taking action sooner on her struggles, and that he was incredibly regrettable for being far too lenient on jimmy's behavior
#mouthwashing hours#again plspls dontfight me i just like dissecting everyone's personalities ;-;#not proofead so keep that in mind aaa
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hallo teuta i hope ur well !!!! what are your expectations of bustafe 3...
ARRHGG I ACTUALLY HAVE SO MANY so first of all i think its actually gonna be a gacha game . bc why else would it be a mobile game (and also implied to have in app purchases) be so serious rn. of course ill spend money on it AND i would actually prefer it to be a gacha too bc that would mean it would get constant updates and also more pics of my bf .... hehe... and it might help it get some popularity too
second of all apparently its not teuta whos the protag of bustafe 3 its this guy
and also its not set in the us like the first 2 games its set in japan ??? but the main character "has connections in the us" which obviously means the main cast of bustafe so I CANT WAIT TO SEE THEM ARGHHHB also hes cute . and hes visiting them in the us probably cuz their cat is there . unless they flew her with them . cat vacation
i also want more cameos from the side characters like not the ones that are important in the general lore bc those will appear nevertheless (like carmen, yang etc) but route specific characters (like ivy or crow' dad) cuz i wanna see them again ...!!!!!!!!
i also want them to lock sauli up idk if that happens in bustafe 2 but if it doesnt well. theres still the third game. im waiting
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Can I just say I adore Qi’s relationship with Mint. I feel like its such a good way showing the other side of Qi before they get close enough to see it, and idk I dont think people talk about it enough.
I find it interesting partially because it reveals a lot about Qi’s tendency to be sentimental and hold onto the past (despite the fact he would never admit it.) I find this an interesting aspect of him I dont see brought up enough. He keeps memories of his family and espeically his grandfather very close, I feel like he’s one of the characters with the most photos of family in his room actually (idk correct me if im wrong on that im not sure) and holds on to even small ideas he had as a child (gunghamm mobile suit, katana thing, etc.)
Now, this could be for several reasons. I feel like a lot of it is rooted in wanting to prove himself to people, wanting to make his dreams reality for himself, absolutely, but also wanting other people to see that he was right to believe in himself and his intellect. He mentions people thinking he was crazy for going to Sandrock, and he doesnt really hide that he wants to be known for his acomplishments. Qi cant stand being wrong and even if it seems impossible to make his childhood dreams a reality he’s going to try his damnedest, so part of the reason he holds onto his childhood dreams is out of spite.
I also feel like theres a component of not wanting to have wasted potential. He talks a bit about how he thinks his parents are wasting their lives and potential by being perfectly content with being simple fishermen who dont desire measurable improvement (money, fish caught, that type of thing). So I feel like he has definetly internalized that dissapointment in his parents by doing the opposite and desiring measurable improvement above all else, because otherwise how can he be sure what he’s doing is worth much?
A lot of this is in contrast to Mint, who doesnt hold onto his past that much. He barely talks about it at all, largely because well, there isnt a lot there. Mint doesnt care that much about proving himself to others, he doesnt care about proving himself to himself. He’s willing to largely take life how its given to him. DONT GET ME WRONG, hes not necessarily a slacker by any means, nor is he unmotivated, But I feel like by Qi’s means he definetly would be.
Mint does what he needs to, he does it well, and he takes a nap. Qi does what he isn’t required to do, does it well, and then does more shit he isnt required (and often he should not) do. In a lot of ways, Mint does what he does directly to help others where Qi does what he does for himself, and if others get helped so be it. You see this in the type of jobs they choose too, with Mint being an engineer who goes around the free cities and helps with town improvement and Qi being a solitary researcher who went to a town on the verge of collapse, not necessarily to help the people there, but to find an old world spaceship, for himself and for recognition for his work.
I also find it interested in how theyre united in their isolation from others. Neither Mint nor Qi really have that many friends. All Mint really has is Gale, whos more of an uncle than a friend really, and all Qi has is well... no one that he acknowleges as a friend ( I feel like hes on a lot friendlier terms with a lot of the town than he would mention BUT THATS FOR ANOTHER TIME ). They both clearly struggle with making friends, Mint because hes on the move, and Qi because its not a goal. For both of them, making meaningful connections with people aren’t really a priority. The priority is always their work, both of them wanting to be recognized more for their work than for themselves as people.
IDK I just think its very interesting. I could probably write more TBH but this is kind of insane. I just like thinking about them rly theyre the bestest of pals.
#mtas#qi mtas#my time at sandrock#qi my time at sandrock#mtap#mint mtap#character analysis#way too much character analysis rly#Lots of speculation on motives but like I do what I want rly.#mint my time at portia#Theyre just my favorites and they both deserve more attention#especially qi hes my babygirl#mtas headcanon#?#its not really a headcanon in a traditional sense but it is of Qi's mental state ig#I love them#innane ramblings
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syd you are destroying me over here. what the fuck. what would “down” look like in au squared? would jesse’s parents take baby when they kicked him out, or would he just be left to navigate his. Unstable housing situation with an infant daughter and no support? im like i dont even know which one i would prefer you to say… down in au squared universe just Does Not feel good thank you for bringing it to our attention :-(
(frolics around cutely while i make everything worse for everyone) "down" never feels good ever tbh, between walt hitting his ableism victory royale and jesse getting his shit absolutely rocked by fate, its a miracle any of us survive that episode. au squared jesse of course fights his parents tooth and nail about kicking him out since ginny left him the house, but as soon as his mom says that they'll be taking baby too since he's not responsible enough, he backs down and is like "fine take the house, take whatever u want, but baby's coming with me". he obviously doesnt want to be homeless, but being homeless and not having baby is more than he can bear. she tries to reason with him, then threatens to get the law involved (i imagine saul helps jesse secure full custody of baby in addition to helping him buy his parents' house in season 3 :) besties), but jesse doesnt budge and takes off with her and their essentials, only for his ride to get stolen while he's in the drug store buying formula. they'd probably end up spending the night in the impounded rv (no blue tho. if i can spare my guy one suffering, it'll be the blue) with him genuinely not knowing if its Worth It anymore because hes literally laying in a mobile meth lab next to his crying baby who's too upset for her nighttime feeding, unable to provide for her but also unable to let her go. it feels so awful and selfish: she deserves better but he doesnt trust anyone to give her that. he breaks the rv out of the impound the next day the second clovis threatens them and drives straight to walt's place to get his money, riled up from walt ignoring his calls and clovis fucking threatening him in front of his infant daughter. "down" of course is a parade of walt being a dickhead because skyler has totally stopped buying his shit, so when jesse pulls up in person to beg for the money, walt snaps at him and tells him that jesse wouldn't even be in this situation if he were more responsible and that a real father would have found a way to provide for his child, which is not only vile but the fucking Wrong Thing to say to jesse after the last 24 hours. this is what provokes their fist fight and walt finally hands over the money, then tries to make some "look. we're both in this for family. we have to work together" comment to amend things as if he wasnt just yelling at his own son for using the car pedals wrong. having the money and getting out some of his rage and misery by pounding walt makes jesse feel better, but more than that, it gives him this adrenaline rush in terms of being a dad. sure it was a fucking nightmare, but he did all of that for his baby and he won. he fought to provide for her and he did. he didn't give in and just hand her over to his parents like she was some stranger that just happened to live in his house: he kept baby, he protected her through a disaster, and now he's never going to let her go. as he gets them a motel room for temporary housing with his cash and goes buck wild in the infant section at walmart and ends the day watching a happy, fed, clean baby play with her new stacking rings, jesse thinks about what walt said and feels a bitter kind of pride. "a real father would've found a way to provide for his child." well he did. he's baby's father and he's going to provide for her.
#anonymous#ask#syd squeaks#its genuinely not that bad actually i just hate seeing a little guy be soooo sad#au squared#jesse pinkman#baby ayuluk#walter white
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sso's candle, and jumping into the ai bubble for publicity and investment
so yasmin told me to write about this bc not everyone might realise it. its a bit of a long topic so prepare. for legal reasons this is all my personal opinion :3
first off - the sso candle doesnt actually have anything to do with ai. i just wanna get that out of the way. i will come back to this later.
the sso candle ai promotional event is 2 things to me. one is, "probably someone at the company knew someone at the other company bc why else would this specific random collab ever happen" (and theyre not even a candle company? its a perfume company?)
but the other thing which is the main thing, is that we've entered the ai boom, or ai economic bubble. before this there was a crypto bubble, there's sort of been a mobile bubble, and we have the old classic dotcom bubble. summary of tech bubble is, a new shiny thing in tech makes ppl go OOOH!! I WILL THROW MY INVESTMENT MONEY AT THAT!! I BETTER HURRY AND NOT MISS THE TRAIN!! IM GOING TO GET FILTHY RICH BY INVESTING IN THE FUTURE!!! and many of these ppl dont actually understand the tech, and can therefore be exploited by startups or new projects targetting these investors, by just saying "we use the shiny thing that is the future and will make people rich".
just like the dotcom and crypto bubbles, everything that has "ai" in it is currently getting lots of attention both from media and from investors. things that are about "ai" are currently like "wow! youre using modern tech and this is the future!" and for all those ppl who dont know that much about ai or tech, or tech ppl who are easily influenced, it makes companies look cool and modern and forward if they include that current shiny thing.
what does sse achieve by making promotional vids and posts about an ai candle? attention from media and potential investors. the playerbase doesnt care. their target audience arent ppl who generally care much about ai, or even support its usage in creative fields.
they also count on that the playerbase wont be mad enough about it bc most players dont rly care or understand. which is prob going to be an accurate prediction. so they dont especially lose on it unless theres a genuine uproar, but even then, theres a lot of space in "genuine uproar" that still results in "no such thing as bad publicity".
so, thats my perspective on why sse did the ai candle thing. publicity for investors and the industry and media. it helps both sse and the little weird "ai" (side eyes) scent company who both get ai bubble points here. its completely unrelated to what players want or care about (and as many have said, players actually do want to buy things from sse - like plushies and other merch).
now to the last point. the candle isn't even ai, and it's really just an ai boom trending word thing for attention.
some ppl on ssoblr dont really understand what ai is or how it works, or how its already been in use for a long time. im not really gonna explain all of that but i do ask you to like... watch a video or read a wikipedia article or something and please educate yourself on what ai is and isnt. anyway,
supposedly this company feeds pictures into whatever ai model theyre supposedly using. the ai supposedly spits out things like "sunshine :) dirt :) chupacabra :)" from the customers phone pics and then actual perfumers mix blends based on what the ai supposedly told them from the pics.
idk if ur catching on here but, there are trained perfumers here who have seen the customers' pics with their own human eyes. they humanly blend scents based on the content of pics theyve humanly seen. (unless all perfumers at the company are also blind and the ai is their only way to find out whats in the pics, and if so, power to them, ofc.) and, at best, an ai has supposedly told them some generic image analysis terms, which are unlikely to be very helpful to the art of scent design.
there is absolutely nothing the supposed ai is actually doing here. theres no reason for it to be here. it contributes nothing to the process. exceeeeeppppttttt..... clicks!!!! articles. videos. wow! crazy ai scents! wow! ai horse candle!! thats crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so future!!!!!!!!!!
the scent company is a classic tech bubble startup (allegedly from my perspective in my opinion). they dont even use ai (allegedly from my perspective in my opinion). they want a quick buck for looking like a modern futuristic business to the FOMO investors who fall for this every single time theres new shiny tech (allegedly from my perspective in my opinion). and sse collabs with them for pretty much the same reason (allegedly from my perspective in my opinion).
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@pancake-kat
i didnt know how to go about this? very sorry if its incoherent or irrelevant hdjsdjjs
i do lineless in a specific way that may not be possible for all programs, so ill give you my way and a few tips that might help you if you do it another way!
i use medibang for all my art, i use the “fill” brush (these are my settings ^), you can get it through the cloud download thing and its possible for both the desktop and mobile versions of medibang (and maybe firealpaca? i dont know what downloadable brushes it has but there might be something there)
this is my process of drawing the base! im one of them weirdos who does pretty much all of the work on one layer excluding the sketch, but you could easily break it up into pieces and layers!
you could probably recreate this method with like, clip studios fill lasso tool or just the lasso or polygon tools that come with a lot of programs
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Tip time!
(assuming you draw the silhouette of the character first and fill it in with the paint bucket)
- stabilizers are your friend! especially if youre newer to doing lineless stabilizers help a lot for smoothing your lines!
- or alternatively, do fast, confident strokes! even if you over shoot your lines, itll look less shaky and better overall!
- color in the white spots where the paint bucket doesnt fill in! not a tip just. fill those in bc if you ever post it you wont stop noticing the blank spots
- avoid lining in a color to close to the background, either change the bg or the color youre lining with bc GOD its a pain because if you cant see it its all the more hard to follow the sketch and see the little holes in it
#asked and answered#pancake-kat#art tips#again i didnt know how to go about answering this i tried my best#if you have any specific questions just dm me bc im more than willing to help!#im just bad at answering questions rip#i dont know really how to help the ‘compelled to add lines’ part#ive never had that problem so im not a great person to ask tbh#i might come back to this post at some point to add something tho!
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