#im on a doug eiffel kick today

[castingpods]

He's a dad. He's a convicted criminal. He's just a guy. He's a lab rat for a mad scientist. He's simultaneously terrible and amazing at his job. His best friend is an AI. He's a recovering alcoholic. He sent audio recordings of himself goofing off into outer space. He accidentally taught aliens english. He speaks in 85% pop culture references. he's a staunch pacifist. He crashed a space ship into a space shuttle on purpose. He got his memories erased by a different mad scientist than before.

I didn't say his name but he popped into your head didn't he

[doug-eiffel-deserves-better]

a heckin list of my thoughts from throughout that episode

i am thoroughly dead

the intro music has barely started and im already almost in tears

OH ANOTHER HERA NARRATION AHH

wait no no this isn’t Hera tHIS ISN’T HERA??? HECK

i am s c r e a m i n g i am S C R E A M I N G IT’S ALMOST T I M E

the last time i’m ever gonna hear that intro for a new episode AHH

TELL US THE EVIL PLAN

wow eiffel, a man after my own speaking capabilities

“KEPLER WHY ARE YOU ON MY SHIP” Y E AH

“welll.... that seemed heealllthyyyyy” that’s a Mood

that sounds like me when i turn the garbage disposal on instead of the light

omw omw omw WHAT IS THIS AAAAHHHHH IM GONNA CRY HERA AND EIFFEL MEETING AHHH

THEY’RE SO CUTE IM DYING

my boy Jacobi standing up for himself i’m SO PROUD

I love hearing Eiffel and Lovelace together SO MUCH

PROUD OF MY SON DOUGLAS EIFFEL

P R O U D OF MY S O N

“do let it hit you on the way out” GOT ‘EM

MINKOWSKI IS MY MOM AND I’M VERY VERY VERY SCARED THAT SHE’S GOING TO DIE

“I’m starting to think that these guys are my kind of stupid” I’M IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS

“Have fun storming the castle” asdhgfj

“You’re allowed to make mistakes, as long as, at some point, you admit that they’re mistakes” BAM THERE IT IS FOLKS

“we’re going to crush them” I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG

JACOBI AND MAXWELL JACOBI AND MAXWELL IM SCREAMING IM SCREAMING IM SCREAMING THIS MUSIC IS BEAUTIFUL

t h e w h i s k e y s p e e c h

“No matter what happens, I’ve got your back” i m

WHAT OTHER LITTLE DETAIL

O H    N O O O O O NOT OKAY NOT OKAY NOT OKAY HOW DARE YOU DO THAT THAT IS R U D E

what is it what i S OH OH OH OH OH NOW I’M CRYING I’M I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE

THEY’RE QUOTING LES MIS TOGETHER I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR YEARS

no no no oh no NO MINKOWSKI HOW COULD YOU NO MINKOWSKI NO NO NO NONONONONONONONONONONONONOONONONO OH MY G O S H

I CAN’T BELIEVE HE GOT LAUNCHED INTO SPACE AGAINST HIS VOLITION A G A I N

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“I AM SO SICK OF THIS H A P P E N I NG” me too eiffel ME HECKIN TOO

“you could’ve given us a chance to say goodbye” STAB ME INSTEAD PLEASE??? THAT WOULD BE LESS PAINFUL ???

I love Minkowski i’m dying MINKOWSKI AND HERA A4KLVEFHIUDJSNJH

Alan Rodi has personally victimized me with this soundtrack i swear to GOSH

“Something about a harpoon” THE HARPOON REMAINS TIL THE VERY END

is he really gonna hE IS HE IS REALLY GONNA

~SURPRISE~ HOLY FRICK HOLY FRICK WHAT THE HECK O H HE’S S A FE FALSE A L A R M HE’S O K A Y

“we are gonna partyyyy allll night l o n g” IM DECEASED

“I am never going to be rid of you, am I” look i LIVE FOR THESE SNIPPETS

DOUG YOU CAN DO IT YOU CAN D O IT

“and that’s why you’re here” NO NO NO STOP MY HEART CAN’T TAKE THAT ATTITUDE

oh no

no stop this i’m crying again HOW DARE YOU PULL THIS ON ME

“right now the only person saying that is you” I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING

HE DID IT HE DID IT HE DID IT I’M SO PROUD OF HIM I’M SO HECKING PROUD OF DOUGLAS EIFFEL

the starboard engine has completely stopped HECK YES H E C K YES

oh holy heck HECK DANG

CUTTER YOU ARE LITERALLY THE WORST THING I’VE EVER ENCOUNTERED

“Bob” dfbhkjnlm

uuummmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM C E A S E   T H I S

WHY DO THEY WANT HUMAN DUPLICATES W H Y

oh

o h h h h h?????

IM SCREAMING THEY NEED EIFFEL SJDHBFKNG AHAHHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET REKT CUTTER

oh wait no. no no. but Eiffel is coming back EIFFEL OH NO STAY AWAY ASFGDVHFJG ARRRRRGHHHHHHH

this is a request for Gabriel Urbina to come all the way to my house and literally fight me please and thank you

HE’S NOT SLOWING DOWN???? HE’S NOT SLOWING DOWN MY BRILLIANT BOY

I am ??¿¿¿??¿?? IN LOVE

Eiffel!!!! My son has hurt himself!!! someone help him

“With my life darlin” I’VE MISSED THEM S O MUCH

minkowski please you might save the world but you’ll break my heart

LET’S GO GET OUR IDIOT BACK

oh no Jacobi is not doing well

He’s gonna die isn’t he mY BOY IS GONNA DIE

HE KILLED B O B ????? HE KILLED B O B idc if he can come back that is VERY RUDE

Kepler hesitated HE HESITATED CMON MAN DON’T LET ME DOWN

he’s so happy with himself HE’S SO CONFIDENT AND H I M S E L F I’M SO AMAZINGLY PROUD

she’s going uhh... i n ?

SO MANY MEMORIA PARALLELS THERE ARE SO MANY PARALLELS BETWEEN EIFFEL AND HERA AND I’M SCREAMING

WTC NO WHAT IS SHE DOING THIS IS HORRIBLE AND I HATE IT

IF DOUG EIFFEL LOSES HIS MEMORIES I WILL

OH

MY

GOSH

OH MY GOS H

H E R A

“YOU MAY WANT TO HANG ONTO SOMETHING, THIS IS GOING TO GET COMPLICATED” IT’S MEMORIA I LOVE THESE WRITERS

“Do you really think we’re not going to shoot you?”

HOW DID HE CATCH A BULLET I HATE THIS AND I HATE HIM

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES JACOBI MY BOY LIGHT OF MY LIFE Y E S

but what does she l o o k like? no wait not important

OH

SHE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE HER GOOD I’M SCREAMING I LOVE HER

~not today, satan~~~

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP WHAT DID SHE TAKE

fhjgknhnb the star wars prequels im d y i n g

YEAH YEAH MY BABY GIRL YOU CAN D O THIS

SHE! CAN DO! A N Y T H I N G!

i just remembered this is Michaela Swee having a conversation with herself

“there he goes” n y o o o o o o o o m there he go

p r o b a b l y   n o t ? u m m m m m

YES OH MY GOSH OH MY FR I C K I NG GOSH YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES HE SHOT HER HE SHOT HER HE SHOT HER HE’S A GOOD GUY HE’S A GOOD GUY FINALLY I CAN ACCEPT HIM WITH MY FULL HEART AND LOVE HIM

I AM STILL A    P E R S O N  

oh no nOOOOOOOOOOOO WHHAAAATTTTTT AREEE YOU DOINNNGGGGG STOP STOP STOP

he had the bottle on him

the whole time

I WAS ABLE TO LOVE AND ACCEPT WARREN KEPLER FOR A FULL THIRTY SECONDS OF MY LIFE AND THAT WAS MORE THAN I ACTUALLY EXPECTED BUT NOW HE’S GONE AND IDK HOW TO FEEL

what is happening. please explain to me what is happening. i cannot comprehend and i have never hated anything more than i hate cutter

OH MY GOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHH NO NON ONONONONNO

sarcastic and bitter to the end and oH MY WORD I CAN’T. I CAN’T ACTUALLY. BELIEVE. I KNEW IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN BUT.

Cutter what the f r ic  k I hate you i hate you

"You’re crazy” NO D U H

SHE CAN’T BE DEAD SHE CAN’T BE DEAD SHE CAN’T BE DEAD SHE CAN’T BE DEAD SHE I S N ‘T DEAD R I G H T

HERA BABY IT’S OKAY IT’S OKAY

NO IT’S NOT IT’S NOT IT’S NOT MY BOY IS LOSING HIS MEMORIES

OH FRICK OH F R I CK IN G  H E C K STOP PLEASE STOP PLEASE

SHE’S NOT DEAD IT’S OKAY SHE’S NOT DEAD

FIGHT IT FIGHT IT FIGHT IT FIGHT IT

THE HARPOON

T H E    H A R P O O N

T    H    E      H     A     R    P     O    O    N

AHHHHHHH

I CAN’T BELIEVE AFTER ALL THIS TIME THEY’RE LIKE. PHYSICALLY TOGETHER?? HERA AND EIFFEL ARE ABLE TO PHYSICALLY BE TOGETHER??????? I AM DYING INSIDE???? AND LIVING???

“I’m just going to clip your wings a little” I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD

“BYE BYE AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH” AHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHH OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NOOOOOONONONONONO

I CANT BELIEVE HES DOING THIS I CANT??? BELIEVE??????

OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH

i’m never leaving my room ever again

star wars

JACOBI MADE IT WTC IM ABSJDHFNKG

I WANT TO KICK HIM

im sitting in bed sobbing and that’s okay!!!! that’s fine it’s fine!!!!! no it’s not fine!!!

oh my gosh hera and pryce

he did all that just to win a b e t of COURSE he did

she hasn’t glitched since she had the conversation

my kids. my space kids are going home. they’re done. the show is over.

the show is over

the show is over

i’m going to cry for a few days now. hope you’re all as emotionally traumatized as i was. it’s been a fun ride.