#im not trying to be rude i prommy

[fyrerainy]

typos and stuff!! will be pretty in-depth, sorry in advance lmao

@strawbubbysugar hi!! ily!! Here's some stuff I've found. This is gonna seem super rude and if you want me to stop, I'll stop!!

[keep in mind, I'm not an expert, though I have read through a textbook on how to write, edit, and get published. Feel free to discard as much of this criticism as you wish /gen]

When editing a manuscript, the experts say to try and cut 10% of your word count, so be sure to keep that in mind. Anything in your book that you feel icky about, or wasn't worded or written in the best way, needs to be addressed. The first draft was about what you wanted. The final copy will be about what the readers want.

Chapter 1

The key to hooking a reader in is to start with a bang. You want to draw their attention from the first sentence. At the moment, "Busy. Busy busy busy, always so busy," isn't seeming like the optimal use of your first paragraph. It's not making me feel intrigued, or making me want to read more. A chunk of this chapter (or the whole thing) may need to be rewritten.

This sentence is confusing me, it's not very concise. Maybe something like "This place was designed to mimic the unfinished amusement park, which proudly reached several floors above its head," would make it easier on the brain.

moment's

Unsure if 'loaded' is the right word here. Perhaps uploaded would work better?

Also, you can probably get rid of "it was advanced", as it's not needed here.

I'm feeling like this sentence doesn't make a lot of sense. In a nutshell, it's basically "An AI, now holding onto a toddler." It would work better if you exchanged 'a' with 'the', 'and' with 'was'.

Also, "now with one hand holding onto the seam etc" needs to be changed to "holding onto the labelled seam of a toddler's pants with one hand"

I believe this sentence is contradicting itself as you'd just told me that it didn't have straining core muscles, but then said it was straining. You may need to add a sentence or two about how its gears were grinding, and/or its legs shaking to keep it in place.

Also, "...attempt to not drop either child" needs to be "....attempt not to drop either child".

You may want to change the second "calculated" to "found" so you don't repeat words.

It's not a ball pit anymore bubby X3c

This needs to be changed. Either the first sentence needs to be "it caught the little one with time to spare" or "catching the little one with time to spare, the fluid etc etc". If you choose the second option, you'd have to edit the rest of the sentence to avoid it running on.

"The" needs to be lowercase, and ITS needs to be IT'S

Since we've switched focus from Hello to the kids then back, you may want to establish that this is Hello we're referencing when we say 'it'. Maybe, "The robot gently patted"...?

Also, if you want to be super professional and fancy, you could remove one of those question marks. You don't have to tho!

Wrong its! Its (without an apostrophe) is the possessive form of it, so it means “belonging to it.” “The cat ate its food.” It's (with an apostrophe) is a contraction (shortened form) of it is or it has. “It's almost Christmas.”

You repeated the word down twice, maybe change one of them?

Dialogue needs to be in a separate line from the rest of the paragraph.

again, if you want to be fancy you could remove one of these

It needs to be '...with its face "-Hello Lolly!"' bc the '-' needs to be on both sides

The "but only for a moment" could be removed to make the sentence flow more easily.

Aaaaand dialouge needs to be in a seperate line.

*error buzzer noise* wrong its!

Not sure what the "at least" is doing there. Feels like it doesn't fit

from "both children seemed" to "opposite directions" doesn't make sense. Try something like "...end result- they both had a toy and a piece of candy. They ran off in opposite directions."

Again, we're switching focus, so we may want to re-establish that it's the robot we're paying attention to at the end there.

it's a foam pit, silly!

foam, not ball

wrong its!

remember we're not using he/him for Hello yet 🤫

lowercase pronoun after dialouge

not balls! foam! X3

Along doesn't seem quite right. Around, maybe?

New line for dialouge!

"A mischievous grin wormed its"

Needs another gap in between the last two paragraphs

For conciseness, consider "Lukas was, at this point, sticking out his..."

For conciseness, 'for it' could be removed.

Put off from purchasing

pathfind is probably not the right word to use here. Maybe just use find?

that's what it was here for - to play! (new line after this)

golden rule! new line for dialouge! (also the 'it' after luukaass needs to be lowercased)

for conciseness, you could remove "in any bit of it's coding"

the needs to be lowercase

it's not not peaked, it's peeked!

Clarify this is Hello we're talking about with the warning signs

it pronounssss

There's so much more editing to be done (including in this chapter) but this process of screenshotting etc is taking up spoons. Perhaps you could allow me editing access to the manuscript so I can highlight the changes to be made? Or do them for you, if you prefer? /nf

I'm tired QwQ

[the-s1lly-corner]

TADC characters x reader crying and the characters are trying to calm the reader down

TADC cast finding the reader crying!

WOOOOOO so sorry for not getting to requests sooner, i was busy today and caught up in doing a bunch of baking orders! yahoo! i made a buncha scones today and churros :)! i might make pretzels tomorrow for myself also ive never watched one piece but im absolutely obsessed with chopper VV

CAINE:

"now now my dear, what's wrong?" immediately takes you off to a private area away from prying eyes and ears. surprisingly a good listener, i mean he cares about you so so much, youre like. his number one, so of course hes going to be looking out for you. tries his best to cheer you up, regardless of whats making you so upset; another circus member, being overwhelmed, or your brain just being mean... this man would literally carry the world for you.. well a digital world, but the sentiment still stands i think..! just say the word and hes going to do whatever it takes to cheer you up!

POMNI:

very awkward comforter, i think i might have said this somewhere; in fact i may have had a similar request to this a while ago but i truly do not remember and i cant be bothered to look through the sea of TADC stuff ive written... but she would be SO bad at comforting people; like she just stands there before awkwardly patting your back. and thats assuming she goes through with the action, theres a solid chance she just. asks outright if youre okay in this nervous voice trying to be gentle. its not her fault i prommy, shes just bad at comforting people. offers to take you to her room so you have some privacy, kind of just lets you let it all out

RAGATHA:

again i might be biased for ragatha because ive really fallen in love with her since i opened up requests but she would be the absolute queen of comfort. speaks in a really soft voice as she takes you off to yours or her room, sets you down on the bed and lets you lean on her for support (metaphorically and literally!). gives you the softest blankets and pillows, and simply lets you pour your heart out. asks if you want comfort or solutions; because both have their time and place i think. sometimes you want solutions, and sometimes you just want pure comfort. ragatha gets it. and whichever one you want, shes going to deliver on it! will likely take it upon herself to try to solve the issue if its an external thing that made you upset. 10/10 love her

JAX:

believe or not i think he would be the type to try to confront the thing upsetting you yourself, especially if it was someone who had upset you. best way i can explain it is like. you know that one pizza episode of spongebob where squidward stands up for spongebob to that rude customer who made him cry? it would have the same energy, i think. asshole who actually has a heart stepping in to defend someone when there needs to be justice type deal. now if he was the one who made you upset, say by one of his pranks, then it might take him a minute for the guilt to kick in but it would be there... eventually. does feel bad, tries to cheer you up and does try to apologize, i think

KINGER:

oddly enough i think he would be up there in terms of how good he is with comforting people! i say odd because he seems so out of it a lot of the time. but i think the second he sees your tears hes just laser focused. very similar to ragatha in terms that he takes you away and lets you speak. to the pillow fort! lets you cry into the fur of his robe, too... rubs circles into your back. this man carries the same level of comfort that sweet old people carry, if that makes sense. the type of person so say "ive got you" when comforting someone, i think

ZOOBLE:

has to do a double take when they see you crying. like pomni i think theyre bad at comforting... but not as much, if that makes sense. if it was someone who had made you upset, they probably try to tell you that they arent worth the time of day and that youre better than them. strikes them with the curse of them also giving you awkward back and shoulder pats, but its even more awkward and uncomfortable because they have weird hard plastic hands. look, ok. theyre trying, theyre likely trying their best too- honestly i think their main form of comfort is talking shit about the person or thing that made you feel bad

GANGLE:

honestly she might cry with you. admittedly i dont see gangle herself being the best comforter when someone is crying; especially if its someone she cares so deeply about. i think like everyone else, she would gently take her hands in yours and guide you off to the side so you can have some privacy and decency. she does try her best to try to cheer you up; and i think that she would have better luck with it if her comedy mask isnt broken! but if it is, its likely that shes going to cry with you. probably leads to vent sesh between the two of you where you vent to one another and cry. hey, that works too, i think! not to say that she is trying to purposefully trying to make it about herself too, but like. her way of empathizing with you. "oh hey we're both having a bad day, let me show how i can relate to you so you feel less alone" type deal

[afairytalestray]

Day 16 of Cats-pril, @storyweaverofgondor‘s April baby! Today’s prompt is rehearsal, and I tried my hand at writing a chat fic! Also on Ao3 here.

..

HarvestGoddess: Since my darling Munkustrap refuses to interact with the digital world, this is a formal request from the friend group mum for everyone to turn up to Pekes and Pols rehearsal tonight please. If Munk loses any more fur from the stress he’ll be a sphinx cat! x

Rumpled_cheese: im gonna be there now i really wanna see that sedhfwiuh

QueenVic: me and Plato will be present and accounted for! @MagicalMisto, are you needing a lift? x

etc.: BALD MUNK BALD MUNK BALD MUNK

Lettie: …I’ll make sure Etcetera comes, Dem

HarvestGoddess: thanks Lettie!

MagicalMisto: thnx Vic, Tugger has his bike so he’ll bring us. @HarvestGoddess I can confirm that Tugger will be there, regardless of whichever way he is currently contributing to Munk’s hair loss

QueenVic: np!

HarvestGoddess: Thank you Misto! I can tell you that Tug is currently convincing Munk that he’s signed up for a Japanese ikebana class under the guise of impressing you, and that Munk can’t possibly expect him to miss it. Of course, this class runs on the exact same times and dates as Pekes & Pols rehearsals x

MagicalMisto: of course it would lmao

MangoJelly: what is an iceban class

MangoJelly: wait nvm Cori knows thats hilarious

lonz: you lot are mean

lonz: I’ll be there, @HarvestGoddess, and I’ll try and talk Cass into it as well

etc.: it’s called being funny lonzy, LOOK IT UP

Georgeofthejunkyard: pick me! :D :D :D 

HarvestGoddess: @MangoJelly, will you be at rehearsal? Also, is it safe to assume that @C-oracle-pat is with you, and that his poor phone is dead or abandoned somewhere? x

Tantomile: It is always a safe assumption that wherever my brother is, Mungojerrie will be nearby. Coricopat has left his phone on the coffee table, as per. I’ll plug it in and bring it to rehearsal tonight.

Rumpled_cheese: Tantomile - hero of the people!

MangoJelly: oshit sorry Demeter yeah ill be there! 

MangoJelly: OWIEUFOI yeah Corks is with me the now, he says hell be there too, and thanks Tanto!

QueenVic: … :o

MagicalMisto: oooooooooohhhh

Tantomile: What.

HarvestGoddess: no murders until after the show please and thank you!

Lettie: RIP Jerrie

MangoJelly: nOoOOOOOOO

MangoJelly: it was a quote TANTOMILE I prommy!

MangoJelly: Cori said: “oh, thank you, Tanto”

MangoJelly: I wouldnt dream of giving you a nickname id never do anything that might make you revoke your blessing!!!!!!

Tantomile: See that you do not, Mungojerrie.

Cassss: 6 at the Egyptian, yes?

Cassss: I’ll be there for you, Dem, and NOT because Alonzo is badgering me

HarvestGoddess: That’s right! Love ya, Cass! x

QueenVic: lol get rekt Lonz

lonz: :’( 

MagicalMisto: I would advise everyone to bring earplugs, Tugger has decided to treat you all to a bagpipe solo

etc.: yeeeessssssssss i love the bagpipes!!!!

Rumpled_cheese: lol it was nice knowing ya @RumTugTummer Munk is gonna kill u

RumTugTummer: RUDE Cats today just don’t appreciate classical pibroch

lonz: I can confirm this to be true.

RumTugTummer: aweoiufaAMNWIUFC see y’all later bye

lonz: @MagicalMisto please do something about this

MagicalMisto: nah it’ll be funny

Lettie: YES MISTO

lonz: why hast thou forsaken me, brother?

etc.: YES MISTOOOOOO!

RumTugTummer: YES BABE

HarvestGoddess: I don’t care what you bring as long as you all show up!

MagicalMisto: o7

RumTugTummer: o7

Rumpled_cheese: o7

Lettie: o7

etc.: o7

MangoJelly: o7

[butchviking]

i failed the diversity and inclusion training at my work bc i said the words 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' is no big deal and u shouldnt ask

just wondering what you mean by this? like was the training saying you shouldn't use those words or? sorry being nosy

oh whoops the tag cut off it was supposed to say 'and you shoudnt ask pronouns its rude'

anyway the boyfriend/girlfriend thing was essentially saying u shouldnt ask a coworker 'do you have a boyfriend' or 'do you have a girlfriend' bc it assumes someones sexuality and thats bad. u should say partner instead. and tbh my first thought was of one very gay coworker in my department and i was like bro if id walked up to him and asked if he had a boyfriend thats literally fine like i prommy hes not going to be offended that i can tell hes gay he knows everyone can tell hes gay. idk i get 'do you have a.... partner' all the time and its kind of annoying come on we can all tell just say girlfriend. theyre either saying partner because they can telll but they think its the pc thing to say or more likely theyre saying it because they are pretty sure im gay but want to confirm and this is their way of trying to seem subtle when asking. just fucking ask if im gay literally its fine yes i am. you think its offensive to ask but youre still asking youre just wrapping it in other words. the training had a q like 'what should u say in this situation' where the options were like 'you should say x thing' 'you should say y thing' 'its not a big deal' and i knew 'its not a big deal' was clearly a wrong answer but i was like sorry it physically pains me to lie i cant not select that option its how i feel

[larkkspuur]

a reminder that my inbox is always open! and that I love talking to people and making friends! I just really struggle with initiating conversation because of massive anxiety issues that have gotten much worse as of late. but feel free to shoot me a message at any time if y0u wanna chat! i prommy im not trying to be rude by not initiating conversation im just wack

[transsexualbloodlust]

girl help my aunt is convinced that i’m not autistic 😭

[vissla]

in other news i fucking hate roxxxy ❤❤❤

edit: I made this post when I was watching season 5 for the first time I don’t hate her anymore

[bearmoods]

I work at a grocery store (Trader Joes)

1. Wear headphones or earbuds. You dont need to even have anything playing. I just 100% understand that if someone has those in their ears, they want to be left alone.

2. If someone asks how you are, the best and quickest and nicest way to "im good thanks pls dont talk to me" is a thumbs up

3. You can be on your phone while I'm checking you out. If you look at me or just stand looking around, I'm gonna talk to you to make you feel not awkward. If you don't wanna talk just look down or at your phone. Its not rude I prommy

4. If you walk with purpose and know what you want, you're a lot less likely to be asked how you are if you're just wandering around looking at anything and everything

5. Try not to be there within 30 mins of opening/closing bc those are social energy burst times but within 2 hours or opening/closing are when it's the least busy

there should be special times set aside for autistic bitches to go grocery shopping where the store is empty theres no music and no one talks to you or asks if you need anything.

[cherryredchemicalboy]

Hi! i'm Red, and ill be your tour guide this evening.

my pronouns are he/him

i'm an alter in a dissociative identity disorder system. we are medically recognized. fakeclaimers will be blocked, we won't bother interacting with y'all at all. respectful questions are heavily encouraged though!

the body is an adult. minors can do whatever they want, im not your dad, but like. be cool or whatever.

i like dragons and memes. i like the color red and the cherry 🍒 emoji.

if i say anything rude or insensitive please let me know! i prommy im doing my best, there's just a lot of stuff to know and i only have so much processing power to know it all with.

send me DID/OSDD, cptsd, etc. memes and stuff. laughter is the best medicine and all.

the others might drop in occasionally to make guest posts.

we'll try to keep up on tagging everything. including

#did info

#about me!

#did memes

#potentially triggering

#guest post

thanks for reading!