#im not trying to actually make money on this its just a hobby

[fishbphotography]

love how my mother's first reaction to hearing I have a photography blog with ~300 followers is that I should start selling ad space on it 🤦

[odietamox]

someone through my dad commissioned me a couple of amigurumi (three actually for Christmas. which means. I need to hurry up.) which is great because money! but also I dont know how I feel about it,,, or better I know I feel very anxious and im not sure I love it. I picked up crocheting because it's fun and relaxing and I'm not sure I want it to be a monetized thing

[discountdyke]

also trying to make a real change in my value system where things like “having fun” are more important that “working to death” and “gaining international recognition”

[bitchimasnake-sss]

"my girlfriend's a nerd" ft. the monster trio!

self explanatory self-indulgent drabbles to soothe my book!loving ass

ft. luffy, zoro and sanji x fem! reader set-up: you like books, he likes you that's it warnings: none lmao this is very sfw. one might call it wholesome even. m.list

luffy:

thats my baby ^^

— im not even sure if this mf can read 😭😭

— honestly 9/10 chance he can't but when has that ever stopped him from being our most supportive himbo king

— go king give us everything!!

— he doesn't get why you read books when instead you can be like sleeping or eating or looking at the sea but well, he doesn't question it

— he just thinks it's a weird hobby you have (i don't think he's aware of how freakishly illiterate he is)

— but just cause he thinks it's weird that doesn't mean he wouldn't hug you half-asleep when he hears you sobbing into the dead of the night or he wouldn't listen with keen interest when you explain the plot of your favourite book as he wraps his arms around you and hums into your hair

— will 100% offer to fight the author/ tear up the book everytime he sees you having a breakdown over a particular scene/character

"who should I kill?!" the deadpan seriousness in his voice is what terrifies you

"nobody! I'm okay–"

— after you explain to him that hurting somebody is not necessary and you're fine, he will try to coddle you with extended hugs and food (lots and lots and lots of food).

"yn you should eat something! should I get you something to eat??" you can hear the panic in this poor boys voice 😭😭

"no luffy, its okay. im fine!" you say through sniffs and snorts, eyes bloodshot from crying over ink on paper

"brb" and he gets you dinner enough for 5 people because that's how he knows to comfort you (willingly took sanjis kicks and namis punches to accomplish this mission)

— since he's a clingy little child, he will hold onto you some way or the other when you're reading

— you're reading in your room while he's fast asleep? his arm is draped across your waist lazily. you're on the other side of the deck, sunbathing and reading? his hand is stretched out from where he's sitting and on your thigh (ussop tripped thrice over his hand, rip god ussop 🙏) . you're reading during breakfast cause the book just got so good? his toe is rubbing your calf up and down periodically (he won't stop no matter how many weird looks you give him)

— conclusion: he doesn't at all get it what it is, but if it makes you happy he will spend all the berries in the world to buy you those books (plz know if you actually ask him to jokingly off an author for killing your favourite character, he will do it. please don't ask him that.)

— he's just so supportive and nice 😭😭

"my girlfriends a nerd, I love her" (ussop explained to him what a nerd was and now he's introducing you like this to everybody)

zoro:

the shades tho 😎

— I'm convinced this mf can't read either

— even he can there's like literally no evidence to prove it and the entire crew has come to the conclusion that he gets lost even with clear directions because he just can't read please 😌👌

— at the start, he actually thinks it's dead stupid to invest so much time reading books when you can do other stuff like getting stronger, sleeping, literally doing anything else (luffy backs up his opinion with full enthusiasm)

— i mean like he's seen you sob at 7 in the morning over breakfast cause your fav character died and now he's confused as to why are you spending money and buying books if they make you cry so hard (he doesn't understand the concept of angst im afraid)

— but over time he just accepts it as something you enjoy and well, if it makes you happy then who is he to question it?

— acts like he doesn't care/isn't listening when you're rambling about the plot and how thE MAIN CHARACTER IS IN LOVE WITH HIS ENEMY AND VICE VERSA SKEJFHSJKSN but is actually fully listening

— he's actually invested at one point

"but they are enemies? why does he wanna be with him?"

"you don't get it! thats the appeal!!"

"the appeal is forcing a knife on somebody's throat?" he's laughing, "as if you'd enjoy it if i threatened you with my swords"

"... i would actually enjoy that"

he is now asking nami for loan to send you to a therapist (nami has seen you nosebleed over fictional characters and is considering giving money away to zoro for free. you really do need help.)

— as I said, he's invested now (although he does question your taste every now and then) but he'd force you to either summarize the plot to him as he trains or read out loud so he can hear the story as it goes.

— so naturally you're now sitting on his back, reading out loud as he does push-ups

— this beloved himbo has now formed strong opinions about characters and will battle you with headcanons because "there's no fucking way the hero would ever go back to the villain after that! that's ridiculous! if he does I'll sell my swords off."

— will remember the stuff you told him, no matter how trivial, so if you get off an island and he spots a keychain from your fav book series he's spending whatever money he has left to buy you it

"oh excellent choice! who are you buying it for?" the shopkeeper lady questions aloud

"oh, my girlfriend." he's smiling, "my girlfriends a nerd."

— actually looks forward to you telling him all the plot details and jokes at this point (one might call him a part of the fandom now)

— when you're a crying, sobbing mess because a character died, he's genuinely comforting you (no matter how bad he is at it)

"yn it's okay, you want some sake?" he is hugging you, patting your head like you're a child

"no 😭😭" you sob harder into his chest

"well... that's the best i can offer"

he tried. it's not his fault you don't wanna drink your feelings away.

— conclusion: he started off thinking its stupid and now he's an honorary nerd. would never admit it though. stubborn asshole.

sanji:

he's actually so pretty tho ^^

— he actually liked reading books before you even joined the crew although his tbr consists of cookbooks and auto-biographies about the people he has some interest in

— he started reading so that he could impress zeff with his knowledge on cooking and other miscellaneous stuff (imagine kid!sanji reading a book till late night under a lamp cause he wants to impress his old man that's so cute 😭😭)

— respects your hobbies when he finds out you like reading

— and then he sees your book collection. whY ARE THERE LIKE 5000 BOOKS HERE?! NOW HES SCARED FOR YOUR SANITY CAUSE GIRL WTF

— he hears you recommend a book to robin/nami once and now he's running to the nearest bookstore on the next island you guys land on to buy it

— he obviously did it to impress you and win you over but goddamn that book was actually pretty nice. so, the next time he asks you for recommendations he's actually a bit sincere

— now you're both in a book club of your own (which makes luffy mad cause why are you leaving him out of conversations :/)

— like zoro, he often asks for updates on the book you're currently reading while he cooks everyone food. he loves hearing you talk about the things you like.

— when he sees you crying over books, he is making you sweet stuff to soothe you, holding you and rubbing your back supportingly, peppering kisses to make you feel better

— he's so fine 😫😫

— anyways, also def the kind of person to ask you to roleplay things in real life

"yn-saaaan" his voice is bubbly, "can i ask you something?"

"mhm?"

"the last book you read–" his face is going a little bit red, "you think we can maybe... do that irl?"

now it's your turn to go red

— but no fr, he's so so supportive of your little hobby like yes baby! read those books and have fun imagining people in your head

— 100% matches your vibe when you crush on fictional characters cause "you're right. he is actually very attractive" (a bi king we love)

— once zoro made fun of you for reading and this was his response: "you can't even read, mosshead. the next time you speak shit I'll kick your ass."

"who said I CANT READ? AND AS IF ILL LET YOU KICK MY ASS!"

"I TOTALLY WILL KICK YOUR ASS"

now they are fighting while ussop, luffy and chopper laugh in the background

— but yes he loves staying up late, reading with you before you both cuddle and fall asleep

— you once read about a specific sort of dish in a book and mentioned that it sounds delicious so now obviously he has to go make that dish. it doesn't matter if it's 1 am at night.

— when nami asks him what he's cooking, he just smiles and shrugs, "i dunno either, im just trying to make yn happy. she's such a nerd"

— conclusion: an enabler, an enthusiast. this man is ready to buy you books and then read them if it makes you happy. only the finest for his favourite lady <3

a/n: enjoy my wayward thoughts about these fine men! m.list

[pinkpigtailsprincess]

𝜗𝜚 ݁ ˖ Summer Glow up: creating new habits 🎀⭐️ *࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ!

Hi Dolls!! Welcome Back 2 Dollies 2 Months of Summer Glow Up !! 🎀⭐️ Today im gonna talk all about implementing brand new habits in my life !!

> Hobbies !! 🎀

> Academics !! 📒

> Beauty Care !! 🧖‍♀️

> Scheduling !! ☀️

> Taking Baby Steps !! 🛼

❤︎ ໋𓈒 Hobbies!! 🎀

…: This Summer I Plan on Taking up Some brand New Hobbies to keep my self busy and learn about brand new things bc everyday is useful!! and so i can use my time more wisely some hobbies i have in mind are…

- Yoga

- Painting

- Creative Writing

- Learning Japanese + Spanish

- Reading

- Puzzles!

- Blogging

- Learning To Code

- Doll Collecting

- Book Collecting

- Sewing + Crocheting

- Digital Art

- Piano

and obvii im already a blogger but i still added it anyways i will watching videos on how to get into these hobbies and videos on learning Spanish and more Japanese, also fun fact i’ve actually been studying Japanese sine 2021 but i stopped bc it got to hard but im starting back up!! anyways, after i watch the videos im gonna set up a financial list bc i have the fund all of these but its okay bc i can easily get money!! 🎀

❤︎ ໋𓈒 Academics !! 🎀

More Goals of mine are to raise my grades in an academic space bc i do have decent grades but i wanna aim higher and have PERFECT Grades so in turn that means i must study more and have more discipline and not so irresponsible with my time!! and i also wanna study subjects outside of school bc its always good to learn something new!! now for learning tips so far i have..

- Flash Cards

- Practice Methods

- Teaching Someone Else

- Trying to explain it to a 5 yr old

- Study a Week Before

- watch ted talks on topics

- SLEEP

- write out notes

Now i Also Have a list of subjects i want to learn about!!

- drawing facial expressions + bodies

- Sewing Stiches + How to Hem and Crochet

- How 2 Draw Bodies + Poses

- Full Anatomy 4 Both Genders

- Japanese + Spanish + French + ASL

- Color Theory

- Learning Cursive + Improving Handwriting

- Expanding Vocabulary

- Religious Cults

- Case and Law

- Poison and Toxicology

- Astronomy

- Medical Surgical Instruments

- Matriarchal Societies

- Socialism Societies

Now i definitely won’t be able to do all of this all at once bc it would definitely we too stressful so im gonna choose as least 2-3 to start with and study them and just learn! 🎀🧁

❤︎ ໋𓈒 Beauty Care !! 🐬

📧: Now I already have my regular beauty care regime skin,hair,eyebrows,eyelashes etc. but im also more focused on getting weekly treatments & weekly beauty care habits like…

- Nails

- Hair

- Eyelashes

- Face Mask

- Hand + Foot Mask

And i wanna try and find people in my city that can do this especially for nails bc i would go to the nail salon but i feel like they won’t be able to do it exactly how i want it to be !!!

❤︎ ໋𓈒 Scheduling !! ⭐️

Now That im gonna be so busy i need to make sure i also stay organized with my time so it doesn’t lead to stress so ill have my regular school classes on my regular schedule then making dedicated hours to studying Things i wanna learn about + Language Learning!

My Workouts are always early morning before school in the evening hours before i got to bed so i won’t have to worry about that affecting my academics. With my Hobbies i feel like only some of them really need scheduling so ill also make time dedicated to those as well !!!!

Beauty Maintenance will probably always be on weekends for the stuff that weekly/bi weekly like face masks,manipedis,hair etc!!

and last but definitely not least!!

❤︎ ໋𓈒 Taking Baby Steps !! ⭐️

This whole process is still all new too me so i’ll definitely only be doing a little at a time and working my way up and i get more familiar with the change in my daily life and i won’t pressure my self to complete everything extremely quickly and just take my time with everything! bye bye dolls tysm 4 keeping up with me while doing this kisses 4 all of u!!! 🎀⭐️

[mamadarama]

IM SO SORRY IKEEP ACCIDNENTANLY UNFOLLOWIGN U BC THE ASK BUTTON IS NEXT TO IT 😭😭😭 i love ur content so MUCH i would NEVER unfollow on purpose omgg 😭

also anyways imjust wonderign , have u ever thought abt what would happen if yumenosaki didnt exisr inthe first place ???? like. what if they all jsut go live normal lives. or maybe if any of the major events in tthe storyline never happened. cause youre so amazing at analyzing stuff so id realllyyyyy like 2 hear ur thoughts <333 THAMKYOU!!!!! have a nice day :DD

OHH LOL OK i was like hey didnt this person follow me the other day? ive done that before too

i have thought abt that!!! i think some of them would still end up being idol adjacent? also a lot of characters grew up in the same area so they might end up going to the same school or smth anyways so theyd still know each other.

wataru is a stage/movie actor and eichi buys vip seats to all his shows until he notices him . kanata and kaoru are both marine biologists. madara is still exiled and starts traveling doing god knows what, but comes home to japan sooner than he wouldve if eichi didnt stall him during the war. in japan he continues to do god knows what. odd jobs and the like. chiaki and kanata still meet and kanata is saved from the cult. chiaki might go on to become a professional basketball player? izumi and makoto dont have a falling out bc the war never caused leo to break down, so izumi doesnt get paranoid for makotos safety. both of them along with arashi are models and leo is still a composer. arashi would also be a divorce attorney purely on the basis that i think she would be really good at it. rei retains most of his 2nd yr personality and simply mellows out a little instead of acting like an old man, and his friendship with keito wouldnt fall apart. keito is a mangaka and a teacher. hes trying to keep those identities separate but who knows how long thatll last. koga and rei still form deadmanz but keito wouldnt join. instead theyd be a duo unit until koga invites adonis to join, and this time adonis actually gets the chance to since deadmanz wont disband before koga can invite him. kaoru might join later, but its more of a hobby and his primary goal is still taking over and carrying on his mothers research. he works at kanatas aquarium. adonis is a park ranger. i think souma would be a teacher. either biology or a weapons class, or both. kuro and shu are both fashion designers but kuro would specialize in costumes and shu would do mostly high fashion lines for runways. kuro also does wrestling, he intended for it to be just a hobby but he ended up being a fan favorite so now hes better known for that than he is for his costume work. mika is shus apprentice still. hiyori is dawdling and unsure of what he wants to do, but in the meantime hes busying himself with making youtube videos (think jenna marbles). he still meets jun in school. jun is a streamer but he also has a fitness blog and works part time as a personal trainer. pretty average life but with the added bonus that he lives with hiyori, so he doesnt have to worry about money as much. nagisa is a geologist and historian. he works at a museum, thats about it. he still stayed with hiyori until he was adopted by his current family. ibara is the ceo of some company. yuzuru is toris butler still and tori is learning what he needs to do as his family's heir. tsukasa is doing the same. yuzuru and ibara dont meet again after ibara leaves the military facility. ritsu is a professional pianist, hes known for theming his performances around his vampire thing and playing creepy organ music, except on a piano. mao is a freelance photographer and a tutor. makoto continues to be a model, but also does gamedev and photography on the side. he also streams with jun and natsume and has a radio show with the rest of trickstar. anzu would still get transferred to whatever all boys school trickstar is going to, but instead of being trickstars producer shes just part of their friend group and theres no war. switch exists as a magic act, performing at events and whatnot. tsumugi also has his own fortune telling business and works as a librarian, and sora is a competitive gymnast. hajime is a botanist and works for the city managing public gardens. mitsuru became an olympic athlete. when nazuna graduated he went to college to do ...whatever it is hes doing. since there was no unit keeping them together, he was able to just stop talking to shu and they eventually drifted apart painlessly. tomoya and hokuto are actors. subaru is a solo idol. the twins street performances took off and they became a well known acrobatic duo. shinobu is a radio host and has a podcast where he talks about anime. tetora is a competitive martial artist. midori happily works as a vegetable farmer with his family.

rinne and niki live the same way they did before becoming idols, except niki has a cooking show. tsukasa secretly helps kohaku escape from his family and silently passes his allowance over to kohaku so he can live somewhere safe. as soon as he can he gets back into contact with aira. he lives alone like niki did when he was 14 and spends a lot of time in the library trying to homeschool himself. aira is still an idol fanatic but doesnt become an idol. hiiro goes to look for rinne, but rinne refuses to leave and hiiro goes home after making rinne promise hell still visit home sometimes. hiiro takes rinnes place as the next monarch. tatsumi and kaname still go to the same school but kaname never has the accident, so oremeru never abandons his identity and has no reason to hate tatsumi. tatsumi is learning to be a priest from his dad and will eventually take over as the pastor at his family's church. since es was never built on the same land as the ayase's bunker, mayoi would stay underground for longer. if he left at some point hed be a visual artist and submit his work to galleries. he probably wouldnt meet the rest of alkaloid, at least not right away.

so thats what i think would happen, more or less.

[shirefantasies]

hiiii, just wanted to say i adore your blog, and i hope you're having a wonderful day! i don’t know if im late to requesting a matchup, but if you’re still doing them, im 5’9”, bi, ace and female. I’ve played the viola for almost a decade now, even though i hate performing due to stage fright, i LOVE to read, mostly fantasy and mystery, and am a massive art history and architecture nerd. i collect house plants and knit and crochet for fun. i’m pretty shy but once i get out of my shell i am extremely sarcastic yet cuddly lol.

-🪴

Nope, they’ve been opened up! Hope you like The Hobbit because I match you with…

Bofur!

Performing your viola in a tavern, you can’t help noticing the eyes of one particular patron stuck to you like glue. Puffing on his pipe thoughtfully, he maintains an intense, beckoning gaze your entire performance. When the keep tells you you’ve a drink from a guest, there’s not a single doubt in your mind it’s from the bloke in the hat. A spike of nerves runs through you- that had been one of your first performances with an audience, and having any sort of reception only heightens the self-awareness you're trying to avoid.

Accepting your drink, you nod a thanks at the hatted patron, who naturally heads your way. "Never seen you here before," he remarks. "And you may not much still," you shoot back, "I needed a spare bit of coin, but I did not visit this town to perform." "What did you visit it for?" "To study some of the neighboring towns and help repair them. What I have always really wanted to be is an architect." Whistling, the dwarf gives a big smile, one that tells you exactly how blown away he is. "By my beard, I didn't know I was in the presence of a genius. Well, here's hoping I'll see your designs one day!" "Oh, I have some with me, did you want to-" "Bust 'em out, lassie!"

Bofur, as it turns out his name is, ended up being quite the fun company. Perhaps, you consider, you will return to that tavern after all. As it is, your work carries you deeper into town, or rather you should say its ruins. Burnt as the buildings are, though, your scans and sketches give you a good sense for the overall style and structure of the place once called Dale. A team of dwarves awaits your sketches of one of the larger complexes, accepts them, and you move on. One structure stands out to you immediately, the cutest, coziest little place tucked away at the side of a dilapidated marketplace. "Whose is this?" You ask the dwarf builders. One sets aside one final stone on the cart he is loading to reply, "That would be one of ours, actually, lass. Three fellas from the Lonely Mountain bought that one. Plan on putting in a toy shop, they said." Your heart is beyond moved. "I want to design it." "What?" "I want to design it. Can I speak to them?" Nodding, the dwarf shrugs. "Why not? Not sure what they have in mind. I'll send for them."

What are the odds that they bring forth Bofur? Grinning and still in that hat, the dwarf introduces you to his cousin Bifur and his brother Bombur. No strong family resemblance, but the three of them are clearly thick as thieves. Bofur himself begins talking up your skills immediately, calling you a master architect and a viola virtuoso to boot and making you giggle. He shows you some of their little pull-alongs and wind-ups, bringing further smiles to your face and compliments to your lips. “See?” He says to the others, shooting you a wink. “She’s even got good taste.”

They all unanimously love your vision for the shop and even help out with rebuilding, so you get quite close to the entire plucky little trio. You almost refuse all the payment they offer, giving you money for your design efforts as well as a cut from the crocheted dolls you’d let them sell. Your shelves were getting full from your hobby, after all. Each dwarf gets a handmade gift as well: thick, warm gloves for Bombur’s mining trips, a bag for Bifur to carry his supplies in, and a new scarf for Bofur, who throws his arms around you and swears he’ll never take it off. You take it as a joke, but he always seems to have it slung around his neck from then on…

They often let you work quietly, take your time to recharge and just pull you into the occasional question or joke. Thus, you’re certainly not expecting Bofur to sit at your side one day while you work, hemming and hawing and wringing his gloved hands before he finally asks if you’ve ever put much thought into settling down. “Not that a toy shop is all that much excitement, but-” Grinning, you cut him off. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Taglist: @lokilover476 @fuckyoumakeart @mossthebogwitch @ibabblealot @kilibaggins @joonies-word @stormchaser819 @pirate-lord-of-narnia @datglutengoblin @letmelickyoureyeballs @mossyskinn | Reply/Ask/Message to join 🥰

***MATCHUPS ARE CLOSED***

[davekat-sucks]

this might be somewhat offtopic, maybe not. i feel like advertisements and a money grabby world influences alot of peoples arts now a days and its quite apparent in fandom art as well.

the way people approach art is similar to showcasing a product, or a advertisement. no focus on backgrounds, no focus on story telling...

this is why you see stuff constantly with people focusing on gender identities and sexualities solely, as if its a product to advertisement. "get your new BIGENDER NEPETA DOLL" or something of the sort.

there is nothing beyond this, no story, no depth, nothing. just a product with a label. and i will be honest im so sick of fanart and art in general like this.

im saying this as someone whose a nonbinary autistic fuck but like, there is more to life than just gender identities and sexualities. i think its nice every now n then to embrace that but it feels like people are devoid of ideas? it feels like no one has anything to say, nothing to talk about. no interesting ideas to put forth. i really really dont care about lgbtq focused art like this.

like you mentioned what about stuff focusing on dave's interest in collecting dead stuff? or eridans interest in history and war? why is there no fanart on this kind of stuff? i want to see the kind of fanart that focuses on a characters hobbies, weird interests, WHY they might be into it or the weird habits they have due to those interests.

i also feel like this absolutely ties into ship art as well. it has the same essence of devoid of creativity for me that lgbt focused fanart does. cookie cutter images of characters standing next to eachother blushing in a blank void a million times over and its just kind of like... why do i care?

People think things such as personality and story come second to the characters when often times, it is needed to give audiences/readers a reason to care about them and the world they live in. All they are doing is just a checklist at times to see how progressive they are in order to get brownie points. I think why people don't go further in a characters' interest/hobbies or quirk is often because implications that may go deep the further one thinks about. For example: Eridan being into war and military history means him having a strong opinion when it comes to something like World War 2. Being the douche who is proud of what he is born as (a seadweller), people are scared thinking he might actually like Hitler. Even him reading something like Mein Kampf makes people flip the fuck out. If people want to say he draws the line at that, nobody can present an explanation of him in-character that would try to suggest he is against it. It's like people think certain bad guys draw the line at transphobia even when said villains have world-ending abilities at their fingertips or is known to be insane to harm anyone if they breathe within 3 yards. It makes all the ironic since they never do the same implications if they apply it to certain characters when headcanoning sexuality or race. Like people who blackwash Crona from Soul Eater, forgetting the fact that he was ABUSED BY HIS MOTHER. So are they fine with characters suffering even by their race or are they not? It's hard to please others these days on what depictions is okay to draw/write and what is not. Lots of ship art at least in the West, really plays it safe and only concerns to fluff and both couples being happy. Which is fine, but sometimes, relationships, from friendship and love, is a lot more complicated then that. Why isn't there much ships art or comics about one person being bad a cooking, but their partner endures it and eats it still because they didn't want to make the other feel sad? Or for the hate-fuck kind of side, have the two look badly damaged after they try to beat the partner up in crazy ways, but they still endure it because they don't want to be seen as weak or giving in to the other? Lots of people want that fairytale kind of romance where everything is nice and nothing bad happens. But at times, there is a better connection to seeing how people can face certain problems and find solutions to different situations they are in. Maybe we have been through that or it is something we are scared of thinking it could happen.

[asexuwales]

i dont know who i am

what is my identity

i like lots of things

i also dont like alot of things and i know what they all are

i appreciate some things but sometimes they dont really hit the same when i actively think about them

like shadows and such

they seem so pointless out of context

idek who im trying to be

well

im trying to be someone with a sense of self

but as a nihilist it doesnt work out too much

people say im not a nihilist because i have a job i want to do and hobbies

nihilists dont just sit around doing nothing we do get bored

but how we would love to

there isnt a point to anything

maybe were big thinkers who see too much outside of the big picture

whats the point in spending so much time earning money when it was just a system set up because we accidentally discovered fire

if you dont comply to the government in anyway the only way is jail

maybe jail is a nihilists endgame

i wouldnt mind being in jail

but other parts of me are relieved that ive finally found somewhere to belong

my insides clash i guess

growing up without a stable base or stable reliable people in my life leads me to want to find a home

but my personality wants to just give up because life is so fucking boring anyways

so why dont i give up its supposed to be the easy way out

but it really isnt

the paperwork

the possesions

the relationships

having to change my stable base again

japan has become the longest stable place ive ever had

which is crazy to think about

the longest ive ever stayed in one place is like 2 years

the dragon was 5 years but i changed house and people like every 2 years

even before i started boarding we didnt stay in a house longer than 2 years

but why do i desire a stable place to stay

was it really that awful

because i didnt notice it was awful

it was just life

idk how it would have affected me

this stupid sense of self affects every part of my life and my work

the problem i have with literally everything stems back to who am i

i really dont know who i am

its messing me up

i dont know how to find out who i am when i already know what i like and what i dont like

what am i missing

i really feel like im missing something

its not as simple as what i like and what i dont like

theres something else

that everyone else seems to have no trouble understanding

i really need help with that

but i dont know how to work around to that because everyone always stops at what i like and what i dont like

what other parts are there to me as a person

what creates a personality

INTP

im introverted i get my energy from being alone

im intuitive i activley search for new things and enjoying changing my opinion and evolving

im a thinker i make decisions logically and analyse things before i feel them

im a perciever im more random and spontaneous

but that doesnt tell me anything i dont already know

if i enjoy learning things why am i a nihilist

who do i think of myself as a nihilist if i constantly want reasons and answers

WHAT THE FUCK AM I MISSING

when i talk about my likes i dont actually like them

but when i see them i like them but i think about how i dont like them when talking about them

that doesnt include my interests

specifically naruto ive never been bored talking about naruto

what music do i like

all music music is better than no music no matter what it is

what movies do i like

dead poets society

which is crazy but its a movie about optimism

i know i dont like romance

unless i do

then i do like romance

a very specific lack of fluff but not toxic kind of romance

i wear tshirts and baggy trousers

i dont wear skinny trousers because theyre uncomfy to sit in

that's probably because they dont fir properly

but i dont have the money for properly fitting skinny trousers

they gotta have a stretch

i lie about alot of things

i paint myself as not a lier

but i really am a chronic lier

lying gives me a sense of security i think

i can control what others perceive me as

but i dont want others perceiving me

do i want control

i know people find me annoying but thats been so oversaturated in my life that i really dgaf anymore

everyone finds me annoying and theres nothing i can do about that

i like the dark

idk how to talk about things deeply

im so surface level

so why do i do therapy

i feel like i have nothing deep to talk about

because im so surface level

so why am i like this

i wish other poeple would try to understand me as much as i understand them

if im surface level why do people not understand me

maybe my worst fear is that im making all this shit to be way bigger than it actually is and that im just a normal person with some sort of victim complex

just sick and tired of life i just wanna lay down and never wake up again

i wont be losing anything when i die

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

i guess i need some. advice? encouragement? about some stuff thats been happening recently so suicide/violence cw under the cut

i won't go into detail but i had. a very huge emotional/physical/mental breakdown today. where i was just. basically screaming and howling about how suicidal ive been lately. I haven't said anything out loud/via text on the internet abt it because i know saying i want to kms so often is bad for my own well being and ultimately makes other uncomfortable as well

so yeah i've just been. holding all that in. i knew the thoughts were coming in and out the past few months but was just shrugging it off as just being stressed abt the nightmare year i had. but i really was just. lying to myself and others because i didnt want to worry anyone/didn't want to admit how horrible i was doing after a couple years of good progress. but as it stands things are heading into a really bad direction for me rn. its not normal to go to sleep suicidal and immediately be suicidal upon waking up.

I don't really know what i can really do harm reduction wise. i'm unable to have regular visits with a psychiatrist/therapist bc of availability issues + i tend to just. lie. because its easier to say im fine than it is to advocate for myself and get actual help. and even then medication will not save me and coping skills can only go so far if im so deep in it im unable to take care of myself/feed myself/clean myself/eat/etc so none of it is effective enough in the moment. i know it CAN be effective and some of the skills ive learned can help during situational issues but this is really deep rooted improperly treated mental illness and i need a stronger foundation to be able to use any of the skills

i use a means of self isolation to punish myself, because i'm so upset with myself for not being able to pick myself up on my own. people can say im not a burden over and over but theres always gonna be a catch in the end. i freak out because what if this is one of my last meltdowns before they decide enoughs enough and i just get abandoned. again.

I feel like maybe being so Online is making things worse?? but i don't know??? my concentration is completely gone even when trying to use dnd/closing discord completely and im just constantly refreshing social media every 10 seconds and just stew in the bad feelings.

I don't know if just. leaving the internet cold turkey for a bit would do more harm than good.....i dont want to be alone and caught up in my thoughts. but i have a hard time doing things in 'moderation' and don't know how to even begin to roll back my internet/screen time usage

fandom is fun and great. but i dont think i should be using video games as pure escapism or playing them 24/7. im already getting bored and unenthusiastic about the things i like because its ALL i do.... I want to have at least SOME time away from screens. i hate having the impulse the check social media or refresh even 30 seconds (im even doing it NOW) but i just dont know where to begin in cultivating non-screentime hobbies and have the ability to focus on things more long term without having than doing 1000 things all at once to keep myself busy. i play video games muted most of the time, have a yt video playing, sometimes i'll stop mid video game and pull out my ipad while still having the games open, and im always on discord

there's books i still want to read, i eventually want to pick up sewing again. im considering getting a craft set for making those beaded bracelets (my brother gets them from concerts all the time and thinks it would be fun to make them too) but that all requires money

and i just. idk where im going with this rn but. any advice or suggestions or just. words of encouragement would be. really nice rn

[sout999]

dear tumblr ,,⋋(•◇•)⋌,,

thank you so much for all the support on my top surgery fundraiser, whether it's donating, reblogging or just staying patient with while i boost the link multiple times. which i am going to keep doing! it's no understatement that this is the single biggest positive thing that's happening in my life, and the time i need your help most. so i'm making my voice heard as much as i possibly can to spread the word, and i appreciate all your help with it. it makes me feel loved as a person and not as a bunch of posts on a dashboard, i've been getting pretty isolated because of mental health stuff so even the small connection we have from your act of goodwill is really meaningful to me

i've been ok, mostly putting in work on my masters degree, although some of the 'work' included having a massive breakdown from months of burnout, and i'm currently in the middle of trying to get an extension and rework a large part of my project. mostly this is due to the subject matter of my work having had a lot of loaded cultural and personal themes, which, when being forced to think about nonstop for two years, while also moving in with the family member who is the source of a large part of all the trauma of it, was just too much. taking a stance to axe the project in its current form was hard and made me feel like a quitter but now i feel relief and realize it was an act of self love as well

so i'm trying to recover from that and see a way forward to a project i would like doing, but it's hard when your circumstances have left you this depressed. i'm also trying to become more mindful of the way i use social media because when i'm anxious i fall very easily into the numbness sink of scrolling social media just to avoid thinking... i've stared a daily list of Ten Things That Happened That Day That Didn't Happen On The Internet, although i never get to ten, and i dont think even pre-internet leon would have gotten to ten, but it's good to aim high and take notice even of the little things. maybe to some people this comes naturally but i have to be very deliberate about it. i think this article sums up how im starting to feel about the internet rn

i've cut most personal spending down as much as possible to save up to my top surgery, so i have to find fun things to do that don't cost money. i'm trying to sew because my partner knows a lot about it and can teach me (i'm currently trying to engineer the perfect underwear, weird hobby but it's actually an amazing dysphoria-buster because most store bought underwear that fits my ass is so feminine, to be able to make a piece of something so intimate be so personal is, omg, an act, of, omg, self love). i've also sold off some things to help save for my top surgery and doctor visits, i'm trying to not get rid of anything i will really miss but it's also an enjoyable feeling to imagine the item disappearing as it becoming a permanent part of my history and of my sexy flat boy body (~o_o)~

if i end up having some free time outside of my masters degree, my current dream project is making pixel assets. i think with all the cases of my art getting stolen and used without permission it would actually be really cool to put something together specifically for public use. i miss kaoani and flower banners and stuff. i dont know if i can ever make something so saccharinely cute and tidy but if anything it's a nice space to visit

did you miss me coming to tumblr to make long winded posts about nothing? hopefully when twitter falls we will all be on here reading each others paragraphs, hopefully i'll have more going on in my life and can write even longer ones. here is a nice drawing, and a link to the fundraiser once again :)

https://gofund.me/958124b6

[cannedvampirejuice]

also bc im overthinking abt this - room situations with detailed notes

ROOM A - Oberon was originally rooming with Jalter - both of them didn't fill out anything on the roommate form - but he never cleans anything up ever which drove her crazy. Eventually they had a huge blow up fight so he lives alone in his garbage now. She will stop in to grab her mail since its still delivered to that room, but the atmosphere is never pleasant. Usually once a month someone will have to "save" Oberon from the trash because it starts stinking up the hallway.

ROOM B - Mostly normal and pretty clean, the only oddity is that Asclepius will essentially study Dantes like a bug in a jar. The Caster then of course updates our favorite Berserker Nightingale on the current condition of her favorite patient. They only argue when Dantes smokes in the room and not on the ground floor (Asclepius would prefer he quit, honestly, but there's some battles you just can't win). Asclepius will sometimes keep labeled specimens in the fridge and cabinets, but Dantes lets it slide because they are always properly labeled and away from the actual food.

ROOM C - While they have incredibly similar habits due to being the same person, Junao can get distracted and will accidentally leave food out or forget to take out the garbage occasionally. Fights are incredibly minimal, more a sigh and complaint and then a resolution to do better. Their room is the cleanest by far, though the competition isn't really trying. Its normal to want a good grade in apartment right? Archer thinks so. The two also have the most guests coming and going, from Osakabehime to Karna to Constantine to Parvati and many many more.

ROOM D - Originally inhabited by just Scathach and Murasaki, Jalter now sleeps on their couch. The room is organized chaos, with Jalter's stuff filling the living room, stacks of books everywhere that don't fit in Murasaki's room, and all sorts of hobby magazines from fashion to fitness to cooking on top of actual work out equipment from Scathach hiding everywhere. Sometimes there's arguments because someone almost tripped, or broke something that was left out, or didn't do the dishes, but the atmosphere stays consistently livable. Usually just called "The Girls Room".

ROOM E - Incredibly Suspicious Mage Room. It stays pretty clean, but theres a pretty clear dividing line between their stuff. Almost like the apartment is split in two. On one half is Douman's that essentially an evil mage workshop, and the other half is Merlin's where it looks and smells like a flowershop. While they definitely tease each other they never actually fight and both consider the other a "friend" by their own definitions. Little Shikigami also fly about the main living area and Douman's room, almost like pets.

ROOM F - Somehow both compatible and incompatible at the same time. Izou can be a rough roommate to handle (leaves garbage out, occasionally breaks things, sometimes blows the money he was saving for rent on a gamble) but makes up for it in having some ok skills in cooking and occasionally cleaning. Izou also has the courtesy to usually go out if he wants to be loud and party, giving Salieri much needed alone time where he can recharge and just listen to music alone for some hours. When they do argue (usually over Izou being too noisy or an issue with rent split) it's never catastrophic and they patch it up after a few hours (usually because ryouma helps izou out).

[lonestatus]

game brought tp you by a tag from the wonderful @hackercult ^-^

favorite color: yellow i think its so lovely especially when it gets to hang out with other warm colors like red and orange and. well those are all the warm colors. but pink is pretty cool too

currently reading: been taking a break from reading while i get settled in and find a job so uh. indeed job postings

currently watching: the great big beautiful world pass me by

last song: boys dont cry by the cure. i put my songs on shuffle so the last real song i decided to listen to is the times they are a-changin' because i made a joke while playing vic3 with a friend and remembered the song so i listened to it. im brave enough to admit it.

currently cravin: pizza, burgers, and fried chicken. ive mostly been eating thai and pb&j type food lately so im actually growing reminicstnt of the stuff. but more than any of that i want money <3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

coffeeee or teaaa: coffee id love to be a tea girl but idk i never put in the effort to make the switch. but i like coffee still dont like black coffee but with a little milk and maybe some sugar its pretty good. especially if you use a french press instead of just drip coffee

hobby i wanna try: music band. ive wanted to be part of a band since i was like 8 lol never happened but ill still keep writing shitty songs. also translation i think it would be so fun to like. figure that out though im not good enough at any language to really try more than a few sentences. and lastly streaming i hardly ever play videogames unless its for an audience on account of its the only way i ever played videogames with my siblings growing up so i wanna do that

tagging @yuriyakuza @numetaljackdog @plushri GO MY TAG GAME MINIONS KILL

[youremyheaven]

I don’t think all venusians are bad but I also had a share of bad experiences with them. I don’t know if I should drag the women or the men first. I’d talk about the women first because they’re in my family and it’s a more neutral point of view than hate or a one time experience. My purva ashada stellium grandmother used to starve her children too and is extremely cheap. Tbh I don’t think she has a bad relationship with her daughters. She seems to get along with them pretty well. However my mom who’s purva phalguni moon has similar behavior as the previous ano. She’s very jealous and envious of other women constantly comparing herself to other women and she needs to be the “best looking” among others. Otherwise she lose her mind. She’s very image conscious and she’s a complete different person with strangers or my friends. She wants to be seen as the cool mom. She also assumes every single man she interacts with has some sort of romantic interest in her. She also says phrases like “you’ll never be as attractive as used to be” like even if It was true and I was a walking troll she shouldn’t be saying this to her daughter ? I also find it weird how every single Venusian woman I talk to is extremely fake ? Like they’re obsessed with status and want to be seen as higher or richer than what they actually are. They love to see people beneath them. They strive to be the best in that way. They’re very superficial and they would definitely befriend someone or be around someone for the aesthetic or for what they could get from them. They would take shamelessly from people without giving back and when you called them out they be like “I didn’t ask you to” when they truly did pressure you into it. I think for men, most Venusian men I met, they would be very polite, kind helpful and try to please me as much as possible. Like they would get interested in my hobbies and try to get close to me with some hidden intention or purpose to it. When I don’t get fooled by their act, it’s almost as their mask drops and I see another version of them that is much cruel and mean ? It’s like they want to “punish” you. They would paint themselves as the victim because you didn’t give them what they wanted or desired from you. Whatever that is. They would tarnish your reputation or come for you in settings. Now, I don’t think I had many Venusian friends (only 2 ) that are woman but they both would lie and act as if they’re “rich” even if they’re not and I already know they’re not and I don’t even care because I never bring such things up.

💀💀💀u have described so many people i know, its crazyyy,, one girl i went to college with who had Saturn in Bharani atmakaraka was just like u described. she was upper middle class at best but she wanted to be seen as rich so bad?? she'd insert random details to make herself sound 🤑🤑she spoke about how much she spent on clothes even tho she always wore the same stuff on repetition?? (im not being a hater, her comments always just made no sense??) she'd talk about how her family only fed their dog specially bought meat and it was just ??? i hated the way she spoke about money and same goes for another Venusian girlie i know, she wont shut up about money and always exaggerates for good effect?? its so cringe to me ngl. theyre also the type of people who want to put others down to feel better about themselves. I think Venusians in general don't like it when someone tries to imply that they're on the same "level" so they always put others down to establish superiority. every Venusian woman I know is arrogant and conceited in some ways. one time the atmakaraka chick told me that her dad bought her a new car and i was like ok good for you? and she always spoke about how its her car when it was actually just a new car for the fam after they disposed off the old one?? lol?

one time my friends and i were eating out and a really cute kid (5-6 yr old girl) and her mom came in, all my friends said that the kid resembled me quite a bit and the Bharani ak girl said "yeah she's chubby like you" 🤡🤡🤡first of all the kid wasn't "chubby" by a long shot, and even if she was who tf says that about a 5yr old??? she just wanted to establish dominance? and did not like the fact that others thought we resembled each other lmao?? what a complete asshole, imagine insulting a literal child and your friend?? Venusian women do not like it when other women seem to have the upper hand in any way. They are not girls girls, i have said this before and i'll say it again Venusians are the OG "im not like other girls" girl.

im so sorry you went through all that anon. i wish you healing and peace<3

[hopskipandarump]

today i woke up, thought about the group of old schoolfriends who are meeting in town around christmas, and ended up leaving the fb group they made because, to be honest, im probably never gonna go to a meetup again. i havent gone for a fair few years now, and i remember the last time i went i was just... there, i guess. i wasnt in the conversations, i wasnt really present i guess. just set dressing while everyone else talked about stuff like their jobs or their uni experiences or how life is now theyve moved out of the town or buying houses or their weddings or trying for kids and i just

i dunno

i enjoyed the time we had but i dont think i really relate to them anymore. our lives and interests are all so very different and i feel like i should have quietly stepped away earlier because i wasnt even invited to some of my (during our schoolyears) closest friends weddings

im trying not to sit here and feel like im lagging behind or beat myself up about it because im disabled. theyre not. and i have a lot in my life i enjoy even if its not the usual thing of "get job -> move out -> get house -> marry -> shit out kid" because i never was normal and there was no fucking way i was gonna follow the stereotypical life journey everyone says you have to

i have good friends who i share hobbies with, i know who i am and i know im happy not being in a relationship because the chance of me actually liking somoene that way is so low, i'll never be able to work a "proper" job and thats ok - i'm disabled and i get money to live but i still make a little bit of my own with youtube. i do keep thinking about moving out of my town or saving for a house but i have so much shit tying me to the doctors here and then i have no fucking money and the only way im realistically getting a house is i either inherit it or someone else buys it for me

idk

today is a weird feeling day

i didnt expect leaving the group to feel like a weight taken off my shoulders or anything. i expected to feel conflicted. these are people i was friends with and around for like 3 years before i had to change schools and we tried and i did like them but i think it was more friends made from proximity and fuck man idk im just venting

at least im not the first one to leave i guess, someone who was arguably closer to them also isnt in the group anymore and i dont think she talks to any of us anymore but its not like i would know given that i dont talk to them anymore past maybe one of them commenting on a tiktok or something

this isnt even going into the OTHER group from wales who pretended to put up with me when they didnt like me (other than 2 of them - which out of everyone i mentioned are some of the only people who invited me to their wedding, which i have been invited to TWICE in all the years ive knowsome of these people) and never told me to my face that they didnt like me or want to be around me and that all culminated in them just. not turning up while i waited for them at a convention. and they never replied in the group chat when i asked them where they were and the only reason i know they didnt turn up was because one of the two that i still talk to sometimes told me the group wasnt coming

[dandydanthelion]

Hii i love your apprentices :00 can you tell me more about them if you don't mind? Or link me to somewhere where you've talked about them ? :]

oh god i am not good at writing but i'll try my best

i have 3 apprentices and not all of them are equally fleshed out and the ref sheets are old, sorry about that

First up is Zaire! i use him mainly for julian's route (and muriel too sometimes). he grew up as the eldest brother to his 3 siblings. he was the golden child and he never really grew out of his need to be "perfect" and great at everything. so he sometimes overwork himself. his father is a magician, mainly uses his magic in culinary (like mazelinka), and thats where zaire learned his magic from. his mother was a merchant and both of his parents weren't home for much so zaire had to take care of his siblings. and that made him a great cook and an even better caretaker.

he has a journal and has a beautiful way with words so he occasionally write poems here and there. his sense of fashion is anything that is black gold and red, refuses to wear other than those colors. hes quite high maintenance and spends way too much money hoarding jewelleries.

for his overall personality, he could be quite the intimidating one at first glance because he has a resting bitch face but he's actually pretty good at socializing and he's pretty charming once you actually get to talk to him. once you know him well enough, you'll find out that he can be snarky and smug. hes pretty confident in what he does and how he carries himself.

like asra, he mainly uses water magic. his fursona is a wolf (the Alexander archipelago wolf to be exact) and his familiar is a flying fox. this is not in his reference sheet but hes an ENFJ.

heres a lil bonus design i made for julian's reversed ending

next up is Aries!

TW: mentions of SA and abuse!!! (in the indented paragraph)

they were actually my first apprentice back in 2020 and i originally used them for julian's route. tho i basically changed their whole personality from their 2020 version. i love to switch up my apprentices for different routes but aries is mainly for lucio's route for now.

in my previous post of their dynamic with lucio, as much as a shitpost that was, its still pretty much accurate for their personality. they can be quite dense but yk thats okay. they're optimistic and easy-going. everyone assumes theyre a cinnamon roll and could never do anything wrong but theyre that knife cat meme. kinda like asra but more chaotic and just a lil morally grey (be gay do crime). also theyre unhinged when theyre seriously pissed off.

now im gonna talk about heavier topics (that i mentioned in the tw) in this next paragraph.

growing up, they didnt really have the best childhood. when they were a child, they had to witness their adoptive parents fight and it was because of their mother. in their previous life, they had a (supposedly) romantic relationship but their (ex) boyfriend was abusive and aries had a hard time learning that those abusive behaviors werent normal (they did grew up with a mother who was an abusive wife). unfortunately, those abuse led up to SA and much worse.

even in those first 3 years after being resurrected and them not having their memories from their previous life, traces of their insecurities that were caused by their past can still be seen.

they were originally a gardener that also sold their plants, and one magic plant after another is what got them interested in magic. though their magic is actually fire related. their hobby is tailoring and they actually embroidered the flower pattern on their white shirt.

i didn't write it on the ref sheet, but i do intend on making them arospec! lucio (or any other m6, depending on the route u choose) is actually their first love.

their fursona is a rabbit (the lop rabbit to be exact) and their familiar is a draco aka the flying lizard.

i havent drawn their Lucio's upright ending design and their devil design yet but i'll do it... eventually.

and lastly, is dahlia!

now im so sorry for this but i dont use her that often (you can probably tell) because lucio refuses to leave my head and julian doesnt know how to get out so they're both stuck there. i use her for asra, nadia, and portia's route.

i havent really thought much about its bg story but anw here's what i got

out of the three apprentices, dahlia had the best childhood. it used to travel a lot in its early 20s, occasionally performing in taverns. she plays the lute and has a low and beautiful, warm voice which she only uses sometimes because shes shy. she doesnt perform in her first 3 years after being resurrected because of her social anxiety which the whole resurrection and amnesia thing dont help.

it is very smart and quick-witted but oblivious social cues. she keeps accidentally getting herself into trouble which she has no struggle getting out of. in her previous life, she got interested with magic from all of the magicians she met during her travels then she ended up dating one but thats another story. her magic is mainly water related.

her middle name means "full moon" and her moon earrings actually match up with the current phase of the moon. she doesn't really know how to... fashion so she just tends to wear a lot of black. its quite messy and unorganized so basically that combined with asra's messiness is just not good. overall shes very sweet, quite reserved, so easy to fluster gal. shes gremlin coded but has the opposite personality of a gremlin.

i didnt put its mbti there, but its an INFP. both her fursona and her familiar is a rat.

okay i think im done, i hope this isnt too much but

@sasha-is-annoying, tysm for the ask!!