#im not sure how i feel abt it at this point | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vaflyaposts · 2 months ago

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beekudeeku

hey look theyre wearing matching outfi- gets shot

#this one has been in my drafts collecting dust for sooo long #since ch424 leaks i think #im not sure how i feel abt it at this point #if i tried changing smth id probably scrap the whole thing #so whatever #bkdk #mha #bnha fanart #my art

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lotus-pear · 1 year ago

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yeah sure therapy is nice but teen soukoku is faster and a lot cheaper

#LITERALLY STILL IN SHAMBLES OVER 109 THIS IS HOW IM COPING #thinking abt how much harder teen skk hits bc that's when chuuya started using corruption and they had to learn to trust each other #like with their lives.#not ''hey dazai i'm lending you five bucks so you can get me a coke from the vending machine i trust you'll give me the change''#although i'm sure that's happened and dazai runs off with the change despite being explicitly told not to bc he's an ass #anyway despite not having mutual understanding or even sympathy for the other person they entrusted their lives to each other #also the fact that chuuya isn't likely human but so desperately wants to be and dazai is the tether to his humanity #likewise how dazai was so traumatized to the point where he couldn't feel human #but meeting chuuya made him think living was worth a shot #the parallels are paralleling #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #soukoku #skk #lotus draws

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puppyeared · 4 months ago

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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION #listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc #time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our #own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that #and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt #wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal #whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it #i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in #the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time #but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every #day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more #of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts #i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head #than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well #being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own #like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it #and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo #and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience #the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes #no offense krobus #yapping #stardew #stardew valley #puppy plays sdv #sdv #this game has me by the ankles man

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tinyfantasminha · 25 days ago

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would u guys beat me up and throw me in a ditch if I said that i've been thinking about leona for a worryingly amount

#this halloween event was ... interesting.#leonas card made me sick in my stomach i legit cried actual tears bc i didnt get him 😭#so intelligent and big bro coded and hot ugh imgonna pass out #tbh i was always a stannie since day 1 but. i dont feel comfortable at all with how some leona fans behave #im pretty sure all of my leonayume moots have received anon hate at some point #so like uh. never been loud abt him because of that #i wanted to be more open about how hes my 2nd fave and all but ((: i've seen some shit and im not sure if i wanna step in this minefield

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saturnniidae · 5 months ago

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Modern au with a strong theme of Hiccup coping with his leg better than all the people around him and it's low key pissing him off

#hiccup haddock #what.. im not projecting #anyways woke up w a shit ton of notes n ideas for my modern au i dont remember writinf so thats cool #rotbtd modern au #i feel like he'd be more traumatized from [undecided event that caused the injury] than the fact he had an amputation #and would be obviously frustrated about such major changes in the way he does things but #itd be different than the like conern (pity) other ppl show #he makes a leg joke and stoick just looks at him sadly/uncomfortably or ppl stare like 'do i laugh or..?'#(obviously. people generally dont make jokes abt their disabilities out loud if theyre not okay with you laughing 😭)#the point is the way hes treated would be wildly different in a modern au especially one not taking place on berk #my aus #moth.txt #lots more thoughts on this n the feelings he will have (in a fic i may or may not write) but im struggling to articulate them #mainly is the frustration though. frustration with yourself but moreso how the people around you suddenly change their behavior due #to your disability and Not in a good way.#the balance between learning to accept help and coming to terms with it but also not #letting people coddle you or making sure they know when they overstep #etc etc etc. like i said: struggling to articulate it but its just a very specific Feeling #httyd modern au #deyas dragons

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arundolyn · 2 months ago

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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode

#crow.txt #the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god #can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done #be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else #i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later #i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now #what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today #including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus #like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted #and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn #its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care #but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either #bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual #and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just #walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was #guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm

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odysseys-blood · 5 months ago

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no actually it is kind of a wonder to me how pb is operating with whb like it is bc. arent yall also hosted (i believe anyways im not sure if their partnership w/ erolabs goes beyond that) by another company w/ SEVERAL gachas under its belt. so whats goin on here. nobody taking notes? are we doing market research? is anyone even play testing. hello. its so dark in here

#cliffnotes/.txt #whb #LIKE. atp im just here to see how long it lasts #not even a full year yet and honestly it srarted going downhill december....#i feared back in march they were gonna be trying to do passes monthly and its not a good look. thats like ~60 per month #thats a bill payment.#even subscription based mmos dont cost that much.#and lets be frank the game is not of any sort of quality that justifies $60 for a jpeg (and imo a lackluster side story)#like sry u can only use the company size as an excuse for so long and i will never dickride a company ever #but its. man.#i am interested in the game and its characters and story if we could GET TO ITTTTT #RAHHHH #atp im like is anyone trying to make sure this game lasts. it feels like its gotta be fully aware sabotage now #bc these choices arent making sense unless the point is truly just a quick buck #theres some useful little changes here and there but. man #it get overshadowed by the greed real quickly #i dont even care abt beel either just on principle. this is. a real head scratcher.#also this has been in my drafts since may if that means anything.#i just rewrote my tags 😭

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elftwink · 4 months ago

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have a new mental disorder im naming transit blues where im perfectly well adjusted [citation needed] right up until i miss a bus by one minute which triggers a depressive spiral so bad that the only reason i do not kill myself is because i know in 3 hours ill be literally fine again and actually mildly embarrassed about the suicide ideation at that point

#good idea generator #bus drove away without me #i also dont wanna hear it from anyone abt how tasteless suicide jokes are bc im not joking #suicide ment /#like im fine. im fine because i will be fine in 3 hours as mentioned in the post #one of those things where the trigger is so nothing that my behaviour is extremely unreasonable #and everyone assumes im overreacting for comedy #but i dont really wanna be like no this is a serious problem for me #bc it is a deranged problem to have. and probably indicates underlying issues i need to address #but also the internal experience at this point is borderline boring #ohhhh booo you want to die? you want to kill yourself? yeah thats what u said last week and u werent serious then either. bozo #and the worst part is im not serious. but i am serious. but also i know im not serious #i feel like im a teller at a bank that keeps being robbed at gunpoint by the same guy #and at this point im pretty sure its just blanks. but i still gotta take him seriously just in case this time he'll really do it

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snekdood · 1 year ago

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bitches be like. i hate vegans so much that i’ve decided i like killing animals and its fine and i dont feel bad and animals dont have feelings and its fine and im cool subversive and different and edgy and like to post fucked up stuff to make vegans uncomfortable bc im just so cool

#you sound like every cishet republican man to me #you're not a Cool Subversive Leftist you're literally regressing by seeing animals as just objects of your pleasure and thats it lmao #im sorry but you dont just get to throw out all of veganism. it does infact have some roots in leftism.#you can sit there and cope with the fact you agree w some vegan talking point by calling it 'animal welfare' all you want #doesnt change the fact that a lot of those ideas in those circles were formed by vegans.#damn woooah vegans arent a monolith and dont all agree on the same shit woooahhh who knew #literally i have no idea how we even got to this point or how this would be surprising.#when i was on vegan twitter bitches were arguing all the fucking time within it. ur really gonna sit ther en tell me they're all secret #eco fash that hates native ppl and people who have to eat meat? ya sure???#you would think the individuals on tumblr- of all places- would understand how frustrating it would be to be grouped in with the worst #members of their community as if you represent them and are the sole spokesperson #you'd think they'd hate when someone jumps to conclusions about them based on their lifestyle #but naur. i think yall take it too personally. as if a vegan just being in a room is somehow trying to force you to be vegan.#literally grow tf up.#if a vegan being in the same room with you triggers feelings in you that you Have to stop eating meat- i really think thats a you problem #bud. homeboy hasnt even spoke to you leta lone look at you and apparently you feel this weird pressure now #idk man dont you think that pressure might be coming within?? maybe.... you do infact feel things and feel a lil guilty abt eating meat?#not telling you to stop... i still eat meat here n there. but at least im honest with myself about how it makes me feel to do it.#its infact normal to take a second to think about the loss someone made in exploitation to provide you with whatever.#if you can let yourself feel a lil guilt about buying a fast fashion thing you can sure as fuck finally extend your fuckin empathy to #animals and stop treating them like objects or toys.

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 4 months ago

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danny talking about how resentful she became when nobody who she self-sacrificed for cared when she died and then leaving kirsch with laura and carmilla bc "if he stays with me i might lose control again and kill him" kinda confirms my thoughts abt both newly-turnedness and anger making vampires more vampiry

but also makes me think that in more usual circumstances, when the dean turned vampires like carmilla and mattie, that shes really nice at the start to temper any of that unruly anger

#we dont have a lot of info on her usual mo i guess but im thinking a lot abt how it mustve gone with carmilla #i dont know if she was a special case or if this is usually generally how it goes #i suppose you dont necessarily need a lot of new ones do you. if youve got one vampire seductress in working condition #mattie had her role on the board #danny was just for end of the world purposes i think. opportunistic turning. to replace will perhaps #but im thinking abt how at first the dean and carmilla were kinda close. and i have no illusions abt what that meant for the dean like #im sure it was just to control carmilla. play into what she needed to ensure centuries of loyalty. and that kinda worked until elle #and looking at mattie i expect most of them will eventually start rebelling so i wouldnt be surprised if she did smth similar with mattieto #just 1000 years earlier. and at our point in the story mattie is doing strained coexistence with her right?#carmilla is well in mattie's view rocking the boat once again for a cute girl #thats so funny oh my god. iconic. take the first lesbian predator archetype character and make it so that she keeps #rebelling against the evil BECAUSE shes so gay #like literally thats her entire motivation 'of course i was just doing it for you' oh my godddd hfkjhgjhghj ICONIC #i love her so much i love her soooo much #what was i talking about. oh yeah so i think the dean in usual circumstances is very nice at first and spoils her new vampires #to foster allegiance #god carmilla must just have been so happy to have someone care about her and be nice to her i think #every thought i have abt 18 yo carmilla is so sad #but i can imagine those early years/decades of her and the dean travelling around. mattie there too maybe not all the time #but enough time. mattie there too specifically also to make carmilla feel wanted and make friendship so she wouldnt rebel #to guide her through her young vampire years probably! damn yeah i bet that was mattie who taught her all the tricks #mother isnt a vampire and i dont see her really caring. i think mattie probably taught carmilla the do's and don'ts of vampiredom #and they had fun! they had fun with it. they had cruel fun being vampires together. i think carmilla was just happy to belong #maybe mattie was happy to have a friend too idk if she had many. not many vampire friends anyway. she seems to have fun being a sister #anyway. just thinking aloud #carmillaposting

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luvrxbunny · 1 year ago

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by clicking ‘keep reading’ you’re submitting yourself to the risk of shock from my thoughts. proceed with caution. and no judgment pls

okay so listen. listen i KNOW- i KNOWWW that oscar isaac’s wife (who i don’t hate only cus he loves her so much) but i KNOWWW— I KNOWWWWW SHES NOT FUCKING HIM AS MUCH AS SHE SHOULD

this man should be walking funny cus is cock is so sore. she should be all fucking over it. she should legally own it at this point. i would. he cock would somehow fuse with my pussy cus of how much he’s in there. it’d become part of his routine to the point where he has to factor sex with me into his schedule. he’ll have to plan his hours in a way that lets him take breaks from work just to fuck me because i’ve trained him to need it so bad.

i shouldn’t be seeing this man in public ever. his every moment should be with something on his dick cus he deserves it-

this goes for pedro too btw- he should be fucking left and right. women should be lining up to be his sidewalk but 🤷🏾‍♀️

these women don’t know how to act. like the fact that they have exes is insane. the fact that these women didn’t just like- idk chainthemupintheirbasements or something like that. like how did you let this man go roam the streets? RAAAAAHAHH

i cannot tell you something i wouldn’t give up for anything with these men.

omg take me to paris PLEASEE

they can literally abuse me all they want. i could literally be their trash slut as long as they give me attention omfggg

#im so high idk what i’m saying #i’m sure i have a point tho #ugh #these men have a hold on me like no other #pedro pascal #oscar isaac #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #oscar isaac hernandez estrada #high 🐇#pedro pascal smut #oscar isaac smut #i feel weird writing this abt them cus they’re real people but ITS HOW I FEEL #IM JUST SHARING MY THOUGHTS IM NOT WEIRD #my thots #randoms w bun!!

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ayyponine · 8 months ago

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Same venue. Same-ish crowd. Opposing seasons. Contrasting vibes.

#me #sometimes you have a few beers and yr feeling yrself. sometimes you feel too much like yourself and consider leaving early #for all the talk of yearning and intricate rituals let me tell you. a drunk girl sidled in right in front of me and the sense of rage i-#her and esp the guys she was with got kinda rowdy in the pit later on shoving each other also into the crowd whom did NOT want part of that #its a lot of people in a small room and at this point i was already further back and against a wall let me tell you #i think if someone had touched me i might have snapped fr #still had an ok time though once i got over feeling super embarrassed about my self and dared looking other people in the eye lol ah #one thing i do like abt the culture is the genderneutrality of it all... the most long and luscious locks in the room belong to some guy #and i can show up in sport bra and oversized shirt no typa bag no makeup wearin black laceup boots that could be m or f #my gender is uh. dont worry abt it lets just turn off the lights and vibe #got talking w someone tho who said she recognised me frm a diff event & i didnt much like that idea.. im not in the mood to be Perceived at #the venue IS p cool tho... like oo at a forgotten space on the other side of the tracks. by the water. by the skate park. yea #edit HOW could i forget. the rowdiest of drunk guys got either shamed into stepping out or str8 removed fr a lil while im not sure lol #and another guy wantedto crowdsurf but only 2 of his friends came to the stage to get him so he just kinda. crawled on top of them #and they awkwardly took a few steps carrying him round the vacated front. none of the crowd wanted shit to do w them lmao

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 1 year ago

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idk sometimes there is a certain absolute horror to be had when you snap out of it for a brief moment to remember how abnormal it all is

#this is specifically about the experience of feeling clothing soaked with blood and realising you did that to yourself but also other things #like to the doc today i said something about 'that's normal' and he said 'it's very much not'#which. yeah i knew. i was trying to explain how it felt to me. but his point was valid #idk emotions are going weird today #personal #tw sh #and in case you're wondering no i have not harmed more than the once tonight im just. still thinking abt it #also see: the horror when you're watching for how much blood and it refuses to bleed for a time and just sits and gapes at you #yes i promise none of these have absolutely required stitches or i would get stitches. but they get by #ugly scars? sure theyd be neater stitched. but also no #imagine facing the doctor after that! 'yes sir i know i promised i wouldn't bring seirous harm to myself for these two weeks however'#puddleglum hours

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 5 months ago

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yeah these guys were never friends and only see each other as coworkers

#<< THE MOST INTENSE SARCASM EVER #FUUUUUCK #idk why this convo hit me so hard #maybe bc its another “stop being so passively suicidal” convo and those always always get to me. side eyes at jay and gillion . .#anyway. NOT going to make thid about jrwi. but holy shit dude. BIG frowny face. but just bc im emotional and not bc im not having fun #because i LOVEEEEE shit like this. yeah. sit on the couch and watch tv and not think about all the terrible shit you just #said to each other and went throuhh and. man.#even just. the little tiny detail od taylor sleeping in her contacts ans realizing she doesnt have her glasses anymore.#that hit me so hard that was so real. and then she laughs because its such a small issue innthe face of everytjing else #but it means she cant read brians facial expressions so she isnt really sure how hes looking at her while he says all of this and.#MAN. MANNNNN. HORSE STARING OUT AT THE OCEAN #reaction time #having a LOT of feelings abt these twooooo #still holding out hope that they dont make it romantic. i need this to be a platonic relationship so very badly (< the aromanticism talking)#but GOD. dont fucking kiss each other please that would make tjings so much worse and complicated.#anyway. not the point. but also kinda the point

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dragonji · 2 months ago

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have to be honest guys its actually going Really Badly again.

#j.txt #vent #barest thread holding me back right now and I dont even know what to do to fix it besides trying to repress it as deep as possible #I'm just. so overwhelmed and tired and frantic all the time. Work is giving me authority positions I didnt ask for and am not paid to do #my family is insane as always and I'm extra on edge around them bc I can just sense the impending fallout-#from when they realize Im taking hormones. Not that that is actually happening yet bc my insurance is fucking me over #the pharmacy keeps pushing back the date for getting my t (should have had it 3 weeks ago. did not happen.) and I might end up having to pa #nearly Two Hundred Dollars for i dont even know how much of a supply bc of the fucked insurance thing.#And I cant even talk to my therapist about any of this bc my old schedule wont work anymore but I cant get in touch with the office to #see what other openings they may have. and some of the weird nebulous resentment-inducing stuff with my old friends is coming back bc #I hung out with one of them recently and it somehow it Still hurts like a fresh wound despite how often I tell myself Im resigned to being #treated the way I am. I barely have time to spend with the friends I do still have pleasant relationships with so I cant even talk through #any of it like that. and to round it all off my dysphoria has gotten so agonizing of late bc i finally had hope i would be on hrt #but. gestures at earlier topic. my hopes of that are being quickly and brutally slaughtered so.#its just. like genuinely what is the point of any of it. how is This what my life is supposed to be. I know I dont deserve very much #but surely I havent sinned so terribly as to earn misery like this.#and I'm not even strong enough of will to *** about it. pathetic really #I just want one day to feel even neutral abt being alive without having my feet swept from under me by some new unbearable Thing developmen

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bowtiestash · 5 months ago

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one of the things i find funny now with my past shitty dnd experience is the fact that the problem player only seemed to really care about their own character, and whenever they drew dnd art it would look like this:

#theres a lot of things i find funny whenever i think back on it #its fun to clown on them even tho back then i had so much grief #i dont really like to reminisce on the shitty things that happened but its fun to laugh at how stupid it was #i AM kinda dunkin on their art but its bc they were like 'OGHH I LOVE ALL THE CHARACTERS' but then showed close to no interest in other pcs #they literally treated it like their character was the Main Character and was the center of the world #it was very reflective in their art.#other things i find funny: how they obviously cheated their rolls #they averaged ... 18 i think?#meanwhile the second highest was 15 and everyone else was within 2 points lower of that #and also their infamous '...for what exactly?' question when they questioned me 'getting in the way' of their rp #even tho i was rping my character and having them stop their pc from doin things due to clash of motives #also. i was a text rper. LMAO #ITS JUST SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE WDYM 'FOR WHAT EXACTLY' LMFAOAOAOAOOO THEYRE THEIR OWN PERSON WITH THEIR OWN MOTIVES.#skypeaks #im so glad i dont feel shitty abt it anymore. its just so fucking stupid #like yeah it affected me but now im WELL past the point of being mad abt it its just. Funny.#on that note tho i hope that whomever this person has hurt can heal as well. bc im sure those other people have had to deal with WORSE imo #i think all things considered i didnt have it that bad. i just had a small taste of their shitty behavior #EDIT: i might make more small doodles with this experience. its just funny to recall so who knows

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