#im not saying bucky is selfish or whatever

[lnsfawwi]

"he is willing to die for everyone": life and death for stevebucky

I wrote this because I saw a post that said something like "'A's willing to die for B'. A is willing to die for everyone, what's the big deal about the ship." it's not about stucky or any ship, but this has always been on my mind.

throughout the trilogy, they have quite different attitudes towards life.

steve to some extent has always been ready to die, partly because he has had brushes with death multiple times since he was a kid. as rebellious as steve, he probably feels like being afraid of death is a sign of weakness, so he stands up to it and dares death to finally take him. that sentiment evolved to full blown passive suicidal tendency after bucky's death. another reason is that since he became cap, he understands that he's meant for something larger than life and certainly larger than himself, he's accepted that he'd one day die for the greater good.

bucky is the opposite, he clearly wants to live. in the cut scene in catfa he ordered the unit to surrender bc they'd have a better chance of surviving that way than going up against hydra alien weapon. after caws, he was trying to find a reason to live when many people in the same situation would've just ended it (and bucky thought about it too).

which brings me to my point. for someone who's so ready to sacrifice himself, bucky is steve's reason to live, while the love for steve always trumps bucky's will to live.

like I pointed out in a previous post, even when he had no idea what he was capable of, steve jumped through fire for bucky. whereas when it was peggy who pleaded, begging him to find a way to survive the plane crush, he didn't even try.

in the same scene, bucky, who just survived weeks of torture and had a clear way out of there, refused to leave without steve, knowing full well that they could both end up dying.

sebastian made it clear that bucky only stayed because of steve. in a way, bucky knew that if he died it'd be for steve, not for the country or the greater good, just steve. and that's the only acceptable way to die in a war that he'd grown sick of.

yes, steve was willing to die at bucky's hands in that helicarrier, but alternatively, he was also leaving the choice to live completely up to bucky. the scene can be interpreted as steve telling bucky "if you remember me, save me. save us." there was only one way steve would survive, there was only one reason steve would be willing to live and that was bucky. remember that steve was so ready to die with bucky when he told maria to "fire now". bucky was the only reason he even tried to survive this.

in civil war, bucky had been trying so hard not to kill himself and build a normal life. he must've wanted to go back to steve at some point and rebuild their relationship together. but as soon as he realized not everyone was going to get out of siberia alive, he told tony "I remember all of them" so tony would go after him instead of steve. he was trading his life for steve's.

one thing about superhero ships is that, yes, they are totally willing to die for anyone. steve would totally be willing to die saving a single person from a collapsing building, but bucky is his reason to find a way to not die saving that person.

bucky is as much as hero as steve, he continued to fight when he could've just butted out and no one would've said a thing. for bucky, he wants to go home after the fights, but as long as steve is still out there risking his stupid ass, bucky will make peace with death and follow steve anywhere.

[wienerbarnes]

Italian Heart

Pairing: Bucky x Italian!MobBoss!Reader

Word Count: 4,867

Warnings: canon level violence, possible inaccurate italian slang lol

A/N: ive been watching a lot of the sopranos lately and i feel like ive never seen a bucky x mob boss reader au (ive only rlly seen em where buckys the mob boss. if there are ones where reader is the mob boss PLS SEND EM TO ME I BEG) a lot of the slang and mob stuff here is from sopranos bc... im not in the fucking mafia so forgive me anyway enjoy :)<3

MAIN MASTERLIST

Bucky’s never seen a woman quite like yourself.

Dressed in expensive satin and jewelry that hangs between your breasts, an angry look on your face at the fact you’re sitting before him and Sam in an interrogation room in the tower. Freshly done nails, clean and crisp lipstick, spicy perfume, and an expression of annoyance.

As put together as you look, you don’t look like someone to be fucked with. Which, he supposes is good for a mobster; the Boss of Newark.

Looking at you, though, he’d never thought you to be such a figure of intimidation. While the mafia is still alive, despite how the media tries to deny this, he always pictured an old Italian man that chain smokes cigars. He doesn’t think he’s too far off, to his credit; he can smell the remnants of smoke on you.

“Mind if we make this fast? My cousin’s comin’ for dinner and I was gonna make ziti.” You huff, crossing your legs under the table.

“Sounds delicious. Sorry for dragging you all the way out here.” Sam says, a calm look on his face even though he’s well aware of what you’re capable of.

When hunting down the last traces of the super soldier serum, he never thought Nick Fury himself would suggest getting in touch with you. He didn’t think it was worth the time to question how the two of you knew each other.

Theft. Drugs. Murder. Bribery. The list goes on, and there’s not a single thing that ties you to any of it.

A shrug of your shoulders, “So, what exactly is this about?” You ask.

“What is it that you do for a living?” Sam asks.

“I work in waste management.” You respond, a rehearsed answer.

Not exactly a lie, the environmental facility you manage is one of hundreds of covers used by your crew for your crimes. Environmental facilities, deli shops, strip clubs, auto shops. There isn’t a business in Jersey you aren’t tied to.

“Waste management? Like, garbage disposal?” Bucky asks, knowing exactly what it is you do for work.

You smirk, “Yeah, we dispose of garbage sometimes. What’s that got to do with me being here?”

“It’s to my understanding that you’re in the business of… buying and selling things. You and… the people you hang around got a real knack for it.” Sam tells you.

Bucky holds back a roll of his eyes. More like stealing and selling. Expensive Italian suits, antique watches, cars, electronics, illegal cigars. Who knows what else.

“I don’t know where you heard that… but I’m a popular gal, maybe I know a guy who might know a guy. What are you lookin’ for?” You ask.

You know this game, after being in the mob for so long. After being a part of your own crew for years, your patience and hard work paid off, working your way up to a captain and finally a boss. It didn’t take you long to learn in this business that government officials are jokes. Always wanting to bust my balls and then come crying to my corner for help, it’s a bunch of ugatz.

“Serums.” Bucky finally speaks.

A laugh escapes you, “What, like vitamin C?” You teasingly smirk at him.

His chair makes a loud sound in the small room as he pushes it back harshly and stands, resting his hands on the table in between the two of you. You don’t flinch.

“Enough with the bullshit. Super serums. To create super soldiers. We need to get them before they end up in the wrong hands and make a big ass mess.” He snaps at you, but you don’t seem phased in the slightest. In fact, you seem rather amused.

“You must have a lot of agita with all that anger, Sergeant Barnes.”

He doesn’t hold back this time and rolls his eyes before you speak up again, “Your first name is James, isn’t it? Ain’t that Italian?”

“No, it’s English. Or Scottish. Or Jewish - I don’t know, who cares? Are you gonna help us or not?” Bucky takes his seat again, crossing his thick arms over his broad chest.

“What’s in it for me?” You ask, leaning back in your chair.

“Not being arrested for all the shit we know you’re caught up in.” Sam offers.

You roll your own eyes this time, “I’ll take my chances. Thanks for wasting my time, boys, don’t let it happen again.” You stand, prepared to make your way back to the train station to go back to Jersey.

“Wait,” Sam stops you, “What is it that you want?”

You smile innocently and take your seat again, taking a minute to think before answering, “My little sister’s a big fan of yours. I’m sure she and all her friends would think it’s cool if you showed up to her prom as her date.” You wink at Sam.

Silence fills the room as the men think about your request.

“You’re gonna do it, right?” Bucky looks over at him and sees Sam rubbing the crease in between his eyes. He was expecting you to ask for immunity, protection, money, guns. But after hearing your request, he supposes you have enough of all that stuff anyway.

“Man -” Sam begins to refuse.

“Sam, it’s a fucking school dance in exchange for some of the most powerful and sought after serums on the planet - go to the fucking prom.” He tells him, eyebrows scrunching in confusion as to how he would hesitate on something so simple.

“She’s eighteen, so you won’t have any problems with the media or none of that.” You add, the information not really making Sam feel any better.

“Alright, alright, fine. I’ll go to the dance with your sister if you help us get these serums.”

You smile, happy to have done business with the two men, “What information do ya got for me?”

…

Bucky and Sam wait outside a back room in the facility you own. They passed the garbage trucks parked neatly outside, but could hear your screaming and the smell of Cuban cigars as soon as they entered the building.

She’s with a customer, they were told, by someone in your crew, them meeting Bucky’s expectations for mobsters more than you did. None of them ask any questions, but Bucky and Sam aren’t stupid, they’re sure your crew is aware of what’s going on and know the exact reason they’re there.

“You’re a fuckin’ asshole, you know that? The Bible says, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit -”

“You listen to me, you take your Bible and your quotations book and shove it up your fat fucking ass! Now get the fuck out of my face!”

Bucky can’t help but scoff listening to you scream at whoever’s inside. Sam elbows him, silently telling him that now isn’t the time to find your work funny, especially not in front of the rest of your crew.

Bucky knows he’s old-fashioned, and while things that were taboo such as body modifications or certain fashion styles don’t phase him anymore, he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to hearing a woman talk like that. He doesn’t think he’s ever even heard anybody talk like you do.

Suddenly a man bursts out of the room, huffing and puffing, and you walk slowly behind him, as if to make sure he makes it outside okay.

“Grab his plate for me, will you?” You say not to anyone in particular, voice smooth and calm as if you hadn’t been yelling and threatening that man’s life for the past twenty minutes.

One of the men from your crew follows outside, seemingly to collect the license plate of the man who just left.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to that guy, right?” Sam asks as he and Bucky enter the room, taking a seat in front of the desk you have in there. He knows there’s no point in asking, that you’ll do whatever you want regardless because it’s obvious you’re passionate about receiving respect, but it was worth a shot.

“Is that what you came all the way to Jersey to ask me? Christ, I’m fuckin’ starving, you boys want anything to eat?” You ask, accent heavy as you reach into the side drawer of your desk and pull out what seems to be some kind of meat wrapped in paper.

“Gabagool?” You offer to them, picking out a slice for yourself and placing it in your mouth.

“Gesundheit.” Sam responds.

“It’s pork, you asshole.”

Bucky silently reaches over and picks off a slice of the cured cold cut, putting the meat in his mouth and savoring the flavor. While he can’t stand the way you make a living or the sailor’s mouth you have, he loves Italian food, and actually chose a neighborhood in New York that has plenty of traditional cold cut markets and restaurants to live in in order to fulfill his cravings.

“There’s a big party staged downtown this weekend, we think that’s when the drop is going to happen.” Sam tells you, bringing the focus to their reason for coming here in the first place.

“I’ll send one of my boys.” You reply in between your chews.

“That wasn’t the deal. The deal was you get the serums.” Bucky speaks up.

“Buck, you know how many people want her dead?” Sam tries to reason.

“What the fuck do I have a crew for then? - No, if pretty boy wants me to do it myself, then I will. The same people that want my head are the same fucks who are terrified to be within twenty feet of me in fear they’ll make eye contact. I’m not scared of nothin’.” You say, narrowing your eyes at Bucky.

“What did you guys come here to talk about?” You ask.

Sam looks confused at your expression, “...To go over the plan? Hash out details? So you know how everything’s gonna go?”

“I’ll be fine; I’ve seen The Godfather once or twice,” You tell him, wrapping up the cappo, after Bucky picks off one last slice, and replacing it in the drawer, “Don’t worry Captain, this ain’t my first rodeo. I’ll get the serums for you.” You open a different drawer and pull out a cigar and a lighter.

Bucky watches as you place the large cigar in between your red-painted lips, bringing the flame of your lighter to the end and hollowing your cheeks until smoke exits from the corner of your mouth. Bucky feels blood travel south as his eyes glaze over your hand grab the cigar out of your mouth and blow out a long string of smoke.

“I guess we’ll be in touch then,” Sam stands and Bucky follows after.

“My sister’s wearing blue, so find yourself a nice tie.” You call out, lifting your feet up to cross them on the desk, dress rising and showing your legs.

Bucky blushes, and then laughs as he exits when he hears you, in a deep and more exaggerated accent than your own, “Just when I thought I was out… they pull me back in!”

…

The morning of the party, Sam and Bucky pick you up from your house, planning to take you into New York to discuss final details before tonight.

You get in the passenger seat, Sam offering it to you and climbing in the backseat. As Bucky begins to drive off, your phone rings.

“I told you to leave that.” Bucky says, telling you explicitly to leave electronics here to prevent anyone finding out where you are, and also to avoid any distractions.

“Wanted to see what you’d about it, Sarge,” You wink at him, pulling out a flip phone and answering the call.

“Yeah… Uh huh… He what? Are you fucking kidding me?... Alright… Tell him not to move a fucking muscle.” You hang up, slamming the phone closed.

“Stop at the facility for a sec, I gotta take care of something.” Bucky sighs and turns away from the route to head to your facility.

“Bucky’s going to be going with you tonight, by the way, he’ll be in disguise. Just in case anything goes wrong.” Sam tells you, not really caring anymore about having to make a stop for you to take care of whatever business you need to take care of.

Your only response is a hum as Bucky can feel the anger radiating off your now tense body.

You slam the car door shut as Bucky parks behind a garbage truck outside, not even waiting for him to fully put the car in park before you exit.

Him and Sam follow quickly behind you to see what’s going on. You enter through a side door that leads to a large room, a garage for the trucks, Bucky assumes.

There’s a large truck inside, and racks of suits wrapped in plastic scattered around. A younger man stands near the truck as your crew peruses around the racks, he couldn’t be older than twenty-five years old. Your heels click on the ground as you approach, slowing down as you glance between the suits and the young man. Bucky and Sam hang around a few feet behind your trail.

You stop, fuming, staring at the man before you speak, “You wanna tell me what the fuck happened?”

“I -” He begins, but you cut him off, raising an open hand at him.

“Actually, I don’t even want to hear your fucking voice right now. Because if what I heard you did is true; if what you did to Vinny’s guy is true, you’re gonna be a fuck load of trouble.”

“Can I -”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“But -”

“I said shut the fuck up, Christopher! What part of that don’t you understand?” You yell, and even Bucky feels intimidated.

You turn to your crew, “What the fuck happened.” You demand, more than ask.

“Kid says he tried to take the truck, Vinny’s guy had a gun that fell outta the seat, went off, shot him.” One of the men summarizes, not looking up from the rack of suits.

You raise a manicured hand to pinch between your eyes, “You keep me skinny, Christopher, with all the fucking stress you cause me.”

“Would you let me explain?” He tries.

“If you don’t do as I told you and shut your fucking mouth, you’re gonna be buried with two assholes,” You threaten before continuing.

“They were fuckin’ suits! All you had to do was take the truck! How did you fuck that up -” You stop yourself and sigh, attempting to calm yourself down.

“Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna take all this shit, you’re gonna take it back to Vinny, and you’re gonna tell him what happened yourself.” You finish.

“Marone!” He exclaims, rubbing his face with his hands.

“Enough with the theatrics! You’re lucky I don’t put a bullet in your ass! Now, I don’t see you grabbing that rack and that rack and that rack and putting it back in the truck!” You wave your arms around the room.

The kid sighs and begins grabbing the racks one by one and rolling them back in the truck.

“Would it be such a shame if they all went back?” An older man from your crew asks, already wearing one of the expensive suits. You scoff and laugh.

“Bucky, pick yourself somethin’ nice for tonight,'' You turn to face him, and he jumps at the sound of your now calmer voice being directed at him, as opposed to the harsh one used on Christopher, “On me.” You wink.

...

Sam and Bucky sit on the bed and watch as you get ready. A small apartment near the party that’s already been swept for bugs. A favor, you called it, from someone you know.

They don’t question it.

“You and Bucky will go in together and I’ll be waiting at a secondary location watching and listening to everything.”

Bucky can’t tear his eyes away from your dress. A mermaid dress, he thinks it is, black and tight and hugging you in all the right places, curving around your ass and sleeveless at the top, allowing you to show off a nice necklace and your cleavage. It’s an understatement to say that he’ll enjoy accompanying you tonight, even if it’s in a costume.

His mother probably would’ve loved it if he would’ve gotten with someone like you. Someone who loves their family, a spitfire that wouldn’t take any of his shit, and whose god damn gorgeous. She might’ve had to wash your mouth out with soap, though.

“So, why is Bucky goin’ again?”

“Safety.” Bucky answers.

“Is he going for my safety or am I going for his?” You tease, finishing the last few curls of your hair, smoke coming from the iron after each time you pull your hair away from it.

“Once you find our guy, get talking with him and see if you can get him to make you an offer,” He begins.

“One I can’t refuse?”

“Then, you’ll try and get him alone, see if he’ll show you the serums, and once you do, we’ll be taking care of the rest.” Sam finishes explaining.

Bucky plucks a box from his pocket and opens it to reveal a pair of diamond earrings. One, a camera, and the other, a microphone. You’re also given a comm to hide in your ear so both him and Sam can hear everything and you can hear them.

“Easy - peasy.” You respond.

The ballroom is lively, loud music and people everywhere, and Bucky attunes all the action overwhelming him to a sweat and not that fact that you’re pressed up against him, his arm wrapped around your waist.

About a hundred different people come up to greet you, asking about your family, offering you drinks and food. Bucky can see right through all of them though; they’re all putting on the act out of fear. Everyone’s attention is on you, and Bucky’s sure if he wasn’t in disguise right now, no one would even notice.

You bring him to the middle of the crowd and he can’t be surprised when you start to dance with him, pulling at his arms to get him to loosen up. He complies, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close as the two of you move together.

“I’ll let you know when I spot him.” He tells you, voice causing goosebumps to rise on your neck; goosebumps that he notices but doesn’t point out.

It only takes a song or two before he spots who he’s looking for and sends you over, making sure your com is on, and choosing to stick by the bar, giving him a good view of you and allowing himself a break of having your body pressed against his.

He’s impressed listening to you talk to this guy, voice smooth and sultry, yet still commanding.

He knows there was a lot of talk when you took position as boss; not a lot of people in the mob took you seriously and didn’t think you or a woman in general would be good in that kind of position in power. So, you use that to your advantage to get shit done, and Bucky applauds you for that.

It’s not long before the guy offers to go somewhere more private to discuss business and Bucky follows far behind, Sam praising you through the coms from where he waits in the car outside, watching through the camera in your earring.

Bucky waits outside of a closed office door upstairs, listening to the conversation through the coms but hearing your exclamation through the door when the guys give you his asking price.

“5 mil each?! What do you take me for, some kinda stunad?”

“Take it or leave it.”

“Take it or leave it, yeah, I can put a bullet between your eyes and take it, alright.”

“Stop messing around and take the offer, it’s not real anyway!” Sam tells you, not wanting to lose their chance on the serums.

You ignore him prioritizing your need for respect over the stupid mission, “How do I know these aren’t Kool-Aid pouches poured in glass bottles?”

“Well, I’m certainly not going to test ‘em out for you.” The guy scoffs.

“Stronzo. You’re outta your fucking mind offering me that.”

“I’ll lower the price for you if you give me a little dance, how ‘bout that?”

“Vaffanculo.” You curse at him.

“Up yours, lady!” He yells back, and Sam sees through the camera, he grabs at you.

“Buck, get in there.” Sam tells him, and it only takes Bucky a second to kick open the door.

He’s a bit taken aback when he not only sees the case of serums out on the table, but you holding the man bent over the small table in the middle of the room next to the serums, gun held to the back of his head.

He very quickly decides that you’re fine and moves to grab the serums, closing the case and holding it securely in his left hand.

“Don’t kill the guy.”

You stay silent and Bucky looks at you again. He can almost see the steam coming out of your ears and he notices a small cut on your cheek bone. He looks down to the man’s cowering figure and notices a large ring on his hand.

You mumble something in Italian to the man, a threat of some kind that Bucky can guess given how the man shuts his eyes and shakes a bit under your hold. Sam finally enters the room, military grade handcuffs in hand.

“Feds are on their way, get her out of here.” He tells Bucky.

You slowly lift the gun off the man’s head and stand up straighter, walking over to brush past Bucky in the direction of the back door.

He makes eye contact with Sam and gives him a nod before following after you, watching as you scrunch up the bottom of your dress to replace the gun in an ankle holster. Once outside, he stops you under a street light near the car and raises his hand to look at your cheek.

“We gotta get going,” You swat at his hand.

“You’re still bleeding.” He says, using his thumb to brush away the line of blood, smearing a red tinge on your skin.

He looks into your eyes and for a second he sees the tough exterior drop. The face of someone who got smacked across the cheek all for mouthing off at some asshole.

Your vulnerability doesn’t last long, though, as you sniff and walk towards the car, opening the passenger door and sitting inside before Bucky can make it over there to open the door for you.

The drive back to the apartment is silent, and Bucky doesn’t know what to do or say to fill the silence. Stepping into the apartment, you immediately go to change and collect your things. Bucky moves to the bathroom to look for a first aid kit of some kind.

He meets you in the room and you’re now in cotton pants and a large t-shirt, sandals on your feet showing the bright red color of your toenails and the lines indented in your skin from how tight your heels were. You’re hanging up the dress and zipping it back in the cover when Bucky drops the first aid kit on the bed.

“Christ, it’s only a small cut.” You mumble.

“Just - Let me, would you?”

He takes out the liquid of disinfectant and soaks a cotton pad, cleaning off your cheek bone with it before covering it with healing ointment and a bandaid.

You don’t thank him when he finishes and he huffs as he closes the kit, “When do you drop the act, huh?”

“I don’t.”

“Really?” Bucky asks in annoyed disbelief.

“No. People tend to try and have me whacked when I drop the act.”

He sighs, “So, what, nobody ever takes care of you? Treats you? You don’t have any days off? Time to be yourself?”

“This lifestyle doesn’t really allow me to have days off, Sergeant Barnes.” You snap, gathering the dress in your hands and turning to face him completely.

“Take me home, I’m tired and my feet hurt.”

You leave him in the room and he waits an extra few seconds before dropping the conversation and following you out.

...

Bucky opens the back door to the environmental facility with his right hand and sees the door to your office open, you and your crew sitting together surrounded by cigar smoke and he can hear a TV on.

“Sir, please step into the vehicle.”

“Like the cop would be callin’ this asshole Sir if the fuckin’ cameras weren’t around!” You wave a hand at the TV, not yet seeing Bucky standing there.

He finds it funny that the gnarliest criminals - the literal Mafia - spend their time watching shitty, scripted cop shows.

It’s been about two weeks since the mission with you where you retrieved the serums. Sam went to prom with your sister five days ago, which was hilarious for him, especially when he got photo prints of different sizes in the mail at his apartment. He didn’t bother thinking about how you found his address.

One of the men sitting next to you glances his way and sees him standing there, smirking at the vision of him; hair combed slightly back and to the side, and a large bouquet of flowers in his right hand and a small paper box in his left.

“You got company, Boss.” He says.

You look over to the doorway and your jaw drops in an open-mouthed smile.

“Look at googootz! Now this is a man that knows how to treat a lady, are you boys paying attention?” You tease, scurrying over to him and pinching one of his cheeks, resting your free hand on his large bicep to guide him into the room, the rest of your crew ushering out to give the two of you privacy.

“What’s in the box?”

“Cannoli.”

You throw your head back with an exaggerated moan, “You know the way to an Italian woman’s heart, Sergeant Barnes. What’s with all the gifts?”

“Thought I’d treat you.” Is all his response is.

You narrow your eyes at him and stand up a little straighter, crossing your arms over your chest.

The last conversation before he dropped you off that night hasn’t escaped his mind. He understands the difficulties of life - how it’s hard to find time for yourself among the busy schedule that is existing. He catches himself sometimes, too, forcing his body to run with no sleep, burning through all of his energy until he’s completely drained and blaming it on life.

But life’s not always like that. Life allows for days off. For treats. For a bit of kindness. And Bucky’s come to show you just that.

“What, a beautiful woman like you never received flowers and pastries before?” He says, taking a half-step forward to be close enough to look you closer in the eyes.

“Are you flirting with me?” You whisper in amusement.

His eyes glance away from yours to look down at your red-painted lips. He gives you a shy smirk, really turning up the charm. For a big, bad, boss, you’re pretty easy to break down.

“Let me take you out tonight.”

“Maybe I’ve got plans.”

“Cancel ‘em.”

“What makes you think you’re worth canceling plans for?”

“Why don’t you trust me and find out?”

“You should know by now, Sergeant Barnes, that I don’t trust.”

He doesn’t respond for a moment, setting the box of cannoli on your desk before reaching his now free hand up to your face, using his finger to brush away a stray hair and push it behind your ear.

He then takes a hold of one of your hands, turning it over to place a kiss on the top of it, before wrapping your fingers around the flowers in his other hand, forcing you to take them.

“No restaurant you’ve been to a hundred times over, no drama, no business. Just a man trying to treat a lady.” You look down at the flowers before meeting his eyes again.

“I get to pick the place.”

“No.”

“The kind of food.”

“No.”

“The -”

“No. Let me take care of everything.” Bucky insists, determined to get you to give up control for the first time in what he can only imagine has been a very long time.

Bucky knows better than anyone how terrifying it is to give up control. It was terrifying when he was forced to give up control, his free will taken away from him in the war for decades upon decades, but it’s terrifying even now when he has to do it as a free man. It makes a person vulnerable. When was the last time you were allowed to be vulnerable for somebody?

“I’m gonna pick you up here at six. Wear something nice and leave the executive attitude at home.” He finishes, leaving you with the flowers and cannoli before returning back outside, ignoring the stares he receives from you crew who wait patiently outside your office.

He feels your eyes follow him at the door, and he can’t wait to sweep you off your feet tonight.

[steveandbucky]

steve’s ending is never ever going to sit right with me, ignoring the fact that I don't think for a SECOND he'd voluntarily choose to go back in time 80 years and leave behind everything he's come to love about the 21st century bc fuck, man, steve would love it. he literally says so in catws. he may be nostalgic and he'd probably want to visit, if he was able to, to just see people who are long gone - his mum, the howlies, peggy - but he'd come back and im sure about that. besides, steve abandoning his best friend since childhood? sam, wanda, the rest of the team? make it make sense

but actually, even the way he just up and left without saying anything to anyone (aside from bucky, supposedly, off screen). extremely out of character. its literally him running away, which is the one thing he never did? all through engdame he's been running away like a coward. if he's tired of the fight, if he wants to retire, pass the mantle, wouldn't he stand up and say so?

it would have been so satisfying to see, as an ending to his entire character arc. to stand up to the world, the govt, the military, shield, whatever - whoever the avengers are accountable to these days, idk the movies dont make it very clear - and say no. im done.

to choose himself. to come full circle and realise he doesn't have to keep going back to the fight, he doesn't have to give any more of himself, he doesn't owe the world anything more because he's saved it over and over again.

doesn't that actually give him some goddamn character development? from the little guy who had something to prove, who felt the need to lay down his life, as if it's what he needs to do to be less of a burden to the world who treated him like he was disposable, a nuisance, a nobody. to give something back for daring to take up space in the world as a disabled man who had nothing else to offer. to the weary soldier, realising for once in his 38-odd-years that he's a person whose life is worth more than what he can give to others.

it would be so nice to see him be selfish for once. to say ive given enough. im enough. i choose myself. i don't owe the world my life, my happiness, i don't have to sacrifice anything anymore. to look them in the eye and dare them to call him selfish. dare them to make him feel guilty about his choice.

i think he deserves a happy ending. he's not been given the serum and the shield and the status and job security in exchange for his humanity. he deserves to get to live out the rest of his days surrounded by family and friends and a small army of farm animals. to do the things he loves and find himself a new job that'll help him heal.

only slightly related, but this is also why i don't vibe with deserumed steve. aside from strength and height and the superhuman speed and increased intelligence... the serum actually healed his ailments. why would you take that away from him? he doesn't deserve that. he deserves to be able to breathe and hear and see and heal and be in good health im sorry but. he can keep the serum and choose to retire willingly. that's it

[mayraki]

mayraki’s 2.4k followers celebration 🕊

so i hit 2.4k the other day and because i haven’t done this in a while i wanted to do one, miss interacting with every one <3 and i decided to name these as a couple of favorite chase atlantic songs so enjoy my comments on each song as well :)

✧✶∘↝ ↜∘✶✧

friends: (you better sing this song with your entire heart and chest or else is on sight mf) send a pic of your celebrity crush and i’ll rate them

slow down: (this song is the best one out of all of their songs and you can’t change my mind) i’ll give you a picture of my pinterest that reminds me of you

right here: (this song is so fucking sexy it always makes me feel things) chase atlantic lyrics are sometimes deep as fuck so send me this and i’ll give a lyric

swim: (is the way mitchel says “i’m swimming” so out of the breath for me) give me six things and i’ll create a tiny moodboard for you

devilish: (my wattpad series is named after this song that’s how much i like it) let’s spread some love, talk about your tumblr crush

the walls: (i want to make out with this song on the background) give me a compliment because im a selfish bitch (i’m gonna give you one back don’t worry)

church: (i— no words) this is only for +18 what’s the best phrase you’ve ever read in a smut? let me hear it

paranoid: (i could hear mitchel singing with his raspy voice all day, yes please) let’s talk about whatever you want about these fandoms that i’m currently in (marvel, obx, harry potter) can be theories, a character that you like, unpopular or not opinion. literally whatever

too late: (HAD YOUR GIRLFRIEND IN MY HOUSE FOR TWO DAYS— that’s it) the usual games, would you rather fuck marry kill cast your mutuales

oh mami: (this is whore city welcome) if you want you can talk to me about whatever you want, your life, something to get out of your chest, ask me for advice, anything you want :)

you can join in anonymously if you want! <3

tagging some mutuals: @sortagaysortahigh @germanmilfs @stfulahey @dmonchld @cognacdelights @chloesapogue @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar @annab-nana @acvross-the-universe @fleetwoodsmacabitch @fuckyeahmattytkachuk @heybarzy @x-lulu @butgilinsky @bricksatcaleswindow @the-nightmare-before-bucky @love-chx

tagging some mutuals :) @stfulahey @sortagaysortahigh @germanmilfs @x-lulu @heybarzy @bricksatcaleswindow @butgilinsky @annab-nana @acvross-the-universe @cognacdelights @chloesapogue @dmonchld @jellyfishbeansontoast @fleetwoodsmacabitch @fuckyeahmattytkachuk

[angstysebfan]

The Truth Will Set You Free - Part 7

Pairing: Bucky x Female Reader, Thor x Reader (other Avenger characters)

AU: Modern

Summary: You dated for two years, and thought he was the one for you. One day you came home and found him with someone else. After running away from you, you return home and found yourself in the arms of Thor. When Thor decides to introduce you to his friends at a dinner, you realize that there’s something familiar about the house you were visiting.

Warnings: implied cheating, language (not proofread)

--

You sit in your living room, ignoring the TV in front of you. You think about everything that has happened over the last several days and can’t believe the whirlwind you have faced. Who knew when Thor brought you to meet his friends, you would be faced with the horror that was your old life. Only then to find out that Bucky never cheated on you.

You don’t know what to think anymore. You care so much for Thor. He has been so patient and kind, and you know he cares about you, maybe even loves you. Then there is Bucky, who was your first love. The man you thought you would be married to and have a million babies with. But do you still hold that love for him?

You decided to distance yourself from both of them. Of course you spoke with Thor, who completely understood why you needed space. You decided to not reach out to Bucky, as you told him when you spoke you needed time. Knowing him, you knew he would reach out when he couldn’t stand it anymore. In your distance you decided to try and not think about it, at least for a little while. You needed to destress before you could even think about what to do.

As you sit there, “not thinking about it”, you hear a knock on your door. You get up, hoping and praying it’s not Bucky, because you are so not ready for that conversation. You open the door to reveal yet another person you really didn’t want to see. You say nothing and just stare.

Shuffling her foot against the ground she asks quietly, “Can I come in?”

You open the door wider and allow Nat to enter your apartment. “How did you find me? I don’t remember giving you my new address,” you say flatly. 

You see her gulp and again look down, “Uh, Thor actually gave me the address,” she says.

You are honestly shocked he would do that, but keep your mouth shut as you sit back on the couch. “So what do you want?” you ask.

She takes a deep breath as she sits, making sure to keep space, “I-I told everyone the truth. Something that I should have done years ago. I just... I just want to apologize again for.. ruining your life in the process of my bullshit,” she says.

You give a breathless laugh, “Yea, ruining my life is a pretty accurate summary of what you have done to me,” you say. 

You look at her again and see the pain in her face. You sigh, so tired of drama, “How did they take it?” you ask.

She looks at you in surprise of your question, “Well. They all still want to be my friend. They were upset with me about what happened with you and Bucky, because I took complete responsibility for that, but they all accept me,” she says.

You nod, “As I knew they would. Which is why I still don’t understand why you would hold onto that secret knowing what happened between you, me and Bucky,” you say, annoyed.

“I wish that I could give you a reason and make things better, but honestly, Y/N, the truth is I was scared. I didn’t want to accept that it was my fault. I didn’t want to lose any more friends, when I already lost the most important one in my life, and the second most important one,” she says.

You look at her confused, “The second?” you ask.

“Bucky kicked me out. He stopped talking to me. He finally spoke with Steve after I came over and apologized, but he still refused to come to most hang outs if he knew I was there. It took almost 2 years before he would be in the same room as me,” she said. 

You look at her in surprise, unable to comprehend what she just heard. Nat continued, “Even now he barely talks to me, but at least he will hang out with us. Him asking me to meet to tell you the truth was the first time he has spoken to me in a very long time,” she says. 

You knew at this point, you keeping your distance was going to be short lived. You had to speak to them both, but you still needed to time to figure out what to say. You still had more questions that needed answers, especially after this news. You look at Nat, “Well, even if you were scared, it’s not right to make me look like the bad guy. You and Bucky just let me look terrible to our friends,” you say.

You remember what Steve told you, and knew that you said, wasn’t 100% true, but you wanted Nat to feel bad after everything so you said it. Nat nodded, “You’re right. I’m selfish. I always have been. I liked being the center of attention and I love having people love me. When I thought that could slip away, I made sure it didn’t. When I knew Bucky wasn’t going to say anything, I decided to keep my mouth shut too. I never thought I would see you again. I know that sounds bad, but it’s the truth. I--” she stops and sighs.

“I loved you. I would have loved to have you love me back. I was ok with being your best friend because it gave me a piece of you. I would have stood beside you at your wedding and allow my heart to break into pieces to see you happy. When I ruined that? I- I lost myself and decided that if I couldn’t have you as a friend, then... I turned back into the selfish bitch I was. And all I can say to you is that I am so sorry. I know it doesn’t make it better,--”

“You’re right it doesn’t. Because while I can understand you being nervous and afraid to tell the people that you love that you are not who appear to be, it doesn’t give you the right to throw me under the bus to make yourself feel better,” you say and then scoff. “You say you love me, but I honestly don’t think you know the first thing about love, because you would never have let me reputation fall like that if you loved me,” you say.

Nat looks down at her hands and you see tears falling. “You know we can never go back to the way things were, right?” you ask her.

She refuses to look up at you but nods as the tears fall. You sigh, suddenly exhausted, “Whether I am with Thor or.... whatever, we cannot be friends. I will still hang out and will acknowledge your existence, but that will be all for a very long time,” you say.

Nat chokes on a sob as she nods, finally looking at you. “I--I understand. And no matter who you choose, you will have a man that loves you, and I promise to stay out of the way,” she says.

Before you can respond, she stands and walks out the front door. You sit there in silence for a moment before you finally cover your face with your hands and cry. If that was so difficult, how are you going to deal with your next decision?

--

Part 6 / Part 8

Sorry this took so long and was so short. I needed to get Nat’s part finalized so that we can now focus on the guys. Now who will she choose? I have heard your thoughts, and I have to say I am on the fence. We shall see in the coming parts. Feedback is appreciated.

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[autumnrory]

i wanna preface this by saying im a fan of bucky but christ bucky is the manic pixie dream 2015 wattpad self insert protagonist type character of the mcu cap fandom and i 100% think its bc hes a hot white cis man who's enough of a blank slate for ppl to both obsessively over analyze every little moment he's in and to fill in all the blanks with whatever they want. im not bashing anyone or saying its necessarily wrong to have a blank slate but i wish ppl would just. calm down abt him a bit lmao

(also as a continuation of the bucky anon i just wanna say that this is like something ive noticed over years of being in the stevebucky fandom with how many ppl esp in fic and stuff just make steve play second fiddle in his own relationship and either dumb him down and mischaracterize him so bucky can be the Smartest Best Special Boy or make him an all forgiving saint with no needs or desires so he can be bucky's crutch)

oh my god that last bit about mischaracterizing steve and bucky being a saint sdfks YEAH it happens a lot, i think especially when there's some sort of steve/bucky/peggy love triangle in the mix

but yeah it did get frustrating at a point bc it was understandable post catws when ppl were writing fics and all they really had to draw from was catfa and the flashback in catws to draw from, and post catws bucky wasn't gonna be exactly like that version of himself, even if he was getting his memories back. but post cacw it's like, okay bucky HAS a personality - and fandom has been saying for years that he doesn't, like you are right that he's just enough of a blank slate to take some liberties, but he DOES have a personality in cw, the problem is more that bc it wasn't actually a captain america movie, steve himself didn't get as much focus so bucky especially didn't get as much as he might have if we'd gotten an ACTUAL cap 3 - so it's like. come on y'all can write him as a real person, you don't have to write him as being more in love with steve, you don't have to write him as a perfect angel who's So Good for loving steve despite whenever steve fucks up, which like, again, in fic are often kinda like, would steve be dumb in that way bc i don't think he would! obvs there are different ways to be smart but steve IS smart

i think part of it also has to do with sebastian and that's another thing that does kinda bug me. like let me be clear i do like sebastian and he is a fantastic actor, but he's one of those ones where ppl just yell about how he's the best actor and i don't think it's actually that he's performing better than most of the actors around him in the mcu, it's just that the character he's playing has all the trauma - as if the other characters don't, we just don't see much of it onscreen lmao - so ppl think that makes him more talented than everyone else (kinda think it was the same thing with dylan o'brien on teen wolf he'd shed a tear and ppl would yell about how he's the best actor in the world and fandom used that to push the main character of color to the side and forget about him in favor of the white sidekick ANYWAY that's bugged me forever though i can acknowledge my fave teen wolf ship is half dylan o'brien's character)

but yeah i think it's gotten somewhat worse since endgame bc fandom really loves the narrative that steve is terrible and selfish and bucky is an angel now, even though......y'all like bucky bc you were fans of the captain america trilogy so how can you buy into the idea that steve would do anything he did endgame. but like so many of those supposed fix it fics? would have steve going back to peggy for a WHILE and coming back to be with bucky - i skimmed one bc i was wary of the summary or tags or both and it was like steve came back as an old man and was like "yeah i spent my life with peggy and now i wanna start over and do it with you, you guys can just de-age me like you did with scott in the time machine :)" (as if that wasn't an accident would they even have been able to figure out how to do it on purpose??) that one was horrible - it's like, at that point, if you think steve sucks and bucky is a baby angel with no spine, why do you even want them to end up together? why on earth WOULD bucky be with steve after these kinds of actions? i don't get it

another thing, like i know sebastian outright said he played it like steve and bucky had had a conversation about going back in time - i think he said the directors told him they did like it's not onscreen! come on! i know you don't have to see everything onscreen but...actors/directors saying it doesn't make it canon - so like yeah obvs watching it, it looks like bucky knows about steve's plan before it's revealed to the audience - and hello, endgame steve straight up lied to everyone else about coming back after he returns the stones like how do y'all think it would be okay for him to ONLY tell bucky and not sam, his other best friend - but like idk, my thing is, just bc they said steve and bucky had a conversation, does not mean it's true, you could just make the argument that bucky knew what steve wanted enough to know what he would do - though let's be clear, the endgame ending is NOT what steve ever wanted in mcu canon lmao - it doesn't mean this conversation actually happened because why else would they re-exchange the "don't do anything stupid till i get back" thing if they both knew steve wasn't going to come back unless it was just for show, which still, like, they're the only ones who knew what they said to each other before bucky shipped out in catfa? anyway this bit probs wasn't relevant to anything you said but it BUGS me

anyway yeah i love bucky but you're exactly right about how fandom interprets him and his relationship with steve it's all just Annoying

[writefasttalkevenfaster]

Arranged Chapter I (Poe Dameron x Reader)

Pairing: Poe Dameron x F!Reader (no Y/N)

Rating: None for this chapter (series: E) 

Word Count: 4,004

Summary: Prince and Princess of your respective planets you both agree to wed, not for love, but for advantage and the public cannot know. But there’s only one problem -- the two have never met, not until your wedding day. 

A/N: so this has been several months in progress. I’ll be tagging folks who liked my original post (if you don’t want to be tagged, just shoot me a message!). there’s a lot of set up in this chapter, but i promise it will pay off. I hope you give this series a read b/c its really something special to me. Special shoutouts to @laneygthememequeen, @bucky-of-the-opera, and @mrsrafaelbarba for all the support!!! 

"Come on Poe, you cannot have seriously agreed to this," Poe Dameron did not bother to look from the mirror, eyes concentrated on delicately tucking the wide end into the knot before pulling it down into a nearly perfect loop. But why then, why did it feel like he was tying the noose around his neck before his long walk to the gallows? The dread his stomach certainly sat like it - twisting his guts into a kriffing useless knot, much like the one around his neck. 

"I already agreed to it, Finn," the knot hung a little crooked - well perfect enough - just as his life was, "long time ago." 

Was it that long? It was an instant. An instant that he went from sitting in his mother’s lap in her x-wing, listening to her hum, as she flipped switches and steered the ship across the sky over the Queen’s palace. The quiet buzz of the engine lulled him sleep, until she would rouse him as they swooped in for a soft landing after the daily patrol of the perimeter. The oranges of the sky now inky black, nothing but a glittering scattering of stars and distant planets he knew nothing of. 

And now, he was stuffed in a stranger’s all too stuffy suit, tying a tie, and his feet cramping in tight shoes - and as he stared at himself in the mirror - he barely recognized himself. Probably because he definitely didn’t choose these clothes. A tradition - the bride’s family chooses the groom’s clothes. As he resisted the urge to squirm in his aching feet in his shoes, he wondered if they were hoping he couldn’t run with blue and purple feet. 

“Two weeks isn’t that long ago,” But two weeks wasn’t when he decided. Two weeks ago was when he confirmed it - confirmed that he would do anything to please his Queen, the person who took him in when he had no one - when he had lost everyone. And this - this wasn’t a loss - it was a gain. A gain, of another at his side. 

Finn shook his head, heaving a sigh,  “Just tell me, tell me you’re not just doing this for the agreement.” 

Was it the agreement why he was doing this? Yes, the troops the neighboring planet of Shar could give could end the war, the relief from supplies could stop millions from starving, and the bloodshed, the one that had stained his hands for all too long, could stop. He could finally stop — stop waking up in cold sweats from the images of broken children haunting him, the ghosts of families poking and prodding at his subconscious, until he begged for mercy. It could stop. 

An offer like this didn't come around twice. Except that it did — and she had said no. 

His Queen. 

Queen Leia Organa, his mother by all intents and circumstances, received an offer for an alliance a long time ago, and all that was needed was a hand in marriage - and since Ben's hand was already promised - it only left him. It was considered and mulled over and examined time and time again. The Queen couldn't deny the offer was favorable — especially with forces stirring, plotting, scheming in the background. But in the foreground was her son. Barely old enough to read, much less decide on an offer of marriage. She said no, because at that time, she had the choice. 

But this time, she didn’t. And neither did he. 

“I’m not just doing it for the agreement,” he intoned, mustering up a small smile, “Even if I am, as my advisor, shouldn’t you be trying to make sure I go through it?” 

He saw Finn frown at him in the mirror,  “As your advisor, I’m trying to assure you aren’t making a rash decision,” he paused, before adding, “and as your friend, I’m trying to make sure you’re not being a kriffing idiot.” 

“According to you and Rey, aren’t I always?” he laughs, but it echoes hollowly in his chest, and for a moment he allows himself to feel the weight of his decision - he would spend his life with a stranger. Would they grow used to each other? Would they hate each other? Or worst of all, would they mean nothing to each other? And then the counterbalance weighed in - the war, the shortages, and his mother. He turns to face Finn, “I know it’s the right decision.” 

“How do you know?” 

He only smiles, “Because Queen Organa wouldn’t have agreed to it otherwise.” And he hopes that’s true, hopes it’s enough. 

“We should get going,” Finn says, but his words don’t register. Not really. Instead, Poe stares out the window, and nearly just out of sight, the very tip of the pavement of the landing strip peeked through, the end of an x-wing barely visible. It would be so easy. Too easy to sneak out of here, feet pounding down the pavement, slipping past every guard, until it was too late to stop him. His head against the rest of the pilot’s seat, thrum of the engine buzzing in his ears, and he would be gone. He would fly somewhere, anywhere he did not have to be responsible for the lives of so many people, somewhere he did not have to follow his duty — somewhere he just could take care of himself. Instead of everyone else. 

Finn claps him on his shoulder, and he's ejected from his fantasy, “Hey, you okay?" And a small voice nags at the back of his head, after the war, after the war, after the war. Maybe things could be different - maybe he could be free. Things change. People too. As do commitments to treaties. Alliances fall and rise with only the flick of a royal’s finger, and why couldn’t his life too? “We can’t be late, it’s your wedding after all.” 

Then why, he thought as he steeled himself, pushing himself to take one step after the other, why did it feel like my funeral? 

~~~~

The march from his quarters to the hall was a lengthy one. One in which every doubt rears its unwelcome ugly head again, whatever seemingly committed front he had put up to Finn shattered in its wake. Now his eyes just looked for exits. Whatever instilled duty and steadiness he had long abandoned him as he left his room, now leaving only with traitorous thoughts and antsiness in his fingers. But eyes — eyes were watching him. Even now as he walked towards where the procession was waiting for his arrival, he felt the gazes of every guard he passed, every servant, every nobleman fall upon him with smiles and well wishes. And imagine what those smiles would be if they could hear his actual thoughts? How quickly those smiles would turn to scorn at his own selfishness? How fast those well wishes would turn to hissed sneers? The math was simple. A single hand to save many. A choice with only one right option. But why did he want the wrong one? 

But why was it wrong? Why was it wrong to want to want to have a choice? Why was it so wrong to want to choose who to love? 

It wasn’t wrong, he swallowed the lump in his throat as he spotted the procession standing at attention, the colors of the Resistance in full thrust, he just didn’t have a choice. 

Or rather he did. His family and his planet or a chance at an unknowable future. 

He gave Finn a nod, before facing the procession, striding forward to take his place. And he would choose his people - every time. 

~~~

“Add more color to her lips,” The Empress of Shar ordered sharply, smoothing her tone over with a saccharine smile that only assured you that this servant would be fired by the end of day, “We want her husband to be completely enraptured by her — anything less will not be tolerated.” Or perhaps, it would be something worse than a simple dismissal.

Instead, your eyes remained concentrated on the delicate designs that had been drawn on the backs of your hand, patterns of vines and leaves intertwined around each other, bound in the same fate. These same hands that saw battle, bruised and battered and bloodied, were now dressed up in rings and bracelets, drawing eyes to the designs that adorned your skin. And while these tattoos were ephemeral, the passage of time scrubbing them from your hands, the ceremony they represented were not. 

That knowledge weighed on you, heavier than the weight of your wedding clothes against your body. Your mother had you dressed before dawn had broken, and even your muscles nearly buckled under the weight, the clothes embroidered to the point of absurdity. And now in the sunlight, you could see it clearly, ornate designs painstakingly stitched into shimmering waves and complicated lattices upon the ivory fabric. You resisted the urge to finger the designs, knowing your mother would lose her mind if even a single bead was out of place. 

The fingers of the servants tugged and pulled on the strands of your hair into an intricate braid, weaving ribbons, golden thread, and flowers into the complicated knots. You bit your tongue as they yanked particularly hard. Complaining would only incite the Empress’s wrath - and you didn’t wish that upon even your worst enemies. 

The Empress of Shar left no enemies behind. And those she did, she left with their heads on a pike. It was in the name of duty. That's what she told you, anyway. 

"Duty first, mercy second," and you learned quite quickly that mercy often didn't come. If ever. Mercy was reserved for only those situations where the Empress had something to gain — and was assured she had nothing to lose. And your wedding was one of them. It would have been all too simple to storm the planet of D’qar, beaten into submission after attack upon attack by their enemies. All it would have taken was one unit — the im’petis —  the force users and their army would have been razed to the ground. But war is messy. War never ends. Even when all said and done, the seeds of revenge fester in the crevices and cracks of a broken kingdom, until blooming into swathes of rebellion. Too many warm bodies lost. Too much wasted time. 

No, it was better - better to forge an alliance, quell any hint of impropriety, instead two planets become one kingdom. And D’qar and the Resistance gain the support of Shar’s vast resources, while Shar’s gains the aid of their technology. The only cost? Your freedom. 

Or your hand in marriage. All the same to you. 

You couldn’t run. You couldn’t escape. It was a choice of your family or your life. 

And you choose your family. Always. 

“Now, it is time for you to meet your husband,” The Empress waves the servants away, and as quickly as they came, they disappear through the double doors, “We will bring you out. The ceremony will be performed separately at first, and then you will be brought before each other as husband and wife,” her lips curl into a smile, “and darling, this must go well, for both our sakes.” 

“Yes, I understand,” she raises a brow, “my Empress.” 

She nods, “Your ladies in waiting will escort you to the procession, and then you and Poe will live on this planet for a time, before returning to Shar. I expect to hear from you, at the end of every month. Especially before your return to Shar."

You would spend a few months on D'qar, here, as the kingdom prepares for the transfer of power from Queen Organa to Prince Ben." 

“Yes,” your throat tight, you give another nod, “I understand.” 

“I imagine you will have little trouble. The prince is flighty - weak minded and eager, in both romantic and unromantic pursuits,” she stops in front of you, staring, and you wonder if she can see the weakness in your heart, every thought in your mind telling you to run now, to refuse. But she says nothing, only winding a curl framing your face around her finger, tugging on it harshly, a thread of pain running through your head, “but may I remind of the stakes of this. All of Shar is relying on you, as is your mother. Do not forget your place.” 

She lets go and the curl bounces back into place, as she turns to leave, her hand pausing on the door handle, “And don’t forget,” she smiles at you warmly, which only makes your blood run colder, “you two fell in love on a diplomatic mission, and now are being wed,” a ploy - to garner support from the public - it was far better in the eyes of the simple folk to marry for love rather than power. Love sells after all, “So don’t forget to smile at your betrothed - you are in love with him after all.” 

The door closes with a click. Yes. Love. Of course. 

No tears well in your eyes nor do you scream. You sit there, staring at your luggage. You had been flown to D’qar night before last. The air was lighter here —  less humid, somehow sweeter than the aridity on Shar. But now, it felt strangling. You rose, bracelets clanging against your wrists, lifting your skirt as you strided forward. You unzipped one of the bags, stuffed with gowns and dress shirts alike, the material heavy as your arm waded through the sea of silk, until your fingers found the false bottom to the bag. Your fingers snaked through the opening, until they closed around what you sought. You pulled the lightsaber from the bag, staring at the intricate design of the hilt, its weight a comfort in your hands. Only days ago you had spent cutting down Shar’s enemies, and now - you would do it again. 

Only this time — there was a knock at the door, and you buried the saber as quickly as you could in the luggage — the deaths would not be on the battlefield, they would be in a palace. 

~~~~

Poe’s stomach twisted. He did not like this. 

A thousand eyes watched him atop the platform set up by both the people of D’qar and Shar alike. All of whom were watching him now as he sat - trying not to fidget in his throne. Drapes of colors of both kingdoms hung - some separately and others in unison, representing the merging of the two planets and of this union. And they hung all around the stage as well, a barrier from the public’s eyes - but only barely - as he could spot their eager eyes between the parting of the banners. 

He did not like this at all. 

A lone soul, his stomach lurching as he waited for the ceremony to begin. A million eyes on him, and not a soul he knew beside him. He wished Finn or Rey - someone could have joined him. He resisted the urge to squeeze his eyes shut - at least the Queen. But they were following Shar's traditions, down to the dotted line - part of the agreement. 

A neutral expression would suffice instead of a smile, hoping he appeared to be an anxious groom rather than a miserable prince. The officiant would be joining him soon enough, but it did not make him feel any less lonely by himself. Usually, the men of the bride and groom would join the soon to be husband, but - his stomach twisted again - neither of them were around were they? The one thing he knew that he shared with you - the lack of a father, or perhaps the fleeting memory of one. More a ghost than anything now. 

The corners of his eyes stinged, nails digging into his palms, the nagging thought in the back of his head wrenched to the forefront: what would he think of his son? Marrying a stranger he had never met. Would he be proud of his dedication to the kingdom he had lost his life for? Or would he want something more for him? Something like he and his mom had. 

The chatter outside grew, and he readied himself for the officiant. But did it even matter? He was alone in the end - in life and in marriage. 

“You look quite sad for a man on his wedding day,” his head snapped to attention, as he moved to get up, but his Queen waved him off, “It is your wedding day, you need not rise for me.” 

“But don’t I always anyway, Your Majesty?” he gave a weak smile, rising to his feet as she sat, wrinkling her nose at his formality, but holding her tongue (knowing he would use her title anyway), “How many Sharians heads’ did you have to bite off to allow you to be here?” 

The corner of her mouth twitched, “Only one. And I did not bite anyone’s head off - I only had to ask, and made it clear to the Empress I was only going to ask once to be at my son’s side during his wedding.” 

Son, his throat tightened, swallowing the feelings that rose with that word - the word that wasn’t a word, but so much more - it was the very reason he had agreed to this. More than the scorn, the hatred he would engender, maybe even the crushing guilt of the lives lost - or maybe he couldn’t — but he knew only for certain: that he couldn’t bear the thought of his mother being disappointed in him. 

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” he says quietly, and she looks over, lips curled in a smile now. 

She raises a brow, “No remarks to be made?” 

Poe looked to the audience as all rose for the approaching officiant, and he knew he wouldn’t run - not because he couldn’t - but because he could live with marrying someone he didn’t know, but he couldn’t live without his home. 

~~~

You didn’t want to have this ceremony. You liked the beauty of it all, the elegance, but only from an outsider’s perspective. Not when you were the one sitting like a shyyyo bird in a cage. You hated all the eyes on you — dressed in bright plumage to draw their gazes, as they watched you take part in this forced mating ritual. 

Maker, it was your wedding day and all you want to do is take a nap. Especially as the officiant's droning voice led you through the vows, you felt your mind wane, though you kept the outer mask of a bride carefully stitched into your features. Even so, you doubted they could see your face through the thick veil of flowers tied around your head, the string digging into your skull. Even through the thick perfume of flowers, sweet and heady, you could smell the distant aroma of dinner - savory and ambrosial - stewing in pots and warming until this ceremony was over. You almost didn’t care if your stomach growled - after fourteen hours in this outfit and being poked and prodded and watched - you were ready to eat. 

And it would be soon enough - as the vows came to an end, with only a word of affirmation needed from the groom and from you. A comlink hooked up to project sound throughout the building - as one was offered to you and most assuredly to him, as so everyone could hear you affirm your love for one another. And it occurred to you, this would be the first time you heard his voice. Curiosity edged in at the corners of your mind - what would his voice be like? Would it be gruff and low? Would it be smooth and dulcet? Would it be pompous and orotund? 

It was one Sharian phrase, but you repeated the word over and over in your head - knowing that a second of hesitation (or Maker forbid a mispronunciation) would look suspicious. 

You hear the officiant ask, “Hal’e turbi hayatak bihah?” Do you bind your life to hers? 

“Nam 'uqad hayati,” Yes, I bind my life to hers. The Shar words rolled off his tongue with clumsy vowels and exaggerated consonants. You had no expectations, and yet his voice was different than you expected. It was neither gruff nor pompous, you supposed it could be smooth or dulcet, but it was still something more than that - and you realized, it was the conviction in his tone. 

For Sharians, arranged marriages were second nature - a tried and true practice that made for marriages that would last a lifetime, most by choice, but others by obligation. You thought nothing of it - it was the same risk anyone took when marrying for love, and the same traps that anyone could fall into in a bad marriage. But for D’qar? Their people have married for love almost as long as they have existed. Even Prince Ben, whose hand had been promised to another, it was because he had fallen for another. So for the precious prince, it couldn’t have been easy to agree to this. And yet, he seemed sure - that it gave you pause - when was the last time you had been so sure of anything? 

You weren’t even sure when you had agreed to this - though it wasn’t like you were given much of a choice. You were perfect after all - the perfect stand in for the princess, one that didn’t exist. There was never a choice that was yours after you agreed to join the Sharian Guard - and even that was a choice between certain death and indentured servitude. 

“Hal’e turbi hayatak biha?” 

You swallow the lump in your throat, all hope of running dissipating, as you feel the Empress’s gaze on you, “Nam 'uqad hayati.” 

The crowd cheers in time with the band, the low notes a quiet boom in the background, as you and your groom rise from your chairs and are led down the steps of your individual stages — you by the Empress and him by his mother. Other instruments join in with each delicate step you take, building to an inevitable crescendo when the two of you finally see each other for the first time. 

The first time. 

Your throat is dry, and swallowing does nothing to soothe the very much throbbing heart tangled in your vocal cords. You realize that he’s before you when the Empress’s guiding hand stops, drifting away from your shoulder. Thousands of eyes pierce you from every side, your knees threatening to knock together, but you will them to be still. Princesses of Shar did not shake — but of course, you thought mournfully, you were not one. 

“Please lift the veil and allow your eyes to meet your betrothed,” the officiant orders. 

Gentle fingers part your flowered veil, lifting it over your head. You blink. 

Brown. That’s the first thing you notice when you see them. They were a softer brown than expected. You had heard the rumors about the prince — about his thrill seeking as a pilot and his disregard for the rules (authorizing an attack the Queen had explicitly objected to). You expected more fire, more darkness, and it was there — but there was something more you couldn't place. His eyes blinked as he saw you too, his lips parting, a gentle gaze caressing your face, instead of raking down its sides. His brow only ruffled for a moment, before he smiled  Lips pulled wide into a smile and that's when you remembered — oh yes. You were supposed to be in love. 

You match him in time, chiseling your expression into a shy gaze, a smile tugging at your lips. And his hand found yours easily, his fingers intertwining with his to face the crowd. Even as your stomach stuck to the soles of your feet, why was it that, even with a thousand eyes piercing you, you couldn't help but stare at him? 

~~~

Tag List: @arabellathorne, @juno-eclipsee, @disappointeddiamond, @jdougl-love, @possibly-bigfoot, @garbagecanfics, @oo-michi-oo, @jisahufflepuff, @mellowpandaglitter, @bibliophile714, @bucky-lents, @infj-slytherclaw, @flyforeverfree, @faceinthejar, @doll0026, @bucky-of-the-opera, @lilbabychilton, @ladyhatter614, @kakaobar, @pallasathenaballerina,  @thechildorian, @lostgirlheather, @pastalavistababy2022, @mylifeliterally, @rawrlittlepanda-95, @jb3ar08, @airwrekcuh, @sofia-votsiou, @maddoggrahaml, @demoncrypt1066, @stardust-fray, @crikeygatormate, @captain-christopher-pike

[in-a-constant-daydream6]

Completely & Utterly

Bucky x reader 

Word count: 2,052

A/N: this is my first attempt at writing so it’s probably awful lol :) feedback is very much appreciated and welcomed! hope you enjoy! (hopefully its not too bad) :)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Hey, you okay kid?” Tony asks his voice laced with concern. Returning back to reality your tear filled eyes find Tony’s. You quickly whisper a “yes” which is followed by a poor attempt at a smile. You hadn’t intended for it to come out as a whisper but the softness of Tony’s voice combined with your emotional state creates a lump in your throat. 

   The bar holds the usual chatter and warmth. It is classy yet cosy, and the monotonous downpour of rain only elevates the warmth and brightness of its interior. However, today Starks bar (called ‘The Iron Man’) didn’t bring the same joy it once did. In an attempt to hold your tears back, you take a sip of your lemonade. 

   Your hands pick at the corner of the beer mat whilst Tony places his hand on your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Well, if you need anything you know where to find me.” You nod and Tony makes his way back to the bar giving handshakes and quirky comments to those who come here regularly.

   It had been a year since your best friend Bucky had left for New York. One whole year. God, You shouldn’t be this heartbroken still. But you were because he wasn’t just your best friend, he was the person who made you laugh until your stomach ached with pain, he was the person you would have midnight phone calls with…he was the person who you shared your childhood with. You don’t know the exact moment you realised you loved him more than a friend, but maybe there wasn’t a moment. Maybe you had always loved him completely and utterly.

————————————————————————-

1 year ago (the day before Bucky left for New York) 

Huddled in a corner of the room, you and Nat speak in hushed tones. “Y/N you need to tell him before he leaves tomorrow.”

“I can’t” you stammer “this is a huge opportunity for him, I can’t just go up to him and say ‘hey Bucky I just wanted to say that I’m in love with you and I think I have been for like forever. Have a nice life in New York though,” exhaling a stressed sigh you massage your temple. Why couldn’t I have just plucked up the courage and told him years ago?!

“Y/N look at me. You are one of my closest friends - I consider you a sister, which is why I think you should tell him. I know the timing isn’t ideal.”

“Ideal?” You interrupt “Its awful. It would be selfish of me to tell him now.” 

“No it wouldn’t” Nat’s soft tone is comforting “you will be selfish if you don’t tell him. He should leave knowing your true feelings. Perhaps he feels the same way about you and he’s leaving because he thinks you don’t feel the same way.”

“And if he does feel the same way, which I highly doubt he does…what if he then decides to stay. I would feel terrible…I would feel like I was preventing him from reaching his absolute potential and like I was holding him back from chasing his dreams. You know how excited he is Nat.” You say with a dejected tone.

  There’s a silent pause.  Nat looks at you with a mixture of concern and sadness in her eyes. “Well whatever you decide just know that I’m here for you - no matter what.” She reaches for your hand and gives you a smile which evokes a warmth within you. What would you do without Nat? …What will you do without Bucky?

   You return her smile, although it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “Thank you Nat, really, it means a lot. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“Your life would be hell without me” and she’s back to her usual playful self in which you are truly grateful for.

“Im not interrupting anything, am I?” Bucky asks. You look over your shoulder when Nat says “Of course not, I’m just heading to ladies so if you’ll excuse me,” which is followed by a reassuring wink.

  “Hey, I haven’t seen you much this evening. Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah” you weakly muster whilst trying to give a convincing smile.

  “It’s just…you’ve been kinda distant lately and that isn’t like you at all. We always tell each other everything, and I know I’m going to New York but it’s only one year, and you can come and visit, and we’ll FaceTime and call all the time.” He places his hand on your arm and gives you his signature smile, which never fails to send your heart flying.

 “Im fine, really….work has just been…stressful lately, thats all.” His glassy blue eyes search yours and you immediately know that he’s not buying it.

 “How long have we known each other Y/N? I know when your lying,” he runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a sigh, “I thought you’d be happy for me - I’d be happy for you. You know I thought I’d be able to spend my last day with my best friend, I thought we’d have a great day celebrating with all of our friends which would allow me to feel content before heading onto the plane…but I guess not.” he expresses, hurt entwined with every word. 

Thoughts are racing through your head, you thought you’d be able to carry on pretending for just one more day (obviously not). Your pause and absence of words cause Bucky to walk away. You promptly follow him to an empty room, you can still hear Steve and Sam’s laughter which seems to then blend into music and chatter.

   “Wait…Bucky” you plead, grabbing his arm. His muscles tense, making you realise how physically strong he has become - unlike his gawky teenage years.

   He stops and looks at you with hurt reflecting in his eyes, “What Y/N?”

   You don’t know whether a surge of courage or stupidity takes over you but you manage to muster the three words you have always wanted to tell him, “I-I…love you.”

   “What-what did you say?” his voice is subdued. You know he heard you but confusion forces him to ask anyway.

   “I love you Bucky, completely and utterly.” Your voice breaks and you can feel your eyes begin to fill with tears.

   “Why…why haven’t you told me…before?,” he shakes his head in confusion and rubs his face, “why are you telling me a day before I leave for New York?”

   “I promise you, I didn’t plan to tell you today”

He cuts in “So when were you going to tell me?! I can’t-I cant do this…not now.”

   Your heart breaks “okay,” your voice is almost a whisper, “I’m really sorry Buck, I really didn’t mean to do this right now but…” your voice trails away as you don’t know what else there is to say.

   He nods whilst biting his lip, “I know…you- um, don’t need to worry about coming to the airport with me tomorrow… it’s really early so…I’ll give you a ring when I get there.” He walks away before you can say anything, and you let the tears run down you cheeks.

   You don’t know how long you are standing there before Nat embraces you, cooing gently “it’s okay.”

———————————————————————

Back to present day

“You know if you smile that much you might pull a muscle.” Looking up you see one of your closest friends, Natasha. The redhead walks over to sit by you with a grin on her face and the usual mischievous glint in her eyes. You couldn’t help but reciprocate the grin. 

 “And why, might I add, are you drinking lemonade when we are supposed to be celebrating your new job?” She raises her eyebrows at you but then her demeanour changes. She places her hand on top of yours and you look up. “You heard about Bucky?”

You nod, scared that if you try to talk you’ll start crying. 

 You did speak to Bucky several times after that night but it was awkward, neither one of you knowing what to say, eventually the calls stopped. It hurt, and not just because he didn’t love you back but because you felt like you had lost your best friend. 

You tried your best to move on and you think Sam, Steve, Clint and Wanda believed it. However, Tony didn’t - but he didn’t pry and you appreciated that, he did however check to make sure that you were okay. Of course, Natasha knew that you were hurting and you were able to express your true emotions in front of her. 

You don’t know how many movies you watched together or how many times she held you while you broke down, but you did manage to move on with your life and things were…good. You and Nat still shared an apartment which was great, and every Saturday the others would come over for drinks and/or a movie (usually ending in fits of laughter). It was actually during the last Saturday get together, that you had overheard Steve and Sam talk about Bucky. And that’s when you heard he was going to propose to his girlfriend. It caught you by surprise, you knew he had been dating her for a while but you weren’t quite expecting a proposal. You had also heard Steve voice his concerns about Bucky and how he didn’t sound like his usual self, but Sam shrugged it off and said he was probably nervous about proposing.

................................................................................

   “I’m happy for him - really.” You gave your best attempt at a smile. Nat didn’t buy it but she didn’t say anything further as the others had arrived and were heading towards your table. Sam was first to wrap his arms around you, “Congratulations! Wow, a journalist! Well, if you need any interesting stories-”

“She wont go to you,” Nat interjects, a grin plastered on her face.

Everyone laughs and Steve slaps slam on the back, “you were asking for that.” They all give you a hug and express how proud they are of you and your new job.

Before sitting down Sam asks Tony for drinks. “You do know that I own this place. I don’t work as a waiter. And anyway, I’m off duty now. I’ve spent all day having meetings and talking about possible events, so this is my time to relax and enjoy myself.”

“Don’t worry I’ll get them” Clint states rolling his eyes.

You actually managed to put Bucky aside from your thoughts, and were enjoying your evening. You looked at the faces sitting around the table, laughing and joking, and you couldn’t help but smile. You were so thankful to have them in your life.

“Another round?” You ask which gets a chorus of enthusiastic yeahs, making you giggle.

You head over to the bar and relay the list of drinks to the bartender. Waiting for your drinks you tap your fingers on the counter and glance around the bar. That is until your eye catches a familiar face entering the bar. Your heart drops.

“Bucky?” You muster.

“Hey,” his eyes drop to the ground and he gives a shy smile, “its been a while.”

A mixture of shock and confusion leaves you speechless, “what-what are you…doing here? I thought you were in New York?”

You search his eyes before properly taking a look at him. You then notice he’s cut his hair short, its not long like it once was. You realise you’re staring, so you avert your gaze.

There’s a long pause, and you both just stand there awkwardly.

You go to say something when he says, “I’ve missed you…and yes I am supposed to be in New York. As much as I love New York, its not home-”

“I thought you were getting engaged-“

This time Bucky is the one to interrupt, “No, well, Sharon kept saying how she wanted to get married and everyone just assumed that I would propose. She’s great but the truth is I didn’t love her, I was able to fool myself for a while but…she just wasn’t you.”

He shrugs and gives you a sad smile, “I love you Y/N… completely and utterly….”

[namjoon-koya]

I’ll see you soon.

ENDGAME SPOILERS so if you haven’t seen the movie don’t read this:)

A/N: I decided to write a short one-shot with Bucky Steve and the reader it’s all ploatnic. I’m just gonna say this when I was writing this I literally almost cried like a little baby I am because y’know endgame played with our emotions a lot :(

Pairing: Bucky x Steve x Teen! Reader (platonic)

Warning: angst/ fluff

———————————

After Thanos was defeated everyone went back home, you hugged Peter on the way back home the avengers lost Tony and Natasha you felt tears sting your eyes.

It wouldn’t feel the same anymore you all were suppose to go back home you let a shaky sigh escape your lips you looked out the window to see the stars and galaxies “thank you Tony.. Nat..”

They had sacrificed themselves to get everyone back home to reunite families back together and friends.

———

You and Bucky walked together to go met Steve he said that he needed to talk to the both of you apparently it was urgent once you saw him you gave him a hug “hey cap.” You said smiling.

“Y/N Bucky..” he inhaled taking in a deep breathe he seemed so serious yes he was serious back then but it felt like he was going to say something that would effect the both of you “I-I’m going back to be with Peggy..” you blinked a few times “w-wait your.. leaving?”

He silently nodded “n-no you can’t!” “Y/N-“ “no dad! What about us Steve?! Do you have any idea how bad that’d effect us?!” He looked down not being able to say anything or look at you.

Why were you acting so selfish? You thought Steve needed to be happy he deserved the happiness in the world but go back? In the past? To the 1940s? You silently cursed at yourself for not supporting him.

“I-I’m sorry Steve.. whatever you want I’ll support you no matter what.” He gave you a warm smile “thank you Y/N.. Bucky?” His best friend gave him a nod “whatever you want Steve im with you till the end of the line.” You didn’t realize that you started crying.

Steve pulled you and Bucky in for a hug you sobbed into his shoulder after a while you guys pulled apart “I’ll see you later captain..” he nodded finally he was gone you stood there for a while “Y/N?” You turned to Bucky “I’m sad.. really sad but.. I’m not angry or upset.. I hope he got that dance with Peggy like he always promised her.”

Bucky smiled “you know how your uncle is he loved her.” You smiled wiping the tears away from your face “yea I know he did that’s why I’m glad he’s happy again with her.”

The music played in the background as Steve wrapped his arm around Peggy they both danced slowly to the music both of them smiling at each other; he pulled her in for a kiss.

You let a sad smile form on your lips, you remembered the stories Steve told you about her the love of his life the girl that saw only him you chuckled he made you believe in true love.

You crouched down and touched the spot Steve was standing on “goodbye.. Captain America..” you got up and looked at Bucky “let’s go home?” He nodded “let’s go Y/N.” You laid your head on his shoulder as he pulled you closer.

[heavenbarnes]

I know deep in my heart that Bucky Barnes fucks deep and hard like after a mission he needs to blow off some steam and he’s just gently laying you on the bed pushing his cock into you as deep as possible nibbling at your neck and groaning because his pretty girl is being so good for him taking his cock nice and deep and hYELP ME IM DYIN

aye, y’all mind if i wild out?

so i got this fantasy of being “used” by bucky???

not in a sense that he doesn’t let you come and he just gets off (though holy shit someone req that cause i’d fuck it up)

but in the sense of, he is tired and stressed and just needs to get it out, so you’re more than happy to do so for him

so think of it like you’re not even dating, but you’re “there” for each other

and he’d come back from a mission, tired and sore and stressed and needing a lil sympathy

and he’d call for you to come meet him in his room, which you happily would

and you’d do whatever he liked, he’d be so strong and move you around the room as he liked

he wanted you there? he’d pick you up and place you

wanted your clothes off? he’d just take them off

you’d be so compliant, only wanting to please him

i bet when he laid you down, that was when it really got started

you’d be full naked, watching as he took off his tactical gear in front of you

every time more of his skin was revealed, you’d have to squeeze your thighs together

he’d be really gentle with you, not wanting to hurt you or let his own mood get the better of him

he’d run his hands up your body and look to you, making sure you were ready

i don’t even think any words would be exchanged, just knowing each other without having to say anything

he’d slip into you, laying on top of you and resting his head in your neck

he’d lay there for a moment, feeling his whole body release tension

he’d let out a long sigh, gently pressing kisses to your throat as he slowly moves his hips

you’d just enjoy the feeling of him, you’d have a lot of time for bucky

you were always happy to be there for him whenever he needed, cause he always repaid

he’d be stroking so deep, like he’d be slow at first but really going so deep

before he’d pick it up

that was when the noises would start

bucky barnes fucks hard

you would be moaning, full moaning as he stroked hard and right

he’d be nipping at your neck, right in your sweet spot

he’d just love the sound of you crying his name in his ear

he would feel all the problems off the past days melting off of him

“you’re such a good girl, taking my cock for me”

“you feel so fucking good on my cock, pretty baby”

“i love being deep in this sweet little pussy”

he’d re position slightly, getting onto his knees and wrapping your legs around his waist

he’d still have his face right under your jaw, still breathing in your scent

his hips would be pumping faster, still going just as hard and as deep

even when he fucked you hard like this, there wasn’t a sense of roughness or anger

he’d had enough of that in his past, he was ready for passion

i bet he’d be such a passionate lover, not selfish either

even though you’d let him use you for this, he was still sure that you were cared for

[papistark]

Okay. I’ve allowed a night to let everything sink in. I’m ready to talk about Endgame now.

*cinemasins voice* spoilers!! (duh..)

so the wounds are still fresh. v v v v v v v v v fresh. but my thoughts during the entire movie were just OMG IM TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE THING THAT IS HAPPENING SO I CAN REMEMBER IT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE BEFORE i inevitably go see this movie again

This is what the movie reduce me to like 99% of the time btw

now, I’m gonna try and break this up to be as organized as possible into 4 main sections which will be general thoughts, the highs, the lows, and closing thoughts. that may sound organized but I promise it won’t be and as always I’ll have to use bullet holes to even stay relatively "organized"

I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out that I either loved or would wanna discuss but tbh the ENTIRE FILM i was just like GOD I WANNA REMEMBER THIS FOREVER!! Every scene that happened i was like god there's still 3 hours of stuff that's going to happen but I want to remember it all!!!

Overall

this movie was good. and i’m mad it was so good and i found it so enjoyable for how dirty they did me. The pacing was pretty well done for a first viewing, but I'm sure after a couple rewatches I'll get caught up on the occasional misstep in the pacing and general direction the story took, but I really liked it!!

I thought the Thor stuff was kinda distasteful and honestly a joke that ran too long. Like ha ha okay we get it but also? He went through so much fucking trauma can we just lay off him? Damn? I don't wanna linger too much on it bc honestly the more I think about it the more I get upset the russos did him dirty

all the callbacks??? made me so emotional????? eleven years and almost two dozen films guys holy fucking shit it felt like such a good homage to bring stuff back

Yo literally when they went up to busted ass thanos i leaned over to my bf and whispered "are they just gonna kill thanos in the first ten minutes is that allowed" and uh YEP! WOW

Also the opening scene being Clint's family getting dusted... gasps in my theater y'all they went in hard on us

TIME HEIST!!!!!! FUCK marvel knows how to take you on a fun journey!! The concept was so fun!!

I also appreciate them mixing up the plot a bunch to keep us guessing!! Like fuck, when Thanos was finding out through Nebula... future nebula talking to past gamora i was SO SOFT... sisters...

Hulk was... weird. It felt a weird kind of fanservicey for a little bit, and honestly a little out of place? But. Eh. Wasn't the worst part. Certain parts of it were fun! I think I got used to it haha

Everyone looked. So good. After the time jump. Damn. Thank you make up department for everyone's new looks. I live for silver fox tony always.

I loved seeing Loki again i know it was so little content BUT I DONT CARE I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY FUCKING PRINCE

We didn't get as much Nebula and Tony content as I was hoping but god it was so cute and tender in the beginning. Imagine all that bonding. Nebula finding tony on the floor, knowing he's on the brink of death, and propping him up in the seat :'(((( tony helping fix nebula :(((( the father daughter relationship we deserved and didn't get to see come to fruition.

AMERICA'S ASS. THANK YOU SCOTT LANG.

All the New York flash back was so fucking fun. The elevator scene. Brilliant. I really thought they were gonna recreate but it was such a fun tease. Also cap making fun of his past self for saying "i could do this all day" I SCREAM why do the Russo's get steve so well

Carol taking a direct punch in the face from Thanos without even flinching? We stan a goddess

ALSO SHORT HAIRED CAROL YESSSS I LIVED!!!!! YES!!!! (But also that movie could've used like way more Carol thats just mY OPINION)

Also AGAIN, I DON'T CARE THAT IT WAS FAN SERVICE, STEVE WEILDING MJOLNIR WAS E V E R Y T H I N G. They have TEASED US since that one middle avengers movie we don't talk about that he was worthy and!!! Our!! Son!! Is!! Fucking!!! Worthy. And the scene of thor making him swap w/ him "you get the little one" i screamed bitch

also I was living for how much Steve swore in this film lol literally fuck joss Whedon's characterization we don't know her!

Valkyrie on a Pegasus thank you THANK YOU i was living

That entire final action scene..... holy fucking shit y'all. It was just crazy enough without being too crazy. I loved the callback to the original long continuous shot

THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND SANG WITH THAT A-FORCE SCENE. YES. ALL THE MARVEL LADIES LINING UP. THEY ARE HERE AND THEY ARE THE STRONGEST OF US ALL. A-FORCE. FUCKING A-FORCE. Thank you Russo's for my LIFE

Carol's little "hi peter parker :)" god i love them. I love peter. My fucking spider son. I missed him so much. I missed Tom Holland's sweet peach little face AH I CRIED WHEN HE SHOWED BACK UP

Also last kind of ~general~ thought i know i don't get time travel at all and it is an instant way to confuse me in any franchise but wouldn't steve doing what he did fuck literally everything up idk we'll get to steve in a bit

Highs

morgan

H.

fucking

stark

I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT FED WITH SUCH GOOD TONY CONTENT THIS FILM ONLY FOR THEM TO STOMP ON MY HEART LMAOOO

DAD TONY BEING AS LOVING AND DOTING AND SWEET AND TENDER W/ HIS DAUGHTER AS WE ALL HAVE HEADCANONED HIM TO BE FOR YEARS!!!

TONY GETTING HIS JUSTIFICATION IN BEING MAD not just mad but PISSED at Cap for how everything fell out. catharsis. felt good scoob.

speaking of good tony content of course i need to just take a moment to YELL ABOUT STONY thank you russos for the fan service thank you for having tony ogle and comment on steve rogers’ ass it almost makes up for all the pain and suffering

btw do y’all think the H. for Morgan’s middle name stands for Harley because I LIKE TO THINK SO

also am i lowkey annoyed that like half of viewers won’t recognize an adult ty simpkin at tony’s funeral at the end even tho i know i shouldn't be because ot everyone is a die hard BUT half the articles im looking up for reviews and shit of that scene literally all the results are “SO WHO IS THAT KID AT THE END OF ENDGAME” YOU FUCKING FOOLS IT’S TONY’S FIRST BORN SON HARLEY KEENER FROM IRON MAN 3. FUCKS. im getting off topic anyway i was just happy they brought him back because I am an iron man 3 enthusiast and his relationship with tony was SO important and this confirms that at the very least tony kept in contact with him over all these years!!! and he wasn’t just some insignificant blip

Not to be stony on main but steve being the first person to hold Tony again once he was back on earth :)))) wrow.

Also the first thing tony telling him being "I lost the kid" WOW BREAK MY HEART MORE HUH!! WHY NOT!!

The first thing Peter doing when he saw Tony again :'') just rambling about everything that happened and tony just so happy to see him alive and hugging him so tight I'M NOT FINE!! NOTHING WILL EVER BE FINE AGAIN!!!

I appreciated the closure with Howard like?? A lot?? I'm the last person to be a Howard stark apologist, but I think his character and his relationship w/ Tony and how Tony viewed him as a father and as a man was so well crafted throughout the series??? Idk I liked that scene it was good to my baby.

And now a pOSSIBLY CONTROVERSIAL~~ opinion but..... I loved Steve's ending. I really did. I thought he got a beautiful and fitting ending and I was so happy. It meant so much especially to hear his reasonging being that in a way, he did it for Tony. He was inspired by what Tony told him. He saw Tony get his happy ending and for so many films now Steve has been searching for that and he missed an entire life. Tony helped him realize that. It just made me!! So emo!! Like Bucky's face when he knew Steve wasn't gonna be coming back. Steve's last convo w/ Sam. It was just amazing. I can't believe I'm seeing hot takes from people calling Steve selfish or blaming the fact that the Russos have a boner for Steggy or whatever. Who cares!!! Steve got his happy ending and it was well deserved and a wonderful arc!! Lay off him bc you ship him w/ Bucky or tony more damn!!!! (Idk about the timeline y'all dont come for me i really have no idea i think the Russos just said fuck it for that one even when talking about not fucking up the timeline)

Lows

Natasha deserved better. She did. I understand why they took her character arc the way that they did, and honestly, this is the first time I've felt we've seen Natasha have even a modicum of actual character traits since like, Iron man 2 and Avengers 1. She found purpose in keeping the family together and trying to help the people left living, while never stopping or losing contact with anyone else in their endeavors to fix what Thanos broke. As tired as I am of seeing a female character die for ~man pain~ this felt like so much more than that. In the end Nat wanted to sacrifice herself for the greater good, and that's what she did. I'm still fucking upset though, even though they've butchered her character across almost all the films she's been in

Thor being turned into an entire fucking joke. That's it. I got nothin left for the writers at this point.

So..... let's talk about Tony's death, shall we

"You can rest now" broke me. It truly did. I've never loved any fictional character across any medium as much as I have loved Tony Stark. But Pepper's line at the beginning "you'll sleep, but will you rest?" Is so fucking telling. I think I immediately knew for sure in that moment. Because she's right. And that's the worst part.

Peter :)))) finally :)))) calling :))))) tony :)))) by :)) his :)))) first :)) name :))) as he was dying :)))) asking him not to go the same way he told tony he didn't want to go when he was getting dusted GOD. AND WE THOUGHT THAT SCENE IN INFINITY WAR WAS ROUGH. HAD N O T H I N G ON THIS.

No offense but where was Rhodey when Tony was dying lmao ok

That funeral scene.... seeing everyone there drawn together..... god. It was beautiful. It really was.

Of course I'm not happy. I'm extremely fucking upset. I knew tony wielding the gauntlet would be coming, but I thought they would find a way for him to make it out alive. As soon as they were showing that even the hulk couldn't handle it with the gamma radiation, I knew the nail was going to be in the coffin.

All that aside... what I can say, is that if they HAD to kill him off, I think it was a proper send off. We saw so many arcs of Tony's come to a close, and I knew it was just a matter of time. Also that being said, I really don't believe in death being necessary to end a character's arc. Yeah yeah blah blah we get the sad and tragic but TRUE message that at the end of the day death is inevitable and that tony had to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He and Strange both knew it, and as soon as Strange held up that finger I knew that was it for him.

It wouldn't be so hard if they hadn't given us everything they did with tony after the 5 year jump. He healed. He was HAPPY. But pepper was right, and as long as Tony was alive... he would never truly /rest/. And that's the only way I'm able to make peace with this death. Tony has always been a character who was just going going going, never going to stop even if it killed him, all to protect the ones he loved, and protect the whole world and make it a better place. He had a beautiful story that was told so well over these past eleven years, with admitted shortcomings here and there. He had the most cohesive trilogy films, the best character development and arcs, and an incredible portrayal. I'm grateful for it, but that doesn't make it any easier that they decided to go and show us that Tony was able to FINALLY settle down with Pepper and see him find the best version of himself as a husband to her and a father to his little baby girl. A baby girl that now has to grow up without her dad, and pepper has to go on without her husband, the love of her life. It's fucking tragic and honestly, we didn't need that imho lmao

The hardest parts is that like.... idk. I feel like the only reason they killed him is for shock factor, but somehow without the shock? A lot of us felt or were worried that this was coming. I think the russos and co. We're just totally set on the idea that like... tony HAD to die and that was the only way for this arc to come to a close not just WITHIN the universe, but meta, outside of the MCU as well. They did the same thing with Hugh jackman as Logan and that shit HURTED me y'all. Eleven years we had RDJ give us this amazing character and he is the SOLE reason the MCU is where it is today. So you know what, the Russo's and everyone can circle jerk about how much ~poetic justice~ there is in this ending for Tony, but at the end of the day... it just ain't it fam.

Realistically I know after wielding the infinity stones there is no way Tony, a human, could've survived, even with his armor on. I knew that. And as biased as I am towards seeing Tony living, if he had wielded the stones and NOT died? It would've felt cheap. So again, if they had to end his life, I appreciate the way they did it and thought it was the best send off they could've given him. I also would've appreciated some kind of alternate option where oh i dont know carol or someone strong enough could've handled the snap and tony could live the rest of his days with his wife and daughter and found family but..... ig that's just me huh.

:(((( Happy asking Morgan what she wanted and her saying "cheeseburgers" SHE'S JUST LIKE HER DADDY I AM SO!!! UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And last thought is that I fucking cried AGAIN because the biggest applause moment was during the credits when RDJ's name appeared. My theater gave a standing damn ovation. Also the very last sound after it faded to black... Tony hammering away, building the very first Iron Man suit.... that shit hurted.

If any of y'all read this and wanna yell about stuff w/ me I WELCOME YOU INTO MY DMS LMAO PLS MESSAGE ME I NEED MORE PEOPLE TO CRY WITH!!!

[karma-was-taken]

MY THOUGHTS ON ENDGAME

 (mostly focused on Steve and Tony) (95% of this post is pure rambling)

THE GOOD THINGS: • Tony and Nebula…….. just,,,,,,, their entire dynamic. Tony offering her food and her gently nudging it towards him. Them working together. Her being so soft and caring when he fell asleep. Just. So soft……. So pure…… when she helped him down the ramp I was already In Love. • Steve CATCHING TONY WHEN HE STEPPED DOWN FROM THE JET!!!! Tony saying in that absolutely broken voice “I lost the kid, I lost the kid” i----- HELLO?????? Literally the best stevetony scene to date I cannot believe that ENDGAME SAID SUPERFAMILY RIGHTS and also my heart was bursting holy fuck • Still can’t get over how fucking good tony’s monologue/speech with the other avengers was. The catharsis. The satisfaction. “Where were you when i needed you?”, the distaste in his voice when he says “we’re the avengers! We avenge, we don’t prevent” and then the “we’ll lose together. You said we’d do that together too, liar!”. Amazing. Powerful. One of the best moments in this movie and in the entire mcu. Rhodey having to physically hold him back. Tony tearing the reactor off his chest. Him pushing everyone away as he collapses. Everything was so painful and yet so healing oh my god- • EVERYTHING ABOUT MY BOYS 5 YEARS LATER!!!!! The parallel between Steve and sam at the support group. Steve still trying to help others through their trauma despite being unable to do the same for himself. Powerful and heartbreaking, especially in his scene with nat. I didn’t love the “this is my family” thing because it was a tad out of the blue but I still enjoyed nat’s character and her relationship with Steve. • TONY AND HIS FAMILY I CAN’T EVEN EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVED THAT. Tony finally getting a quiet life with his wife and kid. Literally everything he deserved and more. TONY WAS SO SOFT WITH MORGAN. THE PHYSICAL AFFECTION. THE CARE. I LOVE YOU 3000. Like holy fuck,,,,,,,, you cannot tell me that tony isn’t the best dad in the whole universe. • Tony’s bitterness when the avengers came to his house. The jarring difference between how warm and open he was with morgan vs the cold sarcasm he gave the avengers. Steve’s evident pain at seeing tony living the life he never got to have. • Tony telling Steve he had a family he couldn’t sacrifice like,,,,,, I fucking teared up. Tony was so emotional, so desperate to keep what he had fought for his entire life. AND YET!!!! He still couldn’t live with himself without trying to save the world. This is why I loved his conversation with pepper. The clear subtext that connected this to her leaving him when he couldn’t quit being iron man. the development for both of them,,,,,,, she went from “it’s either me or ironman” to “will you be able to rest?”, tony asking her permission but really telling her that if he went for it he would have to sacrifice their life and leave them behind. It was so powerful and so well executed. • The photograph. Yes, that one. That’s all. • THAT STEVETONY SCENE WHERE TONY BRINGS THE SHIELD I--!!!!! WAS LITERALLY SCHREECHING. It felt like an acceptable reunion after the events of CA:CW but tbh I would have loved a “you gave me a home” moment for our boys. BUT STILL VVV GOOD • Tony and bruce teaming up and literally creating a time machine we stan two science bros (plus scott bless his soul) • the throwbacks to the old movies were incredible. It felt like a behind the scenes feature AND a fanfiction all at once. The 2012 one especially Fucked me UP!!! The elevator scene,,,,, Steve’s “hail hydra” being a fucking smartass wink to the audience. Steve vs Steve!!!! Tony telling Scott to disconnect the reactor!!!!! America’s ass. Tony finally being a thot on main for Steve rogers. • I----- didn’t love the 70s time jump. I disliked how howard got redeemed for what he did to tony. Not something that I wanted for either of them. The Steve/peggy scene was so painful and yet powerful, specially because Steve left her behind once again (………. More on this later) • TONY BUILDING A FUCKING INFINITY GAUNTLET HELL YEAH BITCH • I didn’t have many feelings about the whole nebula thing but the reactions of the characters there felt rushed (gamora immediately trusting the new nebula. Past nebula being killed and this somehow didn’t affect the “rule of time travel” or whatever the fuck,,,? Sure jan). loved her dynamic with rhodey and quill. Super fun. • The big three facing thanos was everything I’ve ever wanted from this movie and I’m so glad it was SO FUCKING GOOD!!!! • STEVE LIFTING MIJOLNIR!!!! HE FUCKING USED THOR’S LIGHTNING AND!!!! I LOVE HIM HE DESERVES THIS AND MORE!!! • RESCUE MADE ME CUM!!! That scene where they’re back to back?????? Orgasmic. • Just. That entire fight scene was. So good. Perfect. I wouldn’t have changed a single thing. Absolutely incredible. The subtext was everywhere and it was so powerful. The Steve/t’challa nod,,,,, the clear throwback to iw,,,,,,,,,, amazing. • Listen y’all when strange lifted that finger my heart stopped. I Knew what was going to happen immediately. The sheer relief/terror I felt when I saw that fucking finger is indescribable. • Literally the most powerful and iconic line I’ve ever heard: “I am inevitable.” “I am ironman”. I was bawling at this point. • The entire funeral scene. “proof that tony stark has a heart”. Happy and morgan interacting. “I want a cheeseburger”. Sam getting the shield. Tony’s message at the end. I was crying for the entire thing. Literally the most cathartic thing I’ve ever experienced.

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE: • Literally my pettiest beef with this movie: carol danvers. Her screentime was a joke. Literally “oh hello carol” *carol fucks off to god knows where for the entire movie* “oh hey carol nice to see u again just in time for the final fight huh”…….. absolutely disgraceful. She should have been part of the planning. Where’s the team dynamic. Where’s the character building. Literally the only good thing about this was her haircut I’m so upset at how fucking badly she was treated in this movie. • thor and bruce were …….. no. it felt like a bad comedy. What the fuck was this character building I have no idea but I’m so sorry for thor and hulk fans because they were done so dirty I’m actually speechless. Bruce’s actions made no sense (he’s just,,,,,, chilling with his fans while the avengers struggle???? Hello????? Where’s his,,,,,, *barf* “relationship” with nat????) and thor was……. His struggle and clear ptsd were just treated like a joke. They literally put him in a fat suit I was speechless. Disgraceful. • They both deserved better. • I’m a bit meh re: natasha’s death. Like,,,,,,, I get it but also Why • RHODEY DESERVED MORE!!!! I WANTED A RHODEYTONY HUG AND I DIDN’T FUCKING GET IT. NO CAROLRHODEY EITHER HELLO?????? I’M BEING DENIED MY RIGHTS. • And now……. The Big Yike: Steve. The mcu has never treated Steve’s character like he deserved. What I wanted for him was the chance to have a new life, in the present, with his family. His entire character arc seemed to go towards it (e.g. his dialogue with tony when tony was leaving the avengers???) and yet. We got fucking robbed. I wouldn’t have minded Steve going back to have that goddamn dance with peggy, hell, they both fucking deserved it. But leaving for good? Not coming back? Hell no. he gave up his friends. He gave up Bucky (stucky shippers I am so sorry Bucky also deserved better) just for the chance at having a relationship with peggy. What I wanted for Steve rogers was the possibility to make peace with what he’s lost in the past so he can live in the present and fight for the people of the future. Instead all we got was this,,,,,,,, weird character regression where he just. Gave up??? No. I hated that.

THE BIG DEATH: A lot of people were unhappy with tony’s death but honestly? It’s exactly what I wanted for him. He had the best possible ending: dying to save the entire universe with his sacrifice, using the infinity gauntlet he built himself. The mcu and the avengers started and ended with tony stark. This was his final redeeming act: he made the sacrifice play once again, this time once and for all. No one will be able to call him selfish anymore and he’ll be remembered forever (“i hope they remember you”) for dying like he lived: always trying to save the world. Sacrifice has always been the core of the im movies and this ending felt perfect for him. He got the 5 years of bliss with his family, and then he had to give it up to save the world. The final sacrifice.

I can’t elaborate more on why I hoped to see this ending because it’s literally midnight but long story short this movie was amazing, final score 10/10 despite the Steve thing, I left the theater literally crying tears of joy and felt high on happiness for the following 2 hours. This movie means a lot to me and I’m so glad I liked it as much as I did.

[happinessinthedarkest-times]

avengers endgame reaction (spoilers!!!)

**if youre on mobile scroll fast bc idk if the keep reading works

holy shit holy shit fuck fuck fuck

i am an emotional wreak right now

ahhhhh it was so good im crying still

tony fucking stark my heart i guess ill start there 

tony stark i love you three thousand. he got his happy ending with morgan and pepper for 5 years they had 5 years together and he knew that the time heist (lol) would jeopardize that and he still went and helped

that scene where he had it out with steve at the beginning fuck my heart was breaking and i was crying .

i cried a lot in this movie. legit sobbing when nat died but ill get to that

that scene was everything i wanted it to be and perfectly executed. of course hes angry and lashing out because they were supposed to do it together and lose together and the emotion behind that ughh rdj killed it

he literally hands steve his heart the arch reactor

tony and howard ugh everything with them together. tony got closure with his dad 

everything tony was great. 

steve 

he got his happy ending. he got his dance with peggy (now im crying again) fuck. and he PICK UP MJOLNIR omg that scene was amazing and everything i never dreamed could happen when the hammer started moving ughhhh omg i was cheering so loud in the theatre and i dont normally do that. that whole scene ugh theres so much to react to

and he got to say assemble. 

ok now from the beginning. 

i started to cry literally before it even started. the screen was black and i was already tearing up but when clint and his daughter came up and then his family disappeared i was full on crying.

carol coming in clutch and saving tony and nebula yessss

steve and tony’s conversation right when he gets off the ship was everything i wanted it to be. (crying again) everything. 

when they go to thanos’s house thing and thor chops off his arm . its what ive been saying they shouldve done on titan 

and then he went for the head! 

five....... 

years later

fuck them. literally when the ‘five’ came up i was like no no no dont you dare do it dont you dare and then they did it. fuck them

five fucking years?!?! they made them live through 5 years of that trauma?!?!? 

nat was everything in this film. she became the leader and keeping track of everything and her moment of breaking down was just so human. she couldnt move on in those 5 years and it just shows how much the avengers had become her family. 

scott and cassie omg cassie all grown up made me so emotional 

tony and morgan i love you three thousand she is the cutest and sweetest thing 

tony fucking stark figured out time travel. he did that. 

when tony gives steve his shield back my heart could not take it

the scenes where they were trying to pinpoint the exact time to go back and it was like a sleepover sesh and all the domestic avenger fanfics 

going back a little bit

clint killing all the people that should have been killed and deserved to be killed and being a total badass showing up all those people who said he was just really good with an arrow and every scene he has with nat.

‘dont give me hope’

thor. oh where to start. he really did lose everything and he was blaming himself for all that happened so i get where hes coming from. every time you could see him remembering and tormenting himself about what happened broke me. his scene with his mother (crying again)

also hulk/bruce was an interesting choice (not a huge fan of it but ok) 

the time traveling

everything about the new york scenes were amazing. the aftermath of the end of the avengers, loki turning into cap for a second, seeing rumlow and sitwell come out, steve getting into the elevator and channeling that winter soldier energy (i was slapping my sister on the arm so hard at this part) hail hydra and outsmarting them all. cap fighting cap “i can do this all day” lmao i was dying ‘bucky is alive” again dying they really nailed it with this. i was worried beforehand because like it would change how we would see the og avengers but i still think it works

also can talk about how tony (and scott) was checking out steves ass????

“i forgot how that suit did nothing for you ass” (be still my heart) “i like to think of it at america’s ass” (or whatever the line was) 

loki getting away with the tesseract (is that in this timeline im confused about that hopefully someone will explain bc does that mean loki is alive in this timeline or not? lol)

them going back to the 1970s (do you trust me? i do) and tony meeting howard and introducing himself as howard potts. again i know i talked about howard and tony already but i loved their scenes. and JARVIS FROM AGENT CARTER MAKING AN APPEARANCE OMG

PEGGYYYYYYY (crying) when steve walked into her office (grabbed my sister again) and when he was watching her through the window and you could feel his pain. 

thor and rocket are the pairing that i never imagined but amazing none the less. i loved that we got the return of mjolnir here even though idk what that does to the timeline (again who knows at this point) 

rhodey and nebula again another pairing i didnt expect but are great together. everything about nebula in this film. she really has a great arch. i was stressing out so hard when the alternate timeline thanos found out that they came from the past. the scene where peter quill is dancing and singing to no music was great.

clint and natasha. this pairing thie duo the og. fuck my heart. when they started going off to vormir i knew. i knew it and i cannot handle it. the whole scene where they are fighting each other to sacrifice themself i was SOBBING. LEGIT SOBBING. ‘let me go’ i loved this so much and also hated it. she deserved her happy ending too. after everything she gave up everything to save those people. her arch is so good too. im excited for her origin. i kinda want to see her when shes a bad guy and killing everyone and her journey to shield. i hope thats what we’ll see in her movie. 

but also that scene emotionally fucked me up hard. 

the og avengers (minus nat) sitting on the edge of the lake 

thor trying to put on the glove and redeem himself (in his own eyes not my own bc he doesnt deserve the shit he gets for not going for the head)

hulk doing it and the calm before the storm where everything goes back before that missile comes firing down. 

steve tony and thor facing off with thanos. everything about this scene. tony getting a juice-up from thor and lightning to max out his powers. steve jump kicking on thanos’s ass. thanos beating up thor and steve coming in with FUCKING MJOLNIR AGAIN CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH I WAS CHEERING AT THIS POINT HE IS WORTHY MY BOY STEVE IS WORTHY

also on that note tony coming up to steve and saying “theres my man” or something and giving him back his shield again. 

steve standing there with his broken shield ready to face off with thanos’s army and sam coming in on the comm. and then EVERYONE COMING THRU AND KICKING NAMES AND TAKING ASS

legit cheering and crying so much 

valkyrie with her pegasus

shuri with her blasters 

peter parker and his reunion with tony was heartbreaking. tony looked so broken and complete at the same time. he got him back. 

PEPPER FREAKING POTTS 

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE (YEESSSSSSSS)

peter quill’s semi-reunion with gamora and how she doesnt know him but he gets her back

also gamora, nebula and still-evil!nebula was a great scene. nebula killing her past self is some symbolic shit right there AND to protect her sister who she hated

CAROL FUCKING DANVERS COMING TO SAVE THE DAY AND KICK THANOS’S ASS 

im sad that she wasn’t in the film as much but i get why they did it and it also makes me really excited for her future films

but carol getting the gauntlet and peter saying “i dont know how youre gonna get through that” 

and ALL THE BADASS MCU WOMEN COMING UP BEHIND HER READY TO FIGHT AND REPRESENT FOR THE FEMALES (CRYING) 

this is something that couldn’t of been done a few years ago because there weren’t a lot of female superheroes in this universe and just the fact that this scene can make such an impression and become probably one of the most badass scenes of the mcu is one of the best things that came out of this movie.

side note: ‘activate instant kill’ great callback 

and then we get to the sacrifice.

i knew it. i expected it. i read it in fanfics.

i was still not prepared. 

‘I am inevitable’

‘I AM IRON MAN’

FUCKKKKKKKK they really know how to write these movies. 

he knew he would die. he knew he would never see morgan again. but he knew what he had to do. 

his character arch from a selfish man to a selfless man has been the most profound and powerful story. 

rdj and tony stark have really carried this franchise. they were the start. and it makes sense that his death closes out this era of the mcu. 

to rdj: i will never forgive my mom for telling me that she didn’t like you way back when. that really influenced how i thought about you and about tony stark for years. and i limited me from really appreciating and loving iron man and those movies and tony’s character. but as i continued to watch more of you in the mcu and in real life and have seen how you have grown and who you are today, i have so much love and respect for you and your character. im just so upset at the time i lost where i could have fallen even more in love with you. thank you so much for everything you have done over the last 11 years for this franchise. thank you for the time thank you for the memories and the laughs. the journey has been amazing. 

the funeral scene with ‘proof that tony stark has a heart’ 

(also was the the kid from iron man 3 in the back?)

VALKYRIE BECOMING KING (queen? i say king but who knows) of new asgard. look at my killing baby all grown up and being the leader they need.

thor becoming a guardian basically. 

also was quill looking for his gamora? where was the gamora from this timeline on the ship? she wasn’t there in the scene so idk

also fighting with knives to see whos in charge lol

im glad people mentioned/mourned for nat too 

steve rogers 

steve.

i knew he wasn’t coming back.

bucky knew it too.

im wreaked

but at least he got his happy ending. he got his peggy (again idk what that does to her timeline) 

captain sam wilson america in the house.

(old steve looks like joe biden or is it just me lol)

they ended it with a steggy dance and kiss

it really was a perfect end to his story and it wrapped up his character really well. he got that life he deserved 

to chris evans: as this is probably the last time we will see you as captain america let me thank you too for the years and joy that you have brought to my life. youre it for me. you are the reason i became so invested in this world. when you jumped on the fake grenade i was in it with you. chris you are and will always be the best chris in my heart. your passion for this character and understanding of steve rogers and his motivations have created such a memorable performance. steve rogers will always be the og. he will always have my heart. i am so thankful that you took this opportunity and used it and made this character your own. you live up to the standards that steve holds for himself and i am so excited for your future. i am also so glad that you didn’t die in this movie bc i definitely could not have handled it if i had to watch both my favs die. i love you three thousand.

i literally cried throughout the whole movie. there were laughs, cheers, groans, stress, tears, and love throughout this film. i am so grateful that i am alive during this time in cinematic history. there will never be something as great or momentous as this film. a true culmination of 22 films. its never been done and i doubt itll ever be done again

i am also so impressed and amazed by how well this film turned out. it is just amazing how everything fell into place 

im sure ill read other people’s reactions and they will bring up points or problematic things that will taint my view on this movie but i dont want that to ruin my own experience

and for me, this was truly emotionally draining and fulfilling. the feeling of being in that theatre with all those people who love the characters as much as i do and experiencing this film for the first time is something i will never forget. 

people talk about how they remember lining up for star wars.

well i remember sobbing my eyes out when nat died, cheering along with everyone when cap picked up mjolnir and whipped thanos’s ass with it and when carol and the rest of the badass women of the mcu ready to kick ass, crying with everyone as the light went out in tony’s chest and eyes, watching as history was made in front of our eyes.

and the end credits with the og avengers getting recognition with their photos and autographs. 

i love this franchise and these films and these characters i dont know who i would be without them. 

one last thing

thank you to the og avengers. steve tony thor nat clint bruce. chris robert chris scarlett jeremy mark. you will always have a special place in my heart. you were there at the start. you were the reason this all could happen you were the reason i became so invested in these movies. you brought these characters to life and embodied them. you are all so much like your characters the casting is perfect. thank you for your dedication to your work to you fans and to your characters. it means so much that you all stuck through this together and that you are such great friends in real life and i can only hope that one day i can be so lucky as to meet you all and thank you in person. 

[germposting]

endgame spoilers!!!

wouldnt it have made more sense for wanda to volunteer to take the stones back in time, find vision, and then fuck off into the 1950’s with him? u’know, setting up that show they’re supposed to star in on disney+? and have steve retire in the future, give bucky the shield and then have bucky pass on the shield and give it to sam??? first of all, wanda has literally nothing left to lose and it would make sense that she would be the one to go back, not just for plot set up wise, but literally the fact that she would be easier to return back in time and be completely unrecognizable. it also makes sense for her to be the selfish one and not come back. shes lost her parents, her home, her brother, her friends, and then her fiancé. shes also got more of an edge than steve does and a bigger chance of holding a grudge and acting on it, so it would make way more sense for her to hide in the 50’s and live a life with vision. just saying.

having steve try to give the mantle to bucky and him passing it over to sam would be perfect?? itd show the growth between bucky and sam and it wouldnt be steve totally spitting in buckys fucking face after ditching him in the fucking future. bucky whos been teased to hold the shield in every captain america movie, whos moved on from wanting to fight but still wants to help? imagine if bucky and sam went from “you couldnt have done that earlier” “i hate you” to “sam deserves that shield more than i do, im done fighting” “thank you, buck” ugh whatever. WHATEVER MARVEL!

thanks for the character assassination for two seconds of steve dancing with peggy. like yeah great scene, cute even, but didnt peggy u know... have a whole other fucking family that just vanished from existence? and i guess steve just sat by and let hydra torture bucky for 70 years huh. makes sense.

[samingtonwilson]

Relationship Tutor: (9) Intermediate Repression

relationship tutor masterlist

Summary: College AU. Bucky, a relationship novice, asks for your help in dating your friend. Unable to say no to him, you agree despite everyone and everything telling you not to.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: language, lil angsty if u look hard enough

A/N: lol im sorry

Eight hours at the library circulation desk made it so that your ass felt like… well, nothing. You couldn’t feel it at all— not that you were always hyper-aware of the presence of your ass, but you knew it was comfortably there. Like this, it was as if your body ended at the lower border of your torso and began once again in the middle of your thighs.

You couldn’t stand the idea of sitting once again to drive back to your apartment, scowling the whole way back and wondering if truck drivers could be paid more for the constant numb-ass they must experience. After all, you would want to be paid more if you permanently lost feeling in one of your body parts— a body part you were particularly proud of, too.

Once the door to your place was unlocked and open, you walked in with the most dramatic sigh and threw your bag aside so it hit a leg of the circular dining table. You picked up the mail Sam must have brought in, skimming through the mostly useless letters. “Someone could really shoot me in the ass right now from close range and I wouldn’t feel it.”

You looked up from the collection of bills, grocery coupons, and horribly written advertisement cards to see Natasha and Sam smirking at you in a bit of surprise.

You laughed nervously, sending the latter a quick glare. “You’d think that would embarrass me considering that you and I aren’t very close, Nat. But someone spilled coffee on me at the beginning of my shift,” you continued, pulling your jacket off and revealing a large brown stain down the front of your formerly off-white sweater. “So I’m all maxed out.”

She shook in silent laughter, her fingers tightening their grip around a pastel pink mug so her pale skin grew even paler.

“You pull it off well,” Sam complimented, a corner of his lips lifted in a playful smile. “Looks like a New York Fashion Week exclusive on you.”

“It’s an original from the Elie Saab collaboration with Starbucks,” you said with a laugh. “I’m gonna go change. You heading to Steve’s soon?”

He nodded, calling as you disappeared down the hall, “You comin’, too?”

“I’ve got an assignment to finish first,” you shouted back, shutting the door as you yanked your sweater over your head and threw on the first thing you could find.

You looked down at the clean sweater to see it was inside-out and sighed a loud, “What the fuck?”

Sweater finally on correctly, you pulled your door open and started down the hall again. “Why am I such a goddamn mess?”

“D’you have an unstable childhood?”

You snorted and rolled your eyes at Sam. “No, Freud, did you?”

“I’m gonna leave before she gets worse,” he told Natasha, rising from the edge of the coffee table he was perched atop. “The sarcasm, fake smiles, and general unpleasantness just escalate once she gets started.”

Natasha cocked an eyebrow the same shade of red as her shoulder-length wavy hair. “So you’re just going to leave me here with her?”

“And talking about me like I’m not here will really alleviate the issue,” you mumbled as you reached down to pick up your bag from where you’d thrown it, stopping while still awkwardly bent and raising your eyebrows. “Huh, it really does just escalate.”

You sat on the floor across from Natasha’s spot on the couch once Sam left and the two of you got to work, Natasha periodically helping you with your assignment for a general education course she’d previously taken and you doing the same for her.

The minute she cracked her nutrition course reader open, however, you raised a single eyebrow in interest and attempted to look nonchalant as you glanced over your laptop which was set atop the coffee table. “That’s the class you have with Bucky, right?”

She looked up from her book and nodded with a small smile pulling at her lips that had a natural berry shade, her green eyes holding a particular sparkle you thought you might be imagining. “Yeah. The one with the deathly boring professor.”

“Speaking of Bucky,” you burst out after a few seconds of silence, scolding yourself mentally for the terrible transition. “How’s it going with you two?”

She eyed you strangely for a moment, her head tilted slightly as she sat back against the couch cushions. “It’s going well.”

“Yeah?”

She hummed and looked down at her book again. “Yeah, he’s nice. Funny and cute, too.”

“He’s alright,” you said with a dismissive wave of your hand. “You’ve been dating for a bit. Any plans to label it yet?”

“Not really. It’s going well enough like this.”

You felt your heartbeat change. “You don’t wanna lock it down? Tie that sucker to you? Brand that ass with your name?”

She snorted, setting her book onto the table and shutting it with a black mechanical pencil as a placeholder. “Do you want me to brand that ass with my name?”

“I mean if you’re hitting it on the reg’ you might as well.” You nearly rolled your eyes at yourself hard enough to have them fall from their sockets. You didn’t think it was possible to sound more like a middle aged man attempting to recapture his youth if you tried.

“No one’s hit anything yet, actually.”

“What?” you breathed, clearing your throat and looking away to control the loathsome smile pulling at your lips. The selfish part of you seemed to be having the time of its life. “Really? But you’re both so hot.”

“I think he’s taking it slow.”

You traced the subtle frown over her lips. “Are you unhappy about that?”

She shook her head. “No, no. Of course not. It’s nice to meet someone our age that isn’t trying to jump into bed at the drop of a hat.”

“But…” you prompted.

“But nothing— it’s nice.”

Natasha always needed a bit of pushing. “You know, I’m not going to run off and tell him anything. I just like knowing things.”

She narrowed her eyes at you speculatively before sighing heavily. “But I want to get to it already! He wouldn’t even kiss me until after Clint’s party. And that didn’t turn into anything more than a teenage makeout session.”

Clint’s party.

There was another shifting in your chest and you pressed two of your fingers against the plush of your lips, tapping them there as if that could do away with the tingling memory of his kiss.

You wanted to roll your eyes at yourself, maybe scoff a bit and laugh ruefully— and you would have, had you been alone.

After all, Bucky wasn’t yours. He wasn’t yours to kiss as you pleased, wasn’t yours to have such juvenile and cliché complaints about— he especially wasn’t yours to feel such fiery jealousy and betrayal over.

You should have actually been pleased. You should have found joy in the fact that your half-witted, borderline-absurd relationship lessons were bearing such fruit. You should have been overjoyed that Natasha wanted more of Bucky than this stage usually called for. You should have been blissfully elated that you were one of the reasons two people you cared about so much were so happy together.

Yet you felt devastated. Completely and utterly devastated at the reminder that the guy you’d fallen in love with, the guy you tried to pour every bit of that love into during the kiss you’d carry with you until your chest mended itself, wasn’t yours.

Maybe the heavy impact of this cruel reminder was due to the timing of it all. Maybe it was the thought that only a few hours after he’d written his name across whatever blank pieces of you remained, he was scribbling those same letters onto pieces of Natasha. Maybe it was the idea that Bucky’s steps only grew lighter and more graceful mere hours after something that was powerful enough to send you to your knees. Maybe it was the fact that hours after something akin to hope blossomed inside of you, the leaves wilted and the petals browned beyond repair.

“I think he just wants it to be more meaningful, you know?” you asked, hoping she didn’t notice the higher pitch of your voice.

“Has he said anything about it to you?”

You shot off a quick text to Bucky, ignoring every unread message that glared up at you, and flashed Natasha a small, tight smile. You noticed the faint trembling in her fingers, your smile faltering when you saw her usually cool and collected exterior slip a little. “He told me he wants to build a foundation with you first.”

She barked a laugh, shaking her head. “God, what does that even mean?”

You smiled genuinely and shrugged. “He just wants to be totally sure and wants you to be totally sure before you invest anything into him.”

She frowned in consideration and nodded. “He’s either inherently a saint or someone did a great fucking job raising him.”

“Ah yes, the ol’ nature versus nurture debate.”

Though Bucky lived only a few minutes from you, you were always surprised at the speed with which he reached your place.

When you opened the door for him, you offered him a smile despite the intense urge to scowl and scream in his face— his stupid, horrible face that looked at you with features so gentle that you thought you might melt.

You opened the door wider. “Come in.”

He smiled at you in what appeared to be apprehension, fingers raking through his hair and tugging at the ends. “Listen, Y/N, we should—”

“Hi, Bucky,” Natasha greeted from where she sat, her eyes narrowing at you accusatory. “This is a surprise.”

“Isn’t it?” you asked, tossing your things into your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. “So I’m going to head over to your place since Steve’s been texting me non-stop about helping him with Greek myth. I know you said you wanted to do nutrition work with Nat, so stay as long as you want.”

Bucky’s eyebrows were knit together when you looked at him again, his mouth hanging open before he sobered up and gave Natasha a timid wave. He then followed you back to the entrance, grabbing your wrist before you could shut the door behind you. “I came here to talk to you.”

“For what? We talk everyday.”

He narrowed his eyes, slate blue an almost metallic shade. “We haven’t for the last three. I’ve been texting you, trying to get ahold of you.”

“Notifications are turned off,” you told him, waving your phone. “It’s midterm season.”

“It’s midterm seas—” he sighed out a mirthless laugh, shaking his head. “We still have to— We need to—”

You took your wrist from his grip. “We need to what, Bucky?”

“Talk,” he finished, a pink dusting over his cheeks and the tip of his nose. “Something happened here and we need to talk about it.”

“What happened?”

“You know what happened.”

“All I know is that I have to help Steve with Greek myth and Nat needs your help on nutrition.” You leaned in a bit closer to him. “She’s also kind of getting impatient on the physical front, if you know what I mean. So I’d get on that.”

When Bucky continued to stare at you in a mix of incredulousness and utter confusion, you sighed softly and shrugged a single shoulder. “You don’t have to feel guilty— what happened didn’t mean anything.” You paused. “Then again, you were using that classic Barnes charm.”

“I don’t feel guilty.”

You nodded and looked away from the shift in his expression. “Good. Well, it was my fault anyway. So I’m sorry. Sleep deprivation can really fuck someone up.”

“I should go,” you continued. You took a few steps back and gave him the biggest grin your trembling lips allowed. “You can use my bed but make sure to put a tarp down wherever your bare ass will be. Have a nice time!”

PART 10: BASIC FOOTBALL STUDIES

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[shivercloud]

A little trouble never hurt anybody (Loki x reader one shot soulmate AU) part.1

Warnings: a little bit of fluff. And lots of cussing.

Summary: Loki and reader soulmate AU. you were recruited as an Avenger and an agent of Shield you were vicious and NO ONE messed with you. you were vicious yet caring and could be kind you were a tom-boy. Unfortunately, your soulmate happened to be the Trickster Loki Laufeyson/odinson whom you hated since he had killed your whole family in the whole New York incident, his very existence irked you, you wished him dead. But things change once your soulmark appears on your arm. After he escaped the Asgardian dungeon and took over Asgard. So Thor brought him back to Midgard and He was being punished by having to be an Agent of Shield against his will and being under 24/7 surveillance which you hated, you didn't see him ever since you avoided him and shot him a glare every time you DID see him.

Powers and abilities: you are half Asgardian so long life span, stronger then Midgardians, heal faster than Midgardians. You are a master assassin even better then Natasha was also kept in the red room but never had graduation since your younger and your parents found you and took you out before Natasha was graduated. You have the ability to control fire.

Onto the story.....

It was a normal day at the Avengers compound and it was 4 years since New York and almost everybody had a soulmate but you didn't you were thinking to yourself as the sun shone into your bedroom "am I EVER gonna get a soulmate? Will I forever be alone? Why can't I have a soulmate!? I don't want to be ALONE FOREVER!"

You get out of your bed in a pout and change into a pair of ripped jeans and a t-shirt and put your hair up in a ponytail and did your usual morning stuff and then went to the living room.

You saw everyone with their soulmates which made you envious and Tony asks "still no soulmark?" You pull up your sleeve and say grumpily "nope, I'm gonna die alone if only I wasn't half Asgardian, I hate my life and I hate well hated my Dad" Tony says "[Name] we all know you don't or didn't hate your Dad" you reply "I know, but I wish I was just 100% Midgardian, I HATE my life!"

Thor walks in and says "[Name] Being Asgardian isn't all that bad, your more advanced then Midgardians then" you reply "I DONT care! If I wasn't half Asgardian I'd be dead and wouldn't have to worry about never having a soul mate!" Thor says "if it makes you feel better, my Brother doesn't have one either" you reply "dont remind me of that nuisance and egotistical idiot! He doesn't even deserve one!"

Just then the idiot walks in and you scoff "look who's here now, the last person in the nine realms I want to see" Thor says "[Name] my brother doesn't do that anymore" you reply "I HATE his very existence, and I will NEVER forgive him he's the very reason I have absolutely no family" Thor says "[Name] I have no family either the only family I have is Loki" you reply "if you want some pity you've come to the wrong person, why don't you go get pity from your Soulmate! Being your Valkyrie girl" (Brunhilde is Thor's soulmate in this story). You stomp off to your room and shut the door and lock it.

Natasha walked into the living room and says "what was that all about?" Thor answers "Lady [Name], is upset," Natasha asks "about what now?" Tony responds "she still doesn't have a soulmark and she still hates Reindeer games" Thor adds "and I said something I shouldn't have," Natasha asks "did you bring up her family again?" Thor replies "yeah, sort of, I didn't mean to," Natasha says "you, know she's sensitive about that, we all do" Thor replies "I know, I didn't mean to upset Lady [F/N]" Natasha says "I know you didn't, I'll go talk to her."

Your POV

I went to my room angry And thought "I know I need to grow up and stop getting upset everytime someone mentions my dead family, but it's painful, remembering that and I also shouldn't get upset about not having a soulmate i'm not the only one, like sam and neither does Bucky that's it may be one of them are my soulmate, maybe Bucky is he is cute, but I don't even have a soulmark yet."

There's a knock at my door so I answer "who is it?" I hear Natasha say "it's me Nat" I respond "come in" and I unlock the door and Nat comes in and asks "you, ok [Name]?" You reply "good enough, you're lucky you have a soulmark and soulmate," Natasha says "yeah I was shocked when I found out about my soulmark" you reply "I knew that you and Banner were meant for each other."

You sigh "but, I have no one," Nat says "cheer up, I know you'll get one" you reply "I doubt it, everybody has one except me, you have Banner, Steve HAD Peggy Carter, Tony has Pepper, Thor has his valkyrie girl, Wanda has Vision, Clint has Laura, Rhodes has someone no one knows and I have no one its not fair! I don't want to die alone!"

Nat says "[Name] don't lose hope it took me about 10 years at least to find mine, and you age slower so I know you'll get someone, now come on everyone is here at the compound today, even Clint so we can do something with the team. Nat says " come on I thought we were best friends?" You reply "we are but, I'm still jealous that you have a soulmate, even if we have been through the same thing" Nat replies "yeah, I'm glad you didn't graduate."

You reply "I really wish I could've taken you with me when my parents got me out of that shit hole" Nat replies "it's fine, let's just go join the team I'll make sure you sit AWAY from Loki" you reply "fine, just I know those memories haunt you more than they haunt me, have you spoken to Bruce about it?" Nat replies "yeah, talking about it helps even if it was horrifying, but PLEASE let's go?" You reply "fine," Nat says "good, also if you ever get a soulmark, tell me," you ask "why?"

Nat responds "cause then I can help you try to figure out who it is if you won't know it by then" you respond "umm, ok," Nat says "now, come on Bruce and I will make sure you don't sit by Loki".

You respond "good, you're a good best friend" you and Nat get on your way and you say "I wish Shield wouldn't have done what they did with him" Natasha responds "we all do, except Maybe Thor."

You and Natasha go to the living room and see everybody gathered except Loki but that didn't matter anyway he and a tracking device on him and Tony says "we should do something, as a team something fun none of us are working" you ask Tony "then what do, YOU suggest?" Tony replies "hey, you finally came, I don't know 7 minutes in heaven?" You respond "HECK NO, besides everyone has a soulmate already" Tony replies "you dont, and neither do Barnes, or Wilson" you reply "Tony that game stinks and no."

Tony suggests "what about spin the bottle?" You reply "no, like I said you all have soulmates and I don't" you sigh "whatever, I'll be in the library reading until somebody, comes up with an idea of some sort, so goodbye" you leave and Tony says "she's still upset about having no soulmate isn't she?" Nat responds "I think so," Tony says "what if we tried getting Reindeer games and [Name] together?" Nat replies "no 1st of All. She hates his guts 2nd of all. he doesn't deserve my best friend 3rd of all. She doesn't even have a soulmark yet!" Tony replies "that's true, what about Barnes and her?" Nat points out "she and him no and like I already said, she doesn't even have a soulmark" Tony says "that's why we could experiment, because usually, you have to have some chemistry with your soulmate before the soulmark appears" Nat says "no, I think we should Let her do that herself."

Just then Nat's phone rings and she sees its fury calling and says "I have to take this it's Fury, probably a mission" Nat leaves the room and answers the phone and Fury says "Agent Romanoff?" Nat responds "yes, Director?" Fury replies "I have a mission for you, Agent [L/N], and Laufeyson well Agent Laufeyson" Nat responds "but [Name] hates Loki and I dont blame her" fury responds through the phone "that's why your there otherwise it'd just be them, im well aware of her hatred for him and I don't like him either, but, this mission requires him and her and you to make sure [Name] doesn't try to kill him or he try to kill her."

Nat says into the phone "i'll go get them and you can let us know our mission" Fury responds through the phone "ok" Natasha says "I'll put you on hold Fury."

Your POV

I just went to the library and grabbed a book and sat down just then I heard someone walk by and clear their throat and I look up from my seat and see Loki so I give him a sarcastic grin and then look back down to my book and cross my legs on top each other in a comfortable position and I hear Loki say "excuse me?" I ignore him and he says again in a more annoyed tone "excuse me!?" I growl and look up to him and ask "what!?" I look back down and he says "excuse me, mortal?!"

I snap my head up to him and snap "what?! And I am NOT Mortal sadly, I wish I was but I'm not, now WHAT do you want, your highness?" The last part was dripping with sarcasm Loki says "your sitting in my seat" I reply "well, boohoo, get lost because I don't give a fuck! You royal arrogant asshole!"

Loki responds "fine, then I'll sit there" he points to the seat next to me which I quickly put my legs onto and say "NOPE! That's reserved Loki says " oh, really? For who?" I respond "for my legs are you blind?" Loki throws my legs off but I kick him in the face and say innocently but with sarcasm "oops, didn't know that was your face, sorry."

I get up but Loki stops me by trapping me against the bookshelf and asks "why do you hate me so much?" I reply "easy, your arrogant, egotistical, selfish and a jackass!" I try to escape but Loki doesn't let me and Loki says "really, I know it's not just that" I reply "alright, you wanna know the rest then fine, you killed my family mercilessly easy because of your a jackass and a monster."

I snap "now LET ME GO! Or you'll regret it!" Loki replies "please i'm a god, you couldn't harm me in the slightest way" I challenge "oh, really, you think you're better than everyone?" I ignite my hands on fire and squeeze his wrists burning him and I question him "hurts, doesn't it?" Loki tries giving me a straight face but winces in pain and I smirk in satisfactory "I thought so."

He moves so I can escape and winces in pain and rubs his arm so he's no longer trapping me and I flip him off and say "Fuck you little bastard!" I throw my hair that came out of the ponytail over my shoulder and I leave to get a new book since I finished the one I was reading.

Loki's thoughts after that: "I like this Mortal, she's vicious and beautiful also fun to mess with she's feisty, just for a woman she dresses weirdly, no make-up at least I think. boyish- but still girlish yet clothing, no jewellery and a very strange attitude."

I grabbed a new book and went back to the soft bean bags and saw he was sitting on the one I was on before so I give him a glare and he just smirks while reading his book and he has his legs on the other one so I give him an unimpressed expression and he smirks while reading I pull the second beanbag out from under his legs and I 'accidentally' kick him in the crotch.

And he groans in pain and glares at me in pain still and I smirk and say innocently "oops" and I take the beanbag and sit away from him and just when I open my book and start reading i'm interrupted by Natasha which slightly ticks me off.

3rd POV

Natasha says to you "[Name], we have a mission" you groan and place your bookmark in the book and put it on the ground beside you and ask "what is it?" Nat responds "we need Loki as well unfortunately and luckily you two were in the same place at the same time" you say to Nat "I don't think that asshole can hear you."

Nat sighs and you shout "hey bozo!" Loki looks up from his book and glares at you and you shout "yeah, you idiot murderer, with hideous clothing" Loki glares and stays in his spot so you roll your eyes and say "get your ass over here!" Loki growls angrily and comes over and asks "what is so important that you MUST bother me while I read?! Weak Mortal!" You shout for the hundredth time "is not mortal you little shit I'm only half I wish I were completely mortal but I'm not so, shut the fuck up! There's something important to discuss."

Loki scoffs "fine, what?" Natasha puts her phone off hold and says "I suggest that we go to the table" so the three of you go to the table in the library and Natasha puts her phone on speakerphone and says "hello, Fury I've got them here now" Fury says through the phone "ok, well this is an important mission, the mission is there is a terrorist boat full of dangerous weapons and illegal weapons, a small shipment but still and I need the three of you to stop it from making it to the destination and I need you three to destroy them, but however there are hostages aboard the ship which you need to save and stop the shipment do whatever it takes to save the innocents and stop the shipments."

You ask "and why do we need the idiot to help out? Not like he'll be any use to us, why not just Nat and I?" Fury responds through the phone "it's too dangerous for just you two" you ask "then why not replace the idiot with someone I dont know..... Useful?" Fury replies "quit your complaining, you sound like a child and it'll either be just you and Laufeyson or the three of you your choice."

You groan and say "well Fury, I'm sorry as much as I like killing bad guys and saving good peoples lives I am gonna have to respectfully decline and putting bad guys where they belong" you shoot Loki a death glare and Fury says "well, too bad you dont have a choice, any other complaints?" Loki says "yes, I can't do this with HER, so I refuse," Fury says "too damn bad Laufeyson, we technically own you and if we didn't you'd be dead, a Quinjet sill be there soon to pick the three of you up an take you to shield HQ to get your equipment and Romanoff you need to check and take save any Shield intel, I expect all of you to put your hatred aside and work as a team, Romanoff is mainly there so [L/N] doesn't murder Laufeyson or the other way around, get ready the Quinjet should be there in a an hour, which'll leave you three with approximately 2 hours once you reach the destination to stop these weapons from reaching their destination."

With that Fury hangs up and all evidence of that conversation is erased automatically you say to Natasha "Nat?" She asks "what?" You reply "let's spar, I NEED to train a bit and blow off some steam" Natasha replies "I'm sorry [F/N] I can't I wanted to spend time with Bruce and the team" you reply "ugh, ok, then I'll train by myself."

Nat says "sorry, you might hate me for even suggesting this, but spar with him," you say in disbelief "heck no!" Loki says "and I refuse to train well spar with YOU, of all people."

You leave the library along with Nat and you go to your room and quickly go to the training room alone and you sigh unhappily once you get to the training room and you go over to the punching beg.

Using the right gear, you punch it hard and fast repeatedly in a frustrated way and while you're beating up the punching bag you think "ok, actually now I wouldn't mind sparring with Loki, it might be fun to beat the shit out of him, but I'm pretty sure he meant it when he refused" you hear someone walk in and say "I didn't think that the poor thing hurt you" you look and see Loki and you can't help but laugh quietly.

Loki comments "is that laughter I hear?'" You respond in a vicious tone "shut up, why are you here anyway?" Loki replies "because I changed my mind, I'll spar with you" you reply "well, it's too late now" Loki responds "are you sure now?" You reply "ok, fine, but dont get mad if I kick your ass" you leave the punching bag and go over to Loki

Loki says "you won't be able to kick my ass" you reply "sure, sure DONT underestimate me," Loki says "I won't but dont underestimate me either" you reply "weapons or magic?" Loki says "you know magic?" You reply "a bit yes and I can control fire, long-story-short my Dad whom you murdered mercilessly was Asgardian and taught me some Asgardian Magic," Loki asks "do you know how to do illusions?" You reply "not really, I mainly know Asgardian fighting and earth fighting and I can use fire magic."

You make a little flame dance on your hand and then make a little fire Cat appear on your hand and Loki says "that's actually fascinating" you reply "umm thanks? I guess" Loki replies "I'm sorry" you respond "for what?" Loki replies "for everything" you respond "are you ok?" Loki shrugs and answers "perhaps not" you reply "ok, well lets spar I want to get some training done before we have to leave for the mission and you better not screw it up."

Loki replies "more, like you better not" you growl basically and say in a competitive tone "lets spar," Loki says "ok, but weapons or magic?" You reply "just weapons, you're probably crappy with a weapon" Loki replies "oh, really? I don't do just magic, I do daggers as well and not to brag but I'm quite skilled with them" you reply sarcastically "sure."

Loki says "you'll see" you reply "what kind of weapons?" Loki asks "what weapons do you normally use?" You reply "my skills and shield weapons, but when I trained with my Dad I used small blades or well small knives, similar to daggers but different, but if I'm gonna use it I need to go get it" Loki replies "ok, well hurry, I'll just be waiting here."

You leave and quickly go to your room and you go to the drawer that you had it in and unfold it from the cloth you wrapped it in and took it out of the sheath and stroked your finger on it and say to yourself "Dad, mom brother, I'm sorry I would take this opportunity to kill him but I can't, everybody would notice, one day I WILL avenge all of you, I WILL kill him just not now, I'll at least get some of his blood shed onto here."

You put it back into its sheath and go to the training room and you see Loki waiting for you to return patiently and he gets up when you reach and you ask "don't you need your dagger" he uses his magic and makes one appear and says "I already have one."

You attack Loki without warning and just barely miss his arm and he laughs and mocks "you missed" you cuss "crap" and ask "you've got good reflexes huh?" you add "well, I've got better Reflexes" Loki lunges an attack on you but you avoid it and twist his hand around so his own weapon is pointing at his own throat and Loki says "maybe, I did underestimate you, I'm not gonna go easy on you now" you reply "ok, that's fine."

You and Loki spar for almost an hour both with scratches when you cut his cheek and make him bleed and he says "impressive, it's not easy to draw blood, but then again your half Asgardian" he wipes it off but it keeps on bleeding and he cuts your arm slightly leaving a tiny cut.

Natasha walks in and says "you two, quintet just got here let's go, so quickly change and then come on I'll be waiting by the door that leads outside" you nod and you say to Loki "you might wanna clean up that wound" Loki replies "I know" you and Loki leave and you say "as much as I hate saying this, your.... Decent at sparring" Loki replies "as much as I hate to say it as well, so are you."

You reply "ugh, I hate myself for this so much but, maybe we should spar again sometime, ugh your... A good sparring partner" Loki replies stiffly "I agree and so are you."

You and Loki go two different directions and you think "Dad, Mom, Big Brother I am SO sorry I know I shouldn't be making friends with the enemy, I am SO deeply, sincerely sorry, I've failed but I swear on my life I WILL avenge you, all of you, at least I'll try."

You quickly change out of your gym clothes and put deodorant and perfume on you gather some of your equipment since most of it was at shield HQ and you go and find Natasha waiting and she asks "where is he?" You reply "I have no idea, I dont keep fucking tabs on him!" Nat says "woah, sorry [Name] calm down."

Loki comes and sighs and says "let's get this over with" you see he's wearing his armour and say "you are SUCH An idiot!" Loki looks confused at you and asks "what did I do?" You reply "you can't go on a SHIELD mission in THAT!" Loki challenges "oh and why not?!" You facepalm and ask "have you been on ANY Shield missions at ALL?!" Loki responds "no" you reply "of, course you haven't, well what you're wearing it attracts WAY too much attention, working fo Shield you need something that doesn't attract attention but I'm sure shield has something for you to wear."

Natasha says "[Name] is right you can't wear that on a shield mission, it attracts too much attention but I'm sure Fury has something," you say to Nat "he's probably going to have to wear something like what Clint wears" Natasha replies "probably," Loki says "I'm still here and I REFUSE to wear something like that" you reply "your gonna have to."

You, Nat and unfortunately Loki board the Quinjet and fly off to Shield HQ on your way you say to Natasha "It feels like I haven't been on a mission in forever" Natasha replies "yeah, it has been a while" you reply "missions are my life, I've missed them, I'm never gonna give up my life working for Shield, its the best" Nat replies "yeah, Shield is nice they give everyone a second chance."

Loki just sits silently and looks at the ground and asks "how do you two get along so well?" You reply "we're best friends and we went through the same thing."

---------time skip----------

The three of you reach HQ and the door opens and the three of you get off and go in and go to the equipment room and Fury walks in and says "Agent [L/N], it's been a while, one of our top agents its good to see you and Romanoff good see you as well, I see Laufeyson actually came, figured he'd escape somehow" you reply "I'm shocked as well and it's good to see you, director" Fury says "Laufeyson, we, have some equipment for you, seeing as you dont have anything other than your Asgardian armour which will attract too much attention, its still your style but it's dark colours that won't attract attention, follow me Agent Laufeyson."

Loki follows after Fury, while you and Nat get your equipment and once you two have equipment on Loki returns and you can't help but look him up and town and take in how good he looks once you notice he notices you look at your shoes and Nat says "let's go."

-------------time skip-------------

You reach your destination and Natasha says "[L/N], Laufeyson both of you to save the hostages and then destroy the illegal weapons if possible you nod and Loki asks Natasha " why do you get to make the orders here?" Natasha replies "I have way more experience that's why now while I go save any Shield intel and you two NEED to work together, [L/N] you get to give Laufeyson orders" you nod and Loki grits his teeth together angrily and Natasha goes on.

Loki growls quietly "why must I listen to YOU?!" You reply "easy you've never been out in the field and I have, therefore I have more experience, now shut up and stop complaining you sound like a little boy" Loki spits "EXCUSE ME?!" You say nothing but saying "we're supposed to work as a team so just Fucking listen to me PLEASE" Loki scoffs "Fine."

.....later.....

You and Loki find the hostages but see that they're heavily guarded and you whisper to Loki "we need to do whatever it takes to get in their Laufeyson, which means you can kill the bad guys but not, the victims."

He nods and says "I'll go the other direction" you give him a thumbs up and he goes and you go and you both bust the doors down and you attacked by a bunch of guys but burn some of them and kill them by throwing them at the wall with force and snapping there necks another one attacks you and your hand is on flame and you put it on there throat and burn a hole hearing gurgling sound and they fall lifeless to the floor.

Loki says "and you call me merciless" you hiss "shut up" and you speak into your ear com "we've got the hostages, we need someone to come and get them" you hear Agent Hill on the other end "someone will be there right away" you reply "ok."

you and Loki untie the hostages and get rid of their gags and they look scared so you reassure them "someone will be here to get all of you home soon" they all nod and soon a Quinjet large enough for them arrives with one of the shield agents that you recognize but don't remember the name of and after all the innocents get on board they fly away.

Natasha finds you and Loki and asks "the victims are safe?" You nod and she says "well now, we need to destroy those weapons."

You nod and all go to where the weapons are located and find a jackpot you say "if we want to do this the easy way I could just burn this ship down, my fire is so strong that they'll melt" Nat says "check if that's allowed" you nod and say into your com "can I just burn this place down?" You hear Fury "yes, but do it once a ride comes I'll send one immediately."

A few minutes later a Quinjet arrives and you set the weapons on fire you're all on your way out when someone puts something on your mouth and nose and you pass out seeing Natasha ln the Quinjet and no sign of Loki.

After that, it was all black.