#im not really happy with how this turned out

[erwinsvow]

OMG I WAS THE ANON WHO SENT SMTH ABT ASKING JACK ABBOT TO BE UR BOYFRIEND A BAR AND SITTING IN HIS LAP TO ESCAPE A CREEP (unless tumblr ate my ask bc it hates me), BUT IVE BEEN WATCHING ANIMAL KINGDOM AND IM FROTHING AY THE MOUTH NOW THINKING ABT POPE AND THAT SITUATION GRHAGEHEH

im only on s2 of animal kingdom but i just ADORE how you write pope and i needed to share this with you because whenever i think of pope's characterization i think of you frfr

i actually went so physically insane over this prompt. i was counting down the minutes until school ended so i could write this and it's so small but i hope you like it. it would be perfect for jack but ohmygod for pope. imagine this is how he meets wifey or something. jesus lord

he sits on a stool at deran's bar, right against the counter, because he doesn't have anywhere else to be. anywhere else to go right now. there's bruises littered across his back and a visible scratch on his neck and one on his forehead that's still healing. a wrapped up hand picks up his beer and takes a long sip before setting it down a little harder than he intended.

the place is packed—it always is. some part of andrew, deep inside, is happy for deran. the people here are drunk and chattery and he knows that there's regulars and locals who prefer this place. his brother created something that others love, that people go to willingly.

and andrew hasn't felt anything close to that feeling in forever. he takes another drink of his beer, this time until it's empty, and raises it towards the bartender. he doesn't know where deran is tonight, probably out mixed in the crowd, mingling and talking. craig is probably with him. and like always, andrew is alone.

the bartender brings over another and takes the empty bottle away. it's his third or fourth—though it takes so much to get him drunk, he hasn't even begun to feel the stupid effects of it yet. and all around him, people keep partying, talking, drinking. loud over the music that plays in the background. it's all too loud.

this one will have to be his last. he needs to go home. but the idea of going inside the house, to his bedroom, to the bedroom that was lena's, makes him think the beer might come back up. he'll take the truck to the beach, sit there for a few hours. roll the window down so there's nothing but quiet and ocean waves. nothing can fix how he's been feeling recently, but maybe that can patch it up for a few hours, a temporary band-aid. (what he really needs is something closer to surgery, but he can't think about that right now. band-aid it is.)

he takes a breath, shoulders rising in the black shirt he'd worn today. another sip of his beer. and just when he decides it's time to go be alone—always, he's always alone—he feels a tap on his shoulder. there's a healing bruise, yellow and green, there so he winces briefly before turning to face who it is—craig or deran. he's not sure who else it could be.

and then he sees you. blinking up at him, eyes fluttering quickly. breathing heavy and turning your neck as if someone's following you. you look jittery and nervous, though for once, it's not directed at him. it makes something dark and protective wash over him briefly. you take little shallow breaths, he can tell from how your chest heaves, when he turns and faces you all the way. he doesn't think he's ever seen you before.

"yes?"

"w-what's your name?" you turn again, like you're waiting for someone to show up behind you.

"my name?" he repeats quietly. he can barely hear you over the continual drone of the bar and the shitty music. you nod quickly, taking a step closer to him. you slide between his seat and the seat next to him, standing there, so close that a couple more inches and you'd be touching him, skin to skin.

you don't look drunk. you're not slurring your words or stumbling. your hands are empty, your eyes still scanning the crowd. you're wearing a pretty dress and he stares at the strap of it on your bare shoulder momentarily before meeting your eyes again.

"your name. please, i-"

"it's andrew."

"andrew. andrew, i-" he almost doesn't catch the rest of your sentence. the way you say his name catches him off guard. slow and sweet and you said it twice like you're really making sure it's him. you say it as if you're happy it's him. he doesn't think he's ever heard it said like that before. "-i know this is going to sound crazy, but i really need help, um-"

and some instinct in him rises up quickly, washing over his body like a flood wave. that you need help. that you picked him to ask for it. that you seem jittery and nervous but maybe a flicker calmer than you were a moment ago. and he did that. and the satisfaction from that makes him incredibly glad he didn't leave after his last beer.

"what's wrong?" he interrupts you, but you notice it. how he sits up straighter, how his bruised hand twitches. it doesn't hover over you, yet, but he keeps it ready as though he might have to at any moment. his eyes are hyper-focused on yours. he listens to every word. and somehow, though you just walked up to the first guy you thought wasn't completely drunk, you think you're safe with him.

"this guy-" but you don't get to finish. since andrew locked eyes with you, you hadn't looked around to see if the guy that's been bothering you all night was getting closer. you couldn't find your friends and he'd used that opportunity to get right next to you and not take no for an answer. so you'd split the second he turned around, getting through the crowd as quickly as you could, wondering if maybe the bartender could help. but realizing a lesson your friends had told you a long time ago—the only no a guy like that will listen to is if it comes from another guy—you walked right up to a stranger in a black shirt instead.

"there you are-" the voice booms. you freeze mid-sentence, something andrew does not like at all. your expression changes, worry drapes over your face again, and despite andrew never being good at these things, he knows you're very uncomfortable. "was looking all over for you. where were we?"

you don't turn right away. your eyes stay locked on andrew's, taking one step closer to him.

but andrew doesn't half-ass anything. certainly not this, when you're trembling like a leaf and he can tell his drunk asshole won't stop bothering you. wordlessly, just from your pretty, worried eyes. he moves his hands to your waist—gently, but firmly. he doesn't wander them, just keeps them in place, still sitting down, moving his gaze from your eyes to the guy's.

but you worry, momentarily, that it's not enough. the asshole looks from you to andrew, to andrew's hands. before you can stop to think about it too much, you perch yourself against him, sitting on his lap. you swing your arm around his neck and keep a hand on his bicep to steady yourself. and andrew plays along perfectly, finding it too easy to bring one hand to your knee and keeping the other on your waist and look up at the guy in question.

he doesn't have to say anything. he knows that he recognizes him.

"oh," the guy starts, backing up a step right away. "i thought you were kidding about the boyfriend. you didn't say it was-"

"she wasn't," andrew says, though unbeknownst to you, he means it. "do we have a problem?"

"no, no, pope, no man. sorry about that, i'll-"

"tell her sorry." you turn your gaze from the encounter between the two men to andrew, not sure why he said that.

"i-i'm sorry-" he stumbles out, before walking away quickly. you must have picked the right guy to ask for help—he seems incredibly scared of andrew. briefly you wonder if you should be scared too.

"thank you," you say, looking back at andrew. he's looking at you too, and you don't realize how close your faces are until you can feel his breath against your cheek. he blinks up at you, not looking away. "oh, i'm sorry, i'll move-"

but his hands are firm on you, keeping you in place.

"stay." the way he says it, it doesn't feel like you have much of a choice. but you'd be an idiot to run from a man who just helped save you when you couldn't find your friends or anyone else to do so. his huge arm feels tense and taut under your hand and it's easy to melt into his grip, getting comfortable against him. you almost feel like you can trust him, like you didn't just meet him ten minutes ago.

"can i buy you another beer? to thank you?"

"yeah. sure."

[hyythlodaeus]

ffxiv polyamory week day 3 - cooking / creation...?

making breakfast as the sundered do, without the use of creation magics, seemed like a nice idea in theory

[red-doll-face]

OKAy so thank you to everyone who has stuck around and waited for me to come back from my personal hell that is getting a bachelor's degree while having a job!!! 😳😳😳😳🥺🥺🥺💓💓💓💓🫶🫶🫶 I hope all of you have been doing well and I wanted to thank all of the people who checked in on me while I was gone to make sure I was ok @emerald-ranch and @frillydolle love you guysss s oooo much OMG. and of course everyone who was happy to see my little im not dead post you guys are the best @moonshapedbox @joelsprettyprincess @teenalien-xx I couldnt be more thankful for yall WAHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 superr special thanks to kenny the wonderful @emerald-ranch for requesting a part two to this love you sm queen , anyway continuation of the proposal prompt from the talented @zae-heeyyy EXCITED TO RELEASE PT 2!!! part one

Tags: established relationship, wedding without any super traditional elements, I feel that the gang wouldnt really do the whole nine yards lowkey. Arthur being a major weenie. pre black water and also SMUT 🔥🔥🔥!! writing about my dream which is marrying arthur and then getting railed ASAP. so penetrative sex, fingering, vvvverry romantic and sweet and fluffy🤭🤭. Insinuated want of having kids btw ok BYE

Arthur celebrates his wedding the only way he knows how.

(High honor) Arthur Morgan x fem. Reader

“Ol�� man Morgan doin’ well for himself, eh? Think it’s time for a party, a proper one. I mean it, ya earned it,” Sean claps a hand on Arthur’s back, he turns to see the big showy grin on the younger man’s face, showing way too much teeth. Arthur knows Sean could probably care less that he is supposed to be celebrating a wedding. 

“Need a good excuse to get drunk?” 

“Mug as ugly as yours, you found a woman to take your hand,” Arthur feels his own expression pull into a scowl. “A young one, too!” Sean laughs heartily, hardly discouraged by Arthur’s harsh glare. He settles for shaking his head. “Goddamned miracle, it is,” 

“Nah, a miracle would be you learning to shoot straight,” Sean mutters something about how even on his wedding night, Arthur couldn’t bear to part with the stick up his ass. It has a grin breaking over Arthur’s face.

The evening is shaping up to be more than a quiet night by the fire, perhaps a small melody from Dutch’s scratchy gramophone, blaring some such opera. Maybe, a bottle which you would take two sips of before leaving him to finish between a cigarette or three. 

Hosea seems to have told everyone what you two went out for, there was some congratulations and the small group of which you are a part of, huddled around you, to marvel and pretend they had not already seen the ring on your left hand. 

In all honesty, Arthur would rather be there on the banks of the river he proposed to you in, laying you out on his bedroll, peeling the wet cotton of your dress from your figure, feeling the cool dampness of your skin, your sweet laugh of ticklishness ringing gently in his ear. 

You had been so beautiful, sitting in front of the fire he had made for you, to keep you warm as the dusk had drawn forth, stars beginning to glow in the blend of peachy yellow, soft orange. A woman such as you might have deserved the puffy and feathered pillows and mattresses of a fine hotel, lace curtains and four-poster bed. Velvet and silk. 

But you looked right at home in the simple cotton of his blanket. There in the canvas of his tent, in the wilderness, the smell of summer grass in your hair. You drag him so close, your lips brush over his. You kiss air from him and  he loves to feel the metallic chill of your ring on his skin. He realizes when you put your hands on the back of his neck how much he will grow to love the feeling for the rest of his life. You open for him to lick slow and easy, his attempt to keep from overwhelming you. 

But he can’t think on it too much, lest he become overwhelmed by the picture of you in his mind. 

Instead, he’s interrupted by Dutch, who nears him, smoking a big cigar. 

“Hosea’s gone and told me you’re a married man now, Arthur. I thought I didn’t raise a fool but maybe,” he sighs, a sarcastic jest tilting his phrasing. Arthur smirks at the familiar tone between them. “Maybe, I did,” There's Dutch’s hand on his shoulder, while he guides him to face the entire camp. He calls you forth from where you had been talking to Jenny, as well as Lenny. You turn and walk towards them, and it's something like a dream of his. He can feel his lips turn up a little. 

“Everyone, please. May I ask you all to congratulate,” he looks at you both, where you link arms with Arthur, your warmth at his side and he places his gaze on you. Even as everyone gathers round, the only thing he can bear to keep his eyes on is you. And you him, your pretty eyes bright with firelight. “This lovely couple. Outlaws and criminals we may be but I would keel over before I would fail to commemorate such a special occasion. I want there to be celebration. I want there to be revelry! My boy is married and there better be nothing but empty bottles around here by the end of the night. Now, somebody, play us a goddamn song!” 

Dutch’s voice cracks a little but it’s a smile on his face too. Uncle starts up with little more than that and Sean is cheering, making most everyone join, perhaps not for your wedding but he could care less. 

Then Davey is shoving a bottle of whiskey in his palm and Uncle plucks his banjo to a familiar tune. With you at his side, he speaks with Dutch, lingering for a while near his tent. Molly joins as well, almost to mirror the two of you. She brings forth a fan from her table, waving it towards her. 

“Congratulations, Mr. Morgan. Mister and missus, now, I suppose,” Arthur nods, thanking her. He can’t deny that he does feel a spark of something in those words. He had imagined them before, people addressing you and him together. He hopes to hear it often now that you wear a band on your left ring finger, standing close to him, never too far from him. 

“Yes, my dear, congratulations. I am sure Arthur is a happier man with you at his side. You know, this is all he wanted when he was a boy, he used- used to draw pictures of himself-” Dutch chuckles. You smirk and your fingers tighten on his hand. Arthur turns his head and rubs the back of his neck with his other hand. 

“Dutch…”

“Oh, really?” 

“Yes, he did. He may not look it but Arthur... I always wished that one day he might find someone that could put up with him and all of his bluster,” You near his side, ever so slightly wiggling into him. You nod, as if in agreement. 

“He’s not so bad. I like his roguish charm. He’s certainly the pick of your litter,” you tease, giggling into your hand. He can feel some warmth crawl up his features. 

“S’only a wonder cause’ I was brought up by a couple a degenerate criminals,”

“Try not to be an ungrateful little shit about it, Arthur. Now, go and have some fun with your wife instead of sitting here talking,” he hands Arthur a fresh cigar, expensive and nearly charcoal with fine age. “Consider it a wedding gift, of sorts. If you’ll excuse me,” Dutch retreats with Molly at his side. Arthur rolls his eyes, drinking from the bottle he was handed. It’s fairly cheap whiskey but it does the trick. A night of drinking wouldn’t be complete if you didn’t share his bottle, wincing at the taste. 

“I really don’t know how any of you get past the first few mouthfuls of this,” 

“Ain’t really ‘bout the taste, more about when you’ve had too much,” 

“Right, it certainly makes them forget all about their troubles, doesn’t it?” you smile and point to where Uncle is singing with Sean and Karen, Javier sits nearby, laughing at the off key singing. 

“Nothin’ could make me forget this particular brand of trouble,” he grins as you scoff at him. His hand is around your waist, obviously speaking of you. And sometimes you were trouble, teasing at him, tempting him. You were a sweet thing but you had your games you liked to play with him. 

“I don’t cause nearly as much trouble as you,” you smile and poke his chest. His response is interrupted by a holler from near the campfire.

“Hold on now, it ain’t a weddin’ til’ the groom kisses the bride,” Karen smirks, just as bad as Sean. She’s staring right at you, where you gape at her. You quickly glance around at all the faces, watching you. A few words of agreement come from Tilly and Mary-Beth. 

“I think she’s right, Arthur. You may kiss the bride, after all,” He turns to Hosea, who smiles very mischievously but Hosea has always had that inclination. Unlike him, you have no dark brimmed shadow to hide in.

“We all know, you two get up to a lot more than peckin’, what’s a little kiss,” Mac remarks, already slurring a little from his own drunkenness. Arthur rolls his eyes. But then you tug at his hand, facing him as too many eyes watch the both of you meet to the sound of whooping and whistles. 

It lasts longer than he thought and before he knows really what all it is, he’s leaned a little too far into it. The wetness of your tongue on his and the heat of your breath on him. You part at what is barely appropriate with a coy little smile, impish glare in your eye. It’s far too personal for him to share but he’s a little drunk and you shelter yourself in his arms at Karen’s eager cheering, an ‘atta girl!’ among the loudest of the nonsense thrown around at your rather public show of affection. 

You spend the evening dancing to a few of Javier’s sweeter songs, canciones por amantes, he says. Songs for lovers. And perhaps some lively dancing before you’re sat at the campfire, listening to nonsense stories and John poking fun of Arthur. It seems everyone has words of advice, though none are married and if they were they are no longer. Swanson makes a big show, drunkenly officiating but Arthur shoos him off. 

The night goes on, at some point some couples feel the need to chase the coattails of Arthur’s so-called romantics, retreating to whatever semblance of privacy you can get in a camp like this. But you and Arthur find seclusion away from camp, watch the moon and the stars. 

There’s a darkness in his eyes when he guides you to the back of a  stationary wagon, the perfect spot to ruck up your skirt and feel around the slit in the bottom of your simple combination undergarment. The slow rocking of his fingers and your quiet pants and whines in his ear have his belt jingling and his buttons undone at the crotch for you, cottony billows of your skirt in his fingers. He doesn’t want to rush, you deserve his care and his time. But it’s your boots that knock into his backside, dragging him closer. His hands scramble for purchase, gripping hard at the crates and boxes at your back, at the dip in your spine as you arch into him. 

Slick wet with pleasure, you fight between spreading wider obscenely for him and cinching your thighs at his waist and hips. The thick stretch of him between your legs has you whimpering for him, for more while he shushes you, sweet praises when you keep your syrupy moans in his ear; all for him to listen to. And it’s so hard for you when he touches that perfect place with every drive of his hips against you, stuffing you so full of him that you’re seeing more stars than you can already count. He knows what gets you damn near dizzy, begging for him to just keep touching there. 

If anyone peeks in on you two, you don’t have half a mind to notice, everything that isn’t Arthur Morgan fades in the obscure dark of the chirp of crickets, the sound of rabbits in the brush, probably doing something quite similar. All that there is for you is Arthur and his expert skill in getting you to lose control, slumping back into the crate of supplies behind you. And that’s he likes you, struggling to register much of anything else but him. He’s half prideful at how he gets you like this and half effected himself, sweating in the summer heat, suspenders slipping off his strong shoulders. You watch as he adjusts his hat, so it doesn’t fall right to the ground. The noises, husky groans of his shoot straight down your spine like a bullet. 

The metal of his belt clinks into the wood you sit on in a quick rhythm, he’s coaxing your button from its hood, just under the dainty flesh, he rubs quick circles, river blue eyes watching the pleasure consume you. “Christ, sweetheart, lemme see ya,” Your eyes glaze over and your jaw goes slack, keeping a desperate whine from waking every passed out drunk in the camp. Your blood is hot with pleasure, mind barely catching up with the overwhelming rush of perfection. His grumbled expletives have a different kind of drunken smile showing on you,  

You're pleasantly limp and dazed when he gives a groaned “that’s it, good girl. C’mon, honey,” sticky spend drips out over your thigh. You smile when you see how hard it is for him to part from you, panting into your ear. But you whine when the wetness of him slides against your thigh as gathers you up in his arms. It’s a whine of complaint. He’s not sure if you don’t like the mess or if you’d rather have it spilling from deeper inside of you. He chuffs and shakes his head at your reaction. 

“You barely became Mrs. Morgan,” and he’s quiet for a moment as he ambles back to your tent, the quiet crackle of fire and the leftover smell of spilled beer and whiskey soaked into the earth. He lays you down and you’re in his arms the second he can put you there. The small bed is little more than that but its comfort is welcome, sinking into it and into the warmth of Arthur. The dull throb in his lower back is a bitter reminder of how old he’s gotten but he dismisses that. He groans softly. 

“Ain’t sure how soon you want that to be Momma,” you let an excited grin slip over you and then it warms into something softer at his almost hesitant tone. There’s a delicate past that lingers, whispers at the end of his words. These moments with you, he wishes they could just be about you and him but he appreciates the way you make room for him and all of the things he drags along. You know him. You touch your forehead to his temple, a gentle kiss in his honey brown hair. 

“Whenever you want me to be.”

-

AHHHH 💕💕😭😭🤭🤭🥲🥲 thanks for reading... lowkey wanna write the alluded sex scene right after the proposal but idk we'll see 👀👀🤭🤭. as always comments are welcome pls let me know if i should quit writing forever jk jk but no like fr... 🥺🥺 anyway thanks so much!!!

[coolgrl111]

connor murphy perchance with a cheerleader reader who secretly has the same struggles and they bond over that if not them js getting high together and they confess

french exchange student reader with ATP maybe new kid in the academy or player against Tashi, wanting to get all close!!!

hiiii!!! i loved your requests so much. here’s the connor one first 🤭 umm also im sorry i kind of went overboard and felt angsty… don’t hate me

tw: depression, suicide

—

the thing about being a cheerleader is that people assume you’re always happy.

like glitter and pom-poms are a substitute for serotonin. like cartwheels and short skirts cancel out the quiet panic that curls into your ribs at 3am.

but you know better.

and so does he.

connor murphy sits like a shadow at the edge of the world (or at least the school parking lot), head down, eyes daring anyone to look at him too long. you don’t mean to sit next to him. it just happens. like gravity. or like bad decisions.

he looks over, slow and suspicious.

you offer a half-smile and a joint.

“world’s ending,” you say, as explanation.

he shrugs. “cool.“

you pass the joint back and forth like a secret. like a lifeline. smoke curls around you both, and the silence between you shifts from awkward to gentle.

“you don’t seem like the type, you know,” he says finally.

you raise an eyebrow.

“to sit on the ground with me. and do drugs. and not cry about it.”

you laugh. “give it time.”

when the stars come out, you’re still there. his head tilted back, yours resting against his shoulder in a way that feels accidentally on purpose. you tell him things. not the big things—just breadcrumbs. like how you hate pep rallies. how you once cried during halftime. how you wish you could just… not be this person.

he blinks. slow, languid. “same.”

and it’s stupid. and sweet. and kind of sad. and it’s the first time you feel understood in forever.

“hey,” you say softly, voice barely louder than the wind.

he turns to look at you, like the moon’s caught in his eyes.

“i think i’m gonna like you.”

a pause.

“yeah?”

“yeah.”

“okay. good. me too. but like… don’t tell anyone. i have a reputation to uphold. i’m pretty popular.”

you grin. “oh yeah?”

“oh yeah.”

the joint burns out. the night drips quietly on.

—

you start seeing him more. not on purpose, at first. just… by coincidence. or fate. or whatever cosmic joke put the angriest boy in school and the sparkliest girl in the same orbit.

at lunch, you start sitting near each other. not at the same table, not yet. just close enough for the air to feel familiar. for a certain electricity to linger.

he nods at you. you nod back.

it’s stupid. it means everything.

eventually, he lets you into his world. little pieces at a time.

like how his mom keeps pushing therapy schedules into his hands like they’re birthday gifts. how his dad barely speaks unless it’s disappointment wearing a polo.

how his little sister, zoe, plays four instruments, volunteers at a vet clinic, and still finds time to win at everything.

“they love her,” he says, exhaling smoke out the passenger window. “like, it’s easy. natural. with me, it’s like—i have to earn it. and even when i do… it’s not enough.”

you don’t say anything at first. you just reach over and squeeze his sleeve.

later, you say, “my mom makes me smile in photos even when i’ve just had a panic attack.”

and he looks at you like you’re the only real thing in the whole fucking world.

you hang out on rooftops. in empty stairwells. behind the bleachers, where the grass is too long and the world feels far away. you skip class sometimes. not together, but somehow you both end up in the same hallway, sprawled out on the floor like fallen angels.

one day, he mutters, “i’m supposed to be this freak. the scary one. i hear what they say. maybe they’re right.”

you tilt your head. “do you want to be?”

he hesitates. “not always. not really.”

“then don’t be. be whatever you want with me.”

he stares at you like he’s waiting for the punchline. it doesn’t come. just your hand brushing against his. just the ache of being seen.

he starts texting you. a lot.

everything felt perfect. a perfect friendship, a perfect maybe-more-than-friendship.

until it finally snaps.

you’re curled up together in the backseat of his car, parked under the old oak trees near the edge of town where the stars don’t have to compete with streetlights. the blunt burns slow between you, smoke curling like a lullaby.

he’s lying with his head in your lap, eyes half-lidded, mouth a soft line.

“do you ever feel,” he says, “like you were made for sadness?”

you comb your fingers through his hair. “maybe. but then you happened. and now i think i was made for you.”

he looks up at you, eyes glassy but focused. his lips twitch into something that’s almost a smile.

you expect a joke. a typical connor deflection. something sarcastic to break the tense moment.

instead, he says, “i love you.”

quiet. like it’s the first true thing he’s ever said.

your heart stutters. the world stills.

you whisper, “i love you too.”

and for a moment—just a moment—it feels like everything might be okay. like the universe hit pause on the bad parts and gave you this night, this breath, this boy who sees you like no one else does.

he kisses you, and it’s slow, deep. his lips taste like weed and that raspberry slurpee he’s always got and something saltier—regret, maybe, or all the things he can’t say out loud.

his hand moves to your cheek, unsure, like he’s checking if you’re real.

you are. you lean into him like gravity’s made of need.

your fingers curl in the fabric of his hoodie, pulling him closer—not desperate, just aching.

the kiss deepens a little. not fast. just fuller. like an exhale you’ve both been holding since the first time you looked at each other and didn’t look away.

you fall asleep with your head on his chest, dreaming of maybe.

—

friday, no text.

saturday, nothing.

you send a stupid tiktok. no reply.

you try calling. voicemail.

you tell yourself he’s just spiraling. that he does this sometimes.

but not like this. never this quiet.

by monday, he’s not in school. you wait by your locker. you wait in the usual hallway. you check the parking lot.

his car isn’t there.

your texts pile up.

you start asking people. zoe doesn’t answer her phone. neither does his mom.

your chest feels like it’s collapsing in on itself.

you hear whispers in the hallways. an ambulance? a body found?

no.

he could be fine. he could be in the hospital. he could be anywhere. he could be—

you call again. straight to voicemail.

you leave one more message.

voice shaking.

tears falling.

“connor. please. i love you. you said you loved me too. you promised.”

—

eventually it’s confirmed, a monotone, grim announcement over the intercom.

a hushed assembly.

teachers blinking back tears they never showed him in life. posters about mental health taped crooked on hallway walls. a vigil with candles that don’t stop anything from hurting.

no one knows he kissed you like he was saying goodbye. no one knows you held him the night before. no one knows he said he loved you with the stars watching.

and now he’s gone, and you can’t say any of it without sounding insane.

you’re back in uniform the next week.

lip gloss. ponytail. fake smile stretched like skin too thin.

people pat your shoulder. say vague, hollow things like

“wasn’t he that angry kid?”

or

“i didn’t know you even talked to him.”

and you nod. and you smile.

and inside, something is rotting.

you go through the motions like a ghost trapped in the wrong body.

pep rallies feel like static. he was the only one who knew you hated them.

your bedroom walls are too quiet.

his last voicemail is still saved on your phone,

but you can’t listen to it anymore

because his voice feels like a knife now.

you try to tell your mom you’re sad. she tells you to take a bath.

you try to tell your friends you feel like you’re drowning. they say, “we miss him too,” but their voices don’t crack the same way yours does.

that’s because they don’t know. they don’t know you loved him. they don’t know he loved you.

they don’t know that when he died, he took something from you you’ll never get back.

and now you’re stuck.

stuck in this glitter-drenched version of yourself that doesn’t fit anymore.

stuck cheering for teams you don’t care about.

stuck pretending your heart didn’t break in the backseat of his car.

stuck waiting for a text that will never come.

you still walk past that same hallway you always met in. you still glance toward the parking lot.

still half-expect to see him there, hood up, eyes tired, mouth already half-smirking at something only you would understand.

but he’s not. and the worst part?

no one noticed he was your whole world.

and now you’re expected to keep spinning.

taglist of my connor friends

@matchpointfaist @ellaynaonsaturn @elliotlovesmacncheese @newrochellechallenger2019 @hrrysglitter

[rafeys-angel13]

oh sweetheart…

summary: rafe is confused by your clinginess, turns out you’re terrified of the cops finding out it was him who killed peterkin.

warnings: none

writers notes: I HATE THIS i don’t really like this but i spent an hour writing it and all day trying to figure out how i wanted to write it. so trust, it’s getting posted!

sunshine!reader

you’re a really bubbly girl, always smiling and laughing. you’re a very social person and will be kind to everyone you meet, even if they’d wronged you. it’s one of the things rafe loves most about you, even though he’ll tell you not to smile at the girl that made fun of you in high school or say thank you to the waitress who was rude to you, he only does that because he’s trying to teach you to not be so much of a people pleaser.

he adores your joyfulness and the bright smile you always carry.

today, you’ve been quiet and clingy. you haven’t let go of him all day and as much as he loves you it’s starting to get a tiny bit irritating. you constantly tugging on his jacket or holding onto his pinky was weird for you.

if he let go of your hand on a normal day you wouldn’t even bat an eyelid and wait for him to finish what he was doing and grab his hand again.

even though he won’t admit it, he misses your constant chatter in his ear as you guys run errands.

you two got home at 3:00pm ish and you immediately got changed into comfy clothes and laid your head in rafe’s lap, playing with the ring on his pinky. he pushes your hair out of your face and tilts his head to look into your eyes.

“you feeling okay, princess?” he asks cautiously while he strokes your cheek with his knuckles of his free hand.

you nod with that innocent look in your eyes.

“of course…” you gently reassure, turning onto your side and burying your face in his stomach, sighing softly.

you lift his sweater and stick your head under, something you do often but he’s never questioned. he figured it was some way you show affection or something.

“i know your lying, sweet girl…” he rubs your back gently, tracing over the pattern on your tank top.

“i’m not lying…” you mumble in response.

rafe pulls the grey material off your face and looks down at you with a soft look in his eyes. one you feel like you haven’t seen in weeks.

“talk to me, angel…” he urges as he strokes your hair, as if trying to coax a real answer out of you.

you sigh and fiddle with his ring again, avoiding eye contact.

you always do this when he confronts you and it drives him mad.

you think for a second, focusing on what your hands are doing. he sighs and shakes you slightly.

“for god sake! tell me!” you flinch and rafe’s grip immediately softens.

“i’m scared, okay?” you blurt out, the tears finally pouring down, you’re shocked you even said it as you were planning on trying to get out of telling him what was wrong.

“of what?” he scoffs

“i’m scared they’re gonna find out you did it…” you mumble indistinctly.

“oh sweetheart…” his frown immediately softens and he pulls you up to sit in his lap, wrapping his big arms around you.

rafe holds his hand on your lower back and the back of your head, pressing your body into his as you try to control your sobs.

“i don’t want you to go anywhere… especially not jail… forever” you wipe your eyes and sniffle, your face, rafe pulls you back so you’re looking at him.

he looks over your tear stained face for what feels like an eternity. he never knows what to say in these situations and he curses himself for it, he’s especially frustrated right now. all he wants to do is comfort you and make you happy again, to reassure you that nothing bad will happen. he takes a deep breath and finally speaks.

“listen to me… im not going anywhere. nowhere. ever.” he shakes his head. “you hear me?” he shakes you lightly. he’s never been good at dealing with your ‘big feelings’ as he calls them.

therefore, he sometimes talks to you like a damn football coach. but somehow, it works because the corners of your lips turn up in a soft smile when he reassures you in that tone, you nod and hug him tightly.

“yeah… you’re not going anywhere…” you echo in a slightly raspy tone, chuckling slightly when you realise how much you had cried. he wipes your cheeks free of tears and kisses your cheek, his big hands basically covering your whole face.

“there’s my happy girl…” he pokes your side, smiling softly.

“one more thing…” you say quietly and he rests his head on the back of the sofa, shifting his position, slouching a little more and spreading his legs, which makes you jolt up a little on his lap. this makes him chuckle lowly.

“what is it princess?” he tilts his head, now looking up at you.

“i want you to pinky promise me that you won’t get in any more trouble… like ever…” you state with an authoritative tone.

rafe smirks and holds his pinky out, you link yours with his and kiss the backs of each others hands to lock it in.

“that all you need?” he squeezes your thighs and smirks at you.

you nod and lay your head on his chest, feeling his hands immediately slipping under your waistband and towards your butt.

“can you be cute for like one second?” you huff and he laughs.

“this is cute!” rafe defends, squeezing your butt. “so’s your ass…”

you smack his arm, trying but failing to hold back a chuckle and he chuckles again, kissing your temple.

he was thrilled to have his smiley girlfriend back.

rafe continued to reassure you all that night and the days moving forward. whether it was him physically saying “i’m not leaving you” or “i’m not going anywhere” or little physically affectionate things like squeezing your hand or thigh every now and then, he was getting better at handling your ‘big feelings’.

-

top divider + divider lines by @uzmacchiato again!

[heyimkana]

Kana..... I can't with my husband. He had THE best question last night. ( We are re-re-watching Solo Leveling right now). I just woke up and still riding the high of you replying so I couldn't get it out of my head and came up with this:

Girls night out , Healer Johee and Hae In Jinwoos Gf/wife are a bit tipsy and start talking smack about sex with previous bf vs bf as of right now

In this scenario Johee and Jinwoo had sex one time before he leveled up. He was okay, a bit shy.

She tells Hae In that. Wifey gets big eyes bc she can't walk straight after today's morning session and tells Johee : girl, u missed out. He leveled UP in this regard too 😏

You're smut is breathtaking/pantie wetting so please enjoy this thought 😌😏💜

DAMNNNNN LMFAOOOO NOT MY MAN LEVELING UP AT SEX IM CRYINGGGG 😭😭😭😭😭

okay but real talk i feel like e-rank hunter jinwoo is definitely shy and nervous when it comes to sex. i feel like if he sees the sight of kitty he'll lowkey (maybe even highkey) panic like "okay what do i do? how do i make her feel good? should i touch her here? should i put a finger inside? should i use my mouth WHAT SHOULD I DO" like all of these thoughts would be running in his head at once and his gf would be like "are you okay?" and he'd be like "y-yeah no i'm fine" while visibly sweating

by the time he tried to slide his cock inside and she flinched, he turned pale and started sputtering something like "oh my god i'm sorry i'm so sorry it hurt didn't it oh god of course it did i just rammed my dick inside you i'm an idiot do you want to stop i can stop maybe we should stop yeah let's stop" like he was still rock hard but his brain was already contemplating suicide (he's so cute 😭)

s-rank hunter jinwoo tho 😏 i mean like... even if it was his first time, i feel like he'd still be in control. like he'd be nervous still (yes of course he'd be nervous. he was going to have sex for the first time with the love of his life) but he'd look so much calmer on the outside. you could tell that he wasn't as composed only when he kissed you or when he touched you cause you'd feel like a little tremble in his fingertips, and his kisses would be much slower than usual, maybe even a little bit hesitant? like if it was her first time too, he'd be constantly asking himself "does she really want to do this? what if she changes her mind? what if i'm not the right person for her? what if she's going to regret it later?" like he was so sweet and genuinely concerned for her he wanted it to be perfect, not just the moment, but the person too 🥺

but he'd be in full control once she gave him her consent, and he'd take it slow and he'd be super gentle with her. he wouldn't be as clueless as e-rank jinwoo but he'd make sure to examine her face/expression all the time, to make sure he wasn't hurting her by accident, to make sure she feels pleasure—from him.

he made sure that she came once or twice before they proceeded to the main course and by the time he slipped himself inside and he saw her flinching in pain, he'd stop (but not panic) and kiss her jaw, her cheek, her lips, her temple and just hold her there for a while.

"i won't move until you tell me to. take as much time as you need. we don't have to go all the way if you don't feel like it. i'm happy just to be with you like this."

and she'd shake her head and they'd share a kiss and when she smiled at him, telling him to move, he'd stroke her cheekbone with his thumb, asking "are you sure?"

and if she nodded, he'd smile back at her, pressing a lingering kiss on her forehead, whispering, "we can stop anytime you want. just say the word, angel. you're the one in control here, not me. it's always you."

and she'd kiss him and they'd move awkwardly at first but just like how he was at everything else, he'd get better fast only because he was always so attentive and he paid attention to every detail like the way her breath hitched when he hit a certain angle, the way her nails sank a little deeper into his back when he rubbed against a certain spot. jinwoo understood his assignment quickly and by the time they got to the second round, he made her came twice before he got his own release 😌

so yeah i guess he's leveling up even at sex too 😂

[simjakesgirl]

leech

a joel miller x reader series

warnings: age difference, abusive relationships, sexual tension, slow burn, slow romance, angst, joel is reader’s dbf, no cordyceps outbreak, protective joel, joel is bad at feelings, eventual smut

chapter one: call me

he wore a tan, beat up carpenter jacket, a green flannel which peeked out from underneath his sleeves, faded blue jeans, and dirty work timberlands. he smelled like he just smoked a cigarette and tried to mask the smell with a musk, woody cologne. then your eyes crept to his face and you realized how pissed he looked.

author’s note: hi guys i didn't really proofread so im sorry if it sucks, but hey enjoyyyyyy!!!!!! - sherri

read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/65749309

you uncomfortably shifted against the oddly soft couch in the corner of the room. you were growing impatient as you waited for your boyfriend to finally spend some time with you. he dragged you to this stupid college party and proceeded to leave you in a room of unfamiliar faces to fend for yourself. clearly you hit it off with no one since you were now sat alone on the couch, silently watching other people laugh, dance, and drink an incredible amount of alcohol. you puffed your cheeks full of air and released it repeatedly before fiddling with your fingers to keep yourself busy. after some time, you noticed the weird looks you were getting for either being the only one sitting or being the only unrecognizable person at that whole party. you cursed under your breath remembering how you argued on the way there with your boyfriend.

“why do i even have to go,” you questioned. “i don’t know anyone at your college but you. i think i might just feel out of place.”

“why do you insist on being so fucking difficult?” he knotted his brows together while staring at the road, “stop being so selfish for once.”

you were taken aback by the sudden aggression and your face dropped. stirring in your seat, your turned to face the passenger window and decided to not respond. you didn’t want to argue with him.

“i don’t mean selfish okay, i- you just provoked me. i don’t know what you expected.” he sighed and then dropped a hand on your thigh, rubbing it lightly.

you hummed a response before resting your hand on top of his and holding it tightly. maybe you were in the wrong, you didn’t even know at that point. everything always felt like your fault, but you just wanted to see him happy so you didn’t bother worrying about how it made you feel.

that’s probably why you were waiting on that couch for so long, to keep him happy, but eventually you became too curious. you slowly rose, making your way through several bodies until you caught a glimpse of his face in the next room. you kept your eyes on him, squeezing past a few more people before someone else came into your view. another girl. you paused for a moment, thinking to watch the scene before jumping into anything. you watched as your boyfriend cracked a smile and leaned down, whispering something in her ear to which she giggled. before he could raise his head back up, she cupped one side of his face with her hand and dragged it right to her face, kissing him. your heart fell to the floor as you watched. time felt completely frozen and the once painfully loud music dulled to almost nothing. you watched as he looked down at her after before grabbing the drink in her hand and drinking the rest of whatever she had. tears pricked your eyes and you didn’t even feel conscious.

you felt like you were out of your own body before all of a sudden he locked eyes with you. you snapped back to reality quickly, realizing tears were streaming down your face. you quickly looked away and brought a hand to your face to wipe them away. you weren’t staying any longer. you swiftly turned around and shoved your way through the crowd before you felt someone grab your arm. you turned around to meet his wide eyes and shook him off before attempting to get away again.

“y/n stop,” he pleaded before grabbing your arm again and pulling you towards him.

“no, you don’t fucking get to tell me what to do,” you yelled trying to hold back your tears. “you don’t get to tell me what to do again you piece of shit.”

you forcefully pushed him back but waited to hear what stupid excuse he had for you. at this point, people around started to stare at the two of you but you didn’t care about the sudden attention. to you it just felt like the three of you were present at that moment.

he scoffed and looked around, “oh come on, y/n. you seriously don’t even know what you saw, she was just telling me something. just-” he approached you slowly to which you stepped back “stop making a scene.”

“really? you know what, fuck you james. this is- this is insane. just go back to her,” you shouted, gesturing to the girl who hung a few feet behind him trying to hide.

“oh my god seriously it was nothing,” he continued, noticing you weren’t buying his shit. “you’re so insecure you know? you’re imagining shit now, you’re actually psychotic y/n.”

you swallowed hard, staring at him for a few seconds silently before turning back around and making your way outside. you heard him loudly sigh and the girl going to comfort him, but you didn’t care. you pulled the front door open before slamming it shut and finally letting yourself breathe. the wind blew right at you, sending a chill down your spine. your hands instinctively came up to your arms, rubbing them as you walked to the edge of the porch and sat on the top step. you didn’t even know how to react to what just happened. on one hand you felt relieved to get away from him, and on another you felt completely worthless being cheated on while you sat around in the other room. unfortunately, on a completely different hand you just felt like going in and apologizing to him for causing a scene. this moment for some reason still felt like your fault and deep down you knew it wasn’t, but everything in your body kept you from thinking what you did was right.

you heaved out a sigh and stared into the empty street, noticing how several cars lined their way up and down each side. only then did you remember who was your ride home. you silently cursed at yourself and pulled out your phone. your display lit up, shining a bright 2:00am right in your face. you knew your dad well enough to know he’d ask why you couldn’t go home with james, then proceed to kill him once you told him why, and then ground you just for being with a douche like that. you opened your contacts app, eliminating any chance of calling him for help and instead looking for other options. there was your neighbor, but she was kind of a cranky woman that would definitely not be interested in anything to benefit you. some of your old school friends were also there, but you scratched that idea since it would be far too awkward as you hadn’t spoke to any of them for months. suddenly your finger landed on a contact, JOEL MILLER (dad’s friend). joel was your dad’s oldest and best friend. he for some reason put his number in your phone ages ago “in case of emergencies.” you thought about it for a moment before shaking your head and moving on. you didn’t know him good enough to call him at 2 am and being your dad’s best friend meant he’d probably be telling him about the situation tomorrow. you sighed once again and kept scrolling, finding a problem with basically everyone. your uncle would’ve been the best pick, but he was in jail again. your college friend worked an early shift so she’d already be asleep. your dad’s ex girlfriend would probably rather kill herself since she for some reason hated your guts. you rested your hand against your forehead, pinching at your temples with your middle finger and thumb as you slowly scrolled back up the list.

“whatever i have to call one of them,” you muttered.

you passed by all your other contacts before coming back to joel's again and sucking in a breath. he seemed like your best bet, but just in case you decided you'd text him first. you hesitantly clicked on his contact and began typing, you bottom lip coming between your teeth as you grew more and more nervous.

You

hi, this is michael's daughter y/n. if you could text me back when you get this, i'd really appreciate it.

you filled your cheeks with air, praying he didn't instantly tell your dad that you were texting him at 2 am. as you waited for a reply the music from inside slowly seeped back into your consciousness and you remembered all over again what just happened to you. no one in there seemed to be having anything but the time of their life, him included probably. you rose from the step after a few minutes, your hope for joel's replying dwindling away until you felt your phone buzz in your palm.

JOEL MILLER (dad's friend)

Hey kid, everything okay? It's pretty late, need me to call your dad for you?

you instantly panicked, typing him a reply as fast as you could as you prayed he didn't already text your dad.

You

no that's okay i'd actually rather this be a secret please. if i sent you a location would you be able to pick me up?

you said whatever curses came to your head under your breath as you waited for his response.

"please joel, do not do this to me right now," you breathed out.

JOEL MILLER (dad's friend)

You in trouble? Be honest, I won't tell your dad.

You

my boyfriend and i just got into an argument and he was my ride so i kinda just need someone to pick me up. if you can't, it's fine really i'll find someone else.

in reality you were banking on this. no way in hell anyone else was gonna answer you at this time except for your dad. you watched intently as joel started typing again and you prayed he'd just quit the questions and be on his way.

JOEL MILLER (dad's friend)

Alright, send me the address and I'll come get you.

you quickly sent him the address and let out a sigh of relief before sitting back down on the top porch step. there was nothing you wanted more than to just get out of there.

after about 30 minutes you noticed a pair of headlights on an old ford truck coming down the street. you got up slowly, squinting to see if it was joel but the lights were too bright and the surrounding was too dark. just then the door behind you was pulled open and you turned around to see james and the same girl together once again. he was looking down at her and smiling before she locked eyes with you and tapped his arm.

you rolled your eyes, "it was nothing, huh? what a joke."

"okay well after you dramatically ran away from me what did you want me to do? run after you? cus' i tried that if you remember correctly." he sneered, knitting his eyebrows together.

you were so mad you couldn't think straight, your head spun and you wanted to rip her off him but you also wanted to hurt him so badly. you wanted him to just feel half of what you were feeling.

"james, i have always been there for you through everything. i have backed every shitty thing you've done because all i want is for you to be happy. how can you stand there and seriously agree with what you did? is it something about me? am i just the problem?" you cried out to him, your mind in a complete whirlwind as he stood unfazed.

"yeah, of course it's fucking you. you act like my mom more than my girlfriend and no it's not because you care about me but because you're so unbelievably self absorbed you can't see how unhappy you've made me. she," he gestured to the girl who shyly looked to him, "she knows how to treat a guy. no one will fucking love you the way you are, y/n. get that through your head before you end up all alone."

"why don't you back up off her a little bit," someone spoke from behind you.

you turned around to see joel behind you. he wore a tan, beat up carpenter jacket, a green flannel which peeked out from underneath his sleeves, faded blue jeans, and dirty work timberlands. he smelled like he just smoked a cigarette and tried to mask the smell with a musk, woody cologne. then your eyes crept to his face and you realized how pissed he looked.

"it's fine, i'm fine let's just go." you spoke up hoping that either he or james would just back off.

"trust me i'm off of her." james muttered, walking away from the two of you.

you could feel joel looking at you but you just opted to walk to his truck instead and act like nothing just happened. it felt safer. you quickly pulled the passenger side door open and climbed in, slamming the door shut before wiping your face with your hand. after a few seconds joel opened the other door and got in as well to which you quickly perked up to try and prove you weren't bothered by what happened.

"uh- thank you again, joel. i really do appreciate this and if we can keep it a secret i'd also appreciate that."

he didn't reply, instead just changing gears and taking off. you swallowed hard, unable to read how he was feeling, you didn't know if he was more pissed at you or james. you laid back in the seat, staring out the window at the passing lights trying to ignore the way you felt. you went from being normal yesterday to feeling like your life fell apart today and truth is, you wanted to text james. you wanted to tell him you weren't his mother and you'd do better if he gave you the chance to, but you knew that was done. as much as it hurt you, he and you were done.

"what was that?" joel suddenly questioned, his voice seemed low and harsh.

you looked away from the window to him for a split second, catching his clenched jaw. he looked angrier than you felt.

"it was nothing, really. it was about time we broke up anyways." you choked out, smiling to yourself a little to try and make your body believe it.

"you don't think that's normal, do ya'?" he asked.

"he's a good guy don't hate him, joel. if you were dating me you'd say the same thing," you replied and forced a laugh alleviate the tension.

joel looked at you and your smile instantly faded as he didn't seem amused by your words.

"i wouldn't say some fucked up shit like that to anyone. you really believe you're gonna end up alone for just acting like yourself?" he spoke in such an angry manner it confused you.

"no i don't think that-"

"then why do ya' let someone speak like that to you? your daddy never teach you to speak up or did you just not listen?" he snapped back.

you scrunched your brows together and scoffed, "you know what joel i don't really see how this is any of your business anyway."

"it became my business when you texted me and then i witnessed you being abused, y/n. don't fuckin' play around. you think your dad's gonna wanna hear this?" he grumbled, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.

"joel, don't tell my dad," you pleaded.

"and you so clearly know s' wrong the way you don't want your daddy knowing. i can't promise i won't tell him." he responded, glancing over at you.

you looked over at him as well, squinting and shaking your head once you noticed he was dead serious. the rest of the ride was dead silent, the only thing you could hear was the engine of the truck and that's all you really wanted to hear. joel knew nothing about you and yet he was sticking his nose in your life. he knew nothing about james either. all he knew was how to carve wood, crack open a beer, and watch football. he didn't understand one thing about your life.

once you saw your house and the truck came to a stop, you wasted no time to get out of the truck and slam the door behind you. you already thanked him anyway and you definitely didn't plan on seeing him again.

[valeisaslut]

3 YEARS?!! 

oh my god in her sleep, on the guitar, ellie miller my baby.

“How she left with your heart in her hands and didn’t look back.” i know you know you cooked with that.

Just imagining Ellie being begged by Joel to go to rehab is bringing me to tears. how come in every au she’s still a girl who needs her dad. i should replay part 1 

i cannot fathom how fucking awful that mustve been for y/n to be blamed for everything. lowk reminds me of Amber Heard (still feel bad for her ngl)

JOEL MVP IM IN TEARS (can we tell i don’t have a good relationship with my dad) 

“Your voice, your strongest weapon, was now was working against you. It kept betraying, trembling with every word, cracking more horribly each time you tried to swallow the grief. The grief of singing songs you once believed in. Songs that were alive when she still was yours.” I died. my funeral is monday. 

“Not because you wanted to. Not because you could. But because it was all you had left to give.

And the only thought echoing in your skull was how impossible it felt that this had once made you happy. That once, the stage had been freedom. Purpose. Joy.

Because now, it felt like a sentence.”

you are so sadistic bc how could you want characters to go through this much 😖😞

“‘You’re safe,’she murmured. ‘You made it through. It’s over, baby. The show 's over.’”

i need a rachel. 

“‘I’m done, I'm done,’ you choked out, not even able to hear your own voice over the pounding in your ears. ‘I’m done. I can’t do this anymore—I’m not going back, I won’t—I can’t—I—I want it to be over—‘“

Nothing can describe this absolutely debilitating feeling of throwing in the towel.

I know you know you cooked with:

“‘She won’t recover if you kill her first.’”

the taco bell weed penthouse 😞

HER FAMILY DIDNT CALL??

crying for and mourning yourself is another level of dread and helplessness

“You flopped backward on the pillows, arm thrown over your eyes. ‘So maybe I’ll just go back to my fucking hometown in the South. Marry a man. Have a lavender marriage. Get a dog named Earl. Die slowly.’”

But in a way, that would be dying quickly. it’d be suicide, killing every aspect of herself to live this life.

“You sighed, turning to face the wall. ‘Maybe I’ll move to a little town in Argentina. Change my name. Get three cats. Upload music to SoundCloud under an alias.’”

Hey Val do you have cats or a soundcloud we don’t know about.

“The city was still there.”

actually hit so hard bc life is still going world is still turning, ellie is still there somewhere, but she is not the focus.

“‘And this one… I wrote a long time ago. After I found her in the bathroom. I don’t think I ever really came back from that.’”

Going through that would be so traumatizing honestly. I think about that all the time myself.

“‘Let them cry in the club.’” LFMSOOO

LMFAO RACHEL HAVING A LAW DEGREE OFC YOU NEEDED TO MAKE HER MORE OF A SELF INSERT BABE

“They didn’t understand why, after all that, after everything—you still sang about her like she was holy”

OH MY GODDDDDUHHH THE WORLD

DOESNT EVEN UNDERSTAND THEY PLAYED A PART IN THE BREAK UP. THRY WERE WHY ELLIE DID DRUGS WHICH LEAD TO EVERYTHING ELSE.

“‘Supernova isn’t a comeback album. It's not a rebrand. It’s not an apology or a reinvention. It's a war report. My version of the story.’”

OHHHHHH MYY GODDD IM SORRY FOR BEING RECEPTIVE BUT MY JAW CANNOT FALL FARTHER.

"’Because that’s what a supernova is—a dead star. A star that explodes at the end of its life, and still manages to shine brighter than ever before. A last, defiant burst of light.Brighter than anything else in the sky. Brighter even in its ending.’”

how tf did i not pick up on that when i first read it i feel stupid.

“‘And if the main person who inspired this album is watching…’” stab me in the heart sure why not?

“‘I hope you know I made it through.’

Your voice cracked a little. Tears started flowing with more force. 

‘I hope you found your way back to yourself, wherever you are. I hope you’re safe. I hope you're not afraid of your own name anymore.’”

stop it.  please i beg they deserve joy. hell, I DESERVE JOY. 

“‘I will love you until the day I die. Always .’”

OH GOD. pouring one (bottle) out tonight.

ABIGAIL ANDERSON WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

“And then she kissed you.”

Ms.Anderson consent. por favor. hello. i already don’t like her.

“Inside: a diamond necklace. Massive. Blinding.”

oh thank god i thought it’d be a ring.

“She hadn’t asked about your day. Not about what you were writing. Not how you were feeling.

Just sports. And how hot you looked. And diamond gifts you didn’t ask for.”

exactly she’s not our girl who only eats the blue peanut m&ms.

“Music didn’t just tie you together. It fused you. Deep and sacred and permanent .”

Rocket Queen 2:16

“#1: Lover, You Should’ve Come Over – Ellie Williams”

oh. my. god.

oh my god. no like oh my god.

this is a spiritual reading. a sermon. you’ve taken each line and wrung it out like it bled into your veins and now we’re just here, lying side by side in the wreckage. i feel like i just had a religious experience in reverse.

starting off with “3 YEARS?!!” as a war cry is so real because yeah. three years of silence. of grief calcifying into survival. and then you hit me with "ellie miller my baby” and i was done. flatlined.

she’s still a girl who needs her dad. in every timeline. in every universe. the world changes, but that truth doesn’t. and the fact that you connected that to your own relationship?? i’m holding your hand. i’m holding it so gently.

“I know you know you cooked with that.” yes. yes i did. and i appreciate that you said it.

the quotes you pulled. the way you felt them. "the stage felt like a sentence" / “she won’t recover if you kill her first” / “the city was still there”—you understood. you saw the entire shape of the ache. you didn’t just read it. you carried it.

and the commentary??? “her family didn’t call??” / “taco bell weed penthouse 😞” `(I DIED AT THIS ONE LMAO) / “thank god i thought it’d be a ring” no like HOW ARE YOU FUNNY AND TRAGIC. who gave you this much power.

you quoting “you still sang about her like she was holy” and then immediately screaming about how THE WORLD PLAYED A PART IN THEIR BREAKUP… i’m sobbing. because YES. people always forget that kind of harm. the passive destruction. the watching. the silence. the shame they encouraged. ellie didn’t burn out in a vacuum—she got watched into ruin.

and the fact that you caught that “Supernova” isn’t just a metaphor but a scientific fact wrapped in grief?? like “a dead star that shines brighter at the end”??

“stop it. please i beg they deserve joy. hell, I DESERVE JOY.” YES YOU DO. YES THEY DO. YES WE ALL DO.

and then abby shows up and you’re just like “Ms. Anderson, consent. por favor.” NOOOOO 😭😭😭 CONSENTIMIENTO. POR FAVOR.

you are everything. your brain is perfect. this message is going in the vault. thank you for screaming and mourning and clawing through every inch of that chapter like it was a grave you were trying to resurrect someone from. you get it.

🕯️ meet me at Rocket Queen 2:16.

[wooahaes]

growing up

pairing: non-idol!wonwoo x gn!reader, ft hip hop unit as friends

genre: fluff. established relationship

warnings: food & alcohol consumption in fic. reader loves strawberries. talks about growing up and missing youth.

word count: 1.0k~

daisy's notes: sometimes i wish i were still a kid. other times im sooo glad im not. the state of schools scare me nowadays :/

“You’re a little obvious, you know.”  Mingyu had been cradling his face in one hand as he watched Wonwoo carefully cut a slice of cake for himself. “You dote on them so much.” 

Wonwoo said nothing as he stabbed a fork into each strawberry that decorated the top of the cake, setting them side on his plate to be transferred to your own once he was done slicing the cake for the five of you. There was nothing to say, really: Wonwoo knew he’d doted on you all day today. He’d made an effort to pack you a nice lunch since you had to work after one of your coworkers took maternity leave early due to pregnancy stress (not that you minded: you told him that she was always sweet to you, and you’d rather pick up her work than have her struggle further as she neared her due date), tucking a little note into the box telling you that he loved you. He’d gone grocery shopping with Mingyu, who had kindly offered to cook tonight for your little get-together, and taken the time to buy more of the snacks that you liked while he was there. Even now, while Seungcheol told you a story about the trip to the mountains the four of them took a few years ago, Wonwoo found little ways to take care of you. The strawberries were just another way of making you happy. That was all.

“I’m not saying it’s bad, by the way,” Mingyu said after a moment. “It’s cute.” 

Wonwoo’s nose scrunched up a little when he smiled. “Don’t call me cute.” 

“You are! You’re so soft with them.” Mingyu looked toward where you were sitting, laughing at part of the story, infecting Seungcheol with laughter as he struggled to tell you the next part. He turned again, “It’s just clear that you love them a lot without having to say it.” 

Wonwoo continued to slice the rest of the cake. No one had sang to you, but that was by choice: Wonwoo had made sure all of them knew not to do it, because you hated making a big deal out of the day. That was why you called this a little “birthday get-together” rather than a party. It was just the two of you hosting your friends (... one of which cooked, but Mingyu volunteered and you hadn’t pushed back on that at all considering you had to work) and celebrating your birthday in a more laid-back way. Soon enough, the five of you were seated again, and Wonwoo was silently placing his strawberries onto your own plate to enjoy.

You met his gaze, mouthing a quiet thanks before digging into your own slice of cake. It was Vernon’s turn to tell you about the kitten he had adopted recently and how the little guy was adjusting to living in his apartment. His older cat had already met him and seemed to take to him quickly, although it was clear to Vernon that he was still learning how to play with the kitten. But he was good: the older cat was older and more mellow, and sometimes Vernon would come home to see the kitten trying to gnaw his ear off while the elder just sat there, eyes shut, waiting for the oh-so-vicious attack to finally end when Vernon nudged a jingle-ball in his direction to chase after. 

“Maybe we should get another cat,” you mused aloud, not even looking toward Wonwoo yet. You knew he’d be on board with the idea by itself: the reality of it was something you’d have to talk about further. 

Vernon bobbed his head, “I’ll send you the address of the place I went. They’re super cool about the animals they shelter—I’m thinkin’ of volunteering with them sometime.” 

“So how does it feel?” Seungcheol set down his beer, watching you for a moment. “Being older?”

Wonwoo watched the way you shrugged, stabbing a fork into one of the strawberries next to your slice of cake. “It… feels the same, I guess. I think I’m constantly learning about myself and changing, so… Getting older stopped feeling like such a big thing.” 

“I miss being a kid,” Mingyu sighed. “Birthdays were fun then.”

Wonwoo nodded along, an arm draped along the back of your chair. “You can still do something fun, you know.” 

“I do!” Mingyu rolled his eyes, “It’s just different. It’s like going to the park now versus as a kid. Walking through the park is nice, but sometimes I miss being a kid and playing tag.” 

With a quiet nod, you pushed your fork through your cake. “I mean… I think I miss being a kid and not having to worry as much about things as I do now. But I’m glad I grew up. It gave me the chance to meet some pretty cool people, to be honest.” 

That won Seungcheol over immediately, and Wonwoo hid a smile at the sappy look on his friend’s face. Not that he didn’t feel the same way: he knew what you meant, and that you didn’t just mean him. He knew that growing up had been difficult for you. But now you were here, and you were with some of the cool people you cared about, and that was all that really mattered, wasn’t it? Pushing through the hard times to find the good? That was the way he saw it, at least.

“Sometimes you struggle,” you shrugged after a moment. “But sometimes you meet someone who gives you his strawberries just because he knows you like them, and you realize that braving it all was worth it, after all.” 

Of course you’d call it out. It netted him immediate teasing from the rest of the group, but Wonwoo just leaned in, pressing a quick peck against your cheek. The teasing grew louder, but he whispered into your ear, “Happy birthday. I love you.” before he pulled away again.

He’d say it again later, once everyone was gone and everything was cleaned up. But your soft smile and a mouthed “I love you” made everything worth it. 

[runningincircl3s]

Sinematic

Vinny Mauro x Reader

Chapter 13

masterlist

chapter warnings: omg there's smut AGAIN!! (nsfw!! mdni pls)

IM BACK!! <3 okay it could just be because i've read it over FAR too many times but idk if this chapter feels kinda out of place?? this is the one where i decided i'd fully change the plot so from here it takes a turn hehehe

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

You didn't bring it up again, but the words he said that night, his brief confession played on your mind every day since.

“I want you all to myself.”

Surely there was no way he truly forgot he said that, but it seemed that was the truth. He didn't bring it up again, and it was like nothing ever happened. Like everything was normal.

However, the truth was that Vinny did remember what he said- but not in the way it actually happened. He remembered saying those words, telling you the truth- but he thought it was a dream, which was why he was so confused over how you were acting the morning after.

But now weeks had passed, and you and Vin had built a strange but very fun dynamic. Around everyone else you appeared to just be friends, rather close and rather flirty, but still friends. However, nobody but you two knew what happened behind closed doors.

Though you were happy like this- basically being friends with benefits- you couldn't help but still want more, especially knowing how he really felt. You knew you needed to tell Vinny the truth, ask him what he meant that night and find out what he really wanted.

But this morning, Vinny knew exactly what he wanted...

You had stolen one of his shirts from his closet, and had been wandering around the house wearing nothing but that and a thong all morning. 

You knew he was watching you as you walked around the kitchen, innocently getting a drink. You could feel him staring, and all it took was a simple,

“You want something?”

And before you knew it you were back in his bed. 

Vinny’s lips were on your throat the second your back hit the mattress, hands gripping your thighs like he owned them. His weight between your legs sent a thrill straight through you, and you barely had time to catch your breath before he was shoving your stolen shirt up, his mouth dragging lower and lower...

“You really think you can walk around like this and not get fucked?” He murmured against your skin, his breath hot as he trailed kisses down your stomach. “You’re a fucking menace.”

You barely had time to smirk before his mouth was on you, warm, wet, open mouthed kisses trailing lower, his teeth grazing your hip bone. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of your underwear, dragging it down your thighs. His eyes locked on yours as he spread you open, one final "is this okay?", to which you nodded.

And just as his breath ghosted over where you needed him most, your phone buzzed.

You froze, and Vin pulled back slightly 

The vibration stopped. You exhaled, threading your fingers into his hair, tugging him back down where you needed him most-

But then it buzzed again.

Vinny growled, annoyed at the interruption, and reached over to grab your phone from the nightstand. His smirk returned the second he saw who was calling. 

“Ciaran? He’s still talking to you after that night?” He mused, tilting the screen toward you. His thumb hovered over the answer button.

Your stomach twisted. 

“Vin-”

“Answer it.”

“Are you serious?”

His lips brushed the inside of your thigh, teeth dragging just enough to make your head spin. 

“Dead serious.”

“Vinny, I've only just got back on good terms with him-”

He pressed the button before you could stop him, bringing the phone to your ear just as his tongue dragged a slow, teasing stripe between your legs.

“Hey! Hope I didn’t wake you up.” Ciaran’s voice came through the speaker.

Your lips parted, but no sound came out. Vinny was relentless, tongue flicking, sucking, his fingers digging into your thighs to hold you open.

“Y/n?” Ciaran prompted.

You gripped the sheets, forcing a shaky breath. 

“H-Hey,” you stammered, voice breathless. “What’s up?”

Vinny chuckled against you, the vibration making your toes curl.

If Ciaran noticed how breathless you sounded, he didn’t comment on it. 

“Just wanted to see if you were busy tomorrow? I’m here for a few more days before I leave for work in LA, I wondered if you wanted to go for drinks or something?”

Vinny’s tongue worked faster, his fingers slipping inside you, curling just right, doing all he can to make you lose your mind. You bit your lip hard to stifle a moan, your free hand fisting in the sheets.

Vinny tilted his head up, watching you, enjoying this way too much. 

“Tell him yes,” he murmured against you, lips glistening. “I dare you.”

Your head fell back against the pillow, barely holding back a whimper. 

“S-Sure, yeah that sounds great.” You managed. 

“Great,” Ciaran beamed, “I’ve had quite a shitty week, so it’ll be good to see you again.”

“Ask him what happened.” Vinny murmured, his teeth grazing your thigh as his fingers pumped inside you at a torturous pace.

You whimpered, biting back a curse. 

“Wh- Why? What happened?” You swallowed hard, trying to keep yourself, but that was impossible with Vin’s face buried between your thighs. 

“I had a couple people hit me up about writing some songs with them, I travelled all the way out to see them and then they stopped messaging me and…” 

Ciaran kept talking, but you weren’t listening. Not when Vinny curled his fingers deep, his tongue working you over, eating you out like he was starving for you. Your thighs trembled. You were close, so fucking close-

And then Vinny pulled away, his fingers slipping out of you, leaving you empty and desperate.

Your eyes shot open, a whimper slipping from your lips before you could stop it, but then you saw Vin push up from the bed. 

His smirk was downright devilish as he kicked his boxers off, crawling back over you. His cock was already hard, the tip flushed and leaking, but he took his time, dragging the head through your slick folds, rubbing it over your clit just to tease you, torture you.

You glared at him, barely able to focus on the conversation with Ciaran still going on in your ear. 

“Vin-”

He pressed in just an inch, just the tip, his fingers digging into your hip. 

“Shh,” he hushed, smirking. “Don’t be rude. He’s still talking, isn't he?”

“…so yeah, it’s been a frustrating week,” Ciaran continued. “I just feel like people waste my time, you know?”

Vinny bottomed out in one slow, devastating thrust.

You gasped, back arching off the bed, your free hand fisting in the sheets.

Vinny grinned, watching you struggle to keep it together. He gave an experimental roll of his hips, slow, deep, watching your lips part as you choked back a moan.

Ciaran kept talking, completely oblivious.

Vinny ducked down, his lips brushing your ear. 

“Ask him what he’s doing tomorrow.”

You swallowed hard, barely able to form words. 

“W-What are you up to tomorrow?”

Ciaran hummed, considering. 

“Not much, probably just hitting the gym in the morning. Why?”

Vinny pulled back, slamming into you again, a sharp thrust that knocked the breath from your lungs.

You barely managed to smother the whimper that slipped from your throat.

“Oh, no reason." You forced out, voice shaking.

Vinny pressed a kiss to your jaw, clearly enjoying every second of this. His pace was slow and teasing, keeping you right on the edge but never giving you enough to tip over.

“You okay?” Ciaran asked, sounding concerned.

Vinny chuckled, the sound low and smug. His fingers found your clit, circling it with featherlight touches, keeping you right on the brink.

You nodded before realizing Ciaran couldn’t see you. 

“Yeah, yeah, just- uh- still recovering from a run!”

Vinny bit your shoulder, his hips snapping forward hard enough to jolt your entire body.

You had to clamp a hand over your mouth to muffle the moan that threatened to slip out.

“Oh I didn’t know you go running!” Ciaran chuckled, “Maybe we could go together sometime.” 

Vinny stilled inside you, waiting.

You barely had the strength to respond. 

“Y-Yeah, sounds good.” You breathed. 

“Great, anyway I’ve got to go. See you tomorrow!” 

“Yeah… Bye.”

The moment the call ended, Vinny snatched the phone from your hand and tossed it aside.

Then he grabbed your wrists, pinning them above your head, and set a brutal pace that had you crying out, head thrown back against the pillows.

“You’re a fucking asshole.” You just about managed to say. 

“Yeah, yeah. You love it.” Vin smirked, ��Do you think he knew?”

You barely had time to shake your head before he leaned down. 

“Bet he’d lose his fucking mind if he knew,” Vinny murmured, his voice dripping with amusement. His lips brushed against yours, teasing, but he didn’t kiss you. “If he knew you were moaning for me the whole time he was talking to you.”

You couldn’t even form words. The way he was fucking you- deep, hard and relentless, had your thoughts turning to static. Your legs locked around his waist, pulling him in deeper, chasing that sharp, delicious pleasure he always managed to pull from you.

Vinny groaned, dropping his head to your shoulder. 

“You feel so fucking good.” His teeth scraped against your skin, and then he bit down again, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to claim, to leave a mark.

Your body jerked under him, the sting melting into pleasure as his hand travelled between your bodies, finding you clit again. 

“Vin...” You whined, your nails digging into his shoulders.

He lifted his head, a lazy smirk on his lips. 

“Yeah? You gonna come for me?”

You were already there, your body tightening around him as the pleasure crashed over you in waves so intense it nearly hurt. You clenched around him, and Vinny cursed under his breath, his rhythm faltering as he buried himself deep, his own release ripping through him with a shudder.

For a moment, neither of you moved, the only sound in the room was your ragged breathing. Vinny was still on top of you, still inside you, his nose brushing yours as he grinned lazily.

“Think he’ll notice the mark?” He teased, nodding towards the hickey that would be on your skin for a while now. 

You groaned, shoving at his chest. 

“Shut up.”

He just chuckled, finally rolling off you and stretching like he hadn’t just ruined you.

And then...

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Your heart stopped.

“Vin! Y/n! Open up!” AJ’s voice carried through the door.

“Oh, fuck!" You whispered.

Vinny smirked, completely unbothered, still sprawled across the bed.

“We brought pizza!” Emil added.

Your stomach sank.

“Shit, it’s fucking pizza Friday.” Vinny groaned, finally sitting up. 

You scrambled to clean yourself up, wiping your thighs with the tissues on the nightstand, before throwing on a pair of shorts you found on a pile on his floor. Vinny, meanwhile, just stretched like he had all the time in the world.

“Vin, c'mon! They’re gonna know.” You hissed.

“Good.” Vinny grinned, grabbing his boxers. 

“No! Not good!” You shook your head, throwing a pair of sweatpants over at him. 

Vin smirked as he caught them, pulling them on. 

“Just act normal.” You said, more to yourself than him. 

Vinny snorted. 

“Normal?” He gestured to himself, flushed, sweat still clinging to his skin, messy hair, looking exactly like a man who just spent the last twenty minutes fucking your brains out. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

You shot him a glare before yanking open the dresser and tossing him a shirt. 

“Just try, okay?”

Another knock. More impatient this time.

“Dude, are you dead? Pizza’s getting cold! Open up.”

You exhaled sharply, shaking out your limbs like that would somehow make you look less guilty. Then you grabbed the first hoodie you could find (definitely Vinny’s, but you didn’t have time to care) and yanked it on to cover the mark on your neck before rushing down the stairs, finally swinging open the door.

AJ and Emil stood there with pizza boxes in hand, both eyeing you immediately.

“Why do you look weird?” AJ asked, squinting.

“I don’t look weird!” You said way too quickly.

Emil tilted his head. 

“You’re out of breath.”

“I just ran down the stairs!”

Both of them turned their heads at the same time, looking past you and straight at Vinny, who had just finished shoving on his shirt, hair still a mess, lips still a little too swollen.

There was a long silence.

“Why do you look weird?” AJ narrowed his eyes.

Vinny stretched with a lazy grin, totally unfazed. 

“I don’t look weird.”

AJ and Emil exchanged a look.

Suspicion hung in the air, but then Emil shrugged, stepping inside and making a beeline for the kitchen. 

“Whatever. I’m starving and I'm not eating this cold!”

AJ, however, lingered, eyeing you both one last time before finally muttering, 

“You guys are acting real fucking weird.” And then followed Emil through the house.

The second they were out of sight, Vinny shot you a look, smug as ever.

“Oh, they totally know.”

“They don’t know!" You hissed, swatting his arm before following the others.

…

After a while, the four of you settled on the couched in the living room to put on a movie. Emil and AJ argued over what to watch while Vinny leaned back into the couch, arms crossed, legs spread, looking like he couldn’t care less. You were tucked into the corner of the couch, legs curled beneath you, absentmindedly scrolling through your phone as they argued back and forth.

“You always pick horror!” AJ complained. “I swear you just enjoy watching me suffer.”

“Yeah, cos it's funny,” Emil grinned. “But fine, I guess we can watch something else. Maybe a… romcom?”

“You’re not serious.” AJ narrowed his eyes at him.

Emil shrugged, clearly enjoying himself and you just chuckled, pushing yourself off the couch. 

“I’m getting a drink. You guys better have made a decision before I get back.”

As you make your way to the kitchen, you hear them continue debating. You open the fridge and grab a bottle of water, taking your time as you lean against the counter checking your phone, answering a text you had just gotten.

Then, just as you’re about to head back, you hear Emil’s voice drop into something more serious. 

“So, Vin… How was your date with Ruby? I saw all the posts on her story.”

You freeze, your heart stopping momentarily, leaving you wondering if you heard that right. But you heard Vinny scoff. 

“It wasn’t a date, or it wasn't supposed to be.”

“Right,” Emil says, clearly unconvinced. “Because going out for dinner and flirting with a pretty girl isn’t a date.” 

“It’s not. And I didn’t flirt with her!” 

“You didn’t flirt?” AJ cuts in, “Vincenzo Mauro, the ladies man, did not flirt with the pretty girl on their date?”

“No.” Vin sighed.

There’s a pause before Emil speaks again, more thoughtful this time.

 “So… What is it? Are you not into her?”

You can’t see them from here, but you can imagine Vinny’s face, the way his expression might tighten the way it does when he doesn’t want to answer something.

“Look, she was passing by and asked if I wanted to meet up, I didn’t think it’d be for dinner, or that it would just be the two of us. Yeah I guess she’s nice, she’s pretty,” he paused, “But I’m just not really interested in anything like that right now, especially not with her.”

“Damn, that sucks for her.” AJ laughs. 

“Yeah, and to think I thought you were finally moving on.” Emil smirked. 

There’s a brief silence before Vinny speaks again, quieter this time. 

“Yeah, well, it’s not that simple.”

Your heart stutters.

You finally step away from the fridge, forcing yourself to move before they notice how long you’ve been gone. You force your expression into something neutral and walk back into the living room.

“Did you guys pick something?” You ask, pretending like you heard nothing, like your world hadn't just changed.

“No, because Emil’s an asshole.” AJ groans. 

“I take that as a compliment.” Emil says, smirking.

Vinny doesn’t say anything. He just looked at the TV, but his jaw was tense, and his fingers were tapping against his knee like his mind was somewhere else.

You sit back down, forcing yourself not to look at him for too long.

It’s fine, you tell yourself. It doesn’t mean anything.

But as the movie starts playing (the guys had settled on watching the matrix again) you couldn't help but wonder.

You didn't pay any attention to the movie at all, you just spent the whole two hours playing over the guys conversation in your head, over and over.

Why hadn't Vin said anything? Was he trying to hide it, or did it really mean nothing to him?

But still, why didn't he tell you?

----------------------------------------

@collapsedglasshouses @miss570 @dominuslunae @sunshine-lvrr @death-ofpeace-ofmind @blade-dressed-in-red @amelia-acero @kait16xo @oobleoob @pipidoll @justdamnpeachy @bluehairpunklol @renegadebirch @devilsfuckingdance @darkwhisperswolf @carrieontillmay @0nlyethereal @punkprincess1999 @madsnic1119 @c0urt-0519 @animal4princess-blog @neeley1w

[yayasvalveplay]

This is for the Optimus Warframe path AU: GENUINELY ASKING, how would Optimus fall in love with Megatron??? Like I want these two together you have no idea so I’m coming up with a way that they could. I AM GOIGN FERAL WITH THIS QUESTION SO IM MAKING MY OWN ANSWER:

Let’s say Optimus has this unobtainable crush on Megatron back in his academy days, he did not think it was possible to get the mech but still thinks Megatron looks hot. Will he ever get with that mech? Hell no, but deep in his own spark he fantasizes that it could happen.

And then he gets reformatted and meets Megatron, and suddenly the mech he use to fantasize over is now trying to court him, and he’s not having a good time.

It’s more along the lines of the stress is getting to Op about what the shit is going on with the Allspark, and every time he thinks he’s in an ok spot mentally something else comes up with the AllSpark and he starts having trouble keeping up all over again and this mech can’t get a break.

For a time he wasn’t as stressed, since it was just the Allspark doing stuff, but then Megatron comes back. And his superiors are coming to earth, and oh GOD everything is coming to ahead and he doesn’t know what to do because now they’re decepticons on earth and try he Autobots are suspicious of him and why is this all piling on NOW??

It’s not helping megatron keeps flirting with him and soundwave keeps sneaking off to who knows where.

At first soundwave is the one to come up with schemes to get them together, probably just giving them intel he just so happen to come across about where the other will be. This has a 50/50 chance of either ending in a fight or Megatron trying to convince Op to join there side while seeing Op trying (and failing) to be a stoic leader and tell megatron he’s not going to win cause the Autobots will and something something hero’s speech!! (curse you wingspeak for speaking his thoughts out loud)

But then it’s Megatron doing little things to make Op life easier. Maybe he stops a fight that broke out between the two factions here and there or teaches Op how to work handle being a warframe better. And at first Op is like “ok thanks for the tip but still hate your guts” but then the little things turn into big things like Meg’s has shockwave keep tabs on the twins while he makes sure soundwave is ok (and sari soon after that) and proposes a truce between Team Prime and the decepticons just until Op can figure out his next steps and suddenly Op is like “well ok maybe a date or two wouldn’t hurt, he is pretty handsome.”

And before Op knows it Megatron is basically acting like his conjux and their playing happy family with all their kids and-wait what do you MEAN he got sparked by Megatron?!

Is this OOC? Probably. Is this EXTREMELY self-indulgent? Definitely. You don’t have to listen to any of it, this is just me and my stupid ramblings, but I NEEDED TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS SHIP IN THIS AU. Twas driving me insane I tell you.

Anyways, gonna go back to haunting the shadows until I dare to ask another question again, keep up your amazing writings and art and hope you have a good day!!

- an overthinking Anon

NGL I wasn't really thinking about the how they got togetehr. But I do really like how you put it. So may as well use it.

Though getting sparked wouldn'

t happen until there is total piece between the factions. And the Decepticons can come home to Cybertron.

[beefandblubber]

Hey man, as an asexual gainer, I have a question…

What does being big and having a belly feel like for you? Does it give you any type of gratification?

For me, there was a long time that I felt asexual, but I was also only and VERY attracted to men with big bellies. Almost “bellysexual” in a sense, lol. I realize now I’m gay, but quite literally only for men with big guts. I look at bellies almost like a straight guy would look at boobs, lol… they just drive me nuts.

Just wanted to ask. Does it give you any gratification that could maybe be considered “sexual” from being big and having a nice belly? Do you get gratification from other men with bellies? Just curious.

Honestly, I feel the same way. Being ace, I get nothing from anything below the belt or what would be considered sexual. Bellysexual is a good way to put it, but that doesnt mean Im not attracted to smaller or fit guys.

For me, I started gaining bc I found myself being attracted to big guys. The same story everyone has, finding a site like this or on YouTube watching gainers when youre way too young. And I was finally in a place where I was willing to do it myself. Id say I get that "sexual" gratification from this for sure.

But theres also the part of me that also just likes this body ive built, it feels more comfortable, more like me. Do I get horny or turned on by this? Yeah of course, but I also get the enjoyment of being happy in my own skin. Which isnt something I was used to a few years ago. So I guess I get two kinds of gratification.

As for the sexuality part, I consider myself somehwere on the spectrum between asexual and demisexual, but very much into the romantic part. I would love for a guy (honestly i consider myself bi but lean to guys) to spend time with, but they of course have to like me and my body how it is or if I get a little bigger (not looking to gain indefinitely amd end up dependent on someone). And if they wanna squeeze my belly while we cuddle/kiss, or feed me till I cant sit up and take a nap on my chest, even better.

This was a really thoughtful question that got me thinking a lot about what I want, but its also late and im not sure if I answered it well. Please feel free to ask any follow ups like this or in my dms, im sure there are others who feel similarly or are trying to figure it out .

[munsonify]

Hiya! I hope you're having a wonderful day, I just wanted to say that the Bob SFW alphabet was so amazing! I loved how you captured all the layers to Bob, and how he's ultimately so tender and loving with reader. You mentioned a part about Sentry (or I guess Bob as Sentry) being protective of reader... would you be alright elaborating??

— hi, i hope you’re having a wonderful day too!! you’re so nice thank you so much, i was worried that it was super out of character for him. of course im alright with elaborating, i’ve been wanting to, thank you for asking!! i really hope this all makes sense and im not just brain vomiting on tumblr.com (when am i not)

———

before bob gets more of a control over sentry and void (something that’s directly connected to his bpd, a mental health issue he’s working on in therapy), i think he’s more prone to outbursts. i think this only happens in more serious situations though, ones that cant be dealt with relatively easily and shrugged off.

he doesn’t quite have the coping mechanisms he needs to regulate himself properly. bob tries not let himself get so overwhelmed by his emotions, though it does happen sometimes. deep down he knows he has the abilities to help you and protect you, a high he tried not to chase. one that he sometimes succumbs to.

bob wants nothing more for you to be safe, for you to be happy, alive. that’s one of the things that drives his emotions so intensely.

on the off chance sentry does take over during this time, he does become physical. if he finds out something happens to you during a mission gone sideways, he fights a usual losing battle with that switch in his head that tells him to go do something about it. his eyes turn a bright yellow, twitching and darting all over the place. sentry’s cocky, he knows he can win a fight.

he has no issue knocking someone into a wall for your sake, even if you claim you have it under control. why have you do it when he can do it for you? it’s not like he’s going to get hurt or anything anyways. it gives him such a power trip.

when bob has better coping mechanisms, has an easier time managing sentry and the void, sentry usually comes out as more of an intimidation tactic. while his highs and lows are still a little sporadic, bob has a much better time controlling them and harnessing them. sentry and the void are still superpowers/superhumans.

if someone’s being particularly obnoxious to you while the both of you are out in public, someone who isn’t taking no’s or warnings to knock it off, he lets his emotions bubble up a little. his eyes start to glow how they usually do when sentry makes an appearance. it’s as if this other side of hims poking and prodding at his brain, begging to be released for just a second. bobs posture straightens up, eyebrow cocking as he moves to stand behind you.

“don’t make this more of an issue than it already is.”

with being able to harness his abilities more, sentry tends to make an appearance more often during missions. he’s always looking over his shoulder at you, making sure you have things handled. he’s ready to swoop in the moment he thinks he needs to (he always thinks he needs to. not that he doesn’t think you’re capable, but because he likes having that power).

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a/n. man idek if i like this. this could be so ooc

[redwidow616]

Thunderbolts Essay:

tagging some people who I think might want to read this: @loulooser @ncttcday @endofanera-startofanage

Okay so I haven't seen a marvel movie in forever, not even the captain America one, but i knew about the president turning into red hulk (?) thing but nothing apart from that. I was honestly kinda scared that this movie would be bad since, let's be honest, quality really has somewhat declined, and mainly of course that they would pair yelena up with someone but that didn't happen so yayyyy 🤗 okay im gonna get to the actual review part now.

The beginning shot was already so good and set the main focus on what this movie would really be about: depression and struggling. Yelena going on assignments in that hoodie tho made me laugh a little cus girl that does not seem practical?? Also I forgot how much I love her accent, I really do (also reminds me of Wanda's since they're both eastern european). It made me happy to see that she's still in contact with Alexei even tho I knew that already from seeing posters, but I love their dynamic also because it seems so unrealistic they would act like that at first, but when you think about it that's really what they are to each other, father and daughter. Then the court/trial scene bucky as a politician omg it was hilarious how much he talked like one already but also looked like he was so done with everything.

I love Valentina so much, she's such a bitch and she sucks and is so calculating and fucked up in everything she does but I can't explain it I kinda love that about her. Mel was also really funny, I can't believe they managed to introduce a completely new character that's cool on top of expanding on the other characters in the movie who we knew.

The vault scene was also really cool, but I have to ask is that the vault from aos????? Because I thought I recognised that name but I don't remember what happened to the vault there so idk. I was kinda disappointed that they killed taskmaster off so fast, when she was in all the posters and I don't really see the point in it because they only had that one scene where Ava and Yelena talked about it and she looked a little guilty but apart from that nothing 😐. The scene after they got out of the inciniration room was kinda funny ofc but that was the point, i don't have a lot to say to that. Except of course the memory yelena saw and how tragic it was and how we keep learning awful things about the red room (and will probably continue to). Them climbing up the elevator duct was also really funny and I loved every instance where Ava and Yelena made fun of Walker. It was also so funny how yelena tied bob to herself to fight omg, he really is just her adopted stray, I love it. John of course fucking everything up and then Bob sacrificing himself. And Valentina being such an awful person again during the gala and the raiding of the vault, I love women who suck. Alexei picking them up omg, considering how dark the topic of this movie was it did have a lot of comic relief but it didn't feel wrong, it always made sense in the moment. Then Buckyyyyyy!!!!! He looked so done again I love him, he just wants to be at home and not read the packages from the senators, but that scene was really really cool visually and not too long, because I often get bored very fast during action scenes but this one was good.

[tigressjasper]

groovy

[terracottakore]

finally reunited 🐴💤