#im not proofreading this until the morning so whoever sees this before i do IM SO FUCKING SORRY

[neeko-system]

long post inc.

ok so im working on this world called “nevermore”. its a world mostly made for a TTRPG system im working on. its a fairy tale storybook world thats very thematically dense. like, the whole idea of it is everything that exists in the reality serves a narrative purpose to some unseen theme “beyond” the page of the world.

it deals with a lot of themes of mental illness and identity struggles and the changes that people go through in life. theres a big focus on journeys and road trips and the things and lengths people go to to achieve some sort of change, physically, mentally, socially, etc.

family is another big theme. a big element of the gameplay/story is about the people you surround yourself with. the people that you take with you/meet on journeys whether physical or mental. the people you live with on these journeys and how you change as a result of being around them. what its like to share space with other people and what not. lots about friends and found family and loss of family (death, trauma, complications, falling outs) the world exists physically and yet it doesnt exist anywhere. nevermore is a place but its also more of an idea. its a kind of fantasy world that is about facing hardships rather than running away from them. its the dark forests that are comforting. its knowingly being lost yet always finding your way. falling into rhythm with the world and following the paths it gives you, not necessarily out of love but out of a caring interest.

the forests of nevermore are nature itself. mountains, plains, the woods, the creek. any hike you’ve ever done in your area. any camping, backpacking. being under the stars. it’s small rural villages where everyone knows each other and everyone just hangs out and vibes and fends off the beasts of the horrors:tm:(its a nightly thing)

its staying up late at night with your friend thats having a panic attack. its being stuck far up a hill and your ankle is injured. its trying to figure out what you’re going to eat tonight. its existing on the outskirts of civilization, socially and physically. its the balancing act of caring for your own mental burden and helping those around you, the latter taking importance over the former.

nevermore is a mystical world painted with every color of the rainbow, drawn on black paper. its a childish rejection of adult society struggling with the same human problems. its young and naive and curious and hurt and comforted.

its about me. its about everyone. its about being human. its about gender. its about love and loss. in that order.

everyone is obsessed about something

ive also made a lot of art of it pls take a look >.>

this was one of the first pieces of art i made for it. (might have been the first) i was basically just putting to image some ideas i had about creatures id make in a fairy tale setting. one thats more about the creatures and less ab out the humans in the creature world. (humans as creatures or something idk)

starting left then going right

the faerrin (far left) was one of the first and strongest ideas i had. obviously fairys being in a faery tale world is not new (its like, in the name) but it was more about their role/space in the world. as it relates to self expression and identity, the faerrin are child-like and naiive but deeply curious. they have a child like cuiousity about the world surrounding them and are always exploring everything and anything they can. i like the approach of bug-like fairy so the faerrin have membranous bug wings and insect like body/limbs. they have horns that curve down like hair (that didnt come until later) and antennae that stick out the top of their head. faerrin are generally named for pretty, natural things that grow on the ground. plants, flowers, vegetables.

the next strongest were the glüm. the name came later but since the beginning of nevermore i had the idea of the faeries, then dark ink feathered bird creatures that were gangly and grotesque and foul. the image on the bottom left got it pretty succinctly for me. they’re short, with long pointed horns and dark ink black feathers and beak. they wear their wings around them like a big springy coat that sways up and down as they move. they also project a colorful miasma around them that kinda obscures them and makes them blend into the colors around them. their bodies are grossly disfigured and gangy and their claws are sharp and wicked. they repeat sounds and things people say in distorted and crackly voices. they’re obsessively clean and insanely normal.

next was the gargin who i was still figuring out at the time. the original idea about them was they were big stone gargoyle like beings that were protective and mournful. i then had the idea of them being trees instead, but the name stuck. eventually i landed on them being golems made of logs and sticks with large butterfly wings protruding from the back. they’re obsessed with knowledge as a tool and constantly forget whatever they’re thinking about. they’re autism robots but like wood elementals that like helping people with all the things they figure out. but also mourning everything they forget as if the memory had died with them.

the next one was another exploration of the glum but with them having a large projected shadow around them. i like the idea but not sure what to do with it.

then the last in frame drawing was of a zull. now the zull are actually a different creature i pulled in from another world i made. its too long of a story for this but basically they’re “soulless beings.” stylistically the zull are -completely white all over to a out of place degree -varying in size and limb count/face count/head count. some have multiple faces, 3 arms 4 legs, 3 fingers on each hand, two heads, etc. -and they’re mannequin like. staring, creepy, almost human yet somethings off. uncanny valley but less for humans and more just what constitutes as “alive.” they’re a combination of a few ideas and themes important to me but importantly they’re representative of angry melancholy. they’re angry about being alive, but dont want to die. they exist in a constant state of “would rather not exist” than anything else. (do not diagnose me i am mentally CHILL not mentally ILL)

it takes a lot of “mechanical” inspiration from the heart: the city beneath, electric bastionland, and lots of pretty exploration games i played growing up. ori and the blind forest notably. pyre by supergiant games (this one is the biggest inspiration offender(the whole idea of a road trip rpg system came to me because i love this game so much.))(also visually and thematically) if you’ve ever seen the movie 9 holy shit that movie fucked me up but also this game is like that

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh’

i’ll probbaly post more about it and post mroe art cause i have a lot to share pleading emoji pointing left pointing right

tanks for listening to me ramble <3s and kisses on the mouth with tongue (i always ask for consent) love you all goodbye

[gfdazai]

IT'S LOVE, IT'S ROMANCE.

* Being in a relationship w/ them.

* CW / Established relations, GN reader (I thinkies,) not proofread / edited, I'm making this up as I gooo! Sorry if this is OOC, it's been a wwhile since I've genshided?... Genshinend?.... Yknow. this isnt good im ngl. SO RUSHED this is . unbelievable. It's all over the place but

Ningguang, who showers you with anything that you look at when going window shopping. She doesn't even think twice about the price — despite your refusals, and complaints — she gets you to accept it eventually.

Ningguang, who lets you do her hair as a sign of love. She's a busy lady, it's basically a proclamation of love when she spares enough time for you to sit down, comb her hair and braid it, if you're lucky enough.

Ningguang, who hunts out almost every Qingxin when you say one is pretty. Ningguang, who pays for a crate of cecilias when you say you wished they grew in Liyue.

Beidou,, who brings you back stuff from each of her voyages! ! You say you'd like some fabric from Inazuma? Done. You want wine from Mondstadt? Done, even quicker!

Beidou, who collects shells for you from each shore she comes across. All her treasures (shells), are taking up at least 3 drawers. You don't have the heart to stop her, as she seems so happy when she brings you another pouch everytime she's home...

Beidou, who schedules a whole day for cuddling before she leaves. She refuses to take you with her — scared of you getting hurt, or something — so she spends as much time with you as she can. She forces you to clear your schedule to stay in bed with her all morning, not caring if you had a meeting with whoever, wherever.

Lisa,, who constantly uses you as a guinea pig for her potions. You wanna spend time with her? Okay, just drink this!! Of course, she'd never let anything harm you, she only gives you the potions with the silly side effects.

She'd constantly tease you, calling you petnames that not even the flirtest would think of, just for the amusement of seeing you flustered. If you tease her back, though? It's like a compitition of who get's more flustered first. It's gotten so bad, to the point of the library emptying out because of it.

Lisa, who doesn't even spare you from her punishments as a librarian! Oh, you forgot to give her the book last night? No, no, that simply won't do! She can't be stopping her job for her pretty thing, no, not even for you. ...At least she apologizes afterwards.

Furina,, who 'makes' (gets someone else to make) sweets for you. She somehow knows exactly what you want, and exactly when you want it.

She'd also let you sit in on tea parties, right next to her. She'd make you a little hat like her own, like her own little claim on you, making you sit there and look like her pretty little thing.

Furina, who gets flustered the moment you imply going anything romantic. Holding hands? Not that bad, it'll get her a little flustered. Kissing? She feels like she's having a heart attack after the first kiss the two of you share.

She'd get Neuvillette to get you plushies, preferring to stay with you as he goes to find whatever animal she requested this time. She'd get jealous if you picked a plushie to have in your arms instead of her, whining and wiggling around in the bed until you replace the plushie with her.

Please don't steal my work, nor feed it to any sort of AI. Thank you! ♡

[kyurizeu]

#18 - I missed you. (Im)possibly fate

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Recent - masterlist - next

Warnings: cursing, awkwardness, boring ass convos, bad grammar

Word count: 1,2k

A/n: hello everyone! I’m trying to come back to tumblr tho it really hard because i have no ideas for stories. So help is very much appreciated! I havent proofread this (oops)

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

The week had passed quicker than expected. You hadn’t had any energy or motivation the whole week because your biggest energy source wasn’t there. You were way too scared to go talk to Jungwon as a result of possibly irritating him again, so you decided it would be best if he just thought about it alone. Although it did pass your mind to go talk to him and make him feel bad about being distant, you knew it was unfair; you were in the same situation after all. You felt like he was mad because for the whole week he didn’t send a single message, not even a "gm" or gn," so you were anxious about seeing him again, especially with the same conversation. It would’ve been smarter to text him and get all of the worries out of the way, but before you knew it, it was Thursday morning, and you had to talk the whole thing over again.

Just like your everyday routine, you got ready and left the dorm with your members. The day's schedule was filled with a couple meetings, scheduling, and promotions, and later in the evening, the most important thing was an interview with Jungwon about the song.

You sighed and sat down in the meeting room. You were the first one there, which was definitely not fun. Whoever is the first person to be in the meeting room has to wait for everyone to come separately and stay quiet and awkward when there's only one or two just sitting. So you took out your phone and scrolled on it, afraid to look up when someone entered the meeting room. "Good morning, yn," said Jungwon. You looked up at him, trying to read his facial expression to match his feelings. Oh, hello, Winnie," it was so awkward. You two hadn’t spoken in a week and were a couple; the room atmosphere was so uncomfortable. Should you even call him "babe" anymore, or does he want to break up? You started to fidget with your fingers while overthinking everything until your thoughts were interrupted by him again. "look umh… Things have been a little strange between us the past week, but I just want you to know that I’m not mad or anything." He sat down across the table. "I didn’t text you because I tried to give you space. I realised that it could seem like I’m trying to pressure you to make up your mind." "I did that too." It was still strangely awkward, but you just needed to say something. "Jungwon?" He looked back up at you from his phone. "I missed you so much." Your lips formed a straight line. Jungwon got up and gave you a warm hug, and without a word, you felt so much more comfortable. "I missed you too, sweetie." Just then the meeting room doors opened and more people came in. Jungwon didn’t sit back on his original chair, but now next to you. The meeting started about 3 minutes later.

Okay, so today we have arrangements. We need to plan the meetings, interviews, promotional activities, and the rest of the week so they fit into both Jungwon’s and Yn’s schedules. But first we have the big question. Jungwon and Yn wanted to take it into consideration to let them make their relationship public. What do we do?" Your manager started

Well, um, me and Jungwon took some time thinking about our opinions on it separately." You stated this, and Jungwon nodded next to you.

Okay, so what do you two think?"

"I was thinking about pros and cons for both scenarios. I came to the conclusion that, in my opinion, It’d be better if we went public."

Jungwon finally told me which decision he ended up with.

"Don’t you think that it’s more on the bad side to go public, though? The public is spreading rumours and isn’t making things easy for either of you." His manager spoke up.

"Of course the fact that the public is suspicious and spreading rumours about us isn’t good and would hurt our case, but they have in fact spread them for a while now, meaning that they have become a little normalised, which takes away the problem, plus my fans haven’t sent anything weird to live comments or anything like that, unlike when the rumours started a little over a week ago."

You stared as Jungwon defended his decision, and you couldn’t help but admire the way he was explaining everything. His hands waving in the air made cute gestures, and his brows moved up and down, making him look more convincing. His dimple popped up on his cheek at times when he was talking, and your mind told you to boop it with your finger, but then you heard your name being called out.

O-oh, yes, what?"

"Which choice do you find more smart?"

Oh, yes, well.. I thought about how our future in our careers would go in both directions, and I have to admit that our careers would suffer a little from going public, but then I thought about our future together, which has nothing to do with our careers. I realise that we can survive a little damage, no matter if it’s with our careers or not, or even a lot of damage, when we have each other. I assume also Jungwon’s but especially my career would get a little damage from either situation since being away from Jungwon would take a lot of energy and motivation from me. I learned that this week. I would be able to get through rumours, hate, scandals, and god knows what else if I had Jungwon by my side. So going public Is definitely my choice."

You nodded at your manager after letting your thoughts out, and he gave a quick glance at Jungwon, as did you. He was smiling cutely, and he looked back at you. "Well.. i guess if we can plan the rest of the week in this meeting, i guess that’s what we will do, unless our plans clash with going public. See, we haven’t planned anything where you two would have the opportunity to announce it."

"Well, we don’t have to do some big splashy reveal. We could just go live and tell everyone, or maybe walk hand in hand somewhere and let the news spread."

Ooh, does that mean I can post the cute picture I have of myself in your hoodie?" You turned to your boyfriend, who chuckled in response. "Not the best way to announce this," he said, patting your head, and you fake pouted. "Let’s discuss the reveal when you get better ideas; we need to do a lot more."

And so the meeting ended happily, just as you wanted it to. Jungwon and you walked out of the room, and he pulled you into a big hug again. "The explanation why you wanted to go public was so cute. God, I really do love you," you smirked, looking up at him while you were squished between his arms and chest. He gave you a quick peck, and you two had to leave to do your own work for the day.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Taglist:

@harperwasstaken @strwberrydinosaur @letapostropheesgo @yngwife @chogolei @ddeonmixx @j-wyoung @xiaoderrrr @vivibelov3d @ablackbtsstan @chaechae-23 @vizstars @tlnyjoong @ahnneyong @deobitifull @jungwonnieee @yumilovesloona @ikeu4life @nyxtwixx @s02zjy @choclate32 @soobiverse @maimoirs @gigi-honeyjaes @kimiplx @jakeify @sullkyoons2 @hoonieluv @minnesueng @luvmura

[my313]

peach eyes *ੈ 🍑⸝⸝ ༘⋆ choi beomgyu

now playing 𝄞₊⊹ peach eyes - wave to earth

⋆ pairing: beomgyu x gn!reader

⋆ summary: beomgyu's love songs have always only had one muse, and he thinks it's high time you start getting credit for that

⋆ genre/themes/warnings: fluff, pining, gyu is in a band, f2l, public confession

⋆ word count: 1.3k

a/n: THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD LMAO i wrote this in like an hour or so bc i could not stop yapping about fanlive wonder beomgyu he can save me any day!!!! . and um well i was also thinking abt beomgyu being w2e coded so this is the result of my delusions (im insannenenne) ANYWAY ENJOY BC I DEFINITELY ENJOYED WRITING THIS

“oh, when’d you write this one, beomie?” 

beomgyu has endless entries in his journal dedicated to you. he can't find the words to describe you normally, but as the muse to all his songs, only his lyrics can ever portray the beauty he sees in you. 

you get the privilege of hearing his songs in their most raw. it’s his way of being completely vulnerable with you, sharing the pages of his journal that not even his band members have seen. secretly, he hopes you catch on and realize that these flowery words are not from his reimaginations of romance movies. no – they’re all about you. 

that’s what’s happening right now. you’re sprawled out on his bed, flipping through his journal as if it wasn’t his most prized possession, while he sat on his desk trying to work through his audio files. your eyes scan through the page, titles scribbled all over until you find the one left untouched called ‘peach eyes.’ 

“just a week ago or something. i think the guys want to play it on our next gig,” his chair swivels towards you as he asks for your opinion. beomgyu appears nervous, even if it is just the two of you in his room – an occurrence that has become part of his weekends ever since you met. he’s trying to gauge your reaction, following the direction of your stare on his notebook. “what do you think?”

“hmm, well…” you turn to beomgyu, head tilted in thought. “i’d have to hear it for a full review, don’t you think?” your voice comes out teasing, accompanied by a grin that makes beomgyu want to whip out his guitar and play the song for you as many times as you want, any time of day. if you called at three in the morning, he would still say yes.

but choi beomgyu has bigger plans for this one particular song. so while it pains him to see your pouting, he surprisingly says no.

this is the first time beomgyu has ever refused to play a song for you in the time that you’ve become his songwriting confidant. you know he’s always valued your thoughts, which makes you wonder why he’s suddenly closed off about this one specific song. a love song, at that. 

you audibly gasp, exaggerating your reaction to his rejection. “did you… maybe… get a crush, beomie?” he blinks repeatedly, taken aback by your question. “is that why you won’t play it for me? is it just for them?” 

“you’re silly,” he laughs it off. “i’m saving it for the show.. but i guess, you’re not exactly wrong.” 

“i guess i’ll have to come watch to hear it, huh?” you shut his notebook before sitting up. “my days as your first listener are over.” his laughter echoes throughout the room, and you can’t help but grin at how you make him brighten up. whoever he has his eyes on will definitely enjoy hearing not only the melodies he writes, but the ones that naturally flow when he speaks. beomgyu’s voice enchants you in every which way, even when he says something stupid. 

or ominous. like how he smiles mischievously, shrugging and says, “whatever you think, babe.” 

*ੈ 🍑⸝⸝  ༘⋆

today’s the day.

beomgyu’s band is playing at an outdoor festival today, and you made it a point to be in front-row of the crowd. you always joke about how you’ll have bragging rights for being one of his earliest fans when he starts hitting it big. for some reason, though, today, you’re scanning through people more often than usual. maybe you’ll meet ‘peach eyes’ in this show, and you’ll have to share your bragging rights (and your beomgyu) with someone else. 

swallowing thickly, you try to shake that odd feeling off your chest. you see the staff cleaning up from the last set and taking out a stool to put in the middle of the stage. beomgyu’s band has performed a few songs already, and as far as you know, this next one must be one of their last in the setlist.

the sun has faded into the skyline; a mesh of purple and pink illuminates the stage as you see beomgyu come out. he looks disheveled from the intensity of the other songs, but in his white button-up, rolled up sleeves, and brown hair hovering over his eyes, you think it’s the most charming he’s ever looked. 

you’re proven wrong once you see him prop himself on the stool and reach out for his electric guitar, donning a smile that knows he looks alluring to every person in the crowd. for beomgyu, he only hopes it works on you.

“how’s everyone tonight?” he speaks into the mic, cradling the guitar to his chest. “this next song is a new one. i haven’t played it for anyone yet, but there is someone tonight that i hope likes it more than anyone else..” 

“mostly because this song is about them,” the crowd is oozing excitement and curiosity. beomgyu laughs and prepares himself for the performance, but not before he scans the crowd quickly and finds you. his eyes are looking straight into you as he speaks tenderly, an affection saved for you,  “you’ll know who you are, right?”

you’re not foreign to the feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you hear beomgyu sing and play his guitar.

you shouldn’t be so flustered. not when he’s played for you in his bedroom, where your legs have rested on top of each other as he wrote lyrics; where he’s sat you on his lap and rested his hand on yours while trying to teach you the chords to your favorite song; where he’s sang you to sleep.

tonight, though, in the vast space of the field and grandeur of the stage, it feels like his bedroom again with the way he doesn’t take his eyes off of you as he sings into the mic. like you were the only two people there. 

its on the moonlight how many songs i write you’ll be my sunlight how could i not rely on you peach eyes

hearing the lyrics with his voice changes the meaning of the song entirely to you. reading a love letter will always be different to hearing someone profess their love to you, and it seems like beomgyu is doing exactly that. the sunset makes him look otherworldly; like a prince has come to ask for your hand.

your eyes are watering as you recall all the other songs he’s played for you. more than that, you remember the loving gazes and gentle touches he’s saved for you each time you enter his room and hear a new world of romantic metaphors and thoughtful harmonies. all about you. all for you. 

by the time beomgyu finishes his performance and sets his guitar back on the stand, your tears have gone down your face. beomgyu laughs affectionately, cooing from the stage. he takes the mic and looks your way again, “i owe you a date for making you cry, but i’m glad you liked the song.” 

you don’t expect beomgyu to move away from the stage, but he’s coming down from the steps and making his way to your part of the crowd until he’s right in front of you. he could give less shits about the barricade between you as he takes you into a warm embrace, letting you bury your tear-stained face on his shoulder and gently caressing your hair.

he moves the mic away from his mouth and whispers to you, “please let me keep writing for you,” he pulls away and tucks a hair behind your ear. “i’ll write for you forever if you let me.”

how could you possibly say no to that?

[miamlfy]

Run.

A/N: Here’s a sirius fic for those who adore him. I’ve been struggling to get things written down, so I'm not a big fan of this one esp the ending but that’s okay. My next fic will be a Harry x reader which was requested so expect that within the next few days. I also got multiple requests to make Homemade Rings into a mini series, is that something ya’ll would like? Let me know. Im sorry for any mistakes in this, barely proofread. 

Pairing: Sirius Black X Fem! Reader

Summary: Hiding a relationship from an overprotective James is hard and slightly embarrassing when you and Sirius are caught by him. 

Warnings: Mentions of dying (nothing too serious) and light smut ? 

Word Count: 2,1K

Masterlist

Enjoy!

(Not my gif, credit to whoever made it) 

Hiding a relationship from James was hard. It wasn’t like you and Sirius intended to hide your relationship from your friends, you just didn’t know how they would react to your a relationship inside the marauders group. 

You became apart of the marauders in second year, you got trapped into their prank that was poorly planned and you proceeded on lecturing them on ways to make it better and be successful without getting caught.  That prank worked out well and neither of you got caught, the boys were forever grateful. 

As months went by, they kept coming to you and asking for help for new pranks. Most of the time, you would act as bait, catch the victim off guard and they boys would attack. The four marauders eventually asked you to join them and you excitedly agreed, becoming the fifth marauder. 

Once fifth year began, you couldn’t help yourself but crush on Sirius. Every girl/guy wanted him, Sirius was known to woo the ladies and some were lucky enough to gain his attention for the night. It often made you jealous, you wished you could be one of those girls who he’d flirt with and wrap his arm around. Your friendship began to crumble during the middle of fifth year, his fangirls often hating on you because they thought you two were dating. Although you wanted the dating part to be true, you couldn’t help but think that Sirius only saw you as a little sister, and nothing more. 

You began to distance yourself from him in hopes that not only the girls chasing after his would stop harassing you, but also for your feelings to go away. You felt as if it was wrong to crush on one of your best friends and you weren’t one to ruin a great friendship. 

When Sirius noticed how you started hanging out less and less with him, or with the marauders entirely, he became worried. It stressed him out to no end, thinking he did something to upset you. Thankfully Remus knew where you were that night, as you did prefect duties with him. The moment he saw you in the astronomy tower, he rushed towards you. 

“Is there something you need Sirius?” You asked, not looking up from your potions textbook. 

“How’d you know it was me?” He chuckled, you shrugged and continued to focus on your textbook. Sirius sat down next to you and took the book from your hands. 

“What’s wrong? You’ve been avoiding me and the boys,” you looked up to face him and shook your head, you knew if you opened your mouth, everything would come out. You hoped he would believe you and leave you alone, but this was Sirius and he wasn’t going to leave until he got a satisfied answer from you. 

After pestering you for what seemed like an hour, you let it all loose. You told him everything, all your feelings towards him and how you felt whenever you saw him with other girls. He quickly shut you up with a kiss, which left you in shock. 

“I feel the same.” He said, pulling away from you. 

You shook your head, “Sirius you don’t have to lie, it’s okay if you don’t fe—“ 

He shut you up again by placing another soft kiss on your lips, “I’m not lying.” 

The night, you spent wrapped around his arms and looking at all the stars. It was amazing. However, when morning came and everything set in, you started to panic, how were you going to tell James? Of course remus and Peter would be happy for you and Sirius, they most likely saw it coming. But James? Oh no. 

To say James was overprotective of you, was an understatement. James treated you like the most fragile thing he’s ever come across from. Although James was the same age as you when you first met, he treated you like his little sister. He was there for you whenever you needed someone to talk to. James also did not hesitate to hex someone whenever they were being mean to you. Often he would get detention for it, but he didn’t care, as long as you were okay and safe. 

Now if any boy ever came close to you, dear lord don’t let him see. He could be miles away and yet somehow know that one is talking to you and trying to take you on a date, or even asking for homework answers. 

James would come walking towards you and before you could give the poor bloke an answer, James would drag him away ignoring you pleas to knock it off. If it wasn’t for Lily and the need for James to constantly ask her out in front of everyone, people would think James was your boyfriend. It was extremely annoying. 

During fourth year, you were on a date with a sweet Hufflepuff boy. Somehow you managed to go without James knowing but of course, he heard Peter talking about it and how your promised to bring him back sweets from Honeydukes. James ran to where you were and told your date to leave, very rudely. 

“James, you can’t keep doing that. I’m going to end up being single for the rest of my life!” You yelled at him as he dragged you away and was now walking up to the castle. The three other marauders trailing along. 

“Good, that sounds perfect.” He replied back. You rolled your eyes, your pulled your arm away from him. 

“James, I’m being serious,” you glared at Sirius before he could say his infamous joke, “you can’t keep doing this. It’s ruining not only my love life but also my social life.” 

Now it was James who rolled his eyes, “You don’t need a love life, Y/n. No boy or girl is worthy enough for you.” 

You knew immediately that James would not approve of Sirius and you together. James loved Sirius but he also knew how Sirius treated most of the girls in Hogwarts. He would use them and toss them to the side once he finished. James didn’t want you to get the same treatment, so when he noticed Sirius giving out long stares in classes or the common room, he immediately shut him down. 

“Why are you looking at Y/n like that?” James questioned. 

“What are you on about, James? I’m just admiring her, she looks pretty today,” Sirius sighed, “You have to stop being so overprotective of her, some day someone is going fall deeply in love with her and you’re going to have to deal with it.” 

James shook his head, “Never, not until the day I die.” 

Little did James know, that two of his best friends were now dating and he suspected nothing of it. You only intended to hide from him but if you told your other friends, they would easily spill the beans. So you and Sirius decided to keep the relationship between the two of you. However, that did not last long. 

Of course Lily, being the smart girl she is, caught on and told you that she would keep her mouth shut and not tell anyone. Marlene and Dorcas were next on finding out, the two girls saw you and Sirius making out in an empty classroom. You both made them swore to secrecy. 

Remus and Peter were next, they were both exiting the library when they spotted you and Sirius leaving the kitchens hand in hand. They both stated to you that they were not going to mention anything to James. 

Six months have past since you and Sirius started dating, poor James was starting to get suspicious. He noticed Sirius sneaking away at night, but he excused that Sirius just being Sirius. He then started to notice you disappearing also or using excuses to go somewhere else. He knew he could use the map to track his dear friends, but he didn’t want to. He would only use it for emergencies. 

As another month went by, he grew more suspicious and it was driving him mad. No one else was questioning this besides him. It would confuse him more when Sirius and you would enter the common room together and see all your other friends smirking at you guys. 

He decided he would use the map to track Sirius down when he wasn’t in his bed, so a few nights later he grabbed the map and began looking. 

‘Y/n Y/l/n, Sirius Black’ the map read, James rubbed his eyes thinking they were playing a trick on him. He jumped out of bed and pulled out the invisibility cloak from his trunk. Almost tripping on Peter’s shoe, he made his journey to the Astronomy Tower. 

Sirius and you were on top of the tower, you laid your head on his chest as he played with your hair. “It’s so soft now, I’m assuming you took the hair advice I gave you?” 

You snorted, “Oh yeah totally,” you gave out a breathy sigh, “Sirius when are we going to tell James about us? Everyone else knows, he’s going to find out soon, shouldn’t we just tell him?” 

Sirius shook his head, “Like you said, he’s going to find out soon, so let him find out. Plus I do not want to tell him and get punched.” You laughed at his words and lifted your head up to kiss him. 

The kisses began as soft and innocent but then started getting more needy. Soon enough, you were now straddling his lap, gently rolling your hips. You moaned into his mouth as you felt his tongue enter your mouth, both of your tongues now fighting to gain control. Pulling away, Sirius latched onto your neck, placing sloppy kisses and no doubt marking it. You felt his trousers tighten the more you rolled your hips, your panties now damping with the wetness of your core. 

“Fuck Sirius.” You moaned out, now placing your hands on his belt trying to undo it. 

“Shh princess, don’t want anyone to hear you now.” Sirius was trying to undo the buttons of your shirt. 

Both of you immediately pulled apart when you heard very loud gags coming from behind you. You turned around to see a red faced James, looking rather distraught. The three of you not wanting to talk, stayed in awkward silence. 

Sirius was the first to speak, “James, listen buddy, this isn’t how we wanted you to fi—“ 

“Shut up.” James said coldly, looking over towards you, you dropped your head and faced the ground, “How long has this been going on?” He questioned you. 

Still facing the ground you answered, “seven months.” 

James looked like he was close to fainting, “SEVEN MONTHS?!” He shouted. You jumped, you knew it was bad to hide something from this, but you didn’t expect for him to get so angry. 

“Yes bu James listen, we didn’t mean for it to—“ James cut Sirius off once again. 

“Run.” He said, glaring at your boyfriend.

“What?” 

“Run Sirius, because once I get to you it’s not going to be a pretty thing to witness. Now run.” Sirius looked over to you with wide eyes. 

“James you can’t be serious, let us explain.” You said, trying to diffuse the situation. James only shook his head and continued to glare at Sirius. 

Your boyfriend shot up from his spot when he saw James getting closer to him and gave out a nervous laugh. 

“Oh fuck!” Sirius yelled out and bolted out of the Astronomy Tower before James’ fist connected with his face. 

You chased the two boys and came to a stop when you saw James holding up Sirius by the collar. 

“Swear to me you won’t hurt her!” James yelled out, not caring who heard him. 

“I swear that I will never hurt her and may Merlin kill me if I ever do.” James let down your boyfriend, satisfied with his answer. 

“Good. Now no more snogging and doing whatever you two were doing back there. I do not want to be an uncle yet.” You blushed in embarrassment at his words. 

“Don’t worry Prongs, no children any time soon.” 

Hearing meows enter the corridor you were in, the three of you looked at each other in fear. 

“Guys not to panic but we might have to run. I left the cloak in the tower.” Once James said that, it didn’t take a second for the three of you to run back down the opposite direction and try to hide from Mrs. Norris. 

[problematicfavesareproblematic]

Band of Brothers-

Cute/charming things they say when they walk into a room and see you/you walk into a room and they see you:

Babe: 

“oh SHIIIIIT! There’s my BABY! Do you see her, fellas? GodDAMN, I’m a lucky sonofabitch!” 

(you blush so hard and are just like Babe, we’re at work stahp it but he dgaf).

It’s embarrassing and always makes Martin glare so imploringly at you that you’ll go over to Babe just to make him be quiet. Because, you know, YOU’RE AT WORK. 

This bitch is shameless when it comes to loving on you, having once come to stand next to you when Sink was giving an important announcement and straight-up PINCHED. YOUR. ASS. 

how you didn’t yelp is a miracle, and how no one else seemed to notice was equally astounding 

(oh, the boys noticed. They kinda shipped it tho, so it was more a matter of hiding their joy). 

Needless to say, it only happened the once, something you made Babe swear after you pulled him aside and punched him in the arm. 

Don’t worry, you kissed it better.

Roe: 

bb boy doesn’t say anything at first, 

the smile he saves just for you is playing at his lips as you walk up to meet him, tho.

The moment you’re close enough that he can smell the  sweet mint of your gum, he’ll whisper something sweet like “hey you” or “mon amor”, or maybe just your name 

(bc let’s be honest, his accent is 10 out of 10 and he could read me the dictionary and I’d still rock an ugly giggle/snort combo). 

If it’s a more serious situation, like if you’re hurt oh lordy

he will literally shout your name until either you shout back or someone tells him where you are. 

I could see him being a face holder, in the sense that he does it to reassure himself that you’re okay and make sure he has your undivided attention. 

Since getting injured in Carentan, you hadn’t been as close to the frontlines as you had been, so when you were needed you are REALLY NEEDED, 

and even if he didn’t like it Gene knew you were the best at what you did. 

Gene also feels better if he knows where you are.

 Even when you eventually return to Easy, he will feel better knowing which Foxhole you’re in, and knowing he’s seen to it your first aid kit was fully stocked.

Liebgott: 

THAT FUCKER’S SMIRKING AT YOU SO OPENLY that whoever he had been talking to instantly goes 

*sigh* y/n’s just came in, didn’t she? 

And he won’t even ANSWER because he’s already shoving past them to walk up and eye you with obvious satisfaction. 

“Bout time you showed up,” he’d say casually, hands finding your hips giving them a quick squeeze. 

“Sooner we get briefed, sooner we can get outta here.” 

(You’re not fully sure what ‘getting outta here’ entails, but if the way he looked at you was any indication, you had a feeling it didn’t involve anything less than PG-13 sexy times.)

Bull: 

“Hey, little lady.”

He’ll say it no matter how tall or short you are, how wide or how narrow.

He will always say it to you that when you first see each other in the morning 

(sometimes, you wake up to Hey, little lady being kissed into the soft skin behind your ear.) 

(Once while on a 48 hour pass, he’d woken you up that way in a REAL bed and the two of you had nearly gotten him sent up Curahee for being late coming back because you’d ended up spending more time in that bed than either of you anticipated Whoops)

(Even if he had been late, he definitely wouldnt have minded, tbh. He fully considered going AWOL if it mean neither of you had to leave the bed)

but throughout the day he’s more concerned about getting his hands on some part of you whenever the two of you had been apart- 

even if it was for like five minutes. 

Nothing over the top- holding his arm up and out so you can step into his side, a press of his lips to your temple. 

Idk guys i just feel like he’d just love you so much that everyone would be able to see, which they do and they all think it’s fucking cute

Buck: 

He doesn’t always call out when he sees you, mostly because your eyes always seem to find his. 

The two of you could be across a field from one another with a thousand angry Germans between you, guns blazing, and the two of you would always spot each other like two honing beacons. 

If its downtime and you guys don’t have to be on your guard he’ll ABSOLUTELY wolf whistle in at you, 

You’ll see a stupid grin lighting up his face as he nods in your direction. 

“Take a look, boys. I think we’ve got ourselves a…” 

and he always waits until you’re close enough that he can wrap a quick arm around your waist and pat your hip. 

“Certified babe-asaurus!” 

(in a foxhole somewhere, a wild Babe’s head pokes up in confusion). 

You groan and boo him, and whoever he was with inevitably ends up booing him too.

But he doesn’t care because seeing you smile makes him so happy you guys.

Lipton: 

If you’re in public, he will quietly step up beside you and place his hand gently between your shoulder blades.

He’s not super into PDA, which you didn’t mind because what he didn’t show in physical touch he more than made up for in open admiration. 

He is in awe of you 

sometimes he worries you forget how highly he thinks of you, how highly everybody thinks of you 

(you don’t forget, but he’s just one of those people who will get intrusive thoughts like that and sometimes has a hard time shaking them so plz just let him say it ok?)

so he always whispers some praise with his greeting 

(Hey, beautiful...Doin’ okay, love?...What’re you thinking, brilliant girl?). 

It’d probably seem like overkill if anyone else did it but Carwood is just so goddamn sincere that you can’t help but duck a quick kiss to his shoulder. 

HOWEVER! 

If you two kids are alone….

OH BOI. 

He is handsy, coming up and caging you with his arms, 

probably pulling you close quickly so you lose your balance and he can hold you a lil bit.

(He likes to sweep you off your feet im so sorry)

 That’s when his praises are hushed and sighed between long slow kisses. 

Nixon: 

Like Liebgott, he’s a snarky motherfucker who will get the most self-satisfied grin on his face the moment he sees you, instantly turning on the famous Lewis Nixon charm ( something he’d long since decided belonged to you and you alone.)

“Uh oh,” he’d say, looking you up and down before raising an eyebrow.

(bc your hot but also he doesn’t want to get all flirty if you’re hurt or sick or something’s up bc ur not just something to flirt with- YOU ARE A BADASS WITH BADASS RESPONSIBILITIES AND THAT WAS SOMETHING HE very often and sometimes FOUND SO HOT THAT IT MADE HIM THINK HE MAY HAVE AN AUTHORITY FETISH this has been a PSA) 

“Here comes trouble.”

you roll your eyes, the behavior you once found cocky and arrogant having becoming endearing somewhere between Toccoa and England. 

He has absolutely no qualms about PDA (verbal or physical), so it’s up to you to reign him in 

(especially if he’s a lil tipsy, poor Luz didn’t need to hear Lewis’s sloppy and shameless plea for you to let him eat you out on top of piano he’d found in the attic of the billet he’d been assigned. You weren’t able to look at George for a week without wanting to die of embarrassment and Lewis Nixon didn’t get any for two weeks. He was sure to never make such a mistake ever again) 

And Dick had probably grown blind to how Lewis liked to pull you his lap and run his hands up and down your thighs while you played with his hair. 

Also, like Lipton, he probably saves the more explicit acts of PDA for when the company has scheduled downtime 

(but only bc you told him he needed to keep it in his pants any other time he tried to get cute with you)

but you can bet your ass his hand will always try to tap it (your ass, that is.)at least once

a day when he isn’t supposed to.

That’s when you get to punish him whoopsies

Dick: 

since the day you were introduced to Dick in Georgia, the boy always made sure to stand when you entered a room and will call you “ma’am”,

(you know, LIKE HE DOES ONLY BECAUSE HE HAS TO FOR SOBEL BC RANKS. I feel like he has a “we salute the woman, not the rank” speech queued up for anyone who tried to give him shit for it BUT THAT’s JUST ME)

but he has a knowing look in his eye that makes the term ‘ma’am’ feel anything but impersonal.

It confused the shit out of replacements, who would automatically stand because their superior officer (that would be Big Dick Winters) did- only to see you standing there in your fatigues with a coffee in each hand with a look of mutual confusion on your face. 

(bc while they like you, but they’re confused still bc while you’re a boss ass bitch,  you didn’t outrank him...or at least they theink you dont?) 

Babe had been the one to ask you about the longing looks and lingering glances, and when you didn’t know how to answer him you’d gone to Nixon, 

He’d burst into tearful laughter and was unable to get it together enough to explain anything.

Dick had been the one to bring it up the next time they were alone, weirdly enough, as she proofread his report for errors that didn’t exist. 

Because you warrant it, he’d said when pressed for a reason why he greeted her like a ranking officer, looking down at his boots as they both blushed like teenagers at a school dance. 

After that, he still stood wherever you walked in

but now he made a point to brush his fingers against yours at some point during the time you were together. 

He’s the definition of a slow burn friends-to-lovers story, and boi can get spicy LEMME TELL YOU.

(this is my first writing thing ever plz let a sister know if there are any glaring typos. Also i’m roughly 97 years late to fandom but I brought y’all some starbucks so plz let me in thank you)

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 24

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.3k - 4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: idk what to say tbh, not even sure ppl read these notes lol. well, i hope it was an okay chapter?

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : one but i sort of changed it a bit!

Chapter 24 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

We fell asleep together in his bed but I woke up in the middle of the night and stared at him for god knows how long. I didn't want to tell him what I did for many reasons, but mostly because I didn't want him to feel guilty. It was not his fault, he had every right to break up with me if he was not feeling the relationship anymore, and i'm the one who had swallowed those pills. Niall was not to blame and I knew it, but I was scared he'd feel bad if he found out. To imagine being weak like that in front of him was also not something I wanted. I was not really ready to let anyone see me that weak, but I was glad Louis had found me on that night. I was glad I was still there, because it made me realize I had a problem and I was lucky enough to have someone to help me with it.

I brought my hand to Niall's cheek and ran my fingertips on it gently, making him groan low. God I loved him. Just looking at him made me want to throw everything away and give myself to him, but I knew it was a pattern I couldn't fall back into and I had to be careful. Of course I had changed, and I had matured, and learned to love myself the way I was. I had worked on myself to trust me, and trust that I was worthy of love, even Niall's, and that my body didn't define me... but all of this didn't mean that I  didn't question myself sometimes. It didn't mean that I couldn't doubt myself, or that it was easy to resist throwing myself into Niall's arms. I loved him like I have never loved anyone in my life. Did I ever love anyone else in my life?

It took me a while to fall back asleep but when I finally woke up for the second time, I kept my eyes closed and whimpered, reaching out to touch him until I realized he was not in bed with my anymore. I grimaced, my eyes still closed, and forced myself to sit up. It smelled like coffee and I smiled, stretching and opening my eyes before putting sweatpants and his t-shirt on, going to the bathroom and then walking to the kitchen. Niall was there, facing the counter as he was pouring coffee in two mugs and he glanced at me, sending me a smile.

"'Morning, how did you sleep?"

The sound of his voice made my lips curl and I walked up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind and leaning my cheek on his back.

"You weren't there when I woke up." I replied with a pout that he couldn't see.

He laughed. "I'm right here!"

I hugged him tighter and when I loosened my embrace, he pushed the air out of his lungs and laughed again, turning to me and leaning his ass against the counter. My hands reached for the front of his shirt and I got on my tiptoe to reach for his lips. He tasted like coffee and I smiled against his mouth.

"You're on your second cup?" I asked, making him smile more.

"Yea you slept a lot." he pointed out before pressing his lips against mine again. "You seemed tired, I didn't want to wake you up."

I looked into his eyes and a fond smile appeared on my lips. I couldn't tell him I was tired because I spent over an hour staring at him in the middle of the night, could I?

"About last night, I want to thank you for sharing that with me." he said, glancing down before looking right in my eyes. "Thank you for trusting me. I'm so sorry I made you feel like that. I'm so sorry. I knew I had hurt you, but I never thought you were so... sad after I left. I never thought me dating someone else would hurt you that much."

"It wasn't you fault." I replied after breathing it. "It was me. It was my pain, my insecurities. It was my problem and my decision to do that. A bad and wrong one, a decision I'll never make again, but it was no one's fault but mine. You could date whoever you wanted, Niall. You didn't owe me anything."

"I'm still sorry. I'll always take part of the blame for that. But you promised you would never do that anymore, remember?" he added, raising his eyebrows. I just nodded with a soft smile and he smiled back. "Good, just a reminder."

We just looked at each other with loving smiles for a while and I felt something in my stomach. I was not sure if it was love, lust or affection... or maybe all of those feelings at the same time. All I knew was that they were all directed at him.

I felt the fingers of one of his hands run in my hair and smiled more, letting my hands run down his chest as I kept staring in his eyes. I always felt the need to be close to him and touch him and when one of my hands reached his dick, he groaned low and the grip in my hair tightened.

"Don't be a tease, petal." he whispered, making me bite my bottom lip hard.

"I'm always too horny to be a tease, you're the tease."

He chuckled and he pulled gently on his hand, making my head tilt back a bit more as my hand kept stroking his cock slowly over his sweatpants.

"I just think it's been way too long since I put your cock in my mouth, what do you think?" I whispered, sending him an amused smile. "Let me get on my knees for you."

His smile faltered and his eyes roamed on my face for a few seconds before he let go of my hair, his arm falling on his side. Quickly, I took my shirt off and his eyes fell on my breasts, making me hold my breath. It was not my best feature but the way he stared at them avidly made my heart jump in my chest. I let my shirt fall on the floor and got down on it, trying to save the pain on my knees that the cold hard floor could give me. I kept my gaze locked with his again for a few seconds and then looked away, trying to focus on his cock. I pulled his pants and boxers down, feeling my pussy throb at the sight of how hard he was but something else caught my attention. Something was not like it used to be and it had nothing to do with his dick. I frowned but my lips parted and I had to blink a few times to understand what exactly was written.

"Oh my god." I whispered, bringing a finger to it and brushing the tip of it on his skin. "Did you get a fucking tattoo?"

I glanced up and he was looking down at me with a frown. I opened my eyes wide and he grimaced, letting out a low groan.

"Darling, please, can't you see how fucking hard I am?" he pointed out. "You were about to do something?"

"I'm sorry but I can't do anything before I get an explanation.." I admitted with a nervous chuckle. "That's literally my name there?"

"I was drunk, found an old letter you wrote me, decided to get your name tattooed just like you tattooed mine." he explained quickly with a shrug. "Now your mouth? Please?"

My smile grew and I licked my lips. "Why this spot?"

"It was the only spot I could think of that wouldn't be visible for anyone, or almost."

"You... you hate tattoos." I just replied, shaking my head.

"I do not hate tattoos, I just never wanted to get one. I didn't see the appeal. And I still don't." he admitted, staring down at me. "But it's your name, and it's you, and I love you. I don't regret it, and I think it's just.. fair."

I pressed my lips together and swallowed hard, tilting my head. "What a guy wouldn't say to get his cock sucked."

"I mean it, Olivia."

I felt my heart jump in my chest and my gaze moved back to the tattoo on his skin. It was not even swollen anymore but even if it was small, I couldn't pretend it didn't make me feel special.

"Seriously, Nee, I can't see my name written near your cock every single time I give you a blowjob!" I chuckled, half-joking.

"Well, get used to it!"

I laughed a bit louder before realizing he was still just as hard despite the whole discussion we just had and quickly, I brought my mouth closer, running my tongue on his length gently and reaching the base before moving it down to his balls. I heard him groan as I sucked on one and when I moved back to the tip of his cock, I looked up only to see his head had fallen back slightly. He was holding himself with both hands on the counter and I just wrapped my lips on his tip to suck on it. His fingers gripped the counter harder and I grabbed his dick in my hand, pushing his skin and running my tongue between it and his tip. One of his legs tensed and he let out a few curse words in a whisper.

"Don't stop petal." he murmured as I kept doing that for a minute or two before taking him completely in my mouth. "Fuck, I want to cum in your mouth so bad."

He pushed his hips in motion with my head movements and just hearing him groan was making me horny. I kept thinking about the last time we fucked in his kitchen and it made me moan low as I was still sucking him hard. I finally moved away to bring my lips back around one of his balls as I kept stroking his cock harder and when he whispered 'I'm gonna cum', I moved back and stuck my tongue out. He looked down at me and I stared back, making sure the tip of his cock was brushing on my tongue as I jerked him off. It only took a few seconds and when a grunt escaped his lips, my heart jumped in my chest. He came on my tongue and lips, some of his cum also ending on one of my cheeks, and it made me realize how much I had missed pleasuring him.

"Jesus Christ." he whispered, his eyes shut tight. I took him in my mouth again, sucking him gently and slowly as I saw his grip loosen on the counter and his eyes open again. His lips curled into a smirk and he licked his lips. "Oh you look so good like that."

He bent down slightly and gathered the cum on my cheek before bringing it to my lips. I sucked on his finger as he stared at me and when he moved his upper body up again, I got closer and my eyes fell on his tattoo again. Slowly, I brushed my thumb on it and without thinking, I pressed my lips on his skin before getting up. He sent me a fond smile and chuckled as he moved his pants up.

"Did you just kiss my tattoo?"

"I did." I whispered, pressing my lips together.

He bent down and kissed me gently, cupping my face and slipping his tongue in my mouth. It always made me smile how he didn't care that I had his cum in my mouth just a few seconds before, and that he would kiss me anyway without even a second of hesitation.

"I haven't had a blowjob like that in..." he stopped himself and raised his eyebrows before chuckling low. "In over a year."

"Was it worth the wait?" I asked with an amused smile as he grimaced.

"Yes, but please don't make me wait an other year for the next one, okay?"

I laughed and shook my head as he moved his hands around my waist.

"You can always ask." I pointed out with a shrug. "Or, you can grab me by the hair and force me down on your cock."

The way he looked at me with lust made my heart skip a beat and he turned us around so I was leaned against the counter. He didn't say anything, he just slipped his hand in my pants and reached between my legs. He took one and held it up on his hip as I felt his fingers slip inside me.

"That made you so wet, fuck i love that." he admitted low, making my eyes flutter. "I love how much it turns you on to please me."

He started finger fucking me quickly, curling his fingers inside me and I used all my strength to keep my eyes open We looked at each other as he rubbed two of his fingertips on my clit and I held my breath as my lips parted.

"You're gonna cum, yea? I can hear how wet you are." he whispered, bringing his lips closer and brushing them against mine. "Cum darling, cum for me."

I felt an orgasm reach me and my whole body tensed as he moved closer to me, pressing his body on mine, one of his hands still holding my leg and the fingers of the other rubbing my clit as I shook against him. He moved his face in my neck and dug his teeth in my skin, making me quiver even more against him. He kept flicking his fingers on my clit slowly and gently as I came down from my high and brought his lips on mine to kiss me again.

"Next time I'm gonna spend an hour between your legs." he whispered. "I promise."

I smiled and tilted my chin. "You better."

We kept hugging and kissing for a while and I thought about the two mugs waiting for us on the counter before groaning. He moved away and frowned as I raised my nose.

"Now coffee's cold and I have bad news for you."

He frowned too and I bent down to grab my shirt and put it back on. I turned to the coffee pot and decided make fresh coffee before emptying our mugs in the sink. When I turned around, Niall was leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest and staring at me.

"I have to go back home and pack." I started, making his lips part. "I have a flight for Italy tonight and nothing's ready. I'll be gone for a few days."

"Italy?"

"Yea we're supposed to cast an Italian girl for season 3 and they asked me to go. We have an interview there too and... well, I'm also going to see Dylan."

His face changed and I held my breath, feeling my heart beating hard against my rib cage as I waited for him to say something, anything, that would tell me how he felt. I could read in his face that he was not pleased but I didn't know if it was anger and pain.

"You know what I realized when Heidi sent me that picture of you in a wedding dress?" he asked, making me frown. "I mean, not at first, I was too shocked by how stunning you looked but after an hour or so, it really hit me. It's not you? The big dress, the flowers, the music and thousands of guests with a big wedding cake and your vows in front of everyone?" he paused as I stared at him. "What happened to eloping to Vegas and getting married by Elvis?"

I licked my lips and sighed, tilting my head on the side.

"It was important for Dylan, to do the big thing in front of both our families, and I wanted to make him happy." I explained with a shrug. "I still don't like big weddings."

"So you're going to spend a few days with him?" he just asked after a while.

I didn't want to tell Niall that I was going there mostly to break up with him because I didn't want him to think I did it for him, and I didn't want him to expect anything after that. I was not ready to be with someone else, not even Niall, but it was something I needed to do. I was doing that for me, because I didn't feel ready, because it was not what I wanted anymore. Of course, Niall was part of the equation, but it made me realize that I was not only scared to jump that step, but also that I didn't want to. I loved Dylan, I really did, but things were different, and I was different too. I was a different person than the one I was when I started dating him. I was even a different person than the one I was when he asked me to marry him. I was not even sure why he even wanted to marry me anyway.

"Probably, but I'll mostly be busy with auditions, and he'll be busy with filming his new movie."

I wanted to add a 'don't worry' but I didn't dare. Niall took a few steps to move closer to me and I moved my chin up to hold his gaze.

"We'll text and call each other while I'll be gone?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"I'd love to." he confessed, bending down to kiss my lips. "I'm gonna miss you."

                                ---

The flight was horrible and it was probably the worst 13 hours I had to go through in a long time. I grabbed my luggage after waiting for way too long and just as I was about to leave, I got a notification. I almost decided to ignore it but I stopped near a wall, dropping my bags and checking my phone. I smiled when I saw Niall had sent me a video and when I saw him sitting behind his piano, my heart melted. I hit 'play' and bit my bottom lip, leaning against the wall as I turned the volume up.

"Liv, I know you've only been gone for a few hours but I already miss you. So I thought I'd send you this. I hope you remember."

I heard the first few piano notes and I knew what it was. My lips parted and I knew I was going to cry.

“Looking back through changes Where we started from Don’t know about you but I knew it wasn’t wrong You know I kept a place For you in my mind And I know you did the same 'Cause you’re just that kind.

So if we knew all along Why did it take so long? We’ve known since we were young So why did it take so long? You know you make me feel loved Make me feel like I’m home So if we knew all along Why did it take so long?”

I felt tears run down my cheeks as his voice and the melody brought me back to a bar over 2 years ago, when Niall had told me he loved me through this song. I brought my hand to my mouth and remained motionless as I listened to it.

“Moving on You and I started looking back Now we’ve got to make up For all the wasted time You know I’d never let you just walk on by From the day that I met you I knew you’d be mine, yeah.

So if we knew all along Why did it take so long? We’ve known since we were young Why did it take so long? You know you make me feel loved Make me feel like I’m home So if we knew all along Why did it take so long?”

When the bridge started, I let out a short sob but quickly bit my bottom lip. I couldn't start crying here, in public, right? I couldn't just break into tears here because of one song.

“Just started, it’s just started I’m having trouble believing it’s true Just started, just started Now we got nothing to prove."

The chorus played again but it's only when he stopped and turned to the camera on his phone again that my heart completely melted. I let myself slide on the wall until my butt hit the floor.

"I really just wanted you to remember that. To remember that this is the first song I wrote about how much I love you, but it's not the only one, and I won't ever stop writing songs about my love for you."

He paused and looked down before looking up again.

"I love you. Come back to me."

He moved closer to his phone to stop recording but I just stayed there, looking at the static thumbnail of his video, my vision blurry and my heart swollen. I loved him so much I just wanted to turn around and take an other plane to him.

"Are you okay?"

Quickly, I looked up at the voice and blinked a few times only to nod at the security guard that was frowning at me. I must have looked totally desperate because I was pretty sure it was not the first time he saw someone cry at the airport.

"Do you need me to call you a cab or something?"

I sniffed and wiped my tears before quickly getting up. I knew I looked like a mess. That reflected very well how I felt.

"Uhm, no, thank you. There's supposed to be a car waiting for me."

It took me half an hour to reach my hotel and I unpacked a few things. I had brought the stupid pink bear Niall had won for me and put it on the large bed along with one of my pillows before taking my phone to text Dylan. I could feel my heart thump so hard in my chest I felt like I was about to have a heart attack.

"I'm here, we really need to talk."

---

"You can't be serious."

I blinked a few times, staring at Dylan, as he reached for my hands on my lap and I let him take them and squeeze my fingers. I had decided to go see him at his apartment and I couldn't pretend the sight as I was on the road didn't shock me. The sight from his apartment was even prettier and I took a mental note to visit this country again. Perhaps, with Niall?

"I'm.. so sorry." I replied with a frown, looking down at his hands holding mine.

I suddenly felt insecure about my decision. After all, Dylan and I were happy, right? We had been happy since day one. He was a sweetheart, a gentleman and he was funny, and sensitive. He was laid-back, soft, and he was always there for me. He was the first and only person to break my walls after Niall broke my heart and also, and I hated to say it, he has been extremely important in my therapy process. How could I leave someone who literally put me back together and be in love with someone who completely tore me apart?

"Okay, you don't want to get married anymore, I understand." he pointed out, shaking his head slightly. "It was too soon, maybe, I get it. But we don't have to break up.."

I pressed my lips together and looked up at him, trying not to cry.

"We do, we have to." I let out low so my voice wouldn't break. "I'm not into this fully anymore and I don't think you are either."

"I'm just... busy here. I promise I love you just as much as I did, even more. And I miss you all the time, Olivia." he added, moving closer as I finally let tears fall on my cheeks. "Please don't cry babylove."

I closed my eyes at the nickname he always gave me and swallowed to keep the sobs in without much success. I never thought it would be so tough to actually break-up with him but it was. We had history together, and this relationship with him had been more important than any romantic relationship I ever had before, except the one with Niall's.

"I'm gonna ask for a few days off." he continued. "We can spend time here together and just... love each other again. I'm gonna do anything I can to remind you how happy we are together, I swear."

I looked up in his eyes and took my hands to bring them to his face. I shook my head and breathed in before licking my lips.

"You deserve so much better, Dyl." I admitted low even if saying those words hurt like hell. "You deserve so much better than a girl who can't be 100% with you."

His eyes roamed quickly on me and I saw him tear up.

"It's because of him, isn’t it? You're breaking up with me to be with Niall."

"No!" I closed my eyes, trying to keep my voice down. "That's not why I'm breaking up with you, Dylan I just... I can't do this anymore. I don't have a good reason for this. And I know that no matter what happens, I will be the bad guy in your story, and I think it's true. Maybe I'm the mistake you'll always regret, and maybe I'm the toxic girl you'll have fallen for. I'm so sorry to have that role in your life. That's not the part I expected to play, I promise."

"This is not a movie, Olivia." he let out a bit louder. "These are my feelings, they're real! This is my life, our life. Please, don't ruin this."

I felt my heart jump so high in my chest I was going to puke. Didn't I ask Niall the exact same thing when he broke up with me over a year ago? I brought my hands to wipe my own tears and sniffed before swallowing hard. I had to leave. I had to stop this torture, for both of us. I finally got up and he didn't stop me.

"I love you, you know." he just added as I was grabbing my purse. "Don't you love me anymore?"

"I do." I just said, turning to look at him. "That's not the problem, Dyl. And It's no one's fault."

I waited in front of the door and sight.

"Don't worry, I'll find the best Italian girl for the show. You concentrate on your movie, okay?"

"I don't give a fuck about this show anymore. Or that movie, for that matter."

I felt something twist in my chest and breathed in before sighing.

"Yea, me either."

[obtain-this-grain]

“All of It.”

this is my first maplekeen fic! it took me like 7 hours, so if you like it, consider reblogging! its probably not the best but im proud and thats all that matters. please excuse any typos, i proofread like 6 times but still.

_______________________________________________________Argo crept into the dorm, thinking about his meeting with the Unbroken Chain. The group still needs much more information on Fitzroy. Argo hates going around his friends back but he’s sworn to his “hobby”. 

Argo tried his best to “tip toe” into his and the firbolg’s' side of the quarters, not noticing the half-elf staring at him. Fitzroy cleared his throat, making Argo look towards him on the couch in the common area. Panicking a bit, Argo started rambling. 

“Er.. hello Fitzroy! How are you, my dear friend?”

“I'm fine, Argo. Couldn’t sleep.”

Fitzroy tried his best to play it off like that, atleast. In reality he had been waiting here ever since Argo left, being practically torn apart by the anxiety of where his coworker could be. 

God, he hated calling Argo that. “Coworker”. It made his stomach hurt. 

“Oh! Good!.. Well not good that you couldn’t sleep but... You know what I mean” Argo replied, getting more anxious by the second. 

Fitzroy hides a smile at that and pats the couch next to him. Argo debates this for a second, thinking it would be easier to just go to bed and forget about this whole interaction. 

He gives in when he looks at Fitzroy again, this time at his eyes. The half elf’s eyes look so exhausted yet so beautiful, the moonlight coming in through the windows making them shine.

Argo drops his bag and walks over to his friend. He sits down a few inches away, feeling uncomfortable.

Fitzroy looks at him, somewhat admiring his face. Fitzroy wants nothing more than to just scoot closer to the genasi and lay his head on his shoulder. 

Argo looks down at his hands and at the coffee table, looking anywhere but at his boss. He feels, no, he knows he’ll break down if he looks at Fitzroy’s face after just discussing the half elf’s life to strangers who have no business knowing.

Fitzroy coughs a bit, perhaps trying to lessen the silence the two are sitting in. 

“So... Where did you run off to?” Fitzroy asks quietly. 

Argo is knocked out of his “trance” when he replies. “Hm? Oh well ya know, just some errands. Went to the library, dropped some books off. The usual.” 

“At 3 in the morning?” Fitzroy questions again.

“Yeah! Well. I guess the library is closed right now, isn’t it?” Argo states, slightly more to himself rather than the man next to him.

Fitzroy simply nods, his stomach tying itself into knots.

“To tell you the truth. I-. I can't tell you Fitz, I’m sorry.” Argo practically whispers the last bit.

Fitzroy’s heart practically bursts. It’s a lover, isn’t it? He knew he wasn’t for Argo. He knew it. He knew it. 

“Well” Fitzroy’s voice cracked. “I hope you had fun.”

This makes Argo look up at Fitzroy, seeing the tears welling up in his eyes. 

Fitzroy quickly wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Hm, goodnight, Argonaut.” He says, quickly standing up and walking to his quarters, closing the door gingerly.

Argo finally breaks, letting his tears fall. 

“God! Why’d I have to join this dumb club? I just ruined my fucking chances! We were so close.” He put his head on his hands. 

Sitting on the sofa and sobbing at 3 am wasn’t how Argo thought his Friday night would go. He especially didn’t think it would be over practically losing someone he cared for. 

———————————————————

Fitzroy woke up late that day, expecting everyone to be out and about. Instead he found Argo asleep on the couch and the firbolg sitting next to him on the floor, sketching some sort of tree. 

“Good morning.. bossss” the firbolg spoke without looking at Fitzroy, staying focused on his drawing. 

“Morning, Dr. Mushrooms”

“I.. heard you speaking wit.. Argo last night.” Bud added

“Oh! You did? I apologize we woke you.”

“Argonaut was wery... angry wit himself. After you.. left.” 

Fitzroy didn’t reply this time, he just internalized what Bud had said.

Argo started to stir with all the noise, blinking his eyes open and stretching. 

“Ermm good morning, Master firbolg.”

Argo sat up and looked around the room, seeing Fitzroy and staring at him for a moment before getting up and quickly walking over to the door, picking up his bag. 

“My! Would you look at the time! My blame taking class is about to start.” he stated, closing the door behind him.

Obviously it wasn’t, Argo just needed to get out of that situation. Fast.

“It is saturday... is it not?” the firbolg asked, confused.

“It is.” Fitzroy replied sadly. “God, I'm so scared I messed up. He probably hates me.”

The firbolg simply stares at him as Fitzroy walks to the door.

“I have to go, we’ll catch up later.” and with that, Fitzroy is gone.

———————————————————

Argo is seated at a lunch table with Raineer, talking about the night's happenings but making sure to leave out the bit about the Unbroken Chain.

“And- and I fucked it up! We were just getting close. He was just trusting me. God, what am I gonna do?  I ruined it. I fu-“ he was cut off by Raineer.

“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel? You might not be able to tell him the whole truth but at least tell him your feelings.” She replied, taking another bite of her ramen. 

Argo kept rambling on. “I can't do that! He already hates my guts!” 

“That’s not true, I know it for a fact.” Raineer said in return.

“Either way, I can’t tell him. we’re- we’re colleagues!” Argo pauses.

His face saddens when he realizes what he said. They really are colleagues, nothing more.

“Thanks for the chat Raineer. I’m gonna go.” Argo got up from the table, tossed his orange away and left the dining hall.

———————————————————

Fitzroy is sifting through books at the library. He normally isn’t here, but it’s the only place without people on the weekend.

He spots a specific book, “Kathy Easom's Easy Cake Recipes”. Grabbing it off the shelf, he walks over to a quiet corner and starts flipping through. 

Fitzroy tried to read. He really did, but was unsuccessful overall. He couldn't stop thinking about Argo. He couldn't stop thinking about last night. He couldn’t stop thinking about how much he hurts. He closed his eyes, letting a tear fall. 

He sat for a moment, simply breathing.

Fitzroy got up after a few minutes. He's got a mission now. Fitzroy was going to find Argo and talk to him. Maybe tell him how he feels, maybe just fix whatever happened last night. Either way it should help.

Leaving the library, Fitzroy went back to the dorm. 

The half elf stayed there for a while, till about sundown, when he realized Argo probably wasn’t going to show up. 

Instead, Fitzroy headed to the fountain. Thinking back to a previous late night conversation with Argo. He remembered that Argo likes to go there when he’s stressed.

———————————————————

Fitzroy doesn’t find Argo at the fountain. However, he does find a bit of peace. 

He was the only student there and the sound of the water almost lulled him to sleep. If he wasn’t anxious he probably would’ve dozed off. 

Fitzroy sat at the fountain until the moon was high. The firbolg had stopped by earlier to check in, bringing him a water bottle, but he left soon after. 

Fitzroy wondered when he would go inside, if he would go inside. He simply sat alone with his thoughts and the sound of running water. 

The half-elf yawned, about to stand and head in for the night when he heard humming from the other side of the fountain. 

It was the fucking Thundermen theme song.

Whoever was humming had to be Argo. The three of them are the only ones who know the song in the first place, and it’s definitely not the firbolg. You would’ve been able to see him over the fountain.

Fitzroy froze, thinking of what to do. He could just leave, pretend he didn’t see the argo. That wouldn’t really fix anything, though. 

———————————————————

Argo was completely oblivious to the half-elf standing on the other side of the fountain. He stared into the water, watching it ripple as he dipped his hand in. He sighed. 

“What am I going to do? I ruined any chance I have with him.” Argo spoke out loud. After all, he thought he was alone.

Fitzroy heard this. Straightening out his cloak, he strutted around the fountain (trying to look very cool), towards Argo. 

“hEllo Argo. Fuck.” He whispered the last bit, not expecting his voice to break like that. clearing his throat he tried again.

“Hello. Argo.” He said, calmer this time.

Argo was already staring at him in shock. How much had Fitzroy heard? Had he followed him out here? Argo was in deep shit if he followed him.

“Boss!” Argo exclaimed.

Fitzroy winced.

“Erm. How long have you been here?” Argo questioned.

“Sunset. I’ve just been here, chilling.”

Fitzroy cursed himself for that. “Chilling”? What was he thinking?

“Oh! so you’ve been here quite a while, hm?” Argo chuckled nervously. “How- how much did you hear?”

Fitzroy was silent for a few seconds before replying. He went over and sat on the ledge of the fountain, next to his friend.

“All of it, Argo.”

“Oh. Well then. I guess the cats out of the bag then. Listen-“ his words quickened. “I'm sorry about last night. I just really can’t tell you where I go-“ talking a bit faster, “I just really care about you and I’m so sorry I hurt you. I hope I can fix this, I'm sor-“. 

Fitzroy placed his hand on the genasi’s leg, effectively silencing him. 

“I- I care about you too, Argo. And I also wanted to apologize. I overreacted last night.” Fitzroy spoke softly, trying to calm the man sitting next him.

Argo smiled weakly, looking into Fitzroy’s eyes. They were just as beautiful as the night before. 

Fitzroy was doing the same, looking into Argo’s eyes. They were an amazing green tonight. Fitzroy blushed. 

Argo raised his hand to Fitzroy’s cheek. The half elf leaned into his touch, closing his eyes and sighing. 

Now both of them were blushing. 

They leaned forwards, almost touching their foreheads together. Fitzroy cupped Argo's face as well, his eyes flicking from the other man's eyes to his lips and back. 

“May I?” Fitzroy asked.

Argo simply nodded, leaning forward and kissing Fitzroy. God, he had dreamed of this moment. 

The kiss was beautiful. It was soft and passionate and full of so much pent of love. It was perfect. 

When they came apart they both took a deep breath, smiling. 

Fitzroy’s hands were on Argo’s thighs now, resting there. Argo's hands were on fitzroys shoulders now. 

Their foreheads leaned against each other and Argo started laughing. Fitzroy quirked his eyebrow, questioning Argo’s “outburst”.

“I never thought I would get to do that!” he smiled.

Fitzroy just kissed him again, this time shorter but full of the same, if not more, love. 

That evening they returned to the dorm, hand in hand.

________________________________________________________________

[et-lesailes]

i know that your requests are closed BUT IF U HAVE TIME if you can pls write short drabble of steve helping and comforting reader as she studies for an exam? Im so stressed rn my finals is next month and im dying :(((((((((

because i truly know this pain, i decided to write something for ya real quick on my break ;) best of luck hun, me n steve are rooting for you!! you got this. but also remember to take it easy!

-> -> -> It was nearly three in the morning and you still had not gotten to bed yet; in fact, you were running on roughly five hours of sleep for the past two days, and you had no idea how you were still trucking on. Perhaps it was the coffee, but that did not make you feel much better-- the last thing you needed was a raging caffeine addiction to come out of all this studying.

You were in your college campus' library, thankfully having found a study room all to yourself; you had tried studying at home before but your bed being nearby was far too tempting. You did not have time for that temptation-- or the man that was usually in it by this hour.

You felt guilty that you couldn't spend time with your boyfriend during finals season, even though he completely understood. However, you would soon realize you didn't even have to feel that guilt. You heard the door to the room open and you looked up, about to tell whoever it was to scram, but instead there stood the tall blond with a warm smile on his face and cup of hot chocolate from your favorite cafe in one hand. "Hey there, my little nerd." He greeted playfully as he came over to kiss the top of your head, and you couldn't feel more happy, suddenly energized by his mere presence-- though still naturally concerned. "Steve, what are you doing here? You worked late tonight, didn't you? You should be sleeping!"

He chuckled softly and sat down in the chair next to you, sliding you the cup. "Meeting ended early, actually. I was considering giving you a call and going to bed, but I decided I'd much rather see you in person. And... maybe convince you to come back home with me?" He reached over to hold your hand, your aching, tired-from-writing-notes hand. "You've been here for hours, cupcake. Your test isn't until the day after tomorrow, I think some sleep is gonna benefit you more than studying nonstop until then."

"Yeah, but my essay's due tomorrow. I just--" you sighed, running your free hand through your hair. "I want to get this all over with. So I can get back to my life, so classes can finally be over. So I can get back to you." He smiled softly and rubbed your knuckles lightly as he murmured playfully, "Yes, and when you do get back to me, I'd like for you to not be a frazzled, cranky, sleep deprived zombie. Is that too much to ask?" You were about to scoff but then realized he had a point-- you were really not too enjoyable when you did not have enough sleep in you; thankfully Steve was so tolerable and loving as a person he seemed to be an exception. "Alright. I'll take a nap," you agreed reluctantly, "but after I take notes on ONE more chapter. Okay?" He shook his head to himself fondly but nodded, bringing your hand to his lips and kissing each finger. "Mmmkay, but I'm staying here the entire time so I can drag your ass home when you're finished."

"But Steve, it's so late alre-"

"Shh. Get to writing, baby. But first, send me what you have for your essay. I'll proofread it for you."

You blinked but smiled, truly touched as you nodded, turning to your laptop and pulling it up. "Thanks, babe. This will really help..."

He leaned over and turned your face towards his, kissing you softly. "Mm. That's all I wanna do. You're going to do great, I promise."

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 5

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.3k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i hope you guys enjoy this. i hope no one loses interest in this story. im super scared that ill lose my readers. so if you read, comment, reblog, like or message me about this story, i fuckin’ love ya

Chapter 5 : His chapter

NIALL

I was going to kiss her but she backed away. Or at least, that's what I liked to pretend to myself. I liked to think I wasn't shitting my pants and that I was courageous enough to do it, as stupid and useless as it definitely would have been. Did she back away because she knew I was going to kiss her and she didn't want me to? Or did she back away because she wanted it and it scared her?

Truthfully, I was scared, too, but with a few beers swallowed and the music of the bar only coming from afar as we stood in the hall of the washrooms, the moment seemed surreal, almost like a dream. She proposed to go back and my heart dropped in my chest but I didn't mention it. I just nodded and turned around but when I glanced back at her, I noticed she was typing something on her phone and I couldn't resist.

"Texting your boyfriend?" I just asked, licking my lips, trying not to show how hurt I was.

"Yea, i'm asking him if he wants to join us." she replied, making my whole body throb.

Was it stress that made my heart start beat quicker suddenly? She moved closer and we walked side by side back to the table but this time, I took a seat next to her and she looked up at me when my thigh brushed against hers. I wanted to tell her not to invite him but I didn't have any good reason to do so. She could invite whoever she wanted, do whatever she wanted, say whatever she wanted... we were barely friends anymore, I didn't have a say in her life.

I ended up drinking a bit too much and was pissed when her boyfriend arrived. I groaned low and tried to hide the grimace that his presence brought to my face but ended up just raising my nose up. She got up quickly and used my thigh to support herself, making me hold my breath. I watched her wrap her arms around his neck and the way he smiled at her made me realize immediately how much he loved her. I was sort of hoping to see that he didn't care about her, making me a more obvious option for her, but he truly and sincerely loved her and I felt my heart sink in my chest. I stared at them as they kissed, making me feel in a way I hadn't felt in a fucking long time. I let the jealousy invade me like a deadly poison without being able to stop it or take my gaze away from them. I remembered when I was the one who would kiss her, when I was the one who would make her happy.

"Hey, Dylan, nice to meet you." he let out after turning to me and extending his hand. "Heard a lot about you."

I breathed in and got up, shaking his hand firmly and sending him a small smile. I glanced at Liv who was staring at me and decided there was no way I was going to disappoint her, even if it hurt me. I had to get used to it anyway, she was about to marry that guy.

"Niall, nice to meet you too." I just replied.

They took place at the table and I could see Olivia hesitate to sit back next to me but Dylan sent her a smile and made a quick head movement, inciting her to take a seat and I felt relieved when she sat back where she was. Her knee brushed against mine and she glanced at me, sending me a small smile. It was horrible to realize that he was funny, smart and sweet, and that everyone already liked him. Of course, most of my friends had met him before but seeing with my own eyes how good they got along made me feel like utter shit. Did I even have a place in my own group of friends anymore?

They all started laughing at something he said and I just got up quickly, feeling  suddenly dizzy. Everyone turned to me and I saw Olivia frown and get up too, bending my way and tilting her head.

"Hey, Nee, are you okay?" she asked, her soft voice like music to my ears.

"Mmhm, yea." I replied, shaking my head slightly. "I think i'm gonna go home, perhaps I drank a bit too much."

"You can't drive, i'm not letting you drive." she quickly replied, making me smile.

"It's okay, i'll take a cab and pick up my car tomorrow."

She stared at me for a few seconds as I said goodbye to everyone and as I was about to leave, she grabbed my arm gently. I turned around and our eyes met and even if I was seeing a bit blurry, I could see her face perfectly. Or maybe it was just that It was engraved in my mind forever.

"I'll drive you home in your car, gimme your keys." she let out, extending her hand.

"And what? Sleep at my place?" I asked with a smirk, raising my eyebrows.

"Niall, your keys." she repeated firmly, shaking her hand more.

I sighed and searched through my pockets before placing gently my keys in the palm of her hand. Her lips curled and she licked them as I noticed her boyfriend getting up too.

"Dylan will follow us to bring me back home after." she explained.

It saddened me but at the same time, I was well aware that she wouldn't sleep in my bed like she used to do. Fuck, I missed it more than I thought. I missed waking up next to her every morning and it made me realize that I took it for granted. I took her for granted. I was a fucking idiot.

Everyone waved at us as we left but I noticed they were also getting up and ready to leave. We walked to my car and I took place on the passenger's seat quickly and in silence as she explained where I lived. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I couldn't hear what she was saying but my gaze followed her lips as they moved, and her tongue as it slipped on them from time to time. She always did that when she was nervous, shy or embarrassed and for some reason, I found it endearing. I even stopped blinking when an other mouth pressed against her and it made something stir in my stomach again. Perhaps, the fact that I felt the need to hurt myself by looking at her boyfriend kissing her was a way for me to punish myself for all the hurt I put her through. After all, I deserved it, didn't I?

I stared at her as she started the car and leaned my head on the bench. I did most of the driving when we were together but watching her in control made my head throb and turned me on slightly. She pushed her brown hair over her shoulder and I let my eyes roam on her neck as a bunch of nasty thoughts ran in my head. I was so fucking drunk I had to press my lips together to make sure I wouldn't let out something dirty but I couldn't stop my hand from reaching her thigh. She didn't tense like I expected, she just glanced down at my fingers drawing shapes on her thigh and licked her lips before focusing on the road.

I didn't know how long it took but when she parked, I made a huge effort to look away, noticing we were in my driveway.

"Hey, I never gave you my address, did I?"

I saw an emotion appear on her face but she pushed it away and shook her head a bit without answering me. She got out of my car and walked to my side, opening the door quickly and bending down to my level.

"Can you walk by yourself?"

Shamelessly, my eyes dropped to the collar of her shirt, smirking a bit when I saw part of her breasts and her bra.

"Fuck, is it my birthday?"

"Shut up, Niall." she said gently and low. "Come on."

Her boyfriend wasn't there yet, perhaps he took a longer road, and I let her help me get out of the car as I followed her to the door. I could walk by myself but feeling her arm wrapped around mine was nice and I decided not to say anything. We walked inside and she closed the door with one of her feet, bringing me to my room after I pointed it to her. She let me fall on the bed and I stared at her as she took my shoes off. The way she took care of me made a rush of affection spread through me and I licked my lips after she took my socks off.

"Need help for the rest?"

Without a word, I kept looking at her and nodded firmly, making her roll her eyes but I saw a small smile appear on her lips. She undid my pants and pulled on them hard to take them off. I didn't want to help her because I didn't want her to leave. The more time it took her, the longer she stayed. She brought her hand to the covers probably to pull them over me but I grabbed her hand, making her look up at me. I stared at her fingers as I played with them with both my hands and noticed she wasn't wearing any engagement ring but I didn't mention it.

"You're still my best friend." I let out, feeling my heart jump in my chest at my confession. "And I miss you Olivia, I fucking miss you."

"I'm right here, Nee." she pointed out softly. "We spent the evening together."

"Nuh-uh, no." I quickly disagreed, shaking my head, turning her hand around and brushing my fingertips on her palm. "We spent the night with a bunch of our friends, it's you I miss."

Silence. Nothing heavy or awkward. Just a long silence as we both remained motionless except for my fingers on her skin. It stayed like that until I looked up in her eyes and noticed she was staring at me. I wish I could read her mind.

"Mm, I need to tell you something Olivia, it's very very fucking important."

I felt her free hand press suddenly on my mouth and my eyes got bigger. She shook her head and took her hand back slowly, as if she knew exactly what I was going to tell her.

"No, not now, you're drunk."

"But Liv-"

"Please. Niall." she insisted, cutting me and talking slightly louder. "No."

I looked into her eyes and I could swear I saw pain and sadness. I just nodded at her request and I could read how relieved she was on her face. I loved her. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that I never stopped, and that I always would. I wanted to tell her that I needed her, that I would give anything to be with her again, and that I couldn't live without her. I wanted to tell her she was beautiful, that no one compared to her, and that I was extremely in love with her. Instead, I stared at her as she looked down and breathed in and out deeply.

Without thinking much, I brought my hand to her leg and she jumped in surprise as it took her out of her thoughts.

"A penny for your thoughts." I smiled. "I know, with all the money I have, I could propose you more, but it's just a saying."

She chuckled and I hoped she remembered the time she actually told me that, but she didn't say anything.

"Bring your knee on the bed." I added as she frowned and I raised my eyebrows. "Please, petal."

Her traits softened, probably because of the nickname, and slowly, she did as I asked. I ran my fingers on her jeans, on the inside of her leg, my eyes following them up slowly.

"Remember that time you put me to bed when I was drunk?" I asked, licking my lips at the memory. "And then you rode me until I came.. and all my cum ended on my stomach. And I watched you lick me clean. Remember that, petal?"

I looked up in her eyes and tried to suppress a smile when I noticed her lip had parted. She was holding her breath and the sight of her at that exact moment made me swell in my boxers. I could say I wished I had the blankets of my bed over me to hide it but I was too drunk to care.

"You really need to stop talking, Nee." she pointed in in a very gentle tone, which surprised me. She grabbed my hand and brought it back on my stomach, leaving it there. "You're too drunk, you'll regret it tomorrow."

"The only thing I regret is hurting you." I admitted, swallowing hard. "And I also regret-"

The sound of her phone cut me and she moved away from the bed to grab her phone and answer. I watched her press her lips together but finally let my eyes roam on her body. She had changed slightly and I loved her curves. I wanted to run my fingers on her and feel every single one of them.

"No it's okay, I don't need help, i'll be there in a few minutes." she explained, taking me out of my thoughts, in which she was completely naked and riding me. "Yea, give me max fifteen."

She hung up and put her phone back in her pocket before looking at me and sighing. She moved closer and grabbed the blankets before tucking me in. Her face was so close to mine I had to grip the mattress with both hands to stop myself from touching her.

"Do you need anything else?"

Of course I needed something else. I needed her to get under the covers with me and let me cuddle her all night the way we used to. I needed to wake up with her in my arms tomorrow morning and all the other mornings of my life. I needed to hear her whisper to me how much she loved me before we both fell asleep.

"No, thanks Liv, i'm good."

She nodded and walked away and I kept looking at her as she turned around and turned off the lights. She closed the door and I remained motionless for a few minutes as I felt my whole body throb, It was the first time in a while that I lusted someone as much as I loved them, but I knew I would probably regret my words in the morning. I felt bad. I didn't know if i made her uncomfortable and it really was not my intention. She was normally not bothered by crude words or sex discussions but we were not dating anymore and she had a fiancé, maybe I went too far.

I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep but everything seemed to turn around behind my eyelids because of how dazed I was. I tried to focus on my breathing but I felt nauseous and it took me a while to calm my stomach. It's only when I was half-asleep that I heard the door open again. It was not completely closed but someone was pushing on it gently, making an annoying noise. I stayed still, too exhausted to move, and I recognized her scent immediately. Vanilla and honey. No one else smelled that. I thought she was gone... how long had it been since she left the room? Ten minutes? Twenty?

"Tu me manques aussi." she whispered as I felt her warm breath hit on my chin.

It took me by surprise when I felt her lips brush against mine and I decided to pretend I was asleep like she thought I was. She pressed her wet and warm lips softly on my mouth again and I felt my whole body throb at the feeling. My drunk ass wanted to kiss her back, though. I wanted to hold her close, lay her down and make love to her slowly and gently while telling her how much I loved her without caring that her boyfriend was waiting for her outside, in his car. I wanted to whisper to her what she meant to me and apologize over and over again until she'd start shaking beneath me as she'd cum. I wanted to run my mouth on her neck and hear her pant and whimper while i'd tell her how good she feels and how I never want to be away from her ever again.

Instead, I waited until she left again to open my eyes and it took me so long to fall back asleep that I didn't even remember when I did. All I could think about was her lips against mine and how bad I needed to kiss her again while fearing it may have been the very last time.

                                                     ----

I woke up with a groan, seeing the sun peeking through the curtains over my eyelids, and turned around in bed, pressing my face on the other pillow, feeling the cold from the fabric. I had a headache that would probably turn into a migraine as soon as i'd open my eyes and I sighed, knowing I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again.

I opened my eyes slowly with a grimace and let out a curse words when an intense and painful throbbing appeared in my head. Defeated, I got up and rubbed my eyes as I walked to the kitchen, my feet brushing on the floor and realizing I didn't have socks on. I stopped dead in my track when I remembered the night before as it all played over in my head in the span of a few seconds.

She had kissed me. Olivia had kissed me. She thought I was asleep and she told me she missed me after kissing me. I swallowed hard, remembering all the sexual things I told her too and shut my eyes tight again before sighing loud. I could try and blame alcohol but it would be a sad and pathetic move and I decided to apologize as soon as I could. I shook my head slightly and walked to the fridge, frowning when I saw something on the counter. I smiled when I realized it was a note and read it quickly.

"For your headache. Pills and coffee. Just turn the machine on. Love you! xx"

She had signed her nickname but she didn’t have to, I could recognize her handwriting anywhere, and I pushed on the 'start' button of the coffee machine before taking the pills and walking back to my room. I grabbed clean clothes and ended up in the shower. I knew I smelled bad and it was well needed but as I washed my body, I kept thinking about the night before. I thought about the way I reminded her of one of our sex encounters and the thought made my heart skip a beat. As much as I wanted to feel bad for throwing that at her in a moment of weakness, the memory of her riding me was turning me on. I groaned low, thinking about the way her lips had parted when I told her about it. Even if I was drunk last night, I could remember clearly her facial expression and I felt my cock swell at that thought.

I put my hand on the wall of the shower to hold myself as the water fell in my hair and slipped down on my face. My other hand reached for my dick and I stroked it slowly until the tip, breathing through my teeth at how sensitive it was. I wrapped my hand more around it and squeezed it harder before jerking myself in slow motion, my eyes shut tight and my fingers curling on the wall. When was the last time I had sex again? A week ago with my girlfriend, perhaps? The truth was, I hadn't felt this horny and excited in a while and the fact that it all came from a facial expression, a memory and a chaste kiss on the lips from my ex girlfriend made it even more pathetic. I wanted Liv on her knees in front of me, her mouth wrapped around my cock and her eyes staring up at me. I really needed this release and It took me only a few minutes to feel the rush of an orgasm invade me. I whimpered her nickname low as I came, feeling my cum spurt in jerky squirts on my thumb and all over the shower wall. When was the last time I did exactly that thinking about exactly the same thing? It was right after tour, when I woke up with my hard cock pressed on Olivia's ass. Some things never change.

I sighed low and finished washing myself, cleaning the wall at the same time and getting out. I quickly dressed up and when I got back in the kitchen, I jumped slightly when I saw Heidi, leaning against the counter, sipping on a cup of fresh coffee.

"Are you okay?" she asked with a frown. "Thought I heard-"

"I'm good." I cut her, not wanting to have this discussion with her at all. "How are you?"

She stared at me for a few seconds and finally sighed, taking a step closer to me and grabbing something on the counter. My heart skipped a beat when I noticed what it was and I just licked my lips a bit nervously. Did I forget to mention that I had seen Olivia again?

"When were you gonna tell me?"

"Oh, I thought you knew." I lied with a shrug. "Yea I was drunk last night and Liv and her boyfriend drove me home."

Her traits softened when I mentioned Olivia's boyfriend and she sighed with a nod. I didn't like lying to her and I didn't like how messy it was becoming. I didn't want to hurt her but at the same time, I knew that what we had couldn't continue.

"Maybe we could invite them over for dinner? We could invite Liam, Louis, Harry and their girlfriends, too."

I raised my eyebrows, glad that she proposed it because I had thought about it too. I just hoped it would go well between all of us, especially between Heidi and Olivia, since they really didn't get along. There would be many other persons though, so they wouldn't have to interact too much.

"Yea, good idea, i'll text them." I just shrugged with a nod.

Heidi sent me a smile but my heart jumped in my chest when I saw her crumpling Liv's note in her hand before throwing it in the bin. I blinked a few times, trying to keep my emotions in, and cleared my throat.

"Tomorrow night?" I proposed.

"Yea, i'm free tomorrow."

I nodded and grabbed my phone in my pocket, quickly texting my ex girlfriend as Heidi moved past me, letting her hand slide on my upper arm.

"It's my turn, I need a shower."

I held my breath, hoping I cleaned the wall well and kept on typing.

'Thanks so much for the ride last night. We're having a friends' night at my place tomorrow, would you and your boyfriend like to join us?'

I hit send before texting Louis, Liam and Harry something similar but when I heard the shower, my head raised up and I glanced at the bin. I licked my lips, wondering if Heidi would notice anything but decided that I didn't care. I walked to it and took the paper back from the trash, folding it quickly and putting it in my pocket. I felt like a teenager for wanting to keep that kind of souvenir but it didn't matter. It was not my type to keep useless stuff but I couldn't resign myself to throw away a symbol of affection from her since I was not getting them anymore.

"You're an idiot." I whispered to myself as I poured coffee in a mug.

I only had time to take a sip before I heard my phone beep. and almost dropped it as I tried to check it.

'We'll be there! What time and what should we bring?'

I smiled, staring at the words she had typed, and felt relieved to see she was not pissed at me or felt uncomfortable. I could apologize in a text message but I really wanted to do it face to face so I just decided to wait, quickly typing her an answer. I felt a bit nervous, not knowing how it would go but at the same time, I couldn't wait to see her again.

I brought my fingertips on my lips, remembering hers against my mouth not even twelve hours before and I couldn't help but wonder when I'd feel them again. When I found out she was getting married, I thought it would never happen but the night before brought back more hope inside of me. I had to do something, I just didn't know what yet. All I knew was that I still was not ready to give up. I probably never would be.

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 40

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- note for this chapter: sorry? it had to happen. its not that bad yea?

btw, i forgot to add a request that i filled last chapter so i just added the screenshot to the last chapter. so to whoever requested them to look at old pictures together, obviously it was in chapter 39 and it was for you :)

oh and no request for this chapter, probably next one! :(

Chapter 40 : His chapter

NIALL

I was surprised to see her already awake when my alarm rang in the morning but I understood exactly why when I finally sat in bed after everything was ready. She was shaking one of her legs, looking nervously around the room and although I felt a bit bad for her, the whole scene was a bit funny too.

"Darling, come here."

Her eyes finally met mine and I sent her a smile, raising my eyebrows to incite her to get closer. She finally took the few steps that separated us and I pulled her between my legs, slipping my hands in the back pockets of her jeans as she looked down at me. She stared in my eyes and sighed and my gaze dropped to her lips when she licked them.

"A penny for your thoughts?" I asked in a low tone, tilting my chin up to look at her better.

"You've got all the money in the world, you could at least offer me a bit more I mean, a penny?"

Her lips curled and it made me laugh as I pulled her closer. Her hands slipped in my hair  and I let out a low sigh.

"I know it's not easy, and i'm gonna miss you every second of every minute of every hour of every day." I let out, making her roll her eyes with a small smile. "But hey, we'll facetime every night and i'll text you and send you pictures... okay?"

Slowly, she nodded and tilted her head as her hair fell around our faces, hiding us from the world. I was torn between being excited and happy for the trip or sad and nervous about leaving her behind and somehow, all these emotions made a weird mix, forming a lump in my throat.

"Do you promise..." she started so low I barely heard, letting her fingers brush down my cheek, jaw and neck before grabbing the collar of my shirt. "...to be faithful to me?"

I hadn't expected the question and I moved my upper body back a bit to see her better as my eyebrows raised. I could hear my heartbeats accelerate but I wasn't sure why. Was I hurt by her question, or did it make me mad that she could think that of me?

"I.. hate this question, but i'm gonna answer anyway." Her eyes finally met mine and I could read in them that she felt bad for asking, but that it was stronger than her. I felt my body relax a bit and sighed. "I promise. You're the only one for me, and i'm not going to cheat on you. Physically or emotionally."

Her lips curled more and it made me smile too. I tried to tell myself that she was insecure and that it's why she needed to hear these things a lot, but I couldn't help the feeling of annoyance creeping inside my stomach. i tried to ignore it, if only because I wanted our last moments together to be happy, and shrugged my shoulders slightly.

"Are you coming with me to the airport?"

Her eyes dropped to her hands now both playing with the collar of my shirt and she started nibbling her bottom lip. She looked vulnerable, sad, and slightly embarrassed but the first thing I ended up thinking as i looked at her was how much I loved her.

"I'd rather not." she finally admitted, shrugging a shoulder. "I know i'd be emotional and I don,t want to cry in front of everyone and your fans and paps if they end up being there. And I don't want to drive back home by myself, I know i'll be crying the whole time."

I waited for her eyes to finally meet mine but it didn't happen.

"Hey." I let out gently. "I understand."

Her gaze finally moved up to meet mine and she mouthed a 'thank you'. I had the feeling she was on the verge of tears and I finally got up, keeping my arms around her and bending down to kiss her lips.

"How long do we have left?" she asked in a whisper, her lips brushing against mine.

"Like, 15 minutes." I let out low too, walking slowly her way and forcing her to take a few steps back until her back leaned on the wall. "They're about to pick me up."

"And you've got everything ready?" she asked, tilting her chin up to send me a cheeky smile.

I smirked back and chuckled, bringing both of my hands to the button of her jeans while still staring in her eyes.

"Almost." I joked, bringing my lips back on hers to kiss her deeply as I moved her pants down.

She whimpered low against my lips and squirmed a bit, finally taking her jeans and panties off and pushing them away with one of her feet. I laughed against her mouth as she pulled on my shorts too, leaving them right under my ass and when she took my cock out, I groaned low, my lips leaving hers. I leaned my forehead against hers and stared at her as I grabbed one of her thighs to place it around my waist.

"13 minutes." she joked, making me smile again. "Please do it."

I felt the tip of my dick press against her pussy and I watched her lick her fingers and bring her hand between us. Quickly, she rubbed herself and grabbed my dick, jerking me off slowly with her wet hand and I felt my eyes flutter a bit at her touch. It made me realize I was going to miss this more than I thought I would. The sex was good with her and I always wanted more. Being without her for six weeks wasn't going to be easy. She placed two of her fingers on each side of my cock as I pushed it slowly inside her and it felt so good to be inside her again that I let out a moan, pushing her hard against the wall.

"You feel amazing."

My lips found hers and I kissed her gently, feeling her fingers slip softly in my hair. I groaned low in her mouth and when she mentioned '11 minutes' I chuckled through the kiss. I moved my cock out of her very slowly and pushed it back, feeling her body tense a bit but it only took me a few seconds to speed my thrusts, pressing her more against the wall every time. I leaned my forehead against hers again and watched hr lips part as she started panting lowl.

"I love you so fucking much."

I saw her eyes flutter open at my words and her grip tightened in my hair.

"You mean so much to me." I added just as low. "I love you so much, Olivia."

Her lips found mine again and the kiss was so rough that my thrusts became unsteady. She kept her hands in my hair when our lips parted and I felt myself getting closer and closer to my orgasm.

"I love you too Niall." she whimpered very low. "More than anything and anyone."

I felt myself get dizzy and she started moaning and shaking against me. I fucked her harder to reach my own orgasm and when I did, I felt the fingers of one of my hands curl against the wall behind her while the others sunk in the skin of her thigh that was still around my waist.

"Fuck."

I spilled inside her, shutting my eyes tight as her hands slid on my neck and chest, I waited until my heartbeats came back to a normal speed and opened my eyes only to see her smile at me.

"I'm gonna think about this every single night."

My eyes roamed on her face and I smiled fondly at her.

"Me too."

I don't know how long we stared at each other but from seeing her face, I knew that telling her how much I loved her while we were having sex was a good idea. It was not even planned, I just felt it and decided to say it and I never thought the result would be so good. I heard my phone and sighed without moving. It's only when I heard it a second time that I moved away from her. I stared at her half-naked body as I moved my shorts back up and passed my hand in my hair. She quickly put her panties back on and I finally took my shirt off, handing it to her. Her lips curled and she grabbed it, tilting her head as she stared at me.

"I know that's your kind of cheesy." I explained, chuckling a bit. "I hope it doesn't smell too bad."

She brought it to her face and smiled, shaking her head.

"I sort of kept your hoodie from last night, too." she admitted, biting her bottom lip and making me laugh this time.

"It's all yours."

I grabbed my phone and read my text messages before looking up at her. She hadn't moved, she was still leaning against the wall, her head tilted lightly, looking at me, and I smiled more, moving my phone to snap a picture of her. Her eyes got bigger and her lips parted as I put my phone back in my pocket.

"Oh god you didn't take a picture of me did you?"

I laughed again and grabbed my backpack but when I turned around, she was trying to take my phone, probably to delete it.

"Love, stop!" I said with an other chuckle, grabbing her hand gently. "I promise I won't show it to anyone! It's only for me.. for all those nights without you."

Her traits softened and although I knew she didn't like it at all, she nodded slowly. I cupped her face with both my hands and kissed her deeply, ignoring the sound of my phone again.

"Six weeks is barely anything." I whispered against her mouth.

"An eternity without you." she murmured. "I'll miss you."

"Not as much as I'll miss you."

                                                   ----

The ride to the airport and the process of getting aboard was long and painful and it's only when the plane took off that I finally seemed to relax. I leaned my head on the bench, feeling suddenly exhausted and closed my eyes for a while. I tried not to think about her and to focus on every place I wanted to see but it was not easy and I grabbed my phone to look at the last picture of her I had taken. Once again, she looked slightly vulnerable and it made me realize that she always turned me on when she looked like that. I ran my thumb on her over the screen of my phone and sighed, closing my eyes again for a few seconds. Did I make the right choice? Maybe I should have postponed that trip after all, right?

I jumped slightly when I received a message and opened the application on my phone only to see a selfie of my girlfriend making a grimace with the caption: 'Don't worry, i'm fine without you!' and it made me laugh. I saw she was typing and waiting until more words appeared, staring at my phone.

'Don't worry. Just have fun. I'll be there when you call. I'll be there when you come back. I love you.'

I smiled more and chuckled again, quickly typing an answer.

'You're perfect, I love you too.'

I quickly took a selfie of me blowing her a kiss and sent it to her. She answered me with a few emojis and I did the same before to switch to Louis' number. At first, I wanted to ask Harry but I realized that maybe I was a bit jealous of the relationship she had with him... or maybe I was scared that if they spent more time together, she'd forget about me and fall back for him. It was ridiculous and deep down, I knew it, but I didn't want to take the chance.

'Hey Tommo, would you and El mind checking on Liv while i'm gone?'

I was surprised to get his answer only a few seconds later and frowned a bit.

'I don't know about El but i'll entertain her, don't worry mate.'

'Is everything okay?'

'Don't worry about it, just enjoy your trip!'

I shrugged and sighed, closing the application and going back to my gallery. I started checking all the pictures of her and us on my phone and my heart twisted in my chest until I just turned my phone off and put it back in my pockets. My fingers brushed against the fabric of her panties that was hidden in the pocket of my shorts and this time, my heart literally skipped a beat. I wanted to put them in my bag but I forgot and it made me wonder if she knew I had kept them after making her cum with the vibrator I had bought for her. I knew I should have asked her before taking them but it was stronger than me and finally, I pushed them deeper in my pocket to make sure I wouldn't lose them.

I tried to sleep for a while but every single time I was about to fall asleep, an idea would pop in my head and i'd quickly grab my phone again to write a few lyrics or hum a few notes that I'd record. I always seemed to feel inspired by something and even if I had promised myself that I'd do nothing but enjoy this trip, I knew I had to write down all my ideas or i'd end up regretting it.

I was trying to get distracted from her and from the hole in my chest that her absence had seemed to dig but it was not easy. I said six weeks were going to go by very fast, she said it was going to feel like an eternity... and if I wanted to be honest, I was started to believe she may be right.

                                                           ----

"Niall! Let's go!"

I tried to read the text message I had received as we walked through the crowded but small town. It was pouring, I was only wearing shorts and shoes, but I was still heavily sweating. I hadn't seem Olivia face to face in three weeks and although it was tough to be without her, I was starting to feel at ease with my decision. This trip was even more incredible than I thought even if I had to stay in crappy motels and eat cheap food. It was an experience I really had to live at least once in my life.

'I miss you too' I quickly typed with at least one mistake before hitting 'send'.

We walked in a motel and I let my backpack fall on the floor, shaking my head slightly as some water fell into my eyes and finally put my cap back on.

"Okay, let's go get a few drinks."

"Amazing idea." I replied, searching through my stuff to find a shirt. just as my phone went off again.  "Fuck, I forgot, I have a facetime date tonight."

One of my cousins chuckled but I ignored it and just grabbed my phone, typing an other message quickly to my girlfriend.

'We're going out. Rain check?'

I didn't wait for an answer but still decided to bring my phone with me. We ended up drinking a few beers and meeting new people. It was fun, I was getting tipsy, and I started a conversation with the pretty girl sitting next to me. It took me about an hour to realize she was flirting with me but when she laughed, putting her hand on my thigh, I tensed. She moved her thick dark hair behind her ear and tilted her head with a smile, making me smile back. I liked her accent and her eyes and I was about to tell her about it when my phone rang. I saw Liv's face on the screen and immediately sobered up. I had changed her picture for the one she had sent me when I was on the plane and the way she grimaced on it made my heart skip a beat.

"I'm sorry." I told the pretty girl whom's name I couldn't seem to remember. "I have to answer."

I got up and walked out of the bar, letting out a 'hello?' in my phone. I brought my shoulders up when I realized it was still raining as water slipped inside my shirt, freezing me immediately despite the warm weather and the amount of alcohol in my blood.

"Oh shit, Niall?"

Her voice calmed me immediately and I smiled. I wanted to be mad that I was taken, I wanted to be annoyed with the fact that I was living the trip of a lifetime and that I couldn't sleep with a girl I just met in a bar, but as soon as her voice reached my ears, it seemed to reach my heart too. It was cheesy but I like it and I tried to take a mental note of these words to use them later.

"Olivia, are you okay?"

"I'm so sorry, I wanted to text you but my fingers slipped." she explained. "I'm having a hard time with this new phone."

I frowned, trying to stay under the small roof of the bar as people walked in and out. My shirt was already soaked and my hair was no better but I just wanted to listen to her some more.

"I didn't want to bother you, I know you're having fun, we can talk tomorrow." she quickly said. "I love you, Nee, goodnight."

"No wait!"

I had talked a bit louder than I intended and I felt something stir in my stomach. I didn't know if it was just because I missed her, or because I felt guilty for the thoughts that ran in my head only a few minutes ago when i was with an other girl, but I suddenly wanted to take a plane back home to be with her.

"I shouldn't have canceled our date, i'm going back to the motel now, I'll call you as soon as I get there."

Without thinking, I walked out in the rain quickly, my phone still pressed on my ear. The weather wasn't as bad as a few hours before but my shoes were still drenched and it made a weird sound as I walked.

"No, Niall it's okay!" she argued with a small chuckle. "I'm fine, really, you can't spend all the time talking to me, you have to visit and have fun. I'm fine here without you, remember? Or do I have to send you an other picture?"

She started laughing and my heart jumped on my chest.

"Send me as many pictures as you want. I miss your face."

This time, she kept quiet for a few seconds and when she talked again, I could hear worry in her tone.

"Are you sure, Niall? Are you sure you want us to talk tonight?"

I stopped waking, just feeling the rain fall in my eyes, trying to stop my heart from beating so fast.

"Yes."

                                                  ----

It took me about half an hour to get back to the hotel and as soon as I arrived, I texted my cousin to tell them I was gone and that i'd see them in the morning. I took a quick shower, not really enjoying the bathroom but it was better than being dirty, and finally sat in bed with my phone in hands. It took her a few seconds to answer and I realized she was on her laptop. She sent me a smile as soon as she saw me and licked her lips, bringing her shoulders closer to her face.

"Hey..."

"Hey petal, how are you?"

Her eyebrows raised and her lips curled slightly more. Fuck, I wanted to kiss her.

"I'm the one who should ask you that." she pointed out. "Are you okay, Nee?"

My eyes roamed on her face and I noticed she was wearing my hoodie. The sleeves were pulled over her hands and I desperately wanted to cuddle her.

"Yea, was just missing you."

She was about to answer something when I saw someone in the corner of the screen, making me frown. I sat up better in bed and tried to see who it was, and it suddenly hit me: she was not at my house, and also not at her apartment.

"Where are you?"

As if on cue, Louis appeared and sat next to her, handing her a cup of tea. She took a quick sip and thanked him, sending him a smile. I watched them interact and my heart seemed to sink in my chest.

"I'm at Louis'." she finally let out as if it wasn't obvious already.

"Is that why you didn't want to talk?"

"I wanted to talk, Niall." she frowned slightly. "I just didn't want to bother you. We don't talk as much these days and it's okay, I know you're busy and you're having the time of your life, and I don't want you to think i'm smothering you or stopping you from living this plenty."

My anger and jealousy faltered and my traits softened as I nodded.

"Can you go back home? I'd like to talk with just you."

I knew I had no right to ask her that and I was also aware that I was the one who had asked Louis to check on her but it seemed like I was just realizing that the world was still turning there, in London, without me.

Olivia glanced at Louis who sent her a smile and started nibbling her bottom lip.

"We sort-of had something planned..."

"No it's okay Livi, I totally get it."

She finally looked back at me after a few seconds and quickly nodded, her lips curling into a big smile this time, making me believe she wanted to talk to me as much as I wanted to talk to her.

"Okay, let me call you back when i'm home."

She blew me a kiss and without giving me time to answer, she hung up. I stayed in bed, motionless, realizing that I was alone in the dark in an other country and somehow, I felt extremely pathetic at that moment. I thought about the girl I was flirting with, I thought about the fact that I wanted to kiss her and maybe more, and even if that thought had crossed my mind only for half a second, I felt like shit. It was not Olivia's fault that I was here, or that I hadn't had sex in three weeks. It was my decision and she didn't have to pay for that. I had never felt that guilty before when in a relationship and it's not like it was not normal to lust other people but for some reason, I was scared that if I could have these thoughts, perhaps she could too. She was not spending her time all alone locked in my room, waiting for me to come back, and for some weird reason, it was just hitting me now.

I don't know how long I waited but I decided to call back again, even if it meant that I would look desperate. In fact, I sort of was.

"Babe, i'm in the car." she pointed out. "I'm almost there."

She had put her phone near the dash and I could see her hands moving on the wheel. She was not looking at me but I was staring at her and even from that weird angle, she looked pretty.

"Do you know what I want to do to you?"

Her face changed and she glanced at me but I could swear I saw her cheeks turn a soft shade of red, making me smirk.

"I really want to fuck you, pet." I added low. "I want to make love to you. I want to feel your warm body beneath mine. I miss you so bad."

She chuckled. "Me or fucking me?"

"Can't it be both?" I asked, raising my eyebrows, a smirk still gracing my face.

"It can."

I watched her and kept silent as she parked the car and turned to look at me in the screen of her phone, her head slightly tilted and her hair falling on her right shoulder, exactly like the picture I had taken of her before I left.

"I miss you too, Niall." she whispered, making my heart twist. "I wish you were here."

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 31

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

- note for this chapter: i hope its not too bad. im scared ppl are gonna lose interest tbh. and i know, so many dialogues but it was needed!

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 31 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I woke up the next day a bit disoriented. I couldn't remember when exactly I fell asleep but as soon as my eyes opened, I felt my lips curl. Niall was laying next to me and we were both facing each other. He was still asleep and I brought my hand to his cheek, making him whimper very low. Slowly, I moved closer and pressed my lips on his gently, leaving a small and soft kiss on his mouth. His eyes fluttered half-open and when he saw me, his lips curled. It made my bite my bottom lip when I realized I hadn't seen him this happy in a while. Niall was someone who was always smiling but at this exact moment, it was even more than that. Or perhaps it was the reflection of my own happiness that I could see on his face.

He didn't say anything, he just moved closer to kiss my lips again, making them curl. I brought my hand over my mouth and smiled more.

"Hi."

He chuckled and also brought his hand in front of his mouth.

"Hi." he repeated. "Morning breath?"

"Would be bad if it was the first impression you had of me in the morning."

This time, he laughed and i felt my heart melt in my chest.

"I've smelled your morning breath and been a witness of more." he pointed out with what I guessed was a smirk from the way the corner of his eyes moved up. "Those little futile things won't change my love for you."

I could feel my heart flutter at the same time than my eyes when I heard his words.

"I woke up facing you like this so many times. I've wanted to kiss you so many times. This is the first time I actually do it. I never thought I would."

He stared at me and took his hand away. He was not smirking anymore, just smiling softly at me. I never thought Niall would ever look at me this way. I wouldn't have dared to wish for it.

"Fuck morning breath." he just said moving closer to me and getting half his body on top of mine before pushing my hand gently away and kissing me. It took me a few seconds to allow him to deepen the kiss but eventually I did. I closed my eyes, enjoying the way he kissed me and the warmth of his body over mine until he groaned in my mouth. "How did you sleep?"

I tried to think of an answer but all I could focus on was the way his lips ran down on my neck and how good they felt on my skin. I wanted to lock myself with him in his room for weeks like our own private and deserted island, leaving reality behind.

His phone started ringing and he groaned, his lips stopping on my collarbone. He simply sighed and I grimaced before he got up and searched for his phone through the pockets of the pants he wore the day before. It was not his type to leave dirty clothes on the floor but it seemed like both of us were distracting the other and I couldn't hide that I liked it.

"Hello?" he quickly answered without checking the caller ID... and with the way his face changed, I believed he shouldn't have had. "Oh hi."

I sat in bed and tilted my head, feeling suddenly a bit stressed, wondering who was on the phone but also annoyed, because whoever it was, they were clearly disturbing our alone time like some sort of ship running aground on the beach of my private island. I pushed on the covers and turned to face him, crossing ,my legs as I sat on the end of the bed.

"No, sorry, I'm busy tonight." Niall continued, turning to look at me before sending me a small smile. "I'm spending time with my girlfriend."

I held my breath and Niall stopped moving. After a few seconds, he raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. "No, I don't mean my friend who is a girl, I really mean the girl i'm officially dating. My girlfriend." Silence. "Okay, bye."

He hung up and sighed, throwing his phone on the bed and looking through his drawers for a clean pair of boxers that he just took out.

"Who was it?" I didn't want to seem invasive but the question was burning my lips.

"Oh." he just said with a shrug, glancing at me. "It was Heidi."

The simple mention of her name made my heart jump in my throat, making me slightly nauseous. I was not sure if it was because I was jealous or scared but all I knew was that Niall had sex with her a few times and that it was probably why she was calling. I wanted to ask him to delete her number or even block it but I knew I couldn't. I was trying not to be that kind of girlfriend, the type who gets insecure about every little thing that happens, and every girl her boyfriend talks to, but it wasn't easy. Niall and I were clearly not in the same league and although I knew love is not about physical appearances, I couldn't help but be nervous about all of this.

I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious but also mad at myself for letting someone like Heidi ruin my mood.

"I need a shower." he let out, taking me out of my thoughts. "Wanna come with?"

My mind suddenly went blank and my lips parted slightly as I stared at him. Did I want to see Niall naked and wet in the shower? Fuck yes. Did I want to stand in front of him in my birthday suit? Hell no.

"You reek too, by the way." he added with a smirk, taking his shirt off and throwing it in the laundry basket before turning back to me again and raising his eyebrows.

"Uhm."

I couldn't talk and I couldn't move. I could feel my heart beat all over my body, not really knowing what to answer. He knelt in front of me with a worried expression and placed his hands on my thighs. I could feel how warm they were, even through the fabric of his sweatpants that I was wearing, and it made me swallow hard. I was so scared to do or say something that would make me lose him that I could barely think straight. I had to do something about it before it ruined the relationship I had with him. As lovers, but also as best friends.

"Tempting, but no, i'll just go after you."

I tried to look normal and sent him a smile but he frowned a bit before nodding and getting up again. He bent down to kiss my lips and it sent a rush to my brain. I already regretted saying no but I knew i'd regret a 'yes" even more when i'd be naked in front of him.

I realized I was holding my breath when I sighed as soon as I heard the shower start and I closed my eyes, feeling suddenly ridiculous. Niall was now my boyfriend, and he said he loved me... he wouldn't change his mind because of what I look like naked, would he?

I sighed loud and lied back down in bed, grabbing my phone and crossing my ankles together. I couldn't help it and searched Niall's name on google only to find recent articles about him. There were pictures of us kissing at the bar and although it was from afar and not very clear, I felt extremely ugly. 'It's official! Niall Horan finally dating lifelong friend!'

My heart jumped in my chest when I realized the article started with 'After years of friendship, it is without a surprise that Niall Horan is finally seen kissing his childhood friend...' My eyes roamed on the sentence twice, three times... ten. 'Without a surprise'?

I scrolled down to the comments section and started nibbling on my bottom lip. I knew that whatever I would read would end uip hurting me but it was stronger than me. I was not the type to really care about what people thought of me but despite what anyone may tell you, reading mean things about yourself sucks and hurts.

'Can't believe she dated both Harry and Niall! Talk about a dream life! 😍'

'I have no idea how that ugly girl got one of them let alone both. 🤔 It makes no sense'

'They are so adorable!!!!!'

'He fucking deserves better have you seen her? 🤮'

'He lost a bet 😂😂😂'

'OTP OTP OTP 🥰'

I shut my eyes tight again and threw my phone on the bed before groaning low. All I could see behind my eyelids was a parade of emojis and I did the best I could to hold my tears in. I knew Niall was out of my league but some people could be so cruel when hiding behind a computer screen. The shower stopped and when Niall came back in the room, he was followed by a cloud of steam. I looked at him quickly from head to toes, enjoying the view as he walked up to me with only a towel around his waist.

"My turn!" I just said, jumping out of bed. He stopped me as I walked by and pulled me closer, making me chuckle low.

"You're all wet!" I complained jokingly, making him laugh.

"Then just take your clothes off."

His fingers reached for the top of my shirt and he pulled gently on the collar to move it down as his eyes dropped in. I felt my heart jump in my chest and shook my head, taking a step back and making him groan low.

"Pervert!" I added with a chuckle, walking to the bathroom.

I turned around and before closing the door, I stuck my tongue out at him, making him laugh again but I still locked behind myself. I knew my fear and my hatred for my own body was stopping me from living some great things with Niall but I just didn't feel ready to show him all of me. I just wanted him to think I was beautiful. I wanted to turn him on, I wanted him to want me the way I wanted him.

I brushed my teeth first and quickly got undressed and started the waterI stayed a bit longer than I should have in the shower, letting the warm water fall on me and relaxing me as the memories of the night before played over and over in my mind. It was still incredible and unbelievable to me that Niall had finally realized he had feelings for me too but it was my reality now and It felt like I would never get down from my cloud.

I got out of the shower, drying my hair the best I could with a towel before wrapping it around my body and remembering that I left my clothes in the room. I raised my nose up and inhaled deeply before going back. I frowned when I saw him laying in bed in only a pair of boxers and my phone in hands. He looked at me and sighed, turning the phone my way to show me the article I had been reading while he was in the shower.

"I'm sorry I checked your phone it's just..." he sighed again and shook his head. "You shouldn't read shit like that. You know those mean comments aren't true, right?"

I held my towel to make sure it wouldn't fall and sent him a sad smile, walking to the bed. He sat on it and I shrugged as he looked up, wrapping his arms around me.

"Liv, please, listen to me." he let out in a low but worried tone. "I feel so lucky to be with you. You are beautiful and I love you." he paused but he kept staring at me. "Olivia, I love you."

"It's just..." I closed my eyes and sighed, feeling him hold me tighter against him. "I don't know."

"Talk to me, okay?"

I nibbled on my bottom lip and finally just nodded. He let go of me and lied back down in bed, leaving space for me. I lied down next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me. I felt secure suddenly and the fact that we weren't looking at each other anymore made it slightly easier.

"You've never seen me naked." I just pointed out.

"That's... correct." he seemed a bit confused. "And i'd like to change that."

My lips curled in a fond smile.

"I mean, I don't know what you're expecting but you may be disappointed." I tried to explain, feeling his arm pull me closer. "I am not shaped like Maya or Heidi or those girls you normally end up with."

Silence. All I could hear was the sound of my heart beating against my chest. He started drawing shapes on the skin of my arm with his fingertip and It made a shiver cross my body as my heart skipped a beat. It reminded me of that time at the movies...

"I only had sex with Maya a few times." he confessed, making me frown.

"Like, how many times?"

"I don't know, four?"

I knew they had dated for a while and it was surprising that they hadn't had sex more often. Clearly, she wanted him and no one could not want her. I frowned more, a bit confused by it but also wondering why exactly he was telling me that.

"Why?"

My question was not clear but I knew he'd understand.

"I couldn't." he explained, shrugging a shoulder. "I couldn't because I only wanted you."

I couldn't help but let out a chuckle. It was laughable to think someone had the chance to bang a girl like Maya but couldn't because they wanted me more.

"I guess my love for you made it impossible for me to lust after an other girl." he continued. "I don't know what you're scared of but I know I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone else. And I won't be disappointed because it'll be you. And that's all I want. You."

I let my eyes roam on his body and I couldn't deny that I wanted him, too. I had never wanted anyone the way I wanted him. Obviously, this relationship was based on more than sex but it seemed to be an issue and I understood that he wanted to solve it. I also wanted to share everything with him. We had never really talked about sex together, at least not about our personal sex life. It's not that it embarrassed me but I didn't want to hear about the girls he had sex with and what he did with them. it would have been too hard to hear because of my love for him and for that reason, I also kept my stories a secret to make sure he wouldn't tell me his. It was a precaution I took to avoid my heart being too broken and so far, it had worked.

"Remember when we were in my room and you were about to check in a drawer and I told you not to?" I started in a low voice, raising my eyebrows without looking at him. "It was not because of my underwear.. It's just that... it's the place I keep my vibrators."

His fingers stopped moving on my shoulder and I held my breath, a small smile playing on my lips. I hadn't expected to admit that to him and obviously, he hadn't expected to hear it either.

"Plural?"

"Yes."

We remained in silence for a while and he finally chuckled.

"That's so hot." he admitted, laughing a bit. "There's so many things I don't know about you when it comes to sex, Liv, and I'd love to talk about it with you."

My traits softened and I looked up at him, moving slightly to get my head on the pillow, my face turned his way. Talking about my body embarrassed me but talking about sex in general didn't and I was totally fine with that discussion.

"Okay, I go first!" I let out with a smirk. "Who's your favorite pornstar? And if you say Jenna Jameson I'm gonna be very disappointed in you."

He sent me an insulted frown, his lips slightly parted, and it made me laugh.

"Do you know me at all?" he just asked, making me laugh. "I don't think I have a favorite, but I guess I enjoy Shyla Jennings."

I raised my nose up and groaned a bit, still looking at him.

"I can't say I'm surprised, and I also can't blame you."

"Why not surprised?" he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously.

"She's your type." I laughed, moving my chin up to look at him better.

"Oh I have a type now?" he wondered as I nodded. "Alright then, who's your fave pornstar?"

My face changed and I shrugged with a small smile.

"Gina Valentina, no second thoughts."

I saw a bunch of emotions cross his face and it made me laugh as he shook his head.

"Wait, what?"

"Oh, you wanted a man?" I asked, amused by the conversation, as I sent him a smirk. "Tyler Nixon, then."

His eyes roamed on my face and I tried to guess what he was thinking about. He was discovering things about me that I never thought he'd know but I was totally fine with it: I had nothing to hide. His lips curled into a small but fond smile and I licked my lips, my eyes never leaving his. I felt his hand take mine and he placed his palm against mine before intertwining out fingers together.

"Tell me something that you did that I would never guess."

His voice was low and the atmosphere in the room had shifted completely. We looked at each other for a few seconds and I licked my lips. He brought his hand on my waist, now completely facing me, and my heart jumped in my chest at how good he looked.

"One time I had a threesome with two other girls."

His eyes opened slightly more and his eyebrows raised up, making me laugh. He held me tighter, his fingers sinking in the fabric of the towel I still had around me, and I knew he had many questions to ask.

"You did too, didn't you?" I kept talking, raising my eyebrows too as my eyes roamed on his face.

"Maybe." he sent me a smirk. "I mean, one time when I was very drunk... it happened. But the whole thing is a bit blurry."

I don't know why but it was a relief that he didn't remember it clearly and I licked my lips. It was ridiculous of me but I couldn't help it. I knew it was impossible but I wanted to be the only girl he'd lust... the one who would make him cum the hardest, the one he could never forget.

"Was it someone you were dating?"

"I was... seeing one of them." he admitted with a groan. "And it sort of killed whatever relationship we could have had."

I nodded slowly. "It was the same for me. We broke up only a few days later."

"When was that?" he asked with a frown, probably trying to remember something he wasn't even there for.

"During your third tour."

It made me realize how little I talked about myself when it came to relationship and how little I knew about him, too. I had met all his official girlfriend, although the number could be counted on the fingers of one hand (and not the whole hand), but I wasn't aware of all the 'maybe's' and 'almost's'.

"Are you scared of what could happen after we make love?" he finally asked after a long silence. "Or what I will think? Say?"

I sighed low and looked away. Every time the discussion switched back to my insecurities, I couldn't seem to look at him in the eyes. I knew he'd be able to read me and it scared me, but I also knew that at some point, i'd have to open up to him, or I would lose him.

I shook my head slightly, looking at our intertwined fingers and It suddenly hit me. If someone was going to be there no matter what, it would be Niall, the way he's always been there.

"I hate my body, I hate the way I look naked, and there's no way you will like it. These people online, your fans, or whatever, they're all right."

The words came out of my mouth and I didn't even think. Everything I said I meant so deep that it hurt. All of this I had thought and believed for so long that expressing them out loud gave me a shiver.

"You're beautiful." he just said in a whisper.

I looked up in his eyes and I could see that he was hurt. I licked my lips and swallowed hard as he let go of my hand to slide it back on the towel around me. He kept staring at me as his hand pulled gently on the fabric and an other shiver ran all over my body, not only because of the cold air hitting suddenly my damp skin but also because of the thought of being naked in front of him. He pushed the towel on the floor and I held my breath, biting my bottom lip and sucking my stomach in. I didn't know why I cared so much, I had no idea why I was so scared after everything he showed and said, but I couldn't help it.

His fingertips ran on my waist and to my hip, ending softly on my thigh and I swallowed hard as he sent me a small smile. Slowly, he moved over me, pushing me on my back, and I moved my chin up to keep eye contact with him. I loved the feeling of his over me, like the weight on my whole body was some sort of protection against everything else, even my own complexes. He bent closer and brushed his lips against mine so gently that I felt my heart twist in my chest.

"You're beautiful and I love you." he whispered, making my lips part lightly.

I couldn't move, I was paralyzed, but I forced myself to keep my eyes open when his lips brushed on my jaw and down my neck. They traveled to my breasts and when I felt his warm tongue on one of them, I whimpered, my body jerking very slightly at the feeling.

I wanted to tell him that I loved him too, that I had never been in love with anyone else and that I never would, but the words got stuck in my throat. His mouth moved to my other nipple and I tried to push away all the questions running in my mind without much success. What did he think? Was he disappointed? Was he still lusting me? Loving me?" Or did he just feel bad for me?

His hand reached for my stomach only a few seconds before his lips and he finally looked up at me, shaking his head from left to right and pressing his fingers gently on my skin.

"Don't do that." he asked in a breath.

It took me a few seconds but I finally exhaled and relaxed my body. His lips curled in a small but find smile and he mouthed a 'thank you', making me swallow hard. I didn't know if he realized the strength it took me and what it implied for me exactly, but he seemed to be grateful and that was enough for now.

Very slowly and softly, he pressed his lips on every inch of my skin as my heart seemed to flutter. I felt dizzy suddenly by the way he showed me love but I still couldn't move. I just focused on his mouth brushing everywhere it could and leaving a burning sensation on my skin. Nothing had ever felt like that before.

His hands glided on my thighs until my knees and he spread them slowly. His lips stopped on my lower stomach and the sight of him between my legs was incredible and way more exciting than anything I had imagined before.

"Is this okay?"

I stared at him a few seconds that seemed to last an hour and he waited, his eyes never leaving mine. I licked my bottom lip but nodded slowly but he kept looking at me as he brought his lips down. I held my breath when his lips left a kiss on my slit and I gripped the sheets with one of my hands.

I was completely naked, the curtains were open and I was with Niall. It was everything I had wished for yet it was also my biggest fear. I tried not to think about it when his fingers ran between my legs and his tongue pressed on my clit, making my body jerk again. It slid down and entered me and my eyes fluttered close as I restrained a curse word from escaping my lips.

"Oh my god." I breathed out, forcing myself to open my eyes if only to look at my boyfriend and burn the image of him eating me out on my retina forever.

His tongue and lips worked between my legs, making them twitch as I got closer and closer to an orgasm but it's only when he started sucking on my clit that my back arched and my eyes finally shut tight.

"F-" I stopped myself and started shaking but he held me down on the mattress with one of his arms as an orgasm crossed my whole body.

I couldn't stop squirming as the intense feeling invaded me from head to toes and it's only when it was gone that I whimpered, feeling both embarrassed and happy at the same time. I felt him crawl up my body and when I finally opened my eyes, he was hovering over me, holding himself with his elbows and smiling down fondly at me.

I felt my heart melt at the way he was looking at me and I smiled back, feeling my heartbeats accelerate. Out of fear, and out of love. I just didn't expect his next words but it brought me near tears.

"I didn't think it was possible, but I love you even more."