#im not in the mood to try and string together the story of Connections
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spookythesillyfella · 16 days ago
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Hello Spooky! Here's your daily visit from me, myself and I ! Just wanted to stop by and ask you if you've had any other Vocaloid artists you're a fan of? I've been thinking about it for quite a bit because I always found your taste in music rather fun and I'm always open to hearing what makes YOU most happiest (Or at least helps you cope, Realize your emotions, Really however music impacts you in whatever way it does!) I've been kind of visiting here a lot lately and I hope you don't feel this obligation to reply or send me things in response, I'm doing this all purely because I want to be here as much as I can! I never get sick of reaching out either, I just want you to express yourself and let yourself be free in a space full of people who will accept you.
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If you do not have particular artists you like I'd at least like to know some favorite Vocaloid songs? Whatever floats your boat Ilysm!!! /p Take care as usual !!
ohh !!! yes . of course i have other vocaloid artistz i enjoy !!! ¥_^
of course . predictably . GHOST would've shown up sooner or later ; interesting thing about them iz that my favorite song by them . for yearz on end . haz been and still iz "Rotary Dial" . even after learning about the "Creative" remix – i suppoze it really doez just tap into that whole "isolation" and "unhealthy attachment" sentiment . and therefore i love it so much
i don't even know what GHOSTz songz are about uzually . but their lyricz really do tend to rezonate with me ; my top songz would probably be "Rotary Dial" . "Creative" . "Happy Days" and "Chelovek" [i can't actually decide between Chelovek . The Things I Deserve . Star of the Show . Housewife Radio n DEATHBODY so letz just say they all occupy the same spot Chevolek doez]
another one that ive loved for a long . long time iz definitely INABUKOMORI – their muzic really haz thiz unique feel of dread that comez from the way they uze yuki in a lot of their songz . not to mention the lyricz too
my favorite songz from them tend to flip flop around a lot [since i tend to overplay a lot of their muzic when i feel bad] but currently they are "Pascal Beats" . "Lost Umbrella" . "Lag Train" and "Rain Boots" [cliché choicez but i digress]
i know they don't actually do vocaloid muzic anymore but CreepP too iz another i really love – both for the vocaloid muzic and their current stuff – and i guess it wouldn't be too hard to guess why [ominous dhmis inspired vocaloid songz looming in the background]
my top picz from them are probably "Creative" . "Eat" . "Don't Touch Me" and "Exorcism"
somewhere in september / october i also discovered irohaRingo . who ive become a huge fan of once finding out about them !!! their songz also have a really odd . computer-y sound and the vocaloid tuning iz also very great – shrill screamz and glitchez really make them stand out among the rest . in my eyez
favorite songz from them ought to be "Why I hate you" . "Witness" and "Love me knife"
and the most recent addition to the roster iz friendxp !!! i haven't listen to all of their muzic by any meanz . but the trackz i have listened to are phenomenal – another artist who playz around a lot with soundz that make their muzic stand out . and the way they tune their vocaloidz iz also just very fun !!! the lyricz really just . speak to me also – i relate to them a lot . which iz good becauze i don't have a lot of super energetic muzic to listen to while im angry or something
my favez are totally "study" and "love/hate stalemate" – ive been replaying theze two constantly over the past few weekz !!!
okayokay !!! tysm for the ask !!! itz genuinely so nice to have the ability to ramble on about something so silly n dumb az thiz !!!
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weepingvoidpenguin · 5 years ago
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The Gods’ Blessing (Pt. 5)
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4,
Summary: In your world, everyone had a soulmate. That’s just how things went. Everyone had some sort of Indicator that their other half was out there, be it telepathy or a red string that connected these two strangers. Yours was one unspoken of, in fact, you’d never heard anyone say that they had the same Indicator as you. And because of this rarity, you longed to meet the person who could gift you with what you lacked, maybe not so much so to be with the person but more so to finally see what others took for granted. Yet, you held onto the hope that one of your best friends was your Meant-To-Be but he has his eyes on another girls and the little green monster slowly engulfs you at the deterioration of your hope.
Warning: Like 1 F-Bomb, angst, reader being reckless
Word Count: 4.3K
Author’s Note: I’m literally so sorry this took so long to come out but I lost motivation to write and randomly got it back and now I know where I want to take this story so I’m dedicating some time to this series again. ALSO I wanted to thank EVERYONE from the bottom of my heart who has asked to be tagged or complimented my writing it means SO MUCH and helps me continue to write. Everyone who has requested to be tagged will be; I’m just dumb and didn’t know I could privately respond to asks and I didn’t want to spam my page with answers so... yeah I know, I’m dumb lol ENJOY
(CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO FIND THE ORIGINAL GIF FOR MY STORY BECAUSE WTF I SPENT LITERALLY 30 MINUTES LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT ONE BUT COULDN’T FIND IT AND I USED THE SAME TAGS AS ALWAYS AND YES THE GIFS ARE STILL THERE SOMEONE HELP PLS AND THANK YOU) (AND ALSO LITERALLY CAN’T ADD A READ MORE LINE BECAUSE I COPY AND PASTE FROM WORD SO IM SORRY TUMBLR IS JUST TRYING ME TODAY)
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  You let the thunderous knocks at your door rack for nearly five minutes before you trudged out of bed with your blanket still encased around you. You kept your eyes glued to your carpet, watching as your feet slid along the floor on your way to the door. Your hand hovered over the knob as hesitation ceased your actions. 
  What if it was Peter at your door? Your heart twisted at the thought and you couldn’t stop how your hand shot out and grasped the handle. Damn how your body could betray you. 
  You noticed how your actions slowly became less your own over the past few days. Naturally, you could sit, lay, stand, eat, drink and etc. on command but whenever the thought of the brunette boy shattered its way through the walls you’d created, your hands flew towards your phone every single time. You had desired Peter, desired for him to reach out to you and clear the air, answer the questions consuming your mind, just talk to you in any way. Maybe his words wouldn’t make you feel better but at least his voice would soothe the storm brewing in your stomach.
  You had skipped school the last two days, claiming to have a fever to your mother who, as a doctor, knew better. But she was an understanding woman and gave you the time she suspected you needed to deal with whatever was bothering you. She’d tried to get you to talk but each attempt was met with silence and isolation so she left you be, only occasionally leaving a warm drink on your nightstand.
  You hadn’t just isolated yourself from your mother though; you’d completely disregarded the messages you were getting from MJ and Ned. You tried to keep away from your phone, in all honesty. You wanted to disconnect, to just feel what you felt and ride the wave until the waters soothed themselves. But with the amount of times you’d checked your inbox for a new message from Peter or merely went back to read old texts that used to bring a smile to your face, you’d say disconnecting had failed miserably. In fact, every time you checked your phone only made the sinking feeling in your stomach liven with a fresh ache and you’d lay right back down.
  Your window remained locked now. For the most part. Some nights, for about an hour or so, you’d unlatch it, idiotically hoping that somehow Peter would be aware of your actions and know that you, in a moment of weakness, wanted to see him again. That your silent invitation had been noticed and he would come running to you. But, of course, it didn’t work like that.
  You were released from the deep constraints of your thoughts with another set of rapping on the door. You sighed and brought yourself to look through the peephole only to be met with an eye already glaring through it. You let out a quiet shriek at the expression strewn about MJ’s face and slowly unlocked the door.
  She didn’t wait for you to open it though, taking matters into her own hands and flinging the entryway open to storm through and slam shut behind her. You stood frozen, watching as she glowered with her arms crossed over her chest. You two stood in silence like that for a few moments and she continued to stare, waiting for you to give an explanation for your behavior for the past few days.
  She knew better than to think you were sick. Even when you were sick you always messaged her back but this mood was something she had yet to experience in all her years of friendship with you.
  “So?” She practically snarled and you gulped.
  You scanned her up and down. She was entirely on the defense here. Her arms crossed, foot tapping on the ground and the disapproving look of the century plastered on her face all scrambled together to serve you one very pissed off MJ.
  She waited for a response, not breaking her composure for even a fraction of a second. The anger radiating off her body was more than you could handle in the moment, especially when it was accompanied with the sorrow encasing your very being.
  Her expression softened in the slightest as she studied you, noting how you couldn’t meet her gaze, not that it had been a warm one to begin with but still. Your hair was in shambles and the deep, dark circles under your eyes conveyed more than you were willing to bring yourself to admit. And when you finally looked up at her she took your desperate embrace with ease; all of her anger diminishing as she held you.
  “Hey,” She soothed, running her hand up and down your back through the blanket, “what’s going on?”
  You looked up at her, only slightly pulling back from the hug, “There’s something I have to tell you,” ~   That first day that you had kicked Peter out of your apartment he didn’t go on patrol that night. He was too distraught. Instead, he trudged home with his head hung low and his thoughts drowning him in regret.
  He’d been weak that afternoon. He couldn’t help it. It’d been so long since you two had hung out together alone, aside from the rare occasion last week, and so much had happened within that time. 
  That first night, when the two of you kissed and the stars had come to life for the first time in his existence, everything in those few moments had been perfect; no, better than perfect. The world had burst to life under your touch and suddenly his years of yearning and longing for you had made sense. The world had been right and just for once. For one goddamn minute.
  And then, because of that moment that he hungered to relive again, he’d lost you. Maybe permanently. 
  How could he have been so stupid? How could he have just given in to the desire pining for your touch? He couldn’t have helped it. The way you looked, the smile gleaming on your face, the way you were straddling and hovering above him; it all called out to him. You called out to him. His eyes traced down from your eyes to your neck and then lower to the bit of exposed cleavage in his face. He blushed in the moment, feeling guilty for letting his mind wander to those treacherous places that caused his imagination to spiral. And, oh, how his thoughts spiraled. 
  That need to touch you, to hold you, to kiss you, to be with you had made him weak in the moment. But had it really been so wrong to give in? After all, you are his soulmate and if it were okay to touch anyone the way his body had urged him to, why not the person that he was meant for and was meant for him?
  No, it hadn’t wrong to give in because from the look that glazed your eyes and elicited your body when you connected, he knew you wanted to give in too. He knew you wanted to be with him just as much as he wanted to be with you. 
  And that’s why he wanted to go over that day. He had planned to tell you everything. He even had his suit in his backpack to show you but then it all went wrong. He’d prematurely exposed the truth but in a way that made it seem secretive. He hadn’t meant to be secretive; he was just scared.
  Plus, he finally had the girl he’d been working to get for the past few months and he had to just throw that all away. At that point, his feeling for Liz were real just miniscule compared to the ones he attempted to drown out for you. Not to mention, Liz liked Peter as he was without the hero complex but (Y/N) liked Spider-Man, a literal superhero. 
  Maybe that had been the reason that (Y/N) had kicked him out so quickly. Was she disappointed that her mysterious hero had turned out to be none other than Peter Parker? Was being Peter really that bad in her eyes? No, (Y/N) loved Peter . . . platonically. 
  But Liz . . . Liz liked Peter, not Spider-Man. (Y/N) didn’t want her shy best friend, she wanted her mysterious hero. (Y/N) didn’t like Peter for who he was, only who he presented himself to be. Her feelings were solely based on a hidden character under the red and blue suit. She didn’t want Peter Parker. She couldn’t want Peter Parker. Peter Parker wasn’t enough for her and he never would be.
  He shook his head at the thoughts, hating how his conclusion could tug at his chest so fiercely. Nonetheless, he let himself fester on that idea until it became his mentality.
  (Y/N) was not interested in Peter. ~   You could hardly communicate everything that had happened over the course of the last few weeks to MJ with all the tears and sobs interrupting the story. She caught onto the gist of it, though. Peter was Spider-Man, Spider-Man was her soulmate, Peter was with Liz, etc. 
  She let you cry until you fell asleep that night and she stayed with you the next day so she could force you to go to school, even if it was Friday. 
  Her alarm woke you up the next morning and you groaned as you shoved your pillow over your ear to drown out the sound. MJ rolled around, cutting the alarm off and cuddling closer to you before shoving you out of bed.
  “What the hell?” You asked, reaching out for the pillow that was pried from your hold. 
  MJ held the cushion just out of your reach and dangled it in the air, “Good morning!” She cheerily shouted, very unlike herself.
  You groaned in response and shoved the blanket over your head just for that to be ripped away as well. “Get up, you’re coming to school,”
  A huff escaped your lips as the sunlight shone even from behind closed eyelids. You wanted to argue and stay home but you would just get hell for it and end up going to school anyway so you used that time of argument to get ready instead. MJ had woken you up early enough to let you shower, as you hadn’t recently, and made breakfast while you got ready.
  In the stillness of your room, you observed your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes were still puffy from the crying and there was a slight dry rash from wiping your nose so much but other than that, you looked practically normal. You ran your hands down your body, hating that you put in a little extra effort in your looks to catch Peter’s attention. In the midst of shamefully admiring yourself, you caught a glimpse of the pictures tacked onto the wall behind you. You whirled around and your gaze landed on the brightest of them all. A picture of the four of you sitting in the grass, MJ on one side of you and Peter on the other. You removed the tack from the photo and smiled down at it. The picture had been taken the first time you all hung out together, the same day you’d told MJ about your feelings for Peter only to be met with a knowing look from her. She could read you like a book that woman. 
  “Hey, breakfast is ready-” MJ burst through the door and cut herself off at the sight of you. “What’s that?”
  “Do you remember this photo?” You asked, holding it up for her to see.   Her eyes softened and she had a small smile, “I have this same picture in a drawer somewhere,”
  “Do you remember what I told you that day?”
  MJ looked up at you, her eyebrows furrowed as she waited for an explanation.
  “That’s the day I told you that I thought I liked Peter,” She looked down at the photo and handed it back to you, “It’s like . . . since the beginning it’s been him. It’s always been him.” You placed the photo back in its original place, “And now I know why,”
  Later that day in the cafeteria, the table had been full of tension. MJ throwing glares at Peter, Peter brushing them off his shoulder, your head crammed into a textbook, Ned trying to break the tension and Liz having no idea what the hell was going on. 
  “You guys are so cute together,” MJ cheerily spoke up after a while, looking at Peter and Liz’s interlocked fingers.
  “Thanks,” Peter stated bluntly, his gaze fixated on MJ.
  “I just didn’t think you would end up dating a guy like that, Liz, but now that I’m looking at it, it makes sense,”
  “A guy like what?” Liz raised an eyebrow, concerned there was something about Peter that she didn’t know.
  “A liar-”
  “MJ, can you help me with this equation?” You interjected, hoping she hadn’t heard what MJ said.
  “I don’t know why you’d need my help, you’re the best one here at math,” she slyly retorted, not once breaking her eye contact with Peter.
  “I’ll help you,” Ned spoke up and the both of you exchanged worried glances. It suddenly dawned on you that Ned probably already knows Peter’s secret; which means, he already knew about you as well.
  “Anyway,” Liz spoke up after a few tense moments of silence, “I’m throwing a party tonight at my place, everyone’s invited!” 
  “And why would we-”
  “Sounds fun! We’ll be there!” You spoke up quickly, glaring at MJ to shut her up. She rolled her eyes but sat back in her chair and complied.
  You’d kept your head down for most of the lunch period but had to snap your attention up to keep MJ tamed. Your gaze wandered over to the direction you felt a pull coming from and was surprised when you met Peter’s gaze. You were almost frozen, caught in a mixture of crying, panicking and keeping it together. Still, you couldn’t pry your attention from Peter so you dwelled in it instead. 
  He looked tired. The dark circles under his eyes were more apparent than usual and his hair appeared to lack a bit of life, the curls on his face falling flat rather than their normal bounciness. You let yourself study the man before you and that’s when it happened again.
  Instead of his normal physique, an outline of his person took form and the wounds on his body glowed to catch your attention. He had a few cuts and scrapes here and there, some bruises on his shins and forearms, not to mention the busted eyebrow that you’d failed to notice under what you assumed was makeup. You squinted your eyes at this and Peter seemed to catch on to what was happening. He grew uncomfortable under your gaze and forced yourself to retract it, fighting the urge to reach out your hand and place it over the split skin on his face. Not that he’d appreciate it.
  You sighed and closed the textbook before shoving it in your bag and standing up seconds before the bell rang. MJ followed suit and walked you to your next class, knowing you usually take the route with Peter and punched your shoulder lightly when it was time for her to go.
  “Meet at my locker after school? I need help picking an outfit and we can stop by your place to pick some stuff up,” 
  MJ nodded in agreement and you turned to enter the classroom but walked into a hastily walking Peter. You reached out your hand to steady yourself and grabbed his forearm which, unfortunately, was not covered in fabric.
  The warmth in your fingertips soon sprawled all over your body and you could moan at the ease it brought along with it. The ache in your heart subsided and the strength of the pull towards him tripled until you really were being shoved against him, your chest pressed against his own and his arms wrapped around you as if to keep you there.
  You wanted to pull away but the fact that Peter was even holding you right now soothed the agony in your bones and you needed this for just a few seconds more. You let the sensation overtake you, submitting yourself to its enticing comfort and when Peter’s hands gripped the back of your shirt tighter to pull you deeper into him, you let him.
  This was right. Being with him was right. How could it not be? How could being with your soulmate be wrong? The two of you were literally made for each other as were all soulmates but there resided something deeper between both of you that caused a very physical gravitational pull to one another. Though you’d heard of instances similar to that, you’d never heard of it being physical, only an emotional pull. And that physical pull somehow forced you two into each other’s arms where you were fighting the urge to give in.
  With the little strength that you could muster, you pried yourself from him and you exchanged a worried glance with each other, “Did you-”
  “Feel that? Yeah,” he said, bewildered at what just happened.
  “So, you didn’t-”
  “Pull you? No. And you didn’t-”
  “Suddenly forgive you and throw myself into your arms?” You spoke with venom and cocked your head to the side, the little distance between you allowing some of your anger to return. “No,”
  Peter wanted to roll his eyes and brush off the comment, he really did but he could see through you. The pain you tried to hide was laid barren for him, he couldn’t miss it if he tried. It shouted for his attention, demanding his explanation and wanting nothing more than to dissipate and leave you at peace. But he couldn’t grant you that. He couldn’t bring himself to beg for you when you didn’t even want him; at least, not the real him.
  You finally walked away and took your usual seat in class, forcing your gaze down so you wouldn’t accidentally make eye contact with Peter as he took his place next you. You chuckled at that. ~   Liz’s house buzzed with energy, most of the people already arrived and under some kind of influence. You had to give it to her, she knew how to throw a party. Not that you’d been to very many of them considering MJ was your best friend.  
  MJ appeared beside you with two cups in her hand and offered you one, “Oh, I figured you were going to chug them down simultaneously,”
  “Don’t tempt me.” She laughed and you took a gulp from yours, finishing it off in a few seconds, “Maybe you would like to do that, though,”
  You smiled sheepishly, “I’m gonna get another one,”
  “Make sure you leave some for everybody else,” she hollered over the music.
  You giggled and sauntered over to the table, ignoring the beginnings of a lure coming from your left. You plucked one of the cups up and brought the brim to your lips, letting the liquid burn its way down your throat and rejoined MJ.
  “Hey, so I was thinking,” you started, keeping your focus anywhere other than where it wanted to be, “where did you hear that story about the gods and the stars and all that?”
  “Huh?” She shouted over the music and despite the volume of the noise, you could still filter out Peter’s voice through it all.
  You grabbed MJ’s arm and pulled her towards the door, “Outside!” You shouted and she followed.
  Once the fresh breeze hit your face, you took a deep breath in, attempting to clear out any negative emotions. MJ took your hand and led you away from the front of the house where quite a few people were still crowding around and settled on the rooftop. She grabbed a ladder off the floor and held the ladder while you climbed up.
  “What were you trying to say?” She asked once you two had gotten comfortable.
  “I was asking about where you heard the story about being chosen by the Gods,” you stated, taking a sip from the cup and already feeling a slight warmth in your cheeks. This cup was definitely stronger than the previous one.
  She cocked her head a little and raised an eyebrow in confusion.
  “You know! About the Gods’ choosing a few special spirits to have this intense love or something,”
  “What are you talking about?” 
  “Like, about my Indicator and the stars and my soulmate,”
  Her eyebrow remained raised in your direction.
  Now it was your turn to get confused, “The story you told me when we were all at your house watching movies. The day I went on the first date with Brad,”
  “Dude, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she admitted, a concerned look on her face.
  “Yes, you do! You’re the one that told me that story, how could you not remember it?” you practically yelled. “When I got mad because of Liz and Peter and went to your room, that’s when you told me!”
  “I remember you being bothered but I figured you needed a breather so I let you have it,”
  Was it MJ that had told you? You scoffed, yes, of course it was. Who else would it be? She was the one that walked into the room and comforted you.   “MJ, stop playing,” you scolded.
  “(Y/N) . . . are you feeling okay?” she asked and you glared at her in response. “Dude, I swear I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
  You shot up from your spot and struggled to find footing so you raised your arms to balance yourself. You had drunk a little more than you thought but managed to steady yourself. MJ held out a hand to you in caution, raising them to catch you.
  “Something’s not right,” you said, taking a small step back from your friend. You were certain it was MJ in the room with you, the memory was clear as day.
  The reason you had even brought it up in the first place was because you wanted to know where she heard the lore from considering you’d never heard anything like it. You had been ashamed of your Indicator because you’d never come to know of any other person who had the same one as you ever. Not even in the history books. It was just completely unheard of. So, why would MJ know the legend? 
  “(Y/N), sit down.” MJ ordered, her words concrete.
  “No, no, no, no, this doesn’t make sense,” you spoke aloud, your mind trying to understand the events of that night. You took half a step back from MJ as if the added distance would deny her truth. And it was her truth. You could always tell when MJ was lying, years of friendship could attest to that but her words were genuine and her confusion was too.
  “Stop moving, (Y/N),” she growled, slowly coming closer to you.
  You created the same distance from you as before and she stopped her movements altogether, her eyes glued to the back of your foot. You tried to wrack your brain around it but no matter how you tried to understand it, it just didn’t make sense. How would MJ know the lore for your Indicator when you’d studied extensively to try and find something-anything to make you feel less alone in your path. How had she just randomly come across such information and why hadn’t you asked her right then and there where she heard it from? 
  “(Y/N)!” You heard your name shouted from behind you and whipped around, the force of the action causing you to tip over the edge of the roof and your heart stopped as you watched MJ jump out to catch you.
  The fall was quick but scarier than any rollercoaster you’d been on. It elicited the same sensations but held more finality to it. 
  “(Y/N)!” MJ screamed from above but you kept your eyes glued to the ground when a figure swung into your line of sight and clung onto you in midair before landing on a patch of grass on the side of the house. 
  The action had knocked the wind out of you and you struggled to regain your breath, your eyes glued to your feet and how they rested against the ground. MJ flew down the ladder and raced with Ned to get to your side. She hadn’t even reached it before she started yelling at you.
  “Are you fucking crazy?” She yelled, kneeling by your side and encasing your face in her hands, failing to draw your attention to her.
  Your body shook uncontrollably, the fear from before just now catching up to you. But it wasn’t the fear from nearly dying. It was from whoever the hell you spoke to in MJ’s house. 
  “Can’t you see she’s scared?” Peter yelled at MJ and you winced. You’d never heard Peter yell like that before.
  Peter picked you up and placed you in his lap, his hands attempted to center you in on him but you merely looked through him. You were out of it and you couldn’t bring yourself to come back to the present.
  “(Y/N),” Peter whispered, worry and fear laced in his tone, “Are you okay?”   It took a minute of letting the fear make its course through you before you zeroed in on Peter’s expression. It was the warmth coming from his hands that brought you back.
  “Who was she?”
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gaylorlyrics · 5 years ago
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The Lakes Theory: folklore theory pt.2
Building off of my last post and the idea that folklore is about the same love triangle repeating over and over, never allowing Taylor to grow up and grow out of this cycle - when I heard The Lakes for the first time I was like WHOA this makes even more sense now.
First off, the lakes is *beautiful*. The recording style and the strings really evoke this sense of old Hollywood. The intro reminds me a lot of classic golden era film scores - see the theme from The Seven Year Itch (the movie with Marilyn Monroe standing on the grate and holding her dress down) and a lot of songs from Gone With The Wind. Basically the whole starting strings, mixing, and lo-fi production make this intro sound like *classic* Hollywood scores. (An era we already know she’s a fan of.)
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There are a lot of references to movies in Folklore, with none of them making it sound like the referenced film is a happy one:
“You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town” - this is me trying
“You know the greatest films of all time were never made” - the 1
“I think I’ve seen this film before and I didn’t like the ending” - exile
“You knew the hero died so what's the movie for?” - hoax
This is not the first time that Tay talks about sad movies though...and it made me think of this line from “Breathe”, which is about the break up between Taylor and her violin player Emily Poe.
“Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie/It's the kind of ending you don't really wanna see/'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down/Now I don't know what to be without you around”
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(also this image came up when I search for Taylor Swift Breathe.....has anyone gone into how this is exactly the imagery from the fishbowl in the Lover house?! mind sort of blown right now - there’s clearly a connection.)
Basically this is bring the line from Breathe full circle, that she is in a cycle that is repeating and repeating, from Fearless to folklore. She’s seen this film before and she didn’t like the ending. All of her heroes die all alone, and now that the hero died what’s the movie for? We get to the final track of folklore and music starts playing like the end of a sad movie.
(I dont mean to keep arguing that Kaylor is over - because I don’t even really believe that. I mean, the dancing in a cardigan post?! that’s not just an accident. but my analysis does keep leading to that as the story. in the words of breathe by Taylor swift IM SORRY)
[also I wasn't going to go into The Seven Year Itch because I don’t think it sounds THAT much like the intro to The Lakes, beyond the general mood and production - but it’s interesting to note that 1) the film is about a love triangle, 2) the protagonist is torn between being unfaithful to his wife in the city or going with her to live on the water in Maine for the summer, 3) the characters play a lot of piano in the movie and there’s a lot of piano on folklore, and 4) Kaylor has been together for 7 years. just interesting coincidences!!]
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mousehole5000 · 4 years ago
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more tgcf chapters 143-173 lets goooooo
PEI MING BOO HISS except actually okay he’s mostly funny i think but still boo hiss
“hey who’s this guy who’s really pissed at you?” “oh thats my sword. i broke it.” alright then!
i think i need to go back and reread the banyue pass arc bc im still confused as to whats going on with banyue and pei su
“Banyue dropped from the sky with two pots raised. Without a word, she plummeted with the mouths of the pots facing down, trapping and detaining the shocked Ming’guang and the roaring Ke Mo within.” - THATS MY GIRL
“It must be known that, to heavenly officials, it certainly was more than natural for kingdoms of the mortal realm to fight and annihilate one another; the acts of these plays progressing on endlessly. But when it came their own turn, it was often hard to let things go. If one must stand in the same court as the one who annihilated their own kingdom, and that man cavorted in the heavens, exceedingly flashy, then it must be vexing.” - hmmmm!!
“I’ve spoken too many words in this lifetime. What are you referring to?” - okay to be fair thats a mood
okay its nice to get some pei ming backstory and its funny that he and xie lian are bonding but also still whenever pei ming interacts with a female character my hackles rise like a cat lol
“Xie Lian watched as Banyue thought really hard before cheerfully pulling out a few long, wine-red scorpion-snakes, and putting them into the bubbling pot.” - THATS MY GIRL
“Although “smell” was something colourless and formless, the instant Banyue removed the pot cover, it was as if some mysterious physical object had twisted all the air around the mouth of that pot. The group stared at the sight within the pot for a long time. Their pupils reflected an endless, bottomless darkness; like it could pull them into the abyss. No words could describe the sentiment expressed within their eyes. A moment later, Xie Lian patted Banyue’s shoulder and gave a thumbs-up.” - like father-figure like daughter-figure. amazing.
“However, what if one day mortals discovered something completely new that ran faster than horses? Then, when this new invention overtook horses, worshippers of this heavenly official who controlled horses would inevitably decrease. Such heavenly officials, flashing by like shooting stars, made up the majority of the heavens.” - obsessed with this, genuinely. life and change. worship and its purpose. my religious studies diploma on my wall is screaming at me rn. ALSO i am once again thinking about celebrities
“...” It was only then that Pei Ming seemed to notice, and started to contemplate this question. A moment later, he answered, “A habit. In a dark, creepy place like this, isn’t it normal to hold women in your arms, to comfort them and calm their fears?” “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t scared,” Banyue said.” - BANYUE I LOVE YOU. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. god this takes me back to every college party i ever went to
LING WEN BACKSTORY????? shoeseller chosen for godhood bc she wrote a political essay and got arrested...... and now she’s face to face with the official who appointed her..... do go on.....
“Ling Wen laughed out loud, seeming to be enraged, and her voice dropped. “Very well! You said I couldn’t reach that high. Then, might I ask you: had the prominence of the Palace of Jing Wen at its peak ever reached even the knees of my Palace of Ling Wen??” - GET HIM!!!! BOO HISS JING WEN
“Compared to you, I’m not that bad,” Ling Wen said. “You’d personally order me to stay in the Palace of Jing Wen until midnight, then turn around and say I shamelessly hang around ‘til late to harass you. Words murder without form; I was much nicer responding with blatant violence.” - ling wen im love you..... also this bit... feels Real
BLOOD RAIN BLOOD RAIN BLOOD RAIN!! FLOWER PETALS TRANSFORMATION!!! see hua cheng? look as how cool it can be when you leave the story for a little while!! bc then you get to return and make an entrance!!
“Not only can you bring forth bloody rain, you can also make flowers shower. I didn’t know that. How fun!” - cute!! and in that moment we were all xie lian
“Everyone was stunned by his deed, and Ling Wen arduously gave him a thumbs-up. ”Ol’ Pei, what a man!” Pei Ming gritted his teeth. “WELCOME!” - aww three two tumors buddies!!
okay yin yu is here and xie lian did the equivalent of asking someone when the baby is due only to find out theyre not pregnant at all. then rong guang taunts yin yu and no one says anything. i do love the amount of awkward moments in this book tbh sometimes there are no words.
“All around was sand and mud crushing at him, exceedingly suffocating. The sand and mud was also moving endlessly; the feeling was like he was swallowed into the stomach of a giant monster, and that monster had also eaten a bunch of other things besides him, tumbling everything in its stomach, trying to digest” - ooooh creepy!!! the red string thing... is cute.... also xie lian being able to see hua cheng’s butterfly vision by looking directly into his eye is kinda cool. and obviously homoerotic.
“Are lower-ranked heavenly officials below other people?” Quan Yizhen asked. “No,” Yin Yu replied. Were they not? It was obvious that he himself didn’t believe in his own words, and Quan Yizhen also noticed. A good while later, he said bluntly, “I don’t like it here.” Yin Yu said nothing.” - im having emotions. and then yin yu also saying he doesnt like it there either.... also idk how this scene is going to play out but as much as im enjoying quan yizhen being an icon i can also possibly see how yin yu could eventually get to the point of “i am tired of being nice. i do just want to go apeshit” even if he really cares about qyz. it happens </3
“Indeed,” Hua Cheng said. “Half a year later when Quan Yizhen actually ascends, he won’t find it so funny anymore.” “Can we watch that part too?” Xie Lian asked. “We can. Hold on,” Hua Cheng replied.” - quan yizhen king of taking things literally. also why did this turn into hualian having a movie night
jian yu seems like the kind of asshole who would purposely give someone regular soda when they specifically asked for diet soda. god yin yu is really having a bad day i really feel for him in the whole situation with the brocade immortal
awww okay at least jian yu tried to take responsibility. im still mad at him tho that was objectively a terrible idea. god this whole situation sucked :(
“Rocks and earth crushed at them from all around, forcing their bodies to press tightly against one another, their faces brushing, their ears warm. Although it wasn’t the right time, a thought flashed through Xie Lian’s mind: “‘To die buried together’ doesn’t feel so bad.” - okay... im kind of emotional.... gay people....
okay obviously these murals and the prince of wuyong have some connection (im guessing pretty direct) to xie lian and are important but everytime they start analyzing one i feel like im back in art history class fhadskfhskjdhf not that thats a bad thing!! i liked art history a lot tbh
“Don’t worry, they’re not human,” Hua Cheng said. “It’s precisely because they’re not human that we have to worry, alright….” Xie Lian thought.” - goth ghost bf problems
xie lian: well, there is one person i trust more than anyone else, someone who’s first in my mind hua cheng, oblivious: oh :/ xie lian, also oblivious: what? hua cheng: you shouldnt trust so easily its dangerous xie lian: oh. haha. yeah. well. wanna,,, know who it is? hua cheng: its :) fine :) it :) doesnt :) matter :) but of course you can tell me if you want to gege xie lian, internally: well now ive made it weird hua cheng, 5 minutes later: actually i need you to tell me. right now. its totally for your security me: gay people smh
“As they suspected, he had been captured by Qi Rong. Although no one was bound by ropes, there were balls of greasily green ghost fires hovering over every one of their heads.” - completely off track but anybody else remember the great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts song
“Could there actually come a day when Qi Rong was embarrassed that someone might see the manner in which he ate? Before Xuan Ji entered, she put Guzi down. Guzi, ta-ta-ta, ran in, rushing straight to Qi Rong’s side. But when he saw him, he pointed his finger. He cried, “Dad is eating bad things in secret again!” “I’m not!” Qi Rong retaliated.” SCREAM IS QI RONG LEARNING THE POWER OF LOVE NOOOO also god that poor man whose body he has im starting to doubt if he’ll ever be free jimmy novak flashbacks
everytime we get another ghost king power somewhere someone should be writing hua cheng the cyborg bf in a high tech futuristic au i think thats the only other potential setting that could truly capture this wild ride
“In truth, throughout history, there was no man in the world who didn’t love bragging. A breeze could blow the handkerchief of a brothel girl into a man’s hand, and he would turn around and say the most beautiful of renowned escorts had fallen in love with him; holding shoes and wiping benches for the emperor’s mistress’s uncle’s grandson’s cousin’s mistress would for sure become him being an important administrator at the residence of royal relatives, raising his status. Thus, men who didn’t brag were a rare species.” - SCREAM this is going in my favorite tgcf quotes folder god... mxtx come here let me shake your hand
read the story of rain master yushi huang’s ascension. why am i crying. also this bit im crying again me with my stuffed animals “Thus, while Yushi Huang was cultivating at the Temple of Yulong, every time when she went to seek water and passed that door, she would rub the head of that ox. The door knocker soaked in her essence of life, and when the Rain Master ascended, the ox ascended with her.”
okay thats enough for now i have 7 more chapters to book 4!!! woo!!!
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uncreativc · 5 years ago
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*  ♡ ╰  wong yukhei. twenty three. cismale + he/him  ⁄   any time kendal zheng is in the test kitchen they play boogie by brockhampton. the leo sign has been working at that’s amore for two years as a sugar rusher. since then the ebullient has built a reputation for being goofy & bold but also childish & stubborn. could that be the the reason why their palate enjoys shrimp and pb & j sandwiches ? but it for sure explains why crude drawings on recipes, worn baseball hats, weird late night texts, being loudest person at a party remind me of them. ☇ mars. 18+. she/they. est.
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yeah yeah go ahead and say it mars late mars never on time :rolls_eyes:. mars doesnt even know the concept of time so yeah thats who i am and yeah i orbit around nothing thats why my names mars. this is my Himbo kendal no relation to jenner but he might joke about being part of the kardashians. this took way longer than i wanted it too but thats okay watched a video the other day that was doing pokemon races and shuckle won so :D below will be like a semblance of a bio
P I N T E R E S T   |  D O S S I E R 
google searches include: how many teeth do i have, are we running out of almonds, why do people eat corn off the cob, how much would a pyramid cost, am i in a pyramid scheme, if you die on an operating table and come back to life is your birthday changed?
SUUUUPER competitve if there is challenge videos coming out you know hes trying to get in on that. stuck a marble up his nose once to prove he could do it put an entire cupcake in his massive ass mouth no one would stop him. ATE A SPOONFUL OF WASABI FOR WHAT?!
kendal is a middle child and it defintiely shows, their dumbass chaotic nature was definitely born out of being neglected and forgotten about. living in a shadow wasnt the greatest for them and then not even getting the attention of being a baby for long by his moms did their best to be equal with them all but kendal felt ****it****. they play it off as just being goofy and playful most of the time but he can get up to some real trouble when he feels like it. mostly out of just making bad decisions
too much energy - talks too much and is bad for interrupting he generally doesnt really have anything of use to add to a conversation other than weird stories, strange questions, and weird conspiracy theories but hes fun and loud and loves to be the centre of attention. this can be annoying honesly hes friendly and loyal he’d never turn someone down till the day he dies its just... bro is a lot to deal with sometimes hes so much of a loud ass clown and go against clearly something you told him not to do like jump up on a table leave a complete mess in the kitchen squeeze toothpaste in the middle of the tube. you know shit like that.
definitely is scared easily like you could easily scare him in the kitchen hes scared of the most stupid things like dark mirrors, his hair blowing off his body and landing on a dead body and him becoming a suspect for a murder. 
he loooooves camping which is kinda funny for someone who gets scared about the most irrational things. does he think a bear is gonna come and rip his tent apart? yeah probably but he still likes it. defintiely went to boy scouts growing up earned a lot of badges learned how to tie knots you know the usual. only had his moms cheat and make him patches like... once or twice. 
probably forgot it was your birthday or that you invited him out to something. you know the nana you have that never remembers and just sends random gifts and they say happy birthday. yeah thats him.
a little oblivious he wont know if youve caught feelings for him and assumes everything is just playful until otherwise told thats what he gets for flirting too much without even realizing. it gets him into trouble because people think they have something and he’s just like :O i thought we were just bros. maybe if he wasnt so flirty and dumb this wouldnt be a problem but its not going to stop him any time soon. hes very casually flirty with everyone he meets honestly. hes just a goof and a lot of times that shit comes off as super flirting and if you think it is.... youre right!
hes definitely more of a house party kind of guy or get his and sit on the back porch and launch water ballooons at a friend down on the ground. yeah he probably got a concussion from that once because he didnt realize that whiplash is a thing like a true idiot and it definitely knocked him out cold.
has a peanut allergy jokes about either living by the sword that he does not have but swears that he does or die by his peanut allergy.
likes mood rings pokemon cards and worm on a string. yes hes made people worm on a string before as pretty much a friendship bracelet. imagine a dude at a party blasted out of his mind coming up to you and handing you a worm on a string and saying youre his friend and that you deserve this. 
hes a cowboy grew up in the south and definitely plays that up loves dirt biking rock climbing and pretty much everything that doesnt entirely involve working on his farm like he doesnt like horses but does like goats you know? 
asked for an extension through email on his wiiu because he lost his computer somewhere
organized mess. you know that chapstick you dropped like three weeks ago he left it there because he knows exactly where it is. like he could just keep things tidy but what would be the fun in that. doesnt follow recipes like ever just kind of tries to eyeball and remember how things were made
WANTED CONS 
tinder date/ set ups that either led to something or didnt
good friend who hacked their instagram one night and started responding to dms just funny doesnt have to been anything crude. they do it to each other some nights like just hang out
hookups. good or bad. one night stand or on going.
party friends he gave them a worm on a string or something got really fucked up and they tried to make like exactly mcdonlds nuggets the boot ones all night
they stole something from your muse ( bike, spatula, idk anything )  and they caught them LSMDLSMDLMDSLM
they stayed up one night and tried to fully solve a cold case even went to the library so late that they got kicked out. it was a long night full of energy drinks and crazy theories. they still do this sometimes now.
crushes they can be mutual or one sided i really dont mind. like i said before danny kind of gets crushes really easily and they kind of just dissapear out of nowhere as well but like we could work something out
exes good bad or indifferent i really dont mind
old childhod friends could be from summer camp or an old teammate when he used to play more sports, could be literally anything i am down i love past connects 
roommates PLEASE
made edibles that were too strong together ended fucking them over for days
they movie hoped or dine and dashed together like i really dont mind just something funny 
someone he makes videos with id love to brainstorm a really stupid like alt series with another sugar rusher or maybe not even a sugar rusher im down for anything 
rock climbing/paint ball/laser tag friends? video games like smash or something theyre super competitve together 
im good for plotting anything 
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rhiezus · 5 years ago
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               1989 As Our Ships, Moments & Characters.
Welcome To New York
This song is kind of annoying but it’s a classic, of course that I thought of Kim Yura and Abe Chiyo first because... c’mon, first Yura was born in New York and second the lyrics is very them... Also a little bit of WNDR? Because of their tour? I mean they getting famous and coming to America, it also reminded me of them a lot because it’s like fame is been waiting for them.
Walking through a crowd, the village is aglow Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats Everybody here wanted something more Searching for a sound we hadn't heard before
I mean you can see why I mentioned WNDR right?
When we first dropped our bags on apartment floors Took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer Everybody here was someone else before And you can want who you want Boys and boys and girls and girls
Also Kim Yura and Abe Chiyo forgetting their past to be together and shit.
Blank Space
Okay I have no idea, I thought of Linlin but... I don’t know, the thing is this album has a lot of “personas” created by Taylor so it’s hard to tell which one of them is who. I have no idea, seriously, let’s just listen and think together. 
Style
I was thinking about this one while I was washing the dishes, that’s why I decided to do this today, hehe. Okay so hear me out, first I remembered this whole album I tried to associate with Nayoung years ago but then I was remembering our ships and came up with Julie and Valak, but I was like? Not so much because they are very dragged only by each other, so I don’t know. Then I though of 2sun, I was like, yes? Very much. But then, finally out of nowhere I was... Oh my god this is Ruy and Hai.
The lights are off, he's taking off his coat (mm, yeah) I say, "I heard, oh That you've been out and about with some other girl" Some other girl He says, "What you heard is true, but I Can't stop thinking 'bout you, and I" I said, "I've been there too a few times"
Right? I mean... It was exactly why i thought about them.
Oh, you got that James Dean daydream look in your eye And I got that red lip classic thing that you like And when we go crashing down (and when we go) We come back every time 'Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style
The gays literally never go out of style, that’s why we keep making them.
Out Of The Woods
Oh my baby, I love this song. Funny thing that when this about first launched, I didn’t like this song because I thought it was too repetitive but then when I came across while we were in the mood “nayoung x keun breakup fiasco thing”, I just fell in love with it. Because it’s literally Nayoung’s mind, I just- Yeah. I also I was just thinking about how it reminds me of Danbi and Daehyun too, somehow?
Looking at it now It all seems so simple We were lying on your couch I remember You took a Polaroid of us Then discovered (then discovered) The rest of the world was black and white But we were in screaming color
It makes so much sense, yes. I don’t have much to say about 1989 this album just speaks for itself, I just point the people that it speaks to.
Looking at it now Last December (last December) We were built to fall apart Then fall back together (back together) Your necklace hanging from my neck The night we couldn't quite forget When we decided, we decided To move the furniture so we could dance Baby, like we stood a chance
December? Does it ring a bell? Haha, we knew. 
Also, I gotta add this description by Genius, again: The repetitive nature of the chorus reinforces the idea that the fear and nerves that came with the relationship were overbearing and completely took over her thoughts. 
When you started crying, baby, I did too But when the sun came up, I was looking at you Remember when we couldn't take the heat? I walked out and said, "I'm setting you free" But the monsters turned out to be just trees When the sun came up, you were looking at me
I wanna cry this is so Nayoung and Keun, for god sakes... Finally they out of the woods kkkjkjk
All You Had To Do Was Stay
Anna and Kuen, I literally just thought of it. Before I thought of Haneul and Hyuntae, but honestly? Totally Anna and Kuen, I can literally see.
People like you always want back The love they gave away And people like me wanna believe you When you say you've changed The more I think about it now The less I know All I know is that you drove us Off the road
Yeah, I mean, I’m still out of words, I’m just trying to make my point cross effectively. 
Let me remind you This was what you wanted You ended it You were all I wanted  But not like this
Yes?? Also, she repeats the “stay” like a hundred times so, yeah.
Shake It Off
It is still Hailey to me, or just WNDR being goofyes in the dorm. Literally what Taylor says about this song just speaks to WNDR in a nutshell: I really wanted it to be a song that made people want to get up and dance at a wedding reception from the first drum beat. But I also wanted it to be a song that could help someone get through something really terrible if they wanted to focus on the emotional profile, on the lyrics.
But I keep cruisin' Can't stop, won't stop groovin' It's like I got this music in my mind Saying it's gonna be alright
So yeah, nothing more to say. 
I Wish You Would
I literally can’t stand the connections between Taylor’s songs and Harry anymore on genius, but here we go. This song is about while he was in the car making the decision to get out the car and see her, she was sitting in her bedroom, wishing he would make the move and go back to her and just pitch up at her house. She compared it to a classic John Hughes movie where both parties want the same thing but neither has the guts to say anything.... So it did kinda reminded me of Nayoung and Keun, can you blame me, no? BecUASE LITERALLY ALL THIS ALBNUM Oh MY gOD, This is so Bonghu and Sanchan breakup days too... 
I wish you would come back Wish I never hung up the phone like I did, I Wish you knew that I'd never forget you as long as I live, and I Wish you were right here, right now, it's all good
Like, shut up?? It’s totally young Bonghu and Sanchan, okay? Okay.
It's 2AM in my room Headlights pass the window pane I think of you We're a crooked love in a straight line down Makes you want to run and hide But it makes you turn right back around
Hahahah, I soooo I’m right, I don’t knowkkjl.
Bad Blood.
THIS IS CHIHYE AND INNA. OH. MY. GOD. THIS IS SO CHIHYE AND INNA. ALSO. THIS IS 7SINS TO JULIE. KKKK IM DYING. Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?‘ she did something so horrible. I was like, ‘Oh, we’re just straight-up enemies.’ .... 7SINS ABOUT JULIE, AND CHIHYE AND INNA ABOUT Hmm NothING THEY JUST BITTER (MAYBE BC BOTH MARRIED PYONGHO AND ONE LITERALLY FOR NOTJISNJKJ)
Did you have to do this? I was thinking that you could be trusted Did you have to ruin what was shiny? Now it's all rusted Did you have to hit me where I'm weak?
I mean Julie literally kind of destroyed 7sins so I can see the point of anger, and Chihye is just a bitch so yeah...
Band-aids don't fix bullet holes You say sorry just for show If you live like that, you live with ghosts
Yes girls, that’s why them, in the end, make peace with each other is all good SPB is the bitch here c’mon... And I mean Chihye and Inna were never “friends” again because they never really saw each other again but Inna always made an effort and still wanted Chihye to be alright? So it’s true she lives with ghosts, she went nuts... But I wonder now if their friendship never ended because off status and guy problems, maybe... just maybe... Chihye would have moved on for a better life and maybe even Nayoung wouldn’t have been born and things would be good. In the other hand, 7sins was built to break because SPB was poor and hanging by a string, so all that shit just was the point of the iceberg so it was fine judging Julie for a while because she didn’t take it personally and when things were revealed that it indeed was for the best, they didn’t share grudges and just moved on with their lives like they were supposed to. 
Wildest Dreams.
We literally just talk about her, I mean Chihye is every tragic story about Taylor.. But, in a way, this could also be about Inna and Pyongho, or Lian and Chihye, it depends on the day. ALSO COULD BE OH MY GOD ARAKI AND KAYNKKKJ, yes. 
He said, "Let's get out of this town Drive out of this city, away from the crowds" I thought, "Heaven can't help me now" Nothing lasts forever But this is gonna take me down
OH, YES BRING ME THE TRAGIC BRING ME THE PAIN BRING ME THE SAD AND MEMORIES AND LONG LASTING LOVE AND YEEEEAAAAH. I’ll shut up.
He's so tall and handsome as hell He's so bad, but he does it so well I can see the end as it begins My one condition is
This just applies to Lian and Kayn, oh what a combination. Maybe not even them because they are nice too.
You'll see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night Burnin' it down Someday when you leave me, I'd bet these memories Follow you around
Yes, Araki and Kayn & Lian and Chihye all in one song. Maybe I was just crazy with Pyongho and Inna, I don’t know, I get crazy all the time. This verse made me want to answer one of smutty times between Araki and Kayn, because literally all they do is fuck and miss each other.
How You Get The Girl
Finally, you are here Haneul and Hyuntae, I’ve waited to talk about how much this song is them because... You will see it. First Taylor says: It’s written for a guy who has broken up with his girlfriend, then wants her back after six months. But it’s not going to be as simple as sending a text like, ‘Sup? Miss you.’ That won’t work. You need to do all the things I say.
Stand there like a ghost Shaking from the rain, rain She'll open up the door and say, "Are you insane?" Say it's been a long six months And you were too afraid to tell her what you want
It wasn’t exactly like that, but a girl can imagine and not everything has to be right. First, because that’s literally Hyuntae realizing he did things wrong and missed his timing to explain things, but Haneul is just pissed at his ass. 
I want you for worse or for better I would wait forever and ever Broke your heart, I'll put it back together I would wait forever and ever
Like I said, it wasn’t exactly like that but it was pretty similar. 
Remind her how it used to be, be, yeah-yeah With pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks, cheeks Tell her how you must have lost your mind, ooh-ooh When you left her all alone And never told her why, why
I meAN, I MEAN??? CmOn. I love the “pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks” because it’s so cheesy and so Haneul and Hyuntae when they were dating, they probably do have pictures like that on their cellphones and at a time Haneul’s cheesy ass must even have one framed to give to Hyuntae. AND YOU LEFT HER ALL ALONE AND NEVER TOLD HER WHY, cmOn, yeah?kkjk Also lost your mind, yes, it was the anxiety talking, not Hyuntae, makes sense...
Anyways, I love this cheesy song because the beat, the lyrics, everything reminds me of Haneul and Hyuntae’s relationship not only as lovers but as friends too, you know? Yeah *sobs*
This Love
Oh, it’s Lian and Chihye again. Okay, let me think... yeah, can’t... Yeah. Also I was just about to go to the other song, when I thought “maybe this is Taewoon and Hojin” and then all of sudden... This is also Hansol and Chan-u.
This love is good, this love is bad This love is alive back from the dead, oh-oh, oh These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me, oh-oh, oh
The sad melody, the way Taylor is whispering? I mean, almost makes me wanna cry because I love young Lian and Chihye just trying to survive. (( I also love young and innocent Hansol with wicked and confused Chan-u, how they managed to survive and still get married and shit? wHO KnoWS
Tossing, turning Struggled through the night with someone new And I could go on and on, on and on Lantern, burning Flickered in my mind, only you But you were still gone, gone, gone
Totally Chihye about being with Pyongho but wanting to be with Lian... LeT IT GO, GO IN TO THE LIGHT CHIHYEEEEEEE
Your kiss, my cheek I watched you leave Your smile, my ghost I fell to my knees When you're young, you just run But you come back to what you need
*sOBS*, this part is so sad what the fuckkkjk. DIE CHIHYE DIE I CANT TAKE YOUR SADNESS IN THIS ALBUM ANYMOre for god sakes. “when youre young, you just run but you come back to what you need” sounds like a board name,, OH MY GOD THIS COULD ALSO BE TAEWOON AND HOJIN OH MY GODKKKJK shut up ..... Hansol and Chan-u got married and Chihye is dead, get over it, life is good xd
I Know Places
I don’t really listen nor like this song, but the lyrics reminded me of Julie and Valak, i’m telling this album is about the terrible and twisted people. ALSO YURA AND CHIYO TOO BECAUSE THEY ARE GAY AND MEDIA IS A BITCH.
You stand with your hand on my waistline It's a scene and we're out here in plain sight I can hear them whisper as we pass by It's a bad sign, bad sign Something happens when everybody finds out See the vultures circling, dark clouds Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out It could burn out
This is also jenkai. 
Baby, I know places we won't be found And they'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down 'Cause I, I know places we can hide I know places, I know places
For Julie and Valak the place is his car, that’s my theory. And Yura and Chiyo is just Japan... (jenkai is that park at midnight & jongin’s car). Oh my god, when Julie and Valak were discovered by dispatch imagine everyone like “valak drives?”
They are the hunters, we are the foxes And we run Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it My love
I’m addicted to this song now. 
Clean
My god I don’t know 2/4 of this album. It’s... Hansol and Chan-u, now that I remembered of them I simply won’t forget.
The drought was the very worst  When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst It was months and months of back and forth  You're still all over me Like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore
See? I mean their relationship is very complicated, but according to genius this song is about getting over a heartbreak and moving on with your life to rediscover yourself and like Taylor said: When it did hit me, it was like, ‘Oh, I hope he’s doing well’. And nothing else. And you know how it is when you’re going through heartbreak. A heartbroken person is unlike any other person. Their time moves at a completely different pace than ours. It’s this mental, physical, emotional ache and feeling so conflicted. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, ‘Hello, beautiful. Good morning.’ You get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was. You replace these old habits with new habits, like texting your friends in a group chat all day and planning fun dinner parties and going out on adventures with your girlfriends, and then all of a sudden one day you’re in London and you realize you’ve been in the same place as your ex for two weeks and you’re fine. And you hope he’s fine. The first thought that came to my mind was – I’m finally clean....... Also, it reminded me of Haneul and Hyuntae. 
Ten months sober, I must admit Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it Ten months older, I won't give in Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it
I’m speechless for both ships. Also they both risk it so... hHAHAJKk Oh my god this is so Kaili getting over Julie too jkjkk jeez But finally what she says in the end sends me: The hidden message to Clean is “She lost him, but she found herself, and somehow that was everything.” This song is not just about losing someone you love – it’s also about losing yourself. Being clean is about moving on as a person and really taking care of yourself mentally.
Wonderland
How many songs are left for this, oh god... At this point I can only point Hansol and Chan-u too, I’m tired I’ve written to much. But because too: It is a description of a toxic relationship, from beginning to end. It uses the story of Alice In Wonderland as inspiration for the highs and lows of enjoying this state of relationship wanderlust, irrespective of negative consequences.
Didn't they tell us don't rush into things? Didn't you flash your green eyes at me? Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds? Ooh, didn't it all seem new and exciting? I felt your arms twistin' around me I should have slept with one eye open at night
I seriously can’t take the Harry Styles on Genius anymore... You read this, you tell me who ship it is: https://genius.com/4254518
You Are In Love
I love this song *michael’s meme*. Seriously, ugh. Dedicated to all my lovebirds with a happy and healthy relationship who had been missing here because this album is so so very tragic and I haven’t got my time to mention them properly. Specially: Zeev and Eleanor, Kaili and Raye, Mark and Hana, Minhye and Jukan, Jinhyung and Kyungri... Who else?
Morning, his place Burnt toast, Sunday You keep his shirt, he keeps his word And for once, you let go Of your fears and your ghosts One step, not much, but it said enough You kiss on sidewalks You fight and you talk
This reminded me of Eleanor and Zeev... 
One night, he wakes Strange look on his face Pauses, then says "You're my best friend" And you knew what it was, he is in love
And this... Minhye and Jukan.
You can hear it in the silence (silence), silence (silence), you You can feel it on the way home (way home), way home (way home), you You can see it with the lights out (lights out), lights out (lights out) You are in love, true love
And this... Jinhyung and Kyungri.
And so it goes You two are dancing in a snow globe, 'round and 'round And he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown And you understand now Why they lost their minds and fought the wars And why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words
Okay the “office downtown” reminded me of Keun and Nayoung... I’m telling, I love this song I just can’t pick one ship for it. Also this song Taylor wrote for her friends who are in love and this comment just cracked me up: Isn’t it much more likely (and adorable) to imagine Jack looking at a picture of Lena while he produces music in his home studio? kkkj 
New Romantics
THE BEST WAY TO FINISH THIS FINALLY CAUSE IM SO TIRED. LETS JUST LISTEN AND APPRECIATE FOR God sakes its been an hour.
just appreciate me screaming the lyrics of this song in telegram when it cames.
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kurtwarren54 · 4 years ago
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Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester
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Figured I would do an update on how the first trimester was for Baby 2! Things have been different and more intense the second time around! Excited to share the details with you below.
WEIGHT GAINED
I haven’t tracked my exact weight for JUST the first trimester but at my 16 week appt I had gained 9 pounds which my dr said was normal and on track! I will say the pounds started packing on WAY faster this second time around. Almost to the point I was freaked out. But you have to think that everything is growing and taking shape faster and as long as I am on track with my doctor I am feeling great. It is always also strange coming off fertility treatment into pregnancy because I am not fully myself. I had been doing fertility medication for almost a year and that always adds some start weight. But, like I said, it’s all part of my story. All part of my process. And honestly, the fact that I am here, it all doesn’t matter. I am so grateful to be pregnant and have a healthy baby!!
HOW I’M FEELING: PHYSICALLY
Nausea
GOOD GOD. My nausea was 10x worse this time around. At 6 weeks, I went on diclegis prescription for nausea and took 2 pills at night. Despite being on meds, I still struggled through most of my first trimester with extreme nausea. Luckily I did not have vomiting but man… the nausea was REALLY bad. To be honest with you, none of the “tricks” worked for me either. Sure snacks, small meals, ginger, etc etc but nope. Massive unrelenting nausea. The hardest part about it is that being the mom to a toddler means you don’t have the luxury of resting like you do as a first time pregnant woman. Having to take care of an active child while struggling with feeling ill is miserable. I have to thank Blake for pretty much taking over the minute he would be done with work to help me as I was doubled over on the couch. It was rough. And rough knowing just how long the first trimester is. What I did make sure to do was ALWAYS have a snack in the mid afternoon. If I didn’t have some kind of snack between 2-4pm, I would be even more miserable. Saltine crackers were always on my nightstand along with bold chex mix, and goldfish. 
Growing pains
I experienced some more intense round ligament pain in my groin area this time around. I noticed it mostly at night. Especially when I needed to lawn, or sneeze or make a bigger movement I would get a twitch of pain from it.
Pregnancy Brain
Like my first pregnancy, pregnancy brain is a REAL THING. I swear the moment I got pregnant my brain turned to mush. It’s hard to explain but I can’t remember anything to save my life. Lol!
Exhaustion
I was a new level of tired being pregnant and chasing a toddler. Truth be told being in a pandemic didn’t help either. Not being able to take him places etc. I was very tired but the sickness bothered me more than being tired.
Constipation
Sorry if that’s TMI but wow the constipation was bad this time around. The first month or two was tough and I know it also has alot to do with how much progesterone is in my body. Since I wasn’t drinking coffee after my transfer right away, it was extra tough. I always feel like coffee gets me moving. HA! I know. So much TMI. You’re welcome.
Baby bump
This time around I feel my belly popped out a lot sooner! At 14 weeks I feel I had a tiny little bump. I am sure I will look back and be like, WOW that wasn’t much of a bump but it’s when I felt there was a defined transformation. 
HOW I’M FEELING: MENTALLY
I think similarly to my first pregnancy, after so much loss (with each of our failed embryo transfers) you keep waiting and holding your breath as each week passes you by. Each week it’s own milestone. And you find yourself thinking, “Oh I will feel good once I hear the heart beat!” “Oh I will feel good when I hit the second trimester.” But really, I think there is always a sense of unease as you move through the process. I think it’s healthy to be a little bit nervous. It’s honest. I think things have just been more stressful with the fact that we are still in a global pandemic because of Covid-19. That has put alot of stress on us keeping our family safe during these times and staying as isolated as we can while also being aware of taking care of our mental health. We are very fortunate living where we do to be able to spend time together outdoors and that has been great for the mind and body. Really, I go to bed, and wake up every day just so damn grateful knowing that I am growing life and repeating to myself that I AM PREGNANT. And THIS IS OUR CHANCE. This is our miracle. It’s been such an emotional roller coaster to get to this point and really, despite any outside stressors buzzing around, I am just so grateful and smile so big everyday knowing that next Summer I get to make Otis a big brother. 
WHAT I’M EATING
First trimester for me was CARBS. CARBS and MORE CARBS. Honestly most days I barely had an appetite because of how sick I felt but I know how important it was to nourish my body. So I would basically have to force myself to have my meals. ESPECIALLY when it came to dinner. I had no appetite at all at night. It was bad.
That being said, I didn’t have any coffee for weeks. First off because I avoid caffeine after my embryo transfer and didn’t feel comfortable drinking it until after I heard the heartbeat. At a certain point, when my nausea would allow in the am and I was in the mood for coffee, I started to drink it again. I started with decaf but then had some headaches and my doctor always encourages me to have 1 cup of caffeine to help with my headaches. What I was drinking and couldn’t stop was bubble water (or carbonated water) whatever you like to call it. I usually prefer lukewarm drinks but this pregnancy I was craving ICED COLD bubble water. We actually ended up getting this carbonated water maker and we literally use it EVERY SINGLE DAY. For some reason the cold bubble water just helped with my nausea believe it of not.  
Thankfully eggs were a lifesaver for me and I could tolerate them. My favorite go to breakfast that didn’t make me want to throw up: a piece of toast, a tiny bit of mayo, and a sliced hard boiled egg with salt and pepper. I basically ate that every day. I also had a lot of bagels with cream cheese when I wasn’t feeling great. Food was just tough so we didn’t meal plan as much so I could eat more what I could stomach that day.
As the first trimester went on, I was able to eat more regularly. I always try to eat protein for breakfast (like egg) to help really nourish me. I also try to make smarter choices and slip some protein in my afternoon snack. My favorites: string cheese, chocolate covered almonds, toast or apples with almond butter. Don’t get me wrong, some days I have a bowl of chips, a cupcake, or something else that is naughty. I think it’s all about balance and sometimes, you just have to indulge.
HOW I’M SLEEPING
First trimester sleep was rough. With the waking up to pee almost every night that was one element. It’s likely the hormone changes that always get to me. Last pregnancy I had to take unisom to get some form of normal sleep. Since I started the diclegis at 6 weeks with 2 pills at night, I found that helped me sleep MUCH better. So for now, I am sleeping ok. Some nights are better than others. I do toss and turn alot. 
EXERCISE
I didn’t really work out at all till at least around 10-11 weeks. Of course I was doing my daily walks with Otis etc and getting my steps in and my blood pumping. But I wanted to take it easy and honestly I didn’t have the energy to do anything before then. Starting at 11 weeks I started short 10 minute workouts on my elliptical that we have in our garage and Blake got me for Christmas. I try to do that, or just walk briskly on our treadmill for 10-15 minutes. There are weeks I barely get 1 “workout” if you even want to call it that. Basically I just try to get my blood pumping whether I am walking for Otis’ morning walk or doing something else. I also started prenatal yoga class (virtually online) every week and its been music ot my soul. Great stretching and a great time for me to sit and connect with my body and the baby. It’s something I really enjoyed while pregnant with Otis so it’s a sense of comfort being able to participate even from my computer at home.
MEDS IM TAKING
For most of the first trimester, I stayed on alot of my IVF medications. I stayed on my prednisone steroids till 9 weeks and then weaned down my estrogen patches as well as weaned down to 1 progesterone injection a day. During this time, I did get some hormonal headaches with all the fluctuations but luckily they weren’t horrible and only lasted 2 days. I finally was able to stop all my meds (with the exception of baby aspirin and my diclegis) at my graduation appointment from the fertility clinic at 12 weeks!!! This was a HUGE milestone after literally doing injections and taking medications for almost a year in prep for each of my FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycles.
CHALLENGES
The biggest hurdles this pregnancy have been knowing and believing that feeling like crap would likely get better at the end of the first trimester. After a year of hormone meds, and then feeling awful my first trimester, a UTI, a yeast infection from the meds of the UTI (sorry TMI!!) I got to the point where being in my own skin was just frustrating. Being pregnant is a WILD things because your body is completely taken over. It’s beautiful in many ways and also still really emotionally challenging in others. I am so thankful to see the light at the end of the tunnel of the first tri. But anyone else that is “IN IT” my heart hugs yours mamas. It’s tough!!
WHAT I’M WEARING
I feel everything comes on sooner with the second pregnancy and the need for stretchy things came sooner. When it comes to leggings, I still wear my pre-pregnancy lululemon align leggings which are high rise and so stretchy as well as my alo leggings that are really soft and a little lower rise. Both still fit comfortably and fit over my growing body. Toward the end of my first trimester, I ended up buying these maternity leggings from beyond yoga and I LOVE them. They feel like second skin and are so buttery soft. They come all the way up over your bump or you can also fold it down to go under. Highly suggest them as they are SO comfy.
Also because I don’t leave my house often (because of Covid-19) I wear a ton of sweats. These sets from Michael Stars have been a guilty pleasure because they are SO soft and made of terry material. I also love my sweat set from Tan Lines that Sivan sent over. The material is SO soft and I feel like a cool mom in them. Although Blake made fun of my crop top sweater. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT IS COOL!!! I do enjoy wearing more cropped tops when pregnant to let the belly have it’s little bit of room. I did end up getting one pair of maternity denim from jbrand that actually fit great toward the end of my first trimester also. Will report back when I wear them out. Equally stretchy too.
I did buy 3 bras from skims that I have been loving too. This scoop bra, this triangle bra and this nursing bra are all GREAT. I wanted to see what the hype was about with this brand and I have to say the materials are ON POINT. VERY comfy. If you plan to order, SIZE UP and size up big time. I got at least size L in everything because my boobs are enormous now and I feel their stuff runs small. I also have a ton of bras from Otis’ pregnancy. From last pregnancy, I have my hatch and bravado bras that I wear weekly also.
It’s different for the second pregnancy because you start showing and feeling bigger sooner (at least in my case) so you are in that in between period of not fully having a bump but feeling large and awkward if that makes sense. I have to say, a perk of pandemic life is the fact that I am mostly in lounge wear so I have been able to avoid real clothes for most of the first trimester aside from doctors appointments etc.
SELF LOVE
First trimester was just really challenging with not feeling well constantly. Hard to give yourself self love, in a pandemic, with no childcare help. If anything, I tried to listen to my body, and lay down when Otis was napping and try my best to give my body the much needed rest it was craving. Nearing the end of the first tri, showers and a blow dry were my self care routine and even an at home mani/pedi. Feeling better was already such a treat and allowed me the time to do some other things for myself. I think it’s just so important to listen to your body and slow down when you need it. 
FIRST TRIMESTER PURCHASES
Purchases for me:
Skims scoop bra
Skim maternity nursing bra
Skims triangle bra
Beyond yoga maternity capri leggings
Aarke water carbonator
Lululemon align leggings
Summer fridays babymoon belly balm
Purchases for baby:
Kyte baby rainbow onesie
Kyte baby toddler blanket
Moby mickey wrap (blake bought this for me!)
Letterfolk sign
Masongrey baby bundle
BABY PREPARATIONS
So we didn’t do much to prep for baby in the first trimester except for me sharing our good news with my good friend (and interior design guru) Anne! She helped to plan out the interiors of our whole home including master bedroom, living and dining rooms, and most recently Otis’ nursery. I basically texted her and forced her to dream up Baby #2 nursery ideas so we are currently working on that! IT’S GOING TO BE EPIC.
WHAT’S NEXT
I am looking forward to more ultrasounds!!!! I can not WAIT for my anatomy scan at 20 weeks to get some more face time with baby. Other than that, it’s check off each week as an incredible milestone and try to remain as active as I can to help get my body strong for delivery again. It’s exciting to near the half mark and be buying things for baby, talking to Otis about the baby and just imagining our life together as a family. I honestly am still in shock everyday. I feel lucky everyday. Our rainbows have brighten out life immensely and I am so excited to continue to share our journey with you all. Big love from all of us.
The post Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.
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elizabethcariasa · 4 years ago
Text
Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester
Tumblr media
Figured I would do an update on how the first trimester was for Baby 2! Things have been different and more intense the second time around! Excited to share the details with you below.
WEIGHT GAINED
I haven’t tracked my exact weight for JUST the first trimester but at my 16 week appt I had gained 9 pounds which my dr said was normal and on track! I will say the pounds started packing on WAY faster this second time around. Almost to the point I was freaked out. But you have to think that everything is growing and taking shape faster and as long as I am on track with my doctor I am feeling great. It is always also strange coming off fertility treatment into pregnancy because I am not fully myself. I had been doing fertility medication for almost a year and that always adds some start weight. But, like I said, it’s all part of my story. All part of my process. And honestly, the fact that I am here, it all doesn’t matter. I am so grateful to be pregnant and have a healthy baby!!
HOW I’M FEELING: PHYSICALLY
Nausea
GOOD GOD. My nausea was 10x worse this time around. At 6 weeks, I went on diclegis prescription for nausea and took 2 pills at night. Despite being on meds, I still struggled through most of my first trimester with extreme nausea. Luckily I did not have vomiting but man… the nausea was REALLY bad. To be honest with you, none of the “tricks” worked for me either. Sure snacks, small meals, ginger, etc etc but nope. Massive unrelenting nausea. The hardest part about it is that being the mom to a toddler means you don’t have the luxury of resting like you do as a first time pregnant woman. Having to take care of an active child while struggling with feeling ill is miserable. I have to thank Blake for pretty much taking over the minute he would be done with work to help me as I was doubled over on the couch. It was rough. And rough knowing just how long the first trimester is. What I did make sure to do was ALWAYS have a snack in the mid afternoon. If I didn’t have some kind of snack between 2-4pm, I would be even more miserable. Saltine crackers were always on my nightstand along with bold chex mix, and goldfish. 
Growing pains
I experienced some more intense round ligament pain in my groin area this time around. I noticed it mostly at night. Especially when I needed to lawn, or sneeze or make a bigger movement I would get a twitch of pain from it.
Pregnancy Brain
Like my first pregnancy, pregnancy brain is a REAL THING. I swear the moment I got pregnant my brain turned to mush. It’s hard to explain but I can’t remember anything to save my life. Lol!
Exhaustion
I was a new level of tired being pregnant and chasing a toddler. Truth be told being in a pandemic didn’t help either. Not being able to take him places etc. I was very tired but the sickness bothered me more than being tired.
Constipation
Sorry if that’s TMI but wow the constipation was bad this time around. The first month or two was tough and I know it also has alot to do with how much progesterone is in my body. Since I wasn’t drinking coffee after my transfer right away, it was extra tough. I always feel like coffee gets me moving. HA! I know. So much TMI. You’re welcome.
Baby bump
This time around I feel my belly popped out a lot sooner! At 14 weeks I feel I had a tiny little bump. I am sure I will look back and be like, WOW that wasn’t much of a bump but it’s when I felt there was a defined transformation. 
HOW I’M FEELING: MENTALLY
I think similarly to my first pregnancy, after so much loss (with each of our failed embryo transfers) you keep waiting and holding your breath as each week passes you by. Each week it’s own milestone. And you find yourself thinking, “Oh I will feel good once I hear the heart beat!” “Oh I will feel good when I hit the second trimester.” But really, I think there is always a sense of unease as you move through the process. I think it’s healthy to be a little bit nervous. It’s honest. I think things have just been more stressful with the fact that we are still in a global pandemic because of Covid-19. That has put alot of stress on us keeping our family safe during these times and staying as isolated as we can while also being aware of taking care of our mental health. We are very fortunate living where we do to be able to spend time together outdoors and that has been great for the mind and body. Really, I go to bed, and wake up every day just so damn grateful knowing that I am growing life and repeating to myself that I AM PREGNANT. And THIS IS OUR CHANCE. This is our miracle. It’s been such an emotional roller coaster to get to this point and really, despite any outside stressors buzzing around, I am just so grateful and smile so big everyday knowing that next Summer I get to make Otis a big brother. 
WHAT I’M EATING
First trimester for me was CARBS. CARBS and MORE CARBS. Honestly most days I barely had an appetite because of how sick I felt but I know how important it was to nourish my body. So I would basically have to force myself to have my meals. ESPECIALLY when it came to dinner. I had no appetite at all at night. It was bad.
That being said, I didn’t have any coffee for weeks. First off because I avoid caffeine after my embryo transfer and didn’t feel comfortable drinking it until after I heard the heartbeat. At a certain point, when my nausea would allow in the am and I was in the mood for coffee, I started to drink it again. I started with decaf but then had some headaches and my doctor always encourages me to have 1 cup of caffeine to help with my headaches. What I was drinking and couldn’t stop was bubble water (or carbonated water) whatever you like to call it. I usually prefer lukewarm drinks but this pregnancy I was craving ICED COLD bubble water. We actually ended up getting this carbonated water maker and we literally use it EVERY SINGLE DAY. For some reason the cold bubble water just helped with my nausea believe it of not.  
Thankfully eggs were a lifesaver for me and I could tolerate them. My favorite go to breakfast that didn’t make me want to throw up: a piece of toast, a tiny bit of mayo, and a sliced hard boiled egg with salt and pepper. I basically ate that every day. I also had a lot of bagels with cream cheese when I wasn’t feeling great. Food was just tough so we didn’t meal plan as much so I could eat more what I could stomach that day.
As the first trimester went on, I was able to eat more regularly. I always try to eat protein for breakfast (like egg) to help really nourish me. I also try to make smarter choices and slip some protein in my afternoon snack. My favorites: string cheese, chocolate covered almonds, toast or apples with almond butter. Don’t get me wrong, some days I have a bowl of chips, a cupcake, or something else that is naughty. I think it’s all about balance and sometimes, you just have to indulge.
HOW I’M SLEEPING
First trimester sleep was rough. With the waking up to pee almost every night that was one element. It’s likely the hormone changes that always get to me. Last pregnancy I had to take unisom to get some form of normal sleep. Since I started the diclegis at 6 weeks with 2 pills at night, I found that helped me sleep MUCH better. So for now, I am sleeping ok. Some nights are better than others. I do toss and turn alot. 
EXERCISE
I didn’t really work out at all till at least around 10-11 weeks. Of course I was doing my daily walks with Otis etc and getting my steps in and my blood pumping. But I wanted to take it easy and honestly I didn’t have the energy to do anything before then. Starting at 11 weeks I started short 10 minute workouts on my elliptical that we have in our garage and Blake got me for Christmas. I try to do that, or just walk briskly on our treadmill for 10-15 minutes. There are weeks I barely get 1 “workout” if you even want to call it that. Basically I just try to get my blood pumping whether I am walking for Otis’ morning walk or doing something else. I also started prenatal yoga class (virtually online) every week and its been music ot my soul. Great stretching and a great time for me to sit and connect with my body and the baby. It’s something I really enjoyed while pregnant with Otis so it’s a sense of comfort being able to participate even from my computer at home.
MEDS IM TAKING
For most of the first trimester, I stayed on alot of my IVF medications. I stayed on my prednisone steroids till 9 weeks and then weaned down my estrogen patches as well as weaned down to 1 progesterone injection a day. During this time, I did get some hormonal headaches with all the fluctuations but luckily they weren’t horrible and only lasted 2 days. I finally was able to stop all my meds (with the exception of baby aspirin and my diclegis) at my graduation appointment from the fertility clinic at 12 weeks!!! This was a HUGE milestone after literally doing injections and taking medications for almost a year in prep for each of my FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycles.
CHALLENGES
The biggest hurdles this pregnancy have been knowing and believing that feeling like crap would likely get better at the end of the first trimester. After a year of hormone meds, and then feeling awful my first trimester, a UTI, a yeast infection from the meds of the UTI (sorry TMI!!) I got to the point where being in my own skin was just frustrating. Being pregnant is a WILD things because your body is completely taken over. It’s beautiful in many ways and also still really emotionally challenging in others. I am so thankful to see the light at the end of the tunnel of the first tri. But anyone else that is “IN IT” my heart hugs yours mamas. It’s tough!!
WHAT I’M WEARING
I feel everything comes on sooner with the second pregnancy and the need for stretchy things came sooner. When it comes to leggings, I still wear my pre-pregnancy lululemon align leggings which are high rise and so stretchy as well as my alo leggings that are really soft and a little lower rise. Both still fit comfortably and fit over my growing body. Toward the end of my first trimester, I ended up buying these maternity leggings from beyond yoga and I LOVE them. They feel like second skin and are so buttery soft. They come all the way up over your bump or you can also fold it down to go under. Highly suggest them as they are SO comfy.
Also because I don’t leave my house often (because of Covid-19) I wear a ton of sweats. These sets from Michael Stars have been a guilty pleasure because they are SO soft and made of terry material. I also love my sweat set from Tan Lines that Sivan sent over. The material is SO soft and I feel like a cool mom in them. Although Blake made fun of my crop top sweater. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT IS COOL!!! I do enjoy wearing more cropped tops when pregnant to let the belly have it’s little bit of room. I did end up getting one pair of maternity denim from jbrand that actually fit great toward the end of my first trimester also. Will report back when I wear them out. Equally stretchy too.
I did buy 3 bras from skims that I have been loving too. This scoop bra, this triangle bra and this nursing bra are all GREAT. I wanted to see what the hype was about with this brand and I have to say the materials are ON POINT. VERY comfy. If you plan to order, SIZE UP and size up big time. I got at least size L in everything because my boobs are enormous now and I feel their stuff runs small. I also have a ton of bras from Otis’ pregnancy. From last pregnancy, I have my hatch and bravado bras that I wear weekly also.
It’s different for the second pregnancy because you start showing and feeling bigger sooner (at least in my case) so you are in that in between period of not fully having a bump but feeling large and awkward if that makes sense. I have to say, a perk of pandemic life is the fact that I am mostly in lounge wear so I have been able to avoid real clothes for most of the first trimester aside from doctors appointments etc.
SELF LOVE
First trimester was just really challenging with not feeling well constantly. Hard to give yourself self love, in a pandemic, with no childcare help. If anything, I tried to listen to my body, and lay down when Otis was napping and try my best to give my body the much needed rest it was craving. Nearing the end of the first tri, showers and a blow dry were my self care routine and even an at home mani/pedi. Feeling better was already such a treat and allowed me the time to do some other things for myself. I think it’s just so important to listen to your body and slow down when you need it. 
FIRST TRIMESTER PURCHASES
Purchases for me:
Skims scoop bra
Skim maternity nursing bra
Skims triangle bra
Beyond yoga maternity capri leggings
Aarke water carbonator
Lululemon align leggings
Summer fridays babymoon belly balm
Purchases for baby:
Kyte baby rainbow onesie
Kyte baby toddler blanket
Moby mickey wrap (blake bought this for me!)
Letterfolk sign
Masongrey baby bundle
BABY PREPARATIONS
So we didn’t do much to prep for baby in the first trimester except for me sharing our good news with my good friend (and interior design guru) Anne! She helped to plan out the interiors of our whole home including master bedroom, living and dining rooms, and most recently Otis’ nursery. I basically texted her and forced her to dream up Baby #2 nursery ideas so we are currently working on that! IT’S GOING TO BE EPIC.
WHAT’S NEXT
I am looking forward to more ultrasounds!!!! I can not WAIT for my anatomy scan at 20 weeks to get some more face time with baby. Other than that, it’s check off each week as an incredible milestone and try to remain as active as I can to help get my body strong for delivery again. It’s exciting to near the half mark and be buying things for baby, talking to Otis about the baby and just imagining our life together as a family. I honestly am still in shock everyday. I feel lucky everyday. Our rainbows have brighten out life immensely and I am so excited to continue to share our journey with you all. Big love from all of us.
The post Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.
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trashy-greyjoy · 7 years ago
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am i the only one who lost complete faith in bellarke the shows been om air for 4 years and the one final opportunity they had to kiss shouldve been right b4 they separated for 6 years they both were walking into their potential deaths and it just makes no sense how there wasnt at least a confession. then i remembered the writers are still pandering to antis who never shut up so it pretty much made me think that legit every small moment that has been given to us is bait for us to stay watching
2/2 you seem like one of the voice of reasons in the fandom and i just had to get it off my chest im just pretty sure the writers are baiting us all along for when they bring you know who back in the series finale or something its so sad bc we stuck around for so long and idk im pretty sure everyone has this feeling that bellarke will never happen so the antis will be happy. i wish theyd realize most of general audience prefers bellarke idk im just sad i wasted my time on this show for 4 yrs
Hello nonny! Not worry I am here to restore your faith in all things canon blarke and s5 is our time! I totally feel your pain, sometimes even I get in those ‘blarke is never gonna fuck what’s even the point’ moods, but i have some long ranting posts ill shoot your way so you have some things to think about and hopefully it'll raise your spirits! (also you saying I'm a voice of reason made me laugh because in all honesty I'm a huge emo mess )
About the kiss being in the s4 finale. at first I really thought it would happen too, since if they think they're gonna die they should confess and make out, except, they didn't think that, at least Bellamy didn't. He thought they were gonna have 5 years of the 2 of them stuck in space to figure it out and be together so he didn't feel the pressure to have to confess before they went up. Clarke probably didn't do anything because she was almost certain she was going to die and she probably didn't want to put all that on Bellamy if he was just going to lose her anyway. Thats especially easy to notice if you pay attention to the face caress scene where she seems light hearted and happy looking at him and then she remembers her mom’s vision. And if you recall there were two separate instances where one of them tried to either confess or say goodbye and the other wouldn't let them (Bellamy before clarke went to the island and Clarke before the head and heart convo). ALSO leaving the confession up in the air gives the opportunity for them to add a lot of conflict with bellamy not getting to tell her going into next season. So when you think about that, it makes a lot of sense for them not to have kissed in the finale.
About the writers pandering to a certain audience, I agree. they name dropped L at unnecessary and excessive points last season to pacify the antis as best as they could. I get it, I hated it, it hurt Clarke’s character, and it wasn’t needed, but like i get what they were trying to do, unsuccessfully. HOWEVER I don't think that'll be a problem going forward. The time jump allows time for Clarke to have grieved and moved on in the last 6 years. She’s not fresh off the loss of a loved one and she’s been able to come into herself and move on essentially. AND the writers have been active on Twitter, and talking about Bellarke for the first time since S2 which is a big deal. They’re out of their Post-L Hibernation and they feel safe, well at least safer, talking about Bellarke on social media, meaning they’ve moved on from trying to pacify the antis in that regard. I think we’re pretty much over seeing them directly pandering to the CL’s at this point. 
Running off of that there’s also the scripts that the writers release, which have so far been pretty Bellarke heavy with the “another piece of her soul on the line”, “kill another person who she loves”, every part of the finale scripts and Bellamy’s “heart screaming”. Like... they released a script canonically saying Clarke loves Bellamy (and in a romantic way since the only other person she loved that she killed in canon was Finn). They’re putting it out there.
There’s no way they’re going to bring L back. Jason said she’s dead and not coming back. ABC has said it. And she’s trying to stay as far away from this show and that character as possible right now, she’s moved on she’s not going to come back. 
As for baiting, yeah they stretch it out and a lot of people think 4 season is unrealistic, but I say time and time again, when you look at canon slow burns and how long they take, 4 seasons, not even full seasons let me remind you, is child’s play. Mulder and Scully took 7 seasons to kiss and almost the whole 9 seasons to be fully canon on the show. Stiles and Lydia took 6 seasons to be canon, Rick and Michonne took 4ish seasons to go canon (still more episodes than The 100′s current 58). Booth and Brennan, Fitz and Simmons, Harvey and Donna (I see you Ana), Ron and Hermione, they all took years and almost twice as long as Bellarke have. It’s how television works. It’s annoying and it’s unrealistic a lot of the times, but its a trope, it follows a pattern, it’s how television shows grab a certain type of viewers and and ensure that they can keep them for the run of the show. Because it’s widely believed by the tv industry that once the ‘will they won't they’ aspect is gone, viewers lose interest so they string it out as long as they think they can. Whether its true or not thats how it works. 
There are also two more major reasons I think, or rather I know, Bellarke are endgame. The 6 Year Separation, and the fact that That’s The Story Jason Is Writing. 
I have separate long posts for these on my blog so I’ll be brief and link those for further reading, but to start off, extended separations are romantic tropes. Being separated for years and thinking the other person is or could be dead is a tried and true romantic Hollywood trope. Almost every example of this in entertainment, be it tv, books, or film, has romantic connotations surrounding it. The entire post about it can be found right here, if you want the low down, which I suggest. I list off other examples and proof in it. 
Moving towards Jason writing romantic Bellarke, it’s what he’s doing. If you look back at all the pivotal ‘Bellarke’ scenes in the past, Jason or Aaron have written a good portion of those episodes. Jason, the show runner, and Aaron, the guy he was ready to have take over if his other show got picked up. That combined with how many times he’s said that this is ‘Clarke and Bellamy’s story’ and in the past (S1-2) how free he was when speaking about Bellarke on social media. It’s always been the plan. He just likes to pull a Chris Carter (show runner of The X-Files, and the OG JRoth) and try to drag it out and deny it as much as possible. Seriously look up some of the stuff CC has said about Mulder and Scully in the past and it fits the same pattern. You can find the full post right here, where I give quotes and explain everything further. 
Taking a turn for a second, you can also think about the fact that tv shows almost NEVER put their big endgame together until the end of the show is approaching, especially if it’s between the two series mains. They don’t give that to you early on, that’s why most bigger ships in tv are at least partially slow burn, they don’t put the big couples together in the first season or two.
And I guess to close out, you can think about the fact that S1 Bellamy is set up as a romantic interest for Clarke from the beginning. His character and their relationship follow the ‘enemy/bad boy isn't actually that bad and actually has a heart and realizes that when he meets the good girl that challenges him’ like come on my guys... they’re set up as a trope from episode 2 when he saves her, and then episode 3 when he stares at her killing Atom and he gets all soft and realizes she’s not who he thought she was. It even comes complete with the jealous canon love interest and the ‘we’ve been through a lot together”
Never mind, I have one more point. Look at the sizzle reel for next season. It’s set up to make Bellarke look romantic or at least intimately connected. I have another long post for that one right here. 
I hope that did the trick for reassuring you at least partially and now we can all stew in this hellatus for a few more months before this hell shit returns to us!
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nightskytypes · 6 years ago
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I got another huge step done and I should be happy and proud. And im trying. But lately i’ve been made fun of way too much I fucking hate how worthless its made me feel. I’ve been wandering though this haze for months now. I’ve had this horrible black pit in my chest for longer than I can remember that my days just blur together like Im daydreaming. I can barely remember anything Ive done in the day unless ive had someone around to keep me rooted. I wake up and go from being okay to the pit pulling me in full force from even the nicest of dreams. “ Oh yea. im just trash again.” “Ah thats right. I got made fun of again.” ”Right. I cant say anything or i’ll just be tormented.” Ive gotten so used to it I cant even remember what its like to have someone genuinely want to hear my day, or the things I get excited about and not be told im too loud or some short uninterested response. I dont even remember what its really like to be treated nicely unless its connected to my looks or body and someone wants something out of me. I spend months trying to be more positive and improve my attitude, try new things and be happier though life not working out and I just get inevitably told how much of a piece of shit I am for not being better or faster or smarter and I just always ruin everything. any Attempt to be sweet or positive gets annoyed reactions and overpowered by negative moods.  I dont feel like me anymore. Im always sad. Im always holding back crying. I spend nights alone struggling with thoughts of just giving up. Thoughts of what the point is because Im never good enough. Nothing I ever do or try will ever work out. I feel like theres just string holding me up at this point and its close to snapping. A bullet with my name on it is just so much more of a drive than “You’re going to make it. Things will turn out and you’ll smile wholeheartedly again”  im nothing but a giant waste of fucking oxygen someone better could be using. “it’ll get better” feels like a dream. I dont feel like I deserve anyone because Im struggling with school and work and its bullshit. I deserve it as much as anyone. Im trying so fucking hard. Ive been doing nothing but aiming for the same goal and sacrificing so much for it. I just want to be happy. I just want to laugh and smile and joke around. I want to be loud and dance. I just want to hold someones hand and tell them stories ive read through the day or hear them tell me of their life and feel safe and cared about. I dont knwo who the person in the mirror is anymore. im so fucking broken down and beaten and I just dont want to be alive anymore.
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