#im not impressed by every guitarist anymore

[casimirsstache]

Be your own dream man and learn guitar

[bamgyuuuri]

May I request a Beomgyu x alt singer!reader?

Kai finally forms the band he’s been dreaming of and introduces his friend group(txt) to the band members before a gig. I’ve rarely seen fics that have the reader as the alt band member, normally it’s the other way around and I think you’d do great with this scenario!! It being in Gyu’s pov would be great to see his reaction/attraction to her. The piercings and dark tones, similar to ox1=lovesong gyu. Thank you!!!🖤 absolutely love your writing style

Sorry that this is long or doesn’t make sense😭

⸝⸝ she plays bass ┈ cbg.

⸝⸝ now playing : she plays bass - beabadoobee

pairings and tags. altsinger!reader x admirer!beomgyu. love at first sight . beomgyu is absolutely and hilariously whipped . meet-cute . band shenanigans . underground music scene-esque

word count. 4.3k

short note! HIII AAAA thank you so much for this req omg im so sorry this took so so long <////3 i hope this is to your liking !!! i tried a little something different for the way i wrote this too so please do lmk what you think ~~

alt!reader, clad in a ripped mesh top over a cropped band tee, her plaid skirt layered over fishnet tights, heavy platform boots clicking against the pavement. silver rings adorned her fingers, chunky chains around her neck, an eyebrow piercing glinting under the dim venue lights. 

kai caught sight of her immediately, eyes widening as if he had just discovered a hidden gem. without hesitation, he strode over, curiosity buzzing in his voice as he asked, “do you play anything? sing, maybe? my band needs someone like you.”

alt!reader, who, despite the intimidating dark makeup and sharp aesthetic, grinned so brightly it made kai blink. oh, he thought. she’s cute. “ah, i can sing, and i play bass too!” she said, her voice laced with excitement. kai nearly whooped, clapping his hands together before grabbing her arm. “you’re in. no take-backs.”

alt!reader, who showed up to their first rehearsal with her bass slung over her shoulder, the strap decorated with a mix of pins—some band logos, some just random little trinkets that probably had stories behind them. kai had expected her to be more reserved, but she fit in immediately, laughing with the drummer within minutes, teasing him about his tempo.

“it’s supposed to sound like a heartbeat, not like you’re summoning a demon,” she quipped, smirking.

the lead guitarist snorted. “talk big, but let’s see if you can actually play, rockstar.”

she did. and she was good.

but then she sang.

and suddenly, good wasn’t the right word anymore.

her voice was rich, effortlessly smooth, with this raw, husky edge that sent chills down their spines. it wasn’t just strong—it was soulful, the kind that lingered, that made you feel every note deep in your chest. the moment she opened her mouth, the energy in the room shifted, the air growing heavier with something indescribable.

the drummer, who had been leaning against his kit with arms crossed, straightened. the lead guitarist, mid-strum, fumbled a chord, eyes snapping up to her like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. and kai—kai just grinned, wide and triumphant, as if he had struck gold.

“holy shit,” the drummer breathed.

alt!reader, who didn’t even seem to realize the way she had just stunned them into silence, finished the verse with an easy smile. “was that okay?”

“okay?” kai sputtered, half-laughing. “you just obliterated us.”

the days leading up to their first gig blurred into a whirlwind of rehearsals, late-night music discussions, and endless inside jokes. kai was quick to text alt!reader memes about bassists getting overshadowed (she always replied with a dramatic “T_T”), the lead guitarist gave her pointers on performing, and the drummer—grudgingly impressed—finally admitted, “okay, you might actually be cooler than kai.”

alt!reader, who always showed up in some new variation of her signature look—some days it was a shredded fishnet top over a vintage band tee, other days a plaid mini skirt with safety pins fastened haphazardly along the hem. her accessories were never the same, either; she rotated between spiked chokers, stacked silver chains, and chunky bracelets that clanked against her bass when she played. kai couldn’t help but wonder if she had an endless wardrobe of ripped tights and combat boots.

but the biggest contradiction? she was sweet. unbearably sweet.

despite her sharp eyeliner and leather jackets, she was the kind of person who brought snacks to practice without being asked, stuffing a bag of candy into kai’s hands with a nonchalant, “figured you’d forget to eat.” she’d send good morning texts in the group chat, complete with emojis, and gave the drummer a comforting pat on the back whenever he got frustrated with a beat.

alt!reader would chew on the end of her guitar pick when thinking, doodle song lyrics in the margins of her notebook (sometimes with tiny, smiling doodles beside them), and could never say no when an other band member complained about carrying equipment. “fine, fine, i got it,” she’d sigh, dramatically rolling her eyes—but then she’d take the amp without hesitation.

“you do realize you’re ruining your entire intimidating vibe, right?” kai teased once, watching her tie up the drummer’s shoelace because he hadn’t noticed it was undone.

“what vibe?” she blinked, tilting her head.

kai simply sighed. this girl has no idea how cool she is.

then the night of the gig arrived.

the venue buzzed with anticipation, the walls lined with stickers and scrawled signatures from past performers. neon lights flickered overhead, casting a hazy glow against the graffiti-splattered walls. kai could hear the low murmur of the crowd beyond the stage, the occasional burst of laughter, the clinking of drinks against sticky counters.

backstage, their small green room was packed with an energy that was half excitement, half nerves. the drummer tapped an anxious rhythm against his thigh, the lead guitarist double-checked his tuning for what had to be the fifth time, and kai, keyboardist extraordinaire, paced the length of the room with his hands clasped together like he was deep in prayer.

“we’re not about to die out there,” alt!reader teased, watching kai with amusement as she lounged against the armrest of a battered couch.

kai stopped mid-pace, pointing at her. “says the person who’s been chilling like she’s about to play an after-school talent show instead of our first real gig.”

she shrugged, adjusting the strap of her bass as if she hadn’t a single care in the world. “i mean, i did say i wasn’t nervous.”

the drummer let out a low whistle. “wish i had whatever confidence potion you’re drinking.”

she grinned, offering him a fingerless-gloved fist bump. “it’s called believing in the fact that we’re actually good.”

the lead guitarist snorted. “or maybe you’re just built different.”

alt!reader, who was looking every bit the part of the effortlessly cool rockstar—shredded tights, oversized band tee slipping off one shoulder, dark lipstick slightly smudged from the hours before, silver rings gleaming against her fingers—flashed them all a knowing smile.

“a little bit of both,” she admitted.

laughter filled the room, light and easy, shaking off any last remnants of nervous tension. they were ready.

and then, as if on cue, the green room door creaked open.

kai’s friends had arrived.

soobin stepped in first, towering as usual, followed by yeonjun, who immediately scanned the room like he owned the place. taehyun was behind them, hands stuffed in his pockets, his ever-observant gaze taking in everything. and then—

beomgyu walked in.

and his entire world stopped spinning.

he wasn’t sure what he had been expecting when kai had texted, come meet the band i formed! we rock!, but it definitely wasn’t this.

his breath hitched.

their bassist was stunning.

it wasn’t just the way she looked—though, god, the way she looked. the shredded tights, the chains, the band tee that hung just right, the dark kohl around her eyes that only made them more piercing. the way she was sitting, draped over the couch like she belonged there, one booted foot resting atop the coffee table, fingers idly twirling a guitar pick.

but it was more than that. it was the energy she carried, this effortless kind of presence that demanded attention without even trying.

beomgyu’s heart skipped a beat.

no, actually, it tripped over itself and fell flat on its face.

she turned then, looking up at them with a casual ease, her lips curling into the kind of smirk that should not have made his stomach flip.

“so,” she drawled, tilting her head. “you must be kai’s friends.”

her voice.

oh, he was done for.

kai gestured between them all, oblivious to the way beomgyu was currently having an out-of-body experience. “this is soobin, yeonjun, taehyun, and that one—” he pointed at beomgyu, who was still staring, still reeling—“is beomgyu.”

he was pretty sure kai said something else after that, but beomgyu didn’t hear a single word.

because she was looking right at him now, those sharp, lined eyes meeting his with an unreadable glint.

“beomgyu, huh?” she mused, and the way his name rolled off her tongue—casual, lazy, like she already had him figured out—sent an inexplicable shiver down his spine.

and then, before he could even think of how to respond, she smiled.

not the cool, knowing smirk from before. a real one. soft, warm, completely contradicting everything about the way she dressed.

beomgyu’s jaw? gone. his heart? somewhere in the floorboards. his entire existence? irreversibly altered.

he was in so much trouble.

kai’s friends settled in quickly, claiming whatever empty seats or spots against the walls they could find. the room felt even smaller now, the buzz of conversation filling the space, overlapping in a way that made it feel alive.

soobin and yeonjun hit it off with the drummer almost immediately, something about shared music tastes and mutual complaints about how kai was the most chaotic bandmate to exist. taehyun had already fallen into an easy conversation with the lead guitarist, both of them equally sharp-tongued, exchanging witty remarks like a verbal game of ping-pong.

and beomgyu?

beomgyu was barely breathing.

he had settled into a spot on the floor near the edge of the group, but god, he wasn’t really there. not fully. his body was present, sure—nodding at the right moments, chuckling when he was supposed to—but his mind?

completely occupied. by her.

she was right there, close enough that he could pick up the faint scent of something floral—unexpected, unfair, intoxicating.

she was expressive when she spoke, hands moving fluidly as she told some story about a past gig she had gone to. her rings caught the dim lighting every time her fingers moved, and beomgyu was watching, entranced, like the glint of silver was some kind of hypnotic spell.

and her laugh.

it wasn’t the kind he expected. it wasn’t sharp, or mocking, or cool and distant. it was bright. warm. the kind of laugh that made you want to lean in just to hear it again.

“beomgyu,” taehyun’s voice cut through his daze like a needle popping a soap bubble.

he blinked, realizing a second too late that everyone was looking at him now.

“huh?”

“i asked if you play anything,” alt!reader said, and beomgyu swore his brain short-circuited for a moment because she was the one talking to him now. her gaze was steady, her head slightly tilted, awaiting his response.

his mouth opened. closed. opened again.

what was the question again?

kai rolled his eyes. “he plays guitar. won’t admit he’s good, but he is.”

“oh?” her lips curled, something amused dancing behind her eyes. “a guitarist?”

beomgyu swallowed, nodding. “yeah. a little.”

her smirk deepened. “i’ll be the judge of that.”

his heart absolutely crashed into his ribcage. “here,” alt!reader said, effortlessly plucking one of the electric guitars resting nearby and holding it out to him.

beomgyu stared at it. then at her. then at it again.

“c’mon,” she urged, her voice light, teasing—but not in a mean way. there was warmth in it, in the way she smiled at him, like she actually wanted to hear him play. “i wanna see if kai’s hyping you up for nothing.”

beomgyu let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head. as if. his hands moved on their own, reaching out to take the guitar, fingers brushing against hers for the briefest moment. and god. her skin was warm, like she carried the heat of the stage lights in her fingertips.

“no pressure,” she added, leaning forward slightly, resting her chin on her palm. “but i will judge.”

the others laughed, but beomgyu barely processed it. because all he could focus on was the way her eyes were on him. the way her expression held something playful, but patient, like she had all the time in the world for him to start.

he cleared his throat, adjusting his grip.

he had played in front of people before. his friends, random music store employees when testing out instruments, the occasional school events.

but somehow, this felt different.

beomgyu strums a chord, testing, letting the sound hum through the air. he wasn’t even sure what he was going to play until his fingers started moving, muscle memory taking over. a riff he always fell back on, something familiar, something easy—but her expression changed the moment he started playing.

her gaze flickered to his hands, the playful challenge melting into something softer.

interest.

appreciation.

maybe even a little bit of… awe?

“oh, he’s good good,” she murmured, mostly to herself, but beomgyu caught it anyway. and he felt it—felt the way his face warmed, how his pulse picked up speed at the way she looked at him now.

he should probably focus on not messing up.

but with the way she was watching him?

it was impossible. the moment beomgyu strummed the final note, the room erupted. cheers, whistles, claps—the lead guitarist dramatically pumping his fist in the air, the drummer banging out a quick rhythm against the couch, while soobin, yeonjun, and taehyun only nods approvingly like they have known beomgyu was hiding talent all along.

“okay, okay!” kai grinned, nudging him with his elbow. “i take back all the times i’ve called you a fake musician.”

beomgyu scoffed, shaking his head, but he couldn’t even pretend to be annoyed—not when the adrenaline was still thrumming under his skin, not when his heart was still trying to steady itself after playing under her gaze.

alt!reader, who was still watching him, arms crossed, lips curled.

“i gotta say,” she mused, tilting her head, “you’ve got some serious skills.” beomgyu let out a breathy chuckle, hoping she couldn’t tell just how wrecked he was by those words alone. she extended a fist toward him, the glint of her rings catching the low light. “respect.”

he stared at it for a half-second longer than he should have before knocking his own fist against hers, ignoring the way his pulse jumped at the brief contact. “you know,” alt!reader then adds, grinning as she leaned back casually against the wall, “beomgyu could totally replace our lead guitarist. i mean, seriously, look at that performance.”

the lead guitarist nearly choked on his drink, immediately sitting up straighter, his brows furrowing in mock offense. “hey! i’m right here, you know!”

“yeah, but—” alt!reader raised a brow, teasing. “what do you even do, other than make dramatic faces during every solo?”

“i play solos!” he shot back, crossing his arms. “i’m an artist!”

“an artist? more like a drama queen.” she laughed, sticking her tongue out at him. the bickering continued, light-hearted, with alt!reader tossing sarcastic jabs and the lead guitarist firing back just as quickly. but in the middle of it all, beomgyu couldn’t hear any of it.

he was too busy basking in the compliment.

replace the lead guitarist?

her saying that?

beomgyu couldn’t help it—his heart swelled, his chest felt a little lighter. he glanced over at her, catching the way her eyes sparkled as she teased the others, the playful tilt of her head, the curve of her lips. she wasn’t just joking—she meant it, and beomgyu’s brain was absolutely swimming in that simple, perfect thought.

just as everybody was starting to get lost in the flow of their conversations, the door to the green room creaked open.

a worker, looking harried but friendly, poked her head inside, holding a clipboard in one hand. “hey, last act’s almost done,” she called, drawing everyone’s attention. “be ready to get up in five!” as the worker’s voice cut through the energy of the room, everybody’s pulse heightened. kai stood up first, stretching his arms with an exaggerated groan. “alright, let’s do this!” he said, his usual confident grin plastered on his face. his voice was already rising, bouncing off the walls, and somehow it made everything feel just a little bit lighter.

the drummer was next to move, pushing off the couch with a sharp exhale, rolling his shoulders like a boxer before a match. he cracked his knuckles one last time, shaking out his hands before turning to the lead guitarist with a lopsided smirk. “don’t mess up.”

the lead guitarist scoffed, rolling his eyes but still reaching out to bump his fist against the drummer’s. “i never mess up,” he said, though the slight twitch at the corner of his mouth betrayed how much he actually cared about the small exchange.

kai, ever the ringleader, ruffled the drummer’s hair out of nowhere, much to the latter’s loud protests. “alright, alright, enough of your little bromance,” he teased, dodging a half-hearted swing in retaliation. then, he clapped his hands together, the sharp sound cutting through the lingering conversation. his voice, always carrying that effortless bravado, filled the room. “you guys know what time it is.”

the energy shifted instantly.

the band members exchanged knowing grins, their movements instinctive, their roles in this pre-show ritual long established. it was a tradition at this point—one that settled nerves and locked them into the moment.

just then, soobin, taehyun, and yeonjun—who had been watching from the side—stepped forward, effortlessly blending into the moment like they belonged there too.

“don’t screw it up,” taehyun quipped, smirking as he crossed his arms.

“real motivational, thanks,” kai deadpanned, shaking his head.

soobin, who had been observing the whole thing with a thoughtful nod, finally spoke. “nah, you guys are gonna kill it.”

“obviously,” yeonjun added with a confident tilt of his head, the corners of his mouth curling into an easy grin.

“but if you do mess up,” taehyun said, lips twitching as he leaned just a little closer, “just make it look cool.”

“that’s the whole plan, actually,” the drummer joked, flexing his fingers like he was warming up for a fight.

alt!reader, who had been adjusting the strap of her bass, let out an exaggerated sigh at their antics but stepped forward anyway, shaking her head with a smile. “you guys are so ridiculous,” she mumbled, though the fondness in her voice softened the words.

the lead guitarist was the first to extend his hands, palms up, an unspoken signal.

without hesitation, the others followed suit, stacking their hands on top of his, one after the other. kai’s ring-clad fingers tapped impatiently against the back of alt!reader’s hand, the drummer squeezed just a little too tight, and the lead guitarist—ever dramatic—wiggled his fingers under the pile like he was casting a spell.

the weight of their hands felt grounding, each one a familiar presence, a quiet reminder of why they were here—why they did this in the first place.

“alright,” kai said, eyes sweeping over his bandmates. “on three.”

the anticipation buzzed in the air, thick with something unspoken—adrenaline, excitement, the kind of bond that came from sharing the same dream and chasing it together.

“one,” the drummer started, voice steady.

“two,” alt!reader followed, grinning through the static in her chest.

“three!” they all yelled at once, throwing their hands into the air.

the room erupted into laughter, but beneath it all was something steadier—a quiet understanding, a reassurance. they had each other’s backs, no matter what.

alt!reader exhaled, adjusting the hem of her oversized band tee, rolling her shoulders as she shook her arms out. the nerves were still there, humming just beneath her skin, but they didn’t weigh her down. if anything, they made her sharper, more alive.

as the others made their way toward the door, she lingered for a second, taking it all in—the dimly lit green room, the hum of the crowd growing louder beyond the walls, the faint scent of old leather and stage lights, the rush of knowing she was about to step onto that stage again. she was ready.

then, just as she turned to leave, a voice—hesitant, barely above the noise—stopped her in her tracks.

“hey.”

she turned, only to find beomgyu standing there, fidgeting with the sleeve of his jacket.

his heart was racing. he could feel it hammering against his ribs, beating against his throat. he had been quiet the entire time, watching her, completely lost in the way she carried herself—unshaken, unwavering, effortlessly cool in a way that made his head spin.

she looked at him expectantly, tilting her head ever so slightly, her dark lipstick still slightly smudged, her rings glinting under the low, flickering light. she had been grinning and teasing all night, but right now, in this moment, she was just waiting for whatever he was about to say.

beomgyu swallowed hard, summoning every last ounce of courage he had left.

“good… good luck,” he managed, voice steady but soft.

she blinked, then her expression melted into something warm, something that made the corners of her eyes crinkle just slightly.

“thanks,” she said, and god, he wasn’t ready for the way she smiled at him—the way her eyes lingered, just for a second, like she actually cared that he was here. like she saw him.

then, before he could even think to respond, she lifted a hand and ruffled his hair—just once, quick but impossibly gentle—before slipping out the door to join the others.

beomgyu stood there, rooted to the spot, his pulse thundering in his ears.

he barely registered kai’s voice shouting something from the hallway, barely noticed the way the door swung shut behind her. all he could focus on was the ghost of her touch lingering at the crown of his head and the realization that he had never, in his entire life, been this enamored.

as soon as everybody went on their separate ways as they went up, the venue was alive. the air was thick with anticipation, humming with the restless energy of a crowd on the verge of something explosive. voices mingled in excited murmurs, some impatiently tapping their feet, others already pushing closer to the front, eager to be swallowed by the music when it finally began.

near the back, beomgyu stood with the rest, the four of them tucked just far enough from the densest part of the crowd to have a clear view of the stage. the dim, pulsing lights painted streaks of color over their faces, their shadows stretching long over the worn wooden floors.

beomgyu felt… off-kilter. antsy in a way he couldn’t quite explain. his fingers twitched in his jacket pockets, his pulse thrumming just a little too fast for comfort. it wasn’t nerves—he wasn’t even performing—but something in the air had his senses on high alert.

then, the lights dimmed.

the restless chatter of the audience dipped for half a breath.

and that’s when she walked out.

alt!reader stepped onto the stage like she owned it, her movements easy, effortless—like the weight of all those expectant eyes on her meant nothing. she rolled her shoulders once, adjusting the strap of her bass where it hung low against her hip, her rings flashing under the stage lights.

and then she looked up.

gone was the dull hum of anticipation—replaced instead by something sharp, something immediate.

a ripple of recognition moved through the crowd, people cheering before a single note had even been played. the atmosphere cracked like static before a storm.

she brought a hand up to her mic, tilting her head slightly, her lips curling into something slow, something knowing.

then, her voice—low, teasing, brimming with something electric—cut through the charged silence like a blade.

“are you ready?”

it wasn’t a question, no—it was pure energy, poured into a few simple words, and it sent a shockwave through the venue.

and the response was immediate.

the crowd roared, bodies surging forward, hands shooting into the air.

soobin let out a low whistle. yeonjun muttered something under his breath that was lost beneath the chaos. taehyun just grinned, watching it all unfold with the kind of amused knowing that made beomgyu’s stomach twist.

the band shifted behind her, instruments poised, breaths held.

a pause.

then—

the first note dropped like a thunderclap.

the lead guitarist’s fingers tore across the strings, unleashing a riff so sharp it felt like it could cut through bone. the drummer came in a split second later, slamming into the rhythm like he was trying to break through the sound barrier, the bass kicking in with a force that rattled the floor beneath their feet.

the room exploded.

but beomgyu barely noticed.

because the second the music surged to life, alt!reader moved.

her head tilted back, her eyes fluttering shut for half a breath—

and then she sang.

beomgyu’s entire world tilted.

his breath caught.

his pulse stuttered.

he hadn’t known.

through all the moments he had spent watching her—through the teasing remarks, the playful bickering, the easy grins and sharp-witted comebacks—he had never once considered the possibility—

that she was the vocalist.

and god, her voice.

raw. powerful. brimming with something deep, something primal.

it wasn’t just singing.

it was commanding.

it was a reckoning. a tidal wave of sound crashing over the room, leaving no space for escape—only surrender. it seized every breath, every heartbeat, wrapped around every single person in the audience like invisible chains, commanding their attention, demanding devotion.

she owned this space.

no, she was this space.

the music didn’t just belong to her—it was her. every note, every breath, every aching pause was something pulled straight from her veins, something raw and untamed, something alive. she wasn’t just singing it—she was unleashing it. becoming it. burning with it.

“heol,” soobin breathed, his eyes wide.

yeonjun turned to taehyun, nudging him with his elbow. “man, he’s so done for.”

taehyun just chuckled, not even bothering to hide his knowing smirk.

“oh, yeah,” he muttered. “completely wrecked.”

beomgyu barely heard them.

he was too busy staring, completely, utterly spellbound.

because she was glowing under the stage lights, radiating something untouchable, something electric—

and beomgyu?

beomgyu was completely and utterly doomed.

꒰🧸꒱ @pagelets, @jettithink, @killa-1009, @j-ji-jia , @frankghgr, @dawngyu, @usuallyunlikelyfox, @sxmmerberries, @napipope-ta, @bamgeutori, @xylatox, @hyunj00 <3 (click here if you would like to be added ><)

[bucky-not-barnes]

LP2 by Secret Band is a work of art <3

hi hi!! it’s been a few days since i’ve done an album review, and finals are here, so im gonna review an album that i’ve been a fan of for a while now!

secret band has the same lineup as dgd (except for a different bassist, another guitarist, and only jon doing vocals), and i love their music so much because it’s a lot heavier.

lp2 is their second album, and their fourth release. besides this project, they have a self titled ep and a self titled album, as well as 2 singles from off of lp2.

okay okay!!! first track: “upgrades”. this was their top streamed song whenever i first listened to the album, and it’s definitely one of my favourites. honestly it’s really impressive that there isn’t one specific part/instrument that stands out above the rest because they’re all really good. yeah. good song :)

i ain’t no fool, i put the nuggets in the oven and they taste so good “bloomer” is amazing. i love the guitar and the drums in the beginning. the bass in this song is one of the best. i have no clue what else to say.

“lightning”!! the lyrics to this song are probably the best. “complain how it isn’t fair that i can’t own a thousand tiny little bears”. the bridge is absolutely phenomenal. the guitar is so pretty, and i love the emotion in the vocals.

BRO

“RABBIT HOLE” HAS CLEANS. JON MESS DOING CLEANS. absolutely beautiful. i listen to this song just for the “i wanna get paid”. that’s it. and the EMOTION. i don’t know how they manage to put so much emotion into this album but?? it’s there. and i love it.

“black dolphin” just sounds like pure jibberish, but it’s very nice. also the fact that it’s one of the most brutal breakdowns in this whole album, and jon’s just like “little baby bunnyyyy little baby crow”. thank you mr. mess. i needed that.

i hate to admit this. but i have cried to “do it again” before. i wish i was joking. it was a sad song to me, and idk why. anyway! it’s very good. this was my favourite song the first time i listened to lp2. it’s still one of my favourites (it changes pretty often; right now it’s either “rabbit hole” or “moon”), and i love all the songs for different reasons. this one isn’t sad to me anymore, it’s just more mellow. if i’m looking for getting my eardrums shattered, i’d just play “moon”.

“meat bag”! the breakdown is amazing in this song. the drums are also really impressive. the guitars transition from staccato to legato in the beginning is so pretty. yeah. thoughts.

“no one i know”!! at this point i’m just going to be repeating the same thing about every song. amazing guitar, beautiful vocals, good song. yes.

“get you some” has the same thoughts

okay but “MOON”

oh my god moon is so good. the breakdown at the end is *chefs kiss* beautiful. it sounds like it’s going to calm down a bit, but then it just gets heavier. it’s fkn brutal, and i love it. the vocals are also really good. they’re in a lower range (especially at the end) and i love jon’s lower vocals.

thanks for sticking around!! apologies that i haven’t posted in a millennia. good bye !!

[gloomyhearts]

Always by your side || Luke Patterson

Chapter eleven~ her special ability

2020

The raven haired boy arrived back at Julie’s house, more over in her room. His eyes dared to the blonde who tried to lift a frame from the dresser. The shaggy haired boy stood in front of the bookshelf, studying the pictures. Reggie himself lays down on her bed, fingers running over the fabric of her blanket.

A voice disturbed the silence, “what are you guys doing in my room?”

“Uh..”

“Um..” they stuttered, view wandering between each other.

Luke was the first to find words, “we were looking for the kitchen?”

“This..” she points toward the band, “this cant happen. Its creepy,” her eyes now glued on reggie, “get off my bed, please.”

Luke raises his arm, “hey Julie, whats in the box?”

“That’s off limits.”

“Oh. Oh okay,” he chuckles, “Girls stuff.”

Julie crosses her arms in front of her chest, anger reflects in her facial expression.

“Oh, like butterflies and glitter?”

“Oh, come on. I'm sorry about them,” Alex insists.

“It's none of your business. And yes, there might be some glitter,” she teased.

Alex holds the frame in his hands, spinning around to his friends, “hey!” he chuckles, “I actually picked something up,” when he finished the sentence the frame fell on her bed.

“I dropped it,” disappointed he looked down onto it.

“Is that your mom?”

“Yes, and it’s my favourite picture of us,” she emphasised the favourite, “you break it, I’ll break you.”

“Okay, well, sorry but we’re kinda unbreakable at this point,” Alex adds.

“I don’t get it. You guys can mess up my bed, pick up your instruments, but can’t pick up other stuff?

“I know, its hard. But for some reason, our instruments easy.”

“Yeah, like super easy. Oh and check out what I learned today,” in the next seconds his bass was in his hands, throwing him back in the beanbag.

“Yeah, that looked super easy.”

“Can I ask you guys something?” they nodded. “You told me about your sister, right? Is she a ghost too? Did you saw her? Can she do it too?”

“Well.. this one.. this one time she.. she told me she was surfing and people could see her, she could talk to them like we do and she kinda lost her mind.”

“You never told it!”

“Yeah, maybe cause you’d freak on the fact she’d leave this dark room.”

“She what?”

“Yes, she left it during the day to avoid you and at night she came back and talked to me and Luke.”

“This means, every time I thought she'd visited my dreams again to talk to me, she actually spoke with me?!”

“I remember she said something like that earlier.”

“Earlier?” His friends asked in sync.

“Well yeah you know how she can feel my mood? So do I and I felt it earlier so I searched for her and we talked,” he shrugged his shoulder as if it would be the casual thing in the world.

“Did you wanted to inform us about it?” Alex questions running his hand through his hair.

“I don’t know, if she came up in our conversation maybe..”

Their little argumentation was disturbed by a knocking on the door and Julie’s dad sticking his head in the door, “everything okay?”

“Yeah. Im fine.” Luke let go of Alex’s hand, he had clutched against his chest.

“Okay. I thought I heard you talking to someone.”

“Nope. Must’ve been my laptop.. that I just closed.”

“Okay, if you need anything..” he points to the door.

“Yeah. Thanks.” This was his clue to leave, he closed the door and the attention of the girl was abruptly on the raven haired boy.

“Your dad seems like the kind of guy who likes to barbecue. I bet he has a great ribs recipe.”

“I don’t know. But if you guys wanna talk to me, we have to do it in the studio. He’s worried about me enough as it is.”

“He seems chill. You should just tell him about us,” luke suggests.

“You’re kidding right?” she sighs, “the past year, everyones been watching over me, being super nice, as if theyre waiting for me to snap. If I tell my dad I met a ghost band, I’ll be back to talking to Dr. Turner three days a week.”

“You probably shouldn’t tell him.”

“Julie…”

“Oh my gosh! I told you to leave it alone!”

“I know. You shouldn’t have said nothing cause now I cant stop thinking about it, so.. Whats in the box Julie?”

“It’s just my dream box, okay? Whenever I get a thought, I write it down and get it out of my mind.”

“Like lyrics?” His body shifts so he faced Alex, they both knew exactly what the other was thinking; this was like Sabrina’s green book, every little thing which crossed her mind was written down in it.

‘Where is it now? I had it in my bag at the Orpheum, I couldn’t just lose it right?’

“They would be if I still wrote music like I used to with my mom. Now it’s full of stuff that doesn’t make me sad.”

“But, I mean, you do play. We heard you this morning,” Alex raised from his seat stepping closer to her.

“In the garage?” Luke hits alex upper arm, brows knitted.

“So you were there too?”

“Uh.. I don’t…” his voice a pinched ton.

“uh he was, like..,” Reggie's voice on the same level.

“We were..”

“Somewhere.”

“So, where is you kitchen, by the way,” the shaggy haired tried to distract her. He rested his head in his palm as he laid on her bed, also with puppy eyes.

“Okay, we need to set some boundaries,” she bend down to his level, “for starters, stay out of my room!”

“Mm-hmm. Cristal clear. Let’s go.”

“We're leaving,” they made their way over to the door.

“Yes, ma’am! We’re out of here.”

Moments later Alex’s head was in the room again, “hey. Um, sorry I didn’t mean to bother you. Did you get back into your music program?”

“No.. no I didn’t.”

“I’m sorry. That really sucks,”

“thanks.” His eyes wanders around the room and silence felt over the pair.

“is that it?”

“Yeah. Yeah, this is getting weird,” she waves at him and he leaves her alone.

The band was back in the studio sitting spread across the room. Reggie tugs on his bass, Alex head rests on the drum, Luke’s eyes glued to the roof.

“You know guys, I really miss her,” the shaggy haired boy whined, “but I can't forgive her, not after all those years. I mean she ignored me twenty-five years, like.. wait she’s stubborn she can and will if she wants. But I thought…”

“Shut up, talk to her or leave it,” Alex exhales.

“that’s the point, where is she, what should I say, whats her response.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t do it.”

There was a knock on the studio door and through the window were some blonde strands visible which floaded in the wind.

Reggie sat up, his eyes laid on the door, “should we open the door? Is that her?”

“Come in!”

Sabrina poofed herself into the room but was still in a good distance to the boy.

“I shouldn’t be here, I know but.. I.. mm..”

Alex was fast on his feet, embracing her fragile body, although they weren’t alive anymore they both still had their special scent which felt like home for each other.

“I was an ass, Will. And I should have listened to you but I was so heated that you didn’t told that we were dead for twenty-five years.”

Their little moment was interrupted by the guitarist who taped Alex’s shouler letting him know they weren’t alone.

“Brina. I was so selfish and full of anger. I .. I really missed you and your voice. I’m sounding like Alex but I’d probably should had listen to you and your point of view.”

“Yeah right. It’s.. never mind. I should get going.”

“No Will stay.”

“Right, we have to introduce you somebody.”

“It’s this Julie, right? Yeah, she’s impressive, you should probably play with her, push her and all this,” Sabrina shruggs her shoulders and Reggie locked his eyes with her, a brow raised; he felt it and she knew it.

Luke’s eyes lit up as she mentioned her voice, “yeah she is stunning,” the grief in her grew and Reggie’s eyes widened. Alex looks between the two, seeing her eyes are welling up.

“Do you mind if I talk with Will in private?”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.”

“That’s bullshit. Talk to me Sabrina.”

“It’s just, y’all hate me and I understand but you have to understand me too. And now with this girl, I’m losing you and Luke, the way he looks at her…”

“How would you even know?”

“This morning when she sang, I was there, I saw you, her, everyone. And… and I really wanted to hug you, talk to you but I couldn’t.“

“But I didn’t saw you?”

“Well yesterday I saw the three of you at the orpheum, you even passed me as well as this tall man in smoking and black coat. He bumped your shoulder but went straight through me, it drove me crazy so I wanted to speak to you and I knew where I would find you so I came here. First, I.. I was in the garage as well but then you three poofed in and I left, then y’all were outside as well and your eyes laid on me so I thought you saw me.”

“But I didn’t.. but then suddenly you were.”

“I was, the whole time.”

“How’s that possible? Are you superman?”

“I don’t know but we’d try if people see me without surfing if I want to. I mean not Julie cause she can see you without you playing your instruments.”

“Her friend Flynn, she can't we should do it...”

[v-le]

Kmusic: JTBC’s 슈퍼밴드(Superband) Review

Foreword: SUPERBAND WAS AMAZING AND IT WAS EVERYTHING I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED IN MY LIFE. yup

--

After binge-watching this entire program, I knew I had to write something about it. This show literally took my breath away, this show filled all my senses with overwhelming excitement, appreciation, and respect for every single participant, and the music, THE MUSIC, that came out of this show will forever be some of the most amazing songs I have ever heard in my life. But above all else, this show filled a void, an emptiness, a traumatizing, painful longing in my heart that has been needing some intense healing for a while now.

With all the things that have happened with my singer, Superband coming into my life and being the show it was, with all those amazing artists doing what they did, it was a literal blessing and I just……. I just cant believe they did THAT. They did it and it was AMAZING.

First off, whoever thought to make an audition program for MUSICIANS, SINGER-SONGWRITERS, ARTISTS, PRODUCERS, and just instrument-playing people AND VOCALISTS…….. you are a fucking genius and I am so glad that this idea never died in the shadows and was allowed to come to life on the screens.

What I found so poignant about this show from the get-go was how GOOD THESE AUDITIONS WERE… these people came in being REALLYYYYY good at (presumably) one thing like the guitar, or singing, or the violin. These people each had their specialty, they were exceptional music-making people. No one was quite mediocre or “rookie”, each person had some pretty credible expertise or experiences with music, and that in itself, the fact that we got to start off with these sorts of contestants, is something ive never seen before.

I don’t want to compare to other singing shows or the Produce series or whatever else countless audition programs Korea has been churning out over the past years, but since Superband began with this concept, it was already a show that I knew I would LOVE. For the 2 times ive watched Produce, I was always so perturbed by these prepubescent pretty boys frolicking around on stage, barely being able to even pull off a simple note. I just thought so many of them were so TALENTLESS…. But who am I to judge.

I think it really just comes down to preference, and even though I knew very well that idols and k-pop are not even things I enjoy anymore, I forced myself through programs like Produce. But now, with Superband, I felt so HAPPY and glad to be watching and discovering such talented musicians…THIS IS WHAT I WANTED ALL ALONG.

Even with the very first audition with Ha Hyunsang… OMFG UGHhHhh THAT BOI IS SO FLUFFY but so good at the same time… I feel like each time I see him, I ACTUALLY just want to give him a hug :’-(( the emotional depth in his singing is beyond describable and im SO PROUD TO HAVE WATCHED HIM GROW !!!!!!

That’s another thing I really really realllyyyyyyy loved from this show........ it was the process of watching these people develop, mature, change, grow with show. Some contestants went through some major growing pains, but it was so heartwarming to watch them improve, not that they were even bad to begin with. And the reversals!! Or the expansions?? The turnarounds?? The CONMEN!!!

AHHhhHHhhh okay im still very obsessed with the infinite amount of talent some dudes had, but before I get to that, let me continue on with those stellar auditions, aka the three genius guitarists, too ;_______; they. Are. So. Amazing. I love them a lot. I think I completely fell for them. And I hate myself. I hate to admit it a lot because I used to ALWAYS shit on dudes younger than me, I disliked basically every contestant on produce that was younger than ‘99, I thought they were all useless young children… but 김영소, 이강호, & 임형빈, were a completely different story. I LOVE THEM!!! I always had a bias toward a man that could play the guitar well… but these guys holy moly, they blew me away… they are so exceptional at what they do and the fact that theyre still so YOUNG… good lord…..my poor heart was so conflicted but ultimately so happy to have discovered them.

To watch these guys be thrown into that first 1:1 perf, and literally tearing up the stage and setting the bar VERY HIGH from the very beginning of the competition… phew… my goodness…. The talent with these kids… o my…. Okay yeah, nope im never gonna get over it. The ‘Adventure of a Lifetime’ stage will always be an iconic one from this program, and we all know it. Who knew a pure acoustic, musical performance, no vocals included stage would be so amazing…. I LOVE THEM!! Have I mentioned that yet?

Going back to the reversals/scamming thing... I guess this goes with watching some people grow……. I want to give a holy and blessed shoutout to probably my favorite contestant out of this entire show: 신광일….. he was such a dark horse. In fact, I don’t even remember his audition tbh because he was THAT not-memorable in the beginning LOL (or also.. I believe they never showed his audition to begin with)… but he quickly caught my eye as the eps went on because he came out of nowhere and whipped out all (or maybe not even all…) his skills like secret weapons, stage after stage.. he came in as a vocalist, picked up the bass for two the performances after that (all while still singing, too), although having never played the bass formally... and then once joining hands with Juhyeok and Yechan, he just miraculously becomes the drummer, because they ultimately decided that they needed percussion in their songs. So from thereon after, since ‘Hold Back The River’, Gwang-il, to me, was literally GOD(신) Gwang-il, as he played the drums and SANG TOO…..and may I add, hes not even that old?????? HES FRKING ONLY 2 YEARS OLDER THAN ME WTF;__; the boy got all these crazy blisters while perfecting the drums, but he didn’t let anything stop him and he was sucH A SOLID BAND MEMBER ALL THROUGHOUT, AHHHHHH MVP GOES TO SHIN GWANG-IL, YALL….(also I just found out that hes a trainee from Mystic Story, aka Yoon Jong shin’s agency aka the agency that I’ve been following for many many MANYYYY years now bc a lot of my favorite artists have come out of it…. Wow what is this fate)

And special recognition goes to Im Hyung-bin aka one of the 18 yr old genius guitarists bc he … oh my…. He frking became the pianist and singer by the end of the show…. Omfg… yall.. HE is also another infinitely talented soul. AND HES EXTRA FRKING YOUNG…

Besides these two though, there were many many many manyyyyy other people as well that took up multiple instruments throughout the show, or even began singing, or just did EVERYTHING….I was so mindblown by this, im still honestly not over it at all.

Because like, is this normal?? Isn’t that so unprofessional?? Its already so crazy that this show already starts us off with NON-amateur musicians and artists. But then some of these dudes have never done any other things formally before they got thrown into it; they came into this show “specializing” in something completely different, yet they jump onto the stage and do what they needed to, HELLA FRKING WELL…… so many of these dudes, you wouldn’t know that was his first time playing the bass, playing the drums, first time playing that piano, or first time being on the keyboard AND being a vocal, you wouldn’t know any of that unless they mentioned it, unless you watched the show and saw their story.

Because they all pulled it off THAT well.. these people that did these things for the first time ever while being on Superband, they executed their roles so well and showcased such wonderfully exhilarating talent…. IM SO BLESSED TO HAVE DISCOVERED SUCH AMAZING ARTISTS….

That was one of the biggest feats of Superband for me. The limitless talent that came out of it. I LOVE watching people like this. Their passion for music fuels such undeniable skill and fervor, and when they step onto that stage, they are literally unstoppable. They made music that stopped my time, stopped my heart, in the moment, but literally MOVED me...i applaud these people so much. I really do.

Thinking back to it now, the number of stages that came out of this show was like…. Countless…. Like… A LOT…. Since episode 1, each stage was very well-produced and I truly enjoyed watching each one from the start. This show was just so jampacked overall, although I admit that sometimes it was arduous due to the GRIND that these people were on, presenting stage after stage after stage, and then listening to LOTS of feedback from almost each judge over and over and over, but it was still nothing short of musical masterpieces out there. I really appreciate how STUFFED, how FILLED TO THE BRIM, this show was with dynamic, enjoyable, exceptional performances (and words of valuable opinions & evaluations, too)

I can re-watch many of them, every day, for days on end. I loved it. And can we just talk about how impressive these dudes are for pulling off something new, for taking on a brand-new challenge with a brand-new set of members, time and time again, stage after stage, week after week, until we came down to the 6 solid bands in the last 3 episodes? They constantly had to work with new people, match their music preferences, fill spaces in their music where they didn’t exactly have someone they may have needed. They had to compensate, compromise, and ultimately DELIVER, at the end of it all. Multiple times. I don’t even remember how many rounds they did… was it 4? I think they had 4 rounds of eliminations before they settled into their official bands. But still... its crazy impressive to think about how driven and flexible a lot of these artists were, to be creating, producing & then performing despite all the different teams they were getting put into week after week.

ANDDDDDD, despite all the odds up against them like the time crunch, the new collab of members each time, the potential lack of a missing instrument or sound, SO many of these teams still came out with self-written and self-produced songs!!!!!!! I mean, even for the cover songs alone, many were already re-arranging everything & basically turning them into new tracks. BUT WITH THOSE SELF COMPOSED SONGS??????????? Some teams literally started from scratch each time, but busted out some amazing tunes and lyrics and executed very very very impressive stages and IM JUST AKFJAKJFKJBSN how…. Are they….. so…. Talented…… I still ask myself each time.

By far, the combo that took my heart and kept it for good….. LUCY ;_______;. I never expected to like Juhyeok’s voice tbh, it was a little TOO weird for me in the beginning… but watching him perform with Yechan and Gwang-il and Wonsang really brought to life his vocal potential for me… that team is literally a combination made in heaven, they have all the right pieces to make ARTWORK… their signature sound was so prominent from the very beginning and i was SO HAPPY when I saw that they stuck to the same exact members once the finale came around.

Before the winner was announced, I told myself very honestly that I didn’t even care who won because the two teams left over, Hoppipolla & Lucy, were already my two all-time favorite combinations of artists from the entire show, and I was already MORE than satisfied with all the wonderful music and stages that everyone had delivered up until that point anyway. But even with that, I was still thoroughly shocked when they announced Hoppipolla as the winning band LOL I gasped aloud. I thought that Lucy at least had a chance. Or like I guess, in my heart, I assumed that Lucy actually won.. LOL but they didn’t.

And in terms of the finale in general, I really would also like to address how I purposely tried really hard to avoid any spoilers and rewatching of performances on youtube before actually finishing the entire series. I tried like reallyyyyy hard, because I wanted to watch the program as thoroughly as possible without spoilers. I HATE SPOILERS. But oh the irony. It was in all in vain anyway.

Once I finally DID finish all 14 episodes, when trying to look for more information/reactions/articles/videos (initially searching in English), I actually struggled SO HARD LMAOOOO bc there was like NOTHING OUT THERE……..i should have known better; this show was definitely NOT catered to the intl. audience (yet?), especially because its in its first season still. There were probably like 2 articles max in English about Superband & it was just about its upcoming premier. Nothing about winners nor results nor anything else i was wary of, anyway. LOLLL THE INTL COMMUNITY DOESN’T CARE; or at least the intl population that DOES care about Superband, is probably reallyyyyyy small……a reddit thread I found was the most substantial discussion I could find, comprised of a few comments max.

And so that brings me to how I always see a lot of comments begging for English subs and everything, but honestly…….. all I have to say to yall is: LEARN KOREAN IF YOU REALLY WANT TO WATCH THE SHOW THAT BADLY !!!

If after all these years, I could pick up Korean to an extent where I can watch things raw, im sure others can do the same as long as they put their mind to it. Ive been really appreciating how far my skills have taken me LOL not trying to be THAT person, but I just know that if I COULDN’T read or listen & comprehend or type in Korean like I can now, I would be missing out on a WORLD of amazing stuff. E.g. superband. And if anything, I would like to think that this show helped me practice my vocab skills a lot more. Listening to the judges’ evals after each stage was really enjoyable: I learned plenty of valuable words out of THEIR words.

This show was phenomenal in that all the contestants had total musical freedom. It was soOOOOO refreshing to watch. They got to choose all their music & their teammates in a fair manner (maybe not so much their competition), but seeing them take their passions & what THEY wanted to do with music and laying that all out onto the stage, was so compelling!!! This freedom allowed for countless, ICONIC AF transformations and growth journeys for soooo many of the artists too!!!! I really realllyyyyyyyy loved watching some of them stepping WAYYYY outside of their comfort zones / the image that they originally came in with (e.g. HONG ISAAC HAAAAHAHHA, Jisang, Hyunsang!!), and also watching alllllll those multitalented “scam characters”!!! HAHAHA, without this program being as open as it was, it would’ve been impossible to be able to see such a myriad of sides to so many different people. I appreciate, I really do.

And I really really realllyyyy enjoyed watching all the behind the scenes of each performance as well!! Of course, its normal to give viewers some background story before each stage, but in Superband, we got to see some very raw sides of music-making….. these dudes literally lived like hobos in the recording studios, all disheveled and sleep-deprived human beans, but ceaselessly making music because that’s what they love. I liked watching teams try out a lot of different songs & styles as they searched for THE right one. And then we got to see the final result on stage after the countless discussions and trials behind the scenes. And these processes repeated for months on end. All the contestants are so commendable in this right. The grind was real, and the show didn’t try to hide that. I enjoyed this very realistic approach !!

At this point, after drowning myself in this show for a few days straight… (those episodes are LONGGGGG, close to two hrs each) ive literally spent every night, and basically day, too, watching all the cuts that jtbc uploaded on youtube over and over and oVERRRRR….. ive also been watching some Superband concert clips, from when the entire final 6 bands went on a domestic tour and performed together for several concerts!!

THAT OPENING STAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLESS THOSE PEOPLE THAT CAUGHT IT ON CAMERA BECAUSE IT IS LITERALLY SUCH A PIECE OF MUSICAL HEAVEN, omfg the energy on that stage IS SOMETHING ELSE… IF I WERE THERE IN PERSON I PROBABLY WOULDVE CRIED INSTANTLY……. lee juhyeok, kevin oh, chae bohoon, im hyeongbin, kim youngso, ha hyunsang, lee chansol, and kim woosung, all the guitarists/ vocalists lined up in the front… (hearing each vocalist sing a line each made my HEART HURT....I LOVE THEM SM) then the bassists, lee jonghoon, kim hyungwoo, kim hajin, jo wonsang, clustered up AND HAVIN A TIME all by themselves, and the three epic electric guitarists, yang jiwan, kim junhyeob, and Zairo, literally held SUCH stage presence… on the drums: kang kyungyoon all the way to the right, and red haired hwang minjae in the middle, and the super in-sync, traditional drum banging bois, choi youngjin, shin gwang-il, a-il, & jung gwanghyun, all 4 of them bouncing up and down in the back like intense oompa loompas LOL THEY LOOKED SO CUTE, and the string bois!!!!! Shin yechan & benji on the violin next to hong jinho on the cello; yechan and benji started off sitting down but as the song goes on they literally WENT AT IT HAHAHA as expected of two of the most high-energy musicians. On the piano, lee na-woo, the classic icon himself starting off the entire intro, and next to him hong isaac the transformation legend himself on the keyboard + his super distinctive voice!!!!!! And of course, d-pole with his much-expected little music break in the middle….. in fact many of them got ICONIC solo time: kang kyungyoon’s drumming part, kim hyungwoo’s super duper solid bass, minjae’s powerful beats, kim hajin’s LOUD ass bass, lee jonghoon’s legendary slap finger bass playing, jo wonsang’s super ting-y, classic bass section, and yang jiwan’s loud ASS ELEC GUITAR TOO, omg they were all so cute, pointing to each member & hyping them up as it was their few seconds to shine….AND THOSE COLLECTIVE VOICES???? HEARING ALL THE VOCALISTS SING TOGETHER ONE BY ONE… OH my gosh it was soooooo GOOOODDDDDDD.... just watching all those dudes literally have THE TIME OF THEIR LIFE on stage (literally an ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME), the energy was off the charts… I loveeeeee seeing them so happy, making eye contact with each other, jumping up & down, rocking out, laughing with each other, all while playing their instrument, so fervently, all 27 people on the stage, connected by one song…. Theres SO MUCH OVERFLOW of talent in one freaking place, that song sounded SO MASSIVE just thru the video I cant imagine….. if I were actually there omfg… that’s an actual BAND Like A HUGE FRKING BAND… AHHHHHHHHHH a really legendary stage.. the finest of finest……I can literally watch this opening on repeat without getting bored because I just loveeeee the concept of all of them being together like that :”)))

After watching member after member, team after team get eliminated, seeing them like this on one stage with such happy expressions and making a beautiful piece of music like that o MANNNNNN…. This show…… has really done something to me…

I appreciate every contestant SO MUCH and I wish I could watch everyone be together FOREVER….because knowing how artistically talented each person is on their own, to watch them join together is like the avengers times 72737446352 or something, its just talent & skill plus talent & skill stacked onto even more skill & talents and just an INFINITE amount of potential AND THAT…IS LITERALLY.. THE POWER…. OF A BAND………and of great ass music.

This show was GENIUS TO combine so many musicians from so many different backgrounds…but watching them work together to make pure art, that is so frking rewarding and heartwarming and I feel so blessed to have witnessed it all.

The genres and potential were literally limitless……I think this is what encompassed Superband for me, this is what made me enjoy it SO damn much…. I think ive finally run out of things to say… this piece of text is quite a mess, not very polished….. but I was hasty in recording my thoughts & emotions before they left me, so I tried my best.

My biggest regret with this show is that I didn’t watch it sooner. (what is really ironic is that it took me FOREVER to start the first ep, despite having tonssss of time on my hands... I had it open on one of my tabs for the longest time, but I lowkey grudgingly, eventually, forced myself to finally start it LOL..(thank god I rly did tho) I watched it 2 months after the finale, which is… kinda late? If I had watched it while it was airing, all while I was still in korea, I feel like I would’ve been EVEN MORE in love, even more fervent and passionate about everything. Digging thru old vids & watching things from contestants before they came out onto the show, seeing the artists they were, I could’ve easily gone and seen them myself probably… goddamnit I probably could’ve gone to the superband finale live show, if I had known.. I COULDVE VOTED IN REAL TIME... not that I could’ve brought myself to do it anyway, probably lol….. but basically, if I had known of this show WHILE I was there with them… I don’t know, I could’ve been a lot more active as a fan, I feel like..

Now im back to my original roots: crying in front of my laptop screen and tap-tapping away at my keyboard as a I rant to no one but myself. Being in korea made my appreciation for all kinds of artists, all my beloved ones, EVERYONE, a lot more tangible.. but being back in America… it all becomes hidden into the depths of my heart, once again…

PHEW……I think now is a good time to mention my favorite stages… as I mentioned before, the Lucy AND pre-Lucy lineup will always hold a really special place in my heart so basically all my faves include their stages LOL

‘Swim’ cover by LUCY(신예찬, 이주혁, 신광일, 조원상)

‘Hold Back The River’ cover by 신예찬, 이주혁, 신광일

‘Adventure of a Lifetime’ cover by 조원상, 김영소, 이강호, 임형빈

‘누구 ��소’ cover by 케빈오, 박찬영, 신광일, 강경윤

‘선잠’ by LUCY

'Castle on the Hill’ cover by 아일, 하현상, 노마드, 홍진호

‘1000x’ cover by 아일, 하현상, 홍진호, 김형우

‘One More Light’ cover by HOPPIPOLLA(아일, 하현상, 홍진호, 김영소)

‘Cry Bird’ cover by LUCY

‘Viva La Vida’ cover by 하현상, 홍진호, 김영소

‘Flare’ by LUCY

‘Find You Again’ by People on the Bridge(이찬솔, 임형빈, 김준협, 강경윤,  김형우)

My favorite funny moments:

“이게 무슨 짓이야!!?” - mellow kitchen (the stealing of the 3 kiddo guitarists)

“okay let’s be honest, you can’t even hear the bass” - shin hyunbin 2k19

울보 팀

Hyunsang’s fam: 아일 the mom, 홍진호 the dad, 김형우 the hyung

“idk if im allowed to say this but it looked like zombie movie” - yoon jongshin, as they all gathered around the cello man

“I thought to myself, isn’t that cello expensive tho..” - yoon jongshin as youngso slapped & tapped jinho’s cello for percussion

Ah-il’s iconic castle on the hill pose

Zairo’s luck with member choosing lmao

HONG ISAK’S DANCING in ‘Time of My Life’ LOLLL IT GETS ME LAUGHING EACH TIMEEE (& all his nicknames, like eungalchi lmaooo)

Benji’s “YO-RO-BOON HAM-KAY HEY-YO” during ‘Woo-ing’

Gwanghyun’s “do-doom-tak”

Gwanghyun calling Gwang-il’s drum skills equivalent to that of a middle school band’s LOLLLL

**I watched Mone’s radio appearance on Arirang Radio where Benji is the host, and they were an absolute MESS LMAOOOOOO THEY WERE HONESTLY ALL REALLY FUNNY THOUGH.. they kept roasting the crap out of each other and laughing their asses off and man… it was gr8 time and it was really cute to discover that Hong Isaac is now a part of one of Benji’s radio shows too!

One important question I have for this show though: where tf did all the females go? Why was there no female presence at all in this show, I have no clue…… :/

At the end of the day, this show reminded me once again, how to feel happy and excited because of music. how to let great music fill my life with undeniable joy. Being able to look forward to listening to these songs every day, definitely had lifted a small part of me that has been down for all too long. I really appreciate, I am very grateful for, I just… im so thankful to have discovered this show & all its wonderful masterpieces & the beautifully, magically, PASSIONATE artists behind it all………. I needed this in my life at this point in time, I really did. 

Thank you for coming to be, Superband.

[megalony]

Liar- Part 11

Thank you to everyone for the feedback and support in this story, it is much appreciated.

Warning: Mentions of assault and rape.

Permanent taglist: @marshmallowmae @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan

Series taglist: @caborhapch @im-just-a-musical-prostitute @scarsout @luckytrashgooprebel

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why are you here?" By the way Roger's eyes drifted between both John and Brian they got the message that he was talking about both of them. The drummer didn't want either of them at his home.

Roger wasn't standing how he normally would, both men noticed it from the moment he opened the door to them. His arms were not folded over his chest like normal when he was mad with them. His hip was not jutting out to the side in a sassy motion to emphasise his point. Roger's eyebrows were not raised in question and one knee was not bent forward, nor was his frame leaning against the door.

The drummer was hiding behind the door. Half of his body hidden by the chunk of plastic and metal as his forehead was resting against it. One hand could clearly be seen gripping the handle with force as if he was either trying to ground himself or debate whether to shut the door on them both. His left arm was wrapped around his middle rather protectively which was something he seemed to do a lot lately, giving the impression it was a coping mechanism. Roger looked frail.

He was paler than usual, dark purple painting the skin beneath his eyes which were tinted with more red blood vessels than normal. He was leaning forward in a way that seemed to indicate that he could no longer hold himself up. His eyes close to falling shut never to be opened again as he blinked for just that second longer than should have been normal.

He looked afraid.

"Can we talk, please?" John spoke up when he noticed that Brian was simply staring at his feet for the time being.

The guitarist was wrong. He had been so wrong and now he was here to apologise, he didn't know how. Sorry was not going to change the fact that Brian had believed that Roger had been lying. It didn't change how Brian had plainly told Roger to his face that he thought the drummer hadn't been raped and that he thought his sister was innocent. Sorry wouldn't take Roger's pain away nor would it erase how Brian had acted and what he had thought of one of his closest friends. Sorry would not erase what his sister had done to his best friend and Brian didn't know what to do.

There was nothing he could do to change the situation and saying he believed Roger now wasn't going to do very much except show Roger that he didn't have to lie or be afraid of not being believed. That was a very little consolation when he had already been hurt beyond belief.

Both John and Brian wanted to burst into tears when they watched Roger silently walk away from them, leaving the door open for them to follow. His frame leaning forward like his back was broken as his head hung down as if it was a weight that was too heavy to support. He walked or rather shuffled his weight into the living room. Flopping down onto the armchair like a rag doll that had been discarded, his elbows resting on his knees as he managed to lift his head just enough to look at his bandmates.

Brian and John planted themselves on the sofa, shuffling and tapping their feet against the carpeted floor showing that they were nervous and rather put out by the way that their drummer was acting.

"What do you want?"

Roger was tired. He was so tired because he had no way of stopping the nightmares that waited for the very moment his eyes would close before pouncing on him. Sarah was alive and with him in his head and Roger didn't know how he was meant to get her out. She waited until the night had settled and the moon lit up in the sky before pulling Roger back ten years into the past. She dragged him down with her and recreated the whole layout of his apartment to the point his dreams were so livid he couldn't distinguish if he was dreaming or simply back in time.

The drummer could see the tattered opal coloured sofa that rested in the very poxy living room of the shitty apartment he had gotten which was cheaper than the university accommodation. He could see the record player resting beneath the window and the stack of old records he got from the market where he worked with Freddie. Roger could see the awful cream coloured walls that had a small hint of orange in them like it was a gone off fruit that looked disgusting to the drummer. Roger could see his nineteen-year-old self with his short light brown hair he was trying to grow longer. He could see that version of himself trying to push away the girl who used to have light red hair that verged on ginger. Hair that went down past her shoulders which Roger tried to pull to get her off.

He could see the younger version of himself wondering what was happening. Roger could physically see the confusion and turmoil in his younger mind as he couldn't comprehend if this was right or wrong. How his younger self couldn't seem to figure out why she was kissing him when he told her he didn't want her to. The drummer had thrashed in his dream, imitating the way his younger self struggled as he was pinned to the sofa that scratched against his exposed skin like small pins prickling into him.

Nothing could stop those screams from swelling in Roger's ears to the point he wished he was fully deaf instead of having damaged hearing. He wished he was deaf so he didn't hear how he screamed at her to stop, asking her what she was doing, why she was doing it and that he didn't like it. He wished he was deaf so he couldn't hear her bitten back responses of how he always liked it before so he had to like it now.

Roger wanted the nightmares to end because he only had three.

Three repetitions of the past that were like the past, the present and the future ghosts coming to visit him once each during every night because he seemed to deserve the turmoil. Roger had the nightmare of his first attack where he was unsure why it was happening and if he was to blame. He had the second attack replay in his mind before ultimately he had the attempted rape finish the story.

The second attack was the one Roger couldn’t stop thinking of.

That was the one Roger hated to see the most. The first one simply hurt because of what he knew he had felt. He had been unsure if he had done something to cause Sarah to do that to him, Roger had been confused and scared because he knew if he told someone they wouldn't believe him. But the second one, that was the one he wanted to forget, the attack that he wished he could burn like a roll of film and destroy it forever.

Roger could see little moments in the second attack where he could have done something to stop it. He saw the old apartment and every detail of it as clear as day, Roger stood in the kitchen looking at the hallway as he saw his younger self running the completely wrong way in the apartment. When Sarah wouldn't leave Roger pushed her to go until she punched him. Roger didn't run for the door, his younger self ran down the small hallway instead as his older self screamed. The present version screamed in his sleep to run for the door because he could have gotten out, he could have caught the attention of someone in the block of flats. Someone who would have seen him instead of simply letting him scream without helping.

His younger self couldn't make it to the bathroom where there was a lock on the other side of the door that would give him time and safety. He had no chance to even grasp the handle before he was pulled backwards, his frame toppling to the floor near his bedroom where he scrambled to get up with no luck at all.

The nineteen-year-old version of Roger was pinned to the floor instead of the sofa like he had been before. That version told her she couldn't do it again, that version screamed until his throat was cut up, until she hit his chest and stomach to wind him so he would stop. That version had more bruises littering his skin than the first. That version knew that this was wrong and he had done nothing to lead her on or give her the impression he wanted that to happen. He had not reciprocated her kisses, he had pushed her when she came onto him, Roger had kicked and punched but she was stronger. That version didn't want to be raped again but he had no choice. That version knew it was wrong and he knew that when she took another piece of his soul he couldn't live like that anymore.

The version in his nightmares had laid on the floor for half an hour thinking Sarah had left when in reality she only left the room because his cries annoyed her.

Roger's nightmares always stopped there. They let Roger watch his younger self on the floor, but never what happened after as if telling him that the attack was not something that should haunt him. He was allowed to watch his younger self crawl on the floor like a toddler, wincing at the bruises that felt like bullet wounds as he moved. That nightmare continued to let Roger watch as he had to take off the ripped shirt and replace it with one of the dirty ones on the floor he had tossed there days previous.

Roger could watch and remember the exact trousers he had been wearing and the navy blue boxers hanging around his ankles. He could see himself grabbing any other boxers and some tight-fitting jeans to change into because the clothes that had been ripped from his legs were ones he would later burn. Ones he couldn't wear in case Sarah came back and decided to take them off again. He could see himself fumbling with the zipper and the button and cover himself back up to keep the dignity he knew he didn't feel like he had anymore. Then that was it, Roger never saw anything past the point that showed he had been broken beyond recognition.

That was when he always woke up in a sweat, scared and alone as he could feel the bruises he knew he didn't have. He could see her standing in the doorway when she wasn't really there.

"Rog?" Brian spoke up, seeing that what John had said had gone right over Roger's head. He was in another world completely and something told them that it was not a world they would like to visit.

"Hmm?" Lifting his head up to look at them, Roger swiped the single tear that had cascaded down his face. Roger wanted them to go, he didn't care about why they were here. The only person he had seen in the past two weeks was (Y/n) and she would be coming over soon. She hadn't stopped the night because Roger couldn't face telling her about the nightmares or seeing her face when he had them but she always picked up the phone in the early morning when he rang. She let him cry down the line and always offered to come over, ending up coming during the day because Roger wouldn't let her see him like that.

"We talked to Sarah yesterday... she admitted it. She admitted everything." John thought Roger would display some kind of emotion. He had been crushed when she didn't acknowledge that she had hurt him, he told Freddie and John that directly. Now he had been told she had finally admitted that she had hurt him so many times and there was no emotion on his face.

His eyes were bleak, they were no longer their baby blue colour but a light grey that was hard to look at. His eyes were half-lidded as top lip pulled up slightly in distaste. His head shaking as his shoulders hunched as if to ask if that was all they had come here for. When his eyes moved to Brian it was clear he wanted to know if he now believed him or not.

"I'm so sorry. You've never lied- at least not like that and I should have known you wouldn't. Sarah won't go anywhere near you, she's moving and-"

"You can leave now." Brian's eyes widened just a tiny bit at the comment and how bitter it was. Roger was sitting up straighter in his seat, his hands clasped together tightly as they rested on his knees. He had said what he came here to say and Roger wasn't going to listen to anything else. Brian said sorry, what else could he say, what else could he do now?

"Rog... please-"

"Oh, I'm sorry Deaky, Brian go ahead. Tell me how fucking sorry you are and how your sister is dead to you now because she admitted ten fucking years too late that she raped me. I don't want your sympathy and I don't want an apology because it's too late. It doesn't stop her from getting away with it, it doesn't make everything better because you finally believe that I wouldn't lie about this and it doesn't give me back what she took from me."

Part of the reason Roger felt okay to lie about what happened was because he didn't want sympathy. He didn't want to be looked at like a victim or like everyone had to be careful with him because he was broken goods. Them not knowing kept them treating him like him. They treated him like the normal Roger who was carefree, a little bit reserved and not hurt. Now Brian had a sorrow in his eyes Roger could not forget and John couldn't stop looking at him like he wanted to cry upon seeing him. Roger wasn't having this and if they kept looking at him in this way he was never going to see them again because he didn't want this.

An apology didn't stop Sarah from getting away with what she did and it didn't make everything better. It didn't get Brian off the hook for how he thought of Roger and how he immediately assumed he was lying even though Roger knew that was how he was going to react.

"Is that it then? We leave and don't see you again because I realised how wrong I was? Roger I'm never going to be able to forgive myself for this and I would never want to. What she did... that isn't going to go away and I can't make it better I know but I'm not leaving things like this." Brian didn't want to walk out and leave the conversation at this. He didn't want to leave Roger now and not know when they would be back on speaking terms or would be able to look one another in the eye again.

"You don't even know me." Roger's voice was quiet but both men could still make out what he had said. "You've both spent the last ten years looking at a lie and you believed it! You don't know me anymore because this is how I am. I don't like people touching me or sitting close to me, I don't like being looked at like the victim which is what you're both doing now. You both treated me like the playboy of the group for ten fucking years but I'm not." Roger knew he was the one who insinuated some of the lies, but they saw a version of Roger that they wanted to see. They saw parts of him that were not there and they believed it because of how he tried to seem normal. He tried to act and cover up the truth and they saw the invisible.

"Rog-"

"I'm not the playboy you both said I was, you always saw me talking to a girl and thought I was going to shack up with her but I hardly ever did because of your fucking sister! I'd been with one girl before she raped me and in the last ten years, I could count on one hand the girls I've been with. You've all treated me like I was suicidal for that first year and then after that when I was pissed or upset you thought I'd do something. You always saw me as that suicidal one in the group because of what she did. None of you has seen the number of panic attacks I have or how I feel safer at home than I do when I go out with anyone. Just go away."

Roger had been with one girl intimately before Sarah came into his life and started hooking up with him and then ultimately ruining any kind of sexual relationship Roger would have with anyone else. She raped him twice and made him think that any other girl he was with had the ability or held the intention to do the same.

Whenever Roger trusted someone enough to have sex with them there was always that knowledge that anyone could hurt him because he thought Sarah was different but she turned out to be his abuser. Any girl he was with could change and turn on him at any moment and that made Roger wary of relationships or closeness to people.

The boys had walked on eggshells around Roger for that first year because they thought he was a danger to himself when he was nothing of the sort. Brian had treated Roger like the danger when the true attacker had been his sister the whole time. They didn't know the version of Roger he tried to hide, they didn't know the true Roger and he didn't want them to anymore because it made him vulnerable. Roger felt exposed with the way they were now looking at him and he didn't like it. He wanted to feel protected and having that untrue version of himself, although it was hard and was a lie, it protected Roger from the truth and that gave him security and safety.

"I want you to go." For the first time in Roger's life, the people he classed as his family were making him feel uncomfortable. They were making Roger feel scared and exposed in a way that sent his stomach churning and his heart stuttering in his chest. Never before had they made him feel like this and as long as they looked at him like that, treated him this way and talked to him like this he was going to feel uncomfortable to the point he couldn't be around them anymore.

You're making me feel unsafe.

[megalony]

Liar- Part 12

Another part of my latest Roger Taylor series, thank you to everyone for the feedback and support.

Warning: Mentions of assault and rape.

Permanent taglist: @marshmallowmae @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan

Series taglist: @caborhapch @im-just-a-musical-prostitute @scarsout @luckytrashgooprebel

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

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None of them really wanted to have this chat, even if they all knew that this was what was necessary for all of them.

Did Roger want to split up the band for good or was he simply wanting a break? If he wanted to break the band what did that mean for them, what would they all do if that happened? Were they going to remain friends, stay in good contact, was Roger going to seclude himself from them and the rest of the world?

There were so many questions that needed answering and so much that needed sorting out and this conversation could not wait any longer. Two months had gone by since Roger's attack and now things were getting heated. They had given Roger the space he had asked for, they knew pushing the drummer would make him volatile and they didn't want to cause him unnecessary pain or discomfort. But hiding away wasn't going to work anymore. Miami had been on the phone, the album that was over half-finished needed to be either finished asap or they needed to find another record company that would take them on and produce the album if they wanted to continue with it.

They would have to book another studio at such short notice because Miami had to cancel the studio they had booked and it wouldn't be fair to even think of putting Roger back in the place where his assault happened.

But if Roger couldn't be in the band anymore then Miami needed to be informed, the record company that had paid for the latest album needed to know and be reimbursed. They needed to sort out the royalties of the existing albums and songs, then the boys would have to decide if they were going on without Roger, going into different groups, going solo or just plainly quitting.

None of this could happen if Roger didn't make a decision. Wherever Queen went from here was down to the drummer.

Miami had left the room after telling the band what the options were and what would need to happen depending on what they decided they were going to do. He went for a coffee presumably as he allowed the four of them to use his office as a conference room. They needed to have a chat that was long overdue and since they were all here in the same place there was no better nor worse time to do this.

"Alright Rog, what do you want to do?" John was the first one to break the silence that had enveloped around them. His head rested on his hand, his elbow propped up on the side of the chair he was sitting in as he looked to the drummer. Roger was sitting on the sofa with Freddie next to him, a small amount of space added between them that made the singer feel awkward because he was so used to the proximity between him and the drummer. They would link arms when they walked, they would nudge one another, lean closer when they shared private jokes and giggles like school girls. Space wasn't something he was used to.

Roger didn't like how this was his decision, he felt like he wanted one of them to make it for him but he knew they couldn't. They couldn't force Roger to stay in the band if he wanted to leave, they couldn't break up the band if he wanted to stay. This was happening because Roger was in turmoil and he needed to start to choose where his life went from here.

"I don't want to break up the band, I want to finish this album but..." The words he needed to say weren't forming in his head because there was no good way for Roger to say them. The relief that each member of the band felt at his words was short-lived when they noticed the drummer's eyes continuously drifting over to look at Brian who was sitting Roger's left in one of the armchairs. When Brian caught the small looks he was receiving his jaw started to grind as a forced breath passed through his nose.

Roger was not trying to start an argument nor was he trying to be cruel.

Brian was one of his oldest and closest friends and Roger had lied in the first place to preserve that friendship but there was no doubt that it had been tainted now. Whenever Roger looked at Brian all he could see was the doubt his friend had in him. He could see how Brian had chosen his sister over his friend and he could see how Brian had ignored Roger's cry for help. He had been hurt and Brian had made that wound ten times worse when he plainly stated he didn't think Roger was being truthful. How could Roger forgive Brian when he chose Roger's attacker over him?

Sarah being Brian's sister didn't matter because Roger had told Brian he had been assaulted and Brian disagreed. He didn't want to believe that John and Freddie had witnessed it and he clearly showed he doubted Roger was telling the truth about being raped. That was not something Roger was going to forget in a hurry and it was something he didn't know how to move past.

"But you don't want to work with me. Is that it?" Brian guessed, his brows raising when Roger's head snapped to look at him.

"Don't put words in my mouth. I want to work with you all but I don't know how to look at you without knowing what you thought of me." Roger's leg unfolded from resting over the other, both feet planting themselves against the floor as he looked to Brian with fury burning in his eyes. He didn't know how to look past the facts that were staring him in the face every time he locked eyes on the guitarist sitting in the armchair. How was Roger meant to get along with him when he knew what Brian thought about him? When he knew Brian thought he was a liar, that he had lied about something so serious as an attack like that.

"Rog, you lied to us all for ten bloody years. You think I'm bad for not believing you over my sister and I understand I was in the wrong for that but you spun us a lie-"

"A lie that Freddie created. He asked me if I cut myself, I never created that I only went along with it for your sake Brian. If you weren't at the flat your sister would have been exposed for what she is but I didn't for you." Roger had not been the one to tell them he had self-harmed, he had only agreed when Freddie had asked because that was the impression he had gotten. The drummer didn't create the lie and if Brian hadn't of been there no lie would bever have been told in the first place.

Roger hadn't lied for the sake of it and he hadn't lied to save his skin because lying made him feel worse and it trapped him for so many years. Lying was to save Brian from the heartache he was going through now and to give them ten years of being one of the greatest bands in the world. One little lie and hiding the truth to give them all of this and save them from this situation.

"Oh, so it's my fault now?"

"Yes!" Roger snapped back, his response biting through the air as Freddie and John looked to one another, not knowing what they were meant to say or do. Both men quickly standing to their feet when Roger and Brian stood to face one another. Roger's hands balled into fists at his sides as Brian towered over him since he was the tallest of the group.

Roger needed someone to blame and Brian fit the bill. If Brian had never met Roger he would never have been introduced to Sarah and she never would have hurt him. If Brian hadn't of been in the flat that night Roger never would have felt compelled to lie. If Brian had believed Roger when he opened up about his abuse then this situation wouldn't have come about because Roger wouldn't have felt betrayed. He had been such good friends with Brian that he should have known Roger would never lie on matters so serious as this and he had nothing to gain by making that accusation up.

But Brian didn't believe him. Brian had been in the flat that night, it had been Brian's sister who committed the abuse inflicted on Roger and it had been Brian who had ignored Roger's cry for help and stated that he was lying when he wasn't.

"I lied for you! If I told you what Sarah did that night you wouldn't have believed me because we hadn't known each other for that long and I would have ruined everything for you. We wouldn't have the band, we wouldn't have our friendship, things with you and Sarah would have been different so yes I lied but that was for your benefit. And you didn't believe me. I confided what she did to me and you chose her over me when you've known me long enough to know I wouldn't lie, so yes I think this is your fault. Tell me how to look at you without feeling betrayed!"

What was Roger meant to do?

He couldn't tell Brian he was fine with how he had thought of him and wanted to make music with him. Roger couldn't say that how Brian had thought and treated him wouldn't play on his mind in the future. He couldn't say he forgave Brian for what had happened when he didn't. Roger didn't know how he was meant to move forward from this and if no one told him how then he was going to be stuck hating one of his dearest friends when they had both made mistakes.

"If you spoke out in the beginning she wouldn't have assaulted you but you didn't because of me, how do you think that feels? What would you do if you looked at one of your best friends but all you could see was your sister raping them because you did nothing to help? Because your friend didn't feel able to come and tell you what their sibling had done? Sarah got away with this and you got hurt and I'm partially to blame for that. I feel guilty when I look at you Roger, how do I not do that?"

Roger wasn't the only one who was hurting.

The drummer saw betrayal when he looked at Brian, but Brian saw guilt when he looked at Roger. If Brian hadn't of been at Freddie's flat that night then Roger would have opened up about his abuse, someone would have listened to him and been there for him over these past ten years. Because of Brian Roger went a whole decade with no one but his attacker knowing what he had gone through. He had had to get himself through that rough time in his life on his own. Brian felt guilty because Roger had gone through that alone and he felt even worse because he didn't believe his friend. If he believed him then Roger would have felt supported, he wouldn't have felt worse about what had happened to him because that wasn't his fault and he needed that support.

"As bad as this is, none of you can change what happened. Roger got hurt, things got messy and it turned out like this. No one forced Rog to lie and Brian had to choose between you and Sarah, that's the truth, that's the situation. No guilt, no betrayal just facts." John looked between them both as he waited for them to comprehend what he had said and think about it.

Brian didn't have to feel guilty when he looked at Roger because even though he influenced Roger's decision to lie, no one forced him to tell that lie. He had a choice and he made it. Roger didn't have to feel betrayal because Brian had a choice between two people he was very close to and he had to choose one of them. Roger knew that he wouldn't be the one Brian believed which influenced his decision to lie, as much as it hurt he knew it would happen and when he knew he would have made the same choice that should kill some of the betrayal.

They both had the right to feel hurt and betrayed and angry and guilty but there was no way they could get past this if they continued to choose to feel that way. They could look at the facts that those emotions were not going to make them feel better and they were not going to change the past because that had happened and it was set in stone but the future wasn't. Roger had been hurt, Sarah was to blame and Brian came into the equation. There was nothing more to it and it needed to be put behind them now.